1
00:00:01,766 --> 00:00:03,543
I have a great Aunt
who lived to be, like, 129.
2
00:00:03,668 --> 00:00:05,945
Oh, cool, that's physically
impossible, so nuts.
3
00:00:06,070 --> 00:00:08,648
No, Derch, physics have
nothing to do with it.
4
00:00:08,773 --> 00:00:12,085
- She was a human hero.
- Well, how'd she die?
5
00:00:12,210 --> 00:00:13,607
Gunfire... cops shot her.
6
00:00:13,732 --> 00:00:14,654
- Oh.
- What?
7
00:00:14,779 --> 00:00:16,156
Yeah.
8
00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:18,352
- Whoa, what the fug?
- You have 20 minutes
9
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:19,519
to clean this up.
10
00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:22,662
What?
We didn't do this.
11
00:00:22,787 --> 00:00:25,776
- What are these, capes?
- All right, who was it?
12
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,903
Your mama.
13
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:31,448
Waymond, you're being
uncharacteristically quiet.
14
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,700
Did you do this to us?
Is this your doing?
15
00:00:33,866 --> 00:00:37,310
'cause if you did,
we're gonna come back at you...
16
00:00:37,435 --> 00:00:39,045
So hard.
17
00:00:39,170 --> 00:00:41,715
That's right, 'cause anybody
who comes at us...
18
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,628
Know that we come back at you
twice as hard.
19
00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:45,963
- Preach.
- That's right.
20
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,188
You want us to come hard?
You got us to come hard!
21
00:00:48,464 --> 00:00:49,889
- So seriously guys...
- I come hard in my sleep!
22
00:00:50,014 --> 00:00:51,191
All right, all right.
Waymond...
23
00:00:51,316 --> 00:00:52,792
I will shit on you!
24
00:00:52,917 --> 00:00:54,513
Here's the deal.
Waymond, you gotta fess up,
25
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:59,142
unless you want three dudes
on top of you coming hard.
26
00:00:59,308 --> 00:01:00,477
- In three, two...
- Bazinga!
27
00:01:03,127 --> 00:01:06,942
- You guys do this?
- B-rad is back, baby, yes!
28
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:10,612
- Oh, he's coming up top.
- Yeah, get him out of here.
29
00:01:10,778 --> 00:01:18,245
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
30
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:24,357
There we go.
There we go.
31
00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:26,793
- Yeah.
- Oh, we're giving birth.
32
00:01:26,918 --> 00:01:28,094
Giving birth to a B-rad.
There he is.
33
00:01:28,219 --> 00:01:29,428
- All right, man!
- There he is.
34
00:01:29,553 --> 00:01:30,674
Everybody, dust him off.
35
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,759
B-rad, it's good to see you, man.
36
00:01:32,925 --> 00:01:34,467
- You're looking pretty fit.
- Looking good, dude.
37
00:01:34,592 --> 00:01:35,902
What are you doing in town?
38
00:01:36,027 --> 00:01:38,104
Also, why'd you
come at me so hard, bro?
39
00:01:38,229 --> 00:01:41,268
You came at us so hard
with all these popcorn... s.
40
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,810
It was a joke, you bitch!
41
00:01:43,935 --> 00:01:46,940
- Whoa. Shots fired.
- I'm in town
42
00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:49,348
to do a ride-along with the police,
43
00:01:49,473 --> 00:01:50,902
'cause I'm writing a cop novel.
44
00:01:51,068 --> 00:01:51,818
- Cool.
- Wow.
45
00:01:51,943 --> 00:01:53,719
- Gritty stuff.
- I bet, dude.
46
00:01:53,844 --> 00:01:57,123
But Alice wanted me
to stop by for the roast.
47
00:01:57,248 --> 00:01:58,457
- Roast? What roast?
- Yeah.
48
00:01:58,582 --> 00:01:59,786
Oh, Monday is Bill's
49
00:01:59,952 --> 00:02:01,661
20th anniversary
of working at Telamericorp,
50
00:02:01,786 --> 00:02:03,163
so we're roasting him.
51
00:02:03,288 --> 00:02:05,165
- Cool. Yeah.
- Oh, nice.
52
00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:07,419
All right, so, like,
how many snaps should we write?
53
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,171
Yeah, can we work blue?
Can we cuss?
54
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,422
And also, who's Bill?
55
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:11,938
Oh, actually, Alice said
56
00:02:12,063 --> 00:02:13,675
you guys don't get to do the roast.
57
00:02:13,841 --> 00:02:15,308
- Really?
