1 00:00:08,182 --> 00:00:09,433 I'm having second thoughts 2 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:11,518 about one of the shirts I packed. 3 00:00:11,569 --> 00:00:14,071 The blue one with the stripes. 4 00:00:14,105 --> 00:00:16,273 I'm sure it's fine. It's a blue shirt. 5 00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,742 Well, yeah, but I'm wondering if it's too blue. 6 00:00:18,776 --> 00:00:23,947 Like, am I making a statement with the blueness? 7 00:00:23,981 --> 00:00:27,183 I am leaving early today for Philly, 8 00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:30,921 because tomorrow is the first day of my new job. 9 00:00:30,955 --> 00:00:33,407 So I figure I'd get in at 5:00, 10 00:00:33,458 --> 00:00:35,959 check into a hotel at about 6:00 11 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:37,744 so I can get a real good night 12 00:00:37,795 --> 00:00:40,614 of restless sleep and nervous puking. 13 00:00:40,648 --> 00:00:42,165 Uh, excuse me. Trying to get work done. 14 00:00:42,199 --> 00:00:44,301 Some people don't care about Jim's new sports job 15 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:45,969 in Phila-whatever. 16 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,672 So you know my job has something to do with sports, 17 00:00:48,706 --> 00:00:51,374 but you don't know the end of the word "Philadelphia"? 18 00:00:51,392 --> 00:00:52,743 Philadelphia. 19 00:00:52,777 --> 00:00:54,761 From the Greek philia, meaning "love," 20 00:00:54,812 --> 00:00:56,730 and adelph, meaning "Adolf." 21 00:00:56,764 --> 00:00:58,065 "The city that loves Adolf." 22 00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,100 Good luck with your new enterprise. 23 00:01:00,151 --> 00:01:01,818 And don't wear the blue striped shirt. 24 00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:05,322 It makes your neck look like an old mop handle. 25 00:01:07,742 --> 00:01:08,942 Oh... Hey, guys, 26 00:01:08,993 --> 00:01:10,994 the Christmas party is today. 27 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,779 Merry Christmas, everyone! 28 00:01:12,830 --> 00:01:14,331 - No. - Is it? 29 00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:15,582 - I mean, it says "X-mas party," 30 00:01:15,616 --> 00:01:17,951 but I think we all know what that's code for. 31 00:01:18,002 --> 00:01:20,287 So we're not gonna have a Christmas party this year? 32 00:01:20,338 --> 00:01:22,255 Angela, how could you do this to us? 33 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:24,174 Oh, right, like I'm responsible 34 00:01:24,208 --> 00:01:26,209 'cause I'm in charge of the party planning committee. 35 00:01:26,243 --> 00:01:28,011 Well, you are the one in charge of it. 36 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:30,246 Don't blame me for something we all forgot. 37 00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:32,966 Yeah, let's not blame her for something we all forgot. 38 00:01:33,017 --> 00:01:36,252 I didn't realize how many of Angela's opinions I agreed with, 39 00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:38,088 until she tried to have my kneecap shattered 40 00:01:38,106 --> 00:01:39,523 for sleeping with her husband. 41 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:42,876 She makes a lot of very sound points. 42 00:01:42,910 --> 00:01:44,111 I knew the party was today, 43 00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:46,196 but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. 44 00:01:46,230 --> 00:01:47,898 Hmm, funny how that works. 45 00:01:47,932 --> 00:01:49,599 We're out there 46 00:01:49,617 --> 00:01:51,568 sweating our balls off every day, 47 00:01:51,602 --> 00:01:52,869 bustin' our balls. 48 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:54,538 We deserve a Christmas party! 49 00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:56,439 Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor 50 00:01:56,457 --> 00:01:59,793 - and those mini-cupcakes? - Mini-cupcakes? 51 00:01:59,827 --> 00:02:02,713 As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, 52 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:05,465 which is already a mini version of cake? 53 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,968 Honestly, where does it end with you people? 54 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:10,620 What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? 55 00:02:10,638 --> 00:02:12,422 Drink some gluhwein, 56 00:02:12,456 --> 00:02:13,974 enjoy some hasenpfeffer. 