1 00:00:00,113 --> 00:00:01,289 (Tessa) In suburbia, 2 00:00:01,409 --> 00:00:03,009 the minute Thanksgiving is over, 3 00:00:03,034 --> 00:00:05,080 they're already fiending for Christmas. 4 00:00:05,118 --> 00:00:06,056 Oh, Tessa! 5 00:00:06,176 --> 00:00:08,476 Any interest in going caroling tonight? 6 00:00:08,941 --> 00:00:10,255 It's November. 7 00:00:10,305 --> 00:00:13,032 And by the time the first frost had coated the larch, 8 00:00:13,152 --> 00:00:16,656 even the sanest of Chatswinians were prematurely gifting. 9 00:00:16,718 --> 00:00:17,757 Uh-oh. 10 00:00:17,782 --> 00:00:20,060 (Singsongy) Looks like somebody's stocking was hung, 11 00:00:20,073 --> 00:00:21,858 over the chimney... with care. (Chuckles) 12 00:00:22,306 --> 00:00:25,046 Dad, it's not Christmas. 13 00:00:25,166 --> 00:00:26,585 It's almost Christmas. 14 00:00:26,654 --> 00:00:28,037 Besides, there might be something in there 15 00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:29,601 that you have to open right away. 16 00:00:38,358 --> 00:00:39,769 (Clears throat) 17 00:00:41,489 --> 00:00:42,956 What? 18 00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:44,149 George, what is this? 19 00:00:44,168 --> 00:00:45,750 It's your itinerary. 20 00:00:45,870 --> 00:00:47,633 I know you want to spend time in Manhattan, 21 00:00:47,671 --> 00:00:50,174 and I know you want to get to know your mom. 22 00:00:50,181 --> 00:00:53,366 So I got the two of you a package... hotel, spa services. 23 00:00:53,546 --> 00:00:56,042 You guys can go to the museum, see the tree, 24 00:00:56,061 --> 00:00:58,076 just spend Christmas in the city, 25 00:00:58,439 --> 00:00:59,773 hanging out together. 26 00:00:59,807 --> 00:01:01,391 But what about you? 27 00:01:01,442 --> 00:01:03,757 What about me? I'll... I'll roll with yakult. 28 00:01:05,521 --> 00:01:06,946 Did I nail it? 29 00:01:06,981 --> 00:01:08,881 You nailed it. (Laughs) 30 00:01:08,881 --> 00:01:11,759 While my definition of family was suddenly expanding, 31 00:01:11,803 --> 00:01:14,738 Ryan Shay's was about to be blown to smithereens. 32 00:01:14,769 --> 00:01:17,197 Family photo came out real sweet. 33 00:01:17,216 --> 00:01:19,609 Everyone's looking real sweet. 34 00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:22,371 - Oh, wow, look. - Yeah. 35 00:01:22,771 --> 00:01:24,123 And I just wanna say, 36 00:01:24,243 --> 00:01:26,656 well, I... I just think it's so darn cool 37 00:01:26,776 --> 00:01:30,848 that, you know, you're as close to them as you are. 38 00:01:30,968 --> 00:01:33,125 I had to be close, or I wouldn't fit in the picture. 39 00:01:33,187 --> 00:01:35,205 Just love your whole attitude. 40 00:01:35,239 --> 00:01:38,141 I love that you don't act like you're... 41 00:01:38,175 --> 00:01:39,125 you know. 42 00:01:39,159 --> 00:01:40,990 Better-looking than everyone else? 43 00:01:41,027 --> 00:01:44,312 No, silly. Like one of us. 44 00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:45,795 Homosexual? 45 00:01:46,014 --> 00:01:47,040 No. 46 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:48,892 I'm adopted, too, you know. 47 00:01:49,803 --> 00:01:51,352 I'm not adopted. 48 00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,028 Yes, you are. 49 00:01:54,129 --> 00:01:56,883 And I just think it's great how you embraced your family. 50 00:01:57,003 --> 00:02:02,464 I never did. I always hated those big, ugly strangers. 51 00:02:02,495 --> 00:02:03,784 I'm adopted? 52 00:02:03,778 --> 00:02:04,747 Yeah. 53 00:02:04,753 --> 00:02:06,048 Like, adopted adopted? 54 00:02:06,061 --> 00:02:07,249 Mm-hmm. 55 00:02:07,281 --> 00:02:09,708 - Like, adopted? - That's right. 56 00:02:09,761 --> 00:02:11,441 This... 57 00:02:11,485 --> 00:02:13,206 Bless your adopted heart. 58 00:02:13,326 --> 00:02:14,533 I'm adopted. 59 00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:17,016 - I'm adopted. Adopted? - Yeah. 60 00:02:17,079 --> 00:02:19,544 Adopted? Adopted, I'm adopted? 61 00:02:19,550 --> 00:02:20,389 Mm-hmm. 62 00:02:20,426 --> 00:02:23,279 I'm adopted? I'm adopted?! (Bell jingles) 63 00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:25,394 Adopted? Adopted? 64 00:02:25,425 --> 00:02:27,471 I'm adopted, huh? I'm adopted?! 65 00:02:27,465 --> 00:02:28,904 I'm adopted?! Huh?! 66 00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:30,424 I think he knows he's adopted. 67 00:02:30,424 --> 00:02:31,337 You think, Fred?! 68 00:02:31,337 --> 00:02:33,589 - (Lisa) Aah! Ryan! - I'm adopted?! 69 00:02:33,635 --> 00:02:35,742 Ryan, no! Ryan, no! Huh?! 70 00:02:35,792 --> 00:02:37,413 Ryan... Son, we love you! 71 00:02:37,438 --> 00:02:39,465 - Ryan? Ryan? - I always loved you! 72 00:02:39,496 --> 00:02:41,610 - Ryan?! Ryan?! - (Fred and Sheila speaks indistinctly) 73 00:02:41,617 --> 00:02:44,207 - Aah! Liar! (Sheila) - We'll talk about this... 74 00:02:44,244 --> 00:02:46,991 - Lying letterman liar! - (Lisa) I don't understand. 75 00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,054 Aah! Somebody told him? 76 00:02:48,073 --> 00:02:50,720 - Lying... long-sleeved shirt! - (Fred, Sheila, and Lisa speak indistinctly) 77 00:02:50,763 --> 00:02:51,933 - What are you doing? - He's transforming! 78 00:02:51,927 --> 00:02:55,325 - Lying... Lisa! - Honey, you're gonna catch cold. 79 00:02:55,356 --> 00:02:57,722 - Lying Lisa! Lying Lisa the liar! - I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! 80 00:02:57,842 --> 00:03:00,099 You liar! You liar! Liar! I'm so sorry! 81 00:03:00,145 --> 00:03:01,610 - I love you. - We love you, son! 82 00:03:01,620 --> 00:03:03,809 - He just needs time to cool off! - He's trying to gut us! 83 00:03:03,822 --> 00:03:06,017 Drive the car, Fred! Please! Just go! 84 00:03:06,036 --> 00:03:07,287 - Okay! Okay! Okay! - Just drive the car! 85 00:03:07,269 --> 00:03:08,257 (Tires peal) 86 00:03:08,282 --> 00:03:11,638 Hey! Yeah, drive off, you fake, lying liars! 87 00:03:12,644 --> 00:03:15,229 If my family's not really my family, 88 00:03:15,264 --> 00:03:17,347 and I'm not really a Shay, 89 00:03:17,535 --> 00:03:19,105 then what's real?! 90 00:03:19,969 --> 00:03:21,113 Is this real?! 91 00:03:21,314 --> 00:03:22,853 (Clank) Ooh! 92 00:03:22,859 --> 00:03:24,799 Ow! That seems real! 93 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:26,889 Is this real? 94 00:03:26,889 --> 00:03:27,477 (Clangs) 95 00:03:27,502 --> 00:03:28,622 Ow! Oh! 96 00:03:28,634 --> 00:03:31,587 That seems really real, too! 97 00:03:31,814 --> 00:03:33,282 Maybe this garbage 98 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:35,572 isn't really garbage! 99 00:03:35,785 --> 00:03:37,286 Aah! 100 00:03:37,493 --> 00:03:39,695 No, it is! 101 00:03:39,815 --> 00:03:42,823 I guess I'm the only thing that isn't real! 102 00:03:42,873 --> 00:03:46,170 (Breathing heavily) 103 00:03:46,290 --> 00:03:48,816 I'm unreal! 104 00:03:49,323 --> 00:03:51,425 Aah! 105 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,935 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 106 00:03:53,969 --> 00:03:58,965 (Alih Jay) * last night I had a pleasant nightmare * 107 00:03:59,024 --> 00:04:01,976 ♪ da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪ 108 00:04:01,978 --> 00:04:04,877 What's wrong, skank? Why is your list blank? 109 00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:06,414 I thought you wanted rims. 110 00:04:06,448 --> 00:04:08,599 I did. But ever since my nanny left, 111 00:04:08,617 --> 00:04:10,651 rims don't seem important anymore. 112 00:04:10,676 --> 00:04:11,827 But they are important. 113 00:04:11,808 --> 00:04:13,329 They make your ride hella fresh 114 00:04:13,355 --> 00:04:15,406 and let all the fools know how you roll. 115 00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:17,892 But they don't mean as much to me as Carmen does. 116 00:04:17,926 --> 00:04:20,228 Well, maybe you could ask Santa for a housekeeper. 117 00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:22,497 Or is that racial? 118 00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:27,165 You know what? I don't care if it is racial. (Pen scratching) 119 00:04:27,285 --> 00:04:28,825 Christmas morning, I want to wake up 120 00:04:28,837 --> 00:04:31,556 and see Carmen under my tree with a big red bow on her head. 121 00:04:31,590 --> 00:04:33,386 Santa is a really cool person, 122 00:04:33,392 --> 00:04:35,225 and he has a lot of really great connections. 123 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,438 But somehow, I just... 124 00:04:36,664 --> 00:04:39,310 I don't think that he's gonna be able to bring Carmen back. 125 00:04:39,354 --> 00:04:41,031 Then screw Santa. 126 00:04:42,067 --> 00:04:43,818 I'll get Carmen back on my own. 127 00:04:43,852 --> 00:04:45,853 I'll do like yeezy did keezy. 128 00:04:45,888 --> 00:04:48,614 I'll write a song about Carmen, then I'll shoot a music video, 129 00:04:48,633 --> 00:04:50,979 then I'll put it on YouTube, then I'll hire a publicist, 130 00:04:50,973 --> 00:04:53,411 then I'll make it go viral, then I'll send Carmen a link, 131 00:04:53,445 --> 00:04:55,363 then I'll make all the comments say things like, 132 00:04:55,397 --> 00:04:57,386 "wow, that girl really loves Carmen." 133 00:04:57,386 --> 00:04:58,831 And "wow, Carmen should really go back 134 00:04:58,806 --> 00:05:00,501 to that girl who loves her." 135 00:05:00,536 --> 00:05:02,642 That might actually work. 136 00:05:02,853 --> 00:05:05,487 Ay, que muchachito! 137 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,708 Ay, mi guapo! 138 00:05:07,759 --> 00:05:08,640 (Coos) 139 00:05:08,666 --> 00:05:09,767 What did he say? 140 00:05:09,823 --> 00:05:12,663 He said... (Spanish accent) "I love you, mommy. 141 00:05:12,695 --> 00:05:15,234 I am so glad you're back from your book tour." 142 00:05:15,354 --> 00:05:17,800 No, I think we should consider a speech therapist. 143 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,472 I'm finding it very difficult to understand him. 144 00:05:20,592 --> 00:05:23,368 She can't understand him because he's an infant. 145 00:05:23,544 --> 00:05:26,809 An infant with a thick Mexican accent. 146 00:05:26,929 --> 00:05:29,194 Maybe she should stay home and raise him herself... 147 00:05:29,238 --> 00:05:30,151 in English. 148 00:05:30,149 --> 00:05:31,684 I beg your pardon. 149 00:05:31,715 --> 00:05:33,623 Have you ever written a body of work 150 00:05:33,630 --> 00:05:35,450 that you were exceptionally proud of? 151 00:05:35,494 --> 00:05:37,709 Darling, Carmen has a very important job. 152 00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:40,030 She is caring for our baby. 153 00:05:40,086 --> 00:05:42,807 Why do you defend her when she so clearly judges me? 154 00:05:42,927 --> 00:05:44,834 Admit it, Carmen, you judge me. 155 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:48,638 I do, because you care more about your books 156 00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:49,796 than your son. 157 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,798 Carmen, don't you see? 158 00:05:52,036 --> 00:05:54,364 I want the baby to love me as a mommy, 159 00:05:54,389 --> 00:05:57,986 but I need him to respect me as an author. 160 00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:03,454 I saw that. Was that a look? 161 00:06:03,504 --> 00:06:05,913 It's gonna be a long Christmas, guapo. 162 00:06:13,258 --> 00:06:14,653 Ryan's adopted? 163 00:06:14,650 --> 00:06:16,799 (Crying) He wasn't supposed to know! 164 00:06:17,017 --> 00:06:18,726 Ryan never would have found out he was adopted 165 00:06:18,726 --> 00:06:20,897 if that photographer hadn't kept shoving 166 00:06:20,954 --> 00:06:23,272 his powdered balls in my face! 167 00:06:23,512 --> 00:06:25,241 Care for another rum ball, Lisa? 168 00:06:25,292 --> 00:06:27,276 They do dull the pain. 169 00:06:27,466 --> 00:06:29,494 Did you ever notice how Ryan... 170 00:06:29,544 --> 00:06:32,128 well... he lights himself. 171 00:06:32,248 --> 00:06:34,550 It's like he has his own inner light. 172 00:06:36,107 --> 00:06:39,338 Well, that's 'cause Ryan isn't really a Shay. 173 00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:42,007 You don't Shay? 174 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,072 (Crying) And now it's almost Christmas. 175 00:06:45,667 --> 00:06:47,750 I don't think he's coming home. 176 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:49,821 You don't happen to have any rum balls, do you? 177 00:06:51,072 --> 00:06:52,436 I've got the shakes. 178 00:06:52,705 --> 00:06:54,714 I offered to cancel my trip to New York. 179 00:06:54,717 --> 00:06:56,510 But Lisa said there was no reason 180 00:06:56,535 --> 00:06:58,262 for both of our families to suffer. 181 00:06:58,249 --> 00:07:00,755 First Thanksgiving, now Christmas. 182 00:07:00,773 --> 00:07:03,324 You hate spending the holidays with me. 183 00:07:04,175 --> 00:07:06,144 Mm. You gonna cry, little baby? 184 00:07:06,179 --> 00:07:07,229 You know what? 185 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:11,049 Wait until you get old and... feel stuff. 186 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:12,552 (Car horn honks) 187 00:07:13,347 --> 00:07:14,302 Okay. 188 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,594 Here she is. Here's your mom. 189 00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:20,317 This was super cool of you, dad. 190 00:07:20,326 --> 00:07:22,494 Well, I'm a super cool dad. Excuse me. 191 00:07:22,528 --> 00:07:24,412 Hug, perhaps? 192 00:07:24,447 --> 00:07:25,997 Sorry. 193 00:07:26,032 --> 00:07:27,349 Thanks. 194 00:07:27,383 --> 00:07:29,835 ♪ 195 00:07:30,897 --> 00:07:32,943 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. 196 00:07:33,005 --> 00:07:34,639 Oh! I forgot. 197 00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:36,421 Oh, really? 