1 00:00:02,202 --> 00:00:03,435 (tessa) in suburbia, 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,670 the minute thanksgiving is over, 3 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,105 they're already fiending for christmas. 4 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:09,875 Any interest In going caroling tonight? 5 00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:11,310 It's november. 6 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:14,313 And by the time the first frost had coated the larch, 7 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:17,349 Even the sanest of chatswinians were prematurely gifting. 8 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:18,851 Uh-oh. 9 00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,786 (singsongy) looks like Somebody's stocking was hung, 10 00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,155 Over the chimney... With care. (chuckles) 11 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,991 Dad, it's not christmas. 12 00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,693 It's almost christmas. 13 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,161 Besides, there might be Something in there 14 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,929 That you have to Open right away. 15 00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:40,105 (clears throat) 16 00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:43,409 What? 17 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,410 George, what is this? 18 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,578 It's your itinerary. 19 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,414 I know you want To spend time in manhattan, 20 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:50,883 And i know you want To get to know your mom. 21 00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:54,019 So i got the two of you A package--hotel, spa services. 22 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:56,588 You guys can go To the museum, see the tree, 23 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,590 Just spend christmas In the city, 24 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,726 Hanging out together. 25 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,394 But what about you? 26 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:05,831 What about me? I'll--i'll roll with yakult. 27 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,033 Did i nail it? 28 00:01:08,035 --> 00:01:10,102 You nailed it. (laughs) 29 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:12,404 while my definition of family was suddenly expanding, 30 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,707 ryan shay's was about to be blown to smithereens. 31 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:18,210 Family photo came out Real sweet. 32 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:21,013 Everyone's looking Real sweet. 33 00:01:21,015 --> 00:01:23,515 Oh, wow, look. Yeah. 34 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:24,683 And i just wanna say, 35 00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:27,553 Well, i-i just think It's so darn cool 36 00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:31,924 That, you know, you're As close to them as you are. 37 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,059 I had to be close, or i wouldn't Fit in the picture. 38 00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:36,195 Just love Your whole attitude. 39 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:39,231 I love that you don't act Like you're... 40 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,232 You know. 41 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,201 Better-looking Than everyone else? 42 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:45,704 No, silly. Like one of us. 43 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:46,905 Homosexual? 44 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:47,906 No. 45 00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:49,942 I'm adopted, too, You know. 46 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,444 I'm not adopted. 47 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,046 Yes, you are. 48 00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:58,083 And i just think it's great How you embraced your family. 49 00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:03,655 I never did. I always hated Those big, ugly strangers. 50 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,656 I'm adopted? 51 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,657 Yeah. 52 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,226 Like, adopted adopted? 53 00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,227 Mm-hmm. 54 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,129 Like, adopted? That's right. 55 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,164 This-- 56 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,299 Bless your adopted heart. 57 00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:15,734 I'm adopted. 58 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,270 I'm adopted. Adopted? Yeah. 59 00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:20,639 Adopted? Adopted, i'm adopted? 60 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,007 Mm-hmm. 61 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,176 I'm adopted? I'm adopted?! (bell jingles) 62 00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,778 Adopted? Adopted? 63 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,780 I'm adopted, huh? I'm adopted?! 64 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:29,781 I'm adopted?! Huh?! 65 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,416 I think he knows He's adopted. 66 00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:32,417 You think, fred?! 67 00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:34,486 (lisa) aah! Ryan! I'm adopted?! 68 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,089 Ryan, no! Ryan, no! Huh?! 69 00:02:37,091 --> 00:02:38,290 Ryan... Son, we love you! 70 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,692 Ryan? Ryan? I always loved you! 71 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,828 Ryan?! Ryan?! (fred and sheila Speaks indistinctly) 72 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,164 Aah! Liar! (sheila) We'll talk about this-- 73 00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:47,166 Lying letterman liar! (lisa) i don't understand. 74 00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,800 Aah! Somebody told him? 75 00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:51,603 Lying... Long-sleeved shirt! (fred, sheila, and lisa Speak indistinctly) 76 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,038 What are you doing? He's transforming! 77 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,141 Lying... Lisa! Honey, you're gonna catch cold. 78 00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:59,178 Lying lisa! Lying lisa The liar! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! 79 00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:01,346 You liar! You liar! Liar! I'm so sorry! 80 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,148 I love you. We love you, son! 81 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:05,150 He just needs time To cool off! He's trying to gut us! 82 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:07,152 Drive the car, fred! Please! Just go! 83 00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:08,153 Okay! Okay! Okay! Just drive the car! 84 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:13,125 Hey! Yeah, drive off, You fake, lying liars! 85 00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,727 If my family's not really My family, 86 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:18,330 And i'm not really a shay, 87 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,732 Then what's real?! 88 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,301 Is this real?! 89 00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:23,302 (clank) Ooh! 90 00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:26,705 Ow! That seems real! 91 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:27,706 Is this real? 92 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,707 (clangs) 93 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:29,875 Ow! Oh! 94 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,344 That seems really real, too! 95 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,246 Maybe this garbage 96 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:37,049 Isn't really garbage! 97 00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,984 Aah! 98 00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,586 No, it is! 99 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:44,356 I guess i'm the only thing That isn't real! 100 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:47,359 (breathing heavily) 101 00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:50,329 I'm unreal! 102 00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,931 Aah! 103 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,933 -- captions by vita-- 104 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:59,938 (alih jay) ♪ last night i had A pleasant nightmare ♪ 105 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:03,041 ♪ da-da-da-da, Da, da, da, da ♪ 106 00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:06,044 What's wrong, skank? Why is your list blank? 107 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:07,379 I thought you wanted rims. 108 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,581 I did. But ever since My nanny left, 109 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,683 Rims don't Seem important anymore. 110 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:12,684 But they are important. 111 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,253 They make your ride Hella fresh 112 00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:16,355 And let all the fools Know how you roll. 113 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:18,924 But they don't mean as much To me as carmen does. 114 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:21,393 Well, maybe you could ask santa For a housekeeper. 115 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,462 Or is that racial? 116 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:28,400 You know what? I don't care If it is racial. (pen scratching) 117 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:29,868 Christmas morning, I want to wake up 118 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:32,537 And see carmen under my tree With a big red bow on her head. 119 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,806 Santa is A really cool person, 120 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,441 And he has a lot of Really great connections. 121 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,210 But somehow, i just... 122 00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:40,779 I don't think that he's gonna Be able to bring carmen back. 123 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,115 Then screw santa. 124 00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,883 I'll get carmen back On my own. 125 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,918 I'll do like yeezy did keezy. 126 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,454 I'll write a song about carmen, Then i'll shoot a music video, 127 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,590 Then i'll put it on youtube, Then i'll hire a publicist, 128 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:54,326 Then i'll make it go viral, Then i'll send carmen a link, 129 00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,295 Then i'll make all the comments Say things like, 130 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,297 "wow, that girl Really loves carmen." 131 00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,965 And "wow, carmen Should really go back 132 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,566 To that girl who loves her." 133 00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:04,336 That might actually work. 134 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,238 ay, que muchachito! 135 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,807 ay, mi guapo! 136 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:09,808 (coos) 137 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,109 What did he say? 138 00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,278 He said... (spanish accent) "i love you, mommy. 139 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,982 I am so glad you're back From your book tour." 140 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,483 No, i think we should consider A speech therapist. 141 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,787 I'm finding it very difficult To understand him. 142 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,856 She can't understand him Because he's an infant. 143 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:28,026 An infant With a thick mexican accent. 144 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,462 Maybe she should stay home And raise him herself... 145 00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:31,296 In english. 146 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:32,631 I beg your pardon. 147 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,833 Have you ever written A body of work 148 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,668 That you were Exceptionally proud of? 149 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,537 Darling, carmen has A very important job. 150 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:41,440 She is caring For our baby. 151 00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:44,276 Why do you defend her When she so clearly judges me? 152 00:05:44,278 --> 00:05:46,211 Admit it, carmen, You judge me. 153 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:49,481 I do, because you care More about your books 154 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,483 Than your son. 155 00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,118 Carmen, don't you see? 156 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,387 I want the baby To love me as a mommy, 157 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:59,257 But i need him To respect me as an author. 158 00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:04,696 I saw that. Was that a look? 159 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,898 It's gonna be A longchristmas, guapo. 160 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:11,970 Ryan's adopted? 161 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,638 (crying) He wasn't supposed to know! 162 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,207 Ryan never would have Found out he was adopted 163 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,709 If that photographer Hadn't kept shoving 164 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,011 His powdered balls In my face! 165 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,047 Care for another Rum ball, lisa? 166 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,182 They do dull the pain. 167 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,084 Did you ever notice How ryan-- 168 00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:29,187 Well... He lights himself. 169 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,823 It's like he has His own inner light. 170 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:36,728 Well, that's 'cause ryan Isn't really a shay. 171 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:39,431 You don't shay? 172 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:42,100 (crying) and now It's almost christmas. 173 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,936 I don't think He's coming home. 174 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:48,006 You don't happen to have Any rum balls, do you? 175 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,341 I've got the shakes. 176 00:06:49,343 --> 00:06:51,076 i offered to cancel my trip to new york. 177 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,245 but lisa said there was no reason 178 00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,213 for both of our families to suffer. 179 00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:57,516 First thanksgiving, Now christmas. 180 00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,419 You hate spending The holidays with me. 181 00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:03,188 Mm. You gonna cry, Little baby? 182 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:08,226 Wait until you get old And... Feel stuff. 183 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,395 (car horn honks) 184 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:11,396 Okay. 185 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:14,800 Here she is. Here's your mom. 186 00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:17,536 This was super cool Of you, dad. 187 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,871 Well, i'm a super cool dad. Excuse me. 188 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,740 Hug, perhaps? 189 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,241 Sorry. 190 00:07:23,243 --> 00:07:24,709 Thanks. 191 00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:27,145 ♪ 192 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,481 Merry christmas. Merry christmas. 193 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:32,050 Oh! I forgot. 194 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,118 Oh, really? 195 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,821 Thank you. I promise Not to open this-- 196 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:36,955 It's a pen. 197 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:40,058 ♪ 198 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,293 (door alert dings) 199 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,794 George. Hey. 200 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:46,264 Listen, um, i just wanna Say thanks. 201 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,933 I know this can't be easy, 202 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,135 And i'm sure part of you Just wants to rip my face off 203 00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,636 And stuff it down A garbage disposal 204 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:55,440 And scream, "stay away from us, You human wart!" (sighs) 205 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,442 But, you know, it really Doesn't show, which is great. 206 00:07:57,444 --> 00:08:00,078 Which means you're probably Exercising tons of self control, 207 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,246 Or you're making room for me. 208 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,249 Either, way, i-i just wanted To say that... 209 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,351 I'm grateful. 210 00:08:06,353 --> 00:08:09,855 Well, merry christmas, alex. 211 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:13,258 Well, merry christmas, george. (chuckles) 212 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,095 Hey, george... (exhales) 213 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,197 You can see your breath. 214 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,500 And drive-- Drive safely, please. 215 00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,602 I will. I will. (door alert dings) 216 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,771 (engine starts) (whispers) damn it, Alex, drive safely. 217 00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,206 (dance pop music playing) 218 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,208 ♪ i washed my silk shirt ♪ silk shirt 219 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,511 ♪ that hurt ♪ that hurt 220 00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:34,312 ♪ the tag said to dry clean it 221 00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,348 ♪ but without you, I didn't read it ♪ 222 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,449 ♪ read it 223 00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:39,651 ♪ all of the sheets On my bed ♪ 224 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,219 ♪ are stained red 225 00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,187 ♪ stained red 226 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,389 ♪ 'cause i went to sleep With lipstick ♪ 227 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,958 ♪ and you weren't there To fix it ♪ 228 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,562 ♪ you clean the house So spick-and-span ♪ 229 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:54,733 ♪ you cleaned everything A cleaning lady can ♪ 230 00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:58,203 ♪ but i won't throw out Your plastic cart ♪ (thud) 231 00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:02,207 ♪ 'cause you missed a spot 232 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,708 ♪ 233 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,511 ♪ in my heart, heart, Heart, heart, heart ♪ 234 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,380 ♪ heart, heart, Heart, heart, heart ♪ 235 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,416 ♪ heart, heart, Heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 236 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:14,319 ♪ in my heart, heart, Heart, heart, heart ♪ 237 00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,821 ♪ heart, heart, Heart, heart, heart ♪ 238 00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:19,257 ♪ heart, heart, Heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 239 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,726 ♪ wan'er, to the bridge 240 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,827 ♪ carmen straight up blind 241 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,696 ♪ she cannot see 242 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:28,733 ♪ that spoiled white girl Thinks you the bee's knees ♪ 243 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,937 ♪ the first-class cabin Holds me last in their heart ♪ 244 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:36,374 ♪ wouldn't look my way If i didn't push a drink cart ♪ 245 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:37,909 Hot tea with larmon? 246 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,277 No, i want carmen. 247 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:42,347 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart 248 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,381 ♪ in my heart 249 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,518 Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. 250 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,421 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, Heart, heart ♪ 251 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,356 ♪ in my heart 252 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:54,693 Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. 253 00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:57,963 ♪ 254 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,264 Carmen. (click) 255 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:02,233 You mean y'all learned all that Complicated choreography 256 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,902 Just to try To win carmen back? 257 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,971 Yes, mommy. (sighs) 258 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:08,039 She's all i want for christmas. (gasps) 259 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,641 George, we have to. 260 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,610 It's the only thing On dalia's list. 261 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,578 I-i know this isn't What you wanna hear, 262 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:16,214 But... She's gone, okay? 263 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,416 Carmen has made up Her mind. 264 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,318 But people change Their minds sometimes, 265 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,987 Don't they, daddy altman? 266 00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:27,125 Christmas is such A crock anyway. 267 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,426 I mean, If you think about it, 268 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:31,129 It's entirely About consumerism. 269 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,797 And they pressure people Who don't have the money 270 00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:34,733 To spend the money, Which is exactly why 271 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:37,035 December has The highest suicide rate. 272 00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:42,741 Sorry. I was... On a rant. 273 00:10:42,743 --> 00:10:45,276 No, no. It's just You sound like me, 274 00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:48,747 Or i guess i... I sound like you. 275 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:51,916 I just never realized How i sounded. 276 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,352 Oh. 277 00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:57,956 The holidays Are a great excuse 278 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,591 To bring people together, Right? 279 00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:03,261 Yeah. Totally. 280 00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:06,364 I mean, tessa, This is the best present 281 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,133 I ever could have hoped for, 282 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,135 If i advocated Exchanging presents, 283 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,603 Which i don't, but... 284 00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,304 I want to give you something 285 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,674 That i did not get At a department store. 286 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,513 It's a hug. 287 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:24,816 Can i give you a hug? Can i... Hug you? 288 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:27,686 Sure. 289 00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,521 Okay. (laughs) 290 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,222 Great. Um... 291 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,625 Oh. Guess i... Gotta get over there. Maybe it's easier. 292 00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:37,128 Ooh. (laughs) 293 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,478 How's the pressure? 294 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,479 It's fine. 295 00:11:57,316 --> 00:11:59,651 Hey, ma, it sure is nice 296 00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:01,720 Having you and alice here For the holidays. 297 00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:03,321 Oh, it is, honey. Yeah. 298 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,324 It's nice, isn't it, malik? 299 00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:09,194 Malik, your mother's Talking to you. (chuckles) 300 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,762 He's been this way Ever since he broke up 301 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:11,830 With his little girlfriend. 302 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,865 Malik has a girlfriend? 303 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:14,866 Had. 304 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:17,402 Oh! So now you can hear us. 305 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,071 Look at that! 306 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,272 There's a white child 307 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,374 Running down The side of the road. 308 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:26,044 He isn't wearing a shirt. He'll freeze. 309 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,612 I don't like The look of him. 310 00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:29,414 He looks wild. Wait, wait, wait, Wait, wait. 311 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,949 Ho-hold on. Stop--stop the car. 312 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,218 I-i know him. You sure? 313 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,855 Malik. Malik. Malik. Malik, where you going? (brakes squeal) 314 00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:39,457 Malik? 315 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,459 (grunting softly) Ryan? 316 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,061 Huh? (spits) 317 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,563 'sup, buddy? What's--what's up, man? 318 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,298 Y-you--you okay? 319 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,701 Come here. Look what i got here. 320 00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:51,402 Look, look. 321 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:55,073 Yeah. Yeah. See that? That's for you. 322 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,908 It's a lemon starburst. 323 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:58,042 (sniffs) 324 00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:00,411 Good boy. 325 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,412 Come on. Come on. 326 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:02,547 Pop the trunk! 327 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:04,382 You're safe now, okay? 328 00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,718 (trunk pops) 329 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,052 Good boy. 330 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,622 We're almost home. You're safe now, okay? 331 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,059 Did you just put A human being in our trunk? 332 00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,895 One popular misconception 333 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:19,764 Is that the shiraz grape Originated in southwestern iran. 334 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:21,499 (yawns loudly) 335 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:24,736 Carmen, please starch The baby's christmas gown. 336 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:26,337 Yes, master. 337 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,740 Did you hear that? She called me "master." 338 00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:30,608 Sarcastically. 339 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,178 Noah, i suggest You tell carmen to watch it. 340 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:36,014 How dare you threaten me! 341 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,448 Tell her Not to threaten me. 342 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,950 Yeah, jill, Don't threaten carmen. 343 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,518 Don't take her side. 344 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,619 (imitates carmen) Yes, master. 345 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:44,355 Hi. That was... I was kidding. 346 00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,124 I was trying To lighten the mood. 347 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,125 (chuckles) 348 00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,493 Master. 349 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:51,496 And in germany, they have This creature called krampus, 350 00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,465 And he's like This big, hairy monster 351 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:58,469 That comes and carries away All the bad kids in his sack. 352 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,638 He's like santa, Except evil. 353 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,440 And what's krampus do With these children he collects? 354 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,776 I think he eats them. 355 00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:06,477 Seems like it would Just be easier 356 00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,479 To eat them In the original location. 357 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:11,115 Why does he have to Carry them away in a sack? 358 00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:13,651 I don't know. 359 00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,221 I guess it's just His thing, you know? 360 00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:21,860 It's the perfect red, Right? 361 00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:25,630 You know, every girl Needs a great red lipstick. 362 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,899 Here. You take it. 363 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:31,669 I'm not really A red lipstick girl. 364 00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:32,604 Let me try. 365 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:34,973 Here. 366 00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:44,749 (gasps) 367 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,351 Wow. 368 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,153 Tessa, you look great. 369 00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:53,558 My god, You look so grown up. 370 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,027 Now that you're Practically an adult, 371 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:59,330 I was kind of hoping That maybe we could... 372 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:00,531 Um... 373 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,934 I don't know. I just... 374 00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,869 Have you ever been To europe? 375 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:07,238 I mean, are you interested In traveling at all? 376 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,574 Yeah. 377 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,842 Good. 378 00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:13,378 i suppose the whole thing was very sophisticated. 379 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:17,115 i mean, there i was, wearing the perfect red lipstick, 380 00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:18,583 sitting in a hotel lobby 381 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,286 listening to stories about berlin. 382 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,587 but the truth is, 383 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,889 i had never felt more like a kid. 384 00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:26,758 i wanted my house 385 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,526 and my tree 386 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,595 and my christmas stocking... 387 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,796 and my dad. 388 00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:35,133 i wanted to be home with my dad. 389 00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:38,369 Look, ryan-- 390 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:40,371 Don't call me that name. 391 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:41,606 I'm not ryan. 392 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:46,277 I'm the opposite of ryan, Which is... 393 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,579 Eugene. 394 00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,049 O-okay, eugene. 395 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,450 Look, just because You're adopted 396 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,918 Doesn't make you Any less of a shay. 397 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,119 Don't every say That last name again! 398 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,120 I'm not a shay! 399 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,723 I'm the opposite Of a shay... 400 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:01,159 Which is... 401 00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:02,260 Goldfarb. 402 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:05,229 I'm eugene goldfarb! 403 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:07,231 Okay. Okay. 404 00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:10,401 I'm eugene goldfarb. 405 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:11,903 I'll see you In the morning. 406 00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:16,240 (sighs) 407 00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:18,476 (switch clicks) 408 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,112 Eugene can stay As long as he likes, 409 00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:24,115 But somebody's Gotta call his parents. 410 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,249 (dalia on computer) ♪ in my heart 411 00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:26,918 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart 412 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:29,487 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 413 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,922 (tessa) "home for the holidays" 414 00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:33,291 is more than just some marketing catchphrase. 415 00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:35,693 for some, it's an irrepressible, 416 00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,862 almost primal urge. 417 00:16:39,631 --> 00:16:43,167 for others, it's a reminder of where home is. 418 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:46,137 berlin would have to wait. i was heading home, 419 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,372 to chatswin. 420 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:51,142 and if anyone should understand, it should be alex. 421 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:52,810 Dalia, do you like Your gloves? 422 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:55,380 I got 'em from italy. They're made of kidskin. 423 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:56,514 Thanks, mommy. 424 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,383 These kids must have been Really cute. 425 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,952 It's just sad, 'cause none of these boxes 426 00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:02,954 Are big enough To be carmen. 427 00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:04,122 Unless you chopped her up 428 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:06,190 And put her Into separate little boxes. 429 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,861 I was unable to chop up carmen For the holidays. 430 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,462 Dalia, There's a big present over there 431 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,463 You haven't opened yet. 432 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,464 Is it rims? 433 00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,299 Uh, it looks A little bit to be rims. 434 00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:16,734 No, rims are really big. 435 00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:17,969 Oh, well, either way, 436 00:17:17,971 --> 00:17:19,570 Why don't you Go ahead and open it? 437 00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:20,738 It's probably just rims. 438 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,240 It's not rims. 439 00:17:27,646 --> 00:17:31,049 (ripping) 440 00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:33,618 (paper rustles) 441 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,227 Aah! Aah! 442 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,864 I'm back, bitches! 443 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,566 Carmen! Carmen! 444 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,035 Aah! It's carmen! Oh, my god! 445 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,270 Oh, my god, it's carmen! 446 00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,105 Oh, my god! Here. 447 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:55,440 Oh! (george groans) 448 00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,708 Aah! Oh, george. 449 00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,510 Oh, my god! (chuckles) watch your step. 450 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,279 I'm gonna go play With carmen in my room. 451 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,114 She'll clean This mess up tomorrow. 452 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,450 Come on, carmen. 453 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:08,619 (gasps) it's carmen! You got carmen back! 454 00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:13,024 You got carmen back! George, oh, my gosh! 455 00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:15,893 Merry christmas, dallas. George. 456 00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,595 it felt good to be back in chatswin. 457 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,864 Tessa! Tessa! but before i could race through my own front door, 458 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,233 i had to help lisa scratch something off her list. 459 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,268 It's christmas morning. Ryan's not home. 460 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,304 He's at malik's, And i... 461 00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,072 I need you To talk to him, 462 00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:30,241 Because he'll listen To you, 463 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:34,479 Because he--he... 464 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,314 He's crazy about you. 465 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:39,584 He always has been. 466 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,986 Well, uh, what do you Want me to tell him? 467 00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,388 Just tell him That i love him. 468 00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:47,592 Ryan or... Malik? 469 00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:48,793 All right. 470 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,061 You know which one I'm talking about. 471 00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:52,130 I'm talking about The white one. Okay? 472 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,265 Okay. You know Where you're going? 473 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,567 Okay. Just--i just-- Thank you so much, sir. 474 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,769 Thank you. 475 00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:02,673 Look, if there's anyone 476 00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,742 Who understands what you're Going through, it's me. 477 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,745 Your biological mom Is out there, 478 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:12,583 But your parents are The people that raised you. 479 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,286 (damien rice's "delicate" Playing) 480 00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:16,587 Here. 481 00:19:16,589 --> 00:19:19,924 I made these business cards On malik's printer. 482 00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,626 Ryan, stop it. 483 00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:24,762 You're not "eugene goldfarb." 484 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,597 You're ryan shay, 485 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:29,934 The only son Of fred and sheila. 486 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,702 We live across the street From each other. 487 00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,437 You have a huge crush on me. 488 00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:36,207 ♪ we are alone 489 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:39,644 And right now 490 00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:44,849 Standing on this Picturesque suburban street... 491 00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:49,820 I'm starting to think... 492 00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,956 I may have one on you, too. 493 00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:55,126 ♪ we might make out 494 00:19:57,129 --> 00:20:01,032 ♪ when nobody's there 495 00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:07,371 ♪ it's not that we're scared 496 00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:10,474 ♪ it's just that It's delicate ♪ 497 00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:15,646 Whoa. 498 00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,015 She used tongue! (laughing) 499 00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,918 She used tongue! 500 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,019 (scuffs snow) 501 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:25,223 (laughs) 502 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:27,892 ♪ borrowed 503 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:30,194 That was the only thing On my christmas list. 504 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,029 (laughs) come on. 505 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,364 Let's go home. 506 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,832 Okay. 507 00:20:37,536 --> 00:20:39,503 Hey! Where are you going? 508 00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:40,504 You have my card! 509 00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:42,740 You know where to find me! 510 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,842 ryan was still deciding where home was. 511 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:47,878 but for me, 512 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,847 that was a question i already answered. 513 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:53,050 (phillip phillips' "home" Playing) 514 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:57,688 ♪ hold on to me as we go 515 00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,524 ♪ 516 00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:03,194 ♪ as we roll down 517 00:21:03,196 --> 00:21:05,896 (door closes) ♪ this unfamiliar road 518 00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,798 Tessa. Merry christmas. 519 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,434 I wasn't expecting you Till the day after tomorrow. 520 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:11,969 Wait. What are you doing here? 521 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,971 Is everything okay? 522 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:17,041 Yeah, dad, Everything's great. 523 00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:21,045 ♪ just know you're not alone 524 00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:25,082 ♪ 'cause i'm gonna make This place your home ♪ 525 00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:25,115 ♪