1 00:00:01,010 --> 00:00:02,438 (June) ever since I moved to new york, 2 00:00:02,473 --> 00:00:03,492 I've made an effort to be friendly... 3 00:00:03,527 --> 00:00:05,482 Hello, sir. (chuckles) oh. 4 00:00:07,259 --> 00:00:09,078 It's like we're dancing. 5 00:00:09,112 --> 00:00:10,983 Move or I'll kick you in the clam! 6 00:00:11,002 --> 00:00:14,385 But lately it's feeling a little one-sided. 7 00:00:14,420 --> 00:00:16,256 New yorkers always seem to be in a rush. 8 00:00:16,291 --> 00:00:18,262 They never even stop to get to know their neighbors. 9 00:00:18,298 --> 00:00:20,780 Oh, hi, I'm June. I don't think that we've met-- 10 00:00:20,815 --> 00:00:22,124 Aah! 11 00:00:22,159 --> 00:00:23,144 Gah! 12 00:00:23,179 --> 00:00:24,692 Have a good day! 13 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:32,277 Perfect. A captive audience for my indiana charm. 14 00:00:32,313 --> 00:00:34,233 Building, meet June. 15 00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:41,598 Oh. Cookies. Fun. 16 00:00:41,633 --> 00:00:44,047 Is it a coworker's birthday? (blows raspberry) 17 00:00:44,081 --> 00:00:46,632 I'm bringing them to the tenants meeting. 18 00:00:46,668 --> 00:00:48,469 I want to meet our neighbors. 19 00:00:48,504 --> 00:00:50,187 Back in indiana, I was the best neighbor. 20 00:00:50,222 --> 00:00:54,252 I used to feed people's cats and water plants, get mail. 21 00:00:54,286 --> 00:00:55,544 Oh, so you were my grandma. 22 00:00:55,580 --> 00:00:57,789 Turn down the judgment, judge juney. 23 00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:00,153 I am also going to the tenants meeting. 24 00:01:00,189 --> 00:01:02,008 Really? Yeah. I saw a new family moved in 25 00:01:02,042 --> 00:01:04,780 And I want to introduce myself. I know how to be nice. 26 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:05,817 Hmm. 27 00:01:05,852 --> 00:01:07,535 (gasps) 28 00:01:07,570 --> 00:01:11,159 Oh. I guess it's always gonna be flour with you. 29 00:01:13,914 --> 00:01:16,753 So the stoop handrails will be painted on Tuesday. 30 00:01:16,789 --> 00:01:19,219 A reminder-- we do encourage doormats. 31 00:01:19,255 --> 00:01:21,057 And the building trip to atlanta has been canceled 32 00:01:21,092 --> 00:01:23,336 Due to lack of funds, not lack of interest. 33 00:01:23,371 --> 00:01:24,782 No! 34 00:01:26,755 --> 00:01:27,945 Okay, next order 35 00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:30,922 Of the tenants association business 36 00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:34,119 Is to welcome our new tenants, the pizzoli family. 37 00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:35,973 (woman) hi. 38 00:01:37,301 --> 00:01:39,868 Chloe? Uh, you don't... 39 00:01:39,902 --> 00:01:42,912 Come to these things. What--wh--wh-what's going on? 40 00:01:42,948 --> 00:01:45,090 Hi! My name is June, and I'm new here. 41 00:01:45,124 --> 00:01:46,451 I'm so excited. 42 00:01:46,485 --> 00:01:47,912 Where's the new family? 43 00:01:49,529 --> 00:01:52,743 Hi there. I'm chloe. I live in apartment 23. 44 00:01:52,778 --> 00:01:54,767 How old are you? 16? 17? 45 00:01:54,802 --> 00:01:56,094 17 1/2. 46 00:01:56,128 --> 00:01:59,394 Okay, well, um, according to megan's law, 47 00:01:59,428 --> 00:02:01,214 I'm required to tell all families with a minor 48 00:02:01,266 --> 00:02:03,050 That I live within a 500-foot radius 49 00:02:03,102 --> 00:02:05,194 And I'm a registered sex offender. 50 00:02:05,246 --> 00:02:07,488 (gasps) (man) what? 51 00:02:07,507 --> 00:02:08,459 (tenants murmuring) 52 00:02:08,494 --> 00:02:10,075 'sup? 53 00:02:10,109 --> 00:02:13,323 I'm tony p., but my friends call me nut-nut. 54 00:02:13,358 --> 00:02:14,768 Anthony, no! 55 00:02:18,818 --> 00:02:21,283 (woman) ♪ I'm not perfect, I'm no snitch ♪ 56 00:02:21,317 --> 00:02:22,916 ♪ but I can tell you 57 00:02:22,951 --> 00:02:24,701 (whispers) ♪ she's a... (buzzer) 58 00:02:27,305 --> 00:02:28,937 I mean, technically, 59 00:02:29,889 --> 00:02:31,657 Yes, I had sex with an underage boy. 60 00:02:31,692 --> 00:02:32,780 Ugh. 61 00:02:32,814 --> 00:02:34,548 I was 18. 62 00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:35,841 He was 17. 63 00:02:35,876 --> 00:02:38,120 It was sweet. We held hands and passed notes, 64 00:02:38,138 --> 00:02:40,977 Then we had sex in the back of his dad's delivery truck. 65 00:02:41,012 --> 00:02:42,712 Anyway, his parents hated me, 66 00:02:42,731 --> 00:02:44,379 So they prosecuted to the full extent of the law. 67 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,791 It's no big deal. 68 00:02:45,826 --> 00:02:46,931 No big deal? 69 00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:48,767 What about anthony pizzoli? 