1
00:00:00,777 --> 00:00:02,117
Mr. Hotate, hi.
2
00:00:02,118 --> 00:00:03,326
Thank you for coming.
3
00:00:03,327 --> 00:00:04,367
Would you like some water?
4
00:00:04,628 --> 00:00:07,680
Water?
Like fire water?
5
00:00:07,715 --> 00:00:09,916
That's racist,
and I do not appreciate it.
6
00:00:09,950 --> 00:00:11,801
No, no, no, no, no.
I-I didn't mean it like that.
7
00:00:11,852 --> 00:00:13,269
I just meant, you know--
8
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:14,304
I'm just messing
with you.
9
00:00:14,355 --> 00:00:16,255
- Oh, my God!
- [Laughs]
10
00:00:16,273 --> 00:00:17,590
He's funny.
This guy's funny.
11
00:00:17,608 --> 00:00:18,858
- He does that sometimes.
- But seriously.
12
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,927
I'll have a whiskey.
13
00:00:20,945 --> 00:00:24,063
Ken Hotate is the leader
of the Wamapoke people,
14
00:00:24,097 --> 00:00:25,398
and we are trying
to get them involved
15
00:00:25,432 --> 00:00:26,900
in our Pawnee Commons project.
16
00:00:26,934 --> 00:00:28,618
Ken and I
get along great.
17
00:00:28,652 --> 00:00:30,703
But historically,
Pawnee's relationship
18
00:00:30,738 --> 00:00:34,071
with the Wamapoke
has been more...
19
00:00:34,458 --> 00:00:35,742
Murder-y.
20
00:00:35,776 --> 00:00:38,127
What about--and I'm just
spit-balling here--
21
00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:41,197
a large neon advertisement
for the Wamapoke casino?
22
00:00:41,232 --> 00:00:43,550
We have a new slogan
that I'm quite proud of:
23
00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:46,417
"Our slots
are downright filthy."
24
00:00:46,554 --> 00:00:48,889
I think it's a slam-dunk idea.
I think we're done here.
25
00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:50,257
I don't--
I don't think we are.
26
00:00:50,291 --> 00:00:52,125
I don't know if we could
put that in a public park.
27
00:00:52,143 --> 00:00:54,961
In that case,
the playground will be great.
28
00:00:55,479 --> 00:00:58,298
Why don't we retire
to my longhouse
29
00:00:58,299 --> 00:01:00,516
and smoke the ceremonial
peace pipe to celebrate?
30
00:01:00,550 --> 00:01:02,602
[Chuckles]
31
00:01:02,653 --> 00:01:04,604
- Is he joking?
- I don't know.
32
00:01:04,638 --> 00:01:07,607
[Triumphant music]
33
00:01:07,641 --> 00:01:12,974
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
34
00:01:24,842 --> 00:01:26,626
Well, well, well.
35
00:01:26,677 --> 00:01:29,662
If it isn't Mr. Best Man
and Bachelor boy.
36
00:01:29,663 --> 00:01:31,631
Ann Perkins,
Maid of Honor,
37
00:01:31,665 --> 00:01:33,332
are you ready
for the bachelorette party?
38
00:01:33,350 --> 00:01:34,434
Uh, more than ready.
39
00:01:34,468 --> 00:01:36,803
We've got dancing,
Jell-o shots,
40
00:01:36,837 --> 00:01:38,004
private karaoke,
41
00:01:38,022 --> 00:01:39,806
and anything
that can be penis-shaped
42
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,274
will be penis-shaped.
43
00:01:41,308 --> 00:01:42,475
- Ohhh!
- What?
44
00:01:42,509 --> 00:01:44,510
As Leslie's maid of honor,
45
00:01:44,528 --> 00:01:47,814
I really need her
bachelorette party to go well.
46
00:01:47,848 --> 00:01:50,850
Which is why I'm stress-eating
gummy penises.
47
00:01:54,204 --> 00:01:55,955
What are you losers doing
for your bachelor party?
48
00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:57,957
I told Ben he could do
whatever he wants.
49
00:01:57,992 --> 00:01:59,025
Sky is the limit.
50
00:01:59,043 --> 00:02:02,028
We have Haverford,
Swanson, Dwyer--
51
00:02:02,062 --> 00:02:03,582
Jerry forced his way
in there somehow--
52
00:02:03,631 --> 00:02:05,665
things are bound
to get crazy.
53
00:02:05,699 --> 00:02:09,532
The game is
Settlers of Catan.
54
00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:12,538
The object is be the first
to build a civilization
55
00:02:12,556 --> 00:02:13,973
on this fictional island.
56
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:15,224
I can't believe
this is what you want to do
57
00:02:15,259 --> 00:02:16,476
for your bachelor party.
58
00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:18,270
Look, guys,
we don't have to play this game
59
00:02:18,312 --> 00:02:19,262
if you don't want to.
60
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:21,714
I mean,
I'm nationally ranked,
61
00:02:21,732 --> 00:02:23,182
so it isn't even
really fair.
62
00:02:23,216 --> 00:02:25,435
Ben, this is your night.
63
00:02:25,486 --> 00:02:26,719
We do what you want to do.
64
00:02:26,737 --> 00:02:28,521
Come on, let's play.
[Pounds on table]
65
00:02:28,555 --> 00:02:31,024
I'm not a big bachelor party
kind of guy,
66
00:02:31,058 --> 00:02:33,026
so when the guys asked me
what my perfect night would be,
67
00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:35,695
I told them the truth--
beer and board games.
68
00:02:35,729 --> 00:02:38,615
They thought I was kidding.
69
00:02:38,666 --> 00:02:40,283
I was not kidding.
70
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:42,619
Is this gonna be one of
those cool bachelorette parties
71
00:02:42,670 --> 00:02:45,371
where things get out of control
and we murder someone,
72
00:02:45,405 --> 00:02:46,706
and then we all have to take
a blood oath
73
00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:48,174
to never reveal our secret?
74
00:02:48,208 --> 00:02:50,126
No.
75
00:02:50,177 --> 00:02:53,046
Then I might have
to leave early.
76
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:54,413
What the hell?
77
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,667
Well, well, well.
78
00:02:57,685 --> 00:02:59,552
Don't you ladies look nice...
For once?
79
00:02:59,603 --> 00:03:01,504
Just kidding.
I've actually always been
80
00:03:01,522 --> 00:03:03,006
attracted to this one.
81
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,440
Jamm, what the hell
are you doing?
82
00:03:04,442 --> 00:03:05,508
We're laying
the groundwork
83
00:03:05,526 --> 00:03:06,559
for Pawnee's
newest restaurant.
84
00:03:06,610 --> 00:03:08,311
"Future home
of Paunch Burger.
85
00:03:08,345 --> 00:03:10,012
Start drooling, fatties"?
86
00:03:10,030 --> 00:03:11,481
Look, the deal was
that both of us
87
00:03:11,515 --> 00:03:13,032
had three months to get
our proposals together,
88
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,451
and then we put it
up for a vote.
89
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:16,953
- We still have two weeks left.
- Yeah, that's true.
90
00:03:16,987 --> 00:03:19,622
However, here's the problem.
91
00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:20,990
Turns out, I don't care.
92
00:03:21,024 --> 00:03:22,242
You can't stop this train.
93
00:03:22,293 --> 00:03:23,526
Make all the ruckus
you want.
94
00:03:23,544 --> 00:03:25,194
By the time
this all gets cleared up,
95
00:03:25,212 --> 00:03:27,163
the people will be frothing
at the mouth
96
00:03:27,197 --> 00:03:28,164
for that beef.
97
00:03:28,198 --> 00:03:31,000
Aw, sweet!
A new Paunch Burger.
98
00:03:31,034 --> 00:03:33,870
Their burgers will kill you!
They're full of wasps!
99
00:03:33,888 --> 00:03:35,371
Yeah, but they taste
real good.
100
00:03:35,639 --> 00:03:37,123
Yes, they do, sir.
101
00:03:37,141 --> 00:03:39,625
Once again,
open invitation.
102
00:03:39,643 --> 00:03:41,594
I'm still technically married,
but my wife knows the deal.
103
00:03:41,628 --> 00:03:43,429
Ugh.
104
00:03:43,463 --> 00:03:44,931
Oh, I'm sorry,
what's this?
105
00:03:44,965 --> 00:03:48,298
Seven contiguous segments,
giving me longest road
106
00:03:48,819 --> 00:03:51,237
and a sweet-ass ten points
for the win.
107
00:03:51,271 --> 00:03:52,605
Oh, booyah!
108
00:03:52,639 --> 00:03:53,856
Okay.
All right.
109
00:03:53,907 --> 00:03:55,641
Guys, come on over here.
Gather round.
110
00:03:55,659 --> 00:03:57,076
I want to propose a toast.
111
00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:59,696
To our new Lord of Catan,
112
00:03:59,747 --> 00:04:01,531
Ben Wyatt,
a great friend
113
00:04:01,582 --> 00:04:02,815
and a wonderful man.
114
00:04:02,833 --> 00:04:05,484
May you and Leslie find
eternal happiness together.
115
00:04:05,502 --> 00:04:07,537
- Hey.
- Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
116
00:04:07,588 --> 00:04:09,655
Thanks, you guys.
Thanks for indulging me.
117
00:04:09,673 --> 00:04:10,923
Hey, you want
to stick around?
118
00:04:10,958 --> 00:04:12,491
I got a bunch
of Homeland episodes
119
00:04:12,509 --> 00:04:14,043
burning a hole
in my DVR.
120
00:04:14,094 --> 00:04:15,261
No!
121
00:04:15,295 --> 00:04:16,879
I'm sorry.
On principle,
122
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:18,598
I cannot stand idly by
123
00:04:18,632 --> 00:04:20,499
and watch a bachelor party
peter out like this.
124
00:04:20,517 --> 00:04:21,834
Now, I know you said
no strippers
125
00:04:21,852 --> 00:04:23,102
'cause they make you sad.
126
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:24,336
Correct.
127
00:04:24,354 --> 00:04:25,671
Then let's go get a drink
at Essence.
128
00:04:25,689 --> 00:04:27,273
It's the hot new bar
in Eagleton.
129
00:04:27,307 --> 00:04:30,509
Things Magazine said
it's the next big thing.
130
00:04:30,527 --> 00:04:31,894
But, Tom,
this is Ben's night.
131
00:04:31,945 --> 00:04:34,464
Oh, believe me,
if the group's happy, I'm happy.
132
00:04:34,498 --> 00:04:35,481
- I'd go.
- If you guys spot me.
133
00:04:35,515 --> 00:04:36,515
It sounds expensive.
134
00:04:36,533 --> 00:04:37,817
Just so you know,
135
00:04:37,851 --> 00:04:39,318
it's not your typical bar.
136
00:04:39,352 --> 00:04:41,687
They specialize
in molecular mixology.
137
00:04:41,705 --> 00:04:44,023
It's kind of like
an experimental new way
138
00:04:44,041 --> 00:04:45,357
to consume alcohol.
139
00:04:45,375 --> 00:04:48,708
Son, there's no wrong way
to consume alcohol.
140
00:04:48,829 --> 00:04:52,162
[Hip-hop music]
141
00:04:52,199 --> 00:04:53,299
Here's your Bud light.
142
00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:55,168
- I ordered a beer.
- That is a beer.
143
00:04:55,202 --> 00:04:58,535
And here's
your Nimbus Martini.
144
00:04:58,889 --> 00:05:00,372
May I go ahead and chisel
your aromasphere?
145
00:05:00,390 --> 00:05:03,723
Please!
146
00:05:04,678 --> 00:05:07,013
This is the wrong way
to consume alcohol.
147
00:05:07,047 --> 00:05:09,482
Whoa,
that's a pretty stiff cloud.
148
00:05:09,516 --> 00:05:11,317
- Who ordered the Scotch?
- Right here.
149
00:05:11,351 --> 00:05:14,353
Hold out your hands,
please.
150
00:05:16,356 --> 00:05:17,607
What's happening?
151
00:05:17,658 --> 00:05:20,276
Oh, this is
a sort of play on Scotch.
152
00:05:20,327 --> 00:05:22,445
It's a whiskey-infused lotion.
153
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,396
Can I ask
if this entire establishment
154
00:05:24,414 --> 00:05:26,532
is a practical joke
of some kind?
155
00:05:26,566 --> 00:05:28,034
If you don't like the Scotch,
they have a vodka
156
00:05:28,068 --> 00:05:31,070
that's served in the form
of a flash of light.
157
00:05:33,090 --> 00:05:34,457
Hey.
158
00:05:34,491 --> 00:05:35,708
Having fun?
159
00:05:35,742 --> 00:05:37,460
Well, four years of work
down the drain,
160
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,911
and I have a penis
on my head.
161
00:05:38,929 --> 00:05:41,580
Jamm is stealing this lot
right out from under us.
162
00:05:41,598 --> 00:05:43,633
My dream is dead, Ann.
Mine too.
163
00:05:43,684 --> 00:05:45,751
This is
why I prefer nightmares.
164
00:05:45,769 --> 00:05:47,170
You are sad drinking
right now,
165
00:05:47,204 --> 00:05:50,089
and I need you
to be happy drinking.
166
00:05:50,107 --> 00:05:51,974
Like when we watch
Grease together.
167
00:05:52,025 --> 00:05:53,592
I know, Ann, but everything's
gonna disappear.
168
00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:56,479
April's mini-dog park,
the Li'l Sebastian fountain,
169
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:57,897
even the Wamapoke playground.
170
00:05:57,931 --> 00:06:00,233
Yet another piece
of Wamapoke land
171
00:06:00,267 --> 00:06:01,934
plowed over
by the white man.
172
00:06:01,952 --> 00:06:03,319
Just try to forget
about it.
173
00:06:03,370 --> 00:06:06,703
I mean, there's nothing
you can do to stop them tonight.
174
00:06:07,858 --> 00:06:09,859
For almost 200 years,
Pawnee repeatedly built
175
00:06:09,877 --> 00:06:12,629
factories, restaurants,
and other stuff
176
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:15,197
on land held sacred
by the Wamapoke people.
177
00:06:15,215 --> 00:06:17,250
So we passed a law
178
00:06:17,301 --> 00:06:19,419
saying that
if any sacred Wamapoke artifact
179
00:06:19,470 --> 00:06:21,421
is found
on a development site,
180
00:06:21,472 --> 00:06:24,340
all construction
must immediately stop.
181
00:06:24,374 --> 00:06:26,676
It would be terrible
if that were to happen
182
00:06:26,710 --> 00:06:28,044
on this future
Paunch Burger site.
183
00:06:28,862 --> 00:06:31,395
[Chuckles wickedly]
184
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:35,768
Oh, this is bad.
185
00:06:36,319 --> 00:06:37,654
I should not have done this.
186
00:06:40,019 --> 00:06:41,441
[Doorbell]
187
00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:44,227
Oh, I wonder
who that is.
188
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,729
[Women cheer]
Well, if it isn't Babe Lincoln!
189
00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:49,065
- Imagine that.
- Hello, ladies.
190
00:06:49,116 --> 00:06:50,566
I'm Abraham Lincoln.
191
00:06:50,601 --> 00:06:52,118
Who's the lucky Mary Todd?
192
00:06:52,152 --> 00:06:53,853
Right here.
Right here.
193
00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:54,854
Ah, ah, ah, me first.
194
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:55,872
Me first.
Oh, okay.
195
00:06:55,906 --> 00:06:57,740
All right,
tear it up, 16!
196
00:06:57,791 --> 00:06:59,242
Emancipate them abs.
197
00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:02,194
[Women cheering]
198
00:07:02,212 --> 00:07:03,195
Come on, Ann, not now.
199
00:07:03,213 --> 00:07:04,330
Come on, Leslie,
just loosen up.
200
00:07:04,364 --> 00:07:05,581
I know for a fact
201
00:07:05,632 --> 00:07:06,916
this is a sex dream
you've had.
202
00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:07,917
Looks like it's time
203
00:07:07,968 --> 00:07:09,969
for the Gettysburg undressed!
204
00:07:10,003 --> 00:07:11,420
[Women cheering]
Okay.
205
00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:13,806
And we're gonna have
to stop now.
206
00:07:13,841 --> 00:07:15,441
I'm sorry,
I'm just not in the mood
207
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:17,143
for historical nudity.
208
00:07:17,177 --> 00:07:19,712
Please, Mr. President,
put your pants back on.
209
00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:21,347
Ann, can I speak
with you privately?
210
00:07:21,381 --> 00:07:22,849
Is your name Glenn?
211
00:07:22,883 --> 00:07:24,600
- Yeah.
- I sat behind you
212
00:07:24,635 --> 00:07:25,651
in middle school band.
213
00:07:25,686 --> 00:07:26,986
Do you still play
the clarinet?
214
00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:28,721
Yeah.
215
00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:31,891
How have you been, man?
216
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,326
[Space age music]
217
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:34,880
Man, if I ever have
a bachelor party,
218
00:07:34,895 --> 00:07:36,445
I am definitely
coming back here.
219
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,577
You never had one before
you were married to Wendy?
220
00:07:38,582 --> 00:07:39,949
No, it was
a green card wedding.
221
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,033
I did watch
the three-way sex scene
222
00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:42,568
from Wild Things
a few times
223
00:07:42,586 --> 00:07:44,537
the night before,
but it didn't really count.
224
00:07:44,571 --> 00:07:46,706
I never had
a bachelor party either.
225
00:07:46,740 --> 00:07:48,207
Me and April, we got married
with no warning.
226
00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:49,481
[Laughs]
I didn't even have time
227
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:50,676
to take a shower
before my wedding.
228
00:07:50,711 --> 00:07:52,929
[Laughs]
Or after.
229
00:07:52,963 --> 00:07:54,130
For, like,
a week and a half.
230
00:07:54,181 --> 00:07:55,631
Tammy One forbade me
231
00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:58,017
from any kind
of celebration,
232
00:07:58,051 --> 00:07:59,635
and Tammy Two thwarted me
by calling in
233
00:07:59,686 --> 00:08:01,804
a bomb threat
to the steakhouse.
234
00:08:01,855 --> 00:08:03,189
I didn't have one either!
235
00:08:03,223 --> 00:08:04,557
Yeah, really,
it's a funny story.
236
00:08:04,591 --> 00:08:06,592
So two weeks
before I married Gayle,
237
00:08:06,610 --> 00:08:08,060
I had
an emergency appendectomy.
238
00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:10,730
Boop! That's me hitting
the snooze button.
239
00:08:10,764 --> 00:08:12,365
Don't talk again
for another ten minutes.
240
00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:13,599
New idea!
241
00:08:13,617 --> 00:08:16,536
Tonight, everyone
gets the bachelor party
242
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:17,570
they never had.
243
00:08:17,604 --> 00:08:20,105
One activity per bachelor.
244
00:08:20,123 --> 00:08:21,991
Welcome
to Tom's bachelor party,
245
00:08:22,042 --> 00:08:24,994
held in a white airplane hangar
from the ice planet Hoth,
246
00:08:25,045 --> 00:08:27,580
replete with dangling,
beautiful aerialists.
247
00:08:27,614 --> 00:08:28,581
To Tom Haverford.
248
00:08:28,615 --> 00:08:29,632
To Tom Haverford!
249
00:08:29,666 --> 00:08:32,385
[All cheering]
250
00:08:32,419 --> 00:08:35,555
Hey, hey--
and to my bride, Rihanna.
251
00:08:35,589 --> 00:08:37,723
We truly did find love
in a hopeless place.
252
00:08:37,758 --> 00:08:40,092
Waiter, a round
of light-flash shots
253
00:08:40,126 --> 00:08:41,344
for me and my friends!
254
00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:42,728
- Ohhh!
- Whoo!
255
00:08:42,763 --> 00:08:44,730
Okay, so what happened?
256
00:08:44,765 --> 00:08:47,350
Well, I buried a bunch
of Wamapoke artifacts
257
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,351
in the dirt
258
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,969
so that people
would find them
259
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,238
and have to stop developing
at the site.
260
00:08:52,272 --> 00:08:54,774
You know, when I say it out
loud, it doesn't sound so bad.
261
00:08:54,808 --> 00:08:57,026
- No, that's bad.
- Yeah, that's pretty uncool.
262
00:08:57,077 --> 00:08:59,278
- Shut up, Glenn.
- I'm sorry, guys.
263
00:08:59,312 --> 00:09:00,830
Councilman Jamm
was being sneaky,
264
00:09:00,864 --> 00:09:02,665
and then I tried
to sneaky him back,
265
00:09:02,699 --> 00:09:05,701
and it turned to crummy,
and I have to undo it.
266
00:09:05,752 --> 00:09:07,420
I need your help.
267
00:09:07,454 --> 00:09:09,372
- You don't mean--
- I do.
268
00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:10,823
No.
I'm not doing that.
269
00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:13,626
[Grunts]
270
00:09:13,660 --> 00:09:14,760
You guys, the penis hats
271
00:09:14,795 --> 00:09:16,095
cut your digging time
in half.
272
00:09:16,129 --> 00:09:17,546
I'm serious.
Don't be afraid.
273
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,465
Use the penises.
274
00:09:19,499 --> 00:09:21,684
Bachelorette party.
275
00:09:21,718 --> 00:09:23,052
Whoo.
276
00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:25,838
Perkins does it again.
277
00:09:27,173 --> 00:09:29,942
You know, I met Gayle
right here at Sherm's.
278
00:09:29,977 --> 00:09:31,560
- Mm-mm.
- She was slender.
279
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:34,780
Blonde hair, big breasts,
long legs.
280
00:09:34,815 --> 00:09:37,083
Ugh,
not my type at all.
281
00:09:37,117 --> 00:09:39,235
And what was it, exactly,
that led to you two
282
00:09:39,286 --> 00:09:40,236
hitting it off?
283
00:09:40,287 --> 00:09:41,520
Was she ill,
284
00:09:41,538 --> 00:09:43,823
or did your father
witness her father
285
00:09:43,857 --> 00:09:45,207
committing a crime?
286
00:09:45,242 --> 00:09:46,626
- Or was she temporarily blind--
- You know what?
287
00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:47,960
All that matters
is that you got married,
288
00:09:47,995 --> 00:09:48,961
and you're happy.
289
00:09:48,996 --> 00:09:51,163
So as all-time best man,
290
00:09:51,197 --> 00:09:53,749
I suggest we raise a cone
to Jerry Gergich.
291
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:54,750
Jerry Gergich.
292
00:09:54,801 --> 00:09:55,968
All: Jerry!
- Thank you.
293
00:09:56,003 --> 00:09:58,254
- Gergich.
- Aw, jeez.
294
00:09:58,305 --> 00:09:59,639
No worries, Gary.
295
00:09:59,673 --> 00:10:00,806
Oh, thanks, Sherm.
296
00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:02,174
[Chuckling]
297
00:10:02,208 --> 00:10:04,010
How did you have that
ready so fast?
298
00:10:04,044 --> 00:10:05,645
I always make
a backup cone.
299
00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:07,847
He drops it
about half the time.
300
00:10:07,881 --> 00:10:09,849
Andy,
you're next.
301
00:10:09,883 --> 00:10:12,018
Any activity in the world.
What would you do?
302
00:10:12,052 --> 00:10:13,492
Well, mine's impossible.
[Chuckles]
303
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,021
I want to see
a Colts game.
304
00:10:15,055 --> 00:10:17,073
I want to see the Colts
beat the Patriots 49 to nothing,
305
00:10:17,107 --> 00:10:18,774
then I yell at Tom Brady
and make him cry,
306
00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:20,146
then I hook up
with Dave Matthews,
307
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,078
and we play golden tee
for ten hours.
308
00:10:22,112 --> 00:10:23,279
♪ A-la-la baby
309
00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:26,663
That's a very specific
dream, son.
310
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,333
Hey, Jim, Chris Traeger.
I need a favor.
311
00:10:31,455 --> 00:10:33,122
I'm dead.
I am dead.
312
00:10:33,173 --> 00:10:35,708
And this is what heaven
is like.
313
00:10:35,742 --> 00:10:36,876
I knew it.
314
00:10:36,910 --> 00:10:39,512
Oh, this is
where they play the games!
315
00:10:39,946 --> 00:10:41,864
You're up, Andy.
316
00:10:41,898 --> 00:10:44,416
Hey, guys!
Guys, come on over here.
317
00:10:44,434 --> 00:10:45,417
Andy, I want you to meet
318
00:10:45,435 --> 00:10:47,970
Indianapolis Colts owner
Jim Irsay.
319
00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:49,522
Andy,
good to meet you, my friend.
320
00:10:49,556 --> 00:10:51,557
Thank you.
I love your team, sir.
321
00:10:51,591 --> 00:10:53,392
I love them
like they're my own children.
322
00:10:53,426 --> 00:10:54,694
You're big enough
to play football yourself,
323
00:10:54,728 --> 00:10:55,811
it looks like to me.
324
00:10:55,862 --> 00:10:57,396
I can't tell
if you're joking,
325
00:10:57,430 --> 00:10:58,864
but I hope you're not.
326
00:10:58,899 --> 00:11:01,150
This whole place
is yours.
327
00:11:01,201 --> 00:11:02,441
Jim Irsay and I
became friends
328
00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:05,037
while volunteering to mentor
Indianapolis teens.
329
00:11:05,072 --> 00:11:07,123
I gave them tours
of the state house.
330
00:11:07,157 --> 00:11:10,490
Jim gave them Colts tickets
and autographed jerseys.
331
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:12,411
They preferred Jim.
332
00:11:12,445 --> 00:11:14,080
Reggie Wayne.
I can't look at you,
333
00:11:14,114 --> 00:11:16,082
Reggie Wayne.
[Laughing] Oh.
334
00:11:16,116 --> 00:11:18,667
I got married in your jersey.
That's no joke.
335
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:21,003
That's weird.
But I respect that.
336
00:11:21,054 --> 00:11:22,888
I'm a big fan,
Mr. Luck.
337
00:11:22,923 --> 00:11:24,557
Okay, guy, settle down.
338
00:11:24,591 --> 00:11:26,425
- Okay.
- Uh, Mr. Andrew Luck,
339
00:11:26,459 --> 00:11:28,961
it's every groom's dream
to catch a touchdown pass
340
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:29,962
thrown by you.
341
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,180
Could you do me the honor?
342
00:11:31,231 --> 00:11:32,848
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Keep the spiral tight.
343
00:11:32,899 --> 00:11:33,849
- I'll try.
- Okay.
344
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:37,233
[Panting]
345
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:40,656
[All cheering]
346
00:11:40,690 --> 00:11:42,024
Touchdown, Dwyer!
347
00:11:42,075 --> 00:11:43,976
[Laughter and applause]
348
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,144
- Andy!
- Yeah!
349
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:46,579
- Whoo!
- See ya!
350
00:11:46,613 --> 00:11:48,581
[Salt-n-Pepa's Shoop]
♪ Hey, yeah
351
00:11:48,615 --> 00:11:50,699
♪ I wanna shoop, baby
352
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:52,752
♪ shoop, shoop-ba-doop
353
00:11:52,786 --> 00:11:54,370
♪ uh, here I go
here I go ♪
354
00:11:54,421 --> 00:11:55,538
♪ here I go again
355
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:56,822
♪ girls
what's my weakness? ♪
356
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,374
- ♪ men
- ♪ Okay then
357
00:11:58,425 --> 00:11:59,825
♪ uh
Ooh, let's call Ann real quick.
358
00:11:59,843 --> 00:12:00,826
Rub it in.
359
00:12:00,844 --> 00:12:02,128
[Line rings]
Hello?
360
00:12:02,162 --> 00:12:04,163
- Ann Perkins!
- Ann Perkins!
361
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,965
[All shouting]
362
00:12:05,999 --> 00:12:07,299
We're having
the time of our lives,
363
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:08,934
and I'm calling you
to rub it in!
364
00:12:08,969 --> 00:12:10,052
- Whoo!
- Boom!
365
00:12:10,103 --> 00:12:11,837
- Really.
- We went to an insane bar,
366
00:12:11,855 --> 00:12:13,773
played football
with the Colts.
367
00:12:13,807 --> 00:12:15,057
- With the Colts!
- The Colts!
368
00:12:15,108 --> 00:12:16,225
Football!
369
00:12:16,276 --> 00:12:17,516
Now we're going
to a steakhouse.
370
00:12:17,527 --> 00:12:18,727
What are you doing?
371
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,680
Uh, well, we're surrounded
by hot guys.
372
00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:24,150
- We're surrounded by hot guys.
- Boom!
373
00:12:24,184 --> 00:12:27,153
Oh, Donna just ripped off
a stripper's underwear
374
00:12:27,187 --> 00:12:28,687
with her teeth.
375
00:12:28,705 --> 00:12:30,026
- Whoo!
- Ann, who are you lying to?
376
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,240
- Shh.
- No!
377
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:33,659
Can I take a break?
My hands are tired.
378
00:12:33,693 --> 00:12:34,994
Uh-uh.
We paid for an hour.
379
00:12:35,028 --> 00:12:36,662
You gonna dig
for an hour.
380
00:12:36,696 --> 00:12:40,029
Gentlemen, welcome
to the Steak House of St. Elmo.
381
00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:41,250
- Whoo!
- Yes!
382
00:12:41,301 --> 00:12:43,002
Tonight we eat
something's flesh!
383
00:12:43,036 --> 00:12:45,137
I want meat!
384
00:12:45,172 --> 00:12:46,422
Jerry, are you sure
this is our table?
385
00:12:46,473 --> 00:12:48,140
There's only four settings.
386
00:12:48,175 --> 00:12:49,508
Excuse me, sir.
This is not your table.
387
00:12:49,542 --> 00:12:51,477
Well, I thought you said
the Gergich party.
388
00:12:51,511 --> 00:12:53,378
No, no, I said
the Gingrich party.
389
00:12:53,396 --> 00:12:55,815
[Gasps]
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
390
00:12:55,849 --> 00:12:57,433
Damn it, Jerry.
391
00:12:57,484 --> 00:12:59,735
But you know what?
Gingrich, Gergich.
392
00:12:59,769 --> 00:13:01,937
I wonder if we're related.
393
00:13:01,988 --> 00:13:03,189
I don't think so, Jerry.
394
00:13:03,223 --> 00:13:05,858
[Chuckles]
Okay.
395
00:13:05,892 --> 00:13:07,276
One rare porterhouse,
396
00:13:07,327 --> 00:13:08,944
one rare sirloin,
and a rasher of bacon.
397
00:13:08,995 --> 00:13:10,279
- Oh.
- It's the lord's work
398
00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:11,530
you're doing, John.
399
00:13:11,564 --> 00:13:13,332
I'd like
four more glasses
400
00:13:13,366 --> 00:13:15,451
of Lagavulin
in liquid form.
401
00:13:15,502 --> 00:13:16,902
That's not something
you really need to specify.
402
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,954
You'd be surprised.
403
00:13:19,005 --> 00:13:20,873
So, bachelor boy,
404
00:13:20,907 --> 00:13:22,007
how's it going
with Diane?
405
00:13:22,042 --> 00:13:23,175
Hmm.
406
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:25,628
I'm gonna be very candid
with you all.
407
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,213
I like her.
408
00:13:27,247 --> 00:13:28,514
- Whoa!
- Wow!
409
00:13:28,548 --> 00:13:29,965
[Laughter]
410
00:13:30,016 --> 00:13:32,384
Okay, okay, okay.
[Clears throat]
411
00:13:32,418 --> 00:13:34,920
There are so many things
that I could say about Ron,
412
00:13:34,938 --> 00:13:36,889
but I think
that the best man's speech
413
00:13:36,923 --> 00:13:39,191
should represent the groom.
414
00:13:39,226 --> 00:13:41,360
So I will just say...
415
00:13:41,394 --> 00:13:42,361
To Ron.
416
00:13:42,395 --> 00:13:43,395
- Oh, to Ron!
- To Ron!
417
00:13:43,429 --> 00:13:44,697
To Ron.
418
00:13:44,731 --> 00:13:46,532
Just perfect.
Perfect, Chris.
419
00:13:46,566 --> 00:13:48,067
Here you are, sir.
420
00:13:48,101 --> 00:13:49,401
And I thought you might
also like to know
421
00:13:49,435 --> 00:13:50,903
that your meal has already
been taken care of
422
00:13:50,937 --> 00:13:52,905
- by Mr. Hibbert.
- W-what?
423
00:13:52,939 --> 00:13:53,939
- Oh!
- Oh!
424
00:13:53,957 --> 00:13:57,042
- Hey!
- Oh, whoa!
425
00:13:57,077 --> 00:13:58,077
What's up, Jell-o shot?
426
00:13:58,111 --> 00:13:59,278
- Hey, man.
- How's it going?
427
00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:01,613
Roy Hibbert.
Entertainment 720 reunion.
428
00:14:01,631 --> 00:14:02,614
Hey, Tom.
429
00:14:02,632 --> 00:14:04,049
I am not paying
for that guy.
430
00:14:04,084 --> 00:14:06,552
He owes me a lot of money.
431
00:14:06,586 --> 00:14:07,836
It's true.
432
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:09,288
[Birds chirping]
433
00:14:09,322 --> 00:14:10,606
[Yawns]
Coffee?
434
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:13,225
Yes, please.
Take extra cream, 30 sugars.
435
00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:15,561
I can't believe I tried
to exploit the Wamapoke
436
00:14:15,595 --> 00:14:17,897
for my own personal gain.
437
00:14:17,931 --> 00:14:19,398
Well, we got
most of the artifacts,
438
00:14:19,432 --> 00:14:20,966
and even if we didn't,
they probably won't find them.
439
00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:22,735
Yeah, and if they do,
440
00:14:22,769 --> 00:14:24,203
you'll just go to jail.
441
00:14:24,237 --> 00:14:26,105
But you can make wine
in your toilet
442
00:14:26,139 --> 00:14:27,106
and fight people,
443
00:14:27,140 --> 00:14:28,974
which is a super-cool way
to live.
444
00:14:29,009 --> 00:14:30,492
Oh, my God.
Tweep.
445
00:14:30,527 --> 00:14:32,278
I tweeped.
I called Tweep.
446
00:14:32,312 --> 00:14:33,946
Look, I'm telling the truth
here, lady.
447
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:36,815
We haven't found
any American Indian artifacts.
448
00:14:36,833 --> 00:14:38,417
Or regular Indian.
449
00:14:38,451 --> 00:14:41,620
Japanese, Muslim,
Jewish,
450
00:14:41,654 --> 00:14:43,088
none of those weird countries.
451
00:14:43,123 --> 00:14:45,124
- Weird countries?
- Shauna Malwae-Tweep.
452
00:14:45,158 --> 00:14:47,259
Wow, I'm so glad
that you're here.
453
00:14:47,294 --> 00:14:48,928
[Chuckles]
What's going on? Nothing?
454
00:14:48,962 --> 00:14:50,996
Found something!
There's other stuff too.
455
00:14:51,014 --> 00:14:53,766
Arrowheads, more pottery.
456
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,302
I also found some weird-looking
gummy candy.
457
00:14:56,336 --> 00:14:57,469
All right, shut it down.
458
00:14:57,503 --> 00:14:58,887
This is a P.R. nightmare.
459
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,105
We can't do anything
460
00:15:00,140 --> 00:15:01,840
until the Indian Affairs
Commission weighs in.
461
00:15:01,858 --> 00:15:05,060
This is
[Bleep] bull[Bleep].
462
00:15:05,611 --> 00:15:06,962
Okay.
463
00:15:08,009 --> 00:15:10,788
Lesie, Ken Hotate
is right over there,
464
00:15:10,789 --> 00:15:12,439
you need to talk to him
before the meeting
465
00:15:12,457 --> 00:15:14,074
and come clean.
466
00:15:14,075 --> 00:15:15,075
[Groans]
467
00:15:15,076 --> 00:15:16,243
He's gonna be so mad.
468
00:15:16,277 --> 00:15:17,694
The zodiac killer
never confessed.
469
00:15:17,695 --> 00:15:19,028
Why do I have to?
470
00:15:19,046 --> 00:15:22,032
Leslie, I want the Pawnee
Commons as bad as you do.
471
00:15:22,066 --> 00:15:23,733
Actually,
that's not true.
472
00:15:23,768 --> 00:15:25,635
You want everything
a thousand times more than I do.
473
00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:28,471
But we do not want
to win this way.
474
00:15:28,506 --> 00:15:30,390
Oh, April, I wish you weren't
right, but you are.
475
00:15:30,424 --> 00:15:32,309
You have turned
into a very beautiful, wise,
476
00:15:32,343 --> 00:15:34,177
and fertile
government employee.
477
00:15:34,211 --> 00:15:36,713
Stop.
478
00:15:36,731 --> 00:15:38,047
It's kind of weird
when she just starts
479
00:15:38,065 --> 00:15:39,516
raining compliments
on you, huh?
480
00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:42,435
Don't try to bond
with me.
481
00:15:42,486 --> 00:15:43,853
Can't win.
482
00:15:43,887 --> 00:15:45,054
- [Groaning]
- [Laughing]
483
00:15:45,072 --> 00:15:47,490
Hey, guys,
I had these T-shirts made.
484
00:15:47,525 --> 00:15:49,859
They're not exactly
a summary of the party
485
00:15:49,893 --> 00:15:51,244
- we ended up having.
- Whoa.
486
00:15:51,279 --> 00:15:52,362
But they're a good memento.
487
00:15:52,396 --> 00:15:54,331
Madness indeed.
488
00:15:54,365 --> 00:15:55,582
I love this!
489
00:15:55,616 --> 00:15:58,285
Usually you can only get
board game t-shirts in XXL.
490
00:15:58,336 --> 00:15:59,619
I just remembered.
491
00:15:59,670 --> 00:16:02,038
We left Jerry back at
the gas station in Martinsville.
492
00:16:02,072 --> 00:16:03,373
I'll go get him.
493
00:16:03,407 --> 00:16:05,625
Ah, that guy's the best.
[Engine turns over]
494
00:16:05,676 --> 00:16:07,460
I feel bad he didn't get
to have his moment last night.
495
00:16:07,511 --> 00:16:10,297
Hey, you know what
we should do for him?
496
00:16:10,348 --> 00:16:12,882
Yeah, get him a pet snake,
but I keep it.
497
00:16:12,916 --> 00:16:14,467
What?
498
00:16:14,518 --> 00:16:16,687
In 1921,
several Wamapoke families
499
00:16:16,721 --> 00:16:18,055
were removed
from their homes
500
00:16:18,089 --> 00:16:20,724
so that Pawnee could install
a bumper car track.
501
00:16:20,758 --> 00:16:23,777
In 1951,
Pawnee made it illegal
502
00:16:23,812 --> 00:16:25,279
for people to,
503
00:16:25,313 --> 00:16:27,865
"Dance or smell
like a native American."
504
00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:29,432
Why are you telling me
all this?
505
00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:31,552
Well, I want to raise the bar
of awfulness
506
00:16:31,586 --> 00:16:32,953
so that when I confess
something to you,
507
00:16:32,987 --> 00:16:35,155
you have perspective.
508
00:16:35,206 --> 00:16:37,291
Those artifacts found
at lot 48
509
00:16:37,325 --> 00:16:38,659
were placed there
by me.
510
00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:41,961
I wanted to delay construction
on the Paunch Burger
511
00:16:41,996 --> 00:16:44,080
and buy some more time
for my park project.
512
00:16:44,114 --> 00:16:46,750
[Sighs]
That is not great.
513
00:16:46,784 --> 00:16:47,834
It sucks.
514
00:16:47,885 --> 00:16:49,285
I'm very, very sorry.
515
00:16:49,303 --> 00:16:51,721
I have great respect
for the Wamapoke culture.
516
00:16:51,756 --> 00:16:53,673
And this isn't even
about the Pawnee Commons.
517
00:16:53,724 --> 00:16:56,393
I just hope that you
can forgive me, Ken.
518
00:16:56,427 --> 00:16:57,477
[Sighs]
519
00:16:57,478 --> 00:16:59,045
Hey!
520
00:16:59,063 --> 00:17:00,313
Hey, guys.
What are you doing here?
521
00:17:00,348 --> 00:17:03,266
Congratulations. You have won
the award for Best Man.
522
00:17:03,317 --> 00:17:05,819
Full disclosure--
I voted for Ryan Gosling,
523
00:17:05,853 --> 00:17:06,886
but you came in
a close second.
524
00:17:06,904 --> 00:17:08,555
Now,
you've never been married,
525
00:17:08,573 --> 00:17:10,223
so you didn't get
your own bachelor party.
526
00:17:10,241 --> 00:17:12,109
But let's look ahead.
527
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,277
The year is 2018.
528
00:17:14,328 --> 00:17:17,164
America is thriving
under president Nick Cannon,
529
00:17:17,198 --> 00:17:20,066
and tomorrow,
Chris Traeger's getting married.
530
00:17:20,084 --> 00:17:21,535
Who's the lucky lady?
531
00:17:21,569 --> 00:17:24,504
Maybe she's an upbeat gal
who's nuts about fitness.
532
00:17:24,539 --> 00:17:26,957
Maybe she owns
a juice bar in Snerling.
533
00:17:27,008 --> 00:17:29,459
Maybe it's April.
Maybe I die.
534
00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:31,545
Skydiving explosion.
Pbbbt.
535
00:17:31,579 --> 00:17:32,963
And then you go marry April.
536
00:17:33,014 --> 00:17:34,347
And it makes me sad,
537
00:17:34,382 --> 00:17:36,383
but if she's gonna be
with somebody,
538
00:17:36,417 --> 00:17:37,584
I'd like it to be you.
539
00:17:37,602 --> 00:17:39,302
Strange, but sweet.
540
00:17:39,353 --> 00:17:41,388
Only I didn't really die.
I was faking it.
541
00:17:41,422 --> 00:17:43,273
And I come back.
542
00:17:43,307 --> 00:17:46,309
I spy on you
from my red Corvette.
543
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,527
And I'm planning
to kick your ass,
544
00:17:47,562 --> 00:17:49,429
but I see how happy
you make her,
545
00:17:49,447 --> 00:17:50,564
and I have to walk away.
546
00:17:50,598 --> 00:17:52,649
I have to.
And I do, slowly.
547
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:53,900
In a rainstorm.
548
00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:54,985
Okay, this isn't really
in the spirit
549
00:17:55,036 --> 00:17:56,153
of what we're trying to do.
550
00:17:56,204 --> 00:17:58,989
But as time goes by,
it eats away at me.
551
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,574
You're out living it up
with my wife.
552
00:18:00,608 --> 00:18:02,375
And I'm alone.
553
00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:04,744
In a cave.
554
00:18:04,778 --> 00:18:06,613
Training.
555
00:18:06,631 --> 00:18:08,448
Anyone else
want to chime in?
556
00:18:08,466 --> 00:18:09,782
I thought
you were my friend.
557
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,168
I thought you were my friend!
558
00:18:11,219 --> 00:18:12,952
Okay, what we're trying
to say is
559
00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:14,221
that you are a great guy,
560
00:18:14,255 --> 00:18:16,590
and someday,
you're gonna meet somebody
561
00:18:16,624 --> 00:18:19,125
who's into all the same stuff
that you are.
562
00:18:19,143 --> 00:18:21,511
You know, the old Chris
would've loved
563
00:18:21,562 --> 00:18:24,648
this super-fit
health goddess
564
00:18:24,682 --> 00:18:25,765
you guys
are talking about.
565
00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:28,185
But our great adventure
reminded me
566
00:18:28,236 --> 00:18:30,187
that now I just want someone
that values
567
00:18:30,238 --> 00:18:31,404
the important things
in life--
568
00:18:31,439 --> 00:18:33,940
friendships, passion,
happiness.
569
00:18:33,974 --> 00:18:36,243
And dimples
are a plus.
570
00:18:36,277 --> 00:18:37,861
- [Chuckles]
- Aw, that's sweet.
571
00:18:37,912 --> 00:18:40,530
I forgive you, bro.
You take care of April.
572
00:18:40,581 --> 00:18:42,582
After careful examination,
573
00:18:42,617 --> 00:18:45,418
we have determined that
these Wamapoke artifacts
574
00:18:45,453 --> 00:18:47,754
could not have originated
in lot 48.
575
00:18:48,288 --> 00:18:49,539
Boom.
Knew it.
576
00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:51,591
There's something else.
577
00:18:51,626 --> 00:18:53,126
I would like to go
on record and say that--
578
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,211
Hold on, Ms. Knope.
579
00:18:54,262 --> 00:18:56,162
Please.
580
00:18:56,180 --> 00:18:57,597
I would like to go
on record.
581
00:18:57,632 --> 00:18:59,332
Speaking as a citizen
of Pawnee,
582
00:18:59,350 --> 00:19:01,101
I do not like the way
you went back on your deal
583
00:19:01,135 --> 00:19:02,936
with Councilwoman Knope.
584
00:19:02,970 --> 00:19:05,222
It reminds me of what
the settlers of Pawnee did
585
00:19:05,273 --> 00:19:06,339
to my ancestors,
586
00:19:06,357 --> 00:19:09,690
taking their land
without permission.
587
00:19:10,444 --> 00:19:12,312
He really plays white people
like a fiddle.
588
00:19:12,346 --> 00:19:13,030
[Chuckles]
589
00:19:13,046 --> 00:19:14,030
Wow.
590
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,398
It's amazing to watch.
591
00:19:15,449 --> 00:19:16,783
You and Leslie
had a deal.
592
00:19:16,817 --> 00:19:18,902
If that deal
is not restored,
593
00:19:18,953 --> 00:19:22,286
well, I believe
there are six Paunch Burgers
594
00:19:22,456 --> 00:19:23,623
in the Wamapoke casino.
595
00:19:23,658 --> 00:19:26,409
Perhaps it's time
that we revisited
596
00:19:26,710 --> 00:19:27,410
those contracts.
597
00:19:27,711 --> 00:19:30,297
Is that a threat?
598
00:19:30,581 --> 00:19:33,664
Why, yes, I--
I thought that was obvious.
599
00:19:34,335 --> 00:19:35,719
Take the sign down.
600
00:19:35,753 --> 00:19:37,304
We'll wait
until everything's official.
601
00:19:37,338 --> 00:19:38,922
In the spirit
of fair play,
602
00:19:38,973 --> 00:19:42,306
I suggest we put on these
authentic Wamapoke headdresses
603
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,144
and dance
around the table.
604
00:19:44,178 --> 00:19:45,745
Absolutely not.
605
00:19:45,763 --> 00:19:47,881
That sounds
highly offensive.
606
00:19:47,915 --> 00:19:49,516
Does it, white man?
607
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:52,085
No.
It's not offensive.
608
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:55,138
- So let's do it.
- You first.
609
00:19:55,189 --> 00:19:57,857
So clearly,
this is not offensive.
610
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,059
It is offensive.
611
00:19:59,093 --> 00:20:01,645
- I am very sorry.
- Take it off.
612
00:20:01,696 --> 00:20:03,396
Hey, Wyatt.
613
00:20:03,430 --> 00:20:04,864
Oh, hey, Shauna.
614
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:05,865
So I was chasing
this story,
615
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:07,200
but it seems like
a dead end.
616
00:20:07,234 --> 00:20:10,487
Then I heard about your crazy
rotating bachelor party.
617
00:20:10,538 --> 00:20:11,738
Would you mind
if I wrote about it?
618
00:20:11,772 --> 00:20:13,290
Sure.
619
00:20:13,324 --> 00:20:14,991
But is that really news?
620
00:20:15,042 --> 00:20:16,076
To me it is.
621
00:20:16,110 --> 00:20:17,711
A group of good friends
having fun,
622
00:20:17,745 --> 00:20:18,912
doing nice things
for each other.
623
00:20:18,946 --> 00:20:20,664
I mean, that's what's important
in life,
624
00:20:20,715 --> 00:20:22,549
and I want to write
about it.
625
00:20:22,583 --> 00:20:23,950
Hey, Chris.
626
00:20:23,968 --> 00:20:24,968
Ben Wyatt.
627
00:20:25,002 --> 00:20:26,836
And Shauna Malwae-Tweep.
628
00:20:26,887 --> 00:20:28,121
Hey,
Shauna's doing a story
629
00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:29,839
on our group bachelor party.
630
00:20:29,890 --> 00:20:31,124
She said she wanted
to write stories
631
00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:33,843
about good people doing
nice things for each other.
632
00:20:33,894 --> 00:20:36,763
So I figured you two might have
a lot to talk about.
633
00:20:36,797 --> 00:20:39,049
You may be right
about that.
634
00:20:39,083 --> 00:20:41,568
Do you have a second
right now?
635
00:20:41,602 --> 00:20:43,103
I have thousands
of seconds.
636
00:20:43,137 --> 00:20:44,571
Would you like
to have lunch?
637
00:20:44,605 --> 00:20:46,106
Are you a vegetarian?
638
00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:48,274
A vegan?
A pescatarian?
639
00:20:48,308 --> 00:20:49,409
Not that it matters.
640
00:20:49,443 --> 00:20:52,162
- Um, I like burgers.
- Perfect.
641
00:20:53,355 --> 00:20:54,789
Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh!
642
00:20:55,573 --> 00:20:58,074
Three, ten, bullock!
Three, ten, bullock!
643
00:20:58,342 --> 00:20:59,927
Give it to me.
644
00:21:00,961 --> 00:21:02,082
How great a day was today?
645
00:21:02,096 --> 00:21:03,963
[Panting]
Oh, God, I could die.
646
00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:05,331
Greatest day of my life.
647
00:21:05,349 --> 00:21:06,633
I met Andrew Luck today.
648
00:21:06,667 --> 00:21:07,801
I met Reggie Wayne today.
649
00:21:07,835 --> 00:21:09,168
And I met Jim Irsay.
650
00:21:09,186 --> 00:21:12,055
I'm standing
on the field.
651
00:21:12,106 --> 00:21:13,172
Lucas Oil Stadium.
652
00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:15,725
And I'm playing football
with my friends.
653
00:21:16,690 --> 00:21:20,225
ALL: Cheering.
654
00:21:23,090 --> 00:21:28,225
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com