57 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,643 Enjoy Christmas with Saint Nicolas' 58 00:02:16,677 --> 00:02:19,462 rural German companion, Belsnickel. 59 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,516 Yes! That, that, that! 60 00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:25,018 We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement? 61 00:02:25,069 --> 00:02:26,069 - No. - No! 62 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,654 - Done, right? - No. 63 00:02:27,688 --> 00:02:29,022 I want tropical Christmas. 64 00:02:29,073 --> 00:02:31,858 - Topless Christmas. - Tapas Swiss miss! 65 00:02:31,909 --> 00:02:35,245 Spanish tapas and Swiss miss hot cocoa-- 66 00:02:35,279 --> 00:02:37,047 what's so hard to understand? 67 00:02:37,081 --> 00:02:39,816 Or, who was it that suggested 68 00:02:39,834 --> 00:02:41,501 the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? 69 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:42,836 I think it was someone really popular. 70 00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:44,654 - We already said no. - No, no, no. 71 00:02:44,672 --> 00:02:45,922 Too weird. 72 00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,174 This is me and my family 73 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,592 celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas 74 00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,427 in 1982 on the farm. 75 00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,162 There's me and my brother jeb 76 00:02:52,180 --> 00:02:53,997 breaking the ceremonial pig rib. 77 00:02:54,031 --> 00:02:56,600 He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore. 78 00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:59,669 The sepia tint is from an app on my phone. 79 00:02:59,687 --> 00:03:03,940 This is the same photo, Matrix style. 80 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:05,392 I'm not understanding the confusion. 81 00:03:05,443 --> 00:03:06,777 Am I the only one who wants to try 82 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,146 hufflepuffs and schnauzerhosen, 83 00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:10,346 and meet this glenpickle guy? 84 00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:13,900 Party planning committee, emergency meeting. 85 00:03:13,951 --> 00:03:17,537 Now. 86 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,856 - I'm on it. - Right. 87 00:03:19,874 --> 00:03:21,024 I'm just hoping German terrorists 88 00:03:21,042 --> 00:03:22,442 don't take over this Christmas party. 89 00:03:22,477 --> 00:03:24,828 Make me go all John McClane on their asses. 90 00:03:24,862 --> 00:03:27,247 Wait, German terrorists? That's oddly specific. 91 00:03:27,298 --> 00:03:29,716 And I think-- I think you mean John McCain. 92 00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,534 Die Hard reference. 93 00:03:31,552 --> 00:03:33,970 - I haven't seen it. - You haven't seen Die Hard? 94 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:36,139 - Mm-mmm. - Why haven't you seen Die Hard? 95 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:38,175 I don't know, I just haven't. 96 00:03:38,209 --> 00:03:40,543 Come on, you had to have at least seen some of it. 97 00:03:40,561 --> 00:03:41,561 No. 98 00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,815 "Now, I have a machine gun. 99 00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:46,766 Ho, ho, ho." 100 00:03:46,818 --> 00:03:48,318 "Come out to the coast, 101 00:03:48,352 --> 00:03:50,270 we'll get together, have a few laughs." 102 00:03:50,321 --> 00:03:52,572 None of this makes any sense to me! 103 00:03:52,607 --> 00:03:55,075 Oh, yeah, and when he takes the gun off his back, 104 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:57,661 and he's like, "yippie-ki-yay, mother--" 105 00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:59,779 Actually, he doesn't say that there. 106 00:03:59,831 --> 00:04:04,117 He says it earlier when he's on the radio with Hans. 107 00:04:04,168 --> 00:04:06,736 Yes, you are right. Forgive me. 108 00:04:06,754 --> 00:04:08,839 - Oh, that's okay, bud. - Nope. 109 00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:10,674 - Common mistake. - No, it's not. 110 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,292 Nerd! 111 00:04:12,343 --> 00:04:14,410 Do you know every line of the movie? 