1
00:00:11,427 --> 00:00:13,261
(exclaiming)
2
00:00:17,666 --> 00:00:19,617
(school bell ringing)
3
00:00:22,338 --> 00:00:23,404
(Barney belches)
4
00:00:23,439 --> 00:00:25,406
(whistle blows)
5
00:00:25,441 --> 00:00:27,442
(yells)
6
00:00:31,597 --> 00:00:32,864
(beeping)
7
00:00:38,087 --> 00:00:40,188
(playing the blues)
8
00:00:41,223 --> 00:00:44,459
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:45,694
(tires screeching)
10
00:00:47,763 --> 00:00:49,263
D'oh!
11
00:00:49,289 --> 00:00:50,472
(tires screeching)
12
00:00:50,506 --> 00:00:52,190
(grunts)
13
00:00:56,729 --> 00:00:58,530
(humming)
14
00:00:58,555 --> 00:01:02,555
♪ The Simpsons 24x09 ♪
Homer Goes to Prep School
Original Air Date on January 6, 2013
15
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:07,360
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
16
00:01:07,374 --> 00:01:10,009
Learn Zone? Mom, you said
we were going someplace fun.
17
00:01:10,951 --> 00:01:12,430
Yeah, Mom,
you promised!
18
00:01:12,475 --> 00:01:14,822
Homer, I told you,
don't call me "Mom."
19
00:01:14,922 --> 00:01:16,589
Sorry, Mrs. Simpson.
20
00:01:16,624 --> 00:01:18,191
(groans)
21
00:01:20,261 --> 00:01:21,945
(laughter)
22
00:01:21,979 --> 00:01:23,546
(excited vocalizing)
23
00:01:23,581 --> 00:01:25,248
(whirring, children cheering)
24
00:01:25,282 --> 00:01:26,449
Ooh!
25
00:01:26,484 --> 00:01:28,051
This isn't
a learn zone.
26
00:01:28,085 --> 00:01:29,469
Darn it,
it's a fun place!
27
00:01:29,503 --> 00:01:30,987
Yay!
(whoops) Yay!
28
00:01:31,022 --> 00:01:32,322
(laughter)
29
00:01:34,191 --> 00:01:36,993
For maximum safety,
all children must wear
30
00:01:37,028 --> 00:01:38,978
anti-kidnapping bracelets.
31
00:01:39,013 --> 00:01:40,196
(laughs)
32
00:01:40,231 --> 00:01:42,999
Is this a kid
you'd pay ransom for?
33
00:01:43,034 --> 00:01:45,268
Dad, what would you do
if you got my ear in the mail?
34
00:01:45,302 --> 00:01:46,770
I don't know.
Feed it to the dog?
35
00:01:46,804 --> 00:01:47,971
You'd have
to wrap cheese around it.
36
00:01:48,005 --> 00:01:50,407
Don't you tell me
how to feed you to the dog!
37
00:01:51,675 --> 00:01:53,143
(laughter)
38
00:01:54,345 --> 00:01:55,795
(snoring)
39
00:01:56,997 --> 00:01:59,466
(whooping and laughter)
40
00:02:01,235 --> 00:02:02,802
Whoa!
(screaming)
41
00:02:02,837 --> 00:02:04,487
Where do they go?
42
00:02:04,505 --> 00:02:05,522
Whoa!
43
00:02:07,508 --> 00:02:09,309
FEMALE ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to the Mormon Church,
44
00:02:09,343 --> 00:02:11,344
America's most respectable cult.
45
00:02:11,379 --> 00:02:12,512
(whooping and laughing)
46
00:02:12,546 --> 00:02:13,913
Keep an eye on
the kids, Homer.
47
00:02:13,948 --> 00:02:15,915
Can I keep an eye
on that kid?
48
00:02:17,568 --> 00:02:18,868
He's fabulous.
49
00:02:18,903 --> 00:02:20,220
Bart and Lisa.
50
00:02:20,254 --> 00:02:22,989
Oh! It's always my kids.
51
00:02:23,023 --> 00:02:24,707
Yay!
(laughing)
52
00:02:25,843 --> 00:02:27,143
Where'd they go?
53
00:02:27,177 --> 00:02:28,812
Oh. Hmm.
54
00:02:28,846 --> 00:02:31,481
Almost.
55
00:02:32,049 --> 00:02:34,184
Holy moley.
56
00:02:34,218 --> 00:02:35,985
What the...?!
57
00:02:37,521 --> 00:02:38,872
Oh, it's hopeless!
58
00:02:38,906 --> 00:02:40,106
What's hopeless?
59
00:02:40,141 --> 00:02:41,841
Who the hell are you?
60
00:02:42,743 --> 00:02:44,494
(laughter and cheering)
61
00:02:44,528 --> 00:02:45,979
Dad, come up, come up!
Pretty, pretty please!
62
00:02:46,013 --> 00:02:47,347
Absolutely not!
63
00:02:47,381 --> 00:02:49,349
My adult frame
is simply too large.
64
00:02:49,383 --> 00:02:50,850
Come on, Dad!
No! Never!
65
00:02:50,885 --> 00:02:52,719
Come on, Dad!
Fine.
66
00:02:52,753 --> 00:02:54,721
Here I come.
(grunting)
67
00:02:54,755 --> 00:02:56,306
Crawling.
68
00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:58,324
So... painful.
69
00:02:58,359 --> 00:02:59,592
(grunting)
70
00:02:59,643 --> 00:03:00,894
Duck walk.
71
00:03:00,928 --> 00:03:03,379
Infinitely worse. Ooh!
72
00:03:03,397 --> 00:03:05,014
(grunting)
73
00:03:05,049 --> 00:03:06,166
(panting)
74
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,201
Only wanted...
to be fun.
75
00:03:08,235 --> 00:03:09,469
Shh, shh, shh.
76
00:03:09,503 --> 00:03:11,921
Soon you'll know peace.
77
00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:18,328
(panting)
78
00:03:18,362 --> 00:03:19,679
I made it, kids!
79
00:03:19,713 --> 00:03:23,516
I am king
of Learnington Castle!
80
00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:25,685
(laughing)
We tricked you.
81
00:03:25,719 --> 00:03:27,253
Eat Nerf, Homeboy!
82
00:03:27,288 --> 00:03:31,274
Real... mature...!
83
00:03:31,308 --> 00:03:32,575
(grunts)
84
00:03:32,610 --> 00:03:34,377
Yay! (laughing)
85
00:03:34,411 --> 00:03:37,647
Ralphie!
(Homer grunting)
86
00:03:38,649 --> 00:03:40,717
Huh? Hmm.
87
00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:42,368
What cool kid
thing's in here?
88
00:03:42,403 --> 00:03:44,687
No kids. That's what's cool.
89
00:03:44,722 --> 00:03:47,774
(humming)
90
00:03:49,276 --> 00:03:51,461
I have a phone.
It's very tiny.
91
00:03:51,495 --> 00:03:53,730
Ain't no shame
in being poor, boy.
92
00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:56,633
What's pitiful is
if you is ignorant.
93
00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:59,736
Is these mice pillows here
for the taking?
94
00:03:59,770 --> 00:04:01,037
I hate working here.
95
00:04:01,071 --> 00:04:02,539
At least at Krustyburger,
96
00:04:02,573 --> 00:04:04,724
you could burn yourself
and go home.
97
00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:07,227
(siren blaring)
98
00:04:07,261 --> 00:04:09,362
MALE VOICE:
Unauthorized child departure.
99
00:04:09,396 --> 00:04:10,563
Lockdown mode initiated.
100
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,732
(gasping)
101
00:04:14,818 --> 00:04:16,653
(yelling)
102
00:04:16,687 --> 00:04:18,705
Another stupid kid got out.
103
00:04:18,739 --> 00:04:20,773
I can't tell the manager.
104
00:04:20,808 --> 00:04:23,076
I am the manager. Duh!
105
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:25,261
We're locked in!
106
00:04:25,296 --> 00:04:26,930
(whirring)
107
00:04:26,964 --> 00:04:29,782
These lasers are nothing more
than colored lights!
108
00:04:29,817 --> 00:04:31,985
Calm down, everyone.
Calm down.
109
00:04:32,019 --> 00:04:34,153
I'm sure they'll have us
out of here soon.
110
00:04:34,188 --> 00:04:36,055
Until then, why don't we bond
111
00:04:36,090 --> 00:04:37,957
by sharing
our childbirth experiences.
112
00:04:37,992 --> 00:04:40,326
The nurses
were so great.
113
00:04:40,361 --> 00:04:42,896
My husband held
my hand the whole time.
114
00:04:42,930 --> 00:04:45,615
See? All you need
to get through a crisis
115
00:04:45,649 --> 00:04:47,517
is a little
friendly conversation.
116
00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:50,153
Bet you the dads
are doing the same thing.
117
00:04:50,187 --> 00:04:52,188
(clamoring)
118
00:04:54,408 --> 00:04:56,259
The sneeze guard is broken!
119
00:04:56,293 --> 00:04:58,261
There is no law!
120
00:04:58,295 --> 00:05:00,663
Oh, I just came here
to pick up my daughter.
121
00:05:00,698 --> 00:05:02,649
But now I'm gonna
kill you all!
122
00:05:02,683 --> 00:05:04,350
(laughing maniacally)
123
00:05:04,385 --> 00:05:05,985
Don't forget your
jacket, sweetie.
124
00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:07,804
(laughing maniacally)
125
00:05:10,457 --> 00:05:12,025
Get out of
there, you!
126
00:05:12,059 --> 00:05:13,509
Never!
127
00:05:13,544 --> 00:05:14,994
(screaming)
128
00:05:15,029 --> 00:05:17,413
Mmm. Butter.
129
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:23,500
(clamoring)
130
00:05:23,535 --> 00:05:26,670
(humming)
131
00:05:26,705 --> 00:05:28,172
Round and round.
132
00:05:28,206 --> 00:05:29,807
Round and round.
133
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:33,561
Freedom!
134
00:05:33,595 --> 00:05:35,579
(grunts)
135
00:05:35,614 --> 00:05:36,931
MAN: Let's get out of
here! Come on!
136
00:05:36,965 --> 00:05:38,666
(loud chatter)
137
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:41,068
(hooting)
138
00:05:41,102 --> 00:05:43,120
Apes. Deep down,
we're all savage apes.
139
00:05:43,154 --> 00:05:45,055
Leave your body, Homer.
140
00:05:47,492 --> 00:05:49,693
What the hell was that?
141
00:05:49,728 --> 00:05:51,262
(barking)
142
00:05:51,296 --> 00:05:53,764
You've been through
a traumatic experience.
143
00:05:53,798 --> 00:05:56,300
Are you sure you want
to go to work today?
144
00:05:56,334 --> 00:05:57,902
Well, I've taken
eight months off.
145
00:05:57,936 --> 00:06:00,838
It's time to get
back on the horse.
146
00:06:02,874 --> 00:06:04,708
(baby cooing)
147
00:06:04,743 --> 00:06:06,010
(chittering)
148
00:06:06,044 --> 00:06:08,279
Ho, ho, ho.
(electrical buzzing)
149
00:06:08,313 --> 00:06:10,748
Ho, ho, ho.
150
00:06:10,782 --> 00:06:13,901
Hey, neighbor, your welcome
mat's looking a little dusty.
151
00:06:13,935 --> 00:06:16,086
Mind if I come over
and sweeten your greetin'.
152
00:06:16,121 --> 00:06:17,721
Sweeten your greetin'!
153
00:06:17,756 --> 00:06:19,523
BOTH:
Sweeten your greetin'.
154
00:06:19,557 --> 00:06:21,392
ALL:
Three Neds are better than one!
155
00:06:21,426 --> 00:06:22,409
(shrieks)
156
00:06:22,444 --> 00:06:24,878
(panting)
157
00:06:25,947 --> 00:06:28,882
(grunting)
158
00:06:28,917 --> 00:06:31,318
I hate to be a nag,
but this is my real head.
159
00:06:31,353 --> 00:06:33,354
(loud grunt)
160
00:06:36,558 --> 00:06:40,394
I guess, despite all
our so-called civilization,
161
00:06:40,428 --> 00:06:42,529
anarchy lurks
around every corner,
162
00:06:42,564 --> 00:06:44,632
like a racially-diverse
street gang
163
00:06:44,666 --> 00:06:46,667
on a network cop show.
164
00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:50,871
My friend, you just experienced
W.R.O.L. firsthand.
165
00:06:50,905 --> 00:06:52,673
Hey, hey, read the sign, pal,
no acronyms.
166
00:06:52,707 --> 00:06:53,974
You see?
167
00:06:54,009 --> 00:06:56,176
And that goes
for the rest of youse, too!
168
00:06:56,211 --> 00:06:57,378
Okay, okay.
169
00:06:57,412 --> 00:06:59,980
Hey, in this bar,
we say "Old Kinderhook!"
170
00:07:00,015 --> 00:07:01,882
What's W.R.O.L.?
171
00:07:01,916 --> 00:07:03,817
It means "Without
the Rule of Law."
172
00:07:03,852 --> 00:07:07,287
Anarchy. The end
of civilization.
173
00:07:07,322 --> 00:07:09,823
Coming soon
to an America near you.
174
00:07:09,858 --> 00:07:11,425
America can't collapse!
175
00:07:11,459 --> 00:07:13,861
We're as powerful
as ancient Rome!
176
00:07:13,895 --> 00:07:16,497
Ah, take a
look at this.
177
00:07:16,531 --> 00:07:17,881
NARRATOR:
The modern world--
178
00:07:17,916 --> 00:07:20,351
an inexorable march
of progress.
179
00:07:20,385 --> 00:07:21,518
Sweet.
180
00:07:21,553 --> 00:07:22,686
Or is it?
181
00:07:22,721 --> 00:07:23,988
(screams)
182
00:07:24,022 --> 00:07:25,456
We're slaves to the system.
183
00:07:25,490 --> 00:07:27,925
Close the supermarket,
and we starve.
184
00:07:27,959 --> 00:07:30,527
Cut off the tap,
we drink our cat's blood.
185
00:07:30,562 --> 00:07:32,780
(dramatic music playing)
186
00:07:39,204 --> 00:07:42,489
NARRATOR: Who will survive
in this new world?
187
00:07:42,524 --> 00:07:46,393
The man who is prepared.
188
00:07:55,603 --> 00:07:57,204
(upbeat tune plays)
189
00:07:57,238 --> 00:07:58,572
Oh, my God!
190
00:07:58,606 --> 00:08:00,407
This unsourced,
undated video
191
00:08:00,442 --> 00:08:02,242
has convinced me
beyond any doubt!
192
00:08:02,277 --> 00:08:06,180
And I'm the guy you want to know
when the stuff hits the fan.
193
00:08:06,214 --> 00:08:08,282
Hey, man, no need
to almost swear.
194
00:08:08,316 --> 00:08:10,317
Come with me.
195
00:08:11,319 --> 00:08:12,886
Well, Homer's gone.
196
00:08:12,921 --> 00:08:16,090
Let's all go into our suspended
state till he gets back.
197
00:08:21,930 --> 00:08:25,799
Homer, meet
the Springfield Preppers.
198
00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:28,402
Preppies? Oh, I hate you guys!
199
00:08:28,436 --> 00:08:31,338
Always partying on deck
with your Docksiders
200
00:08:31,372 --> 00:08:34,074
while us townies
are scrubbing the bilge!
201
00:08:34,109 --> 00:08:35,743
Not preppies. Preppers.
202
00:08:35,777 --> 00:08:38,078
But I like your hatred.
203
00:08:38,113 --> 00:08:39,546
It's based on nothing.
204
00:08:39,581 --> 00:08:41,048
That's super.
205
00:08:41,082 --> 00:08:44,718
Now, Homer, what would you do
in the case of an E.M.P.?
206
00:08:46,020 --> 00:08:48,889
Electromagnetic pulse.
207
00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:51,525
A burst of radiation
208
00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:53,894
that knocks out every electrical
system in the country.
209
00:08:53,928 --> 00:08:55,229
I'd slash my wrists.
210
00:08:55,263 --> 00:08:57,197
But how,
without my electric knife?!
211
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:59,716
There is an alternative
to suicide.
212
00:08:59,751 --> 00:09:01,618
Mm. I can't conceive of any.
213
00:09:01,653 --> 00:09:04,988
We can teach you the skills
you need to survive any crisis.
214
00:09:05,023 --> 00:09:05,923
Ooh.
215
00:09:05,957 --> 00:09:07,157
All we ask is
216
00:09:07,192 --> 00:09:08,926
that you keep
your prepping secret.
217
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,829
We won't have room
for all the unprepared.
218
00:09:11,863 --> 00:09:15,299
Don't worry. I'm very good
at keeping secrets.
219
00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:17,301
"Impending doom."
220
00:09:17,335 --> 00:09:18,469
What you reading, Dad?
221
00:09:18,503 --> 00:09:19,636
(screams)
222
00:09:19,671 --> 00:09:21,004
Honey, everything's fine.
223
00:09:21,039 --> 00:09:22,773
There's nothing to worry about.
224
00:09:22,807 --> 00:09:24,374
When grown-ups say that,
225
00:09:24,409 --> 00:09:26,643
it means there is something
to worry about.
226
00:09:26,678 --> 00:09:28,378
Just go play your saxophone.
227
00:09:28,413 --> 00:09:29,847
While you can.
228
00:09:29,881 --> 00:09:30,914
What does that mean?
229
00:09:30,949 --> 00:09:33,016
Secrets? I have no secrets!
230
00:09:33,051 --> 00:09:34,885
Just enjoy this golden time
231
00:09:34,919 --> 00:09:37,688
you will soon cling desperately
to the memory of.
232
00:09:37,722 --> 00:09:40,023
Smell some bread!
233
00:09:41,059 --> 00:09:43,026
When things go south,
234
00:09:43,061 --> 00:09:47,030
the sheeple will clean out
every supermarket in town.
235
00:09:47,065 --> 00:09:48,432
Typical sheeple.
236
00:09:48,466 --> 00:09:52,152
Uh... are you eating my grain?
237
00:09:52,187 --> 00:09:53,954
Maybe.
238
00:09:53,988 --> 00:09:56,523
That was a five-pound bag!
239
00:09:56,558 --> 00:09:58,225
Yeah, but I'll go
home, weigh myself,
240
00:09:58,259 --> 00:10:00,160
and I'll have
gained six pounds.
241
00:10:00,195 --> 00:10:01,361
What's that about?
242
00:10:01,396 --> 00:10:03,163
♪ Prep, prep, prep.
243
00:10:03,198 --> 00:10:04,464
(humming)
244
00:10:04,499 --> 00:10:06,633
Hey, Dad, are we
going camping?
245
00:10:06,668 --> 00:10:09,536
I guess an open garage
isn't the best hiding place.
246
00:10:09,571 --> 00:10:11,538
What's up? Going
crazy again?
247
00:10:11,573 --> 00:10:13,240
(scoffs)
I wish.
248
00:10:13,274 --> 00:10:15,509
Son, the best way
to explain this is
249
00:10:15,543 --> 00:10:18,645
to show you
some age-inappropriate movies.
250
00:10:24,986 --> 00:10:27,154
So, what have you
learned so far
251
00:10:27,188 --> 00:10:30,090
from our post-apocalyptic
movie marathon?
252
00:10:30,124 --> 00:10:33,327
Guys who call themselves
Preacher or Deacon are very bad.
253
00:10:33,361 --> 00:10:35,929
Water is money,
unless gasoline is money.
254
00:10:35,964 --> 00:10:38,131
And even though lots of things
are razor-sharp,
255
00:10:38,166 --> 00:10:39,366
no one ever shaves.
256
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,668
Hollywood has
taught you well, my son.
257
00:10:41,703 --> 00:10:44,371
Now let's push play.
258
00:10:46,691 --> 00:10:49,259
Now the Ice Bishop
of Beverly Hills
259
00:10:49,294 --> 00:10:53,197
will teach you
the true meaning of cold!
260
00:10:53,231 --> 00:10:55,249
(laughing maniacally)
261
00:10:57,252 --> 00:11:00,020
I have come from a place
where the land is warm,
262
00:11:00,054 --> 00:11:04,157
and the only ice is made
by machines called...
263
00:11:04,192 --> 00:11:06,627
fridge-ra-torrs.
264
00:11:06,661 --> 00:11:10,764
ALL (chanting): Fridge-ra-torrs!
Fridge-ra-torrs!
265
00:11:10,798 --> 00:11:12,432
Fridge-ra-torrs!
266
00:11:12,467 --> 00:11:14,301
Aren't they just
saying "refrigerator"?
267
00:11:14,335 --> 00:11:17,804
Do not question
the wisdom of Tom Skerritt.
268
00:11:18,740 --> 00:11:20,140
Here it is, Homer.
269
00:11:20,174 --> 00:11:22,542
The Springfield Preppers'
top secret Bug-Out Retreat.
270
00:11:22,577 --> 00:11:24,695
Wow! Your end
of the world
271
00:11:24,729 --> 00:11:27,197
is better than my
during the world.
272
00:11:27,232 --> 00:11:29,349
Homer, we all know
America's collapse
273
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,184
is about three months away.
274
00:11:31,219 --> 00:11:33,186
Six weeks
at most.
275
00:11:33,221 --> 00:11:34,688
There's always one alarmist.
276
00:11:34,722 --> 00:11:36,623
Anyway, when
the Four Horsemen ride,
277
00:11:36,658 --> 00:11:39,426
we want you and your collaterals
right here with us.
278
00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:40,494
Aw.
279
00:11:40,528 --> 00:11:42,696
Uh, listen, I've got to know--
280
00:11:42,730 --> 00:11:44,564
you're not just being nice to me
281
00:11:44,599 --> 00:11:47,434
because in a pinch you could
make candles from my fat?
282
00:11:47,468 --> 00:11:48,802
Well, that is a big part of it.
283
00:11:48,836 --> 00:11:50,971
It's okay.
I know what I am.
284
00:11:53,141 --> 00:11:54,441
MARGE:
Hmm?
285
00:11:54,475 --> 00:11:56,843
I can't find
all our cereal crackers,
286
00:11:56,878 --> 00:11:59,446
juice boxes,
the butter brush...
287
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:03,450
Um... a lot of that stuff
must've got lost in the move.
288
00:12:03,484 --> 00:12:05,218
What move?
We haven't moved.
289
00:12:05,253 --> 00:12:06,887
What's going on?
290
00:12:06,921 --> 00:12:10,724
Oh! I want to tell you, but I
promised to keep it a secret.
291
00:12:10,758 --> 00:12:13,627
You can't have secrets
from your wife!
292
00:12:13,661 --> 00:12:16,830
It's very late in the marriage
to tell me that.
293
00:12:16,864 --> 00:12:20,033
I've hidden all our supplies
behind a fake wall.
294
00:12:20,068 --> 00:12:22,736
I thought the basement
looked cleaner.
295
00:12:22,770 --> 00:12:24,871
See? These are
our bug-out bags.
296
00:12:24,906 --> 00:12:27,307
In here is everything
we need to survive.
297
00:12:27,342 --> 00:12:28,642
Survive what?
298
00:12:28,676 --> 00:12:31,111
The looming kablooey.
299
00:12:31,145 --> 00:12:33,981
It's reassuring to see
you're aware of the future,
300
00:12:34,015 --> 00:12:37,117
but this is all a little...
creepy.
301
00:12:37,151 --> 00:12:38,118
Creepy?!
302
00:12:38,152 --> 00:12:40,087
Marge, the apocalypse is coming.
303
00:12:40,121 --> 00:12:43,123
Maybe not tomorrow, maybe never,
but it's coming.
304
00:12:43,157 --> 00:12:45,125
And soon.
305
00:12:45,159 --> 00:12:47,110
I'm going to bed.
306
00:12:49,530 --> 00:12:52,699
There's no handle
on this side!
307
00:12:53,901 --> 00:12:56,486
The one thing
I couldn't prepare for.
308
00:12:59,918 --> 00:13:01,586
Oh, these here
are my snack chips.
309
00:13:01,637 --> 00:13:04,040
Your cheese puffs.
Those are doodles.
310
00:13:04,394 --> 00:13:06,395
I will eat anything orange
except an orange.
311
00:13:07,497 --> 00:13:09,631
(siren blaring, clattering)
312
00:13:09,666 --> 00:13:11,967
And that's
how you deliver a baby calf
313
00:13:12,001 --> 00:13:14,803
with a bathroom plunger. Mm-hmm.
314
00:13:16,506 --> 00:13:18,807
(siren blaring)
315
00:13:18,842 --> 00:13:20,375
(electrical buzzing)
316
00:13:20,393 --> 00:13:21,377
(clippers stop)
317
00:13:21,411 --> 00:13:22,845
An E.M.P.?!
318
00:13:22,879 --> 00:13:24,697
You know what
that means!
319
00:13:24,731 --> 00:13:27,049
Hand scissors.
320
00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:28,217
(electrical buzzing)
321
00:13:28,251 --> 00:13:30,569
(gasps)
322
00:13:30,603 --> 00:13:31,820
(gasping)
323
00:13:31,855 --> 00:13:33,856
(all muttering)
324
00:13:37,026 --> 00:13:38,560
(electrical buzzing)
325
00:13:38,595 --> 00:13:40,579
Oh.
326
00:13:42,382 --> 00:13:43,999
(sighs)
327
00:13:46,002 --> 00:13:46,969
(humming)
328
00:13:47,003 --> 00:13:49,004
(electrical buzzing)
329
00:13:53,193 --> 00:13:55,210
♪
330
00:13:56,246 --> 00:13:58,247
(electrical buzzing)
331
00:14:00,617 --> 00:14:02,251
(clamoring)
332
00:14:02,285 --> 00:14:06,255
All electronics in Springfield
have been disabled.
333
00:14:06,289 --> 00:14:08,924
Even the musical greeting cards.
334
00:14:08,958 --> 00:14:10,659
(clamoring)
335
00:14:10,693 --> 00:14:12,694
This is it.
Bug-out time.
336
00:14:12,729 --> 00:14:16,115
Everyone but
us is doomed.
337
00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:18,233
I am so jazzed.
338
00:14:18,268 --> 00:14:20,369
(high-pitched giggling)
339
00:14:20,403 --> 00:14:21,937
Mr. Mayor, what's your
administration doing
340
00:14:21,971 --> 00:14:23,772
to ensure
there's no panic?
341
00:14:23,807 --> 00:14:26,158
I don't know. What is
your administration doing?
342
00:14:26,192 --> 00:14:27,593
There you have it.
343
00:14:27,627 --> 00:14:29,678
A town without rules,
without leadership,
344
00:14:29,712 --> 00:14:31,146
without television.
345
00:14:31,181 --> 00:14:33,916
This is Kent Brockman,
talking to himself.
346
00:14:35,251 --> 00:14:37,286
Marge, this is
it, TEOTWAWKI!
347
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,955
(gasps) "The end of the world
as we know it"?
348
00:14:39,989 --> 00:14:41,123
Uh-huh. Where's
the kids?
349
00:14:41,157 --> 00:14:42,958
Lisa and Maggie
are downstairs,
350
00:14:42,992 --> 00:14:45,227
and Bart's in his room
with Milhouse.
351
00:14:45,261 --> 00:14:46,995
Boy, get in the car,
352
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:49,064
and say good-bye
to your best friend forever.
353
00:14:49,098 --> 00:14:50,432
Bye forever, Milhouse.
354
00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:51,633
See you, Bart.
355
00:14:53,436 --> 00:14:54,636
Mmm.
356
00:14:54,671 --> 00:14:56,104
This is my daughter.
357
00:14:56,139 --> 00:14:59,308
She brings the gift of
music to the new world.
358
00:14:59,342 --> 00:15:02,411
Is that sax alto or baritone?
Baritone.
359
00:15:02,445 --> 00:15:05,314
This is gonna be
a long apocalypse.
360
00:15:05,348 --> 00:15:06,748
Ay, caramba!
361
00:15:06,783 --> 00:15:08,250
Ay, caramba indeed.
362
00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:09,451
Dad, how are we
supposed to spend
363
00:15:09,486 --> 00:15:10,686
the rest of
our lives here?
364
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,020
We're already bored.
365
00:15:12,055 --> 00:15:14,156
Here's something
to pass the endless time.
366
00:15:14,190 --> 00:15:15,557
Write down which celebrities
367
00:15:15,592 --> 00:15:17,726
were rumored to be gay
for future generations.
368
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,328
Yes, sir.
369
00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:21,697
Society will not
370
00:15:21,731 --> 00:15:23,932
have to start
from square one.
371
00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:27,336
(groaning)
372
00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:29,605
Homie, I never thought
we'd turn our backs
373
00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:35,577
Marge, when I started prepping
for the end of the world,
374
00:15:35,612 --> 00:15:37,346
everyone laughed at me.
375
00:15:37,380 --> 00:15:38,714
No one was laughing.
376
00:15:38,748 --> 00:15:40,282
You kept it a secret!
377
00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:41,683
Well, just because
I imagined it,
378
00:15:41,718 --> 00:15:43,085
doesn't make it
any less true.
379
00:15:43,119 --> 00:15:45,988
And now all those
people are on their own.
380
00:15:46,022 --> 00:15:48,357
How can you call yourself
a Christian?
381
00:15:48,391 --> 00:15:51,693
If Jesus had a gun,
he'd be alive today.
382
00:15:51,728 --> 00:15:53,312
Homer Simpson!
383
00:15:53,346 --> 00:15:55,531
When I fell in love
with you,
384
00:15:55,565 --> 00:15:59,051
it was because of your big heart
and your good looks.
385
00:15:59,085 --> 00:16:02,187
But some day, those good looks
are gonna fade.
386
00:16:02,222 --> 00:16:03,655
What?!
387
00:16:04,991 --> 00:16:06,325
Soon we'll be approached
388
00:16:06,359 --> 00:16:08,827
by people
who haven't prepared.
389
00:16:08,862 --> 00:16:10,796
Now, do not look at their faces.
390
00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:12,998
That can trigger feelings
and emotions,
391
00:16:13,032 --> 00:16:15,651
which have no place
392
00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:19,488
in Civilization 2.0:
Rise of the Weirdos.
393
00:16:19,522 --> 00:16:21,490
I may have solved that problem.
394
00:16:21,524 --> 00:16:23,225
This rifle scope I modified
395
00:16:23,259 --> 00:16:27,229
makes any human face
look dangerous and threatening.
396
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,334
Boom.
397
00:16:32,368 --> 00:16:34,069
Why do we have
to shoot them at all?
398
00:16:34,103 --> 00:16:36,204
Are you that good with a knife?
399
00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:39,675
No! I want to help the people
who didn't prepare.
400
00:16:39,709 --> 00:16:42,010
Boom. Boom.
401
00:16:42,045 --> 00:16:44,012
Boom.
What'd you shoot me for?
402
00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:46,582
You were thinking I'd gone mad
with power, weren't you?!
403
00:16:46,616 --> 00:16:48,150
I wasn't, but I am now.
404
00:16:48,184 --> 00:16:49,418
Boom-boom-
boom-boom-boom.
405
00:16:54,224 --> 00:16:55,441
(snoring)
406
00:16:57,378 --> 00:16:58,795
(muffled horn honking)
407
00:16:58,829 --> 00:16:59,896
(others gasp)
408
00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:01,030
Oh, God, now what?
409
00:17:01,065 --> 00:17:03,866
Every time you wake us up early
in the morning,
410
00:17:03,901 --> 00:17:06,869
it's either church or we have
to change our identities.
411
00:17:06,904 --> 00:17:09,539
Don't be silly,
Mary Ellen.
412
00:17:09,573 --> 00:17:11,074
Now we're going
to leave this place.
413
00:17:11,108 --> 00:17:12,225
I'm sorry, Bart.
414
00:17:12,259 --> 00:17:14,193
I know you've made
a bug-out camp girlfriend.
415
00:17:14,228 --> 00:17:15,468
I've got to be honest with you.
416
00:17:15,496 --> 00:17:17,864
It was just a bag of rice
I drew a face on.
417
00:17:17,898 --> 00:17:18,965
White ricer brown?
418
00:17:18,999 --> 00:17:19,816
I never noticed.
419
00:17:19,850 --> 00:17:20,883
Good boy.
420
00:17:20,918 --> 00:17:22,819
So we'll take these supplies
421
00:17:22,853 --> 00:17:25,121
back to Springfield where
they're needed most.
422
00:17:25,155 --> 00:17:28,057
You're a good man,
Homer Simpson.
423
00:17:30,427 --> 00:17:32,545
(alarm blaring)
424
00:17:32,579 --> 00:17:34,547
You said you cut the wires
to the alarm.
425
00:17:34,581 --> 00:17:36,883
Hmm, I cut the wires
to something.
426
00:17:47,473 --> 00:17:49,488
Okay everybody,
keep your eyes peeled
427
00:17:49,513 --> 00:17:53,465
for an unlit mile post marked
"23" or "36" or something.
428
00:17:53,483 --> 00:17:54,800
If we miss it, we're dead.
429
00:17:54,818 --> 00:17:56,902
Dad, there are lights
following us.
430
00:17:56,937 --> 00:17:59,572
How can that be?
I took every last can of gas.
431
00:18:01,241 --> 00:18:02,808
(horses whinnying)
432
00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,448
Now, everyone relax and pretend
we're about to be hit
433
00:18:09,483 --> 00:18:10,850
by a soft brick wall.
434
00:18:10,884 --> 00:18:12,084
(screaming)
435
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:13,819
Out of our way, corn!
436
00:18:13,837 --> 00:18:15,371
The starving people
of Springfield
437
00:18:15,422 --> 00:18:17,873
are desperately in need
of our delivery of canned corn,
438
00:18:17,924 --> 00:18:21,427
corn flakes
and flash frozen corn niblets!
439
00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:30,002
(tires squealing)
440
00:18:31,304 --> 00:18:33,239
I'm proud of you.
441
00:18:33,273 --> 00:18:36,675
Society may have crumbled,
but our decency hasn't.
442
00:18:36,710 --> 00:18:39,578
Now to save these sorry souls
from a life of anarchy,
443
00:18:39,613 --> 00:18:43,182
starvation and having
sex for procreation.
444
00:18:44,217 --> 00:18:46,018
Huh?
445
00:18:50,540 --> 00:18:52,858
Oh, everything's normal.
446
00:18:52,893 --> 00:18:55,294
The world didn't end!
447
00:18:55,328 --> 00:18:58,631
Dad, you said people would be
drinking each other's blood.
448
00:18:58,665 --> 00:19:02,468
You got to watch a VHS
copy of Red Dawn 13 times!
449
00:19:02,502 --> 00:19:04,470
Stop complaining!
450
00:19:04,504 --> 00:19:06,038
What happened
with the E.M.P.?
451
00:19:06,073 --> 00:19:08,207
Only Springfield
lost power,
452
00:19:08,241 --> 00:19:11,143
you see, and after a few
days, it came back.
453
00:19:11,178 --> 00:19:13,696
Maybe a little bit brighter.
(mutters)
454
00:19:13,730 --> 00:19:15,898
And the spirit of neighborly
cooperation broke out
455
00:19:15,932 --> 00:19:18,868
as if all the weird,
angry people had left.
456
00:19:18,902 --> 00:19:20,603
Then society
didn't crumble?
457
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,872
The zoo animals
weren't eaten?
458
00:19:22,906 --> 00:19:24,707
No-- well, a couple.
459
00:19:24,741 --> 00:19:28,878
This non-disaster
is a catastrophe!
460
00:19:28,912 --> 00:19:32,014
Are you really so disappointed
the world didn't end,
461
00:19:32,048 --> 00:19:34,150
just so you could
be proven right?
462
00:19:34,184 --> 00:19:35,284
No, no.
463
00:19:35,318 --> 00:19:37,286
It's just that,
in the new world,
464
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,789
I would have been a big shot.
465
00:19:39,823 --> 00:19:41,090
Well, not for long.
466
00:19:41,124 --> 00:19:42,758
Me and the others
were planning
467
00:19:42,793 --> 00:19:45,127
to overthrow you
and seal you in a cave.
468
00:19:45,162 --> 00:19:47,530
Yeah, but what
you didn't know
469
00:19:47,564 --> 00:19:50,065
was I was gonna poison
all your drinking water.
470
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:53,335
Which is why I'm only drinking
my own urine.
471
00:19:53,370 --> 00:19:55,354
(groans)
472
00:19:55,388 --> 00:19:58,390
Guys, can't you see
that even an imperfect society
473
00:19:58,425 --> 00:20:01,427
is better than the savagery
of creating a new one?
474
00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:03,762
I for one am glad we're stuck
with civilization,
475
00:20:03,797 --> 00:20:08,033
and I think we will be
for a long, long time.
476
00:20:17,748 --> 00:20:19,119
I'm hungry.
477
00:20:19,144 --> 00:20:21,112
Look, you can have
potato chips now,
478
00:20:21,113 --> 00:20:23,200
or if you wait ten
minutes, you can have
479
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:24,852
all the brains
you can eat.
480
00:20:24,853 --> 00:20:26,100
I want both.
481
00:20:27,606 --> 00:20:32,606
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
482
00:21:13,994 --> 00:21:15,206
Shh!