1
00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:04,003
Charlie Bradbury.
2
00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:05,371
Aah! Geez!
3
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:06,538
I erase the drive first.
4
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,273
Then I go back to my old life, right?
5
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:10,275
You don't have an old life anymore.
6
00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:12,978
Never contact me again, like, ever.
7
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,780
If you stay, I would be with you.
8
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,282
But if you leave... don't come back.
9
00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:18,384
Whatever you decide...
10
00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:21,920
Decide.
11
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:24,490
Listen, Benny,
12
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:27,493
everything you've done for
me I will never forget.
13
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,795
But, uh...
14
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,163
End of the line?
15
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,231
Adios.
16
00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:47,413
How dare you?
17
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,048
Lance.
18
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:52,651
Yeah, that's right.
I'm talking to Lance, not...
19
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:55,054
Well, then we both cut
corners to get close to her,
20
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,022
but that wasn't cheating.
21
00:00:57,024 --> 00:01:01,326
Dude, it's just a game.
22
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:05,798
It's just a game.
23
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:44,036
Help!
24
00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:45,437
Help!
25
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,372
Help me!
26
00:02:02,056 --> 00:02:04,656
♪ they say that the father's insane ♪
27
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:09,661
♪ and dear Mrs. Perkins a game ♪
28
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,663
♪ we're talking 'bout the China ♪
29
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,098
you okay, man?
30
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,667
♪ whoa, ho, ho
31
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,469
we have the most powerful weapon
32
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,104
we've ever had against demons,
33
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:21,273
and we can't find a way to use it.
34
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,908
Yeah, well, Kevin's on it.
35
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:25,077
And when he finds something, he'll call.
36
00:02:25,079 --> 00:02:26,211
So we wait.
37
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:31,683
Look, we have both had a rough go
38
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,919
over these past couple of weeks.
39
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,287
And, uh...
40
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,624
I know what you gave up wasn't easy.
41
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:42,094
Maybe we ought to take the night off...
42
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:45,197
Go see a flick, hit a bar or two,
43
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,432
have some fun.
44
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:50,002
You remember fun, don't you, Sammy?
45
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:58,877
Kevin, what do you got?
46
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,646
Hey. Garth. Hey.
47
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,114
Why don't you grab a piece of paper?
48
00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:05,117
Really? Okay. Uh, yeah.
49
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,485
Thanks, man. Yeah, all right.
50
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:09,321
Oh, wait, hey... hey, garth.
Garth, are you there? Yeah.
51
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:11,156
H-how'd you know where we are?
52
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:12,291
Yeah, you've been garthed.
53
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,660
Look, it's bad enough
that you're tracking us,
54
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,962
but it's even worse
55
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:19,231
when you say we've been "garthed."
56
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,632
Yeah.
57
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,635
Okay, we got to lose the GPS on our phones
58
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,204
because garth has been tracking us,
59
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:28,140
and other hunters, apparently,
to assign cases.
60
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:30,342
Smart.
61
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:31,977
A total Bobby move.
62
00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,179
What's the deal?
63
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:37,549
Uh, well, it's close...
Farmington hills, Michigan.
64
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,152
Dude got ripped limb from limb
inside his locked apartment.
65
00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:41,587
That's not good.
66
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,022
Working a case.
67
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,191
As long as we're waiting on Kevin,
68
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,559
that'll be our fun.
69
00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:56,034
Sheriff.
70
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,402
Special agent Taggart.
71
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,605
This is my partner, special agent rosewood.
72
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:02,107
FBI? You guys are quick.
73
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,342
Haven't even got the body out yet.
74
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:07,045
Well, the FBI is all work, no play.
75
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,213
You know, why don't you give me the tour
76
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:09,448
while my partner looks around?
77
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:11,116
I work better on my own.
78
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:14,987
Your world, agent. Follow me.
79
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:25,764
Vic's name was ed Nelson, 31 years old,
80
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,966
an insurance-claim adjuster.
81
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:30,769
He lived alone, which was a real shocker,
82
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,971
considering his place is full of toys.
83
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,974
So what happened?
84
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,576
No sign of forced entry.
85
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:41,747
Near as we can tell,
he was tied up and pulled apart.
86
00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:44,216
Died of the shock or massive blood loss.
87
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:45,550
Dealer's choice on that one.
88
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:48,220
So what about these chains?
89
00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:49,588
That's actually chain mail.
90
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:52,324
Seriously?
91
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,226
We did find clear rope-burn marks
92
00:04:54,228 --> 00:04:56,495
on his wrists and ankles.
93
00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:06,672
Huh.
94
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:11,109
So, anything...
95
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,678
Missing from the body?
96
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,380
You mean aside from the arms and legs?
97
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:19,451
Uh... nope.
98
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:21,253
All there... twig and berries, too.
99
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:24,423
What about the neighbors?
Did they hear anything weird?
100
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,624
Uh, neighbor downstairs said
101
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,626
she got woke up in the middle of the night
102
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,428
by the sound of horses
103
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:31,029
stomping their feet and galloping.
104
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,599
We didn't find any hoofprints.
105
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:38,003
She probably heard a TV
or was having a bad dream
106
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,805
or she was high as balls.
107
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:43,809
Fortunately, we got a real
lead off his cellphone.
108
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,811
According to the phone records,
109
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:50,115
Ed's last call was from a
guy called Lance jacobsen,
110
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:54,486
an accountant, also 30s, also lives alone.
111
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,488
How's he a lead?
112
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,157
The two of them talked
together for 15 minutes,
113
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:03,328
and then Lance sent ed here
all kinds of angry texts.
114
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,330
Some of them were your
typical threat stuff,
115
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:07,366
but some were a little weird.
116
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,167
Weird how?
117
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,336
Like, uh...
118
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:14,172
"You shall bleed for
your crimes against us,"
119
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,341
followed by the emoticon of a skull.
120
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,210
And this beauty...
121
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:22,414
"I am a mage. I will destroy you."
122
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,784
These kids today with
their texting and murder.
123
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,653
My men just brought Lance
124
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,422
into the station for questioning.
125
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:33,058
Well, we're gonna need to take
first crack at the suspect.
126
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,994
Like I said, agent, it's your world.
127
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:45,404
Lance jacobsen? We're with the FBI.
128
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,506
The FBI?
129
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:50,675
I can't believe this is happening.
130
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:53,245
I can't believe Ed's dead.
131
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,015
Lance?
132
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,750
Lance, just... just breathe.
133
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,952
Just breathe. You're fine.
134
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,456
We just need to ask you a few questions.
135
00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:05,357
Try to calm down.
136
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:08,126
We want to know about the, uh...
137
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,196
The texts you sent ed last night.
138
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,364
I told them when they brought me in
139
00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:13,865
those texts weren't from me.
140
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,368
Well, your phone and
Ed's phone say otherwise.
141
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:18,537
No, I mean, they were from me,
but they weren't from me me.
142
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:22,474
Did you really think
143
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:24,476
that sentence was gonna clear things up?
144
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,479
I'm sorry.
145
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:29,314
This is all a big misunderstanding.
146
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:32,484
Those text messages were
from greyfox the mystic
147
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,519
to thargrim the difficult.
148
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:38,323
Our characters in moondoor.
149
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:41,493
Moondoor is a game that ed and I play.
150
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:44,496
We're larpers. Live-action role-playing?
151
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:48,600
Right. Larping. Good times.
152
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,936
We play moondoor every other
weekend at heritage park.
153
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,771
All the info about it is on our website.
154
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,406
You guys have a website.
155
00:07:54,408 --> 00:07:56,408
Yeah, one of the players designed it.
156
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:57,943
In fact, if you log onto the site,
157
00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,945
they should have posted pictures
from last night's feast.
158
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,446
I was there all night.
159
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,482
What does any of this
have to do with the texts?
160
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:07,319
I play a character named
greyfox the mystic.
161
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:10,856
I'm a very, very powerful mage in the game.
162
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:17,629
Okay, uh, very powerful. Go on.
163
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:20,432
Ed is...
164
00:08:20,434 --> 00:08:25,136
Ed wathargrim the difficult
of the elder forest,
165
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:28,273
son of hargrim and bouphin, brother to...
166
00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:34,479
He was Lancelot to my Merlin.
167
00:08:34,481 --> 00:08:36,481
Ah.
168
00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:37,649
Well, if you guys were so tight,
169
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:39,484
then why the threatening messages?
170
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,486
We were named to the queen's honor guard
171
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,688
in anticipation of the coming
battle of kingdoms this weekend.
172
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,490
I thought he broke protocol,
173
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:48,894
so I called ed after game hours
and accused him of cheating,
174
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:51,296
and then I challenged him to a duel.
175
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,832
A duel? Wands and swords at dawn.
176
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:59,905
Now, when you say "wands,
" do you mean magic wands?
177
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:03,208
No. Un-magic wands, agent.
178
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,444
Because what I really want in
a duel is an un-magic wand.
179
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:11,550
Yes! Fake wands! It's a game!
180
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:14,352
I can't believe it.
181
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,187
Oh, ye gods!
182
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:19,758
Thargrim the difficult has fallen!
183
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:27,065
L-Lance... Lance. Hang in there, champ.
184
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,405
So?
185
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:36,408
Do you believe dungeons & dragons?
186
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,209
He didn't put a whammy on us.
187
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,679
Those weren't crocodile tears, man.
That's not our guy.
188
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,515
So what are we looking at?
You saw the chain mail.
189
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:46,885
This could be "fifty shades
of greyfox" for all we know.
190
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,687
All right, well,
let's check out moondoor site,
191
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:52,090
see if Lance's story checks out.
192
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:02,701
"Welcome to moondoor,
Michigan's largest larping game."
193
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,302
And I thought we needed to get out more.
194
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:09,207
Hmm.
195
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,276
There's our guy.
196
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,712
Huh.
197
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,181
It actually looks kind of awesome.
198
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,784
All right, there's a video.
199
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:25,724
Moondoor. A world of intrigue,
honor, passion.
200
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,994
Four kingdoms...
201
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:32,230
Followers of the moon, elves,
202
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:35,233
warriors of yesteryear,
and the dreaded shadow orcs.
203
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:38,236
All will fight on the fields of never
204
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:41,006
in the biannual battle of kingdoms.
205
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:43,742
Pick up a sword or a mace.
206
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:46,678
Take control of moondoor and defend
the current ruler...
207
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,313
Wait, is that...
208
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,650
The queen of moons.
209
00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:01,092
Aah, God.
210
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,732
What the hell?
211
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:37,696
You're gonna want to see this.
212
00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:58,750
God forbid he was contagious.
213
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:01,419
I'm gonna go dip myself in hand sanitizer.
214
00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:06,725
No emf, no hex bags, no sulfur.
215
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,893
I got nada. You?
216
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,262
Watch the video again.
217
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,498
There. See that?
218
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,900
Same as Ed's.
219
00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:18,203
I don't know. Maybe they
had matching tattoos.
220
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:20,672
I mean, they were brothers in arms.
221
00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,407
You recognize it from anything?
222
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:23,608
A Tim Burton movie?
223
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:26,211
Aside from the, uh, mark
of the creepy here,
224
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,680
the only thing these guys
have in common is larping.
225
00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:31,216
Lucky for us, we know the queen.
226
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,938
I, boltar the furious,
bind you to this stock
227
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,608
so that all of moondoor may
see you for what you are...
228
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,109
A thief.
229
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,044
My shadow orc brethren will
descend from the black hills
230
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:02,380
and the tents of mo...
231
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,216
Uh, hold.
232
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,023
Thanks, Gerry. Sorry.
Yeah, no problem, monty.
233
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:18,563
Resume.
234
00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:21,299
And the tents of moondoor
will be bathed in blood
235
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,434
as we unseat the queen of the moons
236
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,637
from the throne she stole
from the rightful heir...
237
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,638
The shadow king.
238
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,739
And you... silentium!
239
00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:29,841
Serve your time with honor, heathen.
240
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,511
And if you need to use the chamber pot,
241
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,914
stomp your feet thrice.
242
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:38,917
Excuse me. Hi. Uh, you are a larper, yeah?
243
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:42,687
I prefer the term
"interactive literaturist."
244
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,856
Right. Uh, I am special agent rosewood.
245
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,457
This is special agent Taggart.
246
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,793
Hold!
247
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,962
Um, guys, we're not doing the whole
genre-mash-up thing this weekend.
248
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,096
We only do that every third month.
249
00:13:52,098 --> 00:13:54,265
Uh... come again?
250
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,501
Your fake badges, the cheap suits.
251
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,770
It's very cool. I get it.
Your characters are FBI agents
252
00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:00,772
that somehow traveled to moondoor,
253
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:01,873
but I'm telling you
254
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,141
it's straight-up moondoor this weekend.
255
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,275
These aren't fake badges.
256
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:07,679
Uh, yeah, they are, and they're very good,
257
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:10,114
but, um, well, the I.D. Number shifted
258
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:12,650
to 10 digits with two letters mixed in
259
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:16,354
at the end of the year, and, uh,
the seal's from last month.
260
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,689
Really good work.
261
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,057
It's just it's a tournament
weekend, okay, guys?
262
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,458
So you got to follow the rules.
263
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,861
If there's no rules... chaos.
264
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:25,230
Resume.
265
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:28,199
If you would like to
join the army of moons,
266
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,635
the queen is always on the
lookout for new squires.
267
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,036
Yes. Right.
268
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,672
Uh, we would like to see
your queen now, please.
269
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,975
Well, the queen's calendar is
booked up months in advance.
270
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,043
But if you wish to witness
what's in store for you
271
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,846
in her army, her highness is overseeing
272
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,815
new squires on the pitch as we speak.
273
00:14:57,863 --> 00:14:59,264
Yield! I yield!
274
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,006
I love you.
275
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:09,340
I know.
276
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,909
Take your leave to my medical tent
277
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,744
and attend to your... severed limbs.
278
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:18,016
Greyfox and thargrim are missing.
279
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,584
We pray to the goddess
280
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,086
they have not fallen victim of foul play.
281
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,221
In their absence,
282
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,789
the honor guard's ranks are weakened.
283
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,858
To join...
284
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,962
Oh, blerg.
285
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:34,966
Uh...
286
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,602
The queen needs some royal "we" time.
287
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,337
Talk amongst thyselves.
288
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:47,312
Nice balance.
289
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,147
Dude.
290
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,115
Yeah.
291
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,552
Charlie.
292
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,321
Charlie bradbury is dead.
293
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,923
She died a year ago. You killed her.
294
00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,759
My name is Carrie heinlein.
295
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:05,229
Oh, and guess what. Now
you killed her, too.
296
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,998
Okay, listen.
297
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,466
No, I buried myself.
298
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,969
Then dick Roman went down,
his company belly-up,
299
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,805
and I figure, "hey, it's all good."
300
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,507
And I was fine. I got my life back.
301
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,242
Now you're here,
302
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,478
and if you guys are here,
monsters are here.
303
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:23,648
Why do I have such bad luck?
304
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,684
What am I... some kind of monster magnet?
305
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:29,087
Is there such a thing as a monster magnet?
306
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:32,090
You know what? Don't answer that.
307
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,024
I don't care.
308
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,125
What I care about
309
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:36,327
is not getting my other arm broken...
310
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,462
Or dying.
311
00:16:37,464 --> 00:16:40,098
So, I'm dropping my sword
312
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,833
and walking off the stage, bitches.
313
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,634
Have fun storming the castle.
314
00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,703
Charlie. Charlie!
315
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:51,109
Greyfox and thargrim... uh, ed and Lance...
316
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,044
They're not missing.
317
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,879
They're dead.
318
00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:01,352
Drawn and quartered and bleeding out?
319
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,187
Please stop talking again.
320
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,990
So what do you think did this?
321
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:07,825
Well, aside from the mark
322
00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,027
and them both being larpers,
323
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:10,828
there's really not much else to go on.
324
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:14,232
Wait, I've seen this before.
It's a Celtic magic symbol.
325
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:17,035
At least it was in my favorite video game.
326
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,069
Does that help? Can I go now?
327
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:20,238
It's a start, but no.
328
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,173
Um, listen.
329
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,975
What can you tell us about ed and Lance?
330
00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:26,377
Good guys.
331
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,578
Two of the best members
332
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,746
of the queen's ever-shrinking army.
333
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,748
"Ever-shrinking"?
334
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,551
My kingdom has had a lot
of bad luck lately,
335
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:39,190
probably 'cause of me,
but maybe it's tied to this.
336
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:40,358
A month ago, one of my guys
337
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,993
had both her ankles broken before battle.
338
00:17:41,995 --> 00:17:44,495
Before that, I had three people
339
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,064
have hospital-worthy
accidents while at home.
340
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,398
You think there's any connection there?
341
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,401
They have any enemies in common?
342
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,838
In real life? No.
Everyone gets along famously.
343
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,008
In the game, though,
they had tons of enemies.
344
00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,610
Red reps the followers
of the moon... my peeps.
345
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:00,711
Green's for elves,
346
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:03,181
blue's for warriors of yesteryear,
347
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:06,017
and black's for shadow
orcs... total d-bags.
348
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,219
This weekend is the battle of the kingdoms
349
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,687
to see who wears the forever crown.
350
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,456
This weekend,
351
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:15,126
each faction is definitely
an enemy of me and mine.
352
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,128
You know, if you, uh...
353
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:18,296
Move your archers back
354
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,198
and your broadswordsmen to the west...
355
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,933
Huh. Like the warriors. Yep.
356
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,034
Hey, good call. Thanks.
357
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,302
What about the Southern wall? Guys.
358
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:27,605
Yeah? Right. Sorry.
359
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,207
So maybe someone from one
of the other kingdoms
360
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,808
got ahold of real magic
361
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,977
and started using it to weaken your army.
362
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,545
But why not just come after me?
363
00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:36,280
And why the escalation?
364
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,716
All right, we will canvass the kingdoms.
365
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:39,917
You should get out of here.
366
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:42,320
We don't want you to get hurt. Whoa, wait.
367
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:43,788
Charlie knows moondoor a lot
better than we do. We need her.
368
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,889
Sam, I think we can take care of
369
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,624
a bunch of accountants with foam swords.
370
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,826
We need all the help we can get, Dean.
People are dying.
371
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:49,927
My point, which is usually yours,
372
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,229
is that she should get somewhere safe
373
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:52,797
and get back to a normal life.
374
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,799
Hey, I am right here, and I want to leave.
375
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:55,900
Thank you.
376
00:18:57,603 --> 00:19:00,104
But the queen...
377
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:02,140
She has to stay.
378
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:04,008
I mean, Sam is right. People are dying.
379
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,243
That can't happen on my watch.
380
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:08,179
And you know what? I am tired of running.
381
00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,015
I like my life here.
382
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,152
I'm gonna stay and fight for it.
383
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,493
Yeah.
384
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,129
Okay.
385
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,497
Thanks.
386
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,466
So, the toxicology report
came back on Lance.
387
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:29,934
Nothing.
388
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,270
But the medical examiner said
his body showed clear signs
389
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,672
that he was killed by belladonna.
390
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,207
The porn star? The porn star?
391
00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:41,312
The poison.
392
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:43,881
Oh. Oh.
393
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,117
Um, however,
394
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,686
they couldn't find a trace
of it in his system.
395
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,155
Just like they couldn't find
ropes in Ed's apartment.
396
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:54,225
Charlie, I'm gonna need
to borrow your laptop.
397
00:19:54,227 --> 00:19:56,360
There are no laptops in moondoor.
398
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:59,530
What? There are rules.
399
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,132
But there is a tech tent four tents down.
400
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:02,233
Okay.
401
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:03,668
How about you guys go canvas,
402
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:08,372
and I'll dig into these
accidents and this mark?
403
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:11,042
Okay.
404
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,877
I'm gonna need a full wiki
on where you guys have been.
405
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:16,080
But first, you're gonna
have to ditch the suit
406
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:17,248
if you're gonna walk and
talk with the queen.
407
00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:38,703
Excuse me.
408
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:40,605
Do you know if there's a
directory of online players?
409
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,240
Yeah, it's on the website.
410
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,375
All you need is an account to access it.
411
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:47,345
Um, thanks, uh...
412
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:48,412
Maria.
413
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:53,618
I mean, gholandria the wicked.
414
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:04,962
You sent Sam a phantom text from his ex?
415
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,030
Dick move, sir.
416
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,299
Yeah, not my finest hour.
417
00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:12,103
So he found some normalcy with this chick,
418
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:14,305
and now it's gone... again.
419
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,606
Thanks to you.
420
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:19,243
Yeah, well, now he's
more committed than ever,
421
00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:20,878
so there's that.
422
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,081
But, trust me, this life...
423
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,549
You can't afford attachments.
424
00:21:25,551 --> 00:21:29,654
You just got to... let go.
425
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:31,656
Are we still talking about Sam,
426
00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:33,624
or did you break up with someone, too?
427
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,559
Me? Yeah.
428
00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:38,462
No.
429
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:43,167
Your majesty.
430
00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:46,604
You always been into larping?
431
00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:47,605
Nah.
432
00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:49,307
For role-play, I prefer a tabletop.
433
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:52,510
D&d, gamma world, car wars.
434
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:54,945
That's why cthulhu invented
multi-sided dice, right?
435
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:58,182
But a buddy of mine was into larping.
436
00:21:58,184 --> 00:21:59,984
Went for him, stayed for the chicks.
437
00:22:02,188 --> 00:22:03,988
It's not just that, though.
438
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,589
It's an escape.
439
00:22:05,591 --> 00:22:08,826
I mean, here, I'm queen, a hero.
440
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:11,462
Out there in the real world,
I'm just hacking out code
441
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:12,430
and chugging coffee all day long.
442
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:14,799
Now, wait a second.
443
00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:16,267
If it wasn't for you,
444
00:22:16,269 --> 00:22:17,368
we would have never been
able to take down dick Roman.
445
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:19,270
Out there in the real world,
446
00:22:19,272 --> 00:22:21,439
you are a hero.
447
00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:25,276
My queen.
448
00:22:25,278 --> 00:22:28,379
I'm noticing a lot of these
maidens checking you out.
449
00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:31,816
What? I can't shut this down.
450
00:22:31,818 --> 00:22:34,085
It's good to be queen.
451
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:46,497
It's... it's all just part of the game.
452
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,868
Genre mash-up. Cool.
453
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:53,037
Hey, I know her. That's Phyllis.
454
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:55,573
Heard she broke her ankles or something.
455
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:59,076
Wow. It looks like she got...
456
00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:02,079
Hobbled.
457
00:23:02,081 --> 00:23:03,547
Oh, and that's Jamie.
458
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,349
He said someone broke into his house,
459
00:23:05,351 --> 00:23:06,751
beat him with his own mace, but...
460
00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:08,419
No signs of a forced entry.
461
00:23:10,355 --> 00:23:12,990
Uh, do you recognize this from moondoor?
462
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:14,358
I-I think it's Celtic?
463
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:15,493
No. Sorry.
464
00:23:15,495 --> 00:23:17,762
But I'll look it up. Thanks.
465
00:23:17,764 --> 00:23:20,197
I haven't seen anything like it
466
00:23:20,199 --> 00:23:22,166
in my travels throughout the realms,
your highness.
467
00:23:22,168 --> 00:23:23,534
All right.
468
00:23:23,536 --> 00:23:27,505
Well, if you think of anything,
come see me in my tent.
469
00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:29,907
Anytime.
470
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,950
Scratch the elves off the list.
471
00:23:39,952 --> 00:23:42,553
Mace attacks, hobbling,
medieval poisoning...
472
00:23:42,555 --> 00:23:44,955
Somebody's targeting the queen's people.
473
00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:46,123
No, not only them.
474
00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:48,559
See, those four are with the queen,
475
00:23:48,561 --> 00:23:50,394
but these two... they're elves.
476
00:23:50,396 --> 00:23:52,463
And these two are warriors.
477
00:23:52,465 --> 00:23:53,631
The only group not to get hit...
478
00:23:53,633 --> 00:23:54,799
The shadow orcs.
479
00:23:54,801 --> 00:23:57,034
Last group on the list, impossible to find.
480
00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:58,235
Wait, I know where we can find one.
481
00:23:58,237 --> 00:24:00,037
I met him on the way in. Perfect.
482
00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:04,041
Maybe he can tell us what
the frack this thing is.
483
00:24:04,043 --> 00:24:06,444
It's, uh, the tree of pain.
484
00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:09,447
Uh, if you are tagged with this mark,
485
00:24:09,449 --> 00:24:11,916
you will be a victim of fairy magic.
486
00:24:11,918 --> 00:24:14,418
Wait. Fairy magic can be bad?
487
00:24:14,420 --> 00:24:15,820
Death to the queen!
488
00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:18,556
Death to the usurper!
489
00:24:18,558 --> 00:24:20,724
Death to her manservant!
490
00:24:20,726 --> 00:24:23,260
What?
491
00:24:23,262 --> 00:24:25,830
Well, there's no laptops in moondoor.
492
00:24:25,832 --> 00:24:27,832
There's no Geneva convention, either.
493
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:29,834
Hey.
494
00:24:29,836 --> 00:24:31,635
Have you seen this?
495
00:24:31,637 --> 00:24:33,137
Yeah, of course.
496
00:24:33,139 --> 00:24:34,538
No. No, I haven't seen it.
497
00:24:36,341 --> 00:24:39,477
Okay, it's the shadow king's family crest.
498
00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:41,745
You'll never find him in the black hills.
499
00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:43,180
Black hills?
500
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:44,615
The forest behind the playground.
501
00:24:44,617 --> 00:24:46,650
Come on.
502
00:24:51,757 --> 00:24:53,757
All right, uh, well,
thank you very much, gholandria.
503
00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:55,125
Anytime.
504
00:24:55,127 --> 00:24:57,328
I've never done genre-mash-up play before.
505
00:24:57,330 --> 00:24:59,363
That was fun.
506
00:24:59,365 --> 00:25:02,833
First time for everything, right?
507
00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,034
First time for a lot of things
508
00:25:04,036 --> 00:25:06,537
if you want to come find my tent later.
509
00:25:08,773 --> 00:25:10,608
Another time.
510
00:25:12,811 --> 00:25:15,679
Your loss.
511
00:25:15,681 --> 00:25:18,682
My queen. There you are.
512
00:25:18,684 --> 00:25:20,117
I've been searching everywhere for you.
513
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:21,485
Has this... oaf attempted to harm you
514
00:25:21,487 --> 00:25:23,854
with his blasphemous metalworks?
515
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:26,490
Boltar, he's with me. This is my new...
516
00:25:26,492 --> 00:25:29,693
Handmaiden.
517
00:25:31,663 --> 00:25:33,664
We seek an audience with the shadow king.
518
00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:36,233
Uh, these hills are not safe.
519
00:25:36,235 --> 00:25:37,468
I beseech you, my queen,
you should return to camp.
520
00:25:37,470 --> 00:25:41,405
He's right... your worshipfulness.
521
00:25:41,407 --> 00:25:43,841
Uh, may I have a moment
before you take your leavings?
522
00:25:43,843 --> 00:25:45,543
Mm.
523
00:25:47,078 --> 00:25:48,679
Handmaiden?
524
00:25:48,681 --> 00:25:50,080
He was suspicious. I panicked.
525
00:25:50,082 --> 00:25:51,682
All right, look. You take my phone.
526
00:25:51,684 --> 00:25:54,218
Find Sam. We'll find the shadow dorks.
527
00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:55,352
But I can help.
528
00:25:55,354 --> 00:25:57,321
Yeah, you are helping by finding Sam. Go.
529
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,161
Lead the way to the orcs, bolty.
530
00:26:04,163 --> 00:26:06,497
Speak when spoken to, handmaiden.
531
00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:51,041
Ohh! Dark magic!
532
00:26:51,043 --> 00:26:52,977
Ohh! My eyes!
533
00:26:52,979 --> 00:26:56,780
The stinging of your
attack burns my very soul!
534
00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:09,627
Ohh!
535
00:27:09,629 --> 00:27:11,328
Dark magic?
536
00:27:20,573 --> 00:27:22,573
Well, that was a bust.
537
00:27:22,575 --> 00:27:24,975
You sure the shadow orcs
are even out there?
538
00:27:24,977 --> 00:27:26,010
For a handmaiden,
539
00:27:26,012 --> 00:27:28,012
you certainly ask many questions.
540
00:27:28,014 --> 00:27:29,279
Yes, I am positive.
541
00:27:29,281 --> 00:27:32,616
They're just very good
at hiding themselves.
542
00:27:32,618 --> 00:27:33,751
But a plan has sprung to mind
543
00:27:33,753 --> 00:27:35,519
that will draw the shadow king to us.
544
00:27:35,521 --> 00:27:37,121
We shall take the shadow orc held in stock,
545
00:27:37,123 --> 00:27:38,756
offer him up as a prisoner exchange.
546
00:27:38,758 --> 00:27:40,324
Draw him out and beat him down.
547
00:27:40,326 --> 00:27:42,426
I like your style, boltar.
548
00:27:42,428 --> 00:27:43,794
I shall retrieve the prisoner.
549
00:27:43,796 --> 00:27:45,596
You tend to the queen's
laundry and chamber pots,
550
00:27:45,598 --> 00:27:48,332
then meet me back here.
551
00:27:48,334 --> 00:27:50,968
Nice outfit.
552
00:27:50,970 --> 00:27:54,204
You love it. Right.
553
00:27:54,206 --> 00:27:55,539
Well, while you were, uh, playing dress-up,
554
00:27:55,541 --> 00:27:57,341
I found out that the mark...
555
00:27:57,343 --> 00:27:58,709
Belongs to the shadow orcs.
556
00:28:00,779 --> 00:28:03,647
Yeah. And they're using fairy magic.
557
00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:07,151
The tree of pain. Awesome.
558
00:28:07,153 --> 00:28:08,619
Whoever gets marked gets ganked.
559
00:28:08,621 --> 00:28:09,820
All right, how do we stop it?
560
00:28:09,822 --> 00:28:12,289
Find whoever cast the spell,
and take them out.
561
00:28:12,291 --> 00:28:14,058
No more whammy, no more marks.
562
00:28:14,060 --> 00:28:15,693
No more marks, no more dead bodies.
563
00:28:15,695 --> 00:28:16,694
Okay, well, perfect.
564
00:28:16,696 --> 00:28:18,495
Our, uh, pal boltar the chatty
565
00:28:18,497 --> 00:28:19,797
is getting the, uh, shadow orc prisoner.
566
00:28:19,799 --> 00:28:21,665
We're gonna do a little prisoner exchange,
567
00:28:21,667 --> 00:28:23,300
try to draw the king out of hiding.
568
00:28:23,302 --> 00:28:24,568
It was my idea.
569
00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:27,638
Where's Charlie?
570
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:28,739
She was with you.
571
00:28:28,741 --> 00:28:31,742
No, I sent her to you.
572
00:28:31,744 --> 00:28:33,811
Charlie?
573
00:28:33,813 --> 00:28:34,812
Your highness?
574
00:28:34,814 --> 00:28:37,614
Charlie?
575
00:28:39,084 --> 00:28:40,884
You know what... she's got my phone.
576
00:28:40,886 --> 00:28:42,086
Try it.
577
00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:08,112
Uh...
578
00:29:09,848 --> 00:29:11,782
Hi.
579
00:29:11,784 --> 00:29:14,785
I'm the, uh, queen...
580
00:29:14,787 --> 00:29:16,019
Of moons.
581
00:29:16,021 --> 00:29:18,088
Nice to meet you.
582
00:29:19,624 --> 00:29:21,859
Great costume, b.T. Dubs.
583
00:29:23,628 --> 00:29:26,029
Right.
584
00:29:26,031 --> 00:29:28,632
Well, this has been a
really great kidnapping,
585
00:29:28,634 --> 00:29:30,868
but I got to get back to not dying.
586
00:29:30,870 --> 00:29:33,804
So, good talk.
587
00:29:45,650 --> 00:29:47,885
Wow. Real magic.
588
00:29:47,887 --> 00:29:51,889
That is really cool,
if not mostly terrifying.
589
00:29:51,891 --> 00:29:53,824
Um, right.
590
00:29:53,826 --> 00:29:55,826
Okay.
591
00:29:55,828 --> 00:29:57,661
We can work this out, can't we?
592
00:29:57,663 --> 00:29:59,997
Get you some gold, my crown.
593
00:29:59,999 --> 00:30:02,633
Ritualistic sacrifice?
594
00:30:04,269 --> 00:30:07,271
Look.
595
00:30:07,273 --> 00:30:08,972
I am not really a queen.
596
00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:11,775
I'm just an I.T. Girl...
597
00:30:11,777 --> 00:30:14,144
Standing in front of a monster...
598
00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:16,747
Asking it not to kill her.
599
00:30:17,949 --> 00:30:20,150
Great.
600
00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:21,852
Now the worst period of
my life comes to an end.
601
00:30:21,854 --> 00:30:24,688
I saw my boss get eaten by
a leviathan, broke my arm,
602
00:30:24,690 --> 00:30:26,456
lived life on the run,
finally got it all back,
603
00:30:26,458 --> 00:30:28,692
and now a dude in a stag-skull mask
604
00:30:28,694 --> 00:30:29,860
is gonna kill me.
605
00:30:29,862 --> 00:30:31,295
I just want my old life back!
606
00:30:37,135 --> 00:30:39,203
That is all I want, as well.
607
00:30:51,216 --> 00:30:53,851
I swear, if anything's happened to her...
608
00:30:53,853 --> 00:30:55,385
Dude, we checked all the tents.
609
00:30:55,387 --> 00:30:57,521
We'll talk to these guys. We'll find her.
610
00:30:59,524 --> 00:31:01,525
Ca-caw!
611
00:31:01,527 --> 00:31:02,960
Ca-caw!
612
00:31:02,962 --> 00:31:07,197
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
613
00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:10,734
Greetings, heretics.
614
00:31:11,736 --> 00:31:14,605
You should kneel before me, cur.
615
00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:17,407
All right, why don't you let me...
616
00:31:17,409 --> 00:31:18,976
Silence!
617
00:31:18,978 --> 00:31:23,146
Now, before we exchange,
a few announcements.
618
00:31:26,084 --> 00:31:28,352
Um, there is a peewee-league
soccer playoff game tomorrow
619
00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:29,519
on the Alpha field.
620
00:31:29,521 --> 00:31:30,821
We don't want to freak out the mundanes,
621
00:31:30,823 --> 00:31:31,822
so we got to move the battle
of kingdoms to the beta field.
622
00:31:31,824 --> 00:31:33,090
All right. That's it.
623
00:31:33,092 --> 00:31:34,358
You know what? I'm gonna do
this the old-fashioned way.
624
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:35,359
Dean, don't. What?
625
00:31:35,361 --> 00:31:36,927
Come on. No, I'm...
626
00:31:36,929 --> 00:31:38,161
I told you there are... shut up.
627
00:31:38,163 --> 00:31:39,363
All right. I need real answers.
628
00:31:39,365 --> 00:31:41,365
This here is a real gun, see?
629
00:31:42,534 --> 00:31:44,735
Whoa! Whoa! Hold! Hold! Geez!
630
00:31:44,737 --> 00:31:46,837
Now, start talking. Where's the queen?!
631
00:31:46,839 --> 00:31:48,005
I don't know!
632
00:31:48,007 --> 00:31:50,040
Yeah, well, your little family crest there
633
00:31:50,042 --> 00:31:51,041
tells a different story, pal.
634
00:31:51,043 --> 00:31:53,744
This? Yeah.
635
00:31:53,746 --> 00:31:56,947
Uh, I got sick last month
636
00:31:56,949 --> 00:31:58,782
after this thing just appeared on my arm.
637
00:31:58,784 --> 00:32:00,584
I thought it looked really cool,
638
00:32:00,586 --> 00:32:03,053
so I turned it into my family crest.
639
00:32:03,055 --> 00:32:06,356
I mean, after my dermatologist
said it wasn't malignant.
640
00:32:06,358 --> 00:32:07,925
Dean, he's not our guy.
He's just another Vic.
641
00:32:07,927 --> 00:32:09,559
My name is Max hilby. I'm an attorney.
642
00:32:09,561 --> 00:32:11,695
I have no idea where the queen is,
643
00:32:11,697 --> 00:32:15,032
but if you let me go right now,
I won't press charges.
644
00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:18,669
I promise.
645
00:32:19,871 --> 00:32:22,339
Um...
646
00:32:23,741 --> 00:32:26,944
Here. Uh, take them. Please.
647
00:32:26,946 --> 00:32:27,911
Go.
648
00:32:27,913 --> 00:32:30,013
Go! Go!
649
00:32:34,252 --> 00:32:36,153
What? What?!
650
00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:39,289
Is the queen really in danger?
651
00:32:40,658 --> 00:32:43,593
Okay, look, I-I noticed something odd
652
00:32:43,595 --> 00:32:44,828
down by the creek.
653
00:32:44,830 --> 00:32:46,897
It's this weird tent. It's not one of ours.
654
00:32:46,899 --> 00:32:48,899
It's kind of creepy.
655
00:32:48,901 --> 00:32:51,001
Why are you being so
helpful all of a sudden?
656
00:32:51,003 --> 00:32:53,704
Look, I harbor an epic crush on the queen.
657
00:32:54,772 --> 00:32:56,139
Maybe you could put in a good word for me
658
00:32:56,141 --> 00:32:57,941
when you find her.
659
00:32:57,943 --> 00:33:00,744
I don't think you're her type.
660
00:33:02,180 --> 00:33:05,749
What? You mean she's not into orcs?
661
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:12,089
My name is gilda.
662
00:33:12,091 --> 00:33:15,292
I'm from the hollow forest of arkhmoor.
663
00:33:15,294 --> 00:33:16,693
I'm a fairy.
664
00:33:16,695 --> 00:33:18,795
Mm. Swoon.
665
00:33:18,797 --> 00:33:23,000
Uh, I mean, how did you get here?
666
00:33:23,002 --> 00:33:26,003
I was summoned here by a spell.
667
00:33:26,005 --> 00:33:28,005
By whom?
668
00:33:28,007 --> 00:33:29,373
I don't know his name,
669
00:33:29,375 --> 00:33:31,208
but I was brought here to do his bidding.
670
00:33:31,210 --> 00:33:34,678
His bidding? That's never good.
671
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,681
My... master,
672
00:33:37,683 --> 00:33:41,318
he... he has me hurt people.
673
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,220
He's forcing me to. I'd never hurt anyone.
674
00:33:43,222 --> 00:33:46,123
I'm a fairy... the good kind.
675
00:33:46,125 --> 00:33:50,027
No, no, I get that. Why is he doing this?
676
00:33:50,029 --> 00:33:52,396
I don't know.
677
00:33:52,398 --> 00:33:54,197
He started off with smaller commands,
678
00:33:54,199 --> 00:33:57,234
but he's become more violent.
679
00:33:57,236 --> 00:34:00,637
He had me kill two men this week.
680
00:34:00,639 --> 00:34:04,741
Man, someone is taking this
game way too seriously.
681
00:34:04,743 --> 00:34:07,744
Game?
682
00:34:07,746 --> 00:34:11,148
This... my outfit, all of this...
683
00:34:11,150 --> 00:34:13,016
It's just a game here.
684
00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:14,718
Why would you play such a game?
685
00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:18,722
This world... not so much with awesome.
686
00:34:18,724 --> 00:34:22,526
The game is a way to get away.
687
00:34:22,528 --> 00:34:24,327
Mm.
688
00:34:24,329 --> 00:34:27,097
It's a lovely forest,
689
00:34:27,099 --> 00:34:31,001
but it's nothing like my home.
690
00:34:31,003 --> 00:34:32,369
Right.
691
00:34:32,371 --> 00:34:34,004
So, how do we get you back there?
692
00:34:34,006 --> 00:34:38,008
I can't break free from the spell, myself.
693
00:34:38,010 --> 00:34:41,011
A hero must take my master's book of magic
694
00:34:41,013 --> 00:34:44,381
and destroy it, breaking the spell.
695
00:34:44,383 --> 00:34:48,185
Gilda, my name is Charlie bradbury,
696
00:34:48,187 --> 00:34:50,787
and I am here to rescue you.
697
00:34:59,230 --> 00:35:01,798
Why don't you take off,
bolty? We got it from here.
698
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:05,068
A handmaiden and a time
traveler rescue the queen?
699
00:35:05,070 --> 00:35:06,470
I think not, kind lady.
700
00:35:06,472 --> 00:35:07,904
Look, this isn't a game, boltar.
701
00:35:07,906 --> 00:35:09,272
The queen, our friend, is in real danger.
702
00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:10,373
You could get hurt.
703
00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:12,209
I will not leave my queen in peril.
704
00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:16,446
Look there.
705
00:35:16,448 --> 00:35:19,116
We haven't checked that tent.
706
00:35:37,569 --> 00:35:39,903
Dudes.
707
00:35:39,905 --> 00:35:43,073
If the tent is rockin',
don't come a-knockin'.
708
00:35:43,075 --> 00:35:45,642
No, it's him! My master! Run!
709
00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:01,825
No guns in moondoor, gentlemen.
710
00:36:01,827 --> 00:36:02,993
Gilda, if you please?
711
00:36:11,102 --> 00:36:12,469
Well, now what, Gerry?
712
00:36:12,471 --> 00:36:17,307
My name is boltar the furious!
713
00:36:17,309 --> 00:36:20,877
My plan was,
714
00:36:20,879 --> 00:36:22,512
after getting rid of all of my competition,
715
00:36:22,514 --> 00:36:24,381
to win the battle tomorrow,
716
00:36:24,383 --> 00:36:27,217
convincing the queen that
I should be her king.
717
00:36:28,187 --> 00:36:29,286
But then you two idiots showed up,
718
00:36:29,288 --> 00:36:30,687
and I was forced to improvise.
719
00:36:30,689 --> 00:36:32,322
Rescue the damsel in distress from orcs,
720
00:36:32,324 --> 00:36:36,493
become king, kill you both...
That'll work, too.
721
00:36:36,495 --> 00:36:38,628
So why did you go from hobbling to murder?
722
00:36:38,630 --> 00:36:41,831
Greyfox and thargrim became
part of the honor guard.
723
00:36:41,833 --> 00:36:43,200
They got close to the queen,
724
00:36:43,202 --> 00:36:45,135
but they did it by breaking the rules...
725
00:36:45,137 --> 00:36:47,337
Paying off other players with real money,
726
00:36:47,339 --> 00:36:48,538
rather than moondoor currency.
727
00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:50,173
They were cheating.
728
00:36:50,175 --> 00:36:51,641
Oh, and using magic isn't?
729
00:36:51,643 --> 00:36:53,543
Magic is a part of moondoor.
730
00:36:53,545 --> 00:36:55,212
What is your problem?
731
00:36:55,214 --> 00:36:57,247
Why would you hurt people?
This is just a game.
732
00:36:57,249 --> 00:37:01,251
There is no game! There is only moondoor!
733
00:37:01,253 --> 00:37:03,353
I came here to be different,
734
00:37:03,355 --> 00:37:07,023
to get away from my crappy life,
to be a hero,
735
00:37:07,025 --> 00:37:08,191
and guess what.
736
00:37:08,193 --> 00:37:09,993
What, you were a loser in the real world,
737
00:37:09,995 --> 00:37:11,595
and you're a loser here? Shocker.
738
00:37:11,597 --> 00:37:15,532
Would a loser track down
a real book of spells
739
00:37:15,534 --> 00:37:18,768
and compel a fairy to do his bidding?
740
00:37:18,770 --> 00:37:20,070
It depends. How'd you get it?
741
00:37:22,039 --> 00:37:23,039
Ebay.
742
00:37:26,612 --> 00:37:27,711
Look.
743
00:37:27,713 --> 00:37:30,213
It doesn't have to be like this, boltar.
744
00:37:30,215 --> 00:37:32,182
Just hand over the book of spells.
745
00:37:32,184 --> 00:37:33,250
We can work this out.
746
00:37:33,252 --> 00:37:36,253
This will all work out...
747
00:37:36,255 --> 00:37:38,221
After I remove you from the playing field
748
00:37:38,223 --> 00:37:40,357
and wipe her memory.
749
00:37:41,592 --> 00:37:43,660
Gilda?
750
00:37:49,300 --> 00:37:51,268
Gilda, the big one.
751
00:37:52,870 --> 00:37:55,205
Ohh!
752
00:38:04,749 --> 00:38:06,483
I can't stop him.
753
00:38:06,485 --> 00:38:08,952
The book... you must destroy it.
754
00:38:13,591 --> 00:38:16,793
Hey, Gerry.
755
00:38:16,795 --> 00:38:20,497
I'm the one who saves damsels
in distress around here.
756
00:38:23,401 --> 00:38:24,534
No!
757
00:38:39,684 --> 00:38:41,418
Are you okay?
758
00:38:41,420 --> 00:38:44,954
I'm free of the spell. You saved me.
759
00:38:44,956 --> 00:38:48,158
The hollow forest is forever in your debt.
760
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:51,361
I must return to those green hills now.
761
00:38:51,363 --> 00:38:55,332
I will take my former master with me.
762
00:38:55,334 --> 00:38:58,468
He must face a fairy tribunal for his sins.
763
00:38:58,470 --> 00:38:59,769
Wait.
764
00:39:11,649 --> 00:39:14,284
Call me, maybe.
765
00:39:20,324 --> 00:39:22,726
So what's next for you, Charlie?
766
00:39:22,728 --> 00:39:25,362
New town? New identity?
767
00:39:25,364 --> 00:39:28,164
If the last 24 hours
have taught me anything,
768
00:39:28,166 --> 00:39:29,833
it's that escaping isn't
what it used to be.
769
00:39:29,835 --> 00:39:32,469
No more replacement characters for me.
770
00:39:32,471 --> 00:39:35,138
I got to face reality from now on.
771
00:39:35,140 --> 00:39:37,507
Sadly, reality actually includes monsters,
772
00:39:37,509 --> 00:39:39,709
but what are you gonna do?
773
00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:43,079
If I can ever be of help
to you guys, let me know.
774
00:39:43,081 --> 00:39:44,481
Will do.
775
00:39:44,483 --> 00:39:47,317
And you, uh... you're good?
776
00:39:47,319 --> 00:39:49,352
Apart from the fact
777
00:39:49,354 --> 00:39:51,354
that you blocked me from banging a fairy,
778
00:39:51,356 --> 00:39:53,356
and I'm about to go lose
my crown in battle,
779
00:39:53,358 --> 00:39:54,724
thanks to my army being decimated?
780
00:39:54,726 --> 00:39:58,461
Yeah. Totally good.
781
00:40:00,331 --> 00:40:02,098
Smell you later, bitches.
782
00:40:11,076 --> 00:40:13,676
So, what's, uh... what's next?
783
00:40:13,678 --> 00:40:16,379
'Cause no fun, right?
784
00:40:16,381 --> 00:40:21,518
Look, before you say
anything, I-I-I get it.
785
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:23,286
No amount of fun is gonna help you
786
00:40:23,288 --> 00:40:24,721
get over what you gave up.
787
00:40:24,723 --> 00:40:31,127
You just, uh... you need time, right?
788
00:40:31,129 --> 00:40:33,096
Yeah.
789
00:40:33,098 --> 00:40:34,364
Thanks.
790
00:40:34,366 --> 00:40:37,133
And you're right.
791
00:40:37,135 --> 00:40:38,802
Having fun won't help me.
792
00:40:40,438 --> 00:40:43,807
It'll help both of us.
793
00:40:43,809 --> 00:40:45,675
Shall we?
794
00:40:52,050 --> 00:40:56,453
And dying in your beds many years from now,
795
00:40:56,455 --> 00:41:01,057
would you be willing to trade all the days,
796
00:41:01,059 --> 00:41:04,561
from this day to that, for one chance...
797
00:41:04,563 --> 00:41:05,495
Isn't that the speech from...
798
00:41:05,497 --> 00:41:06,663
It's the only one he knows.
799
00:41:06,665 --> 00:41:11,601
Just one chance to come back here
800
00:41:11,603 --> 00:41:16,406
and tell our enemies that
they may take our lives,
801
00:41:16,408 --> 00:41:18,007
but they will never take...
802
00:41:18,009 --> 00:41:19,509
Hold!
803
00:41:23,481 --> 00:41:25,281
- Uh, my bad.
- Really?
804
00:41:25,283 --> 00:41:26,583
Sorry. You can't be serious.
805
00:41:32,524 --> 00:41:35,291
Our freedom!
806
00:41:35,293 --> 00:41:36,493
Aah!
807
00:41:38,018 --> 00:41:40,018
Synched and edited by Ownsin