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When I was at Northwestern,
it was such a big deal
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00:00:05,412 --> 00:00:07,446
to have guest speakers come in,
you know?
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00:00:07,447 --> 00:00:09,248
I saw Ira Glass and Colin Powell,
4
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and now it's me.
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I feel... I don't know, successful.
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I'm so proud of you.
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And if you get nervous,
just imagine everybody
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in the audience naked.
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Except the girls.
Imagine them complaining.
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Well, I'm not nervous.
I'm just excited, you know?
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I mean, it's a big responsibility.
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I really have the chance
to impact some kids' lives.
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Just remember they have
very short attention spans.
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It was almost impossible
to talk to me in college.
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That's probably because
I always had a bong in my mouth.
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Wait, I think it was a bong.
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Okay. Well we're
definitely not going
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to that fraternity party
we were invited to afterwards.
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You know what you should
do in your speech?
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One of your accents.
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I don't really do those in public,
you know?
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Just when we're snowed in
or I can't get you to stop crying.
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Well, like, if you're quoting
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one of your professors or something
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if you did it in an accent,
it could be really funny.
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Okay.
I will think about this Whitney.
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- That's too communist.
- All right.
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Ah.
Perhaps this is the right accent
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for the occasion.
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Ja? Don't you think so?
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It's too soon.
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All right, then.
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How about I put another
accent on the Barbie, huh?
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And then go down under.
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Do the British one.
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That always makes you seem smarter,
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and it makes me feel like a spice girl.
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Yeah. Naggie spice.
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You know,
I am mentioning Professor Chandler
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and he's British, so that might work.
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See?
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BBC world service,
it's the phone.
43
00:01:41,141 --> 00:01:45,044
Perhaps someone wants to take
you on a lift to the loo?
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00:01:45,045 --> 00:01:47,480
- That's the one!
- Cool.
45
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- It's another text from my mom.
- Is she coming?
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No. I am not letting her come.
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Any time someone else has a big moment,
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she ruins it, okay?
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At my graduation, when I was
walking up to get my diploma,
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she made me take a picture of her.
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- What? You graduated?
- Hmm.
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And she totally ruined my sweet 16,
53
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which I didn't even want, by the way.
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She planned it without even asking me.
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It was humiliating.
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I mean, I was already 18.
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I didn't even get to vote that day.
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Oh, yeah,
she's always doing stuff like that.
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I know.
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So what happened with the wedding thing?
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She asked if I would
shoot my cousin's wedding,
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I said no, and then
she told her I would anyway.
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I don't want to go to a family wedding.
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I'm not gonna know anyone there,
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and I'm gonna have dated everybody.
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Well, it's too bad
she won't get to see my speech.
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If she did,
this way she'd finally understand
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what I do for a living.
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Honey, no matter what you say
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or how many times you explain it,
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no one will ever understand
what you do for a living.
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All right. Well,
we're gonna go to the bar first.
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I want to get a drink
and loosen up before my speech.
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And I definitely want
to show off this suit
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since I'll be returning it tomorrow.
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- Okay. So how do I look?
- Good.
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- Oh. One last thing here.
- All right.
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- Got to...
- Hey! Hey!
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What
are you doing? No!
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Get those scissors away from me!
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00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:09,728
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Dude, I am totally impressed.
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I mean, guest speaker at Northwestern?
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Look, if you get nervous,
just take one of those pills
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that's always falling
out of Whitney's purse.
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Oh, no, I'm not nervous.
I'm psyched.
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Oh, I have a pill for that too.
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Back in High School,
Alex was such a good public speaker
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that the principal had him do
the announcements every morning.
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Do it.
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Good morning, Lincoln high beavers.
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For today's hot lunch we'll be having
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spaghetti and hot rolls,
thank you very much.
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Man, you rusty.
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- Hey!
- Hi.
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- What's up, little red?
- Hello, hello.
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Hey.
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00:03:45,932 --> 00:03:48,634
Alex. Are you just gonna
let the lady stand there?
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Oh, you know what?
You're absolutely right.
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Whit, beat it.
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Excuse me?
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00:03:55,241 --> 00:03:57,610
All right. Here you go, tiny red.
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Why am I getting smaller?
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00:03:59,946 --> 00:04:02,581
Thank you, guys,
for being such gentlemen.
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00:04:02,582 --> 00:04:06,552
God, it's so sweet. I love it.
106
00:04:06,553 --> 00:04:09,855
But I also hate that I love it.
Am I from the 50s?
107
00:04:09,856 --> 00:04:11,991
Nope. You're just one
of the few women left
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who actually appreciates chivalry.
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I appreciate chivalry.
I like being choked.
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Oops! Okay, so we got to go.
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00:04:24,504 --> 00:04:26,071
- I think we're gonna be late.
- Oh, okay.
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- Bye, guys!
- Bye.
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Hey, good luck with your speech.
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- Stay topical, bro.
- Hot rolls, baby!
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Let me help you with that.
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RJ, thank you.
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00:04:41,988 --> 00:04:43,522
So that's chivalry stuff works on girls?
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I thought you didn't want that anymore.
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Don't women just want to
freeze our sperm and get a job?
120
00:04:48,328 --> 00:04:50,295
No. We still want
guys to be chivalrous,
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they just stopped.
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Right around the time
they started wearing skinny jeans.
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I don't wear skinny jeans.
I want kids someday.
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Why, kids don't like skinny...
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Oh. Balls.
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00:05:04,577 --> 00:05:06,178
Mark, let me straighten
this out for you.
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The problem is that women want
to be treated like a lady,
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00:05:08,915 --> 00:05:10,249
but they're conflicted because they also
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don't want to seem weak.
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00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:12,584
And are we not gonna talk about the fact
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that whit likes to be choked?
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Old news.
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00:05:19,859 --> 00:05:23,095
Maybe I'm handling this whole
Roxanne situation all wrong.
134
00:05:23,096 --> 00:05:24,296
I need to speed things up.
135
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Because let's face it, we're all dying.
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00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:30,070
It's just a small gas leak.
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I now would like to
introduce 2001 graduate
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and founder of mendeavors.com,
Mr. Alex Miller.
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Whoo!
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00:05:48,088 --> 00:05:49,621
Hey, everyone, I'm Alex Miller.
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00:05:49,622 --> 00:05:51,590
Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'll meet
you in about an hour, okay?
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Do you want to get something to eat?
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- 'Cause I'm so...
- Shh.
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Huh?
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Chill out, lady.
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00:05:58,364 --> 00:06:02,364
Lady? Okay,
I was born in the early-to-mid 80s.
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I can tell.
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00:06:05,271 --> 00:06:08,540
Okay. Yeah,
I'll call you after this. Bye.
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I would like
to send a special thanks
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00:06:11,611 --> 00:06:14,046
to Professor McKinley
who graciously invited me...
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00:06:14,047 --> 00:06:16,449
Obviously stop texting please.
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What? Stop!
153
00:06:26,860 --> 00:06:29,394
I was a student here in this very hall.
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00:06:29,395 --> 00:06:30,929
Let me see that.
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It used to be called Jones
auditorium back then.
156
00:06:32,198 --> 00:06:34,233
- Oh.
- It's so good to be
157
00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:36,135
back here at Northwestern
where it all began.
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00:06:36,136 --> 00:06:38,437
My drinking, I mean.
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00:06:38,438 --> 00:06:39,471
I'm kidding.
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00:06:39,472 --> 00:06:42,007
When I was here, I was mostly high.
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You know, when I first came up
with the idea for my website,
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everybody thought I was crazy.
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But my gut was telling
me I should do it.
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So if you learn one thing from tonight,
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it's always trust your instincts.
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Because if I listened
to people's advice,
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then I would have always wondered
168
00:06:54,888 --> 00:06:58,223
what would have happened
if I had trusted my gut?
169
00:06:58,224 --> 00:07:00,392
I started mendeavors because
I wanted to go online
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00:07:00,393 --> 00:07:02,094
and quickly learn how to do things
171
00:07:02,095 --> 00:07:04,563
like fix a leak or change a tire.
172
00:07:04,564 --> 00:07:07,499
So I went home that night
and I started a website called,
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00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:09,001
"menthings."
174
00:07:09,002 --> 00:07:11,603
I quickly realized
that when you Google "menthings,"
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00:07:11,604 --> 00:07:14,206
you see, well, mens' things.
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00:07:17,343 --> 00:07:19,545
Professor Chandler was one
of my favorite teachers.
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00:07:19,546 --> 00:07:21,363
And I remember he said to me once,
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00:07:21,631 --> 00:07:23,298
"The thing
about computers is",
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00:07:23,299 --> 00:07:26,301
"they'll always get smaller and smaller.
180
00:07:26,302 --> 00:07:30,038
So what you've got to do is
think bigger and bigger."
181
00:07:31,207 --> 00:07:34,042
So I took that idea
and I applied it to...
182
00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:35,310
Please, God, not like this.
183
00:07:41,684 --> 00:07:43,685
I'm... I'm fine. I'm fine.
184
00:07:52,628 --> 00:07:55,164
Did you see that?
185
00:07:58,183 --> 00:08:00,218
I'm sorry. Come on, say something.
186
00:08:00,219 --> 00:08:02,654
You didn't talk to me
the entire ride home.
187
00:08:02,655 --> 00:08:04,822
Well, there was a dead bird
on the side of the road,
188
00:08:04,823 --> 00:08:05,990
so I figured that would
keep you entertained
189
00:08:05,991 --> 00:08:07,759
for the time being.
190
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:08,845
I'm sorry.
191
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:11,362
Look, the speech was so good.
They loved it.
192
00:08:11,363 --> 00:08:14,332
- Even after the incident.
- Don't call it that.
193
00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:18,636
I wasn't molested, I just fell.
194
00:08:18,637 --> 00:08:21,172
I don't know why I laughed, okay?
195
00:08:21,173 --> 00:08:22,674
I think it was nervous laughter
196
00:08:22,675 --> 00:08:24,776
because I was just so worried about you,
197
00:08:24,777 --> 00:08:27,245
and I was just so scared
that you were hurt.
198
00:08:27,246 --> 00:08:31,149
- Really?
- Yes. I was terrified.
199
00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:33,184
Okay. 'Cause it was really scary.
200
00:08:33,185 --> 00:08:36,354
It was so scary.
201
00:08:36,355 --> 00:08:39,190
I mean, I took a nasty spill.
202
00:08:39,191 --> 00:08:41,959
It was nasty.
203
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,028
You know, I was just so into it.
204
00:08:44,029 --> 00:08:45,863
I mean, the spotlight was
in my face, and really,
205
00:08:45,864 --> 00:08:48,666
I thought I had another
five feet to work with.
206
00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:51,235
Well, you did not, sir.
207
00:08:51,236 --> 00:08:53,337
Ice. You want some ice?
Let me get you some ice.
208
00:08:53,338 --> 00:08:55,773
Oh, man, good thing I know how to fall.
209
00:08:55,774 --> 00:08:57,275
'Cause as soon as I knew
I was going down,
210
00:08:57,276 --> 00:09:01,012
I just, like, rolled into it.
211
00:09:04,049 --> 00:09:06,417
Why have you not fixed that yet?
212
00:09:06,418 --> 00:09:08,152
- Are you laughing?
- No!
213
00:09:08,153 --> 00:09:09,387
- I can't believe you!
- No.
214
00:09:09,388 --> 00:09:11,289
Okay. Okay.
215
00:09:11,290 --> 00:09:13,024
I am not laughing at you falling,
216
00:09:13,025 --> 00:09:15,026
'cause that is not funny.
217
00:09:15,027 --> 00:09:17,428
I think the thing that's getting me
218
00:09:17,429 --> 00:09:20,232
is what you said while you fell.
219
00:09:22,668 --> 00:09:24,736
I said something as I fell?
220
00:09:24,737 --> 00:09:26,738
What's that?
221
00:09:26,739 --> 00:09:29,774
Well, what did I say?
222
00:09:29,775 --> 00:09:31,142
Uh, you said...
223
00:09:33,412 --> 00:09:36,180
You know what?
I'm just gonna write it down...
224
00:09:36,181 --> 00:09:38,182
Um... For you.
225
00:09:48,794 --> 00:09:51,864
"Please, God, not like this"?
226
00:09:57,336 --> 00:09:59,003
Come on!
227
00:09:59,004 --> 00:10:01,906
You know, that is not funny!
228
00:10:01,907 --> 00:10:05,276
- You had to be there.
- I was there!
229
00:10:05,277 --> 00:10:07,044
You know what? I don't want
to talk about this anymore.
230
00:10:07,045 --> 00:10:08,679
I'm sorry. You know what?
231
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:10,014
You know what?
232
00:10:10,015 --> 00:10:12,216
I think that this is some
kind of repressed emotion
233
00:10:12,217 --> 00:10:14,886
coming out in a strange way,
like how you get weirdly violent
234
00:10:14,887 --> 00:10:18,055
at baby showers.
235
00:10:18,056 --> 00:10:20,191
Why do I have ten new text messages?
236
00:10:20,192 --> 00:10:24,262
You posted the video online?
237
00:10:24,263 --> 00:10:27,031
No! No! No!
238
00:10:27,032 --> 00:10:29,133
Kind of.
239
00:10:29,134 --> 00:10:31,369
I uploaded it to Facebook,
but then I took it down
240
00:10:31,370 --> 00:10:32,737
as soon as I knew you were mad.
241
00:10:32,738 --> 00:10:34,038
Oh, good.
242
00:10:34,039 --> 00:10:35,406
Because once you remove
something from the Internet,
243
00:10:35,407 --> 00:10:38,876
it's totally gone forever.
244
00:10:38,877 --> 00:10:41,914
My mom reposted it.
245
00:10:43,315 --> 00:10:44,782
Look what she put as a caption.
246
00:10:44,783 --> 00:10:47,885
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Lol."
247
00:10:47,886 --> 00:10:49,220
I'm gonna tell her to take it down.
248
00:10:49,221 --> 00:10:50,888
You know what? I just... I don't...
249
00:10:50,889 --> 00:10:52,423
I want to pretend like
this never happened, okay?
250
00:10:52,424 --> 00:10:56,194
So I'm just gonna go lay down.
Forever.
251
00:10:56,195 --> 00:10:59,430
I have a pill for that.
252
00:11:02,768 --> 00:11:04,268
Oh, there's Roxanne.
253
00:11:04,269 --> 00:11:05,970
I'm gonna try this gentleman thing.
254
00:11:05,971 --> 00:11:08,239
All right.
255
00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,141
Uh, go.
256
00:11:10,142 --> 00:11:11,943
Go.
257
00:11:11,944 --> 00:11:14,412
Go!
258
00:11:14,413 --> 00:11:15,647
Good luck.
259
00:11:17,416 --> 00:11:21,219
- Hey!
- Hey.
260
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:22,286
Ah.
261
00:11:22,287 --> 00:11:23,387
Whoa. Whoa. What's going on?
262
00:11:23,388 --> 00:11:26,891
Whoopee cushion? Water balloon?
263
00:11:26,892 --> 00:11:29,427
Blood on my head like Carrie?
264
00:11:29,428 --> 00:11:30,962
Relax. Roxanne...
265
00:11:30,963 --> 00:11:32,730
I was just pulling out
the stool for you, no pranks.
266
00:11:32,731 --> 00:11:35,633
Just trying to be a gentleman.
267
00:11:35,634 --> 00:11:39,137
Oh. I didn't realize we were
in colonial Williamsburg.
268
00:11:40,806 --> 00:11:43,140
Thanks.
I can pull out my own chair.
269
00:11:43,141 --> 00:11:44,742
Uh, let me get that.
270
00:11:44,743 --> 00:11:46,277
Mark, no. I said I would do it.
271
00:11:46,278 --> 00:11:49,180
Mark, knock it off.
272
00:11:49,181 --> 00:11:53,181
I am trying to be a gentleman, stupid!
273
00:11:55,254 --> 00:11:56,854
What the hell is going on?
274
00:11:56,855 --> 00:12:01,659
I'm trying to be chivalrous, you psycho!
275
00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:04,429
I don't want chivalry.
I want my stool.
276
00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:13,871
Never listening to you again.
277
00:12:13,872 --> 00:12:16,107
Look, I still stand
by being a gentleman.
278
00:12:16,108 --> 00:12:18,976
My dad never let my mom walk
on the outside of the sidewalk.
279
00:12:18,977 --> 00:12:23,315
I mean, he cheated on her,
but she never got hit by a car.
280
00:12:25,717 --> 00:12:29,154
- Mark, can I get a red wine?
- Get it yourself, dude.
281
00:12:34,359 --> 00:12:37,962
Hey! New day.
Are you feeling better?
282
00:12:37,963 --> 00:12:40,197
Good news.
I made up with the barista.
283
00:12:40,198 --> 00:12:42,133
I will no longer change
my order as he is making it,
284
00:12:42,134 --> 00:12:45,770
and he will no longer
ask if you are my son.
285
00:12:45,771 --> 00:12:47,004
Yeah, well, I don't know if you
286
00:12:47,005 --> 00:12:48,306
totally closed the deal on that
287
00:12:48,307 --> 00:12:52,010
because on my cup he wrote,
"control your bitch."
288
00:12:53,312 --> 00:12:54,745
- I'll be right back.
- Wait. Wait. Wait.
289
00:12:54,746 --> 00:12:56,280
Calm down, all right?
He's got one hand.
290
00:12:56,281 --> 00:12:58,015
Just leave him alone.
291
00:12:58,016 --> 00:12:59,350
What are you doing?
292
00:12:59,351 --> 00:13:01,319
I'm answering an email
from a Professor at DePaul.
293
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,287
He saw me yesterday
and he wants me to give a lecture
294
00:13:03,288 --> 00:13:04,889
to his new media class.
295
00:13:04,890 --> 00:13:06,991
Honey, that's great!
296
00:13:06,992 --> 00:13:09,994
Yeah. You know,
I'm not gonna do it.
297
00:13:09,995 --> 00:13:11,262
Why not?
298
00:13:11,263 --> 00:13:13,297
I don't want to go through
that again. No way.
299
00:13:13,298 --> 00:13:16,901
- Honey, it was not a big deal.
- No. It was a huge deal.
300
00:13:16,902 --> 00:13:18,302
All those kids were
probably tweeting about it,
301
00:13:18,303 --> 00:13:19,837
talking about what a loser I was.
302
00:13:19,838 --> 00:13:22,406
I made a complete fool of
myself in front of 200 kids.
303
00:13:22,407 --> 00:13:25,210
I'm not doing it.
304
00:13:27,879 --> 00:13:29,046
What are you doing?
305
00:13:29,047 --> 00:13:30,848
I'm just emailing him
back and telling him
306
00:13:30,849 --> 00:13:31,849
that you're doing it.
307
00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:33,150
- Whit!
- I wrote, "I'm in."
308
00:13:33,151 --> 00:13:34,752
And that could mean
a bunch of different things.
309
00:13:34,753 --> 00:13:36,887
So you might want to follow up quickly.
310
00:13:36,888 --> 00:13:39,991
Okay. Now let's practice
walking back and forth.
311
00:13:39,992 --> 00:13:41,359
Wait, I can't believe you just did that.
312
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,860
Especially when I told you not too.
313
00:13:42,861 --> 00:13:44,295
But you're gonna be
so happy that you did it.
314
00:13:44,296 --> 00:13:45,176
No. No. You know what?
315
00:13:45,219 --> 00:13:46,361
You know what would make me happy
316
00:13:46,481 --> 00:13:48,799
is you not laughing in my face
after I fell down like that.
317
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,267
And you know what else
would make me happy
318
00:13:50,268 --> 00:13:51,736
is you not making me do something
319
00:13:51,737 --> 00:13:54,005
after I told you I didn't want to.
320
00:13:54,006 --> 00:13:56,874
You know what?
You're just like your mother.
321
00:13:56,875 --> 00:14:01,245
I... I...
322
00:14:01,246 --> 00:14:03,114
Yeah. I... I... I...
323
00:14:03,115 --> 00:14:06,151
Exactly.
324
00:14:12,247 --> 00:14:13,814
I can't believe he said that.
325
00:14:13,815 --> 00:14:15,315
He thinks I'm just like my mother?
326
00:14:15,316 --> 00:14:18,685
Well, he is just like my father.
Falling off things.
327
00:14:18,686 --> 00:14:23,058
Hanging out with college kids.
Pretending he's British.
328
00:14:24,426 --> 00:14:26,226
Since when did someone saying
you're like your mother
329
00:14:26,227 --> 00:14:28,429
become the biggest insult on the planet?
330
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:30,297
When I was younger,
it was my dream to grow up
331
00:14:30,298 --> 00:14:31,331
and be like my mom.
332
00:14:31,332 --> 00:14:32,933
What happened?
333
00:14:32,934 --> 00:14:34,869
Dina Lohan.
334
00:14:38,406 --> 00:14:40,874
Are we all just doomed
to become our mothers?
335
00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:43,143
Oh, I hope I don't turn into my mother.
336
00:14:43,144 --> 00:14:45,245
I mean,
I may be from a family of lemons,
337
00:14:45,246 --> 00:14:46,914
but I am no tart.
338
00:14:46,915 --> 00:14:51,151
Oh, my God,
my mom would totally say that.
339
00:14:51,152 --> 00:14:53,987
Is this why I won't let
a man help me do anything?
340
00:14:53,988 --> 00:14:56,924
Besides the fact that they always
do everything wrong?
341
00:14:56,925 --> 00:14:58,058
Guys don't do things wrong.
342
00:14:58,059 --> 00:14:59,326
We just don't give them enough credit.
343
00:14:59,327 --> 00:15:01,862
Oh, my God.
My mom would totally say that.
344
00:15:01,863 --> 00:15:03,797
Okay. Stop hitting me.
345
00:15:03,798 --> 00:15:07,801
Oh, my God.
My mom would totally say that!
346
00:15:07,802 --> 00:15:10,671
Is this why I won't even
let a man pull out my chair?
347
00:15:10,672 --> 00:15:14,374
Because my mom told me to never
depend on a man for anything?
348
00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:17,277
You know what?
I got to break this cycle.
349
00:15:17,278 --> 00:15:19,680
Yeah, and my dad used to
do everything for my mom.
350
00:15:19,681 --> 00:15:22,350
That's why I'm so co-dependent.
What do you think?
351
00:15:24,686 --> 00:15:28,288
Are you mad at me?
352
00:15:28,289 --> 00:15:29,923
My mother never says what she means
353
00:15:29,924 --> 00:15:31,725
and always beats around the bush.
354
00:15:31,726 --> 00:15:34,394
So in the spirit of breaking the cycle,
355
00:15:34,395 --> 00:15:37,064
Whitney,
you are exactly like your mother.
356
00:15:37,065 --> 00:15:41,065
And Lily,
I'm always a little bit mad at you.
357
00:15:41,836 --> 00:15:43,904
I am nothing like my mother.
358
00:15:43,905 --> 00:15:46,073
My mother denies everything,
she'll never admit
359
00:15:46,074 --> 00:15:47,975
when she does something wrong,
and all she does is sit around
360
00:15:47,976 --> 00:15:51,813
and get drunk with
her psychotic friends.
361
00:15:57,051 --> 00:15:59,386
Oh, no.
362
00:15:59,387 --> 00:16:01,188
Alex is right.
363
00:16:01,189 --> 00:16:03,924
Emailing back that guy is
exactly what my mom did
364
00:16:03,925 --> 00:16:05,292
with my cousin's wedding.
365
00:16:05,293 --> 00:16:08,896
I didn't even think
about Alex's feelings.
366
00:16:08,897 --> 00:16:11,798
Oh, I feel sick.
367
00:16:11,799 --> 00:16:15,335
Okay, I need to go home and handle this.
368
00:16:15,336 --> 00:16:18,339
I'm coming with you.
Roxanne hates me.
369
00:16:26,915 --> 00:16:28,148
- Hey!
- Don't.
370
00:16:28,149 --> 00:16:29,817
I'm not.
371
00:16:34,355 --> 00:16:37,324
- This is for you.
- What is this?
372
00:16:37,325 --> 00:16:39,793
Some kind of apology present...
373
00:16:39,794 --> 00:16:41,895
That I paid for?
374
00:16:41,896 --> 00:16:43,664
No. This is your birthday present
375
00:16:43,665 --> 00:16:46,166
for your birthday,
which is on April 10th.
376
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:47,334
Unlike my mother,
377
00:16:47,335 --> 00:16:50,971
I know when someone
I love's birthday is.
378
00:16:50,972 --> 00:16:53,941
Okay. Thanks, whit.
379
00:16:53,942 --> 00:16:56,076
But you don't get points for
knowing when my birthday is.
380
00:16:56,077 --> 00:17:00,180
That's just, like, being a person.
381
00:17:00,181 --> 00:17:02,984
- Open it.
- Okay.
382
00:17:06,254 --> 00:17:09,056
It's a ticket from your speech.
383
00:17:09,057 --> 00:17:11,024
Whoa. Whit...
384
00:17:11,025 --> 00:17:12,993
I framed it 'cause
I wanted you to always
385
00:17:12,994 --> 00:17:16,030
remember how cool it was
that you got asked to do that.
386
00:17:17,865 --> 00:17:20,301
Wow. That's really impressive.
387
00:17:25,373 --> 00:17:28,342
Why aren't you talking?
388
00:17:28,343 --> 00:17:30,944
Unlike my mother,
I'm not going to interrupt people
389
00:17:30,945 --> 00:17:32,045
while they're talking.
390
00:17:32,046 --> 00:17:34,781
I want you to finish your thought.
391
00:17:34,782 --> 00:17:37,251
Okay. Well, I'm not sure
I even remember how to do that.
392
00:17:37,252 --> 00:17:40,053
Uh, okay.
393
00:17:40,054 --> 00:17:43,757
I'm done.
394
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,760
Say something.
395
00:17:49,163 --> 00:17:51,732
You're my hero.
396
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:52,966
What?
397
00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:55,068
You got right back on that stage
398
00:17:55,069 --> 00:17:58,805
and you finished your speech,
and it was amazing.
399
00:17:58,806 --> 00:18:00,674
You're the most
incredible person I know.
400
00:18:00,675 --> 00:18:04,675
You are the smartest,
funniest, most honest,
401
00:18:05,179 --> 00:18:08,682
generous, loving person I've ever met.
402
00:18:08,683 --> 00:18:12,787
And I'm completely in awe of you.
403
00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:17,658
Well, I didn't know that.
404
00:18:17,659 --> 00:18:19,192
Exactly.
405
00:18:19,193 --> 00:18:21,795
I think it all the time
but I never say it,
406
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,666
which is exactly what my mom does.
407
00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:28,540
Okay. Well, now I just
think you're adopted.
408
00:18:31,205 --> 00:18:33,674
You think?
409
00:18:33,675 --> 00:18:36,176
Hey. You're my hero, too.
410
00:18:36,177 --> 00:18:37,344
Oh, shut up. I'm the worst.
411
00:18:37,345 --> 00:18:38,812
No, no. Really.
412
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:42,316
Look, I'm gonna do that thing at DePaul,
413
00:18:42,317 --> 00:18:44,318
and I never would have done
it if it wasn't for you.
414
00:18:44,319 --> 00:18:45,819
So thank you.
415
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:48,822
You're not invited, but I'm gonna do it.
416
00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:50,891
That makes me so happy!
417
00:18:50,892 --> 00:18:53,393
But whatever you want,
'cause this is about you.
418
00:18:53,394 --> 00:18:55,028
No. It's about us.
419
00:18:55,029 --> 00:18:58,066
'Cause there's no "u" in "us."
420
00:19:02,170 --> 00:19:04,971
Northwestern? You sure?
421
00:19:06,808 --> 00:19:09,209
You know, not only are you my hero,
422
00:19:09,210 --> 00:19:10,977
but I think you actually
might be a superhero.
423
00:19:10,978 --> 00:19:13,180
When you walked off that stage,
you were airborne
424
00:19:13,181 --> 00:19:16,316
for at least five seconds.
425
00:19:16,317 --> 00:19:17,784
You might be a superhero too.
426
00:19:17,785 --> 00:19:19,052
You're kind of like wonder woman...
427
00:19:19,053 --> 00:19:20,787
I always wonder why
you're still in my life.
428
00:19:23,841 --> 00:19:32,402
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
429
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:34,761
All right. Good night, Mark.
430
00:19:34,762 --> 00:19:36,130
Good night.
431
00:19:40,486 --> 00:19:42,032
Mark, can you help me with my coat?
432
00:19:46,058 --> 00:19:48,594
You're sick.
433
00:19:53,799 --> 00:19:55,600
- Hang on.
- Quit fighting it.
434
00:19:55,601 --> 00:19:57,568
I'm...
435
00:19:57,569 --> 00:20:01,106
Quit thrashing like a crab on deck.
436
00:20:03,475 --> 00:20:06,210
Is this coat even your size?
437
00:20:15,254 --> 00:20:17,288
Idiot.
438
00:20:17,289 --> 00:20:20,225
Weirdo.
439
00:20:27,366 --> 00:20:30,235
Peace.
440
00:20:34,807 --> 00:20:37,208
Okay, I promise,
I had nothing to do with this.
441
00:20:37,209 --> 00:20:39,477
Some student at Northwestern
must have put this together.
442
00:20:39,478 --> 00:20:43,381
But are you sure you want to see this?
443
00:20:43,382 --> 00:20:46,248
- Yeah.
- Okay.
444
00:20:46,482 --> 00:20:49,517
Are you sure you want to see this?
445
00:20:49,518 --> 00:20:53,355
Yeah. I don't care.
I'm... I'm over it.
446
00:20:53,356 --> 00:20:55,490
Okay.
447
00:20:57,159 --> 00:20:58,994
I'm kidding, when I was here
I was mostly high. Mostly high.
448
00:20:58,995 --> 00:21:00,228
Mostly high.
Mostly high.
449
00:21:00,229 --> 00:21:01,396
Smaller. Bigger.
450
00:21:01,397 --> 00:21:02,831
Smaller. Bigger.
451
00:21:02,832 --> 00:21:03,999
Smaller.
Bigger.
452
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,066
Please, God, not like this.
453
00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:06,935
Not like this. Not like this.
454
00:21:06,936 --> 00:21:08,470
Not like this. Not like this.
455
00:21:08,471 --> 00:21:10,538
- All right. Turn it off.
- Okay, sorry. Sorry.
456
00:21:10,539 --> 00:21:13,608
- Yeah.
- Sorry. Sorry.
457
00:21:13,609 --> 00:21:15,410
Man, that really hurts.
458
00:21:15,411 --> 00:21:18,146
Oh, God.
I should not have shown you that.
459
00:21:18,147 --> 00:21:21,549
No, I mean, it only has eight views?
460
00:21:21,550 --> 00:21:23,118
You know what?
461
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:26,389
I still think we can get it on Tosh.0.