1
00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:04,037
They are not.
2
00:00:04,039 --> 00:00:05,171
They are, too.
3
00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:06,706
Your hypothesis is
completely disconfirmed
4
00:00:06,708 --> 00:00:07,809
by all the data.
5
00:00:07,810 --> 00:00:08,849
You're just clinging to it
6
00:00:08,850 --> 00:00:10,783
out of intellectual
stubbornness.
7
00:00:10,785 --> 00:00:12,451
No, you're displaying
a shocking ignorance
8
00:00:12,453 --> 00:00:13,986
of the subject matter.
9
00:00:13,988 --> 00:00:17,656
Mummies and zombies
are the exact same thing.
10
00:00:17,658 --> 00:00:20,025
Oh, yeah?
11
00:00:20,027 --> 00:00:22,361
Mummies are wrapped in bandages.
12
00:00:22,363 --> 00:00:25,114
That's called a fashion choice.
13
00:00:26,082 --> 00:00:29,034
All right,
you brought this on yourself.
14
00:00:29,036 --> 00:00:30,235
Sheldon, get him.
15
00:00:30,237 --> 00:00:32,087
If a zombie bites you,
16
00:00:32,089 --> 00:00:33,405
you turn into a zombie.
17
00:00:33,407 --> 00:00:35,741
However, if a mummy bites you,
18
00:00:35,743 --> 00:00:38,794
all you turn into is
some schmo with a mummy bite.
19
00:00:38,796 --> 00:00:40,629
So, like a zombie,
20
00:00:40,631 --> 00:00:42,681
that's been eaten
from the waist down,
21
00:00:42,683 --> 00:00:45,184
you, sir,
have no leg to stand on.
22
00:00:45,186 --> 00:00:46,635
Good boy.
Here's a cookie.
23
00:00:46,637 --> 00:00:48,437
Oh, thank you.
24
00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,756
Hey, fellas,
what's going on?
25
00:00:50,758 --> 00:00:52,524
Mummies and zombies again.
26
00:00:52,526 --> 00:00:55,811
Oh, they're not
the same thing.
27
00:00:55,813 --> 00:00:57,196
You get a cookie, too.
28
00:00:57,198 --> 00:00:58,864
Thanks.
29
00:00:58,866 --> 00:01:02,534
Guess who picked up his
new car this morning?
30
00:01:02,536 --> 00:01:04,102
Congratulations.
31
00:01:04,104 --> 00:01:06,121
Does it have that new car smell?
Yep!
32
00:01:06,123 --> 00:01:08,290
For as long as I can keep
my mother out of it.
33
00:01:08,292 --> 00:01:10,492
If you want to check
it out later,
34
00:01:10,494 --> 00:01:13,111
it's parked right out front,
space 294.
35
00:01:13,113 --> 00:01:15,831
I'm sorry-- 294?
36
00:01:15,833 --> 00:01:18,918
Yeah.
That's my parking spot.
37
00:01:20,053 --> 00:01:21,587
Why do you have a parking spot?
38
00:01:21,589 --> 00:01:23,656
You don't have a car.
You don't even drive.
39
00:01:23,658 --> 00:01:24,974
It doesn't matter.
40
00:01:24,976 --> 00:01:26,425
That's my spot.
41
00:01:27,310 --> 00:01:28,394
Maybe they reassigned it
42
00:01:28,396 --> 00:01:29,762
because you never use it.
43
00:01:29,764 --> 00:01:31,347
Well, I'm not using
my nipples, either.
44
00:01:31,349 --> 00:01:33,515
Maybe they should
reassign those.
45
00:01:33,517 --> 00:01:37,569
Sheldon,
someday, if you get a car,
46
00:01:37,571 --> 00:01:40,572
I'm sure they'll give you
another parking space.
47
00:01:40,574 --> 00:01:42,074
I don't want
another parking space.
48
00:01:42,076 --> 00:01:43,976
I want my parking space.
49
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:44,994
It's perfect.
50
00:01:44,996 --> 00:01:46,311
It's a corner spot,
51
00:01:46,313 --> 00:01:47,696
cutting the risk of
door-dings in half.
52
00:01:47,698 --> 00:01:48,981
It's a mere 28 steps
53
00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:50,482
from the building entrance.
54
00:01:50,484 --> 00:01:53,869
The nearby tree provides shade
on hot days
55
00:01:53,871 --> 00:01:57,006
and is also home
to a delightful squirrel.
56
00:01:57,008 --> 00:01:58,624
Which is fortuitous
57
00:01:58,626 --> 00:02:01,326
because most squirrels
are real jerks.
58
00:02:03,129 --> 00:02:04,713
Fun story.
59
00:02:04,715 --> 00:02:07,132
Meanwhile,
you still don't have a car.
60
00:02:07,134 --> 00:02:08,784
Don't try to change the subject.
61
00:02:08,786 --> 00:02:10,269
This is about a parking space.
62
00:02:10,271 --> 00:02:12,221
It has nothing to do with cars.
63
00:02:12,223 --> 00:02:14,506
Are you listening to yourself?
64
00:02:14,508 --> 00:02:15,774
I always listen to myself.
65
00:02:15,776 --> 00:02:17,609
It's one of the great joys
of my life.
66
00:02:17,611 --> 00:02:20,779
Now, get your car
out of my spot.
67
00:02:20,781 --> 00:02:21,780
Nope.
68
00:02:21,782 --> 00:02:23,232
Very well.
69
00:02:23,234 --> 00:02:24,817
You leave me no choice.
70
00:02:30,958 --> 00:02:33,826
What are you looking at,
you stupid squirrel?
71
00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:38,530
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
72
00:02:38,532 --> 00:02:41,867
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
73
00:02:41,869 --> 00:02:43,502
♪ The Earth began to cool
74
00:02:43,504 --> 00:02:46,038
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
75
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,707
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
76
00:02:48,709 --> 00:02:51,410
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
77
00:02:51,412 --> 00:02:53,278
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
78
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:54,280
♪ Bang! ♪
79
00:02:54,281 --> 00:02:57,181
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x09 ♪
The Parking Spot Escalation
Original Air Date on November 29, 2012
80
00:02:57,182 --> 00:03:00,082
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
81
00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:03,093
President Siebert,
listen to reason.
82
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,984
Yeah, I understand
I don't use the parking spot,
83
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,669
but that's not the point.
84
00:03:07,671 --> 00:03:09,020
I...
85
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,674
Yes, I'm aware you told me
not to call you at home.
86
00:03:12,676 --> 00:03:14,609
But you didn't answer the door!
87
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,478
And I know
88
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,813
you were there, because I saw
you through the mail slot.
89
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:22,367
Well, that's some
salty language.
90
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:25,537
May I remind you that you're the
president of a major university,
91
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,039
not the president
of the Potty Mouth Club.
92
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,958
There it is again.
93
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,427
Do you kiss your mother
with that mouth?
94
00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:35,380
Oh, well, I'm sorry
for your loss.
95
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,215
Oh...!
Good night, sir.
96
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,467
Unbelievable.
97
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,020
He says Wolowitz deserves
my spot
98
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:45,357
because he's a high-profile
asset to the university.
99
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,524
Well, he's not wrong.
100
00:03:46,526 --> 00:03:48,676
Howard did go to the
International Space Station.
101
00:03:48,678 --> 00:03:50,178
Yeah, that was five weeks ago.
102
00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:52,480
How much longer
is he gonna milk that cow?
103
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,616
Sheldon, let it go.
104
00:03:54,618 --> 00:03:56,034
It's not a big deal.
105
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,203
No, no, this is
a slippery slope, Leonard.
106
00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:00,055
It starts with a parking space.
107
00:04:00,057 --> 00:04:01,356
Where does it end?
108
00:04:01,358 --> 00:04:02,707
It's like my dad always said,
109
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,709
"First they say you can't drink
and drive.
110
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:06,628
"Next thing you know,
you can't let your 10-year-old
111
00:04:06,630 --> 00:04:10,582
take the wheel while you sleep
one off in the backseat."
112
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:15,470
All that story does is make me
feel bad for your mother.
113
00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:19,557
Leonard, you're my best friend.
114
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,176
Why don't you ever take my side?
115
00:04:22,228 --> 00:04:25,880
Because I can never
understand your side!
116
00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:29,684
Give it back.
117
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:30,819
I'm sorry,
118
00:04:30,821 --> 00:04:33,388
but could you be more specific?
119
00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:34,572
My Iron Man helmet.
120
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,224
Koothrappali saw you take it.
Give it back.
121
00:04:36,226 --> 00:04:38,243
Oh, that.
122
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:40,395
Well, see, I wanted it,
123
00:04:40,397 --> 00:04:43,231
and you weren't using it.
124
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,502
Apparently, those are the rules
we live by now.
125
00:04:48,570 --> 00:04:49,904
Payback--
126
00:04:49,906 --> 00:04:52,540
it truly is the B word,
isn't it?
127
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:57,045
Sheldon, that is a $500
limited edition collectible,
128
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:59,014
and I want it back.
129
00:04:59,016 --> 00:05:02,217
I'd love to help you out,
but unfortunately,
130
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,386
I'm using it.
131
00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:09,941
Fine.
132
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,726
I'm taking your diploma.
133
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:14,229
Go ahead.
134
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,898
That's the only doctorate
you'll ever get.
135
00:05:21,871 --> 00:05:24,356
It smells funny in here.
136
00:05:25,574 --> 00:05:26,991
We're so proud of you, Amy.
137
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,376
Your first bikini wax.
138
00:05:28,378 --> 00:05:30,495
Yeah.
139
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,785
So, how you doing?
140
00:05:37,787 --> 00:05:39,888
A little sensitive, but not bad.
141
00:05:39,890 --> 00:05:41,622
Does it always
take that long?
142
00:05:41,624 --> 00:05:42,924
Uh, no,
143
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:45,793
they usually don't have
to go out and get more wax.
144
00:05:45,795 --> 00:05:49,230
I feel like I'm
five pounds lighter.
145
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,235
Really? Only five?
146
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,439
Hey, anybody want a drink?
147
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:58,673
Okay.
Sure.
148
00:05:58,675 --> 00:06:00,608
So, did you spend
last night hearing
149
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,311
about this silly parking
space fight, too?
150
00:06:03,313 --> 00:06:05,830
For hours. Fortunately,
I couldn't understand most of it
151
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:09,033
'cause Sheldon was wearing
that stupid robot mask.
152
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,119
Howard was so angry
153
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,221
I had to mash up Benadryl
in his ice cream
154
00:06:13,223 --> 00:06:15,623
to get him to fall asleep.
155
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,208
I guess this is what we get
156
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,762
for being with two
testosterone-fueled alpha males.
157
00:06:20,764 --> 00:06:21,963
At some point,
158
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,099
they're bound to lock horns.
159
00:06:24,101 --> 00:06:25,884
I'm assuming these
are some kind of horns
160
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,802
they bought at Comic-Con?
161
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:32,540
I'm really sorry
they took Sheldon's spot away.
162
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:33,775
He shouldn't have to suffer
163
00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:35,693
just because Howard's
such a big deal now.
164
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:37,845
I know,
Sheldon should just let Howard
165
00:06:37,847 --> 00:06:39,647
have his little moment
in the sun.
166
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:41,649
What's that supposed to mean?
167
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:44,519
Well, Howard's never gonna
go to space again,
168
00:06:44,521 --> 00:06:48,356
but Sheldon
will always be a genius.
169
00:06:48,358 --> 00:06:50,125
You're right.
170
00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:52,660
And I'm sure Sheldon will get
a fancy parking spot again,
171
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,962
if and when he makes
172
00:06:53,964 --> 00:06:56,531
a worthwhile contribution
to science.
173
00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:59,634
If and when?
