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sync and corrections by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
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?
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Oh, mama, I can't wait for you
to see all the cute things
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00:00:08,916 --> 00:00:10,817
I got for Kim's baby shower.
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00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:12,517
This is gonna be so much fun.
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I do not understand why
you think baby showers are fun.
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00:00:15,355 --> 00:00:17,022
It's just a bunch of women
sitting around,
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00:00:17,090 --> 00:00:18,657
ooh-ing and aah-ing
about how cute
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a pair of tiny socks are.
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00:00:21,361 --> 00:00:25,264
(Baby talk) But aren't they
the cutest things in the world?
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They keep their little
toesies warm.
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Oh, how far I've fallen.
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Get over it, Cash.
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I can't.
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Back in Nashville,
I was a quarterback.
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00:00:36,242 --> 00:00:38,076
I was known
for throwing touchdowns.
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00:00:38,144 --> 00:00:40,412
And now I run into
the hottest girl in my class
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00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:43,880
while I'm with my mom,
carrying pink baby stuff.
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00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:47,151
I just feel so girly.
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I need to do something manly,
like, uh, like shavin'.
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00:00:50,155 --> 00:00:52,990
Unfortunately,
I just shaved four days ago.
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00:00:54,826 --> 00:00:56,626
Oh, June, look what I got...
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A baby carriage piñata.
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'Cause nothing says "love"
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00:01:01,198 --> 00:01:05,068
like hitting a baby carriage
with a stick.
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00:01:05,135 --> 00:01:07,170
It's so weird that you offered
to throw Kim's shower.
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00:01:07,237 --> 00:01:08,237
Isn't it?
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00:01:08,305 --> 00:01:10,139
I could really
use your help, June.
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Oh, mom,
please don't make me.
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Sage is going to be filming
the whole thing.
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It's just too hard
for me to be around him.
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00:01:16,745 --> 00:01:17,712
Because you got
a crush on him,
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even though
he tells you he's gay?
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What? No.
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00:01:20,549 --> 00:01:22,084
I don't have
a crush on him.
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It's just...
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His hair.
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Did you ever smell
his hair?
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It smells like...
Like Europe
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and... and marshmallows.
(Chuckles)
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- Yep, she has no interest in
him at all. - Mnh-mnh.
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00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,633
Hello, everyone.
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Okay, three, two, action.
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Well, hello, party people.
(Giggles)
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Kim, do you have to
tape everything?
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Yes. I wanna record
the entire shower experience
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so that after the baby
is born,
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she can see
how hard I worked.
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00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,149
And also, that way,
if she misbehaves,
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I can just play it back
for her
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and make her feel
really guilty.
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Why don't you have
a shrink deliver the baby?
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That way, you can
cut out the middle man.
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Ha.
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(Sniffs)
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Oh. Damn, she's right.
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Hey, June.
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Anything you wanna say
to my baby sister?
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00:02:20,239 --> 00:02:22,373
Uh, well, I hope you love
your big brother
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as much as I do.
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My big brother.
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That's who I love...
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I mean,
I love other people, too.
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Good-bye!
65
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Did you pare down that guest
list like I asked you to?
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Yes, and you're welcome...
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- I got it down to 250 people.
- What?
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I can't get 250 people
in this little old house.
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I hope they're all skinny.
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Uh, it's Malibu, so they are.
(Laughs)
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And actually, I was thinking
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that everybody might be
a little bit more comfortable
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at the ballroom at the
Bel Pierre Hotel?
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Well, I'm sure they would be,
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but that would cost
an arm and a leg.
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Oh, okay.
Well, then I have a friend
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who can help us out with that.
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His name... is Mr. Platinum card,
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and he says to you...
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(Clears throat)
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(Nasal voice) "Go crazy, Reba.
I have no maximum."
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(Laughs)
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There you go.
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Oh, see?
He likes you already.
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Ohh.
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All right.
The Bel Pierre it is.
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But you're still
wearing that diaper hat.
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(Reba)
? walkin' with my head high ?
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♪ soakin' up the sunshine ♪
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♪ la-la-la-la-la,
life is sweet ♪
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00:03:31,239 --> 00:03:34,374
Ohh!
Of all the fancy L.A. hotels,
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this one is by far the best.
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It has the most
celebrity overdoses.
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Well, that... that's definitely
the vibe you want
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- for a baby shower.
- Mm-hmm.
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Oh, Brooke.
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- Kimmy. Hi.
- Hey.
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- Mwah. Mwah.
- Mwah. Mwah.
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Did you get that?
Okay, good.
100
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So, Brooke, this is Reba,
my friend and shower hostess.
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- Right. Reba from Tennessee.
- Uh-huh.
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I know someone
from Tennessee.
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She used to do my nails...
Sue. Do you know her?
104
00:04:03,902 --> 00:04:07,038
Yeah, we used
to hunt buffalo together.
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So, Brooke, what brings
you over this way?
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You know what? It was me, Reba.
I called her.
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I realized I was
being unfair to you.
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After the whole
change-of-venue thing,
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the event just got so huge
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and you had nobody
to help you out,
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and then it occurred to me...
Brooke. (Giggles)
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(Lowered voice) What's
with the leggy interloper?
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Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this your mother?
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Oh, she's so cute.
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(Loudly) Hi. I'm Brooke.
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(Loudly) Hi. I'm Lillie Mae.
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I'm in the room.
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Mama, why don't you go
check on June and Cash?
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(Normal voice)
Use your indoor voice.
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Oh, man. This is like the
beginning of a dream I had.
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Cash, this is the beginning of
every dream you have.
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(Chuckles) Yeah.
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00:05:07,078 --> 00:05:08,578
I'm sorry
I complained so much
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about having to help out
with this baby shower.
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Had no idea that I'd be
showered with babes.
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Hey.
What's going on out here?
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Cash is mesmerized.
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It's the miss all-American
teen pageant.
129
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Well, of course.
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Celebrating everything
vacuous and superficial
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in this great land our
ancestors fought and died for.
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Well, thank you, ancestors.
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These are the 50 hottest
girls in the country.
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Not necessarily.
135
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A much larger number of hot girls
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live in the more populous states.
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00:05:42,744 --> 00:05:44,845
So proportionately, the sparser
states like South Dakota...
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00:05:44,914 --> 00:05:47,848
Don't ruin this with math, June.
139
00:05:49,584 --> 00:05:50,818
At the end of the day,
140
00:05:50,886 --> 00:05:53,788
whoever has the most
diaper pins wins a prize.
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00:05:53,855 --> 00:05:55,555
Oh, that's a very good idea, Reba.
142
00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:56,924
- Okay.
- Ahem.
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00:05:56,991 --> 00:05:58,992
Oh.
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00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:00,794
Brooke, are you okay?
145
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,964
8-foot storks made
entirely of flowers.
146
00:06:04,032 --> 00:06:05,132
What?
147
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:07,267
Wait.
There's more.
148
00:06:07,335 --> 00:06:08,768
We put one in each
corner of the room
149
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,703
with large baskets
hanging from their beaks
150
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,138
to hold the presents,
151
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:15,474
so they look like they're
descending down from heaven.
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00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,542
(Squeals)
153
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,545
Or...
154
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,847
We could put a really nice table
right over here at the entrance
155
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,215
for everybody
to put their gifts on.
156
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,216
Okay, you know what?
157
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,385
I love both of those ideas...
158
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:27,552
Great.
159
00:06:27,619 --> 00:06:29,321
Except for the one
with the table.
160
00:06:30,823 --> 00:06:32,924
So what were you thinking
about for the menu?
161
00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:34,525
Oh... 'Cause I was thinking
for hors d'oeuvres,
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we could do pigs in a blanket.
163
00:06:36,128 --> 00:06:37,395
Now you're talkin'.
164
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,464
I know this chef
who has a hot dog press,
165
00:06:39,531 --> 00:06:41,266
and he can make
any shape we want.
166
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,934
So I thought he could make
the hot dogs
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into the shape of a baby,
168
00:06:44,569 --> 00:06:47,338
and then the bread could be
a little blanket swaddling it.
169
00:06:47,405 --> 00:06:48,339
Aw.
170
00:06:48,406 --> 00:06:49,539
Wait a minute.
171
00:06:49,607 --> 00:06:53,477
We're eatin' babies
at a baby shower?
172
00:06:53,544 --> 00:06:55,079
Oh, Reba, no.
173
00:06:55,146 --> 00:06:57,681
Just hot dog babies.
174
00:06:57,748 --> 00:06:59,482
Oh, you know what?
I'm gonna run out to the car,
175
00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:01,584
'cause I've got fabric swatches
for the tablecloths.
176
00:07:01,651 --> 00:07:03,353
Oh, great.
Thank you, Brooke.
177
00:07:03,420 --> 00:07:05,621
See? You guys
just love each other.
178
00:07:05,689 --> 00:07:08,224
Mm. Yeah.
179
00:07:08,292 --> 00:07:10,393
Kim, are you sure you want
me to do this baby shower?
180
00:07:10,461 --> 00:07:13,129
Because I get the feeling
you want Brooke to do it.
181
00:07:13,197 --> 00:07:15,364
Reba, of course
I want you to do it.
182
00:07:15,431 --> 00:07:16,664
I need you.
183
00:07:16,732 --> 00:07:18,500
Look, I mean,
I know that you and Brooke
184
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,502
are sort of opposite ends
of the spectrum. (Chuckles)
185
00:07:20,569 --> 00:07:22,537
But together, there
can be brilliance.
186
00:07:22,605 --> 00:07:26,375
It's like she's real classy, and
you're real down-to-earth, right?
187
00:07:26,442 --> 00:07:30,178
But if you just move a little bit
towards her end of the spectrum,
188
00:07:30,246 --> 00:07:32,646
and then you just move
all the rest of the way...
189
00:07:32,714 --> 00:07:35,782
See? That's where
the magic can happen.
190
00:07:40,588 --> 00:07:42,123
Pennsylvania.
191
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:44,191
"Live free or die."
192
00:07:44,259 --> 00:07:46,627
That's New Hampshire's motto.
193
00:07:48,195 --> 00:07:49,896
And I don't blame you
for stealing it.
194
00:07:49,963 --> 00:07:52,465
It's a good one.
(Laughs)
195
00:07:52,533 --> 00:07:53,766
- Where have you been?
- Oh!
196
00:07:53,834 --> 00:07:55,768
You left for the ladies' room,
like, a half-hour ago.
197
00:07:55,836 --> 00:07:59,406
Oh, lord, I had so much fun.
I wandered into a bat mitzvah.
198
00:07:59,473 --> 00:08:01,174
It was crazy.
I sat down on a chair.
199
00:08:01,242 --> 00:08:03,909
Next thing I know, they're
carrying me around the room.
200
00:08:03,976 --> 00:08:05,077
(Laughs)
201
00:08:05,145 --> 00:08:06,311
Hold on a second, grandma.
202
00:08:06,379 --> 00:08:07,579
Florida.
203
00:08:07,647 --> 00:08:10,082
You know, my sister threw
up on me at a gator farm.
204
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:11,150
Oh, no.
205
00:08:12,552 --> 00:08:15,087
True story!
206
00:08:15,155 --> 00:08:17,489
I suck at making small
talk about states.
207
00:08:17,557 --> 00:08:19,490
What happened
to your confidence?
208
00:08:19,558 --> 00:08:22,260
Back in Nashville, you had no
trouble talking to the ladies.
209
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:24,562
That's 'cause my wide receiver
was my wingman.
210
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,864
Well, okay, then I'll be
your wingman.
211
00:08:26,932 --> 00:08:28,132
Listen up, Cash.
212
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,701
Girls this age think
they need a protector.
213
00:08:30,769 --> 00:08:33,604
You know, a hero.
Just follow my lead.
214
00:08:33,672 --> 00:08:37,274
Oh, lord!
I'm about to faint!
215
00:08:37,341 --> 00:08:41,445
(High-pitched voice)
Aah! Help! Somebody help!
216
00:08:41,512 --> 00:08:45,848
Grandma! It's not your time!
217
00:08:47,585 --> 00:08:49,919
Oy vey.
218
00:08:56,193 --> 00:08:57,193
(Thuds)
219
00:08:59,762 --> 00:09:02,364
I've seen lots of zebras
without tails.
220
00:09:06,169 --> 00:09:08,636
Oh, well, you were
at that hotel forever.
221
00:09:08,704 --> 00:09:10,605
Did everything go okay?
222
00:09:10,672 --> 00:09:12,006
Oh, it went fantastic.
223
00:09:12,074 --> 00:09:14,175
And as long as this
young man is taping me,
224
00:09:14,243 --> 00:09:17,378
that's all I'm gonna say about it.
225
00:09:17,446 --> 00:09:20,281
Oh, and here's
my friend June again.
226
00:09:20,349 --> 00:09:23,183
Right. We're friends.
Nothing more than that.
227
00:09:23,251 --> 00:09:24,585
Just friends. (Chuckles)
228
00:09:24,652 --> 00:09:26,720
(Chuckles)
Okay.
229
00:09:26,787 --> 00:09:27,787
All right, Sage.
230
00:09:27,855 --> 00:09:29,189
Why don't you put
that camera down
231
00:09:29,257 --> 00:09:30,591
let's take a little break.
What do you say?
232
00:09:30,658 --> 00:09:31,758
Sure.
Like a five?
233
00:09:31,826 --> 00:09:34,461
Ha. No, like a tomorrow.
234
00:09:34,529 --> 00:09:35,462
(Snaps shut)
235
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:36,463
- Gotcha.
- Yeah.
236
00:09:36,531 --> 00:09:38,632
I'll walk you out, buddy.
237
00:09:41,735 --> 00:09:44,737
Ugh.
I tell you.
238
00:09:44,804 --> 00:09:47,273
(Sighs) Thank God that camera
is out of my face.
239
00:09:47,341 --> 00:09:49,942
I was fixin' to clobber Sage
with it over his head,
240
00:09:50,010 --> 00:09:52,345
but June is so much
in love with him.
241
00:09:52,412 --> 00:09:55,080
And Kim... she has
to document every little second
242
00:09:55,148 --> 00:09:57,582
of this "journey" of hers.
243
00:09:57,650 --> 00:09:59,417
I swear, I wouldn't be
a bit surprised
244
00:09:59,485 --> 00:10:02,454
if she didn't name that
child "Kim's baby."
245
00:10:02,522 --> 00:10:05,290
You know, I feel one of
your rants coming on.
246
00:10:05,358 --> 00:10:06,858
Let me refill.
247
00:10:06,925 --> 00:10:08,760
Yeah.
248
00:10:08,827 --> 00:10:11,662
So this dance on Friday
is really dumb, right?
249
00:10:11,729 --> 00:10:13,830
I mean, you're not going...
Are you?
250
00:10:13,898 --> 00:10:16,033
I don't know. I forgot
there even was a dance.
251
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:17,201
(Chuckles) Stupid dance.
252
00:10:17,269 --> 00:10:19,203
Could be fun to go.
253
00:10:19,271 --> 00:10:20,671
Could be fun, I guess.
254
00:10:20,738 --> 00:10:23,240
Just have to figure out
who to go with.
255
00:10:23,308 --> 00:10:25,609
Shame I can't go with you,
but obviously, I can't.
256
00:10:25,677 --> 00:10:28,178
You being gay.
What would be the point, obviously?
257
00:10:28,245 --> 00:10:29,945
So obviously,
that's not going to happen.
258
00:10:30,013 --> 00:10:31,614
Obviously.
259
00:10:31,682 --> 00:10:34,116
Wait, are you asking
if I wanna go with you?
260
00:10:34,185 --> 00:10:37,920
Me? No. Why would
I ask that? Duh. No.
261
00:10:37,988 --> 00:10:39,355
Right. Well, I better run.
262
00:10:39,423 --> 00:10:40,890
Yeah. Yeah, see ya.
263
00:10:40,957 --> 00:10:41,891
(Exhales)
264
00:10:41,958 --> 00:10:45,026
June, you're an idiot...
265
00:10:45,094 --> 00:10:47,329
Obviously.
266
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,531
Oh, that Kim, she thinks
she's so sophisticated.
267
00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:52,201
- She's all money and no taste.
- Mm.
268
00:10:52,268 --> 00:10:55,337
That gal's dumber
than a stick of butter.
269
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,341
Why am I insulting the butter?
270
00:11:02,377 --> 00:11:04,579
Sorry, Mrs. Mackenzie,
I forgot my camera.
271
00:11:04,646 --> 00:11:07,181
All right.
272
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:09,483
Aw, man. I left it
on "record," too.
273
00:11:11,486 --> 00:11:14,388
Well... anything you
wanna say before I go?
274
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:15,788
(Laughs nervously)
275
00:11:15,856 --> 00:11:18,658
No, I-I think I've...
276
00:11:18,726 --> 00:11:20,260
Said enough.
277
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:36,754
Okay, I don't want Kim to see
all the hurtful things
278
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:38,021
I said about her.
279
00:11:38,089 --> 00:11:39,022
Now let's just get in,
280
00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:40,725
get the camera, and get out.
281
00:11:40,792 --> 00:11:42,359
Okay. I can do this.
282
00:11:42,426 --> 00:11:45,528
I just read a book
on lock picking.
283
00:11:45,596 --> 00:11:47,464
Why can't you read
"Fifty Shades of Gray"
284
00:11:47,531 --> 00:11:49,733
like every other old woman?
285
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:53,536
Well, I will, when you
give it back to me.
286
00:11:53,604 --> 00:11:54,937
This is gonna be tricky.
287
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:57,506
Well, how 'bout this?
288
00:11:57,574 --> 00:12:00,376
Well, that could do it, too.
289
00:12:00,443 --> 00:12:02,678
Okay.
290
00:12:02,746 --> 00:12:05,914
Why don't you be on lookout,
and I'll case the joint?
291
00:12:05,982 --> 00:12:08,049
Look at you,
breaking and entering.
292
00:12:08,117 --> 00:12:10,051
You know, it's not often
in the life of a parent
293
00:12:10,119 --> 00:12:11,787
they can say they're
proud of their kid
294
00:12:11,854 --> 00:12:13,321
and really mean it.
295
00:12:13,389 --> 00:12:15,222
This is one of those times.
296
00:12:16,792 --> 00:12:19,894
- What do you say?
- Thank you, mama.
297
00:12:19,961 --> 00:12:24,932
Now I'm gonna stand guard here,
right by this wine rack.
298
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,535
Aha. I got it.
299
00:12:27,603 --> 00:12:28,936
Oh, well, then,
smash it to the ground,
300
00:12:29,004 --> 00:12:30,604
and get rid of the evidence.
301
00:12:30,672 --> 00:12:31,938
I don't have to smash
it on the ground,
302
00:12:32,006 --> 00:12:33,873
all I have to do
is delete the footage.
303
00:12:33,941 --> 00:12:38,845
Okay, but now I'm not as proud
of you as I was ten seconds ago.
304
00:12:38,913 --> 00:12:40,880
Where is that "delete" button?
305
00:12:40,948 --> 00:12:42,282
(Kim) What button?
306
00:12:42,350 --> 00:12:44,984
Oh. Kim! Gotta go.
307
00:12:45,052 --> 00:12:46,419
Mama.
308
00:12:46,486 --> 00:12:47,787
What are you guys doing in here?
309
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,188
Reba, what are you deleting?
310
00:12:49,255 --> 00:12:51,390
I, uh... well...
311
00:12:51,458 --> 00:12:54,559
Wait a minute. Are you trying
to hide something from me?
312
00:12:54,627 --> 00:12:56,228
Kim, there's somethin'
in this camera
313
00:12:56,296 --> 00:12:57,362
I don't want you to see.
314
00:12:57,430 --> 00:12:58,530
What is it?
315
00:12:58,597 --> 00:13:00,565
(Exhales)
316
00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:02,701
Some things were said
in the heat of the moment,
317
00:13:02,768 --> 00:13:04,703
and I'm afraid it'll hurt ya.
318
00:13:04,770 --> 00:13:05,938
By whom?
319
00:13:06,005 --> 00:13:08,140
It was actually...
320
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:10,541
Oh, my God.
321
00:13:10,608 --> 00:13:12,210
It was Brooke, wasn't it?
322
00:13:14,112 --> 00:13:17,481
I'm not saying it was Brooke.
(Sighs)
323
00:13:17,549 --> 00:13:19,217
You know what?
I wanna see it.
324
00:13:19,284 --> 00:13:22,419
Why? It'll just upset you...
325
00:13:22,487 --> 00:13:24,288
And your baby.
326
00:13:24,356 --> 00:13:26,056
You know what?
You're right.
327
00:13:26,123 --> 00:13:28,258
I am emoting for two
these days.
328
00:13:29,426 --> 00:13:31,461
And it's not like her opinion
even really matters to me.
329
00:13:31,528 --> 00:13:32,595
Yeah, why should it?
330
00:13:32,663 --> 00:13:34,597
I mean, let's just
delete the opinions,
331
00:13:34,665 --> 00:13:36,833
so your little sweet baby'll
never have to hear 'em.
332
00:13:36,901 --> 00:13:37,834
You know what?
Totally.
333
00:13:37,902 --> 00:13:38,835
Go ahead, press delete.
334
00:13:38,903 --> 00:13:41,237
We shall never
speak of this again.
335
00:13:41,304 --> 00:13:42,671
(Snaps shut)
Done.
336
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,940
- There you go.
- Hey, Reba...
337
00:13:45,008 --> 00:13:48,177
Ohh. Why can't all my friends
have your integrity?
338
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:50,545
Come here.
339
00:13:50,613 --> 00:13:53,448
Yeah. I'm full of it.
340
00:13:53,516 --> 00:13:54,516
Yep.
341
00:13:58,653 --> 00:14:01,956
(Dishes clinking,
indistinct conversations)
342
00:14:02,024 --> 00:14:04,592
Well, you lying to Kim
was one thing,
343
00:14:04,659 --> 00:14:05,693
but you really
topped yourself
344
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,828
when you threw Brooke
under the bus.
345
00:14:07,897 --> 00:14:10,965
I know.
All this lying and pettiness.
346
00:14:11,033 --> 00:14:13,100
I'm just as bad
as all these other phonies.
347
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:16,904
Well, I for one refuse to take
part in this kind of phoniness.
348
00:14:16,971 --> 00:14:19,873
Excuse me. I have to go
collapse in the hall.
349
00:14:24,178 --> 00:14:26,914
Mom, I've got news.
Big news.
350
00:14:26,981 --> 00:14:29,215
I've decided to move on.
351
00:14:29,283 --> 00:14:30,416
Oh, well, that's great.
352
00:14:30,483 --> 00:14:32,451
From what?
353
00:14:32,519 --> 00:14:34,720
Sage. The dance.
All of it.
354
00:14:34,788 --> 00:14:36,555
I mean,
it's an impossible love.
355
00:14:36,623 --> 00:14:37,689
I'm young.
I'm single.
356
00:14:37,757 --> 00:14:39,591
There are plenty
of other fish in the sea...
357
00:14:39,659 --> 00:14:41,760
Fish who aren't gay.
358
00:14:41,828 --> 00:14:45,463
(Laughs) All righty.
359
00:14:45,531 --> 00:14:47,032
Honey, you sure
you're okay?
360
00:14:47,099 --> 00:14:48,866
I'm better than okay.
I'm great.
361
00:14:48,935 --> 00:14:50,668
I'm back on the market.
362
00:14:52,738 --> 00:14:55,373
What a lovely phrase.
363
00:14:56,608 --> 00:15:00,045
Hi!
(Ladies cheer)
364
00:15:00,112 --> 00:15:02,746
Oh, my gosh.
Hi, Matisse, Jasmine...
365
00:15:02,814 --> 00:15:04,381
(Flatly) Brooke.
366
00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:08,752
Sydney! Lydia, hi!
(Chuckles)
367
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:09,753
How 'bout the storks?
368
00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:11,088
Brooke did a great job, huh?
369
00:15:11,156 --> 00:15:12,823
Oh! Ohh.
370
00:15:12,890 --> 00:15:14,391
(Laughs) Oh, my God.
371
00:15:14,459 --> 00:15:17,593
I didn't realize it was one of
those ironic baby showers
372
00:15:17,661 --> 00:15:20,096
where everything's funny
because it's so tacky.
373
00:15:20,164 --> 00:15:21,730
Ha ha.
374
00:15:21,798 --> 00:15:23,032
(Laughs)
375
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,701
Okay. I think your
blood sugar's a little low.
376
00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:28,037
Let's get you something to eat.
Oh.
377
00:15:28,105 --> 00:15:30,406
Oh! Reba, look how cute
those little sandwiches are.
378
00:15:30,474 --> 00:15:31,441
You cut the crusts off.
379
00:15:31,508 --> 00:15:32,741
Well, that was Brooke's idea.
380
00:15:32,809 --> 00:15:33,976
I only like crusts.
(Thuds)
381
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,581
Oh, lord! Here I go again!
382
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,183
Oh. Oh.
383
00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:42,250
(Thud)
384
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,488
Somebody help!
385
00:15:46,555 --> 00:15:49,290
Everybody stand back!
Please, people, give me some room.
386
00:15:51,026 --> 00:15:52,693
(Lowered voice) Now what?
387
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,229
(Lowered voice)
Give me mouth-to-mouth.
388
00:15:55,297 --> 00:15:58,565
What else you got?
389
00:15:58,633 --> 00:16:01,335
Push on my chest.
390
00:16:01,403 --> 00:16:04,338
What else you got?
391
00:16:04,406 --> 00:16:06,672
Do something!
She's gonna die!
392
00:16:06,740 --> 00:16:08,941
My other wingman
stayed on his feet.
393
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:12,245
- Oh, just help me up.
- Okay.
394
00:16:12,313 --> 00:16:14,847
(Coughing)
395
00:16:14,915 --> 00:16:16,616
(Spits)
(Girls gasp)
396
00:16:16,683 --> 00:16:18,284
Oh. I was choking.
397
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,520
- I was choking, and this young man...
- Uh...
398
00:16:20,587 --> 00:16:23,122
Whom I've never met before,
saved my life. (Chuckles)
399
00:16:23,189 --> 00:16:26,591
Oh, he saved my life.
He's a real hero.
400
00:16:26,659 --> 00:16:27,692
Oh, God bless you.
401
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,861
I'm gonna leave you
all my money.
402
00:16:29,929 --> 00:16:31,897
Okay. Well, uh...
403
00:16:31,964 --> 00:16:33,499
He's a hero!
404
00:16:33,566 --> 00:16:34,666
Glad to... glad to be
of service, ma'am.
405
00:16:34,734 --> 00:16:36,268
You be careful
with those mints.
406
00:16:36,336 --> 00:16:39,337
They are...
They're killers.
407
00:16:39,405 --> 00:16:41,772
So, uh, who wants to go
to the pool bar for a soda?
408
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,174
Sure. That sounds cool.
Yeah?
409
00:16:43,242 --> 00:16:46,810
North Dakota...I believe
that is the "show-me" state.
410
00:16:49,448 --> 00:16:53,683
Aw, Matisse. Cashmere burp cloths.
Thank you.
411
00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:55,385
I'm sure they'll be
much more handy
412
00:16:55,453 --> 00:16:58,055
than a 7-speed baby swing.
413
00:16:58,122 --> 00:16:59,589
It was on your registry,
414
00:16:59,657 --> 00:17:01,891
and it was 12-speed.
415
00:17:01,959 --> 00:17:04,327
Oh, okay. Well, let's just take
my newborn to a carnival,
416
00:17:04,395 --> 00:17:06,996
and put her on the tilt-a-whirl.
417
00:17:08,299 --> 00:17:09,232
Thank you.
418
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:11,401
(Kim) You got that down?
That was Matisse, burp cloths.
419
00:17:11,402 --> 00:17:12,868
(Lillie Mae) Great. I did. Matisse.
I got that.
420
00:17:12,969 --> 00:17:15,471
Brooke, she didn't mean it.
She's emoting for two.
421
00:17:15,539 --> 00:17:16,472
I don't know what I did.
422
00:17:16,540 --> 00:17:18,174
And she clearly hates me.
423
00:17:18,241 --> 00:17:20,209
Oh, "hate's" a very strong word.
424
00:17:20,277 --> 00:17:21,643
I know what's going on here.
425
00:17:21,711 --> 00:17:24,646
Someone is lying to Kim about me.
426
00:17:24,714 --> 00:17:27,014
And I know exactly who it is.
427
00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:29,551
(Exhales) Okay.
It was...
428
00:17:29,618 --> 00:17:34,089
It was Tiffany, right?!
429
00:17:34,156 --> 00:17:36,891
I'm not saying
it was Tiffany...
430
00:17:36,959 --> 00:17:40,661
Yeah, well, Tiffany can say
"good-bye" to those extensions.
431
00:17:40,729 --> 00:17:41,661
Hold my gold.
432
00:17:41,729 --> 00:17:42,662
Okay, wait, wait.
Brooke. Brooke.
433
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:43,797
Brooke. Brooke. Brooke.
434
00:17:43,864 --> 00:17:45,566
I know for a fact
it wasn't Tiffany.
435
00:17:45,633 --> 00:17:47,033
Just let me go talk to her.
436
00:17:47,102 --> 00:17:48,402
I know I can fix it.
437
00:17:48,470 --> 00:17:50,036
Here, take back your gold.
438
00:17:51,473 --> 00:17:52,406
- Kim.
- Yeah.
439
00:17:52,474 --> 00:17:53,907
- We need to talk.
- Oh. Okay.
440
00:17:53,975 --> 00:17:55,008
There you go.
441
00:17:55,076 --> 00:17:57,577
You know, I saw you
chatting with Brooke.
442
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,245
Was she talking
more trash about me?
443
00:17:59,313 --> 00:18:02,448
Oh, no. Listen...
444
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:06,252
It wasn't Brooke who was
bad-mouthing you on the camera.
445
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,520
Oh, my God.
446
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,355
Okay, I can't do this
anymore. It was me.
447
00:18:09,423 --> 00:18:11,657
What? No, no, no.
It couldn't be you.
448
00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:13,592
You're my only friend
with integrity.
449
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:15,393
Apparently not.
450
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,929
If you had a problem
with me, Reba,
451
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,964
why didn't you just tell me?
452
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,100
Because I was all frustrated
about this shower,
453
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:23,668
and it was in
the heat of the moment,
454
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,404
and... I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
455
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,173
Do you see all these women?
456
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,608
They all say stuff about me
behind my back all the time,
457
00:18:30,675 --> 00:18:32,876
and that is
what hurts my feelings.
458
00:18:32,944 --> 00:18:36,213
Reba, what makes you different
is that you're honest...
459
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:39,283
To my face.
That's what I love about you.
460
00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:40,784
Okay. I'm sorry.
You're right.
461
00:18:40,852 --> 00:18:42,186
I shouldn't have done it.
462
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:43,820
And I promise,
from here on out,
463
00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:45,855
I will be honest to your face.
464
00:18:45,922 --> 00:18:47,056
Okay. Thank you.
465
00:18:47,124 --> 00:18:49,225
And in exchange, I will
be honest to your face.
466
00:18:49,293 --> 00:18:50,460
Good. All right.
(Laughs)
467
00:18:57,334 --> 00:18:59,869
You mean you've been
holding back?
468
00:18:59,936 --> 00:19:02,704
Oh! (Laughs) You know,
I can't tell you everything.
469
00:19:02,772 --> 00:19:05,641
Sure you can.
Go ahead.
470
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:08,043
Okay. Well, since we're
better friends now,
471
00:19:08,110 --> 00:19:09,178
I would say that sometimes,
472
00:19:09,245 --> 00:19:14,049
you can be just a
little bit preachy.
473
00:19:14,116 --> 00:19:15,817
Okay.
I'll be more aware of that.
474
00:19:15,885 --> 00:19:17,018
Okay. (Laughs)
475
00:19:17,086 --> 00:19:19,320
Oh, and you know what?
You say "y'all" a lot.
476
00:19:19,388 --> 00:19:22,923
And see, you don't have to do that,
'cause we're in America now.
477
00:19:28,463 --> 00:19:30,565
Okeydokey.
Duly noted.
478
00:19:30,632 --> 00:19:33,667
Oh, and your corn bread...
Not as moist as you think.
479
00:19:33,734 --> 00:19:35,935
In fact, it's sort of
just downright dry.
480
00:19:36,003 --> 00:19:37,103
You know, the other day,
481
00:19:37,171 --> 00:19:38,605
I fed it to the gulls
on the beach,
482
00:19:38,673 --> 00:19:41,474
and they coughed for the
whole rest of the afternoon.
483
00:19:43,744 --> 00:19:46,646
Oh, Reebs, doesn't it feel
so good to be honest?
484
00:20:04,957 --> 00:20:07,358
Ahh.
485
00:20:07,425 --> 00:20:08,359
Hey, Mrs. Mackenzie.
486
00:20:08,426 --> 00:20:10,728
Oh, hey. (Chuckles)
487
00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:13,865
I brought you a copy
of the shower video.
488
00:20:13,932 --> 00:20:16,333
Oh, thanks, Sage.
That's very sweet of you.
489
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,935
So is it true
what you said on camera?
490
00:20:19,003 --> 00:20:21,437
That June, you know...
She likes me?
491
00:20:21,505 --> 00:20:23,874
How did you see that?
I erased that yesterday.
492
00:20:23,941 --> 00:20:25,441
It had already
uploaded to the cloud.
493
00:20:25,509 --> 00:20:29,779
I don't know what that is, but
it's not coming back down, is it?
494
00:20:29,847 --> 00:20:32,081
Don't worry.
I deleted what you said.
495
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,782
I would never
want Kim to to get hurt.
496
00:20:33,850 --> 00:20:35,384
(Exhales deeply) Good.
497
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:39,988
So... does June
really feel that way?
498
00:20:40,055 --> 00:20:41,122
If I answer that,
499
00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:45,360
you have to answer
something for me first.
500
00:20:45,427 --> 00:20:48,696
Are you really gay, or has
June been played by a boy
501
00:20:48,764 --> 00:20:51,799
that doesn't realize
how much pain he's caused her?
502
00:20:51,867 --> 00:20:53,368
When you figure
that one out,
503
00:20:53,435 --> 00:20:55,735
you can come back
and ask me that question again.
504
00:20:55,803 --> 00:20:57,470
Okay?
505
00:20:57,538 --> 00:20:58,638
Okay.
506
00:20:58,706 --> 00:21:00,374
Good night.
507
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:05,312
Hey, mom.
508
00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:07,147
I had a blast at that shower.
509
00:21:07,215 --> 00:21:10,350
I've never loved America more.
510
00:21:10,418 --> 00:21:11,750
I'm happy for you, honey.
511
00:21:11,818 --> 00:21:14,086
Well, good night.
512
00:21:15,292 --> 00:21:20,130
sync and corrections by bellows
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