1
00:00:03,878 --> 00:00:07,453
Is anyone else troubled by
the Spider-Man theme song?
2
00:00:08,371 --> 00:00:09,621
Why would it trouble you?
3
00:00:09,658 --> 00:00:11,875
It's, like, your third favorite
cartoon theme song.
4
00:00:11,921 --> 00:00:13,449
It is, right behind
5
00:00:13,474 --> 00:00:16,508
♪ Do do-do do-do,
Inspector Gadget... ♪
6
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:20,653
...and ♪ Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles ♪
7
00:00:20,786 --> 00:00:22,202
♪ Heroes in a half-shell
8
00:00:22,285 --> 00:00:24,802
WOLOWITZ and KOOTHRAPPALI:
♪ Turtle power!
9
00:00:24,842 --> 00:00:27,363
However, the Spider-Man lyrics
posit that
10
00:00:27,382 --> 00:00:30,700
"Spider-Man, Spider-Man
does whatever a spider can."
11
00:00:30,935 --> 00:00:32,318
Yeah, so?
12
00:00:32,351 --> 00:00:33,967
I can think of many things
Spider-Man can't do
13
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,692
that a spider can.
14
00:00:35,815 --> 00:00:38,282
One: crawl in your ear and die.
15
00:00:39,047 --> 00:00:41,949
Two: legally leave Guatemala
without a passport.
16
00:00:43,429 --> 00:00:45,814
Three: have sex with a spider.
17
00:00:46,589 --> 00:00:48,014
Can we change the subject?
18
00:00:48,139 --> 00:00:50,375
Spiders give me
the jeebie-jeebies.
19
00:00:51,953 --> 00:00:53,870
It's "heebie-jeebies."
20
00:00:53,932 --> 00:00:56,969
I know, but that sounds
anti-Semitic.
21
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:00,324
Anyway, I was thinking
we could have a little
22
00:01:00,344 --> 00:01:01,569
film festival tonight.
23
00:01:01,636 --> 00:01:04,637
The theme: movies that killed
their franchises.
24
00:01:04,708 --> 00:01:05,774
Oh.
25
00:01:05,792 --> 00:01:09,490
Like Jaws 4, Indiana Jones 4,
Daredevil 1.
26
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:10,653
(chuckles)
27
00:01:11,786 --> 00:01:14,706
Miss Congeniality 2:
Armed and Fabulous.
28
00:01:14,735 --> 00:01:17,350
I mean, you know a movie's bad
29
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:20,070
when my homegirl Sandy B.
can't save it.
30
00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:22,706
Penny's working tonight;
I'm in.
31
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,928
Not me.
I'm having dinner
32
00:01:24,965 --> 00:01:26,764
with Bernadette and her parents.
33
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:28,981
Fun. We know how much
you love that.
34
00:01:29,007 --> 00:01:29,973
It's torture.
35
00:01:30,011 --> 00:01:31,266
Especially with her dad.
36
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:32,789
We have nothing in common.
37
00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,498
You know what I like to do
when I'm forced to speak
38
00:01:35,523 --> 00:01:38,182
with those beneath my
intellectual station?
39
00:01:38,629 --> 00:01:40,398
I bring up an
interesting topic,
40
00:01:40,461 --> 00:01:44,763
like the difference between
Spider-Man and spiders.
41
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,191
Thanks, Sheldon.
42
00:01:47,218 --> 00:01:48,851
I'll try that
with my father-in-law.
43
00:01:48,878 --> 00:01:50,077
No, you can't use that one.
44
00:01:50,101 --> 00:01:50,908
That's mine.
45
00:01:50,930 --> 00:01:52,741
Uh, try this one
for an ice-breaker.
46
00:01:52,807 --> 00:01:56,052
Uh, despite popular
lore, there is no place
47
00:01:56,089 --> 00:01:58,789
in the continental United
States, Alaska or Hawaii
48
00:01:58,824 --> 00:02:01,958
from which one can dig straight
through the center of the earth
49
00:02:02,002 --> 00:02:03,501
and come up in China.
50
00:02:05,231 --> 00:02:06,462
Great, thank you.
51
00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:08,716
Actually, you can't
have that one either.
