1
00:00:02,029 --> 00:00:05,031
Well, I must say, Leonard,
when I first heard
2
00:00:05,033 --> 00:00:09,586
your idea for Giant Jenga,
I was skeptical.
3
00:00:11,005 --> 00:00:15,375
I can't blame you-- Tiny Twister
was a complete bust.
4
00:00:15,377 --> 00:00:16,593
No, I was wrong.
5
00:00:16,595 --> 00:00:19,296
The looming threat
of being crushed
6
00:00:19,298 --> 00:00:22,933
under a pile of lumber
does add a certain spice.
7
00:00:24,468 --> 00:00:26,553
I've never felt so alive.
8
00:00:27,805 --> 00:00:30,390
(knock on door)
9
00:00:30,392 --> 00:00:32,893
Oh, hello, Alex.
10
00:00:32,895 --> 00:00:34,978
Uh, let me go get you
last night's recordings.
11
00:00:34,980 --> 00:00:36,196
What recordings?
12
00:00:36,198 --> 00:00:38,732
Well, you remember when
you told me I talk in my sleep?
13
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:41,401
Well, it occurred to me that,
like most things I say,
14
00:00:41,403 --> 00:00:43,937
it's probably pure gold.
15
00:00:43,939 --> 00:00:46,072
So I started recording it all,
16
00:00:46,074 --> 00:00:47,707
and now Alex gets
to comb through
17
00:00:47,709 --> 00:00:50,794
eight hours of what I like
to call "Sheldon After Dark."
18
00:00:50,796 --> 00:00:53,547
Hey, Leonard.
Hey.
19
00:00:53,549 --> 00:00:55,549
Just playing a little
Giant Jenga here.
20
00:00:55,551 --> 00:00:57,968
Oh, I know-- I'm the one
who had to buy him the helmet.
21
00:00:58,869 --> 00:01:01,254
So, do you have any plans
this weekend?
22
00:01:01,256 --> 00:01:03,440
Well, most of Saturday's
gonna be figuring out
23
00:01:03,442 --> 00:01:05,091
where to put this game
when we're done.
24
00:01:05,093 --> 00:01:06,760
How about you?
25
00:01:06,762 --> 00:01:08,678
Oh, I'm gonna go see
Kip Thorne give a lecture
26
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,314
on subatomic space-time.
Ooh.
27
00:01:11,316 --> 00:01:13,516
That's his take on John
Wheeler's quantum foam.
28
00:01:13,518 --> 00:01:14,651
That should be great.
29
00:01:14,653 --> 00:01:16,987
Well, if you want,
you can come with me.
30
00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:19,272
Ah, I'd love to, but I'm
supposed to hang out with Penny.
31
00:01:19,274 --> 00:01:20,240
Well, bring her.
32
00:01:20,242 --> 00:01:21,241
Well, she's not really
33
00:01:21,243 --> 00:01:22,742
into that kind of stuff.
34
00:01:22,744 --> 00:01:24,110
Yeah, okay.
35
00:01:24,112 --> 00:01:25,728
Well, if you want to hear
about the lecture,
36
00:01:25,730 --> 00:01:28,365
I can tell you all about it
at work, or, you know,
37
00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:29,783
over dinner sometime.
38
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,251
What?
39
00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:37,123
Giant Jenga, I win!
40
00:01:38,509 --> 00:01:41,911
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
41
00:01:41,913 --> 00:01:45,581
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
42
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:47,100
♪ The Earth began to cool
43
00:01:47,102 --> 00:01:49,869
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
44
00:01:49,871 --> 00:01:51,905
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
45
00:01:51,907 --> 00:01:54,524
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
46
00:01:54,526 --> 00:01:56,926
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
47
00:01:56,928 --> 00:01:58,495
♪ Bang! ♪
48
00:01:58,497 --> 00:02:02,497
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x12 ♪
The Egg Salad Equivalency
Original Air Date on January 3, 2013
49
00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:06,498
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
50
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,895
Oh, come on, that
can't be true.
51
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:12,598
I did the research--
Tony the Tiger,
52
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,352
Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch,
Toucan Sam, Count Chocula,
53
00:02:16,354 --> 00:02:19,905
Trix the Rabbit,
Snap, Crackle and Pop.
54
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:22,858
Not one cereal
mascot is a girl.
55
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:28,063
It's a total breakfast
sausage fest.
56
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,532
Are we done with this?
57
00:02:29,534 --> 00:02:32,084
Almost-- Franken Berry,
Boo Berry,
58
00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:34,236
Sugar Bear and the
Honey Nut Cheerio bee,
59
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,738
I believe his name is Buzz.
60
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,240
Terrific.
61
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,576
Something weird happened and I
don't know what to do about it.
62
00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,460
What's going on?
63
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:42,678
Sheldon's assistant asked me
64
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:43,796
on a date last night.
65
00:02:43,798 --> 00:02:45,631
How could you do that to me?
66
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:48,217
You know I've been working it
with Alex for weeks.
67
00:02:48,219 --> 00:02:50,886
Working it?
You can't even talk to her.
68
00:02:50,888 --> 00:02:53,088
I talk with my eyes.
69
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,946
You look like
my little cousin
70
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,616
when he's dropping
one in his diaper.
71
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:06,235
She knows I have a girlfriend.
72
00:03:06,237 --> 00:03:08,153
It's so weird.
73
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:09,955
Oh, my God. You're
loving this.
74
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,273
To my bones.
75
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:12,608
(chuckling)
76
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,943
I mean, I'm not gonna do
anything about it.
77
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:18,047
I love Penny. It's just nice to
have a young, attractive woman
78
00:03:18,049 --> 00:03:19,915
sniffing around the goods.
79
00:03:19,917 --> 00:03:22,885
I both hate you
and want to be you.
80
00:03:22,887 --> 00:03:26,422
This is Ryan Gosling
all over again.
81
00:03:26,424 --> 00:03:27,840
Aw, gentlemen.
82
00:03:27,842 --> 00:03:30,726
What is on the conversational
menu this morning?
83
00:03:30,728 --> 00:03:32,511
Leonard stole my woman,
and he knew full well
84
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:35,431
I was only six to eight months
away from making my move.
85
00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:38,350
I didn't steal anyone.
86
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,235
Your assistant is totally
hitting on this jerk
87
00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:41,520
and he loves it.
88
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,906
Well, that's not
acceptable.
89
00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:45,474
I'm her boss.
90
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:47,776
She needs to be solely
focused on my needs,
91
00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:52,865
not distracted by your pasty,
androgynous brand of sexuality.
92
00:03:53,583 --> 00:03:55,984
I'm androgynous?
93
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,486
Oh, please.
Look at you
94
00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:00,372
with your pouty
bee-stung lips.
95
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,675
What do you guys
think I should do?
96
00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:05,544
I say you tell Alex
your heart belongs to Penny,
97
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,429
I provide her a shoulder
to cry on,
98
00:04:07,431 --> 00:04:10,666
and then roughly half a year
later I give it to her good.
99
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:16,805
I want to thank you all for
coming on such short notice.
100
00:04:16,807 --> 00:04:18,807
Uh, in the past,
I've reached out
101
00:04:18,809 --> 00:04:21,176
to each of you
individually, but
102
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,562
I believe my present situation
103
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:26,565
requires the collective wisdom
of the group,
104
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:29,851
which as you can see from
your commemorative T-shirts
105
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,687
I have dubbed
106
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:35,924
Sheldon Cooper's
Council of Ladies.
107
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,712
What is happening?
108
00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:44,633
I need your advice about
a delicate workplace situation.
109
00:04:44,635 --> 00:04:46,368
Uh, to protect
those involved,
110
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,470
I'll be changing their names.
111
00:04:48,472 --> 00:04:49,838
Who's involved?
112
00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:53,208
Well, a short, bespectacled
colleague of mine
113
00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:56,929
who lives in the shadow
of his brilliant roommate.
114
00:04:56,931 --> 00:04:58,130
Let's call
115
00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:01,934
this colleague
Ricardo Shilly-Shally.
116
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,053
You're talking
about Leonard.
117
00:05:04,055 --> 00:05:07,823
No, no, Shilly-Shally
has red hair
118
00:05:07,825 --> 00:05:12,077
and, uh, he briefly served
in the Mexican Navy.
119
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:17,700
Anyway, despite the fact
that he has a girlfriend,
120
00:05:17,702 --> 00:05:20,235
Shilly-Shally has been
the recipient
121
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:23,922
of inappropriate workplace
flirtations from a young lady.
122
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,507
It's your assistant Alex,
isn't it?
123
00:05:25,509 --> 00:05:27,743
(stutters)
No.
124
00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:32,131
Not... No. This is
Tondelaya della Ventimiglia.
125
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,283
Wait, what the hell's
going on
126
00:05:34,285 --> 00:05:35,801
with Leonard and Alex?
(stutters) No,
127
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:37,936
I'm sorry. Who's talking
about Leonard and Alex?
128
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:38,920
W...
129
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:42,024
Fine. Ricardo and Tondelaya.
130
00:05:42,026 --> 00:05:44,810
Okay, look, it's not really
about Ricardo and Tondelaya.
131
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:47,279
It is really about her boss,
132
00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:48,564
who doesn't quite know
133
00:05:48,566 --> 00:05:50,115
how to handle this situation
134
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,617
and could use your advice,
135
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:56,288
which is surprising because
Dr. Einstein Von Brainstorm...
136
00:05:57,557 --> 00:05:59,992
He's usually pretty smart
about these things.
137
00:05:59,994 --> 00:06:02,327
(groans)
I'm gonna kill her.
138
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,912
I'm sure you've got nothing
to worry about.
139
00:06:03,914 --> 00:06:05,547
Leonard would never
cheat on you.
140
00:06:05,549 --> 00:06:06,548
She's right.
141
00:06:06,550 --> 00:06:08,383
But say the word--
I got a lab full
142
00:06:08,385 --> 00:06:11,620
of cocaine-addicted monkeys
with nothing to lose.
143
00:06:12,889 --> 00:06:15,974
One of them could end up
in the backseat of her car.
144
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:18,177
Or her shower.
145
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:20,813
Ladies, ladies, please.
146
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:22,397
We're not here to talk
about Penny, okay?
147
00:06:22,399 --> 00:06:23,899
We're here to talk about me.
148
00:06:23,901 --> 00:06:26,735
Uh, I mean Einstein
Von Brainst... Oh, darn it!
149
00:06:26,737 --> 00:06:29,304
All right, I guess
the cat's out of the bag.
150
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,773
Let me explain what's
151
00:06:30,775 --> 00:06:32,808
going on-- Ricardo is really
152
00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:35,360
Leonard...
We know what's going on, Sheldon!
153
00:06:36,246 --> 00:06:37,996
Well, what should I do?
154
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,865
Well, Alex is
your employee.
155
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,251
If she's doing something that's
making Leonard uncomfortable,
156
00:06:42,253 --> 00:06:43,819
you should talk to her.
157
00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:45,370
Oh, no, he's not
uncomfortable at all.
158
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,371
No, he's loving it.
159
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,422
Yeah, he's
strutting
160
00:06:47,424 --> 00:06:49,958
around like he's five-foot-six.
161
00:06:50,860 --> 00:06:52,160
What... He's loving it?
162
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,128
BERNADETTE:
Sheldon,
163
00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:54,880
you need to talk
to Alex right away.
164
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,799
Talk to her?
That's all you've got?
165
00:06:56,801 --> 00:06:59,718
With a cool name like Sheldon
Cooper's Council of Ladies,
166
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,637
I really expected more.
167
00:07:01,639 --> 00:07:03,839
Give me back the T-shirts.
168
00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:16,702
Alex...
169
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:18,403
check my schedule.
170
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,656
What does my afternoon look like?
I think
171
00:07:20,658 --> 00:07:21,957
it's pretty wide open.
172
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:24,676
Oh, wait.
Here's something at 4:00.
173
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:27,496
"Give Alex a talking to"?
174
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,250
Well, that snuck up
on us, didn't it?
175
00:07:31,252 --> 00:07:34,169
Is there a problem?
Let's not
176
00:07:34,171 --> 00:07:35,537
call it a problem.
177
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,723
Let's call it an opportunity.
178
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:40,008
To solve a serious problem.
179
00:07:40,844 --> 00:07:41,944
What did I do?
180
00:07:41,946 --> 00:07:44,646
You don't know?
Oh, you poor dear.
181
00:07:44,648 --> 00:07:46,598
Your ovaries are squirting
so much goofy juice
182
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,384
into your brains you don't
even know which way is up.
183
00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:56,925
You made an inappropriate sexual
advance towards Dr. Hofstadter.
184
00:07:56,927 --> 00:08:00,779
What? I didn't make
a sexual advance on anybody.
185
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:03,081
Now, there's no need
to get defensive.
186
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,416
I'm not
unsympathetic
187
00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:05,617
to your plight.
188
00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:08,587
My father used to say
that a woman
189
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:13,909
is like an egg salad sandwich
on a warm Texas day.
190
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,379
What?
191
00:08:17,381 --> 00:08:21,383
Full of eggs and only appealing
for a short time.
192
00:08:21,385 --> 00:08:24,219
This conversation is
making me uncomfortable.
193
00:08:24,221 --> 00:08:25,253
Yeah,
194
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,271
you and me both, sister.
195
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,757
Now,
196
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,692
please understand...
197
00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:34,229
I don't hold you responsible
for your behavior
198
00:08:34,231 --> 00:08:36,398
because, see, from an
evolutionary standpoint,
199
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,318
you're a slave
to your desire to reproduce.
200
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,102
But during
the work day,
201
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:45,106
when you feel possessed by
amorous intent, may I suggest
202
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,943
that you suppress it
by leafing through
203
00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:51,163
this illustrated book of
sexually transmitted diseases?
204
00:08:51,165 --> 00:08:53,799
Let's see here.
Oh, yes.
205
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,001
Check out this oozy doozy.
206
00:08:58,988 --> 00:09:00,138
I have to go.
207
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,473
So does this fellow,
208
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:04,009
but he can't without it
burning like hot soup.
209
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:09,448
(Leonard whistling)
210
00:09:10,566 --> 00:09:12,651
Hey, pretty lady.
211
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:15,354
Oh, you seem extra happy.
212
00:09:15,356 --> 00:09:16,355
Uh, I guess I am.
213
00:09:16,357 --> 00:09:18,023
Any particular reason why?
214
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:20,108
Mm, I don't know,
just having a good day.
215
00:09:20,110 --> 00:09:21,360
This morning Sheldon
fell asleep
216
00:09:21,362 --> 00:09:23,144
on the way to work, so I got
to listen to the radio--
217
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,313
that was pretty crazy.
218
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,499
Mm-hmm. Anything else?
219
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,117
Mm. I found this quiz online
220
00:09:29,119 --> 00:09:30,953
called "Which Star Trek
Character Are You?"
221
00:09:30,955 --> 00:09:34,256
and it only took me four tries
to get Captain Kirk.
222
00:09:34,258 --> 00:09:35,757
That's great.
223
00:09:35,759 --> 00:09:39,327
(imitating William Shatner):
Oh. It. Was.
224
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,879
Hmm. Well, I'm glad
you're having such a great day.
225
00:09:41,904 --> 00:09:42,298
Yeah.
226
00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:45,050
And the one thing that could
make it even better
227
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,335
is an evening
with my special girl.
228
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:48,503
Oh, and who's that?
229
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,171
What do you mean?
230
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,808
Oh, I just didn't know
if you meant me or Alex.
231
00:09:52,810 --> 00:09:54,860
Um, why would I mean Alex?
232
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:57,779
Because I know she hit on you
and I know you liked it!
233
00:09:57,781 --> 00:09:59,948
What...?
234
00:10:01,651 --> 00:10:05,037
Don't play dumb with me,
Ricardo Shilly-Shally!
235
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:13,829
I'm missing something.
236
00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:17,666
Did you say something
to Penny about Alex?
237
00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:21,503
Oh, yes. Yeah, and a fat lot
of good it did me.
238
00:10:21,505 --> 00:10:24,089
All she did was get mad at you.
239
00:10:24,974 --> 00:10:27,025
Why would you do that?
240
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:29,144
I needed advice
about a woman.
241
00:10:29,146 --> 00:10:30,479
I would have asked you,
242
00:10:30,481 --> 00:10:32,764
but if the last few years
have proven anything,
243
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:35,434
it's that you can't tell
a uterus from a unicycle.
244
00:10:35,436 --> 00:10:38,937
At least I know
not to blab to a girl
245
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,656
about somebody flirting
with her boyfriend.
246
00:10:41,658 --> 00:10:43,058
(electronic tones sounding)
Good to know.
247
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,659
Yeah, a few more
helpful hints like that,
248
00:10:44,661 --> 00:10:47,062
you may find yourself
on the Council of Ladies.
249
00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:49,247
Hello.
250
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,832
I see.
251
00:10:50,834 --> 00:10:53,234
Uh, what time?
252
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,337
Very well, then.
253
00:10:55,339 --> 00:10:56,671
Huh.
254
00:10:56,673 --> 00:11:00,175
That was the Human Resources
Department at the university.
255
00:11:00,177 --> 00:11:03,512
Apparently, my assistant Alex
has filed a complaint
256
00:11:03,514 --> 00:11:07,248
accusing me of inappropriate
behavior in the workplace.
257
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:09,935
Oh, my God, what did you do?
258
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,187
Hmm, let me think.
259
00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:15,390
Nothing. I'm a delight.
260
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:28,687
Human Resources Department.
261
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,656
Human Resources Department.
262
00:11:30,658 --> 00:11:32,841
Human Resources
Department.
263
00:11:33,358 --> 00:11:35,092
Come in.
264
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:37,611
Hello.
265
00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:39,879
Ah, Dr. Cooper, have a seat.
266
00:11:39,881 --> 00:11:40,568
Thank you.
267
00:11:40,593 --> 00:11:42,705
I called you in today
because your assistant
268
00:11:42,805 --> 00:11:45,283
Alex Jensen has lodged
a complaint against you.
269
00:11:45,503 --> 00:11:47,670
So I've been told.
But I can't understand
270
00:11:47,672 --> 00:11:49,421
what she has to complain about.
271
00:11:49,423 --> 00:11:52,991
I mean, she has a front-row seat
as I make scientific history.
272
00:11:52,993 --> 00:11:54,343
There's string cheese
273
00:11:54,345 --> 00:11:56,929
in my mini-fridge,
and that's for anyone.
274
00:11:56,931 --> 00:11:58,380
Yeah, and
just yesterday
275
00:11:58,382 --> 00:12:02,434
I led her away from a life
of sexual promiscuity
276
00:12:02,436 --> 00:12:06,722
by making her look at pictures
of disease-ridden genitalia.
277
00:12:12,195 --> 00:12:14,313
Cancel my next appointment.
278
00:12:14,315 --> 00:12:16,348
This is gonna take a while.
279
00:12:16,350 --> 00:12:18,567
Dr. Cooper,
280
00:12:18,569 --> 00:12:20,069
you said things to your employee
281
00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:22,354
that you just cannot say
in the workplace.
282
00:12:22,356 --> 00:12:24,022
Like what?
283
00:12:24,024 --> 00:12:26,292
Well, according
to Ms. Jensen,
284
00:12:26,294 --> 00:12:29,878
you said that she was a slave
to her biological urges
285
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:33,649
and called her
an "egg salad sandwich."
286
00:12:36,319 --> 00:12:38,203
I don't even know
what that means,
287
00:12:38,205 --> 00:12:41,423
but I'm gonna go ahead
and tell you you can't say it.
288
00:12:42,259 --> 00:12:45,427
Oh! I see the confusion here.
289
00:12:45,429 --> 00:12:48,597
No, no, Alex thought
I was singling her out. No.
290
00:12:48,599 --> 00:12:50,482
I meant that all women
291
00:12:50,484 --> 00:12:52,434
are slaves to their
biological urges,
292
00:12:52,436 --> 00:12:53,852
you know?
293
00:12:53,854 --> 00:12:55,554
Even you.
294
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:59,391
You're a slave.
295
00:13:03,062 --> 00:13:05,164
I'm a what?
296
00:13:05,166 --> 00:13:07,499
Well, y-you...
I-I'm just saying,
297
00:13:07,501 --> 00:13:10,119
you know, at a certain point
in a woman's menstrual cycle...
298
00:13:10,121 --> 00:13:12,004
Whuh-ah!
299
00:13:12,006 --> 00:13:14,089
You can't talk about that,
either, Dr. Cooper.
300
00:13:14,091 --> 00:13:15,858
Your language
is entirely
301
00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:17,409
inappropriate,
and I'm gonna advise
302
00:13:17,411 --> 00:13:19,261
that you shut your mouth
right now.
303
00:13:19,263 --> 00:13:22,381
I d... I don't see why I'm
the one being persecuted here.
304
00:13:22,383 --> 00:13:25,917
Dr. Hofstadter-- he was bragging
about his sexual desirability
305
00:13:25,919 --> 00:13:27,586
to anyone who would listen.
306
00:13:27,588 --> 00:13:28,887
You know, and
Howard Wolowitz--
307
00:13:28,889 --> 00:13:32,257
he spent two years
using university resources
308
00:13:32,259 --> 00:13:34,610
building a six-breasted
sex robot.
309
00:13:34,612 --> 00:13:35,927
Oh,
310
00:13:35,929 --> 00:13:37,363
and at the office
Christmas party,
311
00:13:37,365 --> 00:13:40,282
I heard Rajesh Koothrappali
refer to you several times
312
00:13:40,284 --> 00:13:42,484
as "Brown Sugar."
313
00:13:44,871 --> 00:13:46,372
Hofstadter...
314
00:13:46,374 --> 00:13:47,489
Wolowitz...
315
00:13:47,491 --> 00:13:50,275
and the last one was
Rajesh Koothrappali?
316
00:13:50,277 --> 00:13:51,593
Yes.
317
00:13:51,595 --> 00:13:54,213
No, yeah, but in his defense,
that wasn't racist.
318
00:13:54,215 --> 00:13:55,914
He's also brown.
319
00:13:59,952 --> 00:14:02,054
(knocking)
320
00:14:02,056 --> 00:14:07,092
(to "Mary Had a Little Lamb"):
♪ I'm... sorry Alex hit on me ♪
321
00:14:07,094 --> 00:14:08,644
♪ Hit on me
322
00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:11,930
♪ Hit on me...
323
00:14:11,932 --> 00:14:13,315
♪ Sorry Alex
324
00:14:13,317 --> 00:14:16,568
♪ Hit on me,
I'd no idea I'm cute. ♪
325
00:14:16,570 --> 00:14:19,271
(plucks closing chord)
326
00:14:20,807 --> 00:14:23,025
Oh, damn it, you are.
327
00:14:23,027 --> 00:14:24,610
Please forgive me.
328
00:14:24,612 --> 00:14:27,378
I should have told
you about Alex.
329
00:14:27,478 --> 00:14:28,794
I don't care
about Alex.
330
00:14:28,816 --> 00:14:30,249
Fine, I care.
331
00:14:30,251 --> 00:14:32,284
Okay, I hate that bitch.
332
00:14:32,286 --> 00:14:33,869
But what really
hurt is that
333
00:14:33,871 --> 00:14:35,120
you liked it so much.
334
00:14:35,122 --> 00:14:36,988
I mean, do I need
to be worried?
335
00:14:36,990 --> 00:14:39,792
Of course not. No. Why?
Because...
336
00:14:39,794 --> 00:14:42,044
she is pretty and smart,
and when you talk about work,
337
00:14:42,046 --> 00:14:44,763
she doesn't have to go home
and look up words in the dictionary
338
00:14:44,765 --> 00:14:45,881
to understand what you said.
339
00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:47,299
You do that?
340
00:14:47,301 --> 00:14:49,301
No.
341
00:14:50,854 --> 00:14:52,838
Hang on.
Are you feeling insecure?
342
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,757
Because that's
my thing, and if
343
00:14:54,759 --> 00:14:58,677
you take it away, I don't know
what I'm bringing to this relationship.
344
00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:00,612
Yes, Leonard, I am insecure.
345
00:15:00,614 --> 00:15:02,064
Happy?
No,
346
00:15:02,066 --> 00:15:04,366
I'm not happy.
347
00:15:07,687 --> 00:15:10,689
Why are you smiling?
I'm sorry.
348
00:15:10,691 --> 00:15:14,025
I just never think of you
having feelings like that.
349
00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,544
Well, I do.
Why?
350
00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:18,380
Nothing is ever going to
happen between me and Alex.
351
00:15:18,382 --> 00:15:21,032
Good.
352
00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:23,285
(chuckles):
Come here.
353
00:15:24,971 --> 00:15:26,922
I'll tell you a secret?
354
00:15:26,924 --> 00:15:29,708
What's that?
With all these women chasing me,
355
00:15:29,710 --> 00:15:32,711
I kind of do feel
like Captain Kirk. (laughs)
356
00:15:32,713 --> 00:15:35,013
Can I tell you a secret?
Sure.
357
00:15:35,015 --> 00:15:39,601
Keep talking about Captain Kirk,
and we're all gonna stop.
358
00:15:39,603 --> 00:15:42,020
(like William Shatner):
Message... received.
359
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:48,327
(phone ringing)
Ah, excuse me.
360
00:15:49,946 --> 00:15:51,180
Hello.
361
00:15:51,182 --> 00:15:53,749
This is Dr. Hofstadter.
362
00:15:53,751 --> 00:15:55,617
Okay.
363
00:15:57,253 --> 00:15:59,788
All right, thank you.
364
00:15:59,790 --> 00:16:01,340
That's weird.
365
00:16:01,342 --> 00:16:05,160
I'm getting called in
to Human Resources.
366
00:16:05,162 --> 00:16:06,912
What did you do?
367
00:16:06,914 --> 00:16:09,381
I don't know.
368
00:16:09,383 --> 00:16:11,583
Huh. I just
got called in
369
00:16:11,585 --> 00:16:14,052
to Human Resources.
370
00:16:14,054 --> 00:16:15,387
Why?
371
00:16:15,389 --> 00:16:17,523
I don't know.
(nervous laugh)
372
00:16:17,525 --> 00:16:19,842
Huh. That is so strange.
373
00:16:19,844 --> 00:16:22,444
Human Resources wants
to talk to me tomorrow.
374
00:16:22,446 --> 00:16:24,163
Could you stop licking
your ass for two minutes?
375
00:16:24,188 --> 00:16:25,497
I have a problem here.
376
00:16:36,292 --> 00:16:38,961
Do you really think you
should be drinking right now?
377
00:16:38,963 --> 00:16:43,465
How else am I supposed to talk
to the Human Resources lady?
378
00:16:43,467 --> 00:16:45,951
I don't know.
Seek professional help?
379
00:16:45,953 --> 00:16:48,003
I did. The guy at
the liquor store said
380
00:16:48,005 --> 00:16:51,256
this stuff tastes
great in coffee.
381
00:16:51,258 --> 00:16:53,675
Wait, you got
called in, too?
382
00:16:53,677 --> 00:16:55,126
What is going on?
383
00:16:55,128 --> 00:16:57,145
Sheldon threw us
all under the bus.
384
00:16:57,147 --> 00:16:58,019
Oh.
385
00:16:58,044 --> 00:17:00,044
I feel like I've been called
down to the principal's office.
386
00:17:00,267 --> 00:17:03,185
Although I wouldn't mind
if Brown Sugar suspended me.
387
00:17:05,238 --> 00:17:07,523
From a sex swing!
388
00:17:08,358 --> 00:17:10,943
This may have been a mistake.
389
00:17:11,995 --> 00:17:14,312
Relax. Everything's
gonna be fine.
390
00:17:14,314 --> 00:17:15,914
You know, before
I met Bernadette
391
00:17:15,916 --> 00:17:17,916
I was in here
every other day.
392
00:17:17,918 --> 00:17:19,918
Uh, little tip:
393
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,872
turn off your "I Like Big Butts"
ringtone before you go in.
394
00:17:24,958 --> 00:17:27,342
Well, this is
all your fault.
395
00:17:27,344 --> 00:17:28,627
How is this my fault?
If you weren't
396
00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:29,878
screwing around
with Sheldon's assistant,
397
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,463
none of this would be happening.
I wasn't
398
00:17:31,465 --> 00:17:32,998
screwing around with anyone.
399
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,049
Oh, of course not.
400
00:17:34,051 --> 00:17:35,884
She was just sniffing
around your goods
401
00:17:35,886 --> 00:17:38,470
because she was hunting
for truffles.
402
00:17:38,472 --> 00:17:42,224
Ah, Mr. Wolowitz,
it's been a while.
403
00:17:42,226 --> 00:17:43,358
Hey, Janine.
404
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,727
(chuckles)
How are Tom and the kids?
405
00:17:45,729 --> 00:17:47,178
Fine.
406
00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:49,147
You must be
Dr. Hofstadter.
407
00:17:49,149 --> 00:17:51,850
Yes, but I think this is all
a big misunderstanding.
408
00:17:51,852 --> 00:17:53,035
Yeah, yeah, me, too.
409
00:17:53,037 --> 00:17:54,736
I didn't do anything.
410
00:17:54,738 --> 00:17:56,488
Is that alcohol on your breath?
411
00:17:56,490 --> 00:17:59,992
Howard built a sex robot.
412
00:18:02,829 --> 00:18:04,162
That is not true.
413
00:18:04,164 --> 00:18:06,248
All I did was
build a robot.
414
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:07,866
Did it have six breasts?
415
00:18:07,868 --> 00:18:09,968
I'm sorry,
I'm a feminist--
416
00:18:09,970 --> 00:18:11,970
(chuckles) I don't
notice things like
417
00:18:11,972 --> 00:18:15,591
how many breasts
a robot has.
418
00:18:15,593 --> 00:18:17,426
Well, hello.
419
00:18:17,428 --> 00:18:19,878
What are you doing here?
Actually, I came
420
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,648
to speak to Mrs. Davis.
And I'm a little busy right now.
421
00:18:22,650 --> 00:18:24,349
But I came to file a complaint.
422
00:18:24,351 --> 00:18:27,819
Yeah, somebody has made me feel
uncomfortable in the workplace
423
00:18:27,821 --> 00:18:30,906
by using language of an
inappropriate and sexual nature.
424
00:18:30,908 --> 00:18:32,124
And who was that?
425
00:18:32,126 --> 00:18:33,575
You, you dirty birdie.
426
00:18:35,411 --> 00:18:36,745
I-I thought
427
00:18:36,747 --> 00:18:38,413
about the things
you said to me yesterday,
428
00:18:38,415 --> 00:18:39,781
and I realized
I'm deeply offended.
429
00:18:39,783 --> 00:18:43,168
Now, be a dear and get me
one of those complaint forms.
430
00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:44,202
That's it.
431
00:18:44,204 --> 00:18:46,838
All of you,
in my office now!
432
00:18:50,009 --> 00:18:52,492
And thanks to you, I
know better than to ask
433
00:18:52,517 --> 00:18:54,120
if you're menstruating.
434
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,434
And based on your behavior,
I don't have to.
435
00:19:02,138 --> 00:19:03,939
It has been
436
00:19:03,941 --> 00:19:06,141
pointed out to me that...
437
00:19:06,143 --> 00:19:08,527
some of the things I said to you
438
00:19:08,529 --> 00:19:11,480
could be construed as...
offensive,
439
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:13,148
and I would like
440
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:16,652
to offer you
my sincerest apology.
441
00:19:16,654 --> 00:19:18,704
Thank you, Dr. Cooper.
Yeah,
442
00:19:18,706 --> 00:19:21,156
additionally, you should know
that the university
443
00:19:21,158 --> 00:19:23,075
has mandated that I take
444
00:19:23,077 --> 00:19:25,944
an online
sexual harassment seminar
445
00:19:25,946 --> 00:19:29,047
so this sort of thing
doesn't happen in the future.
446
00:19:29,049 --> 00:19:31,083
Okay.
Yeah. Now,
447
00:19:31,085 --> 00:19:34,886
unfortunately, uh,
my time is much too valuable
448
00:19:34,888 --> 00:19:37,556
to waste on nonsense like this,
449
00:19:37,558 --> 00:19:41,760
so... um, I'm gonna need you
to take it for me.
450
00:19:44,414 --> 00:19:46,264
Oh, and, uh,
you'd better ace it--
451
00:19:46,266 --> 00:19:47,482
they're pretty mad.
452
00:19:57,653 --> 00:19:59,693
So, hey, I was thinking
about that stuff with Alex.
453
00:19:59,694 --> 00:20:01,577
Oh, would you stop
worrying about that?
454
00:20:01,579 --> 00:20:03,412
I can't help it.
But, look, I figured
455
00:20:03,414 --> 00:20:05,014
I could sit around
and feel insecure,
456
00:20:05,016 --> 00:20:06,766
or I could do
something about it.
457
00:20:06,768 --> 00:20:08,067
So I got a course catalog
458
00:20:08,069 --> 00:20:11,104
at school and looked
at some of the science classes.
459
00:20:11,106 --> 00:20:11,873
That's great.
460
00:20:11,898 --> 00:20:13,857
No, it isn't--
they are extremely boring.
461
00:20:13,858 --> 00:20:16,609
I mean, how do you not
kill yourself, like, every day?
462
00:20:16,611 --> 00:20:19,095
Anyway, I decided
463
00:20:19,097 --> 00:20:22,398
I don't need to be a scientist,
I could just look like one.
464
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,266
So I bought these.
465
00:20:24,268 --> 00:20:25,518
Glasses?
466
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,936
Mm-hmm.
I really don't think
467
00:20:26,938 --> 00:20:28,871
that's gonna change--
oh, my God,
468
00:20:28,873 --> 00:20:31,273
you look so
smart and hot!
469
00:20:31,275 --> 00:20:33,710
I know, right?
Watch this.
470
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,230
Molecules.
471
00:20:43,061 --> 00:20:44,527
Okay, come with me.
472
00:20:44,529 --> 00:20:45,528
Where are we going?
473
00:20:45,530 --> 00:20:47,281
To my bedroom,
so I can take everything off
474
00:20:47,283 --> 00:20:48,582
but those glasses...
475
00:20:49,211 --> 00:20:50,433
and maybe the boots.
476
00:20:50,533 --> 00:20:55,533
== sync, corrected by elderman ==