70 00:02:48,803 --> 00:02:49,838 Who? 71 00:02:49,874 --> 00:02:52,510 Nut-nut! The 17 year old down the hall! 72 00:02:52,544 --> 00:02:54,210 I'm not into younger guys. 73 00:02:53,345 --> 00:02:56,542 Curfews, body sprays, doodles of fighter jets... 74 00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:59,382 (sighs) now the neighbors hate us. The neighbors hate us now. 75 00:02:59,434 --> 00:03:00,743 You know who I hate? 76 00:03:00,795 --> 00:03:03,974 Single moms. They make such a big deal about it. 77 00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:10,574 Chloe was 2 1/2 months older than that boy. 78 00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:14,860 She should have known that it was inappropriate. 79 00:03:14,894 --> 00:03:17,224 You're acting very weird. Are you drunk? 80 00:03:17,258 --> 00:03:18,482 On freedom! 81 00:03:18,517 --> 00:03:20,098 Jennifer and I broke up! 82 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,833 She finally dumped me! 83 00:03:21,885 --> 00:03:23,415 Oh, I'm sorry. 84 00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:25,744 Don't be. I feel great. I'm free of all the rules. 85 00:03:25,796 --> 00:03:28,465 Notice anything different about me? 86 00:03:28,518 --> 00:03:31,834 I grew in my burns. Jennifer hated hair. 87 00:03:31,868 --> 00:03:35,218 She also banned reggae music, fantasy football, and tank tops, 88 00:03:35,253 --> 00:03:38,127 But no more! 89 00:03:38,162 --> 00:03:39,181 (chuckles) 90 00:03:39,216 --> 00:03:40,848 Hello, shoulders. 91 00:03:40,883 --> 00:03:43,263 It's been a while since you've been out in the world. 92 00:03:43,315 --> 00:03:45,355 We have a half-black president now. 93 00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:49,675 I think he's doing a great job despite a very hostile congress. 94 00:03:49,693 --> 00:03:51,545 (laughs) you're fun. 95 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,247 Jennifer was not fun. 96 00:03:53,265 --> 00:03:54,947 Oh, you're invited to the brunch I'm throwing. 97 00:03:54,966 --> 00:03:57,465 Brunch? That's your first single guy move? 98 00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:59,709 Not strippers or golf? 99 00:03:59,728 --> 00:04:02,431 Jennifer always made me spend sundays hiking with her cats. 100 00:04:02,449 --> 00:04:04,523 But this Sunday, there are no rules! 101 00:04:04,575 --> 00:04:06,870 You can have a mimosa or a coffee, 102 00:04:06,906 --> 00:04:09,234 Watch the game or read the paper. 103 00:04:09,252 --> 00:04:11,343 As long as you don't have to put sunscreen on a cat, 104 00:04:11,378 --> 00:04:13,351 It's all good. 105 00:04:14,441 --> 00:04:17,670 (chloe giggling) 106 00:04:17,705 --> 00:04:20,307 (man moans) 107 00:04:20,359 --> 00:04:21,838 I'm going to bed. 108 00:04:21,872 --> 00:04:23,912 Can you at least hold off on the sex noises 109 00:04:23,948 --> 00:04:25,273 Until I get my earplugs in? 110 00:04:25,325 --> 00:04:26,888 Oh, you can't go in your room. 111 00:04:26,907 --> 00:04:28,828 No, it's all good. We're done. 112 00:04:28,863 --> 00:04:30,580 What? In my room? 113 00:04:30,632 --> 00:04:32,791 Good night out. 114 00:04:32,843 --> 00:04:35,104 Oh, f.Y.I.--I wore your pajama pants for a while. 115 00:04:35,156 --> 00:04:36,515 (pounding on door) 116 00:04:36,551 --> 00:04:38,421 (woman) jonathan, it's your girlfriend! Remember me? 117 00:04:38,439 --> 00:04:40,495 I know you're in there with that whore! 118 00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:42,077 Who's jonathan? 119 00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:43,557 Um, me. 120 00:04:43,592 --> 00:04:46,874 Oh, well, I'm really bad with names, so it's not my fault. 121 00:04:46,909 --> 00:04:48,557 Chloe, this guy has a girlfriend. 122 00:04:48,593 --> 00:04:51,448 So someone told me he's only with her because she's bipolar. 123 00:04:51,483 --> 00:04:53,115 Yeah, I told you that. 124 00:04:53,150 --> 00:04:54,392 Don't worry about it. I'll fix it. 125 00:04:54,444 --> 00:04:57,469 I'm just gonna flash them the beek. 126 00:04:57,504 --> 00:04:59,443 Hi. 127 00:04:59,478 --> 00:05:00,736 Who the hell are you? 128 00:05:01,791 --> 00:05:02,844 Bye. 129 00:05:02,862 --> 00:05:04,341 (man) god knows what goes on in there. 130 00:05:04,375 --> 00:05:07,233 (woman) look at those two sluts. I can't believe them. 131 00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:09,307 Of course miss megan's law and her roommate are whores. 132 00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:11,705 It's like a dutch brothel in there. 133 00:05:11,757 --> 00:05:12,811 I'm going in. 134 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,325 Anthony, no! 135 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:18,424 Our neighbors hate me because of you! 136 00:05:18,459 --> 00:05:20,668 I am a slut by association. 137 00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,424 Are you even aware of your behavior? 138 00:05:23,459 --> 00:05:27,982 I mean, have you ever in your life dated an appropriate guy? 139 00:05:29,123 --> 00:05:32,132 ♪ 140 00:05:52,032 --> 00:05:54,141 Look, I can't help it. 141 00:05:54,159 --> 00:05:56,675 I have always been drawn to inappropriate men. 142 00:05:56,710 --> 00:05:59,278 It's so fun though. I'm having a great time. 143 00:05:59,312 --> 00:06:01,301 Oh, really? You think so? 144 00:06:03,377 --> 00:06:06,318 Come on with me. 145 00:06:06,354 --> 00:06:08,496 What--what are you doing? 146 00:06:08,531 --> 00:06:11,744 I'm giving you my hand, ghost of christmas future-style. 147 00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:13,156 Now come on. Just take it. 148 00:06:13,191 --> 00:06:15,469 It's okay. I'll just follow you. 149 00:06:15,504 --> 00:06:18,854 Fine. Just follow me. 150 00:06:18,888 --> 00:06:21,116 (woman singing indistinctly) 151 00:06:21,151 --> 00:06:23,701 Where are we? I can barely see. 152 00:06:23,736 --> 00:06:26,780 A cougar bar called saddlebags. 153 00:06:26,815 --> 00:06:28,310 Are those... 154 00:06:28,345 --> 00:06:30,334 Yes, they are. 155 00:06:30,369 --> 00:06:32,563 (woman) I can no longer get pregnant. 156 00:06:32,615 --> 00:06:34,042 I can no longer get pregnant. 157 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,930 (woman) my c-section scars have faded completely. 158 00:06:35,966 --> 00:06:39,467 (woman) I've had my I.U.D. In for 34 years. 159 00:06:39,519 --> 00:06:43,312 (woman) I was an alternate on the 1976 u.S. Swim team. 160 00:06:43,346 --> 00:06:46,900 (slurps loudly) 161 00:06:46,935 --> 00:06:49,690 See how well I sucked that down? 162 00:06:49,724 --> 00:06:50,880 Ugh. 163 00:06:50,915 --> 00:06:52,207 Take a good, hard look, 164 00:06:52,241 --> 00:06:53,959 Because if you don't change your ways... 165 00:06:54,011 --> 00:06:57,683 Hey! You got change for the condom machine? 166 00:06:57,719 --> 00:06:59,605 This will be your future. 167 00:06:59,657 --> 00:07:00,983 (chloe) no. No. 168 00:07:01,018 --> 00:07:02,514 These women are nothing like me. 169 00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:04,707 I'm young and hot and amazing. 170 00:07:04,743 --> 00:07:06,374 Oh, you don't think they were once, too? 171 00:07:06,410 --> 00:07:07,906 Two words-- 172 00:07:07,958 --> 00:07:09,776 Janice dickinson. 173 00:07:09,828 --> 00:07:12,464 (woman) change for the condom machine? 174 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,369 No! (women all speaking at once) 175 00:07:14,421 --> 00:07:16,461 I don't want this to be my future, June! 176 00:07:16,496 --> 00:07:17,770 Please help me! 177 00:07:17,822 --> 00:07:19,948 Absolutely. 178 00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,363 (woman) change! 179 00:07:22,415 --> 00:07:23,723 (women shriek) 180 00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:25,339 (woman) close that door! 181 00:07:25,373 --> 00:07:27,074 They don't like the daylight because you can see 182 00:07:27,092 --> 00:07:29,795 How their lip liner bleeds into their mouth wrinkles. (screaming) 183 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,166 You are going to love the farmer's market. 184 00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:40,377 It's where I learned what kale was. 185 00:07:40,813 --> 00:07:42,724 Oh, it seems like so long ago. 186 00:07:42,985 --> 00:07:44,826 Day drinks. 187 00:07:44,862 --> 00:07:47,540 I just downloaded an app that tracks bar patios 188 00:07:47,575 --> 00:07:49,160 According to the angle of the sun, 189 00:07:49,195 --> 00:07:52,744 So we have about 45 minutes before shade hits white horse. 190 00:07:52,779 --> 00:07:55,047 Can't. June is taking me to a farm 191 00:07:55,066 --> 00:07:56,941 To meet nice guys. 192 00:07:56,995 --> 00:07:58,869 I have to tweet this plow joke I just thought of 193 00:07:58,888 --> 00:08:00,252 And then I'm ready. 194 00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:01,975 Wait. What's going on here? 195 00:08:02,010 --> 00:08:03,511 Chloe is going to meet an appropriate guy 196 00:08:03,529 --> 00:08:05,201 And settle down, 197 00:08:05,237 --> 00:08:07,010 And she's gonna start going to sleep when it's dark outside 198 00:08:07,045 --> 00:08:08,887 And paying her bills on time, 199 00:08:08,939 --> 00:08:11,122 And my mailbox will no longer read 200 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:14,518 "June colberningsensation." 201 00:08:14,570 --> 00:08:16,361 My last name is colbern. 202 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,306 Chloe with an appropriate guy? 203 00:08:18,341 --> 00:08:21,036 Ha! That's not gonna happen. 204 00:08:21,088 --> 00:08:22,641 Listen, you can lead a horse to water, 205 00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:24,330 But you can't make her date some clean-cut doctor 206 00:08:24,365 --> 00:08:26,190 From connecticut who plays tennis and has-- 207 00:08:26,225 --> 00:08:28,596 Stop. You're making June climax. 