1
00:00:01,327 --> 00:00:02,281
In high school,

2
00:00:02,281 --> 00:00:04,284
there's practically no
limit to the number of things

3
00:00:04,315 --> 00:00:07,096
you can try your hand
at. In a surprise move,

4
00:00:07,131 --> 00:00:11,095
I had recently signed
up for liking Ryan Shay.

5
00:00:11,215 --> 00:00:13,136
A year ago, I would've
looked over there and thought,

6
00:00:13,152 --> 00:00:15,052
"what a bunch of dumb jocks."

7
00:00:15,271 --> 00:00:17,594
And now I look over there and think...

8
00:00:17,813 --> 00:00:18,830
"Hey, Ryan."

9
00:00:19,033 --> 00:00:20,636
I think this whole adoption thing

10
00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:22,177
has really helped humanize him,

11
00:00:22,193 --> 00:00:24,594
you know, like when we
found out about Dave Thomas.

12
00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:28,113
Suddenly his frozen dairy
dessert tasted bittersweet.

13
00:00:28,488 --> 00:00:30,021
Good day, Miss Altman.

14
00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:31,721
Keeping it tight, I presume?

15
00:00:32,156 --> 00:00:33,626
What's wrong with you?

16
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:34,901
I didn't know if people at school

17
00:00:34,925 --> 00:00:36,726
were supposed to know about us or not.

18
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:37,760
Know what?

19
00:00:37,778 --> 00:00:40,790
About our love and how tender it is.

20
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,496
Don't be weird. I don't care.

21
00:00:44,974 --> 00:00:46,687
You hear that, Chatswin?

22
00:00:46,687 --> 00:00:47,852
She doesn't care!

23
00:00:47,899 --> 00:00:49,479
Tessa and I aren't embarrassed

24
00:00:49,599 --> 00:00:51,723
to express how tender our love is.

25
00:00:51,981 --> 00:00:53,592
It's extremely tender!

26
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,280
Yeah!

27
00:00:58,402 --> 00:01:01,211
Congratulations, Tessa.

28
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:02,627
I had no idea things

29
00:01:02,603 --> 00:01:04,087
were so tender between the two of you.

30
00:01:04,138 --> 00:01:05,739
No one in their wildest dreams

31
00:01:05,755 --> 00:01:07,476
expected you to snag a football player.

32
00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:09,423
It would be like that runner with no legs

33
00:01:09,439 --> 00:01:10,361
winning the Olympics.

34
00:01:10,385 --> 00:01:11,198
Thanks.

35
00:01:11,214 --> 00:01:13,974
Listen, you're a football girlfriend now.

36
00:01:14,170 --> 00:01:16,899
And we're going to look past
your negativity and smugness

37
00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:20,004
and embrace you, because that's
what football girlfriends do.

38
00:01:20,418 --> 00:01:22,420
You can shadow me till
you get the hang of it.

39
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,180
Don't worry. You're in good hands.

40
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:25,260
Amber's trained some

41
00:01:25,268 --> 00:01:27,301
of the best football
girlfriends in the field.

42
00:01:27,340 --> 00:01:28,951
You should put that on
your college application.

43
00:01:28,951 --> 00:01:30,530
Why would I go to college?

44
00:01:31,226 --> 00:01:32,524
I've already met my future husband.

45
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,212
From now on, before signing up for things,

46
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,003
I should remember to read the fine print.

47
00:01:37,026 --> 00:01:40,444
Look at that fine print and
look at the D.P.I., George.

48
00:01:40,459 --> 00:01:41,687
Just look at it!

49
00:01:41,721 --> 00:01:43,572
This printer is the best thing
that's ever happened to me,

50
00:01:43,606 --> 00:01:45,402
and I met Garry Shandling.

51
00:01:45,449 --> 00:01:48,827
With this printer, I can finally
print people's dreams come true.

52
00:01:48,862 --> 00:01:51,204
But this isn't my dream, right?

53
00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:52,596
Don't be silly. You're a monarch.

54
00:01:52,628 --> 00:01:54,998
See how lush and
saturated you look, George?

55
00:01:55,021 --> 00:01:56,930
Even Yakult said you look saturated.

56
00:01:56,953 --> 00:01:59,504
Yes. Okay. Thank you,
Dallas, this is very sweet.

57
00:01:59,538 --> 00:02:02,006
- I appreciate it.
- Should we start cutting the tabs?

58
00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:03,249
I have to go meet Noah.

59
00:02:05,027 --> 00:02:06,519
- George?
- Huh?

60
00:02:06,639 --> 00:02:07,739
What is that?

61
00:02:07,808 --> 00:02:09,899
Oh. That's just some files and stuff.

62
00:02:10,019 --> 00:02:11,181
They don't look like files.

63
00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:13,521
They look like more of my flyers.

64
00:02:13,965 --> 00:02:16,049
Yeah, that... that... that's what I said.

65
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,382
File-ers.

