1
00:00:03,584 --> 00:00:06,586
Well, I must say, Leonard,
when I first heard
2
00:00:06,618 --> 00:00:11,171
your idea for Giant Jenga,
I was skeptical.
3
00:00:12,678 --> 00:00:16,550
I can't blame you-- Tiny Twister
was a complete bust.
4
00:00:16,619 --> 00:00:17,970
No, I was wrong.
5
00:00:17,995 --> 00:00:20,886
The looming threat
of being crushed
6
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:24,568
under a pile of lumber
does add a certain spice.
7
00:00:26,023 --> 00:00:28,108
I've never felt so alive.
8
00:00:28,622 --> 00:00:30,087
(knock on door)
9
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,055
Oh, hello, Alex.
10
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,294
Uh, let me go get you
last night's recordings.
11
00:00:36,341 --> 00:00:37,472
What recordings?
12
00:00:37,503 --> 00:00:40,037
Well, you remember when
you told me I talk in my sleep?
13
00:00:40,201 --> 00:00:42,922
Well, it occurred to me that,
like most things I say,
14
00:00:42,958 --> 00:00:45,236
it's probably pure gold.
15
00:00:45,486 --> 00:00:47,454
So I started recording it all,
16
00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:49,198
and now Alex gets
to comb through
17
00:00:49,233 --> 00:00:52,318
eight hours of what I like
to call "Sheldon After Dark."
18
00:00:53,769 --> 00:00:55,308
- Hey, Leonard.
- Hey.
19
00:00:55,341 --> 00:00:56,977
Just playing a little
Giant Jenga here.
20
00:00:57,002 --> 00:00:59,689
Oh, I know-- I'm the one
who had to buy him the helmet.
21
00:01:00,949 --> 00:01:02,543
So, do you have any plans
this weekend?
22
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:04,919
Well, most of Saturday's
gonna be figuring out
23
00:01:04,943 --> 00:01:06,592
where to put this game
when we're done.
24
00:01:07,198 --> 00:01:08,418
How about you?
25
00:01:08,467 --> 00:01:10,383
Oh, I'm gonna go see
Kip Thorne give a lecture
26
00:01:10,415 --> 00:01:12,781
on subatomic space-time.
- Ooh.
27
00:01:12,852 --> 00:01:15,052
That's his take on John
Wheeler's quantum foam.
28
00:01:15,073 --> 00:01:16,206
That should be great.
29
00:01:16,237 --> 00:01:17,719
Well, if you want,
you can come with me.
30
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:20,413
Ah, I'd love to, but I'm
supposed to hang out with Penny.
31
00:01:20,590 --> 00:01:21,556
Well, bring her.
32
00:01:21,588 --> 00:01:22,706
Well, she's not really
33
00:01:22,729 --> 00:01:24,228
into that kind of stuff.
34
00:01:24,249 --> 00:01:25,615
Yeah, okay.
35
00:01:25,773 --> 00:01:27,261
Well, if you want to hear
about the lecture,
36
00:01:27,285 --> 00:01:29,920
I can tell you all about it
at work, or, you know,
37
00:01:29,958 --> 00:01:31,193
over dinner sometime.
38
00:01:31,223 --> 00:01:32,689
What?
39
00:01:36,078 --> 00:01:38,846
Giant Jenga, I win!
40
00:01:40,064 --> 00:01:43,466
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
41
00:01:43,505 --> 00:01:47,403
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
42
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:48,630
♪ The Earth began to cool
43
00:01:48,657 --> 00:01:51,620
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
44
00:01:51,638 --> 00:01:53,425
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
45
00:01:53,462 --> 00:01:56,341
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
46
00:01:56,365 --> 00:01:58,444
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
47
00:01:58,470 --> 00:01:59,857
♪ Bang! ♪
48
00:01:59,888 --> 00:02:02,888
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x12 ♪
The Egg Salad Equivalency
Original Air Date on January 3, 2013
49
00:02:02,919 --> 00:02:05,419
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
50
00:02:06,275 --> 00:02:08,626
Oh, come on, that
can't be true.
51
00:02:08,641 --> 00:02:11,100
I did the research--
Tony the Tiger,
52
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:14,883
Dig'em the Frog, Cap'n Crunch,
Toucan Sam, Count Chocula,
53
00:02:14,916 --> 00:02:18,232
Trix the Rabbit,
Snap, Crackle and Pop.
54
00:02:18,651 --> 00:02:21,602
Not one cereal
mascot is a girl.
55
00:02:22,699 --> 00:02:26,005
It's a total breakfast
sausage fest.
56
00:02:27,034 --> 00:02:27,922
Are we done with this?
