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Support for Pawnee Community Radio
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00:00:02,717 --> 00:00:04,552
comes from listeners like you
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00:00:04,603 --> 00:00:07,388
and from the new film
The Shadows of Seven Heads,
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00:00:07,439 --> 00:00:09,690
the dramic tale
of an Israeli soldier
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00:00:09,724 --> 00:00:12,610
who falls in love with conjoined
Palestinian sextuplets.
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00:00:12,644 --> 00:00:14,979
Out soon
from Focus Features.
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00:00:15,013 --> 00:00:17,281
Welcome to
"Thought For Your Thoughts."
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00:00:17,315 --> 00:00:19,349
I'm your host Derry Murbles,
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00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:22,019
sitting in for Nina Joplin,
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00:00:22,037 --> 00:00:24,989
who is touring the country
performing a spoken-word opera
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00:00:25,023 --> 00:00:27,191
about pear-shaped women.
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00:00:27,425 --> 00:00:31,561
My guest today
is City Councilwoman
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Leslie Knope.
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00:00:33,197 --> 00:00:34,832
It is a pleasure
to be back, Derry.
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00:00:35,316 --> 00:00:38,368
Your show last week
on dolphin lactation
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00:00:38,903 --> 00:00:40,954
was just riveting radio.
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00:00:40,989 --> 00:00:44,992
Derry, my team and I
are trying to build a park,
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00:00:45,026 --> 00:00:47,861
and we need input on the design
19
00:00:47,879 --> 00:00:50,664
from you,
the citizens of Pawnee.
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00:00:50,698 --> 00:00:53,667
So I guess I'm here
to send out the Bat-Signal.
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00:00:53,701 --> 00:00:56,887
A Bat-Signal, for
listeners who might not know,
22
00:00:56,921 --> 00:01:01,391
refers to the children's
character "the Bat-Man"
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00:01:01,426 --> 00:01:04,845
a strong gentleman
who fights crime nocturnally.
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00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:06,647
That's correct.
Well put.
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00:01:06,681 --> 00:01:10,400
This park is going to be
a celebration of Pawnee
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00:01:10,435 --> 00:01:13,186
by Pawnee and for Pawnee.
27
00:01:13,220 --> 00:01:15,989
So, you know,
send in your plan
28
00:01:16,024 --> 00:01:18,108
or your resume...
And quick.
29
00:01:18,159 --> 00:01:19,993
Please. Hurry.
30
00:01:20,028 --> 00:01:22,896
This is all gonna fall apart
if you don't hurry.
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00:01:22,914 --> 00:01:24,448
Coming up after the break,
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00:01:24,482 --> 00:01:26,500
movie reviews
with Ken Tucker
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00:01:26,534 --> 00:01:29,119
who is filling in
for David Bianculli
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00:01:29,153 --> 00:01:31,688
who's in New York
filling in for Ken Tucker.
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00:01:31,723 --> 00:01:34,875
Leslie, would you like
to introduce the next segment?
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00:01:34,909 --> 00:01:36,343
Okay.
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00:01:36,377 --> 00:01:40,347
"Now it's time for
'Jazz Plus Jazz Equals Jazz, '
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00:01:40,381 --> 00:01:43,083
"today we have a recording
of Benny Goodman
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00:01:43,101 --> 00:01:46,720
played over a separate
recording of Miles Davis."
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00:01:46,754 --> 00:01:50,607
[Both recordings playing
simultaneously]
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00:01:50,641 --> 00:01:55,195
Research shows that our
listeners love jazz.
42
00:01:55,229 --> 00:01:57,597
[Simultaneous music continues]
♪
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00:01:57,615 --> 00:02:00,600
[Triumphant music]
44
00:02:00,618 --> 00:02:05,218
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:17,802 --> 00:02:20,487
All right,
so this is a letter
46
00:02:20,521 --> 00:02:22,472
from what looks like
a federal penitentiary.
47
00:02:22,507 --> 00:02:23,673
"Here's a model
48
00:02:23,725 --> 00:02:25,291
"of what I thought the park
could look like.
49
00:02:25,309 --> 00:02:28,311
Also, I'm innocent.
Please find me a lawyer."
50
00:02:28,346 --> 00:02:29,913
I'm getting kind of worried.
51
00:02:29,947 --> 00:02:33,433
I mean, we have not received
one usable idea so far.
52
00:02:33,467 --> 00:02:34,818
Hang on.
Look at this guy.
53
00:02:34,852 --> 00:02:37,070
"30 years of experience
54
00:02:37,105 --> 00:02:40,607
"with a degree in architecture
from the Royal Danish Academy
55
00:02:40,641 --> 00:02:42,308
of Fine Arts in Copenhagen."
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00:02:42,326 --> 00:02:45,112
Wow! Beautiful fountain.
57
00:02:45,146 --> 00:02:47,948
Perfectly manicured shrubbery.
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00:02:47,982 --> 00:02:49,750
This is like
Parks Department porn.
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00:02:49,784 --> 00:02:51,451
This guy is great.
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00:02:51,485 --> 00:02:53,503
I don't care if he's some
junkie war criminal pimp.
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00:02:53,538 --> 00:02:55,172
I am not gonna
change my mind.
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00:02:55,206 --> 00:02:57,924
His name's Wreston St. James.
He's from Eagleton.
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00:02:57,959 --> 00:02:59,042
Oh, I've changed my mind.
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00:02:59,077 --> 00:03:00,944
I'm not being melodramatic
when I say
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00:03:00,979 --> 00:03:02,546
that people from Eagleton
are snobby and evil,
66
00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,548
and they look down on Pawnee,
and they would most likely
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00:03:04,582 --> 00:03:05,949
exterminate everyone
who isn't from Eagleton
68
00:03:05,984 --> 00:03:08,585
if they weren't so busy
being obsessed with themselves.
