1 00:00:01,259 --> 00:00:03,363 Ryan Shay hadn't taken the news well. 2 00:00:03,394 --> 00:00:04,606 Since learning of his adoption, 3 00:00:04,614 --> 00:00:07,258 he'd moved into Lisa's ex-boyfriend Malik's house. 4 00:00:07,297 --> 00:00:08,947 There was nothing left to do but pray. 5 00:00:08,994 --> 00:00:10,519 Okay, Lord, 6 00:00:11,105 --> 00:00:12,802 let's try this again. 7 00:00:13,538 --> 00:00:16,213 We are thankful for the food we are about to receive. 8 00:00:16,215 --> 00:00:18,348 - Very thankful. - But we need more, Lord. 9 00:00:19,646 --> 00:00:22,673 We need Ryan to forgive us for keeping his adoption secret. 10 00:00:23,564 --> 00:00:26,231 We need him to forgive us, and to come home. 11 00:00:28,264 --> 00:00:29,171 And until then, 12 00:00:29,164 --> 00:00:33,481 if you saw fit to send us something other than venison it would be very much appreciated. 13 00:00:34,318 --> 00:00:36,109 It's pretty heavy, Lord. 14 00:00:36,229 --> 00:00:39,081 Every night, venison. Every night until he comes home. Do you hear me? 15 00:00:39,112 --> 00:00:41,560 - No complaints here. His favorite is my favorite. - I have gout. 16 00:00:41,747 --> 00:00:43,851 Even with the medication, they're saying I could lose a toe. 17 00:00:43,859 --> 00:00:46,807 - A toe?! I lost a son! - Settle, Sheila! Settle! 18 00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:49,529 Settle down. Here's your tincture. 19 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:54,934 - What? - It is a soothing combination 20 00:00:54,926 --> 00:00:57,257 of camomile, lemon balm and grain alcohol. 21 00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:58,899 - Little more, okay? - Okay. 22 00:00:59,336 --> 00:01:01,370 A little more, Fred. 23 00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:04,154 Sh-Sh-Sheila. 24 00:01:04,748 --> 00:01:07,837 I don't know why I'm so nervous. I aced the S.A.T.s. 25 00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:09,988 750 verbal. 26 00:01:10,285 --> 00:01:12,397 Dalia's real gifted when it comes to testing. 27 00:01:12,413 --> 00:01:15,166 I never sweat it, 'cause homegirl's always off the charts. 28 00:01:15,221 --> 00:01:18,263 Did you know when she was born, she was in the 95th percentile 29 00:01:18,383 --> 00:01:19,553 for length. 30 00:01:20,562 --> 00:01:23,542 Wow. Length. That is the hardest one to nail. 31 00:01:25,254 --> 00:01:26,396 Ah ah! 32 00:01:26,435 --> 00:01:29,657 Is that a I'm-glad-it's-over smile, or an I'm-glad-it's-over-and-I-nailed-it smile? 33 00:01:29,877 --> 00:01:31,425 - I feel pretty good about it. - Yes you do! 34 00:01:31,417 --> 00:01:33,443 Give it! Come here. That's my girl. Mwah. 35 00:01:33,443 --> 00:01:35,038 Mommy, did you get my text? 36 00:01:35,039 --> 00:01:37,307 - Yes, did you see my reply? - Wait... you... you... 37 00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:40,333 - you texted her during the test? - It's okay, Daddy Altman. 38 00:01:40,388 --> 00:01:43,031 I coloured in all the bubbles really fast, so I was bored. 39 00:01:43,086 --> 00:01:45,261 - You finished early? - I have a strategy. 40 00:01:45,237 --> 00:01:47,959 - What strategy? - Finishing early. 41 00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,250 Tessa, let's celebrate. Ice cream. 42 00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:53,465 Any carton in the store. You pick. We'll make cones at home. You want to? 43 00:01:53,496 --> 00:01:55,852 Mommy, what are we gonna do to celebrate me? 44 00:01:55,887 --> 00:01:58,889 Um, how about we put a new S.A.T. sound system 45 00:01:58,923 --> 00:02:01,091 in your new P.S.A.T. car? 46 00:02:01,125 --> 00:02:02,626 She got a P.S.A.T. car? 47 00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:03,727 She's kidding. 48 00:02:03,761 --> 00:02:05,395 - I'm not kidding. - You're not kidding? 49 00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:07,164 How well might Dalia have done on the P.S.A.Ts 50 00:02:07,198 --> 00:02:08,565 to warrant a brand-new car? 51 00:02:08,599 --> 00:02:10,066 Real well. How well? 52 00:02:10,101 --> 00:02:13,003 Like top 10 percentile? Top 20? 53 00:02:13,037 --> 00:02:16,806 I'm proud to say Dalia was definitely in a percentile. 54 00:02:16,841 --> 00:02:18,308 The average S.I. score is 141. 55 00:02:18,342 --> 00:02:19,910 Did Dalia do better or worse than average? 56 00:02:19,944 --> 00:02:21,945 Tessa, maybe you should just focus on your own score. 57 00:02:21,979 --> 00:02:23,413 On the P.S.A.Ts? 186. 58 00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:24,581 That's in the top ten percentile, 59 00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:26,683 and that's very good. 60 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:29,048 (Clicks tongue) I got a card. 61 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,683 Mommy, I want to go home. 62 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,252 What about the sound system? 63 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:35,255 I'm not in the mood for sound anymore. 64 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,425 That look meant someone was gonna be making an apology, 65 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:41,795 and that someone was me. 66 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,264 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 67 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,506 Desperate times call for desperate measures... 68 00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:55,841 Howdy. 69 00:02:56,055 --> 00:02:58,157 And the Shays were desperate to get Ryan back. 70 00:02:58,191 --> 00:02:59,725 You talking to me? 71 00:02:59,759 --> 00:03:03,629 I don't see anybody else around here, cowboy. 72 00:03:03,663 --> 00:03:05,631 Really? Because you hung up on me 73 00:03:05,665 --> 00:03:07,866 every time I tried to call you since our breakup. 74 00:03:07,901 --> 00:03:11,036 And a woman's allowed to change her mind, isn't she? 75 00:03:11,070 --> 00:03:13,372 Because I have. 76 00:03:13,406 --> 00:03:15,507 In fact, that's why I'm here. 77 00:03:15,542 --> 00:03:17,876 I wanted to talk about us getting back together. 78 00:03:17,911 --> 00:03:19,411 - Really? - Really. 79 00:03:19,446 --> 00:03:22,114 Don't fight. Keep that on. 80 00:03:22,148 --> 00:03:23,582 Hold his hand. I got it. 81 00:03:25,452 --> 00:03:28,987 Get in! Come on! 82 00:03:29,022 --> 00:03:30,355 Oh! 83 00:03:38,598 --> 00:03:42,000 Wait! 84 00:03:42,035 --> 00:03:43,969 Meanwhile, the Werners' baby had been rejected 85 00:03:44,003 --> 00:03:45,671 from his first-picked preschool, 86 00:03:45,705 --> 00:03:48,407 so they decided to consult a specialist. 87 00:03:48,441 --> 00:03:51,310 We heard you're the best, that you've helped others. 88 00:03:51,344 --> 00:03:54,313 It's true. I tutor talented toddlers, 89 00:03:54,347 --> 00:03:56,348 and every one of them goes on to be accepted 90 00:03:56,382 --> 00:03:58,917 into a highly competitive day care program. 91 00:03:58,952 --> 00:04:00,752 - So you'll help us? - I've gotta be frank with you. 92 00:04:00,787 --> 00:04:02,855 Opus is getting a late start. 93 00:04:02,889 --> 00:04:06,191 He has zero community service, no political affiliations, 94 00:04:06,226 --> 00:04:08,093 he's socially unaware. 95 00:04:08,127 --> 00:04:11,096 He doesn't even wear special cause bracelets. 96 00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:12,865 Oh, that's our fault. We were led to believe 97 00:04:12,899 --> 00:04:14,867 that the special cause bracelet trend was over. 98 00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,902 It's never over. 99 00:04:16,936 --> 00:04:19,671 Don't punish the boy for his parents' sins. 100 00:04:19,706 --> 00:04:20,939 You're his only hope. 101 00:04:20,974 --> 00:04:22,808 Well, then he's hopeless, I'm afraid. 102 00:04:22,842 --> 00:04:25,811 You see, I'm not taking on any new clients at this time. 103 00:04:25,845 --> 00:04:27,179 You don't get it. 104 00:04:27,213 --> 00:04:29,181 Jill, show him. There's a picture. Show him. 105 00:04:29,215 --> 00:04:31,683 That won't be necessary. I'm sure that he's as... 106 00:04:33,253 --> 00:04:35,354 Oh, the face. 107 00:04:35,388 --> 00:04:38,624 Look at that little face-y face face. 108 00:04:40,026 --> 00:04:41,460 Okay. 109 00:04:41,494 --> 00:04:42,728 I will do it... 110 00:04:42,762 --> 00:04:43,829 Oh! 111 00:04:43,863 --> 00:04:45,564 On one condition... 112 00:04:45,598 --> 00:04:47,900 you must not interfere in any way. 113 00:04:47,934 --> 00:04:49,801 My methods will seem unconventional 114 00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:52,170 because they are unconventional. 115 00:04:52,205 --> 00:04:54,840 I need you to understand that the odds are 100 to 1. 116 00:04:54,874 --> 00:04:58,644 A single misstep and instead of going to Price-Cheney-Pitkin, 117 00:04:58,678 --> 00:05:00,812 Opus could end up working the pole 118 00:05:00,847 --> 00:05:02,681 on "Toddlers & Tiaras." 119 00:05:05,351 --> 00:05:08,153 We'll take those odds, any day. 120 00:05:11,057 --> 00:05:12,724 Hello? Is anyone there? 121 00:05:12,759 --> 00:05:15,127 Look, I might have to use the bathroom. 122 00:05:15,161 --> 00:05:16,962 Sooner rather than later, 123 00:05:16,996 --> 00:05:18,964 We're going to give you an afterschool snack, 124 00:05:18,998 --> 00:05:22,134 but don't try to run away and don't take our masks off. 125 00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:23,735 We own you, bitch. 