57
00:02:27,953 --> 00:02:30,764
Almost-- Franken Berry,
Boo Berry,
58
00:02:30,805 --> 00:02:32,955
Sugar Bear and the
Honey Nut Cheerio bee,
59
00:02:32,982 --> 00:02:35,228
I believe his name is Buzz.
60
00:02:36,009 --> 00:02:37,103
Terrific.
61
00:02:37,153 --> 00:02:39,203
Something weird happened and I
don't know what to do about it.
62
00:02:39,272 --> 00:02:40,259
What's going on?
63
00:02:40,374 --> 00:02:41,590
Sheldon's assistant asked me
64
00:02:41,611 --> 00:02:42,809
on a date last night.
65
00:02:42,866 --> 00:02:44,242
How could you do that to me?
66
00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:46,844
You know I've been working it
with Alex for weeks.
67
00:02:47,206 --> 00:02:49,438
Working it?
You can't even talk to her.
68
00:02:49,456 --> 00:02:51,656
I talk with my eyes.
69
00:02:58,291 --> 00:02:59,661
You look like my little cousin
70
00:02:59,692 --> 00:03:02,009
when he's dropping
one in his diaper.
71
00:03:02,487 --> 00:03:04,700
She knows I have a girlfriend.
72
00:03:04,949 --> 00:03:06,394
It's so weird.
73
00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,389
Oh, my God. You're
loving this.
74
00:03:08,420 --> 00:03:09,736
To my bones.
75
00:03:09,768 --> 00:03:11,101
(chuckling)
76
00:03:11,935 --> 00:03:13,648
I mean, I'm not gonna do
anything about it.
77
00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:16,772
I love Penny. It's just nice to
have a young, attractive woman
78
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,480
sniffing around the goods.
79
00:03:18,885 --> 00:03:21,348
I both hate you
and want to be you.
80
00:03:21,887 --> 00:03:24,776
This is Ryan Gosling
all over again.
81
00:03:24,817 --> 00:03:26,546
Aw, gentlemen.
82
00:03:26,586 --> 00:03:29,373
What is on the conversational
menu this morning?
83
00:03:29,401 --> 00:03:31,226
Leonard stole my woman,
and he knew full well
84
00:03:31,257 --> 00:03:34,175
I was only six to eight months
away from making my move.
85
00:03:35,286 --> 00:03:36,781
I didn't steal anyone.
86
00:03:36,814 --> 00:03:38,951
Your assistant is totally
hitting on this jerk
87
00:03:38,981 --> 00:03:40,264
and he loves it.
88
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,549
Well, that's not acceptable.
89
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:44,155
I'm her boss.
90
00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:46,408
She needs to be solely
focused on my needs,
91
00:03:46,428 --> 00:03:51,515
not distracted by your pasty,
androgynous brand of sexuality.
92
00:03:53,014 --> 00:03:54,646
I'm androgynous?
93
00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,180
Oh, please.
Look at you
94
00:03:56,232 --> 00:03:58,614
with your pouty
bee-stung lips.
95
00:03:59,892 --> 00:04:01,531
What do you guys
think I should do?
96
00:04:01,624 --> 00:04:04,491
I say you tell Alex
your heart belongs to Penny,
97
00:04:04,509 --> 00:04:06,137
I provide her a shoulder
to cry on,
98
00:04:06,175 --> 00:04:09,410
and then roughly half a year
later I give it to her good.
99
00:04:12,097 --> 00:04:15,460
I want to thank you all for
coming on such short notice.
100
00:04:15,513 --> 00:04:17,513
Uh, in the past,
I've reached out
101
00:04:17,553 --> 00:04:19,920
to each of you
individually, but
102
00:04:19,922 --> 00:04:22,306
I believe my present situation
103
00:04:22,326 --> 00:04:25,227
requires the collective wisdom
of the group,
104
00:04:25,311 --> 00:04:28,595
which as you can see from
your commemorative T-shirts
105
00:04:28,597 --> 00:04:30,431
I have dubbed
106
00:04:30,433 --> 00:04:34,668
Sheldon Cooper's
Council of Ladies.
107
00:04:36,063 --> 00:04:38,231
What is happening?
108
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:43,232
I need your advice about
a delicate workplace situation.
109
00:04:43,259 --> 00:04:44,934
Uh, to protect those involved,
110
00:04:44,964 --> 00:04:46,877
I'll be changing their names.
111
00:04:47,384 --> 00:04:48,453
Who's involved?
112
00:04:48,509 --> 00:04:52,241
Well, a short, bespectacled
colleague of mine
113
00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:55,587
who lives in the shadow
of his brilliant roommate.
114
00:04:56,329 --> 00:05:00,400
Let's call this colleague
Ricardo Shilly-Shally.
115
00:05:01,410 --> 00:05:02,618
You're talking about Leonard.
116
00:05:02,655 --> 00:05:06,534
No, no, Shilly-Shally
has red hair
117
00:05:06,569 --> 00:05:10,821
and, uh, he briefly served
in the Mexican Navy.
118
00:05:12,934 --> 00:05:16,522
Anyway, despite the fact
that he has a girlfriend,
119
00:05:16,564 --> 00:05:18,823
Shilly-Shally has been
the recipient
120
00:05:18,841 --> 00:05:22,526
of inappropriate workplace
flirtations from a young lady.
121
00:05:22,568 --> 00:05:24,093
It's your assistant Alex,
isn't it?
122
00:05:24,109 --> 00:05:26,057
(stutters)
No.
123
00:05:26,388 --> 00:05:30,774
Not... No. This is
Tondelaya della Ventimiglia.
124
00:05:31,710 --> 00:05:32,981
Wait, what the hell's going on
125
00:05:33,006 --> 00:05:34,522
with Leonard and Alex?
- (stutters) No,
126
00:05:34,547 --> 00:05:36,680
I'm sorry. Who's talking
about Leonard and Alex?
127
00:05:36,706 --> 00:05:37,688
W...
128
00:05:37,965 --> 00:05:40,562
Fine. Ricardo and Tondelaya.
129
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:43,449
Okay, look, it's not really
about Ricardo and Tondelaya.
130
00:05:43,474 --> 00:05:46,021
It is really about her boss,
131
00:05:46,125 --> 00:05:47,372
who doesn't quite know
132
00:05:47,403 --> 00:05:50,347
how to handle this situation
and could use your advice,
133
00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:55,044
which is surprising because
Dr. Einstein Von Brainstorm...
134
00:05:56,026 --> 00:05:58,604
He's usually pretty smart
about these things.
135
00:05:59,432 --> 00:06:01,032
(groans)
I'm gonna kill her.
136
00:06:01,048 --> 00:06:02,539
I'm sure you've got nothing
to worry about.
137
00:06:02,576 --> 00:06:04,058
Leonard would never
cheat on you.
138
00:06:04,143 --> 00:06:05,201
She's right.
139
00:06:05,244 --> 00:06:07,112
But say the word--
I got a lab full
140
00:06:07,129 --> 00:06:10,364
of cocaine-addicted monkeys
with nothing to lose.
141
00:06:11,633 --> 00:06:14,718
One of them could end up
in the backseat of her car.
142
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,921
Or her shower.
143
00:06:18,173 --> 00:06:19,294
Ladies, ladies, please.
144
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,955
We're not here to talk
about Penny, okay?
145
00:06:20,973 --> 00:06:22,473
We're here to talk about me.
146
00:06:22,514 --> 00:06:25,348
Uh, I mean Einstein
Von Brainst... Oh, darn it!
147
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,006
All right, I guess
the cat's out of the bag.
148
00:06:28,343 --> 00:06:31,321
Let me explain what's
going on-- Ricardo is really
149
00:06:31,345 --> 00:06:34,342
- Leonard...
- We know what's going on, Sheldon!
150
00:06:35,034 --> 00:06:36,784
Well, what should I do?
151
00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,724
Well, Alex is your employee.
152
00:06:38,742 --> 00:06:40,967
If she's doing something that's
making Leonard uncomfortable,
153
00:06:40,997 --> 00:06:42,103
you should talk to her.
154
00:06:42,127 --> 00:06:44,069
Oh, no, he's not
uncomfortable at all.
155
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,134
No, he's loving it.
Yeah, he's strutting
156
00:06:46,168 --> 00:06:48,702
around like he's five-foot-six.
157
00:06:49,566 --> 00:06:51,064
What... He's loving it?
158
00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:53,375
BERNADETTE: Sheldon, you need
to talk to Alex right away.
159
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,507
Talk to her?
That's all you've got?
160
00:06:55,557 --> 00:06:58,251
With a cool name like Sheldon
Cooper's Council of Ladies,
161
00:06:58,269 --> 00:07:00,186
I really expected more.
162
00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:02,620
Give me back the T-shirts.
163
00:07:14,526 --> 00:07:15,520
Alex...
164
00:07:15,548 --> 00:07:16,964
check my schedule.
165
00:07:16,995 --> 00:07:20,551
- What does my afternoon look like?
- I think it's pretty wide open.
166
00:07:20,703 --> 00:07:23,223
Oh, wait.
Here's something at 4:00.
167
00:07:23,603 --> 00:07:26,421
"Give Alex a talking to"?
168
00:07:27,749 --> 00:07:29,968
Well, that snuck up
on us, didn't it?
169
00:07:30,539 --> 00:07:32,681
- Is there a problem?
- Let's not
170
00:07:32,709 --> 00:07:34,075
call it a problem.
171
00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:36,317
Let's call it an opportunity.
172
00:07:36,618 --> 00:07:38,901
To solve a serious problem.
173
00:07:39,588 --> 00:07:40,796
What did I do?
174
00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:43,533
You don't know?
Oh, you poor dear.
175
00:07:43,698 --> 00:07:45,648
Your ovaries are squirting
so much goofy juice
176
00:07:45,662 --> 00:07:48,446
into your brains you don't
even know which way is up.
177
00:07:50,921 --> 00:07:55,567
You made an inappropriate sexual
advance towards Dr. Hofstadter.
178
00:07:55,658 --> 00:07:59,234
What? I didn't make
a sexual advance on anybody.
179
00:07:59,268 --> 00:08:01,682
Now, there's no need
to get defensive.
180
00:08:01,708 --> 00:08:04,039
I'm not unsympathetic
to your plight.
181
00:08:04,082 --> 00:08:07,287
My father used to say
that a woman
182
00:08:07,333 --> 00:08:12,653
is like an egg salad sandwich
on a warm Texas day.
183
00:08:14,337 --> 00:08:15,676
What?
184
00:08:15,944 --> 00:08:19,515
Full of eggs and only appealing
for a short time.
185
00:08:21,316 --> 00:08:23,511
This conversation is
making me uncomfortable.
186
00:08:23,530 --> 00:08:24,986
Yeah, you and me both, sister.
187
00:08:25,017 --> 00:08:26,730
Now,
188
00:08:27,709 --> 00:08:29,341
please understand...
189
00:08:29,369 --> 00:08:32,863
I don't hold you responsible
for your behavior
190
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:35,190
because, see, from an
evolutionary standpoint,
191
00:08:35,232 --> 00:08:38,045
you're a slave
to your desire to reproduce.
192
00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:39,821
But during the work day,
193
00:08:39,848 --> 00:08:43,966
when you feel possessed by
amorous intent, may I suggest
194
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,547
that you suppress it
by leafing through
195
00:08:46,576 --> 00:08:49,794
this illustrated book of
sexually transmitted diseases?
196
00:08:50,582 --> 00:08:52,690
Let's see here.
Oh, yes.
197
00:08:52,715 --> 00:08:55,130
Check out this oozy doozy.
198
00:08:57,726 --> 00:08:58,876
I have to go.
199
00:08:58,884 --> 00:09:00,217
So does this fellow,
200
00:09:00,237 --> 00:09:02,771
but he can't without it
burning like hot soup.
201
00:09:05,991 --> 00:09:08,192
(Leonard whistling)
202
00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:11,251
Hey, pretty lady.
203
00:09:12,153 --> 00:09:13,805
Oh, you seem extra happy.
204
00:09:13,837 --> 00:09:14,917
Uh, I guess I am.
205
00:09:14,975 --> 00:09:16,641
Any particular reason why?
206
00:09:16,675 --> 00:09:18,758
Mm, I don't know,
just having a good day.
207
00:09:18,848 --> 00:09:20,098
This morning Sheldon
fell asleep
208
00:09:20,106 --> 00:09:21,755
on the way to work, so I got
to listen to the radio--
209
00:09:21,786 --> 00:09:23,953
that was pretty crazy.
210
00:09:24,059 --> 00:09:26,140
Mm-hmm. Anything else?
211
00:09:26,163 --> 00:09:28,171
Mm. I found this quiz online
212
00:09:28,196 --> 00:09:29,660
called "Which Star Trek
Character Are You?"
213
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:32,447
and it only took me four tries
to get Captain Kirk.
214
00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:34,308
That's great.
215
00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:37,446
(imitating William Shatner):
Oh. It. Was.
216
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:40,742
Hmm. Well, I'm glad
you're having such a great day.
217
00:09:40,772 --> 00:09:41,448
Yeah.
218
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,754
And the one thing that could
make it even better
219
00:09:43,796 --> 00:09:45,984
is an evening
with my special girl.
220
00:09:46,125 --> 00:09:47,291
Oh, and who's that?
221
00:09:47,935 --> 00:09:49,029
What do you mean?
222
00:09:49,073 --> 00:09:51,708
Oh, I just didn't know
if you meant me or Alex.
223
00:09:51,979 --> 00:09:53,485
Um, why would I mean Alex?
224
00:09:53,518 --> 00:09:56,593
Because I know she hit on you
and I know you liked it!
225
00:09:57,192 --> 00:09:58,944
What...?
226
00:10:00,194 --> 00:10:03,580
Don't play dumb with me,
Ricardo Shilly-Shally!
227
00:10:09,698 --> 00:10:12,195
I'm missing something.
228
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:16,335
Did you say something
to Penny about Alex?
229
00:10:16,368 --> 00:10:19,938
Oh, yes. Yeah, and a fat lot
of good it did me.
230
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:22,675
All she did was get mad at you.
231
00:10:24,004 --> 00:10:25,712
Why would you do that?
232
00:10:25,852 --> 00:10:27,969
I needed advice about a woman.
233
00:10:27,996 --> 00:10:29,329
I would have asked you,
234
00:10:29,356 --> 00:10:31,494
but if the last few years
have proven anything,
235
00:10:31,510 --> 00:10:34,467
it's that you can't tell
a uterus from a unicycle.
236
00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,660
At least I know
not to blab to a girl
237
00:10:37,683 --> 00:10:40,023
about somebody flirting
with her boyfriend.
238
00:10:40,054 --> 00:10:41,454
(electronic tones sounding)
Good to know.
239
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,208
Yeah, a few more
helpful hints like that,
240
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:45,634
you may find yourself
on the Council of Ladies.
241
00:10:45,752 --> 00:10:47,244
Hello.
242
00:10:48,874 --> 00:10:50,074
I see.
243
00:10:50,740 --> 00:10:52,215
Uh, what time?
244
00:10:52,524 --> 00:10:54,293
Very well, then.
245
00:10:54,395 --> 00:10:55,337
Huh.
246
00:10:55,417 --> 00:10:58,703
That was the Human Resources
Department at the university.
247
00:10:58,921 --> 00:11:02,441
Apparently, my assistant Alex
has filed a complaint
248
00:11:02,532 --> 00:11:05,659
accusing me of inappropriate
behavior in the workplace.
249
00:11:05,713 --> 00:11:08,398
Oh, my God, what did you do?
250
00:11:08,975 --> 00:11:11,225
Hmm, let me think.
251
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:14,440
Nothing. I'm a delight.
252
00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:24,411
Human Resources Department.
253
00:11:24,439 --> 00:11:26,406
Human Resources Department.
254
00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:28,742
Human Resources Department.
255
00:11:29,152 --> 00:11:30,886
Come in.
256
00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:32,857
Hello.
257
00:11:32,895 --> 00:11:35,033
Ah, Dr. Cooper, have a seat.
258
00:11:35,081 --> 00:11:35,927
Thank you.
259
00:11:36,190 --> 00:11:38,690
I called you in today
because your assistant
260
00:11:38,709 --> 00:11:41,187
Alex Jensen has lodged
a complaint against you.
261
00:11:41,238 --> 00:11:43,721
So I've been told.
But I can't understand
262
00:11:43,752 --> 00:11:45,501
what she has to complain about.
263
00:11:45,564 --> 00:11:49,132
I mean, she has a front-row seat
as I make scientific history.
264
00:11:49,177 --> 00:11:50,796
There's string cheese
265
00:11:50,839 --> 00:11:53,007
in my mini-fridge,
and that's for anyone.
266
00:11:53,809 --> 00:11:55,258
Yeah, and just yesterday
267
00:11:55,285 --> 00:11:58,737
I led her away from a life
of sexual promiscuity
268
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:02,719
by making her look at pictures
of disease-ridden genitalia.
269
00:12:08,641 --> 00:12:10,759
Cancel my next appointment.
270
00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:13,243
This is gonna take a while.
271
00:12:13,540 --> 00:12:14,640
Dr. Cooper,
272
00:12:14,657 --> 00:12:16,222
you said things to your employee
273
00:12:16,255 --> 00:12:18,538
that you just cannot say
in the workplace.
274
00:12:18,928 --> 00:12:20,284
Like what?
275
00:12:20,482 --> 00:12:22,494
Well, according
to Ms. Jensen,
276
00:12:22,518 --> 00:12:26,102
you said that she was a slave
to her biological urges
277
00:12:26,126 --> 00:12:29,895
and called her
an "egg salad sandwich."
278
00:12:32,677 --> 00:12:34,460
I don't even know
what that means,
279
00:12:34,482 --> 00:12:37,700
but I'm gonna go ahead
and tell you you can't say it.
280
00:12:38,561 --> 00:12:41,555
Oh! I see the confusion here.
281
00:12:41,613 --> 00:12:44,781
No, no, Alex thought
I was singling her out. No.
282
00:12:44,821 --> 00:12:46,774
I meant that all women
283
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:49,193
are slaves to their
biological urges,
284
00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:49,874
you know?
285
00:12:49,913 --> 00:12:51,613
Even you.