52
00:02:08,744 --> 00:02:09,863
It's too good. Sorry.
53
00:02:10,711 --> 00:02:12,912
What about you, Sheldon?
Do you have any plans tonight?
54
00:02:12,963 --> 00:02:14,113
Sadly, yes.
55
00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:16,686
Amy's taking me
to a memorial service.
56
00:02:16,835 --> 00:02:18,280
It's for one of her colleagues
57
00:02:18,298 --> 00:02:21,927
who is of Asian descent, so
my planned conversational gambit
58
00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:24,242
is to casually remark
that no matter how deep
59
00:02:24,279 --> 00:02:28,314
they dig his grave, he'll never
make his way back to China.
60
00:02:30,332 --> 00:02:32,126
That should lighten the mood.
61
00:02:32,366 --> 00:02:33,432
What can I say?
62
00:02:33,447 --> 00:02:35,481
I put the "fun" in funeral.
63
00:02:36,892 --> 00:02:40,231
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
64
00:02:40,262 --> 00:02:44,045
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
65
00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:45,387
♪ The Earth began to cool
66
00:02:45,418 --> 00:02:48,371
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
67
00:02:48,395 --> 00:02:50,316
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
68
00:02:50,335 --> 00:02:53,205
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
69
00:02:53,224 --> 00:02:55,141
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
70
00:02:55,162 --> 00:02:56,513
♪ Bang! ♪
71
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,543
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x10 ♪
The Fish Guts Displacement
Original Air Date on Decxember 6, 2012
72
00:02:59,574 --> 00:03:02,574
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
73
00:03:03,739 --> 00:03:06,216
Amy. Amy.
74
00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:08,516
Oh, right, funeral.
75
00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:10,457
(lower):
Amy.
76
00:03:12,544 --> 00:03:14,075
Hello, Sheldon.
77
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:16,579
I'm not allowed to wear
my Silver Surfer neck tie,
78
00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:18,972
but you can wear a bathrobe?
79
00:03:19,586 --> 00:03:21,724
I think I'm too sick
to go to the funeral.
80
00:03:21,903 --> 00:03:23,097
You're sick?
81
00:03:23,201 --> 00:03:24,667
You poor kid.
82
00:03:24,794 --> 00:03:26,010
Well, see ya.
83
00:03:27,012 --> 00:03:29,842
Sheldon, aren't you
gonna take care of me?
84
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:30,679
Me?
85
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:33,534
No. No, I'm not
that kind of doctor.
86
00:03:34,442 --> 00:03:36,913
But our relationship agreement
clearly states
87
00:03:36,938 --> 00:03:39,880
that when one of us is sick, the
other must take care of them.
88
00:03:39,972 --> 00:03:42,021
Oh, I see the confusion.
89
00:03:42,045 --> 00:03:44,829
No, the intent
behind that clause
90
00:03:44,861 --> 00:03:48,901
was to force you to take
care of me when I'm ill.
91
00:03:49,148 --> 00:03:51,899
When you're feeling better,
you'll think that's funny.
92
00:03:55,758 --> 00:03:57,675
Never mind. Good night, Sheldon.
93
00:04:07,882 --> 00:04:11,751
Amy. Amy. Amy.
94
00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:14,988
I made a commitment in writing
95
00:04:15,007 --> 00:04:16,851
to comfort you
in times like this.
96
00:04:17,104 --> 00:04:19,035
Additionally, you are
my girlfriend,
97
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,142
and I care about
your well-being.
98
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,805
- Thank you, Sheldon.
- You're welcome.
99
00:04:26,116 --> 00:04:27,749
Now let's get this over with.
100
00:04:33,436 --> 00:04:35,654
(sighs)
101
00:04:41,205 --> 00:04:42,867
So, how have you been?
102
00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:44,282
Fine.
103
00:04:44,523 --> 00:04:46,186
Good.
104
00:04:46,364 --> 00:04:48,087
Fine is good.
105
00:04:49,402 --> 00:04:50,890
(sighs)
106
00:04:57,295 --> 00:04:58,883
How you liking retirement?
107
00:04:59,472 --> 00:05:01,117
It's fine.
