1
00:00:01,766 --> 00:00:03,099
Charlie Bradbury.
2
00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:04,601
Aah!
Geez!
3
00:00:04,818 --> 00:00:05,934
I erase the drive first.
4
00:00:05,936 --> 00:00:07,685
Then I go back
to my old life, right?
5
00:00:07,687 --> 00:00:09,687
You don't have
an old life anymore.
6
00:00:09,689 --> 00:00:12,240
Never contact me again,
like, ever.
7
00:00:12,242 --> 00:00:14,075
If you stay,
I would be with you.
8
00:00:14,077 --> 00:00:16,778
But if you leave...
don't come back.
9
00:00:16,780 --> 00:00:17,996
Whatever you decide...
10
00:00:19,331 --> 00:00:21,416
...decide.
11
00:00:22,618 --> 00:00:23,901
Listen, Benny,
12
00:00:23,903 --> 00:00:26,921
everything you've done for me
I will never forget.
13
00:00:26,923 --> 00:00:29,174
But, uh...
14
00:00:29,176 --> 00:00:30,675
End of the line?
15
00:00:30,677 --> 00:00:31,876
Adios.
16
00:00:44,391 --> 00:00:46,891
How dare you?
17
00:00:46,893 --> 00:00:48,309
Lance.
18
00:00:48,311 --> 00:00:51,980
Yeah, that's right.
I'm talking to Lance, not --
19
00:00:51,982 --> 00:00:54,432
well, then we both cut corners
to get close to her,
20
00:00:54,434 --> 00:00:56,568
but that wasn't cheating.
21
00:00:56,570 --> 00:01:00,705
Dude, it's just a game.
22
00:01:02,942 --> 00:01:05,276
It's just a game.
23
00:01:40,746 --> 00:01:43,448
Help!
24
00:01:43,450 --> 00:01:44,833
Help!
25
00:01:44,835 --> 00:01:46,784
Help me!
26
00:01:50,958 --> 00:01:54,958
♪ Supernatural 8x11 ♪
LARP and the Real Girl
Original Air Date on January 23, 2013
27
00:01:54,959 --> 00:01:58,959
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
28
00:02:11,121 --> 00:02:12,338
You okay, man?
29
00:02:15,059 --> 00:02:16,892
We have
the most powerful weapon
30
00:02:16,894 --> 00:02:18,344
we've ever had
against demons,
31
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:20,729
and we can't find
a way to use it.
32
00:02:20,731 --> 00:02:22,231
Yeah, well,
Kevin's on it.
33
00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:24,600
And when he finds something,
he'll call.
34
00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:25,851
So we wait.
35
00:02:27,904 --> 00:02:31,023
Look, we have both
had a rough go
36
00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:33,275
over these past
couple of weeks.
37
00:02:33,277 --> 00:02:34,693
And, uh...
38
00:02:34,695 --> 00:02:37,979
I know what you gave up
wasn't easy.
39
00:02:37,981 --> 00:02:41,533
Maybe we ought to
take the night off --
40
00:02:41,535 --> 00:02:44,753
go see a flick,
hit a bar or two,
41
00:02:44,755 --> 00:02:46,822
have some fun.
42
00:02:46,824 --> 00:02:49,491
You remember fun,
don't you, Sammy?
43
00:02:56,834 --> 00:02:58,217
Kevin,
what do you got?
44
00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:00,001
Hey.
Garth. Hey.
45
00:03:00,003 --> 00:03:01,520
Why don't you grab
a piece of paper?
46
00:03:01,522 --> 00:03:04,356
Really? Okay.
Uh, yeah.
47
00:03:04,358 --> 00:03:05,808
Thanks, man.
Yeah, all right.
48
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:08,510
Oh, wait, hey -- hey, Garth.
Garth, are you there? -Yeah.
49
00:03:08,512 --> 00:03:10,446
H-how'd you know
where we are?
50
00:03:10,448 --> 00:03:11,513
Yeah, you've been Garthed.
51
00:03:11,515 --> 00:03:14,015
Look, it's bad enough
that you're tracking us,
52
00:03:14,017 --> 00:03:16,151
but it's even worse
53
00:03:16,153 --> 00:03:18,454
when you say
we've been "Garthed."
54
00:03:18,456 --> 00:03:19,988
Yeah.
55
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,991
Okay, we got to lose
the GPS on our phones
56
00:03:22,993 --> 00:03:24,626
because Garth
has been tracking us,
57
00:03:24,628 --> 00:03:27,629
and other hunters, apparently,
to assign cases.
58
00:03:27,631 --> 00:03:29,748
Smart.
59
00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,250
A total Bobby move.
60
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,419
What's the deal?
61
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:36,922
Uh, well, it's close --
Farmington Hills, Michigan.
62
00:03:36,924 --> 00:03:39,591
Dude got ripped limb from limb
inside his locked apartment.
63
00:03:39,593 --> 00:03:40,976
That's not good.
64
00:03:40,978 --> 00:03:43,262
Working a case.
65
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,647
As long as
we're waiting on Kevin,
66
00:03:45,649 --> 00:03:47,066
that'll be our fun.
67
00:03:54,157 --> 00:03:55,357
Sheriff.
68
00:03:55,359 --> 00:03:56,775
Special Agent Taggart.
69
00:03:56,777 --> 00:03:58,911
This is my partner,
Special Agent Rosewood.
70
00:03:58,913 --> 00:04:01,246
FBI?
You guys are quick.
71
00:04:01,248 --> 00:04:02,664
Haven't even
got the body out yet.
72
00:04:02,666 --> 00:04:06,234
Well, the FBI is all work,
no play.
73
00:04:06,236 --> 00:04:07,569
You know,
why don't you give me the tour
74
00:04:07,571 --> 00:04:08,837
while my partner
looks around?
75
00:04:08,839 --> 00:04:10,339
I work better on my own.
76
00:04:10,341 --> 00:04:14,376
Your world, Agent.
Follow me.
77
00:04:21,885 --> 00:04:24,970
Vic's name was Ed Nelson,
31 years old,
78
00:04:24,972 --> 00:04:27,189
an insurance-claim
adjuster.
79
00:04:27,191 --> 00:04:30,025
He lived alone,
which was a real shocker,
80
00:04:30,027 --> 00:04:32,144
considering his place
is full of toys.
81
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:35,263
So what happened?
82
00:04:35,265 --> 00:04:36,865
No sign of forced entry.
83
00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:40,986
Near as we can tell,
he was tied up and pulled apart.
84
00:04:40,988 --> 00:04:43,322
Died of the shock
or massive blood loss.
85
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:44,873
Dealer's choice
on that one.
86
00:04:44,875 --> 00:04:47,326
So what about
these chains?
87
00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:48,827
That's actually
chain mail.
88
00:04:48,829 --> 00:04:51,663
Seriously?
89
00:04:51,665 --> 00:04:53,448
We did find
clear rope-burn marks
90
00:04:53,450 --> 00:04:55,784
on his wrists and ankles.
91
00:05:02,342 --> 00:05:05,928
Huh.
92
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:10,265
So, anything...
93
00:05:10,267 --> 00:05:11,934
missing from the body?
94
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:14,636
You mean aside
from the arms and legs?
95
00:05:15,688 --> 00:05:18,690
Uh...
Nope.
96
00:05:18,692 --> 00:05:20,492
All there --
twig and berries, too.
97
00:05:20,494 --> 00:05:23,662
What about the neighbors?
Did they hear anything weird?
98
00:05:23,664 --> 00:05:24,830
Uh,
neighbor downstairs said
99
00:05:24,832 --> 00:05:26,915
she got woke up
in the middle of the night
100
00:05:26,917 --> 00:05:28,684
by the sound of horses
101
00:05:28,686 --> 00:05:30,185
stomping their feet
and galloping.
102
00:05:30,187 --> 00:05:33,839
We didn't find
any hoofprints.
103
00:05:33,841 --> 00:05:37,209
She probably heard a TV
or was having a bad dream
104
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:38,994
or she was high as balls.
105
00:05:38,996 --> 00:05:42,965
Fortunately, we got a real lead
off his cellphone.
106
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:44,967
According to
the phone records,
107
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:49,221
Ed's last call was from a guy
called Lance Jacobsen,
108
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:53,775
an accountant, also 30s,
also lives alone.
109
00:05:53,777 --> 00:05:55,694
How's he a lead?
110
00:05:55,696 --> 00:05:58,280
The two of them talked together
for 15 minutes,
111
00:05:58,282 --> 00:06:02,367
and then Lance sent Ed here
all kinds of angry texts.
112
00:06:02,369 --> 00:06:04,519
Some of them were
your typical threat stuff,
113
00:06:04,521 --> 00:06:06,605
but some were
a little weird.
114
00:06:06,607 --> 00:06:08,240
Weird how?
115
00:06:08,242 --> 00:06:10,459
Like, uh...
116
00:06:10,461 --> 00:06:13,194
"You shall bleed
for your crimes against us,"
117
00:06:13,196 --> 00:06:15,631
followed by
the emoticon of a skull.
118
00:06:15,633 --> 00:06:17,165
And this beauty --
119
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:21,420
"I am a mage.
I will destroy you."
120
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:25,090
These kids today with
their texting and murder.
121
00:06:26,476 --> 00:06:27,759
My men just brought Lance
122
00:06:27,761 --> 00:06:29,428
into the station
for questioning.
123
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:32,097
Well, we're gonna need to take
first crack at the suspect.
124
00:06:32,099 --> 00:06:35,100
Like I said, Agent,
it's your world.
125
00:06:40,106 --> 00:06:44,443
Lance Jacobsen?
We're with the FBI.
126
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:46,495
The FBI?
127
00:06:46,497 --> 00:06:49,831
I can't believe
this is happening.
128
00:06:49,833 --> 00:06:52,334
I can't believe Ed's dead.
129
00:06:53,921 --> 00:06:56,071
Lance?
130
00:06:56,073 --> 00:06:57,906
Lance, just --
just breathe.
131
00:06:57,908 --> 00:07:00,092
Just breathe.
You're fine.
132
00:07:01,378 --> 00:07:03,462
We just need to ask you
a few questions.
133
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:04,463
Try to calm down.
134
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:07,099
We want to know
about the, uh --
135
00:07:07,101 --> 00:07:10,135
the texts you sent Ed
last night.
136
00:07:10,137 --> 00:07:11,470
I told them
when they brought me in
137
00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:12,921
those texts
weren't from me.
138
00:07:12,923 --> 00:07:15,423
Well, your phone
and Ed's phone say otherwise.
139
00:07:15,425 --> 00:07:17,859
No, I mean, they were from me,
but they weren't from me me.
140
00:07:20,630 --> 00:07:21,630
Did you really think
141
00:07:21,632 --> 00:07:23,649
that sentence
was gonna clear things up?
142
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:26,601
I'm sorry.
143
00:07:26,603 --> 00:07:28,269
This is all
a big misunderstanding.
144
00:07:28,271 --> 00:07:31,707
Those text messages
were from Greyfox the Mystic
145
00:07:31,709 --> 00:07:33,625
to Thargrim the Difficult.
146
00:07:35,078 --> 00:07:37,278
Our characters in Moondoor.
147
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:40,632
Moondoor
is a game that Ed and I play.
148
00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:43,669
We're Larpers.
Live-action role-playing?
149
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:47,723
Right.
Larping. Good times.
150
00:07:47,725 --> 00:07:49,975
We play Moondoor every other
weekend at Heritage Park.
151
00:07:49,977 --> 00:07:51,927
All the info about it
is on our website.
152
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:53,328
You guys have a website.
153
00:07:53,330 --> 00:07:55,347
Yeah, one of the players
designed it.
154
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:56,982
In fact,
if you log onto the site,
155
00:07:56,984 --> 00:07:59,017
they should have posted pictures
from last night's feast.
156
00:07:59,019 --> 00:08:00,402
I was there all night.
157
00:08:00,404 --> 00:08:02,571
What does any of this
have to do with the texts?
158
00:08:02,573 --> 00:08:06,158
I play a character
named Greyfox the Mystic.
159
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:10,028
I'm a very, very powerful mage
in the game.
160
00:08:12,815 --> 00:08:16,651
Okay, uh, very powerful.
Go on.
161
00:08:16,653 --> 00:08:19,454
Ed is...
162
00:08:19,456 --> 00:08:24,126
Ed was Thargrim the Difficult
of the Elder Forest,
163
00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:27,396
son of Hargrim and Bouphin,
brother to --
164
00:08:31,017 --> 00:08:33,385
he was Lancelot
to my Merlin.
165
00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,370
Ah.
166
00:08:35,372 --> 00:08:36,671
Well,
if you guys were so tight,
167
00:08:36,673 --> 00:08:38,373
then why
the threatening messages?
168
00:08:38,375 --> 00:08:40,359
We were named
to the queen's honor guard,
169
00:08:40,361 --> 00:08:42,778
in anticipation of the coming
Battle of Kingdoms this weekend.
170
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:44,529
I thought he broke protocol,
171
00:08:44,531 --> 00:08:47,866
so I called Ed after game hours
and accused him of cheating,
172
00:08:47,868 --> 00:08:50,202
and then
I challenged him to a duel.
173
00:08:50,204 --> 00:08:52,871
A duel?
Wands and swords at dawn.
174
00:08:54,792 --> 00:08:58,910
Now, when you say "wands"
do you mean magic wands?
175
00:08:58,912 --> 00:09:02,130
No. Un-magic wands,
Agent.
176
00:09:02,132 --> 00:09:05,467
Because what I really want
in a duel is an un-magic wand.
177
00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:10,389
Yes! Fake wands!
It's a game!
178
00:09:10,391 --> 00:09:13,225
I can't believe it.
179
00:09:13,227 --> 00:09:15,060
Oh, ye Gods!
180
00:09:15,062 --> 00:09:18,764
Thargrim the Difficult
has fallen!
181
00:09:22,602 --> 00:09:26,021
L-Lance -- Lance.
Hang in there, champ.
182
00:09:29,159 --> 00:09:32,244
So?
183
00:09:32,246 --> 00:09:35,247
Do you believe
Dungeons & Dragons?
184
00:09:35,249 --> 00:09:37,082
He didn't put a whammy
on us.
185
00:09:37,084 --> 00:09:42,220
Those weren't crocodile tears,
man. That's not our guy.
186
00:09:42,222 --> 00:09:45,841
This could be "Fifty Shades of
Greyfox" for all we know.
187
00:09:45,843 --> 00:09:47,676
All right, well,
let's check out Moondoor site,
188
00:09:47,678 --> 00:09:51,046
see if Lance's story
checks out.
189
00:09:57,603 --> 00:10:01,723
"Welcome to Moondoor, Michigan's
largest larping game".
190
00:10:01,725 --> 00:10:03,225
And I thought
we needed to get out more.
191
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:08,113
Hmm.
192
00:10:08,115 --> 00:10:10,315
There's our guy.
193
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,734
Huh.
194
00:10:12,736 --> 00:10:15,270
It actually
looks kind of awesome.
195
00:10:16,839 --> 00:10:18,740
All right,
there's a video.
196
00:10:18,742 --> 00:10:24,696
Moondoor. A world of
intrigue, honor, passion.
197
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:27,949
Four kingdoms --
198
00:10:27,951 --> 00:10:31,002
followers of the Moon, Elves,
199
00:10:31,004 --> 00:10:34,005
Warriors of yesteryear,
and the dreaded Shadow Orcs.
200
00:10:34,007 --> 00:10:37,008
All will fight
on the fields of never
201
00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:39,961
in the biannual
Battle of Kingdoms.
202
00:10:39,963 --> 00:10:42,481
Pick up a sword or a mace.
203
00:10:42,483 --> 00:10:45,517
Take control of Moondoor
and defend the current ruler...
204
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,185
Wait, is that...
205
00:10:47,187 --> 00:10:50,638
...the queen of Moons.
206
00:10:57,363 --> 00:11:00,198
Aah, God.
207
00:11:03,452 --> 00:11:06,655
What the hell?
208
00:11:34,129 --> 00:11:38,248
You're gonna
want to see this.
209
00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:57,934
God forbid
he was contagious.
210
00:11:57,935 --> 00:12:00,620
I'm gonna go dip myself
in hand sanitizer.
211
00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:05,658
No EMF,
no hex bags, no sulfur.
212
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:07,994
I got nada. You?
213
00:12:07,996 --> 00:12:10,313
Watch the video again.
214
00:12:10,315 --> 00:12:12,632
There. See that?
215
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:14,934
Same as Ed's.
216
00:12:15,886 --> 00:12:17,170
I don't know.
Maybe they had matching tattoos.
217
00:12:17,172 --> 00:12:19,789
I mean,
they were brothers in arms.
218
00:12:19,791 --> 00:12:21,424
You recognize it
from anything?
219
00:12:21,426 --> 00:12:22,558
A Tim Burton movie?
220
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:25,261
Aside from the, uh,
mark of the creepy here,
221
00:12:25,263 --> 00:12:27,797
the only thing these guys
have in common is larping.
222
00:12:27,799 --> 00:12:30,183
Lucky for us,
we know the queen.
223
00:12:49,653 --> 00:12:53,006
I, Boltar the Furious,
bind you to this stock
224
00:12:53,008 --> 00:12:55,591
so that all of Moondoor
may see you for what you are --
225
00:12:55,593 --> 00:12:57,126
a thief.
226
00:12:57,128 --> 00:12:59,161
My Shadow Orc brethren will
descend from the Black Hills
227
00:12:59,163 --> 00:13:01,497
and the tents of mo--
228
00:13:02,266 --> 00:13:04,350
Uh, hold.
229
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:11,190
Thanks, Gerry. Sorry.
Yeah, no problem, Monty.
230
00:13:16,064 --> 00:13:17,480
Resume.
231
00:13:17,482 --> 00:13:20,233
And the tents of
Moondoor will be bathed in blood
232
00:13:20,235 --> 00:13:22,368
as we unseat
the queen of the Moons
233
00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:24,537
from the throne she stole
from the rightful heir --
234
00:13:24,539 --> 00:13:25,505
the shadow king.
235
00:13:25,507 --> 00:13:26,539
And you --
silentium!
236
00:13:26,541 --> 00:13:28,858
Serve your time with honor,
heathen.
237
00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:32,378
And if you need to use
the chamber pot,
238
00:13:32,380 --> 00:13:34,964
stomp your feet
thrice.
239
00:13:34,966 --> 00:13:37,834
Excuse me. Hi.
Uh, you are a larper, yeah?
240
00:13:37,836 --> 00:13:41,554
I prefer the term
"interactive literaturist".
241
00:13:41,556 --> 00:13:43,890
Right. Uh,
I am Special Agent Rosewood.
242
00:13:43,892 --> 00:13:45,425
This is
special Agent Taggart.
243
00:13:45,427 --> 00:13:47,760
Hold!
244
00:13:47,762 --> 00:13:49,979
Um, guys, we're not doing the whole
genre-mash-up thing this weekend.
245
00:13:49,981 --> 00:13:51,047
We only do that
every third month.
246
00:13:51,049 --> 00:13:53,215
Uh...
Come again?
247
00:13:53,217 --> 00:13:55,368
Your fake badges,
the cheap suits.
248
00:13:55,370 --> 00:13:57,587
It's very cool. I get it.
Your characters are FBI agents
249
00:13:57,589 --> 00:13:59,655
that somehow
traveled to Moondoor,
250
00:13:59,657 --> 00:14:00,690
but I'm telling you
251
00:14:00,692 --> 00:14:02,024
it's straight-up
Moondoor this weekend.
252
00:14:02,026 --> 00:14:03,159
These aren't
fake badges.
253
00:14:03,161 --> 00:14:06,496
Uh, yeah, they are,
and they're very good,
254
00:14:06,498 --> 00:14:08,998
but, um, well,
the ID number shifted
255
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,501
to 10 digits
with two letters mixed in
256
00:14:11,503 --> 00:14:15,254
at the end of the year, and, uh,
the seal's from last month.
257
00:14:15,256 --> 00:14:18,007
Really good work.
258
00:14:18,009 --> 00:14:19,292
So you got to follow
the rules.
259
00:14:19,294 --> 00:14:21,594
If there's no rules --
chaos.
260
00:14:21,596 --> 00:14:24,097
Resume.
261
00:14:24,099 --> 00:14:27,082
If you would like to join
the army of moons,
262
00:14:27,084 --> 00:14:29,469
the queen is always
on the lookout for new squires.
263
00:14:29,471 --> 00:14:31,020
Yes. Right.
264
00:14:31,022 --> 00:14:33,473
Uh, we would like to see
your queen now, please.
265
00:14:33,475 --> 00:14:35,725
Well, the queen's calendar
is booked up months in advance.
266
00:14:35,727 --> 00:14:37,977
But if you wish to witness
what's in store for you
267
00:14:37,979 --> 00:14:40,780
in her army,
her highness is overseeing
268
00:14:40,782 --> 00:14:42,815
new squires on the pitch
as we speak.
269
00:14:56,613 --> 00:14:58,214
Yield!
I yield!
270
00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:06,722
I love you.
271
00:15:06,724 --> 00:15:08,123
I know.
272
00:15:08,125 --> 00:15:09,826
Take your leave
to my medical tent
273
00:15:09,828 --> 00:15:11,644
and attend to your...
severed limbs.
274
00:15:14,731 --> 00:15:16,732
Greyfox and Thargrim
are missing.
275
00:15:16,734 --> 00:15:18,317
We pray to the goddess
276
00:15:18,319 --> 00:15:21,020
they have not fallen victim
of foul play.
277
00:15:21,022 --> 00:15:22,021
In their absence,
278
00:15:22,023 --> 00:15:23,606
the honor guard's ranks
are weakened.
279
00:15:23,608 --> 00:15:25,775
To join...
280
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,029
Oh, blerg.
281
00:15:31,081 --> 00:15:33,816
Uh...
282
00:15:33,818 --> 00:15:36,419
The queen
needs some royal "we" time.
283
00:15:36,421 --> 00:15:38,337
Talk amongst thyselves.
284
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:46,212
Nice balance.
285
00:15:46,214 --> 00:15:48,047
Dude.
286
00:15:48,049 --> 00:15:50,165
Yeah.
287
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,302
Charlie.
288
00:15:53,304 --> 00:15:55,170
Charlie Bradbury
is dead.
289
00:15:55,172 --> 00:15:57,807
She died a year ago.
You killed her.
290
00:15:57,809 --> 00:16:00,526
My name
is Carrie Heinlein.
291
00:16:00,528 --> 00:16:04,063
Oh, and guess what.
Now you killed her, too.
292
00:16:04,065 --> 00:16:05,898
Okay, listen.
293
00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:07,182
No, I buried myself.
294
00:16:07,184 --> 00:16:09,735
Then Dick Roman went down,
his company belly-up,
295
00:16:09,737 --> 00:16:12,455
and I figure,
"Hey, it's all good"
296
00:16:12,457 --> 00:16:15,291
and I was fine.
I got my life back.
297
00:16:15,293 --> 00:16:16,993
Now you're here,
298
00:16:16,995 --> 00:16:19,378
and if you guys are here,
monsters are here.
299
00:16:20,831 --> 00:16:22,364
Why do I have
such bad luck?
300
00:16:22,366 --> 00:16:25,367
What am I --
some kind of monster magnet?
301
00:16:25,369 --> 00:16:27,703
Is there such a thing
as a monster magnet?
302
00:16:27,705 --> 00:16:30,756
You know what?
Don't answer that.
303
00:16:30,758 --> 00:16:31,891
I don't care.
304
00:16:31,893 --> 00:16:32,925
What I care about
305
00:16:32,927 --> 00:16:35,144
is not getting
my other arm broken...
306
00:16:35,146 --> 00:16:36,178
or dying.
307
00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:38,714
So,
I'm dropping my sword
308
00:16:38,716 --> 00:16:40,483
and walking off the stage,
bitches.
309
00:16:40,485 --> 00:16:42,401
Have fun
storming the castle.
310
00:16:42,403 --> 00:16:44,570
Charlie. Charlie!
311
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:49,775
Greyfox and Thargrim --
uh, Ed and Lance --
312
00:16:49,777 --> 00:16:51,944
they're not missing.
313
00:16:51,946 --> 00:16:53,596
They're dead.
314
00:16:56,618 --> 00:17:00,086
Drawn and quartered
and bleeding out?
315
00:17:00,088 --> 00:17:01,921
Please stop talking
again.
316
00:17:01,923 --> 00:17:04,757
So what do you think
did this?
317
00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:06,408
Well,
aside from the mark
318
00:17:06,410 --> 00:17:07,593
and them both being
larpers,
319
00:17:07,595 --> 00:17:09,411
there's really
not much else to go on.
320
00:17:09,413 --> 00:17:13,132
Wait, I've seen this before.
It's a Celtic magic symbol.
321
00:17:14,051 --> 00:17:15,584
At least it was
in my favorite video game.
322
00:17:15,586 --> 00:17:16,719
Does that help?
Can I go now?
323
00:17:16,721 --> 00:17:19,021
It's a start, but no.
324
00:17:19,023 --> 00:17:20,940
Um, listen.
325
00:17:20,942 --> 00:17:22,808
What can you tell us
about Ed and Lance?
326
00:17:22,810 --> 00:17:25,111
Good guys.
327
00:17:25,113 --> 00:17:26,228
Two of the best members
328
00:17:26,230 --> 00:17:27,363
of the queen's
ever-shrinking army.
329
00:17:27,365 --> 00:17:29,431
"Ever-shrinking"?
330
00:17:29,433 --> 00:17:32,151
My kingdom has had
a lot of bad luck lately,
331
00:17:32,153 --> 00:17:37,690
probably 'cause of me,
but maybe it's tied to this.
332
00:17:37,692 --> 00:17:39,075
A month ago,
one of my guys
333
00:17:39,077 --> 00:17:40,776
had both her ankles broken
before battle.
334
00:17:40,778 --> 00:17:43,129
Before that,
I had three people
335
00:17:43,131 --> 00:17:44,830
have hospital-worthy accidents
while at home.
336
00:17:44,832 --> 00:17:46,352
You think
there's any connection there?
337
00:17:47,784 --> 00:17:49,118
They have
any enemies in common?
338
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,454
In real life? No.
Everyone gets along famously.
339
00:17:52,456 --> 00:17:55,758
In the game, though,
they had tons of enemies.
340
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,344
Red reps the followers
of the Moon -- my peeps.
341
00:17:58,346 --> 00:17:59,345
Green's for Elves,
342
00:17:59,347 --> 00:18:01,814
blue's for
Warriors of Yesteryear,
343
00:18:01,816 --> 00:18:04,483
and black's for Shadow Orcs --
total d-bags.
344
00:18:04,485 --> 00:18:06,686
This weekend
is the Battle of the Kingdoms
345
00:18:06,688 --> 00:18:08,303
to see who wears
the forever crown.
346
00:18:08,305 --> 00:18:10,106
This weekend,
347
00:18:10,108 --> 00:18:13,826
each faction is definitely
an enemy of me and mine.
348
00:18:13,828 --> 00:18:15,695
You know, if you, uh...
349
00:18:15,697 --> 00:18:16,996
...move your archers back
350
00:18:16,998 --> 00:18:18,647
and your broadswordsmen
to the west...
351
00:18:18,649 --> 00:18:20,449
Huh. Like the warriors.
Yep.
352
00:18:20,451 --> 00:18:21,534
Hey, good call.
Thanks.
353
00:18:21,536 --> 00:18:23,002
What about the southern wall?
Guys.
354
00:18:23,004 --> 00:18:26,172
Yeah? Right. Sorry.
355
00:18:26,174 --> 00:18:27,923
So maybe someone from
one of the other kingdoms
356
00:18:27,925 --> 00:18:29,425
got ahold of real magic
357
00:18:29,427 --> 00:18:31,493
and started using it
to weaken your army.
358
00:18:31,495 --> 00:18:33,179
But why not
just come after me?
359
00:18:33,181 --> 00:18:34,964
And why the escalation?
360
00:18:34,966 --> 00:18:37,266
All right,
we will canvass the kingdoms.
361
00:18:37,268 --> 00:18:38,417
You should
get out of here.
362
00:18:38,419 --> 00:18:41,003
We don't want you to get hurt.
Whoa, wait.
363
00:18:41,005 --> 00:18:42,337
Charlie knows Moondoor a lot
better than we do. We need her.
364
00:18:42,339 --> 00:18:43,439
Sam, I think
we can take care of
365
00:18:43,441 --> 00:18:45,274
a bunch of accountants
with foam swords.
366
00:18:45,276 --> 00:18:47,393
We need all the help we can get,
Dean. People are dying.
367
00:18:47,395 --> 00:18:48,444
My point,
which is usually yours,
368
00:18:48,446 --> 00:18:49,678
is that she should
get somewhere safe
369
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,346
and get back
to a normal life.
370
00:18:51,348 --> 00:18:53,399
Hey, I am right here,
and I want to leave.
371
00:18:53,401 --> 00:18:54,650
Thank you.
372
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,821
But the queen...
373
00:18:58,823 --> 00:19:00,656
...she has to stay.
374
00:19:00,658 --> 00:19:02,491
I mean, Sam is right.
People are dying.
375
00:19:02,493 --> 00:19:03,659
That can't happen
on my watch.
376
00:19:03,661 --> 00:19:06,996
And you know what?
I am tired of running.
377
00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:09,665
I like my life here.
378
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:12,752
I'm gonna stay
and fight for it.
379
00:19:19,343 --> 00:19:21,093
Yeah.
380
00:19:21,095 --> 00:19:23,596
Okay.
381
00:19:23,598 --> 00:19:25,064
Thanks.
382
00:19:25,066 --> 00:19:27,066
So, the toxicology report
came back on Lance.
383
00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:28,401
Nothing.
384
00:19:28,403 --> 00:19:30,886
But the medical examiner said
his body showed clear signs
385
00:19:30,888 --> 00:19:33,239
that he was killed
by Belladonna.
386
00:19:33,241 --> 00:19:35,024
The porn star? The porn star?
387
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,912
The poison.
388
00:19:39,914 --> 00:19:42,415
Oh. Oh.
389
00:19:42,417 --> 00:19:44,566
Um, however,
390
00:19:44,568 --> 00:19:47,253
they couldn't find
a trace of it in his system.
391
00:19:47,255 --> 00:19:49,572
Just like they couldn't find
ropes in Ed's apartment.
392
00:19:49,574 --> 00:19:52,842
Charlie, I'm gonna need
to borrow your laptop.
393
00:19:52,844 --> 00:19:54,927
There are no laptops
in Moondoor.
394
00:19:54,929 --> 00:19:58,080
What?
There are rules.
395
00:19:58,082 --> 00:19:59,632
But there is a tech tent
four tents down.
396
00:19:59,634 --> 00:20:00,850
Okay.
397
00:20:00,852 --> 00:20:02,251
How about
you guys go canvas,
398
00:20:02,253 --> 00:20:06,939
and I'll dig into these
accidents and this mark?
399
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,525
Okay.
400
00:20:09,527 --> 00:20:11,360
I'm gonna need a full wiki
on where you guys have been.
401
00:20:11,362 --> 00:20:14,530
But first, you're gonna
have to ditch the suit
402
00:20:14,532 --> 00:20:16,292
if you're gonna
walk and talk with the queen.
403
00:20:35,952 --> 00:20:37,219
Excuse me.
404
00:20:37,221 --> 00:20:39,171
Do you know if there's
a directory of online players?
405
00:20:39,173 --> 00:20:40,723
Yeah,
it's on the website.
406
00:20:40,725 --> 00:20:42,808
All you need is an account
to access it.
407
00:20:42,810 --> 00:20:46,011
Um, thanks, uh...
408
00:20:46,013 --> 00:20:46,979
Maria.
409
00:20:46,981 --> 00:20:52,351
I mean,
Gholandria the Wicked.
410
00:20:59,242 --> 00:21:03,445
You sent Sam
a phantom text from his ex?
411
00:21:03,447 --> 00:21:04,446
Dick move, sir.
412
00:21:04,448 --> 00:21:06,866
Yeah,
not my finest hour.
413
00:21:06,868 --> 00:21:10,503
So he found
some normalcy with this chick,
414
00:21:10,505 --> 00:21:12,755
and now it's gone...
again.
415
00:21:12,757 --> 00:21:14,123
Thanks to you.
416
00:21:14,125 --> 00:21:17,659
Yeah, well, now he's more
committed than ever,
417
00:21:17,661 --> 00:21:19,328
so there's that.
418
00:21:19,330 --> 00:21:22,464
But, trust me,
this life --
419
00:21:22,466 --> 00:21:24,033
you can't afford
attachments.
420
00:21:24,035 --> 00:21:28,137
You just got to...
let go.
421
00:21:28,139 --> 00:21:30,172
Are we still
talking about Sam,
422
00:21:30,174 --> 00:21:32,141
or did you
break up with someone, too?
423
00:21:32,143 --> 00:21:34,109
Me?
Yeah.
424
00:21:34,111 --> 00:21:37,029
No.
425
00:21:40,067 --> 00:21:41,734
Your majesty.
426
00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:45,154
You always
been into larping?
427
00:21:45,156 --> 00:21:46,121
Nah.
428
00:21:46,123 --> 00:21:47,856
For role-play,
I prefer a tabletop.
429
00:21:47,858 --> 00:21:51,076
D&D, Gamma World,
Car Wars.
430
00:21:51,078 --> 00:21:53,362
That's why Cthulhu invented
multi-sided dice, right?
431
00:21:53,364 --> 00:21:56,632
But a buddy of mine
was into larping.
432
00:21:56,634 --> 00:21:58,467
Went for him,
stayed for the chicks.
433
00:22:00,555 --> 00:22:02,388
It's not just that,
though.
434
00:22:02,390 --> 00:22:04,039
It's an escape.
435
00:22:04,041 --> 00:22:07,259
I mean, here,
I'm queen, a hero.
436
00:22:07,261 --> 00:22:09,728
Out there in the real world,
I'm just hacking out code
437
00:22:09,730 --> 00:22:10,930
and chugging coffee
all day long.
438
00:22:10,932 --> 00:22:13,232
Now, wait a second.
439
00:22:13,234 --> 00:22:14,567
If it wasn't for you,
440
00:22:14,569 --> 00:22:15,651
we would have never been
able to take down Dick Roman.
441
00:22:15,653 --> 00:22:17,820
Out there
in the real world,
442
00:22:17,822 --> 00:22:19,905
you are a hero.
443
00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:23,742
My queen.
444
00:22:23,744 --> 00:22:26,912
I'm noticing a lot of these
maidens checking you out.
445
00:22:26,914 --> 00:22:30,282
What?
I can't shut this down.
446
00:22:30,284 --> 00:22:32,618
It's good to be queen.
447
00:22:42,512 --> 00:22:44,797
It's -- it's all
just part of the game.
448
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:49,251
Genre mash-up.
Cool.
449
00:22:49,253 --> 00:22:51,437
Hey, I know her.
That's Phyllis.
450
00:22:51,439 --> 00:22:54,223
Heard she broke her ankles
or something.
451
00:22:55,725 --> 00:22:57,443
Wow.
It looks like she got --
452
00:22:57,445 --> 00:23:00,496
Hobbled.
453
00:23:00,498 --> 00:23:01,930
Oh, and that's Jamie.
454
00:23:01,932 --> 00:23:03,782
He said someone
broke into his house,
455
00:23:03,784 --> 00:23:05,100
beat him with his own mace,
but --
456
00:23:05,102 --> 00:23:06,835
No signs of
a forced entry.
457
00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:11,323
Uh, do you recognize this
from Moondoor?
458
00:23:11,325 --> 00:23:12,825
I-I think it's Celtic?
459
00:23:12,827 --> 00:23:13,909
No. Sorry.
460
00:23:13,911 --> 00:23:16,111
But I'll look it up.
Thanks.
461
00:23:16,113 --> 00:23:18,464
I haven't seen
anything like it
462
00:23:18,466 --> 00:23:20,466
in my travels throughout
the realms, your highness.
463
00:23:20,468 --> 00:23:21,967
All right.
464
00:23:21,969 --> 00:23:26,121
Well, if you think of anything,
come see me in my tent.
465
00:23:27,007 --> 00:23:28,424
Anytime.
466
00:23:35,131 --> 00:23:38,267
Scratch the Elves
off the list.
467
00:23:38,269 --> 00:23:40,986
Mace attacks, hobbling,
medieval poisoning --
468
00:23:40,988 --> 00:23:43,322
somebody's targeting
the queen's people.
469
00:23:43,324 --> 00:23:44,406
No, not only them.
470
00:23:44,408 --> 00:23:46,975
See, those four
are with the Queen,
471
00:23:46,977 --> 00:23:48,661
but these two --
they're Elves.
472
00:23:48,663 --> 00:23:50,696
And these two
are Warriors.
473
00:23:50,698 --> 00:23:52,081
The only group
not to get hit --
474
00:23:52,083 --> 00:23:53,165
the Shadow Orcs.
475
00:23:53,167 --> 00:23:55,317
Last group on the list,
impossible to find.
476
00:23:55,319 --> 00:23:56,535
Wait, I know where
we can find one.
477
00:23:56,537 --> 00:23:58,337
I met him on the way in.
Perfect.
478
00:23:58,339 --> 00:24:02,257
Maybe he can tell us
what the frack this thing is.
479
00:24:02,259 --> 00:24:04,626
It's, uh,
the Tree of Pain.
480
00:24:04,628 --> 00:24:07,596
Uh, if you are tagged
with this mark,
481
00:24:07,598 --> 00:24:10,182
you will be a victim
of fairy magic.
482
00:24:10,184 --> 00:24:12,801
Wait.
Fairy magic can be bad?
483
00:24:12,803 --> 00:24:14,169
Death to the queen!
484
00:24:14,171 --> 00:24:16,722
Death to the usurper!
485
00:24:16,724 --> 00:24:19,007
Death to her manservant!
486
00:24:19,009 --> 00:24:21,477
What?
487
00:24:21,479 --> 00:24:24,146
Well, there's no laptops
in Moondoor.
488
00:24:24,148 --> 00:24:26,181
There's no Geneva Convention,
either.
489
00:24:26,183 --> 00:24:28,183
Hey.
490
00:24:28,185 --> 00:24:30,018
Have you seen this?
491
00:24:30,020 --> 00:24:31,353
Yeah, of course.
492
00:24:31,355 --> 00:24:33,072
No. No,
I haven't seen it.
493
00:24:34,574 --> 00:24:37,859
Okay, it's the Shadow King's
family crest.
494
00:24:37,861 --> 00:24:40,079
You'll never find him
in the Black Hills.
495
00:24:40,081 --> 00:24:41,380
Black Hills?
496
00:24:41,382 --> 00:24:42,798
The forest
behind the playground.
497
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,167
Come on.
498
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,091
All right, uh, well, thank you
very much, Gholandria.
499
00:24:52,093 --> 00:24:53,342
Anytime.
500
00:24:53,344 --> 00:24:55,594
I've never done
genre-mash-up play before.
501
00:24:55,596 --> 00:24:57,546
That was fun.
502
00:24:57,548 --> 00:25:01,049
First time
for everything, right?
503
00:25:01,051 --> 00:25:02,217
First time for
a lot of things
504
00:25:02,219 --> 00:25:05,003
if you want to
come find my tent later.
505
00:25:07,073 --> 00:25:09,074
Another time.
506
00:25:11,027 --> 00:25:13,946
Your loss.
507
00:25:13,948 --> 00:25:16,915
My queen.
There you are.
508
00:25:16,917 --> 00:25:18,283
I've been searching
everywhere for you.
509
00:25:18,285 --> 00:25:19,568
Has this...
oaf attempted to harm you
510
00:25:19,570 --> 00:25:22,087
with his blasphemous
metalworks?
511
00:25:22,089 --> 00:25:24,623
Boltar, he's with me.
This is my new...
512
00:25:24,625 --> 00:25:28,127
handmaiden.
513
00:25:29,712 --> 00:25:31,746
We seek an audience
with the Shadow King.
514
00:25:31,748 --> 00:25:34,433
Uh, these hills
are not safe.
515
00:25:34,435 --> 00:25:35,801
I beseech you, my queen,
you should return to camp.
516
00:25:35,803 --> 00:25:39,555
He's right...
your worshipfulness.
517
00:25:39,557 --> 00:25:42,107
Uh, may I have a moment
before you take your leavings?
518
00:25:42,109 --> 00:25:43,809
Mm.
519
00:25:45,311 --> 00:25:46,928
Handmaiden?
520
00:25:46,930 --> 00:25:48,263
He was suspicious.
I panicked.
521
00:25:48,265 --> 00:25:49,764
All right, look.
You take my phone.
522
00:25:49,766 --> 00:25:52,434
Find Sam.
We'll find the shadow dorks.
523
00:25:52,436 --> 00:25:53,485
But I can help.
524
00:25:53,487 --> 00:25:55,654
Yeah, you are helping
by finding Sam. Go.
525
00:25:59,492 --> 00:26:02,277
Lead the way to the Orcs,
Bolty.
526
00:26:02,279 --> 00:26:04,746
Speak when spoken to,
handmaiden.
527
00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:49,258
Ohh!
Dark magic!
528
00:26:49,260 --> 00:26:51,159
Ohh! My eyes!
529
00:26:51,161 --> 00:26:55,013
The stinging of your attack
burns my very soul!
530
00:27:06,676 --> 00:27:07,842
Ohh!
531
00:27:07,844 --> 00:27:09,478
Dark magic?
532
00:27:18,233 --> 00:27:20,233
Well, that was a bust.
533
00:27:20,235 --> 00:27:22,602
You sure the Shadow Orcs
are even out there?
534
00:27:22,604 --> 00:27:23,570
For a handmaiden,
535
00:27:23,572 --> 00:27:25,622
you certainly ask
many questions.
536
00:27:25,624 --> 00:27:26,773
Yes, I am positive.
537
00:27:26,775 --> 00:27:30,043
They're just very good
at hiding themselves.
538
00:27:30,045 --> 00:27:31,127
But a plan
has sprung to mind
539
00:27:31,129 --> 00:27:33,046
that will
draw the Shadow King to us.
540
00:27:33,048 --> 00:27:34,631
We shall take the Shadow Orc
held in stock,
541
00:27:34,633 --> 00:27:36,132
offer him up
as a prisoner exchange.
542
00:27:36,134 --> 00:27:37,801
Draw him out
and beat him down.
543
00:27:37,803 --> 00:27:39,920
I like your style,
Boltar.
544
00:27:39,922 --> 00:27:41,188
I shall retrieve
the prisoner.
545
00:27:41,190 --> 00:27:43,089
You tend to the queen's laundry
and chamber pots,
546
00:27:43,091 --> 00:27:45,809
then meet me back here.
547
00:27:45,811 --> 00:27:48,562
Nice outfit.
548
00:27:48,564 --> 00:27:51,731
You love it.
Right.
549
00:27:51,733 --> 00:27:52,983
Well, while you were, uh,
playing dress-up,
550
00:27:52,985 --> 00:27:54,818
I found out that
the mark...
551
00:27:54,820 --> 00:27:56,520
Belongs to
the Shadow Orcs.
552
00:27:58,356 --> 00:28:01,307
Yeah. And they're using
fairy magic.
553
00:28:02,361 --> 00:28:04,611
The Tree of Pain.
Awesome.
554
00:28:04,613 --> 00:28:06,162
Whoever gets marked
gets ganked.
555
00:28:06,164 --> 00:28:07,364
All right,
how do we stop it?
556
00:28:07,366 --> 00:28:09,749
Find whoever cast the spell,
and take them out.
557
00:28:09,751 --> 00:28:11,585
No more whammy,
no more marks.
558
00:28:11,587 --> 00:28:13,119
No more marks,
no more dead bodies.
559
00:28:13,121 --> 00:28:14,087
Okay, well, perfect.
560
00:28:14,089 --> 00:28:15,956
Our, uh,
pal Boltar the chatty
561
00:28:15,958 --> 00:28:17,374
is getting the, uh,
Shadow Orc prisoner.
562
00:28:17,376 --> 00:28:19,259
We're gonna do
a little prisoner exchange,
563
00:28:19,261 --> 00:28:20,794
try to draw the king
out of hiding.
564
00:28:20,796 --> 00:28:22,162
It was my idea.
565
00:28:23,264 --> 00:28:25,265
Where's Charlie?
566
00:28:25,267 --> 00:28:26,383
She was with you.
567
00:28:26,385 --> 00:28:29,352
No, I sent her to you.
568
00:28:29,354 --> 00:28:31,221
Charlie?
569
00:28:31,223 --> 00:28:32,389
Your highness?
570
00:28:32,391 --> 00:28:35,191
Charlie?
571
00:28:36,561 --> 00:28:38,478
You know what --
she's got my phone.
572
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:39,646
Try it.
573
00:29:03,471 --> 00:29:05,722
Uh...
574
00:29:07,174 --> 00:29:09,375
Hi.
575
00:29:09,377 --> 00:29:12,345
I'm the, uh, queen...
576
00:29:12,347 --> 00:29:13,513
of Moons.
577
00:29:13,515 --> 00:29:15,715
Nice to meet you.
578
00:29:16,984 --> 00:29:19,552
Great costume,
B.T. Dubs.
579
00:29:21,055 --> 00:29:23,490
Right.
580
00:29:23,492 --> 00:29:26,026
Well, this has been
a really great kidnapping,
581
00:29:26,028 --> 00:29:28,227
but I got to get back
to not dying.
582
00:29:28,229 --> 00:29:31,397
So, good talk.
583
00:29:43,044 --> 00:29:45,178
Wow. Real magic.
584
00:29:45,180 --> 00:29:49,215
That is really cool,
if not mostly terrifying.
585
00:29:49,217 --> 00:29:51,417
Um, right.
586
00:29:51,419 --> 00:29:53,353
Okay.
587
00:29:53,355 --> 00:29:54,971
We can work this out,
can't we?
588
00:29:54,973 --> 00:29:57,557
Get you some gold,
my crown.
589
00:29:57,559 --> 00:30:00,143
Ritualistic sacrifice?
590
00:30:01,762 --> 00:30:04,764
Look.
591
00:30:04,766 --> 00:30:06,432
I am not really a queen.
592
00:30:06,434 --> 00:30:09,102
I'm just
an I.T. girl...
593
00:30:09,104 --> 00:30:11,571
Standing
in front of a monster...
594
00:30:11,573 --> 00:30:14,273
asking it
not to kill her.
595
00:30:15,493 --> 00:30:17,610
Great.
596
00:30:17,612 --> 00:30:19,412
Now the worst period of my life
comes to an end.
597
00:30:19,414 --> 00:30:22,082
I saw my boss get eaten
by a Leviathan, broke my arm,
598
00:30:22,084 --> 00:30:23,833
lived life on the run,
finally got it all back,
599
00:30:23,835 --> 00:30:26,086
and now a dude
in a stag-skull mask
600
00:30:26,088 --> 00:30:27,337
is gonna kill me.
601
00:30:27,339 --> 00:30:28,755
I just want
my old life back!
602
00:30:34,562 --> 00:30:36,813
That is all I want,
as well.
603
00:30:48,659 --> 00:30:51,161
I swear,
if anything's happened to her...
604
00:30:51,163 --> 00:30:52,779
Dude,
we checked all the tents.
605
00:30:52,781 --> 00:30:55,081
We'll talk to these guys.
We'll find her.
606
00:30:56,951 --> 00:30:58,985
Ca-caw!
607
00:30:58,987 --> 00:31:00,319
Ca-caw!
608
00:31:00,321 --> 00:31:04,624
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
609
00:31:04,626 --> 00:31:08,178
Greetings, heretics.
610
00:31:08,996 --> 00:31:12,098
You should
kneel before me, cur.
611
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,801
All right,
why don't you let me --
612
00:31:14,803 --> 00:31:16,352
Silence!
613
00:31:16,354 --> 00:31:20,724
Now, before we exchange,
a few announcements.
614
00:31:23,477 --> 00:31:25,729
Um, there is a peewee-league
soccer playoff game tomorrow
615
00:31:25,731 --> 00:31:26,846
on the alpha field.
616
00:31:26,848 --> 00:31:28,231
We don't want to freak out
the mundanes,
617
00:31:28,233 --> 00:31:29,348
so we got to move the Battle
of Kingdoms to the beta field.
618
00:31:29,350 --> 00:31:30,533
All right. That's it.
619
00:31:30,535 --> 00:31:31,701
You know what? I'm gonna do this
the old-fashioned way.
620
00:31:31,703 --> 00:31:32,702
Dean, don't.
What?
621
00:31:32,704 --> 00:31:34,353
Come on.
No, I'm --
622
00:31:34,355 --> 00:31:35,521
I told you there are --
shut up.
623
00:31:35,523 --> 00:31:36,706
All right.
I need real answers.
624
00:31:36,708 --> 00:31:38,742
This here is a real gun,
see?
625
00:31:39,828 --> 00:31:41,995
Whoa! Whoa!
Hold! Hold! Geez!
626
00:31:41,997 --> 00:31:44,363
Now, start talking.
Where's the queen?!
627
00:31:44,365 --> 00:31:45,415
I don't know!
628
00:31:45,417 --> 00:31:47,250
Yeah, well,
your little family crest there
629
00:31:47,252 --> 00:31:48,251
tells a different story,
pal.
630
00:31:48,253 --> 00:31:51,004
This?
Yeah.
631
00:31:51,006 --> 00:31:54,207
Uh,
I got sick last month
632
00:31:54,209 --> 00:31:56,042
after this thing
just appeared on my arm.
633
00:31:56,744 --> 00:31:58,577
I thought it looked
really cool,
634
00:31:58,579 --> 00:32:01,079
so I turned it into
my family crest.
635
00:32:01,081 --> 00:32:04,300
I mean, after my dermatologist
said it wasn't malignant.
636
00:32:04,302 --> 00:32:05,968
Dean, he's not our guy.
He's just another vic.
637
00:32:05,970 --> 00:32:07,503
My name is Max Hilby.
I'm an attorney.
638
00:32:07,505 --> 00:32:09,588
I have no idea
where the queen is,
639
00:32:09,590 --> 00:32:13,092
but if you let me go right now,
I won't press charges.
640
00:32:15,111 --> 00:32:16,779
I promise.
641
00:32:18,031 --> 00:32:20,533
Um...
642
00:32:21,651 --> 00:32:24,870
Here.
Uh, take them. Please.
643
00:32:24,872 --> 00:32:26,038
Go.
644
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,073
Go! Go!
645
00:32:32,295 --> 00:32:34,163
What? What?!
646
00:32:35,582 --> 00:32:37,466
Is the queen
really in danger?
647
00:32:38,618 --> 00:32:41,620
Okay, look,
I-I noticed something odd
648
00:32:41,622 --> 00:32:42,721
down by the creek.
649
00:32:42,723 --> 00:32:44,807
It's this weird tent.
It's not one of ours.
650
00:32:44,809 --> 00:32:46,792
It's kind of creepy.
651
00:32:46,794 --> 00:32:48,844
Why are you being so helpful
all of a sudden?
652
00:32:48,846 --> 00:32:51,814
Look, I harbor
an epic crush on the queen.
653
00:32:52,682 --> 00:32:54,266
Maybe you could put in
a good word for me
654
00:32:54,268 --> 00:32:56,018
when you find her.
655
00:32:56,020 --> 00:32:58,854
I don't think
you're her type.
656
00:33:00,190 --> 00:33:03,809
What? You mean
she's not into Orcs?
657
00:33:06,780 --> 00:33:10,082
My name is Gilda.
658
00:33:10,084 --> 00:33:13,285
I'm from the Hollow Forest
of Arkhmoor.
659
00:33:13,287 --> 00:33:14,620
I'm a fairy.
660
00:33:14,622 --> 00:33:16,622
Mm. Swoon.
661
00:33:16,624 --> 00:33:20,993
Uh, I mean,
how did you get here?
662
00:33:20,995 --> 00:33:24,046
I was summoned here
by a spell.
663
00:33:24,048 --> 00:33:26,098
By whom?
664
00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:27,316
I don't know his name,
665
00:33:27,318 --> 00:33:29,168
but I was brought here
to do his bidding.
666
00:33:29,170 --> 00:33:32,605
His bidding?
That's never good.
667
00:33:32,607 --> 00:33:35,608
My...master,
668
00:33:35,610 --> 00:33:39,278
he...
he has me hurt people.
669
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,230
He's forcing me to.
I'd never hurt anyone.
670
00:33:41,232 --> 00:33:44,116
I'm a fairy --
the good kind.
671
00:33:44,118 --> 00:33:47,903
No, no, I get that.
Why is he doing this?
672
00:33:47,905 --> 00:33:50,372
I don't know.
673
00:33:50,374 --> 00:33:52,174
He started off
with smaller commands,
674
00:33:52,176 --> 00:33:55,210
but he's become
more violent.
675
00:33:55,212 --> 00:33:58,530
He had me kill
two men this week.
676
00:33:58,532 --> 00:34:02,618
Man, someone is taking this game
way too seriously.
677
00:34:02,620 --> 00:34:05,554
Game?
678
00:34:05,556 --> 00:34:09,091
This -- my outfit,
all of this --
679
00:34:09,093 --> 00:34:10,943
it's just a game here.
680
00:34:10,945 --> 00:34:12,544
Why would you play
such a game?
681
00:34:12,546 --> 00:34:16,515
This world --
not so much with awesome.
682
00:34:16,517 --> 00:34:20,419
The game
is a way to get away.
683
00:34:20,421 --> 00:34:22,271
Mm.
684
00:34:22,273 --> 00:34:25,057
It's a lovely forest,
685
00:34:25,059 --> 00:34:28,827
but it's nothing like
my home.
686
00:34:28,829 --> 00:34:30,229
Right.
687
00:34:30,231 --> 00:34:31,947
So, how do we get you
back there?
688
00:34:31,949 --> 00:34:35,951
I can't break free
from the spell, myself.
689
00:34:35,953 --> 00:34:38,737
A hero must take
my master's book of magic
690
00:34:38,739 --> 00:34:42,291
and destroy it,
breaking the spell.
691
00:34:42,293 --> 00:34:46,078
Gilda,
my name is Charlie Bradbury,
692
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:48,764
and I am here
to rescue you.
693
00:34:56,923 --> 00:34:59,608
Why don't you take off, Bolty?
We got it from here.
694
00:34:59,610 --> 00:35:02,978
A handmaiden and a time traveler
rescue the queen?
695
00:35:02,980 --> 00:35:04,313
I think not, kind lady.
696
00:35:04,315 --> 00:35:05,614
Look,
this isn't a game, Boltar.
697
00:35:05,616 --> 00:35:07,149
The queen, our friend,
is in real danger.
698
00:35:07,151 --> 00:35:08,150
You could get hurt.
699
00:35:08,152 --> 00:35:10,268
I will not leave my queen
in peril.
700
00:35:11,821 --> 00:35:14,239
Look there.
701
00:35:14,241 --> 00:35:16,959
We haven't checked
that tent.
702
00:35:35,429 --> 00:35:37,646
Dudes.
703
00:35:37,648 --> 00:35:40,966
If the tent is rockin',
don't come a-knockin'.
704
00:35:40,968 --> 00:35:43,519
No, it's him!
My master! Run!
705
00:35:56,384 --> 00:35:59,303
No guns in Moondoor,
gentlemen.
706
00:35:59,305 --> 00:36:00,554
Gilda, if you please?
707
00:36:08,646 --> 00:36:09,863
Well, now what, Gerry?
708
00:36:09,865 --> 00:36:14,618
My name
is Boltar the Furious!
709
00:36:14,620 --> 00:36:18,205
My plan was,
710
00:36:18,207 --> 00:36:19,990
after getting rid of
all of my competition,
711
00:36:19,992 --> 00:36:21,858
to win the battle tomorrow,
712
00:36:21,860 --> 00:36:24,544
convincing the queen
that I should be her king.
713
00:36:25,697 --> 00:36:26,797
But then you two idiots
showed up,
714
00:36:26,799 --> 00:36:28,081
and I was forced to improvise.
715
00:36:28,083 --> 00:36:29,800
Rescue the damsel in distress
from Orcs,
716
00:36:29,802 --> 00:36:33,921
become king, kill you both --
that'll work, too.
717
00:36:33,923 --> 00:36:36,006
So why did you go
from hobbling to murder?
718
00:36:36,008 --> 00:36:39,226
Greyfox and Thargrim became
part of the honor guard.
719
00:36:39,228 --> 00:36:40,677
They got close to the queen,
720
00:36:40,679 --> 00:36:42,596
but they did it
by breaking the rules --
721
00:36:42,598 --> 00:36:44,648
paying off other players
with real money,
722
00:36:44,650 --> 00:36:46,016
rather than Moondoor currency.
723
00:36:46,018 --> 00:36:47,484
They were cheating.
724
00:36:47,486 --> 00:36:49,069
Oh, and using magic
isn't?
725
00:36:49,071 --> 00:36:51,021
Magic is a part of Moondoor.
726
00:36:51,023 --> 00:36:52,722
What is your problem?
727
00:36:52,724 --> 00:36:54,741
Why would you hurt people?
This is just a game.
728
00:36:54,743 --> 00:36:58,779
There is no game!
There is only Moondoor!
729
00:36:58,781 --> 00:37:00,614
I came here to be different,
730
00:37:00,616 --> 00:37:04,334
to get away from my crappy life,
to be a hero,
731
00:37:04,336 --> 00:37:05,402
and guess what.
732
00:37:05,404 --> 00:37:07,254
What, you were a loser
in the real world,
733
00:37:07,256 --> 00:37:08,922
and you're a loser here?
Shocker.
734
00:37:08,924 --> 00:37:12,926
Would a loser track down
a real book of spells
735
00:37:12,928 --> 00:37:16,079
and compel a fairy
to do his bidding?
736
00:37:16,081 --> 00:37:17,514
It depends.
How'd you get it?
737
00:37:19,350 --> 00:37:20,350
eBay.
738
00:37:24,056 --> 00:37:25,055
Look.
739
00:37:25,057 --> 00:37:27,441
It doesn't have to
be like this, Boltar.
740
00:37:27,443 --> 00:37:29,476
Just hand over
the book of spells.
741
00:37:29,478 --> 00:37:30,560
We can work this out.
742
00:37:30,562 --> 00:37:33,480
This will all work out...
743
00:37:33,482 --> 00:37:35,699
After I remove you from
the playing field
744
00:37:35,701 --> 00:37:37,767
and wipe her memory.
745
00:37:38,987 --> 00:37:41,188
Gilda?
746
00:37:46,577 --> 00:37:48,879
Gilda, the big one.
747
00:37:50,214 --> 00:37:52,666
Ohh!
748
00:38:02,060 --> 00:38:03,810
I can't stop him.
749
00:38:03,812 --> 00:38:06,346
The book --
you must destroy it.
750
00:38:10,935 --> 00:38:14,021
Hey, Gerry.
751
00:38:14,023 --> 00:38:17,991
I'm the one who saves damsels
in distress around here.
752
00:38:20,578 --> 00:38:22,029
No!
753
00:38:37,045 --> 00:38:38,795
Are you okay?
754
00:38:38,797 --> 00:38:42,182
I'm free of the spell.
You saved me.
755
00:38:42,184 --> 00:38:45,385
The Hollow Forest
is forever in your debt.
756
00:38:45,387 --> 00:38:48,522
I must return
to those green hills now.
757
00:38:48,524 --> 00:38:52,692
I will take
my former master with me.
758
00:38:52,694 --> 00:38:55,678
He must face
a fairy tribunal for his sins.
759
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:57,230
Wait.
760
00:39:08,910 --> 00:39:11,478
Call me, maybe.
761
00:39:17,857 --> 00:39:20,241
So what's next for you,
Charlie?
762
00:39:20,243 --> 00:39:22,744
New town?
New identity?
763
00:39:22,746 --> 00:39:25,580
If the last 24 hours
have taught me anything,
764
00:39:25,582 --> 00:39:27,282
it's that escaping
isn't what it used to be.
765
00:39:27,284 --> 00:39:29,817
No more replacement
characters for me.
766
00:39:29,819 --> 00:39:32,587
I got to face reality
from now on.
767
00:39:32,589 --> 00:39:34,822
Sadly, reality
actually includes monsters,
768
00:39:34,824 --> 00:39:37,258
but what are you
gonna do?
769
00:39:37,260 --> 00:39:40,545
If I can ever be of help
to you guys, let me know.
770
00:39:40,547 --> 00:39:41,996
Will do.
771
00:39:41,998 --> 00:39:44,916
And you, uh...
You're good?
772
00:39:44,918 --> 00:39:46,734
Apart from the fact
773
00:39:46,736 --> 00:39:48,720
that you blocked me
from banging a fairy,
774
00:39:48,722 --> 00:39:50,705
and I'm about to go lose
my crown in battle,
775
00:39:50,707 --> 00:39:52,190
thanks to my army
being decimated?
776
00:39:52,192 --> 00:39:56,010
Yeah. Totally good.
777
00:39:57,863 --> 00:39:59,697
Smell you later,
bitches.
778
00:40:08,491 --> 00:40:11,209
So, what's, uh...
what's next?
779
00:40:11,211 --> 00:40:13,995
'Cause no fun, right?
780
00:40:13,997 --> 00:40:18,833
Look, before you say anything,
I-I-I get it.
781
00:40:18,835 --> 00:40:20,668
No amount of fun
is gonna help you
782
00:40:20,670 --> 00:40:22,220
get over
what you gave up.
783
00:40:22,222 --> 00:40:28,643
You just, uh...
you need time, right?
784
00:40:28,645 --> 00:40:30,561
Yeah.
785
00:40:30,563 --> 00:40:31,712
Thanks.
786
00:40:31,714 --> 00:40:34,599
And you're right.
787
00:40:34,601 --> 00:40:36,484
Having fun won't help me.
788
00:40:37,853 --> 00:40:41,356
It'll help both of us.
789
00:40:41,358 --> 00:40:43,391
Shall we?
790
00:40:49,449 --> 00:40:53,785
And dying in your beds
many years from now,
791
00:40:53,787 --> 00:40:58,506
would you be willing to trade
all the days,
792
00:40:58,508 --> 00:41:01,793
from this day to that,
for one chance --
793
00:41:01,795 --> 00:41:02,961
Isn't that
the speech from --
794
00:41:02,963 --> 00:41:04,128
It's the only one
he knows.
795
00:41:04,130 --> 00:41:09,050
Just one chance
to come back here
796
00:41:09,052 --> 00:41:13,938
and tell our enemies
that they may take our lives,
797
00:41:13,940 --> 00:41:15,473
but they will never take...
798
00:41:15,475 --> 00:41:16,858
Hold!
799
00:41:20,762 --> 00:41:22,596
- Uh, my bad.
- Really?
800
00:41:22,598 --> 00:41:24,265
Sorry.
You can't be serious.
801
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,657
...our freedom!
802
00:41:32,659 --> 00:41:33,825
Aah!
803
00:41:35,801 --> 00:41:40,801
== sync, corrected by elderman ==