208 00:08:28,631 --> 00:08:31,514 There's nothing wrong with a nice guy 209 00:08:31,549 --> 00:08:34,534 With white shorts and hair like a ken doll. 210 00:08:34,569 --> 00:08:35,643 Tell me this isn't happening. 211 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:37,026 You're great the way you are. 212 00:08:37,061 --> 00:08:39,278 You're the best wingman I've ever had. 213 00:08:39,313 --> 00:08:41,531 James, this isn't about you. This is about me, 214 00:08:41,549 --> 00:08:43,015 Like everything. 215 00:08:44,501 --> 00:08:46,308 Hmm. Well, why are you doing this? 216 00:08:46,343 --> 00:08:48,305 You know she's the one who wrote that on your mailbox, right? 217 00:08:48,341 --> 00:08:50,029 (door closes) 218 00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,083 (elevator bell dings) 219 00:08:53,136 --> 00:08:54,585 (man) whoo-hoo! 220 00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:57,333 This is a coincidence. I'm not with them. 221 00:08:57,367 --> 00:09:00,404 Are those mai tais and tiki torches? 222 00:09:00,438 --> 00:09:02,896 Oh, my god. You guys are having a luau on the roof, 223 00:09:02,931 --> 00:09:04,295 And we weren't invited. 224 00:09:04,329 --> 00:09:06,137 What are you, a slut and a detective? 225 00:09:06,172 --> 00:09:08,799 Hey, get a load of the slut detective. 226 00:09:08,834 --> 00:09:09,976 (laughter) 227 00:09:10,012 --> 00:09:11,956 You like prosciutto e mozzarella? 228 00:09:11,991 --> 00:09:14,226 Anthony, no! 229 00:09:14,261 --> 00:09:16,137 That's okay. It's fine. 230 00:09:16,172 --> 00:09:19,107 We will be coming to your next party because I am fixing her. 231 00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,717 We will go christmas caroling together. 232 00:09:21,753 --> 00:09:24,037 ♪ hark! How the bells, sweet silver bells ♪ 233 00:09:24,073 --> 00:09:25,403 ♪ all seem to say, throw-- 234 00:09:25,455 --> 00:09:27,298 (indistinct conversations) 235 00:09:29,448 --> 00:09:31,068 (woman) and two more! 236 00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:33,918 That hat right there means he belongs to a yacht club. 237 00:09:33,953 --> 00:09:36,836 Or he's bald and understands ebay. 238 00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:40,368 Sorry. I'm trying. It's just so soul-sucking. 239 00:09:40,403 --> 00:09:43,746 Come on. Just smile. How about this pear guy? 240 00:09:43,781 --> 00:09:46,562 Let's listen to what he has to say. He might surprise you. 241 00:09:46,598 --> 00:09:47,841 Okay. 242 00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:51,118 These were driven in from virginia this morning. 243 00:09:51,153 --> 00:09:52,467 Ripened on the tree, of course. 244 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,398 We specialize in asian pears. 245 00:09:54,450 --> 00:09:55,951 This is a shinsui... 246 00:09:55,985 --> 00:09:57,572 I have an unimpressive penis. 247 00:09:57,623 --> 00:09:59,431 We'll have sex once a week in the missionary position 248 00:09:59,467 --> 00:10:01,360 And then spoon until I have to pee. 249 00:10:01,395 --> 00:10:03,544 And this is a daisu li-- 250 00:10:03,579 --> 00:10:04,944 Crisp, slightly tart, 251 00:10:04,996 --> 00:10:06,394 With a nutty finish. 252 00:10:06,428 --> 00:10:07,981 Okay. (giggles) 253 00:10:08,033 --> 00:10:09,654 Chl-chloe! 254 00:10:09,689 --> 00:10:10,847 Chloe! 255 00:10:10,883 --> 00:10:14,209 Not him! He sells glow sticks from his bike! 256 00:10:14,261 --> 00:10:16,154 At least put on a helmet! 257 00:10:16,189 --> 00:10:18,066 He will! (bicycle bell dings) 258 00:10:23,527 --> 00:10:25,267 (door bells jingle) 259 00:10:25,286 --> 00:10:28,167 Oh, look who's here. 260 00:10:30,405 --> 00:10:31,546 What is that? Is that your vitamin? 261 00:10:31,582 --> 00:10:34,482 Mnh. Vitamin c for "careless." 262 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,666 Look, I know I screwed up yesterday, 263 00:10:36,684 --> 00:10:39,856 But I want to start over. 264 00:10:39,892 --> 00:10:41,699 Okay. 265 00:10:41,734 --> 00:10:43,969 But we have to start all the way at square one. 266 00:10:44,004 --> 00:10:48,918 First, you need to learn what an appropriate guy is. 267 00:10:48,953 --> 00:10:50,607 Okay, he is single, 268 00:10:50,642 --> 00:10:52,125 He has a job, 269 00:10:52,144 --> 00:10:55,198 He is emotionally and physically available-- 270 00:10:55,232 --> 00:10:57,724 He has all his limbs. No, he doesn't have to have all of his limbs. 271 00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,369 Oh. Just as long as he doesn't blame the world for losing them. 272 00:11:00,403 --> 00:11:03,030 Oh, you guys talking about limbs? 273 00:11:03,065 --> 00:11:05,709 Just working on getting mine in tip-top shape. 274 00:11:05,727 --> 00:11:08,678 Yeah, jennifer hated muscles on a man. 275 00:11:08,697 --> 00:11:11,272 She said they made me look like angela bassett. 276 00:11:11,307 --> 00:11:13,285 Ah, chloe. Your stupid experience done yet? 277 00:11:13,303 --> 00:11:14,855 'cause I need you to go to a party with me. 278 00:11:14,959 --> 00:11:18,064 I tried luther as my wingman last night. Did not work. 279 00:11:18,098 --> 00:11:19,053 (dance music playing) 280 00:11:19,088 --> 00:11:22,090 Those earrings are terrible. 281 00:11:22,109 --> 00:11:23,644 (slurps) 282 00:11:23,696 --> 00:11:25,708 Don't look at me. I didn't make 'em. 283 00:11:25,742 --> 00:11:27,926 I'm sorry. She can't go out tonight. 284 00:11:27,961 --> 00:11:29,479 She and I are gonna sit at home 285 00:11:29,515 --> 00:11:31,629 And set up her online dating profile. 286 00:11:31,682 --> 00:11:33,661 We are? 287 00:11:33,696 --> 00:11:35,709 Wow. That sounds like a really productive use of your time. 288 00:11:35,743 --> 00:11:36,731 (blows raspberry) 289 00:11:36,749 --> 00:11:37,859 (laughs) 290 00:11:37,893 --> 00:11:39,411 That's what we do. 291 00:11:39,445 --> 00:11:40,810 (keys clicking) 292 00:11:40,845 --> 00:11:42,943 Do you have any photos 293 00:11:42,979 --> 00:11:45,145 Where you're not cupping your breasts? 294 00:11:45,180 --> 00:11:46,578 Ew. No. Why? 295 00:11:46,613 --> 00:11:48,029 I'll go get my camera. 296 00:11:48,063 --> 00:11:49,803 (knock on door) 297 00:11:51,392 --> 00:11:52,976 Hey. I need to borrow a mixer. 298 00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:54,615 I'm making biscuits for my brunch. 299 00:11:54,650 --> 00:11:56,697 Borrow? You can just have it. It's June's anyway, 300 00:11:56,732 --> 00:11:58,660 So I'll get it for you. 301 00:11:58,712 --> 00:12:00,554 (computer chimes) thanks. 302 00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:02,875 Oh. I think someone just winked at me. 303 00:12:02,910 --> 00:12:04,239 Can you blame 'em? 304 00:12:06,423 --> 00:12:08,847 Huh. I thought we were out of whiskey. 305 00:12:08,882 --> 00:12:10,980 Angela bassett played tina turner in the movie. 306 00:12:11,016 --> 00:12:14,153 That's what's happening here. 307 00:12:14,206 --> 00:12:16,987 Want me to fight angela me? 'cause I will. 308 00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:20,245 Mark, I've never seen this side of you before. 309 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,157 You've never seen a lot of things. 310 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,129 (gasps) 311 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,824 Holy crap. 312 00:12:30,844 --> 00:12:32,412 June! 313 00:12:32,464 --> 00:12:34,869 What's happening here? 314 00:12:34,904 --> 00:12:36,456 My window got stuck, 315 00:12:36,492 --> 00:12:38,419 And since everyone in the building hates us, 316 00:12:38,454 --> 00:12:40,774 The landlord refuses to fix it. 317 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,839 I like to keep crackers next to my bed 318 00:12:42,874 --> 00:12:44,442 Just in case I wake up queasy. 319 00:12:44,461 --> 00:12:46,387 Who cares? Guess what. 320 00:12:46,422 --> 00:12:48,180 I finally like an appropriate guy. 321 00:12:48,215 --> 00:12:50,483 Mark! I'm totally attracted to mark. 322 00:12:50,501 --> 00:12:52,548 Wait. Mark? My mark? 323 00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:54,630 But you didn't know his name yesterday. 324 00:12:54,682 --> 00:12:56,557 I know. But I just had a sex dream about him. 325 00:12:56,593 --> 00:12:58,435 Sex dreams never lie. 326 00:12:58,471 --> 00:13:01,763 Well, I mean, I-I guess-- I guess that could work. 327 00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:02,984 I mean, he meets all the criteria. 328 00:13:03,019 --> 00:13:05,373 He's cute, he's kind, he has a job. 329 00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:07,881 I know. Don't eat that. Pigeons walked on that. 330 00:13:07,934 --> 00:13:10,320 He's great, right? You did it. 331 00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:11,516 No, we did it. 332 00:13:11,552 --> 00:13:13,051 We did it. Yay! Yay! 333 00:13:13,086 --> 00:13:15,355 Well, I'm gonna go take him down to pound town. Ah! 334 00:13:15,390 --> 00:13:18,460 No! Baby steps. (hums) No! 335 00:13:21,349 --> 00:13:23,643 Okay, so we have to tread carefully 336 00:13:23,847 --> 00:13:25,307 Because mark's my boss and you're my roommate, 337 00:13:25,342 --> 00:13:26,922 And things could get a little messy. 338 00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,173 Right. But just for you, so it's okay. 339 00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:32,454 Okay, chloe, enough of this nonsense. 340 00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:35,032 Luther is not working out as my wingman. 341 00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:36,544 ♪ 342 00:13:36,579 --> 00:13:38,984 Hey, girl. 343 00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,046 You like my friend over there? 344 00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:42,850 James van der beek. 345 00:13:42,885 --> 00:13:45,753 (singsongy) he likes you, too. 346 00:13:45,772 --> 00:13:47,489 (normal voice) but I don't. 347 00:13:47,525 --> 00:13:50,547 He is a guest judge on "project runway" in the morning. 348 00:13:50,582 --> 00:13:53,674 He needs his beauty sleep or his face will be as big as a plate. 349 00:13:53,710 --> 00:13:59,430 So get your purse and click-clack on out of here. 350 00:13:59,465 --> 00:14:01,801 Click-clack. Click-clack. 351 00:14:01,837 --> 00:14:03,536 (slurps) 352 00:14:03,572 --> 00:14:05,049 (mouths words) 353 00:14:05,084 --> 00:14:07,850 (mouths words) 354 00:14:07,885 --> 00:14:10,770 Sorry, james, chloe has changed. 355 00:14:10,805 --> 00:14:14,138 She finally likes an appropriate guy. 356 00:14:14,173 --> 00:14:16,681 Mark, the guy with the big hair from June's work. 357 00:14:16,717 --> 00:14:18,812 No way. I don't buy it. 358 00:14:18,830 --> 00:14:20,461 If she likes him, there's gotta be something wrong with him. 359 00:14:20,497 --> 00:14:22,025 We just don't know what it is yet. 360 00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,984 She only likes inappropriate guys. 361 00:14:24,019 --> 00:14:25,306 Not anymore. 362 00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:26,955 And we're going to see mark now 363 00:14:26,974 --> 00:14:28,537 And chloe's going to interact with him 364 00:14:28,572 --> 00:14:30,564 In a polite and nonsexual manner. 365 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,196 Whatever that means! 366 00:14:34,483 --> 00:14:35,788 (door bells jingle) 367 00:14:35,806 --> 00:14:37,471 Hi there. 368 00:14:37,506 --> 00:14:38,777 You must be mark. 369 00:14:38,796 --> 00:14:40,461 I'm chloe. Nice to meet you. 370 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,248 (muffled) yeah, we've met, like, 30 times. 371 00:14:42,283 --> 00:14:43,313 (giggles) 372 00:14:43,332 --> 00:14:45,358 Yes. (laughs loudly) 373 00:14:45,411 --> 00:14:48,313 So, mark, you secretly married? Kids? 374 00:14:48,349 --> 00:14:49,979 You ever kill a man outside of combat? 375 00:14:49,998 --> 00:14:52,025 James, not now. I'm in a crisis, okay? 376 00:14:52,077 --> 00:14:54,585 My friend martin and his wife just canceled on me for brunch. 377 00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:56,234 Now I'm down to four people. 378 00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,488 I mean, that's not brunch. 379 00:14:57,523 --> 00:14:58,725 That's barely a casual breakfast. 380 00:14:58,761 --> 00:15:00,427 It's a waste of everyone's time. 381 00:15:00,445 --> 00:15:02,677 Ooh! Mark, chloe can come. 382 00:15:02,713 --> 00:15:04,172 Yeah, I'll come, too. 383 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:06,646 I look forward to meeting your gay lover whose name is... 384 00:15:06,681 --> 00:15:09,070 All right. Uh, back up to six! 385 00:15:09,122 --> 00:15:11,801 (laughs) couldn't keep brunch down for long. Brunch! 386 00:15:11,836 --> 00:15:14,379 (June and chloe laugh) 387 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,547 (whispers) chloe. 388 00:15:15,583 --> 00:15:17,145 (normal voice) chloe, this is perfect. 389 00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:21,063 You can tell mark you like him at a daytime chaperoned meal. 390 00:15:21,115 --> 00:15:24,395 Oh, god. This is such hard work. When does the fun start? 391 00:15:24,448 --> 00:15:26,870 When you get a ring on your finger, miss thing. 392 00:15:26,905 --> 00:15:28,812 What? I swung too far. 393 00:15:32,660 --> 00:15:34,671 Welcome, brunchers. 394 00:15:34,706 --> 00:15:38,725 Come on in. Okay, we got kyle at the juice station, 395 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,182 That's tim watching football on mute 396 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,883 While he's listening to jazz. 397 00:15:42,919 --> 00:15:45,427 The audio doesn't even match the visual and it's okay. 398 00:15:45,462 --> 00:15:47,729 It's brunch! (chuckles) 399 00:15:47,765 --> 00:15:49,980 Hey. We're not late, are we? 400 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:51,045 "we"? 401 00:15:51,064 --> 00:15:52,385 Yeah, I just went 402 00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:54,430 And picked up anthony from karate class. 403 00:15:54,465 --> 00:15:55,770 Oh, okay. 404 00:15:55,805 --> 00:15:58,141 It's, uh, supposed to be brunch for just six, 405 00:15:58,193 --> 00:16:00,564 But sure. Whatever. You're famous. 406 00:16:00,599 --> 00:16:02,763 Chloe, you remember anthony, right? 407 00:16:02,798 --> 00:16:05,856 Look at him all sweaty in his karate gi. 408 00:16:05,891 --> 00:16:07,849 Smooth and hairless. 409 00:16:07,885 --> 00:16:10,203 (slurps) 410 00:16:10,256 --> 00:16:14,481 Ah! You know, I finished every wii game I've ever started. 411 00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:17,386 Yellow belt, huh? Weak. 412 00:16:20,393 --> 00:16:21,870 (mark and chloe laugh) 413 00:16:21,888 --> 00:16:24,035 So I realized the old woman I'd been partying with all night 414 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,340 Was really paul mccartney. 415 00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,402 (laughs) so did you tell him 416 00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:28,760 The green beans had been in your purse? 417 00:16:28,812 --> 00:16:30,701 Of course not. My skirt was already ripped. 418 00:16:30,736 --> 00:16:32,385 You know, anthony likes the beatles. 419 00:16:32,420 --> 00:16:34,601 He can sing "norwegian wood." 420 00:16:34,654 --> 00:16:36,509 How come everyone else has real silverware? 421 00:16:36,544 --> 00:16:39,704 'cause I had place settings... 422 00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:41,594 For six... 423 00:16:41,630 --> 00:16:44,052 Anthony. 424 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,062 (whispering) time to let him know that you're interested. 425 00:16:46,097 --> 00:16:47,643 Tell him you want to see his apartment 426 00:16:47,678 --> 00:16:49,000 And get some one-on-one time. 427 00:16:49,035 --> 00:16:50,065 Okay. 428 00:16:50,118 --> 00:16:54,052 So, mark, this is a really nice room. 429 00:16:54,104 --> 00:16:57,007 Are there any other nice rooms that I could see? 430 00:16:57,043 --> 00:16:59,945 Yeah, sure. Um, the eggs are in the warming tray, 431 00:16:59,963 --> 00:17:03,364 The grapefruit's been sugared. Let's do it. 432 00:17:07,833 --> 00:17:08,897 I don't believe it. 433 00:17:08,949 --> 00:17:12,334 Hot 17-year-old dude in a gi. Nothing. 434 00:17:12,369 --> 00:17:14,138 Well, congratulations, June. 435 00:17:14,173 --> 00:17:15,701 I've lost her. 436 00:17:15,736 --> 00:17:16,732 Hmm. 437 00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:18,210 Can I have another juice? 438 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:20,666 No. You've had three already. 439 00:17:20,685 --> 00:17:22,385 So this is me in high school, 440 00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:25,392 And that is actually this shirt. 441 00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:28,037 Are those crackers? 442 00:17:28,073 --> 00:17:30,220 Yeah, I keep them there in case I get queasy. 443 00:17:30,255 --> 00:17:32,590 It was June's idea. She's really smart. 444 00:17:32,609 --> 00:17:36,920 See, I have these weird dreams where I'm on a roller coaster... 445 00:17:36,939 --> 00:17:39,275 I like June. I really like June. 446 00:17:39,327 --> 00:17:41,766 I don't know it yet, but I like June. 447 00:17:41,784 --> 00:17:43,897 We're friends and June probably doesn't like me, 448 00:17:43,933 --> 00:17:45,632 So that's what's keeping me from seeing it. 449 00:17:45,685 --> 00:17:47,401 But yeah, June. 450 00:17:47,420 --> 00:17:51,113 Ohh. 451 00:17:51,148 --> 00:17:53,450 That's why I was attracted to you. 452 00:17:53,485 --> 00:17:55,787 What? You're emotionally unavailable. 453 00:17:55,822 --> 00:17:57,900 You are an inappropriate guy. 454 00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,031 Uh... 455 00:17:58,066 --> 00:17:59,681 But just because 456 00:17:59,716 --> 00:18:02,911 I have a deep urge to sleep with you doesn't mean I have to. 457 00:18:02,947 --> 00:18:05,883 Nope. I'm walking away. 458 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:08,736 I guess I have changed. (giggles) 459 00:18:13,118 --> 00:18:15,351 (sighs) sometimes you throw brunch, 460 00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:18,598 And sometimes brunch throws you. 461 00:18:18,617 --> 00:18:20,831 Oh, james. 462 00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,361 Stop pouting. 463 00:18:22,414 --> 00:18:24,818 You're just upset because you lost your wingman, 464 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,894 But this is gonna be better for chloe. 465 00:18:27,946 --> 00:18:30,866 Better for chloe or for you? 466 00:18:30,885 --> 00:18:32,361 You just don't want your neighbors 467 00:18:32,397 --> 00:18:34,027 To think you're a slut. Why do you care so much anyway? 468 00:18:34,045 --> 00:18:36,622 Do you even like them? 469 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:37,687 No. 470 00:18:37,723 --> 00:18:39,887 But you like chloe? Yeah. 471 00:18:39,922 --> 00:18:41,536 Yeah, 'cause she's spontaneous and charming. 472 00:18:41,572 --> 00:18:43,168 And fun and unpredictable. 473 00:18:43,204 --> 00:18:44,508 So why are you trying to change her? 474 00:18:45,902 --> 00:18:48,804 (cell phone alert chimes) 475 00:18:51,228 --> 00:18:54,061 (sighs) 476 00:18:54,096 --> 00:18:55,436 I should've bought more croissants. 477 00:18:55,471 --> 00:18:56,811 I mean, I stood there at the grocery store, 478 00:18:56,846 --> 00:19:00,041 I had them in my hand, and I choked. 479 00:19:00,077 --> 00:19:01,382 I choked. 480 00:19:01,417 --> 00:19:02,756 Wait. 481 00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:04,354 If mark is here, then who-- 482 00:19:07,155 --> 00:19:09,044 Anthony, no! 483 00:19:09,063 --> 00:19:10,316 Who are you, my ma? 484 00:19:10,351 --> 00:19:13,615 Oh, thank god. 485 00:19:13,634 --> 00:19:17,017 Wait. Then who's in there? 486 00:19:17,053 --> 00:19:18,701 'sup, chickens? 487 00:19:20,591 --> 00:19:22,962 Arigato. Hey! 488 00:19:22,997 --> 00:19:26,107 Yes! Sex with a stranger in another dude's bedroom! 489 00:19:26,159 --> 00:19:28,924 Welcome back! I missed you so much. 490 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:31,210 I couldn't do it. I couldn't marry a farmer. 491 00:19:31,245 --> 00:19:32,292 (laughs) 492 00:19:32,327 --> 00:19:33,804 Where are my eggs? 493 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,488 What's go--who was that? 494 00:19:35,523 --> 00:19:38,151 Um, tim? This brunch made me realize 495 00:19:38,186 --> 00:19:39,921 That I still like inappropriate guys. 496 00:19:39,973 --> 00:19:42,412 So it's not gonna work out with mark. I hope it's okay. 497 00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:45,849 It is okay. I am so sorry for trying to change you 498 00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:47,944 And make you into something that you're not. 499 00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:49,921 Oh, my god. I love you, too. 500 00:19:49,973 --> 00:19:53,289 Can't wait to see you. Love you 1,000%. 501 00:19:53,324 --> 00:19:54,525 Okay. Bye-bye. 502 00:19:54,578 --> 00:19:56,381 (beep) 503 00:19:56,434 --> 00:19:57,498 Guess what. 504 00:19:57,533 --> 00:19:59,388 Jennifer and I are back together! 505 00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:02,652 That's great. Just don't let her change you. 506 00:20:02,671 --> 00:20:04,646 I won't. 507 00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:06,914 Okay, everybody out. 508 00:20:06,949 --> 00:20:09,920 I need to shave and put on some sleeves. 509 00:20:09,973 --> 00:20:12,326 Uh, we're gonna see if we can squeeze in a hike. 510 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,267 Cats can't walk themselves. 511 00:20:14,304 --> 00:20:17,257 So let's go, bruce lee. 512 00:20:17,276 --> 00:20:18,907 Come on. Let's go. 513 00:20:18,942 --> 00:20:20,522 Well, I guess it's for the best 514 00:20:20,557 --> 00:20:22,085 That it didn't work out with you and mark. 515 00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:23,460 It just wasn't meant to be. 516 00:20:23,495 --> 00:20:24,749 Yeah, and I got the sense 517 00:20:24,784 --> 00:20:27,051 That he had a thing for somebody else. 518 00:20:27,069 --> 00:20:28,443 Okay. Let's go. 519 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,075 I need you to come to a party with me right now. 520 00:20:30,110 --> 00:20:33,168 I was supposed to go with luther, but he's killing me. 521 00:20:33,203 --> 00:20:35,006 I know you think you're pretty, 522 00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:37,876 But you're sean astin pretty, not van der beek pretty. 523 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,031 (indistinct conversations) 524 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,666 All right. Sorry, luther. 525 00:20:51,701 --> 00:20:53,068 My wingman is back. 526 00:20:53,102 --> 00:20:54,536 I'm tapping you out. 527 00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,972 But we're making progress. 528 00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:59,207 I found you a fixer-upper. 529 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,076 I'm circling her problem areas. 530 00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:03,545 She's gonna go work on them and come back. 531 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,431 Luther, this girl is beautiful. 532 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:09,301 See what I'm talking about? Nothing pleases him. 533 00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:12,971 Excuse me for striving for perfection... (marker thuds) 534 00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:14,306 For you. 535 00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:16,808 Luther, I'm--that's-- that's not... (sighs) 536 00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,693 (luther) for you, james! For you!