66
00:02:17,502 --> 00:02:19,358
Sometimes my Southern accent comes out

67
00:02:19,365 --> 00:02:21,248
from my semester in Charleston.

68
00:02:21,936 --> 00:02:24,326
Honey child. Oh.

69
00:02:24,388 --> 00:02:26,654
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -

70
00:02:34,212 --> 00:02:36,860
I wanted to have an open mind
about the football girlfriends.

71
00:02:37,213 --> 00:02:39,247
They just made it so damn hard.

72
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:40,498
This is where we bake

73
00:02:40,486 --> 00:02:41,869
the treats for the goody bags

74
00:02:41,881 --> 00:02:44,140
that we give to our boyfriends on game day.

75
00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:45,667
We don't do it for the thank-yous

76
00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:47,531
because they don't say thank you.

77
00:02:47,651 --> 00:02:49,715
We do it because it's tons of fun.

78
00:02:52,499 --> 00:02:55,114
So this is where we do
our boyfriends' homework

79
00:02:55,146 --> 00:02:57,173
so they can focus on practice.

80
00:02:57,448 --> 00:02:59,838
So we do this for the thank-yous?

81
00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:02,215
Tessa, no. There are no thank-yous.

82
00:03:02,284 --> 00:03:05,481
We do this because it helps our
guys to concentrate on victory,

83
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,308
and over time, their victories will start

84
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,147
to feel like your victories.

85
00:03:09,267 --> 00:03:11,819
And that's it's own reward. You'll see.

86
00:03:15,936 --> 00:03:18,914
And this is the pep rally nerve center.

87
00:03:19,608 --> 00:03:20,891
Wow.

88
00:03:21,011 --> 00:03:22,731
Looks like...

89
00:03:22,981 --> 00:03:24,132
a sweatshop.

90
00:03:24,307 --> 00:03:25,827
We call it the devotion pit.

91
00:03:25,865 --> 00:03:27,779
It's where we make the T-shirts, banners,

92
00:03:27,798 --> 00:03:30,376
and miscellaneous sundries
that express our love,

93
00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:32,272
loyalty, and allegiance.

94
00:03:32,466 --> 00:03:34,393
So you girls are
basically mindless servants

95
00:03:34,399 --> 00:03:36,632
struggling to uphold outdated gender roles?

96
00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:38,322
Now you got it.

97
00:03:38,578 --> 00:03:39,855
And the longer you serve,

98
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,813
the louder you cheer. You'll see.

99
00:03:43,352 --> 00:03:44,980
It's Derek. 

100
00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:48,652
Let's go, Derek! Way to
dial that phone, baby!

101
00:03:48,772 --> 00:03:50,329
Good phone answer, Joan.

102
00:03:50,342 --> 00:03:51,042
Thanks.

103
00:03:51,268 --> 00:03:52,907
No.

104
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:54,158
Derek may have been into it,

105
00:03:54,165 --> 00:03:56,374
but some people find
relentless cheer-leading...

106
00:03:56,386 --> 00:03:58,651
Stifling. You know, to... to me,

107
00:03:58,689 --> 00:04:00,697
each one of those flyers might as well say,

108
00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:02,536
"I judge you, George Altman.

109
00:04:02,524 --> 00:04:04,927
I judge you for not
being successful enough."

110
00:04:05,047 --> 00:04:06,998
Dallas is judge-y. She is.

111
00:04:07,017 --> 00:04:09,601
When she met me, I was not a skylight king.

112
00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:11,853
Look, if you're the skylight king,

113
00:04:11,973 --> 00:04:13,943
then she's the queen.

114
00:04:14,063 --> 00:04:15,708
All right, and that, my
friends, is what they all want.

115
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,242
They want status. They...
they want stability.

116
00:04:18,242 --> 00:04:18,949
They do.

117
00:04:19,011 --> 00:04:21,101
Why do you think I became a dentist?

118
00:04:21,326 --> 00:04:22,740
I could've been anything.

119
00:04:22,758 --> 00:04:24,448
Have you ever seen me on the uneven bars?

120
00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,020
He's like an eagle with arms.

121
00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,171
And two legs.

122
00:04:28,571 --> 00:04:30,322
And a monkey's face. He's like a monkey.

123
00:04:30,366 --> 00:04:33,438
It doesn't seem fair that they
can thrust these roles upon us.

124
00:04:33,469 --> 00:04:37,341
Forcing us to build miniature
cities in our basements.

125
00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:40,539
I'm building a miniature
city in my basement.

126
00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:42,084
- It's actually pretty cool.
- Okay.

127
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,204
Forget skylights.

128
00:04:43,248 --> 00:04:45,907
If you could start any business
right now, what would it be?

129
00:04:47,308 --> 00:04:49,723
I'd be in the business of rocking.

130
00:04:49,774 --> 00:04:51,306
Ooh! Bad boy.

131
00:04:51,426 --> 00:04:52,958
I was in a dad band a few years ago.

132
00:04:52,983 --> 00:04:54,747
I played the bass guitar.

133
00:04:55,112 --> 00:04:57,037
Slapped her silly. Named her Rhoda.

134
00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,001
I'm a big fan of that TV show.

135
00:04:59,283 --> 00:05:01,960
Loved it. Never missed an episode.

136
00:05:01,992 --> 00:05:05,114
Guys, we're dads... dads who rock.

137
00:05:05,158 --> 00:05:06,578
Why is it

138
00:05:06,966 --> 00:05:08,705
we are not rocking out together?

139
00:05:08,737 --> 00:05:10,726
- I don't know.
- That's a good question!

140
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:14,145
Then what say ye? Dads,
shall we redefine who we are

141
00:05:14,136 --> 00:05:15,944
and define who it is we want to be?

142
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,948
Yea, verily, shall we do something

143
00:05:18,966 --> 00:05:21,664
that our partners can't control or dictate?

144
00:05:21,695 --> 00:05:25,311
Shall we call our band "Sheila's Pets"?

145
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,251
No, Fred. No, we shall not.

146
00:05:27,264 --> 00:05:28,884
That is a terrible name.

147
00:05:29,004 --> 00:05:30,173
Oh.

148
00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:34,246
So how are you and the
football girls getting along?

149
00:05:34,922 --> 00:05:35,785
Great.

150
00:05:35,905 --> 00:05:37,262
I knew you'd hit it off.

151
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,859
Amber's had a really interesting journey.

152
00:05:40,947 --> 00:05:44,714
She always wanted to date
Renaldo, our tight end,

153
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,047
but she used to be fat.

154
00:05:47,423 --> 00:05:49,894
Then she lost a ton of weight...

155
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,236
and then they hooked up.

156
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,470
No. Yeah, that's really interesting.

157
00:05:57,474 --> 00:06:00,709
Yeah, it is interesting. It's
interesting and it's inspiring.

158
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,025
Really inspiring.

159
00:06:03,044 --> 00:06:05,709
Yeah, she's got a great story.

160
00:06:05,941 --> 00:06:08,437
Oh. Ah, that reminds me,
I'm supposed to give Renaldo

161
00:06:08,557 --> 00:06:10,145
a noogie at 12:45.

162
00:06:10,151 --> 00:06:11,677
I better go. Shoot.

163
00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:12,622
Bye.

164
00:06:12,615 --> 00:06:14,156
Bye-bye. Bye.

165
00:06:15,072 --> 00:06:17,439
So wait. Did you actually
think that girl's story

166
00:06:17,458 --> 00:06:18,897
- was interesting?
- Nope.

167
00:06:18,966 --> 00:06:21,512
Right. So why aren't you
being honest with Ryan?

168
00:06:21,546 --> 00:06:23,277
Okay, you know how sometimes I can...

169
00:06:23,277 --> 00:06:26,149
be a little negative or... smug?

170
00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:27,807
- Preachy at times.
- Right.

171
00:06:27,835 --> 00:06:29,803
- Soapbox-y.
- Okay, Lisa. Yep.

172
00:06:29,815 --> 00:06:33,373
I'm... I'm trying not to do that.

173
00:06:33,407 --> 00:06:35,289
I'm just trying to be supportive.

174
00:06:35,308 --> 00:06:36,576
Interesting.

175
00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:40,095
Well, I guess conformity's
a small price to pay

176
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,774
if you want to date a
big, beefy football player.

177
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,601
So what, football's a
better sport than lacrosse?

178
00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:48,003
Yes, Malik.

179
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,986
Ignore him.

180
00:06:50,106 --> 00:06:52,551
Maybe this is what it means
to be dating Ryan, right?

181
00:06:52,544 --> 00:06:53,577
You know, some people's physiques

182
00:06:53,583 --> 00:06:54,891
lend themselves more to lacrosse,

183
00:06:54,922 --> 00:06:56,942
which... which is a lot
harder than it looks.

184
00:06:56,986 --> 00:06:58,926
You are embarrassing yourself, Malik.

185
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,441
No, you are. Fawning over football players?

186
00:07:01,510 --> 00:07:03,243
I'd like to see one of
them make a fast break

187
00:07:03,243 --> 00:07:04,488
while maintaining his cradle.

188
00:07:04,513 --> 00:07:07,334
Nobody knows what you're
talking about, Malik.

189
00:07:08,885 --> 00:07:10,237
Do you want to go sit...

190
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:13,090
No. No. Eat your food. Don't cause a scene.

191
00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:15,323
Okay, so tonight we're working

192
00:07:15,348 --> 00:07:16,411
on the giant paper banner

193
00:07:16,411 --> 00:07:18,301
that the team will run
through at the pep rally.

194
00:07:18,421 --> 00:07:20,647
Typically, we work with
puffy pens and glitter,

195
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:22,624
but if you want to try something else...

196
00:07:23,249 --> 00:07:24,831
Don't. It's best if you just stick

197
00:07:24,856 --> 00:07:26,339
with the puffy pens and glitter.

198
00:07:26,364 --> 00:07:27,309
Okay.

199
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:29,349
I love your enthusiasm, Tessa.

200
00:07:31,274 --> 00:07:33,228
All right. You got this?

201
00:07:33,296 --> 00:07:36,218
I've played my fair share of "rock band."

202
00:07:36,338 --> 00:07:38,777
I'm talking four stars for "Black Hole Sun"

203
00:07:38,789 --> 00:07:41,198
on "Expert," brosef. 

204
00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:46,285
All right, not bad. 

205
00:07:49,332 --> 00:07:50,984
Getting funky now.

206
00:07:51,009 --> 00:07:53,643
Funky? I'm gonna funking funk
the funk out of Rhoda tonight.

207
00:07:53,663 --> 00:07:55,301
Rhoda's a filthy lady.

208
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,872
This is pretty sweet, guys. Pretty sweet.

209
00:07:58,872 --> 00:08:01,507
I have to say, it felt
good to finally tell Sheila

210
00:08:01,569 --> 00:08:03,802
I found a deer tick and
had to run to urgent care.

211
00:08:03,865 --> 00:08:06,405
Okay, I... I hereby
declare the first rehearsal

212
00:08:06,455 --> 00:08:08,238
of Full-On Fatherly Assault

213
00:08:08,245 --> 00:08:11,336
or Fathers of Mass Destrocktion

214
00:08:11,484 --> 00:08:12,468
in session!

215
00:08:12,519 --> 00:08:14,064
Yo! 

216
00:08:14,184 --> 00:08:16,920
I see. So Sheila's Pets
isn't even on the ballot.

217
00:08:16,954 --> 00:08:18,688
No, and... and since
we're talking about it,

218
00:08:18,682 --> 00:08:21,558
I'm also vetoing the "Chickity
China" song from the set list.

219
00:08:21,577 --> 00:08:23,786
- What?!
- Yeah, that's not the name of the song,

220
00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:25,063
and no one wants to sing it.

221
00:08:25,183 --> 00:08:27,359
Nobody wants to sing about Chinese chicken?

222
00:08:27,403 --> 00:08:29,230
- I don't.
- N... neither of us do.

223
00:08:29,286 --> 00:08:31,464
♪ Chickity China, the Chinese chicken ♪

224
00:08:31,584 --> 00:08:33,648
Yes, I'm familiar with it. Still a no.

225
00:08:34,204 --> 00:08:37,345
Sit down. Let's do this. Here we go.

226
00:08:41,393 --> 00:08:42,857
- Is that a frog?
- What?

227
00:08:42,876 --> 00:08:44,903
Are you... are you drawing
a frog on the banner?

228
00:08:44,950 --> 00:08:46,079
You're not... you're not supposed to.

229
00:08:46,098 --> 00:08:47,493
Oh. I...

230
00:08:47,613 --> 00:08:48,989
just...

231
00:08:49,051 --> 00:08:50,991
know how to draw them, so...

232
00:08:51,022 --> 00:08:52,668
Yeah. I would... I would
just stick to the letters,

233
00:08:52,712 --> 00:08:54,089
because if we draw pictures,

234
00:08:54,132 --> 00:08:56,290
the players will stop and
look at 'em instead of...

235
00:08:56,315 --> 00:08:58,855
Destroying the artwork
we spent all night making?

236
00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:01,107
You seem a little bit on edge.

237
00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:03,204
If you snip the tip, you can catch a buzz.

238
00:09:03,202 --> 00:09:04,802
Makes the night go faster.

239
00:09:05,124 --> 00:09:09,757
Yeah. I know another way to
make the night go by faster.

240
00:09:09,791 --> 00:09:12,320
Know what it's called? Going home!

241
00:09:13,516 --> 00:09:15,379
Tessa. 

242
00:09:15,524 --> 00:09:17,251
Keep your voice down.

243
00:09:17,301 --> 00:09:19,022
What's that? Oh, you think

244
00:09:19,034 --> 00:09:21,343
it's dumb we can't draw frogs? I agree!

245
00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:23,176
I... I never... I... I never said that.

246
00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:25,610
Come on! I'm sure there's
all sorts of things you girls

247
00:09:25,597 --> 00:09:27,443
wish you could do, but you
can't, because you're here.

248
00:09:27,481 --> 00:09:29,539
You know what's better than being here?

249
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,103
There's nothing better. She's drunk.

250
00:09:31,094 --> 00:09:32,373
I smell alcohol on her breath.

251
00:09:32,493 --> 00:09:34,945
Well, it's called...

252
00:09:43,336 --> 00:09:45,288
Going home.

253
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,903
I didn't want to get on a
soapbox, but I am on one.

254
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:53,252
Girls, your needs are just as
important as a football player's.

255
00:09:53,308 --> 00:09:55,367
Look at Stephanie here. She's hungry.

256
00:09:55,623 --> 00:09:57,406
She wants to go out for a slice.

257
00:09:57,437 --> 00:09:58,801
How did she know that?

258
00:09:58,870 --> 00:09:59,746
And you.

259
00:10:00,015 --> 00:10:01,304
What's your name?

260
00:10:01,341 --> 00:10:02,868
I'm Derek's girlfriend.

261
00:10:02,988 --> 00:10:04,921
What is your name, child?

262
00:10:05,041 --> 00:10:08,086
I... want to say... Joan.

263
00:10:08,155 --> 00:10:09,663
I bet you do.

264
00:10:09,707 --> 00:10:11,565
You look like a Joan.

265
00:10:11,685 --> 00:10:14,005
And what about that girl over there

266
00:10:14,012 --> 00:10:16,145
with the bloody Jersey
wrapped around her hand?

267
00:10:16,201 --> 00:10:18,284
Shouldn't she be seen by a doctor?

268
00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:19,748
Sean says it's in my head.

269
00:10:19,795 --> 00:10:21,456
It's not in your head.

270
00:10:21,437 --> 00:10:23,383
You are bleeding from your hand.

271
00:10:23,758 --> 00:10:25,622
She should be in urgent care,

272
00:10:25,628 --> 00:10:28,694
and we should all be at home watching TV.

273
00:10:28,687 --> 00:10:31,428
It is 9:30 on a Wednesday night,

274
00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:33,311
and there has gotta be something good on.

275
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:34,906
I'm going home to watch it.

276
00:10:35,026 --> 00:10:36,827
Who's with me?

277
00:10:45,693 --> 00:10:49,978
♪ Day after day I'm more confused ♪

278
00:10:51,410 --> 00:10:55,408
♪ and I look for the light
through the pouring rain ♪

279
00:10:57,798 --> 00:11:02,047
♪ you know that's a game
that I hate to lose ♪

280
00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:06,789
♪ and I'm feeling the strain

281
00:11:07,377 --> 00:11:09,279
♪ yeah, ain't it a shame? Oh ♪

282
00:11:09,605 --> 00:11:13,184
♪ give me the beat, boys, and free my soul ♪

283
00:11:13,209 --> 00:11:16,081
♪ I want to get lost
in your rock 'n' roll ♪

284
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,886
♪ and drift away

285
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,807
♪ oh

286
00:11:22,841 --> 00:11:25,576
♪ give me the beat,
boys, and free my soul ♪

287
00:11:25,594 --> 00:11:28,546
♪ I want to get lost in
Fred's rock 'n' roll ♪

288
00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,279
♪ and drift away

289
00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:32,999
Oh! Drift away, Freddie!

290
00:11:32,986 --> 00:11:34,300
Drift away!

291
00:11:34,352 --> 00:11:35,403
Yeah!

292
00:11:35,437 --> 00:11:38,036
What in blue blazes are you doing?

293
00:11:38,104 --> 00:11:39,775
- Uh, Sheila...
- Your filthy noise is

294
00:11:39,769 --> 00:11:41,514
polluting the entire neighborhood,

295
00:11:41,508 --> 00:11:43,241
particularly the lead vocals.

296
00:11:43,284 --> 00:11:45,355
You're pitchy, George, very pitchy.

297
00:11:45,374 --> 00:11:46,481
But the base was good, right?

298
00:11:46,494 --> 00:11:48,008
- I'm pitchy?
- Yeah.

299
00:11:48,002 --> 00:11:50,259
Okay. I'd like to see you do better.

300
00:11:51,602 --> 00:11:53,336
Okay. 

301
00:11:54,972 --> 00:11:57,243
"Barracuda." Hit it.

302
00:12:04,276 --> 00:12:06,102
♪ So this ain't the end

303
00:12:06,127 --> 00:12:07,635
♪ I saw you again

304
00:12:08,431 --> 00:12:09,769
♪ today

305
00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:12,288
♪ I had to turn my heart away

306
00:12:15,594 --> 00:12:17,377
♪ smiled like the sun

307
00:12:17,497 --> 00:12:20,994
♪ kisses for everyone

308
00:12:21,651 --> 00:12:25,885
♪ and tales, it never fails

309
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:29,589
♪ you lying so low in the weeds ♪

310
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,809
♪ I bet you gonna ambush me

311
00:12:32,843 --> 00:12:35,545
♪ you'd have me down, down, down ♪

312
00:12:35,563 --> 00:12:38,348
♪ down on my knees

313
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:42,318
♪ now wouldn't you, barracuda?

314
00:12:42,353 --> 00:12:44,571
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh

315
00:12:50,765 --> 00:12:52,229
So...

316
00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:53,636
Sheila's Pets?

317
00:12:53,693 --> 00:12:54,719
No, man.

318
00:12:54,839 --> 00:12:56,639
Th... this is a dad band.

319
00:12:56,759 --> 00:12:59,480
But Sheila is undeniable. You saw her.

320
00:12:59,486 --> 00:13:00,587
Guys...

321
00:13:00,831 --> 00:13:03,121
I have been in a lot of bands in my life...

322
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,423
high school punk bands, college alt bands,

323
00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:07,156
I was briefly a member of Five for Fighting

324
00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:10,231
before they got big... and
I have never in my life,

325
00:13:10,351 --> 00:13:14,051
felt the kind of spark... I did tonight.

326
00:13:14,088 --> 00:13:14,902
What are you saying?

327
00:13:14,959 --> 00:13:17,107
I'm saying I think we should
let Sheila in the band.

328
00:13:17,699 --> 00:13:19,908
Oh. Get a hold of yourself, man!

329
00:13:19,926 --> 00:13:21,678
Guys, we could be good!

330
00:13:21,910 --> 00:13:23,912
Do you understand what that
means? We could be good,

331
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,865
not dad-band good,
but real-band good.

332
00:13:26,878 --> 00:13:30,188
Look, I joined Fathers
of Mass Destrocktion...

333
00:13:30,232 --> 00:13:32,196
or I was also thinking Meinvater Band...

334
00:13:32,209 --> 00:13:33,348
because...

335
00:13:33,798 --> 00:13:35,180
we stood for something.

336
00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:37,789
We stood for not hanging out with our wives

337
00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:38,985
and taking back the night.

338
00:13:38,997 --> 00:13:40,787
What about the hanging out, George?

339
00:13:41,118 --> 00:13:42,589
What about the chips and dip?

340
00:13:42,602 --> 00:13:43,809
Guys, I'm sorry.

341
00:13:44,222 --> 00:13:45,949
I think considering I'm the lead singer

342
00:13:45,967 --> 00:13:48,345
and the guitarist, and I started this band,

343
00:13:48,589 --> 00:13:50,748
I gotta make the call on this one.

344
00:13:52,150 --> 00:13:54,268
I have to do what's best for Sheila's pets.

345
00:13:56,521 --> 00:13:57,680
Well...

346
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,406
then you do it alone.

347
00:13:59,469 --> 00:14:01,227
My friend,

348
00:14:01,295 --> 00:14:02,893
you do it alone.

349
00:14:02,927 --> 00:14:04,194
Come on, Fred.

350
00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,918
Our garage wasn't the only
place spirits were down.

351
00:14:10,953 --> 00:14:12,131
And finally,

352
00:14:12,170 --> 00:14:16,073
the quarterback that I
would pay a dollar for...

353
00:14:16,193 --> 00:14:17,718
the one, the only,

354
00:14:17,749 --> 00:14:21,972
Ryan "The Body" Shay!

355
00:14:35,386 --> 00:14:36,919
Come on, Chatswin.

356
00:14:37,039 --> 00:14:40,096
Where's your spirit?!

357
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:42,933
What the hell?

358
00:14:43,953 --> 00:14:45,734
Where's all the football girlfriends?!

359
00:14:45,715 --> 00:14:47,622
Whoo! 

360
00:14:48,074 --> 00:14:50,492
There is very little pep at this rally.

361
00:14:50,526 --> 00:14:53,136
I might've had one of my soapbox incidents.

362
00:14:53,612 --> 00:14:56,921
Yeah, I kinda liberated the
girls from their servitude

363
00:14:56,921 --> 00:14:59,205
and unintentionally empowered them.

364
00:14:59,987 --> 00:15:02,153
Mm. Ryan's gonna kill you.

365
00:15:02,188 --> 00:15:04,372
Who did this?!

366
00:15:04,406 --> 00:15:05,473
Huh?!

367
00:15:05,508 --> 00:15:07,164
Show yourself!

368
00:15:07,189 --> 00:15:08,853
It's okay. Get up, boys!

369
00:15:08,853 --> 00:15:10,173
We can win still!

370
00:15:10,293 --> 00:15:11,669
We can win.

371
00:15:11,688 --> 00:15:13,640
While I had dashed Ryan's dreams of glory,

372
00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:15,618
- George had hired some session musicians...
- Yeah!

373
00:15:15,643 --> 00:15:17,561
And was making his own dreams come true... 

374
00:15:17,562 --> 00:15:19,427
- with Sheila.
- * I want candy

375
00:15:20,022 --> 00:15:23,074
♪ hey, I want candy

376
00:15:24,193 --> 00:15:25,410
Hoo!

377
00:15:26,579 --> 00:15:28,907
Put some stank on it, George. Come on!

378
00:15:30,051 --> 00:15:32,377
Whoo! Whoo!

379
00:15:34,163 --> 00:15:36,245
All right, let's take five. Let's take five.

380
00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,929
Sounds great, guys.

381
00:15:39,049 --> 00:15:41,550
I know rocking's a
thirsty business, so I...

382
00:15:42,188 --> 00:15:44,140
Oh! Oh, Sheila.

383
00:15:44,316 --> 00:15:45,611
We don't take requests.

384
00:15:46,074 --> 00:15:49,846
No. I just thought George's
band was a daddy-only thing.

385
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,155
Isn't that what you told me, daddy?

386
00:15:52,275 --> 00:15:55,058
Well, you know what?
It was, uh, but then...

387
00:15:55,283 --> 00:15:57,085
- The thing is, uh...
- George?

388
00:15:57,066 --> 00:15:58,831
Yeah? Tell your piece to hit it.

389
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:01,654
Sorry. We have a no-Yoko policy.

390
00:16:01,652 --> 00:16:03,622
Okay. 

391
00:16:06,963 --> 00:16:07,777
Hey.

392
00:16:07,797 --> 00:16:09,413
We lost the game.

393
00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:11,506
I'm sorry.

394
00:16:11,626 --> 00:16:14,684
No one even got to run through
a paper banner made of paper.

395
00:16:15,109 --> 00:16:16,321
I know.

396
00:16:16,867 --> 00:16:19,724
That's everyone's favorite
part of football, Tessa.

397
00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:22,785
That's why half of us started
playing in the first place.

398
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:25,613
I mean, how can we beat a team
that got to run through paper

399
00:16:25,594 --> 00:16:26,721
when we haven't had the advantage

400
00:16:26,709 --> 00:16:28,235
of running through paper ourselves?

401
00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:31,144
Is it possible you're
putting too much importance

402
00:16:31,138 --> 00:16:32,714
on running through paper?

403
00:16:32,977 --> 00:16:35,073
Is it possible that you're crazy?

404
00:16:36,213 --> 00:16:38,865
Look, Ryan, those girls
making your banners...

405
00:16:38,884 --> 00:16:41,186
they're out there pursuing
their own interests.

406
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:42,787
They're eating pizza

407
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,114
and becoming well-rounded people.

408
00:16:45,234 --> 00:16:46,516
Their sole purpose in life

409
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,724
cannot be to worship their boyfriends.

410
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:51,508
You did this?

411
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,805
I didn't mean to dismantle
the system, but yeah, I did.

412
00:16:54,925 --> 00:16:58,690
And I'm really sorry if you're upset.

413
00:16:59,378 --> 00:17:00,905
I should've known you didn't really want

414
00:17:00,946 --> 00:17:02,700
to fit in with my friends.

415
00:17:03,332 --> 00:17:06,479
You always have to shake it up.

416
00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:08,055
You always have to make

417
00:17:08,175 --> 00:17:10,755
people... think.

418
00:17:10,789 --> 00:17:12,988
I am a thinker, Ryan. I think.

419
00:17:13,108 --> 00:17:15,069
I thought you liked that about me.

420
00:17:15,132 --> 00:17:17,597
Think again, thinker.

421
00:17:18,147 --> 00:17:19,314
Think again.

422
00:17:25,604 --> 00:17:27,844
Dallas, let me explain, please.

423
00:17:27,857 --> 00:17:28,970
There's nothing to explain.

424
00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:31,454
You started your little
band with your little friends

425
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,006
so you could avoid doing
fun printing jobs with me.

426
00:17:34,032 --> 00:17:38,512
Look, Dallas, now I... I know you
want me to be rich and powerful

427
00:17:38,518 --> 00:17:41,384
and to grow my business
into some huge empire,

428
00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:43,775
but part of me is unwilling
to admit that I am this...

429
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,088
and... and not this.

430
00:17:47,122 --> 00:17:48,389
A toilet?

431
00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:51,033
Oh, that was supposed
to be "Rolling Stone."

432
00:17:51,052 --> 00:17:52,126
But you know what I mean.

433
00:17:52,144 --> 00:17:54,448
George, I will support
you whether you want to be

434
00:17:54,467 --> 00:17:56,814
the skylight king or the King of Leon.

435
00:17:56,849 --> 00:17:58,266
Whoever the hell he is.

436
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,142
Really? Because

437
00:18:00,186 --> 00:18:02,331
you were coming at me so
hard with those flyers.

438
00:18:02,356 --> 00:18:03,804
It... it kind of felt like...

439
00:18:03,822 --> 00:18:05,234
Like you were trying to change me.

440
00:18:05,259 --> 00:18:07,942
I spent $7,000 on a printer, George.

441
00:18:07,976 --> 00:18:09,870
$7,000.

442
00:18:09,852 --> 00:18:12,030
I sure as hell better use it.

443
00:18:12,081 --> 00:18:13,281
Look,

444
00:18:13,862 --> 00:18:16,640
sometimes when a woman
spends too much money

445
00:18:16,646 --> 00:18:18,667
on something she really doesn't need,

446
00:18:18,787 --> 00:18:20,825
she tries to cram it down
everyone else's throats

447
00:18:20,812 --> 00:18:22,290
to justify the purchase.

448
00:18:22,495 --> 00:18:24,209
Surely you can understand that.

449
00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:25,593
Well, I'm sorry, Dallas.

450
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:28,051
I... I guess I was being a little defensive

451
00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:30,485
because Steven was such...

452
00:18:30,498 --> 00:18:33,795
An absolute skid mark on the
pristine panties of my soul?

453
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,973
No matter how much money that man had,

454
00:18:37,022 --> 00:18:38,981
it wasn't enough to keep me.

455
00:18:40,943 --> 00:18:42,827
I'm glad to hear you say that.

456
00:18:42,861 --> 00:18:44,646
Hey. You know what?

457
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,052
Our band does need some flyers.

458
00:18:47,064 --> 00:18:49,798
Now do you know anyone that has
a $7,000 printer who could help?

459
00:18:49,810 --> 00:18:51,018
You know I do.

460
00:18:52,238 --> 00:18:53,621
Okay.

461
00:18:53,656 --> 00:18:56,457
What's the name of your band?

462
00:18:56,492 --> 00:18:57,937
Uh...

463
00:19:06,034 --> 00:19:07,615
Interception.

464
00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:09,079
Funny.

465
00:19:09,488 --> 00:19:11,222
Thanks.

466
00:19:12,591 --> 00:19:14,242
I'm really sorry...

467
00:19:15,574 --> 00:19:16,507
about yesterday.

468
00:19:16,513 --> 00:19:18,713
It's possible that I
overreacted a little bit.

469
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,848
But you made me think.

470
00:19:20,882 --> 00:19:23,977
I didn't want to, but you
made me, like you always do,

471
00:19:23,989 --> 00:19:25,937
and I think...

472
00:19:25,988 --> 00:19:28,156
that everyone needs to be cheered for,

473
00:19:28,190 --> 00:19:29,824
not just us guys.

474
00:19:31,729 --> 00:19:34,412
So... bros?

475
00:19:37,733 --> 00:19:39,000
What's this?

476
00:19:39,356 --> 00:19:42,337
I want you to see how good
it feels to run through paper.

477
00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:44,730
I don't want to run through paper.

478
00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:46,874
I did your thing. Now
you're gonna try mine.

479
00:19:48,010 --> 00:19:49,592
I want you to know how good it feels

480
00:19:49,604 --> 00:19:51,112
to have someone rooting for you.

481
00:19:53,299 --> 00:19:54,766
Okay. Fine.

482
00:19:59,521 --> 00:20:02,379
Three, two, one!

483
00:20:04,610 --> 00:20:05,810
Go!

484
00:20:07,899 --> 00:20:11,501
I had to admit, it was pretty exhilarating...

485
00:20:12,577 --> 00:20:15,370
and... a little embarrassing.

486
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:18,984
Whoo! Crush those numbers, Tessa!

487
00:20:19,046 --> 00:20:21,042
Destroy that math!

488
00:20:21,076 --> 00:20:22,543
Yeah!

489
00:20:24,112 --> 00:20:26,128
Are all the parks clothing-optional?

490
00:20:26,154 --> 00:20:28,895
Yeah, but I haven't been able
to find any nude figurines

491
00:20:28,907 --> 00:20:29,914
at that scale, so...

492
00:20:30,034 --> 00:20:31,635
Okay.

493
00:20:31,666 --> 00:20:32,930
Hmm.

494
00:20:33,355 --> 00:20:35,182
"Chinese Chicken."

495
00:20:35,414 --> 00:20:36,808
And, you,

496
00:20:36,842 --> 00:20:39,055
you get to name the band whatever you want.

497
00:20:39,294 --> 00:20:41,312
I don't know, George.

498
00:20:41,347 --> 00:20:43,029
I think it's kind of ruined now.

499
00:20:43,149 --> 00:20:44,881
Yeah. And if you love Sheila so much,

500
00:20:44,893 --> 00:20:46,317
why don't you marry her?

501
00:20:46,352 --> 00:20:47,485
Please don't.

502
00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:49,320
Look, you have every
right to be upset with me,

503
00:20:49,355 --> 00:20:51,420
but it's... it's been...

504
00:20:52,324 --> 00:20:54,942
♪ One week since you looked at me ♪

505
00:20:56,078 --> 00:20:59,178
♪ cocked your head to the
side and said "I'm angry" ♪

506
00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:03,964
♪ Five days since you laughed at me ♪

507
00:21:03,969 --> 00:21:06,004
♪ chickity China the Chinese chicken ♪

508
00:21:06,055 --> 00:21:07,638
No, Fred. No. No, it's too soon.

509
00:21:07,673 --> 00:21:08,654
It's never too soon.

510
00:21:08,669 --> 00:21:10,440
♪ Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes,

511
00:21:10,459 --> 00:21:11,472
♪ big like leann rimes

512
00:21:11,491 --> 00:21:13,017
♪ because I'm all about value ♪

513
00:21:13,055 --> 00:21:14,675
♪ bert kaempfert's got the mad hits ♪

514
00:21:14,694 --> 00:21:15,757
♪ you try to match wits ♪

515
00:21:15,776 --> 00:21:17,290
♪ you try to hold me
but I bust through ♪

516
00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:18,491
♪ gonna make a break and take a fake ♪

517
00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:19,455
♪ I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake ♪

518
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:20,474
♪ I like vanilla, it's the finest ♪

519
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:22,270
of the flavors.

520
00:21:27,579 --> 00:21:35,362
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