1
00:00:02,661 --> 00:00:04,074
Hey, will you steam
my uniform next?
2
00:00:04,099 --> 00:00:05,047
Yeah, w...
3
00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:06,330
Interesting.
4
00:00:06,332 --> 00:00:07,948
Do you recall this conversation?
5
00:00:07,950 --> 00:00:10,301
"Leonard, want to go halfsies
on a steamer?"
6
00:00:10,303 --> 00:00:13,504
"No, Sheldon,
we don't need a steamer."
7
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,891
Looks like that rumpled
chicken's come home to roost.
8
00:00:17,759 --> 00:00:19,126
Hi.
9
00:00:19,128 --> 00:00:20,645
Here are the make-up sponges
you asked for.
10
00:00:20,647 --> 00:00:22,914
Oh, thanks,
I thought I had more.
11
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:28,686
Damn, you've got
more makeup than I do.
12
00:00:28,688 --> 00:00:31,606
You've got better makeup
than I do.
13
00:00:31,608 --> 00:00:33,524
Yeah, I'm borrowing this.
14
00:00:33,526 --> 00:00:34,609
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
15
00:00:34,611 --> 00:00:35,976
This is my Comic-Con makeup.
16
00:00:35,978 --> 00:00:38,196
I love you,
but there are some things
17
00:00:38,198 --> 00:00:40,081
a man doesn't share
with his girlfriend.
18
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,334
That's a wise policy.
19
00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:44,985
I once borrowed
my sister's makeup
20
00:00:44,987 --> 00:00:46,170
for a costume contest.
21
00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:47,788
Got a terrible case of pinkeye.
22
00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:49,790
Yeah, but luckily,
I was going as a zombie.
23
00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:51,676
I won second place.
24
00:00:51,678 --> 00:00:54,795
I feel like you guys
just went to Comic-Con.
25
00:00:54,797 --> 00:00:55,829
That was San Diego Comic-Con.
26
00:00:55,831 --> 00:00:57,965
This is Bakersfield Comic-Con.
27
00:00:57,967 --> 00:00:59,634
Is that better?
28
00:00:59,636 --> 00:01:00,935
Well, it's a lot smaller.
29
00:01:00,937 --> 00:01:02,019
It's more about
the comic books.
30
00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:03,521
The way these
conventions used to be
31
00:01:03,523 --> 00:01:05,356
before they went
all Hollywood.
32
00:01:05,358 --> 00:01:08,309
So to answer your question,
no, it's not better.
33
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:10,728
Well, then why are you going?
34
00:01:10,730 --> 00:01:12,630
It's a comic book convention.
35
00:01:12,632 --> 00:01:14,982
You know, it's like pizza
or particle accelerators,
36
00:01:14,984 --> 00:01:17,485
even the stinky one's
still pretty good.
37
00:01:17,487 --> 00:01:18,703
All right.
38
00:01:18,705 --> 00:01:19,704
Well, you guys have fun.
39
00:01:19,706 --> 00:01:20,854
I guess I'll see you
Sunday night.
40
00:01:20,856 --> 00:01:22,022
Yeah.
Okay.
41
00:01:22,024 --> 00:01:23,524
Oh, hang on a second.
42
00:01:23,526 --> 00:01:25,710
Hold this.
43
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:30,831
What was that for?
44
00:01:30,833 --> 00:01:33,634
To show people
when they don't believe me.
45
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:38,823
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
46
00:01:38,825 --> 00:01:42,476
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
47
00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:44,011
♪ The Earth began to cool
48
00:01:44,013 --> 00:01:46,731
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
49
00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:48,799
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
50
00:01:48,801 --> 00:01:51,369
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
51
00:01:51,371 --> 00:01:53,738
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
52
00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:55,240
♪ Bang! ♪
53
00:01:55,265 --> 00:01:59,265
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x13 ♪
The Bakersfield Expedition
Original Air Date on January 10, 2013
54
00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:03,290
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
55
00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:05,263
Oh, this is the best.
56
00:02:05,265 --> 00:02:07,098
You have booze
with breakfast on a Tuesday,
57
00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:08,149
you got a problem.
58
00:02:08,151 --> 00:02:10,652
You do it on the weekend,
you got brunch.
59
00:02:10,654 --> 00:02:12,570
Sheldon doesn't believe
in brunch.
60
00:02:12,572 --> 00:02:14,055
He can't stand being at a table
61
00:02:14,057 --> 00:02:15,323
where one person's
having an omelet
62
00:02:15,325 --> 00:02:17,609
and another person's
having a sandwich.
63
00:02:17,611 --> 00:02:20,945
He's not exhausting at all.
64
00:02:20,947 --> 00:02:22,530
(phone chirps)
65
00:02:22,532 --> 00:02:24,032
Oh.
66
00:02:24,034 --> 00:02:25,400
It's Leonard.
67
00:02:25,402 --> 00:02:27,702
he says they're on the road
and headed for Bakersfield
68
00:02:27,704 --> 00:02:29,120
at "warp speed."
69
00:02:29,122 --> 00:02:30,905
(chuckles)
Maybe it's the mimosa,
70
00:02:30,907 --> 00:02:33,341
but I'm gonna give
the kid an LOL.
71
00:02:35,044 --> 00:02:36,344
It's cute how excited they are.
72
00:02:36,346 --> 00:02:37,545
You should have seen Howard
73
00:02:37,547 --> 00:02:39,347
sewing his costume all week
for the convention.
74
00:02:39,349 --> 00:02:41,299
When did Howard learn
to sew?
75
00:02:41,301 --> 00:02:42,934
When he was a little boy,
every couple months,
76
00:02:42,936 --> 00:02:44,853
he would have to let
his mom's pants out.
77
00:02:48,441 --> 00:02:51,226
I don't even understand why
they go to these conventions.
78
00:02:51,228 --> 00:02:53,478
I know. The four of them work
at a major university.
79
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,479
They're all super smart.
80
00:02:54,481 --> 00:02:55,730
How can they still be
into something
81
00:02:55,732 --> 00:02:57,232
made for 12-year-olds?
82
00:02:57,234 --> 00:02:58,566
I don't mind it.
83
00:02:58,568 --> 00:03:00,852
I think Howie's just in touch
with his inner child.
84
00:03:00,854 --> 00:03:02,987
Although when he comes to bed
in his Batman pajamas,
85
00:03:02,989 --> 00:03:06,825
sometimes it feels like
I'm touching his inner child.
86
00:03:08,627 --> 00:03:10,912
It's probably because
they were bullied growing up.
87
00:03:10,914 --> 00:03:12,664
In a world
where you can't fight back,
88
00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:15,216
superheroes provide
meaningful wish-fulfillment.
89
00:03:15,218 --> 00:03:16,384
(groans)
90
00:03:16,386 --> 00:03:18,553
Now I feel bad for picking
on all those kids.
91
00:03:18,555 --> 00:03:20,004
Although, in my defense,
92
00:03:20,006 --> 00:03:22,390
if Danny Biffle didn't want
to eat a mouthful of dirt,
93
00:03:22,392 --> 00:03:26,311
he shouldn't have shown up
to school wearing a bow tie.
94
00:03:26,313 --> 00:03:28,680
I've never even read
a comic book. You guys?
95
00:03:28,682 --> 00:03:29,814
Uh-uh.
No.
96
00:03:29,816 --> 00:03:30,849
I mean, it's such an important
97
00:03:30,851 --> 00:03:31,816
part of their lives.
98
00:03:31,818 --> 00:03:33,401
Maybe we should try
reading some.
99
00:03:33,403 --> 00:03:35,820
Seriously?
100
00:03:35,822 --> 00:03:38,239
The comic book store
isn't far from here.
101
00:03:38,241 --> 00:03:40,608
That is an amazing idea.
102
00:03:40,610 --> 00:03:43,912
Okay, how many of these
have I had?
103
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,618
I think you should turn
on the GPS.
104
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:52,253
It is on.
105
00:03:52,255 --> 00:03:55,507
But the turn-by-turn
voice option isn't on.
106
00:03:55,509 --> 00:03:56,791
I know I'd feel more safe
107
00:03:56,793 --> 00:03:58,710
if you turn on the turn-by-turn
voice option.
108
00:03:58,712 --> 00:04:01,262
I love the turn-by-turn
voice option.
109
00:04:01,264 --> 00:04:05,500
(quietly): Has it really only
been ten miles?
110
00:04:05,502 --> 00:04:08,136
I'm turning it on,
but just to shut you up.
111
00:04:09,671 --> 00:04:13,024
SHELDON'S VOICE (on GPS):
Leonard, bear left and continue
112
00:04:13,026 --> 00:04:15,310
on Interstate 210.
113
00:04:16,946 --> 00:04:19,364
Ooh, sounds like that fellow
knows what he's talking about.
114
00:04:19,366 --> 00:04:23,234
I'd put on my listening ears
if I were you.
115
00:04:23,236 --> 00:04:24,852
What did you do?
116
00:04:24,854 --> 00:04:26,738
I found a hack online.
117
00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:28,573
I was able to upload
MP3 recordings
118
00:04:28,575 --> 00:04:30,825
of my voice to your GPS.
119
00:04:30,827 --> 00:04:31,910
That is so cool.
120
00:04:31,912 --> 00:04:33,912
Counterpoint,
no, it's not.
121
00:04:33,914 --> 00:04:36,581
SHELDON'S VOICE:
Continue on Interstate 210
122
00:04:36,583 --> 00:04:38,082
for five miles.
123
00:04:38,084 --> 00:04:42,754
Here's an interesting fact
about interstates.
124
00:04:42,756 --> 00:04:44,756
Really?
125
00:04:44,758 --> 00:04:47,258
Shh,
he said it's interesting.
126
00:04:47,260 --> 00:04:50,728
Interstates are numbered
as follows.
127
00:04:50,730 --> 00:04:53,765
Even-numbered routes
run east and west,
128
00:04:53,767 --> 00:04:56,267
odd-numbered routes
129
00:04:56,269 --> 00:04:58,269
run north and south.
130
00:04:59,855 --> 00:05:02,390
Three-digit route numbers
indicate bypasses
131
00:05:02,392 --> 00:05:05,527
or spurs.
(Sheldon mouthing with audio)
132
00:05:05,529 --> 00:05:08,413
Look, Leonard,
there's a bridge.
133
00:05:08,415 --> 00:05:09,747
Drive off it.
134
00:05:09,749 --> 00:05:13,618
You know, we're not that far
from Vazquez Rocks.
135
00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:16,955
Oh, they shot a lot
of Star Trek episodes out there.
136
00:05:16,957 --> 00:05:19,123
We've got our costumes
in the trunk.
137
00:05:19,125 --> 00:05:21,709
We could go there
and have a little photo shoot.
138
00:05:21,711 --> 00:05:23,094
Great idea.
139
00:05:23,096 --> 00:05:25,463
I haven't had a carbohydrate
in two weeks.
140
00:05:25,465 --> 00:05:27,715
These cheekbones need
to be in front of a camera
141
00:05:27,717 --> 00:05:29,884
before I eat a pretzel
and they're gone.
142
00:05:30,686 --> 00:05:31,970
Yeah, that sounds fun.
143
00:05:31,972 --> 00:05:33,221
Oh, smashing.
144
00:05:33,223 --> 00:05:35,923
Now, Leonard,
do you know how to get there?
145
00:05:35,925 --> 00:05:36,523
No.
146
00:05:36,548 --> 00:05:38,727
Yeah, well luckily,
someone in the car does.
147
00:05:38,728 --> 00:05:40,528
SHELDON'S VOICE:
Recalculating.
148
00:05:40,530 --> 00:05:43,531
While we're waiting,
149
00:05:43,533 --> 00:05:46,067
do you know
which president signed
150
00:05:46,069 --> 00:05:49,270
the Intestate Highway System Act
into law?
151
00:05:49,272 --> 00:05:53,107
The answer,
coming up in 14 miles.
152
00:05:53,109 --> 00:05:55,994
None of you will get it.
153
00:05:55,996 --> 00:05:58,162
It's Eisenhower.
154
00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:13,177
Why are they staring?
155
00:06:13,179 --> 00:06:15,513
Who cares?
156
00:06:15,515 --> 00:06:18,182
Just soak it in.
157
00:06:18,184 --> 00:06:20,401
Hello, boys.
158
00:06:22,104 --> 00:06:25,240
Oh, hey.
159
00:06:26,926 --> 00:06:28,676
Could you please stop staring?
They're just girls.
160
00:06:28,678 --> 00:06:32,413
It's nothing you haven't seen
in movies or in drawings.
161
00:06:34,116 --> 00:06:35,700
Hey, Stuart.
162
00:06:35,702 --> 00:06:36,701
Wh-What brings you guys here?
163
00:06:36,703 --> 00:06:38,152
We were looking
for a recommendation
164
00:06:38,154 --> 00:06:39,504
about comic books.
165
00:06:39,506 --> 00:06:40,722
Oh, well, I recommend
166
00:06:40,724 --> 00:06:42,957
you don't open a store
and sell them.
167
00:06:42,959 --> 00:06:44,275
No, we were just wondering
168
00:06:44,277 --> 00:06:45,927
why the guys like
this stuff so much,
169
00:06:45,929 --> 00:06:47,629
so we thought we'd
give it a try.
170
00:06:47,631 --> 00:06:49,714
Oh, okay. What do you think
you might be into?
171
00:06:49,716 --> 00:06:51,266
Superhero, fantasy,
graphic novels, manga--
172
00:06:51,268 --> 00:06:55,670
I swear
I will turn a hose on you.
173
00:06:59,475 --> 00:07:01,943
What kind of comics
do the guys like?
174
00:07:01,945 --> 00:07:03,578
Um, a litt bit of everything.
175
00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:05,396
Mostly superhero stuff.
176
00:07:05,398 --> 00:07:07,315
All right, well,
who's the best superhero?
177
00:07:07,317 --> 00:07:08,499
Shh!
178
00:07:08,501 --> 00:07:10,451
You can't ask a question
like that in here.
179
00:07:10,453 --> 00:07:13,121
Are you trying
to start a rumble?
180
00:07:13,123 --> 00:07:15,990
Well, what do you recommend?
181
00:07:15,992 --> 00:07:17,358
Well, uh, let's see.
182
00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,294
You've got your basic
clean-cut good guys--
183
00:07:19,296 --> 00:07:21,079
Superman, Spider-Man,
Captain America.
184
00:07:21,081 --> 00:07:23,982
Then you have
your darker anti-heroes--
185
00:07:23,984 --> 00:07:26,617
your Batman, your Wolverine,
Punisher.
186
00:07:26,619 --> 00:07:30,088
Ooh, I do love a bad boy.
187
00:07:30,090 --> 00:07:33,975
As evidenced by your boyfriend
and his fear of hamsters.
188
00:07:35,344 --> 00:07:38,763
If I were you,
I'd go for Fables number one.
189
00:07:38,765 --> 00:07:40,214
The artwork
is sophisticated,
190
00:07:40,216 --> 00:07:41,399
it's intelligently written,
191
00:07:41,401 --> 00:07:43,401
and it doesn't objectify
or stereotype women.
192
00:07:43,403 --> 00:07:44,602
Ooh, Thor!
193
00:07:44,604 --> 00:07:47,238
He's hot.
194
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,824
Yeah, he kind of is.
195
00:07:54,396 --> 00:07:56,497
KOOTHRAPPALI:
And we're blending,
196
00:07:56,499 --> 00:07:58,366
and we're blending,
197
00:07:58,368 --> 00:08:00,251
and we're done.
198
00:08:02,955 --> 00:08:06,457
I know Mr. Data
isn't supposed to smile,
199
00:08:06,459 --> 00:08:09,043
but here it comes.
200
00:08:11,630 --> 00:08:13,715
WOLOWITZ:
Come on, guys.
201
00:08:13,717 --> 00:08:15,299
Let's do this.
202
00:08:15,301 --> 00:08:18,603
Yeah, I'm sweating
my bald cap off.
203
00:08:22,107 --> 00:08:24,559
So what's our first
pose going to be?
204
00:08:24,561 --> 00:08:27,395
I say we begin with a classic
Star Trek fight scene.
205
00:08:27,397 --> 00:08:29,313
I'll set the timer.
206
00:08:34,953 --> 00:08:36,704
Sheldon,
how is that a fight pose?
207
00:08:36,706 --> 00:08:39,741
Mr. Data's weapon is his mind.
208
00:08:39,743 --> 00:08:41,376
I'm wielding it.
209
00:08:45,547 --> 00:08:49,100
(shutter clicks)
210
00:08:49,102 --> 00:08:51,452
Phasers on the Borg!
211
00:08:51,454 --> 00:08:53,938
(shutter clicks)
212
00:08:53,940 --> 00:08:55,723
Charlie's Angels.
213
00:08:55,725 --> 00:08:59,861
(shutter clicks)
214
00:08:59,863 --> 00:09:00,762
Okay, what's next?
215
00:09:00,764 --> 00:09:01,929
Now let's do
216
00:09:01,931 --> 00:09:03,464
some sexy glamour shots.
217
00:09:03,466 --> 00:09:04,632
I'll set the mood.
218
00:09:04,634 --> 00:09:06,851
(beat-boxing):
Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz...
219
00:09:06,853 --> 00:09:10,521
oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz,
oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz...
220
00:09:10,523 --> 00:09:13,408
oontz, oontz, oontz,
oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz.
221
00:09:13,410 --> 00:09:15,576
Yeah, nice one.
222
00:09:15,578 --> 00:09:17,161
Oontz, oontz, oontz.
223
00:09:17,163 --> 00:09:18,863
That's right.
224
00:09:18,865 --> 00:09:19,864
Oontz, oontz, oontz.
225
00:09:19,866 --> 00:09:21,082
(car door slams)
226
00:09:21,084 --> 00:09:22,450
(engine revving)
Oh, my God.
227
00:09:22,452 --> 00:09:24,285
Leonard,
someone's stealing your car!
228
00:09:24,287 --> 00:09:26,487
What? Hey, hey!
229
00:09:26,489 --> 00:09:28,122
Come back here!
Stop!
230
00:09:28,124 --> 00:09:31,492
Stealing is against the law!
231
00:09:31,494 --> 00:09:34,545
I don't believe this.
232
00:09:34,547 --> 00:09:36,180
Son of a bitch.
233
00:09:36,182 --> 00:09:37,832
I'll call 911.
234
00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:38,933
Wha...
235
00:09:38,935 --> 00:09:41,135
Oh, no, my phone is
in my other pants.
236
00:09:41,137 --> 00:09:42,887
Oh, so is mine.
Mine, too.
237
00:09:42,889 --> 00:09:44,472
Anybody got any ideas?
238
00:09:44,474 --> 00:09:45,890
Nope.
239
00:09:45,892 --> 00:09:48,559
The only thing left to
do now is assign blame.
240
00:09:48,561 --> 00:09:50,728
Nice going.
241
00:09:59,906 --> 00:10:02,274
What kind of a person steals
another person's car
242
00:10:02,276 --> 00:10:03,742
in broad daylight?
243
00:10:03,744 --> 00:10:06,328
What kind of person
leaves his keys in the car?
244
00:10:06,330 --> 00:10:08,630
I thought we agreed this was
all Koothrappali's fault.
245
00:10:08,632 --> 00:10:09,882
You're right.
246
00:10:09,884 --> 00:10:12,301
Nice going.
247
00:10:12,303 --> 00:10:14,119
Car.
248
00:10:14,121 --> 00:10:15,838
(car approaches)
249
00:10:21,394 --> 00:10:22,544
What is wrong with people?
250
00:10:22,546 --> 00:10:23,679
Why don't they stop?
251
00:10:23,681 --> 00:10:25,147
Maybe we're better off.
252
00:10:25,149 --> 00:10:27,933
What if we were to get in a car
with a crazy person?
253
00:10:27,935 --> 00:10:29,601
Look at us, Sheldon.
254
00:10:29,603 --> 00:10:31,153
We're the crazy people.
255
00:10:33,907 --> 00:10:36,441
Well, perhaps we should
hold up a sign
256
00:10:36,443 --> 00:10:40,662
that assures passing motorists
of our mental competence.
257
00:10:40,664 --> 00:10:42,614
Good idea.
258
00:10:42,616 --> 00:10:44,917
Why don't you
get started on that?
259
00:10:45,752 --> 00:10:47,986
Come on,
let's just start walking.
260
00:10:47,988 --> 00:10:50,372
There's got to be a gas station
or something nearby.
261
00:10:50,374 --> 00:10:52,040
What, you think just
because you're wearing
262
00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:54,343
a captain's uniform,
you're in charge?
263
00:10:54,345 --> 00:10:56,428
Yes.
264
00:10:56,430 --> 00:10:58,413
All right.
265
00:11:08,441 --> 00:11:11,393
Hmm, okay, I'm done.
266
00:11:11,395 --> 00:11:13,362
How did you guys
finish so fast?
267
00:11:13,364 --> 00:11:15,447
I don't know,
there were a lot of pictures,
268
00:11:15,449 --> 00:11:19,568
and one page only had
the word "brakkadoom!"
269
00:11:19,570 --> 00:11:24,039
Yeah, well,
I have street smarts.
270
00:11:24,041 --> 00:11:26,058
So, what'd you guys think?
271
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:29,211
Well, there was a lot of action,
Mmm.
272
00:11:29,213 --> 00:11:31,496
and the story moved along
at a brisk pace.
273
00:11:31,498 --> 00:11:33,415
It was, overall...
274
00:11:33,417 --> 00:11:35,533
what's the word I'm looking for?
275
00:11:35,535 --> 00:11:37,169
Stupid?
So stupid.
276
00:11:38,104 --> 00:11:39,304
I don't know how
Leonard can get
277
00:11:39,306 --> 00:11:40,422
so caught up in this.
278
00:11:40,424 --> 00:11:41,723
It's crazy; they spend hours
279
00:11:41,725 --> 00:11:43,875
arguing about things
that don't even exist.
280
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,510
What a waste of time.
I know.
281
00:11:45,512 --> 00:11:48,080
A hammer so heavy that no
one else can pick it up?
282
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,932
(chuckles)
283
00:11:49,934 --> 00:11:51,733
I don't think it's heavy.
284
00:11:51,735 --> 00:11:54,937
It's some sort of magic,
so only Thor can lift it.
285
00:11:54,939 --> 00:11:57,072
That makes even less
sense, I mean...
286
00:11:57,074 --> 00:12:01,660
No, no, no, it doesn't.
287
00:12:01,662 --> 00:12:02,811
Thor is a god.
288
00:12:02,813 --> 00:12:04,913
The hammer is his;
only he can use it.
289
00:12:04,915 --> 00:12:08,083
It's like Sheldon
and his toothbrush.
290
00:12:09,035 --> 00:12:11,753
Or his thin, beckoning lips.
291
00:12:13,072 --> 00:12:15,540
Okay, hang on, what if
Thor's hand is on the hammer?
292
00:12:15,542 --> 00:12:17,709
I mean, if he's touching it
with his god magic,
293
00:12:17,711 --> 00:12:19,244
does that mean I could lift it?
294
00:12:19,246 --> 00:12:21,964
No.
Yes.
295
00:12:21,966 --> 00:12:24,032
Well, which is it?
296
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:26,435
Maybe we missed something.
297
00:12:26,437 --> 00:12:27,552
Let's read it again.
298
00:12:27,554 --> 00:12:29,821
Okay.
Yeah.
299
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:34,059
(sighs)
300
00:12:34,061 --> 00:12:36,528
You want some tea?
301
00:12:36,530 --> 00:12:37,529
Good idea.
302
00:12:37,531 --> 00:12:39,481
I'll help you.
303
00:12:39,483 --> 00:12:41,316
Wait, I thought we were reading.
304
00:12:41,318 --> 00:12:42,618
We are.
305
00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:46,455
We're just, uh,
giving you a head start.
306
00:12:55,164 --> 00:12:57,633
I wish my mom was here.
307
00:12:57,635 --> 00:13:01,953
We could all hang out
in her shadow.
308
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:04,139
Wool pants in the desert.
309
00:13:04,141 --> 00:13:07,476
I feel like I've got
poached testicles.
310
00:13:09,395 --> 00:13:10,646
Oh, you poor thing;
311
00:13:10,648 --> 00:13:12,114
you're sweating.
312
00:13:12,116 --> 00:13:14,933
That's so much worse than
having your car stolen.
313
00:13:14,935 --> 00:13:17,002
Insurance is gonna buy you
a new car.
314
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:20,238
It's not gonna
de-funk my junk.
315
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,407
Gentlemen,
316
00:13:22,409 --> 00:13:24,192
a little less bellyaching.
317
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:25,610
We're Starfleet officers
318
00:13:25,612 --> 00:13:27,746
and a member
of the Borg Collective.
319
00:13:27,748 --> 00:13:30,699
Please, Sheldon,
I am so not in the mood.
320
00:13:30,701 --> 00:13:34,319
Leonard,
all our lives we have dreamed
321
00:13:34,321 --> 00:13:35,587
of finding ourselves
322
00:13:35,589 --> 00:13:38,423
inside one of
the fantasy worlds we love.
323
00:13:38,425 --> 00:13:40,509
And look at us.
324
00:13:40,511 --> 00:13:42,260
At this moment, we are, in fact,
325
00:13:42,262 --> 00:13:44,429
a Star Trek landing party
326
00:13:44,431 --> 00:13:48,066
stranded in an alien
and unforgiving environment,
327
00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:50,936
relying only on our wits,
our fortitude
328
00:13:50,938 --> 00:13:52,604
(car approaches)
and our moxie.
329
00:13:52,606 --> 00:13:55,006
As long as we have
those things,
330
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:57,342
nothing can stop...
MAN: Nerds!
331
00:14:03,066 --> 00:14:05,233
I hate this planet.
332
00:14:10,907 --> 00:14:12,657
It says right here
on the hammer,
333
00:14:12,659 --> 00:14:15,293
"Whoever holds this hammer,
if he be worthy,
334
00:14:15,295 --> 00:14:17,079
shall possess
the power of Thor."
335
00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:18,797
Hold on,
who decides who's worthy?
336
00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:20,165
Does the hammer decide?
337
00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:21,500
Yes!
No!
338
00:14:23,252 --> 00:14:24,669
It can't decide.
339
00:14:24,671 --> 00:14:25,971
It's a hammer.
340
00:14:25,973 --> 00:14:27,539
You said it's a magic hammer.
341
00:14:27,541 --> 00:14:29,424
Yeah, it can't make decisions.
342
00:14:29,426 --> 00:14:31,009
If Harry Potter's wand
can make decisions,
343
00:14:31,011 --> 00:14:32,644
why can't Thor's hammer?
344
00:14:32,646 --> 00:14:35,347
Okay, if you're going to start
comparing wands and hammers,
345
00:14:35,349 --> 00:14:38,934
I can't even take you seriously.
346
00:14:56,085 --> 00:14:58,370
Hello.
347
00:14:58,372 --> 00:15:00,789
Hello.
348
00:15:01,707 --> 00:15:05,127
Uh, four glasses
of water, please.
349
00:15:05,129 --> 00:15:08,013
Anything for you guys?
350
00:15:08,015 --> 00:15:10,515
Can I use your phone?
351
00:15:10,517 --> 00:15:11,800
Our car got stolen.
352
00:15:11,802 --> 00:15:14,553
Why don't you ask Scotty
to beam you up?
353
00:15:14,555 --> 00:15:16,555
(laughter)
354
00:15:16,557 --> 00:15:19,775
Scotty was on the
original series,
355
00:15:19,777 --> 00:15:22,477
and we're Next Generation.
356
00:15:22,479 --> 00:15:26,364
So... joke's on you.
357
00:15:29,435 --> 00:15:32,154
We're not with him.
358
00:15:35,892 --> 00:15:38,210
You can't pick something up
in outer space.
359
00:15:38,212 --> 00:15:40,579
In space, there is no up.
360
00:15:40,581 --> 00:15:44,115
Oh, yeah? Then how does
the sun come "up" every day?
361
00:15:45,401 --> 00:15:48,453
Hard to argue with those kind
of street smarts.
362
00:15:53,342 --> 00:15:55,560
Leonard and Sheldon have boxes
of comics across the hall.
363
00:15:55,562 --> 00:15:56,845
Why don't we go look at those?
364
00:15:56,847 --> 00:15:58,680
Oh, great! Yes!
And then you will see.
365
00:15:58,682 --> 00:16:01,233
I am not wrong, because
if we were in outer space,
366
00:16:01,235 --> 00:16:03,018
then anyone
could pick up the hammer
367
00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:04,452
because it would be
floating around
368
00:16:04,454 --> 00:16:05,737
in a weightless environment.
369
00:16:05,739 --> 00:16:07,972
Yeah, that's right, the
slow reader used science.
370
00:16:07,974 --> 00:16:09,391
Suck on that.
371
00:16:12,111 --> 00:16:14,246
Was there anything
valuable in the car?
372
00:16:14,248 --> 00:16:17,115
Our clothes,
our wallets, phones.
373
00:16:17,117 --> 00:16:18,750
And about $300 worth of makeup,
374
00:16:18,752 --> 00:16:22,070
so this thief could look like
anyone right now.
375
00:16:22,072 --> 00:16:24,256
Makeup?
376
00:16:24,258 --> 00:16:26,491
Sure.
377
00:16:27,877 --> 00:16:30,929
Uh, we're going to the Comic-Con
in Bakersfield.
378
00:16:30,931 --> 00:16:32,997
They have a big costume contest.
379
00:16:33,666 --> 00:16:36,268
It's cooler than it sounds.
380
00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:40,272
I don't know,
sounds pretty cool.
381
00:16:40,274 --> 00:16:42,107
I-It is.
382
00:16:42,109 --> 00:16:43,308
It's not just comic books.
383
00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:44,893
They've got
action figures, toys,
384
00:16:44,895 --> 00:16:46,611
a Tron-themed dance party...
385
00:16:46,613 --> 00:16:48,230
Okay, he gets how cool it is.
386
00:16:49,282 --> 00:16:51,149
I think I have all I need here.
387
00:16:51,151 --> 00:16:52,850
You guys need me
to call someone?
388
00:16:52,852 --> 00:16:55,853
I'm guessing your moms?
389
00:16:57,006 --> 00:16:59,641
Thanks,
but we've got it covered.
390
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:02,860
Okay,
I just talked to my mom.
391
00:17:05,915 --> 00:17:08,199
She arranged for us
to get a rental car.
392
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:09,367
Great.
393
00:17:09,369 --> 00:17:11,002
We can still make it
to Comic-Con.
394
00:17:11,004 --> 00:17:12,304
Are you kidding me?
395
00:17:12,306 --> 00:17:14,506
After all we've been through,
I just want to go home.
396
00:17:14,508 --> 00:17:15,873
Don't be like that.
397
00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:17,225
Come on, Howard,
talk to him.
398
00:17:17,227 --> 00:17:18,727
I'm with Leonard.
399
00:17:18,729 --> 00:17:20,712
I'm done.
400
00:17:20,714 --> 00:17:23,398
Fine, then I guess
it's two against two.
401
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,766
How do we decide?
402
00:17:24,768 --> 00:17:28,687
Actually,
it's three against one.
403
00:17:28,689 --> 00:17:30,054
What?!
404
00:17:30,056 --> 00:17:31,189
What about the mission?
405
00:17:31,191 --> 00:17:32,991
You said we were
a real-life landing party.
406
00:17:32,993 --> 00:17:34,809
Yeah, well, we're not.
407
00:17:34,811 --> 00:17:36,528
We're an imaginary landing party
408
00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:39,080
who had real-life garbage
thrown at us
409
00:17:39,082 --> 00:17:41,833
by real-life strangers
who think we're idiots.
410
00:17:43,035 --> 00:17:44,369
And to tell you the truth,
411
00:17:44,371 --> 00:17:46,671
I'm starting to feel like one.
