1
00:00:04,210 --> 00:00:05,638
Ever since I moved to New York,

2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:06,692
I've made an effort to be friendly... 

3
00:00:06,727 --> 00:00:08,682
Hello, sir. Oh.

4
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:10,536
It's like we're dancing.

5
00:00:10,570 --> 00:00:12,441
Move or I'll kick you in the clam!

6
00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:15,843
But lately it's feeling
a little one-sided.

7
00:00:15,878 --> 00:00:17,714
New yorkers always seem to be in a rush.

8
00:00:17,749 --> 00:00:19,720
They never even stop to
get to know their neighbors.

9
00:00:19,756 --> 00:00:22,238
Oh, hi, I'm June. I don't
think that we've met...

10
00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:23,582
Aah!

11
00:00:23,617 --> 00:00:24,602
Gah!

12
00:00:24,637 --> 00:00:26,150
Have a good day!

13
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:33,735
Perfect. A captive audience
for my Indiana charm.

14
00:00:33,771 --> 00:00:35,691
Building, meet June.

15
00:00:40,897 --> 00:00:43,056
Oh. Cookies. Fun.

16
00:00:43,091 --> 00:00:45,505
Is it a coworker's birthday?

17
00:00:45,539 --> 00:00:48,090
I'm bringing them to the tenants meeting.

18
00:00:48,126 --> 00:00:49,927
I want to meet our neighbors.

19
00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:51,645
Back in Indiana, I was the best neighbor.

20
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:55,710
I used to feed people's cats
and water plants, get mail.

21
00:00:55,744 --> 00:00:57,002
Oh, so you were my grandma.

22
00:00:57,038 --> 00:00:59,247
Turn down the judgment, Judge Juney.

23
00:00:59,266 --> 00:01:01,611
I am also going to the tenants meeting.

24
00:01:01,647 --> 00:01:03,466
- Really?
- Yeah. I saw a new family moved in

25
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:06,238
and I want to introduce
myself. I know how to be nice.

26
00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:07,275
Hmm.

27
00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:12,617
Oh. I guess it's always
gonna be flour with you.

28
00:01:15,372 --> 00:01:18,211
So the stoop handrails
will be painted on Tuesday.

29
00:01:18,247 --> 00:01:20,677
A reminder... we do encourage doormats.

30
00:01:20,713 --> 00:01:22,515
And the building trip to
Atlanta has been canceled

31
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:24,794
due to lack of funds, not lack of interest.

32
00:01:24,829 --> 00:01:26,240
No!

33
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,403
Okay, next order

34
00:01:29,438 --> 00:01:32,380
of the tenants association business

35
00:01:32,415 --> 00:01:35,577
is to welcome our new
tenants, the Pizzoli family.

36
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,431
Hi.

37
00:01:38,759 --> 00:01:41,326
Chloe? Uh, you don't...

38
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,370
come to these things. What...
wh... wh... what's going on?

39
00:01:44,406 --> 00:01:46,548
Hi! My name is June, and I'm new here.

40
00:01:46,582 --> 00:01:47,909
I'm so excited.

41
00:01:47,943 --> 00:01:49,370
Where's the new family?

42
00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:54,201
Hi there. I'm Chloe.
I live in apartment 23.

43
00:01:54,236 --> 00:01:56,225
How old are you? 16? 17?

44
00:01:56,260 --> 00:01:57,552
17 1/2.

45
00:01:57,586 --> 00:02:00,852
Okay, well, um, according to Megan's law,

46
00:02:00,886 --> 00:02:02,687
I'm required to tell
all families with a minor

47
00:02:02,724 --> 00:02:04,508
that I live within a 500-foot radius

48
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,652
and I'm a registered sex offender.

49
00:02:06,704 --> 00:02:08,946
What?

50
00:02:09,952 --> 00:02:11,533
'Sup?

51
00:02:11,567 --> 00:02:14,781
I'm Tony P., but my
friends call me Nut-Nut.

52
00:02:14,816 --> 00:02:16,226
Anthony, no!

53
00:02:20,276 --> 00:02:26,741
Synced by yescool - corrected by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com

54
00:02:28,763 --> 00:02:30,395
I mean, technically,

55
00:02:31,347 --> 00:02:33,115
yes, I had sex with an underage boy.

56
00:02:33,150 --> 00:02:34,238
Ugh.

57
00:02:34,272 --> 00:02:36,006
I was 18.

58
00:02:36,025 --> 00:02:37,299
He was 17.

59
00:02:37,334 --> 00:02:39,578
It was sweet. We held
hands and passed notes,

60
00:02:39,596 --> 00:02:42,435
then we had sex in the back
of his dad's delivery truck.

61
00:02:42,470 --> 00:02:44,170
Anyway, his parents hated me,

62
00:02:44,189 --> 00:02:45,837
so they prosecuted to the
full extent of the law.

63
00:02:45,872 --> 00:02:47,249
It's no big deal.

64
00:02:47,284 --> 00:02:48,389
No big deal?

65
00:02:48,424 --> 00:02:50,225
What about Anthony Pizzoli?

66
00:02:50,261 --> 00:02:51,296
Who?

67
00:02:51,332 --> 00:02:53,968
Nut-Nut! The 17 year old down the hall!

68
00:02:54,002 --> 00:02:55,668
I'm not into younger guys.

69
00:02:54,803 --> 00:02:58,000
Curfews, body sprays,
doodles of fighter jets...

70
00:02:58,034 --> 00:03:00,840
Now the neighbors hate us.
The neighbors hate us now.

71
00:03:00,892 --> 00:03:02,201
You know who I hate?

72
00:03:02,253 --> 00:03:05,432
Single moms. They make
such a big deal about it.

73
00:03:09,396 --> 00:03:12,032
Chloe was 2 1/2 months older than that boy.

74
00:03:12,066 --> 00:03:16,318
She should have known
that it was inappropriate.

75
00:03:16,352 --> 00:03:18,682
You're acting very weird. Are you drunk?

76
00:03:18,716 --> 00:03:19,940
On freedom!

77
00:03:19,975 --> 00:03:21,556
Jennifer and I broke up!

78
00:03:21,591 --> 00:03:23,291
She finally dumped me!

79
00:03:23,343 --> 00:03:24,873
Oh, I'm sorry.

80
00:03:24,908 --> 00:03:27,202
Don't be. I feel great.
I'm free of all the rules.

81
00:03:27,254 --> 00:03:29,923
Notice anything different about me?

82
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:33,292
I grew in my burns. Jennifer hated hair.

83
00:03:33,326 --> 00:03:36,676
She also banned reggae music,
fantasy football, and tank tops,

84
00:03:36,711 --> 00:03:39,585
but no more!

85
00:03:40,674 --> 00:03:42,306
Hello, shoulders.

86
00:03:42,341 --> 00:03:44,721
It's been a while since
you've been out in the world.

87
00:03:44,773 --> 00:03:46,813
We have a half-black president now.

88
00:03:46,848 --> 00:03:51,133
I think he's doing a great job
despite a very hostile congress.

89
00:03:51,151 --> 00:03:53,003
You're fun.

90
00:03:53,022 --> 00:03:54,705
Jennifer was not fun.

91
00:03:54,723 --> 00:03:56,405
Oh, you're invited to
the brunch I'm throwing.

92
00:03:56,424 --> 00:03:58,923
Brunch? That's your first single guy move?

93
00:03:58,958 --> 00:04:01,167
Not strippers or golf?

94
00:04:01,186 --> 00:04:03,889
Jennifer always made me spend
Sundays hiking with her cats.

95
00:04:03,907 --> 00:04:05,981
But this Sunday, there are no rules!

96
00:04:06,033 --> 00:04:08,328
You can have a mimosa or a coffee,

97
00:04:08,364 --> 00:04:10,692
watch the game or read the paper.

98
00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:12,801
As long as you don't have
to put sunscreen on a cat,

99
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,809
it's all good.

100
00:04:21,817 --> 00:04:23,296
I'm going to bed.

101
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,370
Can you at least hold off on the sex noises

102
00:04:25,406 --> 00:04:26,731
until I get my earplugs in?

103
00:04:26,783 --> 00:04:28,346
Oh, you can't go in your room.

104
00:04:28,365 --> 00:04:30,286
No, it's all good. We're done.

105
00:04:30,321 --> 00:04:32,038
What? In my room?

106
00:04:32,090 --> 00:04:34,249
Good night out.

107
00:04:34,301 --> 00:04:36,562
Oh, F.Y.I... I wore your
pajama pants for a while.

108
00:04:38,009 --> 00:04:39,879
Jonathan, it's your
girlfriend! Remember me?

109
00:04:39,897 --> 00:04:41,953
I know you're in there with that whore!

110
00:04:41,989 --> 00:04:43,535
Who's Jonathan?

111
00:04:43,570 --> 00:04:45,015
Um, me.

112
00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:48,332
Oh, well, I'm really bad with
names, so it's not my fault.

113
00:04:48,367 --> 00:04:50,015
Chloe, this guy has a girlfriend.

114
00:04:50,051 --> 00:04:52,906
So someone told me he's only
with her because she's bipolar.

115
00:04:52,941 --> 00:04:54,573
Yeah, I told you that.

116
00:04:54,608 --> 00:04:55,850
Don't worry about it. I'll fix it.

117
00:04:55,902 --> 00:04:58,927
I'm just gonna flash them the Beek.

118
00:04:58,962 --> 00:05:00,901
Hi.

119
00:05:00,936 --> 00:05:02,194
Who the hell are you?

120
00:05:03,249 --> 00:05:04,302
Bye.

121
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,800
God knows what goes on in there.

122
00:05:05,833 --> 00:05:08,691
Look at those two sluts.
I can't believe them.

123
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,765
Of course miss Megan's law
and her roommate are whores.

124
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,163
It's like a Dutch brothel in there.

125
00:05:13,215 --> 00:05:14,269
I'm going in.

126
00:05:14,204 --> 00:05:15,683
Anthony, no!

127
00:05:15,718 --> 00:05:19,782
Our neighbors hate me because of you!

128
00:05:19,817 --> 00:05:22,026
I am a slut by association.

129
00:05:22,045 --> 00:05:24,782
Are you even aware of your behavior?

130
00:05:24,817 --> 00:05:29,340
I mean, have you ever in your
life dated an appropriate guy?

131
00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:55,519
Look, I can't help it.

132
00:05:55,537 --> 00:05:58,053
I have always been drawn
to inappropriate men.

133
00:05:58,088 --> 00:06:00,656
It's so fun though.
I'm having a great time.

134
00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:02,679
Oh, really? You think so?

135
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,696
Come on with me.

136
00:06:07,732 --> 00:06:09,874
What... what are you doing?

137
00:06:09,909 --> 00:06:13,122
I'm giving you my hand, ghost
of Christmas future-style.

138
00:06:13,175 --> 00:06:14,534
Now come on. Just take it.

139
00:06:14,569 --> 00:06:16,847
It's okay. I'll just follow you.

140
00:06:16,882 --> 00:06:20,232
Fine. Just follow me.

141
00:06:22,529 --> 00:06:25,079
Where are we? I can barely see.

142
00:06:25,114 --> 00:06:28,158
A cougar bar called Saddlebags.

143
00:06:28,193 --> 00:06:29,688
Are those...

144
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,712
Yes, they are.

145
00:06:31,747 --> 00:06:33,941
I can no longer get pregnant.

146
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:35,420
I can no longer get pregnant.

147
00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:37,308
My C-section scars have faded completely.

148
00:06:37,344 --> 00:06:40,845
I've had my I.U.D. in for 34 years.

149
00:06:40,897 --> 00:06:44,690
I was an alternate on
the 1976 U.S. swim team.

150
00:06:48,313 --> 00:06:51,068
See how well I sucked that down?

151
00:06:51,102 --> 00:06:52,258
Ugh.

152
00:06:52,213 --> 00:06:53,505
Take a good, hard look,

153
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:55,257
because if you don't change your ways...

154
00:06:55,309 --> 00:06:58,981
Hey! You got change for the condom machine?

155
00:06:59,017 --> 00:07:00,903
This will be your future.

156
00:07:00,955 --> 00:07:02,281
No. No.

157
00:07:02,316 --> 00:07:03,812
These women are nothing like me.

158
00:07:03,846 --> 00:07:06,005
I'm young and hot and amazing.

159
00:07:06,041 --> 00:07:07,672
Oh, you don't think they were once, too?

160
00:07:07,708 --> 00:07:09,204
Two words...

161
00:07:09,256 --> 00:07:11,074
Janice Dickinson.

162
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:13,762
Change for the condom machine?

163
00:07:13,796 --> 00:07:15,667
No!

164
00:07:15,719 --> 00:07:17,759
I don't want this to be my future, June!

165
00:07:17,794 --> 00:07:19,068
Please help me!

166
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,246
Absolutely.

167
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:23,661
Change!

168
00:07:25,073 --> 00:07:26,637
Close that door!

169
00:07:26,671 --> 00:07:28,372
They don't like the
daylight because you can see

170
00:07:28,390 --> 00:07:31,093
how their lip liner bleeds
into their mouth wrinkles.

171
00:07:39,590 --> 00:07:40,749
You are going to love the farmer's market.

172
00:07:40,783 --> 00:07:41,994
It's where I learned what kale was.

173
00:07:42,030 --> 00:07:43,941
Oh, it seems like so long ago.

174
00:07:43,976 --> 00:07:45,817
Day drinks.

175
00:07:45,853 --> 00:07:48,531
I just downloaded an app
that tracks bar patios

176
00:07:48,566 --> 00:07:50,151
according to the angle of the sun,

177
00:07:50,186 --> 00:07:53,735
so we have about 45 minutes
before shade hits white horse.

178
00:07:53,770 --> 00:07:56,038
Can't. June is taking me to a farm

179
00:07:56,057 --> 00:07:57,932
to meet nice guys.

180
00:07:57,986 --> 00:07:59,866
I have to tweet this plow
joke I just thought of

181
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:01,243
and then I'm ready.

182
00:08:01,296 --> 00:08:02,966
Wait. What's going on here?

183
00:08:03,001 --> 00:08:04,502
Chloe is going to meet an appropriate guy

184
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,192
and settle down,

185
00:08:06,228 --> 00:08:08,001
and she's gonna start going
to sleep when it's dark outside

186
00:08:08,036 --> 00:08:09,878
and paying her bills on time,

187
00:08:09,930 --> 00:08:12,113
and my mailbox will no longer read

188
00:08:12,148 --> 00:08:15,509
"June Colberningsensation."

189
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,352
My last name is Colbern.

190
00:08:17,404 --> 00:08:19,297
Chloe with an appropriate guy?

191
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,027
Ha! That's not gonna happen.

192
00:08:22,079 --> 00:08:23,632
Listen, you can lead a horse to water,

193
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:25,321
but you can't make her
date some clean-cut doctor

194
00:08:25,356 --> 00:08:27,181
from Connecticut who
plays tennis and has...

195
00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:29,587
Stop. You're making June climax.

196
00:08:29,622 --> 00:08:32,505
There's nothing wrong with a nice guy

197
00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:35,525
with white shorts and hair like a Ken doll.

198
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:36,634
Tell me this isn't happening.

199
00:08:36,670 --> 00:08:38,017
You're great the way you are.

200
00:08:38,052 --> 00:08:40,269
You're the best wingman I've ever had.

201
00:08:40,304 --> 00:08:42,522
James, this isn't about
you. This is about me,

202
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:44,006
like everything.

203
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,299
Hmm. Well, why are you doing this?

204
00:08:47,334 --> 00:08:49,296
You know she's the one who wrote
that on your mailbox, right?

205
00:08:54,127 --> 00:08:55,576
Whoo-hoo!

206
00:08:55,611 --> 00:08:58,324
This is a coincidence. I'm not with them.

207
00:08:58,358 --> 00:09:01,395
Are those mai tais and tiki torches?

208
00:09:01,429 --> 00:09:03,887
Oh, my God. You guys are
having a luau on the roof,

209
00:09:03,922 --> 00:09:05,286
and we weren't invited.

210
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,128
What are you, a slut and a detective?

211
00:09:07,163 --> 00:09:09,790
Hey, get a load of the slut detective.

212
00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:12,947
You like prosciutto e mozzarella?

213
00:09:12,982 --> 00:09:15,217
Anthony, no!

214
00:09:15,252 --> 00:09:17,128
That's okay. It's fine.

215
00:09:17,163 --> 00:09:20,098
We will be coming to your next
party because I am fixing her.

216
00:09:20,133 --> 00:09:22,708
We will go Christmas caroling together.

217
00:09:22,744 --> 00:09:25,028
♪ Hark! How the bells, sweet silver bells ♪

218
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,394
♪ all seem to say, throw...

219
00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:32,059
And two more!

220
00:09:32,094 --> 00:09:34,909
That hat right there means
he belongs to a yacht club.

221
00:09:34,944 --> 00:09:37,827
Or he's bald and understands eBay.

222
00:09:37,861 --> 00:09:41,359
Sorry. I'm trying. It's
just so soul-sucking.

223
00:09:41,394 --> 00:09:44,737
Come on. Just smile.
How about this pear guy?

224
00:09:44,772 --> 00:09:47,553
Let's listen to what he has
to say. He might surprise you.

225
00:09:47,589 --> 00:09:48,832
Okay.

226
00:09:48,851 --> 00:09:52,109
These were driven in from
Virginia this morning.

227
00:09:52,144 --> 00:09:53,458
Ripened on the tree, of course.

228
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:55,608
We specialize in Asian pears.

229
00:09:55,660 --> 00:09:57,161
This is a shinsui...

230
00:09:57,195 --> 00:09:58,782
I have an unimpressive penis.

231
00:09:58,833 --> 00:10:00,641
We'll have sex once a week
in the missionary position

232
00:10:00,677 --> 00:10:02,570
and then spoon until I have to pee.

233
00:10:02,605 --> 00:10:04,754
And this is a daisu li...

234
00:10:04,789 --> 00:10:06,154
crisp, slightly tart,

235
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,604
with a nutty finish.

236
00:10:07,638 --> 00:10:09,191
Okay. 

237
00:10:09,243 --> 00:10:10,864
Chl... Chloe!

238
00:10:10,899 --> 00:10:12,057
Chloe!

239
00:10:12,093 --> 00:10:15,419
Not him! He sells glow
sticks from his bike!

240
00:10:15,471 --> 00:10:17,364
At least put on a helmet!

241
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,276
He will!

242
00:10:26,496 --> 00:10:29,377
Oh, look who's here.

243
00:10:31,615 --> 00:10:32,756
What is that? Is that your vitamin?

244
00:10:32,792 --> 00:10:35,692
Mnh. Vitamin C for "careless."

245
00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:37,876
Look, I know I screwed up yesterday,

246
00:10:37,894 --> 00:10:41,066
but I want to start over.

247
00:10:41,102 --> 00:10:42,909
Okay.

248
00:10:42,944 --> 00:10:45,179
But we have to start all
the way at square one.

249
00:10:45,214 --> 00:10:50,128
First, you need to learn
what an appropriate guy is.

250
00:10:50,163 --> 00:10:51,817
Okay, he is single,

251
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,335
he has a job,

252
00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:56,408
he is emotionally and
physically available...

253
00:10:56,442 --> 00:10:58,934
- He has all his limbs.
- No, he doesn't have to have all of his limbs.

254
00:10:58,968 --> 00:11:01,579
Oh. Just as long as he doesn't
blame the world for losing them.

255
00:11:01,613 --> 00:11:04,240
Oh, you guys talking about limbs?

256
00:11:04,275 --> 00:11:06,919
Just working on getting
mine in tip-top shape.

257
00:11:06,937 --> 00:11:09,888
Yeah, Jennifer hated muscles on a man.

258
00:11:09,907 --> 00:11:12,482
She said they made me
look like Angela Bassett.

259
00:11:12,517 --> 00:11:14,495
Ah, Chloe. Your stupid experiment done yet?

260
00:11:14,513 --> 00:11:16,065
'Cause I need you to go to a party with me.

261
00:11:16,169 --> 00:11:19,274
I tried Luther as my wingman
last night. Did not work.

262
00:11:20,298 --> 00:11:23,300
Those earrings are terrible.

263
00:11:24,906 --> 00:11:26,918
Don't look at me. I didn't make 'em.

264
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:29,136
I'm sorry. She can't go out tonight.

265
00:11:29,171 --> 00:11:30,689
She and I are gonna sit at home

266
00:11:30,725 --> 00:11:32,839
and set up her online dating profile.

267
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,871
We are?

268
00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:36,919
Wow. That sounds like a really
productive use of your time.

269
00:11:39,103 --> 00:11:40,621
That's what we do.

270
00:11:42,055 --> 00:11:44,153
Do you have any photos

271
00:11:44,189 --> 00:11:46,355
where you're not cupping your breasts?

272
00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:47,788
Ew. No. Why?

273
00:11:47,823 --> 00:11:49,239
I'll go get my camera.

274
00:11:52,602 --> 00:11:54,186
Hey. I need to borrow a mixer.

275
00:11:54,222 --> 00:11:55,825
I'm making biscuits for my brunch.

276
00:11:55,860 --> 00:11:57,907
Borrow? You can just have
it. It's June's anyway,

277
00:11:57,942 --> 00:11:59,870
so I'll get it for you.

278
00:11:59,922 --> 00:12:01,764
Thanks.

279
00:12:01,799 --> 00:12:04,085
Oh. I think someone just winked at me.

280
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,449
Can you blame 'em?

281
00:12:07,633 --> 00:12:10,057
Huh. I thought we were out of whiskey.

282
00:12:10,092 --> 00:12:12,190
Angela Bassett played
Tina Turner in the movie.

283
00:12:12,226 --> 00:12:15,363
That's what's happening here.

284
00:12:15,416 --> 00:12:18,197
Want me to fight Angela me? 'Cause I will.

285
00:12:18,249 --> 00:12:21,455
Mark, I've never seen
this side of you before.

286
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,367
You've never seen a lot of things.

287
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:32,034
Holy crap.

288
00:12:32,054 --> 00:12:33,622
June!

289
00:12:33,674 --> 00:12:36,079
What's happening here?

290
00:12:36,114 --> 00:12:37,666
My window got stuck,

291
00:12:37,702 --> 00:12:39,629
and since everyone in
the building hates us,

292
00:12:39,664 --> 00:12:41,984
the landlord refuses to fix it.

293
00:12:42,036 --> 00:12:44,049
I like to keep crackers next to my bed

294
00:12:44,084 --> 00:12:45,652
just in case I wake up queasy.

295
00:12:45,671 --> 00:12:47,597
Who cares? Guess what.

296
00:12:47,632 --> 00:12:49,390
I finally like an appropriate guy.

297
00:12:49,425 --> 00:12:51,693
Mark! I'm totally attracted to Mark.

298
00:12:51,711 --> 00:12:53,758
Wait. Mark? My Mark?

299
00:12:53,793 --> 00:12:55,840
But you didn't know his name yesterday.

300
00:12:55,892 --> 00:12:57,767
I know. But I just had
a sex dream about him.

301
00:12:57,803 --> 00:12:59,645
Sex dreams never lie.

302
00:12:59,681 --> 00:13:02,973
Well, I mean, I... I guess...
I guess that could work.

303
00:13:02,659 --> 00:13:04,194
I mean, he meets all the criteria.

304
00:13:04,229 --> 00:13:06,583
He's cute, he's kind, he has a job.

305
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,091
I know. Don't eat that.
Pigeons walked on that.

306
00:13:09,144 --> 00:13:11,530
He's great, right? You did it.

307
00:13:11,566 --> 00:13:12,726
No, we did it.

308
00:13:12,762 --> 00:13:14,261
We did it. Yay! Yay!

309
00:13:14,296 --> 00:13:16,565
Well, I'm gonna go take
him down to pound town. Ah!

310
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,670
No! Baby steps. No!

311
00:13:26,969 --> 00:13:27,002
Okay, so we have to tread carefully

312
00:13:28,257 --> 00:13:29,717
because Mark's my boss
and you're my roommate,

313
00:13:29,752 --> 00:13:31,332
and things could get a little messy.

314
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:33,583
Right. But just for you, so it's okay.

315
00:13:33,618 --> 00:13:36,864
Okay, Chloe, enough of this nonsense.

316
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,442
Luther is not working out as my wingman.

317
00:13:40,989 --> 00:13:43,394
Hey, girl.

318
00:13:43,429 --> 00:13:45,456
You like my friend over there?

319
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,260
James Van Der Beek.

320
00:13:47,295 --> 00:13:50,163
He likes you, too.

321
00:13:50,182 --> 00:13:51,899
But I don't.

322
00:13:51,935 --> 00:13:54,957
He is a guest judge on
"Project Runway" in the morning.

323
00:13:54,992 --> 00:13:58,084
He needs his beauty sleep or his
face will be as big as a plate.

324
00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:03,840
So get your purse and
click-clack on out of here.

325
00:14:03,875 --> 00:14:06,211
Click-clack. Click-clack.

326
00:14:12,295 --> 00:14:15,180
Sorry, James, Chloe has changed.

327
00:14:15,215 --> 00:14:18,548
She finally likes an appropriate guy.

328
00:14:18,583 --> 00:14:21,091
Mark, the guy with the
big hair from June's work.

329
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,222
No way. I don't buy it.

330
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:24,871
If she likes him, there's gotta
be something wrong with him.

331
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:26,435
We just don't know what it is yet.

332
00:14:26,488 --> 00:14:28,394
She only likes inappropriate guys.

333
00:14:28,429 --> 00:14:29,716
Not anymore.

334
00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:31,365
And we're going to see Mark now

335
00:14:31,384 --> 00:14:32,947
and Chloe's going to interact with him

336
00:14:32,982 --> 00:14:34,974
in a polite and nonsexual manner.

337
00:14:35,010 --> 00:14:36,606
Whatever that means!

338
00:14:40,216 --> 00:14:41,881
Hi there.

339
00:14:41,916 --> 00:14:43,187
You must be Mark.

340
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:44,871
I'm Chloe. Nice to meet you.

341
00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:46,658
Yeah, we've met, like, 30 times.

342
00:14:47,742 --> 00:14:49,768
Yes.

343
00:14:49,821 --> 00:14:52,723
So, Mark, you secretly married? Kids?

344
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,389
You ever kill a man outside of combat?

345
00:14:54,408 --> 00:14:56,435
James, not now. I'm in a crisis, okay?

346
00:14:56,487 --> 00:14:58,995
My friend Martin and his wife
just canceled on me for brunch.

347
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:00,644
Now I'm down to four people.

348
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,898
I mean, that's not brunch.

349
00:15:01,933 --> 00:15:03,135
That's barely a casual breakfast.

350
00:15:03,171 --> 00:15:04,837
It's a waste of everyone's time.

351
00:15:04,855 --> 00:15:07,087
Ooh! Mark, Chloe can come.

352
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:08,582
Yeah, I'll come, too.

353
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:11,056
I look forward to meeting
your gay lover whose name is...

354
00:15:11,091 --> 00:15:13,480
All right. Uh, back up to six!

355
00:15:13,532 --> 00:15:16,211
Couldn't keep brunch down for long. Brunch!

356
00:15:18,824 --> 00:15:19,957
Chloe.

357
00:15:19,993 --> 00:15:21,555
Chloe, this is perfect.

358
00:15:21,590 --> 00:15:25,473
You can tell Mark you like him
at a daytime chaperoned meal.

359
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:28,805
Oh, God. This is such hard
work. When does the fun start?

360
00:15:28,858 --> 00:15:31,280
When you get a ring on
your finger, miss thing.

361
00:15:31,315 --> 00:15:33,222
- What?
- I swung too far.

362
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,081
Welcome, brunchers.

363
00:15:39,116 --> 00:15:43,135
Come on in. Okay, we got
Kyle at the juice station,

364
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:45,592
that's Tim watching football on mute

365
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:47,293
while he's listening to jazz.

366
00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:49,837
The audio doesn't even match
the visual and it's okay.

367
00:15:49,872 --> 00:15:52,139
It's brunch! 

368
00:15:52,175 --> 00:15:54,390
Hey. We're not late, are we?

369
00:15:54,425 --> 00:15:55,455
"We"?

370
00:15:55,474 --> 00:15:58,840
Yeah, I just went and picked
up Anthony from karate class.

371
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,180
Oh, okay.

372
00:16:00,215 --> 00:16:02,551
It's, uh, supposed to
be brunch for just six,

373
00:16:02,603 --> 00:16:04,974
but sure. Whatever. You're famous.

374
00:16:05,009 --> 00:16:07,173
Chloe, you remember Anthony, right?

375
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,266
Look at him all sweaty in his karate gi.

376
00:16:10,301 --> 00:16:12,259
Smooth and hairless.

377
00:16:14,666 --> 00:16:18,891
Ah! You know, I finished every
Wii game I've ever started.

378
00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:21,796
Yellow belt, huh? Weak.

379
00:16:26,298 --> 00:16:28,445
So I realized the old woman
I'd been partying with all night

380
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:29,750
was really Paul McCartney.

381
00:16:29,785 --> 00:16:31,812
So did you tell him

382
00:16:31,831 --> 00:16:33,170
the green beans had been in your purse?

383
00:16:33,222 --> 00:16:35,111
Of course not. My skirt was already ripped.

384
00:16:35,146 --> 00:16:36,795
You know, Anthony likes the Beatles.

385
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:39,011
He can sing "Norwegian wood."

386
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:40,919
How come everyone else has real silverware?

387
00:16:40,954 --> 00:16:44,114
'Cause I had place settings...

388
00:16:44,150 --> 00:16:46,004
For six... 

389
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,462
Anthony.

390
00:16:48,497 --> 00:16:50,472
Time to let him know
that you're interested.

391
00:16:50,507 --> 00:16:52,053
Tell him you want to see his apartment

392
00:16:52,088 --> 00:16:53,410
and get some one-on-one time.

393
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:54,475
Okay.

394
00:16:54,528 --> 00:16:58,462
So, Mark, this is a really nice room.

395
00:16:58,514 --> 00:17:01,417
Are there any other nice
rooms that I could see?

396
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:04,355
Yeah, sure. Um, the eggs
are in the warming tray,

397
00:17:04,373 --> 00:17:07,774
the grapefruit's been sugared. Let's do it.

398
00:17:12,243 --> 00:17:13,307
I don't believe it.

399
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:16,744
Hot 17-year-old dude in a gi. Nothing.

400
00:17:16,779 --> 00:17:18,548
Well, congratulations, June.

401
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:20,111
I've lost her.

402
00:17:20,146 --> 00:17:21,142
Hmm.

403
00:17:21,177 --> 00:17:22,620
Can I have another juice?

404
00:17:22,655 --> 00:17:25,076
No. You've had three already.

405
00:17:25,095 --> 00:17:26,795
So this is me in high school,

406
00:17:26,830 --> 00:17:29,802
and that is actually this shirt.

407
00:17:29,854 --> 00:17:32,447
Are those crackers?

408
00:17:32,483 --> 00:17:34,630
Yeah, I keep them there
in case I get queasy.

409
00:17:34,665 --> 00:17:37,000
It was June's idea. She's really smart.

410
00:17:37,019 --> 00:17:41,330
See, I have these weird dreams
where I'm on a roller coaster...

411
00:17:41,349 --> 00:17:43,685
I like June. I really like June.

412
00:17:43,737 --> 00:17:46,176
I don't know it yet, but I like June.

413
00:17:46,194 --> 00:17:48,307
We're friends and June
probably doesn't like me,

414
00:17:48,343 --> 00:17:50,042
so that's what's keeping me from seeing it.

415
00:17:50,095 --> 00:17:51,811
But yeah, June.

416
00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:55,523
Ohh.

417
00:17:55,558 --> 00:17:57,860
That's why I was attracted to you.

418
00:17:57,895 --> 00:18:00,197
What? You're emotionally unavailable.

419
00:18:00,232 --> 00:18:02,310
You are an inappropriate guy.

420
00:18:01,445 --> 00:18:02,441
Uh...

421
00:18:02,476 --> 00:18:04,091
But just because

422
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:07,321
I have a deep urge to sleep
with you doesn't mean I have to.

423
00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:10,293
Nope. I'm walking away.

424
00:18:10,329 --> 00:18:13,146
I guess I have changed. 

425
00:18:17,528 --> 00:18:19,761
Sometimes you throw brunch,

426
00:18:19,796 --> 00:18:23,008
and sometimes brunch throws you.

427
00:18:23,027 --> 00:18:25,241
Oh, James.

428
00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:26,771
Stop pouting.

429
00:18:26,824 --> 00:18:29,228
You're just upset because
you lost your wingman,

430
00:18:29,264 --> 00:18:32,304
but this is gonna be better for Chloe.

431
00:18:32,356 --> 00:18:35,276
Better for Chloe or for you?

432
00:18:35,295 --> 00:18:36,771
You just don't want your neighbors

433
00:18:36,807 --> 00:18:38,437
to think you're a slut. Why
do you care so much anyway?

434
00:18:38,455 --> 00:18:41,032
Do you even like them?

435
00:18:41,067 --> 00:18:42,097
No.

436
00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:44,297
- But you like Chloe?
- Yeah.

437
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,946
Yeah, 'cause she's
spontaneous and charming.

438
00:18:45,982 --> 00:18:47,578
And fun and unpredictable.

439
00:18:47,614 --> 00:18:49,014
So why are you trying to change her?

440
00:18:58,506 --> 00:18:59,867
I should've bought more croissants.

441
00:18:59,881 --> 00:19:01,221
I mean, I stood there at the grocery store,

442
00:19:01,256 --> 00:19:04,451
I had them in my hand, and I choked.

443
00:19:04,487 --> 00:19:05,792
I choked.

444
00:19:05,827 --> 00:19:07,166
Wait.

445
00:19:07,201 --> 00:19:08,764
If Mark is here, then who...

446
00:19:11,565 --> 00:19:13,454
Anthony, no!

447
00:19:13,473 --> 00:19:14,726
Who are you, my ma?

448
00:19:14,761 --> 00:19:18,025
Oh, thank God.

449
00:19:18,044 --> 00:19:21,427
Wait. Then who's in there?

450
00:19:21,463 --> 00:19:23,111
'Sup, chickens?

451
00:19:25,001 --> 00:19:27,372
Arigato. Hey!

452
00:19:27,407 --> 00:19:30,517
Yes! Sex with a stranger
in another dude's bedroom!

453
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:33,334
Welcome back! I missed you so much.

454
00:19:33,369 --> 00:19:35,620
I couldn't do it. I
couldn't marry a farmer.

455
00:19:36,737 --> 00:19:38,214
Where are my eggs?

456
00:19:38,249 --> 00:19:39,898
What's go... who was that?

457
00:19:39,933 --> 00:19:42,561
Um, Tim? This brunch made me realize

458
00:19:42,596 --> 00:19:44,331
that I still like inappropriate guys.

459
00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:46,822
So it's not gonna work out
with Mark. I hope it's okay.

460
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:50,259
It is okay. I am so sorry
for trying to change you

461
00:19:50,277 --> 00:19:52,354
and make you into
something that you're not.

462
00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:54,331
Oh, my God. I love you, too.

463
00:19:54,383 --> 00:19:57,699
Can't wait to see you. Love you 1,000%.

464
00:19:57,734 --> 00:19:58,935
Okay. Bye-bye.

465
00:20:00,844 --> 00:20:01,908
Guess what.

466
00:20:01,943 --> 00:20:03,798
Jennifer and I are back together!

467
00:20:03,816 --> 00:20:07,062
That's great. Just
don't let her change you.

468
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:09,056
I won't.

469
00:20:09,091 --> 00:20:11,324
Okay, everybody out.

470
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,330
I need to shave and put on some sleeves.

471
00:20:14,383 --> 00:20:16,736
Uh, we're gonna see if
we can squeeze in a hike.

472
00:20:16,789 --> 00:20:18,677
Cats can't walk themselves.

473
00:20:18,714 --> 00:20:21,667
So let's go, Bruce Lee.

474
00:20:21,686 --> 00:20:23,317
Come on. Let's go.

475
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:24,932
Well, I guess it's for the best

476
00:20:24,967 --> 00:20:26,495
that it didn't work out with you and Mark.

477
00:20:26,531 --> 00:20:27,870
It just wasn't meant to be.

478
00:20:27,905 --> 00:20:29,159
Yeah, and I got the sense

479
00:20:29,194 --> 00:20:31,461
that he had a thing for somebody else.

480
00:20:31,479 --> 00:20:32,853
Okay. Let's go.

481
00:20:32,888 --> 00:20:34,485
I need you to come to a
party with me right now.

482
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,578
I was supposed to go with
Luther, but he's killing me.

483
00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:39,416
I know you think you're pretty,

484
00:20:39,469 --> 00:20:42,286
but you're Sean Astin pretty,
not Van Der Beek pretty.

485
00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,708
All right. Sorry, Luther.

486
00:20:59,743 --> 00:21:01,110
My wingman is back.

487
00:21:01,144 --> 00:21:02,578
I'm tapping you out.

488
00:21:02,629 --> 00:21:05,014
But we're making progress.

489
00:21:05,048 --> 00:21:07,249
I found you a fixer-upper.

490
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,118
I'm circling her problem areas.

491
00:21:09,152 --> 00:21:11,587
She's gonna go work on them and come back.

492
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:14,473
Luther, this girl is beautiful.

493
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:17,343
See what I'm talking
about? Nothing pleases him.

494
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:21,013
Excuse me for striving for perfection...

495
00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:22,348
For you.

496
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:24,850
Luther, I'm... that's... that's not...

497
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:26,735
For you, James! For you!

498
00:21:26,736 --> 00:21:34,000
Synced by yescool - corrected by chamallow
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