1
00:00:02,025 --> 00:00:04,823
So, let's take a look at what's
going on around the country.
2
00:00:04,857 --> 00:00:06,241
You know what?
3
00:00:06,275 --> 00:00:09,527
Just bear with me while I
take off these annoying pants.
4
00:00:09,562 --> 00:00:12,263
Looks like Scotch Wilkinson
had a liquid lunch again.
5
00:00:12,298 --> 00:00:13,548
(chuckling)
6
00:00:13,971 --> 00:00:16,206
Another hurricane is headed
for the tropics.
7
00:00:16,224 --> 00:00:18,758
Maybe they'll name this one
after my ex-wife.
8
00:00:18,809 --> 00:00:21,311
Call it Hurricane Bi...
(steady beep tone)
9
00:00:21,345 --> 00:00:23,096
ANNOUNCER:
If you're gonna spend
10
00:00:23,147 --> 00:00:24,831
two months' salary on a ring,
11
00:00:24,866 --> 00:00:27,167
you want to blow your girl's mind.
12
00:00:27,218 --> 00:00:30,136
(sighs) You know what really
makes my head explode?
13
00:00:30,171 --> 00:00:32,455
The way society
has conditioned women to base
14
00:00:32,473 --> 00:00:35,091
their self-worth on their
engagement ring. I mean,
15
00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:37,293
I'm a free-thinking woman.
I'm not one of Pavlov's dogs.
16
00:00:37,311 --> 00:00:38,278
(timer dings)
17
00:00:38,312 --> 00:00:39,596
Ooh, cookies are ready.
18
00:00:39,630 --> 00:00:41,464
(chuckles)
19
00:00:41,482 --> 00:00:43,132
You're not buying any of that
20
00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:45,285
"I don't want a ring" stuff, are you?
21
00:00:45,319 --> 00:00:47,971
No, I think that's really how she feels.
22
00:00:47,989 --> 00:00:50,156
I know I haven't given you
a lot of fatherly advice,
23
00:00:50,191 --> 00:00:51,908
but I can't let you make this mistake.
24
00:00:51,943 --> 00:00:53,610
You got to buy Sabrina
an engagement ring.
25
00:00:53,644 --> 00:00:55,862
Whoa, but they are so expensive.
26
00:00:55,913 --> 00:00:57,330
You have to do whatever it takes.
27
00:00:57,365 --> 00:01:00,116
I busted my butt doing extra
work for your mother's ring.
28
00:01:00,150 --> 00:01:01,334
What kind of work?
29
00:01:01,369 --> 00:01:02,335
Extra work.
30
00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:03,610
T.J. Hooker was
filming in town.
31
00:01:03,621 --> 00:01:05,755
They paid me 50 bucks
a day to lay in a creek
32
00:01:05,790 --> 00:01:07,457
full of small but very angry turtles.
33
00:01:07,491 --> 00:01:08,541
It was awful.
34
00:01:08,593 --> 00:01:09,809
Two things I learned:
35
00:01:09,844 --> 00:01:11,595
Captain Kirk cannot remember his lines
36
00:01:11,629 --> 00:01:13,162
and he is not a hugger.
37
00:01:13,180 --> 00:01:14,330
But it doesn't matter.
38
00:01:14,348 --> 00:01:15,348
It was worth it.
39
00:01:15,383 --> 00:01:16,516
Your mother loves that ring.
40
00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:17,968
Maybe you're right.
41
00:01:18,002 --> 00:01:20,070
MAW MAW:
Of course he's right.
42
00:01:20,104 --> 00:01:22,555
A nice diamond ring gives you
something pretty to focus on
43
00:01:22,607 --> 00:01:25,692
when your fat, sweaty husband's
wheezing on top of you
44
00:01:25,726 --> 00:01:27,911
like a dying walrus.
45
00:01:27,945 --> 00:01:29,846
Whoo!
46
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:36,745
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
47
00:01:37,288 --> 00:01:38,405
(chuckling)
48
00:01:38,456 --> 00:01:40,373
That never gets old.
49
00:01:40,408 --> 00:01:43,293
(snorts) I was telling Jimmy
how hard I worked for your...
50
00:01:43,327 --> 00:01:45,194
Hey, where's your engagement ring?
51
00:01:45,212 --> 00:01:47,247
Oh, I always take it off
when I wash the dishes.
52
00:01:47,298 --> 00:01:48,381
It's probably by the sink.
53
00:01:48,416 --> 00:01:49,816
You're gonna go get it, right?
54
00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:50,971
I'll grab it in the morning.
55
00:01:51,002 --> 00:01:52,752
I never wear it at night.
But it'd be
56
00:01:52,803 --> 00:01:53,887
safer in your jewelry box.
57
00:01:53,921 --> 00:01:55,388
I'll go get it.
No, I'll get it.
58
00:01:55,423 --> 00:01:57,424
I...
59
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:05,181
(sneezes)
60
00:02:09,553 --> 00:02:11,554
(coughs)
61
00:02:22,249 --> 00:02:23,900
It's not there.
But I just remembered
62
00:02:23,918 --> 00:02:26,369
that we're about to clean
a really nasty house last week,
63
00:02:26,403 --> 00:02:27,921
so I left it in Rosa's car.
64
00:02:27,955 --> 00:02:29,572
Big Judy.
65
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,991
I need my ring back.
66
00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:32,609
Burt saw I wasn't wearing it.
67
00:02:32,643 --> 00:02:34,577
Oh, you poor baby.
68
00:02:34,595 --> 00:02:37,764
I've pawned this thing, like,
50 times and he's never noticed.
69
00:02:37,798 --> 00:02:39,966
Stupid Jimmy and his engagement.
70
00:02:40,017 --> 00:02:43,687
So, do you think I could
possibly, just this once,
71
00:02:43,721 --> 00:02:45,755
get the ring from you today
72
00:02:45,773 --> 00:02:48,408
and then I'll pay you on Friday
when I get my check?
73
00:02:48,442 --> 00:02:50,193
I can do a lot of things.
74
00:02:50,227 --> 00:02:52,779
I can carry a refrigerator on my back.
75
00:02:52,813 --> 00:02:55,782
I can recite pi up to 20 digits.
76
00:02:55,816 --> 00:02:58,735
And I'm a hell of a ventriloquist.
77
00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:01,905
But I can't give you
your ring back early.
78
00:03:01,939 --> 00:03:04,257
Oh, come on.
You know I'm good for it.
79
00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:05,542
Sorry.
80
00:03:05,576 --> 00:03:07,110
I'm a businesswoman,
81
00:03:07,128 --> 00:03:08,628
Virginia.
82
00:03:10,114 --> 00:03:13,466
When you bring me my money,
I'll give you your ring.
83
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:20,456
The fertility clinic is paying
50 bucks for every donation.
84
00:03:20,474 --> 00:03:23,459
Nothing says romance
like buying your fiancée a ring
85
00:03:23,477 --> 00:03:26,646
with money you earned by
knocking up dozens of lesbians.
86
00:03:27,898 --> 00:03:29,366
Did you find the ring?
87
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,483
I did one better.
88
00:03:30,518 --> 00:03:31,768
I found
89
00:03:31,802 --> 00:03:33,353
your favorite...
90
00:03:33,404 --> 00:03:35,572
double-battered onion rings!
91
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:36,689
Oh, my God.
92
00:03:36,741 --> 00:03:38,108
You lost your engagement ring.
93
00:03:38,142 --> 00:03:39,826
Calm down.
94
00:03:39,860 --> 00:03:40,994
Look, I take it off
95
00:03:41,028 --> 00:03:42,662
all the time. It'll turn up.
96
00:03:42,696 --> 00:03:44,197
I guarantee you
97
00:03:44,248 --> 00:03:46,416
I will find that ring by Friday.
98
00:03:46,450 --> 00:03:47,834
I can't just sit around here and wait.
99
00:03:47,868 --> 00:03:49,669
I went through a lot
to get you that ring.
100
00:03:49,703 --> 00:03:52,822
I got hepatitis C from one
of those T.J. Hooker turtles.
101
00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,991
We need to start retracing your steps.
102
00:03:55,009 --> 00:03:56,793
You've been on this couch, right?
103
00:03:56,827 --> 00:03:57,794
I found it.
104
00:03:57,828 --> 00:03:58,678
The ring?
105
00:03:58,712 --> 00:03:59,662
No. A position I'm
106
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,164
qualified for: Psychological
107
00:04:01,182 --> 00:04:02,599
and Medical Research Guinea Pig.
108
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:04,601
Look at this cute cartoon
of a patient on a gurney
109
00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:07,020
with dollar signs for eyes.
That could be me!
110
00:04:07,054 --> 00:04:09,189
Okay, Mr. Chance.
111
00:04:09,223 --> 00:04:11,858
And which of these flowers
112
00:04:11,892 --> 00:04:13,893
do you find prettier?
113
00:04:14,962 --> 00:04:16,146
That one?
114
00:04:19,016 --> 00:04:20,817
(zapping)
(shouting)
115
00:04:20,851 --> 00:04:22,685
Okay. I think we're
116
00:04:22,703 --> 00:04:24,070
all about done here.
117
00:04:24,121 --> 00:04:27,073
I'll be right back with your check.
118
00:04:27,124 --> 00:04:28,625
(sighs)
119
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:30,326
MAN:
Okay,
120
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,712
let's get started here.
121
00:04:32,746 --> 00:04:34,731
Why are you naked?
122
00:04:34,765 --> 00:04:37,467
Because you told me to get naked.
123
00:04:37,501 --> 00:04:39,185
No, I didn't.
124
00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:40,437
Yes, you did.
125
00:04:40,471 --> 00:04:42,222
And then you shocked me.
126
00:04:42,256 --> 00:04:43,372
A lot.
127
00:04:44,391 --> 00:04:45,642
(both sigh)
128
00:04:48,045 --> 00:04:50,180
Hubert, stop stealing my white
coats and scaring people.
129
00:04:50,214 --> 00:04:51,531
I'm sorry.
130
00:04:51,565 --> 00:04:53,483
This is my brother. He's
supposed to be staying in my car
131
00:04:53,517 --> 00:04:54,717
while I work.
I'm not
132
00:04:54,735 --> 00:04:56,219
supposed to be staying in your car.
133
00:04:56,237 --> 00:04:57,887
You're supposed to be staying in my car.
134
00:04:57,905 --> 00:04:59,439
I'm the doctor.
135
00:04:59,490 --> 00:05:02,842
BOTH: Jimmy, which one of
us is the real doctor?
136
00:05:03,878 --> 00:05:05,712
I don't know.
137
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:08,231
(zapping)
(grunting)
138
00:05:10,017 --> 00:05:13,219
Hmm. Interesting.
Hmm. Interesting.
139
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,109
(sighs) Come on, Burt.
140
00:05:20,144 --> 00:05:22,612
You can't tear apart the whole house.
141
00:05:22,646 --> 00:05:23,846
I need to take a shower.
142
00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:25,281
The ring could be in here, Virginia.
143
00:05:25,316 --> 00:05:26,316
Just let me look.
144
00:05:26,350 --> 00:05:27,850
Babe, we need our bathroom back.
145
00:05:27,868 --> 00:05:29,702
My 86-year-old grandmother's
outside peeing
146
00:05:29,737 --> 00:05:31,237
in the neighbors' bushes.
147
00:05:31,288 --> 00:05:33,239
One thing has nothing to do
with the other, Virginia,
148
00:05:33,290 --> 00:05:34,240
and you know it.
149
00:05:34,291 --> 00:05:35,792
(sighs) This is insane.
150
00:05:35,826 --> 00:05:38,061
We can't tear apart the whole house.
151
00:05:38,095 --> 00:05:40,530
When the Bronsteins bring over
their tomatoes this year,
152
00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:43,216
they go straight in the garbage.
153
00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:45,418
Burt, please don't drive
yourself crazy over this.
154
00:05:45,469 --> 00:05:48,054
I promise you the ring will turn up.
155
00:05:51,675 --> 00:05:53,176
I'll take this one.
156
00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:00,572
You got to be kidding me.
157
00:06:00,692 --> 00:06:02,260
800 bucks?
158
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,321
I mean, that's too much.
159
00:06:03,445 --> 00:06:04,562
Can't you cut me a deal?
160
00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:07,031
Nope. That's one
of my top earners.
161
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:11,119
I've bought and sold that from
the same person over 20 times.
162
00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:13,404
Who'd be stupid enough to keep
buying the same ring?
163
00:06:13,438 --> 00:06:14,605
I can't tell you that.
164
00:06:14,623 --> 00:06:16,291
When I became a member of
165
00:06:16,325 --> 00:06:18,376
the Pawnshop Owners Association,
166
00:06:18,410 --> 00:06:20,662
I took an oath of confidentiality.
167
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,413
I could lose my license.
168
00:06:22,447 --> 00:06:24,782
All I can say is
169
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,335
you couldn't get me to tell you
170
00:06:27,386 --> 00:06:30,972
if you dragged me from here to Virginia.
171
00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:33,975
Not a chance.
172
00:06:34,904 --> 00:06:36,238
You hear what I'm saying to you?
173
00:06:36,256 --> 00:06:38,198
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can't help me.
174
00:06:38,318 --> 00:06:39,758
You don't have to be a jerk about it.
175
00:06:40,427 --> 00:06:41,711
(door opens)
176
00:06:47,409 --> 00:06:49,059
Hey. Is your
mom home?
177
00:06:49,077 --> 00:06:51,061
I'm dying to know if she found her ring.
178
00:06:51,079 --> 00:06:52,162
I haven't seen her.
179
00:06:52,197 --> 00:06:53,580
Well, I guess I'll work out.
180
00:06:53,615 --> 00:06:55,416
Get rid of some of this nervous energy.
181
00:06:56,407 --> 00:06:57,718
What's going on there?
Oh, I didn't
182
00:06:57,752 --> 00:06:59,169
make enough money from the shock tests
183
00:06:59,204 --> 00:07:01,571
to pay for the ring, so I got
to do some more experiments.
184
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:02,840
It's actually really important work,
185
00:07:02,874 --> 00:07:04,842
and I'm gonna be able to help people.
186
00:07:04,876 --> 00:07:05,843
I'm getting paid to test
187
00:07:05,877 --> 00:07:07,911
this new anti-seizure
mouth spray.
188
00:07:07,929 --> 00:07:09,847
But you don't get seizures.
Well,
189
00:07:09,881 --> 00:07:11,382
apparently seizures are
a side effect for these pills
190
00:07:11,416 --> 00:07:12,549
that I'm also being paid to take.
191
00:07:12,583 --> 00:07:14,251
You really took my advice
and went for it.
192
00:07:14,269 --> 00:07:15,552
I'm proud of you.
193
00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:20,941
(clattering)
Look at you.
194
00:07:20,975 --> 00:07:23,744
Doing whatever it takes!
195
00:07:25,497 --> 00:07:27,731
(phone ringing)
196
00:07:27,765 --> 00:07:29,433
Hello?
197
00:07:29,451 --> 00:07:31,101
BIG JUDY:
You better collect some cash
198
00:07:31,119 --> 00:07:32,769
and get your butt down here.
199
00:07:32,787 --> 00:07:35,823
Somebody is interested
in buying your ring.
200
00:07:35,874 --> 00:07:38,942
Who?
Now, you know I can't tell you that.
201
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,495
You may think I'm a son...
202
00:07:41,546 --> 00:07:42,830
of a bitch,
203
00:07:42,881 --> 00:07:45,149
but there's no way you can
204
00:07:45,183 --> 00:07:48,469
jimmy the information out of me.
205
00:07:48,503 --> 00:07:50,471
You see where I'm going with this?
206
00:07:50,505 --> 00:07:51,788
Of course. I'm not dumb.
207
00:07:51,806 --> 00:07:53,090
You're not gonna help me.
208
00:07:53,124 --> 00:07:55,125
(sighs)
209
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:58,662
VIRGINIA: I wouldn't risk
someone else buying that ring.
210
00:07:58,697 --> 00:08:00,798
I had to do whatever it took
to get it back.
211
00:08:00,832 --> 00:08:02,750
That meant getting
in and out of the house
212
00:08:02,784 --> 00:08:04,118
without anyone noticing.
213
00:08:04,169 --> 00:08:06,170
♪
214
00:08:34,115 --> 00:08:36,116
(sighs)
215
00:08:38,236 --> 00:08:40,287
Works fast.
216
00:08:40,321 --> 00:08:42,372
Tastes minty.
217
00:08:42,407 --> 00:08:44,742
Come on, those candlesticks
got to be enough.
218
00:08:44,776 --> 00:08:46,994
Not quite.
(sighs)
219
00:08:47,045 --> 00:08:50,380
That is a rare director's cut
edition of Cujo
220
00:08:50,415 --> 00:08:51,665
on VHS.
221
00:08:51,716 --> 00:08:53,436
It's only 20 minutes long.
I guess he didn't
222
00:08:53,451 --> 00:08:55,219
think much of the dog's performance.
223
00:08:55,253 --> 00:08:57,921
Someone definitely is gonna
want to buy 20 minutes of Cujo.
224
00:08:57,955 --> 00:08:59,006
What else you got?
225
00:09:01,426 --> 00:09:03,010
That thing work?
226
00:09:03,061 --> 00:09:04,027
It gets hot.
227
00:09:04,062 --> 00:09:05,813
Hot is good.
228
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:09,233
You got a deal.
229
00:09:16,157 --> 00:09:17,558
Burt, what happened?
230
00:09:17,592 --> 00:09:19,126
We got robbed, Virginia.
231
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:20,327
Somebody came
232
00:09:20,361 --> 00:09:21,495
into this house.
233
00:09:21,529 --> 00:09:22,880
Took several odds and ends.
234
00:09:22,914 --> 00:09:24,414
Bastards even got some knickknacks.
235
00:09:24,449 --> 00:09:26,049
Like what?
236
00:09:26,084 --> 00:09:27,668
So far we know they got our toaster,
237
00:09:27,702 --> 00:09:30,037
our copy of Cujo,
and Maw Maw's candlesticks.
238
00:09:30,088 --> 00:09:31,855
VIRGINIA:
How could you even notice
239
00:09:31,890 --> 00:09:33,957
that stuff was gone?
How could I not?
240
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:35,843
They're all part of my workout routine.
241
00:09:35,877 --> 00:09:39,096
BURT: I like to start my workout
with some air-drumming.
242
00:09:39,130 --> 00:09:40,597
And then when I'm loose,
243
00:09:40,632 --> 00:09:43,851
I usually up the weight
with Maw Maw's candlesticks.
244
00:09:43,885 --> 00:09:46,770
But today the candlesticks were gone.
245
00:09:46,805 --> 00:09:48,772
So I decided to skip my drumming
246
00:09:48,807 --> 00:09:51,108
and go straight to my bicep curls.
247
00:09:51,142 --> 00:09:53,393
Normally, I use the toaster
as a flex mirror
248
00:09:53,444 --> 00:09:56,497
when I do my soup and sauce curls.
249
00:09:57,982 --> 00:10:00,016
But today I couldn't find
the toaster anywhere.
250
00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:01,618
And I couldn't use the bathroom mirror
251
00:10:01,653 --> 00:10:03,604
because I didn't think
of that until just now.
252
00:10:03,638 --> 00:10:06,657
So I decided to move straight
to my TV squats.
253
00:10:08,459 --> 00:10:11,211
I keep track of my reps by
reading off the names of tapes.
254
00:10:11,246 --> 00:10:12,262
Children of the Corn.
255
00:10:13,298 --> 00:10:15,399
Halloween.
256
00:10:15,433 --> 00:10:17,501
I arrange them by the ferocity
of the killer.
257
00:10:17,535 --> 00:10:19,052
Friday the 13th.
258
00:10:19,087 --> 00:10:20,637
And today, when I got
259
00:10:20,672 --> 00:10:22,472
to Cujo and it wasn't there,
260
00:10:22,507 --> 00:10:24,308
I realized the candlesticks
and the toaster
261
00:10:24,342 --> 00:10:25,475
weren't just missing...
262
00:10:25,510 --> 00:10:26,894
We got robbed!
263
00:10:26,928 --> 00:10:28,111
We got robbed!
264
00:10:28,146 --> 00:10:29,313
I heard you the first time.
265
00:10:29,347 --> 00:10:31,565
Oh! There you are!
(laughs)
266
00:10:31,599 --> 00:10:32,900
Hello, Ross.
267
00:10:32,934 --> 00:10:34,318
Hello, sweet Virginia.
268
00:10:34,352 --> 00:10:35,819
Is this really necessary?
269
00:10:35,854 --> 00:10:38,422
That stuff was only
worth $78.25.
270
00:10:38,456 --> 00:10:40,407
Um... or so.
271
00:10:40,441 --> 00:10:43,911
Now, normally we don't dust
for prints on stolen VHS tapes,
272
00:10:43,945 --> 00:10:45,779
but since it's you, I did.
273
00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:48,231
Plus, I dusted the whole house
because it needed it.
274
00:10:48,249 --> 00:10:50,467
I'm the kind of guy who's not
afraid to do household chores.
275
00:10:50,501 --> 00:10:52,736
The little guy's been awesome.
276
00:10:52,754 --> 00:10:54,404
I never saw Kindergarten Cop,
277
00:10:54,439 --> 00:10:56,306
but I assume this is what he was like.
278
00:10:56,324 --> 00:10:57,741
Oh, I'm just getting warmed up.
279
00:10:57,775 --> 00:10:59,743
Once the judge gets out
of his Zumba class,
280
00:10:59,777 --> 00:11:01,178
I'm gonna get him to sign some warrants
281
00:11:01,212 --> 00:11:03,447
so that we can search local pawnshops.
282
00:11:03,481 --> 00:11:06,033
I'm gonna go see if there's
anything else missing.
283
00:11:06,084 --> 00:11:08,585
I counted 17 pairs
of underwear in your drawer.
284
00:11:08,620 --> 00:11:10,320
If it should be more, let me know.
285
00:11:10,338 --> 00:11:12,172
(barking)
286
00:11:12,206 --> 00:11:13,840
Big Judy, I need all my stuff back.
287
00:11:13,875 --> 00:11:15,342
Here. Take the ring.
288
00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:19,763
Girl, you lose this ring
more than Bilbo Baggins.
289
00:11:20,798 --> 00:11:22,332
Oh...
290
00:11:22,350 --> 00:11:24,151
Maw Maw must have put them in there.
291
00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:26,637
She's always doing something crazy.
292
00:11:26,671 --> 00:11:27,971
I agree.
293
00:11:28,005 --> 00:11:29,356
That old lady's a nut.
294
00:11:29,390 --> 00:11:31,308
Every time I go in the bathroom,
295
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,009
I catch her above the sink
296
00:11:33,027 --> 00:11:34,645
trying to copy everything I do.
297
00:11:34,679 --> 00:11:36,446
Case...
298
00:11:36,481 --> 00:11:38,181
closed.
299
00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:39,599
Unless you guys want to look around,
300
00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:40,884
make sure nothing else is missing.
301
00:11:40,919 --> 00:11:42,399
Virginia's engagement ring is missing.
302
00:11:42,403 --> 00:11:44,388
ROSS: Missing? Or deliberately hidden
303
00:11:44,422 --> 00:11:46,657
because there's a little
trouble in paradise?
304
00:11:46,691 --> 00:11:48,825
There's no trouble, Ross.
It's just missing.
305
00:11:48,859 --> 00:11:50,193
But we don't know that.
306
00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:51,292
I mean, originally you said
307
00:11:51,296 --> 00:11:52,713
you left it by the kitchen sink.
308
00:11:52,747 --> 00:11:53,997
Maybe you did,
309
00:11:54,031 --> 00:11:57,000
and somebody came in here and took it!
310
00:11:57,034 --> 00:11:58,368
I'm gonna go hit the local pawnshops.
311
00:11:58,386 --> 00:12:01,171
My phone has an app that lets me
know where they all are.
312
00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:05,208
That's a picture of you
in your underpants
313
00:12:05,226 --> 00:12:06,727
on a fur rug.
What?
314
00:12:06,761 --> 00:12:08,762
Oh... (laughs)
315
00:12:08,813 --> 00:12:09,930
That's peculiar.
316
00:12:09,981 --> 00:12:11,398
How'd that get there?
317
00:12:41,012 --> 00:12:42,346
What the hell?
(gasps)
318
00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:44,047
What the hell?
319
00:12:45,283 --> 00:12:46,717
What are you doing?
320
00:12:46,751 --> 00:12:48,184
Were you stealing that painting?
321
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:50,186
I am not stealing it.
322
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:52,205
I am borrowing it to pawn
323
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,190
so I can get my engagement ring back.
324
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,692
I already took all the good stuff
325
00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:57,127
out of my house and it backfired.
326
00:12:57,161 --> 00:12:58,695
What are you doing?
327
00:12:58,713 --> 00:13:00,196
If you must know,
328
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:02,532
my family has a little bit
of a body hair issue.
329
00:13:02,550 --> 00:13:03,790
And believe me, this is nothing.
330
00:13:03,801 --> 00:13:05,352
I got an aunt that looks like Borat.
331
00:13:05,386 --> 00:13:07,621
You get weirder and weirder every week.
332
00:13:07,655 --> 00:13:09,556
Does Jimmy know about this?
333
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:10,891
No, of course not.
334
00:13:10,925 --> 00:13:12,225
Good, so here's the deal:
335
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:14,594
you let me pawn this stuff
and Jimmy never finds out
336
00:13:14,645 --> 00:13:16,480
that he's marrying
into the Sasquatch family.
337
00:13:16,514 --> 00:13:17,764
Fine.
338
00:13:17,815 --> 00:13:20,534
Clay Aiken!
339
00:13:20,568 --> 00:13:22,936
Hey, Sabrina.
340
00:13:22,987 --> 00:13:24,821
You bring some hair to sell?
341
00:13:24,856 --> 00:13:27,574
Uh... not-not today.
342
00:13:27,608 --> 00:13:28,909
Don't need it.
343
00:13:28,943 --> 00:13:31,211
This has to be worth enough
to get my ring back
344
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,580
because these are real fake breasts.
Mm-hmm.
345
00:13:33,614 --> 00:13:35,115
I'll give you $200 for these.
346
00:13:35,166 --> 00:13:37,401
Yes!
But it doesn't matter
347
00:13:37,435 --> 00:13:39,920
'cause somebody done came
and bought your ring.
348
00:13:39,954 --> 00:13:42,089
What? No!
That can't be true.
349
00:13:42,123 --> 00:13:43,206
(gasps softly)
350
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,125
It's the exact cut and clarity
351
00:13:45,176 --> 00:13:47,177
of the kidney stone I passed in 2008.
352
00:13:51,015 --> 00:13:55,519
Someday, some lucky girl is
gonna get my wiener diamond.
353
00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:06,645
How are you gonna give it to her?
354
00:14:06,663 --> 00:14:08,948
Well, I was thinking about
getting down on one knee
355
00:14:08,982 --> 00:14:11,984
and then slowly opening the box.
356
00:14:12,002 --> 00:14:15,004
Dude, that is the missionary
position of proposals.
357
00:14:15,038 --> 00:14:16,622
You gotta do better than that.
358
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:17,957
You're right.
359
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:20,292
I can't just hand it
to her. That's lame.
360
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:22,461
Well, luckily for you,
361
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,763
I've spent a lot of time
thinking of cool ways
362
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:26,432
to propose to Sabrina.
363
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:29,351
Three of them can be done in this store.
364
00:14:29,386 --> 00:14:32,104
Do you know any members
of the band "The Knack"?
365
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,672
And would Sabrina be willing to
366
00:14:33,690 --> 00:14:36,842
change her name to "Sharona"?
No.
367
00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:39,028
All right, two of them
can be done in this store.
368
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,484
Okay.
369
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,786
One more glass of wine
370
00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:49,855
and then I'll have
the courage to tell Burt
371
00:14:49,873 --> 00:14:51,323
I lost my engagement ring.
372
00:14:51,357 --> 00:14:53,375
First of all, that's tequila.
373
00:14:53,410 --> 00:14:55,961
Here's an idea.
374
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,213
You think Burt would notice if we got
375
00:14:57,247 --> 00:14:59,381
a ring that kind of looked like yours?
376
00:14:59,416 --> 00:15:00,749
Of course not, he's a guy.
377
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,668
They can identify our
nipples from 40 feet away
378
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:03,802
through a wool sweater,
379
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:05,871
but they have no idea
what our rings look like.
380
00:15:05,889 --> 00:15:07,506
So why not try this?
381
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,008
Because I'll know.
382
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:12,011
Oh, I love that ring.
383
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:14,730
Burt worked so hard to get it.
384
00:15:14,764 --> 00:15:17,399
And it's always been there for me,
385
00:15:17,434 --> 00:15:18,984
whether I needed to look at it
386
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:22,404
to remind myself how much he loved me...
387
00:15:22,439 --> 00:15:25,241
(voice breaking):
...or pawn it to pay for groceries.
388
00:15:25,275 --> 00:15:27,026
Oh, I can't believe it's gone.
389
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,445
Oh.
390
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:31,914
I was sure it was safe to pawn
391
00:15:31,948 --> 00:15:35,901
because it's so cheap
and dinged up, I...
392
00:15:35,919 --> 00:15:38,420
and I knew no one else
would ever want it.
393
00:15:38,455 --> 00:15:40,256
(sighs)
394
00:15:40,290 --> 00:15:42,291
That's sweet.
395
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:45,594
I mean, it's not
just a ring; it...
396
00:15:45,629 --> 00:15:47,513
kind of represents your marriage.
397
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,899
Why? Because no one
would ever want it?
398
00:15:49,933 --> 00:15:51,684
No, no, just the opposite.
399
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,886
All I want is a marriage like yours.
400
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,938
One of the reasons I
fell in love with Jimmy
401
00:15:55,972 --> 00:15:57,873
is the possibility of getting that.
402
00:15:57,908 --> 00:15:59,558
That's why you fell in love with him?
403
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,227
Because Burt and I have never been able
404
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,095
to figure that one out.
405
00:16:03,113 --> 00:16:05,264
Hey! There you are.
406
00:16:05,282 --> 00:16:07,099
Uh, Sabrina,
407
00:16:07,117 --> 00:16:08,567
would you do me the honor
408
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:10,435
of reaching your hand into this barrel
409
00:16:10,453 --> 00:16:11,904
and grasping a pickle?
410
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:13,405
No, old people are always sticking
411
00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:14,606
their wrinkly hands
in there. It's gross.
412
00:16:14,624 --> 00:16:15,741
Listen.
413
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,210
I was just with your mother
414
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,663
and I realized that an engagement ring
415
00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:22,447
is more than just metal and a stone.
416
00:16:22,465 --> 00:16:24,500
I know what I said before,
417
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,952
but if you got me one,
418
00:16:26,970 --> 00:16:28,754
I wouldn't complain.
419
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,122
Oh.
420
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:31,640
(giggles softly)
421
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:38,964
Hey!
422
00:16:38,982 --> 00:16:41,233
Ow!
423
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:43,235
What the hell?
424
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:45,321
Congratulations!
425
00:16:45,355 --> 00:16:46,956
I'm sorry, I'm gonna
need that ring back.
426
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:51,660
Where's Sabrina?
427
00:16:51,695 --> 00:16:52,978
I can't give her this ring, Frank.
428
00:16:52,996 --> 00:16:54,913
Why n... (snorts)
429
00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:56,181
Why not?
430
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,616
Because when she didn't want a ring,
431
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,285
this dinky little thing
would have been fine.
432
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:00,502
It's better than nothing.
433
00:17:00,537 --> 00:17:02,504
But now that she actually wants a ring,
434
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:04,173
I'm gonna have to do better than this.
435
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,960
Excuse me.
436
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,547
Hey, Big Judy,
437
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,515
I have to sell this ring back.
438
00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:15,200
(falsetto voice):
Busted, dirtbag!
439
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:16,885
(normal voice):
I mean, "Busted, dirtbag!"
440
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:19,188
You're under arrest for
trafficking in stolen property.
441
00:17:19,889 --> 00:17:21,140
What?
442
00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:25,978
Oh, no...
this is all my fault.
443
00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,012
That's what I was hoping.
444
00:17:27,030 --> 00:17:29,114
Don't worry; once you're
in jail with your son,
445
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,783
I'll be here to comfort Virginia.
446
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,284
I didn't break any laws.
447
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:34,870
I just told Jimmy to do
whatever it takes to get a ring.
448
00:17:34,904 --> 00:17:36,989
I bet Virginia really did
leave hers in the kitchen
449
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:38,490
and Jimmy grabbed it.
450
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:39,825
And then to cover his tracks,
451
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,710
he lied about doing medical testing.
452
00:17:41,745 --> 00:17:43,962
Oh, that boy may not be
good at a lot of things,
453
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:45,197
but he sure can fake a seizure.
454
00:17:45,215 --> 00:17:47,466
Maybe that'll help him in prison.
455
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,752
Bail is set for $500.
456
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:52,371
That's a lot of lettuce.
Street talk for "cash."
457
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,356
Where the hell am I gonna
get that kind of scratch?
458
00:17:54,391 --> 00:17:56,241
What's "scratch"?
459
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:57,893
I need to pawn this.
460
00:17:57,927 --> 00:18:00,012
You white folks and high cholesterol
461
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:01,647
are gonna be the end of me.
462
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:08,395
How many times do I have to tell
you I didn't steal the ring?
463
00:18:08,413 --> 00:18:10,564
I paid for it with my
medical research money.
464
00:18:10,582 --> 00:18:13,083
Well, hopefully they were
looking for a cure for lying!
465
00:18:13,117 --> 00:18:14,618
This is crazy!
466
00:18:14,669 --> 00:18:15,786
Burt...
467
00:18:15,837 --> 00:18:17,571
I have to tell you something terrible.
468
00:18:17,589 --> 00:18:20,574
It's really, really bad.
469
00:18:20,592 --> 00:18:22,759
Virginia, hey.
I found your ring.
470
00:18:22,794 --> 00:18:24,928
How did you...?
Well, I was at the new house
471
00:18:24,963 --> 00:18:26,129
and I just found it underneath a chair.
472
00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:28,765
Oh, my God, that's so great!
473
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,917
Oh, but I have to go talk to Jimmy.
474
00:18:30,935 --> 00:18:33,470
Oh, what was the terrible news
you wanted to tell me?
475
00:18:33,521 --> 00:18:36,523
I... heard an awful tabloid
rumor about John Travolta,
476
00:18:36,558 --> 00:18:38,559
but it's probably better
if you don't hear it.
477
00:18:38,593 --> 00:18:40,694
Say no more.
La-la-la-la-la...
478
00:18:40,728 --> 00:18:42,195
(whispering):
How did you get this?
479
00:18:42,230 --> 00:18:43,864
Big Judy told me somebody returned it.
480
00:18:43,898 --> 00:18:45,115
I've been taking her ventriloquism class
481
00:18:45,149 --> 00:18:47,534
down at the community center.
482
00:18:47,569 --> 00:18:49,820
(choking on water):
I'm getting pretty good.
483
00:18:49,871 --> 00:18:50,871
(chokes, coughs)
484
00:18:51,956 --> 00:18:53,957
(groans) Dad, it's okay.
485
00:18:53,992 --> 00:18:55,459
No, it's not.
486
00:18:55,493 --> 00:18:57,828
I should have believed you when
you said you didn't steal it.
487
00:18:57,879 --> 00:18:59,546
I don't want to think about
what happened to you in prison.
488
00:18:59,581 --> 00:19:01,948
I was on a bench at the police station.
489
00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:04,518
They gave me a sandwich.
Turkey.
490
00:19:04,552 --> 00:19:06,620
Don't try and spare my feelings, Jimmy.
491
00:19:06,654 --> 00:19:08,005
I don't deserve it.
492
00:19:08,056 --> 00:19:10,557
Tomorrow, you and I
are gonna go down to that lab
493
00:19:10,592 --> 00:19:12,826
and do whatever tests they have.
494
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,645
I'll never be able to get you
your innocence back,
495
00:19:14,679 --> 00:19:17,014
but I can at least help you get
the money for another ring.
496
00:19:20,068 --> 00:19:22,969
You don't have to do this, Dad.
497
00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,638
No, I want to.
498
00:19:24,656 --> 00:19:26,657
I'm not scared of a
little scientific testing.
499
00:19:28,159 --> 00:19:29,476
Think we'll actually feel
500
00:19:29,494 --> 00:19:31,978
our testicles recede into our abdomens?
501
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:33,330
Well, the pamphlet says
502
00:19:33,364 --> 00:19:35,198
it would feel like two hot air balloons
503
00:19:35,249 --> 00:19:37,801
floating up into the sky.
504
00:19:37,835 --> 00:19:39,369
I think I'm gonna go into the bathroom,
505
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:40,921
say good-bye to them
one more time.
506
00:19:40,955 --> 00:19:42,289
You know, wish them a safe trip
507
00:19:42,323 --> 00:19:44,157
in case I don't see them for a while.
508
00:19:44,175 --> 00:19:46,176
Godspeed, Heckle and Schmekel.
509
00:19:49,130 --> 00:19:51,665
Jimmy...
510
00:19:51,683 --> 00:19:54,184
I've been thinking.
511
00:19:56,220 --> 00:19:58,889
I want you to give my ring to Sabrina.
512
00:19:58,940 --> 00:20:00,440
Well, you can't do that.
513
00:20:00,475 --> 00:20:02,225
It's your ring.
514
00:20:02,276 --> 00:20:04,444
So, now it'll be a family ring.
515
00:20:04,479 --> 00:20:06,780
I want to pass it down to you.
516
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:09,566
And someday, you can pass it on to Hope.
517
00:20:11,953 --> 00:20:14,354
That's more special
than any ring you can buy.
518
00:20:14,372 --> 00:20:16,189
And I happen to know
519
00:20:16,207 --> 00:20:19,459
that this is exactly the kind
of ring Sabrina wants.
520
00:20:22,130 --> 00:20:24,364
Thanks, Mom. That's sweet.
521
00:20:25,750 --> 00:20:28,368
Oh, I'm glad you caught me
before I took those pills.
522
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,214
Hey, why are you guys hugging?
523
00:20:47,655 --> 00:20:50,941
JIMMY: Usually, when you get advice
from a lot of different people,
524
00:20:50,992 --> 00:20:53,076
they can't all be right.
525
00:20:53,111 --> 00:20:54,828
Oh...
526
00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:57,397
JIMMY:
But this time they were.
527
00:20:57,415 --> 00:20:59,583
Dad was right that Sabrina
528
00:20:59,617 --> 00:21:01,650
really wanted an engagement ring.
529
00:21:02,743 --> 00:21:06,543
Frank was right that how you present
the ring is as important as the ring itself.
530
00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:16,419
And Mom was right about
how much Sabrina would like
531
00:21:16,539 --> 00:21:17,711
getting her ring.
532
00:21:21,761 --> 00:21:23,825
And it turns out those guys
at the medical lab
533
00:21:23,945 --> 00:21:25,345
were right about those side effects.
534
00:21:25,947 --> 00:21:27,779
How far up do you think they went?
535
00:21:28,763 --> 00:21:31,869
Ah... Oh...
536
00:21:31,989 --> 00:21:34,202
Right about here.
537
00:21:34,322 --> 00:21:42,424
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com