286
00:12:53,530 --> 00:12:55,746
You're a slave.
287
00:12:59,314 --> 00:13:01,416
I'm a what?
288
00:13:01,875 --> 00:13:03,678
Well, y-you...
I-I'm just saying,
289
00:13:03,709 --> 00:13:06,172
you know, at a certain point
in a woman's menstrual cycle...
290
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,086
Whuh-ah!
291
00:13:08,190 --> 00:13:10,273
You can't talk about that,
either, Dr. Cooper.
292
00:13:10,293 --> 00:13:11,974
Your language is entirely
293
00:13:12,005 --> 00:13:13,554
inappropriate,
and I'm gonna advise
294
00:13:13,595 --> 00:13:15,137
that you shut your mouth
right now.
295
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:18,457
I d... I don't see why I'm
the one being persecuted here.
296
00:13:18,485 --> 00:13:22,443
Dr. Hofstadter-- he was bragging
about his sexual desirability
297
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:23,756
to anyone who would listen.
298
00:13:23,772 --> 00:13:25,605
You know, and
Howard Wolowitz--
299
00:13:25,636 --> 00:13:28,519
he spent two years
using university resources
300
00:13:28,544 --> 00:13:30,853
building a six-breasted
sex robot.
301
00:13:31,251 --> 00:13:33,494
Oh, and at the office
Christmas party,
302
00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:36,543
I heard Rajesh Koothrappali
refer to you several times
303
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:38,774
as "Brown Sugar."
304
00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:42,634
Hofstadter...
305
00:13:42,801 --> 00:13:43,768
Wolowitz...
306
00:13:43,787 --> 00:13:46,287
and the last one was
Rajesh Koothrappali?
307
00:13:46,336 --> 00:13:47,412
Yes.
308
00:13:47,437 --> 00:13:50,055
No, yeah, but in his defense,
that wasn't racist.
309
00:13:50,092 --> 00:13:51,927
He's also brown.
310
00:13:56,048 --> 00:13:58,150
(knocking)
311
00:13:58,802 --> 00:14:03,521
(to "Mary Had a Little Lamb"):
♪ I'm... sorry Alex hit on me ♪
312
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:04,796
♪ Hit on me
313
00:14:04,830 --> 00:14:08,114
♪ Hit on me...
314
00:14:08,166 --> 00:14:09,549
♪ Sorry Alex
315
00:14:09,576 --> 00:14:12,827
♪ Hit on me,
I'd no idea I'm cute. ♪
316
00:14:12,841 --> 00:14:15,542
(plucks closing chord)
317
00:14:17,435 --> 00:14:19,216
Oh, damn it, you are.
318
00:14:19,909 --> 00:14:21,304
Please forgive me.
319
00:14:21,335 --> 00:14:23,248
I should have told
you about Alex.
320
00:14:23,299 --> 00:14:24,841
I don't care about Alex.
321
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,381
Fine, I care.
322
00:14:26,435 --> 00:14:28,468
Okay, I hate that bitch.
323
00:14:29,263 --> 00:14:31,538
But what really hurt is that
you liked it so much.
324
00:14:31,563 --> 00:14:33,194
I mean, do I need
to be worried?
325
00:14:33,224 --> 00:14:35,841
- Of course not. No. Why?
- Because...
326
00:14:35,871 --> 00:14:38,430
she is pretty and smart,
and when you talk about work,
327
00:14:38,455 --> 00:14:40,512
she doesn't have to go home
and look up words in the dictionary
328
00:14:40,543 --> 00:14:41,975
to understand what you said.
329
00:14:42,817 --> 00:14:44,689
- You do that?
- No.
330
00:14:47,206 --> 00:14:49,606
Hang on.
Are you feeling insecure?
331
00:14:49,631 --> 00:14:51,042
Because that's my thing, and if
332
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:54,623
you take it away, I don't know
what I'm bringing to this relationship.
333
00:14:54,863 --> 00:14:56,796
Yes, Leonard, I am insecure.
334
00:14:57,053 --> 00:14:58,446
- Happy?
- No,
335
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,781
I'm not happy.
336
00:15:05,115 --> 00:15:07,524
- Why are you smiling?
- I'm sorry.
337
00:15:07,555 --> 00:15:10,023
I just never think of you
having feelings like that.
338
00:15:10,054 --> 00:15:11,645
- Well, I do.
- Why?
339
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:14,746
Nothing is ever going to
happen between me and Alex.
340
00:15:15,559 --> 00:15:16,947
Good.
341
00:15:17,123 --> 00:15:19,374
(chuckles):
Come here.
342
00:15:21,905 --> 00:15:23,274
I'll tell you a secret?
343
00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:25,985
- What's that?
- With all these women chasing me,
344
00:15:26,010 --> 00:15:29,011
I kind of do feel
like Captain Kirk. (laughs)
345
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:31,153
- Can I tell you a secret?
- Sure.
346
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:35,363
Keep talking about Captain Kirk,
and we're all gonna stop.
347
00:15:35,787 --> 00:15:38,204
(like William Shatner):
Message... received.
348
00:15:42,259 --> 00:15:44,511
(phone ringing)
Ah, excuse me.
349
00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:47,364
Hello.
350
00:15:47,766 --> 00:15:49,877
This is Dr. Hofstadter.
351
00:15:50,322 --> 00:15:52,188
Okay.
352
00:15:53,843 --> 00:15:55,810
All right, thank you.
353
00:15:56,279 --> 00:15:57,474
That's weird.
354
00:15:57,526 --> 00:16:00,561
I'm getting called in
to Human Resources.
355
00:16:01,771 --> 00:16:03,321
What did you do?
356
00:16:03,354 --> 00:16:05,235
I don't know.
357
00:16:06,010 --> 00:16:09,845
Huh. I just got called
in to Human Resources.
358
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:11,870
Why?
359
00:16:11,923 --> 00:16:13,769
I don't know.
(nervous laugh)
360
00:16:13,793 --> 00:16:16,110
Huh. That is so strange.
361
00:16:16,496 --> 00:16:18,597
Human Resources wants
to talk to me tomorrow.
362
00:16:18,630 --> 00:16:20,123
Could you stop licking
your ass for two minutes?
363
00:16:20,154 --> 00:16:21,936
I have a problem here.
364
00:16:32,770 --> 00:16:35,421
Do you really think you
should be drinking right now?
365
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:39,629
How else am I supposed to talk
to the Human Resources lady?
366
00:16:39,753 --> 00:16:42,237
I don't know.
Seek professional help?
367
00:16:42,263 --> 00:16:44,117
I did. The guy at
the liquor store said
368
00:16:44,142 --> 00:16:47,393
this stuff tastes
great in coffee.
369
00:16:48,831 --> 00:16:50,356
Wait, you got called in, too?
370
00:16:50,387 --> 00:16:51,555
What is going on?
371
00:16:51,589 --> 00:16:53,295
Sheldon threw us
all under the bus.
372
00:16:53,326 --> 00:16:54,027
Oh.
373
00:16:54,052 --> 00:16:56,374
I feel like I've been called
down to the principal's office.
374
00:16:56,527 --> 00:16:59,445
Although I wouldn't mind
if Brown Sugar suspended me.
375
00:17:01,699 --> 00:17:03,984
From a sex swing!
376
00:17:04,819 --> 00:17:07,404
This may have been a mistake.
377
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,953
Relax. Everything's
gonna be fine.
378
00:17:10,991 --> 00:17:12,103
You know, before
I met Bernadette
379
00:17:12,127 --> 00:17:14,278
I was in here every other day.
380
00:17:15,260 --> 00:17:16,316
Uh, little tip:
381
00:17:16,337 --> 00:17:20,289
turn off your "I Like Big Butts"
ringtone before you go in.
382
00:17:21,630 --> 00:17:23,507
Well, this is all your fault.
383
00:17:23,555 --> 00:17:24,885
- How is this my fault?
- If you weren't
384
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:26,264
screwing around
with Sheldon's assistant,
385
00:17:26,282 --> 00:17:28,951
none of this would be happening.
- I wasn't screwing around with anyone.
386
00:17:28,975 --> 00:17:30,173
Oh, of course not.
387
00:17:30,198 --> 00:17:31,763
She was just sniffing
around your goods
388
00:17:31,793 --> 00:17:34,377
because she was hunting
for truffles.
389
00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:38,421
Ah, Mr. Wolowitz,
it's been a while.
390
00:17:38,449 --> 00:17:39,870
Hey, Janine.
391
00:17:39,965 --> 00:17:42,089
(chuckles)
How are Tom and the kids?
392
00:17:42,384 --> 00:17:43,553
Fine.
393
00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:45,394
You must be
Dr. Hofstadter.
394
00:17:45,428 --> 00:17:48,244
Yes, but I think this is all
a big misunderstanding.
395
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:49,194
Yeah, yeah, me, too.
396
00:17:49,212 --> 00:17:50,768
I didn't do anything.
397
00:17:50,848 --> 00:17:52,521
Is that alcohol on your breath?
398
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:56,041
Howard built a sex robot.
399
00:17:59,284 --> 00:18:00,617
That is not true.
400
00:18:00,625 --> 00:18:02,467
All I did was build a robot.
401
00:18:02,517 --> 00:18:04,133
Did it have six breasts?
402
00:18:04,329 --> 00:18:06,429
I'm sorry,
I'm a feminist--
403
00:18:06,449 --> 00:18:08,319
(chuckles) I don't
notice things like
404
00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:11,447
how many breasts a robot has.
405
00:18:12,523 --> 00:18:13,804
Well, hello.
406
00:18:13,889 --> 00:18:16,039
- What are you doing here?
- Actually, I came
407
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,519
to speak to Mrs. Davis.
And I'm a little busy right now.
408
00:18:18,561 --> 00:18:20,517
But I came to file a complaint.
409
00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:24,022
Yeah, somebody has made me feel
uncomfortable in the workplace
410
00:18:24,050 --> 00:18:27,238
by using language of an
inappropriate and sexual nature.
411
00:18:27,319 --> 00:18:28,244
And who was that?
412
00:18:28,262 --> 00:18:30,015
You, you dirty birdie.
413
00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:34,370
I-I thought about the things
you said to me yesterday,
414
00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:36,156
and I realized
I'm deeply offended.
415
00:18:36,244 --> 00:18:39,406
Now, be a dear and get me
one of those complaint forms.
416
00:18:39,525 --> 00:18:40,181
That's it.
417
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:42,840
All of you, in my office now!
418
00:18:46,563 --> 00:18:48,306
And thanks to you, I
know better than to ask
419
00:18:48,330 --> 00:18:50,038
if you're menstruating.
420
00:18:53,351 --> 00:18:56,083
And based on your behavior,
I don't have to.
421
00:18:58,848 --> 00:19:02,266
It has been pointed out to me that...
422
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,719
some of the things I said to you
423
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,695
could be construed as...
offensive,
424
00:19:07,912 --> 00:19:09,710
and I would like
425
00:19:09,741 --> 00:19:12,951
to offer you
my sincerest apology.
426
00:19:13,109 --> 00:19:14,890
- Thank you, Dr. Cooper.
- Yeah,
427
00:19:14,927 --> 00:19:17,377
additionally, you should know
that the university
428
00:19:17,399 --> 00:19:19,230
has mandated that I take
429
00:19:19,261 --> 00:19:22,346
an online
sexual harassment seminar
430
00:19:22,407 --> 00:19:25,508
so this sort of thing
doesn't happen in the future.
431
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:27,054
- Okay.
- Yeah. Now,
432
00:19:27,079 --> 00:19:31,232
unfortunately, uh,
my time is much too valuable
433
00:19:31,274 --> 00:19:33,823
to waste on nonsense like this,
434
00:19:33,844 --> 00:19:38,046
so... um, I'm gonna need you
to take it for me.
435
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,403
Oh, and, uh,
you'd better ace it--
436
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,648
they're pretty mad.
437
00:19:50,511 --> 00:19:52,551
So, hey, I was thinking
about that stuff with Alex.
438
00:19:52,571 --> 00:19:54,454
Oh, would you stop
worrying about that?
439
00:19:54,487 --> 00:19:55,958
I can't help it.
But, look, I figured
440
00:19:55,976 --> 00:19:57,846
I could sit around
and feel insecure,
441
00:19:57,874 --> 00:19:59,743
or I could do
something about it.
442
00:19:59,956 --> 00:20:01,255
So I got a course catalog
443
00:20:01,289 --> 00:20:03,786
at school and looked
at some of the science classes.
444
00:20:03,929 --> 00:20:04,792
That's great.
445
00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:06,528
No, it isn't--
they are extremely boring.
446
00:20:06,559 --> 00:20:09,310
I mean, how do you not
kill yourself, like, every day?
447
00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:12,195
Anyway, I decided
448
00:20:12,233 --> 00:20:15,061
I don't need to be a scientist,
I could just look like one.
449
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,409
So I bought these.
450
00:20:17,919 --> 00:20:18,903
- Glasses?
- Mm-hmm.
451
00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:19,897
I really don't think
452
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:21,480
that's gonna change--
oh, my God,
453
00:20:21,517 --> 00:20:23,917
you look so smart and hot!
454
00:20:24,176 --> 00:20:26,611
I know, right?
Watch this.
455
00:20:32,074 --> 00:20:33,920
Molecules.
456
00:20:36,031 --> 00:20:38,002
- Okay, come with me.
- Where are we going?
457
00:20:38,027 --> 00:20:39,663
To my bedroom,
so I can take everything off
458
00:20:39,688 --> 00:20:41,238
but those glasses...
459
00:20:42,113 --> 00:20:43,335
and maybe the boots.
460
00:20:43,378 --> 00:20:48,378
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther