1
00:00:02,802 --> 00:00:04,215
Hey, will you steam
my uniform next?
2
00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:05,188
Yeah, w...
3
00:00:05,189 --> 00:00:06,471
Interesting.
4
00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:08,089
Do you recall this conversation?
5
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,442
"Leonard, want to go halfsies
on a steamer?"
6
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:13,645
"No, Sheldon,
we don't need a steamer."
7
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:17,032
Looks like that rumpled
chicken's come home to roost.
8
00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:19,267
Hi.
9
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,786
Here are the make-up sponges
you asked for.
10
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,055
Oh, thanks,
I thought I had more.
11
00:00:26,542 --> 00:00:28,827
Damn, you've got
more makeup than I do.
12
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,747
You've got better makeup
than I do.
13
00:00:31,749 --> 00:00:33,665
Yeah, I'm borrowing this.
14
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:34,750
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
15
00:00:34,752 --> 00:00:36,117
This is my Comic-Con makeup.
16
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:38,337
I love you,
but there are some things
17
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,222
a man doesn't share
with his girlfriend.
18
00:00:42,058 --> 00:00:43,475
That's a wise policy.
19
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,126
I once borrowed
my sister's makeup
20
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:46,311
for a costume contest.
21
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,929
Got a terrible case of pinkeye.
22
00:00:47,931 --> 00:00:49,931
Yeah, but luckily,
I was going as a zombie.
23
00:00:49,933 --> 00:00:51,817
I won second place.
24
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,936
I feel like you guys
just went to Comic-Con.
25
00:00:54,938 --> 00:00:55,970
That was San Diego Comic-Con.
26
00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:58,106
This is Bakersfield Comic-Con.
27
00:00:58,108 --> 00:00:59,775
Is that better?
28
00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:01,076
Well, it's a lot smaller.
29
00:01:01,078 --> 00:01:02,160
It's more about
the comic books.
30
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,662
The way these
conventions used to be
31
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,497
before they went
all Hollywood.
32
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:08,450
So to answer your question,
no, it's not better.
33
00:01:09,585 --> 00:01:10,869
Well, then why are you going?
34
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,771
It's a comic book convention.
35
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:15,123
You know, it's like pizza
or particle accelerators,
36
00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:17,626
even the stinky one's
still pretty good.
37
00:01:17,628 --> 00:01:18,844
All right.
38
00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:19,845
Well, you guys have fun.
39
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:20,995
I guess I'll see you
Sunday night.
40
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:22,163
Yeah.
Okay.
41
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,665
Oh, hang on a second.
42
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,851
Hold this.
43
00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:30,972
What was that for?
44
00:01:30,974 --> 00:01:33,775
To show people
when they don't believe me.
45
00:01:35,561 --> 00:01:38,964
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
46
00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:42,617
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
47
00:01:42,619 --> 00:01:44,152
♪ The Earth began to cool
48
00:01:44,154 --> 00:01:46,872
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
49
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:48,940
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
50
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,510
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
51
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,879
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
52
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:55,381
♪ Bang! ♪
53
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,882
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x13 ♪
The Bakersfield Expedition
Original Air Date on January 10, 2013
54
00:01:57,883 --> 00:02:00,383
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
55
00:02:00,384 --> 00:02:01,467
Oh, this is the best.
56
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,395
You have booze
with breakfast on a Tuesday,
57
00:02:03,396 --> 00:02:04,080
you got a problem.
58
00:02:04,081 --> 00:02:06,582
You do it on the weekend,
you got brunch.
59
00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:08,499
Sheldon doesn't believe
in brunch.
60
00:02:08,501 --> 00:02:09,984
He can't stand being at a table
61
00:02:09,986 --> 00:02:11,252
where one person's
having an omelet
62
00:02:11,254 --> 00:02:13,538
and another person's
having a sandwich.
63
00:02:13,540 --> 00:02:16,874
He's not exhausting at all.
64
00:02:16,876 --> 00:02:18,459
(phone chirps)
65
00:02:18,461 --> 00:02:19,961
Oh.
66
00:02:19,963 --> 00:02:21,329
It's Leonard.
67
00:02:21,331 --> 00:02:23,631
he says they're on the road
and headed for Bakersfield
68
00:02:23,633 --> 00:02:25,049
at "warp speed."
69
00:02:25,051 --> 00:02:26,834
(chuckles)
Maybe it's the mimosa,
70
00:02:26,836 --> 00:02:29,270
but I'm gonna give
the kid an LOL.
71
00:02:30,973 --> 00:02:32,273
It's cute how excited they are.
72
00:02:32,275 --> 00:02:33,474
You should have seen Howard
73
00:02:33,476 --> 00:02:35,276
sewing his costume all week
for the convention.
74
00:02:35,278 --> 00:02:37,228
When did Howard learn
to sew?
75
00:02:37,230 --> 00:02:38,863
When he was a little boy,
every couple months,
76
00:02:38,865 --> 00:02:40,782
he would have to let
his mom's pants out.
77
00:02:44,370 --> 00:02:47,155
I don't even understand why
they go to these conventions.
78
00:02:47,157 --> 00:02:49,407
I know. The four of them work
at a major university.
79
00:02:49,409 --> 00:02:50,408
They're all super smart.
80
00:02:50,410 --> 00:02:51,659
How can they still be
into something
81
00:02:51,661 --> 00:02:53,161
made for 12-year-olds?
82
00:02:53,163 --> 00:02:54,495
I don't mind it.
83
00:02:54,497 --> 00:02:56,781
I think Howie's just in touch
with his inner child.
84
00:02:56,783 --> 00:02:58,916
Although when he comes to bed
in his Batman pajamas,
85
00:02:58,918 --> 00:03:02,754
sometimes it feels like
I'm touching his inner child.
86
00:03:04,556 --> 00:03:06,841
It's probably because
they were bullied growing up.
87
00:03:06,843 --> 00:03:08,593
In a world
where you can't fight back,
88
00:03:08,595 --> 00:03:11,145
superheroes provide
meaningful wish-fulfillment.
89
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:12,313
(groans)
90
00:03:12,315 --> 00:03:14,482
Now I feel bad for picking
on all those kids.
91
00:03:14,484 --> 00:03:15,933
Although, in my defense,
92
00:03:15,935 --> 00:03:18,319
if Danny Biffle didn't want
to eat a mouthful of dirt,
93
00:03:18,321 --> 00:03:22,240
he shouldn't have shown up
to school wearing a bow tie.
94
00:03:22,242 --> 00:03:24,609
I've never even read
a comic book. You guys?
95
00:03:24,611 --> 00:03:25,743
Uh-uh.
No.
96
00:03:25,745 --> 00:03:26,778
I mean, it's such an important
97
00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:27,745
part of their lives.
98
00:03:27,747 --> 00:03:29,330
Maybe we should try
reading some.
99
00:03:29,332 --> 00:03:31,749
Seriously?
100
00:03:31,751 --> 00:03:34,168
The comic book store
isn't far from here.
101
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:36,537
That is an amazing idea.
102
00:03:36,539 --> 00:03:39,841
Okay, how many of these
have I had?
103
00:03:44,129 --> 00:03:46,547
I think you should turn
on the GPS.
104
00:03:46,549 --> 00:03:48,182
It is on.
105
00:03:48,184 --> 00:03:51,436
But the turn-by-turn
voice option isn't on.
106
00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:52,720
I know I'd feel more safe
107
00:03:52,722 --> 00:03:54,639
if you turn on the turn-by-turn
voice option.
108
00:03:54,641 --> 00:03:57,191
I love the turn-by-turn
voice option.
109
00:03:57,193 --> 00:04:01,429
(quietly): Has it really only
been ten miles?
110
00:04:01,431 --> 00:04:04,065
I'm turning it on,
but just to shut you up.
111
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,953
SHELDON'S VOICE (on GPS):
Leonard, bear left and continue
112
00:04:08,955 --> 00:04:11,239
on Interstate 210.
113
00:04:12,875 --> 00:04:15,293
Ooh, sounds like that fellow
knows what he's talking about.
114
00:04:15,295 --> 00:04:19,163
I'd put on my listening ears
if I were you.
115
00:04:19,165 --> 00:04:20,781
What did you do?
116
00:04:20,783 --> 00:04:22,667
I found a hack online.
117
00:04:22,669 --> 00:04:24,502
I was able to upload
MP3 recordings
118
00:04:24,504 --> 00:04:26,754
of my voice to your GPS.
119
00:04:26,756 --> 00:04:27,839
That is so cool.
120
00:04:27,841 --> 00:04:29,841
Counterpoint,
no, it's not.
121
00:04:29,843 --> 00:04:32,510
SHELDON'S VOICE:
Continue on Interstate 210
122
00:04:32,512 --> 00:04:34,011
for five miles.
123
00:04:34,013 --> 00:04:38,683
Here's an interesting fact
about interstates.
124
00:04:38,685 --> 00:04:40,685
Really?
125
00:04:40,687 --> 00:04:43,187
Shh,
he said it's interesting.
126
00:04:43,189 --> 00:04:46,657
Interstates are numbered
as follows.
127
00:04:46,659 --> 00:04:49,694
Even-numbered routes
run east and west,
128
00:04:49,696 --> 00:04:52,196
odd-numbered routes
129
00:04:52,198 --> 00:04:54,198
run north and south.
130
00:04:55,784 --> 00:04:58,319
Three-digit route numbers
indicate bypasses
131
00:04:58,321 --> 00:05:01,456
or spurs.
(Sheldon mouthing with audio)
132
00:05:01,458 --> 00:05:04,342
Look, Leonard,
there's a bridge.
133
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:05,676
Drive off it.
134
00:05:05,678 --> 00:05:09,547
You know, we're not that far
from Vazquez Rocks.
135
00:05:09,549 --> 00:05:12,884
Oh, they shot a lot
of Star Trek episodes out there.
136
00:05:12,886 --> 00:05:15,052
We've got our costumes
in the trunk.
137
00:05:15,054 --> 00:05:17,638
We could go there
and have a little photo shoot.
138
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,023
Great idea.
139
00:05:19,025 --> 00:05:21,392
I haven't had a carbohydrate
in two weeks.
140
00:05:21,394 --> 00:05:23,644
These cheekbones need
to be in front of a camera
141
00:05:23,646 --> 00:05:25,813
before I eat a pretzel
and they're gone.
142
00:05:26,615 --> 00:05:27,899
Yeah, that sounds fun.
143
00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:29,150
Oh, smashing.
144
00:05:29,152 --> 00:05:31,852
Now, Leonard,
do you know how to get there?
145
00:05:31,854 --> 00:05:32,452
No.
146
00:05:32,477 --> 00:05:34,656
Yeah, well luckily,
someone in the car does.
147
00:05:34,657 --> 00:05:36,457
SHELDON'S VOICE:
Recalculating.
148
00:05:36,459 --> 00:05:39,460
While we're waiting,
149
00:05:39,462 --> 00:05:41,996
do you know
which president signed
150
00:05:41,998 --> 00:05:45,199
the Intestate Highway System Act
into law?
151
00:05:45,201 --> 00:05:49,036
The answer,
coming up in 14 miles.
152
00:05:49,038 --> 00:05:51,923
None of you will get it.
153
00:05:51,925 --> 00:05:54,091
It's Eisenhower.
154
00:06:07,189 --> 00:06:09,106
Why are they staring?
155
00:06:09,108 --> 00:06:11,442
Who cares?
156
00:06:11,444 --> 00:06:14,111
Just soak it in.
157
00:06:14,113 --> 00:06:16,330
Hello, boys.
158
00:06:18,033 --> 00:06:21,169
Oh, hey.
159
00:06:22,855 --> 00:06:24,605
Could you please stop staring?
They're just girls.
160
00:06:24,607 --> 00:06:28,342
It's nothing you haven't seen
in movies or in drawings.
161
00:06:30,045 --> 00:06:31,629
Hey, Stuart.
162
00:06:31,631 --> 00:06:32,630
Wh-What brings you guys here?
163
00:06:32,632 --> 00:06:34,081
We were looking
for a recommendation
164
00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:35,433
about comic books.
165
00:06:35,435 --> 00:06:36,651
Oh, well, I recommend
166
00:06:36,653 --> 00:06:38,886
you don't open a store
and sell them.
167
00:06:38,888 --> 00:06:40,204
No, we were just wondering
168
00:06:40,206 --> 00:06:41,856
why the guys like
this stuff so much,
169
00:06:41,858 --> 00:06:43,558
so we thought we'd
give it a try.
170
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,643
Oh, okay. What do you think
you might be into?
171
00:06:45,645 --> 00:06:47,195
Superhero, fantasy,
graphic novels, manga--
172
00:06:47,197 --> 00:06:51,599
I swear
I will turn a hose on you.
173
00:06:55,404 --> 00:06:57,872
What kind of comics
do the guys like?
174
00:06:57,874 --> 00:06:59,507
Um, a litt bit of everything.
175
00:06:59,509 --> 00:07:01,325
Mostly superhero stuff.
176
00:07:01,327 --> 00:07:03,244
All right, well,
who's the best superhero?
177
00:07:03,246 --> 00:07:04,428
Shh!
178
00:07:04,430 --> 00:07:06,380
You can't ask a question
like that in here.
179
00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:09,050
Are you trying
to start a rumble?
180
00:07:09,052 --> 00:07:11,919
Well, what do you recommend?
181
00:07:11,921 --> 00:07:13,287
Well, uh, let's see.
182
00:07:13,289 --> 00:07:15,223
You've got your basic
clean-cut good guys--
183
00:07:15,225 --> 00:07:17,008
Superman, Spider-Man,
Captain America.
184
00:07:17,010 --> 00:07:19,911
Then you have
your darker anti-heroes--
185
00:07:19,913 --> 00:07:22,546
your Batman, your Wolverine,
Punisher.
186
00:07:22,548 --> 00:07:26,017
Ooh, I do love a bad boy.
187
00:07:26,019 --> 00:07:29,904
As evidenced by your boyfriend
and his fear of hamsters.
188
00:07:31,273 --> 00:07:34,692
If I were you,
I'd go for Fables number one.
189
00:07:34,694 --> 00:07:36,143
The artwork
is sophisticated,
190
00:07:36,145 --> 00:07:37,328
it's intelligently written,
191
00:07:37,330 --> 00:07:39,330
and it doesn't objectify
or stereotype women.
192
00:07:39,332 --> 00:07:40,531
Ooh, Thor!
193
00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:43,167
He's hot.
194
00:07:43,169 --> 00:07:45,753
Yeah, he kind of is.
195
00:07:50,325 --> 00:07:52,426
KOOTHRAPPALI:
And we're blending,
196
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,295
and we're blending,
197
00:07:54,297 --> 00:07:56,180
and we're done.
198
00:07:58,884 --> 00:08:02,386
I know Mr. Data
isn't supposed to smile,
199
00:08:02,388 --> 00:08:04,972
but here it comes.
200
00:08:07,559 --> 00:08:09,644
WOLOWITZ:
Come on, guys.
201
00:08:09,646 --> 00:08:11,228
Let's do this.
202
00:08:11,230 --> 00:08:14,532
Yeah, I'm sweating
my bald cap off.
203
00:08:18,036 --> 00:08:20,488
So what's our first
pose going to be?
204
00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:23,324
I say we begin with a classic
Star Trek fight scene.
205
00:08:23,326 --> 00:08:25,242
I'll set the timer.
206
00:08:30,882 --> 00:08:32,633
Sheldon,
how is that a fight pose?
207
00:08:32,635 --> 00:08:35,670
Mr. Data's weapon is his mind.
208
00:08:35,672 --> 00:08:37,305
I'm wielding it.
209
00:08:41,476 --> 00:08:45,029
(shutter clicks)
210
00:08:45,031 --> 00:08:47,381
Phasers on the Borg!
211
00:08:47,383 --> 00:08:49,867
(shutter clicks)
212
00:08:49,869 --> 00:08:51,652
Charlie's Angels.
213
00:08:51,654 --> 00:08:55,790
(shutter clicks)
214
00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:56,691
Okay, what's next?
215
00:08:56,693 --> 00:08:57,858
Now let's do
216
00:08:57,860 --> 00:08:59,393
some sexy glamour shots.
217
00:08:59,395 --> 00:09:00,561
I'll set the mood.
218
00:09:00,563 --> 00:09:02,780
(beat-boxing):
Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz...
219
00:09:02,782 --> 00:09:06,450
oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz,
oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz...
220
00:09:06,452 --> 00:09:09,337
oontz, oontz, oontz,
oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz.
221
00:09:09,339 --> 00:09:11,505
Yeah, nice one.
222
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,090
Oontz, oontz, oontz.
223
00:09:13,092 --> 00:09:14,792
That's right.
224
00:09:14,794 --> 00:09:15,793
Oontz, oontz, oontz.
225
00:09:15,795 --> 00:09:17,011
(car door slams)
226
00:09:17,013 --> 00:09:18,379
(engine revving)
Oh, my God.
227
00:09:18,381 --> 00:09:20,214
Leonard,
someone's stealing your car!
228
00:09:20,216 --> 00:09:22,416
What? Hey, hey!
229
00:09:22,418 --> 00:09:24,051
Come back here!
Stop!
230
00:09:24,053 --> 00:09:27,421
Stealing is against the law!
231
00:09:27,423 --> 00:09:30,474
I don't believe this.
232
00:09:30,476 --> 00:09:32,109
Son of a bitch.
233
00:09:32,111 --> 00:09:33,761
I'll call 911.
234
00:09:33,763 --> 00:09:34,862
Wha...
235
00:09:34,864 --> 00:09:37,064
Oh, no, my phone is
in my other pants.
236
00:09:37,066 --> 00:09:38,816
Oh, so is mine.
Mine, too.
237
00:09:38,818 --> 00:09:40,401
Anybody got any ideas?
238
00:09:40,403 --> 00:09:41,819
Nope.
239
00:09:41,821 --> 00:09:44,488
The only thing left to
do now is assign blame.
240
00:09:44,490 --> 00:09:46,657
Nice going.
241
00:09:51,954 --> 00:09:54,322
What kind of a person steals
another person's car
242
00:09:54,324 --> 00:09:55,790
in broad daylight?
243
00:09:55,792 --> 00:09:58,376
What kind of person
leaves his keys in the car?
244
00:09:58,378 --> 00:10:00,678
I thought we agreed this was
all Koothrappali's fault.
245
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:01,930
You're right.
246
00:10:01,932 --> 00:10:04,349
Nice going.
247
00:10:04,351 --> 00:10:06,167
Car.
248
00:10:06,169 --> 00:10:07,886
(car approaches)
249
00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:14,592
What is wrong with people?
250
00:10:14,594 --> 00:10:15,727
Why don't they stop?
251
00:10:15,729 --> 00:10:17,195
Maybe we're better off.
252
00:10:17,197 --> 00:10:19,981
What if we were to get in a car
with a crazy person?
253
00:10:19,983 --> 00:10:21,649
Look at us, Sheldon.
254
00:10:21,651 --> 00:10:23,201
We're the crazy people.
255
00:10:25,955 --> 00:10:28,489
Well, perhaps we should
hold up a sign
256
00:10:28,491 --> 00:10:32,710
that assures passing motorists
of our mental competence.
257
00:10:32,712 --> 00:10:34,662
Good idea.
258
00:10:34,664 --> 00:10:36,965
Why don't you
get started on that?
259
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,034
Come on,
let's just start walking.
260
00:10:40,036 --> 00:10:42,420
There's got to be a gas station
or something nearby.
261
00:10:42,422 --> 00:10:44,088
What, you think just
because you're wearing
262
00:10:44,090 --> 00:10:46,391
a captain's uniform,
you're in charge?
263
00:10:46,393 --> 00:10:48,476
Yes.
264
00:10:48,478 --> 00:10:50,461
All right.
265
00:11:00,489 --> 00:11:03,441
Hmm, okay, I'm done.
266
00:11:03,443 --> 00:11:05,410
How did you guys
finish so fast?
267
00:11:05,412 --> 00:11:07,495
I don't know,
there were a lot of pictures,
268
00:11:07,497 --> 00:11:11,616
and one page only had
the word "brakkadoom!"
269
00:11:11,618 --> 00:11:16,087
Yeah, well,
I have street smarts.
270
00:11:16,089 --> 00:11:18,106
So, what'd you guys think?
271
00:11:18,108 --> 00:11:21,259
Well, there was a lot of action,
Mmm.
272
00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:23,544
and the story moved along
at a brisk pace.
273
00:11:23,546 --> 00:11:25,463
It was, overall...
274
00:11:25,465 --> 00:11:27,581
what's the word I'm looking for?
275
00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:29,217
Stupid?
So stupid.
276
00:11:30,152 --> 00:11:31,352
I don't know how
Leonard can get
277
00:11:31,354 --> 00:11:32,470
so caught up in this.
278
00:11:32,472 --> 00:11:33,771
It's crazy; they spend hours
279
00:11:33,773 --> 00:11:35,923
arguing about things
that don't even exist.
280
00:11:35,925 --> 00:11:37,558
What a waste of time.
I know.
281
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:40,128
A hammer so heavy that no
one else can pick it up?
282
00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:41,980
(chuckles)
283
00:11:41,982 --> 00:11:43,781
I don't think it's heavy.
284
00:11:43,783 --> 00:11:46,985
It's some sort of magic,
so only Thor can lift it.
285
00:11:46,987 --> 00:11:49,120
That makes even less
sense, I mean...
286
00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:53,708
No, no, no, it doesn't.
287
00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:54,859
Thor is a god.
288
00:11:54,861 --> 00:11:56,961
The hammer is his;
only he can use it.
289
00:11:56,963 --> 00:12:00,131
It's like Sheldon
and his toothbrush.
290
00:12:01,083 --> 00:12:03,801
Or his thin, beckoning lips.
291
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,588
Okay, hang on, what if
Thor's hand is on the hammer?
292
00:12:07,590 --> 00:12:09,757
I mean, if he's touching it
with his god magic,
293
00:12:09,759 --> 00:12:11,292
does that mean I could lift it?
294
00:12:11,294 --> 00:12:14,012
No.
Yes.
295
00:12:14,014 --> 00:12:16,080
Well, which is it?
296
00:12:16,082 --> 00:12:18,483
Maybe we missed something.
297
00:12:18,485 --> 00:12:19,600
Let's read it again.
298
00:12:19,602 --> 00:12:21,869
Okay.
Yeah.
299
00:12:22,488 --> 00:12:26,107
(sighs)
300
00:12:26,109 --> 00:12:28,576
You want some tea?
301
00:12:28,578 --> 00:12:29,577
Good idea.
302
00:12:29,579 --> 00:12:31,529
I'll help you.
303
00:12:31,531 --> 00:12:33,364
Wait, I thought we were reading.
304
00:12:33,366 --> 00:12:34,666
We are.
305
00:12:34,668 --> 00:12:38,503
We're just, uh,
giving you a head start.
306
00:12:47,212 --> 00:12:49,681
I wish my mom was here.
307
00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:54,001
We could all hang out
in her shadow.
308
00:12:54,003 --> 00:12:56,187
Wool pants in the desert.
309
00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:59,524
I feel like I've got
poached testicles.
310
00:13:01,443 --> 00:13:02,694
Oh, you poor thing;
311
00:13:02,696 --> 00:13:04,162
you're sweating.
312
00:13:04,164 --> 00:13:06,981
That's so much worse than
having your car stolen.
313
00:13:06,983 --> 00:13:09,050
Insurance is gonna buy you
a new car.
314
00:13:09,052 --> 00:13:12,286
It's not gonna
de-funk my junk.
315
00:13:12,288 --> 00:13:14,455
Gentlemen,
316
00:13:14,457 --> 00:13:16,240
a little less bellyaching.
317
00:13:16,242 --> 00:13:17,658
We're Starfleet officers
318
00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:19,794
and a member
of the Borg Collective.
319
00:13:19,796 --> 00:13:22,747
Please, Sheldon,
I am so not in the mood.
320
00:13:22,749 --> 00:13:26,367
Leonard,
all our lives we have dreamed
321
00:13:26,369 --> 00:13:27,635
of finding ourselves
322
00:13:27,637 --> 00:13:30,471
inside one of
the fantasy worlds we love.
323
00:13:30,473 --> 00:13:32,557
And look at us.
324
00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:34,308
At this moment, we are, in fact,
325
00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:36,477
a Star Trek landing party
326
00:13:36,479 --> 00:13:40,114
stranded in an alien
and unforgiving environment,
327
00:13:40,116 --> 00:13:42,984
relying only on our wits,
our fortitude
328
00:13:42,986 --> 00:13:44,652
(car approaches)
and our moxie.
329
00:13:44,654 --> 00:13:47,054
As long as we have
those things,
330
00:13:47,056 --> 00:13:49,390
nothing can stop...
MAN: Nerds!
331
00:13:55,114 --> 00:13:57,281
I hate this planet.
332
00:14:02,955 --> 00:14:04,705
It says right here
on the hammer,
333
00:14:04,707 --> 00:14:07,341
"Whoever holds this hammer,
if he be worthy,
334
00:14:07,343 --> 00:14:09,127
shall possess
the power of Thor."
335
00:14:09,129 --> 00:14:10,845
Hold on,
who decides who's worthy?
336
00:14:10,847 --> 00:14:12,213
Does the hammer decide?
337
00:14:12,215 --> 00:14:13,548
Yes!
No!
338
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,717
It can't decide.
339
00:14:16,719 --> 00:14:18,019
It's a hammer.
340
00:14:18,021 --> 00:14:19,587
You said it's a magic hammer.
341
00:14:19,589 --> 00:14:21,472
Yeah, it can't make decisions.
342
00:14:21,474 --> 00:14:23,057
If Harry Potter's wand
can make decisions,
343
00:14:23,059 --> 00:14:24,692
why can't Thor's hammer?
344
00:14:24,694 --> 00:14:27,395
Okay, if you're going to start
comparing wands and hammers,
345
00:14:27,397 --> 00:14:30,982
I can't even take you seriously.
346
00:14:48,133 --> 00:14:50,418
Hello.
347
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:52,837
Hello.
348
00:14:53,755 --> 00:14:57,175
Uh, four glasses
of water, please.
349
00:14:57,177 --> 00:15:00,061
Anything for you guys?
350
00:15:00,063 --> 00:15:02,563
Can I use your phone?
351
00:15:02,565 --> 00:15:03,848
Our car got stolen.
352
00:15:03,850 --> 00:15:06,601
Why don't you ask Scotty
to beam you up?
353
00:15:06,603 --> 00:15:08,603
(laughter)
354
00:15:08,605 --> 00:15:11,823
Scotty was on the
original series,
355
00:15:11,825 --> 00:15:14,525
and we're Next Generation.
356
00:15:14,527 --> 00:15:18,412
So... joke's on you.
357
00:15:21,483 --> 00:15:24,202
We're not with him.
358
00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:30,258
You can't pick something up
in outer space.
359
00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:32,627
In space, there is no up.
360
00:15:32,629 --> 00:15:36,163
Oh, yeah? Then how does
the sun come "up" every day?
361
00:15:37,449 --> 00:15:40,501
Hard to argue with those kind
of street smarts.
362
00:15:45,390 --> 00:15:47,608
Leonard and Sheldon have boxes
of comics across the hall.
363
00:15:47,610 --> 00:15:48,893
Why don't we go look at those?
364
00:15:48,895 --> 00:15:50,728
Oh, great! Yes!
And then you will see.
365
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:53,281
I am not wrong, because
if we were in outer space,
366
00:15:53,283 --> 00:15:55,066
then anyone
could pick up the hammer
367
00:15:55,068 --> 00:15:56,500
because it would be
floating around
368
00:15:56,502 --> 00:15:57,785
in a weightless environment.
369
00:15:57,787 --> 00:16:00,020
Yeah, that's right, the
slow reader used science.
370
00:16:00,022 --> 00:16:01,439
Suck on that.
371
00:16:04,159 --> 00:16:06,294
Was there anything
valuable in the car?
372
00:16:06,296 --> 00:16:09,163
Our clothes,
our wallets, phones.
373
00:16:09,165 --> 00:16:10,798
And about $300 worth of makeup,
374
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,118
so this thief could look like
anyone right now.
375
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,304
Makeup?
376
00:16:16,306 --> 00:16:18,539
Sure.
377
00:16:19,925 --> 00:16:22,977
Uh, we're going to the Comic-Con
in Bakersfield.
378
00:16:22,979 --> 00:16:25,045
They have a big costume contest.
379
00:16:25,714 --> 00:16:28,316
It's cooler than it sounds.
380
00:16:28,318 --> 00:16:32,320
I don't know,
sounds pretty cool.
381
00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:34,155
I-It is.
382
00:16:34,157 --> 00:16:35,356
It's not just comic books.
383
00:16:35,358 --> 00:16:36,941
They've got
action figures, toys,
384
00:16:36,943 --> 00:16:38,659
a Tron-themed dance party...
385
00:16:38,661 --> 00:16:40,278
Okay, he gets how cool it is.
386
00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:43,197
I think I have all I need here.
387
00:16:43,199 --> 00:16:44,898
You guys need me
to call someone?
388
00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:47,901
I'm guessing your moms?
389
00:16:49,054 --> 00:16:51,689
Thanks,
but we've got it covered.
390
00:16:51,691 --> 00:16:54,908
Okay,
I just talked to my mom.
391
00:16:57,963 --> 00:17:00,247
She arranged for us
to get a rental car.
392
00:17:00,249 --> 00:17:01,415
Great.
393
00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:03,050
We can still make it
to Comic-Con.
394
00:17:03,052 --> 00:17:04,352
Are you kidding me?
395
00:17:04,354 --> 00:17:06,554
After all we've been through,
I just want to go home.
396
00:17:06,556 --> 00:17:07,921
Don't be like that.
397
00:17:07,923 --> 00:17:09,273
Come on, Howard,
talk to him.
398
00:17:09,275 --> 00:17:10,775
I'm with Leonard.
399
00:17:10,777 --> 00:17:12,760
I'm done.
400
00:17:12,762 --> 00:17:15,446
Fine, then I guess
it's two against two.
401
00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:16,814
How do we decide?
402
00:17:16,816 --> 00:17:20,735
Actually,
it's three against one.
403
00:17:20,737 --> 00:17:22,102
What?!
404
00:17:22,104 --> 00:17:23,237
What about the mission?
405
00:17:23,239 --> 00:17:25,039
You said we were
a real-life landing party.
406
00:17:25,041 --> 00:17:26,857
Yeah, well, we're not.
407
00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:28,576
We're an imaginary landing party
408
00:17:28,578 --> 00:17:31,128
who had real-life garbage
thrown at us
409
00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:33,881
by real-life strangers
who think we're idiots.
410
00:17:35,083 --> 00:17:36,417
And to tell you the truth,
411
00:17:36,419 --> 00:17:38,719
I'm starting to feel like one.
412
00:17:38,721 --> 00:17:41,288
I want to go home now.
413
00:17:41,290 --> 00:17:43,591
Okay.
414
00:17:43,593 --> 00:17:47,345
Did we at least rent the car
from Enterprise?
415
00:17:50,432 --> 00:17:52,400
Get it? Enterprise?
416
00:17:53,635 --> 00:17:56,303
Screw you. That's funny.
417
00:17:58,907 --> 00:18:00,858
Well, what if the
Hulk picked up Thor
418
00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:02,810
while Thor is
holding the hammer?
419
00:18:02,812 --> 00:18:04,111
Yeah?
420
00:18:04,113 --> 00:18:05,312
Then by the transitive property
421
00:18:05,314 --> 00:18:08,449
of picking things up,
Hulk picked up the hammer.
422
00:18:09,501 --> 00:18:10,618
No.
423
00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,620
Hulk picked up Thor,
Thor picked up the hammer.
424
00:18:12,622 --> 00:18:13,704
Okay, hang on.
425
00:18:13,706 --> 00:18:15,673
If I go to a bar
and pick up a guy,
426
00:18:15,675 --> 00:18:17,792
and he picks up a girl,
and then we all leave together,
427
00:18:17,794 --> 00:18:19,827
did I pick up the girl?
428
00:18:23,415 --> 00:18:26,667
Did that ever happen?
429
00:18:26,669 --> 00:18:30,388
Hey, are we talking about me
or are we talking about Thor?
430
00:18:37,279 --> 00:18:41,115
Well, I say that's the last time
we ever go outside.
431
00:18:41,117 --> 00:18:42,400
AMY:
Look, right here.
432
00:18:42,402 --> 00:18:44,285
Red Hulk is picking
up Thor's hammer
433
00:18:44,287 --> 00:18:45,736
'cause Thor's touching it.
434
00:18:45,738 --> 00:18:48,205
PENNY: No, it's because
they're in space.
435
00:18:48,207 --> 00:18:49,690
BERNADETTE: He's really
just touching the strap.
436
00:18:49,692 --> 00:18:51,859
AMY: The strap is part
of the hammer!
437
00:18:51,861 --> 00:18:53,794
PENNY:
No, it's not!
438
00:18:53,796 --> 00:18:56,864
Are they actually arguing
about comic books?
439
00:18:56,866 --> 00:18:58,382
No, that can't be right.
440
00:18:58,384 --> 00:19:00,251
Maybe "Thor's Hammer"
441
00:19:00,253 --> 00:19:04,138
is a new color of nail polish.
442
00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:05,806
BERNADETTE:
Then Red Hulk must be worthy.
443
00:19:05,808 --> 00:19:07,808
PENNY: How could
Red Hulk be worthy?
444
00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:10,094
BERNADETTE:
You don't know his life!
445
00:19:13,348 --> 00:19:16,550
There's only one
logical explanation.
446
00:19:16,552 --> 00:19:18,686
Somewhere in the desert
we crossed
447
00:19:18,688 --> 00:19:21,021
into an alternate dimension...
448
00:19:21,023 --> 00:19:22,389
where the women in our lives
449
00:19:22,391 --> 00:19:25,359
can finally appreciate
great literature.
450
00:19:26,561 --> 00:19:28,929
If it's an
alternate dimension...
451
00:19:28,931 --> 00:19:32,333
sounds like a job
for a landing party.
452
00:19:36,671 --> 00:19:39,006
Captain,
what are your orders?
453
00:19:39,008 --> 00:19:41,842
I say we investigate.
454
00:19:45,580 --> 00:19:46,964
Wait.
455
00:19:48,967 --> 00:19:51,135
They might be hostile.
456
00:19:53,472 --> 00:19:55,088
Fine, but set them to stun.
457
00:19:55,090 --> 00:19:56,423
If we vaporize Penny,
458
00:19:56,425 --> 00:19:58,392
I'll never find a girlfriend
that pretty again.
459
00:20:06,951 --> 00:20:08,451
SHELDON'S VOICE:
Fun fact:
460
00:20:08,453 --> 00:20:12,938
President Eisenhower signed
the Federal Aid Highway Act
461
00:20:12,940 --> 00:20:15,541
from his hospital room.
462
00:20:15,636 --> 00:20:18,687
Wow, that is interesting.
463
00:20:19,773 --> 00:20:23,141
You learn something new
every day.
464
00:20:23,143 --> 00:20:26,135
SHELDON'S VOICE: Say, can you
name the four state capitols
465
00:20:26,235 --> 00:20:28,598
that are not served
by the interstate system?
466
00:20:29,245 --> 00:20:32,897
Ooh, another quiz.
Yes!
467
00:20:32,996 --> 00:20:37,996
== sync, corrected by elderman ==