112 00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:16,179 My brother dared me to memorize it, 113 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:19,015 and I did it, and I loved doing it. 114 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,084 Okay, let's hear it. 115 00:04:21,102 --> 00:04:23,386 - Hear what? - Die Hard. 116 00:04:23,420 --> 00:04:25,755 Every line. Go. 117 00:04:25,773 --> 00:04:27,023 You don't like flying, do you? 118 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,109 Don't change the subject. 119 00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,644 No, that's the-- 120 00:04:30,678 --> 00:04:32,062 Movie is starting. 121 00:04:32,096 --> 00:04:33,596 We're thinking of collaborating 122 00:04:33,614 --> 00:04:35,448 with Mike Schmidt on some of his charity work. 123 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,984 I love Philly. Dirty town. 124 00:04:38,035 --> 00:04:40,904 Ah-ha-ha! Philly! 125 00:04:40,938 --> 00:04:44,291 - Exciting stuff, man. - Whoo! 126 00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,442 So you sure you remembered everything for your trip? 127 00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:50,413 - Yeah, I think so. - Think that through for a sec. 128 00:04:50,447 --> 00:04:52,249 Yeah, Jim's going to Philly tomorrow. 129 00:04:52,283 --> 00:04:53,500 He said he was gonna take me with him, 130 00:04:53,551 --> 00:04:54,968 but that was two months ago. 131 00:04:55,002 --> 00:04:57,537 And I haven't heard anything since. 132 00:04:57,572 --> 00:05:00,607 I mean, he said that, right? 133 00:05:00,641 --> 00:05:03,310 What else could you possibly be forgetting? 134 00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:06,129 - Uh-- - Things? People? 135 00:05:07,648 --> 00:05:09,516 You know who's not gonna get to work 136 00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:11,134 on some exciting new startup this year? 137 00:05:11,152 --> 00:05:13,403 George Howard Skub, 138 00:05:13,437 --> 00:05:16,356 AKA the alleged Scranton strangler, 139 00:05:16,407 --> 00:05:18,358 because he's in prison 140 00:05:18,409 --> 00:05:20,310 for something he may not have done. 141 00:05:20,328 --> 00:05:22,996 I'm sorry, the-- uh, the Scranton who? 142 00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:25,665 The Scranton strangler. George Howard Skub. 143 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:26,983 Haven't I told you about the jury 144 00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:28,118 I was on a couple years ago? 145 00:05:28,152 --> 00:05:30,420 Oh, what happened? 146 00:05:30,454 --> 00:05:31,922 I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously. 147 00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,123 Because if you can't, I mean, I understand. 148 00:05:33,157 --> 00:05:37,260 I-- I could-- I could talk about it. 149 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,494 See you next Christmas. 150 00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:39,796 I could, sure. Have a seat. 151 00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:41,514 I would start at the beginning, 152 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:45,602 but I think I need to go farther back. 153 00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:47,687 We're the party planning committee, 154 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,389 and we did not get where we are 155 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:50,857 by playing it safe. 156 00:05:50,891 --> 00:05:52,809 We got here by being risk takers. 157 00:05:52,843 --> 00:05:55,061 And, yeah, 158 00:05:55,112 --> 00:05:57,948 Dwight's party is gonna be terrible. 159 00:05:57,982 --> 00:06:00,700 Maybe. 160 00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:04,120 Maybe it's not. 161 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,039 Maybe it's going to be great. 162 00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:11,578 And, if it's great... 163 00:06:11,629 --> 00:06:13,046 I think we all know 164 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:17,367 what that would mean to us. 165 00:06:17,385 --> 00:06:19,219 Let's do it. 166 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,054 Yes. Phyllis! 167 00:06:21,088 --> 00:06:22,389 No. 168 00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:24,224 I don't want my name attached to this party. 169 00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:25,225 What does that even mean? 170 00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:26,376 Where would your name appear? 