1 00:00:01,113 --> 00:00:02,289 Tessa: In suburbia, 2 00:00:02,409 --> 00:00:04,009 the minute Thanksgiving is over, 3 00:00:04,034 --> 00:00:06,080 they're already fiending for Christmas. 4 00:00:06,118 --> 00:00:07,056 Oh, Tessa! 5 00:00:07,176 --> 00:00:09,476 Any interest in going caroling tonight? 6 00:00:09,941 --> 00:00:11,255 It's November. 7 00:00:11,305 --> 00:00:14,032 And by the time the first frost had coated the larch, 8 00:00:14,152 --> 00:00:17,656 even the sanest of Chatswinians were prematurely gifting. 9 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:18,757 Uh-oh. 10 00:00:18,782 --> 00:00:21,060 (Singsongy) Looks like somebody's stocking was hung, 11 00:00:21,073 --> 00:00:22,858 over the chimney... with care. (Chuckles) 12 00:00:23,306 --> 00:00:26,046 Dad, it's not Christmas. 13 00:00:26,166 --> 00:00:27,585 It's almost Christmas. 14 00:00:27,654 --> 00:00:29,037 Besides, there might be something in there 15 00:00:29,038 --> 00:00:30,609 that you have to open right away. 16 00:00:39,358 --> 00:00:40,769 (Clears throat) 17 00:00:42,489 --> 00:00:43,956 What? 18 00:00:43,990 --> 00:00:45,149 George, what is this? 19 00:00:45,168 --> 00:00:46,750 It's your itinerary. 20 00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:48,633 I know you want to spend time in Manhattan, 21 00:00:48,671 --> 00:00:51,174 and I know you want to get to know your mom. 22 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:54,366 So I got the two of you a package... hotel, spa services. 23 00:00:54,546 --> 00:00:57,042 You guys can go to the museum, see the tree, 24 00:00:57,061 --> 00:00:59,076 just spend Christmas in the city, 25 00:00:59,439 --> 00:01:00,773 hanging out together. 26 00:01:00,807 --> 00:01:02,391 But what about you? 27 00:01:02,442 --> 00:01:04,757 What about me? I'll... I'll roll with yakult. 28 00:01:06,521 --> 00:01:07,946 Did I nail it? 29 00:01:07,981 --> 00:01:09,881 You nailed it. (Laughs) 30 00:01:09,882 --> 00:01:12,760 While my definition of family was suddenly expanding, 31 00:01:12,803 --> 00:01:15,738 Ryan Shay's was about to be blown to smithereens. 32 00:01:15,769 --> 00:01:18,197 Family photo came out real sweet. 33 00:01:18,216 --> 00:01:20,609 Everyone's looking real sweet. 34 00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:23,371 - Oh, wow, look. - Yeah. 35 00:01:23,771 --> 00:01:25,123 And I just wanna say, 36 00:01:25,243 --> 00:01:27,656 well, I... I just think it's so darn cool 37 00:01:27,776 --> 00:01:31,848 that, you know, you're as close to them as you are. 38 00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:34,125 I had to be close, or I wouldn't fit in the picture. 39 00:01:34,187 --> 00:01:36,205 Just love your whole attitude. 40 00:01:36,239 --> 00:01:39,141 I love that you don't act like you're... 41 00:01:39,175 --> 00:01:40,125 you know. 42 00:01:40,159 --> 00:01:41,990 Better-looking than everyone else? 43 00:01:42,027 --> 00:01:45,312 No, silly. Like one of us. 44 00:01:45,365 --> 00:01:46,795 Homosexual? 45 00:01:47,014 --> 00:01:48,040 No. 46 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:49,892 I'm adopted, too, you know. 47 00:01:50,803 --> 00:01:52,352 I'm not adopted. 48 00:01:52,589 --> 00:01:54,028 Yes, you are. 49 00:01:55,129 --> 00:01:57,883 And I just think it's great how you embraced your family. 50 00:01:58,003 --> 00:02:03,464 I never did. I always hated those big, ugly strangers. 51 00:02:03,495 --> 00:02:04,777 I'm adopted? 52 00:02:04,778 --> 00:02:05,747 Yeah. 53 00:02:05,753 --> 00:02:07,048 Like, adopted adopted? 54 00:02:07,061 --> 00:02:08,249 Mm-hmm. 55 00:02:08,281 --> 00:02:10,708 - Like, adopted? - That's right. 56 00:02:10,761 --> 00:02:12,441 This... 57 00:02:12,485 --> 00:02:14,206 Bless your adopted heart. 58 00:02:14,326 --> 00:02:15,533 I'm adopted. 59 00:02:15,833 --> 00:02:18,016 - I'm adopted. Adopted? - Yeah. 60 00:02:18,079 --> 00:02:20,544 Adopted? Adopted, I'm adopted? 61 00:02:20,550 --> 00:02:21,389 Mm-hmm. 62 00:02:21,426 --> 00:02:24,279 I'm adopted? I'm adopted?! (Bell jingles) 63 00:02:24,491 --> 00:02:26,394 Adopted? Adopted? 64 00:02:26,425 --> 00:02:28,464 I'm adopted, huh? I'm adopted?! 65 00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:29,904 I'm adopted?! Huh?! 66 00:02:29,930 --> 00:02:31,422 I think he knows he's adopted. 67 00:02:31,423 --> 00:02:32,336 You think, Fred?! 68 00:02:32,337 --> 00:02:34,589 - (Lisa) Aah! Ryan! - I'm adopted?! 69 00:02:34,635 --> 00:02:36,742 Ryan, no! Ryan, no! Huh?! 70 00:02:36,792 --> 00:02:38,413 Ryan... Son, we love you! 71 00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:40,465 - Ryan? Ryan? - I always loved you! 72 00:02:40,496 --> 00:02:42,610 - Ryan?! Ryan?! - (Fred and Sheila speaks indistinctly) 73 00:02:42,617 --> 00:02:45,207 - Aah! Liar! (Sheila) - We'll talk about this... 74 00:02:45,244 --> 00:02:47,991 - Lying letterman liar! - (Lisa) I don't understand. 75 00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:49,054 Aah! Somebody told him? 76 00:02:49,073 --> 00:02:51,720 - Lying... long-sleeved shirt! (Fred, Sheila, Lisa speak indistinctly) 77 00:02:51,763 --> 00:02:52,933 - What are you doing? - He's transforming! 78 00:02:52,935 --> 00:02:56,327 - Lying... Lisa! - Honey, you're gonna catch cold. 79 00:02:56,356 --> 00:02:58,722 - Lying Lisa! Lying Lisa the liar! - I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! 80 00:02:58,842 --> 00:03:01,099 You liar! You liar! Liar! I'm so sorry! 81 00:03:01,145 --> 00:03:02,610 - I love you. - We love you, son! 82 00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,809 - He just needs time to cool off! - He's trying to gut us! 83 00:03:04,822 --> 00:03:07,017 Drive the car, Fred! Please! Just go! 84 00:03:07,036 --> 00:03:08,287 - Okay! Okay! Okay! - Just drive the car! 85 00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:09,276 (Tires peal) 86 00:03:09,282 --> 00:03:12,638 Hey! Yeah, drive off, you fake, lying liars! 87 00:03:13,644 --> 00:03:16,229 If my family's not really my family, 88 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:18,347 and I'm not really a Shay, 89 00:03:18,535 --> 00:03:20,105 then what's real?! 90 00:03:20,969 --> 00:03:22,113 Is this real?! 91 00:03:22,314 --> 00:03:23,853 (Clank) Ooh! 92 00:03:23,859 --> 00:03:25,799 Ow! That seems real! 93 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:27,888 Is this real? 94 00:03:27,889 --> 00:03:28,477 (Clangs) 95 00:03:28,502 --> 00:03:29,622 Ow! Oh! 96 00:03:29,634 --> 00:03:32,587 That seems really real, too! 97 00:03:32,814 --> 00:03:34,282 Maybe this garbage 98 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:36,572 isn't really garbage! 99 00:03:36,785 --> 00:03:38,286 Aah! 100 00:03:38,493 --> 00:03:40,695 No, it is! 101 00:03:40,815 --> 00:03:43,823 I guess I'm the only thing that isn't real! 102 00:03:43,873 --> 00:03:47,170 (Breathing heavily) 103 00:03:47,290 --> 00:03:49,816 I'm unreal! 104 00:03:50,323 --> 00:03:52,425 Aah! 105 00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,935 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne - - www.addic7ed.com - 106 00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:59,965 [Alih Jay] ♪ last night I had a pleasant nightmare ♪ 107 00:04:00,024 --> 00:04:02,976 2x07 Krampus 108 00:04:02,978 --> 00:04:05,877 What's wrong, skank? Why is your list blank? 109 00:04:05,883 --> 00:04:07,414 I thought you wanted rims. 110 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,599 I did. But ever since my nanny left, 111 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,651 rims don't seem important anymore. 112 00:04:11,676 --> 00:04:12,817 But they are important. 113 00:04:12,818 --> 00:04:14,339 They make your ride hella fresh 114 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,386 and let all the fools know how you roll. 115 00:04:16,387 --> 00:04:18,892 But they don't mean as much to me as Carmen does. 116 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:21,228 Well, maybe you could ask Santa for a housekeeper. 117 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,497 Or is that racial? 118 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:28,165 You know what? I don't care if it is racial. (Pen scratching) 119 00:04:28,285 --> 00:04:29,825 Christmas morning, I want to wake up 120 00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:32,556 and see Carmen under my tree with a big red bow on her head. 121 00:04:32,590 --> 00:04:34,386 Santa is a really cool person, 122 00:04:34,392 --> 00:04:36,225 and he has a lot of really great connections. 123 00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:37,438 But somehow, I just... 124 00:04:37,664 --> 00:04:40,310 I don't think that he's gonna be able to bring Carmen back. 125 00:04:40,354 --> 00:04:42,031 Then screw Santa. 126 00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:44,818 I'll get Carmen back on my own. 127 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,853 I'll do like yeezy did keezy. 128 00:04:46,888 --> 00:04:49,614 I'll write a song about Carmen, then I'll shoot a music video, 129 00:04:49,633 --> 00:04:51,973 then I'll put it on YouTube, then I'll hire a publicist, 130 00:04:51,974 --> 00:04:54,405 then I'll make it go viral, then I'll send Carmen a link, 131 00:04:54,445 --> 00:04:56,363 then I'll make all the comments say things like, 132 00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:58,386 "wow, that girl really loves Carmen." 133 00:04:58,387 --> 00:04:59,806 And "wow, Carmen should really go back 134 00:04:59,807 --> 00:05:01,502 to that girl who loves her." 135 00:05:01,536 --> 00:05:03,642 That might actually work. 136 00:05:03,853 --> 00:05:06,487 Ay, que muchachito! 137 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,708 Ay, mi guapo! 138 00:05:08,759 --> 00:05:09,640 (Coos) 139 00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:10,767 What did he say? 140 00:05:10,823 --> 00:05:13,663 He said... (Spanish accent) "I love you, mommy. 141 00:05:13,695 --> 00:05:16,234 I am so glad you're back from your book tour." 142 00:05:16,354 --> 00:05:18,800 No, I think we should consider a speech therapist. 143 00:05:18,801 --> 00:05:21,473 I'm finding it very difficult to understand him. 144 00:05:21,592 --> 00:05:24,368 She can't understand him because he's an infant. 145 00:05:24,544 --> 00:05:27,809 An infant with a thick Mexican accent. 146 00:05:27,929 --> 00:05:30,194 Maybe she should stay home and raise him herself... 147 00:05:30,238 --> 00:05:31,151 in English. 148 00:05:31,152 --> 00:05:32,685 I beg your pardon. 149 00:05:32,715 --> 00:05:34,623 Have you ever written a body of work 150 00:05:34,630 --> 00:05:36,450 that you were exceptionally proud of? 151 00:05:36,494 --> 00:05:38,709 Darling, Carmen has a very important job. 152 00:05:38,734 --> 00:05:41,030 She is caring for our baby. 153 00:05:41,086 --> 00:05:43,807 Why do you defend her when she so clearly judges me? 154 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,834 Admit it, Carmen, you judge me. 155 00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:49,638 I do, because you care more about your books 156 00:05:49,695 --> 00:05:50,796 than your son. 157 00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:52,798 Carmen, don't you see? 158 00:05:53,036 --> 00:05:55,364 I want the baby to love me as a mommy, 159 00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:58,986 but I need him to respect me as an author. 160 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,454 I saw that. Was that a look? 161 00:06:04,504 --> 00:06:06,913 It's gonna be a long Christmas, guapo. 162 00:06:09,858 --> 00:06:11,249 Ryan's adopted? 163 00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:13,399 (Crying) He wasn't supposed to know! 164 00:06:13,617 --> 00:06:15,326 Ryan never would have found out he was adopted 165 00:06:15,327 --> 00:06:17,498 if that photographer hadn't kept shoving 166 00:06:17,554 --> 00:06:19,872 his powdered balls in my face! 167 00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:21,841 Care for another rum ball, Lisa? 168 00:06:21,892 --> 00:06:23,876 They do dull the pain. 169 00:06:24,066 --> 00:06:26,094 Did you ever notice how Ryan... 170 00:06:26,144 --> 00:06:28,728 well... he lights himself. 171 00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:31,150 It's like he has his own inner light. 172 00:06:32,707 --> 00:06:35,938 Well, that's 'cause Ryan isn't really a Shay. 173 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,607 You don't Shay? 174 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,672 (Crying) And now it's almost Christmas. 175 00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:44,350 I don't think he's coming home. 176 00:06:44,607 --> 00:06:46,421 You don't happen to have any rum balls, do you? 177 00:06:47,672 --> 00:06:49,036 I've got the shakes. 178 00:06:49,305 --> 00:06:51,314 I offered to cancel my trip to New York. 179 00:06:51,317 --> 00:06:53,110 But Lisa said there was no reason 180 00:06:53,135 --> 00:06:54,862 for both of our families to suffer. 181 00:06:54,863 --> 00:06:57,369 First Thanksgiving, now Christmas. 182 00:06:57,373 --> 00:06:59,924 You hate spending the holidays with me. 183 00:07:00,775 --> 00:07:02,744 Mm. You gonna cry, little baby? 184 00:07:02,779 --> 00:07:03,829 You know what? 185 00:07:04,328 --> 00:07:07,649 Wait until you get old and... feel stuff. 186 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,152 (Car horn honks) 187 00:07:09,947 --> 00:07:10,902 Okay. 188 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,194 Here she is. Here's your mom. 189 00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:16,917 This was super cool of you, dad. 190 00:07:16,926 --> 00:07:19,094 Well, I'm a super cool dad. Excuse me. 191 00:07:19,128 --> 00:07:21,012 Hug, perhaps? 192 00:07:21,047 --> 00:07:22,597 Sorry. 193 00:07:22,632 --> 00:07:23,949 Thanks. 194 00:07:23,983 --> 00:07:26,435 ♪ 195 00:07:27,497 --> 00:07:29,543 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. 196 00:07:29,605 --> 00:07:31,239 Oh! I forgot. 197 00:07:32,058 --> 00:07:33,021 Oh, really? 198 00:07:33,697 --> 00:07:35,548 Thank you. I promise not to open this... 199 00:07:35,549 --> 00:07:36,900 It's a pen. 200 00:07:37,786 --> 00:07:39,146 ♪ 201 00:07:39,878 --> 00:07:40,717 (Door alert dings) 202 00:07:40,742 --> 00:07:42,419 George. Hey. 203 00:07:42,731 --> 00:07:45,841 Listen, um, I just wanna say thanks. 204 00:07:45,961 --> 00:07:47,218 I know this can't be easy, 205 00:07:47,230 --> 00:07:49,927 and I'm sure part of you just wants to rip my face off 206 00:07:49,958 --> 00:07:51,247 and stuff it down a garbage disposal 207 00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:54,707 and scream, "stay away from us, you human wart!" (Sighs) 208 00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:56,940 But, you know, it really doesn't show, which is great. 209 00:07:57,002 --> 00:07:59,374 Which means you're probably exercising tons of self control, 210 00:07:59,399 --> 00:08:00,438 or you're making room for me. 211 00:08:00,558 --> 00:08:04,217 Either, way, I... I just wanted to say that... 212 00:08:04,413 --> 00:08:06,447 I'm grateful. 213 00:08:07,401 --> 00:08:09,347 Well, merry Christmas, Alex. 214 00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:13,188 Well, merry Christmas, George. (Chuckles) 215 00:08:14,923 --> 00:08:16,854 Hey, George... (Exhales) 216 00:08:16,855 --> 00:08:18,237 you can see your breath. 217 00:08:18,444 --> 00:08:20,703 And drive... drive safely, please. 218 00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:23,147 I will. I will. (Door alert dings) 219 00:08:23,182 --> 00:08:25,971 (Engine starts) (Whispers) Damn it, Alex, drive safely. 220 00:08:26,091 --> 00:08:27,122 (Dance pop music playing) 221 00:08:27,128 --> 00:08:29,412 ♪ I washed my silk shirt ♪ silk shirt 222 00:08:29,431 --> 00:08:31,320 ♪ that hurt ♪ that hurt 223 00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:33,913 ♪ The tag said to dry clean it 224 00:08:33,917 --> 00:08:35,956 ♪ but without you, I didn't read it ♪ 225 00:08:35,975 --> 00:08:36,926 ♪ Read it 226 00:08:36,970 --> 00:08:40,455 ♪ all of the sheets on my bed ♪ are stained red ♪ 227 00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:41,399 ♪ Stained red 228 00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,939 ♪ 'cause I went to sleep with lipstick ♪ 229 00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,979 ♪ and you weren't there to fix it ♪ 230 00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:49,438 ♪ You clean the house so spick-and-span ♪ 231 00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:53,938 ♪ You cleaned everything a cleaning lady can ♪ 232 00:08:53,956 --> 00:08:57,580 ♪ But I won't throw out your plastic cart ♪ 233 00:08:57,605 --> 00:09:00,351 ♪ 'Cause you missed a spot 234 00:09:00,869 --> 00:09:02,236 ♪ 235 00:09:02,271 --> 00:09:05,932 ♪ In my heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 236 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,509 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 237 00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:10,655 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 238 00:09:11,031 --> 00:09:14,534 ♪ In my heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 239 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,593 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 240 00:09:16,630 --> 00:09:18,432 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 241 00:09:18,481 --> 00:09:20,158 ♪ Wan'er, to the bridge 242 00:09:21,059 --> 00:09:22,654 ♪ Carmen straight up blind 243 00:09:22,655 --> 00:09:24,050 ♪ she cannot see 244 00:09:24,257 --> 00:09:27,885 ♪ that spoiled white girl thinks you the bee's knees ♪ 245 00:09:27,907 --> 00:09:31,552 ♪ The first-class cabin holds me last in their heart ♪ 246 00:09:31,965 --> 00:09:35,619 ♪ Wouldn't look my way if I didn't push a drink cart ♪ 247 00:09:35,637 --> 00:09:37,177 Hot tea with larmon? 248 00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:38,809 No, I want Carmen. 249 00:09:39,235 --> 00:09:41,850 ♪ Heart, heart, heart, heart 250 00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:43,150 ♪ in my heart 251 00:09:43,151 --> 00:09:46,322 ♪ Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. 252 00:09:46,323 --> 00:09:49,055 ♪ Heart, heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 253 00:09:49,057 --> 00:09:50,821 ♪ In my heart 254 00:09:50,878 --> 00:09:53,594 ♪ Carmen. Carmen. Carmen. 