1
00:00:00,727 --> 00:00:01,681
(Tessa) In high school,
2
00:00:01,681 --> 00:00:03,684
there's practically no
limit to the number of things
3
00:00:03,715 --> 00:00:06,496
you can try your hand
at. In a surprise move,
4
00:00:06,531 --> 00:00:10,495
I had recently signed
up for liking Ryan Shay.
5
00:00:10,615 --> 00:00:12,536
A year ago, I would've
looked over there and thought,
6
00:00:12,552 --> 00:00:14,452
"what a bunch of dumb jocks."
7
00:00:14,671 --> 00:00:16,994
And now I look over there and think...
8
00:00:17,213 --> 00:00:18,230
"Hey, Ryan."
9
00:00:18,433 --> 00:00:20,036
I think this whole adoption thing
10
00:00:20,060 --> 00:00:21,577
has really helped humanize him,
11
00:00:21,593 --> 00:00:23,994
you know, like when we
found out about Dave Thomas.
12
00:00:24,533 --> 00:00:27,513
Suddenly his frozen dairy
dessert tasted bittersweet.
13
00:00:27,888 --> 00:00:29,421
Good day, Miss Altman.
14
00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:31,121
Keeping it tight, I presume?
15
00:00:31,556 --> 00:00:33,026
What's wrong with you?
16
00:00:33,058 --> 00:00:34,301
(Lowered voice) I didn't
know if people at school
17
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:36,126
were supposed to know about us or not.
18
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,160
Know what?
19
00:00:37,178 --> 00:00:40,190
About our love and how tender it is.
20
00:00:40,542 --> 00:00:42,896
Don't be weird. I don't care.
21
00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:45,907
You hear that, Chatswin?
22
00:00:45,907 --> 00:00:47,072
She doesn't care!
23
00:00:47,119 --> 00:00:48,699
Tessa and I aren't embarrassed
24
00:00:48,819 --> 00:00:50,943
to express how tender our love is.
25
00:00:51,201 --> 00:00:52,812
It's extremely tender!
26
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,500
(Boy laughs) (Boy) Yeah!
27
00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:57,531
(Students speaking indistinctly, boy hoots)
28
00:00:57,582 --> 00:01:00,391
Congratulations, Tessa.
29
00:01:00,532 --> 00:01:01,807
I had no idea things
30
00:01:01,783 --> 00:01:03,267
were so tender between the two of you.
31
00:01:03,318 --> 00:01:04,919
No one in their wildest dreams
32
00:01:04,935 --> 00:01:06,656
expected you to snag a football player.
33
00:01:06,776 --> 00:01:08,603
It would be like that runner with no legs
34
00:01:08,619 --> 00:01:09,541
winning the Olympics.
35
00:01:09,565 --> 00:01:10,378
Thanks.
36
00:01:10,394 --> 00:01:13,154
Listen, you're a football girlfriend now.
37
00:01:13,350 --> 00:01:16,079
And we're going to look past
your negativity and smugness
38
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:19,184
and embrace you, because that's
what football girlfriends do.
39
00:01:19,598 --> 00:01:21,600
You can shadow me till
you get the hang of it.
40
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:23,360
Don't worry. You're in good hands.
41
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:24,440
Amber's trained some
42
00:01:24,448 --> 00:01:26,481
of the best football
girlfriends in the field.
43
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,131
You should put that on
your college application.
44
00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:29,710
Why would I go to college?
45
00:01:30,406 --> 00:01:31,704
I've already met my future husband.
46
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:34,332
From now on, before signing up for things,
47
00:01:34,340 --> 00:01:36,123
I should remember to read the fine print.
48
00:01:36,146 --> 00:01:39,564
Look at that fine print and
look at the D.P.I., George.
49
00:01:39,579 --> 00:01:40,807
Just look at it!
50
00:01:40,841 --> 00:01:42,692
This printer is the best thing
that's ever happened to me,
51
00:01:42,726 --> 00:01:44,522
and I met garry Shandling.
52
00:01:44,569 --> 00:01:47,947
With this printer, I can finally
print people's dreams come true.
53
00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:50,324
But this isn't my dream, right?
54
00:01:50,340 --> 00:01:51,716
Don't be silly. You're a monarch.
55
00:01:51,748 --> 00:01:54,118
See how lush and
saturated you look, George?
56
00:01:54,141 --> 00:01:56,050
Even Yakult said you look saturated.
57
00:01:56,073 --> 00:01:58,624
Yes. Okay. Thank you,
Dallas, this is very sweet.
58
00:01:58,658 --> 00:02:01,126
- I appreciate it.
- Should we start cutting the tabs?
59
00:02:01,118 --> 00:02:02,369
I have to go meet Noah.
60
00:02:04,147 --> 00:02:05,639
- George?
- Huh?
61
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:06,859
What is that?
62
00:02:06,928 --> 00:02:09,019
Oh. That's just some files and stuff.
63
00:02:09,139 --> 00:02:10,301
They don't look like files.
64
00:02:10,301 --> 00:02:12,641
They look like more of my flyers.
65
00:02:13,085 --> 00:02:15,169
Yeah, that... that... that's what I said.
66
00:02:15,289 --> 00:02:16,502
File-ers.
67
00:02:16,622 --> 00:02:18,478
(Chuckles) Sometimes my
Southern accent comes out
68
00:02:18,485 --> 00:02:20,368
from my semester in Charleston.
69
00:02:21,056 --> 00:02:23,446
Honey child. Oh.
70
00:02:23,508 --> 00:02:25,774
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
71
00:02:25,811 --> 00:02:30,028
(Alih Jay) * last night I
had a pleasant nightmare *
72
00:02:30,148 --> 00:02:33,162
♪ da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪
73
00:02:33,563 --> 00:02:36,248
I wanted to have an open mind
about the football girlfriends.
74
00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:38,367
They just made it so damn hard.
75
00:02:38,487 --> 00:02:39,618
This is where we bake
76
00:02:39,606 --> 00:02:40,989
the treats for the goody bags
77
00:02:41,001 --> 00:02:43,260
that we give to our boyfriends on game day.
78
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,787
We don't do it for the thank-yous
79
00:02:44,787 --> 00:02:46,651
because they don't say thank you.
80
00:02:46,771 --> 00:02:48,835
We do it because it's tons of fun.
81
00:02:51,619 --> 00:02:54,234
So this is where we do
our boyfriends' homework
82
00:02:54,266 --> 00:02:56,293
so they can focus on practice.
83
00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:58,958
So we do this for the thank-yous?
84
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:01,335
Tessa, no. There are no thank-yous.
85
00:03:01,404 --> 00:03:04,601
We do this because it helps our
guys to concentrate on victory,
86
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:06,428
and over time, their victories will start
87
00:03:06,441 --> 00:03:08,267
to feel like your victories.
88
00:03:08,387 --> 00:03:10,939
And that's it's own reward. You'll see.
89
00:03:13,698 --> 00:03:15,050
(Door creaks)
90
00:03:15,056 --> 00:03:18,034
And this is the pep rally nerve center.
91
00:03:18,728 --> 00:03:20,011
Wow.
92
00:03:20,131 --> 00:03:21,851
Looks like...
93
00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:23,252
(Sighs) a sweatshop.
94
00:03:23,427 --> 00:03:24,947
We call it the devotion pit.
95
00:03:24,985 --> 00:03:26,899
It's where we make the T-shirts, banners,
96
00:03:26,918 --> 00:03:29,496
and miscellaneous sundries
that express our love,
97
00:03:29,502 --> 00:03:31,392
loyalty, and allegiance.
98
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:33,513
So you girls are
basically mindless servants
99
00:03:33,519 --> 00:03:35,752
struggling to uphold outdated gender roles?
100
00:03:36,121 --> 00:03:37,442
Now you got it.
101
00:03:37,698 --> 00:03:38,975
And the longer you serve,
102
00:03:39,006 --> 00:03:40,933
the louder you cheer. You'll see.
103
00:03:40,927 --> 00:03:42,403
(Cell phone rings)
104
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,100
It's Derek. (Beep)
105
00:03:44,487 --> 00:03:47,772
Let's go, Derek! Way to
dial that phone, baby!
106
00:03:47,892 --> 00:03:49,449
Good phone answer, Joan.
107
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:50,162
(Under breath) Thanks.
108
00:03:50,388 --> 00:03:52,027
(Whispers) No.
109
00:03:52,052 --> 00:03:53,278
Derek may have been into it,
110
00:03:53,285 --> 00:03:55,494
but some people find
relentless cheer-leading...
111
00:03:55,506 --> 00:03:57,771
Stifling. You know, to... to me,
112
00:03:57,809 --> 00:03:59,817
each one of those flyers might as well say,
113
00:03:59,829 --> 00:04:01,656
"I judge you, George Altman.
114
00:04:01,644 --> 00:04:04,047
I judge you for not
being successful enough."
115
00:04:04,167 --> 00:04:06,118
Dallas is judge-y. She is.
116
00:04:06,137 --> 00:04:08,721
When she met me, I was not a skylight king.
117
00:04:08,746 --> 00:04:10,973
Look, if you're the skylight king,
118
00:04:11,093 --> 00:04:13,063
then she's the queen.
119
00:04:13,183 --> 00:04:14,828
All right, and that, my
friends, is what they all want.
120
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,362
They want status. They...
they want stability.
121
00:04:17,362 --> 00:04:18,069
They do.
122
00:04:18,131 --> 00:04:20,221
Why do you think I became a dentist?
123
00:04:20,446 --> 00:04:21,860
I could've been anything.
124
00:04:21,878 --> 00:04:23,568
Have you ever seen me on the uneven bars?
125
00:04:23,593 --> 00:04:26,140
He's like an eagle with arms.
126
00:04:26,260 --> 00:04:27,291
And two legs.
127
00:04:27,691 --> 00:04:29,442
And a monkey's face. He's like a monkey.
128
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:32,558
It doesn't seem fair that they
can thrust these roles upon us.
129
00:04:32,589 --> 00:04:36,461
Forcing us to build miniature
cities in our basements.
130
00:04:37,949 --> 00:04:39,659
I'm building a miniature
city in my basement.
131
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,204
- It's actually pretty cool.
- Okay.
132
00:04:41,235 --> 00:04:42,324
Forget skylights.
133
00:04:42,368 --> 00:04:45,027
If you could start any business
right now, what would it be?
134
00:04:46,428 --> 00:04:48,843
I'd be in the business of rocking.
135
00:04:48,894 --> 00:04:50,426
Ooh! Bad boy.
136
00:04:50,546 --> 00:04:52,078
I was in a dad band a few years ago.
137
00:04:52,103 --> 00:04:53,867
I played the bass guitar.
138
00:04:54,232 --> 00:04:56,157
Slapped her silly. Named her Rhoda.
139
00:04:56,668 --> 00:04:58,121
I'm a big fan of that TV show.
140
00:04:58,403 --> 00:05:01,080
Loved it. Never missed an episode.
141
00:05:01,112 --> 00:05:04,234
Guys, we're dads... dads who rock.
142
00:05:04,278 --> 00:05:05,698
Why is it
143
00:05:06,086 --> 00:05:07,825
we are not rocking out together?
144
00:05:07,857 --> 00:05:09,846
- I don't know.
- That's a good question!
145
00:05:09,865 --> 00:05:13,265
Then what say ye? Dads,
shall we redefine who we are
146
00:05:13,256 --> 00:05:15,064
and define who it is we want to be?
147
00:05:15,102 --> 00:05:18,068
Yea, verily, shall we do something
148
00:05:18,086 --> 00:05:20,784
that our partners can't control or dictate?
149
00:05:20,815 --> 00:05:24,431
Shall we call our band "Sheila's Pets"?
150
00:05:24,646 --> 00:05:26,371
No, Fred. No, we shall not.
151
00:05:26,384 --> 00:05:28,004
That is a terrible name.
152
00:05:28,124 --> 00:05:29,293
Oh.
153
00:05:36,201 --> 00:05:38,246
So how are you and the
football girls getting along?
154
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:39,785
Great.
155
00:05:39,905 --> 00:05:41,262
I knew you'd hit it off.
156
00:05:41,588 --> 00:05:43,859
Amber's had a really interesting journey.
157
00:05:44,947 --> 00:05:48,714
She always wanted to date
Renaldo, our tight end,
158
00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:51,047
but she used to be fat.
159
00:05:51,423 --> 00:05:53,894
Then she lost a ton of weight...
160
00:05:56,318 --> 00:05:58,236
and then they hooked up.
161
00:05:59,438 --> 00:06:01,470
No. Yeah, that's really interesting.
162
00:06:01,474 --> 00:06:04,709
Yeah, it is interesting. It's
interesting and it's inspiring.
163
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,025
Really inspiring.
164
00:06:07,044 --> 00:06:09,709
Yeah, she's got a great story.
165
00:06:09,941 --> 00:06:12,437
Oh. Ah, that reminds me,
I'm supposed to give Renaldo
166
00:06:12,557 --> 00:06:14,145
a noogie at 12:45.
167
00:06:14,151 --> 00:06:15,677
I better go. Shoot.
168
00:06:15,797 --> 00:06:16,622
Bye.
169
00:06:16,615 --> 00:06:18,156
Bye-bye. Bye.
170
00:06:19,072 --> 00:06:21,439
So wait. Did you actually
think that girl's story
171
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:22,897
- was interesting?
- Nope.
172
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:25,512
Right. So why aren't you
being honest with Ryan?
173
00:06:25,546 --> 00:06:27,277
Okay, you know how sometimes I can...
174
00:06:27,277 --> 00:06:30,149
be a little negative or... smug?
175
00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:31,807
- Preachy at times.
- Right.
176
00:06:31,835 --> 00:06:33,803
- Soapbox-y.
- Okay, Lisa. Yep.
177
00:06:33,815 --> 00:06:37,373
I'm... I'm trying not to do that.
178
00:06:37,407 --> 00:06:39,289
I'm just trying to be supportive.
179
00:06:39,308 --> 00:06:40,576
Interesting.
180
00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:44,095
Well, I guess conformity's
a small price to pay
181
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:47,774
if you want to date a
big, beefy football player.
182
00:06:48,037 --> 00:06:50,601
So what, football's a
better sport than lacrosse?
183
00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,003
Yes, Malik.
184
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,986
(Whispers) Ignore him.
185
00:06:54,106 --> 00:06:56,551
Maybe this is what it means
to be dating Ryan, right?
186
00:06:56,544 --> 00:06:57,577
You know, some people's physiques
187
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:58,891
lend themselves more to lacrosse,
188
00:06:58,922 --> 00:07:00,942
which... which is a lot
harder than it looks.
189
00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:02,926
You are embarrassing yourself, Malik.
190
00:07:02,951 --> 00:07:05,441
No, you are. Fawning over football players?
191
00:07:05,510 --> 00:07:07,243
I'd like to see one of
them make a fast break
192
00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:08,488
while maintaining his cradle.
193
00:07:08,513 --> 00:07:11,334
Nobody knows what you're
talking about, Malik.
194
00:07:11,371 --> 00:07:12,848
(Sighs)
195
00:07:12,885 --> 00:07:14,237
(Whispers) Do you want to go sit...
196
00:07:14,230 --> 00:07:17,090
No. No. Eat your food. Don't cause a scene.
197
00:07:17,210 --> 00:07:19,323
Okay, so tonight we're working
198
00:07:19,348 --> 00:07:20,411
on the giant paper banner
199
00:07:20,411 --> 00:07:22,301
that the team will run
through at the pep rally.
200
00:07:22,421 --> 00:07:24,647
Typically, we work with
puffy pens and glitter,
201
00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:26,624
but if you want to try something else...
202
00:07:27,249 --> 00:07:28,831
Don't. It's best if you just stick
203
00:07:28,856 --> 00:07:30,339
with the puffy pens and glitter.
204
00:07:30,364 --> 00:07:31,309
Okay.
205
00:07:31,340 --> 00:07:33,349
I love your enthusiasm, Tessa.
206
00:07:35,274 --> 00:07:37,228
All right. You got this?
207
00:07:37,296 --> 00:07:40,218
(Laughs) I've played my
fair share of "rock band."
208
00:07:40,338 --> 00:07:42,777
I'm talking four stars for "Black Hole Sun"
209
00:07:42,789 --> 00:07:45,198
on "Expert," brosef. (Laughs)
210
00:07:45,318 --> 00:07:48,014
(Plays fill)
211
00:07:48,020 --> 00:07:50,285
All right, not bad. (Laughs)
212
00:07:50,285 --> 00:07:52,374
(Plays funk riff)
213
00:07:53,332 --> 00:07:54,984
Getting funky now.
214
00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:57,643
Funky? I'm gonna funking funk
the funk out of Rhoda tonight.
215
00:07:57,663 --> 00:07:59,301
Rhoda's a filthy lady.
216
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,792
(Laughs) This is pretty
sweet, guys. Pretty sweet.
217
00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:05,427
I have to say, it felt
good to finally tell Sheila
218
00:08:05,489 --> 00:08:07,722
I found a deer tick and
had to run to urgent care.
219
00:08:07,785 --> 00:08:10,325
Okay, I... I hereby
declare the first rehearsal
220
00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:12,158
of Full-On Fatherly Assault
221
00:08:12,165 --> 00:08:15,256
or Fathers of Mass Destrocktion
222
00:08:15,404 --> 00:08:16,388
in session!
223
00:08:16,439 --> 00:08:17,984
Yo! (Laughs)
224
00:08:18,104 --> 00:08:20,840
I see. So Sheila's Pets
isn't even on the ballot.
225
00:08:20,874 --> 00:08:22,608
No, and... and since
we're talking about it,
226
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,478
I'm also vetoing the "Chickity
China" song from the set list.
227
00:08:25,497 --> 00:08:27,706
- What?!
- Yeah, that's not the name of the song,
228
00:08:27,713 --> 00:08:28,983
and no one wants to sing it.
229
00:08:29,103 --> 00:08:31,279
Nobody wants to sing about Chinese chicken?
230
00:08:31,323 --> 00:08:33,150
- I don't.
- N... neither of us do.
231
00:08:33,206 --> 00:08:35,384
♪ Chickity China, the Chinese chicken ♪
232
00:08:35,504 --> 00:08:37,568
Yes, I'm familiar with it. Still a no.
233
00:08:38,124 --> 00:08:41,265
Sit down. Let's do this.
Here we go. (Clears throat)
234
00:08:45,313 --> 00:08:46,777
- Is that a frog?
- What?
235
00:08:46,796 --> 00:08:48,823
Are you... are you drawing
a frog on the banner?
236
00:08:48,870 --> 00:08:49,999
You're not... you're not supposed to.
237
00:08:50,018 --> 00:08:51,413
Oh. I...
238
00:08:51,533 --> 00:08:52,909
just...
239
00:08:52,971 --> 00:08:54,911
know how to draw them, so...
240
00:08:54,942 --> 00:08:56,588
Yeah. I would... I would
just stick to the letters,
241
00:08:56,632 --> 00:08:58,009
because if we draw pictures,
242
00:08:58,052 --> 00:09:00,210
the players will stop and
look at 'em instead of...
243
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:02,775
Destroying the artwork
we spent all night making?
244
00:09:03,050 --> 00:09:05,027
You seem a little bit on edge.
245
00:09:05,687 --> 00:09:07,124
If you snip the tip, you can catch a buzz.
246
00:09:07,122 --> 00:09:08,722
Makes the night go faster.
247
00:09:09,044 --> 00:09:13,677
Yeah. I know another way to
make the night go by faster.
248
00:09:13,711 --> 00:09:16,240
Know what it's called? Going home!
249
00:09:16,253 --> 00:09:17,316
(Laughs)
250
00:09:17,436 --> 00:09:19,299
Tessa. (Laughs)
251
00:09:19,474 --> 00:09:21,201
(Lowered voice) Keep your voice down.
252
00:09:21,251 --> 00:09:22,972
(Loudly) What's that? Oh, you think
253
00:09:22,984 --> 00:09:25,293
it's dumb we can't draw frogs? I agree!
254
00:09:25,293 --> 00:09:27,126
I... I never... I... I never said that.
255
00:09:27,139 --> 00:09:29,560
Come on! I'm sure there's
all sorts of things you girls
256
00:09:29,547 --> 00:09:31,393
wish you could do, but you
can't, because you're here.
257
00:09:31,431 --> 00:09:33,489
You know what's better than being here?
258
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,053
There's nothing better. She's drunk.
259
00:09:35,044 --> 00:09:36,323
I smell alcohol on her breath.
260
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,895
Well, it's called...
261
00:09:39,564 --> 00:09:41,435
(Marker squeaks)
262
00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:49,238
Going home.
263
00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:52,853
I didn't want to get on a
soapbox, but I am on one.
264
00:09:52,973 --> 00:09:57,202
Girls, your needs are just as
important as a football player's.
265
00:09:57,258 --> 00:09:59,317
Look at Stephanie here. She's hungry.
266
00:09:59,573 --> 00:10:01,356
She wants to go out for a slice.
267
00:10:01,387 --> 00:10:02,751
How did she know that?
268
00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:03,696
And you.
269
00:10:03,965 --> 00:10:05,254
What's your name?
270
00:10:05,291 --> 00:10:06,818
I'm Derek's girlfriend.
271
00:10:06,938 --> 00:10:08,871
What is your name, child?
272
00:10:08,991 --> 00:10:12,036
I... want to say... Joan.
273
00:10:12,105 --> 00:10:13,613
(Clatter) I bet you do.
274
00:10:13,657 --> 00:10:15,515
(Clicks tongue) You look like a Joan.
275
00:10:15,635 --> 00:10:17,955
And what about that girl over there
276
00:10:17,962 --> 00:10:20,095
with the bloody Jersey
wrapped around her hand?
277
00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:22,234
Shouldn't she be seen by a doctor?
278
00:10:22,290 --> 00:10:23,698
Sean says it's in my head.
279
00:10:23,745 --> 00:10:25,406
It's not in your head.
280
00:10:25,387 --> 00:10:27,333
You are bleeding from your hand.
281
00:10:27,708 --> 00:10:29,572
She should be in urgent care,
282
00:10:29,578 --> 00:10:32,644
and we should all be at home watching TV.
283
00:10:32,637 --> 00:10:35,378
It is 9:30 on a Wednesday night,
284
00:10:35,397 --> 00:10:37,261
and there has gotta be something good on.
285
00:10:37,317 --> 00:10:38,856
I'm going home to watch it.
286
00:10:38,976 --> 00:10:40,777
Who's with me?
287
00:10:42,373 --> 00:10:45,444
(Playing "Drift Away")
288
00:10:49,643 --> 00:10:53,928
♪ Day after day I'm more confused ♪
289
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:59,358
♪ and I look for the light
through the pouring rain ♪
290
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:05,997
♪ you know that's a game
that I hate to lose ♪
291
00:11:08,337 --> 00:11:10,739
♪ and I'm feeling the strain
292
00:11:11,327 --> 00:11:13,229
♪ yeah, ain't it a shame? Oh ♪
293
00:11:13,555 --> 00:11:17,134
(All) * give me the beat,
boys, and free my soul *
294
00:11:17,159 --> 00:11:20,031
♪ I want to get lost
in your rock 'n' roll ♪
295
00:11:20,084 --> 00:11:22,836
♪ and drift away
296
00:11:25,256 --> 00:11:26,757
♪ oh
297
00:11:26,791 --> 00:11:29,526
♪ give me the beat,
boys, and free my soul ♪
298
00:11:29,544 --> 00:11:32,496
♪ I want to get lost in
Fred's rock 'n' roll ♪
299
00:11:32,530 --> 00:11:34,229
♪ and drift away
300
00:11:34,349 --> 00:11:36,949
Oh! Drift away, Freddie!
301
00:11:36,936 --> 00:11:38,250
Drift away!
302
00:11:38,302 --> 00:11:39,353
Yeah!
303
00:11:39,387 --> 00:11:41,986
What in blue blazes are you doing?
304
00:11:42,054 --> 00:11:43,725
- (Amplified voice) Uh, Sheila...
- Your filthy noise is
305
00:11:43,719 --> 00:11:45,464
polluting the entire neighborhood,
306
00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:47,191
particularly the lead vocals.
307
00:11:47,234 --> 00:11:49,305
You're pitchy, George, very pitchy.
308
00:11:49,324 --> 00:11:50,431
(Amplified voice) But
the base was good, right?
309
00:11:50,444 --> 00:11:51,958
- I'm pitchy?
- Yeah.
310
00:11:51,952 --> 00:11:54,209
(Laughs) Okay. I'd like
to see you do better.
311
00:11:55,552 --> 00:11:57,286
Okay. (Laughs)
312
00:11:58,922 --> 00:12:01,193
(Amplified voice) "Barracuda." Hit it.
313
00:12:01,218 --> 00:12:04,226
(Playing "Barracuda")
314
00:12:08,226 --> 00:12:10,052
♪ So this ain't the end
315
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:11,585
♪ I saw you again
316
00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:13,719
♪ today
317
00:12:13,770 --> 00:12:16,238
♪ I had to turn my heart away
318
00:12:16,273 --> 00:12:19,108
♪
319
00:12:19,544 --> 00:12:21,327
♪ smiled like the sun
320
00:12:21,447 --> 00:12:24,944
♪ kisses for everyone
321
00:12:25,601 --> 00:12:29,835
♪ and tales, it never fails
322
00:12:29,870 --> 00:12:33,539
♪ you lying so low in the weeds ♪
323
00:12:33,590 --> 00:12:36,759
♪ I bet you gonna ambush me
324
00:12:36,793 --> 00:12:39,495
♪ you'd have me down, down, down ♪
325
00:12:39,513 --> 00:12:42,298
♪ down on my knees
326
00:12:42,332 --> 00:12:46,268
♪ now wouldn't you, barracuda?
327
00:12:46,303 --> 00:12:48,521
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
328
00:12:48,555 --> 00:12:49,055
♪
329
00:12:59,005 --> 00:13:00,469
So...
330
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:01,876
Sheila's Pets?
331
00:13:01,933 --> 00:13:02,959
No, man.
332
00:13:03,079 --> 00:13:04,879
Th... this is a dad band.
333
00:13:04,999 --> 00:13:07,720
But Sheila is undeniable. You saw her.
334
00:13:07,726 --> 00:13:08,827
Guys...
335
00:13:09,071 --> 00:13:11,361
I have been in a lot of bands in my life...
336
00:13:11,398 --> 00:13:13,663
high school punk bands, college alt bands,
337
00:13:13,657 --> 00:13:15,396
I was briefly a member of Five for Fighting
338
00:13:15,459 --> 00:13:18,471
before they got big... and
I have never in my life,
339
00:13:18,591 --> 00:13:22,291
felt the kind of spark... I did tonight.
340
00:13:22,328 --> 00:13:23,142
What are you saying?
341
00:13:23,199 --> 00:13:25,347
I'm saying I think we should
let Sheila in the band.
342
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:28,148
Oh. Get a hold of yourself, man!
343
00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:29,918
Guys, we could be good!
344
00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:32,152
Do you understand what that
means? We could be good,
345
00:13:32,177 --> 00:13:35,105
not dad-band good,
but real-band good.
346
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:38,428
Look, I joined Fathers
of Mass Destrocktion...
347
00:13:38,472 --> 00:13:40,436
or I was also thinking Meinvater Band...
348
00:13:40,449 --> 00:13:41,588
because...
349
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:43,420
we stood for something.
350
00:13:43,420 --> 00:13:46,029
We stood for not hanging out with our wives
351
00:13:46,073 --> 00:13:47,225
and taking back the night.
352
00:13:47,237 --> 00:13:49,027
What about the hanging out, George?
353
00:13:49,358 --> 00:13:50,829
What about the chips and dip?
354
00:13:50,842 --> 00:13:52,049
Guys, I'm sorry.
355
00:13:52,462 --> 00:13:54,189
I think considering I'm the lead singer
356
00:13:54,207 --> 00:13:56,585
and the guitarist, and I started this band,
357
00:13:56,829 --> 00:13:58,988
I gotta make the call on this one.
358
00:14:00,390 --> 00:14:02,508
I have to do what's best for Sheila's pets.
359
00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:04,710
(Sighs)
360
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:05,920
Well...
361
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,646
then you do it alone.
362
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,467
My friend,
363
00:14:09,535 --> 00:14:11,133
you do it alone.
364
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:12,434
Come on, Fred.
365
00:14:14,171 --> 00:14:15,721
(Blinds clatter)
366
00:14:16,505 --> 00:14:19,158
Our garage wasn't the only
place spirits were down.
367
00:14:19,193 --> 00:14:20,371
(Amplified voice) And finally,
368
00:14:20,410 --> 00:14:24,313
the quarterback that I
would pay a dollar for...
369
00:14:24,433 --> 00:14:25,958
the one, the only,
370
00:14:25,989 --> 00:14:30,212
Ryan "The Body" Shay!
371
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,939
(Europe's "The Final Countdown" playing)
372
00:14:32,990 --> 00:14:35,992
(Crowd cheering)
373
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,682
(Song stops)
374
00:14:43,626 --> 00:14:45,159
(Boy coughs) Come on, Chatswin.
375
00:14:45,279 --> 00:14:48,336
Where's your spirit?!
376
00:14:48,456 --> 00:14:49,757
(Snoring)
377
00:14:49,988 --> 00:14:51,173
What the hell?
378
00:14:52,193 --> 00:14:53,974
Where's all the football girlfriends?!
379
00:14:53,955 --> 00:14:55,862
(Tessa) Whoo! (Clapping)
380
00:14:56,314 --> 00:14:58,732
There is very little pep at this rally.
381
00:14:58,766 --> 00:15:01,376
I might've had one of my soapbox incidents.
382
00:15:01,852 --> 00:15:05,161
Yeah, I kinda liberated the
girls from their servitude
383
00:15:05,161 --> 00:15:07,445
and unintentionally empowered them.
384
00:15:08,227 --> 00:15:10,393
Mm. Ryan's gonna kill you.
385
00:15:10,428 --> 00:15:12,612
Who did this?!
386
00:15:12,646 --> 00:15:13,713
Huh?!
387
00:15:13,748 --> 00:15:15,404
Show yourself!
388
00:15:15,429 --> 00:15:17,093
It's okay. Get up, boys!
389
00:15:17,093 --> 00:15:18,413
We can win still!
390
00:15:18,533 --> 00:15:19,909
We can win.
391
00:15:19,928 --> 00:15:21,880
While I had dashed Ryan's dreams of glory,
392
00:15:21,918 --> 00:15:23,858
- George had hired some session musicians...
- (Sheila) Yeah!
393
00:15:23,883 --> 00:15:26,890
- And was making his own dreams come true...
- * I want candy
394
00:15:26,891 --> 00:15:27,771
with Sheila.
395
00:15:28,262 --> 00:15:31,314
♪ hey, I want candy
396
00:15:31,349 --> 00:15:32,399
♪
397
00:15:32,433 --> 00:15:33,650
Hoo!
398
00:15:34,819 --> 00:15:37,147
Put some stank on it, George. Come on!
399
00:15:37,158 --> 00:15:38,253
♪
400
00:15:38,291 --> 00:15:40,617
Whoo! Whoo!
401
00:15:42,403 --> 00:15:44,485
(Song ends) All right, let's
take five. Let's take five.
402
00:15:45,042 --> 00:15:47,119
(Chuckles) Sounds great, guys.
403
00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:49,740
I know rocking's a
thirsty business, so I...
404
00:15:50,378 --> 00:15:52,330
Oh! Oh, Sheila.
405
00:15:52,506 --> 00:15:53,801
We don't take requests.
406
00:15:54,264 --> 00:15:58,036
No. I just thought George's
band was a daddy-only thing.
407
00:15:58,932 --> 00:16:00,345
Isn't that what you told me, daddy?
408
00:16:00,465 --> 00:16:03,248
Well, you know what?
It was, uh, but then...
409
00:16:03,473 --> 00:16:05,275
- The thing is, uh...
- George?
410
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,021
Yeah? Tell your piece to hit it.
411
00:16:07,278 --> 00:16:09,844
Sorry. We have a no-Yoko policy.
412
00:16:09,842 --> 00:16:11,812
Okay. (Gasps)
413
00:16:15,153 --> 00:16:15,967
Hey.
414
00:16:15,987 --> 00:16:17,603
We lost the game.
415
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,696
I'm sorry.
416
00:16:19,816 --> 00:16:22,874
No one even got to run through
a paper banner made of paper.
417
00:16:23,299 --> 00:16:24,511
I know.
418
00:16:25,057 --> 00:16:27,914
That's everyone's favorite
part of football, Tessa.
419
00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:30,975
That's why half of us started
playing in the first place.
420
00:16:30,988 --> 00:16:33,803
I mean, how can we beat a team
that got to run through paper
421
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:34,911
when we haven't had the advantage
422
00:16:34,899 --> 00:16:36,425
of running through paper ourselves?
423
00:16:36,607 --> 00:16:39,334
Is it possible you're
putting too much importance
424
00:16:39,328 --> 00:16:40,904
on running through paper?
425
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,263
Is it possible that you're crazy?
426
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:47,055
Look, Ryan, those girls
making your banners...
427
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:49,376
they're out there pursuing
their own interests.
428
00:16:49,407 --> 00:16:50,977
They're eating pizza
429
00:16:50,984 --> 00:16:53,304
and becoming well-rounded people.
430
00:16:53,424 --> 00:16:54,706
Their sole purpose in life
431
00:16:54,737 --> 00:16:56,914
cannot be to worship their boyfriends.
432
00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,698
You did this?
433
00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:02,995
I didn't mean to dismantle
the system, but yeah, I did.
434
00:17:03,115 --> 00:17:06,880
And I'm really sorry if you're upset.
435
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,095
I should've known you didn't really want
436
00:17:09,136 --> 00:17:10,890
to fit in with my friends.
437
00:17:11,522 --> 00:17:14,669
You always have to shake it up.
438
00:17:14,789 --> 00:17:16,245
You always have to make
439
00:17:16,365 --> 00:17:18,945
people... think.
440
00:17:18,979 --> 00:17:21,178
I am a thinker, Ryan. I think.
441
00:17:21,298 --> 00:17:23,259
I thought you liked that about me.
442
00:17:23,322 --> 00:17:25,787
Think again, thinker.
443
00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:27,504
Think again.
444
00:17:38,694 --> 00:17:40,934
Dallas, let me explain, please.
445
00:17:40,947 --> 00:17:42,060
There's nothing to explain.
446
00:17:42,311 --> 00:17:44,544
You started your little
band with your little friends
447
00:17:44,557 --> 00:17:47,096
so you could avoid doing
fun printing jobs with me.
448
00:17:47,122 --> 00:17:51,602
Look, Dallas, now I... I know you
want me to be rich and powerful
449
00:17:51,608 --> 00:17:54,474
and to grow my business
into some huge empire,
450
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,865
but part of me is unwilling
to admit that I am this...
451
00:17:56,890 --> 00:18:00,178
(Chuckles) and... and not this.
452
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:01,479
A toilet?
453
00:18:02,572 --> 00:18:04,123
Oh, that was supposed
to be "Rolling Stone."
454
00:18:04,142 --> 00:18:05,216
But you know what I mean. (Magazine thuds)
455
00:18:05,234 --> 00:18:07,538
George, I will support
you whether you want to be
456
00:18:07,557 --> 00:18:09,904
the skylight king or the King of Leon.
457
00:18:09,939 --> 00:18:11,356
Whoever the hell he is.
458
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,232
Really? Because
459
00:18:13,276 --> 00:18:15,421
you were coming at me so
hard with those flyers.
460
00:18:15,446 --> 00:18:16,894
It... it kind of felt like...
461
00:18:16,912 --> 00:18:18,324
Like you were trying to change me.
462
00:18:18,349 --> 00:18:21,032
I spent $7,000 on a printer, George.
463
00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:22,960
$7,000.
464
00:18:22,942 --> 00:18:25,120
(Laughs) I sure as hell better use it.
465
00:18:25,171 --> 00:18:26,371
Look,
466
00:18:26,952 --> 00:18:29,730
sometimes when a woman
spends too much money
467
00:18:29,736 --> 00:18:31,757
on something she really doesn't need,
468
00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:33,915
she tries to cram it down
everyone else's throats
469
00:18:33,902 --> 00:18:35,380
to justify the purchase.
470
00:18:35,585 --> 00:18:37,299
Surely you can understand that.
471
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:38,683
Well, I'm sorry, Dallas.
472
00:18:38,803 --> 00:18:41,141
I... I guess I was being a little defensive
473
00:18:41,173 --> 00:18:43,575
because Steven was such...
474
00:18:43,588 --> 00:18:46,885
An absolute skid mark on the
pristine panties of my soul?
475
00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:47,679
(Laughs)
476
00:18:47,704 --> 00:18:50,063
No matter how much money that man had,
477
00:18:50,112 --> 00:18:52,071
it wasn't enough to keep me.
478
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,917
I'm glad to hear you say that.
479
00:18:55,951 --> 00:18:57,736
Hey. You know what?
480
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:00,142
Our band does need some flyers.
481
00:19:00,154 --> 00:19:02,888
Now do you know anyone that has
a $7,000 printer who could help?
482
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:04,108
You know I do.
483
00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:05,293
(Laughs)
484
00:19:05,328 --> 00:19:06,711
Okay.
485
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:09,547
What's the name of your band?
486
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,027
Uh...
487
00:19:11,147 --> 00:19:15,851
(School bell rings)
488
00:19:15,971 --> 00:19:19,090
(Makes whooshing sounds)
489
00:19:19,124 --> 00:19:20,705
Interception.
490
00:19:20,924 --> 00:19:22,169
Funny.
491
00:19:22,578 --> 00:19:24,312
Thanks.
492
00:19:25,681 --> 00:19:27,332
I'm really sorry...
493
00:19:28,664 --> 00:19:29,597
about yesterday.
494
00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,803
It's possible that I
overreacted a little bit.
495
00:19:32,349 --> 00:19:33,938
But you made me think.
496
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:37,067
I didn't want to, but you
made me, like you always do,
497
00:19:37,079 --> 00:19:39,027
and I think...
498
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:41,246
that everyone needs to be cheered for,
499
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,914
not just us guys.
500
00:19:44,819 --> 00:19:47,502
So... bros?
501
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,090
What's this?
502
00:19:52,446 --> 00:19:55,427
I want you to see how good
it feels to run through paper.
503
00:19:56,024 --> 00:19:57,820
I don't want to run through paper.
504
00:19:57,870 --> 00:19:59,964
I did your thing. Now
you're gonna try mine.
505
00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:01,049
(Exhales)
506
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,682
I want you to know how good it feels
507
00:20:02,694 --> 00:20:04,202
to have someone rooting for you.
508
00:20:06,389 --> 00:20:07,856
Okay. Fine.
509
00:20:07,890 --> 00:20:11,109
♪
510
00:20:12,611 --> 00:20:15,469
Three, two, one!
511
00:20:15,488 --> 00:20:17,665
(Exhales)
512
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:18,900
Go!
513
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,869
(Crowd cheering)
514
00:20:20,989 --> 00:20:24,591
(Tessa) I had to admit, it
was pretty exhilarating...
515
00:20:25,667 --> 00:20:28,460
and... a little embarrassing.
516
00:20:29,346 --> 00:20:32,074
Whoo! Crush those numbers, Tessa!
517
00:20:32,136 --> 00:20:34,132
Destroy that math!
518
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,633
Yeah!
519
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:39,218
Are all the parks clothing-optional?
520
00:20:39,244 --> 00:20:41,985
Yeah, but I haven't been able
to find any nude figurines
521
00:20:41,997 --> 00:20:43,004
at that scale, so...
522
00:20:43,124 --> 00:20:44,725
Okay.
523
00:20:44,756 --> 00:20:46,020
Hmm.
524
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:48,272
"Chinese Chicken."
525
00:20:48,504 --> 00:20:49,898
And, you,
526
00:20:49,932 --> 00:20:52,145
you get to name the band whatever you want.
527
00:20:52,384 --> 00:20:54,402
(Scoffs) I don't know, George.
528
00:20:54,437 --> 00:20:56,119
I think it's kind of ruined now.
529
00:20:56,239 --> 00:20:57,971
Yeah. And if you love Sheila so much,
530
00:20:57,983 --> 00:20:59,407
why don't you marry her?
531
00:20:59,442 --> 00:21:00,575
Please don't.
532
00:21:00,609 --> 00:21:02,410
Look, you have every
right to be upset with me,
533
00:21:02,445 --> 00:21:04,510
but it's... it's been...
534
00:21:05,414 --> 00:21:08,032
♪ One week since you looked at me ♪
535
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:12,268
♪ cocked your head to the
side and said "I'm angry" ♪
536
00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:15,123
(Sighs)
537
00:21:15,157 --> 00:21:17,054
♪ Five days since you laughed at me ♪
538
00:21:17,059 --> 00:21:19,094
♪ chickity China the Chinese chicken ♪
539
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,728
No, Fred. No. No, it's too soon.
540
00:21:20,763 --> 00:21:21,744
It's never too soon.
541
00:21:21,759 --> 00:21:23,530
♪ Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes,
542
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:24,562
♪ big like Leann Rimes
543
00:21:24,581 --> 00:21:26,107
♪ because I'm all about value ♪
544
00:21:26,145 --> 00:21:27,765
♪ Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits ♪
545
00:21:27,784 --> 00:21:28,847
♪ you try to match wits ♪
546
00:21:28,866 --> 00:21:30,380
♪ you try to hold me
but I bust through ♪
547
00:21:30,399 --> 00:21:31,581
♪ gonna make a break and take a fake ♪
548
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:32,545
♪ I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake ♪
549
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:33,564
♪ I like vanilla, it's the finest ♪
550
00:21:33,577 --> 00:21:35,360
(mumbles) of the flavors.
551
00:21:40,669 --> 00:21:48,452
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