171 00:06:26,394 --> 00:06:27,394 Please just take my name 172 00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:28,511 off of everything. 173 00:06:28,545 --> 00:06:31,681 Just take her name off of everything. 174 00:06:33,317 --> 00:06:35,852 The party planning committee, minus Angela, 175 00:06:35,886 --> 00:06:41,441 has decided that we're all going to do Dwight's Christmas. 176 00:06:41,492 --> 00:06:42,942 Yes! Yeah! 177 00:06:42,994 --> 00:06:44,995 Yeah! Okay! 178 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,447 Yes! It's a Christmas miracle! 179 00:06:47,498 --> 00:06:48,915 Yeah! 180 00:06:48,949 --> 00:06:51,284 - Whoo-hoo! - Dwight, there is one rule 181 00:06:51,335 --> 00:06:53,119 that you need to take very seriously. 182 00:06:53,170 --> 00:06:55,038 - Uh-huh. - And that is... 183 00:06:55,072 --> 00:06:56,172 Uh-oh. 184 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,590 That there are no rules. 185 00:06:57,625 --> 00:07:01,411 You have never been cooler. 186 00:07:01,429 --> 00:07:03,296 Best Christmas ever. 187 00:07:03,347 --> 00:07:06,599 - You're welcome. - Thank you. 188 00:07:10,667 --> 00:07:15,054 And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially begun. 189 00:07:15,106 --> 00:07:17,690 Ugh. What is this stuff, lava? 190 00:07:17,725 --> 00:07:20,676 That is gluhwein, otherwise known as glow-wine, 191 00:07:20,694 --> 00:07:22,645 also used to sterilize medical instruments. 192 00:07:22,679 --> 00:07:25,615 And, interesting factoid, 193 00:07:25,649 --> 00:07:28,201 this is the very spoon that guided my soft skull 194 00:07:28,235 --> 00:07:30,570 through the birth canal when I was born. 195 00:07:30,621 --> 00:07:32,522 - Enjoy. - What is it? 196 00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:34,657 Don't touch it. 197 00:07:34,691 --> 00:07:37,544 - Somebody's found the hog maw. - Oh! 198 00:07:37,578 --> 00:07:38,628 What? 199 00:07:38,662 --> 00:07:40,029 It's a Pennsylvania Dutch specialty. 200 00:07:40,047 --> 00:07:41,831 Hog maw. That's a beauty, isn't it? 201 00:07:41,865 --> 00:07:43,666 I don't even want to tell you what it's made of 202 00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,201 until after you try it. 203 00:07:45,219 --> 00:07:47,303 Ugh. I'm not eating mystery meat. 204 00:07:47,338 --> 00:07:48,922 It is stuffed pig stomach. 205 00:07:48,973 --> 00:07:51,391 And, after we finish it, we get to break the pig rib. 206 00:07:51,425 --> 00:07:52,759 - Can't wait. - Weird. 207 00:07:52,810 --> 00:07:54,377 Where are the sugar cookies? 208 00:07:54,395 --> 00:07:56,062 Where's the karaoke machine? 209 00:07:56,096 --> 00:07:57,880 This is austere, Meredith. 210 00:07:57,898 --> 00:08:01,901 This is celebrating Christmas for all of the right reasons. 211 00:08:01,936 --> 00:08:05,572 The cookies and toys and sweets are mere distractions. 212 00:08:05,606 --> 00:08:07,723 I mean, most people don't even know 213 00:08:07,741 --> 00:08:10,109 that a candy cane represents a shepherd's crook, 214 00:08:10,161 --> 00:08:12,579 which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. 215 00:08:12,613 --> 00:08:14,063 It tastes like sheep feces. 216 00:08:14,081 --> 00:08:15,448 How would anyone even know-- 217 00:08:15,499 --> 00:08:16,899 Have you ever tasted a shepherd's crook? 218 00:08:16,917 --> 00:08:18,668 I don't know. Is it what you expected? 219 00:08:18,702 --> 00:08:22,121 I feel like-- Dwight is holding a candle 220 00:08:22,173 --> 00:08:24,591 and reading a poem. 221 00:08:24,625 --> 00:08:28,344 So happy right now. 222 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,133 Wait, what is that I hear? 223 00:08:34,185 --> 00:08:35,585 Is someone on the roof? 224 00:08:35,603 --> 00:08:37,470 How strange. 225 00:08:37,521 --> 00:08:40,390 Excuse me. I have to run to my car 226 00:08:40,424 --> 00:08:42,925 to take a dump. 227 00:08:44,595 --> 00:08:47,263 I wish my car had a bathroom. 228 00:08:47,281 --> 00:08:48,598 "Let Heinrich plant the detonators 229 00:08:48,616 --> 00:08:49,866 and Theo prepare the vault. 230 00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:52,318 - After that--" - Eh. That wasn't the line. 231 00:08:52,369 --> 00:08:54,153 I'm sorry, Pete. 232 00:08:54,205 --> 00:08:55,839 That is transcribed by some fan. 233 00:08:55,873 --> 00:08:57,340 They make mistakes. 234 00:08:57,374 --> 00:09:00,009 I don't know. This looks pretty legit. 235 00:09:01,428 --> 00:09:04,380 Oh, my gosh. I just got an email from Andy. 236 00:09:04,398 --> 00:09:06,316 That means they hit land. 237 00:09:06,350 --> 00:09:08,685 "What up, shorty? We got in last night, 238 00:09:08,719 --> 00:09:11,988 sold the boat, went out, got drunk, 239 00:09:12,022 --> 00:09:15,074 saw Life of Pi, got super depressed 240 00:09:15,109 --> 00:09:17,527 and introspective. 241 00:09:17,561 --> 00:09:19,762 Gonna hang out here a while. 242 00:09:19,797 --> 00:09:21,548 Maybe a couple of weeks. 243 00:09:21,582 --> 00:09:24,767 Figure this whole life thing out. 244 00:09:24,785 --> 00:09:28,154 Maybe see Hobbit. Lates." 245 00:09:30,607 --> 00:09:32,575 Hey. Everything okay? 246 00:09:32,609 --> 00:09:34,944 So what comes next? 247 00:09:34,962 --> 00:09:38,665 Right, um, okay. 248 00:09:38,716 --> 00:09:41,467 So he says, "after we call the police, 249 00:09:41,502 --> 00:09:43,503 they'll waste hours trying to negotiate--" 250 00:09:43,554 --> 00:09:45,171 We should just watch the movie. 251 00:09:45,222 --> 00:09:46,289 That makes much more sense. 252 00:09:46,307 --> 00:09:48,508 Or we can just sit and talk, though. 253 00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:49,592 No. No more talking. 254 00:09:49,626 --> 00:09:50,643 It's movie time. 255 00:09:50,678 --> 00:09:54,314 I mean, are you sure... 256 00:09:54,348 --> 00:09:57,133 Yeah, I probably have a copy or two in my car. 257 00:09:57,151 --> 00:09:58,601 Oh, great. Great! 258 00:09:58,635 --> 00:10:00,236 So we're watching Die Hard, now. 259 00:10:00,271 --> 00:10:02,105 Good! This is a good plan. 260 00:10:02,139 --> 00:10:03,773 Okay. 261 00:10:03,807 --> 00:10:05,942 Here's the thing about moonlight. 262 00:10:05,976 --> 00:10:07,810 It's not sunlight. 263 00:10:07,828 --> 00:10:10,479 I love this hog mama. 264 00:10:10,497 --> 00:10:12,031 Dwight said it's "hog maw." 265 00:10:13,284 --> 00:10:14,667 What is maw? 266 00:10:14,702 --> 00:10:16,836 It's the lining of the stomach of-- 267 00:10:16,870 --> 00:10:17,921 Ohh... 268 00:10:17,955 --> 00:10:19,706 Judgment is nigh, 269 00:10:19,757 --> 00:10:22,125 for the Belsnickel ist I! 270 00:10:22,159 --> 00:10:24,177 Yes, he is finally nigh. 271 00:10:24,211 --> 00:10:26,179 I am nigh! 272 00:10:26,213 --> 00:10:28,664 Every year, my grandfather would dress up as Belsnickel 273 00:10:28,682 --> 00:10:29,682 at Christmas. 274 00:10:29,717 --> 00:10:33,186 He was... okay at it. 275 00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:35,305 I am great. 276 00:10:35,339 --> 00:10:37,173 You know how they say some people were born to be bad? 277 00:10:37,191 --> 00:10:40,727 Well, I was born to be Belsnickel. 278 00:10:40,778 --> 00:10:42,729 Ohh, Belsnickel 279 00:10:42,780 --> 00:10:44,981 has traveled from distant lands 280 00:10:45,015 --> 00:10:47,183 to discover how all the boys and the girls 281 00:10:47,201 --> 00:10:49,202 have been behaving this last year. 282 00:10:49,236 --> 00:10:52,488 Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Ohh... too much strudel. 283 00:10:52,522 --> 00:10:55,575 So he's kind of like Santa, except dirty and worse. 284 00:10:55,626 --> 00:10:57,526 No, much better-- no one fears Santa 285 00:10:57,544 --> 00:10:59,379 the way they fear Belsnickel. 286 00:10:59,413 --> 00:11:01,080 Wow. It's my favorite part of Christmas. 287 00:11:01,131 --> 00:11:02,131 The authority. 288 00:11:02,166 --> 00:11:04,083 - And the fear. - Yes, exactly! 289 00:11:04,134 --> 00:11:06,002 Come on, Dwight, you're making this up. 290 00:11:06,036 --> 00:11:08,087 - No... - This is a real thing. 291 00:11:08,138 --> 00:11:10,590 "Belsnickel is a crotchety, fur-clad gift giver 292 00:11:10,641 --> 00:11:12,925 related to other companions of St. Nicholas 293 00:11:12,977 --> 00:11:15,044 in the folklore of Southwestern Germany." 294 00:11:15,062 --> 00:11:16,346 - Ah. - Wow. 295 00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:17,847 Okay, great. Seriously, you guys? 296 00:11:17,881 --> 00:11:19,515 Now you believe in Dwight's traditions, 297 00:11:19,549 --> 00:11:21,567 when some Democrat looks it up on Wikipedia? 298 00:11:21,602 --> 00:11:26,539 "His partner, Zwarte Piet, or Black Peter, a slave boy, 299 00:11:26,573 --> 00:11:30,326 often portrayed in colorful pantaloons and blackface." 300 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,079 Uh-uh. No, Dwight. No. 301 00:11:33,130 --> 00:11:34,547 Oh, come on. 302 00:11:34,581 --> 00:11:37,033 We don't blindly stick to every outmoded aspect 303 00:11:37,051 --> 00:11:38,301 of our traditions. 304 00:11:38,335 --> 00:11:41,254 Come on, get with the spirit of it, you guys. 305 00:11:57,221 --> 00:11:58,554 Okay, Karl was actually 306 00:11:58,572 --> 00:12:00,573 a ballet dancer in real life. 307 00:12:00,607 --> 00:12:03,026 - Isn't that crazy? - Mm. 308 00:12:05,579 --> 00:12:07,947 Jim, that guy. 309 00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:10,950 You gotta stick to your word! 310 00:12:11,001 --> 00:12:13,202 Like when you say something to a buddy, 311 00:12:13,236 --> 00:12:15,705 a real buddy... 312 00:12:15,739 --> 00:12:17,423 what are you gonna do, lie? 313 00:12:17,458 --> 00:12:18,541 To your buddy? 314 00:12:18,575 --> 00:12:20,743 It's awful. 315 00:12:20,761 --> 00:12:22,795 Take a bowl and pass it down. 316 00:12:22,846 --> 00:12:24,464 Thank you, Dwight. These are nice. 317 00:12:24,515 --> 00:12:25,631 No, these are gift bowls. 318 00:12:25,682 --> 00:12:27,767 When you receive a gift, it will go in the bowl, 319 00:12:27,801 --> 00:12:29,085 but the bowls must be returned at the end. 320 00:12:29,103 --> 00:12:30,136 They're a set. 321 00:12:30,187 --> 00:12:33,222 Now, hold your bowls forward. 322 00:12:33,256 --> 00:12:36,893 The Belsnickel will decide if you are impish 323 00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:38,444 or admirable. 324 00:12:38,479 --> 00:12:40,279 Oh, it's like naughty or nice. 325 00:12:40,314 --> 00:12:42,448 No, impish or admirable. 326 00:12:42,483 --> 00:12:43,766 Quick question-- do you just decide 327 00:12:43,784 --> 00:12:45,768 who gets what in the moment, or did you make a list? 328 00:12:45,786 --> 00:12:48,270 - I decided earlier. - Oh. Nice. 329 00:12:48,288 --> 00:12:50,439 - Did you check that list? - Of course I checked it. 330 00:12:50,457 --> 00:12:51,958 But more than once? 'Cause you could have made a mistake. 331 00:12:51,992 --> 00:12:53,743 - I checked it more than once. - Okay, so you made a list, 332 00:12:53,777 --> 00:12:56,278 you checked it twice, and now you're gonna find out who's-- 333 00:12:56,296 --> 00:12:57,547 Impish or admirable. 334 00:12:57,581 --> 00:12:58,548 Damn. 335 00:12:58,582 --> 00:13:00,917 Phyllis Vance! Cheer or fear? 336 00:13:00,951 --> 00:13:02,118 Belsnickel is here. 337 00:13:02,136 --> 00:13:05,805 I judge your year as... 338 00:13:05,839 --> 00:13:08,808 admirable. 339 00:13:08,842 --> 00:13:10,343 There you are. 340 00:13:10,394 --> 00:13:11,761 Oh. What are these? 341 00:13:11,795 --> 00:13:13,963 It's a set of rubber gaskets for canning jars. 342 00:13:13,981 --> 00:13:16,766 - I'd rather have the bowl. - You can't have the bowl! 343 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,518 Oscar Martinez, 344 00:13:18,569 --> 00:13:20,653 cheer or fear? 345 00:13:20,687 --> 00:13:22,021 Belsnickel is here. 346 00:13:22,072 --> 00:13:25,658 I judge your year... 347 00:13:26,608 --> 00:13:27,475 as impish! 348 00:13:27,572 --> 00:13:29,957 Ow! You hit people with that thing? 349 00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:31,087 No, I'm carrying around the stick 350 00:13:31,105 --> 00:13:32,555 in order to look cool. 351 00:13:32,589 --> 00:13:33,723 For the kinder. 352 00:13:33,757 --> 00:13:34,974 Ooh. 353 00:13:35,025 --> 00:13:35,975 Mouse trap. 354 00:13:36,026 --> 00:13:37,394 In a head-to-head contest, 355 00:13:37,428 --> 00:13:40,313 people prefer Belsnickel over Santa every time. 356 00:13:40,364 --> 00:13:41,614 There aren't as many songs about him, 357 00:13:41,649 --> 00:13:44,401 but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. 358 00:13:44,435 --> 00:13:46,069 My brother and I wrote one once. 359 00:13:46,103 --> 00:13:47,904 It was about a fickle pickle salesman 360 00:13:47,938 --> 00:13:49,605 who would tickle you for a nickel. 361 00:13:51,542 --> 00:13:52,909 Oh, you know what? 362 00:13:52,943 --> 00:13:54,744 - I gotta go. - Stop giggling. 363 00:13:54,778 --> 00:13:56,279 Oh, really? Already? 364 00:13:56,297 --> 00:13:57,414 - Yeah, it's all right. - It's a punishment. 365 00:13:57,448 --> 00:13:58,415 Hey, where are you going? 366 00:13:58,449 --> 00:14:00,116 I have to go to Philly. 367 00:14:00,134 --> 00:14:01,501 But this was amazing. 368 00:14:01,552 --> 00:14:03,086 - Okay? - But you work tomorrow. 369 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,170 Yeah, I know, I'd just like to settle in 370 00:14:04,221 --> 00:14:05,288 and get a good night's sleep. 371 00:14:05,306 --> 00:14:06,923 But we were gonna break the pig rib. 372 00:14:06,957 --> 00:14:08,425 - Ohh. - Remember? 