1
00:00:01,683 --> 00:00:03,460
I have a great Aunt
who lived to be, like, 129.
2
00:00:03,585 --> 00:00:05,862
Oh, cool, that's physically
impossible, so nuts.
3
00:00:05,987 --> 00:00:08,565
No, Derch, physics have
nothing to do with it.
4
00:00:08,690 --> 00:00:12,002
- She was a human hero.
- Well, how'd she die?
5
00:00:12,127 --> 00:00:13,524
Gunfire... cops shot her.
6
00:00:13,649 --> 00:00:14,571
- Oh.
- What?
7
00:00:14,696 --> 00:00:16,073
Yeah.
8
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:18,269
- Whoa, what the fug?
- You have 20 minutes
9
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:19,437
to clean this up.
10
00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:22,579
What?
We didn't do this.
11
00:00:22,704 --> 00:00:25,693
- What are these, capes?
- All right, who was it?
12
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,820
Your mama.
13
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:31,323
Waymond, you're being
uncharacteristically quiet.
14
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:33,617
Did you do this to us?
Is this your doing?
15
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:37,227
'cause if you did,
we're gonna come back at you...
16
00:00:37,352 --> 00:00:38,962
So hard.
17
00:00:39,087 --> 00:00:41,632
That's right, 'cause anybody
who comes at us...
18
00:00:41,757 --> 00:00:44,545
Know that we come back at you
twice as hard.
19
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:45,880
- Preach.
- That's right.
20
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,105
You want us to come hard?
You got us to come hard!
21
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,806
- So seriously guys...
- I come hard in my sleep!
22
00:00:49,931 --> 00:00:51,108
All right, all right.
Waymond...
23
00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:52,709
I will shit on you!
24
00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:54,430
Here's the deal.
Waymond, you gotta fess up,
25
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:59,059
unless you want three dudes
on top of you coming hard.
26
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,394
- In three, two...
- Bazinga!
27
00:01:03,044 --> 00:01:06,859
- You guys do this?
- B-rad is back, baby, yes!
28
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:10,529
- Oh, he's coming up top.
- Yeah, get him out of here.
29
00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:18,162
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
30
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,274
There we go.
There we go.
31
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,710
- Yeah.
- Oh, we're giving birth.
32
00:01:26,835 --> 00:01:28,011
Giving birth to a B-rad.
There he is.
33
00:01:28,136 --> 00:01:29,345
- All right, man!
- There he is.
34
00:01:29,470 --> 00:01:30,591
Everybody, dust him off.
35
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,676
B-rad, it's good to see you, man.
36
00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:34,384
- You're looking pretty fit.
- Looking good, dude.
37
00:01:34,509 --> 00:01:35,819
What are you doing in town?
38
00:01:35,944 --> 00:01:38,021
Also, why'd you
come at me so hard, bro?
39
00:01:38,146 --> 00:01:41,185
You came at us so hard
with all these popcorn... s.
40
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,727
It was a joke, you bitch!
41
00:01:43,852 --> 00:01:46,857
- Whoa. Shots fired.
- I'm in town
42
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:49,265
to do a ride-along with the police,
43
00:01:49,390 --> 00:01:50,819
'cause I'm writing a cop novel.
44
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:51,735
- Cool.
- Wow.
45
00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:53,636
- Gritty stuff.
- I bet, dude.
46
00:01:53,761 --> 00:01:57,040
But Alice wanted me
to stop by for the roast.
47
00:01:57,165 --> 00:01:58,374
- Roast? What roast?
- Yeah.
48
00:01:58,499 --> 00:01:59,703
Oh, Monday is Bill's
49
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,578
20th anniversary
of working at Telamericorp,
50
00:02:01,703 --> 00:02:03,080
so we're roasting him.
51
00:02:03,205 --> 00:02:05,082
- Cool. Yeah.
- Oh, nice.
52
00:02:05,207 --> 00:02:07,336
All right, so, like,
how many snaps should we write?
53
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,046
Yeah, can we work blue?
Can we cuss?
54
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:10,297
And also, who's Bill?
55
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:11,855
Oh, actually, Alice said
56
00:02:11,980 --> 00:02:13,592
you guys don't get to do the roast.
57
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:15,225
- Really?
- Uh, why wouldn't
58
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:17,263
the three funniest guys
in the office be roasting him?
59
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,014
You're not funny.
