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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,484
In the 13th century,
2
00:00:01,486 --> 00:00:03,926
he embarked on an epic journey
from Venice to China
3
00:00:04,036 --> 00:00:06,604
that took over three years to complete.
4
00:00:06,606 --> 00:00:09,824
Now Ricky Gervais is sending
his mate Karl Pilkington
5
00:00:09,826 --> 00:00:11,523
to follow in his footsteps.
6
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But this time,
he's got a little company.
7
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Will you stop just puffing
and panting like that?
8
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:26,126
[Bleep] It's like a Primark sale.
9
00:00:26,128 --> 00:00:28,869
He said if he did it again, he'd
want some company this time.
10
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And he meant me, but I've sent
someone in my place.
11
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Grab hold of that.
12
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I can't see.
13
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They're like chalk and cheese.
Karl whinges all the time.
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He's doing me head in.
He's treating it like a holiday.
15
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He says he doesn't want adventure,
16
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he doesn't want stress.
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I'm just not a good swimmer.
Once you're in, it'll be fine.
18
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Warwick never says no.
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He'll take on a challenge.
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Tease the camera.
Tease the camera.
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Now do a little bit
from "Oliver!"
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Good.
23
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Hey.
24
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It's not the night for this, is it?
25
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Oh! I never had a kite.
Ohh!
26
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They're gonna have
the adventure of their lifetime,
27
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whether they like it or not.
28
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Whoa.
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Previously
on "An Idiot Abroad"...
31
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Hi.
32
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I've never seen a dwarf
33
00:01:15,407 --> 00:01:18,009
go on a 'round-the-world trip
on any program.
34
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:19,645
Ranulph Fiennes
or whatever his name is --
35
00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:21,213
when he climbed Everest, he didn't say,
36
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:22,915
"Is my little mate abroad?"
37
00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:25,085
Karl, what's his height
got to do with it?
38
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Yeah.
39
00:01:26,289 --> 00:01:27,557
I just think
you're gonna be a hindrance.
40
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I'm trying to open your mind
and open your eyes a bit
41
00:01:30,329 --> 00:01:32,396
to appreciate where we are
and what we're doing.
42
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[Bleep] Me.
43
00:01:33,533 --> 00:01:35,634
Warwick's an actor.
That's what he does.
44
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Who is the real Warwick?
45
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He's doing me head in.
46
00:01:39,039 --> 00:01:41,006
It's exactly what I said to you
at the start.
47
00:01:41,008 --> 00:01:42,375
There's nothing here.
48
00:01:42,377 --> 00:01:43,776
There's nothing wrong with this.
49
00:01:43,778 --> 00:01:46,312
Of all the people moaning
about being in a tight space,
50
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:47,647
you're not the one.
51
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,949
This is your idea to come to the party.
52
00:01:49,951 --> 00:01:51,417
You go in there.
53
00:01:51,419 --> 00:01:52,719
Relax.
I am relaxed.
54
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This is good.
55
00:01:54,055 --> 00:01:55,735
No, I'd rather not now.
Touch it. Touch it.
56
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Nearly died.
57
00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:02,396
You're fine.
58
00:02:02,398 --> 00:02:04,564
I think you need to find yourself, Karl.
59
00:02:04,566 --> 00:02:07,233
Songs of praise on a Sunday --
it's well boring.
60
00:02:07,235 --> 00:02:09,069
I don't want to see
the old people dancing
61
00:02:09,071 --> 00:02:11,071
around to "The Lord's Prayer,"
sticking knives in their neck.
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Get me down.
63
00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:16,510
Keep hold of that rope.
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If you offered me a cat now,
I'd do a swap.
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00:02:23,154 --> 00:02:27,423
Gervais:
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00:02:55,123 --> 00:02:57,491
I just love
the atmosphere already.
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Just you can feel it.
68
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:00,862
You can feel the energy, can't you?
69
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,634
I'm excited to see the hotel.
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You have no idea, have you?
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You won't even see the hotel.
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Last time I here, I saw
more backs of toilet doors
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00:03:11,509 --> 00:03:13,309
than I've ever seen in me life.
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00:03:13,311 --> 00:03:15,444
You sort of want graffiti
for something to read.
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00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,646
I don't intend on using any toilets
76
00:03:17,648 --> 00:03:19,248
while we're out and about.
77
00:03:19,250 --> 00:03:21,617
Do everything at the hotel,
done for the day.
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No control of your ass.
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The moment you land in India,
that is it.
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Your ass has got a mind of its own.
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It just comes with it.
Comes with every meal.
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00:03:29,328 --> 00:03:33,297
You have a starter,
main course, pudding...
83
00:03:33,299 --> 00:03:34,398
[Bleep]
84
00:03:37,136 --> 00:03:40,105
This is lovely.
Our own palace.
85
00:03:40,107 --> 00:03:43,708
It's not bad, is it?
86
00:03:43,710 --> 00:03:46,579
It's gorgeous.
87
00:03:46,581 --> 00:03:49,782
Look at that view.
It's stunning.
88
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It's sort of what I expected,
I think, at the moment.
89
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It's full of life.
90
00:03:53,021 --> 00:03:55,622
You know, there's
a certain energy you get here.
91
00:03:55,624 --> 00:03:57,124
And, yeah, I'm enjoying it.
92
00:03:57,126 --> 00:03:58,525
Has Warwick got that view?
93
00:03:58,527 --> 00:03:59,526
What view?
94
00:03:59,528 --> 00:04:01,262
This view.
Has Warwick got that?
95
00:04:01,264 --> 00:04:03,298
Look at it.
96
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:06,234
It's like they've seen you
coming with all your camera kit,
97
00:04:06,236 --> 00:04:07,870
and they think
"Antiques Roadshow's" here
98
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,205
or something.
99
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:12,208
There's no reason for all this
to be left out here.
100
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,944
It sums up India for me, that.
101
00:04:14,946 --> 00:04:17,347
That's probably why they put
those domes on the Taj Mahal,
102
00:04:17,349 --> 00:04:19,550
innit, to stop people putting
[Bleep] on his roof?
103
00:04:26,090 --> 00:04:28,325
Do you know what you're
doing with Karl, then?
104
00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:31,127
I'm gonna have a look through the books.
105
00:04:31,129 --> 00:04:34,330
Something caught my eye,
which is quite cool --
106
00:04:34,332 --> 00:04:35,932
laughter yoga.
107
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Ho, ho, ho, ho!
108
00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:37,967
Ha, ha, ha!
109
00:04:37,969 --> 00:04:39,969
Ho, ho, ho!
Ha, ha, ha!
110
00:04:39,971 --> 00:04:43,273
And it's actually been proven
to cure depression
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and sort of lighten the spirit
and the mood.
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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
113
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I'm hoping that Karl's gonna get
involved and have a go at this,
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and we may well just see
a difference in him
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over the few days following.
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It's not a place that I
think about coming for a good laugh.
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You don't see many laughy faces.
118
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And there should be,
with what you're wearing.
119
00:05:10,401 --> 00:05:11,500
It's my yoga pants.
120
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You're like a [Bleep] oompa loompa.
121
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Yay, yay, yay, yay! Ha-ha!
122
00:05:17,542 --> 00:05:20,376
Yay, yay, yay, yay! Ha-ha!
123
00:05:20,378 --> 00:05:22,845
Yay, yay, yay, yay! Ha-ha!
124
00:05:22,847 --> 00:05:24,913
Yay, yay, yay, yay!
Ha-ha!
125
00:05:24,915 --> 00:05:27,983
Yay, yay, yay, yay!
Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
126
00:05:27,985 --> 00:05:31,086
Yay, yay, yay, yay!
Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
127
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Even though I was
laughing, it wasn't a genuine laugh.
128
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It was more of a release of stress,
129
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the annoyance of Warwick in a way,
130
00:05:50,341 --> 00:05:52,507
just given a chance to sort of yell out.
131
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It was more of a yell --
far from a laugh.
132
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Aah!
133
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Aah!
134
00:05:58,415 --> 00:06:00,749
Aah!
135
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,417
What does make you laugh?
136
00:06:02,419 --> 00:06:04,119
I saw a woman walking
down the street with a pram
137
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and the baby fell out.
138
00:06:05,122 --> 00:06:06,321
No. It was quite old.
139
00:06:06,323 --> 00:06:07,889
It must have been about 3 or 4
or something.
140
00:06:10,027 --> 00:06:12,160
And she was busy on the phone,
with a [Bleep] on,
141
00:06:12,162 --> 00:06:14,162
greasy hair, leggings,
and she didn't notice.
142
00:06:14,164 --> 00:06:16,031
She sort of hit the curb,
and it fell out,
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and it made me laugh,
and no one else saw it.
144
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So it was like a little
private joke, just for me.
145
00:06:28,911 --> 00:06:32,847
Eh, heh, heh!
146
00:06:32,849 --> 00:06:34,649
That's the problem
with the world these days.
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00:06:34,651 --> 00:06:37,151
You're not allowed to laugh at things
that you shouldn't really laugh at.
148
00:06:37,153 --> 00:06:38,619
And that's why this is important
in a way.
149
00:06:38,621 --> 00:06:40,354
We'll be doing this at home
'cause there's nothing
150
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:41,622
you're allowed to laugh at anymore.
151
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,362
Laughing's dying out.
Crying -- everybody's at it.
152
00:06:49,364 --> 00:06:51,765
On "X Factor" --
153
00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:53,099
Nick Knowles doing DIY S.O.S.
154
00:06:53,101 --> 00:06:55,135
They give some fellow
in a wheelchair a new kitchen.
155
00:06:55,137 --> 00:06:58,538
Everyone's at it.
It's evolution.
156
00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:01,141
We're not laughing anymore,
not like we used to.
157
00:07:01,143 --> 00:07:02,508
Definitely not like that.
158
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:04,845
When do you see old people
laughing at home like that?
159
00:07:04,847 --> 00:07:06,813
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
160
00:07:06,815 --> 00:07:08,548
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
161
00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:10,383
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
162
00:07:10,385 --> 00:07:12,219
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
163
00:07:12,221 --> 00:07:14,755
It's a different side to India
that I saw last time I was here.
164
00:07:14,757 --> 00:07:17,591
There was no laughing going on there.
165
00:07:17,593 --> 00:07:19,126
And that's a little bit of a niggle,
166
00:07:19,128 --> 00:07:20,528
that he's having quite a nice time.
167
00:07:20,530 --> 00:07:22,530
But I just think you need
to find some [Bleep] things
168
00:07:22,532 --> 00:07:24,431
for him as well, just
to give him a taste of that.
169
00:07:24,433 --> 00:07:25,966
And then let's do
some laughing yoga there --
170
00:07:25,968 --> 00:07:27,935
do you know what I mean? --
When he's...
171
00:07:27,937 --> 00:07:29,202
[Bleep] His pants.
172
00:07:29,204 --> 00:07:31,972
Let's have a laugh, Warwick.
Ho, ho! Ha, ha, ha!
173
00:07:31,974 --> 00:07:33,473
Let's see him laugh then.
174
00:07:33,475 --> 00:07:36,143
Let's see how much this works
in a toilet with no toilet roll
175
00:07:36,145 --> 00:07:37,177
no toilet seat,
176
00:07:37,179 --> 00:07:38,979
no toilet sometimes --
just a hole.
177
00:07:38,981 --> 00:07:40,347
That's what I want to see.
178
00:07:40,349 --> 00:07:42,483
All right, ready? Smile.
179
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,454
Do it again. Do it again.
You were still taking it.
180
00:08:17,649 --> 00:08:19,617
This is, really --
it's an honor, I think --
181
00:08:19,619 --> 00:08:21,452
really, isn't it? --
To be invited to do that.
182
00:08:21,454 --> 00:08:23,754
How many western people get to do that?
183
00:08:23,756 --> 00:08:25,723
I mean, I don't know
whether they've gone for me
184
00:08:25,725 --> 00:08:27,391
because, you know, the name
Warwick Davis to have in a film
185
00:08:27,393 --> 00:08:29,193
is quite cool as well.
186
00:08:29,195 --> 00:08:30,327
I don't know.
187
00:08:30,329 --> 00:08:32,629
There's more to acting
than people think.
188
00:08:32,631 --> 00:08:35,165
And I think Karl's
under some sort of illusion
189
00:08:35,167 --> 00:08:37,801
that what I do is really easy
and it's just dressing up
190
00:08:37,803 --> 00:08:39,336
and dancing around as silly characters,
191
00:08:39,338 --> 00:08:40,337
which it isn't.
192
00:08:44,075 --> 00:08:47,543
We're here for some rehearsals.
Thank you very much.
193
00:08:50,814 --> 00:08:52,548
Just stick with me
and be enthusiastic, okay?
194
00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:54,851
What are we gonna do?
195
00:08:54,853 --> 00:08:57,120
New step, new songs for a new movie.
196
00:08:57,122 --> 00:09:00,456
I'll show you the steps.
One, two, three, start.
197
00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:04,761
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
198
00:09:04,763 --> 00:09:06,863
One, two, three, four.
199
00:09:06,865 --> 00:09:08,298
You just do one thing.
You follow.
200
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:09,366
I am.
201
00:09:09,368 --> 00:09:11,701
One, two, three, four.
202
00:09:11,703 --> 00:09:13,470
One, two, three, four.
203
00:09:13,472 --> 00:09:16,206
Yeah, you're just missing
two or three beats.
204
00:09:16,208 --> 00:09:17,207
From the start.
205
00:09:17,209 --> 00:09:19,375
One, two, three, start.
206
00:09:19,377 --> 00:09:23,513
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
207
00:09:23,515 --> 00:09:24,647
One, two, three, four.
208
00:09:24,649 --> 00:09:26,015
Very good. Very nice.
209
00:09:26,017 --> 00:09:27,016
Thank you very much.
210
00:09:27,018 --> 00:09:28,117
I know what you're doing wrong.
211
00:09:28,119 --> 00:09:30,719
You're not doing that as one beat.
212
00:09:30,721 --> 00:09:32,821
So it's one, two, three, four.
213
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:35,090
One, two, three, four.
214
00:09:35,092 --> 00:09:36,291
Yeah, it gets left, that note.
215
00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:38,159
One, two, three, four.
216
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,961
One, two. One, two.
217
00:09:39,963 --> 00:09:41,963
One, two, three, four.
218
00:09:41,965 --> 00:09:42,997
Five, six.
219
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,265
You're a bit stiff.
220
00:09:44,267 --> 00:09:45,733
Loosen up your body a bit.
221
00:09:45,735 --> 00:09:48,636
If I wasn't following you,
I could loosen it.
222
00:09:48,638 --> 00:09:49,804
I'm really good.
223
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:52,674
But I don't want you to loosen
it without the beat.
224
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,509
Loosen up and be in the beat.
225
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,412
You have to do exactly the same step.
226
00:09:56,414 --> 00:09:58,981
If everyone's doing the same
dance, just have one person.
227
00:09:58,983 --> 00:10:01,250
There's no point.
228
00:10:01,252 --> 00:10:03,619
No, it's about being
all one mass.
229
00:10:03,621 --> 00:10:05,688
No, but why not just have
everyone having a good time?
230
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:07,457
I mean, what do they want?
The music's there.
231
00:10:07,459 --> 00:10:08,458
At the end of the day,
232
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:10,061
the audience is gonna be looking
at that.
233
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,130
I wish I could just come out
when they're all doing that.
234
00:10:14,132 --> 00:10:15,865
Then I come out
and do something different,
235
00:10:15,867 --> 00:10:18,100
give some energy and then
just sneak off again, like that.
236
00:10:18,102 --> 00:10:20,570
Woman:
237
00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:23,205
Dancing is meant to be about,
you know, expression.
238
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:25,140
I get something different from the music
239
00:10:25,142 --> 00:10:27,443
than what Warwick gets.
240
00:10:27,445 --> 00:10:28,978
There's no way that I'm having it
241
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:30,713
that Warwick's a better dancer than me.
242
00:10:30,715 --> 00:10:33,549
No way.
Not in this world.
243
00:10:33,551 --> 00:10:35,885
I mean, look at that.
244
00:10:35,887 --> 00:10:37,620
Did you see that there?
Yeah.
245
00:10:37,622 --> 00:10:42,693
Ah, yes, yes, yes.
246
00:10:42,695 --> 00:10:44,128
I don't care who you are.
247
00:10:44,130 --> 00:10:45,463
You won't remember that
248
00:10:45,465 --> 00:10:47,565
in the amount of time
we had to learn it.
249
00:10:47,567 --> 00:10:50,034
If it was Ted Danson
or Bruce Willis --
250
00:10:50,036 --> 00:10:52,937
they'd struggle to do
what I've had to take in.
251
00:10:52,939 --> 00:10:54,271
Sometimes that's what it's like
252
00:10:54,273 --> 00:10:56,207
when you're in this business is,
you have to --
253
00:10:56,209 --> 00:10:59,610
What do you mean, "this business"?