- Uh, why wouldn't
58
00:02:15,433 --> 00:02:17,345
the three funniest guys
in the office be roasting him?
59
00:02:17,511 --> 00:02:19,097
You're not funny.
60
00:02:20,405 --> 00:02:22,682
I'm not funny?
Me?
61
00:02:22,807 --> 00:02:26,730
Adam, "The... The Laugh Ki...
The Laugh... uh...
62
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,315
Giver" Demamp.
63
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,900
Mm-hmm.
64
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:33,293
I know all 101 sick jokes
for twisted kids.
65
00:02:33,418 --> 00:02:35,461
Oh, Alice,
you want to know the difference
66
00:02:35,586 --> 00:02:37,616
between a pile of dead babies
and a pile of sand?
67
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,493
I don't eat sand.
68
00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,913
Fine. Whatever.
69
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,137
- You'll let us roast?
- Yes.
70
00:02:44,262 --> 00:02:45,957
Yes! Nice.
71
00:02:46,123 --> 00:02:49,108
- Yes.
- So cool. I got this thing...
72
00:02:49,233 --> 00:02:52,545
Hey, you honestly
don't think I'm funny?
73
00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:54,841
Just me,
not talking about those guys.
74
00:02:55,007 --> 00:02:58,617
You've honestly never said
one thing I have ever found
75
00:02:58,742 --> 00:03:00,764
at all funny, bro.
76
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:04,457
What do you know about funny?
77
00:03:04,582 --> 00:03:06,125
Chicks aren't funny.
Dudes are funny.
78
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:10,440
Hangover 2 rules.
Bridesmaids drools.
79
00:03:10,606 --> 00:03:11,931
I don't care what anybody says.
80
00:03:12,056 --> 00:03:13,499
We're the funniest people
in this office.
81
00:03:13,624 --> 00:03:15,935
- Funnier than that dad.
- I'm funnier than she is.
82
00:03:16,060 --> 00:03:17,770
Got a subscription
to "Suicide Illustrated!"
83
00:03:17,895 --> 00:03:20,606
Wait.
84
00:03:20,731 --> 00:03:24,246
Now Bill is trying to get a snack?
85
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,164
Bill! You still gonna end up
eating what you always eat.
86
00:03:26,330 --> 00:03:27,981
Your big-ass boogers in your nose!
87
00:03:32,461 --> 00:03:34,520
Hey, you know,
I see what you're doing, Bill.
88
00:03:34,645 --> 00:03:37,656
He's trying to make jokes
about you, but it's, uh...
89
00:03:37,781 --> 00:03:39,261
it's "snot" funny.
90
00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:44,266
It... it is... it's snot funny.
91
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,684
- Snot.
- I said "snot,"
92
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,633
because the boogers...
With the snot.
93
00:03:47,758 --> 00:03:50,105
- Hey, uh...
- What the...
94
00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:53,072
Bill's so bald, right?
He looks like he, uh...
95
00:03:53,197 --> 00:03:55,275
like he's a cancer patient!
96
00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:59,948
Death bed!
97
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,848
This dude, um, he's a human...
98
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,671
One time, I seen that motherfucker
dookie in his drawers!
99
00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:20,385
Dookie! Dookie!
100
00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:23,722
♪ dookie in your drawers, Bill,
dookie in your draw... ♪
101
00:04:25,863 --> 00:04:27,307
You know, maybe Montez is right.
102
00:04:27,432 --> 00:04:29,409
Maybe I'm not an hysterical dude.
103
00:04:29,685 --> 00:04:30,676
- Hey!
- I won't listen to it.
104
00:04:30,801 --> 00:04:32,145
You are funny, okay?
105
00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:33,779
No one has given me
more laughs in this world
106
00:04:33,904 --> 00:04:35,081
- than this guy.
- Yeah.
107
00:04:35,206 --> 00:04:36,985
Adam "the laugh giver" Demamp.
108
00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:38,484
Yep.
109
00:04:38,609 --> 00:04:40,739
- Thank you.
- I mean, sure, Montez has
110
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:42,455
- broad appeal, right?
- Sure.
111
00:04:42,580 --> 00:04:44,390
We'll give him that.
But I'm sorry...
112
00:04:44,515 --> 00:04:47,593
I have a more refined, dry,
British sense of humor,
113
00:04:47,718 --> 00:04:50,330
a la the funniest movie
of all time, Austin Powers.
114
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:54,294
- No.
- Oh, please! Funniest movie of all time,
115
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,635
no questions, Wayne's World One.
116
00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,706
No, sir.
117
00:05:00,831 --> 00:05:02,541
You guys like the big blockbusters.
118
00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:04,310
That's cool. That's fine.
Me, personally...
119
00:05:04,435 --> 00:05:05,722
indie comedy.
120
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:07,432
That's what I'm into.
121
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:09,782
I'm talking about Indian comedy.
122
00:05:09,907 --> 00:05:12,385
Very, very, very hot right now.
123
00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:14,981
Love Guru?
That's the future of comedy.
124
00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:16,316
You guys are out of your minds.
125
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:19,284
I hope I'm not interrupting
a circle jerk.
126
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,863
- No, we were just...
- We're not circle-jerking.
127
00:05:22,029 --> 00:05:23,296
Although this would be
the room to do it in.
128
00:05:23,572 --> 00:05:25,825
Where the weed at?
Bring it, baby. Bring it.
129
00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:27,467
- He's back.
- Party beast.
130
00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:29,469
What are you dick gymnasts
squawking about, anyway?
131
00:05:29,594 --> 00:05:30,747
Oh, man, I don't know.
132
00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:32,290
We just want to be the stars
133
00:05:32,456 --> 00:05:34,334
of the roast, but that Montez guy...
134
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,908
- he has so many snaps.
- Yeah.
135
00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:38,088
- 'tez is a cartoon character.
- Mm-hmm.
136
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,339
I don't find him funny.
137
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:40,813
Yeah, I mean, t-these people...
138
00:05:40,938 --> 00:05:43,249
they're not gonna understand
my party tricks.
139
00:05:43,374 --> 00:05:44,984
I've got party tricks.
I have this one where I eat
140
00:05:45,109 --> 00:05:48,723
60 ketchup packets,
and then I don't vomit.
141
00:05:48,889 --> 00:05:50,976
I will tell you the secret
to a good roast.
142
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:54,160
Know your target, inside and out,
143
00:05:54,285 --> 00:05:56,496
- and then hit 'em where it hurts!
- Whoa.
144
00:05:56,621 --> 00:05:58,191
- I thought he was gonna hit me.
- He's right.
145
00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:00,566
Montez knows Bill
way better than we do.
146
00:06:00,691 --> 00:06:03,405
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but he knows work Bill.
147
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,605
He doesn't know the real Bill,
weekend Bill.
148
00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:07,940
We gotta get to know weekend Bill.
149
00:06:08,065 --> 00:06:09,160
Weekend Bill.
150
00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,144
We've gotta get to know weekend Bill.
151
00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:12,831
Wait, who's Bill, again?
152
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,514
{pub}The reason Wayne's World works...
153
00:06:21,639 --> 00:06:23,215
- Guys, think I can touch this?
- I know your mouth is moving,
154
00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:24,650
but it's weird
that you're not saying anything.
155
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:25,985
- I touched that.
- It's about real dudes.
156
00:06:26,110 --> 00:06:27,285
Comedy is not about jokes.
157
00:06:27,410 --> 00:06:29,321
Did you guys see
how I just touched that?
158
00:06:29,446 --> 00:06:31,390
- It's about shedding light...
- It's like ten feet in the air.
159
00:06:31,515 --> 00:06:32,791
- And Austin Powers does that.
- Here, shh! Here it is.
160
00:06:32,916 --> 00:06:34,019
- Come on.
- Number eight.
161
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:41,943
♪ ♪
162
00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:44,654
Holy yoga, dude!
He's a yoga dude.
163
00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:46,939
Oh, we can destroy him.
No one likes yoga dudes.
164
00:06:47,064 --> 00:06:48,908
♪ Guru! ♪
165
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,411
Dude, it funny because, like,
girls do yoga, and he's a guy,
166
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,747
- and he's doing yoga.
- Yeah, that is why it's funny.
167
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:54,947
- Right?
- Yeah, we're really finding,
168
00:06:55,072 --> 00:06:56,849
you know, the depth of the comedy.
169
00:06:56,974 --> 00:06:59,351
- We're really digging deep.
- Right. What's he doing...
170
00:06:59,476 --> 00:07:01,319
Now, though?
171
00:07:01,444 --> 00:07:03,131
- Oh, my God.
- Naked yoga.
172
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,467
What?
173
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:08,970
Oh, my God, he's a "naked yoga" guy.
174
00:07:09,136 --> 00:07:11,931
Wait, is he...
God, he's sucking it.
175
00:07:12,097 --> 00:07:15,018
Yes! We're gonna skewer him
with this!
176
00:07:15,258 --> 00:07:16,702
Ugh.
177
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,688
You really think we can make
fun of him for this?
178
00:07:18,854 --> 00:07:21,191
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
179
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,443
What are you talking about?
This is amazing.
180
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,987
He's like a superhero.
We can't reveal his superpowers.
181
00:07:26,153 --> 00:07:29,448
I'm sorry. Does this not
come across to you as just
182
00:07:29,573 --> 00:07:31,283
the gayest thing you've ever seen?
183
00:07:31,408 --> 00:07:33,912
I think it's gay
not to sip your own tip.
184
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:35,588
That means you don't like
blow jobs that much,
185
00:07:35,713 --> 00:07:37,522
and that's, like,
the gayest thing in the world.
186
00:07:37,647 --> 00:07:38,824
Right.
187
00:07:38,949 --> 00:07:41,159
Uh, guys, I think he's about to...
188
00:07:41,284 --> 00:07:45,631
okay, let's take a lap.
Let's take a lap.
189
00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:50,402
Oh, God, he's in there.
190
00:07:50,527 --> 00:07:52,237
What's he doing?
191
00:07:52,362 --> 00:07:54,372
I know exactly what that is.
192
00:07:54,497 --> 00:07:58,770
It's medical cream for eczema,
without a doubt.
193
00:08:05,909 --> 00:08:07,920
Okay, so he's a street performer
with eczema.
194
00:08:08,045 --> 00:08:11,199
- This is... Sad.
- This is great!
195
00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:13,458
We have so much good stuff
for the roast.
196
00:08:13,583 --> 00:08:16,695
What? What's funny
about unlimited self-blow jobs
197
00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:19,397
and getting paid to do the robot?
198
00:08:19,522 --> 00:08:20,542
Nothing.
199
00:08:20,758 --> 00:08:22,067
I'm jealous of this dude.
200
00:08:22,192 --> 00:08:23,401
We're coming up dry.
201
00:08:23,526 --> 00:08:25,255
We can't make fun of him for this.
202
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,342
I'm not doing this again, dude.
203
00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:31,970
Just tell me what you want.
204
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:37,642
Jesus Christ!
Okay, fine, ham?
205
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:38,935
Is that what you want?
206
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,386
Oh, no, this is just depressing.
207
00:08:41,511 --> 00:08:44,023
Yeah, I'm sad too...
208
00:08:44,189 --> 00:08:46,317
Mostly hungry, actually.
209
00:08:46,483 --> 00:08:47,960
Yeah.
Ders, go order a pizza.
210
00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:49,662
They don't serve pizza here.
211
00:08:49,787 --> 00:08:50,989
It's a sandwich place.
212
00:08:51,255 --> 00:08:53,398
Do you think
they'll deliver pizza here,
213
00:08:53,523 --> 00:08:55,243
like, if we order from a pizza place?
214
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,997
Do you have a punch card?
215
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,862
You punched this yourself,
didn't you?
216
00:09:01,957 --> 00:09:03,918
All right, you know what?
Get out. We're done.
217
00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:05,545
Beat it.
218
00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,505
Don't take that sandwich!
I will call the cops!
219
00:09:07,671 --> 00:09:09,414
Hey, hang on a second,
hang on a second.
220
00:09:09,539 --> 00:09:11,950
I'll pay for his food.
Look, he's...
221
00:09:12,075 --> 00:09:15,513
He's my dad, so I'm very embarrassed.
222
00:09:15,745 --> 00:09:18,600
I'm sure your dad's embarrassed
you from time to time.
223
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:21,760
No, he hasn't.
He's... he has great judgment.
224
00:09:21,885 --> 00:09:23,688
He would never do
something like this.
225
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:27,132
You've been following me all day?
226
00:09:27,257 --> 00:09:29,611
Eh, since, like, 9:00 a.m.
227
00:09:29,827 --> 00:09:31,112
So you saw me...?
228
00:09:31,278 --> 00:09:33,156
Mm-hmm.
229
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:34,707
Yes. You've gotta teach me
how to do that.
230
00:09:34,832 --> 00:09:37,009
Believe me, you don't
wanna go down that road.
231
00:09:37,134 --> 00:09:38,376
It's the only road I want to go down.
232
00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:39,996
Anyway, look,
233
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:41,313
we're just looking for dirt on you,
234
00:09:41,438 --> 00:09:43,415
so we can beat Montez at roasting.
235
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:45,517
I hate this stupid roast.
I already know I'm a loser.
236
00:09:45,642 --> 00:09:47,462
I don't need the whole office
telling me so.
237
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:50,173
- You got a bunch of...
- Montez is ruthless.
238
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,966
- I don't even want to go.
- Whoa, whoa, okay.
239
00:09:52,132 --> 00:09:54,559
That means we don't get to roast.
240
00:09:54,684 --> 00:09:56,461
Bill, what you're forgetting
here is that...
241
00:09:56,586 --> 00:09:58,201
You're the guest of honor, right?
242
00:09:58,326 --> 00:10:00,169
- Yeah.
- So you get the last word.
243
00:10:00,294 --> 00:10:01,533
We can take Montez down together.
244
00:10:01,658 --> 00:10:02,560
Yep.
245
00:10:02,792 --> 00:10:05,838
What about that dickhead Jet Set?
246
00:10:05,963 --> 00:10:08,741
You teach me how to...
247
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:13,655
Myself, and we've got a deal.
248
00:10:13,871 --> 00:10:15,447
Well, you gotta be big.
249
00:10:15,614 --> 00:10:16,749
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
250
00:10:16,874 --> 00:10:17,909
Holy Moly.
251
00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:21,120
♪ O'er the land-uh ♪
252
00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:24,289
♪ of the free-uh ♪
253
00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:28,978
♪ and that fucking Bill's gay-uh ♪
254
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,929
And I'm out.
Have fun roasting this bald pig.
255
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,514
Great job, Bradley!
256
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,933
Who's Bradley?
I'm Tony Clifton, you asshole.
257
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:44,309
- Wake up!
- Oh!
258
00:10:44,476 --> 00:10:47,445
Bill treat his nose
like the hometown buffet!
259
00:10:47,570 --> 00:10:48,881
What's the worst job in the world?
260
00:10:49,006 --> 00:10:50,315
Being Bill's pants, 'cause you know
261
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:51,901
you're gonna get dookied on!
262
00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:54,419
He has a booger pasta bar,
a booger dessert bar,
263
00:10:54,544 --> 00:10:56,072
a booger serving station...
264
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:59,951
Yes, Bill, you look like
a goddamn child molester.
265
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:02,895
Bill be picking his boogers
like he Orville Redenbacher.
266
00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,897
Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop!
267
00:11:05,022 --> 00:11:07,032
I got three words for you, brother.
268
00:11:07,157 --> 00:11:10,769
Wash your stinkin' ass!
269
00:11:13,096 --> 00:11:17,010
Okay, our next roasters wanted
to do it as a threesome.
270
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,555
And they also wanted
to perform together.
271
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,347
All right, let's give it up
for Adam, Anders, and Blake!
272
00:11:22,472 --> 00:11:24,684
- Whoo!
- Shagadelic!
273
00:11:24,908 --> 00:11:27,979
Do I make you Randy, baby?
274
00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:29,888
Shwing!
275
00:11:30,013 --> 00:11:34,960
Tickle, tickle, break the pickle.
276
00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:36,528
Excellent.
277
00:11:36,653 --> 00:11:37,739
We were listening out there,
278
00:11:37,955 --> 00:11:39,490
you know, and you guys were
279
00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:41,867
roasting Bill pretty hard.
280
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,435
And he's my mate,
281
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:47,096
so I'm here to tell you
to behave, baby, yeah!
282
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:48,740
All right.
283
00:11:48,865 --> 00:11:52,777
We're not worthy
of such a great co-worker.
284
00:11:52,902 --> 00:11:56,090
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy!
285
00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:00,752
I got it.
286
00:12:00,877 --> 00:12:03,108
Mariska Hargitay.
287
00:12:05,815 --> 00:12:09,161
Mari-ska Hargitay!
288
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,482
Y'all stop!
289
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,333
Tickle, tickle, break the pickle.
290
00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:15,443
You already did this.
291
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:16,736
- Hey, come on.
- Ow!
292
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,321
That hurt my ankle.
293
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:19,989
Have you guys really not seen
Love Guru?
294
00:12:20,155 --> 00:12:22,033
It's a funny, funny movie.
295
00:12:22,565 --> 00:12:24,076
- Mike Myers is in it.
- Yeah, Wayne's World One.
296
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,944
It's, like,
one of the biggest comedies
297
00:12:26,069 --> 00:12:27,080
- of, like, the early mid-2000s.
- All right, all right, look.
298
00:12:27,337 --> 00:12:28,546
We're sorry you don't like
299
00:12:28,671 --> 00:12:30,041
our characters, but we're funny guys.
300
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,816
And we followed Bill this weekend.
301
00:12:31,941 --> 00:12:33,211
And guess what he does
on the weekend?
302
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:35,046
He paints himself silver like a robot
303
00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:37,757
and goes on the street
and begs for money.
304
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,802
And then... and then we also
caught him stealing a sandwich,
305
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:44,138
because he's that poor, guys.
306
00:12:44,304 --> 00:12:46,031
This isn't what we planned.
What are you doing?
307
00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:48,300
It's all true. It's all true.
We followed him.
308
00:12:48,425 --> 00:12:49,868
And guess what we saw?
309
00:12:49,993 --> 00:12:52,522
We saw this broke-ass fool
suck his own dick!
310
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,482
What?
311
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,693
- He's good at it.
- That's hilarious.
312
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,444
Enough!
313
00:12:59,136 --> 00:13:01,114
You guys said you were on my side!
314
00:13:01,371 --> 00:13:03,116
- Sure, whatever, man.
- They love it, man.
315
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,384
You're right.
My life is a joke.
316
00:13:05,509 --> 00:13:06,911
But I have news for you!
317
00:13:07,144 --> 00:13:09,330
Oh!
318
00:13:09,546 --> 00:13:11,708
This is where the joke ends!
319
00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:21,116
{pub}- Okay. All right.
- Oh, God! Oh, God!
320
00:13:21,241 --> 00:13:22,677
All right, everybody in the corner!
321
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:24,383
Let's go! Let's go!
322
00:13:24,508 --> 00:13:25,972
Cell phones in here!
323
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,190
I don't want anyone ruining
my big day!
324
00:13:28,315 --> 00:13:29,517
Hey, Bill, what are you doing?
325
00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:31,559
Okay, please, just put the gun down.
326
00:13:31,684 --> 00:13:33,020
You heard the lady.
Put it down.
327
00:13:33,186 --> 00:13:34,147
Or what?
328
00:13:34,454 --> 00:13:36,649
You're making a big mistake, man.
329
00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,735
Don't do something
you're gonna regret, man.
330
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,536
Something I regret?
I regret my entire life!
331
00:13:41,661 --> 00:13:42,739
What?
332
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,139
A good-looking guy like yourself?
333
00:13:44,264 --> 00:13:45,640
No, no, no!
Please don't kill me!
334
00:13:45,765 --> 00:13:47,008
I wish this was all a dream!
335
00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:49,211
Doodle-ooh, doodle-ooh, doodle-ooh.
336
00:13:49,336 --> 00:13:51,880
Stop, stop, I got this.
Look, okay...
337
00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:54,375
Bill, if anyone knows what it's
like to be picked on, it's me.
338
00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:56,502
My father was
a relentlessly self-improving
339
00:13:56,668 --> 00:13:59,120
boulangerie owner from Belgium
with low-grade narcolepsy
340
00:13:59,245 --> 00:14:01,257
and a penchant for buggery.
341
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:02,967
Shut up and help me
lock this place down,
342
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,177
- Mr. Powers.
- Okay, all right.
343
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:07,138
Okay, his back's turned.
Let's do this.
344
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,397
- Do what?
- Roll on him!
345
00:14:09,522 --> 00:14:11,517
Grab the gun
and bring him to justice.
346
00:14:11,683 --> 00:14:14,970
Get my reward.
347
00:14:15,095 --> 00:14:18,340
Don't... oh, don't be stupid.
348
00:14:18,465 --> 00:14:22,777
Too late.
349
00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:25,680
Welcome to staples center...
Bitch.
350
00:14:25,805 --> 00:14:26,824
Aah!
351
00:14:32,704 --> 00:14:35,041
- Oh, gosh!
- Come with me!
352
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,709
Now!
353
00:14:41,888 --> 00:14:43,831
Good-bye...
354
00:14:43,956 --> 00:14:45,300
Forever.
355
00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:49,722
Adam.
356
00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:55,770
Turn around!
357
00:14:58,804 --> 00:15:00,882
- They bought it, right?
- Oh, totally!
358
00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:02,583
Oh, I'm sorry I did
the stapler thing.
359
00:15:02,708 --> 00:15:04,362
I just felt... I really felt like
that was in the moment,
360
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,520
- you know?
- No, no, that was good.
361
00:15:05,645 --> 00:15:06,821
It sold it.
It was hilarious.
362
00:15:06,946 --> 00:15:08,290
- It did sell it, right?
- Yeah!
363
00:15:08,415 --> 00:15:09,557
I was feeling it!
It was incredible.
364
00:15:09,682 --> 00:15:10,926
Ders and Blake did a good job too.
365
00:15:11,051 --> 00:15:12,260
Like, we can't forget about them.
366
00:15:12,385 --> 00:15:13,287
You did great!
367
00:15:13,619 --> 00:15:14,996
Okay, so what's next?
368
00:15:15,163 --> 00:15:16,697
All right, everybody just be calm.
369
00:15:16,822 --> 00:15:19,567
Adam's probably in there
telling Bill to turn himself in.
370
00:15:19,692 --> 00:15:22,505
It's gonna be over soon.
371
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:28,761
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, God.
372
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:30,680
What have you done?
373
00:15:30,903 --> 00:15:32,181
Anyone else wanna be a hero?
374
00:15:32,347 --> 00:15:36,060
You need help, man.
Bill, let us help you.
375
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,656
- You want to help me?
- Yes, Bill.
376
00:15:38,781 --> 00:15:40,288
Maybe you should have thought of that
377
00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:42,525
before you said I ate my boogers!
378
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,125
Bill, I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry.
379
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:47,321
- It was a roast.
- Then show me you're sorry.
380
00:15:47,487 --> 00:15:52,000
I want you to pick
every nose here and eat it,
381
00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:53,411
one by one!
382
00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:55,937
What?
Come on, Bill.
383
00:15:56,062 --> 00:15:58,040
Dude, eat their boogers!
384
00:15:58,206 --> 00:16:00,001
He's not messing around.
He just killed Adam.
385
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,910
Bill, sir,
if Montez does what you say,
386
00:16:03,035 --> 00:16:04,412
will you let us all live?
387
00:16:04,537 --> 00:16:06,716
He eats every booger,
and I'll consider it.
388
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:07,967
Okay.
389
00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:10,018
Why don't you start with Waymond?
390
00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:11,387
He looks a little stuffy.
391
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,389
Come on, Bill.
Put the gun down, Bill.
392
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:17,859
Montez, save a life.
Eat a booger.
393
00:16:17,984 --> 00:16:19,270
I'm sorry, Waymond.
394
00:16:24,232 --> 00:16:27,194
I can't... ugh.
395
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,113
Oh.
396
00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:32,199
Oh, God, he's eating it.
397
00:16:32,365 --> 00:16:35,912
Oh, I can't...
398
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,546
you know what would
make this perfect?
399
00:16:38,671 --> 00:16:41,292
If Jet shits his pants...
400
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,184
- Hell, no!
- While you're digging for gold.
401
00:16:43,309 --> 00:16:45,671
Everybody wins!
402
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:47,222
Bill, no!
Don't make him do it.
403
00:16:47,347 --> 00:16:49,050
Never question my authority,
404
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,385
unless you want everyone to die.
405
00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:54,639
Let me do it for him.
I'll shit my pants right now!
406
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,411
- Whoa, uh, no, J-Jillian...
- Okay.
407
00:16:56,536 --> 00:16:58,100
Just let him handle his thing.
Thank you, though.
408
00:16:58,266 --> 00:17:00,282
- No, I have it in me right now.
- You're very brave.
409
00:17:00,407 --> 00:17:02,396
Think about what you doing
right now, Bill.
410
00:17:02,562 --> 00:17:03,939
Stop this.
411
00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:05,441
I am thinking!
Do it!
412
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:09,445
Oh, God.
413
00:17:13,686 --> 00:17:16,827
I can't. I can't. I can't.
414
00:17:21,227 --> 00:17:24,005
Eat it!
415
00:17:26,899 --> 00:17:30,925
I can't. I can't. I can't.
I can't. I can't. I can't.
416
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:39,454
Okay, everyone,
I have an announcement!
417
00:17:39,579 --> 00:17:42,436
- This whole thing...
- Bill, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
418
00:17:42,602 --> 00:17:44,092
Uh, before you make
that announcement,
419
00:17:44,217 --> 00:17:47,024
you had something else
you wanted to say, remember?
420
00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:49,235
You wanted Ders here
421
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,900
to admit that Wayne's World
is a better movie
422
00:17:52,025 --> 00:17:54,115
than Austin Powers,
or he'll kill him!
423
00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,826
- I did?
- Yes, you did.
424
00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,240
Okay, sure, uh...
425
00:17:58,365 --> 00:17:59,674
Say what Blake said,
or I'll kill you!
426
00:17:59,799 --> 00:18:02,577
Yeah.
427
00:18:02,702 --> 00:18:04,479
Well, then I guess
you're gonna have to kill me,
428
00:18:04,604 --> 00:18:07,883
because that's a goddamn lie,
and I don't lie.
429
00:18:08,008 --> 00:18:10,685
I will admit that it blows
Love Guru out of the water.
430
00:18:10,810 --> 00:18:12,153
Wayne's World
is better than Love Guru.
431
00:18:12,278 --> 00:18:13,521
- I'll say that.
- Well, obviously.
432
00:18:13,646 --> 00:18:15,456
That's really not saying
anything, okay?
433
00:18:15,581 --> 00:18:18,848
Because Wayne's World
is better than Austin Powers
434
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:20,182
- and Love Guru combined.
- Oh-ho!
435
00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:22,101
- It has the funniest lines!
- You know what?
436
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,353
I feel like I'm surrounded
by freakin' idiots.
437
00:18:24,519 --> 00:18:26,001
- No way. Way!
- Shh! Shh!
438
00:18:26,126 --> 00:18:27,481
- No way. Way!
- Shh!
439
00:18:27,647 --> 00:18:29,604
Camera one, camera two.
Camera one, camera two.
440
00:18:29,729 --> 00:18:32,194
- Stop! Sto...
- Praise Buddha.
441
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,989
I am reincarnated.
442
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:41,120
I am once again the Love Guru!
443
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,289
What in the fuck?
444
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,291
I can't believe you would talk
trash on another man's comedy
445
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:49,045
when he's not even in the room...
very Wayne move of you.
446
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,880
- Bill, shoot Wayne in the face.
- I wouldn't even call your
447
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,048
movie a comedy, really.
448
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,694
- Justin Timberlake?
- Oh, my God.
449
00:18:53,819 --> 00:18:55,397
That man is a quadruple threat.
450
00:18:55,522 --> 00:18:57,098
- He's a singer.
- He is so... so many threats.
451
00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:58,599
He's not a comedic actor.
He's a dancer.
452
00:18:58,724 --> 00:19:00,139
I'm threatened by so many...
453
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,904
- on the floor, now!
- Oh, my God! Oh!
454
00:19:03,029 --> 00:19:04,518
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!
455
00:19:04,684 --> 00:19:06,479
- It was a mistake!
- It was a joke! It was a joke!
456
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,820
{pub}- Don't move!
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
457
00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:17,269
This is all just a misunderstanding.
Alright?
458
00:19:17,435 --> 00:19:19,062
We're just trying to be funny,
but guys,
459
00:19:19,187 --> 00:19:20,773
this one was not as funny
as we thought it was.
460
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:23,909
That's right.
It wasn't very at all.
461
00:19:24,962 --> 00:19:26,286
But this is...
462
00:19:27,832 --> 00:19:29,794
It was a joke, you bitch!
463
00:19:31,586 --> 00:19:32,688
What the fug?
464
00:19:32,813 --> 00:19:35,216
These guys are my SWAT army.
465
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:37,288
Thanks guys, worked like a charm.
466
00:19:37,413 --> 00:19:38,725
Good luck on your book, B-rad.
467
00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:40,263
Sounds like some real gritty stuff.
468
00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:41,651
I know, I'm running it!
469
00:19:44,863 --> 00:19:46,185
Bill called me last night
470
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:49,063
to make sure your little performance
didn't get him into any trouble.
471
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:50,397
I'm sorry.
472
00:19:51,010 --> 00:19:52,673
- You're such a loser.
- Wow, OK Bill.
473
00:19:52,798 --> 00:19:54,410
And you know what's weird?
474
00:19:54,535 --> 00:19:58,322
As I seem to remember someone saying:
"Chicks aren't funny".
475
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,615
God, I love you.
476
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:02,993
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
477
00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:05,439
None of this was funny at all.
478
00:20:06,352 --> 00:20:09,546
You'd have me eat Jet Set's boogers.
Now, is that anything?
479
00:20:09,671 --> 00:20:11,796
And this poor bastard got dookie
in his pants.
480
00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:14,520
I don't mind.
481
00:20:14,645 --> 00:20:17,133
Plus, this was a good cause.
Congratulations, Bill.
482
00:20:17,944 --> 00:20:20,632
I gotta go.
Can't stand all that mess on me.
483
00:20:22,382 --> 00:20:24,032
Good night, my dudes.
484
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:25,766
Good night, babe.
485
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,106
Come to papa!
486
00:20:52,238 --> 00:20:53,043
My back!
487
00:20:53,209 --> 00:20:57,047
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com