1 00:00:01,766 --> 00:00:03,543 I have a great Aunt who lived to be, like, 129. 2 00:00:03,668 --> 00:00:05,945 Oh, cool, that's physically impossible, so nuts. 3 00:00:06,070 --> 00:00:08,648 No, Derch, physics have nothing to do with it. 4 00:00:08,773 --> 00:00:12,085 - She was a human hero. - Well, how'd she die? 5 00:00:12,210 --> 00:00:13,607 Gunfire... cops shot her. 6 00:00:13,732 --> 00:00:14,654 - Oh. - What? 7 00:00:14,779 --> 00:00:16,156 Yeah. 8 00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:18,352 - Whoa, what the fug? - You have 20 minutes 9 00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:19,519 to clean this up. 10 00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:22,662 What? We didn't do this. 11 00:00:22,787 --> 00:00:25,776 - What are these, capes? - All right, who was it? 12 00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,903 Your mama. [Laughter] 13 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:31,448 Waymond, you're being uncharacteristically quiet. 14 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,700 Did you do this to us? Is this your doing? 15 00:00:33,866 --> 00:00:37,310 'cause if you did, we're gonna come back at you... 16 00:00:37,435 --> 00:00:39,045 So hard. 17 00:00:39,170 --> 00:00:41,715 That's right, 'cause anybody who comes at us... 18 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,628 Know that we come back at you twice as hard. 19 00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:45,963 - Preach. - That's right. 20 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,188 You want us to come hard? You got us to come hard! 21 00:00:48,464 --> 00:00:49,889 - So seriously guys... - I come hard in my sleep! 22 00:00:50,014 --> 00:00:51,191 All right, all right. Waymond... 23 00:00:51,316 --> 00:00:52,792 I will shit on you! 24 00:00:52,917 --> 00:00:54,513 Here's the deal. Waymond, you gotta fess up, 25 00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:59,142 unless you want three dudes on top of you coming hard. 26 00:00:59,308 --> 00:01:00,477 - In three, two... - Bazinga! 27 00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:03,002 [Laughter, cheering] 28 00:01:03,127 --> 00:01:06,942 - You guys do this? - B-rad is back, baby, yes! 29 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:10,612 - Oh, he's coming up top. - Yeah, get him out of here. 30 00:01:10,778 --> 00:01:18,245 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com 31 00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:24,357 There we go. There we go. 32 00:01:24,625 --> 00:01:26,793 - Yeah. - Oh, we're giving birth. 33 00:01:26,918 --> 00:01:28,094 Giving birth to a B-rad. There he is. 34 00:01:28,219 --> 00:01:29,428 - All right, man! - There he is. 35 00:01:29,553 --> 00:01:30,674 Everybody, dust him off. 36 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,759 B-rad, it's good to see you, man. 37 00:01:32,925 --> 00:01:34,467 - You're looking pretty fit. - Looking good, dude. 38 00:01:34,592 --> 00:01:35,902 What are you doing in town? 39 00:01:36,027 --> 00:01:38,104 Also, why'd you come at me so hard, bro? 40 00:01:38,229 --> 00:01:41,268 You came at us so hard with all these popcorn... s. 41 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,810 It was a joke, you bitch! 42 00:01:43,935 --> 00:01:46,940 - Whoa. Shots fired. - I'm in town 43 00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:49,348 to do a ride-along with the police, 44 00:01:49,473 --> 00:01:50,902 'cause I'm writing a cop novel. 45 00:01:51,068 --> 00:01:51,818 - Cool. - Wow. 46 00:01:51,943 --> 00:01:53,719 - Gritty stuff. - I bet, dude. 47 00:01:53,844 --> 00:01:57,123 But Alice wanted me to stop by for the roast. 48 00:01:57,248 --> 00:01:58,457 - Roast? What roast? - Yeah. 49 00:01:58,582 --> 00:01:59,786 Oh, Monday is Bill's 50 00:01:59,952 --> 00:02:01,661 20th anniversary of working at Telamericorp, 51 00:02:01,786 --> 00:02:03,163 so we're roasting him. 52 00:02:03,288 --> 00:02:05,165 - Cool. Yeah. - Oh, nice. 53 00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:07,419 All right, so, like, how many snaps should we write? 54 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,171 Yeah, can we work blue? Can we cuss? 55 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,422 And also, who's Bill? 56 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:11,938 Oh, actually, Alice said 57 00:02:12,063 --> 00:02:13,675 you guys don't get to do the roast. 58 00:02:13,841 --> 00:02:15,308 - Really? - Uh, why wouldn't 59 00:02:15,433 --> 00:02:17,345 the three funniest guys in the office be roasting him? 60 00:02:17,511 --> 00:02:19,097 You're not funny. 61 00:02:19,263 --> 00:02:20,280 [All scoff] 62 00:02:20,405 --> 00:02:22,682 I'm not funny? Me? 63 00:02:22,807 --> 00:02:26,730 Adam, "The... The Laugh Ki... The Laugh... uh... 64 00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,315 Giver" Demamp. 