You're not a singer and dancer.
254
00:10:59,612 --> 00:11:01,445
No, no, no,
but show business in general.
255
00:11:01,447 --> 00:11:02,745
It's like, the show must go on.
256
00:11:02,865 --> 00:11:05,173
Whatever happens, you gotta get
out there and deliver.
257
00:11:05,293 --> 00:11:07,938
***
258
00:11:08,403 --> 00:11:10,337
It's gonna look like the early stages
259
00:11:10,339 --> 00:11:12,306
of "Britain's Got Talent."
260
00:11:12,308 --> 00:11:15,075
Innit? Proper [Bleep]
261
00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:27,352
When we do
this Bollywood thing, right,
262
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,254
just let me sort of take
the lead on that, okay?
263
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:30,456
No, will do.
264
00:11:30,458 --> 00:11:32,558
Because, you know, I've had
experience with acting.
265
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:33,559
Oh, here we go.
266
00:11:33,561 --> 00:11:35,294
What do you mean, "Here we go"?
267
00:11:35,296 --> 00:11:36,762
You and your acting stuff again.
268
00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:37,996
I'm just telling you.
269
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,632
Karl, if we go somewhere
where I feel it's your arena,
270
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:42,501
then of course I would take
your lead on it.
271
00:11:42,503 --> 00:11:45,037
I tell you, I would love to get
you in your little bear outfit
272
00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:47,974
on a day like this,
sweating your bollocks off.
273
00:11:47,976 --> 00:11:50,577
Just stop banging on
about the bear, right?
274
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:53,113
"Star Wars" was a film I did
30 years ago,
275
00:11:53,115 --> 00:11:54,181
and it started my career.
276
00:11:54,183 --> 00:11:55,816
Without it, I wouldn't have a career.
277
00:11:55,818 --> 00:11:58,019
I mean, I'm remembered
for playing an ewok,
278
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,854
but I'm remembered for a lot more,
279
00:11:59,856 --> 00:12:02,023
but all you seem to see me as is a bear.
280
00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,290
All right, an ewok.
281
00:12:03,292 --> 00:12:05,526
That, to me, is a bear
'cause ewoks don't exist.
282
00:12:05,528 --> 00:12:08,396
That's in the Sci-Fi
fantasy world again.
283
00:12:08,398 --> 00:12:09,664
It's just made-up [Bleep]
284
00:12:09,666 --> 00:12:11,866
Do you like "Harry Potter"?
It's the same thing.
285
00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:13,934
Of course I do.
I was in all eight of them.
286
00:12:13,936 --> 00:12:17,004
Were you?
I haven't seen that either.
287
00:12:30,752 --> 00:12:32,019
In Hollywood?
288
00:12:32,021 --> 00:12:33,120
Yeah.
289
00:12:33,122 --> 00:12:35,389
I haven't done anything
in Hollywood recently.
290
00:12:35,391 --> 00:12:37,224
Okay.
291
00:12:37,226 --> 00:12:38,793
You've not been to Hollywood, have you?
292
00:12:38,795 --> 00:12:39,894
Yeah, I've been to Hollywood, yeah.
293
00:12:39,896 --> 00:12:40,895
Hollywood?
Yes, yes.
294
00:12:40,897 --> 00:12:41,896
I haven't been in Hollywood.
295
00:12:41,898 --> 00:12:44,565
Yeah, what about you, Karl?
296
00:12:44,567 --> 00:12:47,735
I'm more of an explorer than an actor.
297
00:12:57,279 --> 00:12:59,013
Mm-hmm.
298
00:13:01,683 --> 00:13:03,717
Okay.
299
00:13:07,288 --> 00:13:09,389
Yeah, yeah.
300
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:16,060
I think
that's your outfit, Karl.
301
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:18,060
So, what's me part?
302
00:13:18,062 --> 00:13:22,130
In the dancing,
you're kind of like a henchman
303
00:13:22,132 --> 00:13:24,132
for the main gangster.
304
00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:28,869
A gangster wouldn't wear that.
Again, not believable.
305
00:13:28,871 --> 00:13:31,104
[Bleep] John England.
306
00:13:31,106 --> 00:13:34,941
This was all going quite well, okay?
307
00:13:34,943 --> 00:13:40,712
That with that and that...
308
00:13:47,653 --> 00:13:48,820
What's going on here?
309
00:13:48,822 --> 00:13:50,288
They literally took a pair of trousers,
310
00:13:50,290 --> 00:13:51,856
and they just chopped the ends off.
311
00:13:51,858 --> 00:13:53,324
A gangster.
312
00:13:53,326 --> 00:13:55,026
That's just wrong.
313
00:13:55,028 --> 00:13:56,994
So, that's what you do with this?
314
00:13:56,996 --> 00:13:58,562
It's like a --
yeah.
315
00:14:00,932 --> 00:14:05,136
Honestly, is this...
316
00:14:05,138 --> 00:14:09,074
No gangster's dressing like this.
317
00:14:09,076 --> 00:14:11,510
What does this look mean?
318
00:14:11,512 --> 00:14:14,246
Very handsome.
319
00:14:18,284 --> 00:14:21,187
Dancing.
320
00:14:24,891 --> 00:14:26,859
Yeah?
321
00:14:26,861 --> 00:14:28,328
Are you making this up?
322
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:30,063
Yes.
323
00:14:31,499 --> 00:14:33,267
If I could just dance me own way.
324
00:14:33,269 --> 00:14:35,369
Yes, yes.
325
00:14:47,182 --> 00:14:49,416
Very nice.
Very nice, very nice.
326
00:14:49,418 --> 00:14:50,784
Okay, okay.
327
00:15:04,099 --> 00:15:06,000
Yes!
Yes!
328
00:15:06,002 --> 00:15:08,636
Come on.
329
00:15:11,706 --> 00:15:13,908
Am I a gangster of some sort
or errand boy?
330
00:15:13,910 --> 00:15:17,812
Why have I got bruises
and wear an outfit like this?
331
00:15:17,814 --> 00:15:21,649
I reckon you're gay.
I reckon we're both gay.
332
00:15:21,651 --> 00:15:24,151
I think that's something
we haven't been told.
333
00:15:24,153 --> 00:15:26,888
I reckon we're both gay
and that's why we're angry,
334
00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:29,557
because we're part of the gang thing
335
00:15:29,559 --> 00:15:31,599
and we're not allowed
to tell anyone that we're gay.
336
00:15:34,730 --> 00:15:36,097
Hi.
337
00:15:36,099 --> 00:15:39,134
Warwick Davis.
Nice to meet you.
338
00:15:42,771 --> 00:15:45,373
Great to see you, Karl.
Good to see you.
339
00:15:45,375 --> 00:15:49,177
This is your moment now.
Sell it. Sell it.
340
00:15:49,179 --> 00:15:50,979
Sound. Roll camera.
341
00:15:57,486 --> 00:15:58,386
Good.
342
00:16:04,726 --> 00:16:07,595
Do that bit from "Oliver!"
343
00:16:07,597 --> 00:16:08,729
Yes. Good.
344
00:16:08,731 --> 00:16:09,830
What else?
345
00:16:09,832 --> 00:16:11,698
Body popping.
Go for it.
346
00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:15,937
Spin.
Now tease them.
347
00:16:15,939 --> 00:16:17,505
Tease the camera.
Tease the camera.
348
00:16:17,507 --> 00:16:19,406
Oh, yes.
Here she is.
349
00:16:19,408 --> 00:16:21,808
Flirt.
Flirt with her. Flirt.
350
00:16:37,158 --> 00:16:38,325
This is...
351
00:16:38,327 --> 00:16:41,628
Man:
352
00:16:41,630 --> 00:16:46,967
Woman:
353
00:16:49,772 --> 00:16:51,171
Scotland yard?
354
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:58,879
Man:
355
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:31,883
What are you gonna do
about Kali's arrest?
356
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,251
Yeah, yeah, do something.
357
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:35,319
Yeah, never any comment, is it?
358
00:17:40,792 --> 00:17:42,426
I wasn't happy
with that other take, though.
359
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:44,194
I wasn't happy.
Well, if he's happy.
360
00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:46,316
I'd have liked to have done
another one, to be honest.
361
00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:52,870
It's chaotic, though.
362
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:55,127
But that's what I like,
363
00:17:55,247 --> 00:17:57,447
the freedom to just sort of mix it up.
364
00:17:57,449 --> 00:17:58,882
It wasn't very professional, was it?
365
00:17:59,002 --> 00:17:59,783
Compared to what?
366
00:17:59,903 --> 00:18:02,319
They did one take.
I wasn't happy with it.
367
00:18:02,321 --> 00:18:03,953
It wasn't great.
And then they move on.
368
00:18:03,955 --> 00:18:06,022
Now that's forever on the film.
No one's gonna see it.
369
00:18:06,024 --> 00:18:08,091
Well, I'm a professional,
and I like to get it right,
370
00:18:08,093 --> 00:18:10,260
and that was a shambles. I mean,
I don't feel comfortable.
371
00:18:10,262 --> 00:18:11,395
Look at these trousers.
372
00:18:11,397 --> 00:18:13,964
Nothing feels right
about this whole thing.
373
00:18:13,966 --> 00:18:15,466
I thought it looked all right.
374
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:33,902
[Bleep] It's like a Primark sale.
375
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,200
There's a kid being passed
through the window here.
376
00:18:46,974 --> 00:18:48,123
[Bleep] Hell, man!
377
00:19:09,701 --> 00:19:13,392
Wow, look at that --
the river Ganges.
378
00:19:17,241 --> 00:19:19,241
Thank you.
379
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,537
What's going on here?
380
00:19:35,657 --> 00:19:38,961
That's one of the --
what they call burning ghats.
381
00:19:38,963 --> 00:19:40,363
That's where they do the cremations.
382
00:19:40,594 --> 00:19:43,495
People come here from all over
India for their dead,
383
00:19:43,497 --> 00:19:44,829
and they cremate them here.
384
00:19:44,831 --> 00:19:46,498
You're not gonna be looking
at the sun, man,
385
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,832
when this is going on.
386
00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:50,202
Well, in the morning, a lot
of people come down to meditate,
387
00:19:50,204 --> 00:19:52,971
as well, and that sort of thing.
388
00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:55,975
You know, the sunrise is
very significant to them.
389
00:19:55,977 --> 00:20:00,513
So, when you die,
are you gonna be there?
390
00:20:00,515 --> 00:20:04,084
You wish for this?
391
00:20:04,086 --> 00:20:06,387
But chucked on a bed of wood like that?
392
00:20:06,389 --> 00:20:07,755
You're happy with that?
393
00:20:07,757 --> 00:20:10,324
The awful thing is,
394
00:20:10,326 --> 00:20:11,892
some people can't afford enough wood
395
00:20:11,894 --> 00:20:14,361
to fully consume the body,
396
00:20:14,363 --> 00:20:16,763
so sometimes there are bits
that are left.
397
00:20:16,765 --> 00:20:19,032
And then those bits are tossed
into the Ganges.
398
00:20:19,034 --> 00:20:21,635
What, half-cooked bodies?
Sort of chucked in?
399
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,870
Yeah.
400
00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:26,974
But, again, in their belief
is going to the holy river,
401
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,942
and the holy river will take it
on to a better place.
402
00:20:28,944 --> 00:20:30,377
Oh, look, what's that one there now?
403
00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,413
Yeah, that would be a body
coming into the river.
404
00:20:32,415 --> 00:20:35,783
Them people carrying one?
405
00:20:35,785 --> 00:20:37,552
You are joking.
406
00:20:37,554 --> 00:20:39,787
There was kids down there swimming!
407
00:20:39,789 --> 00:20:41,655
You can pay a bit more money
408
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,425
for a different sort of wood
to be burned with here.
409
00:20:44,427 --> 00:20:47,628
Special wood.
It's nonsense.
410
00:20:47,630 --> 00:20:49,163
You say, "Oh, this one's
a bit more special,
411
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,498
so spend some money."
412
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:53,935
They pressurize you into
doing things to rip you off.
413
00:20:53,937 --> 00:20:55,636
You think everything's a con.
414
00:20:55,638 --> 00:20:58,673
Well, it is.
That's how the world's evolved.
415
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:00,975
I'm sure that when it started,
it wasn't like that.
416
00:21:00,977 --> 00:21:02,844
There wasn't a bloke there
opening up a briefcase
417
00:21:02,846 --> 00:21:03,945
with a selection of wood.
418
00:21:03,947 --> 00:21:05,179
"Now, what you do
if you really love them,
419
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,814
"use this stuff -- mahogany.
420
00:21:06,816 --> 00:21:09,450
"It's your best wood you can
get. Gonna send him to heaven.
421
00:21:09,452 --> 00:21:11,485
"It's faster than any
of this other old [Bleep]
422
00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:12,487
Buy this stuff here."
423
00:21:12,489 --> 00:21:14,155
It's a con.
424
00:21:14,157 --> 00:21:17,191
If you're going to heaven,
you're there forever anyway,
425
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,894
so what's the rush
in getting there any quicker?
426
00:21:19,896 --> 00:21:22,596
If heaven does exist,
I'm worried that I get up there
427
00:21:22,598 --> 00:21:26,767
and there's a load of people
that annoyed me in this life
428
00:21:26,769 --> 00:21:30,405
and suddenly you're
on this place with them forever.
429
00:21:30,407 --> 00:21:33,441
People are a pain in the ass,
and suddenly, "Hiya, Karl.
430
00:21:33,443 --> 00:21:34,542
How are you today?"
431
00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:37,279
"Oh [Bleep] you made it, did you?"
432
00:21:37,281 --> 00:21:39,582
Forever.
433
00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:03,841
I don't understand
traveling to see the sun.
434
00:22:03,961 --> 00:22:06,232
It is exactly the same one.
435
00:22:06,735 --> 00:22:09,335
Let's make the best of it
while we're here.
436
00:22:09,337 --> 00:22:10,570
Dunno.
437
00:22:10,572 --> 00:22:12,940
Want to pitch the tent
so it's facing east.
438
00:22:13,060 --> 00:22:13,965
Why?
439
00:22:14,085 --> 00:22:15,656
Well, then we can open up the flaps
440
00:22:15,776 --> 00:22:17,800
and watch the sunrise, the majesty.
441
00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:19,302
I think it's that way.
442
00:22:19,304 --> 00:22:21,705
Right, okay.
443
00:22:21,707 --> 00:22:23,073
Is it meant to be like a dome?
444
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:25,375
Not really.
Oh, this is the instructions.
445
00:22:25,377 --> 00:22:28,178
Pop that in the back.
Done.
446
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,513
Yeah, look at that.
Brilliant.
447
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,115
That's all right.
448
00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:34,284
Is this really
a two-man tent?
449
00:22:34,286 --> 00:22:36,119
It's got a picture of two men
laying in it
450
00:22:36,121 --> 00:22:37,554
on the instructions.
451
00:22:43,761 --> 00:22:46,462
I don't think he's happy.
452
00:22:46,464 --> 00:22:48,330
He's just moaning in there
when I got in there.
453
00:22:48,332 --> 00:22:49,498
He just was moaning a bit.
454
00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:52,034
I don't want to force him
into doing something
455
00:22:52,036 --> 00:22:54,636
'cause then it's, like --
it's bullying, innit?
456
00:22:54,638 --> 00:22:55,804
I don't want to bully him,
457
00:22:55,806 --> 00:22:57,305
if he wants to go in a hotel
or something.
458
00:22:57,307 --> 00:23:01,143
It would have been nice
to see the sun come up.
459
00:23:01,145 --> 00:23:03,612
What's awful at the minute?
460
00:23:03,614 --> 00:23:04,713
What?
461
00:23:04,715 --> 00:23:06,415
What's bad?
We've got everything we need.
462
00:23:06,417 --> 00:23:07,984
We got some firewood.
We got a tent.
463
00:23:07,986 --> 00:23:09,685
Well, that's all right, then.
464
00:23:09,687 --> 00:23:11,487
Do you know what I mean?
If you want to stay, yeah.
465
00:23:11,489 --> 00:23:13,756
We'll do it. Do it, then.
466
00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:17,426
Well, as long as you're happy.
467
00:23:17,428 --> 00:23:19,528
I was just thinking about you.
468
00:23:19,530 --> 00:23:20,596
Nice out.
469
00:23:20,598 --> 00:23:22,831
Man:
470
00:23:22,833 --> 00:23:25,034
All the voices.
471
00:23:25,036 --> 00:23:29,238
Ravi, are many people here
for the sunrise?
472
00:23:32,109 --> 00:23:35,344
The monks?
473
00:23:35,346 --> 00:23:37,113
Some holy people here, as well, with us.
474
00:23:43,853 --> 00:23:45,220
Why aren't we annoying them?
475
00:23:45,222 --> 00:23:47,156
Why are they happy to be so close to us?
476
00:23:47,158 --> 00:23:50,458
Why don't they go over that way?
477
00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:52,294
They have no idea you are here.
478
00:23:53,262 --> 00:23:54,830
Yeah, that'll be all right.
479
00:23:54,832 --> 00:23:57,066
And you've got something
in common with them
480
00:23:57,068 --> 00:23:59,001
'cause they don't like crowds
and neither do you.
481
00:23:59,003 --> 00:24:00,769
Yeah, we can meet the holy people
482
00:24:00,771 --> 00:24:03,172
because they could talk
about the sunrise and...
483
00:24:03,174 --> 00:24:04,473
Yeah?
484
00:24:07,678 --> 00:24:10,247
If I call up Ricky and just say,
"Warwick's had enough."
485
00:24:10,249 --> 00:24:12,816
But I wouldn't want to be
the one that's to blame, do I?
486
00:24:12,818 --> 00:24:13,984
Why not?
487
00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:16,153
Because I'm not saying
that we shouldn't stay here.
488
00:24:16,155 --> 00:24:17,654
What's the worst that can happen?
489
00:24:21,861 --> 00:24:23,661
How many of them are there?
490
00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:27,533
Looks like he's drunk a bit.
491
00:24:29,703 --> 00:24:33,073
Yeah, welcome.
492
00:24:33,075 --> 00:24:34,208
Welcome to the camp.
493
00:24:37,379 --> 00:24:40,648
I don't know what's happening.
494
00:24:40,650 --> 00:24:44,419
Ravi, what's happening here?
495
00:24:44,421 --> 00:24:46,621
They seem a bit, like, angry.
496
00:24:49,558 --> 00:24:54,395
Yeah, I know that.
But what's he on about?
497
00:24:54,397 --> 00:24:57,665
Well, that's what we'll be like
in a couple of days.
498
00:24:57,667 --> 00:24:59,967
Can we ask you about the sunrise?
499
00:24:59,969 --> 00:25:01,402
Do you enjoy the sun?
500
00:25:01,404 --> 00:25:02,803
He's never up in the morning.
501
00:25:02,805 --> 00:25:04,839
He's getting hammered
till 3:00 A.M.
502
00:25:04,841 --> 00:25:06,607
He's asleep when the sun comes up.
503
00:25:06,609 --> 00:25:08,776
There is no way
he's ever seen the sunrise.
504
00:25:10,445 --> 00:25:14,549
Warwick, we can get a hotel,
mate, seriously.
505
00:25:14,551 --> 00:25:16,518
Okay. Right.
506
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:17,786
Let's knock it on the head
507
00:25:17,788 --> 00:25:19,820
'cause this is getting a bit
[Bleep] silly, this.
508
00:25:19,822 --> 00:25:21,722
Brilliant, Warwick.
"Bring them over," he said.
509
00:25:21,724 --> 00:25:23,157
"Bring them over.
510
00:25:23,159 --> 00:25:24,726
Let's have some company."
511
00:25:24,728 --> 00:25:28,296
We're in the middle of nowhere,
peace and quiet.
512
00:25:28,298 --> 00:25:30,699
He doesn't want to be part
of it, does he? Look at him.
513
00:25:30,701 --> 00:25:33,002
He's thinking,
"Why am I involved in here?"
514
00:25:33,004 --> 00:25:34,003
Why is he here?
515
00:25:34,005 --> 00:25:36,138
Why is he knocking about with these?
516
00:25:36,140 --> 00:25:38,641
Is it that tough to make new friends?
517
00:25:38,643 --> 00:25:41,077
See, maybe there is something
good in Twitter and Facebook
518
00:25:41,079 --> 00:25:42,245
and MySpace and that.
519
00:25:42,247 --> 00:25:44,347
It gives you a chance
to meet new people.
520
00:25:44,349 --> 00:25:45,716
If you live in the middle of nowhere,
521
00:25:45,718 --> 00:25:47,050
you're knocking about with knobheads.
522
00:25:47,052 --> 00:25:51,055
I tell you what --
I'm not staying here tonight.
523
00:25:51,057 --> 00:25:52,056
I'm not interested.
524
00:25:52,058 --> 00:25:53,557
I'm not having him as a neighbor.
525
00:25:53,559 --> 00:25:55,593
Bollocks to the sunrise.
526
00:26:06,071 --> 00:26:07,739
I'm a little bit disappointed
527
00:26:07,741 --> 00:26:09,407
that I didn't get to see that sunrise,
528
00:26:09,409 --> 00:26:12,910
'cause I don't think
I'll be coming back here again.
529
00:26:12,912 --> 00:26:15,213
You know, I want to be there
for that moment
530
00:26:15,215 --> 00:26:17,048
and be able to sort of share that
531
00:26:17,050 --> 00:26:19,116
with the viewers of the show, as well.
532
00:26:19,118 --> 00:26:21,719
We just asked Karl
about it, and he said,
533
00:26:21,721 --> 00:26:26,357
"Well, if Warwick really wants
to go, I'll get up and I'll go."
534
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,160
Well, we should go, definitely.
535
00:26:29,162 --> 00:26:32,063
Ravi:
536
00:26:39,138 --> 00:26:41,306
I only did 'cause, you know,
if you were getting up,
537
00:26:41,308 --> 00:26:43,008
I thought,
"Well, if you're witnessing it,
538
00:26:43,010 --> 00:26:44,009
I best witness it."
539
00:26:46,780 --> 00:26:48,280
The sun.
540
00:26:48,282 --> 00:26:51,985
What do you think of that?
It's pretty majestic, isn't it?
541
00:26:54,555 --> 00:26:57,191
Still burning the bodies.
542
00:26:57,193 --> 00:27:00,027
I wonder how long it takes
to get a body cooked,
543
00:27:00,029 --> 00:27:04,198
you know, to nothingness.
544
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,100
Yeah. I don't know.
545
00:27:08,670 --> 00:27:11,673
Are you meant to wait, if you're
there, to see them off?
546
00:27:11,675 --> 00:27:13,475
Are you meant to wait
until it's all gone?
547
00:27:13,477 --> 00:27:15,010
I don't know, Karl.
548
00:27:16,598 --> 00:27:19,081
Look, we've got ash dropping on us here.
549
00:27:19,083 --> 00:27:21,217
Weird, though, innit?
Mm.
550
00:27:21,219 --> 00:27:24,579
That's one person, innit?
551
00:27:24,699 --> 00:27:27,656
How fed up are they gonna be,
I mean, landing on you?
552
00:27:27,658 --> 00:27:31,927
Just a little bit of dead body.
553
00:27:31,929 --> 00:27:35,832
"Oh, missed the Ganges
and landed on Karl.
554
00:27:35,834 --> 00:27:38,023
After all this way."
555
00:27:40,537 --> 00:27:45,142
Look at it now, the lights
reflecting off of the Ganges.
556
00:27:45,144 --> 00:27:48,045
I'm not getting anything.
557
00:27:50,482 --> 00:27:54,818
Is that up now, then?
Can we go? Is that fully up?
558
00:27:54,820 --> 00:27:58,021
Yep. It's fully up.
559
00:27:58,023 --> 00:27:59,656
Next.
560
00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:16,961
Well, I hope you're gonna
be a bit more enthusiastic
561
00:28:16,963 --> 00:28:18,362
about what I got lined up for you next.
562
00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:21,065
Have you heard of the Indian circus?
563
00:28:21,067 --> 00:28:22,466
No.
564
00:28:22,468 --> 00:28:23,801
It's a big deal out here.
565
00:28:23,803 --> 00:28:25,870
It's a tradition that goes back
hundreds of years.
566
00:28:25,872 --> 00:28:28,840
And I think we should
check it out, get involved,
567
00:28:28,842 --> 00:28:31,009
and, you know,
maybe even get you on stage.
568
00:28:31,011 --> 00:28:32,843
Here we go again.
569
00:28:32,845 --> 00:28:35,079
It's like any excuse, innit,
to get on a stage with you?
570
00:28:35,081 --> 00:28:36,680
I'm surprised you haven't got
an agent over here,
571
00:28:36,682 --> 00:28:38,416
the amount of work you're taking on.
572
00:28:38,418 --> 00:28:42,353
Yeah, watch out. [Bleep]
573
00:28:48,226 --> 00:28:51,327
Pbht!
574
00:28:51,329 --> 00:28:52,528
Here we are.
575
00:28:52,530 --> 00:28:55,265
"Welcome -- Olympic Circus."
576
00:28:55,267 --> 00:28:57,700
It hasn't quite got that excitement
577
00:28:57,702 --> 00:28:59,903
that I remember a circus having.
578
00:28:59,905 --> 00:29:01,738
Look at the roof.
579
00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:04,107
Look at the state of this.
580
00:29:04,109 --> 00:29:05,875
Hello?
581
00:29:05,877 --> 00:29:06,876
Hello, hello!
582
00:29:06,878 --> 00:29:07,877
Hello.
583
00:29:07,879 --> 00:29:09,212
Hello, Mantu.
584
00:29:09,214 --> 00:29:10,847
Warwick.
Very nice to meet you.
585
00:29:10,849 --> 00:29:12,582
I'm Karl.
Oh, I'm glad to meet you.
586
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:13,583
Nice to meet you.
587
00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:14,984
So, I guess we got to figure out
588
00:29:14,986 --> 00:29:16,519
what Karl's gonna do in the circus.
589
00:29:16,521 --> 00:29:17,720
And you.
590
00:29:18,822 --> 00:29:20,156
Oh.
591
00:29:22,126 --> 00:29:24,293
Have you ridden a motorbike before?
592
00:29:24,295 --> 00:29:26,662
No. I've never been on one.
Try. You try.
593
00:29:26,664 --> 00:29:28,898
Yeah, it's not that different to a bike.
You can ride a bike, right?
594
00:29:28,900 --> 00:29:30,066
Rev and go?
Yes.
595
00:29:30,068 --> 00:29:31,567
I had a go-kart like that.
596
00:29:31,569 --> 00:29:32,735
Okay.
All right, yeah.
597
00:29:43,348 --> 00:29:44,849
You're having a laugh.
598
00:29:44,851 --> 00:29:47,351
First time I'm on a bike.
So I'm not doing that.
599
00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:51,422
"Rope of death."
Yeah.
600
00:29:51,424 --> 00:29:53,891
Oh, my [Bleep]
601
00:29:53,893 --> 00:29:56,660
I can't.
602
00:30:00,165 --> 00:30:03,000
"Frog act."
He's running out of ideas here.
603
00:30:03,002 --> 00:30:04,835
He started off big.
He's bringing out a frog.
604
00:30:07,672 --> 00:30:09,240
Do they even have frogs in India?
605
00:30:09,242 --> 00:30:10,908
Does anyone even know what that is?
606
00:30:10,910 --> 00:30:13,978
I'm not doing it as a frog.
607
00:30:13,980 --> 00:30:19,050
It's not circus.
Do you know what I mean?
608
00:30:19,052 --> 00:30:21,686
I've never heard
of amazing keepy-uppy man.
609
00:30:21,688 --> 00:30:22,954
It's never happened.
610
00:30:24,490 --> 00:30:28,493
You got to find
the springy point. Hey!
611
00:30:28,495 --> 00:30:30,662
Thank you!
612
00:30:30,664 --> 00:30:32,964
Hey!
613
00:30:32,966 --> 00:30:35,500
You can do it.
Thank you very much.
614
00:30:35,502 --> 00:30:38,403
'Cause he's smaller. It's easy.
Nothing to do with that.
615
00:30:38,405 --> 00:30:41,405
I'm a born performer.
616
00:30:41,407 --> 00:30:44,075
He's got better chances than me
of getting the crowd going.
617
00:30:44,077 --> 00:30:45,276
I'm gonna flatten tonight,
618
00:30:45,278 --> 00:30:47,244
and I don't know
why he doesn't see that.
619
00:30:47,246 --> 00:30:49,213
He must have seen.
620
00:30:49,215 --> 00:30:51,182
I've been asking him on the travels,
"Have you noticed how everyone looks?"
621
00:30:51,184 --> 00:30:52,216
And he goes, "No."
622
00:30:52,218 --> 00:30:55,085
People pretend you don't like to see...
623
00:30:55,087 --> 00:30:57,087
Not to laugh at,
just 'cause it's different.
624
00:30:57,089 --> 00:30:58,355
Like a somersault, yeah?
625
00:30:58,357 --> 00:30:59,390
Can you do it?
626
00:30:59,392 --> 00:31:00,357
It's hard, this.
627
00:31:00,359 --> 00:31:02,859
I've never done it before.
628
00:31:06,331 --> 00:31:07,564
Fine, fine, fine, fine!
629
00:31:07,566 --> 00:31:09,332
He's looking at Warwick --
he's seeing pound signs.
630
00:31:09,334 --> 00:31:12,502
I tell you, we'll have to check
the car when we leave
631
00:31:12,504 --> 00:31:15,072
to make sure he hasn't added --
he might give us one of his.
632
00:31:15,074 --> 00:31:16,673
He's thinking, "He's getting a bit old.
633
00:31:16,675 --> 00:31:17,875
Now, get him out. Get him in."
634
00:31:20,278 --> 00:31:21,645
What time's the frog on?
635
00:31:21,647 --> 00:31:23,280
- I don't know.
- But have you established
636
00:31:23,282 --> 00:31:25,383
with Warwick
exactly what you're gonna do?
637
00:31:25,385 --> 00:31:29,887
Well, I'm either doing the magic
trick or the keepy-uppies.
638
00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:32,122
There's no point in me trying
to learn something new.
639
00:31:32,124 --> 00:31:34,058
What do you mean, magic trick?
640
00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:36,227
It's a magic trick that I did at school.
641
00:31:36,229 --> 00:31:38,362
The only thing I'm worried about
about doing the magic trick is
642
00:31:38,364 --> 00:31:41,899
is they're not familiar
with the bird thing.
643
00:31:41,901 --> 00:31:44,602
The sort of, the hanky, the crowd.
644
00:31:44,604 --> 00:31:46,304
They're all going,
"What's he doing?"
645
00:31:46,306 --> 00:31:50,242
A sort of bird,
and then you pull it away.
646
00:31:50,244 --> 00:31:52,544
And there's a bird.
No, there's not a bird.
647
00:31:52,546 --> 00:31:54,679
That's how I changed it
at school. It's just an egg.
648
00:31:54,681 --> 00:31:56,948
And I go,
"Oh, it's not born yet."
649
00:31:56,950 --> 00:31:58,283
That's what I like to do with people.
650
00:31:58,285 --> 00:31:59,684
Come out, they're expecting something,
651
00:31:59,686 --> 00:32:01,252
they're thinking they know
what they're gonna get --
652
00:32:01,254 --> 00:32:02,987
there's a twist.
So, what are you gonna do?
653
00:32:02,989 --> 00:32:05,657
You're not gonna say it's a bird. You're
gonna have a handkerchief in your hand
654
00:32:05,659 --> 00:32:07,458
in that massive arena.
Yes.
655
00:32:07,460 --> 00:32:08,927
"This is close-up magic."
656
00:32:08,929 --> 00:32:11,462
And then you're gonna go,
"And an egg."
657
00:32:11,464 --> 00:32:13,731
How are you saying "It isn't born yet"
658
00:32:13,733 --> 00:32:16,133
to people that don't understand English?
659
00:32:16,135 --> 00:32:18,536
How do you say "It isn't born yet"?
660
00:32:18,538 --> 00:32:20,571
Man:
661
00:32:25,444 --> 00:32:28,079
Is any English people in the audience?
662
00:32:32,051 --> 00:32:34,185
You don't want to do
more than two minutes.
663
00:32:34,187 --> 00:32:37,222
There's only 50 in there.
They'll all go, "Get off."
664
00:32:38,557 --> 00:32:40,992
How about something
like Laurel and Hardy?
665
00:32:40,994 --> 00:32:42,728
Do you think
they'll like Laurel and Hardy?
666
00:32:42,730 --> 00:32:44,129
Benny hill and all that --
667
00:32:44,131 --> 00:32:46,231
that's still big in places like this.
668
00:32:46,233 --> 00:32:47,766
Norman wisdom.
669
00:32:47,768 --> 00:32:50,002
Slapstick.
What's the classic routines?
670
00:32:50,004 --> 00:32:52,904
Oh, yeah.
671
00:32:52,906 --> 00:32:54,606
Costumes.
672
00:32:54,608 --> 00:32:57,176
I was gonna say, "Do you
think they've got one that fits?"
673
00:32:57,178 --> 00:32:59,378
But then...
674
00:32:59,380 --> 00:33:00,379
We're coming up.
Yeah.
675
00:33:00,381 --> 00:33:01,380
Bit of a jog.
676
00:33:01,382 --> 00:33:03,282
And we're waving.
Hey! Like that.
677
00:33:03,284 --> 00:33:04,450
I just bend down there.
678
00:33:04,452 --> 00:33:06,218
Yeah.
Good.
679
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,963
I respect all forms of
performance and entertainment.
680
00:33:16,965 --> 00:33:19,966
But out in the ring, of course,
you know,
681
00:33:19,968 --> 00:33:23,602
nerves can take over a bit --
not for me, for Karl.
682
00:33:23,604 --> 00:33:25,471
And he forgot a couple bits.
683
00:33:25,473 --> 00:33:26,872
I'm going around again.
I'm going around again.
684
00:33:26,874 --> 00:33:28,441
Dunk me with it.
685
00:33:28,443 --> 00:33:30,109
I know, but I want to run
towards you, don't I?
686
00:33:30,111 --> 00:33:31,444
Oh, come on.
687
00:33:31,446 --> 00:33:34,247
Karl didn't necessarily listen
to everything I said.
688
00:33:34,249 --> 00:33:36,315
He kind of takes it in --
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
689
00:33:36,317 --> 00:33:38,451
I'm like, "I don't think you're
actually listening to me."
690
00:33:38,453 --> 00:33:40,719
Come towards me from the front
so they can see it.
691
00:33:42,990 --> 00:33:44,390
Yeah, huh --
692
00:33:44,392 --> 00:33:45,958
be careful. Ohh!
693
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:47,760
Oh! Oh, ho, ho!
694
00:33:47,762 --> 00:33:49,562
The reason they
don't go to circuses at home
695
00:33:49,564 --> 00:33:51,464
is because it's that.
696
00:33:51,466 --> 00:33:52,699
You see, I wouldn't go and watch that.
697
00:33:52,701 --> 00:33:54,267
It was more fun being in it.
698
00:33:54,269 --> 00:33:56,068
There's no way I would be sitting
there watching me and him doing that.
699
00:33:56,070 --> 00:33:57,136
It's garbage.
700
00:34:00,208 --> 00:34:03,843
Bloody hell.
It's a power cut.
701
00:34:03,845 --> 00:34:06,246
How am I supposed to perform in this?
702
00:34:06,248 --> 00:34:09,615
I thought it went all right,
considering.
703
00:34:09,617 --> 00:34:12,786
They ought to have lifted
the roof off the place.
704
00:34:23,597 --> 00:34:25,765
What you're gonna see now,
705
00:34:25,767 --> 00:34:27,934
you'll never get the chance
to see again.
706
00:34:27,936 --> 00:34:29,402
It's a one-off.
707
00:34:29,404 --> 00:34:31,938
Not my cup of tea.
708
00:34:31,940 --> 00:34:34,208
They're known as the spider sisters.
709
00:34:34,210 --> 00:34:35,909
What?
710
00:34:35,911 --> 00:34:37,878
Spider sisters.
711
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,314
What, are they spider girls?
712
00:34:40,316 --> 00:34:42,283
Siamese twins.
713
00:34:42,285 --> 00:34:45,353
Siamese?
You can't say that.
714
00:34:45,355 --> 00:34:46,755
Are you sad?
715
00:34:46,757 --> 00:34:50,158
That's not what you say anymore.
716
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:51,593
That's where they found them.
717
00:34:51,595 --> 00:34:54,262
It was Ying and Yang
or something. It was two fellas.
718
00:34:54,264 --> 00:34:56,030
Anyway, what's wrong with that?
719
00:34:56,032 --> 00:35:00,135
That's what it's known for is
cats and twins -- Siam.
720
00:35:00,137 --> 00:35:02,704
And yet you're happy
to take one of the things
721
00:35:02,706 --> 00:35:05,106
away from the country,
that it's known for.
722
00:35:05,108 --> 00:35:07,875
I don't know why you're
so fascinated with it.
723
00:35:07,877 --> 00:35:11,345
Because it's different.
It's something different.
724
00:35:11,347 --> 00:35:12,980
I've never seen Siamese twins.
725
00:35:12,982 --> 00:35:15,383
I've only seen pictures --
photographs.
726
00:35:20,355 --> 00:35:22,657
Come in the beginning bit
and have a look.
727
00:35:22,659 --> 00:35:25,219
No, I'm not going in, but I just
don't want to be left in the car.
728
00:35:27,328 --> 00:35:30,431
I just wonder, you know,
if Warwick wasn't small,
729
00:35:30,433 --> 00:35:32,266
would he be just as keen as me?
730
00:35:32,268 --> 00:35:35,436
Or is he thinking, "Oh,
I don't like being looked at,
731
00:35:35,438 --> 00:35:37,605
so I don't want to do it
to someone else"?
732
00:35:37,607 --> 00:35:41,809
He's getting a bit mobbed there, look.
733
00:35:41,811 --> 00:35:44,679
[Bleep] We're in the village
of the spider sisters.
734
00:35:44,681 --> 00:35:47,315
Look at it.
735
00:35:47,317 --> 00:35:48,949
Hello, everyone.
736
00:35:48,951 --> 00:35:51,385
This is bizarre, isn't it?
737
00:35:51,387 --> 00:35:55,856
Hello. Hello.
738
00:35:55,858 --> 00:35:59,727
Try and work which one's
sort of the one in charge.
739
00:35:59,729 --> 00:36:01,295
I'm guessing --
it doesn't matter.
740
00:36:01,297 --> 00:36:03,430
Even if they weren't joined,
they're still twins.
741
00:36:03,432 --> 00:36:04,431
I'm treating them like twins.
742
00:36:04,433 --> 00:36:08,402
Matt was the leader, wasn't he?
743
00:36:08,404 --> 00:36:12,706
And that's what I've got to do,
work out which one is the lead.
744
00:36:12,708 --> 00:36:14,308
And then I'll let the other one
745
00:36:14,310 --> 00:36:16,176
get on with whatever she's doing.
746
00:36:18,580 --> 00:36:20,380
Um, what are their names?
747
00:36:20,382 --> 00:36:22,216
Jamuna and Ganga.
748
00:36:22,218 --> 00:36:23,217
I'm Karl.
749
00:36:23,219 --> 00:36:26,053
Shake that one and then that one.
750
00:36:26,055 --> 00:36:27,487
Ah. Right. Okay?
751
00:36:27,489 --> 00:36:30,657
So, you have total control
of the top half?
752
00:36:30,659 --> 00:36:32,993
Yeah.
753
00:36:32,995 --> 00:36:35,896
I'm just gonna wait outside, let
Karl go and ask his questions,
754
00:36:35,898 --> 00:36:38,432
get it out of his system,
and then we'll be off, yeah?
755
00:36:38,434 --> 00:36:40,400
I'm not very good with questions.
756
00:36:40,402 --> 00:36:43,369
Not very well.
757
00:36:43,371 --> 00:36:45,205
Bad gut, bad belly.
758
00:36:47,742 --> 00:36:51,844
Whose stomach? You have
one stomach? One stomach?
759
00:36:53,647 --> 00:36:55,448
He said he had
all these questions for them.
760
00:36:55,450 --> 00:36:58,617
He was trying to sound all,
like, journalistic and worthy.
761
00:36:58,619 --> 00:37:01,353
"Oh, I'm gonna ask them
what it's like, you know,
762
00:37:01,355 --> 00:37:03,722
sort of what it feels like
to be joined."
763
00:37:03,724 --> 00:37:05,424
But it won't be that at all, will it?
764
00:37:05,426 --> 00:37:10,161
So, if you only have
one stomach, who eats?
765
00:37:10,163 --> 00:37:12,831
Do you have the main
and you have the pudding?
766
00:37:12,833 --> 00:37:13,898
How does it work?
767
00:37:22,142 --> 00:37:26,278
That's -- yeah. Weird.
768
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:31,817
What happens if you wake up early,
769
00:37:31,819 --> 00:37:34,853
you want to get up, go to the toilet,
770
00:37:34,855 --> 00:37:38,357
but you don't want to wake
the other one up?
771
00:37:48,301 --> 00:37:50,736
So, she could go out for a drink,
772
00:37:50,738 --> 00:37:52,972
think,
"What's all the noise."
773
00:37:52,974 --> 00:37:55,574
It's 'cause she's in a pub.
774
00:37:59,380 --> 00:38:03,984
What about boyfriend
or that sort of thing?
775
00:38:03,986 --> 00:38:05,352
No. No boyfriends.
776
00:38:05,354 --> 00:38:07,020
No boyfriends?
No.
777
00:38:07,022 --> 00:38:08,922
Why do you smile, though?
778
00:38:08,924 --> 00:38:11,458
You're looking a bit sheepish --
both of them, fact.
779
00:38:11,460 --> 00:38:13,961
There's something going on, isn't there?
780
00:38:13,963 --> 00:38:15,829
Who are you seeing?
Come on.
781
00:38:15,831 --> 00:38:18,566
Why is that funny?
782
00:38:18,568 --> 00:38:20,401
Something's happened recently,
hasn't it?
783
00:38:26,642 --> 00:38:30,678
You said "something fishy,"
so they're finding that funny.
784
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,179
Fair enough.
785
00:38:32,181 --> 00:38:34,915
We'll let them get ready for the show.
786
00:38:34,917 --> 00:38:37,284
Thank you.
787
00:38:37,286 --> 00:38:40,054
Two heads
are better than one.
788
00:38:40,056 --> 00:38:42,456
There's a saying.
They've got that.
789
00:38:42,458 --> 00:38:43,691
That's a good thing.
790
00:38:43,693 --> 00:38:45,693
Maybe that is how the future will be.
791
00:38:45,695 --> 00:38:48,128
That's what we need,
more stress in the world.
792
00:38:48,130 --> 00:38:49,429
You've got to multitask.
793
00:38:51,799 --> 00:38:54,301
Hello.
794
00:38:54,303 --> 00:38:56,069
Hi, Ricky.
795
00:38:56,071 --> 00:38:58,438
We sort of took a diversion a bit today,
796
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:03,342
and we've come up to see
some conjoined twins,
797
00:39:03,344 --> 00:39:07,112
which, you know, obviously,
is what he likes.
798
00:39:14,220 --> 00:39:15,921
No, I know what you're saying.
799
00:39:15,923 --> 00:39:17,089
Let me get Karl
800
00:39:17,091 --> 00:39:19,025
because I think you need
to talk to him about this.
801
00:39:19,027 --> 00:39:20,593
I'm gonna get him.
802
00:39:20,595 --> 00:39:21,694
Karl, it's Ricky.
803
00:39:21,696 --> 00:39:22,962
What's he after?
804
00:39:22,964 --> 00:39:24,664
Why don't you just have a chat
to him about this?
805
00:39:24,666 --> 00:39:25,732
Hello.
806
00:39:29,136 --> 00:39:31,104
Just everyday questions.
807
00:39:31,106 --> 00:39:34,173
I was saying, "What about birthdays?
808
00:39:34,175 --> 00:39:35,841
"How do you buy each of them a gift
809
00:39:35,843 --> 00:39:38,544
without knowing
what the other one's got you?"
810
00:39:38,546 --> 00:39:39,945
They were laughing.
811
00:39:39,947 --> 00:39:41,881
They were having a lovely time with me.
812
00:39:42,749 --> 00:39:44,050
Honestly, everyone's worrying.
813
00:39:44,052 --> 00:39:46,887
I said to them, "Do you mind
being called Siamese twins?"
814
00:39:46,889 --> 00:39:48,288
They started laughing again.
815
00:39:48,290 --> 00:39:50,023
Yeah, 'cause they think you're an idiot.
816
00:39:50,025 --> 00:39:51,024
No.
Ignorant idiot.
817
00:39:51,026 --> 00:39:52,959
Gervais:
818
00:39:58,199 --> 00:39:58,972
No.
819
00:40:09,709 --> 00:40:10,526
That's it.
820
00:40:11,345 --> 00:40:13,679
The thing is, Ricky,
I know what you're saying,
821
00:40:13,681 --> 00:40:15,514
but you should see the crowds there
822
00:40:15,516 --> 00:40:17,049
when Warwick was walking
down the street.
823
00:40:17,051 --> 00:40:18,317
It's the same thing.
824
00:40:18,319 --> 00:40:22,120
People just like seeing
little sort of oddities in life.
825
00:40:25,625 --> 00:40:27,126
I'm standing right next to him, Ricky.
826
00:40:27,128 --> 00:40:28,995
That's what humans do.
We've evolved.
827
00:40:28,997 --> 00:40:31,330
We learned to stand up,
we learned to light fire,
828
00:40:31,332 --> 00:40:33,065
we learned to say
"What is that?"
829
00:40:36,938 --> 00:40:39,105
And that's what I was doing tonight,
830
00:40:39,107 --> 00:40:40,707
just saying, "What's going on here?
831
00:40:40,709 --> 00:40:42,275
I've never seen
anything like it."
832
00:40:50,564 --> 00:40:52,719
All right. Anyway,
I'm off to see them live.
833
00:40:52,721 --> 00:40:55,022
They're doing a show tonight.
834
00:40:56,259 --> 00:40:56,957
Yeah.
835
00:40:58,894 --> 00:41:01,496
It's amazing they
get around, isn't it, so well?
836
00:41:01,498 --> 00:41:03,031
I know. They've got it
all mapped out.
837
00:41:08,271 --> 00:41:11,707
I mean, is it okay
if I ride them to work?
838
00:41:11,709 --> 00:41:13,209
Taking them to work.
839
00:41:13,211 --> 00:41:15,244
I can't believe this.
840
00:41:16,881 --> 00:41:19,315
Look at him going off
like he's some sort of hero now.
841
00:41:19,317 --> 00:41:20,783
Is this good?
842
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:23,420
He's just left me here.
843
00:41:23,422 --> 00:41:25,322
I don't seem to exist at the minute.
844
00:41:25,324 --> 00:41:27,758
He's so tied up in this whole
"What's going on?"
845
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,493
That I don't know what to do.
846
00:41:29,495 --> 00:41:31,128
I don't know what to say.
847
00:41:31,130 --> 00:41:32,363
He's just -- he's gone off.
848
00:41:32,365 --> 00:41:34,431
He didn't even think to give me a lift.
849
00:41:34,433 --> 00:41:36,467
When it comes
to the spider sisters --
850
00:41:36,469 --> 00:41:37,835
oh, yeah, he'd do anything.
851
00:41:37,837 --> 00:41:39,937
He's probably in there now
doing their makeup for them,
852
00:41:39,939 --> 00:41:41,005
ready for the show.
853
00:41:41,007 --> 00:41:43,074
This is where you work.
854
00:41:47,479 --> 00:41:50,181
Next time
on "An Idiot Abroad"...
855
00:41:50,183 --> 00:41:52,750
It would be good if
Warwick was willing to sit on there
856
00:41:52,752 --> 00:41:54,518
and raise some more money.
857
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,521
I'll sit there -- white person, bald.
They've never seen that before.
858
00:41:57,523 --> 00:41:59,123
They've never seen a little man before.
859
00:41:59,125 --> 00:42:01,392
He's offered you and him
to perform on stage.
860
00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:02,826
Oh, great.
861
00:42:02,828 --> 00:42:06,196
I'm not just gonna go and stand
there and have people look.
862
00:42:06,198 --> 00:42:07,497
What are you doing?
863
00:42:07,499 --> 00:42:09,199
Just when I think you've said
864
00:42:09,201 --> 00:42:11,701
the weirdest, stupidest thing
ever, you top it.
865
00:42:11,703 --> 00:42:13,870
You sit there. I'll
sit behind you. People come in.
866
00:42:13,872 --> 00:42:15,405
I'll give you a sense of parting.
867
00:42:15,407 --> 00:42:18,408
It's just annoying me that we're
not having the same experiences.
868
00:42:18,410 --> 00:42:20,809
Well, is it the same way
you made me share the experience
869
00:42:20,811 --> 00:42:21,910
with the spider sisters?
870
00:42:21,912 --> 00:42:23,979
Yeah.
871
00:42:23,981 --> 00:42:25,047
That isn't that bad.
872
00:42:25,049 --> 00:42:26,114
Don't tell me what it is.
873
00:42:26,116 --> 00:42:28,450
That's a lamb bollock.
874
00:42:28,452 --> 00:42:30,285
It's a bit funny I've got
the [Bleep] and you haven't.
875
00:42:30,287 --> 00:42:31,720
Does this really convince them?
876
00:42:31,722 --> 00:42:33,822
It's just an excuse to dress us up.
877
00:42:34,959 --> 00:42:36,458
People don't always get what they want.
878
00:42:36,460 --> 00:42:39,228
My favorite films are
"Elephant Man" and "Kids."
879
00:42:39,230 --> 00:42:41,530
I don't like happy endings.
880
00:42:46,822 --> 00:42:58,438
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com