108
00:05:02,782 --> 00:05:04,029
I'm sensing a theme.
109
00:05:04,061 --> 00:05:05,623
(chuckles)
110
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:14,250
You ever really think about
the Spider-Man theme song?
111
00:05:16,282 --> 00:05:18,617
How's that dinner coming?
112
00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,777
I just put it in.
It's gonna be a while.
113
00:05:20,795 --> 00:05:22,090
I like rare chicken.
114
00:05:22,119 --> 00:05:24,136
Let's do this.
115
00:05:24,919 --> 00:05:26,902
You could die.
116
00:05:30,268 --> 00:05:32,269
Death by chicken.
(chuckles)
117
00:05:32,550 --> 00:05:35,565
That's a pretty "fowl" way
to go.
118
00:05:40,627 --> 00:05:42,594
Here's another beer, honey.
119
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:44,007
Thank you.
120
00:05:44,307 --> 00:05:48,592
So, Mrs. Rostenkowski, you took
that trip to the Grand Canyon.
121
00:05:48,610 --> 00:05:49,776
How was it?
122
00:05:49,814 --> 00:05:51,963
It was good.
123
00:05:56,425 --> 00:05:59,260
Had no idea
you were the chatty one.
124
00:06:02,326 --> 00:06:04,510
(thermometer beeps)
125
00:06:07,092 --> 00:06:08,617
102.2.
126
00:06:08,651 --> 00:06:09,733
(coughs)
127
00:06:10,335 --> 00:06:12,966
Exactly what it was
half an hour ago.
128
00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:16,110
It's like you're not even
trying to get better.
129
00:06:18,453 --> 00:06:21,409
Sheldon, you don't get over
the flu in half an hour.
130
00:06:21,524 --> 00:06:23,441
Well, not with that attitude.
131
00:06:24,545 --> 00:06:28,128
I have to say, I'm finding your
bedside manner a little lacking.
132
00:06:28,635 --> 00:06:29,694
I'm sorry.
133
00:06:29,718 --> 00:06:32,221
I just want you to get better
as soon as possible.
134
00:06:32,639 --> 00:06:35,807
And with that goal in mind,
let me ask you a question.
135
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:39,052
Do you believe in
the placebo effect?
136
00:06:39,075 --> 00:06:40,076
Of course I do.
137
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,311
There have been many studies
proving its validity.
138
00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:43,060
Great.
139
00:06:43,085 --> 00:06:46,818
Now, this may look
like a Tic Tac...
140
00:06:48,859 --> 00:06:53,407
...but it is really a powerful
medication specifically designed
141
00:06:53,438 --> 00:06:56,679
to cure your illness as well as
freshen your breath.
142
00:06:57,632 --> 00:07:00,148
Sheldon, this isn't helping.
143
00:07:00,308 --> 00:07:02,087
Why don't you just let me
get some rest.
144
00:07:02,135 --> 00:07:03,599
How can you sleep?
145
00:07:03,653 --> 00:07:05,366
I'm not done
making you feel better.
146
00:07:05,762 --> 00:07:08,892
I still have to put a
cold rag on your head,
147
00:07:08,974 --> 00:07:12,726
sing to you and apply VapoRub
to your chest.
148
00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:23,392
Y-You want to rub something
on my chest?
149
00:07:24,237 --> 00:07:25,675
Yes.
150
00:07:26,015 --> 00:07:28,032
All over it.
151
00:07:31,361 --> 00:07:33,752
(coughs)
Maybe we should start with that.
152
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:37,705
Now you're being a
responsible patient.
153
00:07:48,431 --> 00:07:53,122
Now, you may notice
some tingling.
154
00:07:53,301 --> 00:07:55,809
Oh, I'm counting on it.
155
00:07:57,863 --> 00:08:00,604
(sighs):
Oh.
156
00:08:02,514 --> 00:08:04,203
Okay, dig in.
157
00:08:04,246 --> 00:08:05,740
Hold up.
158
00:08:07,777 --> 00:08:10,020
Bless us, O Lord
for these Thy gifts
159
00:08:10,043 --> 00:08:12,319
which we are about to
receive from Thy bounty
160
00:08:12,344 --> 00:08:14,892
through Christ our Lord. Amen.
161
00:08:17,961 --> 00:08:20,505
Took the words
right out of my mouth.
162
00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:25,019
So, Dad, have you done
any fishing lately?
163
00:08:25,083 --> 00:08:26,533
I'm going next weekend.
164
00:08:26,571 --> 00:08:28,371
Oh, you like to fish?
165
00:08:29,436 --> 00:08:31,031
Yes.
166
00:08:33,848 --> 00:08:36,868
Sure. I can hear it
in your voice.
167
00:08:37,697 --> 00:08:41,373
Oh, if he didn't like it,
he wouldn't go.
168
00:08:43,121 --> 00:08:45,639
You know, I hadn't
thought of that.
169
00:08:45,712 --> 00:08:48,102
(whispers):
Help me.
170
00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:51,787
Hey, Dad, maybe you could take
Howard fishing sometime.
171
00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:53,661
Give you guys a chance to get
to know each other better.
172
00:08:53,692 --> 00:08:54,936
No, no.
173
00:08:54,990 --> 00:08:56,803
We know each other well enough.
174
00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:59,235
He's been talking
my ear off all night.
175
00:08:59,943 --> 00:09:01,526
Howie, I think you'd have fun.
176
00:09:05,540 --> 00:09:08,050
Fine, you can tag along.
177
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,179
Terrific.
178
00:09:09,252 --> 00:09:11,419
My two favorite fellas
gone fishin'.
179
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,414
Well, hang on a second, Bernie.
180
00:09:13,435 --> 00:09:16,036
Next weekend, we
have that thing.
181
00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:17,325
What thing?
182
00:09:17,539 --> 00:09:19,936
You know, the thing.
183
00:09:20,722 --> 00:09:22,394
Oh, that thing.
184
00:09:22,477 --> 00:09:24,260
No, I cancelled that thing.
185
00:09:25,714 --> 00:09:27,028
All right, it's settled.
186
00:09:27,070 --> 00:09:28,773
You and I are going fishing.
187
00:09:28,824 --> 00:09:30,093
Great.
188
00:09:30,233 --> 00:09:32,617
(quietly):
Thanks for the help.
189
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,490
I've never even been fishing.
190
00:09:35,512 --> 00:09:36,968
This is gonna be a disaster.
191
00:09:37,230 --> 00:09:39,243
If you don't want to look
foolish doing something,
192
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:40,809
you should practice.
193
00:09:40,990 --> 00:09:44,061
Do you know how many beef
Wellingtons I made by myself
194
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,117
before I invited you guys over?
195
00:09:46,925 --> 00:09:47,973
I'll give you a hint.
196
00:09:47,993 --> 00:09:52,946
You can see them
here, here... and here.
197
00:09:56,590 --> 00:09:57,848
Raj is probably right.
198
00:09:57,921 --> 00:09:59,684
You should get someone
to give you some pointers.
199
00:09:59,786 --> 00:10:01,342
Do either of you guys
know how to fish?
200
00:10:01,390 --> 00:10:03,613
BOTH (chuckle):
No.
201
00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:05,632
But if you catch anything,
202
00:10:05,656 --> 00:10:08,441
I know how to steam
it in banana leaves.
203
00:10:09,219 --> 00:10:10,970
Come on, we must know somebody
204
00:10:11,002 --> 00:10:13,583
who can do manly stuff
like this.
205
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,630
S'up?
206
00:10:25,472 --> 00:10:27,407
Step one: worms.
207
00:10:28,776 --> 00:10:30,670
Ew!
208
00:10:32,412 --> 00:10:34,479
Okay, right there,
"ew" is one of the things
209
00:10:34,499 --> 00:10:36,710
you're not gonna want to say
in front of your father-in-law.
210
00:10:36,749 --> 00:10:39,633
It's right up there with "icky"
and "get it away."
211
00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:42,086
Now pick one up.
212
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,124
Really?
213
00:10:43,174 --> 00:10:44,958
You're gonna have to do it
when you're fishing.
214
00:10:45,654 --> 00:10:47,201
Okay.
215
00:10:50,925 --> 00:10:52,203
What are you waiting for?
216
00:10:52,245 --> 00:10:55,820
I don't know, for them
to die of natural causes.
217
00:10:56,426 --> 00:10:59,561
Just pick up a worm
and put him on this hook.
218
00:11:01,006 --> 00:11:03,374
Fine.
(clears throat)
219
00:11:13,981 --> 00:11:15,223
There.
220
00:11:15,273 --> 00:11:16,779
I'm no expert,
221
00:11:16,815 --> 00:11:19,649
but I think the hook has
to go through the worm.
222
00:11:20,707 --> 00:11:21,891
Fine.
223
00:11:22,032 --> 00:11:24,082
Sorry, Mr. Worm.
224
00:11:24,197 --> 00:11:26,614
Sherm.
Sherm the Worm.
225
00:11:26,818 --> 00:11:27,968
Hey, don't name him.
226
00:11:28,013 --> 00:11:29,897
Just jab a hook in his face.
227
00:11:32,031 --> 00:11:33,973
- You got this, buddy.
- Yeah, come on, Howard.
228
00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:35,919
- Hook that worm.
- You can do it.
229
00:11:36,376 --> 00:11:37,307
That's great.
230
00:11:37,335 --> 00:11:39,385
Cheerleading--
way to man things up.
231
00:11:42,606 --> 00:11:44,494
"And the control group displayed
232
00:11:44,524 --> 00:11:47,996
"significantly fewer
genetic abnormalities.
233
00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:52,465
"But, because of flaws
in the experimental design
234
00:11:52,489 --> 00:11:54,735
"relating to
environment and diet,
235
00:11:54,784 --> 00:11:57,635
they lived
inconclusively ever after."
236
00:11:57,668 --> 00:11:59,651
The end.
237
00:11:59,703 --> 00:12:00,996
That was great.
238
00:12:01,044 --> 00:12:02,460
Rub my chest again.
239
00:12:02,719 --> 00:12:03,935
(knock at door)
240
00:12:04,274 --> 00:12:05,074
No.
241
00:12:05,102 --> 00:12:06,802
I need to get you down
for a nap.
242
00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:10,368
For some reason, that VapoRub
gets you all fired up.
243
00:12:12,961 --> 00:12:14,192
How's the poor thing?
244
00:12:14,226 --> 00:12:17,143
Oh, I'm hanging in there.
Thanks for asking.
245
00:12:18,185 --> 00:12:19,713
Okay, Amy,
I brought you some drugs
246
00:12:19,732 --> 00:12:21,498
we were working on in the lab.
247
00:12:21,585 --> 00:12:23,802
This is proving really
good for congestion,
248
00:12:23,829 --> 00:12:24,913
but there's a slight chance
249
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,501
it can make your tears
burn like acid,
250
00:12:26,525 --> 00:12:28,591
so if you take it--
happy thoughts.
251
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,770
Uh, I'm going to draw
you a soothing bath.
252
00:12:32,803 --> 00:12:34,553
Where's your bath thermometer?
253
00:12:34,793 --> 00:12:36,537
I don't have a bath thermometer.
254
00:12:36,605 --> 00:12:38,552
Fine. Then I'm going to draw you
255
00:12:38,571 --> 00:12:41,384
a nerve-wracking bath
of indeterminate temperature.
256
00:12:43,653 --> 00:12:45,440
This is a really
good expectorant.
257
00:12:45,468 --> 00:12:47,130
Although some
test subjects reported
258
00:12:47,155 --> 00:12:50,156
lactating uncontrollably
when they heard music.
259
00:12:51,097 --> 00:12:52,950
(quietly):
Okay, okay, here's the deal.
260
00:12:53,046 --> 00:12:55,079
I don't need your medicine.
I'm not sick.
261
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,272
I don't understand.
262
00:12:56,321 --> 00:12:57,988
I got better two days ago.
263
00:12:58,591 --> 00:13:01,566
It's just been so nice
having Sheldon take care of me.
264
00:13:01,613 --> 00:13:03,416
So you've just
been lying to him?
265
00:13:03,613 --> 00:13:04,877
See the stuff in my nose?
266
00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:06,464
Rubber cement.
267
00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:09,911
I don't mean to be judgy,
268
00:13:09,942 --> 00:13:12,936
but this is the kind
of thing lunatics do.
269
00:13:14,431 --> 00:13:15,899
All right.
270
00:13:16,144 --> 00:13:17,382
I'll tell him.
271
00:13:17,461 --> 00:13:19,480
SHELDON: Amy, would you
be strong enough
272
00:13:19,505 --> 00:13:22,356
to bathe yourself,
or do you need my help?
273
00:13:26,248 --> 00:13:28,566
I'll tell him tomorrow.
274
00:13:29,581 --> 00:13:31,716
Mama needs a bath.
275
00:13:34,577 --> 00:13:35,969
Now, let's assume,
by some miracle,
276
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,543
you actually catch a fish.
277
00:13:37,794 --> 00:13:39,395
You're going to have to know
how to gut it.
278
00:13:39,422 --> 00:13:41,088
So, what you're going to do
279
00:13:41,526 --> 00:13:43,121
is you're going to take
your knife,
280
00:13:43,146 --> 00:13:45,446
slice him right up the belly.
281
00:13:45,530 --> 00:13:47,730
(gagging)
282
00:13:49,688 --> 00:13:50,639
You want me to stop?
283
00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:52,102
No, I'm fine.
Keep going.
284
00:13:52,159 --> 00:13:53,489
All right. Now, you
don't want to cut
285
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:54,575
too deep into its guts,
286
00:13:54,594 --> 00:13:56,594
or the blood will just squirt
all over your face.
287
00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:58,820
(gagging)
288
00:14:00,936 --> 00:14:03,735
Oh, my God.
What is with you guys?
289
00:14:03,806 --> 00:14:04,806
It's not our fault.
290
00:14:04,843 --> 00:14:07,122
Our dads never did anything
like this with us.
291
00:14:07,251 --> 00:14:08,366
What, never?
292
00:14:08,394 --> 00:14:10,328
My dad was an anthropologist.
293
00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:12,123
The only father-son
time he spent
294
00:14:12,147 --> 00:14:15,712
was with a 2,000-year-old
skeleton of an Etruscan boy.
295
00:14:16,419 --> 00:14:18,786
I hated that kid.
296
00:14:19,782 --> 00:14:22,459
Mine just took me
to his gynecology office.
297
00:14:22,759 --> 00:14:25,135
I got so bored,
I'd put vaginal lubricant
298
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:29,060
on the bottom of my shoes
and pretend I was ice-skating.
299
00:14:32,898 --> 00:14:34,961
Yeah, well, my quality
father-son time
300
00:14:34,985 --> 00:14:37,403
was spending my adolescence
looking out the window
301
00:14:37,422 --> 00:14:40,467
waiting for my dad
to come back someday.
302
00:14:42,404 --> 00:14:44,588
Yeah, okay, Howard wins.
303
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:48,205
You know, maybe we didn't
have opportunities like this
304
00:14:48,236 --> 00:14:49,741
when we were growing up,
but right now,
305
00:14:49,771 --> 00:14:52,271
there's a dad that wants
to take you on a fishing trip.
306
00:14:52,961 --> 00:14:54,004
You're right.
307
00:14:54,253 --> 00:14:55,586
I should do this.
308
00:14:55,625 --> 00:14:56,707
PENNY: Great.
(clears throat)
309
00:14:56,740 --> 00:14:57,739
Here you go.
310
00:14:57,866 --> 00:14:58,966
What you're going to do
311
00:14:58,979 --> 00:15:00,098
is you're going to
stick your thumb
312
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:02,917
down its throat, grab
the guts and pull.
313
00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:08,348
Here we go.
314
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:11,183
(grunting)
315
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:16,006
Oh, look, it's a female.
You can see all the eggs.
316
00:15:16,058 --> 00:15:18,141
(gagging)
317
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:23,165
(singing along to stereo):
♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪
318
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:25,048
♪ Whoa, oh
319
00:15:25,081 --> 00:15:27,014
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪
320
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,441
♪ Oh, yeah
321
00:15:29,477 --> 00:15:31,627
♪ And don't it feel good? ♪
322
00:15:31,948 --> 00:15:33,714
(shuts off stereo)
323
00:15:35,254 --> 00:15:38,457
Oh, Sheldon,
am I glad you're back.
324
00:15:38,785 --> 00:15:41,168
Taking a turn for the worst.
325
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:44,644
I think I'm going to need
another bath.
326
00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:47,816
I'm surprised to hear that.
327
00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:50,294
See, the other day,
I was concerned
328
00:15:50,327 --> 00:15:51,652
that you weren't recovering,
329
00:15:51,706 --> 00:15:53,041
so while you were sleeping,
330
00:15:53,072 --> 00:15:56,240
I took a cheek swab
and had it cultured in the lab.
331
00:15:57,012 --> 00:15:57,769
Oh?
332
00:15:57,797 --> 00:15:59,177
I got the results back.
333
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:02,375
Have you developed any of
the following symptoms?
334
00:16:02,408 --> 00:16:04,408
A growing nose,
335
00:16:04,523 --> 00:16:09,059
or perhaps a warm sensation
in the trouser region?
336
00:16:09,486 --> 00:16:10,468
Also known as
337
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:13,593
full-blown
"liar, liar, pants on fire."
338
00:16:14,088 --> 00:16:15,599
All right, all right.
339
00:16:15,828 --> 00:16:17,628
But I really was sick
at the beginning.
340
00:16:17,654 --> 00:16:21,340
It's just been so nice
having you take care of me.
341
00:16:22,452 --> 00:16:25,047
It hurts that you
would lie to me, Amy.
342
00:16:25,205 --> 00:16:27,893
I thought our relationship
was based on trust
343
00:16:28,015 --> 00:16:31,859
and a mutual admiration
that skews in my favor.
344
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:34,666
I feel terrible I did this.
345
00:16:34,747 --> 00:16:36,031
It pains me to say it,
346
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:38,946
but I think some form
of penalty is in order,
347
00:16:39,002 --> 00:16:42,375
so as to discourage this type
of behavior in the future.
348
00:16:42,638 --> 00:16:45,340
I suppose that's fair.
What do you suggest?
349
00:16:45,595 --> 00:16:47,094
In a perfect world,
I'd lock you
350
00:16:47,121 --> 00:16:49,038
in a stockade in
the public square.
351
00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:52,691
That probably
requires a permit.
352
00:16:55,528 --> 00:16:56,836
I could not be allowed
353
00:16:56,867 --> 00:16:59,192
to go to the opening
of the next Star Trek movie.
354
00:16:59,290 --> 00:17:02,241
Oh, that seems overly harsh.
355
00:17:03,410 --> 00:17:05,090
You gave in to a hun weakness.
356
00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:06,502
You didn't kill a man.
357
00:17:07,116 --> 00:17:10,597
You know, it's a
tad old-school,
358
00:17:10,692 --> 00:17:13,734
but my father was not
one to spare the rod
359
00:17:13,752 --> 00:17:15,778
when my brother would
sneak into his truck
360
00:17:15,809 --> 00:17:18,176
and drink his driving whiskey.
361
00:17:20,652 --> 00:17:23,671
Are you saying
you want to spank me?
362
00:17:26,234 --> 00:17:28,769
But I don't want to.
363
00:17:30,056 --> 00:17:32,850
But it looks like you
left me no choice.
364
00:17:35,393 --> 00:17:37,611
That's true.
365
00:17:40,098 --> 00:17:43,367
I've been a very bad girl.
366
00:17:47,445 --> 00:17:50,164
Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's
off to fish we go.
367
00:17:51,718 --> 00:17:53,225
That's what you're wearing?
368
00:17:53,245 --> 00:17:53,938
No good?
369
00:17:53,963 --> 00:17:55,312
The guy at
the sporting goods store
370
00:17:55,343 --> 00:17:57,391
said these are what
fishermen wear.
371
00:17:58,307 --> 00:18:00,580
Maybe in cartoons.
372
00:18:01,749 --> 00:18:03,449
Wish I had known that
before I posted
373
00:18:03,467 --> 00:18:05,934
all those pictures on Facebook.
374
00:18:08,224 --> 00:18:09,718
All right, let's hit the road.
375
00:18:09,763 --> 00:18:12,297
I wouldn't mind shooting
some ducks in the morning.
376
00:18:12,611 --> 00:18:14,399
Wait, now we're shooting things?
377
00:18:15,788 --> 00:18:17,845
I like using a big shell.
378
00:18:17,944 --> 00:18:19,413
You can't eat them afterwards,
379
00:18:19,479 --> 00:18:21,845
but it's fun
watching them blow up.
380
00:18:26,173 --> 00:18:27,699
Sir, I'm flattered
381
00:18:27,735 --> 00:18:29,082
that you invited me,
382
00:18:29,106 --> 00:18:32,191
and I really want you
to like me,
383
00:18:32,395 --> 00:18:33,611
but...
384
00:18:33,756 --> 00:18:38,042
I don't think this trip
is the way to do it.
385
00:18:38,413 --> 00:18:39,819
And I can't return these things
386
00:18:39,837 --> 00:18:42,148
if there's chunks
of duck all over them.
387
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,839
So, why'd you agree to come?
388
00:18:45,097 --> 00:18:47,029
'Cause Bernadette made me.
389
00:18:47,179 --> 00:18:48,929
I tried to back out, too.
390
00:18:49,050 --> 00:18:51,392
My wife said I had to go.
391
00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:54,231
Really?
Your wife makes you do stuff?
392
00:18:54,248 --> 00:18:56,281
You're a big, scary cop.
393
00:18:56,576 --> 00:18:57,813
You're an astronaut,
394
00:18:57,838 --> 00:18:59,414
and your wife
makes you do things,
395
00:18:59,432 --> 00:19:02,183
and she's only four feet tall.
396
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,458
So, what do we do now?
397
00:19:07,627 --> 00:19:10,478
They expect us to go
away for the weekend.
398
00:19:10,522 --> 00:19:11,522
Ah...
399
00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:14,044
(sighs)
400
00:19:16,468 --> 00:19:20,337
There's an Indian casino
near Palm Springs.
401
00:19:21,307 --> 00:19:23,442
You know how to shoot craps?
402
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,082
No, but I'm not a
stranger to dice games.
403
00:19:26,112 --> 00:19:29,667
I was the Temple Beth-El
Hebrew School Yahtzee champion.
404
00:19:31,683 --> 00:19:33,701
Mazel tov.
405
00:19:35,431 --> 00:19:37,355
I'll teach you how to play.
406
00:19:38,223 --> 00:19:39,855
Really?
407
00:19:40,698 --> 00:19:42,654
Thank you, sir.
408
00:19:44,044 --> 00:19:46,079
Call me Mike.
409
00:19:47,755 --> 00:19:49,343
Okay.
410
00:19:51,813 --> 00:19:54,077
(laughing): Oh, boy,
we're just married
411
00:19:54,102 --> 00:19:57,270
to a couple of
ballbusters, huh, Mike?
412
00:19:57,999 --> 00:20:01,034
That's my wife and daughter
you're talking about.
413
00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:05,552
Great couple of gals.
414
00:20:06,366 --> 00:20:08,122
I wouldn't go that far.
415
00:20:16,375 --> 00:20:18,938
Are you prepared to
receive your punishment?
416
00:20:22,518 --> 00:20:23,900
One second.
417
00:20:23,963 --> 00:20:25,996
I want to put on some music.
418
00:20:26,914 --> 00:20:28,477
Why?
419
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,798
I don't want to disturb
the people next door
420
00:20:30,841 --> 00:20:32,507
while you discipline me.
421
00:20:32,609 --> 00:20:35,226
(R & B playing)
422
00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:40,275
Very well, then.
423
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,889
Get over my knee.
Let's begin.
424
00:20:49,260 --> 00:20:51,444
Oh, my.
425
00:20:51,777 --> 00:20:53,111
Excuse me.
426
00:20:53,159 --> 00:20:55,726
You're not supposed to be
enjoying this.
427
00:20:56,284 --> 00:20:59,502
Then maybe you should
spank me harder.
428
00:21:02,286 --> 00:21:04,392
Maybe I will.
429
00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:07,256
Ooh!
430
00:21:07,373 --> 00:21:12,373
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther