1
00:00:03,444 --> 00:00:04,777
Charlie Bradbury.
2
00:00:04,779 --> 00:00:06,279
Aah!
Geez!
3
00:00:06,496 --> 00:00:07,612
I erase the drive first.
4
00:00:07,614 --> 00:00:09,363
Then I go back
to my old life, right?
5
00:00:09,365 --> 00:00:11,365
You don't have
an old life anymore.
6
00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:13,918
Never contact me again,
like, ever.
7
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,753
If you stay,
I would be with you.
8
00:00:15,755 --> 00:00:18,456
But if you leave...
don't come back.
9
00:00:18,458 --> 00:00:19,674
Whatever you decide...
10
00:00:21,009 --> 00:00:23,094
...decide.
11
00:00:24,296 --> 00:00:25,579
Listen, Benny,
12
00:00:25,581 --> 00:00:28,599
everything you've done for me
I will never forget.
13
00:00:28,601 --> 00:00:30,852
But, uh...
14
00:00:30,854 --> 00:00:32,353
End of the line?
15
00:00:32,355 --> 00:00:33,554
Adios.
16
00:00:46,069 --> 00:00:48,569
How dare you?
17
00:00:48,571 --> 00:00:49,987
Lance.
18
00:00:49,989 --> 00:00:53,658
Yeah, that's right.
I'm talking to Lance, not --
19
00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:56,110
well, then we both cut corners
to get close to her,
20
00:00:56,112 --> 00:00:58,246
but that wasn't cheating.
21
00:00:58,248 --> 00:01:02,383
Dude, it's just a game.
22
00:01:04,620 --> 00:01:06,954
It's just a game.
23
00:01:42,424 --> 00:01:45,126
Help!
24
00:01:45,128 --> 00:01:46,511
Help!
25
00:01:46,513 --> 00:01:48,462
Help me!
26
00:01:52,636 --> 00:01:56,636
♪ Supernatural 8x11 ♪
LARP and the Real Girl
Original Air Date on January 23, 2013
27
00:01:56,637 --> 00:02:00,637
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
28
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,623
♪ They say that
the father's insane ♪
29
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:10,628
♪ and dear Mrs. Perkins
a game ♪
30
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,797
♪ We're talking
'bout the China ♪
31
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,016
You okay, man?
32
00:02:14,018 --> 00:02:16,735
♪ Whoa, ho, ho
33
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,570
We have
the most powerful weapon
34
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:20,022
we've ever had
against demons,
35
00:02:20,024 --> 00:02:22,407
and we can't find
a way to use it.
36
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:23,909
Yeah, well,
Kevin's on it.
37
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,278
And when he finds something,
he'll call.
38
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,529
So we wait.
39
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:32,701
Look, we have both
had a rough go
40
00:02:32,703 --> 00:02:34,953
over these past
couple of weeks.
41
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,371
And, uh...
42
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:39,657
I know what you gave up
wasn't easy.
43
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:43,211
Maybe we ought to
take the night off --
44
00:02:43,213 --> 00:02:46,431
go see a flick,
hit a bar or two,
45
00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:48,500
have some fun.
46
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,169
You remember fun,
don't you, Sammy?
47
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,895
Kevin,
what do you got?
48
00:02:59,897 --> 00:03:01,679
Hey.
Garth. Hey.
49
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,198
Why don't you grab
a piece of paper?
50
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,034
Really? Okay.
Uh, yeah.
51
00:03:06,036 --> 00:03:07,486
Thanks, man.
Yeah, all right.
52
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:10,188
Oh, wait, hey -- hey, Garth.
Garth, are you there? -Yeah.
53
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,124
H-how'd you know
where we are?
54
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:13,191
Yeah, you've been Garthed.
55
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,693
Look, it's bad enough
that you're tracking us,
56
00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,829
but it's even worse
57
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:20,132
when you say
we've been "Garthed."
58
00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:21,666
Yeah.
59
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,669
Okay, we got to lose
the GPS on our phones
60
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:26,304
because Garth
has been tracking us,
61
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:29,307
and other hunters, apparently,
to assign cases.
62
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:31,426
Smart.
63
00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:32,928
A total Bobby move.
64
00:03:32,930 --> 00:03:35,097
What's the deal?
65
00:03:35,099 --> 00:03:38,600
Uh, well, it's close --
Farmington Hills, Michigan.
66
00:03:38,602 --> 00:03:41,269
Dude got ripped limb from limb
inside his locked apartment.
67
00:03:41,271 --> 00:03:42,654
That's not good.
68
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,940
Working a case.
69
00:03:44,942 --> 00:03:47,325
As long as
we're waiting on Kevin,
70
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,744
that'll be our fun.
71
00:03:55,835 --> 00:03:57,035
Sheriff.
72
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,453
Special Agent Taggart.
73
00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:00,589
This is my partner,
Special Agent Rosewood.
74
00:04:00,591 --> 00:04:02,924
FBI?
You guys are quick.
75
00:04:02,926 --> 00:04:04,342
Haven't even
got the body out yet.
76
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:07,912
Well, the FBI is all work,
no play.
77
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,247
You know,
why don't you give me the tour
78
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,515
while my partner
looks around?
79
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,017
I work better on my own.
80
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:16,054
Your world, Agent.
Follow me.
81
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:26,648
Vic's name was Ed Nelson,
31 years old,
82
00:04:26,650 --> 00:04:28,867
an insurance-claim
adjuster.
83
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,703
He lived alone,
which was a real shocker,
84
00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:33,822
considering his place
is full of toys.
85
00:04:33,824 --> 00:04:36,941
So what happened?
86
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,543
No sign of forced entry.
87
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:42,664
Near as we can tell,
he was tied up and pulled apart.
88
00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:45,000
Died of the shock
or massive blood loss.
89
00:04:45,002 --> 00:04:46,551
Dealer's choice
on that one.
90
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,004
So what about
these chains?
91
00:04:49,006 --> 00:04:50,505
That's actually
chain mail.
92
00:04:50,507 --> 00:04:53,341
Seriously?
93
00:04:53,343 --> 00:04:55,126
We did find
clear rope-burn marks
94
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,462
on his wrists and ankles.
95
00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:07,606
Huh.
96
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:11,943
So, anything...
97
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,612
missing from the body?
98
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,314
You mean aside
from the arms and legs?
99
00:05:17,366 --> 00:05:20,368
Uh...
Nope.
100
00:05:20,370 --> 00:05:22,170
All there --
twig and berries, too.
101
00:05:22,172 --> 00:05:25,340
What about the neighbors?
Did they hear anything weird?
102
00:05:25,342 --> 00:05:26,508
Uh,
neighbor downstairs said
103
00:05:26,510 --> 00:05:28,593
she got woke up
in the middle of the night
104
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,362
by the sound of horses
105
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:31,863
stomping their feet
and galloping.
106
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:35,517
We didn't find
any hoofprints.
107
00:05:35,519 --> 00:05:38,887
She probably heard a TV
or was having a bad dream
108
00:05:38,889 --> 00:05:40,672
or she was high as balls.
109
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:44,643
Fortunately, we got a real lead
off his cellphone.
110
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,645
According to
the phone records,
111
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:50,899
Ed's last call was from a guy
called Lance Jacobsen,
112
00:05:50,901 --> 00:05:55,453
an accountant, also 30s,
also lives alone.
113
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,372
How's he a lead?
114
00:05:57,374 --> 00:05:59,958
The two of them talked together
for 15 minutes,
115
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:04,045
and then Lance sent Ed here
all kinds of angry texts.
116
00:06:04,047 --> 00:06:06,197
Some of them were
your typical threat stuff,
117
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,283
but some were
a little weird.
118
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:09,918
Weird how?
119
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,137
Like, uh...
120
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,872
"You shall bleed
for your crimes against us,"
121
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,309
followed by
the emoticon of a skull.
122
00:06:17,311 --> 00:06:18,843
And this beauty --
123
00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:23,098
"I am a mage.
I will destroy you."
124
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:26,768
These kids today with
their texting and murder.
125
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:29,437
My men just brought Lance
126
00:06:29,439 --> 00:06:31,106
into the station
for questioning.
127
00:06:31,108 --> 00:06:33,775
Well, we're gonna need to take
first crack at the suspect.
128
00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:36,778
Like I said, Agent,
it's your world.
129
00:06:41,784 --> 00:06:46,121
Lance Jacobsen?
We're with the FBI.
130
00:06:46,123 --> 00:06:48,173
The FBI?
131
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:51,509
I can't believe
this is happening.
132
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:54,012
I can't believe Ed's dead.
133
00:06:55,599 --> 00:06:57,749
Lance?
134
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,584
Lance, just --
just breathe.
135
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,770
Just breathe.
You're fine.
136
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:05,140
We just need to ask you
a few questions.
137
00:07:05,142 --> 00:07:06,141
Try to calm down.
138
00:07:06,143 --> 00:07:08,777
We want to know
about the, uh --
139
00:07:08,779 --> 00:07:11,813
the texts you sent Ed
last night.
140
00:07:11,815 --> 00:07:13,148
I told them
when they brought me in
141
00:07:13,150 --> 00:07:14,599
those texts
weren't from me.
142
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:17,101
Well, your phone
and Ed's phone say otherwise.
143
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,537
No, I mean, they were from me,
but they weren't from me me.
144
00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:23,308
Did you really think
145
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,327
that sentence
was gonna clear things up?
146
00:07:25,329 --> 00:07:28,279
I'm sorry.
147
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,947
This is all
a big misunderstanding.
148
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,385
Those text messages
were from Greyfox the Mystic
149
00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:35,303
to Thargrim the Difficult.
150
00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:38,956
Our characters in Moondoor.
151
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:42,310
Moondoor
is a game that Ed and I play.
152
00:07:42,312 --> 00:07:45,347
We're Larpers.
Live-action role-playing?
153
00:07:45,349 --> 00:07:49,401
Right.
Larping. Good times.
154
00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:51,653
We play Moondoor every other
weekend at Heritage Park.
155
00:07:51,655 --> 00:07:53,605
All the info about it
is on our website.
156
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,006
You guys have a website.
157
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,025
Yeah, one of the players
designed it.
158
00:07:57,027 --> 00:07:58,660
In fact,
if you log onto the site,
159
00:07:58,662 --> 00:08:00,695
they should have posted pictures
from last night's feast.
160
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,080
I was there all night.
161
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,249
What does any of this
have to do with the texts?
162
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:07,836
I play a character
named Greyfox the Mystic.
163
00:08:07,838 --> 00:08:11,706
I'm a very, very powerful mage
in the game.
164
00:08:14,493 --> 00:08:18,329
Okay, uh, very powerful.
Go on.
165
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,132
Ed is...
166
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:25,804
Ed was Thargrim the Difficult
of the Elder Forest,
167
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:29,074
son of Hargrim and Bouphin,
brother to --
168
00:08:32,695 --> 00:08:35,063
he was Lancelot
to my Merlin.
169
00:08:35,065 --> 00:08:37,048
Ah.
170
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,349
Well,
if you guys were so tight,
171
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,051
then why
the threatening messages?
172
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:42,037
We were named
to the queen's honor guard,
173
00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:44,456
in anticipation of the coming
Battle of Kingdoms this weekend.
174
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,207
I thought he broke protocol,
175
00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:49,544
so I called Ed after game hours
and accused him of cheating,
176
00:08:49,546 --> 00:08:51,880
and then
I challenged him to a duel.
177
00:08:51,882 --> 00:08:54,549
A duel?
Wands and swords at dawn.
178
00:08:56,470 --> 00:09:00,588
Now, when you say "wands"
do you mean magic wands?
179
00:09:00,590 --> 00:09:03,808
No. Un-magic wands,
Agent.
180
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:07,145
Because what I really want
in a duel is an un-magic wand.
181
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:12,067
Yes! Fake wands!
It's a game!
182
00:09:12,069 --> 00:09:14,903
I can't believe it.
183
00:09:14,905 --> 00:09:16,738
Oh, ye Gods!
184
00:09:16,740 --> 00:09:20,442
Thargrim the Difficult
has fallen!
185
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,699
L-Lance -- Lance.
Hang in there, champ.
186
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,922
So?
187
00:09:33,924 --> 00:09:36,925
Do you believe
Dungeons & Dragons?
188
00:09:36,927 --> 00:09:38,760
He didn't put a whammy
on us.
189
00:09:38,762 --> 00:09:43,898
Those weren't crocodile tears,
man. That's not our guy.
190
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:47,519
This could be "Fifty Shades of
Greyfox" for all we know.
191
00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:49,354
All right, well,
let's check out Moondoor site,
192
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:52,724
see if Lance's story
checks out.
193
00:09:59,281 --> 00:10:03,401
"Welcome to Moondoor, Michigan's
largest larping game".
194
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:04,903
And I thought
we needed to get out more.
195
00:10:06,323 --> 00:10:09,791
Hmm.
196
00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:11,993
There's our guy.
197
00:10:13,078 --> 00:10:14,412
Huh.
198
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,948
It actually
looks kind of awesome.
199
00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:20,418
All right,
there's a video.
200
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:26,374
Moondoor. A world of
intrigue, honor, passion.
201
00:10:27,477 --> 00:10:29,627
Four kingdoms --
202
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,680
followers of the Moon, Elves,
203
00:10:32,682 --> 00:10:35,683
Warriors of yesteryear,
and the dreaded Shadow Orcs.
204
00:10:35,685 --> 00:10:38,686
All will fight
on the fields of never
205
00:10:38,688 --> 00:10:41,639
in the biannual
Battle of Kingdoms.
206
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,159
Pick up a sword or a mace.
207
00:10:44,161 --> 00:10:47,195
Take control of Moondoor
and defend the current ruler...
208
00:10:47,197 --> 00:10:48,863
Wait, is that...
209
00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:52,316
...the queen of Moons.
210
00:10:59,041 --> 00:11:01,876
Aah, God.
211
00:11:05,130 --> 00:11:08,333
What the hell?
212
00:11:35,807 --> 00:11:39,926
You're gonna
want to see this.
213
00:11:57,645 --> 00:11:59,612
God forbid
he was contagious.
214
00:11:59,613 --> 00:12:02,298
I'm gonna go dip myself
in hand sanitizer.
215
00:12:04,801 --> 00:12:07,336
No EMF,
no hex bags, no sulfur.
216
00:12:07,338 --> 00:12:09,672
I got nada. You?
217
00:12:09,674 --> 00:12:11,991
Watch the video again.
218
00:12:11,993 --> 00:12:14,310
There. See that?
219
00:12:15,345 --> 00:12:16,612
Same as Ed's.
220
00:12:17,564 --> 00:12:18,848
I don't know.
Maybe they had matching tattoos.
221
00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:21,467
I mean,
they were brothers in arms.
222
00:12:21,469 --> 00:12:23,102
You recognize it
from anything?
223
00:12:23,104 --> 00:12:24,236
A Tim Burton movie?
224
00:12:24,238 --> 00:12:26,939
Aside from the, uh,
mark of the creepy here,
225
00:12:26,941 --> 00:12:29,475
the only thing these guys
have in common is larping.
226
00:12:29,477 --> 00:12:31,861
Lucky for us,
we know the queen.
227
00:12:51,331 --> 00:12:54,684
I, Boltar the Furious,
bind you to this stock
228
00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:57,269
so that all of Moondoor
may see you for what you are --
229
00:12:57,271 --> 00:12:58,804
a thief.
230
00:12:58,806 --> 00:13:00,839
My Shadow Orc brethren will
descend from the Black Hills
231
00:13:00,841 --> 00:13:03,175
and the tents of mo--
232
00:13:03,944 --> 00:13:06,028
Uh, hold.
233
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,868
Thanks, Gerry. Sorry.
Yeah, no problem, Monty.
234
00:13:17,742 --> 00:13:19,158
Resume.
235
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,911
And the tents of
Moondoor will be bathed in blood
236
00:13:21,913 --> 00:13:24,046
as we unseat
the queen of the Moons
237
00:13:24,048 --> 00:13:26,215
from the throne she stole
from the rightful heir --
238
00:13:26,217 --> 00:13:27,183
the shadow king.
239
00:13:27,185 --> 00:13:28,217
And you --
silentium!
240
00:13:28,219 --> 00:13:30,536
Serve your time with honor,
heathen.
241
00:13:31,905 --> 00:13:34,056
And if you need to use
the chamber pot,
242
00:13:34,058 --> 00:13:36,642
stomp your feet
thrice.
243
00:13:36,644 --> 00:13:39,512
Excuse me. Hi.
Uh, you are a larper, yeah?
244
00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:43,232
I prefer the term
"interactive literaturist".
245
00:13:43,234 --> 00:13:45,568
Right. Uh,
I am Special Agent Rosewood.
246
00:13:45,570 --> 00:13:47,103
This is
special Agent Taggart.
247
00:13:47,105 --> 00:13:49,438
Hold!
248
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,657
Um, guys, we're not doing the whole
genre-mash-up thing this weekend.
249
00:13:51,659 --> 00:13:52,725
We only do that
every third month.
250
00:13:52,727 --> 00:13:54,893
Uh...
Come again?
251
00:13:54,895 --> 00:13:57,046
Your fake badges,
the cheap suits.
252
00:13:57,048 --> 00:13:59,265
It's very cool. I get it.
Your characters are FBI agents
253
00:13:59,267 --> 00:14:01,333
that somehow
traveled to Moondoor,
254
00:14:01,335 --> 00:14:02,368
but I'm telling you
255
00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:03,702
it's straight-up
Moondoor this weekend.
256
00:14:03,704 --> 00:14:04,837
These aren't
fake badges.
257
00:14:04,839 --> 00:14:08,174
Uh, yeah, they are,
and they're very good,
258
00:14:08,176 --> 00:14:10,676
but, um, well,
the I.D. number shifted
259
00:14:10,678 --> 00:14:13,179
to 10 digits
with two letters mixed in
260
00:14:13,181 --> 00:14:16,932
at the end of the year, and, uh,
the seal's from last month.
261
00:14:16,934 --> 00:14:19,685
Really good work.
262
00:14:19,687 --> 00:14:20,970
So you got to follow
the rules.
263
00:14:20,972 --> 00:14:23,272
If there's no rules --
chaos.
264
00:14:23,274 --> 00:14:25,775
Resume.
265
00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:28,760
If you would like to join
the army of moons,
266
00:14:28,762 --> 00:14:31,147
the queen is always
on the lookout for new squires.
267
00:14:31,149 --> 00:14:32,698
Yes. Right.
268
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:35,151
Uh, we would like to see
your queen now, please.
269
00:14:35,153 --> 00:14:37,403
Well, the queen's calendar
is booked up months in advance.
270
00:14:37,405 --> 00:14:39,655
But if you wish to witness
what's in store for you
271
00:14:39,657 --> 00:14:42,458
in her army,
her highness is overseeing
272
00:14:42,460 --> 00:14:44,493
new squires on the pitch
as we speak.
273
00:14:58,291 --> 00:14:59,892
Yield!
I yield!
274
00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:08,400
I love you.
275
00:15:08,402 --> 00:15:09,801
I know.
276
00:15:09,803 --> 00:15:11,504
Take your leave
to my medical tent
277
00:15:11,506 --> 00:15:13,322
and attend to your...
severed limbs.
278
00:15:16,409 --> 00:15:18,410
Greyfox and Thargrim
are missing.
279
00:15:18,412 --> 00:15:19,995
We pray to the goddess
280
00:15:19,997 --> 00:15:22,698
they have not fallen victim
of foul play.
281
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:23,699
In their absence,
282
00:15:23,701 --> 00:15:25,284
the honor guard's ranks
are weakened.
283
00:15:25,286 --> 00:15:27,453
To join...
284
00:15:29,706 --> 00:15:31,707
Oh, blerg.
285
00:15:32,759 --> 00:15:35,494
Uh...
286
00:15:35,496 --> 00:15:38,097
The queen
needs some royal "we" time.
287
00:15:38,099 --> 00:15:40,015
Talk amongst thyselves.
288
00:15:44,354 --> 00:15:47,890
Nice balance.
289
00:15:47,892 --> 00:15:49,725
Dude.
290
00:15:49,727 --> 00:15:51,843
Yeah.
291
00:15:53,697 --> 00:15:54,980
Charlie.
292
00:15:54,982 --> 00:15:56,848
Charlie Bradbury
is dead.
293
00:15:56,850 --> 00:15:59,485
She died a year ago.
You killed her.
294
00:15:59,487 --> 00:16:02,204
My name
is Carrie Heinlein.
295
00:16:02,206 --> 00:16:05,741
Oh, and guess what.
Now you killed her, too.
296
00:16:05,743 --> 00:16:07,576
Okay, listen.
297
00:16:07,578 --> 00:16:08,860
No, I buried myself.
298
00:16:08,862 --> 00:16:11,413
Then Dick Roman went down,
his company belly-up,
299
00:16:11,415 --> 00:16:14,133
and I figure,
"Hey, it's all good"
300
00:16:14,135 --> 00:16:16,969
and I was fine.
I got my life back.
301
00:16:16,971 --> 00:16:18,671
Now you're here,
302
00:16:18,673 --> 00:16:21,056
and if you guys are here,
monsters are here.
303
00:16:22,509 --> 00:16:24,042
Why do I have
such bad luck?
304
00:16:24,044 --> 00:16:27,045
What am I --
some kind of monster magnet?
305
00:16:27,047 --> 00:16:29,381
Is there such a thing
as a monster magnet?
306
00:16:29,383 --> 00:16:32,434
You know what?
Don't answer that.
307
00:16:32,436 --> 00:16:33,569
I don't care.
308
00:16:33,571 --> 00:16:34,603
What I care about
309
00:16:34,605 --> 00:16:36,822
is not getting
my other arm broken...
310
00:16:36,824 --> 00:16:37,856
or dying.
311
00:16:37,858 --> 00:16:40,392
So,
I'm dropping my sword
312
00:16:40,394 --> 00:16:42,161
and walking off the stage,
bitches.
313
00:16:42,163 --> 00:16:44,079
Have fun
storming the castle.
314
00:16:44,081 --> 00:16:46,248
Charlie. Charlie!
315
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:51,453
Greyfox and Thargrim --
uh, Ed and Lance --
316
00:16:51,455 --> 00:16:53,622
they're not missing.
317
00:16:53,624 --> 00:16:55,274
They're dead.
318
00:16:58,296 --> 00:17:01,764
Drawn and quartered
and bleeding out?
319
00:17:01,766 --> 00:17:03,599
Please stop talking
again.
320
00:17:03,601 --> 00:17:06,435
So what do you think
did this?
321
00:17:06,437 --> 00:17:08,086
Well,
aside from the mark
322
00:17:08,088 --> 00:17:09,271
and them both being
larpers,
323
00:17:09,273 --> 00:17:11,089
there's really
not much else to go on.
324
00:17:11,091 --> 00:17:14,810
Wait, I've seen this before.
It's a Celtic magic symbol.
325
00:17:15,729 --> 00:17:17,262
At least it was
in my favorite video game.
326
00:17:17,264 --> 00:17:18,397
Does that help?
Can I go now?
327
00:17:18,399 --> 00:17:20,699
It's a start, but no.
328
00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:22,618
Um, listen.
329
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:24,486
What can you tell us
about Ed and Lance?
330
00:17:24,488 --> 00:17:26,789
Good guys.
331
00:17:26,791 --> 00:17:27,906
Two of the best members
332
00:17:27,908 --> 00:17:29,041
of the queen's
ever-shrinking army.
333
00:17:29,043 --> 00:17:31,109
"Ever-shrinking"?
334
00:17:31,111 --> 00:17:33,829
My kingdom has had
a lot of bad luck lately,
335
00:17:33,831 --> 00:17:39,368
probably 'cause of me,
but maybe it's tied to this.
336
00:17:39,370 --> 00:17:40,753
A month ago,
one of my guys
337
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:42,454
had both her ankles broken
before battle.
338
00:17:42,456 --> 00:17:44,807
Before that,
I had three people
339
00:17:44,809 --> 00:17:46,508
have hospital-worthy accidents
while at home.
340
00:17:46,510 --> 00:17:48,030
You think
there's any connection there?
341
00:17:49,462 --> 00:17:50,796
They have
any enemies in common?
342
00:17:50,798 --> 00:17:54,132
In real life? No.
Everyone gets along famously.
343
00:17:54,134 --> 00:17:57,436
In the game, though,
they had tons of enemies.
344
00:17:57,438 --> 00:18:00,022
Red reps the followers
of the Moon -- my peeps.
345
00:18:00,024 --> 00:18:01,023
Green's for Elves,
346
00:18:01,025 --> 00:18:03,492
blue's for
Warriors of Yesteryear,
347
00:18:03,494 --> 00:18:06,161
and black's for Shadow Orcs --
total d-bags.
348
00:18:06,163 --> 00:18:08,364
This weekend
is the Battle of the Kingdoms
349
00:18:08,366 --> 00:18:09,981
to see who wears
the forever crown.
350
00:18:09,983 --> 00:18:11,784
This weekend,
351
00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:15,504
each faction is definitely
an enemy of me and mine.
352
00:18:15,506 --> 00:18:17,373
You know, if you, uh...
353
00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:18,674
...move your archers back
354
00:18:18,676 --> 00:18:20,325
and your broadswordsmen
to the west...
355
00:18:20,327 --> 00:18:22,127
Huh. Like the warriors.
Yep.
356
00:18:22,129 --> 00:18:23,212
Hey, good call.
Thanks.
357
00:18:23,214 --> 00:18:24,680
What about the southern wall?
Guys.
358
00:18:24,682 --> 00:18:27,850
Yeah? Right. Sorry.
359
00:18:27,852 --> 00:18:29,601
So maybe someone from
one of the other kingdoms
360
00:18:29,603 --> 00:18:31,103
got ahold of real magic
361
00:18:31,105 --> 00:18:33,171
and started using it
to weaken your army.
362
00:18:33,173 --> 00:18:34,857
But why not
just come after me?
363
00:18:34,859 --> 00:18:36,642
And why the escalation?
364
00:18:36,644 --> 00:18:38,944
All right,
we will canvass the kingdoms.
365
00:18:38,946 --> 00:18:40,095
You should
get out of here.
366
00:18:40,097 --> 00:18:42,681
We don't want you to get hurt.
Whoa, wait.
367
00:18:42,683 --> 00:18:44,015
Charlie knows Moondoor a lot
better than we do. We need her.
368
00:18:44,017 --> 00:18:45,117
Sam, I think
we can take care of
369
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:46,952
a bunch of accountants
with foam swords.
370
00:18:46,954 --> 00:18:49,071
We need all the help we can get,
Dean. People are dying.
371
00:18:49,073 --> 00:18:50,122
My point,
which is usually yours,
372
00:18:50,124 --> 00:18:51,356
is that she should
get somewhere safe
373
00:18:51,358 --> 00:18:53,024
and get back
to a normal life.
374
00:18:53,026 --> 00:18:55,077
Hey, I am right here,
and I want to leave.
375
00:18:55,079 --> 00:18:56,328
Thank you.
376
00:18:57,914 --> 00:19:00,499
But the queen...
377
00:19:00,501 --> 00:19:02,334
...she has to stay.
378
00:19:02,336 --> 00:19:04,169
I mean, Sam is right.
People are dying.
379
00:19:04,171 --> 00:19:05,337
That can't happen
on my watch.
380
00:19:05,339 --> 00:19:08,674
And you know what?
I am tired of running.
381
00:19:09,426 --> 00:19:11,343
I like my life here.
382
00:19:12,262 --> 00:19:14,430
I'm gonna stay
and fight for it.
383
00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:22,771
Yeah.
384
00:19:22,773 --> 00:19:25,274
Okay.
385
00:19:25,276 --> 00:19:26,742
Thanks.
386
00:19:26,744 --> 00:19:28,744
So, the toxicology report
came back on Lance.
387
00:19:28,746 --> 00:19:30,079
Nothing.
388
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:32,564
But the medical examiner said
his body showed clear signs
389
00:19:32,566 --> 00:19:34,917
that he was killed
by Belladonna.
390
00:19:34,919 --> 00:19:36,702
The porn star? The porn star?
391
00:19:38,988 --> 00:19:41,590
The poison.
392
00:19:41,592 --> 00:19:44,093
Oh. Oh.
393
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:46,244
Um, however,
394
00:19:46,246 --> 00:19:48,931
they couldn't find
a trace of it in his system.
395
00:19:48,933 --> 00:19:51,250
Just like they couldn't find
ropes in Ed's apartment.
396
00:19:51,252 --> 00:19:54,520
Charlie, I'm gonna need
to borrow your laptop.
397
00:19:54,522 --> 00:19:56,605
There are no laptops
in Moondoor.
398
00:19:56,607 --> 00:19:59,758
What?
There are rules.
399
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,310
But there is a tech tent
four tents down.
400
00:20:01,312 --> 00:20:02,528
Okay.
401
00:20:02,530 --> 00:20:03,929
How about
you guys go canvas,
402
00:20:03,931 --> 00:20:08,617
and I'll dig into these
accidents and this mark?
403
00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:11,203
Okay.
404
00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:13,038
I'm gonna need a full wiki
on where you guys have been.
405
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,208
But first, you're gonna
have to ditch the suit
406
00:20:16,210 --> 00:20:17,970
if you're gonna
walk and talk with the queen.
407
00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:38,897
Excuse me.
408
00:20:38,899 --> 00:20:40,849
Do you know if there's
a directory of online players?
409
00:20:40,851 --> 00:20:42,401
Yeah,
it's on the website.
410
00:20:42,403 --> 00:20:44,486
All you need is an account
to access it.
411
00:20:44,488 --> 00:20:47,689
Um, thanks, uh...
412
00:20:47,691 --> 00:20:48,657
Maria.
413
00:20:48,659 --> 00:20:54,029
I mean,
Gholandria the Wicked.
414
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:05,123
You sent Sam
a phantom text from his ex?
415
00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:06,124
Dick move, sir.
416
00:21:06,126 --> 00:21:08,544
Yeah,
not my finest hour.
417
00:21:08,546 --> 00:21:12,181
So he found
some normalcy with this chick,
418
00:21:12,183 --> 00:21:14,433
and now it's gone...
again.
419
00:21:14,435 --> 00:21:15,801
Thanks to you.
420
00:21:15,803 --> 00:21:19,337
Yeah, well, now he's more
committed than ever,
421
00:21:19,339 --> 00:21:21,006
so there's that.
422
00:21:21,008 --> 00:21:24,142
But, trust me,
this life --
423
00:21:24,144 --> 00:21:25,711
you can't afford
attachments.
424
00:21:25,713 --> 00:21:29,815
You just got to...
let go.
425
00:21:29,817 --> 00:21:31,850
Are we still
talking about Sam,
426
00:21:31,852 --> 00:21:33,819
or did you
break up with someone, too?
427
00:21:33,821 --> 00:21:35,787
Me?
Yeah.
428
00:21:35,789 --> 00:21:38,707
No.
429
00:21:41,745 --> 00:21:43,412
Your majesty.
430
00:21:44,747 --> 00:21:46,832
You always
been into larping?
431
00:21:46,834 --> 00:21:47,799
Nah.
432
00:21:47,801 --> 00:21:49,534
For role-play,
I prefer a tabletop.
433
00:21:49,536 --> 00:21:52,754
D&D, Gamma World,
Car Wars.
434
00:21:52,756 --> 00:21:55,040
That's why Cthulhu invented
multi-sided dice, right?
435
00:21:55,042 --> 00:21:58,310
But a buddy of mine
was into larping.
436
00:21:58,312 --> 00:22:00,145
Went for him,
stayed for the chicks.
437
00:22:02,233 --> 00:22:04,066
It's not just that,
though.
438
00:22:04,068 --> 00:22:05,717
It's an escape.
439
00:22:05,719 --> 00:22:08,937
I mean, here,
I'm queen, a hero.
440
00:22:08,939 --> 00:22:11,406
Out there in the real world,
I'm just hacking out code
441
00:22:11,408 --> 00:22:12,608
and chugging coffee
all day long.
442
00:22:12,610 --> 00:22:14,910
Now, wait a second.
443
00:22:14,912 --> 00:22:16,245
If it wasn't for you,
444
00:22:16,247 --> 00:22:17,329
we would have never been
able to take down Dick Roman.
445
00:22:17,331 --> 00:22:19,498
Out there
in the real world,
446
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:21,583
you are a hero.
447
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,420
My queen.
448
00:22:25,422 --> 00:22:28,590
I'm noticing a lot of these
maidens checking you out.
449
00:22:28,592 --> 00:22:31,960
What?
I can't shut this down.
450
00:22:31,962 --> 00:22:34,296
It's good to be queen.
451
00:22:44,190 --> 00:22:46,475
It's -- it's all
just part of the game.
452
00:22:47,478 --> 00:22:50,929
Genre mash-up.
Cool.
453
00:22:50,931 --> 00:22:53,115
Hey, I know her.
That's Phyllis.
454
00:22:53,117 --> 00:22:55,901
Heard she broke her ankles
or something.
455
00:22:57,403 --> 00:22:59,121
Wow.
It looks like she got --
456
00:22:59,123 --> 00:23:02,174
Hobbled.
457
00:23:02,176 --> 00:23:03,608
Oh, and that's Jamie.
458
00:23:03,610 --> 00:23:05,460
He said someone
broke into his house,
459
00:23:05,462 --> 00:23:06,778
beat him with his own mace,
but --
460
00:23:06,780 --> 00:23:08,513
No signs of
a forced entry.
461
00:23:10,466 --> 00:23:13,001
Uh, do you recognize this
from Moondoor?
462
00:23:13,003 --> 00:23:14,503
I-I think it's Celtic?
463
00:23:14,505 --> 00:23:15,587
No. Sorry.
464
00:23:15,589 --> 00:23:17,789
But I'll look it up.
Thanks.
465
00:23:17,791 --> 00:23:20,142
I haven't seen
anything like it
466
00:23:20,144 --> 00:23:22,144
in my travels throughout
the realms, your highness.
467
00:23:22,146 --> 00:23:23,645
All right.
468
00:23:23,647 --> 00:23:27,799
Well, if you think of anything,
come see me in my tent.
469
00:23:28,685 --> 00:23:30,102
Anytime.
470
00:23:36,809 --> 00:23:39,945
Scratch the Elves
off the list.
471
00:23:39,947 --> 00:23:42,664
Mace attacks, hobbling,
medieval poisoning --
472
00:23:42,666 --> 00:23:45,000
somebody's targeting
the queen's people.
473
00:23:45,002 --> 00:23:46,084
No, not only them.
474
00:23:46,086 --> 00:23:48,653
See, those four
are with the Queen,
475
00:23:48,655 --> 00:23:50,339
but these two --
they're Elves.
476
00:23:50,341 --> 00:23:52,374
And these two
are Warriors.
477
00:23:52,376 --> 00:23:53,759
The only group
not to get hit --
478
00:23:53,761 --> 00:23:54,843
the Shadow Orcs.
479
00:23:54,845 --> 00:23:56,995
Last group on the list,
impossible to find.
480
00:23:56,997 --> 00:23:58,213
Wait, I know where
we can find one.
481
00:23:58,215 --> 00:24:00,015
I met him on the way in.
Perfect.
482
00:24:00,017 --> 00:24:03,935
Maybe he can tell us
what the frack this thing is.
483
00:24:03,937 --> 00:24:06,304
It's, uh,
the Tree of Pain.
484
00:24:06,306 --> 00:24:09,274
Uh, if you are tagged
with this mark,
485
00:24:09,276 --> 00:24:11,860
you will be a victim
of fairy magic.
486
00:24:11,862 --> 00:24:14,479
Wait.
Fairy magic can be bad?
487
00:24:14,481 --> 00:24:15,847
Death to the queen!
488
00:24:15,849 --> 00:24:18,400
Death to the usurper!
489
00:24:18,402 --> 00:24:20,685
Death to her manservant!
490
00:24:20,687 --> 00:24:23,155
What?
491
00:24:23,157 --> 00:24:25,824
Well, there's no laptops
in Moondoor.
492
00:24:25,826 --> 00:24:27,859
There's no Geneva Convention,
either.
493
00:24:27,861 --> 00:24:29,861
Hey.
494
00:24:29,863 --> 00:24:31,696
Have you seen this?
495
00:24:31,698 --> 00:24:33,031
Yeah, of course.
496
00:24:33,033 --> 00:24:34,750
No. No,
I haven't seen it.
497
00:24:36,252 --> 00:24:39,537
Okay, it's the Shadow King's
family crest.
498
00:24:39,539 --> 00:24:41,757
You'll never find him
in the Black Hills.
499
00:24:41,759 --> 00:24:43,058
Black Hills?
500
00:24:43,060 --> 00:24:44,476
The forest
behind the playground.
501
00:24:44,478 --> 00:24:46,845
Come on.
502
00:24:51,718 --> 00:24:53,769
All right, uh, well, thank you
very much, Gholandria.
503
00:24:53,771 --> 00:24:55,020
Anytime.
504
00:24:55,022 --> 00:24:57,272
I've never done
genre-mash-up play before.
505
00:24:57,274 --> 00:24:59,224
That was fun.
506
00:24:59,226 --> 00:25:02,727
First time
for everything, right?
507
00:25:02,729 --> 00:25:03,895
First time for
a lot of things
508
00:25:03,897 --> 00:25:06,681
if you want to
come find my tent later.
509
00:25:08,751 --> 00:25:10,752
Another time.
510
00:25:12,705 --> 00:25:15,624
Your loss.
511
00:25:15,626 --> 00:25:18,593
My queen.
There you are.
512
00:25:18,595 --> 00:25:19,961
I've been searching
everywhere for you.
513
00:25:19,963 --> 00:25:21,246
Has this...
oaf attempted to harm you
514
00:25:21,248 --> 00:25:23,765
with his blasphemous
metalworks?
515
00:25:23,767 --> 00:25:26,301
Boltar, he's with me.
This is my new...
516
00:25:26,303 --> 00:25:29,805
handmaiden.
517
00:25:31,390 --> 00:25:33,424
We seek an audience
with the Shadow King.
518
00:25:33,426 --> 00:25:36,111
Uh, these hills
are not safe.
519
00:25:36,113 --> 00:25:37,479
I beseech you, my queen,
you should return to camp.
520
00:25:37,481 --> 00:25:41,233
He's right...
your worshipfulness.
521
00:25:41,235 --> 00:25:43,785
Uh, may I have a moment
before you take your leavings?
522
00:25:43,787 --> 00:25:45,487
Mm.
523
00:25:46,989 --> 00:25:48,606
Handmaiden?
524
00:25:48,608 --> 00:25:49,941
He was suspicious.
I panicked.
525
00:25:49,943 --> 00:25:51,442
All right, look.
You take my phone.
526
00:25:51,444 --> 00:25:54,112
Find Sam.
We'll find the shadow dorks.
527
00:25:54,114 --> 00:25:55,163
But I can help.
528
00:25:55,165 --> 00:25:57,332
Yeah, you are helping
by finding Sam. Go.
529
00:26:01,170 --> 00:26:03,955
Lead the way to the Orcs,
Bolty.
530
00:26:03,957 --> 00:26:06,424
Speak when spoken to,
handmaiden.
531
00:26:49,352 --> 00:26:50,936
Ohh!
Dark magic!
532
00:26:50,938 --> 00:26:52,837
Ohh! My eyes!
533
00:26:52,839 --> 00:26:56,691
The stinging of your attack
burns my very soul!
534
00:27:08,354 --> 00:27:09,520
Ohh!
535
00:27:09,522 --> 00:27:11,156
Dark magic?
536
00:27:19,911 --> 00:27:21,911
Well, that was a bust.
537
00:27:21,913 --> 00:27:24,280
You sure the Shadow Orcs
are even out there?
538
00:27:24,282 --> 00:27:25,248
For a handmaiden,
539
00:27:25,250 --> 00:27:27,300
you certainly ask
many questions.
540
00:27:27,302 --> 00:27:28,451
Yes, I am positive.
541
00:27:28,453 --> 00:27:31,721
They're just very good
at hiding themselves.
542
00:27:31,723 --> 00:27:32,805
But a plan
has sprung to mind
543
00:27:32,807 --> 00:27:34,724
that will
draw the Shadow King to us.
544
00:27:34,726 --> 00:27:36,309
We shall take the Shadow Orc
held in stock,
545
00:27:36,311 --> 00:27:37,810
offer him up
as a prisoner exchange.
546
00:27:37,812 --> 00:27:39,479
Draw him out
and beat him down.
547
00:27:39,481 --> 00:27:41,598
I like your style,
Boltar.
548
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:42,866
I shall retrieve
the prisoner.
549
00:27:42,868 --> 00:27:44,767
You tend to the queen's laundry
and chamber pots,
550
00:27:44,769 --> 00:27:47,487
then meet me back here.
551
00:27:47,489 --> 00:27:50,240
Nice outfit.
552
00:27:50,242 --> 00:27:53,409
You love it.
Right.
553
00:27:53,411 --> 00:27:54,661
Well, while you were, uh,
playing dress-up,
554
00:27:54,663 --> 00:27:56,496
I found out that
the mark...
555
00:27:56,498 --> 00:27:58,198
Belongs to
the Shadow Orcs.
556
00:28:00,034 --> 00:28:02,985
Yeah. And they're using
fairy magic.
557
00:28:04,039 --> 00:28:06,289
The Tree of Pain.
Awesome.
558
00:28:06,291 --> 00:28:07,840
Whoever gets marked
gets ganked.
559
00:28:07,842 --> 00:28:09,042
All right,
how do we stop it?
560
00:28:09,044 --> 00:28:11,427
Find whoever cast the spell,
and take them out.
561
00:28:11,429 --> 00:28:13,263
No more whammy,
no more marks.
562
00:28:13,265 --> 00:28:14,797
No more marks,
no more dead bodies.
563
00:28:14,799 --> 00:28:15,765
Okay, well, perfect.
564
00:28:15,767 --> 00:28:17,634
Our, uh,
pal Boltar the chatty
565
00:28:17,636 --> 00:28:19,052
is getting the, uh,
Shadow Orc prisoner.
566
00:28:19,054 --> 00:28:20,937
We're gonna do
a little prisoner exchange,
567
00:28:20,939 --> 00:28:22,472
try to draw the king
out of hiding.
568
00:28:22,474 --> 00:28:23,840
It was my idea.
569
00:28:24,942 --> 00:28:26,943
Where's Charlie?
570
00:28:26,945 --> 00:28:28,061
She was with you.
571
00:28:28,063 --> 00:28:31,030
No, I sent her to you.
572
00:28:31,032 --> 00:28:32,899
Charlie?
573
00:28:32,901 --> 00:28:34,067
Your highness?
574
00:28:34,069 --> 00:28:36,869
Charlie?
575
00:28:38,239 --> 00:28:40,156
You know what --
she's got my phone.
576
00:28:40,158 --> 00:28:41,324
Try it.
577
00:29:05,149 --> 00:29:07,400
Uh...
578
00:29:08,852 --> 00:29:11,053
Hi.
579
00:29:11,055 --> 00:29:14,023
I'm the, uh, queen...
580
00:29:14,025 --> 00:29:15,191
of Moons.
581
00:29:15,193 --> 00:29:17,393
Nice to meet you.
582
00:29:18,662 --> 00:29:21,230
Great costume,
B.T. Dubs.
583
00:29:22,733 --> 00:29:25,168
Right.
584
00:29:25,170 --> 00:29:27,704
Well, this has been
a really great kidnapping,
585
00:29:27,706 --> 00:29:29,905
but I got to get back
to not dying.
586
00:29:29,907 --> 00:29:33,075
So, good talk.
587
00:29:44,722 --> 00:29:46,856
Wow. Real magic.
588
00:29:46,858 --> 00:29:50,893
That is really cool,
if not mostly terrifying.
589
00:29:50,895 --> 00:29:53,095
Um, right.
590
00:29:53,097 --> 00:29:55,031
Okay.
591
00:29:55,033 --> 00:29:56,649
We can work this out,
can't we?
592
00:29:56,651 --> 00:29:59,235
Get you some gold,
my crown.
593
00:29:59,237 --> 00:30:01,821
Ritualistic sacrifice?
594
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,442
Look.
595
00:30:06,444 --> 00:30:08,110
I am not really a queen.
596
00:30:08,112 --> 00:30:10,780
I'm just
an I.T. girl...
597
00:30:10,782 --> 00:30:13,249
Standing
in front of a monster...
598
00:30:13,251 --> 00:30:15,951
asking it
not to kill her.
599
00:30:17,171 --> 00:30:19,288
Great.
600
00:30:19,290 --> 00:30:21,090
Now the worst period of my life
comes to an end.
601
00:30:21,092 --> 00:30:23,760
I saw my boss get eaten
by a Leviathan, broke my arm,
602
00:30:23,762 --> 00:30:25,511
lived life on the run,
finally got it all back,
603
00:30:25,513 --> 00:30:27,764
and now a dude
in a stag-skull mask
604
00:30:27,766 --> 00:30:29,015
is gonna kill me.
605
00:30:29,017 --> 00:30:30,433
I just want
my old life back!
606
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,491
That is all I want,
as well.
607
00:30:50,337 --> 00:30:52,839
I swear,
if anything's happened to her...
608
00:30:52,841 --> 00:30:54,457
Dude,
we checked all the tents.
609
00:30:54,459 --> 00:30:56,759
We'll talk to these guys.
We'll find her.
610
00:30:58,629 --> 00:31:00,663
Ca-caw!
611
00:31:00,665 --> 00:31:01,997
Ca-caw!
612
00:31:01,999 --> 00:31:06,302
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
613
00:31:06,304 --> 00:31:09,856
Greetings, heretics.
614
00:31:10,674 --> 00:31:13,776
You should
kneel before me, cur.
615
00:31:14,678 --> 00:31:16,479
All right,
why don't you let me --
616
00:31:16,481 --> 00:31:18,030
Silence!
617
00:31:18,032 --> 00:31:22,402
Now, before we exchange,
a few announcements.
618
00:31:25,155 --> 00:31:27,407
Um, there is a peewee-league
soccer playoff game tomorrow
619
00:31:27,409 --> 00:31:28,524
on the alpha field.
620
00:31:28,526 --> 00:31:29,909
We don't want to freak out
the mundanes,
621
00:31:29,911 --> 00:31:31,026
so we got to move the Battle
of Kingdoms to the beta field.
622
00:31:31,028 --> 00:31:32,211
All right. That's it.
623
00:31:32,213 --> 00:31:33,379
You know what? I'm gonna do this
the old-fashioned way.
624
00:31:33,381 --> 00:31:34,380
Dean, don't.
What?
625
00:31:34,382 --> 00:31:36,031
Come on.
No, I'm --
626
00:31:36,033 --> 00:31:37,199
I told you there are --
shut up.
627
00:31:37,201 --> 00:31:38,384
All right.
I need real answers.
628
00:31:38,386 --> 00:31:40,420
This here is a real gun,
see?
629
00:31:41,506 --> 00:31:43,673
Whoa! Whoa!
Hold! Hold! Geez!
630
00:31:43,675 --> 00:31:46,041
Now, start talking.
Where's the queen?!
631
00:31:46,043 --> 00:31:47,093
I don't know!
632
00:31:47,095 --> 00:31:48,928
Yeah, well,
your little family crest there
633
00:31:48,930 --> 00:31:49,929
tells a different story,
pal.
634
00:31:49,931 --> 00:31:52,682
This?
Yeah.
635
00:31:52,684 --> 00:31:55,885
Uh,
I got sick last month
636
00:31:55,887 --> 00:31:57,720
after this thing
just appeared on my arm.
637
00:31:58,422 --> 00:32:00,255
I thought it looked
really cool,
638
00:32:00,257 --> 00:32:02,757
so I turned it into
my family crest.
639
00:32:02,759 --> 00:32:05,978
I mean, after my dermatologist
said it wasn't malignant.
640
00:32:05,980 --> 00:32:07,646
Dean, he's not our guy.
He's just another vic.
641
00:32:07,648 --> 00:32:09,181
My name is Max Hilby.
I'm an attorney.
642
00:32:09,183 --> 00:32:11,266
I have no idea
where the queen is,
643
00:32:11,268 --> 00:32:14,770
but if you let me go right now,
I won't press charges.
644
00:32:16,789 --> 00:32:18,457
I promise.
645
00:32:19,709 --> 00:32:22,211
Um...
646
00:32:23,329 --> 00:32:26,548
Here.
Uh, take them. Please.
647
00:32:26,550 --> 00:32:27,716
Go.
648
00:32:27,718 --> 00:32:29,751
Go! Go!
649
00:32:33,973 --> 00:32:35,841
What? What?!
650
00:32:37,260 --> 00:32:39,144
Is the queen
really in danger?
651
00:32:40,296 --> 00:32:43,298
Okay, look,
I-I noticed something odd
652
00:32:43,300 --> 00:32:44,399
down by the creek.
653
00:32:44,401 --> 00:32:46,485
It's this weird tent.
It's not one of ours.
654
00:32:46,487 --> 00:32:48,470
It's kind of creepy.
655
00:32:48,472 --> 00:32:50,522
Why are you being so helpful
all of a sudden?
656
00:32:50,524 --> 00:32:53,492
Look, I harbor
an epic crush on the queen.
657
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:55,944
Maybe you could put in
a good word for me
658
00:32:55,946 --> 00:32:57,696
when you find her.
659
00:32:57,698 --> 00:33:00,532
I don't think
you're her type.
660
00:33:01,868 --> 00:33:05,487
What? You mean
she's not into Orcs?
661
00:33:08,458 --> 00:33:11,760
My name is Gilda.
662
00:33:11,762 --> 00:33:14,963
I'm from the Hollow Forest
of Arkhmoor.
663
00:33:14,965 --> 00:33:16,298
I'm a fairy.
664
00:33:16,300 --> 00:33:18,300
Mm. Swoon.
665
00:33:18,302 --> 00:33:22,671
Uh, I mean,
how did you get here?
666
00:33:22,673 --> 00:33:25,724
I was summoned here
by a spell.
667
00:33:25,726 --> 00:33:27,776
By whom?
668
00:33:27,778 --> 00:33:28,994
I don't know his name,
669
00:33:28,996 --> 00:33:30,846
but I was brought here
to do his bidding.
670
00:33:30,848 --> 00:33:34,283
His bidding?
That's never good.
671
00:33:34,285 --> 00:33:37,286
My...master,
672
00:33:37,288 --> 00:33:40,956
he...
he has me hurt people.
673
00:33:40,958 --> 00:33:42,908
He's forcing me to.
I'd never hurt anyone.
674
00:33:42,910 --> 00:33:45,794
I'm a fairy --
the good kind.
675
00:33:45,796 --> 00:33:49,581
No, no, I get that.
Why is he doing this?
676
00:33:49,583 --> 00:33:52,050
I don't know.
677
00:33:52,052 --> 00:33:53,852
He started off
with smaller commands,
678
00:33:53,854 --> 00:33:56,888
but he's become
more violent.
679
00:33:56,890 --> 00:34:00,208
He had me kill
two men this week.
680
00:34:00,210 --> 00:34:04,296
Man, someone is taking this game
way too seriously.
681
00:34:04,298 --> 00:34:07,232
Game?
682
00:34:07,234 --> 00:34:10,769
This -- my outfit,
all of this --
683
00:34:10,771 --> 00:34:12,621
it's just a game here.
684
00:34:12,623 --> 00:34:14,222
Why would you play
such a game?
685
00:34:14,224 --> 00:34:18,193
This world --
not so much with awesome.
686
00:34:18,195 --> 00:34:22,097
The game
is a way to get away.
687
00:34:22,099 --> 00:34:23,949
Mm.
688
00:34:23,951 --> 00:34:26,735
It's a lovely forest,
689
00:34:26,737 --> 00:34:30,505
but it's nothing like
my home.
690
00:34:30,507 --> 00:34:31,907
Right.
691
00:34:31,909 --> 00:34:33,625
So, how do we get you
back there?
692
00:34:33,627 --> 00:34:37,629
I can't break free
from the spell, myself.
693
00:34:37,631 --> 00:34:40,415
A hero must take
my master's book of magic
694
00:34:40,417 --> 00:34:43,969
and destroy it,
breaking the spell.
695
00:34:43,971 --> 00:34:47,756
Gilda,
my name is Charlie Bradbury,
696
00:34:47,758 --> 00:34:50,442
and I am here
to rescue you.
697
00:34:58,601 --> 00:35:01,286
Why don't you take off, Bolty?
We got it from here.
698
00:35:01,288 --> 00:35:04,656
A handmaiden and a time traveler
rescue the queen?
699
00:35:04,658 --> 00:35:05,991
I think not, kind lady.
700
00:35:05,993 --> 00:35:07,292
Look,
this isn't a game, Boltar.
701
00:35:07,294 --> 00:35:08,827
The queen, our friend,
is in real danger.
702
00:35:08,829 --> 00:35:09,828
You could get hurt.
703
00:35:09,830 --> 00:35:11,946
I will not leave my queen
in peril.
704
00:35:13,499 --> 00:35:15,917
Look there.
705
00:35:15,919 --> 00:35:18,637
We haven't checked
that tent.
706
00:35:37,107 --> 00:35:39,324
Dudes.
707
00:35:39,326 --> 00:35:42,644
If the tent is rockin',
don't come a-knockin'.
708
00:35:42,646 --> 00:35:45,197
No, it's him!
My master! Run!
709
00:35:58,062 --> 00:36:00,981
No guns in Moondoor,
gentlemen.
710
00:36:00,983 --> 00:36:02,232
Gilda, if you please?
711
00:36:10,324 --> 00:36:11,541
Well, now what, Gerry?
712
00:36:11,543 --> 00:36:16,296
My name
is Boltar the Furious!
713
00:36:16,298 --> 00:36:19,883
My plan was,
714
00:36:19,885 --> 00:36:21,668
after getting rid of
all of my competition,
715
00:36:21,670 --> 00:36:23,536
to win the battle tomorrow,
716
00:36:23,538 --> 00:36:26,222
convincing the queen
that I should be her king.
717
00:36:27,375 --> 00:36:28,475
But then you two idiots
showed up,
718
00:36:28,477 --> 00:36:29,759
and I was forced to improvise.
719
00:36:29,761 --> 00:36:31,478
Rescue the damsel in distress
from Orcs,
720
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:35,599
become king, kill you both --
that'll work, too.
721
00:36:35,601 --> 00:36:37,684
So why did you go
from hobbling to murder?
722
00:36:37,686 --> 00:36:40,904
Greyfox and Thargrim became
part of the honor guard.
723
00:36:40,906 --> 00:36:42,355
They got close to the queen,
724
00:36:42,357 --> 00:36:44,274
but they did it
by breaking the rules --
725
00:36:44,276 --> 00:36:46,326
paying off other players
with real money,
726
00:36:46,328 --> 00:36:47,694
rather than Moondoor currency.
727
00:36:47,696 --> 00:36:49,162
They were cheating.
728
00:36:49,164 --> 00:36:50,747
Oh, and using magic
isn't?
729
00:36:50,749 --> 00:36:52,699
Magic is a part of Moondoor.
730
00:36:52,701 --> 00:36:54,400
What is your problem?
731
00:36:54,402 --> 00:36:56,419
Why would you hurt people?
This is just a game.
732
00:36:56,421 --> 00:37:00,457
There is no game!
There is only Moondoor!
733
00:37:00,459 --> 00:37:02,292
I came here to be different,
734
00:37:02,294 --> 00:37:06,012
to get away from my crappy life,
to be a hero,
735
00:37:06,014 --> 00:37:07,080
and guess what.
736
00:37:07,082 --> 00:37:08,932
What, you were a loser
in the real world,
737
00:37:08,934 --> 00:37:10,600
and you're a loser here?
Shocker.
738
00:37:10,602 --> 00:37:14,604
Would a loser track down
a real book of spells
739
00:37:14,606 --> 00:37:17,757
and compel a fairy
to do his bidding?
740
00:37:17,759 --> 00:37:19,192
It depends.
How'd you get it?
741
00:37:21,028 --> 00:37:22,028
eBay.
742
00:37:25,734 --> 00:37:26,733
Look.
743
00:37:26,735 --> 00:37:29,119
It doesn't have to
be like this, Boltar.
744
00:37:29,121 --> 00:37:31,154
Just hand over
the book of spells.
745
00:37:31,156 --> 00:37:32,238
We can work this out.
746
00:37:32,240 --> 00:37:35,158
This will all work out...
747
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,377
After I remove you from
the playing field
748
00:37:37,379 --> 00:37:39,445
and wipe her memory.
749
00:37:40,665 --> 00:37:42,866
Gilda?
750
00:37:48,255 --> 00:37:50,557
Gilda, the big one.
751
00:37:51,892 --> 00:37:54,344
Ohh!
752
00:38:03,738 --> 00:38:05,488
I can't stop him.
753
00:38:05,490 --> 00:38:08,024
The book --
you must destroy it.
754
00:38:12,613 --> 00:38:15,699
Hey, Gerry.
755
00:38:15,701 --> 00:38:19,669
I'm the one who saves damsels
in distress around here.
756
00:38:22,256 --> 00:38:23,707
No!
757
00:38:38,723 --> 00:38:40,473
Are you okay?
758
00:38:40,475 --> 00:38:43,860
I'm free of the spell.
You saved me.
759
00:38:43,862 --> 00:38:47,063
The Hollow Forest
is forever in your debt.
760
00:38:47,065 --> 00:38:50,200
I must return
to those green hills now.
761
00:38:50,202 --> 00:38:54,370
I will take
my former master with me.
762
00:38:54,372 --> 00:38:57,356
He must face
a fairy tribunal for his sins.
763
00:38:57,358 --> 00:38:58,908
Wait.
764
00:39:10,588 --> 00:39:13,156
Call me, maybe.
765
00:39:19,535 --> 00:39:21,919
So what's next for you,
Charlie?
766
00:39:21,921 --> 00:39:24,422
New town?
New identity?
767
00:39:24,424 --> 00:39:27,258
If the last 24 hours
have taught me anything,
768
00:39:27,260 --> 00:39:28,960
it's that escaping
isn't what it used to be.
769
00:39:28,962 --> 00:39:31,495
No more replacement
characters for me.
770
00:39:31,497 --> 00:39:34,265
I got to face reality
from now on.
771
00:39:34,267 --> 00:39:36,500
Sadly, reality
actually includes monsters,
772
00:39:36,502 --> 00:39:38,936
but what are you
gonna do?
773
00:39:38,938 --> 00:39:42,223
If I can ever be of help
to you guys, let me know.
774
00:39:42,225 --> 00:39:43,674
Will do.
775
00:39:43,676 --> 00:39:46,594
And you, uh...
You're good?
776
00:39:46,596 --> 00:39:48,412
Apart from the fact
777
00:39:48,414 --> 00:39:50,398
that you blocked me
from banging a fairy,
778
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:52,383
and I'm about to go lose
my crown in battle,
779
00:39:52,385 --> 00:39:53,868
thanks to my army
being decimated?
780
00:39:53,870 --> 00:39:57,688
Yeah. Totally good.
781
00:39:59,541 --> 00:40:01,375
Smell you later,
bitches.
782
00:40:10,169 --> 00:40:12,887
So, what's, uh...
what's next?
783
00:40:12,889 --> 00:40:15,673
'Cause no fun, right?
784
00:40:15,675 --> 00:40:20,511
Look, before you say anything,
I-I-I get it.
785
00:40:20,513 --> 00:40:22,346
No amount of fun
is gonna help you
786
00:40:22,348 --> 00:40:23,898
get over
what you gave up.
787
00:40:23,900 --> 00:40:30,321
You just, uh...
you need time, right?
788
00:40:30,323 --> 00:40:32,239
Yeah.
789
00:40:32,241 --> 00:40:33,390
Thanks.
790
00:40:33,392 --> 00:40:36,277
And you're right.
791
00:40:36,279 --> 00:40:38,162
Having fun won't help me.
792
00:40:39,531 --> 00:40:43,034
It'll help both of us.
793
00:40:43,036 --> 00:40:45,069
Shall we?
794
00:40:51,127 --> 00:40:55,463
And dying in your beds
many years from now,
795
00:40:55,465 --> 00:41:00,184
would you be willing to trade
all the days,
796
00:41:00,186 --> 00:41:03,471
from this day to that,
for one chance --
797
00:41:03,473 --> 00:41:04,639
Isn't that
the speech from --
798
00:41:04,641 --> 00:41:05,806
It's the only one
he knows.
799
00:41:05,808 --> 00:41:10,728
Just one chance
to come back here
800
00:41:10,730 --> 00:41:15,616
and tell our enemies
that they may take our lives,
801
00:41:15,618 --> 00:41:17,151
but they will never take...
802
00:41:17,153 --> 00:41:18,536
Hold!
803
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:24,274
- Uh, my bad.
- Really?
804
00:41:24,276 --> 00:41:25,943
Sorry.
You can't be serious.
805
00:41:31,718 --> 00:41:34,335
...our freedom!
806
00:41:34,337 --> 00:41:35,503
Aah!
807
00:41:37,479 --> 00:41:42,479
== sync, corrected by elderman ==