198 00:07:37,097 --> 00:07:38,955 Thank you. I promise not to open this... 199 00:07:38,949 --> 00:07:40,300 It's a pen. 200 00:07:41,186 --> 00:07:42,546 ♪ 201 00:07:43,278 --> 00:07:44,117 (Door alert dings) 202 00:07:44,142 --> 00:07:45,819 George. Hey. 203 00:07:46,131 --> 00:07:49,241 Listen, um, I just wanna say thanks. 204 00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:50,618 I know this can't be easy, 205 00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:53,327 and I'm sure part of you just wants to rip my face off 206 00:07:53,358 --> 00:07:54,647 and stuff it down a garbage disposal 207 00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:58,107 and scream, "stay away from us, you human wart!" (Sighs) 208 00:07:58,413 --> 00:08:00,340 But, you know, it really doesn't show, which is great. 209 00:08:00,402 --> 00:08:02,774 Which means you're probably exercising tons of self control, 210 00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:03,838 or you're making room for me. 211 00:08:03,958 --> 00:08:07,617 Either, way, I... I just wanted to say that... 212 00:08:07,813 --> 00:08:09,847 I'm grateful. 213 00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:12,747 Well, merry Christmas, Alex. 214 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:16,588 Well, merry Christmas, George. (Chuckles) 215 00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:20,256 Hey, George... (Exhales) 216 00:08:20,255 --> 00:08:21,637 you can see your breath. 217 00:08:21,844 --> 00:08:24,103 And drive... drive safely, please. 218 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:26,547 I will. I will. (Door alert dings) 219 00:08:26,582 --> 00:08:29,371 (Engine starts) (Whispers) Damn it, Alex, drive safely. 220 00:08:29,491 --> 00:08:30,522 (Dance pop music playing) 221 00:08:30,528 --> 00:08:32,812 ♪ I washed my silk shirt ♪ silk shirt 222 00:08:32,831 --> 00:08:34,720 ♪ that hurt ♪ that hurt 223 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:37,323 ♪ the tag said to dry clean it 224 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,356 ♪ but without you, I didn't read it ♪ 225 00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:40,326 ♪ read it 226 00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:42,760 ♪ all of the sheets on my bed ♪ 227 00:08:42,791 --> 00:08:43,855 ♪ are stained red 228 00:08:43,886 --> 00:08:44,799 ♪ stained red 229 00:08:44,833 --> 00:08:47,340 ♪ 'cause I went to sleep with lipstick ♪ 230 00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:49,392 ♪ and you weren't there to fix it ♪ 231 00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:52,838 ♪ you clean the house so spick-and-span ♪ 232 00:08:52,858 --> 00:08:57,338 ♪ you cleaned everything a cleaning lady can ♪ 233 00:08:57,356 --> 00:09:00,980 ♪ but I won't throw out your plastic cart ♪ (Thud) 234 00:09:01,005 --> 00:09:03,751 ♪ 'Cause you missed a spot 235 00:09:04,269 --> 00:09:05,636 ♪ 236 00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:09,332 ♪ in my heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 237 00:09:09,345 --> 00:09:11,910 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 238 00:09:11,910 --> 00:09:14,055 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 239 00:09:14,431 --> 00:09:17,934 ♪ in my heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 240 00:09:18,054 --> 00:09:19,993 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 241 00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:21,832 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 242 00:09:21,881 --> 00:09:23,558 ♪ wan'er, to the bridge 243 00:09:24,459 --> 00:09:26,055 ♪ Carmen straight up blind 244 00:09:26,055 --> 00:09:27,450 ♪ she cannot see 245 00:09:27,657 --> 00:09:31,285 ♪ that spoiled white girl thinks you the bee's knees ♪ 246 00:09:31,307 --> 00:09:34,952 ♪ the first-class cabin holds me last in their heart ♪ 247 00:09:35,365 --> 00:09:39,019 ♪ wouldn't look my way if I didn't push a drink cart ♪ 248 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,577 Hot tea with larmon? 249 00:09:40,583 --> 00:09:42,209 No, I want Carmen. 250 00:09:42,635 --> 00:09:45,250 ♪ Heart, heart, heart, heart 251 00:09:45,281 --> 00:09:46,558 ♪ in my heart 252 00:09:46,551 --> 00:09:49,723 ♪ Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. 253 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:52,462 ♪ Heart, heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 254 00:09:52,457 --> 00:09:54,221 ♪ in my heart 255 00:09:54,278 --> 00:09:56,994 ♪ Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. 256 00:09:57,025 --> 00:09:59,851 ♪ 257 00:09:59,902 --> 00:10:01,936 ♪ Carmen. (Click) 258 00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:05,121 You mean y'all learned all that complicated choreography 259 00:10:05,142 --> 00:10:06,760 just to try to win Carmen back? 260 00:10:06,794 --> 00:10:08,778 Yes, mommy. (Sighs) 261 00:10:08,813 --> 00:10:10,971 She's all I want for Christmas. (Gasps) 262 00:10:11,091 --> 00:10:12,467 George, we have to. 263 00:10:12,473 --> 00:10:14,234 It's the only thing on Dalia's list. 264 00:10:14,268 --> 00:10:16,627 I... I know this isn't what you wanna hear, 265 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,755 but... she's gone, okay? 266 00:10:19,242 --> 00:10:21,107 Carmen has made up her mind. 267 00:10:21,332 --> 00:10:23,271 But people change their minds sometimes, 268 00:10:23,315 --> 00:10:24,904 don't they, daddy Altman? 269 00:10:28,839 --> 00:10:29,884 Christmas is such a crock anyway. 270 00:10:29,884 --> 00:10:31,185 I mean, if you think about it, 271 00:10:31,236 --> 00:10:33,463 it's entirely about consumerism. 272 00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:35,703 And they pressure people who don't have the money 273 00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:37,529 to spend the money, which is exactly why 274 00:10:37,523 --> 00:10:39,907 December has the highest suicide rate. 275 00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:45,734 Sorry. I was... on a rant. 276 00:10:45,751 --> 00:10:48,009 No, no. It's just you sound like me, 277 00:10:48,009 --> 00:10:51,556 or I guess I... I sound like you. 278 00:10:51,676 --> 00:10:54,645 I just never realized how I sounded. 279 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:56,947 Oh. 280 00:10:57,451 --> 00:11:00,410 The holidays are a great excuse 281 00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:02,538 to bring people together, right? 282 00:11:02,751 --> 00:11:05,473 Yeah. Totally. 283 00:11:05,507 --> 00:11:09,795 I mean, Tessa, this is the best present 284 00:11:09,814 --> 00:11:10,903 I ever could have hoped for, 285 00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:12,373 if I advocated exchanging presents, 286 00:11:12,429 --> 00:11:13,731 which I don't, but... 287 00:11:14,531 --> 00:11:15,683 I want to give you something 288 00:11:15,689 --> 00:11:18,435 that I did not get at a department store. 289 00:11:22,157 --> 00:11:24,153 It's a hug. 290 00:11:24,391 --> 00:11:27,495 Can I give you a hug? Can I... hug you? 291 00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:30,248 Sure. 292 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:31,830 Okay. (Laughs) 293 00:11:32,453 --> 00:11:33,953 Great. Um... 294 00:11:33,971 --> 00:11:37,136 - Oh. Guess I... gotta get over there. - Maybe it's easier. 295 00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,758 Ooh. (Laughs) 296 00:11:54,391 --> 00:11:56,180 How's the pressure? 297 00:11:56,199 --> 00:11:57,250 It's fine. 298 00:11:59,558 --> 00:12:02,455 Hey, ma, it sure is nice 299 00:12:02,474 --> 00:12:04,276 having you and Alice here for the holidays. 300 00:12:04,301 --> 00:12:06,165 - Oh, it is, honey. - Yeah. 301 00:12:06,791 --> 00:12:08,680 It's nice, isn't it, Malik? 302 00:12:08,949 --> 00:12:10,945 Malik, your mother's talking to you. (Chuckles) 303 00:12:12,221 --> 00:12:13,416 He's been this way ever since he broke up 304 00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:14,611 with his little girlfriend. 305 00:12:14,731 --> 00:12:16,594 Malik has a girlfriend? 306 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,595 Had. 307 00:12:17,715 --> 00:12:20,505 Oh! So now you can hear us. 308 00:12:20,801 --> 00:12:22,789 Look at that! 309 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,133 There's a white child 310 00:12:24,171 --> 00:12:26,556 running down the side of the road. 311 00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:28,587 He isn't wearing a shirt. He'll freeze. 312 00:12:28,850 --> 00:12:30,214 I don't like the look of him. 313 00:12:30,678 --> 00:12:32,404 - He looks wild. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 314 00:12:32,429 --> 00:12:33,806 Ho... hold on. Stop... stop the car. 315 00:12:33,847 --> 00:12:35,607 - I... I know him. - You sure? 316 00:12:35,645 --> 00:12:38,898 Malik. Malik. Malik. Malik, where you going? (Brakes squeal) 317 00:12:39,653 --> 00:12:41,402 Malik? 318 00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:44,236 (Grunting softly) Ryan? 319 00:12:44,261 --> 00:12:45,650 Huh? (Spits) 320 00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:48,034 'Sup, buddy? What's... what's up, man? 321 00:12:48,528 --> 00:12:49,954 Y... you... you okay? 322 00:12:50,074 --> 00:12:52,657 Come here. Look what I got here. 323 00:12:53,834 --> 00:12:55,171 Look, look. 324 00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:57,641 Yeah. Yeah. See that? That's for you. 325 00:12:58,551 --> 00:13:00,301 It's a lemon starburst. 326 00:13:00,352 --> 00:13:01,302 (Sniffs) 327 00:13:01,591 --> 00:13:02,774 Good boy. 328 00:13:02,894 --> 00:13:04,363 Come on. Come on. 329 00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:05,823 Pop the trunk! 330 00:13:05,858 --> 00:13:07,442 You're safe now, okay? 331 00:13:07,476 --> 00:13:09,262 (Trunk pops) 332 00:13:09,382 --> 00:13:11,129 Good boy. 333 00:13:11,163 --> 00:13:13,466 We're almost home. You're safe now, okay? 334 00:13:15,538 --> 00:13:17,440 Did you just put a human being in our trunk? 335 00:13:17,652 --> 00:13:19,216 One popular misconception 336 00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:22,307 is that the shiraz grape originated in southwestern Iran. 337 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,740 (Yawns loudly) 338 00:13:24,410 --> 00:13:27,445 Carmen, please starch the baby's Christmas gown. 339 00:13:27,463 --> 00:13:28,913 Yes, master. 340 00:13:28,948 --> 00:13:31,435 Did you hear that? She called me "master." 341 00:13:31,555 --> 00:13:33,201 Sarcastically. 342 00:13:33,235 --> 00:13:35,570 Noah, I suggest you tell Carmen to watch it. 343 00:13:35,604 --> 00:13:38,373 How dare you threaten me! 344 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:39,988 Tell her not to threaten me. 345 00:13:40,025 --> 00:13:41,477 Yeah, Jill, don't threaten Carmen. 346 00:13:41,489 --> 00:13:43,066 Don't take her side. 347 00:13:43,091 --> 00:13:44,092 (Imitates Carmen) Yes, master. 348 00:13:44,330 --> 00:13:46,858 Hi. That was... I was kidding. 349 00:13:46,914 --> 00:13:48,685 I was trying to lighten the mood. 350 00:13:48,805 --> 00:13:49,761 (Chuckles) 351 00:13:49,804 --> 00:13:51,356 Master. 352 00:13:51,818 --> 00:13:54,347 And in Germany, they have this creature called Krampus, 353 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:57,244 and he's like this big, hairy monster 354 00:13:57,250 --> 00:14:00,791 that comes and carries away all the bad kids in his sack. 355 00:14:01,079 --> 00:14:02,888 He's like Santa, except evil. 356 00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:05,215 And what's Krampus do with these children he collects? 357 00:14:05,335 --> 00:14:06,848 I think he eats them. 358 00:14:07,061 --> 00:14:08,713 Seems like it would just be easier 359 00:14:08,726 --> 00:14:11,172 to eat them in the original location. 360 00:14:11,623 --> 00:14:13,849 Why does he have to carry them away in a sack? 361 00:14:14,429 --> 00:14:16,202 I don't know. 362 00:14:16,715 --> 00:14:19,112 I guess it's just his thing, you know? 363 00:14:23,084 --> 00:14:24,922 It's the perfect red, right? 364 00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:28,240 You know, every girl needs a great red lipstick. 365 00:14:28,439 --> 00:14:30,291 Here. You take it. 366 00:14:30,348 --> 00:14:33,057 I'm not really a red lipstick girl. 367 00:14:34,283 --> 00:14:35,532 Let me try. 368 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:37,849 Here. 369 00:14:45,827 --> 00:14:47,578 (Gasps) 370 00:14:47,612 --> 00:14:49,046 Wow. 371 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:51,882 Tessa, you look great. 372 00:14:52,471 --> 00:14:55,587 My God, you look so grown up. 373 00:14:56,471 --> 00:14:58,806 Now that you're practically an adult, 374 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,261 I was kind of hoping that maybe we could... 375 00:15:01,574 --> 00:15:03,143 Um... 376 00:15:03,178 --> 00:15:05,679 I don't know. I just... 377 00:15:05,713 --> 00:15:07,035 have you ever been to Europe? 378 00:15:07,155 --> 00:15:09,900 I mean, are you interested in traveling at all? 379 00:15:09,934 --> 00:15:11,603 Yeah. 380 00:15:11,859 --> 00:15:12,860 Good. 381 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:16,001 I suppose the whole thing was very sophisticated. 382 00:15:16,057 --> 00:15:19,180 I mean, there I was, wearing the perfect red lipstick, 383 00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:20,424 sitting in a hotel lobby 384 00:15:20,437 --> 00:15:23,033 listening to stories about Berlin. 385 00:15:23,659 --> 00:15:25,398 But the truth is, 386 00:15:25,416 --> 00:15:27,732 I had never felt more like a kid. 387 00:15:27,669 --> 00:15:29,536 I wanted my house 388 00:15:29,571 --> 00:15:31,121 and my tree 389 00:15:31,172 --> 00:15:32,668 and my Christmas stocking... 390 00:15:33,112 --> 00:15:34,574 and my dad. 391 00:15:34,592 --> 00:15:37,761 I wanted to be home with my dad. 392 00:15:43,617 --> 00:15:44,611 Look, Ryan... 393 00:15:44,599 --> 00:15:46,238 Don't call me that name. 394 00:15:47,371 --> 00:15:48,566 I'm not Ryan. 395 00:15:49,028 --> 00:15:51,875 I'm the opposite of Ryan, which is... 396 00:15:53,195 --> 00:15:55,085 Eugene. 397 00:15:55,925 --> 00:15:57,575 O... okay, Eugene. 398 00:15:57,695 --> 00:15:59,389 Look, just because you're adopted 399 00:15:59,414 --> 00:16:00,528 doesn't make you any less of a Shay. 400 00:16:00,516 --> 00:16:02,061 Don't every say that last name again! 401 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,148 I'm not a Shay! 402 00:16:03,438 --> 00:16:05,751 I'm the opposite of a Shay... 403 00:16:05,785 --> 00:16:08,036 which is... 404 00:16:08,071 --> 00:16:09,271 Goldfarb. 405 00:16:10,039 --> 00:16:12,341 I'm Eugene Goldfarb! 406 00:16:12,461 --> 00:16:13,698 Okay. Okay. 407 00:16:13,748 --> 00:16:16,207 I'm Eugene Goldfarb. 408 00:16:17,246 --> 00:16:18,597 I'll see you in the morning. 409 00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:22,951 (Sighs) 410 00:16:22,985 --> 00:16:25,170 (Switch clicks) 411 00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:27,806 Eugene can stay as long as he likes, 412 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,783 but somebody's gotta call his parents. 413 00:16:30,993 --> 00:16:32,092 (Dalia on computer) * in my heart 414 00:16:32,105 --> 00:16:33,712 * heart, heart, heart, heart 415 00:16:33,730 --> 00:16:36,281 * heart, heart, heart, heart, heart * 416 00:16:36,332 --> 00:16:37,780 (Tessa) "Home for the holidays" 417 00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:40,052 is more than just some marketing catchphrase. 418 00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:42,585 For some, it's an irrepressible, 419 00:16:42,597 --> 00:16:44,968 almost primal urge. 420 00:16:46,242 --> 00:16:49,578 For others, it's a reminder of where home is. 421 00:16:50,130 --> 00:16:53,296 Berlin would have to wait. I was heading home, 422 00:16:53,546 --> 00:16:54,685 to Chatswin. 423 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:57,782 And if anyone should understand, it should be Alex. 424 00:16:57,819 --> 00:17:00,059 Dalia, do you like your gloves? 425 00:17:00,059 --> 00:17:02,330 I got 'em from Italy. They're made of kidskin. 426 00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:03,368 Thanks, mommy. 427 00:17:03,431 --> 00:17:05,283 These kids must have been really cute. 428 00:17:05,580 --> 00:17:07,899 It's just sad, 'cause none of these boxes 429 00:17:07,933 --> 00:17:09,731 are big enough to be Carmen. 430 00:17:09,918 --> 00:17:11,170 Unless you chopped her up 431 00:17:11,176 --> 00:17:12,935 and put her into separate little boxes. 432 00:17:12,946 --> 00:17:14,198 No, Dalia, sadly, 433 00:17:14,191 --> 00:17:16,708 I was unable to chop up Carmen for the holidays. 434 00:17:16,742 --> 00:17:18,383 Dalia, there's a big present over there 435 00:17:18,377 --> 00:17:19,310 you haven't opened yet. 436 00:17:19,344 --> 00:17:20,327 Is it rims? 437 00:17:20,345 --> 00:17:22,275 Uh, it looks a little bit to be rims. 438 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:23,583 No, rims are really big. 439 00:17:23,703 --> 00:17:24,790 Oh, well, either way, 440 00:17:24,803 --> 00:17:26,261 why don't you go ahead and open it? 441 00:17:26,318 --> 00:17:27,574 It's probably just rims. 442 00:17:27,593 --> 00:17:28,720 It's not rims. 443 00:17:35,176 --> 00:17:36,991 (Ripping) 444 00:17:38,931 --> 00:17:40,098 (Paper rustles) 445 00:17:48,115 --> 00:17:50,449 Aah! Aah! 446 00:17:50,709 --> 00:17:53,627 I'm back, bitches! 447 00:17:53,695 --> 00:17:55,447 Carmen! Carmen! 448 00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:57,780 Aah! It's Carmen! Oh, my God! 449 00:17:57,987 --> 00:17:59,338 Oh, my God, it's Carmen! 450 00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:01,641 Oh, my God! Here. 451 00:18:01,653 --> 00:18:02,892 Oh! (George groans) 452 00:18:03,012 --> 00:18:04,387 Aah! Oh, George. 453 00:18:04,393 --> 00:18:05,657 - Oh, my God! (Chuckles) - Watch your step. 454 00:18:06,139 --> 00:18:08,034 I'm gonna go play with Carmen in my room. 455 00:18:08,335 --> 00:18:10,549 She'll clean this mess up tomorrow. 456 00:18:10,587 --> 00:18:12,332 Come on, Carmen. 457 00:18:12,514 --> 00:18:15,579 (Gasps) It's Carmen! You got Carmen back! 458 00:18:15,604 --> 00:18:19,395 You got Carmen back! George, oh, my gosh! 459 00:18:19,764 --> 00:18:22,316 - Merry Christmas, Dallas. - George. 460 00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:24,431 It felt good to be back in Chatswin. 461 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,515 - Tessa! Tessa! - But before I could race through my own front door, 462 00:18:26,527 --> 00:18:29,193 I had to help Lisa scratch something off her list. 463 00:18:29,313 --> 00:18:31,083 It's Christmas morning. Ryan's not home. 464 00:18:31,095 --> 00:18:33,135 He's at Malik's, and I... 465 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,685 I need you to talk to him, 466 00:18:35,704 --> 00:18:37,988 because he'll listen to you, 467 00:18:38,006 --> 00:18:41,400 because he... he... 468 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,389 he's crazy about you. 469 00:18:44,453 --> 00:18:45,729 He always has been. 470 00:18:46,711 --> 00:18:48,813 Well, uh, what do you want me to tell him? 471 00:18:49,634 --> 00:18:51,241 Just tell him that I love him. 472 00:18:51,361 --> 00:18:54,325 Ryan or... Malik? 473 00:18:54,732 --> 00:18:55,376 All right. 474 00:18:55,608 --> 00:18:56,646 You know which one I'm talking about. 475 00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,904 I'm talking about the white one. Okay? 476 00:18:59,223 --> 00:19:00,869 Okay. You know where you're going? 477 00:19:00,913 --> 00:19:03,228 Okay. Just... I just... hank you so much, sir. 478 00:19:03,266 --> 00:19:04,718 Thank you. 479 00:19:12,271 --> 00:19:13,176 Look, if there's anyone 480 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,435 who understands what you're going through, it's me. 481 00:19:15,941 --> 00:19:18,244 Your biological mom is out there, 482 00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:23,186 but your parents are the people that raised you. 483 00:19:23,211 --> 00:19:26,368 (Damien Rice's "Delicate" playing) 484 00:19:26,402 --> 00:19:27,569 Here. 485 00:19:28,379 --> 00:19:30,855 I made these business cards on Malik's printer. 486 00:19:31,464 --> 00:19:32,624 Ryan, stop it. 487 00:19:33,178 --> 00:19:35,710 You're not "Eugene Goldfarb." 488 00:19:35,745 --> 00:19:37,545 You're Ryan Shay, 489 00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:40,891 the only son of Fred and Sheila. 490 00:19:41,236 --> 00:19:42,812 We live across the street from each other. 491 00:19:42,874 --> 00:19:44,219 You have a huge crush on me. 492 00:19:44,420 --> 00:19:47,305 ♪ We are alone 493 00:19:48,686 --> 00:19:50,592 And right now 494 00:19:51,051 --> 00:19:55,568 standing on this picturesque suburban street... 495 00:19:59,003 --> 00:20:00,769 I'm starting to think... 496 00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:02,987 I may have one on you, too. 497 00:20:03,022 --> 00:20:06,357 ♪ We might make out 498 00:20:08,101 --> 00:20:12,063 ♪ when nobody's there 499 00:20:15,785 --> 00:20:18,336 ♪ it's not that we're scared 500 00:20:18,370 --> 00:20:21,623 ♪ it's just that it's delicate ♪ 501 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,594 Whoa. 502 00:20:26,629 --> 00:20:29,003 She used tongue! (Laughing) 503 00:20:29,215 --> 00:20:31,883 She used tongue! 504 00:20:31,917 --> 00:20:32,920 (Scuffs snow) 505 00:20:32,968 --> 00:20:36,254 (Laughs) 506 00:20:36,272 --> 00:20:39,023 ♪ Borrowed 507 00:20:39,058 --> 00:20:41,455 That was the only thing on my Christmas list. 508 00:20:41,461 --> 00:20:43,144 (Laughs) Come on. 509 00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:44,691 Let's go home. 510 00:20:44,722 --> 00:20:45,930 Okay. 511 00:20:48,617 --> 00:20:50,684 Hey! Where are you going? 512 00:20:50,697 --> 00:20:52,367 You have my card! 513 00:20:52,386 --> 00:20:53,725 You know where to find me! 514 00:20:53,769 --> 00:20:56,509 Ryan was still deciding where home was. 515 00:20:56,629 --> 00:20:58,910 But for me, 516 00:20:58,944 --> 00:21:01,527 that was a question I already answered. 517 00:21:01,647 --> 00:21:04,048 (Phillip Phillips' "Home" playing) 518 00:21:04,083 --> 00:21:08,553 ♪ Hold on to me as we go 519 00:21:08,587 --> 00:21:11,389 ♪ 520 00:21:11,894 --> 00:21:14,125 ♪ as we roll down 521 00:21:14,143 --> 00:21:16,811 (door closes) * this unfamiliar road 522 00:21:16,846 --> 00:21:18,971 Tessa. Merry Christmas. 523 00:21:18,965 --> 00:21:21,623 I wasn't expecting you till the day after tomorrow. 524 00:21:21,743 --> 00:21:23,101 Wait. What are you doing here? 525 00:21:23,869 --> 00:21:25,452 Is everything okay? 526 00:21:25,902 --> 00:21:28,317 Yeah, dad, everything's great. 527 00:21:28,305 --> 00:21:31,993 ♪ Just know you're not alone 528 00:21:32,027 --> 00:21:35,880 ♪ 'cause I'm gonna make this place your home ♪ 529 00:21:35,915 --> 00:21:38,299 ♪ 530 00:21:40,848 --> 00:21:47,511 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -