1
00:00:01,374 --> 00:00:04,561
I have a great Aunt
who lived to be, like, 129.
2
00:00:04,598 --> 00:00:06,875
Oh, cool, that's physically
impossible, so nuts.
3
00:00:06,936 --> 00:00:09,783
No, Derch, physics have
nothing to do with it.
4
00:00:09,808 --> 00:00:12,796
- She was a human hero.
- Well, how'd she die?
5
00:00:13,076 --> 00:00:14,578
Gunfire... cops shot her.
6
00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:15,603
- Oh.
- What?
7
00:00:15,626 --> 00:00:16,771
Yeah.
8
00:00:16,790 --> 00:00:19,310
- Whoa, what the fug?
- You have 20 minutes
9
00:00:19,384 --> 00:00:20,529
to clean this up.
10
00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:23,540
What?
We didn't do this.
11
00:00:23,653 --> 00:00:26,642
- What are these, capes?
- All right, who was it?
12
00:00:26,671 --> 00:00:29,191
Your mama.
13
00:00:29,266 --> 00:00:32,588
Waymond, you're being
uncharacteristically quiet.
14
00:00:32,624 --> 00:00:35,280
Did you do this to us?
Is this your doing?
15
00:00:35,317 --> 00:00:38,521
'Cause if you did,
we're gonna come back at you...
16
00:00:38,550 --> 00:00:40,013
So hard.
17
00:00:40,036 --> 00:00:42,581
That's right, 'cause anybody
who comes at us...
18
00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:45,557
Know that we come back at you
twice as hard.
19
00:00:45,582 --> 00:00:46,501
- Preach.
- That's right.
20
00:00:46,526 --> 00:00:49,036
You want us to come hard?
You got us to come hard!
21
00:00:49,068 --> 00:00:51,162
- So seriously guys...
- I come hard in my sleep!
22
00:00:51,293 --> 00:00:53,618
- All right, all right. Waymond...
- I will shit on you!
23
00:00:53,652 --> 00:00:55,633
Here's the deal.
Waymond, you gotta fess up,
24
00:00:55,658 --> 00:00:59,039
unless you want three dudes
on top of you coming hard.
25
00:00:59,088 --> 00:01:01,477
- In three, two...
- Bazinga!
26
00:01:03,918 --> 00:01:07,971
- You guys do this?
- B-rad is back, baby, yes!
27
00:01:08,343 --> 00:01:11,556
- Oh, he's coming up top.
- Yeah, get him out of here.
28
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:19,080
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for DEMAND by antibio
29
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,270
There we go.
There we go.
30
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,560
- Yeah.
- Oh, we're giving birth.
31
00:01:27,727 --> 00:01:28,910
Giving birth to a B-rad.
32
00:01:28,953 --> 00:01:30,162
- All right, man!
- There he is.
33
00:01:30,188 --> 00:01:31,697
Everybody, dust him off.
34
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,381
B-rad, it's good to see you, man.
35
00:01:33,412 --> 00:01:35,567
- You're looking pretty fit.
- Looking good, dude.
36
00:01:35,592 --> 00:01:36,570
What are you doing in town?
37
00:01:36,588 --> 00:01:39,130
Also, why'd you
come at me so hard, bro?
38
00:01:39,176 --> 00:01:41,978
You came at us so hard
with all these popcorn... s.
39
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:44,394
It was a joke, you bitch!
40
00:01:44,757 --> 00:01:47,728
- Whoa. Shots fired.
- I'm in town
41
00:01:47,747 --> 00:01:50,251
to do a ride-along with the police,
42
00:01:50,332 --> 00:01:51,761
'cause I'm writing a cop novel.
43
00:01:51,802 --> 00:01:52,623
- Cool.
- Wow.
44
00:01:52,653 --> 00:01:54,604
- Gritty stuff.
- I bet, dude.
45
00:01:54,629 --> 00:01:57,908
But Alice wanted me
to stop by for the roast.
46
00:01:58,164 --> 00:01:59,373
- Roast? What roast?
- Yeah.
47
00:01:59,430 --> 00:02:00,740
Oh, Monday is Bill's
48
00:02:00,765 --> 00:02:02,695
20th anniversary
of working at Telamericorp,
49
00:02:02,721 --> 00:02:03,803
so we're roasting him.
50
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,851
- Cool. Yeah.
- Oh, nice.
51
00:02:05,899 --> 00:02:08,028
All right, so, like,
how many snaps should we write?
52
00:02:08,057 --> 00:02:09,742
Yeah, can we work blue?
Can we cuss?
53
00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:11,177
And also, who's Bill?
54
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:14,600
Oh, actually, Alice said you guys
don't get to do the roast.
55
00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:16,137
- Really?
- Uh, why wouldn't
56
00:02:16,162 --> 00:02:18,287
the three funniest guys
in the office be roasting him?
57
00:02:18,327 --> 00:02:19,913
You're not funny.
58
00:02:21,321 --> 00:02:23,598
I'm not funny?
Me?
59
00:02:23,736 --> 00:02:27,659
Adam, "The... The Laugh Ki...
The Laugh... uh...
60
00:02:27,698 --> 00:02:29,723
Giver" Demamp.
- Mm-hmm.
61
00:02:29,754 --> 00:02:34,492
I know all 101 sick jokes
for twisted kids.
62
00:02:34,516 --> 00:02:36,221
Oh, Alice,
you want to know the difference
63
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,673
between a pile of dead babies
and a pile of sand?
64
00:02:38,736 --> 00:02:40,447
I don't eat sand.
65
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,829
Fine. Whatever.
66
00:02:43,882 --> 00:02:45,190
- You'll let us roast?
- Yes.
67
00:02:45,221 --> 00:02:47,568
Yes! Nice.
68
00:02:47,589 --> 00:02:49,907
- Yes.
- So cool. I got this thing...
69
00:02:49,943 --> 00:02:53,586
Hey, you honestly
don't think I'm funny?
70
00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:55,574
Just me,
not talking about those guys.
71
00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:59,650
You've honestly never said
one thing I have ever found
72
00:02:59,696 --> 00:03:01,718
at all funny, bro.
73
00:03:02,818 --> 00:03:05,156
What do you know about funny?
74
00:03:05,511 --> 00:03:07,275
Chicks aren't funny.
Dudes are funny.
75
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:11,297
Hangover 2 rules.
Bridesmaids drools.
76
00:03:11,528 --> 00:03:13,038
I don't care what anybody says.
77
00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:14,717
We're the funniest people
in this office.
78
00:03:14,742 --> 00:03:16,823
- Funnier than that dad.
- I'm funnier than she is.
79
00:03:16,856 --> 00:03:19,250
Got a subscription
to "Suicide Illustrated!"
80
00:03:20,692 --> 00:03:21,605
Wait.
81
00:03:21,627 --> 00:03:24,336
Now Bill is trying to get a snack?
82
00:03:24,373 --> 00:03:27,086
Bill! You still gonna end up
eating what you always eat.
83
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,791
Your big-ass boogers in your nose!
84
00:03:32,289 --> 00:03:35,725
Hey, you know,
I see what you're doing, Bill.
85
00:03:35,756 --> 00:03:38,684
He's trying to make jokes
about you, but it's, uh...
86
00:03:38,728 --> 00:03:40,390
it's "snot" funny.
87
00:03:42,099 --> 00:03:44,817
It... it is... it's snot funny.
88
00:03:44,841 --> 00:03:46,354
- Snot.
- I said "snot,"
89
00:03:46,384 --> 00:03:48,315
because the boogers...
With the snot.
90
00:03:48,642 --> 00:03:50,088
- Hey, uh...
- What the...
91
00:03:50,113 --> 00:03:53,854
Bill's so bald, right?
He looks like he, uh...
92
00:03:53,907 --> 00:03:56,357
like he's a cancer patient!
93
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,889
Death bed!
94
00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:03,955
This dude, um, he's a human...
95
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:15,849
One time, I seen that motherfucker
dookie in his drawers!
96
00:04:19,227 --> 00:04:21,189
Dookie! Dookie!
97
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,737
♪ Dookie in your drawers, Bill,
dookie in your draw... ♪
98
00:04:26,817 --> 00:04:28,343
You know, maybe Montez is right.
99
00:04:28,387 --> 00:04:30,576
Maybe I'm not an hysterical dude.
100
00:04:30,615 --> 00:04:31,606
- Hey!
- I won't listen to it.
101
00:04:31,631 --> 00:04:33,157
You are funny, okay?
102
00:04:33,175 --> 00:04:34,915
No one has given me
more laughs in this world
103
00:04:34,939 --> 00:04:36,003
- than this guy.
- Yeah.
104
00:04:36,023 --> 00:04:38,049
Adam "the laugh giver" Demamp.
105
00:04:38,118 --> 00:04:39,451
Yep.
106
00:04:39,558 --> 00:04:41,902
- Thank you.
- I mean, sure, Montez has
107
00:04:41,935 --> 00:04:43,485
- broad appeal, right?
- Sure.
108
00:04:43,522 --> 00:04:45,664
We'll give him that.
But I'm sorry...
109
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:48,666
I have a more refined, dry,
British sense of humor,
110
00:04:48,685 --> 00:04:51,297
a la the funniest movie
of all time, Austin Powers.
111
00:04:52,353 --> 00:04:55,511
- No.
- Oh, please! Funniest movie of all time,
112
00:04:55,552 --> 00:04:57,727
no questions, Wayne's World One.
113
00:04:59,997 --> 00:05:01,703
No, sir.
114
00:05:01,748 --> 00:05:03,803
You guys like the big blockbusters.
115
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,790
That's cool. That's fine.
Me, personally...
116
00:05:06,101 --> 00:05:07,121
indie comedy.
117
00:05:07,149 --> 00:05:08,287
That's what I'm into.
118
00:05:08,318 --> 00:05:10,775
I'm talking about Indian comedy.
119
00:05:10,862 --> 00:05:13,340
Very, very, very hot right now.
120
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,921
Love Guru?
That's the future of comedy.
121
00:05:15,939 --> 00:05:17,408
You guys are out of your minds.
122
00:05:17,774 --> 00:05:20,576
I hope I'm not interrupting
a circle jerk.
123
00:05:20,726 --> 00:05:22,802
- No, we were just...
- We're not circle-jerking.
124
00:05:22,821 --> 00:05:24,570
Although this would be
the room to do it in.
125
00:05:24,601 --> 00:05:26,854
Where the weed at?
Bring it, baby. Bring it.
126
00:05:26,921 --> 00:05:28,196
- He's back.
- Party beast.
127
00:05:28,215 --> 00:05:30,556
What are you dick gymnasts
squawking about, anyway?
128
00:05:30,586 --> 00:05:31,843
Oh, man, I don't know.
129
00:05:31,868 --> 00:05:35,224
We just want to be the stars of
the roast, but that Montez guy...
130
00:05:35,255 --> 00:05:37,215
- he has so many snaps.
- Yeah.
131
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:39,038
- 'Tez is a cartoon character.
- Mm-hmm.
132
00:05:39,059 --> 00:05:40,144
I don't find him funny.
133
00:05:40,166 --> 00:05:41,730
Yeah, I mean, t-these people...
134
00:05:41,754 --> 00:05:44,134
they're not gonna understand
my party tricks.
135
00:05:44,297 --> 00:05:46,121
I've got party tricks.
I have this one where I eat
136
00:05:46,139 --> 00:05:49,388
60 ketchup packets,
and then I don't vomit.
137
00:05:49,562 --> 00:05:51,997
I will tell you the secret
to a good roast.
138
00:05:52,215 --> 00:05:55,271
Know your target, inside and out,
139
00:05:55,327 --> 00:05:57,382
- and then hit 'em where it hurts!
- Whoa.
140
00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:59,262
- I thought he was gonna hit me.
- He's right.
141
00:05:59,312 --> 00:06:01,610
Montez knows Bill
way better than we do.
142
00:06:01,646 --> 00:06:04,444
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but he knows work Bill.
143
00:06:04,526 --> 00:06:07,921
He doesn't know the real Bill,
weekend Bill.
144
00:06:08,216 --> 00:06:10,207
- We gotta get to know weekend Bill.
- Weekend Bill.
145
00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,921
We've gotta get to know weekend Bill.
146
00:06:12,198 --> 00:06:13,760
Wait, who's Bill, again?
147
00:06:21,765 --> 00:06:23,623
{pub}The reason Wayne's World works
148
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,593
is because it takes place in
the real world.
149
00:06:25,618 --> 00:06:27,224
- I touched that.
- It's about real dudes.
150
00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:28,932
Comedy is not about jokes.
151
00:06:28,949 --> 00:06:30,443
Did you guys see
how I just touched that?
152
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,934
- It's about shedding light...
- It's like ten feet in the air.
153
00:06:32,965 --> 00:06:34,702
- And Austin Powers does that.
- Here, shh! Here it is.
154
00:06:34,730 --> 00:06:35,977
- Come on.
- Number eight.
155
00:06:43,917 --> 00:06:46,611
Holy yoga, dude!
He's a yoga dude.
156
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,570
Oh, we can destroy him.
No one likes yoga dudes.
157
00:06:49,603 --> 00:06:50,809
♪ Guru! ♪
158
00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:53,562
Dude, it funny because, like,
girls do yoga, and he's a guy,
159
00:06:53,586 --> 00:06:55,364
- and he's doing yoga.
- Yeah, that is why it's funny.
160
00:06:55,389 --> 00:06:56,889
- Right?
- Yeah, we're really finding,
161
00:06:56,905 --> 00:06:58,682
you know, the depth of the comedy.
162
00:06:58,707 --> 00:07:01,178
- We're really digging deep.
- Right. What's he doing...
163
00:07:01,252 --> 00:07:02,878
Now, though?
164
00:07:02,932 --> 00:07:05,317
- Oh, my God.
- Naked yoga.
165
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:06,591
What?
166
00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:10,070
Oh, my God, he's a "naked yoga" guy.
167
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:13,904
Wait, is he...
God, he's sucking it.
168
00:07:14,355 --> 00:07:16,764
Yes! We're gonna skewer him
with this!
169
00:07:16,783 --> 00:07:18,227
Ugh.
170
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,817
You really think we can make
fun of him for this?
171
00:07:20,862 --> 00:07:22,575
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
172
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,838
What are you talking about?
This is amazing.
173
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:27,504
He's like a superhero.
We can't reveal his superpowers.
174
00:07:27,535 --> 00:07:30,830
I'm sorry. Does this not
come across to you as just
175
00:07:31,381 --> 00:07:33,213
the gayest thing you've ever seen?
176
00:07:33,234 --> 00:07:35,738
I think it's gay
not to sip your own tip.
177
00:07:35,848 --> 00:07:37,511
That means you don't like
blow jobs that much,
178
00:07:37,546 --> 00:07:39,355
and that's, like,
the gayest thing in the world.
179
00:07:39,374 --> 00:07:40,551
Right.
180
00:07:40,582 --> 00:07:42,956
Uh, guys, I think he's about to...
181
00:07:43,085 --> 00:07:45,691
okay, let's take a lap.
Let's take a lap.
182
00:07:52,203 --> 00:07:53,913
What's he doing?
183
00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:56,251
I know exactly what that is.
184
00:07:56,292 --> 00:08:00,305
It's medical cream for eczema,
without a doubt.
185
00:08:07,642 --> 00:08:09,775
Okay, so he's a street performer
with eczema.
186
00:08:09,815 --> 00:08:13,327
- This is... Sad.
- This is great!
187
00:08:13,472 --> 00:08:15,539
We have so much good stuff
for the roast.
188
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:18,694
What? What's funny
about unlimited self-blow jobs
189
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:21,292
and getting paid to do the robot?
190
00:08:21,355 --> 00:08:22,523
Nothing.
191
00:08:22,665 --> 00:08:23,974
I'm jealous of this dude.
192
00:08:24,269 --> 00:08:25,331
We're coming up dry.
193
00:08:25,359 --> 00:08:27,088
We can't make fun of him for this.
194
00:08:30,587 --> 00:08:32,226
I'm not doing this again, dude.
195
00:08:32,249 --> 00:08:33,824
Just tell me what you want.
196
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:39,662
Jesus Christ!
Okay, fine, ham?
197
00:08:39,703 --> 00:08:40,843
Is that what you want?
198
00:08:40,934 --> 00:08:43,829
Oh, no, this is just depressing.
199
00:08:44,069 --> 00:08:46,344
Yeah, I'm sad too...
200
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,269
Mostly hungry, actually.
201
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:50,152
Yeah.
Ders, go order a pizza.
202
00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:51,865
They don't serve pizza here.
203
00:08:51,888 --> 00:08:53,090
It's a sandwich place.
204
00:08:53,119 --> 00:08:55,262
Do you think
they'll deliver pizza here,
205
00:08:55,330 --> 00:08:57,050
like, if we order from a pizza place?
206
00:08:57,572 --> 00:09:00,885
Do you have a punch card?
207
00:09:00,914 --> 00:09:02,335
You punched this yourself,
didn't you?
208
00:09:03,196 --> 00:09:05,697
All right, you know what?
Get out. We're done.
209
00:09:05,728 --> 00:09:07,189
Beat it.
210
00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:09,475
Don't take that sandwich!
I will call the cops!
211
00:09:09,504 --> 00:09:11,247
Hey, hang on a second,
hang on a second.
212
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,695
I'll pay for his food.
Look, he's...
213
00:09:14,181 --> 00:09:17,334
He's my dad, so I'm very embarrassed.
214
00:09:17,371 --> 00:09:20,145
I'm sure your dad's embarrassed
you from time to time.
215
00:09:20,170 --> 00:09:23,518
No, he hasn't.
He's... he has great judgment.
216
00:09:23,599 --> 00:09:25,402
He would never do
something like this.
217
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,977
You've been following me all day?
218
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,558
Eh, since, like, 9:00 a.m.
219
00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:32,895
So you saw me...?
220
00:09:32,942 --> 00:09:34,014
Mm-hmm.
221
00:09:34,045 --> 00:09:36,605
Yes. You've gotta teach me
how to do that.
222
00:09:36,665 --> 00:09:38,939
Believe me, you don't
wanna go down that road.
223
00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:40,463
It's the only road I want to go down.
224
00:09:40,484 --> 00:09:41,748
Anyway, look,
225
00:09:41,766 --> 00:09:42,912
we're just looking for dirt on you,
226
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,311
so we can beat Montez at roasting.
227
00:09:44,348 --> 00:09:47,244
I hate this stupid roast.
I already know I'm a loser.
228
00:09:47,262 --> 00:09:49,410
I don't need the whole office
telling me so.
229
00:09:49,436 --> 00:09:51,694
- You got a bunch of...
- Montez is ruthless.
230
00:09:51,719 --> 00:09:53,757
- I don't even want to go.
- Whoa, whoa, okay.
231
00:09:53,788 --> 00:09:55,195
That means we don't get to roast.
232
00:09:55,232 --> 00:09:58,289
Bill, what you're forgetting
here is that...
233
00:09:58,524 --> 00:10:00,000
You're the guest of honor, right?
234
00:10:00,025 --> 00:10:02,027
- Yeah.
- So you get the last word.
235
00:10:02,064 --> 00:10:03,852
We can take Montez down together.
236
00:10:03,878 --> 00:10:04,730
Yep.
237
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:07,523
What about that dickhead Jet Set?
238
00:10:07,627 --> 00:10:10,405
You teach me how to...
239
00:10:12,224 --> 00:10:15,672
Myself, and we've got a deal.
240
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:17,424
Well, you gotta be big.
241
00:10:17,447 --> 00:10:18,666
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
242
00:10:18,713 --> 00:10:19,748
Holy Moly.
243
00:10:19,821 --> 00:10:22,866
♪ O'er the land-uh ♪
244
00:10:23,078 --> 00:10:26,122
♪ Of the free-uh ♪
245
00:10:26,221 --> 00:10:30,785
♪ And that fucking Bill's gay-uh ♪
246
00:10:35,549 --> 00:10:39,762
And I'm out.
Have fun roasting this bald pig.
247
00:10:39,928 --> 00:10:41,347
Great job, Bradley!
248
00:10:41,387 --> 00:10:43,778
Who's Bradley?
I'm Tony Clifton, you asshole.
249
00:10:43,815 --> 00:10:46,025
- Wake up!
- Oh!
250
00:10:46,284 --> 00:10:49,253
Bill treat his nose
like the hometown buffet!
251
00:10:49,278 --> 00:10:50,953
What's the worst job in the world?
252
00:10:50,989 --> 00:10:52,595
Being Bill's pants, 'cause you know
253
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:53,983
you're gonna get dookied on!
254
00:10:54,018 --> 00:10:56,750
He has a booger pasta bar,
a booger dessert bar,
255
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:57,948
a booger serving station...
256
00:10:57,977 --> 00:11:01,740
Yes, Bill, you look like
a goddamn child molester.
257
00:11:01,756 --> 00:11:04,825
Bill be picking his boogers
like he Orville Redenbacher.
258
00:11:04,853 --> 00:11:06,730
Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop!
259
00:11:06,755 --> 00:11:08,805
I got three words for you, brother.
260
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,663
Wash your stinkin' ass!
261
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:18,321
Okay, our next roasters wanted
to do it as a threesome.
262
00:11:18,421 --> 00:11:21,800
And they also wanted
to perform together.
263
00:11:21,829 --> 00:11:24,272
All right, let's give it up
for Adam, Anders, and Blake!
264
00:11:24,305 --> 00:11:27,080
- Whoo!
- Shagadelic!
265
00:11:27,134 --> 00:11:29,940
Do I make you Randy, baby?
266
00:11:29,978 --> 00:11:31,721
Shwing!
267
00:11:31,808 --> 00:11:36,755
Tickle, tickle, break the pickle.
268
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,223
Excellent.
269
00:11:38,486 --> 00:11:40,040
We were listening out there,
270
00:11:40,065 --> 00:11:41,478
you know, and you guys were
271
00:11:41,527 --> 00:11:44,126
roasting Bill pretty hard.
272
00:11:44,180 --> 00:11:45,361
And he's my mate,
273
00:11:45,399 --> 00:11:48,869
so I'm here to tell you
to behave, baby, yeah!
274
00:11:48,906 --> 00:11:50,023
All right.
275
00:11:50,698 --> 00:11:54,610
We're not worthy
of such a great co-worker.
276
00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:58,049
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy!
277
00:11:59,607 --> 00:12:01,270
I got it.
278
00:12:02,584 --> 00:12:05,040
Mariska Hargitay.
279
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,378
Mari-ska Hargitay!
280
00:12:13,176 --> 00:12:14,595
Y'all stop!
281
00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:16,390
Tickle, tickle, break the pickle.
282
00:12:16,434 --> 00:12:17,419
You already did this.
283
00:12:17,442 --> 00:12:18,569
- Hey, come on.
- Ow!
284
00:12:18,599 --> 00:12:19,786
That hurt my ankle.
285
00:12:19,817 --> 00:12:21,888
Have you guys really not seen
Love Guru?
286
00:12:21,931 --> 00:12:24,567
It's a funny, funny movie.
287
00:12:24,604 --> 00:12:26,490
- Mike Myers is in it.
- Yeah, Wayne's World One.
288
00:12:26,514 --> 00:12:27,871
It's, like,
one of the biggest comedies
289
00:12:27,908 --> 00:12:29,333
- of, like, the early mid-2000s.
- All right, all right, look.
290
00:12:29,358 --> 00:12:32,098
We're sorry you don't like our
characters, but we're funny guys.
291
00:12:32,129 --> 00:12:33,564
And we followed Bill this weekend.
292
00:12:33,595 --> 00:12:34,995
And guess what he does
on the weekend?
293
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:37,327
He paints himself silver like a robot
294
00:12:37,358 --> 00:12:39,716
and goes on the street
and begs for money.
295
00:12:39,756 --> 00:12:42,388
And then... and then we also
caught him stealing a sandwich,
296
00:12:42,425 --> 00:12:45,595
because he's that poor, guys.
297
00:12:45,818 --> 00:12:47,923
This isn't what we planned.
What are you doing?
298
00:12:47,951 --> 00:12:49,811
It's all true. It's all true.
We followed him.
299
00:12:49,855 --> 00:12:51,449
And guess what we saw?
300
00:12:51,532 --> 00:12:54,493
We saw this broke-ass fool
suck his own dick!
301
00:12:54,521 --> 00:12:55,946
What?
302
00:12:55,977 --> 00:12:58,392
- He's good at it.
- That's hilarious.
303
00:12:58,972 --> 00:13:00,557
Enough!
304
00:13:01,025 --> 00:13:03,144
You guys said you were on my side!
305
00:13:03,204 --> 00:13:04,949
- Sure, whatever, man.
- They love it, man.
306
00:13:04,996 --> 00:13:06,888
You're right.
My life is a joke.
307
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,832
But I have news for you!
308
00:13:08,908 --> 00:13:10,715
Oh!
309
00:13:10,752 --> 00:13:13,474
This is where the joke ends!
310
00:13:23,232 --> 00:13:25,236
{pub}- Okay. All right.
- Oh, God! Oh, God!
311
00:13:25,267 --> 00:13:26,703
All right, everybody in the corner!
312
00:13:26,730 --> 00:13:28,270
Let's go! Let's go!
313
00:13:28,681 --> 00:13:29,976
Cell phones in here!
314
00:13:30,006 --> 00:13:32,408
I don't want anyone ruining
my big day!
315
00:13:32,439 --> 00:13:33,806
Hey, Bill, what are you doing?
316
00:13:33,832 --> 00:13:35,708
Okay, please, just put the gun down.
317
00:13:35,746 --> 00:13:37,082
You heard the lady.
Put it down.
318
00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:38,078
Or what?
319
00:13:38,103 --> 00:13:40,298
You're making a big mistake, man.
320
00:13:40,370 --> 00:13:42,475
Don't do something
you're gonna regret, man.
321
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,662
Something I regret?
I regret my entire life!
322
00:13:45,703 --> 00:13:46,735
What?
323
00:13:46,767 --> 00:13:48,200
A good-looking guy like yourself?
324
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,621
No, no, no!
Please don't kill me!
325
00:13:49,652 --> 00:13:50,995
I wish this was all a dream!
326
00:13:51,020 --> 00:13:53,098
Doodle-ooh, doodle-ooh, doodle-ooh.
327
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,767
Stop, stop, I got this.
Look, okay...
328
00:13:55,892 --> 00:13:58,355
Bill, if anyone knows what it's
like to be picked on, it's me.
329
00:13:58,403 --> 00:14:00,692
My father was
a relentlessly self-improving
330
00:14:00,717 --> 00:14:03,280
boulangerie owner from Belgium
with low-grade narcolepsy
331
00:14:03,313 --> 00:14:04,998
and a penchant for buggery.
332
00:14:05,023 --> 00:14:06,925
Shut up and help me
lock this place down,
333
00:14:06,951 --> 00:14:08,366
- Mr. Powers.
- Okay, all right.
334
00:14:08,436 --> 00:14:11,231
Okay, his back's turned.
Let's do this.
335
00:14:11,277 --> 00:14:13,370
- Do what?
- Roll on him!
336
00:14:13,508 --> 00:14:15,503
Grab the gun
and bring him to justice.
337
00:14:15,864 --> 00:14:18,345
Get my reward.
338
00:14:18,938 --> 00:14:22,183
Don't... oh, don't be stupid.
339
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,304
Too late.
340
00:14:26,789 --> 00:14:29,567
Welcome to staples center...
Bitch.
341
00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:30,629
Aah!
342
00:14:36,559 --> 00:14:39,213
- Oh, gosh!
- Come with me!
343
00:14:39,362 --> 00:14:40,864
Now!
344
00:14:45,775 --> 00:14:47,718
Good-bye...
345
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:49,187
Forever.
346
00:14:49,312 --> 00:14:51,251
Adam.
347
00:14:54,481 --> 00:14:56,845
Turn around!
348
00:15:03,197 --> 00:15:05,118
- They bought it, right?
- Oh, totally!
349
00:15:05,136 --> 00:15:06,565
Oh, I'm sorry I did
the stapler thing.
350
00:15:06,589 --> 00:15:08,353
I just felt... I really felt like
that was in the moment,
351
00:15:08,372 --> 00:15:09,422
- you know?
- No, no, that was good.
352
00:15:09,444 --> 00:15:10,620
It sold it.
It was hilarious.
353
00:15:10,645 --> 00:15:11,713
- It did sell it, right?
- Yeah!
354
00:15:11,738 --> 00:15:13,872
I was feeling it!
It was incredible.
355
00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:15,291
Ders and Blake did a good job too.
356
00:15:15,303 --> 00:15:16,372
Like, we can't forget about them.
357
00:15:16,397 --> 00:15:17,460
You did great!
358
00:15:17,506 --> 00:15:18,883
Okay, so what's next?
359
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:20,899
All right, everybody just be calm.
360
00:15:20,915 --> 00:15:23,740
Adam's probably in there
telling Bill to turn himself in.
361
00:15:23,765 --> 00:15:26,615
It's gonna be over soon.
362
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:32,966
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, God.
363
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,133
What have you done?
364
00:15:34,157 --> 00:15:36,455
Anyone else wanna be a hero?
365
00:15:36,559 --> 00:15:40,486
You need help, man.
Bill, let us help you.
366
00:15:40,529 --> 00:15:42,652
- You want to help me?
- Yes, Bill.
367
00:15:42,681 --> 00:15:46,075
Maybe you should have thought of that
before you said I ate my boogers!
368
00:15:46,106 --> 00:15:48,238
Bill, I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry.
369
00:15:48,262 --> 00:15:51,043
- It was a roast.
- Then show me you're sorry.
370
00:15:51,130 --> 00:15:55,886
I want you to pick
every nose here and eat it,
371
00:15:56,137 --> 00:15:57,423
one by one!
372
00:15:57,776 --> 00:16:00,028
What?
Come on, Bill.
373
00:16:00,073 --> 00:16:01,523
Dude, eat their boogers!
374
00:16:01,547 --> 00:16:04,062
He's not messing around.
He just killed Adam.
375
00:16:04,096 --> 00:16:06,977
Bill, sir,
if Montez does what you say,
376
00:16:06,995 --> 00:16:08,177
will you let us all live?
377
00:16:08,214 --> 00:16:10,880
He eats every booger,
and I'll consider it.
378
00:16:10,919 --> 00:16:11,754
Okay.
379
00:16:11,792 --> 00:16:13,474
Why don't you start with Waymond?
380
00:16:13,499 --> 00:16:15,214
He looks a little stuffy.
381
00:16:15,245 --> 00:16:16,875
Come on, Bill.
Put the gun down, Bill.
382
00:16:16,899 --> 00:16:21,349
Montez, save a life.
Eat a booger.
383
00:16:22,152 --> 00:16:23,664
I'm sorry, Waymond.
384
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:31,205
I can't... ugh.
385
00:16:31,376 --> 00:16:33,129
Oh.
386
00:16:33,972 --> 00:16:36,232
Oh, God, he's eating it.
387
00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,740
Oh, I can't...
388
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:42,433
you know what would
make this perfect?
389
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,001
If Jet shits his pants...
390
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:47,153
- Hell, no!
- While you're digging for gold.
391
00:16:47,196 --> 00:16:49,298
Everybody wins!
392
00:16:49,329 --> 00:16:51,382
Bill, no!
Don't make him do it.
393
00:16:51,425 --> 00:16:53,128
Never question my authority,
394
00:16:53,159 --> 00:16:55,328
unless you want everyone to die.
395
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:58,272
Let me do it for him.
I'll shit my pants right now!
396
00:16:58,297 --> 00:17:00,112
- Whoa, uh, no, J-Jillian...
- Okay.
397
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:02,434
Just let him handle his thing.
Thank you, though.
398
00:17:02,478 --> 00:17:04,606
- No, I have it in me right now.
- You're very brave.
399
00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:06,920
Think about what you doing
right now, Bill.
400
00:17:07,005 --> 00:17:07,961
Stop this.
401
00:17:07,991 --> 00:17:09,468
I am thinking!
Do it!
402
00:17:09,493 --> 00:17:10,588
Oh, God.
403
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,044
I can't. I can't. I can't.
404
00:17:25,626 --> 00:17:27,525
Eat it!
405
00:17:30,786 --> 00:17:34,812
I can't. I can't. I can't.
I can't. I can't. I can't.
406
00:17:39,488 --> 00:17:43,605
Okay, everyone,
I have an announcement!
407
00:17:43,765 --> 00:17:46,386
- This whole thing...
- Bill, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
408
00:17:46,410 --> 00:17:48,406
Uh, before you make
that announcement,
409
00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:51,456
you had something else
you wanted to say, remember?
410
00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:53,768
You wanted Ders here
411
00:17:53,801 --> 00:17:56,511
to admit that Wayne's World
is a better movie
412
00:17:56,536 --> 00:17:58,527
than Austin Powers,
or he'll kill him!
413
00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,638
- I did?
- Yes, you did.
414
00:18:00,657 --> 00:18:02,018
Okay, sure, uh...
415
00:18:02,055 --> 00:18:03,698
Say what Blake said,
or I'll kill you!
416
00:18:03,736 --> 00:18:05,554
Yeah.
417
00:18:06,989 --> 00:18:08,958
Well, then I guess
you're gonna have to kill me,
418
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:12,300
because that's a goddamn lie,
and I don't lie.
419
00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:15,417
I will admit that it blows
Love Guru out of the water.
420
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:16,785
Wayne's World
is better than Love Guru.
421
00:18:16,814 --> 00:18:17,991
- I'll say that.
- Well, obviously.
422
00:18:18,028 --> 00:18:19,838
That's really not saying
anything, okay?
423
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,986
Because Wayne's World
is better than Austin Powers
424
00:18:23,011 --> 00:18:24,544
- and Love Guru combined.
- Oh-ho!
425
00:18:24,578 --> 00:18:26,252
- It has the funniest lines!
- You know what?
426
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,787
I feel like I'm surrounded
by freakin' idiots.
427
00:18:28,818 --> 00:18:30,440
- No way. Way!
- Shh! Shh!
428
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,290
- No way. Way!
- Shh!
429
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:33,918
Camera one, camera two.
Camera one, camera two.
430
00:18:33,943 --> 00:18:36,622
- Stop! Sto...
- Praise Buddha.
431
00:18:36,715 --> 00:18:39,003
I am reincarnated.
432
00:18:39,042 --> 00:18:45,007
I am once again the Love Guru!
433
00:18:45,092 --> 00:18:47,210
What in the fuck?
434
00:18:47,242 --> 00:18:49,641
I can't believe you would talk
trash on another man's comedy
435
00:18:49,672 --> 00:18:52,716
when he's not even in the room...
very Wayne move of you.
436
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,956
- Bill, shoot Wayne in the face.
- I wouldn't even call your
437
00:18:54,986 --> 00:18:56,331
movie a comedy, really.
438
00:18:56,361 --> 00:18:58,200
- Justin Timberlake?
- Oh, my God.
439
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,802
That man is a quadruple threat.
440
00:18:59,827 --> 00:19:01,458
- He's a singer.
- He is so... so many threats.
441
00:19:01,501 --> 00:19:02,877
He's not a comedic actor.
He's a dancer.
442
00:19:02,898 --> 00:19:04,167
I'm threatened by so many...
443
00:19:04,192 --> 00:19:07,044
- on the floor, now!
- Oh, my God! Oh!
444
00:19:07,209 --> 00:19:08,698
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!
445
00:19:08,727 --> 00:19:10,789
- It was a mistake!
- It was a joke! It was a joke!
446
00:19:18,228 --> 00:19:20,239
{pub}- Don't move!
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
447
00:19:20,273 --> 00:19:22,329
This is all just a misunderstanding.
Alright?
448
00:19:22,352 --> 00:19:23,838
We're just trying to be funny,
but guys,
449
00:19:23,875 --> 00:19:25,857
this one was not as funny
as we thought it was.
450
00:19:25,884 --> 00:19:29,048
That's right.
It wasn't very at all.
451
00:19:29,848 --> 00:19:31,172
But this is...
452
00:19:32,825 --> 00:19:34,973
It was a joke, you bitch!
453
00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:37,698
What the fug?
454
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:40,316
These guys are my SWAT army.
455
00:19:40,543 --> 00:19:42,449
Thanks guys, worked like a charm.
456
00:19:42,468 --> 00:19:43,681
Good luck on your book, B-rad.
457
00:19:43,706 --> 00:19:45,119
Sounds like some real gritty stuff.
458
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:46,757
I know, I'm running it!
459
00:19:49,693 --> 00:19:51,305
Bill called me last night
460
00:19:51,325 --> 00:19:54,226
to make sure your little performance
didn't get him into any trouble.
461
00:19:54,252 --> 00:19:55,679
I'm sorry.
462
00:19:55,853 --> 00:19:57,892
- You're such a loser.
- Wow, OK Bill.
463
00:19:57,941 --> 00:19:59,318
And you know what's weird?
464
00:19:59,349 --> 00:20:03,452
As I seem to remember someone saying:
"Chicks aren't funny".
465
00:20:04,089 --> 00:20:05,639
God, I love you.
466
00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:08,115
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
467
00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:10,661
None of this was funny at all.
468
00:20:11,257 --> 00:20:14,624
You'd have me eat Jet Set's boogers.
Now, is that anything?
469
00:20:14,664 --> 00:20:16,789
And this poor bastard got dookie
in his pants.
470
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:19,589
I don't mind.
471
00:20:19,606 --> 00:20:22,379
Plus, this was a good cause.
Congratulations, Bill.
472
00:20:22,886 --> 00:20:25,574
I gotta go.
Can't stand all that mess on me.
473
00:20:27,181 --> 00:20:29,087
Good night, my dudes.
474
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:31,057
Good night, babe.
475
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,974
Come to papa!
476
00:20:57,231 --> 00:20:58,156
My back!
477
00:20:58,202 --> 00:20:58,964
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