65 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,900 Mm-hmm. 66 00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:33,293 I know all 101 sick jokes for twisted kids. 67 00:02:33,418 --> 00:02:35,461 Oh, Alice, you want to know the difference 68 00:02:35,586 --> 00:02:37,616 between a pile of dead babies and a pile of sand? 69 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,493 I don't eat sand. 70 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:40,911 [Laughter] 71 00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,913 [Scoffs] Fine. Whatever. 72 00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,137 - You'll let us roast? - Yes. 73 00:02:44,262 --> 00:02:45,957 - [Cheering] - Yes! Nice. 74 00:02:46,123 --> 00:02:49,108 - Yes. - So cool. I got this thing... 75 00:02:49,233 --> 00:02:52,545 Hey, you honestly don't think I'm funny? 76 00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:54,841 Just me, not talking about those guys. 77 00:02:55,007 --> 00:02:58,617 You've honestly never said one thing I have ever found 78 00:02:58,742 --> 00:03:00,764 at all funny, bro. 79 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:04,457 [Scoffs] What do you know about funny? 80 00:03:04,582 --> 00:03:06,125 Chicks aren't funny. Dudes are funny. 81 00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:10,440 Hangover 2 rules. Bridesmaids drools. 82 00:03:10,606 --> 00:03:11,931 I don't care what anybody says. 83 00:03:12,056 --> 00:03:13,499 We're the funniest people in this office. 84 00:03:13,624 --> 00:03:15,935 - Funnier than that dad. - I'm funnier than she is. 85 00:03:16,060 --> 00:03:17,770 Got a subscription to "Suicide Illustrated!" 86 00:03:17,895 --> 00:03:20,606 [Laughter] Wait. 87 00:03:20,731 --> 00:03:24,246 Now Bill is trying to get a snack? 88 00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,164 Bill! You still gonna end up eating what you always eat. 89 00:03:26,330 --> 00:03:27,981 Your big-ass boogers in your nose! 90 00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:32,295 [Laughter] 91 00:03:32,461 --> 00:03:34,520 Hey, you know, I see what you're doing, Bill. 92 00:03:34,645 --> 00:03:37,656 He's trying to make jokes about you, but it's, uh... 93 00:03:37,781 --> 00:03:39,261 it's "snot" funny. 94 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:41,194 [Three guys laughing] 95 00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:44,266 It... it is... it's snot funny. 96 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,684 - Snot. - I said "snot," 97 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,633 because the boogers... With the snot. 98 00:03:47,758 --> 00:03:50,105 - Hey, uh... - What the... 99 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:53,072 Bill's so bald, right? He looks like he, uh... 100 00:03:53,197 --> 00:03:55,275 like he's a cancer patient! 101 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,842 [Laughing] 102 00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:59,948 Death bed! 103 00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,848 This dude, um, he's a human... 104 00:04:02,973 --> 00:04:04,369 [Imitates farting] 105 00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:09,541 [Imitates farting] [Laughs] 106 00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:11,251 [Imitates farting] 107 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,671 One time, I seen that motherfucker dookie in his drawers! 108 00:04:14,837 --> 00:04:18,298 [Laughter] 109 00:04:18,423 --> 00:04:20,385 Dookie! Dookie! 110 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:23,722 ♪ dookie in your drawers, Bill, dookie in your draw... ♪ 111 00:04:25,863 --> 00:04:27,307 You know, maybe Montez is right. 112 00:04:27,432 --> 00:04:29,409 Maybe I'm not an hysterical dude. 113 00:04:29,685 --> 00:04:30,676 - Hey! - I won't listen to it. 114 00:04:30,801 --> 00:04:32,145 You are funny, okay? 115 00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:33,779 No one has given me more laughs in this world 116 00:04:33,904 --> 00:04:35,081 - than this guy. - Yeah. 117 00:04:35,206 --> 00:04:36,985 Adam "the laugh giver" Demamp. 118 00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:38,484 - [Chuckles] - Yep. 119 00:04:38,609 --> 00:04:40,739 - Thank you. - I mean, sure, Montez has 120 00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:42,455 - broad appeal, right? - Sure. 121 00:04:42,580 --> 00:04:44,390 We'll give him that. But I'm sorry... 122 00:04:44,515 --> 00:04:47,593 I have a more refined, dry, British sense of humor, 123 00:04:47,718 --> 00:04:50,330 a la the funniest movie of all time, Austin Powers. 124 00:04:50,455 --> 00:04:51,775 [Imitates buzzer] 125 00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:54,294 - No. - Oh, please! Funniest movie of all time, 126 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,635 no questions, Wayne's World One. 127 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,006 [Scoffs, laughs] 128 00:04:58,172 --> 00:05:00,706 [Imitates buzzer] No, sir. 129 00:05:00,831 --> 00:05:02,541 You guys like the big blockbusters. 130 00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:04,310 That's cool. That's fine. Me, personally... 131 00:05:04,435 --> 00:05:05,722 indie comedy. 132 00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:07,432 - [Groans] - That's what I'm into. 133 00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:09,782 I'm talking about Indian comedy. 