126 00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:26,471 Okay. Okay. I won't give you any trouble. I understand. 127 00:05:28,169 --> 00:05:30,771 Here. Eat this. 128 00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:37,711 Mmm. So good. 129 00:05:37,745 --> 00:05:39,813 I can tell Mrs. Shay's chicken salad anywhere. 130 00:05:39,847 --> 00:05:41,415 Oh, thanks, Malik. 131 00:05:41,449 --> 00:05:43,584 I added some ranch for zip. 132 00:05:43,618 --> 00:05:45,118 Darn it, Sheila! 133 00:05:45,153 --> 00:05:47,354 Thanks to your signature chicken salad, he knows who we are. 134 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,890 Plus Lisa wasn't wearing a mask when she lured me into the van. 135 00:05:49,924 --> 00:05:52,459 You know, that's pretty cold, Lisa, pretending you want 136 00:05:52,493 --> 00:05:53,927 - to get back together just so you could... - We need you to call your parents. 137 00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,896 You tell them that we are holding you hostage 138 00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:57,331 and we will exchange you for our son Ryan. 139 00:05:57,365 --> 00:05:59,666 If they need proof of life, we will happily cut off a digit. 140 00:05:59,701 --> 00:06:01,068 Tell them no tricks, or we won't give you back. 141 00:06:01,102 --> 00:06:04,004 And try to sound terrified. 142 00:06:04,038 --> 00:06:06,440 H... hi, dad. Yeah, I'm at the Shays'. 143 00:06:06,474 --> 00:06:08,275 Uh, h... hold on. 144 00:06:08,309 --> 00:06:09,876 They want to know if I'm staying for dinner. 145 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:12,446 Come on! This is a hostage situation, son! 146 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:15,849 I... think they want me to stay for dinner, yes. 147 00:06:15,883 --> 00:06:18,385 Okay. Hold on. My dad wants to talk to you. 148 00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:19,653 Eh. Tell... tell him I stepped out. 149 00:06:19,687 --> 00:06:21,321 - Take the call, Fred. - Take the call! 150 00:06:21,356 --> 00:06:23,490 Okay. 151 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,108 Fred Shay speaking. 152 00:06:29,142 --> 00:06:30,276 Uh-huh. 153 00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:31,343 Tonight? 154 00:06:31,378 --> 00:06:32,645 I see. 155 00:06:32,679 --> 00:06:34,580 Well, you should know I won't be alone. 156 00:06:34,614 --> 00:06:35,514 That's good. That's good. That's good. 157 00:06:35,549 --> 00:06:37,616 Then we understand each other. 158 00:06:37,651 --> 00:06:39,084 Very well. 159 00:06:39,119 --> 00:06:40,519 Bye then. 160 00:06:40,554 --> 00:06:42,054 Hmm. Great guy. 161 00:06:42,088 --> 00:06:43,489 What did he say? Will he give us back Ryan? 162 00:06:43,523 --> 00:06:44,790 They want us to come to them. 163 00:06:44,824 --> 00:06:46,859 - Mnh-mnh. Smells like a trap. - We should leave Malik home 164 00:06:46,893 --> 00:06:48,127 and use him as a bargaining chip. 165 00:06:48,161 --> 00:06:49,862 No, his instructions were very clear. 166 00:06:49,896 --> 00:06:52,698 We're to drop off Malik tonight for the hostage exchange. 167 00:06:52,732 --> 00:06:54,967 Well, technically, he said dinner. 168 00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:56,101 Thai food. 169 00:06:56,136 --> 00:06:57,636 Oh. 170 00:07:00,781 --> 00:07:02,882 Dalia, Tessa's here. 171 00:07:02,916 --> 00:07:04,851 I don't want to see Tessa Altman. 172 00:07:04,885 --> 00:07:07,553 She made me feel bad about my P.S.A.T. car. 173 00:07:07,753 --> 00:07:11,689 I know. And maybe Tessa was a teeny, tiny bit smug, 174 00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:13,958 which is so unusual for her. 175 00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:16,494 But I think that's why she's here... to apologize. 176 00:07:16,528 --> 00:07:18,195 Apology not accepted. 177 00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:19,977 Listen here, Dalia. 178 00:07:20,571 --> 00:07:22,572 Tessa may score better on tests and get better grades 179 00:07:22,607 --> 00:07:25,308 and have opportunities to get into colleges based on merit, 180 00:07:25,343 --> 00:07:28,011 but there are lots of things you're great at, too. 181 00:07:28,046 --> 00:07:29,146 Like what, mommy? 182 00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:31,815 Well, tons and tons of stuff. 183 00:07:33,685 --> 00:07:35,619 Name one thing, mommy. 184 00:07:35,653 --> 00:07:37,888 Name one thing I'm better at than Tessa Altman. 185 00:07:40,122 --> 00:07:41,256 Well... 186 00:07:43,893 --> 00:07:48,263 I'm sure Tessa Altman is not as dope as you on the dance floor. 187 00:07:50,533 --> 00:07:51,699 Send her in. 188 00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:53,902 Altmans! 189 00:07:53,936 --> 00:07:55,470 Yeah? 190 00:07:57,704 --> 00:08:01,641 Right. So I just wanted to apologize 191 00:08:01,675 --> 00:08:04,677 for repeatedly asking you about your score, 192 00:08:05,011 --> 00:08:06,679 and I'm sure 193 00:08:06,713 --> 00:08:08,848 whatever your score was, 194 00:08:08,882 --> 00:08:13,819 it completely merited a new, extremely expensive car. 195 00:08:13,854 --> 00:08:14,887 Wasn't that nice, Dalia? 196 00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:18,196 Tessa apologized by making an apology. 197 00:08:18,230 --> 00:08:20,298 Yeah. 198 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,933 And I know it's important 199 00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:23,802 to mommy and daddy Altman that we get along, 200 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,170 so I'd like you to invite you 201 00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:26,538 to a hip-hop dance class I'm taking. 202 00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:28,707 No, thanks. 203 00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,342 Oh. Oh. Tessa. 204 00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:31,643 - Tessa. - What? 205 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,211 Dalia is trying. 206 00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:34,913 Are you serious? 207 00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:36,308 Look, I'm trying, Dallas is trying, 208 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,816 and now even Dalia is trying. 209 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,551 That only leaves one person who is not trying, 210 00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,305 and I believe you know who I'm referring to. 211 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,422 I do. The girl who scored in the top ten percentile 212 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,758 and got a card. 213 00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,227 With a "D" at the end of it. 214 00:08:49,261 --> 00:08:51,796 Card. 215 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,256 Huh. Brick. 216 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,925 I did not expect that. 217 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,627 Okay, before anyone rings the bell, 218 00:09:04,661 --> 00:09:07,129 - we need to go over a few scenarios. - Scenarios? What scenarios? 219 00:09:07,163 --> 00:09:08,397 Is this something we should've talked about in the car 220 00:09:08,431 --> 00:09:10,232 - instead of playing "I spy"? - Okay, let's just say 221 00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:11,834 there're gonna be a lot of moving parts here tonight. 222 00:09:11,868 --> 00:09:13,769 We need to keep our cool if we want to bring home the bacon. 223 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:14,870 Mm. 224 00:09:19,035 --> 00:09:20,269 Did you do your homework? 225 00:09:20,303 --> 00:09:22,371 Not yet. I was kidnapped. 226 00:09:22,405 --> 00:09:24,206 - Get in here. - Yes, dad. 227 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,941 Hi. Please come in. 228 00:09:25,975 --> 00:09:28,010 Eugene has told us so much about you. 229 00:09:28,044 --> 00:09:29,545 Have we got the wrong house? 230 00:09:29,579 --> 00:09:31,880 Your son Ryan changed his name to Eugene. 231 00:09:31,915 --> 00:09:34,716 He doesn't want to be known as a Shay anymore. 232 00:09:34,751 --> 00:09:36,185 I'm going down. 233 00:09:36,219 --> 00:09:38,020 Sheila? 234 00:09:38,054 --> 00:09:39,721 Welcome back, Sheila. 235 00:09:41,257 --> 00:09:42,791 - You feeling better? - Oh. 236 00:09:42,825 --> 00:09:44,659 You gave us a quite a scare. She did. 237 00:09:44,694 --> 00:09:46,628 Would you like some water? 238 00:09:46,662 --> 00:09:48,830 Ryan. Hand over Ryan, 239 00:09:48,865 --> 00:09:50,365 in whatever condition he's in... 240 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,001 Battered, broken, brainwashed! 241 00:09:53,036 --> 00:09:55,604 Eugene is otherwise occupied right now. 242 00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:57,305 He'll be down in due time. 243 00:09:57,340 --> 00:09:58,707 We're willing to pay. 244 00:09:58,741 --> 00:10:00,075 Fred has $15,000 in cash taped to his stomach. 245 00:10:01,029 --> 00:10:04,632 I don't care if he has 15 jillion jillions! 246 00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:06,233 There's no way I'm going home 247 00:10:06,268 --> 00:10:08,536 with a fake bunch of faking fakers! 248 00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:10,204 Ryan, it's us, 249 00:10:10,238 --> 00:10:13,407 your parents. We love you and we miss you. 250 00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:14,976 Lisa wore a dress. 251 00:10:16,678 --> 00:10:19,213 My name's Eugene now. 252 00:10:19,247 --> 00:10:20,848 Eugene Goldfarb. 253 00:10:20,882 --> 00:10:22,750 I'm no longer a Shay. 254 00:10:22,784 --> 00:10:24,385 I'm getting emancipated. 255 00:10:24,419 --> 00:10:26,587 Oh, you don't happen to have a crash mat? 256 00:10:26,621 --> 00:10:28,356 - Mnh-mnh. - Emancipation? 257 00:10:28,390 --> 00:10:29,857 He can't just make that kind of proclamation, can he, Fred? 258 00:10:29,891 --> 00:10:31,125 I don't know. 259 00:10:31,684 --> 00:10:33,785 Eugene wants to be an emancipated minor, Sheila. 260 00:10:33,820 --> 00:10:36,255 He feels very strongly about it, and since I'm a lawyer, 261 00:10:36,289 --> 00:10:37,523 I started to help him with the paperwork. 262 00:10:37,557 --> 00:10:39,658 Lawyers, Fred. Lawyers. Lawyers. They're lawyers. 263 00:10:39,692 --> 00:10:42,194 This is one of those scenarios I was referring to. 264 00:10:42,228 --> 00:10:43,762 You realize if the judge rules in your son's favor, 265 00:10:43,796 --> 00:10:46,198 you'll both have to surrender your parental rights? 266 00:10:46,232 --> 00:10:47,666 Surrender? Sheila? 267 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:49,568 - No. - I'm suing you for freedom. 268 00:10:49,602 --> 00:10:51,970 You hear me? I am suing you to be free! 269 00:10:53,273 --> 00:10:54,506 Well, should we eat? 270 00:10:55,842 --> 00:10:57,976 - Yeah. Might as well. - Sure. Yeah. Sounds good. 271 00:10:59,011 --> 00:11:00,378 Okay, Opus. 272 00:11:00,412 --> 00:11:02,480 I don't want you to feel like I'm judging you, 273 00:11:02,514 --> 00:11:03,915 but for the next 45 minutes, 274 00:11:03,949 --> 00:11:06,250 I'm going to be judging you harshly. 275 00:11:06,285 --> 00:11:07,585 Grab and release. 276 00:11:07,619 --> 00:11:08,653 Grab... 277 00:11:08,687 --> 00:11:10,655 and release. 278 00:11:10,689 --> 00:11:11,756 Now you try. 279 00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:13,024 Here. Your turn. 280 00:11:13,058 --> 00:11:14,158 A toi. 281 00:11:16,061 --> 00:11:18,229 It's like you're doing the first part of a push-up, 282 00:11:18,263 --> 00:11:21,198 and then you push yourself over. 283 00:11:21,233 --> 00:11:22,533 While Opus was being put 284 00:11:22,568 --> 00:11:23,801 through the rigors of more testing... 285 00:11:23,835 --> 00:11:26,337 Stacking of the cups. 286 00:11:28,206 --> 00:11:31,709 I'll give you a zero on that. 287 00:11:32,003 --> 00:11:34,605 I found myself having to jump through a few hoops of my own. 288 00:11:34,639 --> 00:11:37,308 ♪ And lock, do the snip, do the snake ♪ 289 00:11:37,342 --> 00:11:39,610 ♪ oh, what's this? A new fish in the pond ♪ 290 00:11:39,644 --> 00:11:40,878 ♪ what's this ♪ 291 00:11:40,912 --> 00:11:43,180 - What is going on? - I'm not sure. 292 00:11:46,117 --> 00:11:47,184 Hey, Dalia. 293 00:11:47,219 --> 00:11:48,219 Hey. 294 00:11:49,263 --> 00:11:50,830 Yo. You got beef? 295 00:11:50,865 --> 00:11:53,266 No. Tessa and I got mad beef. 296 00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:56,769 She tried to diss and dismiss my intellect. 297 00:11:56,804 --> 00:11:58,838 What intellect? 298 00:11:58,873 --> 00:12:01,641 Ooh! Ooh! 299 00:12:01,675 --> 00:12:03,443 There's only one way to settle a beef 300 00:12:03,477 --> 00:12:05,111 in beginner's hip-hop, y'all. 301 00:12:05,145 --> 00:12:07,580 You know what time it is! 302 00:12:07,615 --> 00:12:10,783 Dance-off! Dance-off! Dance-off! 303 00:12:10,818 --> 00:12:12,719 Dance-off! Dance-off! 304 00:12:12,753 --> 00:12:14,787 Dance-off! Dance-off! 305 00:12:24,296 --> 00:12:26,664 Is there deer meat in this? 306 00:12:26,699 --> 00:12:28,299 No, it's... it's vegetarian, Lisa. 307 00:12:28,334 --> 00:12:30,335 Thank you, lord. 308 00:12:30,369 --> 00:12:32,737 - So, uh, roses and thorns, shall we? - Mm-hmm. 309 00:12:32,771 --> 00:12:35,039 Let's talk about our roses and our thorns. 310 00:12:35,074 --> 00:12:36,941 Yeah. It's what the Obamas do. 311 00:12:36,976 --> 00:12:38,309 Oh, boy. 312 00:12:38,344 --> 00:12:39,310 Fred. 313 00:12:39,345 --> 00:12:40,745 Well... 314 00:12:40,779 --> 00:12:43,548 my rose was this fantastic crunchy spring roll. 315 00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:46,951 And my thorn was the sprinklers going off on my car 316 00:12:46,986 --> 00:12:48,987 this morning right after I'd had a hand-wax. 317 00:12:49,021 --> 00:12:51,022 Oh, hell, no. I hate that. 318 00:12:51,056 --> 00:12:52,657 - I know, right? - High-five it. 319 00:12:52,691 --> 00:12:54,592 All right. 320 00:12:55,187 --> 00:12:56,821 Eugene. 321 00:12:56,855 --> 00:12:59,890 Let's see. 322 00:12:59,925 --> 00:13:03,027 My rose is hitting a home run at baseball practice today. 323 00:13:03,061 --> 00:13:04,729 Hey, way to go, son! 324 00:13:04,763 --> 00:13:06,630 I'm not your son. 325 00:13:08,867 --> 00:13:10,735 And my Thorn was finding out 326 00:13:10,769 --> 00:13:13,170 my entire life... 327 00:13:13,205 --> 00:13:15,172 was... a... lie! 328 00:13:15,207 --> 00:13:16,273 Oh! 329 00:13:16,308 --> 00:13:17,408 Ouch. 330 00:13:17,442 --> 00:13:20,578 That's a... a deep thorn. 331 00:13:20,612 --> 00:13:22,947 But it didn't happen today. 332 00:13:23,561 --> 00:13:24,594 Edmond? 333 00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,830 I'll allow it. Damn it. 334 00:13:26,864 --> 00:13:28,304 Why didn't you tell me I was adopted? 335 00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:30,500 We wanted to. We really did. 336 00:13:30,535 --> 00:13:32,135 At first you were too young to understand. 337 00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:33,603 It took him three years to learn English. 338 00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:35,405 Then when he finally did learn, the timing was never right. 339 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,773 How could you not have told me? 340 00:13:36,808 --> 00:13:39,609 I was like a brother to you. 341 00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,478 Ryan, Ryan, take it easy, man. 342 00:13:41,512 --> 00:13:42,679 We didn't want to lose you. 343 00:13:42,714 --> 00:13:45,015 Well, you lost me. You lost me big-time! 344 00:13:45,049 --> 00:13:46,850 Oh. What if I were to leave your mother? 345 00:13:46,884 --> 00:13:49,186 - Would you come home then? - Fred Shay! 346 00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:50,287 What? It's just a thought. 347 00:13:51,101 --> 00:13:52,335 It was kind of pathetic, 348 00:13:52,369 --> 00:13:54,237 but when people feel backed into a corner, 349 00:13:54,271 --> 00:13:56,873 they tend to do pathetic things. 350 00:13:56,907 --> 00:13:58,841 Case in point... this dance-off. 351 00:13:58,876 --> 00:14:00,276 Go, Dalia! 352 00:14:00,310 --> 00:14:02,311 ♪ It's your birthday, it's your birthday ♪ 353 00:14:02,346 --> 00:14:04,280 It's her birthday? Why are you saying it's her birthday? 354 00:14:04,314 --> 00:14:05,748 It's not her birthday. 355 00:14:07,684 --> 00:14:10,419 Ooh! Come on. 356 00:14:16,193 --> 00:14:17,460 I know whose birthday it isn't. 357 00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,576 Hey. That's not fair. 358 00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,179 She gets a crew? Why does only one of 'em get a crew? 359 00:14:23,213 --> 00:14:25,448 That's gotta be against dance-off rules or something. 360 00:14:25,482 --> 00:14:27,216 Go, Dalia! Finish her! 361 00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:28,350 What kind of a parent... 362 00:14:28,385 --> 00:14:29,852 George, don't "what kind of a parent" me. 363 00:14:29,886 --> 00:14:33,155 You let Tessa act any old way she pleases. 364 00:14:33,190 --> 00:14:34,924 Well, at least I didn't buy her a car 365 00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,926 for substandard test results. 366 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,128 I bought that car to make my daughter happy. 367 00:14:39,162 --> 00:14:40,596 It's not my fault you're cheap. 368 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,436 Come on, Tess! Turn it up! Show 'em what you got! 369 00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:48,737 You represent, girl! 370 00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:52,408 Oh! 371 00:14:52,442 --> 00:14:55,411 Money-making Manhattan in the house! 372 00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:03,786 Oh! Someone checked a book out the library! 373 00:15:04,921 --> 00:15:06,188 And Tessa didn't have a bunch 374 00:15:06,223 --> 00:15:08,491 - of expensive dance lessons. - No kidding. 375 00:15:08,525 --> 00:15:10,659 Is she hip-hop home-schooled? 376 00:15:10,694 --> 00:15:11,760 Like those ice cream cones of yours... 377 00:15:11,795 --> 00:15:13,329 what'd you, save, a nickel on those? 378 00:15:13,363 --> 00:15:14,563 You did not just go there. 379 00:15:14,598 --> 00:15:16,131 Oh, yes, I did, daddy. 380 00:15:16,526 --> 00:15:17,759 Well, you know what? 381 00:15:18,294 --> 00:15:21,563 Some people don't need to throw money at it, mama. 382 00:15:21,597 --> 00:15:23,917 Some people are born with what it takes. 383 00:15:23,933 --> 00:15:25,700 What, what! 384 00:15:25,735 --> 00:15:28,570 You did not just gangsta me, George Altman. 385 00:15:28,604 --> 00:15:29,904 I think I did, Dallas. 386 00:15:31,173 --> 00:15:32,207 I think I did. 387 00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:33,708 You know who you remind me of? 388 00:15:33,743 --> 00:15:35,243 Judge Reinhold... 389 00:15:35,277 --> 00:15:36,644 without the Reinhold. 390 00:15:36,679 --> 00:15:38,546 Oh, yeah, well, Judge Reinhold you. 391 00:15:38,581 --> 00:15:40,048 I said... 392 00:15:40,082 --> 00:15:43,318 without the Reinhold. 393 00:15:43,352 --> 00:15:45,086 Yo, checkers. Toss me that cap. 394 00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:51,692 I judge you to be a desperate enabler, Dallas! 395 00:15:51,726 --> 00:15:53,127 An enabler! 396 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,695 O.M.G. 397 00:15:54,729 --> 00:15:57,231 We ruined their relationship. 398 00:15:57,265 --> 00:15:58,632 Yeah. 399 00:16:03,371 --> 00:16:05,639 Where did George get that cardboard? 400 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,668 There you go, darling. 401 00:16:08,703 --> 00:16:10,270 I hope you guys like pudding, 402 00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:12,405 'cause we have plenty of it, and it's all chocolate. 403 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,873 Chocolate pudding, Eugene. 404 00:16:13,908 --> 00:16:14,975 Your favorite. 405 00:16:17,111 --> 00:16:18,378 I love pudding. 406 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,613 I know you do. 407 00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:24,818 Are you absolutely sure that you don't want to go home with us? 408 00:16:28,289 --> 00:16:30,890 Sure, I'm sure. I'm super sure. 409 00:16:30,925 --> 00:16:33,660 Let's go, Shays. 410 00:16:33,694 --> 00:16:35,095 It's over. 411 00:16:35,129 --> 00:16:38,531 Let him make a fort with his cereal boxes at breakfast. 412 00:16:38,566 --> 00:16:40,500 He likes that. 413 00:16:42,803 --> 00:16:45,238 We should do this again sometime. 414 00:16:52,956 --> 00:16:54,256 Sometimes seeing your parents act like children 415 00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:58,628 makes you realize it's time to grow up. 416 00:16:58,662 --> 00:17:01,197 Mommy, stop. You're scaring me. 417 00:17:01,231 --> 00:17:02,331 Well, he started it. 418 00:17:02,366 --> 00:17:04,100 - What? She did. - No. 419 00:17:04,134 --> 00:17:07,937 We started it, and now we're gonna finish it. 420 00:17:07,971 --> 00:17:10,940 Guys, our beef is squashed. 421 00:17:10,974 --> 00:17:11,974 We squashed it. 422 00:17:12,009 --> 00:17:13,643 The beef was squashed. 423 00:17:13,677 --> 00:17:16,245 The dance-off never fails. 424 00:17:16,279 --> 00:17:18,648 Class dismissed! 425 00:17:20,550 --> 00:17:22,718 - It's over, George. - It's over, mommy. 426 00:17:22,753 --> 00:17:24,320 And I'm gonna need you to apologize to Dallas now, 427 00:17:24,354 --> 00:17:27,223 because I'm trying, and Dalia is trying, 428 00:17:27,257 --> 00:17:30,526 and the only person who isn't trying is you. 429 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,895 And Dallas. Look at her. She's not trying. 430 00:17:32,929 --> 00:17:34,797 She's... she's just recharging her robot. 431 00:17:35,031 --> 00:17:38,133 I sound like a crazy person. 432 00:17:38,168 --> 00:17:39,435 Yeah? 433 00:17:39,469 --> 00:17:41,570 Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I think I... 434 00:17:41,605 --> 00:17:42,738 I think I got carried away. 435 00:17:42,772 --> 00:17:44,540 I shouldn't have gangsta'd you. 436 00:17:44,574 --> 00:17:45,975 That's a... an aggressive move 437 00:17:46,009 --> 00:17:48,644 best reserved for an "electric boogaloo" reboot. 438 00:17:48,678 --> 00:17:50,145 I apologize, too, George. 439 00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:51,547 I am one of the unlucky few 440 00:17:51,581 --> 00:17:54,316 whose ugly side comes out on the dance floor. 441 00:17:54,351 --> 00:17:57,353 No. No, it's true. I get real mouthy. 442 00:17:57,387 --> 00:17:59,722 You do. 443 00:17:59,756 --> 00:18:01,557 You know what? Our girls are gonna fight. 444 00:18:01,591 --> 00:18:03,492 That doesn't mean we have to. 445 00:18:03,526 --> 00:18:06,195 I know you probably don't agree with everything I do with Dalia, 446 00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:08,530 and I wouldn't let Tessa wear half the clothes 447 00:18:08,565 --> 00:18:11,133 you allow her to run around town in, 448 00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:13,102 but I know you're a good dad. 449 00:18:13,136 --> 00:18:18,040 And no one has a bigger heart than you, Dallas, 450 00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:20,943 even if your robot needs a little oil. 451 00:18:20,977 --> 00:18:23,479 Oh, yeah? You gonna oil my robot, daddy? 452 00:18:23,513 --> 00:18:25,648 Not in front of the kids. 453 00:18:25,682 --> 00:18:29,451 I'm sorry, but there's no easy way to say this. 454 00:18:29,486 --> 00:18:32,221 Opus has the brain development of a 6-month-old child. 455 00:18:34,024 --> 00:18:36,058 Are you absolutely sure? 456 00:18:36,092 --> 00:18:37,226 I'm afraid so. 457 00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:39,662 - Price-Cheney-Pitkin? - Is out, of course. 458 00:18:39,696 --> 00:18:41,830 I could suggest a facility that could house the boy... 459 00:18:41,865 --> 00:18:43,165 someplace with experience 460 00:18:43,199 --> 00:18:46,235 dealing with the special needs of the blindingly average. 461 00:18:46,269 --> 00:18:48,771 No. We couldn't do that. 462 00:18:48,805 --> 00:18:50,339 I'm not sure how we'll tell him. 463 00:18:50,373 --> 00:18:52,574 Sadly, I doubt he'll even understand. 464 00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:54,777 I don't care that he's not a genius. 465 00:18:54,811 --> 00:18:58,914 He's a beautiful boy, and we love him. 466 00:18:58,949 --> 00:19:02,584 Oh. 467 00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:04,954 Do you see that? 468 00:19:04,988 --> 00:19:06,322 He spelled out D-D-S. 469 00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:08,123 He understands that his father has 470 00:19:08,158 --> 00:19:10,192 a doctor of dental surgery degree, 471 00:19:10,226 --> 00:19:13,562 not a D.M.D., a mistake that many people make. 472 00:19:13,596 --> 00:19:15,664 He probably just grabbed the blocks at random. 473 00:19:15,699 --> 00:19:18,067 - You're random! - Oh, lashing out. 474 00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:19,468 Opus? 475 00:19:19,502 --> 00:19:21,603 Can you spell out mommy's career? 476 00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,072 Author. 477 00:19:23,106 --> 00:19:24,206 Find an "A." 478 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,342 That's right. Yes, right there. 479 00:19:26,376 --> 00:19:29,712 Or an "S." Self-published author. 480 00:19:34,484 --> 00:19:36,418 Oh. 481 00:19:36,453 --> 00:19:37,920 Did you eat enough dinner? 482 00:19:37,954 --> 00:19:39,755 I don't love vegetables. 483 00:19:39,789 --> 00:19:41,724 Seemed like you didn't really love dessert tonight, either. 484 00:19:41,758 --> 00:19:44,827 Yeah. Usually my favorite part about dinner is dessert, 485 00:19:44,861 --> 00:19:46,295 and my favorite dessert is pudding, 486 00:19:46,329 --> 00:19:47,997 and my favorite pudding flavor is chocolate, 487 00:19:48,031 --> 00:19:51,333 but my absolute favorite part of chocolate pudding is the skin, 488 00:19:51,368 --> 00:19:53,002 and tonight's pudding was skinless. 489 00:19:53,036 --> 00:19:55,671 But don't tell our mom. I don't want to hurt her feelings. 490 00:19:55,705 --> 00:19:57,439 It won't. 491 00:20:00,010 --> 00:20:01,643 I love pudding skin so much, 492 00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:04,713 my old mom used to make it for me all the time. 493 00:20:04,748 --> 00:20:08,150 My old father and sister would usually give me their skin, too. 494 00:20:08,184 --> 00:20:10,085 Because they love you. 495 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,653 Yeah. 496 00:20:13,323 --> 00:20:14,590 I'll just ask my new black mom 497 00:20:14,624 --> 00:20:16,425 to make pudding with skin on it from now on. 498 00:20:16,459 --> 00:20:17,993 Yeah, see, that's not gonna happen. 499 00:20:18,028 --> 00:20:20,929 My parents make what they like, and they like skinless pudding. 500 00:20:20,964 --> 00:20:22,364 Huh. 501 00:20:31,741 --> 00:20:33,675 Andie MacDowell, what are you doing here? 502 00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:35,711 Fred, wake up. Did you hear that? 503 00:20:35,745 --> 00:20:37,346 I did. 504 00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:41,784 Do you think... 505 00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:48,690 He's back. 506 00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:51,226 Our boy is back. 507 00:20:52,429 --> 00:20:54,863 Hey. 508 00:20:58,268 --> 00:21:00,369 Eugene's leaving. Where's he going? 509 00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:03,939 It's Ryan, you guys. 510 00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:08,477 I'm going to bed. 511 00:21:13,716 --> 00:21:16,085 Skin is thicker than water. 512 00:21:17,487 --> 00:21:20,789 I don't think that's the correct saying. 513 00:21:20,824 --> 00:21:22,724 No. No. 514 00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:23,992 Leave it alone. He's standing on the stairs, 515 00:21:24,027 --> 00:21:25,828 - listening. - If that's true, 516 00:21:25,862 --> 00:21:27,930 then the only thing I want him to hear is this... 517 00:21:27,964 --> 00:21:30,399 I love you, son. 518 00:21:30,433 --> 00:21:32,534 If you're listening, I love you, too. 519 00:21:32,569 --> 00:21:33,769 If you're listening, 520 00:21:33,803 --> 00:21:36,305 it's blood that's thicker than water. 521 00:21:36,339 --> 00:21:38,941 It's blood. 522 00:21:38,942 --> 00:21:39,942 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -