1 00:00:16,052 --> 00:00:19,552 ♪ The Simpsons 24x08 ♪ To Cur With Love Original Air Date on December 16, 2012 2 00:00:19,578 --> 00:00:20,548 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 3 00:00:20,601 --> 00:00:22,695 Ho, ho, ho! == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 4 00:00:22,776 --> 00:00:24,963 Welcome to the Montgomery Burns Prize, 5 00:00:24,994 --> 00:00:29,119 rewarding excellence, in the field of alternative energy. 6 00:00:29,213 --> 00:00:32,468 Local inventors are vying for a million dollar stipend donated 7 00:00:32,493 --> 00:00:35,172 by C. Montgomery Burns, as part of a court settlement 8 00:00:35,197 --> 00:00:38,157 for causing one billion dollars of environmental damage. 9 00:00:38,432 --> 00:00:41,076 Shoo. Go have one of your enormous litters. 10 00:00:41,153 --> 00:00:43,241 (growls, screeches) 11 00:00:43,496 --> 00:00:45,430 First inventor, you, bus driver. 12 00:00:45,465 --> 00:00:47,728 Give us the gist of your terrible idea. 13 00:00:47,766 --> 00:00:50,529 Well, I've harnessed the ancient power of slavery 14 00:00:50,561 --> 00:00:53,446 to run the school bus of tomorrow. 15 00:00:56,125 --> 00:00:57,326 (groans, sighs) 16 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:58,929 Whose boy is this? 17 00:00:58,982 --> 00:01:00,546 I'll take him home. 18 00:01:00,596 --> 00:01:02,102 You'll take his place. 19 00:01:02,135 --> 00:01:03,703 (groans) 20 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,050 I would like to present 21 00:01:05,068 --> 00:01:07,944 my Kwik-E-Smart perpetual energy machine. 22 00:01:08,249 --> 00:01:10,380 Three years ago, I tripped over the cord, 23 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,812 but the hotdogs, they kept rolling. 24 00:01:12,903 --> 00:01:15,403 Some say they're powered by decaying nitrates, 25 00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:18,829 others by tiny insects beneath the hot dog skins. 26 00:01:18,889 --> 00:01:19,790 (wry laugh) 27 00:01:19,824 --> 00:01:22,584 Hard to believe I once turned down a job in Tampa, Florida, 28 00:01:22,603 --> 00:01:24,228 because I believed in this city. 29 00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:25,624 That was 15 years ago. 30 00:01:25,648 --> 00:01:26,774 They wouldn't take you now. 31 00:01:26,818 --> 00:01:29,155 Is anyone here an actual scientist? 32 00:01:29,232 --> 00:01:32,980 Uh, yes, I have, on occasion, dabbled in the scientific arts. 33 00:01:33,014 --> 00:01:35,835 Frink Labs, a division of Allied Frink, 34 00:01:35,853 --> 00:01:37,186 the Good-Glavin people, 35 00:01:37,262 --> 00:01:41,079 are proud to present the Frinkasonic MHV. 36 00:01:41,116 --> 00:01:43,942 And what, pray tell, is MHV? 37 00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:47,071 Oh, yes, it's the Moyvin-Hoyvin Vehicle. 38 00:01:47,226 --> 00:01:49,261 This non-magnetic babe magnet 39 00:01:49,295 --> 00:01:51,830 is powered entirely by, you guessed it, 40 00:01:51,864 --> 00:01:53,265 (quietly): sound waves. 41 00:01:53,299 --> 00:01:54,099 (crowd murmuring) 42 00:01:54,151 --> 00:01:56,052 (engine starts) 43 00:01:58,104 --> 00:01:59,137 Ah, yes, you see? 44 00:01:59,155 --> 00:02:01,516 Your quite appropriate oohs and ahs 45 00:02:01,541 --> 00:02:03,468 are propelling me forward. It's wonderful. 46 00:02:03,509 --> 00:02:05,160 (gasping, murmuring excitedly) 47 00:02:05,194 --> 00:02:08,563 That's slightly more enthusiasm than I had anticipated. 48 00:02:09,298 --> 00:02:10,935 For the love of God, 49 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,723 step on the brakes! 50 00:02:12,785 --> 00:02:14,569 The brakes are powered by silence. 51 00:02:14,729 --> 00:02:16,680 (people yelling) 52 00:02:17,979 --> 00:02:19,092 (Willie yelling) 53 00:02:19,147 --> 00:02:21,799 Look out because of the zooming. 54 00:02:24,775 --> 00:02:26,021 Why is it ejecting? 55 00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,149 It's just a normal seat...! 56 00:02:31,091 --> 00:02:33,041 (gasping, shouting) 57 00:02:34,006 --> 00:02:35,874 (all screaming) No! No! 58 00:02:36,596 --> 00:02:37,684 I'm okay. 59 00:02:37,728 --> 00:02:39,590 I'll just go live with my son. 60 00:02:39,612 --> 00:02:41,529 (screaming) No! No! 61 00:02:42,942 --> 00:02:44,036 Hurry up. 62 00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:46,118 I want to get Grampa back here by 3:00, 63 00:02:46,152 --> 00:02:49,121 so we can get him and Maggie on the same nap schedule. 64 00:02:49,155 --> 00:02:50,769 I've labeled all his boxes. 65 00:02:50,843 --> 00:02:51,775 (laughs) 66 00:02:51,791 --> 00:02:53,525 Well, I can't pick up something this heavy 67 00:02:53,559 --> 00:02:54,797 without my lifting belt. 68 00:02:54,844 --> 00:02:56,988 (sudden shout) Ow! 69 00:02:57,031 --> 00:02:58,980 You know you can't lift your lifting belt 70 00:02:59,010 --> 00:03:01,249 without wearing your belt-lifting-belt. 71 00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,467 Oh, no. 72 00:03:02,502 --> 00:03:05,423 I won't be able to help you pack up Grampa. 73 00:03:05,548 --> 00:03:06,193 Fine. 74 00:03:06,211 --> 00:03:08,399 Just stay here and hold down the fort. 75 00:03:08,607 --> 00:03:09,940 Hold down the fort? 76 00:03:10,082 --> 00:03:11,484 With my bad back? 77 00:03:11,504 --> 00:03:13,505 (groans) 78 00:03:15,932 --> 00:03:17,065 (chuckles) 79 00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:19,975 Man, that keyboard-playing cat is so cute. 80 00:03:20,027 --> 00:03:22,828 (playing jazzy tune over tablet speaker) 81 00:03:23,413 --> 00:03:24,720 "Villageville"?! 82 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:27,920 "Build your own authentic medieval village." 83 00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:30,017 I must have something better to do. 84 00:03:32,352 --> 00:03:33,765 And ca-lick. 85 00:03:33,825 --> 00:03:35,628 (fanfare plays) 86 00:03:35,677 --> 00:03:38,481 Finally, a woodcutter that will do what I tell him. 87 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,989 (humming happily) 88 00:03:41,093 --> 00:03:42,099 Holy moley! 89 00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:44,093 He's already made a clearing. 90 00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,352 Let's go for a glade. 91 00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:50,665 (chopping and bell dinging repeatedly) 92 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:51,919 (chuckles) 93 00:03:51,946 --> 00:03:53,531 Just call me DeForest Kelley. 94 00:03:53,569 --> 00:03:55,747 I gotta write that down and send it to Conan. 95 00:03:55,963 --> 00:03:58,631 Oh, move this here-- tap. 96 00:03:59,481 --> 00:04:01,132 Mill, mill. 97 00:04:01,210 --> 00:04:02,500 Barn, silo. 98 00:04:02,555 --> 00:04:04,878 Tavern, tavern, tavern, tavern, tavern, tavern... 99 00:04:05,598 --> 00:04:06,292 Brothel. 100 00:04:06,328 --> 00:04:07,595 Parsonage. 101 00:04:07,617 --> 00:04:09,641 A Theater in the Round. 102 00:04:10,693 --> 00:04:11,756 And... 103 00:04:11,799 --> 00:04:12,943 hay pile. 104 00:04:13,039 --> 00:04:14,606 (panting) 105 00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:19,896 "And the Lord saw what He had made, and it was good." 106 00:04:20,036 --> 00:04:21,536 (groans) 107 00:04:21,590 --> 00:04:22,871 VILLAGERS (over speaker): Ew. 108 00:04:22,928 --> 00:04:24,221 Yeah, that's right, 109 00:04:24,252 --> 00:04:26,435 your Lord sticks his hand in his pants. 110 00:04:26,476 --> 00:04:30,379 And yes, it is the same hand I tapped you with. 111 00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:32,339 (bell dings) 112 00:04:36,862 --> 00:04:38,500 Well, if I've learned anything, 113 00:04:38,549 --> 00:04:41,670 it's that you can't have too much iron ore. 114 00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:45,015 Maybe one of your tavern wenches can do the laundry. 115 00:04:45,927 --> 00:04:47,161 (shrieks) You're back. 116 00:04:47,326 --> 00:04:48,760 Did you spend this whole time 117 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,285 doing fake chores in a fake village? 118 00:04:51,364 --> 00:04:54,127 It's real to them. (groans) 119 00:04:54,263 --> 00:04:56,331 Um, where's Santa's Little Helper? 120 00:04:56,365 --> 00:04:57,732 I don't know. The backyard? 121 00:04:57,767 --> 00:04:59,701 The backyard? But what if he got out 122 00:04:59,735 --> 00:05:02,737 through your half-completed tunnel to Flanders's fridge? 123 00:05:04,273 --> 00:05:05,540 I don't see him anywhere. 124 00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:07,742 You jackass. You lost our dog! 125 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,826 Oh, my God. 126 00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:12,634 I forgot to feed my jackass. 127 00:05:14,321 --> 00:05:15,908 (bellowing): Hank-hew. 128 00:05:15,935 --> 00:05:17,800 (bellowing): You're welcome. 129 00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:24,569 Santa's Little Helper. 130 00:05:25,402 --> 00:05:28,640 Santa's Little Helper! 131 00:05:28,674 --> 00:05:29,908 I love that dog, 132 00:05:29,942 --> 00:05:32,410 but that is one long, stupid name. 133 00:05:36,064 --> 00:05:37,659 (both groaning) 134 00:05:37,693 --> 00:05:39,315 (meows) 135 00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:45,514 - What the hell? - Oh, right. 136 00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:50,205 The animal shelter hasn't had any greyhounds turned in. 137 00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:53,575 Just a dachshund, a chow, and a pregnant raccoon. 138 00:05:53,616 --> 00:05:55,950 A lot of good backups. How pregnant is the raccoon? 139 00:05:55,985 --> 00:05:57,567 We don't want a raccoon. 140 00:05:57,611 --> 00:05:58,567 Good, Marge. 141 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,080 Get their price down. 142 00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:02,144 Dad, I just noticed something. 143 00:06:02,172 --> 00:06:04,206 You're not upset enough about this. 144 00:06:04,291 --> 00:06:06,241 Hey, Lisa's right. 145 00:06:06,295 --> 00:06:09,207 You're the only one who hasn't cried about the dog. 146 00:06:09,265 --> 00:06:10,305 Not a crier. 147 00:06:10,334 --> 00:06:12,728 What? You cry all the time. 148 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:15,378 You cried when they canceled that show you hated. 149 00:06:15,437 --> 00:06:17,405 Goofing on it made me feel wise. 150 00:06:17,439 --> 00:06:19,758 (whimpering) 151 00:06:19,803 --> 00:06:22,329 - Where is that coming from? - From the kitchen. 152 00:06:23,804 --> 00:06:24,980 He's alive! 153 00:06:24,997 --> 00:06:27,116 And he didn't pee on the floor. 154 00:06:27,147 --> 00:06:29,382 For me, that's a perfect day. 155 00:06:29,451 --> 00:06:32,381 (everyone talking at once) 156 00:06:32,536 --> 00:06:34,799 Dad, why'd you shut our dog in a cabinet? 157 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,012 I'll answer that. 158 00:06:36,066 --> 00:06:37,867 Your father's an idiot. 159 00:06:37,907 --> 00:06:40,476 I believe the word is idiote. 160 00:06:40,510 --> 00:06:42,750 How did Santa's Little Helper get in there? 161 00:06:42,781 --> 00:06:45,683 (gasps) I know what must have happened. 162 00:06:47,377 --> 00:06:48,815 I'm going to get a snack, 163 00:06:48,835 --> 00:06:52,135 but first, should I introduce the black plague? 164 00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:53,949 Mm... what could be the harm? 165 00:06:54,045 --> 00:06:55,003 (man screaming over speaker) 166 00:06:55,027 --> 00:06:57,343 Whoa, now I've got to buy a corpse wagon. 167 00:06:57,391 --> 00:06:58,885 Well, that's how they get you. 168 00:07:00,813 --> 00:07:03,794 Hmm... ooh, it's amazing 169 00:07:03,825 --> 00:07:06,800 how many things they can make taste like cheese. 170 00:07:06,823 --> 00:07:09,825 Oh, yeah, baby, I'm drinking you down to your knees. 171 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:10,708 (sniffing) 172 00:07:10,809 --> 00:07:12,578 ♪ Gonna drink ammonia 173 00:07:12,609 --> 00:07:14,309 ♪ 'Cause it tastes like cheese 174 00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,358 ♪ I wonder what will happen... 175 00:07:17,824 --> 00:07:21,098 A minstrel has composed a roundelay mocking me? 176 00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:22,643 Torture, torture, torture. 177 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:23,992 (people screaming over speaker) 178 00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:26,865 Well, it's time we showed this dog some love. 179 00:07:26,892 --> 00:07:27,930 - Oh. - Oh. 180 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,111 (all speak soothingly) 181 00:07:29,355 --> 00:07:30,480 Attaboy. 182 00:07:30,883 --> 00:07:32,778 Hey Homer, how come you're not hugging the dog? 183 00:07:32,796 --> 00:07:34,837 He knows I love him, and he loves me. 184 00:07:34,883 --> 00:07:36,384 (growling) 185 00:07:36,518 --> 00:07:39,174 That's short for "Rrright you are." 186 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,826 I don't think you even like Santa's Little Helper. 187 00:07:41,857 --> 00:07:45,226 You never take him for walks or sleep with him in your arms. 188 00:07:45,261 --> 00:07:48,574 And I suspect you've been chewing on his treats. 189 00:07:48,646 --> 00:07:51,582 How are they his treats if I paid for them? 190 00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:52,767 Okay, okay. 191 00:07:52,792 --> 00:07:54,130 I'll be nicer to the dude. 192 00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:56,237 I've just never really been a dog person. 193 00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:58,285 Really? What about Bongo? 194 00:07:58,792 --> 00:07:59,830 Bongo?! 195 00:07:59,883 --> 00:08:02,435 I told you never to ever talk about Bongo. 196 00:08:02,475 --> 00:08:05,260 (sobbing) 197 00:08:06,162 --> 00:08:07,845 Ever! 198 00:08:08,033 --> 00:08:10,001 What just happened? Who's Bongo? 199 00:08:10,035 --> 00:08:13,104 Bongo was Homer's dog when he was a boy. 200 00:08:13,138 --> 00:08:14,739 HOMER: He's still my dog! 201 00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:16,961 We got him years ago. 202 00:08:16,992 --> 00:08:18,821 HOMER: I don't know what you just said, but it's wrong! 203 00:08:18,844 --> 00:08:20,078 Wrong, wrong, wrong. 204 00:08:20,093 --> 00:08:21,168 (sighs) 205 00:08:21,212 --> 00:08:23,082 I was working long hours 206 00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:26,277 at the Springfield Smokestack Factory. 207 00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:31,005 Oh, I was so tired when I got home. 208 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,558 Then little Homer would start crying and crying, 209 00:08:34,689 --> 00:08:37,391 but Bongo knew just what to do. 210 00:08:37,447 --> 00:08:39,448 (howling, crying stops) 211 00:08:41,294 --> 00:08:42,151 (snoring) 212 00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:45,983 Now, my dear, we can watch Mannix as a couple. 213 00:08:46,507 --> 00:08:49,186 Unfortunately, like all true stories, 214 00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:51,831 this one has a crappy ending. 215 00:08:51,853 --> 00:08:53,871 You have a story with an ending? 216 00:08:53,893 --> 00:08:56,667 Uh-huh. All my stories have endings now. 217 00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:59,584 They're putting something in my Jell-O down at the home. 218 00:08:59,636 --> 00:09:02,230 Anyway, Homer and that dog 219 00:09:02,249 --> 00:09:05,555 went together like Christmas and suicidal thoughts. 220 00:09:05,724 --> 00:09:09,409 ♪ Me and my Arrow 221 00:09:10,779 --> 00:09:13,881 ♪ Straighter than narrow 222 00:09:16,158 --> 00:09:18,593 ♪ Wherever we go 223 00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:21,298 ♪ Everyone knows 224 00:09:21,329 --> 00:09:23,951 ♪ It's me and my Arrow... 225 00:09:23,965 --> 00:09:26,601 (tires screech) 226 00:09:26,826 --> 00:09:29,870 ♪ Me and my Arrow 227 00:09:32,087 --> 00:09:34,014 ♪ Taking the high road... 228 00:09:34,058 --> 00:09:35,225 (alarm sounding) 229 00:09:37,206 --> 00:09:39,962 ♪ Wherever we go 230 00:09:39,993 --> 00:09:42,293 ♪ Everyone knows 231 00:09:42,318 --> 00:09:45,151 ♪ It's me and my Arrow... 232 00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:47,265 Aww. 233 00:09:48,623 --> 00:09:49,590 (stammers, gasps) 234 00:09:49,668 --> 00:09:51,312 I had no clue. 235 00:09:53,439 --> 00:09:55,183 Then came the fateful day 236 00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:57,202 when Mr. Burns was lobbying 237 00:09:57,227 --> 00:10:00,146 for the go-ahead on his nuclear plant, 238 00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:03,234 and he was giving away 239 00:10:03,265 --> 00:10:06,989 stuffed Isotoads to all the children. 240 00:10:07,101 --> 00:10:08,014 Have a toy. 241 00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,473 Don't thwart my ambition. 242 00:10:09,505 --> 00:10:11,111 Look, they even talk. 243 00:10:11,208 --> 00:10:14,076 ELECTRONIC VOICE: Cancer clusters are random occurrences. 244 00:10:14,243 --> 00:10:15,309 Creepy. 245 00:10:15,344 --> 00:10:16,619 You can have mine, Bongo. 246 00:10:16,678 --> 00:10:19,901 Those toys are people bribes, you good-hearted little brat. 247 00:10:20,699 --> 00:10:21,499 (growling) 248 00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:23,034 Ugh! He bit me! 249 00:10:23,068 --> 00:10:24,652 (growling) Get him out of here, son. 250 00:10:25,205 --> 00:10:26,572 Now. 251 00:10:27,706 --> 00:10:30,208 Mr. Burns, I'm awfully sorry. 252 00:10:30,242 --> 00:10:31,809 Oh, I'll be all right. 253 00:10:31,844 --> 00:10:34,178 Once I hold your dying pet in my arms 254 00:10:34,213 --> 00:10:35,913 and feel his wagging tail go stiff. 255 00:10:35,948 --> 00:10:39,011 Uh, sir, you are aware you're at a PR event for children. 256 00:10:40,154 --> 00:10:41,129 (chuckles) 257 00:10:41,220 --> 00:10:43,004 Bring in the clown. 258 00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:44,225 Hey-hey! 259 00:10:44,253 --> 00:10:45,985 (laughs) 260 00:10:46,074 --> 00:10:49,518 So, Lady Godiva gets a haircut, right, and... 261 00:10:49,625 --> 00:10:50,588 Kids? 262 00:10:50,624 --> 00:10:51,524 Uh, no problem. 263 00:10:51,543 --> 00:10:53,520 I'll just cut to my clean material. 264 00:10:53,579 --> 00:10:55,242 (muttering) 265 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,101 Farmer's daughter, no. 266 00:10:57,136 --> 00:10:59,370 A man from Nantucket, no. 267 00:10:59,479 --> 00:11:01,047 Bring out the monkey! 268 00:11:03,475 --> 00:11:04,941 (laughing) 269 00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:08,630 Next time I'm getting a smaller monkey. 270 00:11:08,812 --> 00:11:10,687 Ow! Gow! Ooh! 271 00:11:10,716 --> 00:11:12,531 Oh! Gah! All right! 272 00:11:15,493 --> 00:11:18,661 So Mr. Burns wanted to kill Homer's dog. 273 00:11:18,691 --> 00:11:20,041 Homer had no idea. 274 00:11:20,062 --> 00:11:22,357 He was so innocent and chubby. 275 00:11:22,381 --> 00:11:24,716 Course now, he's just stupid and fat. 276 00:11:24,756 --> 00:11:26,624 - Focus. - Huh? Oh, right. 277 00:11:26,658 --> 00:11:28,294 Little Homer didn't know it, 278 00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:31,304 but Burns had unleashed the local dogcatcher 279 00:11:31,329 --> 00:11:33,380 to bring Bongo in. 280 00:11:33,423 --> 00:11:35,017 (sirens wailing) 281 00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:36,798 ♪ Little Homer had a dog 282 00:11:36,825 --> 00:11:38,860 ♪ And Bongo was his name-o 283 00:11:38,894 --> 00:11:40,823 ♪ B-O-On-On-Go 284 00:11:40,854 --> 00:11:42,618 ♪ B-O-On-On-Go... 285 00:11:42,649 --> 00:11:44,274 (tires screech) Get in quick. 286 00:11:44,316 --> 00:11:46,200 This was before the day of safety seats 287 00:11:46,235 --> 00:11:49,282 and coming to a complete stop to let your child get in. 288 00:11:52,942 --> 00:11:57,612 When God closes a door, he opens a gun shop. 289 00:11:58,395 --> 00:11:59,208 Wait. 290 00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:00,908 How could you know what Herman said? 291 00:12:00,926 --> 00:12:02,258 You were driving away. 292 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:04,369 - He wrote a memoir. - Oh. 293 00:12:05,971 --> 00:12:07,351 Uh-oh. 294 00:12:07,867 --> 00:12:08,914 Huh. 295 00:12:09,172 --> 00:12:10,406 Oh. 296 00:12:10,459 --> 00:12:11,572 Anyway... 297 00:12:11,609 --> 00:12:12,553 (siren blaring) 298 00:12:12,588 --> 00:12:14,949 Son, I've got an idea. 299 00:12:14,997 --> 00:12:16,953 A hole next to the seat to hold my cup? 300 00:12:16,999 --> 00:12:18,449 That's a stupid idea. 301 00:12:18,502 --> 00:12:20,353 Holding cups are what thighs are for. 302 00:12:20,387 --> 00:12:21,804 Now hang on tight. 303 00:12:23,572 --> 00:12:26,594 (sniffing, panting, barking) 304 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:27,917 (inhales) Mmm! 305 00:12:27,942 --> 00:12:29,694 Smell them sausages, Lou. 306 00:12:29,730 --> 00:12:31,633 Are you sure the Big Brother Program 307 00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:33,471 couldn't find me anybody else? 308 00:12:33,555 --> 00:12:35,773 Yeah, well, you were my last pick, too, okay? 309 00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:38,920 Tipping, aah! 310 00:12:38,954 --> 00:12:40,555 (barking) 311 00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:43,589 Oh, I'm a washout as a dogcatcher. 312 00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:44,809 What do I do now? 313 00:12:44,843 --> 00:12:47,078 Well, my dream is to be police chief. 314 00:12:47,112 --> 00:12:48,746 Oh, no, you can't 'cause, um, that's my dream. 315 00:12:48,781 --> 00:12:49,918 I'm gonna be chief of police. 316 00:12:49,948 --> 00:12:51,716 Well, then I'll be a spokesman for my people, 317 00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:53,151 like Ralph Abernathy. 318 00:12:53,797 --> 00:12:56,655 Ralph, I like that name. 319 00:12:58,273 --> 00:13:01,309 Man, this story is filling in a lot of gaps. 320 00:13:01,343 --> 00:13:04,568 But I want to know about Dad and his broken heart. 321 00:13:04,641 --> 00:13:06,766 Your father lost a lot in his life-- 322 00:13:06,815 --> 00:13:08,616 his hair, his mother, 323 00:13:08,807 --> 00:13:11,781 more games of Monopoly than any man ought. 324 00:13:11,817 --> 00:13:16,187 He'd go to jail and stay there 'cause he loves the easy life, 325 00:13:16,272 --> 00:13:18,185 but I think losing that dog 326 00:13:18,216 --> 00:13:20,851 was the toughest blow of all. 327 00:13:21,564 --> 00:13:22,927 HOMER: Where are we going, Daddy? 328 00:13:22,965 --> 00:13:24,949 Remember our old neighbor, Miss Viola? 329 00:13:24,983 --> 00:13:27,218 Well, she moved to the country, where there was no limit 330 00:13:27,252 --> 00:13:29,837 on how many pets one single lady could own. 331 00:13:29,888 --> 00:13:31,305 Miss Viola? 332 00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:33,007 Isn't she cuckoo? 333 00:13:33,042 --> 00:13:36,208 Now, son, a lot of people are cuckoo 334 00:13:36,227 --> 00:13:38,277 till you need something from them. 335 00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:41,683 I knew that Bongo would have a good home there 336 00:13:41,714 --> 00:13:43,721 and Burns would never find him. 337 00:13:43,773 --> 00:13:45,253 Gosh, Miss Viola, 338 00:13:45,309 --> 00:13:47,085 I want you and your husband to know 339 00:13:47,116 --> 00:13:48,950 how much I appreciate this. 340 00:13:49,186 --> 00:13:51,099 (both groan, then goat bleats) 341 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,262 Well, let's get this dog in. 342 00:13:53,344 --> 00:13:54,937 (whimpers) Come on. 343 00:13:55,053 --> 00:13:59,141 Son, uh, why don't you give him your sweatshirt 344 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,691 so he'll remember you. 345 00:14:00,786 --> 00:14:02,607 Okay. 346 00:14:03,168 --> 00:14:05,693 How long till we come back and get him? 347 00:14:05,857 --> 00:14:07,790 I had to tell my boy 348 00:14:07,812 --> 00:14:10,791 we were giving away his dog for good. 349 00:14:10,822 --> 00:14:13,022 I wasn't sure if a six-year-old 350 00:14:13,046 --> 00:14:15,200 could even understand the concept. 351 00:14:15,224 --> 00:14:16,529 What? No. 352 00:14:16,568 --> 00:14:18,169 No! No! 353 00:14:18,187 --> 00:14:19,375 Bongo! 354 00:14:19,439 --> 00:14:21,240 (wailing) 355 00:14:21,457 --> 00:14:23,993 Turns out, he caught on pretty quick. 356 00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:30,609 Your father was devastated. 357 00:14:30,654 --> 00:14:31,498 (crying) 358 00:14:31,562 --> 00:14:33,718 (scoffs) Women and their crying. 359 00:14:33,768 --> 00:14:36,431 (sobbing): Finish the damn story. 360 00:14:36,465 --> 00:14:39,332 I've got a hockey game tonight. 361 00:14:40,683 --> 00:14:43,254 When I finally got back to the house... 362 00:14:43,348 --> 00:14:45,572 Simpson, release your hound. 363 00:14:45,596 --> 00:14:48,728 He's already gone where you'll never get him. 364 00:14:48,837 --> 00:14:50,687 I'm a powerful man, Simpson. 365 00:14:50,781 --> 00:14:52,999 I can walk into McDonalds, order soup, 366 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,181 and they'll make it. 367 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,426 Go on. Get. 368 00:14:55,486 --> 00:14:58,571 I got a bug zapper, and I ain't afraid to use it. 369 00:14:58,924 --> 00:15:00,660 Is that sugar water I smell? 370 00:15:00,698 --> 00:15:02,191 (electrical zapping) (groans) 371 00:15:02,883 --> 00:15:05,456 Well, I'm afraid I already told my dogs 372 00:15:05,474 --> 00:15:06,900 they could tear yours apart. 373 00:15:06,931 --> 00:15:09,464 Don't make me look into those pitiless black eyes and say, 374 00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:12,828 "Daddy didn't bring you a friend-friend to rip-rip!" 375 00:15:12,853 --> 00:15:14,070 Where's Bongo? 376 00:15:14,104 --> 00:15:15,521 Is he still at the crazy lady's... 377 00:15:15,556 --> 00:15:16,823 Back to sleep, son. 378 00:15:16,857 --> 00:15:18,191 (chuckles) 379 00:15:20,494 --> 00:15:21,911 (groans, snores) 380 00:15:22,096 --> 00:15:23,596 Oh, listen, 381 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:25,832 I can think of something you'd enjoy 382 00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:27,567 more than killing a dog. 383 00:15:27,601 --> 00:15:28,989 Dropping a horse on a church? 384 00:15:29,022 --> 00:15:31,990 No! Breaking a man's spirit. 385 00:15:32,168 --> 00:15:33,368 Mine. 386 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,271 Well, I guess I could always 387 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,543 drop a horse on a church afterward. 388 00:15:37,647 --> 00:15:38,497 Fine. 389 00:15:38,690 --> 00:15:41,300 I had to take care of his hounds for a year. 390 00:15:43,041 --> 00:15:45,413 I tried to wear a bite-proof suit, 391 00:15:45,450 --> 00:15:48,768 but those satanic Snoopys always found their way in. 392 00:15:48,805 --> 00:15:50,823 (growling, groaning) 393 00:15:54,491 --> 00:15:55,958 I'm not done with you. 394 00:15:56,349 --> 00:16:00,303 I insist you never wear shoes or a proper necktie again. 395 00:16:00,351 --> 00:16:01,802 Just house slippers 396 00:16:01,856 --> 00:16:04,525 and the most humiliating tie there is; 397 00:16:04,633 --> 00:16:05,921 bolo. 398 00:16:06,023 --> 00:16:07,317 (gasps) 399 00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:09,696 But the hardest part 400 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:13,099 was that my son was so angry with me. 401 00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,611 How was school today? 402 00:16:14,657 --> 00:16:16,157 Ketchup, please. 403 00:16:16,821 --> 00:16:18,760 You're probably wondering how I got rabies. 404 00:16:18,807 --> 00:16:20,341 Well... I'm not hungry anymore. 405 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,518 Our relationship never recovered, 406 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:26,252 and no amount of ignoring the problem could ever fix it. 407 00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:27,392 (sobbing) 408 00:16:27,436 --> 00:16:30,864 Grampa, why is the saddest story you ever told 409 00:16:30,914 --> 00:16:33,377 the only one that's ever made sense? 410 00:16:33,473 --> 00:16:35,498 (scoffs) Doesn't make sense to me. 411 00:16:35,552 --> 00:16:39,355 I happen to remember it just a little differently. 412 00:16:39,390 --> 00:16:41,124 Well, tell us your version. 413 00:16:41,158 --> 00:16:44,911 Now granted, I was just a kid, but I say... 414 00:16:45,345 --> 00:16:47,666 Grampa always hated Bongo 415 00:16:47,698 --> 00:16:49,944 and loved money so he sold Bongo 416 00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:52,578 to a wicked farm witch just so he could hang out 417 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:55,351 with a bunch of rich dogs and kidnapped Santa 418 00:16:55,376 --> 00:16:58,412 so I'd never get the toy I actually wanted. 419 00:16:58,592 --> 00:17:00,588 And then... then wha... 420 00:17:00,693 --> 00:17:02,569 and then what happened... was... 421 00:17:02,616 --> 00:17:05,074 (stammers) 422 00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:08,026 Gee, my story doesn't make much sense 423 00:17:08,050 --> 00:17:09,557 except the Santa part. 424 00:17:09,603 --> 00:17:11,101 Yeah, but at least it was short. 425 00:17:11,152 --> 00:17:12,786 Wait. Wait. 426 00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:16,227 There's one part of the story even Grampa didn't know about. 427 00:17:16,449 --> 00:17:19,805 A few months later, I went to rescue Bongo. 428 00:17:25,618 --> 00:17:27,502 (coughing) 429 00:17:28,551 --> 00:17:30,424 Hendrix, come here, boy. 430 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,367 (barking) 431 00:17:32,950 --> 00:17:35,693 But there was one thing I wasn't prepared for. 432 00:17:36,016 --> 00:17:37,397 Bongo was... 433 00:17:37,566 --> 00:17:39,910 happy without me. 434 00:17:40,056 --> 00:17:42,644 He had become her dog. 435 00:17:43,197 --> 00:17:44,809 Oh, Homie. 436 00:17:44,869 --> 00:17:46,603 I'm so sorry. 437 00:17:46,701 --> 00:17:48,539 Well, that's just the way dogs are. 438 00:17:48,590 --> 00:17:51,696 The most disloyal, unfaithful creatures God ever made. 439 00:17:51,729 --> 00:17:54,573 Homer, maybe you should take a look at this. 440 00:17:54,716 --> 00:17:58,679 A Christmas card I got from Miss Viola years later. 441 00:18:01,255 --> 00:18:03,122 HOMER: He still had my sweatshirt. 442 00:18:03,157 --> 00:18:04,975 Bongo didn't forget you. 443 00:18:05,056 --> 00:18:07,658 Unlike those gerbils of yours we gave away. 444 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:09,854 Oh, they were fickle as hell. 445 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:11,697 Oh, my God, Dad. 446 00:18:11,732 --> 00:18:14,000 I owe you an apology. 447 00:18:14,390 --> 00:18:17,162 You saved Bongo. 448 00:18:17,251 --> 00:18:20,103 I never understood that till now. 449 00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:21,988 (sobbing): All these years I thought 450 00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,841 you loved that dog more than me. 451 00:18:24,905 --> 00:18:26,497 (sobbing): 452 00:18:26,597 --> 00:18:29,041 Why would you think that? 453 00:18:29,277 --> 00:18:33,065 Just because I put you in a home where they feed you dog food? 454 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:36,088 Aw, give me a hug, son. 455 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,956 Okay, but I'm a little out of practice. 456 00:18:39,007 --> 00:18:42,305 Hold your arms like you're carrying a wedding cake. 457 00:18:42,336 --> 00:18:43,149 What flavor? 458 00:18:43,161 --> 00:18:44,449 It doesn't matter. 459 00:18:44,483 --> 00:18:46,834 If it doesn't matter, then I call Snickers. 460 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,806 That's not a flavor. 461 00:18:48,843 --> 00:18:51,231 Everything's a flavor in the kitchens of today. 462 00:18:51,279 --> 00:18:52,879 Just hug already. 463 00:18:57,227 --> 00:18:58,908 Homie? Huh? 464 00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:01,798 (snoring) 465 00:19:01,832 --> 00:19:03,463 Come on, boy, time to go to bed. 466 00:19:03,498 --> 00:19:05,349 My dog. 467 00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:08,058 All right, Homer, it's your moment. 468 00:19:08,111 --> 00:19:09,545 But he's mine tomorrow. 469 00:19:09,673 --> 00:19:11,048 (both snoring) 470 00:19:11,089 --> 00:19:14,119 ♪ Me and my Arrow 471 00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:19,298 ♪ Straighter than narrow 472 00:19:21,568 --> 00:19:24,170 ♪ Wherever we go... 473 00:19:24,292 --> 00:19:29,292 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 474 00:19:35,195 --> 00:19:36,146 More cheese, sir? 475 00:19:36,184 --> 00:19:38,245 No. Any word from Karl Rove? 476 00:19:38,304 --> 00:19:40,255 Sir, despite what he's been telling you, it's over. 477 00:19:40,282 --> 00:19:42,150 - Romney lost. - Damn it. 478 00:19:42,203 --> 00:19:45,283 I guess it's time I explain to these good people 479 00:19:45,323 --> 00:19:48,197 the upcoming fiscal cliff. 480 00:19:50,784 --> 00:19:54,253 Think of the economy as a car and the rich man as the driver. 481 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,136 If you don't give the driver all the money, 482 00:19:56,176 --> 00:19:57,693 he'll drive you over a cliff. 483 00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:00,852 It's just common sense. 484 00:20:00,905 --> 00:20:02,616 Furthermore, rich people feel things 485 00:20:02,628 --> 00:20:04,428 more deeply than the common man. 486 00:20:04,484 --> 00:20:07,678 (screaming, sobbing) 487 00:20:07,932 --> 00:20:10,322 And we've got to change our approach to immigration. 488 00:20:10,481 --> 00:20:13,156 I have a progressive proposal to let into this country 489 00:20:13,186 --> 00:20:15,389 200 grimy Irishmen a year. 490 00:20:15,452 --> 00:20:17,628 I've got lots of potatoes that need peeling 491 00:20:17,674 --> 00:20:19,408 and stables to be mucked out. 492 00:20:19,537 --> 00:20:21,071 Sir, the insta-polls are in. 493 00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:22,862 You're just digging yourself deeper. 494 00:20:22,896 --> 00:20:24,485 Well, then let me just say this. 495 00:20:24,528 --> 00:20:27,230 Marco Rubio... (speaking Spanish) 496 00:20:27,287 --> 00:20:29,055 I'm afraid you just made things even worse. 497 00:20:29,155 --> 00:20:30,236 How? Why? 498 00:20:30,286 --> 00:20:32,528 You just said Marco Rubio is a pink handkerchief. 499 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,564 This public service announcement is over. 500 00:20:37,058 --> 00:20:38,859 BURNS: Execute the cameraman. 501 00:21:19,161 --> 00:21:20,233 Shh!