60
00:02:20,322 --> 00:02:22,599
I'm not funny?
Me?
61
00:02:22,724 --> 00:02:26,647
Adam, "The... The Laugh Ki...
The Laugh... uh...
62
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,232
Giver" Demamp.
63
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,817
Mm-hmm.
64
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,210
I know all 101 sick jokes
for twisted kids.
65
00:02:33,335 --> 00:02:35,378
Oh, Alice,
you want to know the difference
66
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,533
between a pile of dead babies
and a pile of sand?
67
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,410
I don't eat sand.
68
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,830
Fine. Whatever.
69
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,054
- You'll let us roast?
- Yes.
70
00:02:44,179 --> 00:02:45,874
Yes! Nice.
71
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,025
- Yes.
- So cool. I got this thing...
72
00:02:49,150 --> 00:02:52,462
Hey, you honestly
don't think I'm funny?
73
00:02:52,587 --> 00:02:54,758
Just me,
not talking about those guys.
74
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:58,534
You've honestly never said
one thing I have ever found
75
00:02:58,659 --> 00:03:00,681
at all funny, bro.
76
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:04,374
What do you know about funny?
77
00:03:04,499 --> 00:03:06,042
Chicks aren't funny.
Dudes are funny.
78
00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:10,357
Hangover 2 rules.
Bridesmaids drools.
79
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:11,848
I don't care what anybody says.
80
00:03:11,973 --> 00:03:13,416
We're the funniest people
in this office.
81
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:15,852
- Funnier than that dad.
- I'm funnier than she is.
82
00:03:15,977 --> 00:03:17,687
Got a subscription
to "Suicide Illustrated!"
83
00:03:17,812 --> 00:03:20,523
Wait.
84
00:03:20,648 --> 00:03:24,163
Now Bill is trying to get a snack?
85
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,081
Bill! You still gonna end up
eating what you always eat.
86
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:27,898
Your big-ass boogers in your nose!
87
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,437
Hey, you know,
I see what you're doing, Bill.
88
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:37,573
He's trying to make jokes
about you, but it's, uh...
89
00:03:37,698 --> 00:03:39,136
it's "snot" funny.
90
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,183
It... it is... it's snot funny.
91
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,559
- Snot.
- I said "snot,"
92
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,550
because the boogers...
With the snot.
93
00:03:47,675 --> 00:03:50,022
- Hey, uh...
- What the...
94
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,989
Bill's so bald, right?
He looks like he, uh...
95
00:03:53,114 --> 00:03:55,192
like he's a cancer patient!
96
00:03:56,884 --> 00:03:59,865
Death bed!
97
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,765
This dude, um, he's a human...
98
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,588
One time, I seen that motherfucker
dookie in his drawers!
99
00:04:18,340 --> 00:04:20,302
Dookie! Dookie!
100
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:23,639
♪ dookie in your drawers, Bill,
dookie in your draw... ♪
101
00:04:25,780 --> 00:04:27,224
You know, maybe Montez is right.
102
00:04:27,349 --> 00:04:29,326
Maybe I'm not an hysterical dude.
103
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:30,593
- Hey!
- I won't listen to it.
104
00:04:30,718 --> 00:04:32,062
You are funny, okay?
105
00:04:32,187 --> 00:04:33,696
No one has given me
more laughs in this world
106
00:04:33,821 --> 00:04:34,998
- than this guy.
- Yeah.
107
00:04:35,123 --> 00:04:36,902
Adam "the laugh giver" Demamp.
108
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,401
Yep.
109
00:04:38,526 --> 00:04:40,656
- Thank you.
- I mean, sure, Montez has
110
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,372
- broad appeal, right?
- Sure.
111
00:04:42,497 --> 00:04:44,307
We'll give him that.
But I'm sorry...
112
00:04:44,432 --> 00:04:47,510
I have a more refined, dry,
British sense of humor,
113
00:04:47,635 --> 00:04:50,247
a la the funniest movie
of all time, Austin Powers.
114
00:04:51,817 --> 00:04:54,211
- No.
- Oh, please! Funniest movie of all time,
115
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,552
no questions, Wayne's World One.
116
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,623
No, sir.
117
00:05:00,748 --> 00:05:02,458
You guys like the big blockbusters.
118
00:05:02,583 --> 00:05:04,227
That's cool. That's fine.
Me, personally...
119
00:05:04,352 --> 00:05:05,639
indie comedy.
120
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,349
That's what I'm into.
121
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,699
I'm talking about Indian comedy.
122
00:05:09,824 --> 00:05:12,302
Very, very, very hot right now.
123
00:05:12,427 --> 00:05:14,898
Love Guru?
That's the future of comedy.
124
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:16,233
You guys are out of your minds.
125
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:19,201
I hope I'm not interrupting
a circle jerk.
126
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,780
- No, we were just...
- We're not circle-jerking.
127
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:23,213
Although this would be
the room to do it in.
128
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,743
Where the weed at?
Bring it, baby. Bring it.
129
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,384
- He's back.
- Party beast.
130
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,386
What are you dick gymnasts
squawking about, anyway?
131
00:05:29,511 --> 00:05:30,664
Oh, man, I don't know.
132
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,207
We just want to be the stars
133
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:34,251
of the roast, but that Montez guy...
134
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,825
- he has so many snaps.
- Yeah.
135
00:05:35,950 --> 00:05:38,005
- 'tez is a cartoon character.
- Mm-hmm.
136
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,256
I don't find him funny.
137
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,730
Yeah, I mean, t-these people...
138
00:05:40,855 --> 00:05:43,166
they're not gonna understand
my party tricks.
139
00:05:43,291 --> 00:05:44,901
I've got party tricks.
I have this one where I eat
140
00:05:45,026 --> 00:05:48,640
60 ketchup packets,
and then I don't vomit.
141
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:50,893
I will tell you the secret
to a good roast.
142
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:54,077
Know your target, inside and out,
143
00:05:54,202 --> 00:05:56,413
- and then hit 'em where it hurts!
- Whoa.
144
00:05:56,538 --> 00:05:58,108
- I thought he was gonna hit me.
- He's right.
145
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,483
Montez knows Bill
way better than we do.
146
00:06:00,608 --> 00:06:03,322
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but he knows work Bill.
147
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:06,522
He doesn't know the real Bill,
weekend Bill.
148
00:06:06,647 --> 00:06:07,857
We gotta get to know weekend Bill.
149
00:06:07,982 --> 00:06:09,077
Weekend Bill.
150
00:06:09,384 --> 00:06:11,061
We've gotta get to know weekend Bill.
151
00:06:11,186 --> 00:06:12,748
Wait, who's Bill, again?
152
00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:21,431
{pub}The reason Wayne's World works...
153
00:06:21,556 --> 00:06:23,132
- Guys, think I can touch this?
- I know your mouth is moving,
154
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:24,567
but it's weird
that you're not saying anything.
155
00:06:24,692 --> 00:06:25,902
- I touched that.
- It's about real dudes.
156
00:06:26,027 --> 00:06:27,202
Comedy is not about jokes.
157
00:06:27,327 --> 00:06:29,238
Did you guys see
how I just touched that?
158
00:06:29,363 --> 00:06:31,307
- It's about shedding light...
- It's like ten feet in the air.
159
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,708
- And Austin Powers does that.
- Here, shh! Here it is.
160
00:06:32,833 --> 00:06:33,936
- Come on.
- Number eight.
161
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:41,860
♪ ♪
162
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:44,571
Holy yoga, dude!
He's a yoga dude.
163
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,856
Oh, we can destroy him.
No one likes yoga dudes.
164
00:06:46,981 --> 00:06:48,825
♪ Guru! ♪
165
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,328
Dude, it funny because, like,
girls do yoga, and he's a guy,
166
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,664
- and he's doing yoga.
- Yeah, that is why it's funny.
167
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:54,864
- Right?
- Yeah, we're really finding,
168
00:06:54,989 --> 00:06:56,766
you know, the depth of the comedy.
169
00:06:56,891 --> 00:06:59,268
- We're really digging deep.
- Right. What's he doing...
170
00:06:59,393 --> 00:07:01,236
Now, though?
171
00:07:01,361 --> 00:07:03,048
- Oh, my God.
- Naked yoga.
172
00:07:03,214 --> 00:07:05,384
What?
173
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:08,887
Oh, my God, he's a "naked yoga" guy.
174
00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:11,848
Wait, is he...
God, he's sucking it.
175
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:14,935
Yes! We're gonna skewer him
with this!
176
00:07:15,175 --> 00:07:16,619
Ugh.
177
00:07:16,744 --> 00:07:18,605
You really think we can make
fun of him for this?
178
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,108
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
179
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,318
What are you talking about?
This is amazing.
180
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:25,904
He's like a superhero.
We can't reveal his superpowers.
181
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:29,365
I'm sorry. Does this not
come across to you as just
182
00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,200
the gayest thing you've ever seen?
183
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:33,787
I think it's gay
not to sip your own tip.
184
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,505
That means you don't like
blow jobs that much,
185
00:07:35,630 --> 00:07:37,439
and that's, like,
the gayest thing in the world.
186
00:07:37,564 --> 00:07:38,741
Right.
187
00:07:38,866 --> 00:07:41,076
Uh, guys, I think he's about to...
188
00:07:41,201 --> 00:07:45,548
okay, let's take a lap.
Let's take a lap.
189
00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:50,319
Oh, God, he's in there.
190
00:07:50,444 --> 00:07:52,154
What's he doing?
191
00:07:52,279 --> 00:07:54,289
I know exactly what that is.
192
00:07:54,414 --> 00:07:58,687
It's medical cream for eczema,
without a doubt.
193
00:08:05,826 --> 00:08:07,837
Okay, so he's a street performer
with eczema.
194
00:08:07,962 --> 00:08:11,116
- This is... Sad.
- This is great!
195
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,375
We have so much good stuff
for the roast.
196
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:16,612
What? What's funny
about unlimited self-blow jobs
197
00:08:16,737 --> 00:08:19,314
and getting paid to do the robot?
198
00:08:19,439 --> 00:08:20,459
Nothing.
199
00:08:20,675 --> 00:08:21,984
I'm jealous of this dude.
200
00:08:22,109 --> 00:08:23,318
We're coming up dry.
201
00:08:23,443 --> 00:08:25,172
We can't make fun of him for this.
202
00:08:28,816 --> 00:08:30,259
I'm not doing this again, dude.
203
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:31,887
Just tell me what you want.
204
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:37,559
Jesus Christ!
Okay, fine, ham?
205
00:08:37,825 --> 00:08:38,852
Is that what you want?
206
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,303
Oh, no, this is just depressing.
207
00:08:41,428 --> 00:08:43,940
Yeah, I'm sad too...
208
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:46,234
Mostly hungry, actually.
209
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,877
Yeah.
Ders, go order a pizza.
210
00:08:48,002 --> 00:08:49,579
They don't serve pizza here.
211
00:08:49,704 --> 00:08:50,906
It's a sandwich place.
212
00:08:51,172 --> 00:08:53,315
Do you think
they'll deliver pizza here,
213
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,160
like, if we order from a pizza place?
214
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:58,914
Do you have a punch card?
215
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,779
You punched this yourself,
didn't you?
216
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,835
All right, you know what?
Get out. We're done.
217
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,462
Beat it.
218
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,422
Don't take that sandwich!
I will call the cops!
219
00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:09,331
Hey, hang on a second,
hang on a second.
220
00:09:09,456 --> 00:09:11,867
I'll pay for his food.
Look, he's...
221
00:09:11,992 --> 00:09:15,430
He's my dad, so I'm very embarrassed.
222
00:09:15,662 --> 00:09:18,517
I'm sure your dad's embarrassed
you from time to time.
223
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,677
No, he hasn't.
He's... he has great judgment.
224
00:09:21,802 --> 00:09:23,605
He would never do
something like this.
225
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:27,049
You've been following me all day?
226
00:09:27,174 --> 00:09:29,528
Eh, since, like, 9:00 a.m.
227
00:09:29,744 --> 00:09:31,029
So you saw me...?
228
00:09:31,195 --> 00:09:33,073
Mm-hmm.
229
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,624
Yes. You've gotta teach me
how to do that.
230
00:09:34,749 --> 00:09:36,926
Believe me, you don't
wanna go down that road.
231
00:09:37,051 --> 00:09:38,293
It's the only road I want to go down.
232
00:09:38,418 --> 00:09:39,913
Anyway, look,
233
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,230
we're just looking for dirt on you,
234
00:09:41,355 --> 00:09:43,332
so we can beat Montez at roasting.
235
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,434
I hate this stupid roast.
I already know I'm a loser.
236
00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:47,379
I don't need the whole office
telling me so.
237
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,090
- You got a bunch of...
- Montez is ruthless.
238
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,883
- I don't even want to go.
- Whoa, whoa, okay.
239
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:54,476
That means we don't get to roast.
240
00:09:54,601 --> 00:09:56,378
Bill, what you're forgetting
here is that...
241
00:09:56,503 --> 00:09:58,118
You're the guest of honor, right?
242
00:09:58,243 --> 00:10:00,086
- Yeah.
- So you get the last word.
243
00:10:00,211 --> 00:10:01,450
We can take Montez down together.
244
00:10:01,575 --> 00:10:02,477
Yep.
245
00:10:02,709 --> 00:10:05,755
What about that dickhead Jet Set?
246
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,658
You teach me how to...
247
00:10:10,284 --> 00:10:13,572
Myself, and we've got a deal.
248
00:10:13,788 --> 00:10:15,365
Well, you gotta be big.
249
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,666
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
250
00:10:16,791 --> 00:10:17,826
Holy Moly.
251
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:21,037
♪ O'er the land-uh ♪
252
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:24,206
♪ of the free-uh ♪
253
00:10:24,331 --> 00:10:28,895
♪ and that fucking Bill's gay-uh ♪
254
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:37,846
And I'm out.
Have fun roasting this bald pig.
255
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,431
Great job, Bradley!
256
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,850
Who's Bradley?
I'm Tony Clifton, you asshole.
257
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,227
- Wake up!
- Oh!
258
00:10:44,393 --> 00:10:47,362
Bill treat his nose
like the hometown buffet!
259
00:10:47,487 --> 00:10:48,798
What's the worst job in the world?
260
00:10:48,923 --> 00:10:50,232
Being Bill's pants, 'cause you know
261
00:10:50,357 --> 00:10:51,818
you're gonna get dookied on!
262
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,336
He has a booger pasta bar,
a booger dessert bar,
263
00:10:54,461 --> 00:10:55,989
a booger serving station...
264
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:59,868
Yes, Bill, you look like
a goddamn child molester.
265
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,812
Bill be picking his boogers
like he Orville Redenbacher.
266
00:11:02,937 --> 00:11:04,814
Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop!
267
00:11:04,939 --> 00:11:06,949
I got three words for you, brother.
268
00:11:07,074 --> 00:11:10,686
Wash your stinkin' ass!
269
00:11:13,013 --> 00:11:16,927
Okay, our next roasters wanted
to do it as a threesome.
270
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:20,472
And they also wanted
to perform together.
271
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,264
All right, let's give it up
for Adam, Anders, and Blake!
272
00:11:22,389 --> 00:11:24,601
- Whoo!
- Shagadelic!
273
00:11:24,825 --> 00:11:27,896
Do I make you Randy, baby?
274
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,805
Shwing!
275
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:34,877
Tickle, tickle, break the pickle.
276
00:11:35,002 --> 00:11:36,445
Excellent.
277
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:37,656
We were listening out there,
278
00:11:37,872 --> 00:11:39,407
you know, and you guys were
279
00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:41,784
roasting Bill pretty hard.
280
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,352
And he's my mate,
281
00:11:43,477 --> 00:11:47,013
so I'm here to tell you
to behave, baby, yeah!
282
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,657
All right.
283
00:11:48,782 --> 00:11:52,694
We're not worthy
of such a great co-worker.
284
00:11:52,819 --> 00:11:56,007
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy!
285
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,669
I got it.
286
00:12:00,794 --> 00:12:03,025
Mariska Hargitay.
287
00:12:05,732 --> 00:12:09,078
Mari-ska Hargitay!
288
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,399
Y'all stop!
289
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,250
Tickle, tickle, break the pickle.
290
00:12:14,375 --> 00:12:15,360
You already did this.
291
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,653
- Hey, come on.
- Ow!
292
00:12:16,877 --> 00:12:18,238
That hurt my ankle.
293
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:19,906
Have you guys really not seen
Love Guru?
294
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,950
It's a funny, funny movie.
295
00:12:22,482 --> 00:12:23,993
- Mike Myers is in it.
- Yeah, Wayne's World One.
296
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:25,861
It's, like,
one of the biggest comedies
297
00:12:25,986 --> 00:12:26,997
- of, like, the early mid-2000s.
- All right, all right, look.
298
00:12:27,254 --> 00:12:28,463
We're sorry you don't like
299
00:12:28,588 --> 00:12:29,958
our characters, but we're funny guys.
300
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,733
And we followed Bill this weekend.
301
00:12:31,858 --> 00:12:33,128
And guess what he does
on the weekend?
302
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,921
He paints himself silver like a robot
303
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:37,674
and goes on the street
and begs for money.
304
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,719
And then... and then we also
caught him stealing a sandwich,
305
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:44,055
because he's that poor, guys.
306
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:45,948
This isn't what we planned.
What are you doing?
307
00:12:46,073 --> 00:12:48,217
It's all true. It's all true.
We followed him.
308
00:12:48,342 --> 00:12:49,785
And guess what we saw?
309
00:12:49,910 --> 00:12:52,439
We saw this broke-ass fool
suck his own dick!
310
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,399
What?
311
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,610
- He's good at it.
- That's hilarious.
312
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,361
Enough!
313
00:12:59,053 --> 00:13:01,031
You guys said you were on my side!
314
00:13:01,288 --> 00:13:03,033
- Sure, whatever, man.
- They love it, man.
315
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,301
You're right.
My life is a joke.
316
00:13:05,426 --> 00:13:06,828
But I have news for you!
317
00:13:07,061 --> 00:13:09,247
Oh!
318
00:13:09,463 --> 00:13:11,625
This is where the joke ends!
319
00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,618
{pub}- Okay. All right.
- Oh, God! Oh, God!
320
00:13:22,743 --> 00:13:24,179
All right, everybody in the corner!
321
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,885
Let's go! Let's go!
322
00:13:26,010 --> 00:13:27,515
Cell phones in here!
323
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,692
I don't want anyone ruining
my big day!
324
00:13:29,817 --> 00:13:31,060
Hey, Bill, what are you doing?
325
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,061
Okay, please, just put the gun down.
326
00:13:33,186 --> 00:13:34,522
You heard the lady.
Put it down.
327
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:35,648
Or what?
328
00:13:35,956 --> 00:13:38,151
You're making a big mistake, man.
329
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,236
Don't do something
you're gonna regret, man.
330
00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:43,038
Something I regret?
I regret my entire life!
331
00:13:43,163 --> 00:13:44,240
What?
332
00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:45,641
A good-looking guy like yourself?
333
00:13:45,766 --> 00:13:47,142
No, no, no!
Please don't kill me!
334
00:13:47,267 --> 00:13:48,510
I wish this was all a dream!
335
00:13:48,635 --> 00:13:50,713
Doodle-ooh, doodle-ooh, doodle-ooh.
336
00:13:50,838 --> 00:13:53,382
Stop, stop, I got this.
Look, okay...
337
00:13:53,507 --> 00:13:55,877
Bill, if anyone knows what it's
like to be picked on, it's me.
338
00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,004
My father was
a relentlessly self-improving
339
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,622
boulangerie owner from Belgium
with low-grade narcolepsy
340
00:14:00,747 --> 00:14:02,759
and a penchant for buggery.
341
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,469
Shut up and help me
lock this place down,
342
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:05,678
- Mr. Powers.
- Okay, all right.
343
00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:08,640
Okay, his back's turned.
Let's do this.
344
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,899
- Do what?
- Roll on him!
345
00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:13,019
Grab the gun
and bring him to justice.
346
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:16,472
Get my reward.
347
00:14:16,597 --> 00:14:19,842
Don't... oh, don't be stupid.
348
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:24,279
Too late.
349
00:14:24,404 --> 00:14:27,182
Welcome to staples center...
Bitch.
350
00:14:27,307 --> 00:14:28,326
Aah!
351
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,543
- Oh, gosh!
- Come with me!
352
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,211
Now!
353
00:14:43,390 --> 00:14:45,333
Good-bye...
354
00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:46,802
Forever.
355
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:51,224
Adam.
356
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:57,272
Turn around!
357
00:15:00,306 --> 00:15:02,384
- They bought it, right?
- Oh, totally!
358
00:15:02,509 --> 00:15:04,085
Oh, I'm sorry I did
the stapler thing.
359
00:15:04,210 --> 00:15:05,864
I just felt... I really felt like
that was in the moment,
360
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,022
- you know?
- No, no, that was good.
361
00:15:07,147 --> 00:15:08,323
It sold it.
It was hilarious.
362
00:15:08,448 --> 00:15:09,792
- It did sell it, right?
- Yeah!
363
00:15:09,917 --> 00:15:11,059
I was feeling it!
It was incredible.
364
00:15:11,184 --> 00:15:12,428
Ders and Blake did a good job too.
365
00:15:12,553 --> 00:15:13,762
Like, we can't forget about them.
366
00:15:13,887 --> 00:15:14,789
You did great!
367
00:15:15,121 --> 00:15:16,499
Okay, so what's next?
368
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,199
All right, everybody just be calm.
369
00:15:18,324 --> 00:15:21,069
Adam's probably in there
telling Bill to turn himself in.
370
00:15:21,194 --> 00:15:24,007
It's gonna be over soon.
371
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:30,263
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, God.
372
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,182
What have you done?
373
00:15:32,405 --> 00:15:33,683
Anyone else wanna be a hero?
374
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:37,562
You need help, man.
Bill, let us help you.
375
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,158
- You want to help me?
- Yes, Bill.
376
00:15:40,283 --> 00:15:41,790
Maybe you should have thought of that
377
00:15:41,915 --> 00:15:44,027
before you said I ate my boogers!
378
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,627
Bill, I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry.
379
00:15:45,752 --> 00:15:48,823
- It was a roast.
- Then show me you're sorry.
380
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:53,502
I want you to pick
every nose here and eat it,
381
00:15:53,627 --> 00:15:54,913
one by one!
382
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:57,439
What?
Come on, Bill.
383
00:15:57,564 --> 00:15:59,542
Dude, eat their boogers!
384
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,503
He's not messing around.
He just killed Adam.
385
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:04,412
Bill, sir,
if Montez does what you say,
386
00:16:04,537 --> 00:16:05,914
will you let us all live?
387
00:16:06,039 --> 00:16:08,218
He eats every booger,
and I'll consider it.
388
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:09,469
Okay.
389
00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:11,520
Why don't you start with Waymond?
390
00:16:11,645 --> 00:16:12,889
He looks a little stuffy.
391
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,891
Come on, Bill.
Put the gun down, Bill.
392
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:19,361
Montez, save a life.
Eat a booger.
393
00:16:19,486 --> 00:16:20,772
I'm sorry, Waymond.
394
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:28,696
I can't... ugh.
395
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,615
Oh.
396
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:33,701
Oh, God, he's eating it.
397
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:37,413
Oh, I can't...
398
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:40,048
you know what would
make this perfect?
399
00:16:40,173 --> 00:16:42,794
If Jet shits his pants...
400
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,686
- Hell, no!
- While you're digging for gold.
401
00:16:44,811 --> 00:16:47,173
Everybody wins!
402
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:48,724
Bill, no!
Don't make him do it.
403
00:16:48,849 --> 00:16:50,552
Never question my authority,
404
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,887
unless you want everyone to die.
405
00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:56,141
Let me do it for him.
I'll shit my pants right now!
406
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,123
- Whoa, uh, no, J-Jillian...
- Okay.
407
00:16:58,248 --> 00:16:59,811
Just let him handle his thing.
Thank you, though.
408
00:16:59,978 --> 00:17:01,994
- No, I have it in me right now.
- You're very brave.
409
00:17:02,119 --> 00:17:04,107
Think about what you doing
right now, Bill.
410
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,650
Stop this.
411
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,151
I am thinking!
Do it!
412
00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:11,155
Oh, God.
413
00:17:15,398 --> 00:17:18,538
I can't. I can't. I can't.
414
00:17:22,939 --> 00:17:25,717
Eat it!
415
00:17:28,611 --> 00:17:32,635
I can't. I can't. I can't.
I can't. I can't. I can't.
416
00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:41,166
Okay, everyone,
I have an announcement!
417
00:17:41,291 --> 00:17:44,147
- This whole thing...
- Bill, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
418
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,804
Uh, before you make
that announcement,
419
00:17:45,929 --> 00:17:48,735
you had something else
you wanted to say, remember?
420
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:50,945
You wanted Ders here
421
00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:53,612
to admit that Wayne's World
is a better movie
422
00:17:53,737 --> 00:17:55,825
than Austin Powers,
or he'll kill him!
423
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,536
- I did?
- Yes, you did.
424
00:17:58,702 --> 00:17:59,952
Okay, sure, uh...
425
00:18:00,077 --> 00:18:01,386
Say what Blake said,
or I'll kill you!
426
00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:04,289
Yeah.
427
00:18:04,414 --> 00:18:06,191
Well, then I guess
you're gonna have to kill me,
428
00:18:06,316 --> 00:18:09,595
because that's a goddamn lie,
and I don't lie.
429
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,397
I will admit that it blows
Love Guru out of the water.
430
00:18:12,522 --> 00:18:13,865
Wayne's World
is better than Love Guru.
431
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:15,233
- I'll say that.
- Well, obviously.
432
00:18:15,358 --> 00:18:17,168
That's really not saying
anything, okay?
433
00:18:17,293 --> 00:18:20,558
Because Wayne's World
is better than Austin Powers
434
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:21,893
- and Love Guru combined.
- Oh-ho!
435
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,811
- It has the funniest lines!
- You know what?
436
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:26,064
I feel like I'm surrounded
by freakin' idiots.
437
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,713
- No way. Way!
- Shh! Shh!
438
00:18:27,838 --> 00:18:29,192
- No way. Way!
- Shh!
439
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,316
Camera one, camera two.
Camera one, camera two.
440
00:18:31,441 --> 00:18:33,905
- Stop! Sto...
- Praise Buddha.
441
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:36,699
I am reincarnated.
442
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:42,830
I am once again the Love Guru!
443
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:44,999
What in the fuck?
444
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,001
I can't believe you would talk
trash on another man's comedy
445
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,755
when he's not even in the room...
very Wayne move of you.
446
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,590
- Bill, shoot Wayne in the face.
- I wouldn't even call your
447
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:53,758
movie a comedy, really.
448
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,406
- Justin Timberlake?
- Oh, my God.
449
00:18:55,531 --> 00:18:57,109
That man is a quadruple threat.
450
00:18:57,234 --> 00:18:58,810
- He's a singer.
- He is so... so many threats.
451
00:18:58,935 --> 00:19:00,311
He's not a comedic actor.
He's a dancer.
452
00:19:00,436 --> 00:19:01,849
I'm threatened by so many...
453
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:04,616
- on the floor, now!
- Oh, my God! Oh!
454
00:19:04,741 --> 00:19:06,229
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!
455
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,189
- It was a mistake!
- It was a joke! It was a joke!
456
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,364
{pub}- Don't move!
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
457
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,854
This is all just a misunderstanding.
Alright?
458
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:20,606
We're just trying to be funny,
but guys,
459
00:19:20,731 --> 00:19:22,317
this one was not as funny
as we thought it was.
460
00:19:22,442 --> 00:19:25,453
That's right.
It wasn't very at all.
461
00:19:26,506 --> 00:19:27,830
But this is...
462
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:31,337
It was a joke, you bitch!
463
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,232
What the fug?
464
00:19:34,357 --> 00:19:36,759
These guys are my SWAT army.
465
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:38,832
Thanks guys, worked like a charm.
466
00:19:38,957 --> 00:19:40,269
Good luck on your book, B-rad.
467
00:19:40,394 --> 00:19:41,807
Sounds like some real gritty stuff.
468
00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:43,195
I know, I'm running it!
469
00:19:46,407 --> 00:19:47,728
Bill called me last night
470
00:19:47,894 --> 00:19:50,606
to make sure your little performance
didn't get him into any trouble.
471
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:51,941
I'm sorry.
472
00:19:52,554 --> 00:19:54,217
- You're such a loser.
- Wow, OK Bill.
473
00:19:54,342 --> 00:19:55,954
And you know what's weird?
474
00:19:56,079 --> 00:19:59,866
As I seem to remember someone saying:
"Chicks aren't funny".
475
00:20:00,609 --> 00:20:02,159
God, I love you.
476
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,537
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
477
00:20:04,845 --> 00:20:06,983
None of this was funny at all.
478
00:20:07,896 --> 00:20:11,090
You'd have me eat Jet Set's boogers.
Now, is that anything?
479
00:20:11,215 --> 00:20:13,340
And this poor bastard got dookie
in his pants.
480
00:20:14,902 --> 00:20:16,064
I don't mind.
481
00:20:16,189 --> 00:20:18,676
Plus, this was a good cause.
Congratulations, Bill.
482
00:20:19,488 --> 00:20:22,176
I gotta go.
Can't stand all that mess on me.
483
00:20:23,926 --> 00:20:25,576
Good night, my dudes.
484
00:20:25,701 --> 00:20:27,310
Good night, babe.
485
00:20:34,076 --> 00:20:35,650
Come to papa!
486
00:20:53,782 --> 00:20:54,587
My back!
487
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:58,591
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com