Okay,
174
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:01,970
maybe we should change
the subject. Amy, how are
175
00:07:01,972 --> 00:07:04,205
your lady parts?
Still chilly down there?
176
00:07:05,874 --> 00:07:07,308
Hang on.
177
00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:08,927
None of Sheldon's theories
178
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,645
have ever been
definitively proven.
179
00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:13,648
My husband actually went
to outer space.
180
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,667
That's an impressive
accomplishment.
181
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,769
He's now an inspiration
to millions of Americans
182
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,404
who know you don't have
to be special
183
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:21,556
or even qualified
to go into space.
184
00:07:22,808 --> 00:07:25,810
You know, I remember the
first time I got a bikini wax.
185
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,747
My sister did it with melted
Crayolas and duct tape.
186
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:33,568
It's a bad idea...
187
00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:35,703
Gosh, Amy.
188
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,572
I'm sensing a little hostility.
189
00:07:37,574 --> 00:07:39,424
Is it maybe because,
like Sheldon's work,
190
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:42,177
your sex life
is also theoretical?
191
00:07:44,747 --> 00:07:46,931
Damn.
192
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,935
Yeah, well, at least
when we do make love,
193
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:53,754
Sheldon won't be thinking
about his mother.
194
00:07:55,891 --> 00:07:57,809
And yes, that is a cleverly
veiled reference
195
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,093
to Howard's lifelong obsession
196
00:07:59,095 --> 00:08:01,863
to crawl back
into her spacious womb.
197
00:08:03,315 --> 00:08:05,066
Anyway, to this day,
I still can't see
198
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,768
a box of crayons without
crossing my legs.
199
00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:10,705
I don't have to take this.
200
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:13,708
I'm gonna go home and have sex
with my husband right now.
201
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:17,378
Maybe I'll let him do it
to me in the parking spot.
202
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:22,450
Which sounds dirty,
but I didn't mean it that way!
203
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:26,954
Okay, here's another one:
204
00:08:26,956 --> 00:08:29,757
If a zombie bites a vampire,
205
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:32,627
and the vampire bites a human,
206
00:08:32,629 --> 00:08:35,730
does the human become
a vampire or a zombie?
207
00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:39,551
Or a zompire?
208
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:42,604
Sheldon?
209
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,740
Cookie.
210
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:47,742
I don't have any.
211
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:49,410
Well, I'm not giving it away.
212
00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:53,331
Hi, Sheldon.
213
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:00,455
He's in my spot.
214
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:03,124
Leonard, make him stop
being naked in my spot.
215
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:06,261
Howard,
what are you doing?
216
00:09:06,263 --> 00:09:08,796
He wasn't using it.
217
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,267
And I needed a nice cool piece
of leather
218
00:09:12,269 --> 00:09:14,852
to wiggle my naked ass on.
219
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,338
Get off there.
220
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:19,073
Give me back my Iron Man helmet.
221
00:09:19,075 --> 00:09:20,525
Give me back my parking space.
222
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,060
You don't need
a parking space.
223
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,194
You don't have a car.
224
00:09:23,196 --> 00:09:24,696
You don't need
an Iron Man helmet.
225
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:26,614
You're not Iron Man.
226
00:09:28,217 --> 00:09:30,418
Well, we appear
to have reached an impasse.
227
00:09:30,420 --> 00:09:31,536
And you know,
228
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:32,670
I have to say, I thought
229
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:34,072
you'd be more upset
that your laptop
230
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,975
is sitting on my junk.
231
00:09:38,961 --> 00:09:40,244
I didn't pick up on that.
232
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,462
That's a nice touch.
233
00:09:51,785 --> 00:09:53,079
This is so exciting.
234
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,463
I'm feeling all tingly.
235
00:09:54,465 --> 00:09:57,549
Although that could just be
my newly defoliated bikini zone.
236
00:09:57,551 --> 00:09:59,752
Keep a lookout.
237
00:09:59,754 --> 00:10:02,537
This place is swarming
with campus security.
238
00:10:02,539 --> 00:10:05,224
They will not
hesitate to scold us.
239
00:10:05,226 --> 00:10:07,393
Freaking pigs.
240
00:10:12,048 --> 00:10:14,233
Oh, yeah.
241
00:10:15,518 --> 00:10:17,219
Okay, now,
242
00:10:17,221 --> 00:10:19,721
pull your car into the spot
and let's get out of here.
243
00:10:19,723 --> 00:10:21,523
Wait, I'm leaving my car here?
244
00:10:21,525 --> 00:10:24,076
Yes, and be sure and put
on the emergency brake.
245
00:10:24,078 --> 00:10:25,778
Really makes these
things tough to budge.
246
00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:29,365
Before I park,
come in the backseat.
247
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,368
I want to show you something
I had done today.
248
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:35,087
All right, color me intrigued.
249
00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:41,694
What do you think?
250
00:10:41,696 --> 00:10:44,713
I think you're high
on paint fumes.
251
00:10:44,715 --> 00:10:48,300
And boy, that's a lot
of Band-Aids.
252
00:10:49,519 --> 00:10:52,388
Okay, Howard's mother
is in, like,
253
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:53,922
every one
of your wedding photos.
254
00:10:53,924 --> 00:10:57,309
What can I tell ya?
She's a big girl.
255
00:11:00,596 --> 00:11:03,598
Wherever you look,
there she is.
256
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:04,766
More coffee?
257
00:11:04,768 --> 00:11:07,619
No, Leonard's taking me
to a physics lecture,
258
00:11:07,621 --> 00:11:10,122
and coffee'll
just keep me awake.
259
00:11:11,242 --> 00:11:12,741
Oh, I'll get it.
260
00:11:16,996 --> 00:11:20,799
Oh, looks like someone's on
Team Bernadette.
261
00:11:22,168 --> 00:11:23,385
Where's Howard?
262
00:11:23,387 --> 00:11:25,337
He's not here. What's wrong?
263
00:11:25,339 --> 00:11:26,338
He had my car towed.
264
00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:28,090
It cost me $200
to get it back.
265
00:11:28,092 --> 00:11:29,641
Oh, no.
266
00:11:29,643 --> 00:11:31,977
Where was it parked?
267
00:11:33,513 --> 00:11:35,597
In Sheldon's spot.
268
00:11:35,599 --> 00:11:37,015
That doesn't make sense.
269
00:11:37,017 --> 00:11:38,800
Sheldon doesn't have a spot.
270
00:11:38,802 --> 00:11:41,854
Was it maybe in Howard's spot?
271
00:11:43,106 --> 00:11:44,940
Don't play dumb with me, sister.
272
00:11:44,942 --> 00:11:46,692
You tell your husband
he owes me $200.
273
00:11:46,694 --> 00:11:48,577
Well, that doesn't
make sense, either.
274
00:11:48,579 --> 00:11:49,661
Why not?
275
00:11:49,663 --> 00:11:52,698
Because I'm the one
who had it towed.
276
00:11:54,484 --> 00:11:55,951
You?
277
00:11:55,953 --> 00:11:59,204
Didn't see that one coming,
did ya?
278
00:11:59,206 --> 00:12:00,339
Oh, yeah?
279
00:12:00,341 --> 00:12:02,007
Well, you're not gonna see
this coming.
280
00:12:02,009 --> 00:12:03,342
Ow! Ow!
281
00:12:03,344 --> 00:12:05,878
Oh, my God,
are you okay?!
282
00:12:07,014 --> 00:12:09,014
What the hell
do you have in there?!
283
00:12:09,016 --> 00:12:11,300
Just my wallet, keys and
a coffee can full of change
284
00:12:11,302 --> 00:12:13,218
I've been meaning
to take to the bank.
285
00:12:14,337 --> 00:12:15,721
Don't move.
I'll get some ice.
286
00:12:15,723 --> 00:12:16,671
Are you okay?
287
00:12:16,673 --> 00:12:18,140
Get away from me
or I swear to God
288
00:12:18,142 --> 00:12:20,175
I will rip out what's left
of your pubes!
289
00:12:20,977 --> 00:12:23,345
Here.
Thanks. Ah!
290
00:12:23,347 --> 00:12:25,847
Amy, you think maybe this has
gotten a little out of hand?
291
00:12:25,849 --> 00:12:28,700
Gee, you think?!
292
00:12:28,702 --> 00:12:29,651
I do.
293
00:12:29,653 --> 00:12:32,037
Penny, Bernadette
and I are sorry.
294
00:12:32,039 --> 00:12:33,705
You hit her! What did I do?
295
00:12:33,707 --> 00:12:34,907
You had my car towed.
296
00:12:34,909 --> 00:12:36,825
You were parked in
Howard's spot!
297
00:12:36,827 --> 00:12:38,043
I was parked in Sheldon's spot!
298
00:12:38,045 --> 00:12:39,528
Sheldon doesn't have a spot!
299
00:12:39,530 --> 00:12:42,364
Guys, I think I need to go
to the emergency room.
300
00:12:42,366 --> 00:12:44,366
Okay, let's go.
I'll drive.
301
00:12:44,368 --> 00:12:46,835
You can see where the tow
truck scratched my car.
302
00:12:46,837 --> 00:12:48,703
The tow truck didn't scratch
your car.
303
00:12:48,705 --> 00:12:50,672
How do you know?
'Cause I did it!
304
00:13:00,683 --> 00:13:03,051
Morning, Professor Stevens.
305
00:13:03,053 --> 00:13:04,520
Don't look at that whiteboard.
306
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:06,855
That's my math, not your math.
307
00:13:06,857 --> 00:13:08,240
Keep walking, nosey.
308
00:13:09,192 --> 00:13:11,860
What the hell
are you doing?
309
00:13:11,862 --> 00:13:13,612
Oh...
310
00:13:13,614 --> 00:13:17,666
You said I'm not using my space,
so... I'm using it.
311
00:13:20,537 --> 00:13:23,172
Okay, you need to move now.
312
00:13:23,174 --> 00:13:24,840
No, I don't.
313
00:13:24,842 --> 00:13:26,959
You can't stay there forever.
314
00:13:26,961 --> 00:13:29,878
Actually, I have a plastic baggy
315
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,764
strapped to my leg
that says I can.
316
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,184
Give up, Wolowitz.
317
00:13:35,186 --> 00:13:37,019
You've chosen to tangle
318
00:13:37,021 --> 00:13:39,054
with a superior intellect
you can't defeat.
319
00:13:39,056 --> 00:13:41,056
There is nothing you could
possibly do to...
320
00:13:50,283 --> 00:13:52,434
Those aren't gonna help you,
Sheldon!
321
00:13:52,436 --> 00:13:54,036
Oh, yes, they are!
322
00:13:54,038 --> 00:13:56,121
I mean, what?!
323
00:13:56,123 --> 00:13:58,290
I'm warning you, Sheldon!
324
00:13:58,292 --> 00:13:59,958
Your threats are empty!
325
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,776
Nothing can move me!
326
00:14:03,046 --> 00:14:03,996
Stop that!
327
00:14:03,998 --> 00:14:05,380
Get out of my spot!
328
00:14:05,382 --> 00:14:06,298
That's it.
329
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,116
I am calling campus security!
330
00:14:08,118 --> 00:14:11,803
You prepare for the
scolding of your life!
331
00:14:11,805 --> 00:14:13,622
What are you idiots doing?!
332
00:14:13,624 --> 00:14:15,724
He's trying to kill me, Leonard!
333
00:14:15,726 --> 00:14:17,426
Video games
and rock music
334
00:14:17,428 --> 00:14:19,261
have desensitized
him to violence!
335
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,481
Would you please
talk some sense
336
00:14:22,483 --> 00:14:24,483
into your
lunatic roommate?
337
00:14:24,485 --> 00:14:26,068
You're both acting
like lunatics.
338
00:14:26,070 --> 00:14:29,071
It's just a parking spot.
It's not just a parking spot!
339
00:14:29,073 --> 00:14:30,272
He can't handle
the fact that
340
00:14:30,274 --> 00:14:32,241
I'm a bigger deal
than he is now.
341
00:14:32,243 --> 00:14:34,326
Oh, preposterous!
342
00:14:34,328 --> 00:14:35,911
I have been solely responsible
343
00:14:35,913 --> 00:14:38,813
for this university's six-loop
quantum gravity calculations;
344
00:14:38,815 --> 00:14:40,082
I have changed
the way we think
345
00:14:40,084 --> 00:14:43,418
about Bose-Einstein condensates,
and I am also the one
346
00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:46,672
who got Nutter Butters in
the cafeteria vending machine.
347
00:14:47,790 --> 00:14:49,708
Maybe you missed that news
while you were
348
00:14:49,710 --> 00:14:51,543
floating around like a goof
in outer space.
349
00:14:53,329 --> 00:14:56,048
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have work to do.
350
00:14:56,832 --> 00:14:58,850
Can you believe this guy?
351
00:14:58,852 --> 00:15:01,186
What I don't believe is that you
tried to run him over.
352
00:15:01,188 --> 00:15:03,689
Oh, like you've never
thought of doing that.
353
00:15:04,724 --> 00:15:07,943
Don't hate me just because
I lived the dream.
354
00:15:09,179 --> 00:15:10,312
Hey.
355
00:15:10,314 --> 00:15:12,180
Sweet ride!
356
00:15:14,717 --> 00:15:16,902
What are you doing
in there?!
357
00:15:16,904 --> 00:15:19,488
Just breaking in your new car.
358
00:15:22,358 --> 00:15:24,459
Stop that!
You stop that!
359
00:15:24,461 --> 00:15:25,860
You know what they say?
360
00:15:25,862 --> 00:15:29,864
Revenge is a dish
best served nude.
361
00:15:34,305 --> 00:15:36,238
Hey, got a minute?
362
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,422
Oh, of course, come in.
363
00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:46,481
This is an authentic Chinese
throwing star,
364
00:15:46,483 --> 00:15:47,733
and I must warn you,
365
00:15:47,735 --> 00:15:50,051
I have seen many people
throw them in movies.
366
00:15:50,737 --> 00:15:52,354
Calm down.
367
00:15:52,356 --> 00:15:54,289
Howard has something he
wants to say to you.
368
00:15:54,291 --> 00:15:55,890
All right.
369
00:15:55,892 --> 00:16:02,664
Sheldon, when this whole thing
with the parking space started,
370
00:16:02,666 --> 00:16:07,069
I had no idea just how much
of a crazy bastard...
371
00:16:07,071 --> 00:16:08,904
Howard...
372
00:16:08,906 --> 00:16:10,422
that's not how
we practiced it.
373
00:16:10,424 --> 00:16:14,926
I had no idea how much that spot
meant to you.
374
00:16:14,928 --> 00:16:16,445
Anyway, I called
375
00:16:16,447 --> 00:16:19,448
President Siebert and told him
376
00:16:19,450 --> 00:16:22,267
it's not worth fighting over
the spot,
377
00:16:22,269 --> 00:16:24,586
so you keep it, and I'll park
378
00:16:24,588 --> 00:16:26,955
in the structure
across the street.
379
00:16:26,957 --> 00:16:30,308
Well, Howard, thank you.
380
00:16:31,411 --> 00:16:34,596
It's quite a gesture
on your part.
381
00:16:34,598 --> 00:16:37,098
You've shown yourself
to be the bigger man.
382
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:38,066
Thank you.
383
00:16:38,068 --> 00:16:40,635
Which I find totally
unacceptable.
384
00:16:40,637 --> 00:16:43,955
I must be the bigger man.
385
00:16:43,957 --> 00:16:48,577
Therefore, you may use my spot
until such time
386
00:16:48,579 --> 00:16:52,280
as I learn to drive
or get a Batmobile.
387
00:16:52,282 --> 00:16:55,167
Wow, okay.
388
00:16:55,169 --> 00:16:56,918
Well, thanks.
389
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,254
I don't know
what to say.
390
00:16:59,256 --> 00:17:00,756
There is nothing to say.
391
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:02,624
Except I'm the bigger man.
392
00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:06,127
I'm not kidding. Say it.
393
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,564
Just say it.
394
00:17:09,566 --> 00:17:12,117
You're the bigger man, Sheldon.
395
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:13,902
Oh, stop.
396
00:17:13,904 --> 00:17:18,190
And I believe
this is yours.
397
00:17:18,192 --> 00:17:20,742
FYI, if you wear that
into a bank,
398
00:17:20,744 --> 00:17:22,811
they will tackle you
to the ground.
399
00:17:25,815 --> 00:17:29,451
I'd like
to propose a toast--
400
00:17:29,453 --> 00:17:31,670
to burying the hatchet.
401
00:17:31,672 --> 00:17:34,206
To burying the hatchet.
402
00:17:36,125 --> 00:17:38,427
You know, I'm kind of glad
this happened.
403
00:17:38,429 --> 00:17:39,994
Me, too.
404
00:17:39,996 --> 00:17:43,048
In some weird way, I kind of
feel like it brought us closer.
405
00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:46,101
Yeah, everybody's happy.
Great!
406
00:17:52,909 --> 00:17:54,276
Can I help you?
407
00:17:54,278 --> 00:17:57,313
Yes. According
to information
408
00:17:57,315 --> 00:17:58,614
I gleaned from Yelp,
409
00:17:58,616 --> 00:18:02,551
you had great success when
a santeriasuzy37
410
00:18:02,553 --> 00:18:04,453
brought you a pair
of leather slacks
411
00:18:04,455 --> 00:18:06,288
stained with chicken blood.
412
00:18:07,457 --> 00:18:10,509
I believe I may have
a similar problem.
413
00:18:12,562 --> 00:18:18,184
This cushion experienced
a nude revenge wiggle.
414
00:18:18,186 --> 00:18:20,636
A what?
415
00:18:20,638 --> 00:18:23,022
A naked man sat on it.
416
00:18:23,024 --> 00:18:24,807
Now, here's my concern:
417
00:18:24,809 --> 00:18:28,744
His diet is rich in
fatty deli meats.
418
00:18:29,713 --> 00:18:32,981
What test do you have
to detect lipid residue?
419
00:18:32,983 --> 00:18:35,868
Lipid what?
420
00:18:35,870 --> 00:18:38,654
Lipid residue.
421
00:18:38,656 --> 00:18:40,823
An anal autograph.
422
00:18:41,625 --> 00:18:44,794
A colon calling card,
if you will.
423
00:18:47,798 --> 00:18:49,532
Tuesday okay?
424
00:18:50,717 --> 00:18:51,667
Don't rush it.
425
00:18:51,669 --> 00:18:53,302
We may be dealing
with befoulment
426
00:18:53,304 --> 00:18:55,170
on a molecular level.
427
00:18:55,172 --> 00:18:58,140
Let me write
you a ticket.
428
00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,861
Is that your son?
429
00:19:01,863 --> 00:19:03,846
Uh-huh.
430
00:19:03,848 --> 00:19:06,982
Looks like that laptop's
seen better days.
431
00:19:06,984 --> 00:19:09,952
If you're interested,
I'm selling this.
432
00:19:09,954 --> 00:19:11,487
It's only two years old,
433
00:19:11,489 --> 00:19:13,239
16 gigabytes of RAM,
434
00:19:13,241 --> 00:19:15,324
Intel core,
i7 processor,
435
00:19:15,326 --> 00:19:17,159
and I can personally guarantee
436
00:19:17,161 --> 00:19:19,211
it has spent less than
20 minutes resting on
437
00:19:19,213 --> 00:19:20,496
an astronaut's penis.
438
00:19:20,498 --> 00:19:25,498
== sync, corrected by elderman ==