1
00:00:03,019 --> 00:00:06,125
Yesterday Angela may or
may not have figured out

2
00:00:06,277 --> 00:00:08,877
that I'm having an
affair with her husband.

3
00:00:09,011 --> 00:00:10,790
So I just have to wait and see.

4
00:00:10,824 --> 00:00:13,009
When she comes in,
if she's cold

5
00:00:13,044 --> 00:00:15,428
and awkward and cruel to me,
then great,

6
00:00:15,463 --> 00:00:17,797
it's business as usual.

7
00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:23,803
Good morning.

8
00:00:28,643 --> 00:00:32,378
Oscar...

9
00:00:34,548 --> 00:00:35,849
Can I ask you a question?

10
00:00:35,883 --> 00:00:39,269
Of course, ask me a que--

11
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,354
questions.

12
00:00:41,388 --> 00:00:43,773
Is it cool in here to you?

13
00:00:46,994 --> 00:00:48,662
Yes, a little bit.

14
00:00:48,696 --> 00:00:49,863
Yes.

15
00:00:49,897 --> 00:00:51,731
I think the thermostat
is acting up again.

16
00:00:51,749 --> 00:00:55,001
It's the stupid thermostat!
That thing's a catastrophe.

17
00:00:55,036 --> 00:00:58,038
So I'm gonna, um,
on your suggestion,

18
00:00:58,072 --> 00:00:59,072
get someone to fix it.

19
00:00:59,090 --> 00:01:00,674
I'll just go downstairs.

20
00:01:00,708 --> 00:01:02,959
- Thank you.
- No, thank you, Angela.

21
00:01:03,010 --> 00:01:05,095
She doesn't know.

22
00:01:05,129 --> 00:01:06,930
I shouldn't be surprised.

23
00:01:06,964 --> 00:01:08,581
This is a woman
who married a man

24
00:01:08,599 --> 00:01:10,416
who is obviously a homosexual.

25
00:01:10,434 --> 00:01:13,219
Basically, she has her head
in the sand.

26
00:01:13,253 --> 00:01:16,022
In a way, I feel sorry for her.

27
00:01:16,057 --> 00:01:19,859
I guess the universe rewards
true love.

28
00:01:30,322 --> 00:01:32,248
Well, well, well,
it's finally happened--

29
00:01:32,269 --> 00:01:34,103
Pam has ceased caring.

30
00:01:36,156 --> 00:01:38,375
These are my painting clothes.

31
00:01:38,452 --> 00:01:39,385
I think I'm gonna do it.

32
00:01:39,423 --> 00:01:41,108
I am really gonna
start painting

33
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:42,643
the warehouse mural today.

34
00:01:42,694 --> 00:01:43,861
Sure you don't want
to put another coat

35
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,262
of primer on that, Pam?

36
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:46,647
Queen of the primer, that one.

37
00:01:46,698 --> 00:01:48,932
You got this, Beesley.

38
00:01:48,950 --> 00:01:50,200
Actually, do you want me
to come down

39
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,535
and help you get started?

40
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:52,769
Are you avoiding
your phone call?

41
00:01:52,787 --> 00:01:54,771
What? No.
Yeah, right.

42
00:01:54,789 --> 00:01:56,540
As if.

43
00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,242
Today, I will be
asking David Wallace

44
00:01:58,276 --> 00:01:59,710
if I can start working
part-time,

45
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,778
because the sports marketing
company that I started

46
00:02:01,796 --> 00:02:03,664
really needs me to be there.

47
00:02:03,715 --> 00:02:05,632
Last week, Jim wasn't there,

48
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,585
and they named the company
<i>Athlead.</i>

49
00:02:08,619 --> 00:02:10,453
I could have prevented that.

50
00:02:10,471 --> 00:02:12,439
So I have to talk to Wallace.

51
00:02:12,473 --> 00:02:14,725
Tell them your opening line.

52
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,144
Hey, David, how would you like
a guy who's not here as much,

53
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:18,729
gets paid the same amount
of salary,

54
00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:22,465
and has bigger fish to fry
in Philadelphia?

55
00:02:22,483 --> 00:02:24,851
I think it's good.
He likes fishing.

56
00:02:24,903 --> 00:02:27,304
This is gonna be awful.

57
00:02:27,338 --> 00:02:30,657
One of my jobs is to input
customer complaints

58
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,242
into the computer.

59
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:35,162
And when they're in,
I fill out one of these cards.

60
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:38,715
But the information's
already on the computer, so...

61
00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:40,617
why am I filling out the card?

62
00:02:40,651 --> 00:02:45,122
I asked Andy, and he told me
to "chillax,"

63
00:02:45,156 --> 00:02:47,591
and then went away
on a big long boat ride.

64
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,543
So here we are.

65
00:02:49,594 --> 00:02:51,328
Don't give me
a pointless office chore,

66
00:02:51,346 --> 00:02:54,965
because I will build
a little paper house.

67
00:02:54,999 --> 00:02:57,768
Fight the power.

68
00:03:02,173 --> 00:03:04,641
Meet me in the old place,
five minutes.

69
00:03:04,675 --> 00:03:08,145
I need you.

70
00:03:15,787 --> 00:03:16,820
Ugh.

71
00:03:16,854 --> 00:03:18,121
Come on in, the water's fine.

72
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,540
Dwight, it's not
that kind of meeting.

73
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:21,908
Put your clothes back on.

74
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:23,660
I know.

75
00:03:23,694 --> 00:03:25,829
That's not why I'm naked.

76
00:03:25,863 --> 00:03:27,864
I always work out
without my clothes.

77
00:03:27,882 --> 00:03:31,335
Just put them on!
Put on your clothes.

78
00:03:31,369 --> 00:03:32,819
I need your help.

79
00:03:32,854 --> 00:03:34,671
I need someone who can operate
outside of the law.

80
00:03:34,705 --> 00:03:37,007
- Ugh.
- Oh, I'm sorry,

81
00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,760
your vigilante privileges ended
when you broke up with me.

82
00:03:39,811 --> 00:03:42,429
If I'm not in your panties,
I don't go vigilantes.

83
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:43,930
Why don't you ask your husband?

84
00:03:43,982 --> 00:03:46,099
My marriage is in danger.

85
00:03:46,150 --> 00:03:48,485
I don't know who I can trust.

86
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,854
I need someone
to be there for me.

87
00:03:50,888 --> 00:03:53,774
All right, what are we talking?

88
00:03:53,825 --> 00:03:55,892
- Surveillance, wire-tapping?
- Something like that.

89
00:03:55,910 --> 00:03:58,161
Yeah, the less I know,
the better.

90
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,663
I know just the guy.

91
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,948
He was a volunteer sheriff too.
Kicked off the force.

92
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,619
- Can you arrange a meeting?
- I can try.

93
00:04:05,670 --> 00:04:10,257
- I'm gonna use SMS text.
- Okay.

94
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,459
- Text went through.
- Okay.

95
00:04:12,510 --> 00:04:13,810
All we can do is sit and wait.

96
00:04:13,845 --> 00:04:15,145
Okay.

97
00:04:15,179 --> 00:04:17,214
Oh.
Look at that.

98
00:04:17,248 --> 00:04:22,085
Yeah, he's free anytime.
Not a problem.

99
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,121
I mean, I can handle
any client issues from Philly.

100
00:04:24,155 --> 00:04:26,723
Yeah, but I really need
someone in the office.

101
00:04:26,758 --> 00:04:29,493
If there's a crisis--
the more I think about it--

102
00:04:29,527 --> 00:04:31,194
Oh, you mean handle it
in person.

103
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:34,664
Oh, well, Phyllis and Stanley
have agreed to cover for me

104
00:04:34,699 --> 00:04:36,666
- while I'm gone.
- They did?

105
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:38,535
Yep.

106
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:40,003
Oh, okay.
Well, that is different.

107
00:04:40,038 --> 00:04:42,439
In that case, yes--
maybe this can work.

108
00:04:42,473 --> 00:04:43,740
Oh, great.

109
00:04:43,775 --> 00:04:45,375
Why should we help you?

110
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:47,244
Because we're friends.

111
00:04:47,278 --> 00:04:48,612
When is my birthday?

112
00:04:48,646 --> 00:04:50,580
Unfair.
When's <i>my</i> birthday?

113
00:04:50,615 --> 00:04:52,616
I don't know,
because we're not friends.

114
00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:53,784
How about this--

115
00:04:53,818 --> 00:04:55,152
you let me take you to lunch,

116
00:04:55,186 --> 00:04:56,386
and I make my case?

117
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,221
- Now we're talkin'.
- All right.

118
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,457
Yeah.

119
00:05:02,326 --> 00:05:03,860
Make it go taller.

120
00:05:03,895 --> 00:05:05,695
That's the idea.

121
00:05:05,730 --> 00:05:09,900
No, not taller this way,
taller this way.

122
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,835
Well, I've gotta build
a wider base first

123
00:05:11,869 --> 00:05:13,403
before I can go higher.

124
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,238
You're not getting this, Peter.

125
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,442
Make it go wider... up!

126
00:05:18,476 --> 00:05:21,711
Will do.

127
00:05:21,746 --> 00:05:22,979
What are y'all doing?

128
00:05:23,014 --> 00:05:25,315
Me and Pete are
building a tower.

129
00:05:25,349 --> 00:05:27,818
Cool. It should be taller,
though, right?

130
00:05:27,852 --> 00:05:29,653
Obviously.

131
00:05:29,687 --> 00:05:32,122
He's a sweet kid, Darryl,

132
00:05:32,156 --> 00:05:36,593
but he's not the sharpest guy
in the drawer.

133
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:39,062
Kevin, I can hear you.

134
00:05:39,097 --> 00:05:40,997
Huh?

135
00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:45,469
Ow! Dwight! Ow!

136
00:05:45,503 --> 00:05:51,141
- Get in the van.
- God!

137
00:05:51,175 --> 00:05:52,476
Is it safe to talk?

138
00:05:52,510 --> 00:05:54,845
Well, this documentary crew
has been following

139
00:05:54,879 --> 00:05:56,446
our every move
for the past nine years,

140
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,616
but I don't see them
so I think we're good.

141
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:03,653
So what are your credentials?

142
00:06:03,688 --> 00:06:06,189
I started following people
around to get exercise.

143
00:06:06,224 --> 00:06:08,158
Turns out I'm damn good at it.

144
00:06:08,192 --> 00:06:10,427
Do you have a gun?

145
00:06:10,461 --> 00:06:13,196
Does he own a gun?
Show her.

146
00:06:13,231 --> 00:06:17,033
You tell me.

147
00:06:17,068 --> 00:06:18,602
What is this?

148
00:06:18,636 --> 00:06:21,371
It's the receipt for my gun.

149
00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:23,039
You don't carry it with you?

150
00:06:23,057 --> 00:06:24,307
Read the receipt.

151
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,644
That's a $300 gun.
Someone could steal it.

152
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:29,045
Do you have any idea
how many guns

153
00:06:29,063 --> 00:06:30,347
Trevor's had stolen from him?

154
00:06:30,381 --> 00:06:31,681
Now I keep it in a safe.

155
00:06:31,715 --> 00:06:34,884
- Mm-hmm. Good safe?
- Oh, you tell me.

156
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:39,055
Wow!

157
00:06:52,603 --> 00:06:53,820
I guess if I make a mistake,

158
00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:57,106
I can just paint over it
with a shrub or something.

159
00:06:57,124 --> 00:06:58,775
It's just I think less
of paintings

160
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,377
with a lot of shrubs.

161
00:07:00,411 --> 00:07:04,614
So I'm gonna limit myself
to one shrub.

162
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:05,949
You paint wall now?

163
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:09,569
Yeah.
Painting now.

164
00:07:09,604 --> 00:07:12,906
I just want
to make sure that...

165
00:07:12,940 --> 00:07:14,090
You paint now.

166
00:07:14,124 --> 00:07:16,126
It's probably gonna be
a few minutes.

167
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:20,897
So you can just go back to doing
whatever you were doing.

168
00:07:20,932 --> 00:07:22,399
I wait.

169
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:25,852
- Sweet.
- Yay!

170
00:07:27,104 --> 00:07:28,905
This next card comes to us

171
00:07:28,940 --> 00:07:30,857
thanks to Meredith Palmer,

172
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:32,475
who called Eastern
Pennsylvania Seminary

173
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:34,694
a, quote,
"sausage factory."

174
00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,646
Oh-ooooh!

175
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,481
- Boom!
- Bang!

176
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,834
- Yep, yep, yep.
- All right.

177
00:07:40,868 --> 00:07:43,920
Up next we got
a whole lotta creed.

178
00:07:43,955 --> 00:07:47,207
- Let's find out what I did.
- All right.

179
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,925
You get half now,
and you get half

180
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,827
upon completion of said job.

181
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,663
- And that's all off the books?
- Obviously.

182
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,799
Nice.
No taxes.

183
00:07:55,833 --> 00:07:58,184
Okay, so everything you need
to know about the target

184
00:07:58,219 --> 00:07:59,386
is in here.

185
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,438
So what's the job?

186
00:08:01,472 --> 00:08:04,057
Murder.

187
00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,860
Okay, that's the big one.
That's the big M.

188
00:08:07,884 --> 00:08:10,386
You can't have
someone murdered!

189
00:08:10,437 --> 00:08:11,854
What if they deserved it?

190
00:08:11,888 --> 00:08:12,938
What did they do to you,
Angela?

191
00:08:12,973 --> 00:08:15,007
They're sleeping
with my husband.

192
00:08:15,025 --> 00:08:18,060
Oh, monkey.
Oh, I feel for you.

193
00:08:18,111 --> 00:08:20,396
- This seems a little crazy.
- Yes. Crazy.

194
00:08:20,447 --> 00:08:22,181
- Thank you.
- But I think I'm up for it.

195
00:08:22,199 --> 00:08:23,482
- No! No!
- Thank you.