69
00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:10,420
[Exhales]
God, that was close.
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00:03:10,455 --> 00:03:12,156
Sometimes when I rant
about Eagleton,
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00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:14,057
I forget to breathe,
and I pass out.
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00:03:14,092 --> 00:03:16,026
No. We cannot have
someone from Eagleton
73
00:03:16,060 --> 00:03:17,561
design a park for Pawnee.
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00:03:17,595 --> 00:03:20,864
We have had a blood feud
that has lasted for 200 years.
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00:03:20,899 --> 00:03:22,766
Well, we don't have
a lot of time,
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00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,668
and he is the first
decent candidate.
77
00:03:24,702 --> 00:03:26,870
So let's at least
go meet the guy.
78
00:03:26,905 --> 00:03:28,105
Yeah, that's a good idea.
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00:03:28,139 --> 00:03:29,706
Then we can reject him
face-to-face.
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00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:31,775
I like your plan.
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00:03:31,809 --> 00:03:34,811
Friends, former lovers,
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00:03:34,846 --> 00:03:36,980
acquaintances, Jerry,
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00:03:37,015 --> 00:03:39,750
I introduce you
to the future home of...
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00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:41,251
Rent-A-Swag!
85
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:42,920
Yikes.
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00:03:42,954 --> 00:03:45,889
Much like women in
'90s stand-up comedy routines,
87
00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:47,391
Tommy be shopping.
88
00:03:47,425 --> 00:03:49,926
I started a business where I
rent my fancy clothes to teens
89
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,628
so their parents don't have to
buy them nice things
90
00:03:51,662 --> 00:03:52,629
they'll just grow out of.
91
00:03:52,664 --> 00:03:54,431
So if you see
a 14-year-old kid
92
00:03:54,465 --> 00:03:57,234
wearing a Louis Vuitton cravat,
you know who to thank.
93
00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:58,535
Me.
94
00:03:58,570 --> 00:04:01,171
And Louis Vuitton for making
some dope-ass cravats.
95
00:04:01,206 --> 00:04:03,607
Son, I love wildlife,
96
00:04:03,641 --> 00:04:05,842
but is a store
the best place for it?
97
00:04:05,877 --> 00:04:08,612
- Help.
- The place needs some work,
98
00:04:08,646 --> 00:04:10,514
but this is a great location.
99
00:04:10,548 --> 00:04:13,150
Lots of foot traffic,
no metered parking.
100
00:04:13,184 --> 00:04:15,152
And it's well within
my fiscal range.
101
00:04:15,186 --> 00:04:17,254
Good use of the word fiscal,
Tommy-- very upscale.
102
00:04:17,288 --> 00:04:19,923
Very impressive.
Watching you gives me faith
103
00:04:19,958 --> 00:04:21,959
that anyone can reinvent
themselves.
104
00:04:21,993 --> 00:04:23,543
Tommy Timberlake is dead.
105
00:04:23,595 --> 00:04:27,180
Long live Thomas M. Haverford,
responsible tycoon.
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00:04:27,215 --> 00:04:30,300
Help.
I can't move.
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00:04:32,353 --> 00:04:34,904
He designed this place?
What a dump.
108
00:04:34,922 --> 00:04:36,339
Ben!
Leslie. Hi!
109
00:04:36,357 --> 00:04:37,975
- Hi.
- Wreston St. James.
110
00:04:38,009 --> 00:04:40,510
- Thank you so much for coming.
- No, thank you.
111
00:04:40,528 --> 00:04:42,029
Well, what do you think
of our newest park?
112
00:04:42,063 --> 00:04:45,565
Eh. In a word, underwhelming.
And a little inconvenient.
113
00:04:45,617 --> 00:04:47,117
There's no trash cans anywhere.
114
00:04:47,151 --> 00:04:48,368
What am I supposed to do
with my garbage,
115
00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:49,870
- just throw it on the ground?
- Oh, hey.
116
00:04:50,604 --> 00:04:52,039
Thank you for the trash!
117
00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:53,874
Mr. St. James,
I have to say,
118
00:04:53,908 --> 00:04:55,826
- this park is incredible.
- Thank you.
119
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:58,912
Its official name
is "Five Mile Grounds",
120
00:04:58,963 --> 00:05:01,882
but we like to call it
"Wide smiles abound."
121
00:05:01,916 --> 00:05:04,051
Because of all the smiles
that occur?
122
00:05:04,085 --> 00:05:06,202
[Chuckles]
It's so boring.
123
00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:07,537
Come on, I'll take you guys
on a little tour.
124
00:05:07,555 --> 00:05:09,890
Great.
He seems super-cool.
125
00:05:09,924 --> 00:05:12,726
He seems cool.
Just you wait.
126
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,398
Well, they always
wine and dine you first,
127
00:05:14,412 --> 00:05:16,030
but the fact
of the matter is
128
00:05:16,064 --> 00:05:18,232
Eagletonians are,
without exception,
129
00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:20,317
snobby,
condescending jerks.
130
00:05:20,352 --> 00:05:23,821
This is the Pawnee side
of our border with Eagleton...
131
00:05:23,855 --> 00:05:26,740
And this is
the Eagleton side.
132
00:05:29,577 --> 00:05:31,412
Ah.
Uhh.
133
00:05:31,446 --> 00:05:32,729
Hey, babe, it's me.
134
00:05:32,747 --> 00:05:34,415
Will you come down here, please,
and keep me company?
135
00:05:34,449 --> 00:05:36,033
I'm so bored.
I need you.
136
00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:38,786
If I come down there,
can I at least break something?
137
00:05:38,837 --> 00:05:40,504
Of course, baby.
Anything. You know that.
138
00:05:40,539 --> 00:05:42,039
Chris gave me
this great job
139
00:05:42,073 --> 00:05:43,507
as a weekend security guard
at City Hall.
140
00:05:43,542 --> 00:05:46,260
Only one problem--
it's a terrible job.
141
00:05:46,294 --> 00:05:48,179
I did everything
I was supposed to do,
142
00:05:48,213 --> 00:05:49,697
and I walked around
the building four times.
143
00:05:49,731 --> 00:05:51,182
Only 20 minutes
has gone by.
144
00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:53,416
Ugh! Thought maybe
ten minutes had gone by
145
00:05:53,434 --> 00:05:54,885
since I started talking.
146
00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,437
It's only been 15 seconds.
147
00:05:56,471 --> 00:05:59,773
[Deep sigh]
Ohh...
148
00:05:59,808 --> 00:06:01,525
Oh, babe,
thank God you're here.
149
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,944
I got so bored, I started
thinking about existence--
150
00:06:03,979 --> 00:06:06,397
"Do I matter?
Do any of us?
151
00:06:06,431 --> 00:06:09,450
Is there a master plan
in the works, a grand design?"
152
00:06:09,484 --> 00:06:12,119
- Just dumb stuff like that.
- Ugh! Who cares?
153
00:06:12,153 --> 00:06:13,871
[Sighs] I thought being
a security guard
154
00:06:13,905 --> 00:06:15,272
would be exciting.
155
00:06:15,590 --> 00:06:16,874
Nope.
156
00:06:17,908 --> 00:06:18,942
Wait a minute.
157
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:22,746
Isn't this how all great
Bert Macklin cases start?
158
00:06:25,990 --> 00:06:27,117
It's quiet.
159
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,121
A little too quiet.
160
00:06:31,139 --> 00:06:33,807
As you can see, we like to
keep things quite immaculate.
161
00:06:33,842 --> 00:06:37,094
I remember when Pawnee
had that massive sewage overflow
162
00:06:37,128 --> 00:06:38,762
in Circle Park--
whatever happened with that?
163
00:06:38,796 --> 00:06:41,815
- We totally fixed it.
- Well, except for the smell.
164
00:06:41,850 --> 00:06:45,102
The scientists think it's going
to linger for another 40 years.
165
00:06:45,136 --> 00:06:47,321
Can we just cut
to the chase here?
166
00:06:47,355 --> 00:06:49,940
Why would a fancy
Eagleton architect like you
167
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:52,943
want to design
a tiny Pawnee park?
168
00:06:52,977 --> 00:06:54,578
Well, I heard your plea
on the radio,
169
00:06:54,613 --> 00:06:56,080
and you were so passionate
about the project.
170
00:06:56,114 --> 00:06:58,148
It doesn't matter if
it's a giant park like this
171
00:06:58,166 --> 00:06:59,750
or a little tiny
pocket park.
172
00:06:59,784 --> 00:07:01,118
It's about the people.
173
00:07:01,152 --> 00:07:03,003
We're here to serve them.
174
00:07:03,038 --> 00:07:04,622
Hey, Mr. St. James!
175
00:07:04,656 --> 00:07:06,423
Oh, our balloon artisan
is out of balloons.
176
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:08,292
Excuse me.
177
00:07:08,326 --> 00:07:10,261
I have chills.
Look at my arm.
178
00:07:10,295 --> 00:07:12,096
Why are you so charmed
by him?
179
00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:14,331
You're like a Southern belle
when Rhett Butler comes around.
180
00:07:14,349 --> 00:07:16,383
Yes. Rhett Butler.
That's who he reminds me of.
181
00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:17,668
Or Bono!
182
00:07:17,686 --> 00:07:18,936
What?
183
00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:20,688
No one from Eagleton
has ever wanted to help
184
00:07:20,722 --> 00:07:23,307
anyone from Pawnee
for any reason.
185
00:07:23,341 --> 00:07:25,509
In 1988,
we were hit by a tornado.
186
00:07:25,527 --> 00:07:27,061
We asked Eagleton for help,
187
00:07:27,112 --> 00:07:29,446
and they claimed
they weren't home.
188
00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:33,350
An entire town
claimed they weren't home.
189
00:07:33,368 --> 00:07:34,818
I don't trust that guy
for a second.
190
00:07:34,852 --> 00:07:36,453
Leslie, look what Wreston
commissioned
191
00:07:36,488 --> 00:07:38,021
from the balloon artisan.
192
00:07:38,039 --> 00:07:39,523
It's us.
193
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:46,431
Great work, team.
194
00:07:46,679 --> 00:07:49,431
Donna, you and your work
are ravishing, as usual.
195
00:07:49,465 --> 00:07:52,000
Ann, great organizational
skills.
196
00:07:52,018 --> 00:07:54,002
Wow. Genuine praise.
197
00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:56,771
It's a tip I picked up from
Lee Iacocca's autobiography.
198
00:07:56,806 --> 00:07:58,640
A small connection between
you and your workers
199
00:07:58,674 --> 00:07:59,674
helps build loyalty.
200
00:07:59,692 --> 00:08:02,193
Jerry!
How's the old ticker?
201
00:08:02,228 --> 00:08:04,279
Oh. Well, uh,
the rehab is grueling--
202
00:08:04,313 --> 00:08:06,031
Great!
Glad to hear it.
203
00:08:06,065 --> 00:08:08,066
Yo, Roomba, drop a beat!
204
00:08:08,117 --> 00:08:09,851
♪ Hi ho, hi ho
205
00:08:09,869 --> 00:08:12,020
Rent-A-Swag
is gonna be the opposite
206
00:08:12,038 --> 00:08:13,354
of Entertainment720.
207
00:08:13,372 --> 00:08:15,290
This is my last chance.
208
00:08:15,324 --> 00:08:17,208
If this goes down in flames,
I will have nothing
209
00:08:17,243 --> 00:08:18,526
except my looks.
210
00:08:18,544 --> 00:08:21,546
I could always pimp myself out
to hot older ladies.
211
00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:23,031
I need to remember that.
212
00:08:23,365 --> 00:08:24,899
May, 1817.
213
00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:27,302
A scrappy group
of frontiersmen and women
214
00:08:27,336 --> 00:08:29,287
arrive at a hardscrabble
chunk of land
215
00:08:29,305 --> 00:08:31,807
and call it Pawnee,
Indiana.
216
00:08:31,841 --> 00:08:33,308
We owe them
a debt of gratitude.
217
00:08:33,342 --> 00:08:36,344
Mm. June, 1817,
the richest among them
218
00:08:36,579 --> 00:08:37,979
take all of their money
from the bank
219
00:08:38,014 --> 00:08:39,848
and then flee up the hill
like cowards
220
00:08:39,899 --> 00:08:41,400
to form Eagleton.
221
00:08:41,434 --> 00:08:45,821
Recognize any of your ancestors
among the meanies?
222
00:08:45,855 --> 00:08:48,023
Actually, like most people
from the area,
223
00:08:48,074 --> 00:08:49,741
I have ancestors
on both sides.
224
00:08:49,776 --> 00:08:52,661
That's why I think this rivalry
is just a little silly
225
00:08:52,695 --> 00:08:55,030
- and self-defeating.
- Yeah, you may not know this,
226
00:08:55,081 --> 00:08:57,332
but Leslie was actually
born in Eagleton.
227
00:08:57,366 --> 00:09:00,118
Do not blame me
for the sins of my mother.
228
00:09:00,152 --> 00:09:03,088
Look, Ms. Knope,
I'm really trying here,
229
00:09:03,122 --> 00:09:05,457
but I just don't know
if our working together
230
00:09:05,491 --> 00:09:07,325
is such a great idea.
231
00:09:07,343 --> 00:09:09,094
Oh... running away so soon.
Typical.
232
00:09:09,128 --> 00:09:11,263
You know, say what you want
about Pawneeans,
233
00:09:11,297 --> 00:09:12,664
but we never give up.
234
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:15,684
We have a mural called
"The Many Surrenders of Pawnee."
235
00:09:15,718 --> 00:09:17,436
Oh, look who's paying
attention to me now!
236
00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:19,805
Okay. Can I speak to you
privately for a minute?
237
00:09:21,557 --> 00:09:23,391
The name is special agent
Bert Macklin.
238
00:09:23,443 --> 00:09:25,227
Tell me who you are,
who you work for,
239
00:09:25,278 --> 00:09:26,728
and don't bother trying
to lie to me,
240
00:09:26,779 --> 00:09:27,946
because I'm amazing.
241
00:09:27,980 --> 00:09:29,614
[Accent]
My name is Judy Hitler,
242
00:09:29,649 --> 00:09:31,983
and I am the spoiled
only daughter of Adolf.
243
00:09:32,517 --> 00:09:33,902
And I'm going to tell my Daddy
244
00:09:33,953 --> 00:09:36,154
you were mean to me,
Bert Macklin.
245
00:09:36,188 --> 00:09:37,856
He's not going to
like it very much.
246
00:09:37,874 --> 00:09:40,459
- So untie me!
- Nice try, Miss Hitler,
247
00:09:40,493 --> 00:09:42,410
but you have something
that I want.
248
00:09:42,462 --> 00:09:44,713
Where's the necklace with
all of Germany's war secrets?
249
00:09:44,747 --> 00:09:46,631
I don't know what
you are talking about.
250
00:09:46,666 --> 00:09:48,550
- I think you do!
- I don't!
251
00:09:48,584 --> 00:09:50,702
[Thud]
252
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,921
Now, you give me
that war-ending necklace,
253
00:09:52,972 --> 00:09:54,639
or I will resort to torture.
254
00:09:54,674 --> 00:09:57,893
Fine. I will show you
where it is, damn it.
255
00:09:58,627 --> 00:09:59,978
You're too good, Macklin.
256
00:10:00,512 --> 00:10:01,563
Don't you do it, Hitler.
257
00:10:01,597 --> 00:10:03,732
Don't you dare
fall in love with me.
258
00:10:05,951 --> 00:10:08,103
Oh, Hitler, you sexy bastard.
No!
259
00:10:08,154 --> 00:10:11,406
- Yes!
- Mm...Mm!
260
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,893
Aah!
261
00:10:14,911 --> 00:10:17,829
I am just filled
to the brim with questions.
262
00:10:17,864 --> 00:10:19,197
Why are you using
this wood?
263
00:10:19,231 --> 00:10:21,666
Is it more pliable?
What are these metal latches?
264
00:10:21,701 --> 00:10:23,952
Are they copper or brass?
Is one better?
265
00:10:24,003 --> 00:10:25,837
And if so, why?
266
00:10:25,872 --> 00:10:28,623
If I tell you, then you won't
have learned anything.
267
00:10:28,674 --> 00:10:30,008
[Laughs]
268
00:10:30,042 --> 00:10:32,076
Another in a long line
of lessons
269
00:10:32,094 --> 00:10:34,346
from the great Ron Swanson.
270
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,047
My therapist,
Dr. Richard Nygard,
271
00:10:36,081 --> 00:10:40,051
suggested that I try some
non-exercise-based hobbies.
272
00:10:40,085 --> 00:10:42,220
So I've been studying
woodworking with Ron.
273
00:10:43,454 --> 00:10:44,906
I made this.
274
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,259
Before I started,
it was bigger.
275
00:10:48,277 --> 00:10:51,613
Here. I have designed
something very important.
276
00:10:51,647 --> 00:10:53,565
Why don't you start work
on that right away?
277
00:10:53,599 --> 00:10:54,900
Yes, sir!
278
00:10:54,934 --> 00:10:59,103
It's a flight of stairs
that leads to nowhere.
279
00:10:59,121 --> 00:11:00,322
Were you listening to him
280
00:11:00,373 --> 00:11:02,290
when he was talking about
serving the public
281
00:11:02,325 --> 00:11:04,275
and making our communities
better?
282
00:11:04,293 --> 00:11:06,161
You know who
he sounds like, right?
283
00:11:06,212 --> 00:11:07,329
Yes. Idi Amin.
284
00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:09,381
- Or Lord Voldemort.
- No. You.
285
00:11:09,415 --> 00:11:11,115
Now, you've been
very rude to him,
286
00:11:11,133 --> 00:11:13,251
and you need to apologize.
287
00:11:13,285 --> 00:11:15,170
Ha ha ha.
You are a laugh riot, Ben.
288
00:11:15,221 --> 00:11:17,589
I am never going to apologize
to someone from Eagleton.
289
00:11:17,623 --> 00:11:19,090
All right.
So you can kiss your park
290
00:11:19,124 --> 00:11:20,725
and four years of work
good-bye.
291
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:21,760
Up to you.
292
00:11:22,794 --> 00:11:24,095
Come on. You can do it.
293
00:11:24,129 --> 00:11:25,597
- I don't want to.
- You can--
294
00:11:25,931 --> 00:11:27,567
You can do it.
295
00:11:28,601 --> 00:11:30,101
Mr. St. James,
296
00:11:30,135 --> 00:11:32,153
this has been a strange day.
297
00:11:32,188 --> 00:11:33,471
But we wouldn't
want to leave you
298
00:11:33,489 --> 00:11:34,773
with the wrong impression
of Pawnee.
299
00:11:35,307 --> 00:11:37,442
Have you guys seen Hitler?
300
00:11:40,496 --> 00:11:42,647
Anyway, we would love
301
00:11:42,665 --> 00:11:44,916
to have you design the park,
302
00:11:44,951 --> 00:11:46,501
and in the spirit
of reconciliation,
303
00:11:46,535 --> 00:11:48,787
Leslie would like to
apologize.
304
00:11:48,821 --> 00:11:50,788
I may have allowed
my prejudices,
305
00:11:50,822 --> 00:11:54,659
my totally legitimate
prejudices against Eagleton
306
00:11:54,677 --> 00:11:57,262
affect my feelings towards your
involvement in this project,
307
00:11:57,296 --> 00:11:58,513
and so therefore,
308
00:11:58,547 --> 00:12:00,433
I would like to say that I'm--
309
00:12:01,467 --> 00:12:03,518
I'm...
310
00:12:04,352 --> 00:12:05,937
I'm Leslie Knope.
311
00:12:05,972 --> 00:12:06,522
[Laughs]
312
00:12:06,972 --> 00:12:07,922
No.
313
00:12:07,956 --> 00:12:09,307
That's not what
I want to say. Okay.
314
00:12:09,341 --> 00:12:10,308
[Slapping face]
315
00:12:10,342 --> 00:12:12,176
I'm...
316
00:12:12,194 --> 00:12:14,479
Sss...
317
00:12:14,513 --> 00:12:16,648
My mouth is kinda dry.
318
00:12:17,182 --> 00:12:19,017
My mouth is dry.
This is Canada Dry.
319
00:12:19,035 --> 00:12:21,453
Drink Canada Dry
if your mouth is dry.
320
00:12:21,487 --> 00:12:24,122
That's nothing.
What I want to say is
321
00:12:24,156 --> 00:12:25,907
I'm s...
322
00:12:25,958 --> 00:12:27,492
I'm sor...
323
00:12:27,526 --> 00:12:28,860
I'm sor--
324
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,862
He's a human being.
You're a human being.
325
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,530
You can just--
just say--
326
00:12:32,548 --> 00:12:34,198
I'm sor--
327
00:12:34,216 --> 00:12:35,667
- Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry.
328
00:12:35,701 --> 00:12:36,968
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
329
00:12:37,003 --> 00:12:39,004
I'm sorry that I--
I'm sorry, very sorry,
330
00:12:39,638 --> 00:12:40,722
that I was rude.
331
00:12:42,341 --> 00:12:43,842
- It's too soon.
- You know what,
332
00:12:43,876 --> 00:12:46,177
as a gesture of good will,
I'd like to waive my fee.
333
00:12:46,211 --> 00:12:47,896
I'll design the park
pro bono.
334
00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:49,597
Thank you.
335
00:12:49,649 --> 00:12:51,382
That's very nice of you.
I've been working up
336
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,985
a little model of the design.
Why don't I bring it over,
337
00:12:54,019 --> 00:12:55,353
and we can all
go through it together.
338
00:12:55,387 --> 00:12:57,322
Great. And then you can
come to our wedding.
339
00:12:57,356 --> 00:12:58,723
- Huh?
- What?
340
00:12:58,741 --> 00:13:00,058
It's in May, and we haven't
planned it yet,
341
00:13:00,076 --> 00:13:01,527
but save the date.
342
00:13:03,663 --> 00:13:05,230
[Accent]
I was never here.
343
00:13:06,748 --> 00:13:09,067
- Ah!
- Aah!
344
00:13:11,086 --> 00:13:12,037
Well done, team.
345
00:13:12,971 --> 00:13:13,905
What do you think
of the place?
346
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:16,207
Do you really like
this yellow paint?
347
00:13:16,241 --> 00:13:17,342
I mean,
I know it was on sale,
348
00:13:17,376 --> 00:13:19,243
but it looks a lot
like dried phlegm.
349
00:13:19,261 --> 00:13:21,012
For real, Tom.
This place is sad.
350
00:13:21,047 --> 00:13:24,182
I think one of the mannequins
tried to commit suicide.
351
00:13:24,216 --> 00:13:25,600
I think what's important
is we all had a goal,
352
00:13:25,634 --> 00:13:27,052
and we achieved it.
353
00:13:27,086 --> 00:13:29,971
- So you like the place?
- Oh, no, it's quite terrible.
354
00:13:30,022 --> 00:13:31,523
This is the best
I can do for now.
355
00:13:31,557 --> 00:13:33,858
And I'm $46 under budget.
356
00:13:33,893 --> 00:13:35,477
Now I have a small treat
for you guys
357
00:13:35,528 --> 00:13:36,811
for all your hard work.
358
00:13:36,862 --> 00:13:39,230
Pizza party!
359
00:13:39,264 --> 00:13:41,282
One small pizza
for all of us.
360
00:13:41,317 --> 00:13:42,701
With no toppings.
361
00:13:42,735 --> 00:13:44,152
Cheese is a topping, Jerry.
362
00:13:44,703 --> 00:13:46,604
And why are these lights
blaring, by the way?
363
00:13:46,622 --> 00:13:49,207
Does someone here own stock
in the electric company?
364
00:13:51,876 --> 00:13:54,079
If there were more food
and fewer people,
365
00:13:54,113 --> 00:13:56,214
this would be a perfect party.
366
00:13:56,248 --> 00:13:57,882
- [Laughing]
- You can't run, Hitler.
367
00:13:57,917 --> 00:13:59,834
82nd airborne
is everywhere!
368
00:14:00,685 --> 00:14:01,586
History channel.
369
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:03,321
Ho ho ho!
370
00:14:03,455 --> 00:14:04,288
What is this?
371
00:14:04,306 --> 00:14:07,392
A child spy,
sent to steal the necklace?
372
00:14:07,426 --> 00:14:09,761
Bert Macklin, FBI!
Freeze!
373
00:14:09,795 --> 00:14:11,596
I didn't do anything!
374
00:14:11,630 --> 00:14:13,515
- Yeah, bad call, Bert.
- Oh.
375
00:14:13,566 --> 00:14:15,066
Oh, hey, I'm just kidding,
buddy.
376
00:14:15,101 --> 00:14:17,602
I'm just playing around.
My name's really Andy Dwyer.
377
00:14:17,636 --> 00:14:18,436
I'm a security guard.
378
00:14:18,470 --> 00:14:20,355
- What's your name?
- Joey.
379
00:14:20,406 --> 00:14:23,141
I was with my mom,
and I got lost.
380
00:14:23,159 --> 00:14:24,526
Oh. Well, gosh,
don't worry about that.
381
00:14:24,577 --> 00:14:26,778
I've gotten lost here
about 500 times,
382
00:14:26,812 --> 00:14:28,196
and I work here.
383
00:14:28,247 --> 00:14:30,165
What do you say we go
find your mom, huh?
384
00:14:33,101 --> 00:14:34,702
She's not in there. I'll bet.
385
00:14:34,754 --> 00:14:36,538
Let's try this way.
386
00:14:36,589 --> 00:14:37,789
Hello?
387
00:14:37,823 --> 00:14:39,824
Ms. Knope, Mr. Wyatt?
388
00:14:39,842 --> 00:14:41,459
We're from
Wreston St. James' firm.
389
00:14:41,493 --> 00:14:42,877
Oh, hey, come on in.
390
00:14:42,928 --> 00:14:44,262
Where's Wreston?
391
00:14:44,296 --> 00:14:45,964
He's on his way.
He wanted us to get started.
392
00:14:45,998 --> 00:14:49,300
Aw! Oh, well.
Okay, I guess go ahead.
393
00:14:49,334 --> 00:14:52,336
We present
the Crown Jewel of Pawnee
394
00:14:53,054 --> 00:14:56,808
containing the sights, sounds,
and most importantly,
395
00:14:56,842 --> 00:14:58,943
smells that define your city.
396
00:14:58,978 --> 00:15:00,228
There are several
drool buckets
397
00:15:00,279 --> 00:15:02,063
for your more...
slack-jawed citizens.
398
00:15:02,114 --> 00:15:04,616
We also have food troughs
full of cheeseburgers
399
00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:06,484
and public showers
400
00:15:06,518 --> 00:15:09,654
with instructions for those
who've never showered before.
401
00:15:09,688 --> 00:15:11,689
You have five seconds
to get out of here...
402
00:15:12,207 --> 00:15:14,358
Or I will rip your throats out.
403
00:15:14,376 --> 00:15:16,244
Out.
Now.
404
00:15:16,295 --> 00:15:20,198
Oh, hey, my backyard
is bigger than your park.
405
00:15:20,216 --> 00:15:22,366
[Both laughing]
Leslie, stay back, stay back.
406
00:15:27,341 --> 00:15:30,528
I told you that Eagletonians
are awful, terrible people.
407
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,280
They call their boogers
Pawnee caviar.
408
00:15:33,331 --> 00:15:34,532
I'm on your side,
409
00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,433
and I'm furious too.
410
00:15:36,451 --> 00:15:38,586
But this just doesn't
make sense to me.
411
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:40,103
I'm gonna talk to Wreston,
412
00:15:40,121 --> 00:15:41,689
and I'm gonna get
to the bottom of this.
413
00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:42,990
Any excuse
to talk to Wreston.
414
00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:45,042
Well, I am gonna think
about a revenge plan.
415
00:15:45,076 --> 00:15:46,210
I know what we're gonna do.
416
00:15:46,244 --> 00:15:47,328
We're gonna find out
where he lives.
417
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:48,712
We're gonna drive
to his house.
418
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,280
We're gonna set it on fire
and watch it burn.
419
00:15:50,298 --> 00:15:51,615
Leslie, we can't do that.
420
00:15:51,633 --> 00:15:54,969
You're right.
We can't.
421
00:15:56,387 --> 00:15:58,538
All right, so...
422
00:15:58,556 --> 00:16:00,373
Does this look familiar?
423
00:16:00,391 --> 00:16:02,876
- No, not at all.
- I was talking to Joey.
424
00:16:02,894 --> 00:16:04,228
- Joey!
- Mommy!
425
00:16:04,262 --> 00:16:05,345
There you are.
426
00:16:05,379 --> 00:16:07,765
Oh, God, I was so worried.
427
00:16:07,816 --> 00:16:09,316
Thank you so much.
428
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:10,934
You'll never know how much
I appreciate it.
429
00:16:10,985 --> 00:16:13,720
Well, just doing
my job, ma'am.
430
00:16:13,738 --> 00:16:15,272
Thank you for saving me, Andy.
431
00:16:15,323 --> 00:16:17,407
Thank you, too, miss Hitler.
432
00:16:17,442 --> 00:16:19,159
- What?
- Don't worry about it.
433
00:16:19,594 --> 00:16:22,112
Wow. You made those losers
very happy.
434
00:16:22,163 --> 00:16:23,730
Oh, no, I didn't.
435
00:16:23,748 --> 00:16:25,398
- Bert Macklin did.
- No...
436
00:16:25,416 --> 00:16:26,834
- FBI.
- Actually,
437
00:16:26,868 --> 00:16:29,670
Bert Macklin kinda made
that little boy cry.
438
00:16:29,704 --> 00:16:32,906
Well, he's a rogue agent who
refuses to play by the rules.
439
00:16:32,924 --> 00:16:35,342
Seriously, I think Andy Dwyer
makes a better real cop
440
00:16:35,376 --> 00:16:37,544
than Bert Macklin.
Maybe it's time for Bert Macklin
441
00:16:37,578 --> 00:16:39,298
to hang up his shades.
442
00:16:42,183 --> 00:16:43,934
Can I get you something
to drink?
443
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:46,053
Iced tea, please.
And can I ask you,
444
00:16:46,104 --> 00:16:48,138
how are there palm trees
here?
445
00:16:48,172 --> 00:16:49,773
Well, Eagleton lies
on top of a hot spring
446
00:16:49,808 --> 00:16:52,059
which creates
a micro-climate zone.
447
00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:54,612
We are...[Chuckles]
truly blessed.
448
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,181
God, I'm so sorry
I'm late.
449
00:16:58,199 --> 00:16:59,817
What the hell happened,
man?
450
00:16:59,851 --> 00:17:02,352
I had nothing to do
with that stupid prank.
451
00:17:02,370 --> 00:17:03,787
In fact,
that's why I'm late.
452
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,372
I was firing the two people
who were responsible,
453
00:17:05,407 --> 00:17:06,991
and I was escorting them
out of the building.
454
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:08,492
Well...Good!
455
00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:10,244
Full disclosure:
Certain people in the firm
456
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:13,163
wanted to promote them,
but I insisted they be fired.
457
00:17:13,197 --> 00:17:15,198
If you swear to me
that you're serious,
458
00:17:15,216 --> 00:17:16,667
maybe we can salvage this.
459
00:17:16,701 --> 00:17:20,203
I would really love to.
But what about Leslie?
460
00:17:20,221 --> 00:17:21,872
I just doubt
that she can ever get over
461
00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:23,257
the bad blood
between our towns.
462
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:24,508
I think you're wrong.
463
00:17:24,542 --> 00:17:26,477
Leslie
is a very forgiving person.
464
00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:28,045
Revenge!
Ha ha hal
465
00:17:28,063 --> 00:17:31,599
This is for Pawnee,
you butt-faced pompous jerk!
466
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,383
Whoo!
467
00:17:33,401 --> 00:17:34,568
I love you, Ben.
468
00:17:34,603 --> 00:17:35,986
Pawnee forever!
469
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:38,856
You want a stupid tie?
I'll give you a stupid tie.
470
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,609
Ha ha!
Wreston, suck it.
471
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:43,360
- Now we're even.
- Leslie.
472
00:17:43,394 --> 00:17:45,079
- Huh?
- He didn't do it,
473
00:17:45,113 --> 00:17:46,914
and he fired the people
who did.
474
00:17:50,835 --> 00:17:52,036
[Cans clatter on ground]
475
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:53,621
[Running footsteps]
476
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,906
Attention, please.
477
00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:57,458
I've been going over
the books,
478
00:17:57,509 --> 00:18:00,010
and I'm missing $9.
479
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:02,245
Now, I'm not angry
at whoever took it.
480
00:18:02,263 --> 00:18:03,464
Just come forward.
481
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:05,182
You'll be served
with a lawsuit,
482
00:18:05,216 --> 00:18:07,417
and we will move on
with our lives.
483
00:18:07,435 --> 00:18:10,420
Hey, buddy, let's go get
some breakfast, okay?
484
00:18:10,438 --> 00:18:12,356
Fine. It was your idea,
so you're paying.
485
00:18:12,390 --> 00:18:14,257
You're driving.
I'm not chipping in for gas.
486
00:18:14,275 --> 00:18:15,310
Okay. All right.
487
00:18:16,861 --> 00:18:18,395
I'll have
the pancake breakfast.
488
00:18:18,429 --> 00:18:20,614
Oh, let me also get
12 eggs, uncooked,
489
00:18:20,648 --> 00:18:22,315
and some toast.
490
00:18:22,366 --> 00:18:24,768
20 slices, untoasted,
in a row in a bag.
491
00:18:24,786 --> 00:18:26,904
You want a carton of eggs
and a loaf of bread.
492
00:18:26,938 --> 00:18:28,939
Yeah, just the pancake
breakfast is fine.
493
00:18:29,357 --> 00:18:31,575
Don't offer to pay
if you're gonna be cheap.
494
00:18:31,609 --> 00:18:33,827
Listen, man, I know you don't
want to repeat the mistakes
495
00:18:33,878 --> 00:18:35,496
of Entertainment 720,
and that's great,
496
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:37,548
but you're gonna need
a little bit of the old Tom
497
00:18:37,582 --> 00:18:38,832
to make this business work.
498
00:18:38,883 --> 00:18:40,918
No. That Tom ruined
everything.
499
00:18:40,952 --> 00:18:42,252
Yes, he did,
500
00:18:42,286 --> 00:18:45,139
and that Tom made you
a horrible boyfriend
501
00:18:45,173 --> 00:18:47,958
and a terrible employee
and drove you to bankruptcy.
502
00:18:47,976 --> 00:18:49,727
Are we nearing the point?
503
00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:51,395
But your swagger
and your showmanship
504
00:18:51,429 --> 00:18:53,063
and your confidence
is part of you,
505
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:54,765
and in small doses,
it can help.
506
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:56,934
You can't have Rent-A-Swag
without the swag.
507
00:18:56,968 --> 00:19:00,237
I barely have enough cash
to get everything set up.
508
00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:01,689
I know.
Take this.
509
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:04,975
We all chipped in.
Use it to spruce up the store.
510
00:19:04,993 --> 00:19:06,360
And in return you can give us
511
00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:08,078
like one share of stock
in the company.
512
00:19:08,613 --> 00:19:10,814
Like a mini public offering.
513
00:19:11,082 --> 00:19:12,983
"Smort", Ann.
Smort.
514
00:19:13,001 --> 00:19:14,251
This is a cause
for celebration.
515
00:19:14,525 --> 00:19:17,504
Waiter! Eight strips
of bacon, uncooked,
516
00:19:17,505 --> 00:19:19,340
in a sealed package.
517
00:19:20,591 --> 00:19:22,710
I call it
the Pawnee Commons,
518
00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:24,712
a celebration of Pawnee's
history and people.
519
00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:27,347
A Wamapoke-themed
playground...
520
00:19:27,382 --> 00:19:29,783
Food trucks
from local restaurants,
521
00:19:29,818 --> 00:19:31,452
Li'l Sebastian fountain.
522
00:19:31,486 --> 00:19:33,520
- I mean, it's perfect.
- Thank you.
523
00:19:33,555 --> 00:19:34,988
I can't see myself
fighting you
524
00:19:35,023 --> 00:19:37,307
on more than
60% of these ideas.
525
00:19:37,341 --> 00:19:39,560
I'd expect no less.
I'm just glad you like it.
526
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:40,611
I've never met two people
527
00:19:40,645 --> 00:19:42,780
more passionate
about their hometown.
528
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:44,565
Oh, I'm actually from
Minnesota.
529
00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:46,233
Why do you know so much
about Pawnee?
530
00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:49,186
Well, I'm in love
with a woman from here.
531
00:19:49,204 --> 00:19:52,489
A strange, passionate,
goof ball of a woman.
532
00:19:52,523 --> 00:19:53,559
[Giggles]
533
00:19:53,623 --> 00:19:55,159
Me. He's in love with me.
534
00:19:58,996 --> 00:20:00,697
I'm sorry to see you go,
Macklin.
535
00:20:00,715 --> 00:20:03,217
You didn't always
play by the rules,
536
00:20:03,251 --> 00:20:05,469
but damn it,
you were a hell of an agent.
537
00:20:05,503 --> 00:20:08,005
Today I say good-bye to
the only life I've ever known.
538
00:20:08,339 --> 00:20:10,507
Well, some of the boys
chipped in
539
00:20:10,541 --> 00:20:12,077
and we got you...
540
00:20:12,641 --> 00:20:13,877
This.
541
00:20:14,395 --> 00:20:17,431
It isn't much, but it's
something to remember us by.
542
00:20:19,567 --> 00:20:23,353
40 years undercover.
I never even met my family.
543
00:20:23,387 --> 00:20:25,272
- What?
- And this is all I have
544
00:20:25,323 --> 00:20:27,524
to show for it?
545
00:20:28,058 --> 00:20:29,193
Totally worth it.
546
00:20:30,227 --> 00:20:32,112
It's been a pleasure
serving with you, son.
547
00:20:32,163 --> 00:20:34,031
If you ever need me,
you know where to find me--
548
00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:36,667
In bed next to you,
probably having sex with you.
549
00:20:38,919 --> 00:20:40,120
[Triggers cock]
550
00:20:40,171 --> 00:20:41,121
[21 gun salute]
551
00:20:41,172 --> 00:20:42,756
[Shell casings clatter]
552
00:20:42,791 --> 00:20:45,075
[Gunshots, casings clattering]
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
553
00:20:45,076 --> 00:20:47,028
[Gunshots, clattering]
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
554
00:20:47,029 --> 00:20:51,498
Welcome to the new
new Rent-A-Swag
555
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:53,616
now with 30% more swag.
556
00:20:53,618 --> 00:20:55,452
I used the money
you guys gave me
557
00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:56,953
to add a little flair,
558
00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:58,688
and I took everything
I own in my house
559
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,123
and brought it here,
except for my bed.
560
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:01,291
I basically live here now.
561
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:02,692
I hate all of this,
562
00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:04,962
which probably means
it's good for your business.
563
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:09,032
Ron, my woodworking project--
it's for displaying shoes!
564
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:11,668
Yes. That was always
the plan.
565
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:12,837
All right,
Rent-A-Swag team,
566
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,806
I have one more little
surprise for you--pizza party!
567
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:17,224
- Part Two.
- Oh, wow!
568
00:21:17,226 --> 00:21:20,060
Two pizzas.
And toppings!
569
00:21:20,062 --> 00:21:22,777
Only on half.
I'm not Zuckerberg.
570
00:21:22,778 --> 00:21:23,777
Eat up, chumps.