373 00:14:08,459 --> 00:14:10,844 That's right. 374 00:14:10,895 --> 00:14:13,096 No matter! Belsnickel cares not 375 00:14:13,130 --> 00:14:15,432 about this-- off with you! 376 00:14:15,466 --> 00:14:17,150 Perfect. Merry Christmas, everybody. 377 00:14:17,184 --> 00:14:18,651 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 378 00:14:18,686 --> 00:14:20,303 Don't you want to know your present? 379 00:14:20,321 --> 00:14:22,272 You know what? Yeah. Have at it. 380 00:14:22,306 --> 00:14:25,191 Jim Halpert, cheer or fear? 381 00:14:25,242 --> 00:14:27,160 Belsnickel is here. 382 00:14:27,194 --> 00:14:29,312 I judge your year as impish. 383 00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:31,114 Ohh! Are you nuts? 384 00:14:31,148 --> 00:14:32,315 - I judge you impish! - Ow! Ow! 385 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:33,500 Okay, that is three, 386 00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:34,984 and you didn't hit anybody that hard. 387 00:14:35,002 --> 00:14:36,202 They're not abandoning the party. 388 00:14:36,253 --> 00:14:37,620 Just-- just-- hey! 389 00:14:37,654 --> 00:14:39,322 That's enough, I'm done! 390 00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:40,957 - Okay? Agh! - Impish! 391 00:14:40,991 --> 00:14:43,042 Aah! Ow! 392 00:14:43,696 --> 00:14:46,782 Belsnickel, I gotta run out early too. 393 00:14:49,319 --> 00:14:52,287 Oh... what was that? 394 00:14:52,322 --> 00:14:56,108 Now I'm gonna be all whipped for my first day at work. 395 00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:59,461 God. 396 00:14:59,496 --> 00:15:01,413 One second. 397 00:15:01,447 --> 00:15:03,298 - Oh... - Well... 398 00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:05,334 this is it. 399 00:15:05,385 --> 00:15:07,452 I'm probably never gonna see you again. 400 00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:09,955 Shut up. I'm trying to be serious. 401 00:15:09,973 --> 00:15:13,342 Okay, sorry, sorry. 402 00:15:13,393 --> 00:15:15,677 I can't believe this is actually happening. 403 00:15:15,728 --> 00:15:17,479 Listen, thank you so much 404 00:15:17,514 --> 00:15:19,181 for putting that all together. 405 00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:21,967 That was the perfect last Christmas party. 406 00:15:24,854 --> 00:15:26,522 All right, wish me luck? 407 00:15:26,573 --> 00:15:28,657 Okay. 408 00:15:28,691 --> 00:15:30,492 Good luck. You're gonna be great. 409 00:15:30,527 --> 00:15:31,643 I'll call you when I get in. 410 00:15:31,661 --> 00:15:33,529 - Okay. - All right. 411 00:15:33,580 --> 00:15:35,531 - Love you. - Love you. 412 00:16:05,511 --> 00:16:07,312 - What's going on? - Party's over. 413 00:16:07,346 --> 00:16:11,516 You quit on Christmas, Christmas quits on you. 414 00:16:11,534 --> 00:16:13,619 And guess what, kids. 415 00:16:13,653 --> 00:16:17,539 Belsnickel isn't real. It's me, Dwight! 416 00:16:21,609 --> 00:16:24,209 We found some old decorations on the warehouse. 417 00:16:24,210 --> 00:16:26,828 Oscar ran to the store for some food and drink, 418 00:16:26,879 --> 00:16:28,913 and I dipped into my stash of eggnog. 419 00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:30,715 I guess they needed me after all. 420 00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:32,617 It's like in It's a Wonderful Life 421 00:16:32,635 --> 00:16:34,853 when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all those people 422 00:16:34,887 --> 00:16:36,905 at the building and loan were just jerks, 423 00:16:36,939 --> 00:16:38,673 and he was the real hero. 424 00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:42,310 Kevin. Kevin! Aaah. Stop it! 425 00:16:42,344 --> 00:16:44,729 Oh, it sounds like the party's 426 00:16:44,764 --> 00:16:46,815 - starting up out there. - Yeah. 427 00:16:46,849 --> 00:16:51,119 So anyway, the entire jury wants me to vote guilty. 428 00:16:51,153 --> 00:16:53,354 But then I did a little research of my own, 429 00:16:53,406 --> 00:16:55,490 and forget everything you thought you knew 430 00:16:55,524 --> 00:16:56,941 about fingerprinting. 431 00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:59,110 Meredith's a little cute. 432 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:01,830 I'm just realizing. 433 00:17:01,864 --> 00:17:04,165 She got, like, a Emma Stone thing. 434 00:17:08,871 --> 00:17:12,257 Boo! 435 00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:27,639 For what it's worth, I liked your party better. 436 00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:29,173 Everyone thought the food was gross, 437 00:17:29,191 --> 00:17:32,343 and that Belsnickel was some darkly erotic freak. 438 00:17:32,361 --> 00:17:35,530 I don't think anyone thought that. 439 00:17:35,564 --> 00:17:38,399 Jim couldn't even stay till the end of the party. 440 00:17:38,451 --> 00:17:40,485 Well, that didn't have anything to do with you. 441 00:17:40,519 --> 00:17:42,704 I don't care. Guess how much I care 442 00:17:42,738 --> 00:17:44,405 - on a scale of one to ten. - Zero. 443 00:17:44,457 --> 00:17:46,207 Damn it! 444 00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:58,486 I'm gonna tell Jim to go fuck himself. 445 00:18:01,474 --> 00:18:04,926 Do you think Andy would ever jump off an exploding building 446 00:18:04,977 --> 00:18:08,212 tied to a hose for me? 447 00:18:08,230 --> 00:18:12,183 Yeah. Definitely. 448 00:18:18,274 --> 00:18:19,991 Hey, what's-- 449 00:18:20,025 --> 00:18:22,560 oh, no, come here. Hey, hey. 450 00:18:22,578 --> 00:18:25,830 Come on, huh? 451 00:18:30,202 --> 00:18:32,036 I'm still Andy's girlfriend. 452 00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:35,039 Oh, yeah, of course. I know. 453 00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:37,876 But you can leave your arm. 454 00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,555 Dwight, want me to get you some eggnog? 455 00:18:50,589 --> 00:18:53,274 No, thanks. I'll just have another Dumatril. 456 00:18:53,309 --> 00:18:55,944 Jim taught me this really cool way to take it. 457 00:18:55,978 --> 00:18:58,763 You crush it into a powder, and you snort it up your butt. 458 00:18:58,781 --> 00:19:00,231 Yep, I did say that. 459 00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:02,283 - Jim! - What's going on? 460 00:19:02,318 --> 00:19:03,535 Where's the Belsnickel? 461 00:19:03,569 --> 00:19:04,602 Oh-- 462 00:19:04,620 --> 00:19:07,989 oh, my God! 463 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,274 What are you doing? 464 00:19:10,292 --> 00:19:12,160 Last time I saw you, you were whipping me out of the building. 465 00:19:12,211 --> 00:19:14,278 Shh. Let's not speak of that. 466 00:19:14,296 --> 00:19:15,964 The pig rib. 467 00:19:15,998 --> 00:19:17,782 We could totally break the pig rib! 468 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,802 I'm gonna dig it out of the trash. 469 00:19:20,836 --> 00:19:23,621 What happened? Did you miss your bus? 470 00:19:23,639 --> 00:19:26,257 No. I just missed my wife. 471 00:19:28,060 --> 00:19:29,177 I found it! 472 00:19:29,228 --> 00:19:30,845 And I found out 473 00:19:30,896 --> 00:19:32,313 that there's a bus at 5:00 AM. 474 00:19:42,324 --> 00:19:43,324 Oh! 475 00:19:46,412 --> 00:19:48,496 Damn it! 476 00:19:48,530 --> 00:19:51,950 Jim got the bigger half. 477 00:19:51,984 --> 00:19:53,317 Back for more, huh? 478 00:19:53,335 --> 00:19:56,988 Ooh, nog it. Let me get some nog. 479 00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:02,961 Thanks, Phyllis. Where's Andy? 480 00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:06,130 - You! - Oh, hey, man. 481 00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,548 Oh, you know what? Before I forget again, 482 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,500 I talked to the guys about hiring you. 483 00:20:09,518 --> 00:20:13,638 They're gonna bring you in for an interview. 484 00:20:18,477 --> 00:20:19,694 That's great. 485 00:20:19,728 --> 00:20:21,145 Right? 486 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:24,315 - Thanks, man. - Hey, of course. 487 00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:27,151 I shall come by at your convenience. 488 00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,653 Thank you, sir. 489 00:20:28,687 --> 00:20:30,688 - Whoo! - Go get 'em. 490 00:20:30,706 --> 00:20:32,857 Oh! Whoa! 491 00:20:37,830 --> 00:20:39,697 Very impish. 492 00:20:55,034 --> 00:20:57,656 Two dimes, seven nickels-- well, okay, 493 00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:58,758 no, that doesn't add up. 494 00:20:58,792 --> 00:21:02,428 - It was one quarter and-- - Shh. 495 00:21:02,463 --> 00:21:03,463 What? I was just explaining-- 496 00:21:03,497 --> 00:21:05,465 Shh. 497 00:21:05,499 --> 00:21:06,766 - Why wouldn't it-- - Shh. 498 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:12,671 - But why? - No... more... talking. 499 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:15,057 Are you gonna kiss me? 500 00:21:15,109 --> 00:21:19,845 Yes.