196
00:08:23,516 --> 00:08:25,151
Absolutely not. There are
a lot of different ways

197
00:08:25,185 --> 00:08:26,285
to get revenge.

198
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:27,570
I've had great success
by defecating

199
00:08:27,621 --> 00:08:28,854
in a paper bag,
put it on the porch--

200
00:08:28,872 --> 00:08:30,406
That's very effective.

201
00:08:30,457 --> 00:08:32,658
I've been on the receiving end
of that quite a few times.

202
00:08:32,692 --> 00:08:34,243
- It's devastating.
- No, no, no.

203
00:08:34,294 --> 00:08:36,996
It has to be physical.
I want this person to suffer.

204
00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:38,164
What about a knee-capping?

205
00:08:38,198 --> 00:08:39,632
No! You're not helping,
Trevor!

206
00:08:39,666 --> 00:08:42,418
Yes, a knee-capping
could work.

207
00:08:42,469 --> 00:08:45,371
No. Angela!
What are you saying?

208
00:08:45,389 --> 00:08:47,039
You said you would
be there for me.

209
00:08:47,057 --> 00:08:49,375
I'm trying,
but what you're asking is--

210
00:08:49,393 --> 00:08:52,544
It's the only thing
that will make this right.

211
00:08:52,562 --> 00:08:55,981
Okay.

212
00:08:56,016 --> 00:08:58,984
But it's cruel, because a woman
with damaged knees

213
00:08:59,019 --> 00:09:00,319
can't scrub worth a damn.

214
00:09:00,354 --> 00:09:02,938
All right, then it's settled.

215
00:09:02,989 --> 00:09:04,556
One knee-capping.

216
00:09:04,574 --> 00:09:06,776
Now, the hit goes down
at 4:00.

217
00:09:06,827 --> 00:09:09,895
Keep in mind, once I leave,
there's no turning back.

218
00:09:09,913 --> 00:09:12,531
You know, truth be told,

219
00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:14,283
I think all
you'll really be doing is

220
00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:16,202
accepting calls from my clients
while I'm gone.

221
00:09:16,236 --> 00:09:18,904
We've got all afternoon
to talk about that.

222
00:09:18,922 --> 00:09:21,841
- Morning, folks.
- I'll have the surf and turf

223
00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:23,575
with a side order of lobster.

224
00:09:23,593 --> 00:09:25,928
Actually, the surf and turf
does come with lob--

225
00:09:25,962 --> 00:09:27,880
Not enough lobster.
Side order.

226
00:09:27,914 --> 00:09:31,417
How much wine do you have?

227
00:09:31,435 --> 00:09:32,935
I brought you a cookie.

228
00:09:32,969 --> 00:09:35,604
Oh, thanks, Oscar.

229
00:09:35,639 --> 00:09:36,806
You're such an angel.

230
00:09:50,203 --> 00:09:52,938
I just gave her a cookie,
and she called me an angel,

231
00:09:52,956 --> 00:09:58,160
so... yeah, we're good. Yeah.

232
00:09:58,211 --> 00:10:00,446
We dodged a bullet, yes.
Okay.

233
00:10:00,464 --> 00:10:03,449
Yeah. Yeah, yeah--
well, I gotta go now, but--

234
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:05,334
okay, bye. Bye.

235
00:10:05,385 --> 00:10:07,336
There we go.

236
00:10:07,387 --> 00:10:10,122
Nicely done.
Very nicely done.

237
00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:12,508
All right, this next one
goes to Darryl

238
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,895
for pocket dialing a customer
while having sex.

239
00:10:15,929 --> 00:10:19,482
Ooohh... you salty dog.

240
00:10:19,516 --> 00:10:21,934
Well, yeah, what can I say,
a player's gotta play.

241
00:10:21,968 --> 00:10:23,469
There you go.

242
00:10:23,487 --> 00:10:26,805
Actually, that was the sound
of me eating spaghetti.

243
00:10:26,823 --> 00:10:29,425
But I'm gonna let them think
the other thing.

244
00:10:29,459 --> 00:10:31,277
- Okay, I got this one.
- Oh, be careful.

245
00:10:31,311 --> 00:10:33,362
- Be careful, be careful.
- No, I got it.

246
00:10:33,413 --> 00:10:35,364
Easy does it, everyone.

247
00:10:35,415 --> 00:10:40,119
Nobody even take a breath.

248
00:10:41,505 --> 00:10:42,988
Kevin!

249
00:10:43,006 --> 00:10:44,340
What did I say?

250
00:10:44,374 --> 00:10:45,841
What did I just say?

251
00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:48,344
Hey, hey, hey,
it's just a mistake.

252
00:10:48,378 --> 00:10:50,629
Just a mistake. That's what
this tower's all about--

253
00:10:50,663 --> 00:10:51,964
mistakes.

254
00:10:51,998 --> 00:10:54,216
Okay, if you're afraid
of screwing up,

255
00:10:54,267 --> 00:10:55,718
the tower's not for you.

256
00:10:55,769 --> 00:10:58,971
Show of hands-- who here
has never had a complaint?

257
00:10:59,005 --> 00:11:02,057
That's right.
Nobody.

258
00:11:02,108 --> 00:11:05,811
See that?
Nobody. Okay?

259
00:11:05,845 --> 00:11:07,679
Let's get back to work, huh?

260
00:11:07,697 --> 00:11:10,682
Come on, you in?

261
00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:13,852
Yeah. There we go.
All right, let's do it.

262
00:11:15,855 --> 00:11:17,072
You know, at the end of the day

263
00:11:17,123 --> 00:11:18,824
it's really only two days,
remember.

264
00:11:18,858 --> 00:11:20,242
I mean, I'll be back
in the office.

265
00:11:20,293 --> 00:11:22,694
If you need me
for an emergency, call me.

266
00:11:22,712 --> 00:11:23,712
- I'll be there--
- You know what?

267
00:11:23,747 --> 00:11:26,081
I don't know where
the years went.

268
00:11:26,132 --> 00:11:28,033
'Cause sometimes
when I look at my hands,

269
00:11:28,051 --> 00:11:29,885
I don't even recognize them.

270
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,421
- Tell me about it.
- Whose hands are these?

271
00:11:32,472 --> 00:11:34,507
They're not my hands.
I don't know.

272
00:11:34,541 --> 00:11:36,392
All right.
You know what?

273
00:11:36,426 --> 00:11:37,393
- Maybe we'll just--
- Uhh--

274
00:11:37,427 --> 00:11:38,877
- We'll go slow.
- No. Jim...

275
00:11:40,597 --> 00:11:41,564
All right, check it out, huh?

276
00:11:42,715 --> 00:11:45,351
Like a Phoenix
from the ashes. Ksshhhh!

277
00:11:45,385 --> 00:11:47,019
Nice.

278
00:11:47,053 --> 00:11:49,555
Pretty soon, we're gonna be
at the ceiling.

279
00:11:49,573 --> 00:11:52,942
- Whoo!
- Can you hand me a card?

280
00:11:52,993 --> 00:11:54,610
Um, it's empty.

281
00:11:54,661 --> 00:11:56,728
- What?
- Oh, come on.

282
00:11:56,746 --> 00:11:57,729
We could use a blank card.

283
00:11:57,747 --> 00:12:00,115
- No!
- That's cheating.

284
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:01,450
I could get us a complaint.

285
00:12:01,501 --> 00:12:04,703
You?
Little miss priss?

286
00:12:04,737 --> 00:12:06,205
You wouldn't fart
on a butterfly.

287
00:12:06,239 --> 00:12:07,573
No, I wouldn't.

288
00:12:07,591 --> 00:12:09,842
I can't even relate
to that impulse.

289
00:12:09,876 --> 00:12:11,961
But I bet I could get us
a customer complaint.

290
00:12:12,012 --> 00:12:13,546
I'd like to try.

291
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:16,382
- Hmm. Yeah.
- All right.

292
00:12:16,416 --> 00:12:18,217
Yeah, go, Pam! Pam...

293
00:12:27,110 --> 00:12:29,428
What? Why did you
call me out here?

294
00:12:29,446 --> 00:12:33,265
The target--
it's Oscar, isn't it?

295
00:12:33,283 --> 00:12:34,933
He and the senator
are gaying each other.

296
00:12:34,951 --> 00:12:37,102
I don't know what
you're talking about.

297
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,954
Your nostrils tell
a different story.

298
00:12:38,989 --> 00:12:41,624
They flare like that every time
you're engaging in deception.

299
00:12:41,658 --> 00:12:43,325
Hello again, naughty nostrils.

300
00:12:43,376 --> 00:12:46,495
Fine! It's Oscar.
So what?

301
00:12:46,546 --> 00:12:47,830
Well, I could understand you
wanting

302
00:12:47,881 --> 00:12:49,632
to get a stranger's
knees whacked.

303
00:12:49,666 --> 00:12:51,950
But a co-worker--
dare I say a <i>friend?</i>

304
00:12:51,968 --> 00:12:53,669
Exactly, a friend.

305
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,921
Someone who sits next to you
year after year,

306
00:12:55,955 --> 00:12:57,590
making chitchat and smiling,

307
00:12:57,624 --> 00:12:59,291
and all the while
running behind your back

308
00:12:59,309 --> 00:13:02,478
and defiling your marriage
and seducing your husband.

309
00:13:02,512 --> 00:13:07,266
I can't even imagine how
painful this must be for you.

310
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,318
But the first ones
to break your marriage vows

311
00:13:09,352 --> 00:13:11,320
were you and me.

312
00:13:11,354 --> 00:13:15,807
Well, you might be right,
but it's too late now.

313
00:13:15,825 --> 00:13:19,811
- What do you mean?
- He's here.

314
00:13:19,829 --> 00:13:24,667
No! No, no!

315
00:13:28,626 --> 00:13:30,644
Oscar. Oscar. Good.
Listen.

316
00:13:30,678 --> 00:13:31,845
- Hey, come with me.
- What?

317
00:13:31,896 --> 00:13:33,180
- Come-- come with me.
- What are you doing?

318
00:13:33,231 --> 00:13:35,015
There are a bunch
of construction workers

319
00:13:35,066 --> 00:13:36,683
in the warehouse
without their trousers,

320
00:13:36,734 --> 00:13:38,468
drinking diet sodas.

321
00:13:38,503 --> 00:13:40,604
You have got to see this.
They're extraordinary.

322
00:13:40,638 --> 00:13:44,441
Yahtzee.

323
00:13:49,247 --> 00:13:52,816
Sandwich delivery
for Mr. Oscar Martinez.

324
00:13:55,586 --> 00:13:59,039
I am Oscar Martinez.

325
00:13:59,090 --> 00:14:01,174
No, not him, not him.
Outside.

326
00:14:01,209 --> 00:14:04,828
Outside.

327
00:14:04,846 --> 00:14:06,162
Wha-wh--

328
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:07,881
You know, there's doughnuts
in the break room.

329
00:14:07,932 --> 00:14:11,167
- Nice!
- Yeah.

330
00:14:11,185 --> 00:14:12,669
Listen, I was really wondering

331
00:14:12,687 --> 00:14:14,721
if maybe we could lock this down
before lunch is over.

332
00:14:14,772 --> 00:14:16,690
Don't be pushy, Jim.
It's tacky.

333
00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:18,675
All right.
Phyllis!

334
00:14:18,693 --> 00:14:20,861
Phyllis, that's--
that's decorative.

335
00:14:20,895 --> 00:14:22,195
No, there's wine in here.

336
00:14:22,230 --> 00:14:24,531
- Still decorative.
- Is it white wine?

337
00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:26,349
No. Maybe stop with the--

338
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:28,017
Don't poke people with knives.

339
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,853
- Ha ha!
- Phyllis!

340
00:14:29,871 --> 00:14:30,954
Wow.

341
00:14:30,988 --> 00:14:32,739
- Bring it over.
- Got it.

342
00:14:32,790 --> 00:14:35,742
There's no time to explain.

343
00:14:39,413 --> 00:14:41,164
Okay, actually,
there is time to explain.

344
00:14:41,198 --> 00:14:43,216
When Angela found out
that you seduced her husband,

345
00:14:43,251 --> 00:14:44,868
we hired a guy
to break your kneecaps.

346
00:14:44,886 --> 00:14:47,053
Oh, my God!
What is wrong with you?

347
00:14:47,088 --> 00:14:48,972
What is wrong with <i>you?</i>

348
00:14:49,006 --> 00:14:50,724
There are a million
gorgeous guys

349
00:14:50,758 --> 00:14:52,259
in the Scranton
Wilkes-Barre area,

350
00:14:52,310 --> 00:14:54,594
and you choose the man
who's the father of her child?

351
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:55,846
I don't know what
you're talking about.

352
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,647
Oh, don't lie.
I'm trying to save

353
00:14:57,682 --> 00:14:59,215
those precious knees
you're always bragging about.

354
00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:02,719
Now, let's get out of here.
He could be right behind us.

355
00:15:02,737 --> 00:15:06,773
Aah! Actually,
he's right in front of us.

356
00:15:06,824 --> 00:15:08,608
Let's get it on.
I'm gonna do this.

357
00:15:08,659 --> 00:15:11,027
I might-- I might puke,
but I'm gonna do this.

358
00:15:11,061 --> 00:15:12,779
No, Trevor,
I am not gonna let you.

359
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:15,081
He's a Dunder Mifflin man.
He's my tribe.

360
00:15:15,116 --> 00:15:17,617
I'm sorry, Dwight,
but for once in my stupid,

361
00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:19,369
stupid life, I'm gonna
follow through on something,

362
00:15:19,403 --> 00:15:21,588
all right?
I have masculinity issues--

363
00:15:21,622 --> 00:15:24,073
- Stop! No!
- I got it.

364
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:25,408
- Disarm!
- You don't--

365
00:15:28,129 --> 00:15:29,930
Don't move.

366
00:15:29,964 --> 00:15:31,765
And disarm now!

367
00:15:31,799 --> 00:15:34,301
Okay. Okay, okay...

368
00:15:34,352 --> 00:15:36,136
No, Oscar, no.
No, he's a friend.

369
00:15:36,187 --> 00:15:37,687
He's a friend.

370
00:15:37,722 --> 00:15:40,724
Okay, the client is
Heymont Brake and Tire.

371
00:15:40,758 --> 00:15:43,426
They're family-owned, but don't
let that take away your edge!

372
00:15:43,444 --> 00:15:45,428
Come on, Pam,
I know you can fail.

373
00:15:45,446 --> 00:15:46,947
I see failure in you.

374
00:15:46,981 --> 00:15:48,765
Remember, you're a scumbag,

375
00:15:48,783 --> 00:15:52,619
so you think scummy thoughts.
Like this.

376
00:15:52,653 --> 00:15:55,956
Hello, this is Pam Halpert.

377
00:15:55,990 --> 00:15:57,624
I'm calling
from Dunder Mifflin.

378
00:15:57,658 --> 00:15:59,876
Yes, your paper provider.

379
00:15:59,911 --> 00:16:03,496
And I just called to say...

380
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:05,799
your mama is so fat,
when she wears red,

381
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,417
people yell,
"hey, kool-aid."

382
00:16:07,451 --> 00:16:11,388
Yeah, your mama's fat.
This is Pam Halpert.

383
00:16:11,422 --> 00:16:13,807
- Did she buy it?
- Did they say anything?

384
00:16:13,841 --> 00:16:15,175
I don't know.
I couldn't tell. I don't--

385
00:16:15,226 --> 00:16:16,343
Were they angry?

386
00:16:16,394 --> 00:16:18,144
I-- I felt like
they were confused, at least.

387
00:16:18,179 --> 00:16:21,348
Okay.

388
00:16:25,186 --> 00:16:27,020
Dunder Mifflin.
This is Erin.

389
00:16:27,071 --> 00:16:31,191
Yes, you can. Okay.

390
00:16:31,242 --> 00:16:34,160
I will make sure
that goes on file.

391
00:16:34,195 --> 00:16:37,647
Ladies and gentlemen,
we just lost a client!

392
00:16:37,665 --> 00:16:40,617
Nice. Nice.

393
00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:43,920
- You did good. You did good.
- See ya later, Heymont.

394
00:16:43,955 --> 00:16:47,657
- No.
- Oh. Oh...

395
00:16:47,675 --> 00:16:50,377
If you chase me,
I will run so fast.

396
00:16:50,428 --> 00:16:52,379
If you catch me,
I will bite so hard.

397
00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:55,348
- Got it?
Good-bye, my friend.

398
00:16:55,383 --> 00:16:57,717
- What the hell, Dwight?
- I'll see you later, Trevor.

399
00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,519
You are incorrigible!

400
00:16:59,553 --> 00:17:01,838
I just saved your life.
You're welcome!

401
00:17:05,142 --> 00:17:08,061
You hired someone
to hit me with a pipe!

402
00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:10,513
You deserved every bit of it!

403
00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:13,349
You made my husband gay.

404
00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:15,318
What-- what I did was wrong,

405
00:17:15,352 --> 00:17:16,953
and I have to live with that
every day.

406
00:17:16,988 --> 00:17:21,958
But your husband <i>is</i> gay.
He was gay when you married him!

407
00:17:21,993 --> 00:17:24,027
- No. No.
- Angela, until you face that,

408
00:17:24,045 --> 00:17:26,529
you're gonna be confused and
angry for all the wrong reasons.

409
00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:29,499
But if you want to blame me
for the whole thing,

410
00:17:29,533 --> 00:17:31,801
go ahead--
I won't stop you.

411
00:17:31,836 --> 00:17:34,054
Hit me.
You have my blessing. Hit me.

412
00:17:34,088 --> 00:17:36,723
Well, are you gonna
let go of it?

413
00:17:36,757 --> 00:17:38,875
Because part of the blame
is definitely on you.

414
00:17:38,893 --> 00:17:41,144
Angela, it's
a lead freaking pipe.

415
00:17:41,178 --> 00:17:42,378
- God!
- Aah!

416
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:44,230
You were supposed
to be my friend.

417
00:17:44,265 --> 00:17:46,816
- I'm so sorry. Angela--
- Oscar.

418
00:17:50,738 --> 00:17:53,073
Our crowning complaint card
comes to us

419
00:17:53,107 --> 00:17:55,408
thanks to Pamela Halpert...

420
00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:01,748
For insulting a client's
recently deceased mother.

421
00:18:01,782 --> 00:18:04,067
- Yes!
- I did not know that.

422
00:18:04,085 --> 00:18:07,737
Well, a woman who struggled
with obesity all her life.

423
00:18:07,755 --> 00:18:09,422
- I'm so sorry.
- Wow.

424
00:18:09,457 --> 00:18:14,511
Yeah, that's--
that is terrible.

425
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:20,183
- You did it.
- Yeah!

426
00:18:27,725 --> 00:18:29,859
I feel so stupid

427
00:18:29,894 --> 00:18:33,262
I sit next to him every day.

428
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,816
You're not stupid.
Jazz is stupid.

429
00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:40,787
Jazz is stupid!

430
00:18:40,821 --> 00:18:43,272
I mean,
just play the right notes!

431
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:47,710
I know.

432
00:18:47,745 --> 00:18:49,278
You're gonna be okay, monkey.

433
00:18:57,421 --> 00:19:00,140
I don't like
your friend Trevor.

434
00:19:00,174 --> 00:19:01,868
I don't like him either.

435
00:19:05,429 --> 00:19:07,397
And yet, I really like him.

436
00:19:13,571 --> 00:19:17,023
Well, we're here.

437
00:19:17,074 --> 00:19:19,692
Perfect.

438
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:28,168
We're gonna cover
for you, you know.

439
00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:31,320
Phyllis, what was that?

440
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,339
Phyllis,
are you dreaming, or--

441
00:19:33,374 --> 00:19:37,343
- I did enjoy
grinding your beans, son.

442
00:19:37,378 --> 00:19:40,346
Yeah, we really did
peel your grapes.

443
00:19:40,381 --> 00:19:43,016
This is hilarious,
but we're gonna stop with all--

444
00:19:43,050 --> 00:19:45,935
- Shuckin' your peas.
- Shuckin' the peas.

445
00:19:45,970 --> 00:19:47,554
You should go back
to the first part, though.

446
00:19:47,605 --> 00:19:48,938
You are gonna cover for me?

447
00:19:48,973 --> 00:19:51,858
- Yeah.
- Of course we are, Jimmy.

448
00:19:51,892 --> 00:19:53,159
We love you guys.

449
00:19:53,194 --> 00:19:56,529
Oh, my God, thank you.
Thank you.

450
00:19:56,564 --> 00:19:59,816
If you're an artist, you have
to be okay with the idea

451
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:02,068
that you can't please everybody
all the time.

452
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,572
- You paint very bad--
- Shut up, Hide!

453
00:20:05,623 --> 00:20:07,023
I mean, do you think
Kevin cares

454
00:20:07,041 --> 00:20:09,626
what people think about him--
or Creed or Meredith?

455
00:20:11,045 --> 00:20:14,714
Oh, my gosh, these are
my role models now.

456
00:20:14,748 --> 00:20:18,334
You know what?
I'm okay with that.

457
00:20:21,076 --> 00:20:22,560
Where does gayness come from,

458
00:20:22,594 --> 00:20:24,345
and how is it transmitted?

459
00:20:24,379 --> 00:20:27,414
That is--
that is a loaded question.

460
00:20:27,432 --> 00:20:30,218
My pastor said it can come
from breast feeding.

461
00:20:30,252 --> 00:20:32,386
He said that?

462
00:20:32,420 --> 00:20:33,938
Well, he didn't
fight me hard on it.

463
00:20:33,972 --> 00:20:38,743
I-- I don't know if there's
truth to-- to, uh, that.

464
00:20:38,777 --> 00:20:40,811
What is it called when two men

465
00:20:40,863 --> 00:20:42,563
intertwine their penises

466
00:20:42,597 --> 00:20:45,116
like the snakes
on the medic-alert bracelet?

467
00:20:45,150 --> 00:20:47,368
Oh... uh...

468
00:20:47,402 --> 00:20:50,621
- Is it called red-vining?
- Is it called red-vining?

469
00:20:50,656 --> 00:20:51,622
I-- I don't--

470
00:20:51,657 --> 00:20:52,623
We heard it was called
red-vining.

471
00:20:52,658 --> 00:20:54,608
People red-vine.

472
00:20:54,626 --> 00:20:59,597
Where are gay men's vaginas?

473
00:20:59,631 --> 00:21:01,949
They don't have vaginas.

474
00:21:01,967 --> 00:21:03,384
What?

475
00:21:03,418 --> 00:21:07,805
No. They're just
regular men.

476
00:21:07,839 --> 00:21:10,341
When two gay men have sex,

477
00:21:10,375 --> 00:21:13,494
how do they know whose penis
will open up

478
00:21:13,528 --> 00:21:15,980
to accept the other person's
penis?

479
00:21:16,014 --> 00:21:20,134
Uh... wow.