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When I was at Northwestern,
it was such a big deal
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00:00:05,712 --> 00:00:07,746
to have guest speakers come in,
you know?
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00:00:07,747 --> 00:00:09,548
I saw Ira Glass and Colin Powell,
4
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and now it's me.
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I feel... I don't know, successful.
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I'm so proud of you.
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And if you get nervous,
just imagine everybody
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in the audience naked.
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Except the girls.
Imagine them complaining.
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00:00:21,428 --> 00:00:23,896
Well, I'm not nervous.
I'm just excited, you know?
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I mean, it's a big responsibility.
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I really have the chance
to impact some kids' lives.
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Just remember they have
very short attention spans.
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It was almost impossible
to talk to me in college.
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That's probably because
I always had a bong in my mouth.
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Wait, I think it was a bong.
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Okay. Well we're
definitely not going
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to that fraternity party
we were invited to afterwards.
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You know what you should
do in your speech?
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One of your accents.
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I don't really do those in public,
you know?
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Just when we're snowed in
or I can't get you to stop crying.
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Well, like, if you're quoting
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one of your professors or something
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if you did it in an accent,
it could be really funny.
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Okay.
I will think about this Whitney.
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- That's too communist.
- All right.
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Ah.
Perhaps this is the right accent
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for the occasion.
30
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Ja? Don't you think so?
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It's too soon.
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All right, then.
33
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How about I put another
accent on the Barbie, huh?
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And then go down under.
35
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Do the British one.
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That always makes you seem smarter,
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and it makes me feel like a spice girl.
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Yeah. Naggie spice.
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You know,
I am mentioning Professor Chandler
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and he's British, so that might work.
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See?
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BBC world service,
it's the phone.
43
00:01:41,441 --> 00:01:45,344
Perhaps someone wants to take
you on a lift to the loo?
44
00:01:45,345 --> 00:01:47,780
- That's the one!
- Cool.
45
00:01:47,781 --> 00:01:50,482
- It's another text from my mom.
- Is she coming?
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No. I am not letting her come.
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Any time someone else has a big moment,
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she ruins it, okay?
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At my graduation, when I was
walking up to get my diploma,
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she made me take a picture of her.
51
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- What? You graduated?
- Hmm.
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And she totally ruined my sweet 16,
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which I didn't even want, by the way.
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She planned it without even asking me.
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It was humiliating.
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I mean, I was already 18.
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I didn't even get to vote that day.
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Oh, yeah,
she's always doing stuff like that.
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I know.
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So what happened with the wedding thing?
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She asked if I would
shoot my cousin's wedding,
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I said no, and then
she told her I would anyway.
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I don't want to go to a family wedding.
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I'm not gonna know anyone there,
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and I'm gonna have dated everybody.
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Well, it's too bad
she won't get to see my speech.
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If she did,
this way she'd finally understand
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what I do for a living.
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Honey, no matter what you say
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or how many times you explain it,
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no one will ever understand
what you do for a living.
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All right. Well,
we're gonna go to the bar first.
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I want to get a drink
and loosen up before my speech.
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And I definitely want
to show off this suit
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since I'll be returning it tomorrow.
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- Okay. So how do I look?
- Good.
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- Oh. One last thing here.
- All right.
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- Got to...
- Hey! Hey!
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What
are you doing? No!
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Get those scissors away from me!
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Dude, I am totally impressed.
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I mean, guest speaker at Northwestern?
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Look, if you get nervous,
just take one of those pills
85
00:03:16,202 --> 00:03:18,837
that's always falling
out of Whitney's purse.
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Oh, no, I'm not nervous.
I'm psyched.
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Oh, I have a pill for that too.
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00:03:23,610 --> 00:03:25,611
Back in High School,
Alex was such a good public speaker
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that the principal had him do
the announcements every morning.
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Do it.
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00:03:29,315 --> 00:03:30,616
Good morning, Lincoln high beavers.
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For today's hot lunch we'll be having
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spaghetti and hot rolls,
thank you very much.
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Man, you rusty.
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- Hey!
- Hi.
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- What's up, little red?
- Hello, hello.
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Hey.
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00:03:46,232 --> 00:03:48,934
Alex. Are you just gonna
let the lady stand there?
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Oh, you know what?
You're absolutely right.
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Whit, beat it.
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00:03:53,740 --> 00:03:55,540
Excuse me?
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00:03:55,541 --> 00:03:57,910
All right. Here you go, tiny red.
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Why am I getting smaller?
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00:04:00,246 --> 00:04:02,881
Thank you, guys,
for being such gentlemen.
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00:04:02,882 --> 00:04:06,852
God, it's so sweet. I love it.
106
00:04:06,853 --> 00:04:10,155
But I also hate that I love it.
Am I from the 50s?
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Nope. You're just one
of the few women left
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who actually appreciates chivalry.
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I appreciate chivalry.
I like being choked.
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Oops! Okay, so we got to go.
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00:04:24,804 --> 00:04:26,371
- I think we're gonna be late.
- Oh, okay.
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- Bye, guys!
- Bye.
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00:04:27,907 --> 00:04:29,541
Hey, good luck with your speech.
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- Stay topical, bro.
- Hot rolls, baby!
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00:04:34,747 --> 00:04:38,483
Let me help you with that.
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RJ, thank you.
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So that's chivalry stuff works on girls?
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I thought you didn't want that anymore.
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Don't women just want to
freeze our sperm and get a job?
120
00:04:48,628 --> 00:04:50,595
No. We still want
guys to be chivalrous,
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they just stopped.
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Right around the time
they started wearing skinny jeans.
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I don't wear skinny jeans.
I want kids someday.
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Why, kids don't like skinny...
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00:05:00,206 --> 00:05:04,876
Oh. Balls.
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00:05:04,877 --> 00:05:06,478
Mark, let me straighten
this out for you.
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The problem is that women want
to be treated like a lady,
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but they're conflicted because they also
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don't want to seem weak.
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00:05:11,684 --> 00:05:12,884
And are we not gonna talk about the fact
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that whit likes to be choked?
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Old news.
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Maybe I'm handling this whole
Roxanne situation all wrong.
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I need to speed things up.
135
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Because let's face it, we're all dying.
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It's just a small gas leak.
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I now would like to
introduce 2001 graduate
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and founder of mendeavors.com,
Mr. Alex Miller.
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Whoo!
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00:05:48,388 --> 00:05:49,921
Hey, everyone, I'm Alex Miller.
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00:05:49,922 --> 00:05:51,890
Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'll meet
you in about an hour, okay?
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Do you want to get something to eat?
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- 'Cause I'm so...
- Shh.
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Huh?
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Chill out, lady.
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00:05:58,664 --> 00:06:02,664
Lady? Okay,
I was born in the early-to-mid 80s.
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I can tell.
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00:06:05,571 --> 00:06:08,840
Okay. Yeah,
I'll call you after this. Bye.
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I would like
to send a special thanks
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00:06:11,911 --> 00:06:14,346
to Professor McKinley
who graciously invited me...
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00:06:14,347 --> 00:06:16,749
Obviously stop texting please.
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What? Stop!
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00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,694
I was a student here in this very hall.
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Let me see that.
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It used to be called Jones
auditorium back then.
156
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- Oh.
- It's so good to be
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00:06:34,534 --> 00:06:36,435
back here at Northwestern
where it all began.
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00:06:36,436 --> 00:06:38,737
My drinking, I mean.
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00:06:38,738 --> 00:06:39,771
I'm kidding.
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00:06:39,772 --> 00:06:42,307
When I was here, I was mostly high.
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You know, when I first came up
with the idea for my website,
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00:06:44,377 --> 00:06:45,911
everybody thought I was crazy.
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00:06:45,912 --> 00:06:47,913
But my gut was telling
me I should do it.
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So if you learn one thing from tonight,
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it's always trust your instincts.
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Because if I listened
to people's advice,
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then I would have always wondered
168
00:06:55,188 --> 00:06:58,523
what would have happened
if I had trusted my gut?
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00:06:58,524 --> 00:07:00,692
I started mendeavors because
I wanted to go online
170
00:07:00,693 --> 00:07:02,394
and quickly learn how to do things
171
00:07:02,395 --> 00:07:04,863
like fix a leak or change a tire.
172
00:07:04,864 --> 00:07:07,799
So I went home that night
and I started a website called,
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00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,301
"menthings."
174
00:07:09,302 --> 00:07:11,903
I quickly realized
that when you Google "menthings,"
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00:07:11,904 --> 00:07:14,506
you see, well, mens' things.
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00:07:17,643 --> 00:07:19,845
Professor Chandler was one
of my favorite teachers.
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00:07:19,846 --> 00:07:21,663
And I remember he said to me once,
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00:07:21,931 --> 00:07:23,598
"The thing
about computers is",
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00:07:23,599 --> 00:07:26,601
"they'll always get smaller and smaller.
180
00:07:26,602 --> 00:07:30,338
So what you've got to do is
think bigger and bigger."
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00:07:31,507 --> 00:07:34,342
So I took that idea
and I applied it to...
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00:07:34,343 --> 00:07:35,610
Please, God, not like this.
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00:07:41,984 --> 00:07:43,985
I'm... I'm fine. I'm fine.
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00:07:52,928 --> 00:07:55,464
Did you see that?
185
00:07:58,483 --> 00:08:00,518
I'm sorry. Come on, say something.
186
00:08:00,519 --> 00:08:02,954
You didn't talk to me
the entire ride home.
187
00:08:02,955 --> 00:08:05,122
Well, there was a dead bird
on the side of the road,
188
00:08:05,123 --> 00:08:06,290
so I figured that would
keep you entertained
189
00:08:06,291 --> 00:08:08,059
for the time being.
190
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:09,145
I'm sorry.
191
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,662
Look, the speech was so good.
They loved it.
192
00:08:11,663 --> 00:08:14,632
- Even after the incident.
- Don't call it that.
193
00:08:14,633 --> 00:08:18,936
I wasn't molested, I just fell.
194
00:08:18,937 --> 00:08:21,472
I don't know why I laughed, okay?
195
00:08:21,473 --> 00:08:22,974
I think it was nervous laughter
196
00:08:22,975 --> 00:08:25,076
because I was just so worried about you,
197
00:08:25,077 --> 00:08:27,545
and I was just so scared
that you were hurt.
198
00:08:27,546 --> 00:08:31,449
- Really?
- Yes. I was terrified.
199
00:08:31,450 --> 00:08:33,484
Okay. 'Cause it was really scary.
200
00:08:33,485 --> 00:08:36,654
It was so scary.
201
00:08:36,655 --> 00:08:39,490
I mean, I took a nasty spill.
202
00:08:39,491 --> 00:08:42,259
It was nasty.
203
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:44,328
You know, I was just so into it.
204
00:08:44,329 --> 00:08:46,163
I mean, the spotlight was
in my face, and really,
205
00:08:46,164 --> 00:08:48,966
I thought I had another
five feet to work with.
206
00:08:48,967 --> 00:08:51,535
Well, you did not, sir.
207
00:08:51,536 --> 00:08:53,637
Ice. You want some ice?
Let me get you some ice.
208
00:08:53,638 --> 00:08:56,073
Oh, man, good thing I know how to fall.
209
00:08:56,074 --> 00:08:57,575
'Cause as soon as I knew
I was going down,
210
00:08:57,576 --> 00:09:01,312
I just, like, rolled into it.
211
00:09:04,349 --> 00:09:06,717
Why have you not fixed that yet?
212
00:09:06,718 --> 00:09:08,452
- Are you laughing?
- No!
213
00:09:08,453 --> 00:09:09,687
- I can't believe you!
- No.
214
00:09:09,688 --> 00:09:11,589
Okay. Okay.
215
00:09:11,590 --> 00:09:13,324
I am not laughing at you falling,
216
00:09:13,325 --> 00:09:15,326
'cause that is not funny.
217
00:09:15,327 --> 00:09:17,728
I think the thing that's getting me
218
00:09:17,729 --> 00:09:20,532
is what you said while you fell.
219
00:09:22,968 --> 00:09:25,036
I said something as I fell?
220
00:09:25,037 --> 00:09:27,038
What's that?
221
00:09:27,039 --> 00:09:30,074
Well, what did I say?
222
00:09:30,075 --> 00:09:31,442
Uh, you said...
223
00:09:33,712 --> 00:09:36,480
You know what?
I'm just gonna write it down...
224
00:09:36,481 --> 00:09:38,482
Um... For you.
225
00:09:49,094 --> 00:09:52,164
"Please, God, not like this"?
226
00:09:57,636 --> 00:09:59,303
Come on!
227
00:09:59,304 --> 00:10:02,206
You know, that is not funny!
228
00:10:02,207 --> 00:10:05,576
- You had to be there.
- I was there!
229
00:10:05,577 --> 00:10:07,344
You know what? I don't want
to talk about this anymore.
230
00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:08,979
I'm sorry. You know what?
231
00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:10,314
You know what?
232
00:10:10,315 --> 00:10:12,516
I think that this is some
kind of repressed emotion
233
00:10:12,517 --> 00:10:15,186
coming out in a strange way,
like how you get weirdly violent
234
00:10:15,187 --> 00:10:18,355
at baby showers.
235
00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,491
Why do I have ten new text messages?
236
00:10:20,492 --> 00:10:24,562
You posted the video online?
237
00:10:24,563 --> 00:10:27,331
No! No! No!
238
00:10:27,332 --> 00:10:29,433
Kind of.
239
00:10:29,434 --> 00:10:31,669
I uploaded it to Facebook,
but then I took it down
240
00:10:31,670 --> 00:10:33,037
as soon as I knew you were mad.
241
00:10:33,038 --> 00:10:34,338
Oh, good.
242
00:10:34,339 --> 00:10:35,706
Because once you remove
something from the Internet,
243
00:10:35,707 --> 00:10:39,176
it's totally gone forever.
244
00:10:39,177 --> 00:10:42,214
My mom reposted it.
245
00:10:43,615 --> 00:10:45,082
Look what she put as a caption.
246
00:10:45,083 --> 00:10:48,185
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Lol."
247
00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:49,520
I'm gonna tell her to take it down.
248
00:10:49,521 --> 00:10:51,188
You know what? I just... I don't...
249
00:10:51,189 --> 00:10:52,723
I want to pretend like
this never happened, okay?
250
00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:56,494
So I'm just gonna go lay down.
Forever.
251
00:10:56,495 --> 00:10:59,730
I have a pill for that.
252
00:11:03,068 --> 00:11:04,568
Oh, there's Roxanne.
253
00:11:04,569 --> 00:11:06,270
I'm gonna try this gentleman thing.
254
00:11:06,271 --> 00:11:08,539
All right.
255
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:10,441
Uh, go.
256
00:11:10,442 --> 00:11:12,243
Go.
257
00:11:12,244 --> 00:11:14,712
Go!
258
00:11:14,713 --> 00:11:15,947
Good luck.
259
00:11:17,716 --> 00:11:21,519
- Hey!
- Hey.
260
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:22,586
Ah.
261
00:11:22,587 --> 00:11:23,687
Whoa. Whoa. What's going on?
262
00:11:23,688 --> 00:11:27,191
Whoopee cushion? Water balloon?
263
00:11:27,192 --> 00:11:29,727
Blood on my head like Carrie?
264
00:11:29,728 --> 00:11:31,262
Relax. Roxanne...
265
00:11:31,263 --> 00:11:33,030
I was just pulling out
the stool for you, no pranks.
266
00:11:33,031 --> 00:11:35,933
Just trying to be a gentleman.
267
00:11:35,934 --> 00:11:39,437
Oh. I didn't realize we were
in colonial Williamsburg.
268
00:11:41,106 --> 00:11:43,440
Thanks.
I can pull out my own chair.
269
00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,042
Uh, let me get that.
270
00:11:45,043 --> 00:11:46,577
Mark, no. I said I would do it.
271
00:11:46,578 --> 00:11:49,480
Mark, knock it off.
272
00:11:49,481 --> 00:11:53,481
I am trying to be a gentleman, stupid!
273
00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:57,154
What the hell is going on?
274
00:11:57,155 --> 00:12:01,959
I'm trying to be chivalrous, you psycho!
275
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,729
I don't want chivalry.
I want my stool.
276
00:12:11,303 --> 00:12:14,171
Never listening to you again.
277
00:12:14,172 --> 00:12:16,407
Look, I still stand
by being a gentleman.
278
00:12:16,408 --> 00:12:19,276
My dad never let my mom walk
on the outside of the sidewalk.
279
00:12:19,277 --> 00:12:23,615
I mean, he cheated on her,
but she never got hit by a car.
280
00:12:26,017 --> 00:12:29,454
- Mark, can I get a red wine?
- Get it yourself, dude.
281
00:12:34,659 --> 00:12:38,262
Hey! New day.
Are you feeling better?
282
00:12:38,263 --> 00:12:40,497
Good news.
I made up with the barista.
283
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:42,433
I will no longer change
my order as he is making it,
284
00:12:42,434 --> 00:12:46,070
and he will no longer
ask if you are my son.
285
00:12:46,071 --> 00:12:47,304
Yeah, well, I don't know if you
286
00:12:47,305 --> 00:12:48,606
totally closed the deal on that
287
00:12:48,607 --> 00:12:52,310
because on my cup he wrote,
"control your bitch."
288
00:12:53,612 --> 00:12:55,045
- I'll be right back.
- Wait. Wait. Wait.
289
00:12:55,046 --> 00:12:56,580
Calm down, all right?
He's got one hand.
290
00:12:56,581 --> 00:12:58,315
Just leave him alone.
291
00:12:58,316 --> 00:12:59,650
What are you doing?
292
00:12:59,651 --> 00:13:01,619
I'm answering an email
from a Professor at DePaul.
293
00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:03,587
He saw me yesterday
and he wants me to give a lecture
294
00:13:03,588 --> 00:13:05,189
to his new media class.
295
00:13:05,190 --> 00:13:07,291
Honey, that's great!
296
00:13:07,292 --> 00:13:10,294
Yeah. You know,
I'm not gonna do it.
297
00:13:10,295 --> 00:13:11,562
Why not?
298
00:13:11,563 --> 00:13:13,597
I don't want to go through
that again. No way.
299
00:13:13,598 --> 00:13:17,201
- Honey, it was not a big deal.
- No. It was a huge deal.
300
00:13:17,202 --> 00:13:18,602
All those kids were
probably tweeting about it,
301
00:13:18,603 --> 00:13:20,137
talking about what a loser I was.
302
00:13:20,138 --> 00:13:22,706
I made a complete fool of
myself in front of 200 kids.
303
00:13:22,707 --> 00:13:25,510
I'm not doing it.
304
00:13:28,179 --> 00:13:29,346
What are you doing?
305
00:13:29,347 --> 00:13:31,148
I'm just emailing him
back and telling him
306
00:13:31,149 --> 00:13:32,149
that you're doing it.
307
00:13:32,150 --> 00:13:33,450
- Whit!
- I wrote, "I'm in."
308
00:13:33,451 --> 00:13:35,052
And that could mean
a bunch of different things.
309
00:13:35,053 --> 00:13:37,187
So you might want to follow up quickly.
310
00:13:37,188 --> 00:13:40,291
Okay. Now let's practice
walking back and forth.
311
00:13:40,292 --> 00:13:41,659
Wait, I can't believe you just did that.
312
00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:43,160
Especially when I told you not too.
313
00:13:43,161 --> 00:13:44,595
But you're gonna be
so happy that you did it.
314
00:13:44,596 --> 00:13:45,476
No. No. You know what?
315
00:13:45,519 --> 00:13:46,661
You know what would make me happy
316
00:13:46,781 --> 00:13:49,099
is you not laughing in my face
after I fell down like that.
317
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:50,567
And you know what else
would make me happy
318
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:52,036
is you not making me do something
319
00:13:52,037 --> 00:13:54,305
after I told you I didn't want to.
320
00:13:54,306 --> 00:13:57,174
You know what?
You're just like your mother.
321
00:13:57,175 --> 00:14:01,545
I... I...
322
00:14:01,546 --> 00:14:03,414
Yeah. I... I... I...
323
00:14:03,415 --> 00:14:06,451
Exactly.
324
00:14:10,547 --> 00:14:12,114
I can't believe he said that.
325
00:14:12,115 --> 00:14:13,615
He thinks I'm just like my mother?
326
00:14:13,616 --> 00:14:16,985
Well, he is just like my father.
Falling off things.
327
00:14:16,986 --> 00:14:21,358
Hanging out with college kids.
Pretending he's British.
328
00:14:22,726 --> 00:14:24,526
Since when did someone saying
you're like your mother
329
00:14:24,527 --> 00:14:26,729
become the biggest insult on the planet?
330
00:14:26,730 --> 00:14:28,597
When I was younger,
it was my dream to grow up
331
00:14:28,598 --> 00:14:29,631
and be like my mom.
332
00:14:29,632 --> 00:14:31,233
What happened?
333
00:14:31,234 --> 00:14:33,169
Dina Lohan.
334
00:14:36,706 --> 00:14:39,174
Are we all just doomed
to become our mothers?
335
00:14:39,175 --> 00:14:41,443
Oh, I hope I don't turn into my mother.
336
00:14:41,444 --> 00:14:43,545
I mean,
I may be from a family of lemons,
337
00:14:43,546 --> 00:14:45,214
but I am no tart.
338
00:14:45,215 --> 00:14:49,451
Oh, my God,
my mom would totally say that.
339
00:14:49,452 --> 00:14:52,287
Is this why I won't let
a man help me do anything?
340
00:14:52,288 --> 00:14:55,224
Besides the fact that they always
do everything wrong?
341
00:14:55,225 --> 00:14:56,358
Guys don't do things wrong.
342
00:14:56,359 --> 00:14:57,626
We just don't give them enough credit.
343
00:14:57,627 --> 00:15:00,162
Oh, my God.
My mom would totally say that.
344
00:15:00,163 --> 00:15:02,097
Okay. Stop hitting me.
345
00:15:02,098 --> 00:15:06,101
Oh, my God.
My mom would totally say that!
346
00:15:06,102 --> 00:15:08,971
Is this why I won't even
let a man pull out my chair?
347
00:15:08,972 --> 00:15:12,674
Because my mom told me to never
depend on a man for anything?
348
00:15:12,675 --> 00:15:15,577
You know what?
I got to break this cycle.
349
00:15:15,578 --> 00:15:17,980
Yeah, and my dad used to
do everything for my mom.
350
00:15:17,981 --> 00:15:20,650
That's why I'm so co-dependent.
What do you think?
351
00:15:22,986 --> 00:15:26,588
Are you mad at me?
352
00:15:26,589 --> 00:15:28,223
My mother never says what she means
353
00:15:28,224 --> 00:15:30,025
and always beats around the bush.
354
00:15:30,026 --> 00:15:32,694
So in the spirit of breaking the cycle,
355
00:15:32,695 --> 00:15:35,364
Whitney,
you are exactly like your mother.
356
00:15:35,365 --> 00:15:39,365
And Lily,
I'm always a little bit mad at you.
357
00:15:40,136 --> 00:15:42,204
I am nothing like my mother.
358
00:15:42,205 --> 00:15:44,373
My mother denies everything,
she'll never admit
359
00:15:44,374 --> 00:15:46,275
when she does something wrong,
and all she does is sit around
360
00:15:46,276 --> 00:15:50,113
and get drunk with
her psychotic friends.
361
00:15:55,351 --> 00:15:57,686
Oh, no.
362
00:15:57,687 --> 00:15:59,488
Alex is right.
363
00:15:59,489 --> 00:16:02,224
Emailing back that guy is
exactly what my mom did
364
00:16:02,225 --> 00:16:03,592
with my cousin's wedding.
365
00:16:03,593 --> 00:16:07,196
I didn't even think
about Alex's feelings.
366
00:16:07,197 --> 00:16:10,098
Oh, I feel sick.
367
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:13,635
Okay, I need to go home and handle this.
368
00:16:13,636 --> 00:16:16,639
I'm coming with you.
Roxanne hates me.
369
00:16:25,215 --> 00:16:26,448
- Hey!
- Don't.
370
00:16:26,449 --> 00:16:28,117
I'm not.
371
00:16:32,655 --> 00:16:35,624
- This is for you.
- What is this?
372
00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:38,093
Some kind of apology present...
373
00:16:38,094 --> 00:16:40,195
That I paid for?
374
00:16:40,196 --> 00:16:41,964
No. This is your birthday present
375
00:16:41,965 --> 00:16:44,466
for your birthday,
which is on April 10th.
376
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:45,634
Unlike my mother,
377
00:16:45,635 --> 00:16:49,271
I know when someone
I love's birthday is.
378
00:16:49,272 --> 00:16:52,241
Okay. Thanks, whit.
379
00:16:52,242 --> 00:16:54,376
But you don't get points for
knowing when my birthday is.
380
00:16:54,377 --> 00:16:58,480
That's just, like, being a person.
381
00:16:58,481 --> 00:17:01,284
- Open it.
- Okay.
382
00:17:04,554 --> 00:17:07,356
It's a ticket from your speech.
383
00:17:07,357 --> 00:17:09,324
Whoa. Whit...
384
00:17:09,325 --> 00:17:11,293
I framed it 'cause
I wanted you to always
385
00:17:11,294 --> 00:17:14,330
remember how cool it was
that you got asked to do that.
386
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:18,601
Wow. That's really impressive.
387
00:17:23,673 --> 00:17:26,642
Why aren't you talking?
388
00:17:26,643 --> 00:17:29,244
Unlike my mother,
I'm not going to interrupt people
389
00:17:29,245 --> 00:17:30,345
while they're talking.
390
00:17:30,346 --> 00:17:33,081
I want you to finish your thought.
391
00:17:33,082 --> 00:17:35,551
Okay. Well, I'm not sure
I even remember how to do that.
392
00:17:35,552 --> 00:17:38,353
Uh, okay.
393
00:17:38,354 --> 00:17:42,057
I'm done.
394
00:17:42,058 --> 00:17:44,060
Say something.
395
00:17:47,463 --> 00:17:50,032
You're my hero.
396
00:17:50,033 --> 00:17:51,266
What?
397
00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:53,368
You got right back on that stage
398
00:17:53,369 --> 00:17:57,105
and you finished your speech,
and it was amazing.
399
00:17:57,106 --> 00:17:58,974
You're the most
incredible person I know.
400
00:17:58,975 --> 00:18:02,975
You are the smartest,
funniest, most honest,
401
00:18:03,479 --> 00:18:06,982
generous, loving person I've ever met.
402
00:18:06,983 --> 00:18:11,087
And I'm completely in awe of you.
403
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:15,958
Well, I didn't know that.
404
00:18:15,959 --> 00:18:17,492
Exactly.
405
00:18:17,493 --> 00:18:20,095
I think it all the time
but I never say it,
406
00:18:20,096 --> 00:18:22,966
which is exactly what my mom does.
407
00:18:24,634 --> 00:18:26,840
Okay. Well, now I just
think you're adopted.
408
00:18:29,505 --> 00:18:31,974
You think?
409
00:18:31,975 --> 00:18:34,476
Hey. You're my hero, too.
410
00:18:34,477 --> 00:18:35,644
Oh, shut up. I'm the worst.
411
00:18:35,645 --> 00:18:37,112
No, no. Really.
412
00:18:37,113 --> 00:18:40,616
Look, I'm gonna do that thing at DePaul,
413
00:18:40,617 --> 00:18:42,618
and I never would have done
it if it wasn't for you.
414
00:18:42,619 --> 00:18:44,119
So thank you.
415
00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:47,122
You're not invited, but I'm gonna do it.
416
00:18:47,123 --> 00:18:49,191
That makes me so happy!
417
00:18:49,192 --> 00:18:51,693
But whatever you want,
'cause this is about you.
418
00:18:51,694 --> 00:18:53,328
No. It's about us.
419
00:18:53,329 --> 00:18:56,366
'Cause there's no "u" in "us."
420
00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:03,271
Northwestern? You sure?
421
00:19:05,108 --> 00:19:07,509
You know, not only are you my hero,
422
00:19:07,510 --> 00:19:09,277
but I think you actually
might be a superhero.
423
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,480
When you walked off that stage,
you were airborne
424
00:19:11,481 --> 00:19:14,616
for at least five seconds.
425
00:19:14,617 --> 00:19:16,084
You might be a superhero too.
426
00:19:16,085 --> 00:19:17,352
You're kind of like wonder woman...
427
00:19:17,353 --> 00:19:19,087
I always wonder why
you're still in my life.
428
00:19:22,141 --> 00:19:30,702
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
429
00:19:23,993 --> 00:19:26,061
All right. Good night, Mark.
430
00:19:26,062 --> 00:19:27,430
Good night.
431
00:19:31,786 --> 00:19:33,332
Mark, can you help me with my coat?
432
00:19:37,358 --> 00:19:39,894
You're sick.
433
00:19:45,099 --> 00:19:46,900
- Hang on.
- Quit fighting it.
434
00:19:46,901 --> 00:19:48,868
I'm...
435
00:19:48,869 --> 00:19:52,406
Quit thrashing like a crab on deck.
436
00:19:54,775 --> 00:19:57,510
Is this coat even your size?
437
00:20:06,554 --> 00:20:08,588
Idiot.
438
00:20:08,589 --> 00:20:11,525
Weirdo.
439
00:20:18,666 --> 00:20:21,535
Peace.
440
00:20:27,907 --> 00:20:30,308
Okay, I promise,
I had nothing to do with this.
441
00:20:30,309 --> 00:20:32,577
Some student at Northwestern
must have put this together.
442
00:20:32,578 --> 00:20:36,481
But are you sure you want to see this?
443
00:20:36,482 --> 00:20:39,348
- Yeah.
- Okay.
444
00:20:39,582 --> 00:20:42,617
Are you sure you want to see this?
445
00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:46,455
Yeah. I don't care.
I'm... I'm over it.
446
00:20:46,456 --> 00:20:48,590
Okay.
447
00:20:50,259 --> 00:20:52,094
I'm kidding, when I was here
I was mostly high. Mostly high.
448
00:20:52,095 --> 00:20:53,328
Mostly high.
Mostly high.
449
00:20:53,329 --> 00:20:54,496
Smaller. Bigger.
450
00:20:54,497 --> 00:20:55,931
Smaller. Bigger.
451
00:20:55,932 --> 00:20:57,099
Smaller.
Bigger.
452
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,166
Please, God, not like this.
453
00:20:58,167 --> 00:21:00,035
Not like this. Not like this.
454
00:21:00,036 --> 00:21:01,570
Not like this. Not like this.
455
00:21:01,571 --> 00:21:03,638
- All right. Turn it off.
- Okay, sorry. Sorry.
456
00:21:03,639 --> 00:21:06,708
- Yeah.
- Sorry. Sorry.
457
00:21:06,709 --> 00:21:08,510
Man, that really hurts.
458
00:21:08,511 --> 00:21:11,246
Oh, God.
I should not have shown you that.
459
00:21:11,247 --> 00:21:14,649
No, I mean, it only has eight views?
460
00:21:14,650 --> 00:21:16,218
You know what?
461
00:21:16,219 --> 00:21:19,489
I still think we can get it on Tosh.0.