412
00:17:46,673 --> 00:17:49,240
I want to go home now.
413
00:17:49,242 --> 00:17:51,543
Okay.
414
00:17:51,545 --> 00:17:55,297
Did we at least rent the car
from Enterprise?
415
00:17:58,384 --> 00:18:00,352
Get it? Enterprise?
416
00:18:01,587 --> 00:18:04,255
Screw you. That's funny.
417
00:18:06,859 --> 00:18:08,810
Well, what if the
Hulk picked up Thor
418
00:18:08,812 --> 00:18:10,762
while Thor is
holding the hammer?
419
00:18:10,764 --> 00:18:12,063
Yeah?
420
00:18:12,065 --> 00:18:13,264
Then by the transitive property
421
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:16,401
of picking things up,
Hulk picked up the hammer.
422
00:18:17,453 --> 00:18:18,570
No.
423
00:18:18,572 --> 00:18:20,572
Hulk picked up Thor,
Thor picked up the hammer.
424
00:18:20,574 --> 00:18:21,656
Okay, hang on.
425
00:18:21,658 --> 00:18:23,625
If I go to a bar
and pick up a guy,
426
00:18:23,627 --> 00:18:25,744
and he picks up a girl,
and then we all leave together,
427
00:18:25,746 --> 00:18:27,779
did I pick up the girl?
428
00:18:31,367 --> 00:18:34,619
Did that ever happen?
429
00:18:34,621 --> 00:18:38,340
Hey, are we talking about me
or are we talking about Thor?
430
00:18:45,231 --> 00:18:49,067
Well, I say that's the last time
we ever go outside.
431
00:18:49,069 --> 00:18:50,352
AMY:
Look, right here.
432
00:18:50,354 --> 00:18:52,237
Red Hulk is picking
up Thor's hammer
433
00:18:52,239 --> 00:18:53,688
'cause Thor's touching it.
434
00:18:53,690 --> 00:18:56,157
PENNY: No, it's because
they're in space.
435
00:18:56,159 --> 00:18:57,642
BERNADETTE: He's really
just touching the strap.
436
00:18:57,644 --> 00:18:59,811
AMY: The strap is part
of the hammer!
437
00:18:59,813 --> 00:19:01,746
PENNY:
No, it's not!
438
00:19:01,748 --> 00:19:04,816
Are they actually arguing
about comic books?
439
00:19:04,818 --> 00:19:06,334
No, that can't be right.
440
00:19:06,336 --> 00:19:08,203
Maybe "Thor's Hammer"
441
00:19:08,205 --> 00:19:12,090
is a new color of nail polish.
442
00:19:12,092 --> 00:19:13,758
BERNADETTE:
Then Red Hulk must be worthy.
443
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,760
PENNY: How could
Red Hulk be worthy?
444
00:19:15,762 --> 00:19:18,046
BERNADETTE:
You don't know his life!
445
00:19:21,300 --> 00:19:24,502
There's only one
logical explanation.
446
00:19:24,504 --> 00:19:26,638
Somewhere in the desert
we crossed
447
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,973
into an alternate dimension...
448
00:19:28,975 --> 00:19:30,341
where the women in our lives
449
00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:33,311
can finally appreciate
great literature.
450
00:19:34,513 --> 00:19:36,881
If it's an
alternate dimension...
451
00:19:36,883 --> 00:19:40,285
sounds like a job
for a landing party.
452
00:19:44,623 --> 00:19:46,958
Captain,
what are your orders?
453
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,794
I say we investigate.
454
00:19:53,532 --> 00:19:54,916
Wait.
455
00:19:56,919 --> 00:19:59,087
They might be hostile.
456
00:20:01,424 --> 00:20:03,040
Fine, but set them to stun.
457
00:20:03,042 --> 00:20:04,375
If we vaporize Penny,
458
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:06,344
I'll never find a girlfriend
that pretty again.
459
00:20:18,893 --> 00:20:20,393
SHELDON'S VOICE:
Fun fact:
460
00:20:20,395 --> 00:20:24,880
President Eisenhower signed
the Federal Aid Highway Act
461
00:20:24,882 --> 00:20:27,483
from his hospital room.
462
00:20:27,578 --> 00:20:30,629
Wow, that is interesting.
463
00:20:31,715 --> 00:20:35,083
You learn something new
every day.
464
00:20:35,085 --> 00:20:37,502
SHELDON'S VOICE: Say, can you
name the four state capitols
465
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:40,388
that are not served
by the interstate system?
466
00:20:40,390 --> 00:20:44,042
Ooh, another quiz.
Yes!
467
00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:49,142
== sync, corrected by elderman ==