1
00:00:26,371 --> 00:00:27,938
(exclaiming)
2
00:00:37,350 --> 00:00:38,617
(Barney belches)
3
00:00:39,337 --> 00:00:40,550
(whistle blows)
4
00:00:40,593 --> 00:00:42,594
(yells)
5
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:47,934
(beeping)
6
00:00:52,587 --> 00:00:54,571
(playing the blues)
7
00:00:57,115 --> 00:00:59,136
(playing the blues)
8
00:00:59,544 --> 00:01:01,528
(tires screeching)
9
00:01:02,842 --> 00:01:03,809
D'oh!
10
00:01:04,286 --> 00:01:05,320
(tires screeching)
11
00:01:05,405 --> 00:01:07,039
(grunts)
12
00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:10,852
♪ The Simpsons 24x05 ♪
Penny-Wiseguys
Original Air Date on November 18, 2012
13
00:01:11,334 --> 00:01:12,934
(chuckles)
14
00:01:13,219 --> 00:01:17,919
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
15
00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:22,841
Diddily...
16
00:01:22,901 --> 00:01:24,870
diddily, diddily, diddily...
17
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,787
Asterisk, pound sign,
at sign, exclamation point!
18
00:01:28,165 --> 00:01:29,832
Don't worry, the Holy Rollers
19
00:01:29,854 --> 00:01:32,495
are still up by one
on the Pin Pals.
20
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:33,887
MOE: Gentlemen,
prepare to meet
21
00:01:33,913 --> 00:01:35,289
your various makers, there.
22
00:01:35,337 --> 00:01:39,974
'Cause we got one last frame by
our new anchorman, Dan Gillick.
23
00:01:40,071 --> 00:01:42,149
Thank God Otto had
that psychotic break
24
00:01:42,187 --> 00:01:43,012
and quit the team.
25
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,995
Is this the
Bridge to Terabithia?
26
00:01:45,135 --> 00:01:47,120
(thud)
It's beautiful.
27
00:01:47,243 --> 00:01:49,418
The day my Frisbee
landed in your yard
28
00:01:49,453 --> 00:01:51,571
was the luckiest day
of my life.
29
00:01:51,687 --> 00:01:53,193
And when you threw
your son after it,
30
00:01:53,212 --> 00:01:54,718
I enjoyed meeting him, too.
31
00:01:54,768 --> 00:01:55,981
He's a good boy.
32
00:02:04,806 --> 00:02:06,275
(phone rings)
33
00:02:06,953 --> 00:02:08,260
(groans)
34
00:02:08,577 --> 00:02:10,811
Sorry, guys.
Emergency meeting at work.
35
00:02:10,883 --> 00:02:13,418
Oh, please, I am missing eight
birthday parties for this!
36
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:14,590
Just granny-throw it!
37
00:02:14,730 --> 00:02:16,490
Keep my ball.
38
00:02:16,562 --> 00:02:18,918
Well, looks like
the faithful have defeated
39
00:02:18,949 --> 00:02:21,751
a hedonist, a Hindu and a...
40
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:22,727
What are you?
41
00:02:22,777 --> 00:02:24,871
You know when your dog's
having a bad dream?
42
00:02:24,932 --> 00:02:26,316
That's who I pray to.
43
00:02:34,506 --> 00:02:37,987
Boys, I'm afraid the government
has finally caught up with me
44
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:40,500
and my appeals are exhausted.
45
00:02:40,602 --> 00:02:44,004
Tomorrow,
I begin serving jury duty.
46
00:02:44,043 --> 00:02:45,544
That's a tough break, boss.
47
00:02:45,586 --> 00:02:47,120
Don't sign petitions
48
00:02:47,141 --> 00:02:49,092
outside the grocery store
no more!
49
00:02:49,159 --> 00:02:50,726
I felt bad for the guy,
50
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,715
sitting there
at his little card table.
51
00:02:53,824 --> 00:02:57,777
Anyway, I must name
a temporary replacement.
52
00:02:59,586 --> 00:03:02,054
Your temporary don is...
53
00:03:02,088 --> 00:03:04,620
our accountant, Dan.
54
00:03:04,908 --> 00:03:06,792
(all groaning)
55
00:03:06,826 --> 00:03:08,494
Fat Tony, a word?
56
00:03:08,528 --> 00:03:12,111
How about "meringue"?
That's a great word, but...
57
00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:14,332
(whispering): I'm just a numbers guy,
and the only reason
58
00:03:14,357 --> 00:03:16,149
I say "numbers guy"
instead of "Wharton MBA"
59
00:03:16,180 --> 00:03:17,498
is 'cause I want to blend in.
60
00:03:17,525 --> 00:03:19,126
I know what I'm doing.
61
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,694
We are bleeding red ink,
62
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,693
which is the only thing
we should not be bleeding.
63
00:03:23,717 --> 00:03:25,251
(all exclaim and mutter)
64
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:27,680
(clears throat)
65
00:03:27,714 --> 00:03:29,782
Hey, listen, everyone,
66
00:03:29,978 --> 00:03:32,335
I know a good
ice-breaking exercise.
67
00:03:32,385 --> 00:03:35,187
Let's all say something
that we are afraid of.
68
00:03:35,221 --> 00:03:36,855
For me, it's you guys.
(quiet laugh)
69
00:03:36,890 --> 00:03:38,957
I'm afraid I might
kill this guy right now.
70
00:03:39,142 --> 00:03:40,630
Ring, ring.
Is that my phone?
71
00:03:40,662 --> 00:03:41,995
I think it is.
Hello?
72
00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:43,797
Yes, sweetie, it's Daddy.
73
00:03:43,913 --> 00:03:45,447
Listen, how would you feel
74
00:03:45,487 --> 00:03:46,954
if I just disappeared?
75
00:03:47,251 --> 00:03:48,814
Sad, right? Sad?
76
00:03:48,885 --> 00:03:50,919
Okay, you know what?
I'll tell the guys.
77
00:03:50,954 --> 00:03:53,188
She's crying, guys.
Cassidy is crying.
78
00:03:53,223 --> 00:03:55,658
Well, I hope you feel
proud of yourself.
79
00:03:55,692 --> 00:03:57,526
Cassidy is a girl's name now?
80
00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,962
(dramatic
orchestral music playing)
81
00:04:05,635 --> 00:04:07,369
I know this music.
82
00:04:07,404 --> 00:04:09,091
It was a Bugs Bunny!
83
00:04:09,226 --> 00:04:12,693
Oh, what I wouldn't give
for an anvil to fall on me.
84
00:04:12,714 --> 00:04:13,797
D'oh!
85
00:04:13,927 --> 00:04:16,211
Shh! Here comes
Lisa's solo.
86
00:04:16,246 --> 00:04:18,547
♪
87
00:04:19,816 --> 00:04:23,118
(playing lively blues)
88
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:26,754
This is why
I'm a season subscriber.
89
00:04:27,824 --> 00:04:30,292
(exhales weakly)
90
00:04:30,326 --> 00:04:31,207
(all gasp)
91
00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:32,264
Lisa!
92
00:04:32,301 --> 00:04:35,065
When I prayed for this
concert to be over,
93
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,575
I didn't mean like this!
94
00:04:36,605 --> 00:04:37,546
I did.
95
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,269
Where's the school nurse?
96
00:04:39,335 --> 00:04:41,186
Here I am.
97
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,298
Budget cuts.
98
00:04:48,762 --> 00:04:50,929
Lisa, I suspect you fainted
because you thought
99
00:04:50,964 --> 00:04:54,032
Justin Bieber was in
the audience. (chuckles)
100
00:04:54,568 --> 00:04:56,999
Well, once again, laughter
is the worst medicine.
101
00:04:57,065 --> 00:04:59,326
Young lady, you're not
getting enough iron.
102
00:04:59,387 --> 00:05:01,654
Please say it's
the vegetarianism.
103
00:05:01,708 --> 00:05:04,009
It's not the vegetarianism.
104
00:05:04,059 --> 00:05:05,729
It's a little bit
the vegetarianism.
105
00:05:05,754 --> 00:05:08,508
Lisa, if you must forgo meat,
I advise you to take
106
00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:10,482
these iron supplements.
107
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:11,850
(clanging)
108
00:05:11,885 --> 00:05:13,886
It's like swallowing
dollhouse furniture.
109
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,665
(chuckles)
110
00:05:17,487 --> 00:05:19,699
Gentlemen,
look at what we are spending
111
00:05:19,724 --> 00:05:22,246
every month just on olive oil.
112
00:05:22,276 --> 00:05:24,244
We love our bread-dipping.
113
00:05:24,297 --> 00:05:26,765
Okay, can't touch
the bread-dipping.
114
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:31,086
Here's what Joey the Arsonist
thinks of your spreadsheet. Heh?
115
00:05:31,121 --> 00:05:34,302
(laughter) Ha-ha-ha!
This is fun.
116
00:05:34,323 --> 00:05:36,530
But you know what?
There is a cost-cutting measure
117
00:05:36,561 --> 00:05:38,878
I'd like to propose:
If you put
118
00:05:38,911 --> 00:05:41,153
a horse's head in someone's bed,
119
00:05:41,177 --> 00:05:43,434
don't let the rest
of the animal go to waste.
120
00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:45,450
For the next guy,
use the horse's leg.
121
00:05:45,518 --> 00:05:47,412
Or... a couple of hooves.
122
00:05:47,503 --> 00:05:49,541
Believe me, there is
no part of a dead horse
123
00:05:49,589 --> 00:05:51,490
that's not gonna scare someone.
124
00:05:51,586 --> 00:05:53,530
Okay, good stopping point.
125
00:05:53,861 --> 00:05:54,636
Aah!
126
00:05:54,792 --> 00:05:57,400
Okay... (grunts)
Was that real?
127
00:06:02,483 --> 00:06:04,033
(hacks)
128
00:06:06,019 --> 00:06:08,922
A kid's never lonely
when he has bologna.
129
00:06:08,958 --> 00:06:10,476
Except me.
130
00:06:11,085 --> 00:06:13,035
(bell rings)
131
00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:14,723
(hacks)
132
00:06:14,739 --> 00:06:16,145
(sobbing)
133
00:06:16,674 --> 00:06:18,934
You're that Simpson
kid, Bart, right?
134
00:06:19,095 --> 00:06:19,909
Lisa.
135
00:06:19,954 --> 00:06:23,078
I just see mouths.
Can't handle the iron pills?
136
00:06:23,113 --> 00:06:25,615
All day I have vitamin burps.
137
00:06:25,756 --> 00:06:27,989
Try this-- it's
what keeps me young.
138
00:06:30,313 --> 00:06:33,582
Mmm, tasty.
Love the texture.
139
00:06:33,616 --> 00:06:35,784
What is it?
Beetle mush.
140
00:06:35,819 --> 00:06:38,520
(muffled gasp)
But I'm a vegetarian!
141
00:06:38,555 --> 00:06:42,057
So am I. Lots of committed
vegetarians eat insects.
142
00:06:42,091 --> 00:06:43,935
- Really?
- Get real.
143
00:06:43,964 --> 00:06:45,857
There's bug parts
in peanut butter.
144
00:06:45,895 --> 00:06:48,058
And every year,
the average American eats
145
00:06:48,077 --> 00:06:49,577
eight spiders in his sleep.
146
00:06:49,622 --> 00:06:51,189
It's all here in this book.
147
00:06:53,229 --> 00:06:55,907
(mouth full):
This is such a big step.
148
00:06:55,961 --> 00:06:57,662
Better decide soon, kid.
149
00:06:57,740 --> 00:07:00,309
The union said I can't talk
to a student this long.
150
00:07:00,393 --> 00:07:03,074
Mmm, that is good grub.
151
00:07:03,179 --> 00:07:06,281
But I promised Paul McCartney
I wouldn't eat meat.
152
00:07:06,316 --> 00:07:10,929
And I promised Paul McCartney
I wouldn't sleep with John.
153
00:07:14,938 --> 00:07:17,603
So, you're saying you'd
rather do the prettiest dude
154
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,628
in the world
than the ugliest broad?
155
00:07:19,661 --> 00:07:21,687
Absolutely.
But how did we get here
156
00:07:21,711 --> 00:07:24,112
from discussing
Aristotle's Poetics?
157
00:07:24,579 --> 00:07:25,795
MOE:
Well, well,
158
00:07:25,891 --> 00:07:28,493
if it isn't Mr. Work
Comes Before Bowling.
159
00:07:28,527 --> 00:07:30,762
I am turning my back
because I can't stand
160
00:07:30,796 --> 00:07:32,330
to look you in the face.
161
00:07:32,501 --> 00:07:33,468
(screams)
162
00:07:33,595 --> 00:07:34,562
Ooh!
163
00:07:34,647 --> 00:07:35,495
(screams)
164
00:07:35,513 --> 00:07:36,670
You.
165
00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:37,395
(screams)
166
00:07:37,464 --> 00:07:39,458
Part of my new rice wine promotion.
167
00:07:39,605 --> 00:07:41,456
So, now you think you can
just waltz in here
168
00:07:41,492 --> 00:07:42,804
and buy everybody a beer?
169
00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:43,927
I didn't say that I...
170
00:07:43,952 --> 00:07:45,190
Too late.
I already poured.
171
00:07:45,276 --> 00:07:46,677
Oh, sorry, guys.
172
00:07:46,712 --> 00:07:48,090
I got the kind of job that
173
00:07:48,113 --> 00:07:49,714
you just can't play hooky from.
174
00:07:49,748 --> 00:07:52,911
Well, I have no idea what
you do or who you work with,
175
00:07:52,936 --> 00:07:55,584
but I am sure if you put
your foot down on their throats
176
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,377
and grind until
you hear a crunch,
177
00:07:57,451 --> 00:07:58,651
they'll sit up straight.
178
00:07:58,719 --> 00:08:00,320
Really? You're
sure about this?
179
00:08:00,342 --> 00:08:02,869
Oh, hey, listen, I learned
a lot about human nature
180
00:08:02,897 --> 00:08:05,339
by watching things
through secret cameras.
181
00:08:05,382 --> 00:08:07,819
Uh-huh.
All right, then. Okay.
182
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,764
We'll see about
that bread-dipping.
183
00:08:10,836 --> 00:08:14,906
Thank you. Thank you
for giving me an attitude.
184
00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:17,809
Thank you for
giving me an edge.
185
00:08:21,263 --> 00:08:24,069
Or maybe it's groveling
that works.
186
00:08:24,175 --> 00:08:26,676
Hmm. Eh, six of one.
187
00:08:27,166 --> 00:08:29,321
FRINK:
Attention, Gourmands
188
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:31,844
of All Things Creepy
and Crawly.
189
00:08:31,907 --> 00:08:35,493
Please welcome long-time
squisher, first-time eater,
190
00:08:35,553 --> 00:08:37,717
Lisa Simpson.
(chuckles) Delighted.
191
00:08:46,672 --> 00:08:49,674
Hey, waiter,
there's no fly in my soup.
192
00:08:49,708 --> 00:08:51,239
Sorry.
193
00:08:51,566 --> 00:08:53,701
Little more.
Little more.
194
00:08:53,985 --> 00:08:55,118
Perfect.
195
00:08:56,354 --> 00:08:59,235
Just-a once, why can't
they go to Applebee's?
196
00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:01,158
Okay, fellas.
197
00:09:01,205 --> 00:09:04,891
This time, why don't
I do the cutting?
198
00:09:05,057 --> 00:09:07,101
What are you doing?
I talk with that hand.
199
00:09:07,176 --> 00:09:08,443
Well, you're gonna lose it
200
00:09:08,477 --> 00:09:11,076
if you keep charging
your manicures to us.
201
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:13,903
If you don't like it,
tough tortellini!
202
00:09:13,961 --> 00:09:16,446
And while we're at it,
no more tortellini!
203
00:09:16,502 --> 00:09:18,870
I'm dominating you!
204
00:09:18,904 --> 00:09:21,139
Anyone got a problem? Huh?!
205
00:09:21,173 --> 00:09:23,179
- Kenny the Problem?
- I'm good.
206
00:09:23,227 --> 00:09:25,565
What's this I hear
about no more tortellini?
207
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,431
Only for Christmas and funerals.
208
00:09:27,468 --> 00:09:29,280
No, please, please,
I need-a the money.
209
00:09:29,323 --> 00:09:32,858
She's-a pay for my-- how
you say?-- English lessons.
210
00:09:33,209 --> 00:09:34,535
My name-a Luigi.
211
00:09:34,562 --> 00:09:37,154
I live at a-one, a-two,
a-three, Main-a Street.
212
00:09:41,338 --> 00:09:43,572
(humming)
213
00:09:46,181 --> 00:09:48,194
So, if I'm growing
grasshoppers to eat,
214
00:09:48,206 --> 00:09:50,063
am I farmer or a rancher?
215
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:52,857
There are going to be a lot
of heated blogs on this topic.
216
00:09:53,111 --> 00:09:56,396
MARGE:
Lisa, dinnertime!
217
00:09:57,908 --> 00:09:59,742
(meows)
218
00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:07,859
(singsongy):
Lisa eats bugs!
219
00:10:07,938 --> 00:10:09,684
Bart! This is America.
220
00:10:09,715 --> 00:10:11,268
Anyone can eat what they want
221
00:10:11,295 --> 00:10:13,129
as long as they eat too much.
222
00:10:13,252 --> 00:10:15,854
Lisa, would you
like some shrimp?
223
00:10:15,912 --> 00:10:17,513
Hmm.
224
00:10:24,526 --> 00:10:28,834
You know... shrimp aren't all
that removed from grasshoppers.
225
00:10:28,853 --> 00:10:30,921
They're both arthropods.
226
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:41,953
Oh, you did that to help me out.
227
00:10:41,987 --> 00:10:43,221
(grunts)
228
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:45,681
Not sure what
your motivation for that is.
229
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:50,133
Lunch break.
230
00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:53,865
Make this quick.
231
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:56,090
I finally got
a chair by the window.
232
00:10:56,108 --> 00:10:58,865
I'm afraid the little
Bulgarian lady will take it.
233
00:10:58,971 --> 00:11:00,304
Bottom line, Tone,
234
00:11:00,339 --> 00:11:02,445
I cut expenses 12%.
235
00:11:02,513 --> 00:11:05,471
As my more ruthless cousin
on Wall Street would say,
236
00:11:05,514 --> 00:11:07,314
cut another 12.
237
00:11:07,379 --> 00:11:09,781
But the only other cuts left
are personnel.
238
00:11:09,815 --> 00:11:11,549
There are redundancies.
239
00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:13,621
Like Shotgun Pete,
Shotgun Mike,
240
00:11:13,685 --> 00:11:15,966
Ronnie the Rifle,
Shotgun the Rifle...
241
00:11:16,016 --> 00:11:19,332
All good men, but some must go.
242
00:11:19,491 --> 00:11:20,604
I agree.
243
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,772
I will announce the layoffs.
244
00:11:22,895 --> 00:11:24,862
Welcome to the dole, boys.
245
00:11:24,897 --> 00:11:26,028
(chuckles)
246
00:11:26,137 --> 00:11:30,441
You jedrool, in our business,
you don't lay them off,
247
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:32,307
you lay them out.
248
00:11:32,404 --> 00:11:33,371
Right.
249
00:11:33,561 --> 00:11:34,551
What?
250
00:11:34,573 --> 00:11:36,104
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
251
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:38,182
(whispering): Oh, boy, you mean,
kill them?
252
00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:39,911
I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to shout.
253
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:42,661
Damn, she eats a quick lunch.
254
00:11:42,692 --> 00:11:43,348
Got to go.
255
00:11:43,379 --> 00:11:45,693
Nice breeze, huh?
256
00:11:48,099 --> 00:11:52,632
You have breasts like woman,
but cannot give suck.
257
00:11:52,709 --> 00:11:54,543
Quit saying that!
258
00:11:59,578 --> 00:12:01,196
Get along, little buggies.
259
00:12:01,281 --> 00:12:03,327
If I may, just one question.
260
00:12:03,349 --> 00:12:05,224
Why are you eating us?
261
00:12:05,261 --> 00:12:06,795
You don't feel any pain.
262
00:12:06,817 --> 00:12:08,527
Wha...?!
Who told you that?
263
00:12:08,545 --> 00:12:10,477
Um... I just assumed.
264
00:12:10,546 --> 00:12:13,114
This is what you've
been dipping in chocolate.
265
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,510
(Lisa gasps)
266
00:12:14,630 --> 00:12:15,861
Nooo!
267
00:12:15,892 --> 00:12:18,127
I'm afraid sooo!
268
00:12:18,157 --> 00:12:19,592
Nooo!
269
00:12:19,635 --> 00:12:20,968
Sooo!
270
00:12:21,003 --> 00:12:21,969
(gasps)
271
00:12:22,004 --> 00:12:22,970
Oh, thank God.
272
00:12:23,005 --> 00:12:24,022
Just a dream.
273
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:24,736
(chuckles)
274
00:12:24,748 --> 00:12:25,714
(gasps)
275
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:27,679
I've been meat-walking.
276
00:12:27,978 --> 00:12:29,979
Bart, I can't eat bugs anymore.
277
00:12:30,101 --> 00:12:32,357
Please, please
take my grasshoppers
278
00:12:32,386 --> 00:12:35,709
as far away as you can
and release them into the wild.
279
00:12:35,773 --> 00:12:38,579
Okay, but when I grow up
and I'm living on your couch,
280
00:12:38,623 --> 00:12:40,654
and I drink all your booze,
and sell your jewelry,
281
00:12:40,698 --> 00:12:42,273
you got to be cool.
282
00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:43,674
I'll be cool.
283
00:12:43,709 --> 00:12:46,110
But I will not be sharing
my mini-fridge with Homer.
284
00:12:46,262 --> 00:12:47,830
He's there too?
285
00:12:47,952 --> 00:12:48,882
(grunting)
286
00:12:49,249 --> 00:12:50,512
Almost...
287
00:12:50,582 --> 00:12:51,799
(grunts)
288
00:12:52,489 --> 00:12:54,574
Eh, free is free.
289
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:57,543
(whistling jaunty tune)
290
00:12:59,925 --> 00:13:01,125
He wants me to kill them!
291
00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:02,372
(shrieks)
Sorry, sorry.
292
00:13:02,405 --> 00:13:04,147
- First of all, hi.
- Hi, Dan.
293
00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:07,038
Secondly, remember when
you asked who I worked for
294
00:13:07,082 --> 00:13:08,366
and I wouldn't say
295
00:13:08,597 --> 00:13:09,903
(whispering):
I'm a mob boss.
296
00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:13,657
I'm running Fat Tony's gang
while he's on jury duty.
297
00:13:13,746 --> 00:13:14,922
(chuckles)
Doodie.
298
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:16,647
- Homer, that's not the shocking part.
- Oh?
299
00:13:16,708 --> 00:13:18,877
He wants me to kill
a bunch of guys.
300
00:13:18,902 --> 00:13:20,464
I've got a gun.
Look.
301
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:21,779
(gasps)
Oh, my God!
302
00:13:21,887 --> 00:13:23,763
- You want me to help you escape?
- No!
303
00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:25,915
I want you to stop me
from doing it.
304
00:13:25,941 --> 00:13:28,479
You wha...?!
I want to do it, Homer.
305
00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:30,371
It's the ultimate
business model.
306
00:13:30,405 --> 00:13:32,399
In my business,
I try not to be seen.
307
00:13:32,449 --> 00:13:34,417
I'm scary good at it.
308
00:13:35,470 --> 00:13:36,619
- Homer!
- Mmm.
309
00:13:36,639 --> 00:13:37,806
Everything's led to this.
310
00:13:37,891 --> 00:13:39,097
I remember, the first time
311
00:13:39,131 --> 00:13:41,659
I fired someone
face-to-face, I cried.
312
00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:42,665
I cried.
313
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,540
Saved the tear.
314
00:13:44,678 --> 00:13:45,397
Please stop.
315
00:13:45,421 --> 00:13:47,399
I just wanted my Frisbee back
from your yard.
316
00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,835
They fired me
for not being tough.
317
00:13:49,945 --> 00:13:52,585
I had learned that
in order to succeed,
318
00:13:52,603 --> 00:13:55,016
you must disregard
the dangerous distraction
319
00:13:55,066 --> 00:13:57,244
of being human.
320
00:13:57,349 --> 00:13:58,743
And it brought me here.
321
00:13:58,784 --> 00:14:02,063
You scratch a businessman and
you get a coldblooded killer.
322
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,655
Well, I've been scratched!
323
00:14:07,610 --> 00:14:10,842
This is how I get out
of doing the dishes.
324
00:14:16,166 --> 00:14:18,354
Come on, buddy, why would
you want to be a murderer?
325
00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:19,360
I don't know.
326
00:14:19,453 --> 00:14:22,246
My training, this
opportunity, it's like...
327
00:14:22,284 --> 00:14:23,271
A perfect storm?
328
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:25,338
I hate that expression!
329
00:14:25,392 --> 00:14:26,642
So overused!
330
00:14:26,684 --> 00:14:28,568
Okay, I don't... I don't
know why I said it.
331
00:14:28,614 --> 00:14:30,221
I was scared.
I needed a response.
332
00:14:30,246 --> 00:14:31,527
It was a perfect storm!
333
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:32,452
Say something original!
334
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,457
(nervously babbling)
335
00:14:35,652 --> 00:14:39,021
Uh, Greek thing, uh,
grand b-banana of...
336
00:14:39,055 --> 00:14:43,125
far-na... of f-forever
thing, bleeks blah-blah,
337
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:44,891
a comma... a com...
338
00:14:44,942 --> 00:14:48,011
a commonality beret burrito.
339
00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:50,271
Oh, it looks like
a kidnapping in progress, Chief.
340
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:51,967
(groans) You always
frame everything
341
00:14:52,002 --> 00:14:54,036
in the worst possible light.
342
00:14:54,070 --> 00:14:57,139
Chief, can I ask-- why do you
want to be a policeman?
343
00:14:57,305 --> 00:14:59,039
Adrenaline junkie.
344
00:14:59,710 --> 00:15:02,348
My dad used to tie me up when
the ice cream truck went by.
345
00:15:02,395 --> 00:15:03,987
And now there's
no amount of ice cream
346
00:15:04,018 --> 00:15:06,250
that will make me feel full,
so this should work.
347
00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:07,471
- Yeah.
- That's right.
348
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:08,958
Tie them tighter.
Mmm!
349
00:15:09,002 --> 00:15:10,948
Oh, that's good.
Oh, that burns.
350
00:15:11,029 --> 00:15:13,667
Could you please not sound
like you like it so much?
351
00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:15,290
Sorry.
352
00:15:15,345 --> 00:15:16,964
I'm into a lot of weird stuff.
353
00:15:17,002 --> 00:15:19,020
Now stay down here
and I'll be back
354
00:15:19,054 --> 00:15:20,605
every hour with food.
355
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:23,058
And every six hours
with food for you.
356
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:26,020
Thanks, man.
'Preciate it!
357
00:15:26,427 --> 00:15:28,940
Ah, look.
I have company.
358
00:15:29,014 --> 00:15:30,041
Hello.
359
00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:32,352
Hello to you and your friend.
360
00:15:32,471 --> 00:15:33,771
It's a party.
361
00:15:33,843 --> 00:15:36,478
(chittering)
362
00:15:40,629 --> 00:15:43,531
I'm going to call you Buggy,
363
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,799
and I'll call you--
please don't go in my mouth.
364
00:15:46,842 --> 00:15:48,976
All right, you can go
in my mouth.
365
00:15:49,010 --> 00:15:51,185
Just don't lay egg...
366
00:15:51,234 --> 00:15:52,591
(gargling)
367
00:15:52,630 --> 00:15:54,860
ANNOUNCER:
We now return to AFI Presents
368
00:15:54,943 --> 00:15:57,411
The 100 Greatest Movie Screams.
369
00:15:57,559 --> 00:16:00,322
Number 60,
from Teen Wolf Too...
370
00:16:00,387 --> 00:16:02,123
(woman screaming)
371
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:03,323
Classic.
372
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,981
(Dan screaming)
373
00:16:05,081 --> 00:16:07,667
Someone must be
watching on another TV.
374
00:16:07,703 --> 00:16:10,164
DAN (screaming):
The bug!
375
00:16:10,214 --> 00:16:13,331
I really think that's
coming from our house.
376
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:15,211
Will you stop saying things
377
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,186
that'll make me
have to do something?
378
00:16:17,218 --> 00:16:19,293
ANNOUNCER:
Next, we've got three screams
379
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:20,806
from Scream 3.
380
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:22,667
(three rapid screams)
381
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:24,011
(Dan screaming)
382
00:16:24,177 --> 00:16:27,252
That was four screams.
Stupid AFI.
383
00:16:27,295 --> 00:16:31,007
Boy, never go into their
directors training program.
384
00:16:31,034 --> 00:16:32,922
How about the Disney
Minority Program?
385
00:16:32,963 --> 00:16:34,697
Now, how would you
qualify for that?
386
00:16:34,737 --> 00:16:36,237
I'm the son of an oaf.
387
00:16:36,323 --> 00:16:38,057
(scoffs)
Have fun getting coffee
388
00:16:38,091 --> 00:16:40,459
for Roy Disney the Third.
389
00:16:41,630 --> 00:16:42,797
Dinnertime.
(chirping)
390
00:16:42,831 --> 00:16:44,115
I know you're hungry.
391
00:16:44,149 --> 00:16:46,568
I can hear you rubbing
your legs together and...
392
00:16:46,612 --> 00:16:48,563
Oh, my God!
393
00:16:50,656 --> 00:16:52,677
I never thought Homer Simpson
394
00:16:52,714 --> 00:16:55,500
would be a part
of the Day of the Locust.
395
00:16:55,583 --> 00:16:56,752
Thanks.
396
00:16:57,013 --> 00:16:59,374
Now, turn around and
get on your knees.
397
00:16:59,447 --> 00:17:01,732
Are you gonna shoot me
in the back of the head?
398
00:17:01,817 --> 00:17:04,036
No, I just know it takes you
so long to get up
399
00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:05,922
I'll have plenty
of time to escape.
400
00:17:10,081 --> 00:17:12,319
(grunting)
401
00:17:12,442 --> 00:17:13,897
(sighs)
402
00:17:14,307 --> 00:17:16,743
I'll fix that later.
403
00:17:21,405 --> 00:17:23,873
(ominous organ music playing)
404
00:17:25,439 --> 00:17:28,474
Your Honor, we have
reached a verdict.
405
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:32,470
(gunshot)
406
00:17:32,502 --> 00:17:33,969
Johnny Tightlips.
407
00:17:34,003 --> 00:17:35,063
Give me one reason
408
00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:37,116
why I shouldn't
kill you right now.
409
00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:39,721
There's a great one, but you'll
never get it out of me.
410
00:17:39,798 --> 00:17:43,161
On vacation, he digs
wells in Darfur!
411
00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:44,275
Damn it!
412
00:17:44,742 --> 00:17:46,642
We find the defendant...
413
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,469
ALEX TREBEK: And now it's time
for Final Jeopardy.
414
00:17:48,493 --> 00:17:50,508
Pay attention, players.
The category is...
415
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,745
You think you're
so smart, Alex Trebek.
416
00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:55,568
I remember when you
were Alphonse Trebagoogoo.
417
00:17:56,422 --> 00:17:57,239
HOMER:
Stop!
418
00:17:57,266 --> 00:17:58,110
Make me!
419
00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,495
(Bart grunts)
420
00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:00,829
Come on!
421
00:18:00,981 --> 00:18:03,602
You said we were gonna
see somebody get shot.
422
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,374
...not guilty.
423
00:18:06,416 --> 00:18:08,754
I'll have your money
in an hour.
424
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:12,215
(ominous organ music playing)
425
00:18:15,185 --> 00:18:16,553
Dan!
426
00:18:16,587 --> 00:18:18,287
How do you keep finding me?
427
00:18:18,315 --> 00:18:19,967
You really should tweet less.
428
00:18:19,985 --> 00:18:21,417
But everyone deserves to know
429
00:18:21,441 --> 00:18:22,860
what I'm thinking all the time.
430
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,928
Just listen, if you
kill those guys,
431
00:18:24,959 --> 00:18:26,664
you'll be as bad as they are.
432
00:18:26,717 --> 00:18:27,662
I don't think so.
433
00:18:27,692 --> 00:18:29,025
They've killed a lot of people,
434
00:18:29,071 --> 00:18:30,638
and they tell their wives
they're working,
435
00:18:30,705 --> 00:18:32,305
but they're really
just hanging out.
436
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:36,225
Look, just give me the gun
before you hurt somebody.
437
00:18:36,445 --> 00:18:38,346
Give it to me.
438
00:18:43,919 --> 00:18:47,081
Oh, I can't kill you.
439
00:18:47,621 --> 00:18:49,772
I knew you were weak.
440
00:18:49,797 --> 00:18:51,777
If you think I'm so weak,
give me back the gun.
441
00:18:51,802 --> 00:18:52,833
You are weak, but no.
442
00:18:52,851 --> 00:18:54,279
Let's see how weak I am
with the gun.
443
00:18:54,302 --> 00:18:55,640
- No, I don't want to.
Give me the gun.
444
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:56,409
I don't want to see it.
445
00:18:56,453 --> 00:18:58,225
You're making my mad and
I want to shoot you now.
446
00:18:58,237 --> 00:18:59,100
I don't have to see it.
447
00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:00,130
Huh?!
448
00:19:00,823 --> 00:19:02,037
- Give it to me!
- I can imagine it.
449
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,308
- Give me the gun.
- No.
450
00:19:03,563 --> 00:19:05,130
Come on, weakling,
get it from me.
451
00:19:05,164 --> 00:19:07,255
I'm not... You want...
I'm not weak with the gun.
452
00:19:07,273 --> 00:19:09,361
Yeah, well, yeah,
but see who's got it now.
453
00:19:09,379 --> 00:19:10,404
When I have a gun,
454
00:19:10,429 --> 00:19:12,473
- I'm not weak at all.
- Yeah, well, you ain't so...
455
00:19:12,508 --> 00:19:13,389
(glass breaks)
456
00:19:13,425 --> 00:19:14,417
(grunts)
457
00:19:14,504 --> 00:19:16,772
Clean-up on aisle me.
458
00:19:16,942 --> 00:19:19,109
(groans)
459
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:23,178
Okay, Mom,
I think that's far enough.
460
00:19:26,352 --> 00:19:30,128
Finally, a place where you
can spread your wings and hop.
461
00:19:30,365 --> 00:19:33,751
(chirping)
462
00:19:40,782 --> 00:19:41,889
We're free!
463
00:19:41,939 --> 00:19:43,773
No, no, I'm still
gonna figure this out.
464
00:19:44,026 --> 00:19:45,360
There was a corner here.
465
00:19:45,395 --> 00:19:46,064
David...
466
00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:47,668
Damn it, Judy,
let me have this!
467
00:19:49,669 --> 00:19:51,279
So, Tone, you're
sure you didn't
468
00:19:51,304 --> 00:19:53,651
order those fiduciary-
related whacks?
469
00:19:53,712 --> 00:19:56,680
The important thing is
we have severely cut costs
470
00:19:56,715 --> 00:19:59,883
by reducing the number
of our guns to one.
471
00:19:59,918 --> 00:20:01,393
And I have it.
472
00:20:01,503 --> 00:20:03,331
Any further questions?
473
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,937
- Can I have the gun?
- No.
474
00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:07,071
What happened to our
friend Mr. Gillick?
475
00:20:07,126 --> 00:20:08,128
I don't know.
476
00:20:08,171 --> 00:20:10,739
But once your finger has felt
the itch of a trigger,
477
00:20:10,791 --> 00:20:14,811
there is no relief till
said trigger has been squeezed.
478
00:20:14,926 --> 00:20:17,582
Sometimes late in life
you find your calling.
479
00:20:17,786 --> 00:20:21,045
The heft of the gun,
the trigger in your hand...
480
00:20:21,104 --> 00:20:22,565
Can you hurry this up, please?
481
00:20:22,602 --> 00:20:24,440
My daughter's got
cheerleading practice.
482
00:20:24,496 --> 00:20:26,953
Oh, I-I can go fast.
483
00:20:27,014 --> 00:20:28,415
Ba-da boom!
484
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,114
Could you please not do that?
485
00:20:30,183 --> 00:20:32,039
Is there some kind
of problem here?
486
00:20:32,091 --> 00:20:34,525
And if not, can you
do my belly button?
487
00:20:34,636 --> 00:20:37,180
Need some place to hang
my badge at the sauna.
488
00:20:37,223 --> 00:20:38,624
(scoffs)
489
00:20:38,674 --> 00:20:43,674
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
490
00:21:24,018 --> 00:21:25,457
Shh!