255 00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:56,451 ♪ 256 00:09:56,502 --> 00:09:58,536 ♪ Carmen. (Click) 257 00:09:59,118 --> 00:10:01,721 You mean y'all learned all that complicated choreography 258 00:10:01,742 --> 00:10:03,360 just to try to win Carmen back? 259 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,378 Yes, mommy. (Sighs) 260 00:10:05,413 --> 00:10:07,571 She's all I want for Christmas. (Gasps) 261 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,067 George, we have to. 262 00:10:09,073 --> 00:10:10,834 It's the only thing on Dalia's list. 263 00:10:10,868 --> 00:10:13,227 I... I know this isn't what you wanna hear, 264 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,355 but... she's gone, okay? 265 00:10:15,842 --> 00:10:17,707 Carmen has made up her mind. 266 00:10:17,932 --> 00:10:19,871 But people change their minds sometimes, 267 00:10:19,915 --> 00:10:21,504 don't they, daddy Altman? 268 00:10:25,439 --> 00:10:26,484 Christmas is such a crock anyway. 269 00:10:26,485 --> 00:10:27,785 I mean, if you think about it, 270 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,063 it's entirely about consumerism. 271 00:10:30,183 --> 00:10:32,303 And they pressure people who don't have the money 272 00:10:32,309 --> 00:10:34,129 to spend the money, which is exactly why 273 00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:36,514 December has the highest suicide rate. 274 00:10:39,992 --> 00:10:42,334 Sorry. I was... on a rant. 275 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,608 No, no. It's just you sound like me, 276 00:10:44,609 --> 00:10:48,156 or I guess I... I sound like you. 277 00:10:48,276 --> 00:10:51,245 I just never realized how I sounded. 278 00:10:52,547 --> 00:10:53,547 Oh. 279 00:10:54,051 --> 00:10:57,010 The holidays are a great excuse 280 00:10:57,130 --> 00:10:59,138 to bring people together, right? 281 00:10:59,351 --> 00:11:02,073 Yeah. Totally. 282 00:11:02,107 --> 00:11:06,395 I mean, Tessa, this is the best present 283 00:11:06,414 --> 00:11:07,503 I ever could have hoped for, 284 00:11:07,504 --> 00:11:08,974 if I advocated exchanging presents, 285 00:11:09,029 --> 00:11:10,331 which I don't, but... 286 00:11:11,131 --> 00:11:12,283 I want to give you something 287 00:11:12,289 --> 00:11:15,035 that I did not get at a department store. 288 00:11:18,757 --> 00:11:20,753 It's a hug. 289 00:11:20,991 --> 00:11:24,095 Can I give you a hug? Can I... hug you? 290 00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:26,848 Sure. 291 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:28,430 Okay. (Laughs) 292 00:11:29,053 --> 00:11:30,553 Great. Um... 293 00:11:30,571 --> 00:11:33,736 - Oh. Guess I... gotta get over there. - Maybe it's easier. 294 00:11:33,755 --> 00:11:36,358 Ooh. (Laughs) 295 00:11:50,991 --> 00:11:52,780 How's the pressure? 296 00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:53,850 It's fine. 297 00:11:56,158 --> 00:11:59,055 Hey, ma, it sure is nice 298 00:11:59,074 --> 00:12:00,876 having you and Alice here for the holidays. 299 00:12:00,901 --> 00:12:02,765 - Oh, it is, honey. - Yeah. 300 00:12:03,391 --> 00:12:05,280 It's nice, isn't it, Malik? 301 00:12:05,549 --> 00:12:07,545 Malik, your mother's talking to you. (Chuckles) 302 00:12:08,821 --> 00:12:10,016 He's been this way ever since he broke up 303 00:12:10,028 --> 00:12:11,211 with his little girlfriend. 304 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,194 Malik has a girlfriend? 305 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,195 Had. 306 00:12:14,315 --> 00:12:17,105 Oh! So now you can hear us. 307 00:12:17,401 --> 00:12:19,389 Look at that! 308 00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:20,733 There's a white child 309 00:12:20,771 --> 00:12:23,156 running down the side of the road. 310 00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:25,187 He isn't wearing a shirt. He'll freeze. 311 00:12:25,450 --> 00:12:26,814 I don't like the look of him. 312 00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:29,004 - He looks wild. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 313 00:12:29,029 --> 00:12:30,406 Ho... hold on. Stop... stop the car. 314 00:12:30,447 --> 00:12:32,207 - I... I know him. - You sure? 315 00:12:32,245 --> 00:12:35,498 Malik. Malik. Malik. Malik, where you going? (Brakes squeal) 316 00:12:36,253 --> 00:12:38,002 Malik? 317 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:40,836 (Grunting softly) Ryan? 318 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,250 Huh? (Spits) 319 00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:44,634 'Sup, buddy? What's... what's up, man? 320 00:12:45,128 --> 00:12:46,554 Y... you... you okay? 321 00:12:46,674 --> 00:12:49,257 Come here. Look what I got here. 322 00:12:50,434 --> 00:12:51,771 Look, look. 323 00:12:51,891 --> 00:12:54,241 Yeah. Yeah. See that? That's for you. 324 00:12:55,151 --> 00:12:56,901 It's a lemon Starburst. 325 00:12:56,952 --> 00:12:57,902 (Sniffs) 326 00:12:58,191 --> 00:12:59,374 Good boy. 327 00:12:59,494 --> 00:13:00,963 Come on. Come on. 328 00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:02,423 Pop the trunk! 329 00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:04,042 You're safe now, okay? 330 00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:05,862 (Trunk pops) 331 00:13:05,982 --> 00:13:07,729 Good boy. 332 00:13:07,763 --> 00:13:10,066 We're almost home. You're safe now, okay? 333 00:13:12,138 --> 00:13:14,040 Did you just put a human being in our trunk? 334 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,816 One popular misconception 335 00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:18,907 is that the shiraz grape originated in southwestern Iran. 336 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,340 (Yawns loudly) 337 00:13:21,010 --> 00:13:24,045 Carmen, please starch the baby's Christmas gown. 338 00:13:24,063 --> 00:13:25,513 Yes, master. 339 00:13:25,548 --> 00:13:28,035 Did you hear that? She called me "master." 340 00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:29,801 Sarcastically. 341 00:13:29,835 --> 00:13:32,170 Noah, I suggest you tell Carmen to watch it. 342 00:13:32,204 --> 00:13:34,973 How dare you threaten me! 343 00:13:35,543 --> 00:13:36,588 Tell her not to threaten me. 344 00:13:36,625 --> 00:13:38,077 Yeah, Jill, don't threaten Carmen. 345 00:13:38,089 --> 00:13:39,666 Don't take her side. 346 00:13:39,691 --> 00:13:40,692 (Imitates Carmen) Yes, master. 347 00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:43,458 Hi. That was... I was kidding. 348 00:13:43,514 --> 00:13:45,285 I was trying to lighten the mood. 349 00:13:45,405 --> 00:13:46,361 (Chuckles) 350 00:13:46,404 --> 00:13:47,956 Master. 351 00:13:48,418 --> 00:13:50,947 And in Germany, they have this creature called Krampus, 352 00:13:51,067 --> 00:13:53,844 and he's like this big, hairy monster 353 00:13:53,850 --> 00:13:57,391 that comes and carries away all the bad kids in his sack. 354 00:13:57,679 --> 00:13:59,488 He's like Santa, except evil. 355 00:13:59,682 --> 00:14:01,815 And what's Krampus do with these children he collects? 356 00:14:01,935 --> 00:14:03,448 I think he eats them. 357 00:14:03,661 --> 00:14:05,313 Seems like it would just be easier 358 00:14:05,326 --> 00:14:07,772 to eat them in the original location. 359 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,449 Why does he have to carry them away in a sack? 360 00:14:11,029 --> 00:14:12,802 I don't know. 361 00:14:13,315 --> 00:14:15,712 I guess it's just his thing, you know? 362 00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,522 It's the perfect red, right? 363 00:14:21,843 --> 00:14:24,840 You know, every girl needs a great red lipstick. 364 00:14:25,039 --> 00:14:26,891 Here. You take it. 365 00:14:26,948 --> 00:14:29,657 I'm not really a red lipstick girl. 366 00:14:30,883 --> 00:14:32,132 Let me try. 367 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,449 Here. 368 00:14:42,427 --> 00:14:44,178 (Gasps) 369 00:14:44,212 --> 00:14:45,646 Wow. 370 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,482 Tessa, you look great. 371 00:14:49,071 --> 00:14:52,187 My God, you look so grown up. 372 00:14:53,071 --> 00:14:55,406 Now that you're practically an adult, 373 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,861 I was kind of hoping that maybe we could... 374 00:14:58,174 --> 00:14:59,743 Um... 375 00:14:59,778 --> 00:15:02,279 I don't know. I just... 376 00:15:02,313 --> 00:15:03,635 have you ever been to Europe? 377 00:15:03,755 --> 00:15:06,500 I mean, are you interested in traveling at all? 378 00:15:06,534 --> 00:15:08,203 Yeah. 379 00:15:08,459 --> 00:15:09,460 Good. 380 00:15:09,580 --> 00:15:12,601 I suppose the whole thing was very sophisticated. 381 00:15:12,657 --> 00:15:15,779 I mean, there I was, wearing the perfect red lipstick, 382 00:15:15,780 --> 00:15:17,024 sitting in a hotel lobby 383 00:15:17,037 --> 00:15:19,633 listening to stories about Berlin. 384 00:15:20,259 --> 00:15:21,998 But the truth is, 385 00:15:22,016 --> 00:15:24,232 I had never felt more like a kid. 386 00:15:24,269 --> 00:15:26,136 I wanted my house 387 00:15:26,171 --> 00:15:27,721 and my tree 388 00:15:27,772 --> 00:15:29,268 and my Christmas stocking... 389 00:15:29,712 --> 00:15:31,174 and my dad. 390 00:15:31,192 --> 00:15:34,361 I wanted to be home with my dad. 391 00:15:36,217 --> 00:15:37,211 Look, Ryan... 392 00:15:37,212 --> 00:15:38,832 Don't call me that name. 393 00:15:39,971 --> 00:15:41,166 I'm not Ryan. 394 00:15:41,628 --> 00:15:44,475 I'm the opposite of Ryan, which is... 395 00:15:45,795 --> 00:15:47,685 Eugene. 396 00:15:48,525 --> 00:15:50,175 O... okay, Eugene. 397 00:15:50,295 --> 00:15:51,989 Look, just because you're adopted 398 00:15:52,014 --> 00:15:53,128 doesn't make you any less of a Shay. 399 00:15:53,130 --> 00:15:54,670 Don't every say that last name again! 400 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:55,748 I'm not a Shay! 401 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:58,351 I'm the opposite of a Shay... 402 00:15:58,385 --> 00:16:00,636 which is... 403 00:16:00,671 --> 00:16:01,871 Goldfarb. 404 00:16:02,639 --> 00:16:04,941 I'm Eugene Goldfarb! 405 00:16:05,061 --> 00:16:06,298 Okay. Okay. 406 00:16:06,348 --> 00:16:08,807 I'm Eugene Goldfarb. 407 00:16:09,846 --> 00:16:11,197 I'll see you in the morning. 408 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,551 (Sighs) 409 00:16:15,585 --> 00:16:17,770 (Switch clicks) 410 00:16:18,217 --> 00:16:20,406 Eugene can stay as long as he likes, 411 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,383 but somebody's gotta call his parents. 412 00:16:23,593 --> 00:16:24,692 (Dalia on computer) ♪ in my heart 413 00:16:24,705 --> 00:16:26,312 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart 414 00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:28,881 ♪ heart, heart, heart, heart, heart ♪ 415 00:16:28,932 --> 00:16:30,380 Tessa: "Home for the holidays" 416 00:16:30,392 --> 00:16:32,652 is more than just some marketing catchphrase. 417 00:16:32,686 --> 00:16:35,185 For some, it's an irrepressible, 418 00:16:35,197 --> 00:16:37,568 almost primal urge. 419 00:16:38,842 --> 00:16:42,178 For others, it's a reminder of where home is. 420 00:16:42,730 --> 00:16:45,896 Berlin would have to wait. I was heading home, 421 00:16:46,146 --> 00:16:47,285 to Chatswin. 422 00:16:47,405 --> 00:16:50,382 And if anyone should understand, it should be Alex. 423 00:16:50,419 --> 00:16:52,658 Dalia, do you like your gloves? 424 00:16:52,659 --> 00:16:54,930 I got 'em from Italy. They're made of kidskin. 425 00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:55,968 Thanks, mommy. 426 00:16:56,031 --> 00:16:57,883 These kids must have been really cute. 427 00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:00,499 It's just sad, 'cause none of these boxes 428 00:17:00,533 --> 00:17:02,331 are big enough to be Carmen. 429 00:17:02,518 --> 00:17:03,770 Unless you chopped her up 430 00:17:03,776 --> 00:17:05,535 and put her into separate little boxes. 431 00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:06,798 No, Dalia, sadly, 432 00:17:06,799 --> 00:17:09,316 I was unable to chop up Carmen for the holidays. 433 00:17:09,342 --> 00:17:10,983 Dalia, there's a big present over there 434 00:17:10,984 --> 00:17:11,917 you haven't opened yet. 435 00:17:11,944 --> 00:17:12,927 Is it rims? 436 00:17:12,945 --> 00:17:14,875 Uh, it looks a little bit to be rims. 437 00:17:14,876 --> 00:17:16,184 No, rims are really big. 438 00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,390 Oh, well, either way, 439 00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:18,861 why don't you go ahead and open it? 440 00:17:18,918 --> 00:17:20,174 It's probably just rims. 441 00:17:20,193 --> 00:17:21,320 It's not rims. 442 00:17:27,776 --> 00:17:29,591 (Ripping) 443 00:17:31,531 --> 00:17:32,698 (Paper rustles) 444 00:17:40,715 --> 00:17:43,049 Aah! Aah! 445 00:17:43,309 --> 00:17:46,227 I'm back, bitches! 446 00:17:46,295 --> 00:17:48,047 Carmen! Carmen! 447 00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,380 Aah! It's Carmen! Oh, my God! 448 00:17:50,587 --> 00:17:51,938 Oh, my God, it's Carmen! 449 00:17:51,982 --> 00:17:54,241 Oh, my God! Here. 450 00:17:54,253 --> 00:17:55,492 Oh! (George groans) 451 00:17:55,612 --> 00:17:56,987 Aah! Oh, George. 452 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,257 - Oh, my God! (Chuckles) - Watch your step. 453 00:17:58,739 --> 00:18:00,634 I'm gonna go play with Carmen in my room. 454 00:18:00,935 --> 00:18:03,149 She'll clean this mess up tomorrow. 455 00:18:03,187 --> 00:18:04,932 Come on, Carmen. 456 00:18:05,114 --> 00:18:08,179 (Gasps) It's Carmen! You got Carmen back! 457 00:18:08,204 --> 00:18:11,995 You got Carmen back! George, oh, my gosh! 458 00:18:12,364 --> 00:18:14,916 - Merry Christmas, Dallas. - George. 459 00:18:15,167 --> 00:18:17,031 Tessa: It felt good to be back in Chatswin. 460 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,115 Lisa: Tessa! Tessa! - But before I could race through my own front door, 461 00:18:19,127 --> 00:18:21,793 I had to help Lisa scratch something off her list. 462 00:18:21,913 --> 00:18:23,683 It's Christmas morning. Ryan's not home. 463 00:18:23,695 --> 00:18:25,735 He's at Malik's, and I... 464 00:18:26,129 --> 00:18:28,285 I need you to talk to him, 465 00:18:28,304 --> 00:18:30,588 because he'll listen to you, 466 00:18:30,606 --> 00:18:34,000 because he... he... 467 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,989 he's crazy about you. 468 00:18:37,053 --> 00:18:38,329 He always has been. 469 00:18:39,311 --> 00:18:41,413 Well, uh, what do you want me to tell him? 470 00:18:42,234 --> 00:18:43,841 Just tell him that I love him. 471 00:18:43,961 --> 00:18:46,925 Ryan or... Malik? 472 00:18:47,332 --> 00:18:47,976 All right. 473 00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:49,246 You know which one I'm talking about. 474 00:18:49,277 --> 00:18:51,504 I'm talking about the white one. Okay? 475 00:18:51,823 --> 00:18:53,469 Okay. You know where you're going? 476 00:18:53,513 --> 00:18:55,828 Okay. Just... I just... Thank you so much, sir. 477 00:18:55,866 --> 00:18:57,318 Thank you. 478 00:19:00,871 --> 00:19:01,776 Look, if there's anyone 479 00:19:01,820 --> 00:19:04,035 who understands what you're going through, it's me. 480 00:19:04,541 --> 00:19:06,844 Your biological mom is out there, 481 00:19:07,627 --> 00:19:11,786 but your parents are the people that raised you. 482 00:19:11,811 --> 00:19:14,968 [ ♪ Delicate ♪ by Damien Rice ] 483 00:19:15,002 --> 00:19:16,169 Here. 484 00:19:16,979 --> 00:19:19,455 I made these business cards on Malik's printer. 485 00:19:20,064 --> 00:19:21,224 Ryan, stop it. 486 00:19:21,778 --> 00:19:24,310 You're not "Eugene Goldfarb." 487 00:19:24,345 --> 00:19:26,145 You're Ryan Shay, 488 00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:29,491 the only son of Fred and Sheila. 489 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,412 We live across the street from each other. 490 00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:32,819 You have a huge crush on me. 491 00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:35,905 ♪ We are alone 492 00:19:37,286 --> 00:19:39,192 And right now 493 00:19:39,651 --> 00:19:44,168 standing on this picturesque suburban street... 494 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,369 I'm starting to think... 495 00:19:49,420 --> 00:19:51,587 I may have one on you, too. 496 00:19:51,622 --> 00:19:54,957 ♪ We might make out 497 00:19:56,701 --> 00:20:00,663 ♪ when nobody's there 498 00:20:04,385 --> 00:20:06,936 ♪ it's not that we're scared 499 00:20:06,970 --> 00:20:10,223 ♪ it's just that it's delicate ♪ 500 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,194 Whoa. 501 00:20:15,229 --> 00:20:17,603 She used tongue! (Laughing) 502 00:20:17,815 --> 00:20:20,483 She used tongue! 503 00:20:20,517 --> 00:20:21,520 (Scuffs snow) 504 00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:24,854 (Laughs) 505 00:20:24,872 --> 00:20:27,623 ♪ Borrowed 506 00:20:27,658 --> 00:20:30,055 That was the only thing on my Christmas list. 507 00:20:30,061 --> 00:20:31,744 (Laughs) Come on. 508 00:20:32,008 --> 00:20:33,291 Let's go home. 509 00:20:33,322 --> 00:20:34,530 Okay. 510 00:20:37,217 --> 00:20:39,284 Hey! Where are you going? 511 00:20:39,297 --> 00:20:40,967 You have my card! 512 00:20:40,986 --> 00:20:42,325 You know where to find me! 513 00:20:42,369 --> 00:20:45,109 Ryan was still deciding where home was. 514 00:20:45,229 --> 00:20:47,510 But for me, 515 00:20:47,544 --> 00:20:50,127 that was a question I already answered. 516 00:20:50,147 --> 00:20:52,848 [ ♪ Home ♪ by Phillip Phillips ] 517 00:20:52,883 --> 00:20:57,153 ♪ Hold on to me as we go 518 00:20:57,187 --> 00:20:59,989 ♪ 519 00:21:00,494 --> 00:21:02,725 ♪ as we roll down 520 00:21:02,743 --> 00:21:05,411 (door closes) ♪ this unfamiliar road 521 00:21:05,446 --> 00:21:07,571 Tessa. Merry Christmas. 522 00:21:07,572 --> 00:21:10,230 I wasn't expecting you till the day after tomorrow. 523 00:21:10,343 --> 00:21:11,701 Wait. What are you doing here? 524 00:21:12,469 --> 00:21:14,052 Is everything okay? 525 00:21:14,502 --> 00:21:16,904 Yeah, dad, everything's great. 526 00:21:16,905 --> 00:21:20,593 ♪ Just know you're not alone 527 00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:24,480 ♪ 'cause I'm gonna make this place your home ♪ 528 00:21:24,515 --> 00:21:26,899 ♪ 529 00:21:29,448 --> 00:21:36,111 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne - - www.addic7ed.com -