134 00:05:09,907 --> 00:05:12,385 Very, very, very hot right now. 135 00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:14,981 Love Guru? That's the future of comedy. 136 00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:16,316 You guys are out of your minds. 137 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:19,284 I hope I'm not interrupting a circle jerk. 138 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,863 - No, we were just... - we're not circle-jerking. 139 00:05:22,029 --> 00:05:23,296 Although this would be the room to do it in. 140 00:05:23,572 --> 00:05:25,825 Where the weed at? Bring it, baby. Bring it. 141 00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:27,467 - He's back. - Party beast. 142 00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:29,469 What are you dick gymnasts squawking about, anyway? 143 00:05:29,594 --> 00:05:30,747 Oh, man, I don't know. 144 00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:32,290 We just want to be the stars 145 00:05:32,456 --> 00:05:34,334 of the roast, but that Montez guy... 146 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,908 - he has so many snaps. - Yeah. 147 00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:38,088 - 'tez is a cartoon character. - Mm-hmm. 148 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:39,339 I don't find him funny. 149 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:40,813 Yeah, I mean, t-these people... 150 00:05:40,938 --> 00:05:43,249 they're not gonna understand my party tricks. 151 00:05:43,374 --> 00:05:44,984 I've got party tricks. I have this one where I eat 152 00:05:45,109 --> 00:05:48,723 60 ketchup packets, and then I don't vomit. 153 00:05:48,889 --> 00:05:50,976 I will tell you the secret to a good roast. 154 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:54,160 Know your target, inside and out, 155 00:05:54,285 --> 00:05:56,496 - and then hit 'em where it hurts! - Whoa. 156 00:05:56,621 --> 00:05:58,191 - I thought he was gonna hit me. - He's right. 157 00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:00,566 Montez knows Bill way better than we do. 158 00:06:00,691 --> 00:06:03,405 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but he knows work Bill. 159 00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:06,605 He doesn't know the real Bill, weekend Bill. 160 00:06:06,730 --> 00:06:07,940 We gotta get to know weekend Bill. 161 00:06:08,065 --> 00:06:09,160 Weekend Bill. 162 00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,144 We've gotta get to know weekend Bill. 163 00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:12,831 Wait, who's Bill, again? 164 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,514 {pub}The reason Wayne's World works... 165 00:06:21,639 --> 00:06:23,215 - Guys, think I can touch this? - I know your mouth is moving, 166 00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:24,650 but it's weird that you're not saying anything. 167 00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:25,985 - I touched that. - It's about real dudes. 168 00:06:26,110 --> 00:06:27,285 Comedy is not about jokes. 169 00:06:27,410 --> 00:06:29,321 Did you guys see how I just touched that? 170 00:06:29,446 --> 00:06:31,390 - It's about shedding light... - it's like ten feet in the air. 171 00:06:31,515 --> 00:06:32,791 - And Austin Powers does that. - Here, shh! Here it is. 172 00:06:32,916 --> 00:06:34,019 - Come on. - Number eight. 173 00:06:34,251 --> 00:06:36,813 [Relaxing music] 174 00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:41,943 ♪ ♪ 175 00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:44,654 Holy yoga, dude! He's a yoga dude. 176 00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:46,939 Oh, we can destroy him. No one likes yoga dudes. 177 00:06:47,064 --> 00:06:48,908 ♪ Guru! ♪ 178 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,411 Dude, it funny because, like, girls do yoga, and he's a guy, 179 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,747 - and he's doing yoga. - Yeah, that is why it's funny. 180 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:54,947 - Right? - Yeah, we're really finding, 181 00:06:55,072 --> 00:06:56,849 you know, the depth of the comedy. 182 00:06:56,974 --> 00:06:59,351 - We're really digging deep. - Right. What's he doing... 183 00:06:59,476 --> 00:07:01,319 Now, though? 184 00:07:01,444 --> 00:07:03,131 - Oh, my God. - Naked yoga. 185 00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,467 - [Chuckles] - What? 186 00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:08,970 Oh, my God, he's a "naked yoga" guy. 187 00:07:09,136 --> 00:07:11,931 Wait, is he... God, he's sucking it. 188 00:07:12,097 --> 00:07:15,018 Yes! We're gonna skewer him with this! 189 00:07:15,258 --> 00:07:16,702 Ugh. 190 00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:18,688 You really think we can make fun of him for this? 191 00:07:18,854 --> 00:07:21,191 - Yeah. - Yeah. 192 00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,443 What are you talking about? This is amazing. 193 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,987 He's like a superhero. We can't reveal his superpowers. 194 00:07:26,153 --> 00:07:29,448 I'm sorry. Does this not come across to you as just 195 00:07:29,573 --> 00:07:31,283 the gayest thing you've ever seen? 196 00:07:31,408 --> 00:07:33,912 I think it's gay not to sip your own tip. 197 00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:35,588 That means you don't like blow jobs that much, 198 00:07:35,713 --> 00:07:37,522 and that's, like, the gayest thing in the world. 199 00:07:37,647 --> 00:07:38,824 Right. 200 00:07:38,949 --> 00:07:41,159 Uh, guys, I think he's about to... 201 00:07:41,284 --> 00:07:45,631 okay, let's take a lap. Let's take a lap. 202 00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:50,402 Oh, God, he's in there. 203 00:07:50,527 --> 00:07:52,237 What's he doing? 204 00:07:52,362 --> 00:07:54,372 I know exactly what that is. 205 00:07:54,497 --> 00:07:58,770 It's medical cream for eczema, without a doubt. 206 00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:02,982 [Kazoo humming] 207 00:08:05,909 --> 00:08:07,920 Okay, so he's a street performer with eczema. 208 00:08:08,045 --> 00:08:11,199 - This is... Sad. - This is great! 209 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:13,458 We have so much good stuff for the roast. 210 00:08:13,583 --> 00:08:16,695 What? What's funny about unlimited self-blow jobs 211 00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:19,397 and getting paid to do the robot? 212 00:08:19,522 --> 00:08:20,542 Nothing. 213 00:08:20,758 --> 00:08:22,067 I'm jealous of this dude. 214 00:08:22,192 --> 00:08:23,401 We're coming up dry. 215 00:08:23,526 --> 00:08:25,255 We can't make fun of him for this. 216 00:08:25,495 --> 00:08:28,774 [Kazoo humming] 217 00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,342 I'm not doing this again, dude. 218 00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:31,970 Just tell me what you want. 219 00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:33,430 [Kazoo humming] 220 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:37,642 Jesus Christ! Okay, fine, ham? 221 00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:38,935 Is that what you want? 222 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,386 Oh, no, this is just depressing. 223 00:08:41,511 --> 00:08:44,023 [Whispering] Yeah, I'm sad too... 224 00:08:44,189 --> 00:08:46,317 Mostly hungry, actually. 225 00:08:46,483 --> 00:08:47,960 [Whispering] Yeah. Ders, go order a pizza. 226 00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:49,662 [Whispering] They don't serve pizza here. 227 00:08:49,787 --> 00:08:50,989 It's a sandwich place. 228 00:08:51,255 --> 00:08:53,398 Do you think they'll deliver pizza here, 229 00:08:53,523 --> 00:08:55,243 like, if we order from a pizza place? 230 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,997 Do you have a punch card? [Kazoo humming] 231 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,862 You punched this yourself, didn't you? 232 00:09:00,987 --> 00:09:01,791 [Kazoo hums] 233 00:09:01,957 --> 00:09:03,918 All right, you know what? Get out. We're done. 234 00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:05,545 Beat it. [Kazoo hums] 235 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:07,505 Don't take that sandwich! I will call the cops! 236 00:09:07,671 --> 00:09:09,414 Hey, hang on a second, hang on a second. 237 00:09:09,539 --> 00:09:11,950 I'll pay for his food. Look, he's... 238 00:09:12,075 --> 00:09:15,513 He's my dad, so I'm very embarrassed. 239 00:09:15,745 --> 00:09:18,600 I'm sure your dad's embarrassed you from time to time. 240 00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:21,760 No, he hasn't. He's... he has great judgment. 241 00:09:21,885 --> 00:09:23,688 He would never do something like this. 242 00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:27,132 You've been following me all day? 243 00:09:27,257 --> 00:09:29,611 Eh, since, like, 9:00 a.m. 244 00:09:29,827 --> 00:09:31,112 So you saw me...? 245 00:09:31,278 --> 00:09:33,156 Mm-hmm. 246 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:34,707 Yes. You've gotta teach me how to do that. 247 00:09:34,832 --> 00:09:37,009 Believe me, you don't wanna go down that road. 248 00:09:37,134 --> 00:09:38,376 It's the only road I want to go down. 249 00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:39,996 Anyway, look, 250 00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:41,313 we're just looking for dirt on you, 251 00:09:41,438 --> 00:09:43,415 so we can beat Montez at roasting. 252 00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:45,517 I hate this stupid roast. I already know I'm a loser. 253 00:09:45,642 --> 00:09:47,462 I don't need the whole office telling me so. 254 00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:50,173 - You got a bunch of... - Montez is ruthless. 255 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,966 - I don't even want to go. - Whoa, whoa, okay. 256 00:09:52,132 --> 00:09:54,559 That means we don't get to roast. 257 00:09:54,684 --> 00:09:56,461 Bill, what you're forgetting here is that... 258 00:09:56,586 --> 00:09:58,201 You're the guest of honor, right? 259 00:09:58,326 --> 00:10:00,169 - Yeah. - So you get the last word. 260 00:10:00,294 --> 00:10:01,533 We can take Montez down together. 261 00:10:01,658 --> 00:10:02,560 Yep. 262 00:10:02,792 --> 00:10:05,838 What about that dickhead Jet Set? 263 00:10:05,963 --> 00:10:08,741 You teach me how to... 264 00:10:08,866 --> 00:10:10,242 [Choking] 265 00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:13,655 Myself, and we've got a deal. 266 00:10:13,871 --> 00:10:15,447 Well, you gotta be big. 267 00:10:15,614 --> 00:10:16,749 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 268 00:10:16,874 --> 00:10:17,909 Holy Moly. 269 00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:21,120 ♪ O'er the land-uh ♪ 270 00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:24,289 ♪ of the free-uh ♪ 271 00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:28,978 ♪ and that fucking Bill's gay-uh ♪ 272 00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:33,550 [Cheers and applause] 273 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:37,929 And I'm out. Have fun roasting this bald pig. 274 00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,514 Great job, Bradley! 275 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,933 Who's Bradley? I'm Tony Clifton, you asshole. 276 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:44,309 Wake up! All: Oh! 277 00:10:44,476 --> 00:10:47,445 Bill treat his nose like the hometown buffet! 278 00:10:47,570 --> 00:10:48,881 What's the worst job in the world? 279 00:10:49,006 --> 00:10:50,315 Being Bill's pants, 'cause you know 280 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:51,901 you're gonna get dookied on! [Laughter] 281 00:10:52,067 --> 00:10:54,419 He has a booger pasta bar, a booger dessert bar, 282 00:10:54,544 --> 00:10:56,072 a booger serving station... 283 00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:59,951 Yes, Bill, you look like a goddamn child molester. 284 00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:02,895 Bill be picking his boogers like he Orville Redenbacher. 285 00:11:03,020 --> 00:11:04,897 Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop! [Laughter] 286 00:11:05,022 --> 00:11:07,032 I got three words for you, brother. 287 00:11:07,157 --> 00:11:10,769 Wash your stinkin' ass! 288 00:11:10,894 --> 00:11:12,971 [Laughter] 289 00:11:13,096 --> 00:11:17,010 Okay, our next roasters wanted to do it as a threesome. 290 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,555 And they also wanted to perform together. 291 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,347 All right, let's give it up for Adam, Anders, and Blake! 292 00:11:22,472 --> 00:11:24,684 - Whoo! - Shagadelic! 293 00:11:24,908 --> 00:11:27,979 Do I make you Randy, baby? 294 00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:29,888 Shwing! [Laughs] 295 00:11:30,013 --> 00:11:34,960 Tickle, tickle, break the pickle. 296 00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:36,528 Excellent. 297 00:11:36,653 --> 00:11:37,739 [British accent] We were listening out there, 298 00:11:37,955 --> 00:11:39,490 you know, and you guys were 299 00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:41,867 roasting Bill pretty hard. 300 00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,435 And he's my mate, 301 00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:47,096 so I'm here to tell you to behave, baby, yeah! 302 00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:48,740 All right. 303 00:11:48,865 --> 00:11:52,777 We're not worthy of such a great co-worker. 304 00:11:52,902 --> 00:11:56,090 We're not worthy! We're not worthy! 305 00:11:56,306 --> 00:11:57,925 [All boo] 306 00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:00,752 I got it. 307 00:12:00,877 --> 00:12:03,108 [Indian accent] Mariska Hargitay. 308 00:12:05,815 --> 00:12:09,161 Mari-ska Hargitay! 309 00:12:09,286 --> 00:12:11,063 [Crowd booing loudly] 310 00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,482 - [Siren wails] - Y'all stop! 311 00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:14,333 Tickle, tickle, break the pickle. 312 00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:15,443 You already did this. 313 00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:16,736 - Hey, come on. - Ow! 314 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,321 That hurt my ankle. 315 00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:19,989 Have you guys really not seen Love Guru? 316 00:12:20,155 --> 00:12:22,033 It's a funny, funny movie. 317 00:12:22,565 --> 00:12:24,076 - Mike Myers is in it. - Yeah, Wayne's World One. 318 00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,944 It's, like, one of the biggest comedies 319 00:12:26,069 --> 00:12:27,080 - of, like, the early mid-2000s. - All right, all right, look. 320 00:12:27,337 --> 00:12:28,546 We're sorry you don't like 321 00:12:28,671 --> 00:12:30,041 our characters, but we're funny guys. 322 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,816 And we followed Bill this weekend. 323 00:12:31,941 --> 00:12:33,211 And guess what he does on the weekend? 324 00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:35,046 He paints himself silver like a robot 325 00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:37,757 and goes on the street and begs for money. 326 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,802 And then... and then we also caught him stealing a sandwich, 327 00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:44,138 because he's that poor, guys. [Laughter] 328 00:12:44,304 --> 00:12:46,031 This isn't what we planned. What are you doing? 329 00:12:46,156 --> 00:12:48,300 It's all true. It's all true. We followed him. 330 00:12:48,425 --> 00:12:49,868 And guess what we saw? 331 00:12:49,993 --> 00:12:52,522 We saw this broke-ass fool suck his own dick! 332 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,482 What? [Laughter] 333 00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:56,693 - He's good at it. - That's hilarious. 334 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,444 Enough! 335 00:12:59,136 --> 00:13:01,114 You guys said you were on my side! 336 00:13:01,371 --> 00:13:03,116 - Sure, whatever, man. - They love it, man. 337 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,384 You're right. My life is a joke. 338 00:13:05,509 --> 00:13:06,911 But I have news for you! [Gun cocks] 339 00:13:07,144 --> 00:13:09,330 All: Oh! 340 00:13:09,546 --> 00:13:11,708 This is where the joke ends! 341 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:21,116 {pub}- Okay. All right. - Oh, God! Oh, God! 342 00:13:21,241 --> 00:13:22,677 All right, everybody in the corner! 343 00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:24,383 Let's go! Let's go! 344 00:13:24,508 --> 00:13:25,972 Cell phones in here! 345 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,190 I don't want anyone ruining my big day! 346 00:13:28,315 --> 00:13:29,517 Hey, Bill, what are you doing? 347 00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:31,559 Okay, please, just put the gun down. 348 00:13:31,684 --> 00:13:33,020 You heard the lady. Put it down. 349 00:13:33,186 --> 00:13:34,147 Or what? 350 00:13:34,454 --> 00:13:36,649 You're making a big mistake, man. 351 00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,735 Don't do something you're gonna regret, man. 352 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,536 Something I regret? I regret my entire life! 353 00:13:41,661 --> 00:13:42,739 What? 354 00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,139 A good-looking guy like yourself? 355 00:13:44,264 --> 00:13:45,640 No, no, no! Please don't kill me! 356 00:13:45,765 --> 00:13:47,008 I wish this was all a dream! 357 00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:49,211 Doodle-ooh, doodle-ooh, doodle-ooh. 358 00:13:49,336 --> 00:13:51,880 Stop, stop, I got this. Look, okay... 359 00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:54,375 Bill, if anyone knows what it's like to be picked on, it's me. 360 00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:56,502 My father was a relentlessly self-improving 361 00:13:56,668 --> 00:13:59,120 boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy 362 00:13:59,245 --> 00:14:01,257 and a penchant for buggery. 363 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:02,967 Shut up and help me lock this place down, 364 00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:04,177 - Mr. Powers. - Okay, all right. 365 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:07,138 Okay, his back's turned. Let's do this. 366 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,397 - Do what? - Roll on him! 367 00:14:09,522 --> 00:14:11,517 Grab the gun and bring him to justice. 368 00:14:11,683 --> 00:14:14,970 Get my reward. 369 00:14:15,095 --> 00:14:18,340 Don't... oh, don't be stupid. 370 00:14:18,465 --> 00:14:22,777 Too late. 371 00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:25,680 Welcome to staples center... Bitch. 372 00:14:25,805 --> 00:14:26,824 Aah! 373 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,620 [All shouting] 374 00:14:32,704 --> 00:14:35,041 - Oh, gosh! - Come with me! 375 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,709 Now! 376 00:14:41,888 --> 00:14:43,831 Good-bye... 377 00:14:43,956 --> 00:14:45,300 Forever. 378 00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:49,722 Adam. 379 00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:55,770 Turn around! 380 00:14:56,002 --> 00:14:58,564 [Both laughing] 381 00:14:58,804 --> 00:15:00,882 - They bought it, right? - Oh, totally! 382 00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:02,583 Oh, I'm sorry I did the stapler thing. 383 00:15:02,708 --> 00:15:04,362 I just felt... I really felt like that was in the moment, 384 00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:05,520 - you know? - No, no, that was good. 385 00:15:05,645 --> 00:15:06,821 It sold it. It was hilarious. 386 00:15:06,946 --> 00:15:08,290 - It did sell it, right? - Yeah! 387 00:15:08,415 --> 00:15:09,557 I was feeling it! It was incredible. 388 00:15:09,682 --> 00:15:10,926 Ders and Blake did a good job too. 389 00:15:11,051 --> 00:15:12,260 Like, we can't forget about them. 390 00:15:12,385 --> 00:15:13,287 You did great! 391 00:15:13,619 --> 00:15:14,996 Okay, so what's next? 392 00:15:15,163 --> 00:15:16,697 All right, everybody just be calm. 393 00:15:16,822 --> 00:15:19,567 Adam's probably in there telling Bill to turn himself in. 394 00:15:19,692 --> 00:15:22,505 It's gonna be over soon. [Gunshots] 395 00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:28,761 - Oh, my God! - Oh, God. 396 00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:30,680 What have you done? 397 00:15:30,903 --> 00:15:32,181 Anyone else wanna be a hero? 398 00:15:32,347 --> 00:15:36,060 You need help, man. Bill, let us help you. 399 00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,656 - You want to help me? - Yes, Bill. 400 00:15:38,781 --> 00:15:40,288 Maybe you should have thought of that 401 00:15:40,413 --> 00:15:42,525 before you said I ate my boogers! 402 00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,125 Bill, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. 403 00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:47,321 - It was a roast. - Then show me you're sorry. 404 00:15:47,487 --> 00:15:52,000 I want you to pick every nose here and eat it, 405 00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:53,411 one by one! 406 00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:55,937 What? Come on, Bill. 407 00:15:56,062 --> 00:15:58,040 Dude, eat their boogers! 408 00:15:58,206 --> 00:16:00,001 He's not messing around. He just killed Adam. 409 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,910 Bill, sir, if Montez does what you say, 410 00:16:03,035 --> 00:16:04,412 will you let us all live? 411 00:16:04,537 --> 00:16:06,716 He eats every booger, and I'll consider it. 412 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:07,967 Okay. 413 00:16:08,208 --> 00:16:10,018 Why don't you start with Waymond? 414 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:11,387 He looks a little stuffy. 415 00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,389 Come on, Bill. Put the gun down, Bill. 416 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:17,859 Montez, save a life. Eat a booger. 417 00:16:17,984 --> 00:16:19,270 I'm sorry, Waymond. 418 00:16:24,232 --> 00:16:27,194 I can't... ugh. 419 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,113 Oh. [Chuckles] 420 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:32,199 Oh, God, he's eating it. 421 00:16:32,365 --> 00:16:35,912 - [All groan] - Oh, I can't... 422 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,546 you know what would make this perfect? 423 00:16:38,671 --> 00:16:41,292 If Jet shits his pants... 424 00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,184 - Hell, no! - While you're digging for gold. 425 00:16:43,309 --> 00:16:45,671 Everybody wins! 426 00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:47,222 Bill, no! Don't make him do it. 427 00:16:47,347 --> 00:16:49,050 Never question my authority, 428 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,385 unless you want everyone to die. 429 00:16:51,551 --> 00:16:54,639 Let me do it for him. I'll shit my pants right now! 430 00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,411 - Whoa, uh, no, J-Jillian... - Okay. 431 00:16:56,536 --> 00:16:58,100 Just let him handle his thing. Thank you, though. 432 00:16:58,266 --> 00:17:00,282 - No, I have it in me right now. - You're very brave. 433 00:17:00,407 --> 00:17:02,396 Think about what you doing right now, Bill. 434 00:17:02,562 --> 00:17:03,939 Stop this. 435 00:17:04,105 --> 00:17:05,441 I am thinking! Do it! 436 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:09,445 Oh, God. [Operatic music] 437 00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:13,561 [All gagging] 438 00:17:13,686 --> 00:17:16,827 - [All groaning] - I can't. I can't. I can't. 439 00:17:18,158 --> 00:17:21,102 [Blake laughing] 440 00:17:21,227 --> 00:17:24,005 Eat it! 441 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,774 [All groan] 442 00:17:26,899 --> 00:17:30,925 I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. 443 00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,511 [Farts] 444 00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:34,929 [All reacting] 445 00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:39,454 Okay, everyone, I have an announcement! 446 00:17:39,579 --> 00:17:42,436 - This whole thing... - Bill, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. 447 00:17:42,602 --> 00:17:44,092 Uh, before you make that announcement, 448 00:17:44,217 --> 00:17:47,024 you had something else you wanted to say, remember? 449 00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:49,235 You wanted Ders here 450 00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,900 to admit that Wayne's World is a better movie 451 00:17:52,025 --> 00:17:54,115 than Austin Powers, or he'll kill him! 452 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,826 - I did? - Yes, you did. 453 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,240 Okay, sure, uh... 454 00:17:58,365 --> 00:17:59,674 Say what Blake said, or I'll kill you! 455 00:17:59,799 --> 00:18:02,577 Yeah. 456 00:18:02,702 --> 00:18:04,479 Well, then I guess you're gonna have to kill me, 457 00:18:04,604 --> 00:18:07,883 because that's a goddamn lie, and I don't lie. 458 00:18:08,008 --> 00:18:10,685 I will admit that it blows Love Guru out of the water. 459 00:18:10,810 --> 00:18:12,153 Wayne's World is better than Love Guru. 460 00:18:12,278 --> 00:18:13,521 - I'll say that. - Well, obviously. 461 00:18:13,646 --> 00:18:15,456 That's really not saying anything, okay? 462 00:18:15,581 --> 00:18:18,848 Because Wayne's World is better than Austin Powers 463 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:20,182 - and Love Guru combined. - Oh-ho! 464 00:18:20,348 --> 00:18:22,101 - It has the funniest lines! - You know what? 465 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,353 I feel like I'm surrounded by freakin' idiots. 466 00:18:24,519 --> 00:18:26,001 - No way. Way! - Shh! Shh! 467 00:18:26,126 --> 00:18:27,481 - No way. Way! - Shh! 468 00:18:27,647 --> 00:18:29,604 Camera one, camera two. Camera one, camera two. 469 00:18:29,729 --> 00:18:32,194 - Stop! Sto... - Praise Buddha. 470 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,989 I am reincarnated. 471 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:41,120 I am once again the Love Guru! 472 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,289 What in the fuck? 473 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:45,291 I can't believe you would talk trash on another man's comedy 474 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:49,045 when he's not even in the room... very Wayne move of you. 475 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,880 - Bill, shoot Wayne in the face. - I wouldn't even call your 476 00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,048 movie a comedy, really. 477 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,694 - Justin Timberlake? - Oh, my God. 478 00:18:53,819 --> 00:18:55,397 That man is a quadruple threat. 479 00:18:55,522 --> 00:18:57,098 - He's a singer. - He is so... so many threats. 480 00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:58,599 He's not a comedic actor. He's a dancer. 481 00:18:58,724 --> 00:19:00,139 I'm threatened by so many... 482 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,904 - on the floor, now! - Oh, my God! Oh! 483 00:19:03,029 --> 00:19:04,518 Oh, my God, I'm so sorry! 484 00:19:04,684 --> 00:19:06,479 - It was a mistake! - It was a joke! It was a joke! 485 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,820 {pub}- Don't move! - No, no, no, no, no, no! 486 00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:17,269 This is all just a misunderstanding. Alright? 487 00:19:17,435 --> 00:19:19,062 We're just trying to be funny, but guys, 488 00:19:19,187 --> 00:19:20,773 this one was not as funny as we thought it was. 489 00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:23,909 That's right. It wasn't very at all. 490 00:19:24,962 --> 00:19:26,286 But this is... 491 00:19:27,832 --> 00:19:29,794 It was a joke, you bitch! 492 00:19:31,586 --> 00:19:32,688 What the fug? 493 00:19:32,813 --> 00:19:35,216 These guys are my SWAT army. 494 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:37,288 Thanks guys, worked like a charm. 495 00:19:37,413 --> 00:19:38,725 Good luck on your book, B-rad. 496 00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:40,263 Sounds like some real gritty stuff. 497 00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:41,651 I know, I'm running it! 498 00:19:44,863 --> 00:19:46,185 Bill called me last night 499 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:49,063 to make sure your little performance didn't get him into any trouble. 500 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:50,397 I'm sorry. 501 00:19:51,010 --> 00:19:52,673 - You're such a loser. - Wow, OK Bill. 502 00:19:52,798 --> 00:19:54,410 And you know what's weird? 503 00:19:54,535 --> 00:19:58,322 As I seem to remember someone saying: "Chicks aren't funny". 504 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,615 God, I love you. 505 00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:02,993 Hold up, hold up, hold up. 506 00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:05,439 None of this was funny at all. 507 00:20:06,352 --> 00:20:09,546 You'd have me eat Jet Set's boogers. Now, is that anything? 508 00:20:09,671 --> 00:20:11,796 And this poor bastard got dookie in his pants. 509 00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:14,520 I don't mind. 510 00:20:14,645 --> 00:20:17,133 Plus, this was a good cause. Congratulations, Bill. 511 00:20:17,944 --> 00:20:20,632 I gotta go. Can't stand all that mess on me. 512 00:20:22,382 --> 00:20:24,032 Good night, my dudes. 513 00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:25,766 Good night, babe. 514 00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,106 Come to papa! 515 00:20:52,238 --> 00:20:53,043 My back! 516 00:20:53,209 --> 00:20:57,047 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com