1 00:00:02,802 --> 00:00:04,536 (tessa) ryan shay hadn't taken the news well. 2 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,638 Since learning of his adoption, he moved into 3 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,973 lisa's ex-boyfriend malik's house. 4 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:10,142 there was nothing left to do but pray. 5 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:11,744 Okay, lord, 6 00:00:11,746 --> 00:00:13,746 Let's try this again. 7 00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:16,915 We are thankful for the food We are about to receive. 8 00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:19,985 Very thankful. But we need more, lord. 9 00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:23,889 We need ryan to forgive us For keeping his adoption secret. 10 00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:26,291 We need him to forgive us And to come home. 11 00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,696 And until then, If you saw fit to send us 12 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:34,233 Something other than venison, it Would be very much appreciated. 13 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,734 It's pretty heavy, lord. 14 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:38,103 (utensils clatter) Every night. Venison every night 15 00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:39,505 Until he comes home. Do you hear me? 16 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,407 No complaints here. His favorite is my favorite. 17 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,342 I have gout. Even with the medication, 18 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:46,178 They're saying I could lose a toe. A toe?! I lost a son. 19 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:48,380 Settle, sheila, settle. Settle down. 20 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,748 Here's your tincture. 21 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,250 (sheila sobs) 22 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,851 Yes. Ah. 23 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:54,486 What? 24 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,488 It is a soothing combination Of chamomile, lemon balm, 25 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,723 And grain alcohol. 26 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:58,757 A little more, okay? 27 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,426 Okay. 28 00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,194 A little more, fred. 29 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,063 Sh-sh-sheila. 30 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,165 I don't know why I'm so nervous. 31 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,433 I aced the s.A.T.S. 32 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,201 (chuckles) 33 00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,536 750 verbal. 34 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,671 Dalia's real gifted When it comes to testing. 35 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,139 Mm. I never sweat it 36 00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:15,574 'cause homegirl's Always off the charts. 37 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:16,909 Did you know When she was born, 38 00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:20,245 She was in the 95th percentile? For length. 39 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:23,449 Wow. Length. That is The hardest one to nail. 40 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,184 (laughs) 41 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:26,652 (boy) that thing is brutal. Okay. Huh? Huh? 42 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:28,120 Is that an "i'm glad It's over smile," 43 00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,289 Or an "i'm glad it's over And i nailed it" smile? 44 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,057 I feel pretty good about it. Yes, you do. 45 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,393 Give it. Come here. That's my girl. Mwah. 46 00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:37,062 Mommy, did you get my text? Yes. Did you see my reply? 47 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:39,398 What, you--you texted her During the test? 48 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,933 It's okay, daddy altman. 49 00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,702 I colored in all the bubbles Really fast, so i was bored. 50 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:44,703 You finished early? 51 00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:45,904 I have a strategy. 52 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,139 What strategy? 53 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,575 Finishing early. 54 00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:50,976 Tessa, let's celebrate. Ice cream. 55 00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:52,578 Any carton in the store. You pick. 56 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:53,879 We'll make cones at home. You want to? 57 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,048 Mommy, what are we gonna do To celebrate me? 58 00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:59,218 Um, how about we put A new s.A.T. Sound system 59 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,553 In your new p.S.A.T. Car? 60 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,155 She got a p.S.A.T. Car? 61 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,289 She's kidding. 62 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,024 I'm not kidding. You're not kidding? 63 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,893 How well might dalia have done On the p.S.A.T.S 64 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,361 To warrant a brand-new car? 65 00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:10,929 Real well. How well? 66 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,999 Like top 10 percentile? Top 20? 67 00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:17,970 I'm proud to say dalia was Definitely in a percentile. 68 00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:19,505 The average s.I. Score is 141. 69 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,173 Did dalia do better or worse Than average? 70 00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:23,308 Tessa, maybe you should just Focus on your own score. 71 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,843 On the p.S.A.T.S? 186. 72 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,078 That's In the top ten percentile, 73 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,280 And that's very good. 74 00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:30,516 (clicks tongue) I got a card. 75 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,217 Mommy, i want to go home. 76 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,852 What about the sound system? 77 00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:36,889 I'm not in the mood for sound Anymore. 78 00:02:36,891 --> 00:02:40,058 that look meant someone was gonna be making an apology, 79 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:43,395 and that someone was me. 80 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,898 -- captions by vita-- 81 00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:50,402 (alih jay) ♪ last night i had A pleasant nightmare ♪ 82 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:53,405 ♪ da-da-da-da, Da, da, da, da ♪ 83 00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:55,307 desperate times call for desperate measures... 84 00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:56,675 Howdy. 85 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,810 and the shays were desperate to get ryan back. 86 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,379 You talking to me? 87 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:04,349 I don't see anybody else Around here, cowboy. 88 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,351 Really? Because you hung up on me 89 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,587 Every time i tried to call you Since our breakup. 90 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:11,757 And a woman's allowed to change Her mind, isn't she? 91 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,092 Because i have. 92 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:16,228 In fact, That's why i'm here. 93 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,597 I wanted to talk about us Getting back together. 94 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,098 Really? Really. 95 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,834 (grunts) (deepened voice) don't fight. Keep that on. 96 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,303 Hold his hand. I got it. 97 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,138 (tape crackling) 98 00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:29,708 Get in! Come on! 99 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,109 Oh! 100 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,682 (engine starts) 101 00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:42,688 Wait! 102 00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,690 meanwhile, the werners' baby had been rejected 103 00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,391 from his first-picked preschool, 104 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:49,127 so they decided to consult a specialist. 105 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:52,030 We heard you're the best, That you've helped others. 106 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:55,033 It's true. I tutor talented toddlers, 107 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:57,069 And every one of them goes on To be accepted 108 00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,638 Into a highly competitive Day care program. 109 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,540 So you'll help us? I've gotta be frank with you. 110 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:03,642 Opus is getting a late start. 111 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,979 He has zero community service, No political affiliations, 112 00:04:06,981 --> 00:04:08,880 He's socially unaware. 113 00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,883 He doesn't even wear Special cause bracelets. 114 00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,652 Oh, that's our fault. We were led to believe 115 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,654 That the special cause bracelet Trend was over. 116 00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,656 It's never over. 117 00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,459 Don't punish the boy For his parents' sins. 118 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,727 You're his only hope. 119 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,595 Well, then he's hopeless, I'm afraid. 120 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,565 You see, i'm not taking on Any new clients at this time. 121 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:27,966 You don't get it. (inhales deeply) 122 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,968 Jill, show him. There's a picture. Show him. 123 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,471 That won't be necessary. I'm sure that he's as... 124 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,006 (gasps) 125 00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:36,141 Oh, the face. 126 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:39,411 Look at that Little face-y face face. 127 00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,779 (sighs) 128 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,247 Okay. 129 00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:43,515 I will do it... 130 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,616 Oh! 131 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,351 On one condition-- 132 00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,687 You must not interfere In any way. 133 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,589 My methods will seem Unconventional 134 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,958 Because they are unconventional. 135 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,627 I need you to understand That the odds are 100 to 1. 136 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:59,431 A single misstep and instead Of going to price-cheney-pitkin, 137 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,667 Opus could end up Working the pole 138 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,568 On "toddlers & tiaras." 139 00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:09,107 We'll take those odds, Any day. 140 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:13,812 Hello? Is anyone there? 141 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,214 Look, i might have to use The bathroom. 142 00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,083 Sooner rather than later, 143 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,118 (deepened voice) we're going to Give you an afterschool snack, 144 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:23,455 But don't try to run away And don't take our masks off. 145 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,123 (deepened voice) We own you, bitch. 146 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,959 Okay. Okay. I won't give you Any trouble. I understand. 147 00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:30,796 (deepened voice) Here. Eat this. 148 00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:35,767 (crunches) 149 00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,003 (mouth full) mmm. So good. 150 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,138 I can tell mrs. Shay's Chicken salad anywhere. 151 00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:41,840 (giggles, normal voice) Oh, thanks, malik. 152 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,076 I added some ranch for zip. 153 00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:45,610 (normal voice) Darn it, sheila! 154 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,879 Thanks to your signature chicken Salad, he knows who we are. 155 00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,482 Plus lisa wasn't wearing a mask When she lured me into the van. 156 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,118 You know, that's pretty cold, Lisa, pretending you want 157 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,720 To get back together Just so you could-- We need you to call Your parents. 158 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,755 You tell them that we are Holding you hostage 159 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,256 And we will exchange you For our son ryan. 160 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,659 If they need proof of life, We will happily cut off a digit. 161 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,194 Tell them no tricks, Or we won't give you back. 162 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:05,230 And try To sound terrified. 163 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,799 H-hi, dad. Yeah, i'm at the shays'. 164 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,668 Uh, h-hold on. 165 00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,370 They want to know If i'm staying for dinner. 166 00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:14,005 Darn. This is A hostage situation, son! 167 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:17,542 I... Think they want me To stay for dinner, yes. 168 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,212 Okay. Hold on. My dad wants to talk to you. 169 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,546 Eh. Tell--tell him I stepped out. 170 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,281 (whispers) take the call, fred. Take the call! 171 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:25,450 Okay. 172 00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:27,519 (clears throat) 173 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,821 Fred shay speaking. 174 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,056 Uh-huh. 175 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,157 Tonight? 176 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,492 I see. 177 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,494 Well, you should know I won't be alone. 178 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,495 (whispers) that's good. That's good. That's good. 179 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,697 Then we understand Each other. 180 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,232 Very well. 181 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,733 Bye then. 182 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,235 Hmm. Great guy. 183 00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:44,736 What did he say? Will he give us back ryan? 184 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,104 They want us To come to them. 185 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,240 Mnh-mnh. Smells like a trap. We should leave malik home 186 00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,574 And use him As a bargaining chip. 187 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,343 No, his instructions Were very clear. 188 00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:54,246 We're to drop off malik tonight For the hostage exchange. 189 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,581 Well, technically, He said dinner. 190 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,783 Thai food. 191 00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,384 Oh. 192 00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:03,688 Dalia, tessa's here. 193 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,690 I don't want to see Tessa altman. 194 00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:08,593 She made me feel bad About my p.S.A.T. Car. 195 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:12,731 I know. And maybe tessa Was a teeny, tiny bit smug, 196 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:15,100 Which is so unusual For her. 197 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,803 But i think that's why She's here--to apologize. 198 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,604 Apology not accepted. 199 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:21,239 Listen here, dalia. 200 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,375 Tessa may score better on tests And get better grades 201 00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:26,178 And have opportunities to get Into colleges based on merit, 202 00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:28,980 But there are lots of things You're great at, too. 203 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,182 Like what, mommy? 204 00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:33,051 Well, Tons and tons of stuff. 205 00:07:34,887 --> 00:07:36,888 Name one thing, mommy. 206 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,324 Name one thing i'm better at Than tessa altman. 207 00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:42,694 Well... 208 00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,297 (gasps) 209 00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:48,433 I'm sure tessa altman is Not as dope as you 210 00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:49,968 On the dance floor. 211 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:53,171 Send her in. 212 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,440 Altmans! 213 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,042 (george) yeah? 214 00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:03,148 Right. So i just wanted To apologize 215 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:06,318 For repeatedly asking you About your score, 216 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,086 And i'm sure 217 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,288 Whatever your score was, 218 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:15,460 It completely merited A new, extremely expensive car. 219 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,561 Wasn't that nice, dalia? 220 00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:19,130 Tessa apologized By making an apology. 221 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:21,299 Yeah. 222 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,968 And i know it's important 223 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,903 To mommy and daddy altman That we get along, 224 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,271 So i'd like you to invite you 225 00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,739 To a hip-hop dance class I'm taking. 226 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:29,941 (inhales deeply) No, thanks. 227 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,576 Oh. Oh. Tessa. 228 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:32,878 Tessa. What? 229 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,446 Dalia is trying. 230 00:08:34,448 --> 00:08:36,147 (whispers) Are you serious? 231 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,516 Look, i'm trying, Dallas is trying, 232 00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,050 And now even dalia Is trying. 233 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,785 That only leaves one person Who is not trying, 234 00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,487 And i believe you know Who i'm referring to. 235 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:45,657 I do. The girl who scored In the top ten percentile 236 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,993 And got a card. 237 00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,462 With a "d" at the end of it. 238 00:08:50,464 --> 00:08:53,098 card. 239 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,401 Huh. Brick. 240 00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,237 I did not expect that. 241 00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,006 Okay, before anyone Rings the bell, 242 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,575 We need to go over A few scenarios. Scenarios? What scenarios? 243 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:04,910 Is this something we should've Talked about in the car 244 00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,778 Instead of playing "i spy"? Okay, let's just say 245 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,413 There're gonna be a lot Of moving parts here tonight. 246 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,448 We need to keep our cool if we Want to bring home the bacon. 247 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,583 Mm. 248 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,018 (doorbell rings) 249 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,520 (door creaks) 250 00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:16,855 Did you do your homework? 251 00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,024 Not yet. I was kidnapped. 252 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,926 Get in here. Yes, dad. 253 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,694 Hi. Please come in. 254 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,796 Eugene has told us so much About you. 255 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,398 Have we got The wrong house? 256 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,800 Your son ryan changed His name to eugene. 257 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:31,736 He doesn't want to be known As a shay anymore. 258 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,271 I'm going down. 259 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,140 (thud) Sheila? 260 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,875 Welcome back, shelia. 261 00:09:36,877 --> 00:09:38,176 (moans) 262 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,778 You feeling better? Oh. 263 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,680 You gave us a quite a scare. She did. 264 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,648 Would you like Some water? 265 00:09:43,650 --> 00:09:45,884 Ryan. Hand over ryan, 266 00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:47,452 In whatever condition he's in-- 267 00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:50,121 Battered, broken, Brainwashed! 268 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,824 Eugene is otherwise occupied Right now. 269 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,593 He'll be down in due time. 270 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,027 We're willing to pay. 271 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,429 Fred has $15,000 in cash taped To his stomach. 272 00:09:57,431 --> 00:10:01,166 (ryan) i don't care if he has 15 jillion jillions! 273 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,801 There's no way i'm going home 274 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:05,170 With a fake bunch Of faking fakers! 275 00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,838 Ryan, it's us, 276 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:10,108 Your parents. We love you and we miss you. 277 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,776 Lisa wore a dress. 278 00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:16,147 My name's eugene now. 279 00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,849 Eugene goldfarb. 280 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,818 I'm no longer a shay. 281 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,519 I'm getting emancipated. 282 00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,788 Oh, you don't happen to have A crash mat? 283 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,590 Mnh-mnh. Emancipation? 284 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,158 He can't just make that kind Of proclamation, can he, fred? 285 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,426 I don't know. 286 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,629 Eugene wants to be An emancipated minor, sheila. 287 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:33,198 He feels very strongly about it, And since i'm a lawyer, 288 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,499 I started to help him With the paperwork. 289 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,701 Lawyers, fred. Lawyers. Lawyers. They're lawyers. 290 00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:39,337 This is one of those scenarios I was referring to. 291 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:40,939 You realize if the judge Rules in your son's favor, 292 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,475 You'll both have to surrender Your parental rights? 293 00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:44,976 Surrender? Sheila? 294 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,878 No. I'm suing you for freedom. 295 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,447 You hear me? I am suing you to be free! 296 00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:52,050 Well, should we eat? 297 00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:55,620 Yeah. Might as well. Sure. Yeah. Sounds good. 298 00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,022 Okay, opus. 299 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,290 I don't want you to feel like I'm judging you, 300 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,759 But for the next 45 minutes, 301 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:03,194 I'm going to be judging you Harshly. 302 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,562 Grab and release. 303 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:05,664 Grab... 304 00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,732 And release. 305 00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:08,867 Now you try. 306 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,168 Here. Your turn. 307 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,403 A toi. 308 00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,540 It's like you're doing The first part of a push-up, 309 00:11:15,542 --> 00:11:18,610 And then You push yourself over. 310 00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:19,978 while opus was being put 311 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,312 through the rigors of more testing... 312 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,948 Stacking of the cups. 313 00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:29,421 I'll give you A zero on that. 314 00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:32,123 i found myself having to jump through a few hoops of my own. 315 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,859 ♪ and lock, Do the snip, do the snake ♪ 316 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,162 ♪ oh, what's this? A new fish in the pond ♪ 317 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,430 ♪ what's this 318 00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:40,765 What is going on? I'm not sure. 319 00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,735 (hip-hop music playing) 320 00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:44,903 Hey, dalia. 321 00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:46,004 Hey. 322 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,672 Yo. You got beef? 323 00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:50,108 No. Tessa and i got mad beef. 324 00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:53,611 She tried to diss and dismiss My intellect. 325 00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,680 What intellect? 326 00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:58,550 (all) ooh! Ooh! 327 00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,351 There's only one way To settle a beef 328 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,020 In beginner's hip-hop, y'all. 329 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,489 You know what time it is! 330 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:07,692 (students chanting) dance-off! Dance-off! Dance-off! 331 00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,627 Dance-off! Dance-off! 332 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,763 Dance-off! Dance-off! 333 00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,201 (chuckles) 334 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,636 Is there deer meat in this? 335 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,371 (mouth full) no, it's-- It's vegetarian, lisa. 336 00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,440 Thank you, lord. 337 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,909 So, uh, roses and thorns, Shall we? Mm-hmm. 338 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,312 Let's talk about our roses And our thorns. 339 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,280 Yeah. It's what the obamas do. 340 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,715 Oh, boy. 341 00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:31,750 Fred. 342 00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,218 Well... 343 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,087 My rose was this fantastic Crunchy spring roll. 344 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,455 (chuckles) 345 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,557 And my thorn was the sprinklers Going off on my car 346 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,659 This morning right after I'd had a hand-wax. 347 00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:43,762 Oh, hell, no. I hate that. 348 00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:45,463 I know, right? High-five it. 349 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,432 All right. (laughs) 350 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,167 Eugene. 351 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:52,303 Let's see. 352 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:55,573 My rose is hitting a home run At baseball practice today. 353 00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:57,375 (gasps) Hey, way to go, son! 354 00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,310 I'm not your son. 355 00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:00,478 (cries) 356 00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,515 And my thorn was finding out 357 00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:06,017 My entire life... (gasps) 358 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:08,086 Was... A... Lie! 359 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,220 Oh! 360 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,388 Ouch. 361 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,658 That's a-a deep thorn. 362 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,094 But it didn't happen today. 363 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,195 Edmond? 364 00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,497 I'll allow it. Damn it. 365 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:20,999 Why didn't you tell me I was adopted? 366 00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:23,268 We wanted to. We really did. 367 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,936 At first you were too young To understand. 368 00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:26,404 It took him three years To learn english. 369 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,273 Then when he finally did learn, The timing was never right. 370 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,674 How could you Not have told me? 371 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,577 I was like a brother to you. 372 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,512 Ryan, ryan, take it easy, Man. 373 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,747 We didn't want to lose you. 374 00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:38,149 Well, you lost me. You lost me big-time! 375 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,018 Oh. What if i were To leave your mother? 376 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,420 Would you come home then? Fred shay! 377 00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:43,555 What? It's just a thought. 378 00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:44,856 it was kind of pathetic, 379 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,758 but when people feel backed into a corner, 380 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,460 they tend to do pathetic things. 381 00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:51,462 case in point--this dance-off. 382 00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:52,897 Go, dalia! 383 00:13:52,899 --> 00:13:54,999 ♪ it's your birthday, It's your birthday ♪ 384 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,001 It's her birthday? Why are you Saying it's her birthday? 385 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,503 It's not her birthday. 386 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,471 (drake's "the motto" playing) 387 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:03,274 (boy) ooh! Come on. 388 00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,844 ♪ how you feel? how you feel? How you feel? ♪ 389 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,946 ♪ 25 sitting on 25 mil, uh 390 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,147 ♪ i'm in the building 391 00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,481 I know whose birthday it isn't. 392 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:11,683 ♪ mac dre, i'm-a do it... 393 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,351 Hey. That's not fair. 394 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,987 She gets a crew? Why does Only one of 'em get a crew? 395 00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:18,323 That's gotta be against Dance-off rules or something. 396 00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,124 Go, dalia! Finish her! 397 00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:21,292 What kind of a parent-- 398 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,827 George, don't "what kind of a parent" me. 399 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:26,197 You let tessa act Any old way she pleases. 400 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,999 Well, at least i didn't Buy her a car 401 00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:30,034 For substandard Test results. 402 00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,237 I bought that car to make My daughter happy. 403 00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:33,738 It's not my fault You're cheap. 404 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,240 ♪ 'cause the pimpin' ice cold 405 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,741 ♪ all these... Want to chill 406 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,142 ♪ i mean, maybe she won't, then again... ♪ 407 00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:40,678 Come on, tess! Turn it up! Show 'em what you got! 408 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,013 You represent, girl! 409 00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,214 ♪ you already know, though 410 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:44,549 ♪ you only live once 411 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,683 (george) oh! 412 00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:48,720 Money-making manhattan In the house! 413 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,355 ♪ sittin' on a bench, but we don't really play ♪ 414 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,657 ♪ everyday, everyday, what anybody say ♪ 415 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,626 ♪ can't see 'em 'cause the money in the way ♪ 416 00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:57,328 Oh! Someone checked a book Out the library! 417 00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,463 ♪ one time 418 00:14:58,465 --> 00:14:59,797 And tessa didn't have A bunch 419 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,200 Of expensive dance lessons. (laughs) No kidding. 420 00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:04,335 Is she hip-hop homeschooled? 421 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:05,503 Like those ice cream cones Of yours-- 422 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,105 What'd you, save, A nickel on those? 423 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,373 You did not just go there. 424 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,008 Oh, yes, i did, daddy. 425 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,309 Well, you know what? 426 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:14,646 Some people don't need To throw money at it, mama. 427 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:17,048 Some people are born With what it takes. (jacket hits floor) 428 00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,850 What, what! 429 00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:21,819 You did not just gangsta me, George altman. 430 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,154 I think i did, dallas. 431 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,455 ♪ and mister ed, yeah 432 00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:25,523 I think i did. 433 00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,091 You know who you remind me of? 434 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,626 Judge reinhold-- 435 00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:29,994 Without the reinhold. 436 00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,963 Oh, yeah, well, Judge reinhold you. 437 00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,531 I said... 438 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:36,968 without the reinhold. 439 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,803 Yo, checkers. Toss me that cap. 440 00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:40,772 ♪ 441 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:44,575 I judge you to be A desperate enabler, dallas! 442 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,044 An enabler! 443 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,679 O.M.G. 444 00:15:47,681 --> 00:15:50,348 We ruined Their relationship. 445 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,783 Yeah. 446 00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:56,754 ♪ oh... My... God, becky, look at her butt ♪ 447 00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:59,190 Where did george get That cardboard? 448 00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:01,726 There you go, darling. 449 00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,361 (edmond) i hope you guys Like pudding, 450 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,596 'cause we have plenty of it, And it's all chocolate. 451 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,098 Chocolate pudding, eugene. 452 00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,232 Your favorite. 453 00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:11,602 I love pudding. 454 00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,838 I know you do. 455 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:18,076 Are you absolutely sure that you Don't want to go home with us? 456 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,115 Sure, i'm sure. I'm super sure. 457 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,884 Let's go, shays. 458 00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,319 It's over. 459 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:31,756 Let him make a fort with His cereal boxes at breakfast. 460 00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,725 He likes that. 461 00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,994 (chair scrapes floor) 462 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,529 We should do this again Sometime. 463 00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:43,101 sometimes seeing your parents act like children 464 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:47,438 makes you realize it's time to grow up. 465 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,974 Mommy, stop. You're scaring me. 466 00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:51,209 Well, he started it. 467 00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:52,977 What? She did. No. 468 00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:56,748 we started it, And now we're gonna finish it. 469 00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:59,717 Guys, our beef is squashed. 470 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:00,752 We squashed it. 471 00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:02,453 The beef was squashed. 472 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,023 The dance-off never fails. 473 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,592 Class dismissed! 474 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,360 ♪ 475 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,529 It's over, george. It's over, mommy. 476 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,197 And i'm gonna need you To apologize to dallas now, 477 00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:16,100 Because i'm trying, And dalia is trying, 478 00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:19,337 And the only person Who isn't trying is you. 479 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,739 And dallas. Look at her. She's not trying. 480 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,674 She's--she's just recharging Her robot. 481 00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:26,744 I sound like A crazy person. 482 00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,079 Yeah? 483 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,248 Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I think i-- 484 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,382 I think I got carried away. 485 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,151 I shouldn't have Gangsta'd you. 486 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,652 That's a--an aggressive move 487 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:37,221 Best reserved for An "electric boogaloo" reboot. 488 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,723 I apologize, too, george. 489 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,191 I am one of the unlucky few 490 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:43,027 Whose ugly side Comes out on the dance floor. 491 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:45,963 No. No, it's true. I get real mouthy. 492 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,399 You do. (laughs) 493 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,301 You know what? Our girls are gonna fight. 494 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:52,170 That doesn't mean We have to. 495 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,906 I know you probably don't agree With everything i do with dalia, 496 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:57,208 And i wouldn't let tessa wear Half the clothes 497 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,844 You allow her To run around town in, 498 00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,846 But i know You're a good dad. 499 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:06,751 And no one has a bigger heart Than you, dallas, 500 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:09,654 Even if your robot needs A little oil. 501 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,156 Oh, yeah? You gonna oil My robot, daddy? 502 00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:14,325 Not in front of the kids. 503 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:18,162 I'm sorry, but there's No easy way to say this. 504 00:18:18,164 --> 00:18:20,865 Opus has the brain development Of a 6-month-old child. 505 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,667 (sighs) 506 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:24,702 Are you absolutely sure? 507 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:25,903 I'm afraid so. 508 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,339 Price-cheney-pitkin? Is out, of course. 509 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,475 I could suggest a facility That could house the boy-- 510 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,876 Someplace with experience 511 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,912 Dealing with the special needs Of the blindingly average. 512 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,482 No. We couldn't do that. 513 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,050 I'm not sure How we'll tell him. 514 00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,319 Sadly, i doubt He'll even understand. 515 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,521 I don't care That he's not a genius. 516 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:47,558 He's a beautiful boy, And we love him. 517 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,329 Oh. 518 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,664 Do you see that? (coos) 519 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,133 He spelled out d-d-s. 520 00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,934 He understands That his father has 521 00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,003 A doctor Of dental surgery degree, 522 00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:02,340 Not a d.M.D., a mistake That many people make. 523 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:04,442 He probably just grabbed The blocks at random. 524 00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,844 You're random! Oh, lashing out. 525 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,246 Opus? (fusses) 526 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,314 Can you spell out Mommy's career? 527 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,816 Author. 528 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,017 Find an "a." 529 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,153 That's right. Yes, right there. 530 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:18,356 Or an "s." Self-published author. 531 00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:25,096 Oh. (stomach rumbles) 532 00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:26,631 Did you eat enough dinner? 533 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,499 I don't love vegetables. 534 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,501 Seemed like you didn't really Love dessert tonight, either. 535 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,638 Yeah. Usually my favorite part About dinner is dessert, 536 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,106 And my favorite dessert Is pudding, 537 00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:36,741 And my favorite pudding flavor Is chocolate, 538 00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:40,144 But my absolute favorite part of Chocolate pudding is the skin, 539 00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:41,812 And tonight's pudding Was skinless. 540 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:44,382 But don't tell our mom. I don't Want to hurt her feelings. 541 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,150 It won't. 542 00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,686 (sighs) 543 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,421 I love pudding skin so much, 544 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:53,457 My old mom used to make it For me all the time. 545 00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:56,861 My old father and sister would Usually give me their skin, too. 546 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,829 Because they love you. 547 00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,298 Yeah. 548 00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:03,401 I'll just ask My new black mom 549 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,203 To make pudding with skin on it From now on. 550 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,737 Yeah, see, That's not gonna happen. 551 00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:09,674 My parents make what they like, And they like skinless pudding. 552 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:11,008 Huh. 553 00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:20,484 (crash) 554 00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:22,486 Andie macdowell, What are you doing here? 555 00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:24,422 Fred, wake up. Did you hear that? 556 00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:25,990 I did. 557 00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:30,428 Do you think... 558 00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:37,435 He's back. 559 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,870 Our boy is back. 560 00:20:41,106 --> 00:20:43,507 Hey. 561 00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:49,013 Eugene's leaving. Where's he going? 562 00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:52,650 It's ryan, you guys. 563 00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:57,188 I'm going to bed. 564 00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:04,795 Skin is thicker than water. 565 00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:09,567 I don't think That's the correct saying. 566 00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,535 No. No. 567 00:21:11,537 --> 00:21:12,803 (whispers) leave it alone. He's standing on the stairs, 568 00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,705 Listening. (whispers) if that's true, 569 00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,741 Then the only thing i want him To hear is this-- 570 00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,243 I love you, son. 571 00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:21,312 (whispers) if you're listening, I love you, too. 572 00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:22,647 (whispers) if you're listening, 573 00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:25,116 It's blood that's thicker Than water. 574 00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:25,149 It's blood.