1
00:00:00,581 --> 00:00:02,024
Mr. Hotate, hi.
2
00:00:02,049 --> 00:00:02,993
Thank you for coming.
3
00:00:03,011 --> 00:00:04,187
Would you like some water?
4
00:00:04,219 --> 00:00:07,271
Water?
Like fire water?
5
00:00:07,437 --> 00:00:09,498
That's racist,
and I do not appreciate it.
6
00:00:09,529 --> 00:00:11,695
No, no, no, no, no.
I-I didn't mean it like that.
7
00:00:11,718 --> 00:00:13,009
I just meant, you know--
8
00:00:13,034 --> 00:00:14,034
I'm just messing with you.
9
00:00:14,052 --> 00:00:15,702
Oh, my God!
[Laughs]
10
00:00:15,727 --> 00:00:17,184
He's funny.
This guy's funny.
11
00:00:17,202 --> 00:00:18,538
- He does that sometimes.
- But seriously.
12
00:00:18,547 --> 00:00:20,376
I'll have a whiskey.
13
00:00:20,605 --> 00:00:23,383
Ken Hotate is the leader
of the Wamapoke people,
14
00:00:23,414 --> 00:00:25,077
and we are trying
to get them involved
15
00:00:25,101 --> 00:00:26,569
in our Pawnee Commons project.
16
00:00:26,619 --> 00:00:28,228
Ken and I get along great.
17
00:00:28,286 --> 00:00:30,575
But historically,
Pawnee's relationship
18
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,787
with the Wamapoke
has been more...
19
00:00:33,874 --> 00:00:35,158
Murder-y.
20
00:00:35,342 --> 00:00:37,693
What about--and I'm just
spit-balling here--
21
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:40,864
a large neon advertisement
for the Wamapoke casino?
22
00:00:40,967 --> 00:00:43,200
We have a new slogan
that I'm quite proud of:
23
00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:46,083
"Our slots
are downright filthy."
24
00:00:46,151 --> 00:00:48,486
I think it's a slam-dunk idea.
I think we're done here.
25
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,679
I don't--
I don't think we are.
26
00:00:49,691 --> 00:00:51,525
I don't know if we could
put that in a public park.
27
00:00:51,565 --> 00:00:55,004
In that case,
the playground will be great.
28
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:57,291
Why don't we retire
to my longhouse
29
00:00:57,328 --> 00:01:00,097
and smoke the ceremonial
peace pipe to celebrate?
30
00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:02,199
[Chuckles]
31
00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:03,906
- Is he joking?
- I don't know.
32
00:01:03,941 --> 00:01:06,910
[Triumphant music]
33
00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:12,571
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
34
00:01:24,539 --> 00:01:26,323
Well, well, well.
35
00:01:26,369 --> 00:01:29,354
If it isn't Mr. Best Man
and Bachelor boy.
36
00:01:29,367 --> 00:01:31,147
Ann Perkins, Maid of Honor,
37
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,715
are you ready
for the bachelorette party?
38
00:01:32,740 --> 00:01:33,890
Uh, more than ready.
39
00:01:33,921 --> 00:01:36,332
We've got dancing,
Jell-o shots,
40
00:01:36,372 --> 00:01:37,539
private karaoke,
41
00:01:37,601 --> 00:01:39,504
and anything
that can be penis-shaped
42
00:01:39,532 --> 00:01:40,545
will be penis-shaped.
43
00:01:40,588 --> 00:01:42,144
- Ohhh!
- What?
44
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,170
As Leslie's maid of honor,
45
00:01:44,194 --> 00:01:47,410
I really need her
bachelorette party to go well.
46
00:01:47,458 --> 00:01:50,677
Which is why I'm stress-eating
gummy penises.
47
00:01:53,371 --> 00:01:55,462
What are you losers doing
for your bachelor party?
48
00:01:55,501 --> 00:01:57,746
I told Ben he could do
whatever he wants.
49
00:01:57,790 --> 00:01:58,823
Sky is the limit.
50
00:01:58,873 --> 00:02:01,709
We have Haverford,
Swanson, Dwyer--
51
00:02:01,754 --> 00:02:03,343
Jerry forced his way
in there somehow--
52
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,342
things are bound to get crazy.
53
00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:09,306
The game is Settlers of Catan.
54
00:02:09,349 --> 00:02:12,217
The object is be the first
to build a civilization
55
00:02:12,248 --> 00:02:13,571
on this fictional island.
56
00:02:13,596 --> 00:02:15,498
I can't believe
this is what you want to do
57
00:02:15,516 --> 00:02:16,579
for your bachelor party.
58
00:02:16,646 --> 00:02:19,302
Look, guys, we don't have to play
this game if you don't want to.
59
00:02:19,324 --> 00:02:21,343
I mean, I'm nationally ranked,
60
00:02:21,373 --> 00:02:22,823
so it isn't even really fair.
61
00:02:22,858 --> 00:02:24,849
Ben, this is your night.
62
00:02:24,874 --> 00:02:26,162
We do what you want to do.
63
00:02:26,197 --> 00:02:27,981
Come on, let's play.
[Pounds on table]
64
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:30,621
I'm not a big bachelor party
kind of guy,
65
00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:32,770
so when the guys asked me
what my perfect night would be,
66
00:02:32,807 --> 00:02:35,442
I told them the truth--
beer and board games.
67
00:02:35,615 --> 00:02:37,852
They thought I was kidding.
68
00:02:38,152 --> 00:02:39,769
I was not kidding.
69
00:02:40,257 --> 00:02:42,523
Is this gonna be one of
those cool bachelorette parties
70
00:02:42,548 --> 00:02:44,834
where things get out of control
and we murder someone,
71
00:02:44,859 --> 00:02:46,160
and then we all have to take
a blood oath
72
00:02:46,194 --> 00:02:47,801
to never reveal our secret?
73
00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:49,359
No.
74
00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:52,236
Then I might have
to leave early.
75
00:02:52,428 --> 00:02:54,100
What the hell?
76
00:02:55,779 --> 00:02:56,973
Well, well, well.
77
00:02:57,008 --> 00:02:59,378
Don't you ladies look nice...
For once?
78
00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:02,676
Just kidding. I've actually always
been attracted to this one.
79
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:04,007
Jamm, what the hell
are you doing?
80
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,265
We're laying the groundwork
for Pawnee's newest restaurant.
81
00:03:06,302 --> 00:03:08,003
"Future home of Paunch Burger.
82
00:03:08,037 --> 00:03:09,704
Start drooling, fatties"?
83
00:03:09,722 --> 00:03:11,173
Look, the deal was
that both of us
84
00:03:11,207 --> 00:03:12,958
had three months to get
our proposals together,
85
00:03:12,982 --> 00:03:14,316
and then we put it
up for a vote.
86
00:03:14,351 --> 00:03:16,658
- We still have two weeks left.
- Yeah, that's true.
87
00:03:16,692 --> 00:03:19,327
However, here's the problem.
88
00:03:19,349 --> 00:03:20,682
Turns out, I don't care.
89
00:03:20,716 --> 00:03:21,934
You can't stop this train.
90
00:03:21,985 --> 00:03:23,505
Make all the ruckus you want.
91
00:03:23,523 --> 00:03:25,046
By the time
this all gets cleared up,
92
00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:27,785
the people will be frothing
at the mouth for that beef.
93
00:03:27,821 --> 00:03:30,928
Aw, sweet!
A new Paunch Burger.
94
00:03:31,062 --> 00:03:33,754
Their burgers will kill you!
They're full of wasps!
95
00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:35,275
Yeah, but they taste real good.
96
00:03:35,331 --> 00:03:36,457
Yes, they do, sir.
97
00:03:36,488 --> 00:03:38,871
Once again, open invitation.
98
00:03:38,897 --> 00:03:41,216
I'm still technically married,
but my wife knows the deal.
99
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,064
Ugh.
100
00:03:43,155 --> 00:03:44,623
Oh, I'm sorry, what's this?
101
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:48,409
Seven contiguous segments,
giving me longest road
102
00:03:48,423 --> 00:03:50,729
and a sweet-ass ten points
for the win.
103
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,248
Oh, booyah!
104
00:03:52,331 --> 00:03:53,460
Okay.
All right.
105
00:03:53,493 --> 00:03:55,198
Guys, come on over here.
Gather round.
106
00:03:55,223 --> 00:03:56,723
I want to propose a toast.
107
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:59,388
To our new Lord of Catan,
108
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,197
Ben Wyatt, a great friend
109
00:04:01,211 --> 00:04:02,444
and a wonderful man.
110
00:04:02,469 --> 00:04:05,120
May you and Leslie find
eternal happiness together.
111
00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,637
- Hey.
- Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
112
00:04:06,674 --> 00:04:09,085
Thanks, you guys.
Thanks for indulging me.
113
00:04:09,114 --> 00:04:10,364
Hey, you want to stick around?
114
00:04:10,395 --> 00:04:12,057
I got a bunch
of Homeland episodes
115
00:04:12,082 --> 00:04:13,526
burning a hole in my DVR.
116
00:04:13,550 --> 00:04:14,820
No!
117
00:04:14,849 --> 00:04:18,168
I'm sorry. On principle,
I cannot stand idly by
118
00:04:18,186 --> 00:04:20,168
and watch a bachelor party
peter out like this.
119
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:22,784
Now, I know you said no strippers
'cause they make you sad.
120
00:04:22,810 --> 00:04:23,542
Correct.
121
00:04:23,566 --> 00:04:25,359
Then let's go get a drink
at Essence.
122
00:04:25,381 --> 00:04:27,107
It's the hot new bar
in Eagleton.
123
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:30,023
Things Magazine said
it's the next big thing.
124
00:04:30,072 --> 00:04:31,567
But, Tom, this is Ben's night.
125
00:04:31,599 --> 00:04:33,910
Oh, believe me,
if the group's happy, I'm happy.
126
00:04:33,952 --> 00:04:35,152
- I'd go.
- If you guys spot me.
127
00:04:35,181 --> 00:04:37,287
- It sounds expensive.
- Just so you know,
128
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,878
it's not your typical bar.
129
00:04:38,938 --> 00:04:41,516
They specialize
in molecular mixology.
130
00:04:41,578 --> 00:04:43,896
It's kind of like
an experimental new way
131
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,034
to consume alcohol.
132
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:48,400
Son, there's no wrong way
to consume alcohol.
133
00:04:48,433 --> 00:04:51,169
[Hip-hop music]
134
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:52,590
Here's your Bud light.
135
00:04:52,656 --> 00:04:54,673
- I ordered a beer.
- That is a beer.
136
00:04:55,112 --> 00:04:57,775
And here's your Nimbus Martini.
137
00:04:57,806 --> 00:04:59,711
May I go ahead and chisel
your aromasphere?
138
00:04:59,751 --> 00:05:01,778
Please!
139
00:05:04,307 --> 00:05:07,022
This is the wrong way
to consume alcohol.
140
00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,923
Whoa,
that's a pretty stiff cloud.
141
00:05:08,948 --> 00:05:10,703
- Who ordered the Scotch?
- Right here.
142
00:05:10,723 --> 00:05:13,068
Hold out your hands, please.
143
00:05:16,048 --> 00:05:17,129
What's happening?
144
00:05:17,172 --> 00:05:19,793
Oh, this is
a sort of play on Scotch.
145
00:05:19,812 --> 00:05:21,930
It's a whiskey-infused lotion.
146
00:05:22,051 --> 00:05:24,064
Can I ask
if this entire establishment
147
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:25,897
is a practical joke
of some kind?
148
00:05:25,940 --> 00:05:27,408
If you don't like the Scotch,
they have a vodka
149
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:30,430
that's served in the form
of a flash of light.
150
00:05:33,163 --> 00:05:34,099
Hey.
151
00:05:34,108 --> 00:05:35,090
Having fun?
152
00:05:35,128 --> 00:05:36,991
Well, four years of work
down the drain,
153
00:05:37,016 --> 00:05:38,572
and I have a penis on my head.
154
00:05:38,608 --> 00:05:41,259
Jamm is stealing this lot
right out from under us.
155
00:05:41,290 --> 00:05:43,344
My dream is dead, Ann.
Mine too.
156
00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:45,171
This is
why I prefer nightmares.
157
00:05:45,202 --> 00:05:46,844
You are sad drinking right now,
158
00:05:46,870 --> 00:05:49,476
and I need you
to be happy drinking.
159
00:05:49,494 --> 00:05:51,361
Like when we watch
Grease together.
160
00:05:51,379 --> 00:05:53,276
I know, Ann, but everything's
gonna disappear.
161
00:05:53,302 --> 00:05:56,024
April's mini-dog park,
the Li'l Sebastian fountain,
162
00:05:56,049 --> 00:05:57,729
even the Wamapoke playground.
163
00:05:57,766 --> 00:05:59,759
Yet another piece
of Wamapoke land
164
00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:01,322
plowed over by the white man.
165
00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:02,941
Just try to forget about it.
166
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:06,313
I mean, there's nothing
you can do to stop them tonight.
167
00:06:06,962 --> 00:06:10,014
For almost 200 years,
Pawnee repeatedly built
168
00:06:10,045 --> 00:06:11,984
factories, restaurants,
and other stuff
169
00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:14,806
on land held sacred
by the Wamapoke people.
170
00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:16,308
So we passed a law
171
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:19,349
saying that
if any sacred Wamapoke artifact
172
00:06:19,368 --> 00:06:21,149
is found on a development site,
173
00:06:21,182 --> 00:06:23,916
all construction
must immediately stop.
174
00:06:23,972 --> 00:06:26,413
It would be terrible
if that were to happen
175
00:06:26,439 --> 00:06:28,412
on this future
Paunch Burger site.
176
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,087
[Chuckles wickedly]
177
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,460
Oh, this is bad.
178
00:06:36,304 --> 00:06:37,767
I should not have done this.
179
00:06:39,992 --> 00:06:41,030
[Doorbell]
180
00:06:41,084 --> 00:06:43,869
Oh, I wonder who that is.
181
00:06:43,895 --> 00:06:46,403
[Women cheer]
Well, if it isn't Babe Lincoln!
182
00:06:46,441 --> 00:06:48,726
- Imagine that.
- Hello, ladies.
183
00:06:48,758 --> 00:06:50,208
I'm Abraham Lincoln.
184
00:06:50,236 --> 00:06:51,486
Who's the lucky Mary Todd?
185
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:53,361
Right here.
Right here.
186
00:06:53,394 --> 00:06:54,522
Ah, ah, ah, me first.
187
00:06:54,564 --> 00:06:55,564
Me first.
Oh, okay.
188
00:06:55,598 --> 00:06:57,348
All right, tear it up, 16!
189
00:06:57,395 --> 00:06:58,846
Emancipate them abs.
190
00:06:58,897 --> 00:07:00,749
[Women cheering]
191
00:07:01,118 --> 00:07:02,458
Come on, Ann, not now.
192
00:07:02,476 --> 00:07:04,147
Come on, Leslie,
just loosen up.
193
00:07:04,178 --> 00:07:05,241
I know for a fact
194
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:06,525
this is a sex dream you've had.
195
00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:07,574
Looks like it's time
196
00:07:07,598 --> 00:07:09,599
for the Gettysburg undressed!
197
00:07:09,626 --> 00:07:10,807
[Women cheering]
198
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:11,544
Okay.
199
00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:13,479
And we're gonna have
to stop now.
200
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,428
I'm sorry,
I'm just not in the mood
201
00:07:15,459 --> 00:07:16,828
for historical nudity.
202
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:18,983
Please, Mr. President,
put your pants back on.
203
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:20,871
Ann, can I speak
with you privately?
204
00:07:21,292 --> 00:07:22,517
Is your name Glenn?
205
00:07:22,556 --> 00:07:24,894
- Yeah.
- I sat behind you in middle school band.
206
00:07:24,925 --> 00:07:26,632
Do you still play the clarinet?
207
00:07:26,936 --> 00:07:28,162
Yeah.
208
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:31,044
How have you been, man?
209
00:07:31,413 --> 00:07:32,695
[Space age music]
210
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,279
Man, if I ever have
a bachelor party,
211
00:07:34,303 --> 00:07:35,853
I am definitely
coming back here.
212
00:07:35,876 --> 00:07:38,079
You never had one before
you were married to Wendy?
213
00:07:38,110 --> 00:07:39,560
No, it was
a green card wedding.
214
00:07:39,591 --> 00:07:40,904
I did watch
the three-way sex scene
215
00:07:40,923 --> 00:07:42,219
from Wild Things a few times
216
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:44,204
the night before,
but it didn't really count.
217
00:07:44,237 --> 00:07:46,176
I never had
a bachelor party either.
218
00:07:46,206 --> 00:07:47,844
Me and April, we got married
with no warning.
219
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:48,999
[Laughs]
I didn't even have time
220
00:07:49,030 --> 00:07:50,196
to take a shower
before my wedding.
221
00:07:50,209 --> 00:07:50,883
[Laughs]
222
00:07:50,908 --> 00:07:52,202
Or after.
223
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,808
For, like, a week and a half.
224
00:07:53,873 --> 00:07:55,323
Tammy One forbade me
225
00:07:55,358 --> 00:07:57,188
from any kind of celebration,
226
00:07:57,219 --> 00:07:59,373
and Tammy Two thwarted me
by calling in
227
00:07:59,397 --> 00:08:01,181
a bomb threat
to the steakhouse.
228
00:08:01,199 --> 00:08:02,694
I didn't have one either!
229
00:08:02,725 --> 00:08:04,225
Yeah, really,
it's a funny story.
230
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:06,020
So two weeks
before I married Gayle,
231
00:08:06,058 --> 00:08:07,845
I had
an emergency appendectomy.
232
00:08:07,879 --> 00:08:10,128
Boop! That's me hitting
the snooze button.
233
00:08:10,149 --> 00:08:11,968
Don't talk again
for another ten minutes.
234
00:08:12,245 --> 00:08:13,289
New idea!
235
00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:15,884
Tonight, everyone
gets the bachelor party
236
00:08:15,902 --> 00:08:17,072
they never had.
237
00:08:17,114 --> 00:08:19,248
One activity per bachelor.
238
00:08:19,273 --> 00:08:21,609
Welcome
to Tom's bachelor party,
239
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:24,547
held in a white airplane hangar
from the ice planet Hoth,
240
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:27,106
replete with dangling,
beautiful aerialists.
241
00:08:27,143 --> 00:08:28,110
To Tom Haverford.
242
00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:29,167
To Tom Haverford!
243
00:08:29,227 --> 00:08:31,946
[All cheering]
244
00:08:32,111 --> 00:08:34,855
Hey, hey--
and to my bride, Rihanna.
245
00:08:34,892 --> 00:08:37,299
We truly did find love
in a hopeless place.
246
00:08:37,419 --> 00:08:39,608
Waiter, a round
of light-flash shots
247
00:08:39,639 --> 00:08:40,552
for me and my friends!
248
00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:42,352
- Ohhh!
- Whoo!
249
00:08:42,805 --> 00:08:43,986
Okay, so what happened?
250
00:08:44,004 --> 00:08:48,079
Well, I buried a bunch of
Wamapoke artifacts in the dirt
251
00:08:48,206 --> 00:08:49,683
so that people would find them
252
00:08:49,704 --> 00:08:52,141
and have to stop developing
at the site.
253
00:08:52,169 --> 00:08:54,326
You know, when I say it out
loud, it doesn't sound so bad.
254
00:08:54,357 --> 00:08:56,492
- No, that's bad.
- Yeah, that's pretty uncool.
255
00:08:56,516 --> 00:08:58,565
- Shut up, Glenn.
- I'm sorry, guys.
256
00:08:58,590 --> 00:09:00,185
Councilman Jamm
was being sneaky,
257
00:09:00,222 --> 00:09:02,227
and then I tried
to sneaky him back,
258
00:09:02,252 --> 00:09:05,254
and it turned to crummy,
and I have to undo it.
259
00:09:05,974 --> 00:09:07,088
I need your help.
260
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,599
- You don't mean--
- I do.
261
00:09:08,624 --> 00:09:10,452
No.
I'm not doing that.
262
00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:12,523
[Grunts]
263
00:09:12,989 --> 00:09:15,402
You guys, the penis hats cut
your digging time in half.
264
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:16,950
I'm serious.
Don't be afraid.
265
00:09:16,981 --> 00:09:18,848
Use the penises.
266
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,008
Bachelorette party.
267
00:09:21,016 --> 00:09:22,350
Whoo.
268
00:09:22,388 --> 00:09:25,123
Perkins does it again.
269
00:09:26,420 --> 00:09:29,260
You know, I met Gayle
right here at Sherm's.
270
00:09:29,281 --> 00:09:31,085
- Mm-mm.
- She was slender.
271
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:34,164
Blonde hair, big breasts,
long legs.
272
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,344
Ugh, not my type at all.
273
00:09:36,387 --> 00:09:38,807
And what was it, exactly,
that led to you two
274
00:09:38,891 --> 00:09:39,938
hitting it off?
275
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:41,354
Was she ill,
276
00:09:41,442 --> 00:09:43,506
or did your father
witness her father
277
00:09:43,531 --> 00:09:44,631
committing a crime?
278
00:09:44,656 --> 00:09:46,189
- Or was she temporarily blind--
- You know what?
279
00:09:46,208 --> 00:09:48,639
All that matters is that you got
married, and you're happy.
280
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,686
So as all-time best man,
281
00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:53,194
I suggest we raise a cone
to Jerry Gergich.
282
00:09:53,211 --> 00:09:54,161
Jerry Gergich.
283
00:09:54,187 --> 00:09:55,642
All: Jerry!
- Thank you.
284
00:09:55,669 --> 00:09:57,650
- Gergich.
- Aw, jeez.
285
00:09:57,670 --> 00:09:59,206
No worries, Gary.
286
00:09:59,243 --> 00:10:00,376
Oh, thanks, Sherm.
287
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:01,588
[Chuckling]
288
00:10:01,607 --> 00:10:03,540
How did you have that
ready so fast?
289
00:10:03,578 --> 00:10:05,048
I always make a backup cone.
290
00:10:05,075 --> 00:10:07,544
He drops it
about half the time.
291
00:10:08,054 --> 00:10:09,404
Andy, you're next.
292
00:10:09,456 --> 00:10:11,591
Any activity in the world.
What would you do?
293
00:10:11,618 --> 00:10:13,166
Well, mine's impossible.
[Chuckles]
294
00:10:13,211 --> 00:10:14,584
I want to see a Colts game.
295
00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,736
I want to see the Colts
beat the Patriots 49 to nothing,
296
00:10:16,748 --> 00:10:18,451
then I yell at Tom Brady
and make him cry,
297
00:10:18,476 --> 00:10:19,797
then I hook up
with Dave Matthews,
298
00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:21,612
and we play golden tee
for ten hours.
299
00:10:21,649 --> 00:10:22,775
♪ A-la-la baby
300
00:10:22,809 --> 00:10:26,142
That's a very specific
dream, son.
301
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:30,025
Hey, Jim, Chris Traeger.
I need a favor.
302
00:10:30,915 --> 00:10:32,582
I'm dead.
I am dead.
303
00:10:32,615 --> 00:10:35,150
And this is what heaven
is like.
304
00:10:35,352 --> 00:10:36,486
I knew it.
305
00:10:36,602 --> 00:10:39,408
Oh, this is
where they play the games!
306
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,257
You're up, Andy.
307
00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:43,808
Hey, guys!
Guys, come on over here.
308
00:10:43,882 --> 00:10:45,037
Andy, I want you to meet
309
00:10:45,049 --> 00:10:47,323
Indianapolis Colts owner
Jim Irsay.
310
00:10:47,348 --> 00:10:49,221
Andy,
good to meet you, my friend.
311
00:10:49,235 --> 00:10:51,122
Thank you.
I love your team, sir.
312
00:10:51,159 --> 00:10:52,751
I love them
like they're my own children.
313
00:10:52,770 --> 00:10:54,382
You're big enough
to play football yourself,
314
00:10:54,407 --> 00:10:55,377
it looks like to me.
315
00:10:55,401 --> 00:10:57,814
I can't tell if you're joking,
but I hope you're not.
316
00:10:57,845 --> 00:11:00,297
This whole place is yours.
317
00:11:00,328 --> 00:11:02,045
Jim Irsay and I became friends
318
00:11:02,075 --> 00:11:04,660
while volunteering to mentor
Indianapolis teens.
319
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:06,658
I gave them tours
of the state house.
320
00:11:06,692 --> 00:11:10,025
Jim gave them Colts tickets
and autographed jerseys.
321
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:11,792
They preferred Jim.
322
00:11:11,849 --> 00:11:13,816
Reggie Wayne.
I can't look at you,
323
00:11:13,835 --> 00:11:15,803
Reggie Wayne.
[Laughing] Oh.
324
00:11:15,858 --> 00:11:18,189
I got married in your jersey.
That's no joke.
325
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:20,606
That's weird.
But I respect that.
326
00:11:20,751 --> 00:11:22,543
I'm a big fan,
Mr. Luck.
327
00:11:22,565 --> 00:11:24,149
Okay, guy, settle down.
328
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:26,112
- Okay.
- Uh, Mr. Andrew Luck,
329
00:11:26,151 --> 00:11:28,595
it's every groom's dream
to catch a touchdown pass
330
00:11:28,627 --> 00:11:29,446
thrown by you.
331
00:11:29,483 --> 00:11:30,534
Could you do me the honor?
332
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,386
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Keep the spiral tight.
333
00:11:32,405 --> 00:11:33,549
- I'll try.
- Okay.
334
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:36,925
[Panting]
335
00:11:37,847 --> 00:11:40,016
[All cheering]
336
00:11:40,053 --> 00:11:42,211
Touchdown, Dwyer!
337
00:11:42,242 --> 00:11:43,466
[Laughter and applause]
338
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:44,836
- Andy!
- Yeah!
339
00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:46,271
- Whoo!
- See ya!
340
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:48,009
[Salt-n-Pepa's Shoop]
♪ Hey, yeah
341
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,124
♪ I wanna shoop, baby
342
00:11:50,148 --> 00:11:52,149
♪ shoop, shoop-ba-doop
343
00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:53,934
♪ uh, here I go here I go ♪
344
00:11:53,978 --> 00:11:55,095
♪ Here I go again
345
00:11:55,124 --> 00:11:56,357
♪ girls
what's my weakness? ♪
346
00:11:56,388 --> 00:11:57,643
- ♪ Men
- ♪ Okay then
347
00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,399
♪ uh
Ooh, let's call Ann real quick.
348
00:11:59,435 --> 00:12:00,466
Rub it in.
349
00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:01,820
[Line rings]
Hello?
350
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,855
- Ann Perkins!
- Ann Perkins!
351
00:12:03,873 --> 00:12:05,378
[All shouting]
352
00:12:05,403 --> 00:12:06,800
We're having
the time of our lives,
353
00:12:06,837 --> 00:12:08,560
and I'm calling you
to rub it in!
354
00:12:08,579 --> 00:12:09,349
- Whoo!
- Boom!
355
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,315
- Really.
- We went to an insane bar,
356
00:12:11,346 --> 00:12:13,114
played football with the Colts.
357
00:12:13,139 --> 00:12:14,727
- With the Colts!
- The Colts!
358
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:15,917
Football!
359
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:17,208
Now we're going
to a steakhouse.
360
00:12:17,219 --> 00:12:18,340
What are you doing?
361
00:12:18,365 --> 00:12:21,160
Uh, well, we're surrounded
by hot guys.
362
00:12:21,191 --> 00:12:23,824
- We're surrounded by hot guys.
- Boom!
363
00:12:24,213 --> 00:12:27,058
Oh, Donna just ripped off
a stripper's underwear
364
00:12:27,096 --> 00:12:27,971
with her teeth.
365
00:12:27,996 --> 00:12:29,810
- Whoo!
- Ann, who are you lying to?
366
00:12:29,856 --> 00:12:30,956
- Shh.
- No!
367
00:12:30,983 --> 00:12:33,136
Can I take a break?
My hands are tired.
368
00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:34,654
Uh-uh.
We paid for an hour.
369
00:12:34,685 --> 00:12:36,319
You gonna dig for an hour.
370
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:39,895
Gentlemen, welcome
to the Steak House of St. Elmo.
371
00:12:39,909 --> 00:12:40,633
- Whoo!
- Yes!
372
00:12:40,664 --> 00:12:42,365
Tonight we eat
something's flesh!
373
00:12:42,396 --> 00:12:44,497
I want meat!
374
00:12:44,632 --> 00:12:45,984
Jerry, are you sure
this is our table?
375
00:12:46,002 --> 00:12:47,322
There's only four settings.
376
00:12:47,353 --> 00:12:48,945
Excuse me, sir.
This is not your table.
377
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,752
Well, I thought you said
the Gergich party.
378
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,638
No, no, I said
the Gingrich party.
379
00:12:52,675 --> 00:12:53,845
[Gasps]
380
00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:55,540
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
381
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:56,885
Damn it, Jerry.
382
00:12:56,916 --> 00:12:59,167
But you know what?
Gingrich, Gergich.
383
00:12:59,242 --> 00:13:01,119
I wonder if we're related.
384
00:13:01,162 --> 00:13:02,694
I don't think so, Jerry.
385
00:13:02,803 --> 00:13:04,670
[Chuckles]
Okay.
386
00:13:05,008 --> 00:13:06,576
One rare porterhouse,
387
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,570
one rare sirloin,
and a rasher of bacon.
388
00:13:08,626 --> 00:13:10,033
- Oh.
- It's the lord's work
389
00:13:10,072 --> 00:13:11,200
you're doing, John.
390
00:13:11,244 --> 00:13:14,632
I'd like four more glasses
of Lagavulin in liquid form.
391
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,563
That's not something
you really need to specify.
392
00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:18,425
You'd be surprised.
393
00:13:18,459 --> 00:13:20,195
So, bachelor boy,
394
00:13:20,220 --> 00:13:21,501
how's it going with Diane?
395
00:13:21,546 --> 00:13:22,679
Hmm.
396
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:25,345
I'm gonna be very candid
with you all.
397
00:13:25,565 --> 00:13:26,690
I like her.
398
00:13:26,770 --> 00:13:28,037
- Whoa!
- Wow!
399
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,657
[Laughter]
400
00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,733
Okay, okay, okay.
[Clears throat]
401
00:13:31,804 --> 00:13:34,605
There are so many things
that I could say about Ron,
402
00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:36,581
but I think
that the best man's speech
403
00:13:36,671 --> 00:13:38,646
should represent the groom.
404
00:13:38,674 --> 00:13:40,808
So I will just say...
405
00:13:40,911 --> 00:13:41,549
To Ron.
406
00:13:41,586 --> 00:13:43,080
- Oh, to Ron!
- To Ron!
407
00:13:43,104 --> 00:13:44,372
To Ron.
408
00:13:44,397 --> 00:13:46,198
Just perfect.
Perfect, Chris.
409
00:13:46,239 --> 00:13:47,464
Here you are, sir.
410
00:13:47,489 --> 00:13:49,017
And I thought you might
also like to know
411
00:13:49,042 --> 00:13:50,800
that your meal has already
been taken care of
412
00:13:50,842 --> 00:13:52,576
- by Mr. Hibbert.
- W-what?
413
00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:53,631
- Oh!
- Oh!
414
00:13:53,649 --> 00:13:56,493
- Hey!
- Oh, whoa!
415
00:13:56,530 --> 00:13:57,600
What's up, Jell-o shot?
416
00:13:57,631 --> 00:13:58,650
- Hey, man.
- How's it going?
417
00:13:58,687 --> 00:14:01,004
Roy Hibbert.
Entertainment 720 reunion.
418
00:14:01,029 --> 00:14:01,959
Hey, Tom.
419
00:14:01,984 --> 00:14:03,528
I am not paying for that guy.
420
00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:05,816
He owes me a lot of money.
421
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,090
It's true.
422
00:14:07,228 --> 00:14:08,266
[Birds chirping]
423
00:14:08,296 --> 00:14:09,130
[Yawns]
424
00:14:09,155 --> 00:14:10,730
- Coffee?
- Yes, please.
425
00:14:10,812 --> 00:14:12,769
Take extra cream, 30 sugars.
426
00:14:12,814 --> 00:14:15,223
I can't believe I tried
to exploit the Wamapoke
427
00:14:15,248 --> 00:14:16,784
for my own personal gain.
428
00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,489
Well, we got
most of the artifacts,
429
00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:20,565
and even if we didn't,
they probably won't find them.
430
00:14:20,608 --> 00:14:21,769
Yeah, and if they do,
431
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,228
you'll just go to jail.
432
00:14:23,266 --> 00:14:25,481
But you can make wine
in your toilet
433
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:26,522
and fight people,
434
00:14:26,553 --> 00:14:27,891
which is a super-cool way
to live.
435
00:14:27,915 --> 00:14:29,816
Oh, my God.
Tweep.
436
00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:31,858
I tweeped.
I called Tweep.
437
00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,821
Look, I'm telling the truth
here, lady.
438
00:14:33,846 --> 00:14:36,573
We haven't found
any American Indian artifacts.
439
00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:38,228
Or regular Indian.
440
00:14:38,255 --> 00:14:40,999
Japanese, Muslim, Jewish,
441
00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:42,593
none of those weird countries.
442
00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:44,912
- Weird countries?
- Shauna Malwae-Tweep.
443
00:14:44,949 --> 00:14:46,835
Wow, I'm so glad
that you're here.
444
00:14:46,872 --> 00:14:48,175
[Chuckles]
What's going on? Nothing?
445
00:14:48,206 --> 00:14:50,515
Found something!
There's other stuff too.
446
00:14:50,844 --> 00:14:53,013
Arrowheads, more pottery.
447
00:14:53,050 --> 00:14:55,504
I also found some weird-looking
gummy candy.
448
00:14:55,542 --> 00:14:57,060
All right, shut it down.
449
00:14:57,094 --> 00:14:58,388
This is a P.R. nightmare.
450
00:14:58,407 --> 00:15:01,460
We can't do anything until the Indian
Affairs Commission weighs in.
451
00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:04,752
This is fucking bullshit.
452
00:15:05,515 --> 00:15:06,866
Okay.
453
00:15:07,626 --> 00:15:10,405
Lesie, Ken Hotate
is right over there,
454
00:15:10,430 --> 00:15:12,175
you need to talk to him
before the meeting
455
00:15:12,193 --> 00:15:13,662
and come clean.
456
00:15:13,692 --> 00:15:14,616
[Groans]
457
00:15:14,641 --> 00:15:15,847
He's gonna be so mad.
458
00:15:15,894 --> 00:15:17,610
The zodiac killer
never confessed.
459
00:15:17,635 --> 00:15:18,623
Why do I have to?
460
00:15:18,663 --> 00:15:21,407
Leslie, I want the Pawnee
Commons as bad as you do.
461
00:15:21,432 --> 00:15:23,099
Actually, that's not true.
462
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:25,127
You want everything
a thousand times more than I do.
463
00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:27,411
But we do not want
to win this way.
464
00:15:27,442 --> 00:15:29,571
Oh, April, I wish you weren't
right, but you are.
465
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,832
You have turned
into a very beautiful, wise,
466
00:15:31,866 --> 00:15:33,753
and fertile
government employee.
467
00:15:33,828 --> 00:15:35,517
Stop.
468
00:15:36,091 --> 00:15:37,489
It's kind of weird
when she just starts
469
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,920
raining compliments
on you, huh?
470
00:15:38,951 --> 00:15:41,348
Don't try to bond with me.
471
00:15:42,103 --> 00:15:43,233
Can't win.
472
00:15:43,264 --> 00:15:44,652
[Groaning]
[Laughing]
473
00:15:44,689 --> 00:15:46,949
Hey, guys,
I had these T-shirts made.
474
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,222
They're not exactly
a summary of the party
475
00:15:49,253 --> 00:15:50,667
- we ended up having.
- Whoa.
476
00:15:50,696 --> 00:15:51,974
But they're a good memento.
477
00:15:52,013 --> 00:15:53,363
Madness indeed.
478
00:15:53,387 --> 00:15:54,663
I love this!
479
00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:57,852
Usually you can only get
board game t-shirts in XXL.
480
00:15:58,271 --> 00:15:59,303
I just remembered.
481
00:15:59,343 --> 00:16:01,512
We left Jerry back at
the gas station in Martinsville.
482
00:16:01,549 --> 00:16:02,850
I'll go get him.
483
00:16:02,892 --> 00:16:04,556
Ah, that guy's the best.
[Engine turns over]
484
00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:07,134
I feel bad he didn't get
to have his moment last night.
485
00:16:07,658 --> 00:16:09,906
Hey, you know what
we should do for him?
486
00:16:09,996 --> 00:16:12,444
Yeah, get him a pet snake,
but I keep it.
487
00:16:12,482 --> 00:16:13,838
What?
488
00:16:14,135 --> 00:16:16,304
In 1921,
several Wamapoke families
489
00:16:16,338 --> 00:16:17,599
were removed from their homes
490
00:16:17,624 --> 00:16:20,734
so that Pawnee could install
a bumper car track.
491
00:16:20,874 --> 00:16:24,448
In 1951, Pawnee made it
illegal for people to,
492
00:16:24,473 --> 00:16:27,562
"Dance or smell
like a native American."
493
00:16:27,581 --> 00:16:29,114
Why are you telling me
all this?
494
00:16:29,148 --> 00:16:31,420
Well, I want to raise the bar
of awfulness
495
00:16:31,438 --> 00:16:32,912
so that when I confess
something to you,
496
00:16:32,943 --> 00:16:34,756
you have perspective.
497
00:16:34,823 --> 00:16:36,908
Those artifacts found at lot 48
498
00:16:36,942 --> 00:16:38,780
were placed there by me.
499
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:41,347
I wanted to delay construction
on the Paunch Burger
500
00:16:41,372 --> 00:16:43,375
and buy some more time
for my park project.
501
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:44,138
[Sighs]
502
00:16:44,163 --> 00:16:46,163
That is not great.
503
00:16:46,188 --> 00:16:47,238
It sucks.
504
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,701
I'm very, very sorry.
505
00:16:48,713 --> 00:16:51,249
I have great respect
for the Wamapoke culture.
506
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:53,125
And this isn't even
about the Pawnee Commons.
507
00:16:53,143 --> 00:16:55,812
I just hope that you
can forgive me, Ken.
508
00:16:55,950 --> 00:16:57,000
[Sighs]
509
00:16:57,095 --> 00:16:58,220
Hey!
510
00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,602
Hey, guys.
What are you doing here?
511
00:16:59,633 --> 00:17:03,423
Congratulations. You have won
the award for Best Man.
512
00:17:03,448 --> 00:17:05,385
Full disclosure--
I voted for Ryan Gosling,
513
00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:06,465
but you came in a close second.
514
00:17:06,514 --> 00:17:08,074
Now, you've never been married,
515
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:09,841
so you didn't get
your own bachelor party.
516
00:17:09,877 --> 00:17:11,745
But let's look ahead.
517
00:17:11,777 --> 00:17:13,894
The year is 2018.
518
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:16,631
America is thriving
under president Nick Cannon,
519
00:17:16,656 --> 00:17:19,771
and tomorrow,
Chris Traeger's getting married.
520
00:17:19,807 --> 00:17:21,032
Who's the lucky lady?
521
00:17:21,050 --> 00:17:23,987
Maybe she's an upbeat gal
who's nuts about fitness.
522
00:17:24,011 --> 00:17:26,231
Maybe she owns
a juice bar in Snerling.
523
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:29,081
Maybe it's April.
Maybe I die.
524
00:17:29,127 --> 00:17:31,162
Skydiving explosion.
Pbbbt.
525
00:17:31,196 --> 00:17:32,925
And then you go marry April.
526
00:17:33,006 --> 00:17:34,244
And it makes me sad,
527
00:17:34,268 --> 00:17:36,091
but if she's gonna be
with somebody,
528
00:17:36,110 --> 00:17:37,277
I'd like it to be you.
529
00:17:37,319 --> 00:17:38,788
Strange, but sweet.
530
00:17:38,806 --> 00:17:41,005
Only I didn't really die.
I was faking it.
531
00:17:41,189 --> 00:17:42,703
And I come back.
532
00:17:42,765 --> 00:17:45,767
I spy on you
from my red Corvette.
533
00:17:45,883 --> 00:17:47,137
And I'm planning
to kick your ass,
534
00:17:47,162 --> 00:17:48,981
but I see how happy
you make her,
535
00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:50,078
and I have to walk away.
536
00:17:50,109 --> 00:17:52,520
I have to.
And I do, slowly.
537
00:17:52,604 --> 00:17:53,529
In a rainstorm.
538
00:17:53,551 --> 00:17:55,776
Okay, this isn't really in the spirit
of what we're trying to do.
539
00:17:55,821 --> 00:17:58,396
But as time goes by,
it eats away at me.
540
00:17:58,451 --> 00:18:00,493
You're out living it up
with my wife.
541
00:18:00,562 --> 00:18:02,050
And I'm alone.
542
00:18:02,083 --> 00:18:04,032
In a cave.
543
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:06,048
Training.
544
00:18:06,454 --> 00:18:08,046
Anyone else want to chime in?
545
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:09,386
I thought you were my friend.
546
00:18:09,398 --> 00:18:10,642
I thought you were my friend!
547
00:18:10,667 --> 00:18:12,270
Okay, what we're trying
to say is
548
00:18:12,288 --> 00:18:13,916
that you are a great guy,
549
00:18:14,078 --> 00:18:16,196
and someday,
you're gonna meet somebody
550
00:18:16,222 --> 00:18:18,305
who's into all the same stuff
that you are.
551
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,107
You know, the old Chris
would've loved
552
00:18:21,125 --> 00:18:24,041
this super-fit
health goddess
553
00:18:24,111 --> 00:18:25,321
you guys are talking about.
554
00:18:25,352 --> 00:18:27,801
But our great adventure
reminded me
555
00:18:27,821 --> 00:18:29,754
that now I just want someone
that values
556
00:18:29,791 --> 00:18:31,042
the important things
in life--
557
00:18:31,062 --> 00:18:33,563
friendships, passion,
happiness.
558
00:18:33,591 --> 00:18:35,860
And dimples are a plus.
559
00:18:35,894 --> 00:18:37,321
[Chuckles]
Aw, that's sweet.
560
00:18:37,339 --> 00:18:39,957
I forgive you, bro.
You take care of April.
561
00:18:40,091 --> 00:18:42,166
After careful examination,
562
00:18:42,215 --> 00:18:45,136
we have determined that
these Wamapoke artifacts
563
00:18:45,232 --> 00:18:47,533
could not have originated
in lot 48.
564
00:18:47,905 --> 00:18:49,156
Boom.
Knew it.
565
00:18:49,207 --> 00:18:50,845
There's something else.
566
00:18:50,942 --> 00:18:52,580
I would like to go
on record and say that--
567
00:18:52,611 --> 00:18:53,843
Hold on, Ms. Knope.
568
00:18:53,873 --> 00:18:55,404
Please.
569
00:18:55,459 --> 00:18:57,172
I would like to go on record.
570
00:18:57,242 --> 00:18:58,942
Speaking as a citizen
of Pawnee,
571
00:18:58,967 --> 00:19:01,115
I do not like the way
you went back on your deal
572
00:19:01,146 --> 00:19:02,434
with Councilwoman Knope.
573
00:19:02,468 --> 00:19:06,299
It reminds me of what the settlers
of Pawnee did to my ancestors,
574
00:19:06,466 --> 00:19:09,799
taking their land
without permission.
575
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:12,325
He really plays white people
like a fiddle.
576
00:19:12,350 --> 00:19:13,526
[Chuckles]
Wow.
577
00:19:13,563 --> 00:19:14,896
It's amazing to watch.
578
00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:16,380
You and Leslie had a deal.
579
00:19:16,434 --> 00:19:18,519
If that deal is not restored,
580
00:19:18,538 --> 00:19:22,030
well, I believe
there are six Paunch Burgers
581
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:23,408
in the Wamapoke casino.
582
00:19:23,512 --> 00:19:26,263
Perhaps it's time
that we revisited
583
00:19:26,414 --> 00:19:27,376
those contracts.
584
00:19:27,415 --> 00:19:29,250
Is that a threat?
585
00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:33,066
Why, yes, I--
I thought that was obvious.
586
00:19:33,952 --> 00:19:35,271
Take the sign down.
587
00:19:35,301 --> 00:19:36,757
We'll wait
until everything's official.
588
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:38,440
In the spirit of fair play,
589
00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:41,930
I suggest we put on these
authentic Wamapoke headdresses
590
00:19:41,967 --> 00:19:43,718
and dance around the table.
591
00:19:44,076 --> 00:19:45,332
Absolutely not.
592
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:47,254
That sounds highly offensive.
593
00:19:47,292 --> 00:19:48,893
Does it, white man?
594
00:19:49,567 --> 00:19:51,702
No.
It's not offensive.
595
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,755
- So let's do it.
- You first.
596
00:19:54,975 --> 00:19:57,595
So clearly,
this is not offensive.
597
00:19:57,646 --> 00:19:58,595
It is offensive.
598
00:19:58,620 --> 00:20:01,074
- I am very sorry.
- Take it off.
599
00:20:01,313 --> 00:20:02,514
Hey, Wyatt.
600
00:20:02,539 --> 00:20:03,770
Oh, hey, Shauna.
601
00:20:03,808 --> 00:20:05,326
So I was chasing this story,
602
00:20:05,357 --> 00:20:06,895
but it seems like a dead end.
603
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,016
Then I heard about your crazy
rotating bachelor party.
604
00:20:10,041 --> 00:20:11,560
Would you mind
if I wrote about it?
605
00:20:11,589 --> 00:20:12,777
Sure.
606
00:20:12,828 --> 00:20:14,411
But is that really news?
607
00:20:14,429 --> 00:20:15,330
To me it is.
608
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,082
A group of good friends
having fun,
609
00:20:17,106 --> 00:20:18,467
doing nice things
for each other.
610
00:20:18,507 --> 00:20:20,274
I mean, that's what's important
in life,
611
00:20:20,307 --> 00:20:22,141
and I want to write about it.
612
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,431
Hey, Chris.
613
00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:24,455
Ben Wyatt.
614
00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:26,050
And Shauna Malwae-Tweep.
615
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:29,436
Hey, Shauna's doing a story
on our group bachelor party.
616
00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:30,905
She said she wanted
to write stories
617
00:20:30,936 --> 00:20:33,637
about good people doing
nice things for each other.
618
00:20:33,673 --> 00:20:36,241
So I figured you two might have
a lot to talk about.
619
00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:38,512
You may be right about that.
620
00:20:38,750 --> 00:20:40,747
Do you have a second right now?
621
00:20:40,831 --> 00:20:42,801
I have thousands of seconds.
622
00:20:42,873 --> 00:20:43,986
Would you like to have lunch?
623
00:20:44,017 --> 00:20:45,518
Are you a vegetarian?
624
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,782
A vegan?
A pescatarian?
625
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:48,850
Not that it matters.
626
00:20:48,875 --> 00:20:51,594
- Um, I like burgers.
- Perfect.
627
00:20:52,659 --> 00:20:54,415
Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh!
628
00:20:54,839 --> 00:20:57,788
Three, ten, bullock!
Three, ten, bullock!
629
00:20:57,921 --> 00:20:59,506
Give it to me.
630
00:20:59,927 --> 00:21:01,415
How great a day was today?
631
00:21:01,499 --> 00:21:03,149
[Panting]
Oh, God, I could die.
632
00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:04,204
Greatest day of my life.
633
00:21:04,241 --> 00:21:05,742
I met Andrew Luck today.
634
00:21:05,790 --> 00:21:06,871
I met Reggie Wayne today.
635
00:21:06,896 --> 00:21:08,171
And I met Jim Irsay.
636
00:21:08,215 --> 00:21:11,084
I'm standing on the field.
637
00:21:11,154 --> 00:21:12,220
Lucas Oil Stadium.
638
00:21:12,807 --> 00:21:15,342
And I'm playing football
with my friends.
639
00:21:15,988 --> 00:21:19,523
ALL: Cheering.
640
00:21:22,707 --> 00:21:27,707
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther