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Previously on Californication...
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You're amazing.
A goddess.
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You deserve the white dress
and the happy ending.
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I'm just not the guy to give it to you.
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This man's a monster.
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He likes to fuck women in the ass,
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and then tell them that he just
wants to keep it casual.
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Guys, it's really nice
to be fought over, but--
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Oh, my God! This is never
going anywhere, is it?
10
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What?
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You're never going to be able
to commit to another woman.
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Congratulations, Karen.
I don't know how you did it, but--
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What?
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I will love you till the end of time.
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But I can no longer be your husband.
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It's such a fucking relief.
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Now what?
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You stay here, stand still,
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don't move.
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Here, tonight, have dinner with me.
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God damn it,
the truth just sounds better.
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[Screams]
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Oof!
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Just, come on,
tell me "I love you."
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Just one time, tell me.
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Just come home.
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- I saw that!
- Ho! Jesus.
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Oh, I think it's the pills.
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What pills?
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I probably shouldn't be drinking.
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I started taking these antidepressants.
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How many of these did you take?
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No more than you did.
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What did--
what did you do?
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Carrie, what did you do?
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Only what you made me.
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Tell me you love me.
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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[Johnny Thunder's You Can't
Put Your Arms Around A Memory]
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♪ Feel so cold all alone
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♪ 'cause, baby, you're not at home ♪
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♪ and when I'm home
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♪ big deal, I'm still alone
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♪ you can't put your arms
around a memory ♪
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♪ you can't put your arms
around a memory ♪
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♪ you can't put your arms
around a memory ♪
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♪ don't try...
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- Hello.
- Hey.
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Can I get you a drink?
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Um, I think that's my line.
51
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Ah. Hank.
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- And?
- And...
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- It's nice to meet me?
- Um...
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I'm not sure,
but I think this is the part
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where you tell me your name.
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Why would I do that?
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Because that's what we
do in polite society, lady.
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That's what separates us
from the monkeys.
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And people from Long Island.
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- Karen, Karen, Karen.
- Why are you doing that?
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It's just so not what I expected.
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What? What did you expect?
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Something more exotic.
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I mean, you seem like a Sasha.
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Or a--or a Pasha.
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- Pasha?
- Definitely an "Asha" of some sort.
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I'm sorry to disappoint.
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I'm not disappointed.
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I mean, if I was any more excited,
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my enormous man-sized diaper
would be soaking wet.
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And that would be embarrassing.
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- That's disgusting.
- Yet endearing.
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Not really.
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Refill?
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How are you feeling, Hank?
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Because I'm starting
to feel really fucking groovy.
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What did you do?
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Only what you made me...
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[Echoing] Tell me you love me.
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Hello again.
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I love you.
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I'm gonna let some light in.
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Hey, tell me...
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- What do you remember?
- Hmm?
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I remember everything...
Karen.
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No.
About that night.
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- Oh.
- You never...
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You didn't show up for dinner.
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I kept calling you.
You didn't pick up.
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I got worried,
so I drove up to Charlie's.
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And when I arrived, the door was open.
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And that's--
that's where I found you.
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And her.
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- Carrie?
- Yeah.
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I didn't fuck her, Karen.
I swear.
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It so doesn't matter.
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It so does matter.
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She made me a drink.
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A really strong drink.
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Apparently.
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Am I gonna be okay?
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You've been in and out
for a couple of days now.
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But the doctors...
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they think you're gonna be fine.
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Well, too bad for you.
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What about her?
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[Steady mechanical breathing]
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Hank?
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You don't remember me, do you?
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We had dinner once.
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You're her friend.
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Melissa, right?
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Sarah.
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Sarah.
Apologies.
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- [Stammers] Sorry.
- No worries.
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We're all interchangeable,
right, us ladies?
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No, that's--
that's not me.
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I-I don't think that way.
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Uh-huh.
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How is she?
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Well, uh...
[Clears throat]
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She's been on life support
since she got here.
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No signs of improvement.
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No signs of anything really.
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She's gone.
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We're just waiting for
the parents to pull the plug.
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See, unlike you,
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they're having a really
hard time letting her go.
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She loved you, Hank.
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Despite all the evidence
to the contrary,
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she thought you were the one.
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No matter how many times I told her
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to let you go or just walk away,
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she wouldn't do it.
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[Sniffles] I just wish
you would have let her down
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a little easier.
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A little sooner.
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[Whimpers]
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How dare you!
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Get the fuck out of here!
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Or do you want to wait
till the parents come here?
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Because they'll be here any minute.
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- Sweetie, are you okay?
- No, no, no.
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Just leave me alone.
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[Edgy rock music]
146
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Slow down, buddy.
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- You're approaching blotto.
- Thank goodness.
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You know what that means.
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Next stop, blackout station.
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I could have gotten there a lot sooner,
151
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but who's the squishy little pussy fart
152
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who wouldn't go buy drugs with me?
153
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Just wanted to get you out of the house.
154
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Blow the stink off.
155
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[Sniffs]
156
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I like my stink.
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It's like obsession for dirt bags.
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So I have an offer for you!
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Not even a smile?
You always laugh when I do that.
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I don't feel very much
like laughing these days.
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Or working, for that matter.
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The very thought
makes my asshole quiver.
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No, actually, more like a throb.
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Have you ever had
a throbbing asshole, Charlie?
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- I have.
- I bet.
166
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You've been home a week, Hank.
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You're lucky to be alive.
168
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You're just sitting around
pulverizing your liver.
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Yeah, that.
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And I'm contemplating a new novel!
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That's great!
Really?
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Yeah, it's about
a miserable piece of shit
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who drinks himself to death.
174
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I'm in the research phase.
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You got to get past this, man.
176
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You got to forgive yourself.
177
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I don't got to do nothing
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but stay black and die,
[falsetto] motherfucker.
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It wasn't your fault.
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She was fucking looney tunes!
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She tried to kill you, Hank.
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Ow!
183
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Fuck!
184
00:07:37,604 --> 00:07:38,904
What did you do that for?
185
00:07:38,939 --> 00:07:40,506
You can't talk about her like that.
186
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Some crazy bitch tries to kill you,
187
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you defend her honor.
188
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Your best friend tries to help you,
189
00:07:45,012 --> 00:07:46,579
you punch him in the face.
190
00:07:46,613 --> 00:07:48,047
You're a real fucking asshole,
you know that?
191
00:07:48,081 --> 00:07:49,582
That sounds about right.
192
00:07:51,752 --> 00:07:55,421
[Coughs]
193
00:07:57,491 --> 00:07:59,759
What do you see us becoming, eventually?
194
00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:01,994
Look, you're amazing, okay?
195
00:08:02,029 --> 00:08:03,596
Uh, I just, um...
196
00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:06,432
[Mutters, squawks]
Come on, just out with it.
197
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- Just say it.
- Excuse me?
198
00:08:08,435 --> 00:08:09,835
You're excused, Nancy.
199
00:08:09,870 --> 00:08:11,570
But just--
just rip the band-aid off.
200
00:08:11,605 --> 00:08:12,938
It's the only decent thing to do.
201
00:08:12,973 --> 00:08:14,907
Thanks. Thanks
for the advice, old-timer.
202
00:08:14,941 --> 00:08:16,308
Oh, hey, I may be old.
203
00:08:16,343 --> 00:08:17,810
But I'm not such a geezer
204
00:08:17,844 --> 00:08:20,012
that I can't dick-slap the shit
out of you.
205
00:08:20,047 --> 00:08:21,681
My father used to always say that to me.
206
00:08:21,715 --> 00:08:23,983
- Oh, good old dad.
- Yeah, he's right.
207
00:08:24,017 --> 00:08:25,284
If you're gonna break up
with me, just do it.
208
00:08:25,318 --> 00:08:26,919
You go, girl.
209
00:08:26,953 --> 00:08:28,454
That's not what I'm doing.
210
00:08:28,488 --> 00:08:30,089
No, what you're doing
is wasting my time.
211
00:08:30,123 --> 00:08:31,624
If you aren't serious about me,
about us,
212
00:08:31,658 --> 00:08:34,627
- then I need to know.
- Need to know!
213
00:08:34,661 --> 00:08:36,595
You know...
214
00:08:36,630 --> 00:08:40,166
If you would have just let me finish.
215
00:08:45,672 --> 00:08:47,940
You fucking asshole.
216
00:08:47,974 --> 00:08:50,242
You fucked up my proposal.
217
00:08:52,746 --> 00:08:53,879
Fair enough.
218
00:08:56,416 --> 00:08:59,985
[Edgy rock music]
219
00:09:04,391 --> 00:09:05,524
[Thud]
220
00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:08,461
[Coughs]
221
00:09:12,999 --> 00:09:14,500
[Grunts]
222
00:09:14,534 --> 00:09:17,470
[Tinny's Pop Goes The Weasel playing]
223
00:09:17,504 --> 00:09:20,639
♪
224
00:09:20,674 --> 00:09:21,874
Daddy?
225
00:09:21,908 --> 00:09:23,409
Fuck me!
226
00:09:23,443 --> 00:09:25,711
You smell funny.
227
00:09:30,484 --> 00:09:33,853
Hey, what's up slugger?
228
00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:35,488
Hmm.
229
00:09:35,522 --> 00:09:38,657
Guess what?
I'm the Tooth Fairy, yeah?
230
00:09:38,692 --> 00:09:42,561
What do you say we, uh,
settle this like men.
231
00:09:42,596 --> 00:09:44,130
All right?
232
00:09:44,164 --> 00:09:46,699
No screaming?
233
00:09:46,733 --> 00:09:47,767
Yeah?
234
00:09:51,905 --> 00:09:56,509
I think you'll find it's all there.
235
00:10:02,849 --> 00:10:05,384
[Shrieks]
236
00:10:05,418 --> 00:10:07,153
You're lucky I have cool neighbors.
237
00:10:07,187 --> 00:10:09,054
I don't know how cool they are.
238
00:10:09,089 --> 00:10:12,358
They left their kid's
bedroom door wide fucking open.
239
00:10:12,392 --> 00:10:14,927
You're lucky you didn't try
anything with that kid.
240
00:10:14,961 --> 00:10:17,029
Why the fuck would I do that?
241
00:10:17,063 --> 00:10:18,430
I don't know.
242
00:10:18,465 --> 00:10:19,765
It's dark.
You're drunk.
243
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,034
Holes is holes, Hank.
244
00:10:22,068 --> 00:10:24,236
You should be tested
for something, Charlie.
245
00:10:24,271 --> 00:10:25,671
- Arms.
- Not sure exactly what,
246
00:10:25,705 --> 00:10:27,606
but you're definitely on the spectrum.
247
00:10:27,641 --> 00:10:30,776
[Rhyming] Reach for the sky.
It's beddy-bye.
248
00:10:33,713 --> 00:10:35,881
Oh, don't forget the pants.
249
00:10:35,916 --> 00:10:38,450
♪ Cannot sleep in my pants
250
00:10:38,485 --> 00:10:40,252
[scoffs] Jesus!
251
00:10:40,287 --> 00:10:42,521
When is the last time
you washed these bad boys, Hank?
252
00:10:42,556 --> 00:10:44,290
Huh? Or yourself,
for that matter.
253
00:10:44,324 --> 00:10:47,059
I think the nurses gave me
a sponge bath in the hospital.
254
00:10:47,093 --> 00:10:48,727
But I could have dreamed that.
255
00:10:48,762 --> 00:10:51,030
You need to get your shit together, man.
256
00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:52,798
How do you propose I do that, Charlie?
257
00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:55,868
And once I've gathered up
all my pretty little turds,
258
00:10:55,902 --> 00:10:57,263
what do you suggest I do with them?
259
00:10:57,270 --> 00:10:58,771
You've got Karen to think about.
260
00:10:58,805 --> 00:11:00,906
- And Becca.
- They're better off without me.
261
00:11:00,941 --> 00:11:02,241
The both of 'em.
262
00:11:02,275 --> 00:11:03,409
All I ever do is fuck their shit up.
263
00:11:03,443 --> 00:11:05,611
All I want to do is sleep.
264
00:11:05,645 --> 00:11:08,280
Sleep till I can sleep no more.
265
00:11:08,315 --> 00:11:11,550
And then make myself sleepy
all over again.
266
00:11:14,287 --> 00:11:16,922
Can I at least get your number?
267
00:11:16,957 --> 00:11:19,491
You know, your digits.
Can I get your digits?
268
00:11:19,526 --> 00:11:21,327
You like the way I say that?
Digits, like the kids?
269
00:11:21,361 --> 00:11:23,162
You're not used to hearing no, are you?
270
00:11:23,196 --> 00:11:24,763
Yes, I am.
271
00:11:24,798 --> 00:11:25,931
It's just usually
I could give a shit less.
272
00:11:25,966 --> 00:11:27,433
Tonight I do, for some reason.
273
00:11:27,467 --> 00:11:29,735
[Laughs]
274
00:11:29,769 --> 00:11:31,303
- Hank.
- Yes.
275
00:11:31,338 --> 00:11:33,439
I have a boyfriend.
276
00:11:33,473 --> 00:11:34,673
- Of course, you do.
- [Laughs]
277
00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:36,141
How could you not?
278
00:11:36,176 --> 00:11:38,077
But I think if we put our heads together
279
00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:39,745
we can overcome such obstacles.
280
00:11:39,779 --> 00:11:42,014
I have faith in us.
281
00:11:42,048 --> 00:11:43,649
I got to bounce.
282
00:11:43,683 --> 00:11:46,085
It was nice to meet you.
283
00:11:46,119 --> 00:11:48,487
It was nice to meet you too.
284
00:11:48,521 --> 00:11:50,289
Good night.
285
00:11:50,323 --> 00:11:51,357
Good morning...
286
00:11:51,391 --> 00:11:53,559
Karen.
287
00:12:05,872 --> 00:12:10,542
- Karen...Karen.
- Leave the poor girl alone.
288
00:12:12,846 --> 00:12:15,347
- What if she's the one?
- [Laughs]
289
00:12:15,382 --> 00:12:16,849
Oh, go on.
290
00:12:16,883 --> 00:12:18,550
You're just gonna end up hurting her.
291
00:12:18,585 --> 00:12:20,719
And who knows?
292
00:12:20,754 --> 00:12:22,488
She might even, you know...
293
00:12:22,522 --> 00:12:23,822
Ccchhh!
294
00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:30,129
[Urinating]
295
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:36,468
3.5 baths, Hank.
296
00:12:36,503 --> 00:12:37,836
3.5.
297
00:12:37,871 --> 00:12:41,540
Seemed too far to go.
298
00:12:41,574 --> 00:12:43,375
- You're up early.
- Never went to bed.
299
00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:45,010
Of course not.
300
00:12:45,045 --> 00:12:48,213
I can't get drunk enough
anymore, Charlie.
301
00:12:48,248 --> 00:12:49,548
Speaking of which,
302
00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:50,903
we're out of alcoholic beverages.
303
00:12:50,917 --> 00:12:52,484
Come on.
Get in the car.
304
00:12:52,519 --> 00:12:54,086
- We'll get you some.
- Fuck you.
305
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,055
You're my agent.
You go get me some.
306
00:12:56,089 --> 00:12:58,691
Get in the car!
307
00:12:58,725 --> 00:13:00,559
We're taking a field trip.
308
00:13:00,593 --> 00:13:03,028
[Sighs]
309
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:12,938
Gaaaah!
310
00:13:12,973 --> 00:13:15,341
Dee-licious!
311
00:13:24,584 --> 00:13:26,118
Hey.
312
00:13:26,152 --> 00:13:29,722
[Mutters]
313
00:13:32,359 --> 00:13:34,727
That's a weird-looking
liquor store.
314
00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:40,399
Welcome aboard Air Force69, gentlemen.
315
00:13:40,433 --> 00:13:41,533
Well, thank you.
316
00:13:41,568 --> 00:13:43,402
Hank Moody!
317
00:13:43,436 --> 00:13:45,204
Oh, I must be really fucking drunk.
318
00:13:45,238 --> 00:13:46,505
Is that Atticus Fetch?
319
00:13:46,539 --> 00:13:50,509
Baudelaire, Bukowski, and Oscar Wilde
320
00:13:50,543 --> 00:13:53,746
all wrapped up into one
talented motherfucking writer.
321
00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:54,947
Respect.
322
00:13:54,981 --> 00:13:56,548
Remember that for my tombstone.
323
00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:58,350
You ready to take this journey with me?
324
00:13:58,385 --> 00:14:00,419
That depends.
Is this a domestic flight?
325
00:14:00,453 --> 00:14:02,888
I'm not sure I have
a valid passport. Do I?
326
00:14:02,922 --> 00:14:04,590
What's wrong with him?
327
00:14:04,624 --> 00:14:06,792
Uh, he's just
a little bit drunk right now.
328
00:14:06,826 --> 00:14:08,260
Which begs the question:
329
00:14:08,294 --> 00:14:13,065
Why am I not
a little bit drunk right now?
330
00:14:13,099 --> 00:14:14,233
Do you know what that is?
331
00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:15,467
Is that Black Hawk Down?
332
00:14:15,502 --> 00:14:16,869
That's the Sudan.
333
00:14:16,903 --> 00:14:18,604
It's my own private satellite feed.
334
00:14:18,638 --> 00:14:20,973
If I witness a crime against humanity,
335
00:14:21,007 --> 00:14:23,909
I just pick up the phone
[snaps fingers] and report it.
336
00:14:23,943 --> 00:14:25,044
Or I can write a song about it.
337
00:14:25,078 --> 00:14:27,146
All this means precious little
338
00:14:27,180 --> 00:14:30,883
when you've watched a government
bomb its own civilians.
339
00:14:30,917 --> 00:14:32,651
Do you know why you're here, Hank?
340
00:14:32,685 --> 00:14:35,754
Oh, I don't even know why
I'm alive right now.
341
00:14:35,789 --> 00:14:37,589
Crazy Little Thing Called Love
342
00:14:37,624 --> 00:14:39,558
is my wife's favorite movie.
343
00:14:39,592 --> 00:14:42,327
Yeah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.
344
00:14:48,802 --> 00:14:50,282
Apologies, darling, but I don't think
345
00:14:50,303 --> 00:14:51,837
I'm gonna be able to come right now.
346
00:14:51,871 --> 00:14:53,338
It's nothing to do with you.
347
00:14:53,373 --> 00:14:55,607
I'm just really excited
about meeting this man.
348
00:14:55,642 --> 00:14:57,242
Oh, thank you, Atticus.
349
00:14:57,277 --> 00:14:59,411
It was an honor and a privilege
to hold your penis
350
00:14:59,446 --> 00:15:00,479
for as long as I did.
351
00:15:00,513 --> 00:15:03,315
You're welcome, pumpkin.
352
00:15:03,349 --> 00:15:04,650
[Laughs]
353
00:15:04,684 --> 00:15:06,585
[Slap]
Ooh!
354
00:15:06,619 --> 00:15:08,787
Personally, I hate the fucking thing.
355
00:15:08,822 --> 00:15:11,590
[Long sniff]
356
00:15:11,624 --> 00:15:15,360
I think it's a huge piece of
mainstream Hollywood bullshit.
357
00:15:15,395 --> 00:15:17,529
[Plays piano] ♪ My old lady
358
00:15:17,564 --> 00:15:18,864
♪ she loves it
359
00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:20,999
♪ she fucking loves it
360
00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:22,801
Well, what does she feel about handjobs?
361
00:15:22,836 --> 00:15:25,204
♪ Handjobs are different
362
00:15:25,238 --> 00:15:26,472
I don't think they are.
363
00:15:26,506 --> 00:15:28,340
♪ Handjobs don't count
364
00:15:28,374 --> 00:15:31,143
I think they do.
365
00:15:31,177 --> 00:15:34,313
♪ I beg to differ
366
00:15:34,347 --> 00:15:39,451
[Deep voice] ♪ I can see it
from both sides ♪
367
00:15:39,486 --> 00:15:42,988
♪ oh, yeah
368
00:15:43,022 --> 00:15:45,290
So I said, "If I'm gonna do this thing,
369
00:15:45,325 --> 00:15:47,826
get me the guy who wrote
the fucking book."
370
00:15:47,861 --> 00:15:49,528
And here I am.
Do what?
371
00:15:49,562 --> 00:15:51,163
God Hates Us All.
372
00:15:51,197 --> 00:15:53,165
I fucking loved it, man.
373
00:15:53,199 --> 00:15:55,134
That was when
it all came together for me.
374
00:15:55,168 --> 00:15:57,769
It was like God came down from heaven
375
00:15:57,804 --> 00:16:02,207
and laid his massive,
veiny ball sack on my face.
376
00:16:02,242 --> 00:16:03,775
And when he took it away,
377
00:16:03,810 --> 00:16:07,179
it left a stain in the form of an idea.
378
00:16:07,213 --> 00:16:09,114
Make it a rock opera!
379
00:16:09,149 --> 00:16:12,684
Like Tommy or Hair
or Jesus Christ Superstar.
380
00:16:12,719 --> 00:16:14,286
I mean, if fucking Bono
381
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,655
can do Spider-Man
the fucking musical,
382
00:16:16,689 --> 00:16:18,123
I think I can do this.
383
00:16:18,158 --> 00:16:20,058
Well, do what?
384
00:16:20,093 --> 00:16:22,494
Crazy Little Thing Called Love.
385
00:16:22,529 --> 00:16:24,830
Hank, they're turning it
into a Broadway musical.
386
00:16:24,864 --> 00:16:27,866
- Oh, that's a terrible idea.
- That's what I said!
387
00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:30,002
But you and me together,
388
00:16:30,036 --> 00:16:32,037
I reckon we could
do something cool with it.
389
00:16:32,071 --> 00:16:33,172
You write the script,
390
00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:34,840
I write the music and lyrics.
391
00:16:34,874 --> 00:16:37,376
Let's make a fucking masterpiece, man!
392
00:16:37,410 --> 00:16:39,645
About--about love.
393
00:16:39,679 --> 00:16:41,647
Because love is all you need.
394
00:16:41,681 --> 00:16:43,849
All the world's problems
395
00:16:43,883 --> 00:16:47,753
eventually come
face-to-face with love.
396
00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:51,723
[Emotional] And who do you reckon wins?
397
00:16:51,758 --> 00:16:53,325
Love!
398
00:16:53,359 --> 00:16:54,526
It's fucking over, man!
399
00:16:54,561 --> 00:16:56,361
Love conquers all!
What do you say?
400
00:16:56,396 --> 00:16:57,729
I don't think so.
401
00:16:57,764 --> 00:17:00,399
- Think about it.
- Thought about it.
402
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:02,834
But you're an admirer
of my work, as I am of yours.
403
00:17:02,869 --> 00:17:04,570
Not particularly, no.
404
00:17:04,604 --> 00:17:06,338
Really.
405
00:17:06,372 --> 00:17:08,507
They told me that you're a huge fan.
406
00:17:08,541 --> 00:17:10,175
Oh, they misspoke.
407
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,945
And, uh...
408
00:17:12,979 --> 00:17:15,581
Why are you not a fan?
409
00:17:15,615 --> 00:17:18,083
Uh, you're smug, you're pompous.
410
00:17:18,117 --> 00:17:20,419
There's no cock in your rock anymore.
411
00:17:20,453 --> 00:17:22,387
You're a fucking dinosaur, man.
412
00:17:22,422 --> 00:17:24,423
Jesus!
Fuck you!
413
00:17:24,457 --> 00:17:25,457
Fuck you.
You asked.
414
00:17:25,491 --> 00:17:26,758
Fuck you!
415
00:17:26,793 --> 00:17:27,826
Ooh!
416
00:17:30,129 --> 00:17:32,965
[Slaps]
Aah!
417
00:17:32,999 --> 00:17:34,466
- Ooh.
- [Coughing]
418
00:17:39,138 --> 00:17:40,906
[Squeals]
419
00:17:48,848 --> 00:17:50,449
Becca!
420
00:17:52,318 --> 00:17:54,753
A bar is no place for a young lady.
421
00:17:54,787 --> 00:17:57,122
I agree.
422
00:17:57,156 --> 00:18:00,492
But here I am.
Happy day.
423
00:18:00,526 --> 00:18:01,893
Pull up a seat.
424
00:18:01,928 --> 00:18:03,462
I'll get you a sarsaparilla.
425
00:18:03,496 --> 00:18:05,664
Barkeep, sarsaparilla.
426
00:18:07,133 --> 00:18:08,967
- Look, dad...
- [Grunts]
427
00:18:09,002 --> 00:18:10,969
I know you're going through
a very tough time right now.
428
00:18:11,004 --> 00:18:12,638
But you've got us all worried.
429
00:18:12,672 --> 00:18:14,273
Why doesn't anybody understand
430
00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:15,641
that I don't want
to talk about this shit.
431
00:18:15,675 --> 00:18:18,744
Okay, let's talk about me, then.
432
00:18:18,778 --> 00:18:21,280
I've got some good news,
433
00:18:21,314 --> 00:18:22,781
and some...great news.
434
00:18:22,815 --> 00:18:25,684
Tyler stepped in front of a bus
435
00:18:25,718 --> 00:18:28,487
and his corpse was brutally
raped by hipster zombies?
436
00:18:28,521 --> 00:18:30,455
Tyler and I broke up.
437
00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:31,523
Yes!
438
00:18:31,557 --> 00:18:33,492
Oh, mm. Really?
439
00:18:33,526 --> 00:18:34,860
[Stammers] When was that?
440
00:18:34,894 --> 00:18:35,927
Where the fuck was I?
441
00:18:35,962 --> 00:18:37,162
In the hospital.
442
00:18:37,196 --> 00:18:39,164
Then you went home and got drunk.
443
00:18:39,198 --> 00:18:41,199
Oh, yeah.
444
00:18:41,234 --> 00:18:42,801
For a month.
445
00:18:42,835 --> 00:18:46,271
Okay, yeah, I remember now.
446
00:18:46,306 --> 00:18:47,973
How, uh--
how are you with that?
447
00:18:48,007 --> 00:18:49,675
I'm fine.
448
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:51,109
I thought it was love.
449
00:18:51,144 --> 00:18:52,444
Turns out it was lust.
450
00:18:52,478 --> 00:18:54,813
Ohh...
451
00:18:54,847 --> 00:18:57,316
I have a feeling that will
happen over and over again,
452
00:18:57,350 --> 00:18:58,784
until something sticks.
453
00:18:58,818 --> 00:19:00,986
Sweetheart, you are...
454
00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:03,855
wise and beautiful beyond your years...
455
00:19:03,890 --> 00:19:05,991
and deserving of a far better father
456
00:19:06,025 --> 00:19:08,493
than the barstool prophet
that sits beside you.
457
00:19:08,528 --> 00:19:09,995
I know.
458
00:19:10,029 --> 00:19:12,898
Point is, I grieved and I moved on.
459
00:19:12,932 --> 00:19:15,300
- Take a lesson.
- Oh.
460
00:19:15,335 --> 00:19:17,803
Thanks, coach.
461
00:19:17,837 --> 00:19:19,905
So, what's your news?
462
00:19:19,939 --> 00:19:22,741
Well, I'm about
to save you a shitload of money.
463
00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:23,875
Hmm?
464
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:25,644
I'm dropping out of school.
465
00:19:25,678 --> 00:19:27,746
Oh, no, you're not.
466
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:30,315
And here comes the great news.
467
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:31,850
I want to be a writer.
468
00:19:31,884 --> 00:19:33,085
Why?
469
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:34,686
Being a writer sucks.
470
00:19:34,721 --> 00:19:36,322
Everything I've been through in my life
471
00:19:36,356 --> 00:19:38,023
has led me to this.
472
00:19:38,057 --> 00:19:40,692
For better or worse,
I'm my father's daughter.
473
00:19:40,727 --> 00:19:43,428
I want to start living out loud.
474
00:19:43,463 --> 00:19:46,231
Laughing, loving, drinking, fucking.
475
00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:47,532
And I want to start writing about it.
476
00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:48,567
Uh...
477
00:19:48,601 --> 00:19:49,835
All of it.
478
00:19:49,869 --> 00:19:52,037
No, no.
Who are you right now?
479
00:19:52,071 --> 00:19:54,206
I really thought you'd be more supportive.
480
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,340
You dropped out of college.
481
00:19:55,375 --> 00:19:56,875
Yeah, like, six times.
482
00:19:56,909 --> 00:19:59,010
And look at me.
I'm a fucking disaster-piece.
483
00:19:59,045 --> 00:20:01,046
I don't care what you say.
I'm still doing it.
484
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,682
- Yeah, no, you're not, Becca.
- Why?
485
00:20:03,716 --> 00:20:05,250
Because I'm
your fucking father, that's why.
486
00:20:05,284 --> 00:20:06,852
You're funny.
Some father.
487
00:20:06,886 --> 00:20:09,654
Jesus Christ, Becca.
Have some fucking respect.
488
00:20:09,689 --> 00:20:11,056
Hey, everything okay over here?
489
00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:13,225
Fuck off, barkeep. Go.
[Peanuts clattering]
490
00:20:13,259 --> 00:20:14,593
Hank, I'm warning you.
491
00:20:14,627 --> 00:20:16,895
- You all right, sweetie?
- Mind your own--
492
00:20:16,929 --> 00:20:18,063
You want me
to call somebody or something?
493
00:20:18,097 --> 00:20:19,164
I warned you, Hank.
494
00:20:19,198 --> 00:20:20,365
Uhh!
495
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,033
Sorry, honey.
496
00:20:22,068 --> 00:20:23,869
He'll live to waste another day.
497
00:20:23,903 --> 00:20:25,904
There goes your tip.
498
00:20:25,938 --> 00:20:29,841
Well, I, for one,
really loved your book, Ophelia.
499
00:20:29,876 --> 00:20:32,611
Your shit really speaks to me.
500
00:20:32,645 --> 00:20:34,546
You know, all my life,
I've defined myself
501
00:20:34,580 --> 00:20:36,882
by whatever idiot man-child
502
00:20:36,916 --> 00:20:39,584
I was spreading my legs for at the time.
503
00:20:39,619 --> 00:20:43,021
And no more, I tell you, no more.
504
00:20:43,055 --> 00:20:44,589
Good for you, Marcy.
505
00:20:44,624 --> 00:20:45,957
You're exactly right.
506
00:20:45,992 --> 00:20:48,860
You don't need a man to be happy.
507
00:20:48,895 --> 00:20:51,029
- I'm living proof.
- See?
508
00:20:51,063 --> 00:20:52,964
That's what this skinny bitch
509
00:20:52,999 --> 00:20:54,399
has to get through her thick skull.
510
00:20:54,434 --> 00:20:56,067
That's really sweet of you, honey.
511
00:20:56,102 --> 00:20:58,904
But I don't think that men
are entirely to blame.
512
00:20:58,938 --> 00:21:00,305
Oh, they are, Karen.
513
00:21:00,339 --> 00:21:03,108
My entire thesis is built on this idea.
514
00:21:03,142 --> 00:21:05,377
Men are wild animals.
515
00:21:05,411 --> 00:21:07,446
And they must be regarded as such.
516
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:08,947
Mm.
517
00:21:08,981 --> 00:21:11,283
I think that's a tad hysterical.
518
00:21:11,317 --> 00:21:12,818
Karen! Karen!
519
00:21:12,852 --> 00:21:15,253
I need you to dress this wound.
520
00:21:15,288 --> 00:21:16,721
What happened to him?
What happened?
521
00:21:16,756 --> 00:21:18,256
I'd like a drink.
Now would be good.
522
00:21:18,291 --> 00:21:20,592
No time like the present,
you know. [Sneezes]
523
00:21:20,626 --> 00:21:22,828
Both: Oh.
- Oh, for God's sake.
524
00:21:22,862 --> 00:21:24,996
- I'm sorry.
- What is this stuff?
525
00:21:25,031 --> 00:21:26,932
The fucking Vagina Dialogues?
526
00:21:26,966 --> 00:21:28,333
[Sniffs out]
Oh!
527
00:21:28,367 --> 00:21:31,803
[Upbeat music]
528
00:21:40,112 --> 00:21:41,947
Oh, shit.
529
00:21:41,981 --> 00:21:43,949
This better not be an intervention.
530
00:21:43,983 --> 00:21:45,917
Yes, Hank, it is.
531
00:21:45,952 --> 00:21:47,819
But it's also an act of love.
532
00:21:47,854 --> 00:21:49,821
But this is not about abstaining.
533
00:21:49,856 --> 00:21:51,256
Exactly.
534
00:21:51,290 --> 00:21:52,491
This is about you finding your way back
535
00:21:52,525 --> 00:21:54,292
to being the functional alcoholic
536
00:21:54,327 --> 00:21:55,293
that we all know and love.
537
00:21:55,328 --> 00:21:56,995
We miss that guy, Hanky.
538
00:21:57,029 --> 00:21:58,129
It's true, dad.
539
00:21:58,164 --> 00:21:59,931
You used to be such a good drunk.
540
00:21:59,966 --> 00:22:01,500
Now you're just disgusting.
541
00:22:01,534 --> 00:22:03,301
And bloated.
542
00:22:03,336 --> 00:22:05,470
And smelly.
543
00:22:05,505 --> 00:22:07,305
Well, thanks for that, daughter.
544
00:22:07,340 --> 00:22:08,607
It has to end.
545
00:22:08,641 --> 00:22:11,009
Think of it as a vacation, Hank.
546
00:22:11,043 --> 00:22:12,344
Hey, hey, get this.
547
00:22:12,378 --> 00:22:14,112
The place is called Happy Endings.
548
00:22:14,146 --> 00:22:15,814
You know, I think I could
use a stay there myself.
549
00:22:15,848 --> 00:22:17,315
The Internet porn thing
is really starting
550
00:22:17,350 --> 00:22:18,483
to suck me back in.
551
00:22:18,518 --> 00:22:20,919
Have you seen this tubegalore?
552
00:22:20,953 --> 00:22:22,521
Have you experienced this?
553
00:22:22,555 --> 00:22:24,489
It is a vortex, Hank.
554
00:22:24,524 --> 00:22:27,092
A swirling, black cauldron of sexuality.
555
00:22:27,126 --> 00:22:29,160
I sat down at the computer,
the other morning,
556
00:22:29,195 --> 00:22:31,630
I typed in "amateur bbw."
557
00:22:31,664 --> 00:22:33,164
And the next thing you know,
it's dinnertime.
558
00:22:33,199 --> 00:22:34,533
- Oh.
- What?
559
00:22:34,567 --> 00:22:37,335
- Ew!
- What? I'm being truthful!
560
00:22:37,370 --> 00:22:39,905
I can't believe
I ever shared a bed with you.
561
00:22:39,939 --> 00:22:43,174
Then I can't believe you're
going on your second ex-husband.
562
00:22:43,209 --> 00:22:46,244
Oh, and I really can't believe
you're back to renting.
563
00:22:46,279 --> 00:22:48,013
That's mean, Charlie.
564
00:22:48,047 --> 00:22:49,581
Do you want to see me cry?
Because this is me crying.
565
00:22:49,615 --> 00:22:51,449
Good God, woman!
566
00:22:51,484 --> 00:22:53,518
This is not about the petty
problems of L.A.'s working rich!
567
00:22:53,553 --> 00:22:56,688
This is about Hank and
his debilitating self-hatred!
568
00:22:56,722 --> 00:22:58,957
Exactly. And if Hank hadn't
been such a dick-in-the-mud,
569
00:22:58,991 --> 00:23:00,959
then he and Karen
would still be together,
570
00:23:00,993 --> 00:23:03,261
which means that Karen
and I wouldn't be a couple
571
00:23:03,296 --> 00:23:06,831
of pathetic 40-something
roommates right now!
572
00:23:06,866 --> 00:23:09,501
I thought you loved being my roommate.
573
00:23:09,535 --> 00:23:10,969
I do, baby.
574
00:23:11,003 --> 00:23:12,938
But I like my big,
shiny house in the hills
575
00:23:12,972 --> 00:23:14,539
just a wee bit better.
576
00:23:14,574 --> 00:23:16,808
But no, Stu had to go
and get his cock worshipped
577
00:23:16,842 --> 00:23:18,610
by that stupid little
578
00:23:18,644 --> 00:23:21,780
no-talent Mary Poppins
fucking cum-dumpster!
579
00:23:21,814 --> 00:23:24,783
Sorry, Becca, man.
580
00:23:24,817 --> 00:23:25,984
Whatever.
581
00:23:26,018 --> 00:23:27,552
- Can we get back to dad?
- [Sighs]
582
00:23:27,587 --> 00:23:30,021
Oh! Maybe I should just
forgive and forget, right?
583
00:23:30,056 --> 00:23:31,122
I mean, it was just a blowjob.
584
00:23:31,157 --> 00:23:32,891
Blowjobs are like fist bumps.
585
00:23:32,925 --> 00:23:34,392
You know, I can forgive him
and move back
586
00:23:34,427 --> 00:23:35,994
into that big, beautiful house
in the Hills,
587
00:23:36,028 --> 00:23:37,696
and Stu and I could go to therapy.
588
00:23:37,730 --> 00:23:38,970
I mean, that's what couples do.
589
00:23:38,998 --> 00:23:40,165
They work their shit out
together, right?
590
00:23:40,199 --> 00:23:41,967
- No. No.
- What do you think?
591
00:23:42,001 --> 00:23:44,569
Thanks for the support, you
mean-spirited fucking gazelle!
592
00:23:44,604 --> 00:23:47,038
Why are you being
such a bitch right now?
593
00:23:47,073 --> 00:23:49,007
I don't know!
I'm sorry!
594
00:23:49,041 --> 00:23:51,977
Worst intervention ever.
595
00:23:52,011 --> 00:23:55,714
Okay, long story short, Hank, okay.
596
00:23:55,748 --> 00:23:57,382
You got to get your ass to rehab.
597
00:23:57,416 --> 00:24:00,051
If I could do it, you could do it.
598
00:24:00,086 --> 00:24:02,053
And I had the fucking yayo
to contend with.
599
00:24:02,088 --> 00:24:04,255
You just got the bottle.
♪ Pussy!
600
00:24:04,290 --> 00:24:06,925
Fuck you, Cunty Smurf.
601
00:24:06,959 --> 00:24:08,660
And while I'm at it,
602
00:24:08,694 --> 00:24:10,395
fuck all y'all
narcissistic motherfuckers.
603
00:24:10,429 --> 00:24:12,097
Except you, Becca.
I love you a long time.
604
00:24:12,131 --> 00:24:13,765
But this dropping
out of school business,
605
00:24:13,799 --> 00:24:15,066
- that's bullshit.
- What?
606
00:24:15,101 --> 00:24:16,534
What are you talking about?
607
00:24:16,569 --> 00:24:19,037
[Screams]
608
00:24:19,071 --> 00:24:20,505
I didn't want to do this, Hank,
609
00:24:20,539 --> 00:24:22,407
but you give me no choice.
610
00:24:25,778 --> 00:24:27,545
I took a bullet for you, man.
611
00:24:27,580 --> 00:24:30,081
The least you can do
is try to heal yourself.
612
00:24:30,116 --> 00:24:32,250
For me, okay?
613
00:24:36,489 --> 00:24:39,057
Dad, these people
are borderline retarded,
614
00:24:39,091 --> 00:24:41,259
but they love you.
I love you.
615
00:24:41,293 --> 00:24:44,362
Get your head out of your ass
and stop drinking.
616
00:24:44,397 --> 00:24:48,299
'Cause sooner or later,
you're just gonna kill yourself.
617
00:24:48,334 --> 00:24:50,402
Just because I'm older now
618
00:24:50,436 --> 00:24:54,606
doesn't mean I don't need a father.
619
00:25:11,090 --> 00:25:12,791
Hey.
620
00:25:12,825 --> 00:25:16,928
You know, you didn't even
let me say my piece.
621
00:25:16,962 --> 00:25:19,264
How supremely shitty of me.
622
00:25:19,298 --> 00:25:21,066
What do you got?
Lay it on me, woman.
623
00:25:21,100 --> 00:25:23,268
We were in such
a great place that night.
624
00:25:23,302 --> 00:25:26,304
And if we stand any chance
of getting back there,
625
00:25:26,338 --> 00:25:30,308
you have to pull your shit together.
626
00:25:30,342 --> 00:25:31,743
And that's it.
627
00:25:31,777 --> 00:25:34,312
That's all I got.
628
00:25:34,346 --> 00:25:36,948
The rest is up to you.
629
00:25:36,982 --> 00:25:38,116
Can I tell you something?
630
00:25:38,150 --> 00:25:40,251
Yes, always.
631
00:25:40,286 --> 00:25:42,520
Even if it has the potential
to make you sad?
632
00:25:42,555 --> 00:25:46,491
Even better.
633
00:25:46,525 --> 00:25:49,127
That night, I was so looking forward
634
00:25:49,161 --> 00:25:50,161
to having dinner with you.
635
00:25:50,196 --> 00:25:53,098
For the first time in forever,
636
00:25:53,132 --> 00:25:55,867
you and me, we just seemed so possible.
637
00:25:55,901 --> 00:26:00,305
Everything I always wanted
just right around the corner.
638
00:26:00,339 --> 00:26:02,307
And then it all just went away.
639
00:26:02,341 --> 00:26:04,442
I was the last person to hurt her.
640
00:26:04,477 --> 00:26:06,277
To break her heart.
641
00:26:06,312 --> 00:26:08,680
And I can't put into words
how bad that makes me feel.
642
00:26:08,714 --> 00:26:10,782
And now it hurts to be awake,
643
00:26:10,816 --> 00:26:13,551
and I don't know if I can get
back to that feeling...
644
00:26:13,586 --> 00:26:15,854
with you.
645
00:26:15,888 --> 00:26:20,759
And what scares me is, um,
I'm not sure that I ever will.
646
00:26:22,895 --> 00:26:24,863
You will get back there.
647
00:26:24,897 --> 00:26:27,098
If you want to.
648
00:26:30,536 --> 00:26:32,036
And in the meantime,
649
00:26:32,071 --> 00:26:36,841
maybe I'll just dream
for both of us, I guess.
650
00:26:44,350 --> 00:26:46,417
Good night, Karen.
651
00:27:11,577 --> 00:27:13,444
Hey, Bukowski!
652
00:27:13,479 --> 00:27:16,281
It's freezing out there.
Come up.
653
00:27:16,315 --> 00:27:18,082
I'll make you some coffee.
654
00:27:18,117 --> 00:27:21,719
Hey, [stammers] I feel I should tell you
655
00:27:21,754 --> 00:27:23,221
that...
656
00:27:23,255 --> 00:27:24,589
I'm not gonna sleep with you.
657
00:27:24,623 --> 00:27:26,090
[Mouths]
658
00:27:26,125 --> 00:27:28,226
[John Lennon's Instant Karma]
659
00:27:28,260 --> 00:27:32,297
♪ Instant karma's
gonna get you... ♪
660
00:27:32,331 --> 00:27:35,099
Hank, it's time for group.
661
00:27:35,134 --> 00:27:38,069
- Ten minutes, okay?
- [Mumbling] Yeah, all right.
662
00:27:38,103 --> 00:27:40,738
Welcome to Happy Endings.
663
00:27:40,773 --> 00:27:44,375
♪ Pretty soon you're gonna be dead ♪
664
00:27:44,410 --> 00:27:48,947
♪ What in the world
you thinking of? ♪
665
00:27:48,981 --> 00:27:52,817
♪ laughing in the face of love
666
00:27:52,852 --> 00:27:56,287
♪ What on earth you tryin' to do? ♪
667
00:27:56,322 --> 00:28:00,091
♪ it's up to you, yeah, you ♪
668
00:28:00,125 --> 00:28:04,062
♪ but we all shine on
669
00:28:04,096 --> 00:28:08,266
♪ like the moon and the stars
and the sun ♪
670
00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:12,604
♪ but we all shine on
671
00:28:12,638 --> 00:28:16,117
♪ everyone, come on
672
00:28:16,434 --> 00:28:27,091
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com