1 00:00:01,327 --> 00:00:02,281 (Tessa) In high school, 2 00:00:02,281 --> 00:00:04,284 there's practically no limit to the number of things 3 00:00:04,315 --> 00:00:07,096 you can try your hand at. In a surprise move, 4 00:00:07,131 --> 00:00:11,095 I had recently signed up for liking Ryan Shay. 5 00:00:11,215 --> 00:00:13,136 A year ago, I would've looked over there and thought, 6 00:00:13,152 --> 00:00:15,052 "what a bunch of dumb jocks." 7 00:00:15,271 --> 00:00:17,594 And now I look over there and think... 8 00:00:17,813 --> 00:00:18,830 "Hey, Ryan." 9 00:00:19,033 --> 00:00:20,636 I think this whole adoption thing 10 00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:22,177 has really helped humanize him, 11 00:00:22,193 --> 00:00:24,594 you know, like when we found out about Dave Thomas. 12 00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:28,113 Suddenly his frozen dairy dessert tasted bittersweet. 13 00:00:28,488 --> 00:00:30,021 Good day, Miss Altman. 14 00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:31,721 Keeping it tight, I presume? 15 00:00:32,156 --> 00:00:33,626 What's wrong with you? 16 00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:34,901 (Lowered voice) I didn't know if people at school 17 00:00:34,925 --> 00:00:36,726 were supposed to know about us or not. 18 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:37,760 Know what? 19 00:00:37,778 --> 00:00:40,790 About our love and how tender it is. 20 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,496 Don't be weird. I don't care. 21 00:00:44,974 --> 00:00:46,687 You hear that, Chatswin? 22 00:00:46,687 --> 00:00:47,852 She doesn't care! 23 00:00:47,899 --> 00:00:49,479 Tessa and I aren't embarrassed 24 00:00:49,599 --> 00:00:51,723 to express how tender our love is. 25 00:00:51,981 --> 00:00:53,592 It's extremely tender! 26 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,280 (Boy laughs) (Boy) Yeah! 27 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,311 (Students speaking indistinctly, boy hoots) 28 00:00:58,402 --> 00:01:01,211 Congratulations, Tessa. 29 00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:02,627 I had no idea things 30 00:01:02,603 --> 00:01:04,087 were so tender between the two of you. 31 00:01:04,138 --> 00:01:05,739 No one in their wildest dreams 32 00:01:05,755 --> 00:01:07,476 expected you to snag a football player. 33 00:01:07,596 --> 00:01:09,423 It would be like that runner with no legs 34 00:01:09,439 --> 00:01:10,361 winning the Olympics. 35 00:01:10,385 --> 00:01:11,198 Thanks. 36 00:01:11,214 --> 00:01:13,974 Listen, you're a football girlfriend now. 37 00:01:14,170 --> 00:01:16,899 And we're going to look past your negativity and smugness 38 00:01:16,930 --> 00:01:20,004 and embrace you, because that's what football girlfriends do. 39 00:01:20,418 --> 00:01:22,420 You can shadow me till you get the hang of it. 40 00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,180 Don't worry. You're in good hands. 41 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:25,260 Amber's trained some 42 00:01:25,268 --> 00:01:27,301 of the best football girlfriends in the field. 43 00:01:27,340 --> 00:01:28,951 You should put that on your college application. 44 00:01:28,951 --> 00:01:30,530 Why would I go to college? 45 00:01:31,226 --> 00:01:32,524 I've already met my future husband. 46 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,212 From now on, before signing up for things, 47 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,003 I should remember to read the fine print. 48 00:01:37,026 --> 00:01:40,444 Look at that fine print and look at the D.P.I., George. 49 00:01:40,459 --> 00:01:41,687 Just look at it! 50 00:01:41,721 --> 00:01:43,572 This printer is the best thing that's ever happened to me, 51 00:01:43,606 --> 00:01:45,402 and I met Garry Shandling. 52 00:01:45,449 --> 00:01:48,827 With this printer, I can finally print people's dreams come true. 53 00:01:48,862 --> 00:01:51,204 But this isn't my dream, right? 54 00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:52,596 Don't be silly. You're a monarch. 55 00:01:52,628 --> 00:01:54,998 See how lush and saturated you look, George? 56 00:01:55,021 --> 00:01:56,930 Even Yakult said you look saturated. 57 00:01:56,953 --> 00:01:59,504 Yes. Okay. Thank you, Dallas, this is very sweet. 58 00:01:59,538 --> 00:02:02,006 - I appreciate it. - Should we start cutting the tabs? 59 00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:03,249 I have to go meet Noah. 60 00:02:05,027 --> 00:02:06,519 - George? - Huh? 61 00:02:06,639 --> 00:02:07,739 What is that? 62 00:02:07,808 --> 00:02:09,899 Oh. That's just some files and stuff. 63 00:02:10,019 --> 00:02:11,181 They don't look like files. 64 00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:13,521 They look like more of my flyers. 65 00:02:13,965 --> 00:02:16,049 Yeah, that... that... that's what I said. 66 00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,382 File-ers. 67 00:02:17,502 --> 00:02:19,358 (Chuckles) Sometimes my Southern accent comes out 68 00:02:19,365 --> 00:02:21,248 from my semester in Charleston. 69 00:02:21,936 --> 00:02:24,326 Honey child. Oh. 70 00:02:24,388 --> 00:02:26,654 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 71 00:02:26,691 --> 00:02:30,908 (Alih Jay) * last night I had a pleasant nightmare * 72 00:02:31,028 --> 00:02:34,042 ♪ da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪ 73 00:02:34,212 --> 00:02:36,860 I wanted to have an open mind about the football girlfriends. 74 00:02:37,213 --> 00:02:39,247 They just made it so damn hard. 75 00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:40,498 This is where we bake 76 00:02:40,486 --> 00:02:41,869 the treats for the goody bags 77 00:02:41,881 --> 00:02:44,140 that we give to our boyfriends on game day. 78 00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:45,667 We don't do it for the thank-yous 79 00:02:45,667 --> 00:02:47,531 because they don't say thank you. 80 00:02:47,651 --> 00:02:49,715 We do it because it's tons of fun. 81 00:02:52,499 --> 00:02:55,114 So this is where we do our boyfriends' homework 82 00:02:55,146 --> 00:02:57,173 so they can focus on practice. 83 00:02:57,448 --> 00:02:59,838 So we do this for the thank-yous? 84 00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:02,215 Tessa, no. There are no thank-yous. 85 00:03:02,284 --> 00:03:05,481 We do this because it helps our guys to concentrate on victory, 86 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,308 and over time, their victories will start 87 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,147 to feel like your victories. 88 00:03:09,267 --> 00:03:11,819 And that's it's own reward. You'll see. 89 00:03:14,578 --> 00:03:15,930 (Door creaks) 90 00:03:15,936 --> 00:03:18,914 And this is the pep rally nerve center. 91 00:03:19,608 --> 00:03:20,891 Wow. 92 00:03:21,011 --> 00:03:22,731 Looks like... 93 00:03:22,981 --> 00:03:24,132 (Sighs) a sweatshop. 94 00:03:24,307 --> 00:03:25,827 We call it the devotion pit. 95 00:03:25,865 --> 00:03:27,779 It's where we make the T-shirts, banners, 96 00:03:27,798 --> 00:03:30,376 and miscellaneous sundries that express our love, 97 00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:32,272 loyalty, and allegiance. 98 00:03:32,466 --> 00:03:34,393 So you girls are basically mindless servants 99 00:03:34,399 --> 00:03:36,632 struggling to uphold outdated gender roles? 100 00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:38,322 Now you got it. 101 00:03:38,578 --> 00:03:39,855 And the longer you serve, 102 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,813 the louder you cheer. You'll see. 103 00:03:41,807 --> 00:03:43,283 (Cell phone rings) 104 00:03:43,352 --> 00:03:44,980 It's Derek. (Beep) 105 00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:48,652 Let's go, Derek! Way to dial that phone, baby! 106 00:03:48,772 --> 00:03:50,329 Good phone answer, Joan. 107 00:03:50,342 --> 00:03:51,042 (Under breath) Thanks. 108 00:03:51,268 --> 00:03:52,907 (Whispers) No. 109 00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:54,158 Derek may have been into it, 110 00:03:54,165 --> 00:03:56,374 but some people find relentless cheer-leading... 111 00:03:56,386 --> 00:03:58,651 Stifling. You know, to... to me, 112 00:03:58,689 --> 00:04:00,697 each one of those flyers might as well say, 113 00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:02,536 "I judge you, George Altman. 114 00:04:02,524 --> 00:04:04,927 I judge you for not being successful enough." 115 00:04:05,047 --> 00:04:06,998 Dallas is judge-y. She is. 116 00:04:07,017 --> 00:04:09,601 When she met me, I was not a skylight king. 117 00:04:09,626 --> 00:04:11,853 Look, if you're the skylight king, 118 00:04:11,973 --> 00:04:13,943 then she's the queen. 119 00:04:14,063 --> 00:04:15,708 All right, and that, my friends, is what they all want. 120 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,242 They want status. They... they want stability. 121 00:04:18,242 --> 00:04:18,949 They do. 122 00:04:19,011 --> 00:04:21,101 Why do you think I became a dentist? 123 00:04:21,326 --> 00:04:22,740 I could've been anything. 124 00:04:22,758 --> 00:04:24,448 Have you ever seen me on the uneven bars? 125 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:27,020 He's like an eagle with arms. 126 00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,171 And two legs. 127 00:04:28,571 --> 00:04:30,322 And a monkey's face. He's like a monkey. 128 00:04:30,366 --> 00:04:33,438 It doesn't seem fair that they can thrust these roles upon us. 129 00:04:33,469 --> 00:04:37,341 Forcing us to build miniature cities in our basements. 130 00:04:38,829 --> 00:04:40,539 I'm building a miniature city in my basement. 131 00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:42,084 - It's actually pretty cool. - Okay. 132 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,204 Forget skylights. 133 00:04:43,248 --> 00:04:45,907 If you could start any business right now, what would it be? 134 00:04:47,308 --> 00:04:49,723 I'd be in the business of rocking. 135 00:04:49,774 --> 00:04:51,306 Ooh! Bad boy. 136 00:04:51,426 --> 00:04:52,958 I was in a dad band a few years ago. 137 00:04:52,983 --> 00:04:54,747 I played the bass guitar. 138 00:04:55,112 --> 00:04:57,037 Slapped her silly. Named her Rhoda. 139 00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,001 I'm a big fan of that TV show. 140 00:04:59,283 --> 00:05:01,960 Loved it. Never missed an episode. 141 00:05:01,992 --> 00:05:05,114 Guys, we're dads... dads who rock. 142 00:05:05,158 --> 00:05:06,578 Why is it 143 00:05:06,966 --> 00:05:08,705 we are not rocking out together? 144 00:05:08,737 --> 00:05:10,726 - I don't know. - That's a good question! 145 00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:14,145 Then what say ye? Dads, shall we redefine who we are 146 00:05:14,136 --> 00:05:15,944 and define who it is we want to be? 147 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,948 Yea, verily, shall we do something 148 00:05:18,966 --> 00:05:21,664 that our partners can't control or dictate? 149 00:05:21,695 --> 00:05:25,311 Shall we call our band "Sheila's Pets"? 150 00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,251 No, Fred. No, we shall not. 151 00:05:27,264 --> 00:05:28,884 That is a terrible name. 152 00:05:29,004 --> 00:05:30,173 Oh. 153 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:34,246 So how are you and the football girls getting along? 154 00:05:34,922 --> 00:05:35,785 Great. 155 00:05:35,905 --> 00:05:37,262 I knew you'd hit it off. 156 00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,859 Amber's had a really interesting journey. 157 00:05:40,947 --> 00:05:44,714 She always wanted to date Renaldo, our tight end, 158 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,047 but she used to be fat. 159 00:05:47,423 --> 00:05:49,894 Then she lost a ton of weight... 160 00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,236 and then they hooked up. 161 00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,470 No. Yeah, that's really interesting. 162 00:05:57,474 --> 00:06:00,709 Yeah, it is interesting. It's interesting and it's inspiring. 163 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:03,025 Really inspiring. 164 00:06:03,044 --> 00:06:05,709 Yeah, she's got a great story. 165 00:06:05,941 --> 00:06:08,437 Oh. Ah, that reminds me, I'm supposed to give Renaldo 166 00:06:08,557 --> 00:06:10,145 a noogie at 12:45. 167 00:06:10,151 --> 00:06:11,677 I better go. Shoot. 168 00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:12,622 Bye. 169 00:06:12,615 --> 00:06:14,156 Bye-bye. Bye. 170 00:06:15,072 --> 00:06:17,439 So wait. Did you actually think that girl's story 171 00:06:17,458 --> 00:06:18,897 - was interesting? - Nope. 172 00:06:18,966 --> 00:06:21,512 Right. So why aren't you being honest with Ryan? 173 00:06:21,546 --> 00:06:23,277 Okay, you know how sometimes I can... 174 00:06:23,277 --> 00:06:26,149 be a little negative or... smug? 175 00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:27,807 - Preachy at times. - Right. 176 00:06:27,835 --> 00:06:29,803 - Soapbox-y. - Okay, Lisa. Yep. 177 00:06:29,815 --> 00:06:33,373 I'm... I'm trying not to do that. 178 00:06:33,407 --> 00:06:35,289 I'm just trying to be supportive. 179 00:06:35,308 --> 00:06:36,576 Interesting. 180 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:40,095 Well, I guess conformity's a small price to pay 181 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,774 if you want to date a big, beefy football player. 182 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:46,601 So what, football's a better sport than lacrosse? 183 00:06:46,620 --> 00:06:48,003 Yes, Malik. 184 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,986 (Whispers) Ignore him. 185 00:06:50,106 --> 00:06:52,551 Maybe this is what it means to be dating Ryan, right? 186 00:06:52,544 --> 00:06:53,577 You know, some people's physiques 187 00:06:53,583 --> 00:06:54,891 lend themselves more to lacrosse, 188 00:06:54,922 --> 00:06:56,942 which... which is a lot harder than it looks. 189 00:06:56,986 --> 00:06:58,926 You are embarrassing yourself, Malik. 190 00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,441 No, you are. Fawning over football players? 191 00:07:01,510 --> 00:07:03,243 I'd like to see one of them make a fast break 192 00:07:03,243 --> 00:07:04,488 while maintaining his cradle. 193 00:07:04,513 --> 00:07:07,334 Nobody knows what you're talking about, Malik. 194 00:07:07,371 --> 00:07:08,848 (Sighs) 195 00:07:08,885 --> 00:07:10,237 (Whispers) Do you want to go sit... 196 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:13,090 No. No. Eat your food. Don't cause a scene. 197 00:07:13,210 --> 00:07:15,323 Okay, so tonight we're working 198 00:07:15,348 --> 00:07:16,411 on the giant paper banner 199 00:07:16,411 --> 00:07:18,301 that the team will run through at the pep rally. 200 00:07:18,421 --> 00:07:20,647 Typically, we work with puffy pens and glitter, 201 00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:22,624 but if you want to try something else... 202 00:07:23,249 --> 00:07:24,831 Don't. It's best if you just stick 203 00:07:24,856 --> 00:07:26,339 with the puffy pens and glitter. 204 00:07:26,364 --> 00:07:27,309 Okay. 205 00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:29,349 I love your enthusiasm, Tessa. 206 00:07:31,274 --> 00:07:33,228 All right. You got this? 207 00:07:33,296 --> 00:07:36,218 (Laughs) I've played my fair share of "rock band." 208 00:07:36,338 --> 00:07:38,777 I'm talking four stars for "Black Hole Sun" 209 00:07:38,789 --> 00:07:41,198 on "Expert," brosef. (Laughs) 210 00:07:41,318 --> 00:07:44,014 (Plays fill) 211 00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:46,285 All right, not bad. (Laughs) 212 00:07:46,285 --> 00:07:48,374 (Plays funk riff) 213 00:07:49,332 --> 00:07:50,984 Getting funky now. 214 00:07:51,009 --> 00:07:53,643 Funky? I'm gonna funking funk the funk out of Rhoda tonight. 215 00:07:53,663 --> 00:07:55,301 Rhoda's a filthy lady. 216 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,872 (Laughs) This is pretty sweet, guys. Pretty sweet. 217 00:07:58,872 --> 00:08:01,507 I have to say, it felt good to finally tell Sheila 218 00:08:01,569 --> 00:08:03,802 I found a deer tick and had to run to urgent care. 219 00:08:03,865 --> 00:08:06,405 Okay, I... I hereby declare the first rehearsal 220 00:08:06,455 --> 00:08:08,238 of Full-On Fatherly Assault 221 00:08:08,245 --> 00:08:11,336 or Fathers of Mass Destrocktion 222 00:08:11,484 --> 00:08:12,468 in session! 223 00:08:12,519 --> 00:08:14,064 Yo! (Laughs) 224 00:08:14,184 --> 00:08:16,920 I see. So Sheila's Pets isn't even on the ballot. 225 00:08:16,954 --> 00:08:18,688 No, and... and since we're talking about it, 226 00:08:18,682 --> 00:08:21,558 I'm also vetoing the "Chickity China" song from the set list. 227 00:08:21,577 --> 00:08:23,786 - What?! - Yeah, that's not the name of the song, 228 00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:25,063 and no one wants to sing it. 229 00:08:25,183 --> 00:08:27,359 Nobody wants to sing about Chinese chicken? 230 00:08:27,403 --> 00:08:29,230 - I don't. - N... neither of us do. 231 00:08:29,286 --> 00:08:31,464 ♪ Chickity China, the Chinese chicken ♪ 232 00:08:31,584 --> 00:08:33,648 Yes, I'm familiar with it. Still a no. 233 00:08:34,204 --> 00:08:37,345 Sit down. Let's do this. Here we go. (Clears throat) 234 00:08:41,393 --> 00:08:42,857 - Is that a frog? - What? 235 00:08:42,876 --> 00:08:44,903 Are you... are you drawing a frog on the banner? 236 00:08:44,950 --> 00:08:46,079 You're not... you're not supposed to. 237 00:08:46,098 --> 00:08:47,493 Oh. I... 238 00:08:47,613 --> 00:08:48,989 just... 239 00:08:49,051 --> 00:08:50,991 know how to draw them, so... 240 00:08:51,022 --> 00:08:52,668 Yeah. I would... I would just stick to the letters, 241 00:08:52,712 --> 00:08:54,089 because if we draw pictures, 242 00:08:54,132 --> 00:08:56,290 the players will stop and look at 'em instead of... 243 00:08:56,315 --> 00:08:58,855 Destroying the artwork we spent all night making? 244 00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:01,107 You seem a little bit on edge. 245 00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:03,204 If you snip the tip, you can catch a buzz. 246 00:09:03,202 --> 00:09:04,802 Makes the night go faster. 247 00:09:05,124 --> 00:09:09,757 Yeah. I know another way to make the night go by faster. 248 00:09:09,791 --> 00:09:12,320 Know what it's called? Going home! 249 00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:13,396 (Laughs) 250 00:09:13,516 --> 00:09:15,379 Tessa. (Laughs) 251 00:09:15,524 --> 00:09:17,251 (Lowered voice) Keep your voice down. 252 00:09:17,301 --> 00:09:19,022 (Loudly) What's that? Oh, you think 253 00:09:19,034 --> 00:09:21,343 it's dumb we can't draw frogs? I agree! 254 00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:23,176 I... I never... I... I never said that. 255 00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:25,610 Come on! I'm sure there's all sorts of things you girls 256 00:09:25,597 --> 00:09:27,443 wish you could do, but you can't, because you're here. 257 00:09:27,481 --> 00:09:29,539 You know what's better than being here? 258 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,103 There's nothing better. She's drunk. 259 00:09:31,094 --> 00:09:32,373 I smell alcohol on her breath. 260 00:09:32,493 --> 00:09:34,945 Well, it's called... 261 00:09:35,614 --> 00:09:37,485 (Marker squeaks) 262 00:09:43,336 --> 00:09:45,288 Going home. 263 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,903 I didn't want to get on a soapbox, but I am on one. 264 00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:53,252 Girls, your needs are just as important as a football player's. 265 00:09:53,308 --> 00:09:55,367 Look at Stephanie here. She's hungry. 266 00:09:55,623 --> 00:09:57,406 She wants to go out for a slice. 267 00:09:57,437 --> 00:09:58,801 How did she know that? 268 00:09:58,870 --> 00:09:59,746 And you. 269 00:10:00,015 --> 00:10:01,304 What's your name? 270 00:10:01,341 --> 00:10:02,868 I'm Derek's girlfriend. 271 00:10:02,988 --> 00:10:04,921 What is your name, child? 272 00:10:05,041 --> 00:10:08,086 I... want to say... Joan. 273 00:10:08,155 --> 00:10:09,663 (Clatter) I bet you do. 274 00:10:09,707 --> 00:10:11,565 (Clicks tongue) You look like a Joan. 275 00:10:11,685 --> 00:10:14,005 And what about that girl over there 276 00:10:14,012 --> 00:10:16,145 with the bloody Jersey wrapped around her hand? 277 00:10:16,201 --> 00:10:18,284 Shouldn't she be seen by a doctor? 278 00:10:18,340 --> 00:10:19,748 Sean says it's in my head. 279 00:10:19,795 --> 00:10:21,456 It's not in your head. 280 00:10:21,437 --> 00:10:23,383 You are bleeding from your hand. 281 00:10:23,758 --> 00:10:25,622 She should be in urgent care, 282 00:10:25,628 --> 00:10:28,694 and we should all be at home watching TV. 283 00:10:28,687 --> 00:10:31,428 It is 9:30 on a Wednesday night, 284 00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:33,311 and there has gotta be something good on. 285 00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:34,906 I'm going home to watch it. 286 00:10:35,026 --> 00:10:36,827 Who's with me? 287 00:10:38,423 --> 00:10:41,494 (Playing "Drift Away") 288 00:10:45,693 --> 00:10:49,978 ♪ Day after day I'm more confused ♪ 289 00:10:51,410 --> 00:10:55,408 ♪ and I look for the light through the pouring rain ♪ 290 00:10:57,798 --> 00:11:02,047 ♪ you know that's a game that I hate to lose ♪ 291 00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:06,789 ♪ and I'm feeling the strain 292 00:11:07,377 --> 00:11:09,279 ♪ yeah, ain't it a shame? Oh ♪ 293 00:11:09,605 --> 00:11:13,184 (All) * give me the beat, boys, and free my soul * 294 00:11:13,209 --> 00:11:16,081 ♪ I want to get lost in your rock 'n' roll ♪ 295 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,886 ♪ and drift away 296 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,807 ♪ oh 297 00:11:22,841 --> 00:11:25,576 ♪ give me the beat, boys, and free my soul ♪ 298 00:11:25,594 --> 00:11:28,546 ♪ I want to get lost in Fred's rock 'n' roll ♪ 299 00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,279 ♪ and drift away 300 00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:32,999 Oh! Drift away, Freddie! 301 00:11:32,986 --> 00:11:34,300 Drift away! 302 00:11:34,352 --> 00:11:35,403 Yeah! 303 00:11:35,437 --> 00:11:38,036 What in blue blazes are you doing? 304 00:11:38,104 --> 00:11:39,775 - (Amplified voice) Uh, Sheila... - Your filthy noise is 305 00:11:39,769 --> 00:11:41,514 polluting the entire neighborhood, 306 00:11:41,508 --> 00:11:43,241 particularly the lead vocals. 307 00:11:43,284 --> 00:11:45,355 You're pitchy, George, very pitchy. 308 00:11:45,374 --> 00:11:46,481 (Amplified voice) But the base was good, right? 309 00:11:46,494 --> 00:11:48,008 - I'm pitchy? - Yeah. 310 00:11:48,002 --> 00:11:50,259 (Laughs) Okay. I'd like to see you do better. 311 00:11:51,602 --> 00:11:53,336 Okay. (Laughs) 312 00:11:54,972 --> 00:11:57,243 (Amplified voice) "Barracuda." Hit it. 313 00:11:57,268 --> 00:12:00,276 (Playing "Barracuda") 314 00:12:04,276 --> 00:12:06,102 ♪ So this ain't the end 315 00:12:06,127 --> 00:12:07,635 ♪ I saw you again 316 00:12:08,431 --> 00:12:09,769 ♪ today 317 00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:12,288 ♪ I had to turn my heart away 318 00:12:12,323 --> 00:12:15,158 ♪ 319 00:12:15,594 --> 00:12:17,377 ♪ smiled like the sun 320 00:12:17,497 --> 00:12:20,994 ♪ kisses for everyone 321 00:12:21,651 --> 00:12:25,885 ♪ and tales, it never fails 322 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:29,589 ♪ you lying so low in the weeds ♪ 323 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,809 ♪ I bet you gonna ambush me 324 00:12:32,843 --> 00:12:35,545 ♪ you'd have me down, down, down ♪ 325 00:12:35,563 --> 00:12:38,348 ♪ down on my knees 326 00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:42,318 ♪ now wouldn't you, barracuda? 327 00:12:42,353 --> 00:12:44,571 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh 328 00:12:44,605 --> 00:12:45,105 ♪ 329 00:12:50,765 --> 00:12:52,229 So... 330 00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:53,636 Sheila's Pets? 331 00:12:53,693 --> 00:12:54,719 No, man. 332 00:12:54,839 --> 00:12:56,639 Th... this is a dad band. 333 00:12:56,759 --> 00:12:59,480 But Sheila is undeniable. You saw her. 334 00:12:59,486 --> 00:13:00,587 Guys... 335 00:13:00,831 --> 00:13:03,121 I have been in a lot of bands in my life... 336 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,423 high school punk bands, college alt bands, 337 00:13:05,417 --> 00:13:07,156 I was briefly a member of Five for Fighting 338 00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:10,231 before they got big... and I have never in my life, 339 00:13:10,351 --> 00:13:14,051 felt the kind of spark... I did tonight. 340 00:13:14,088 --> 00:13:14,902 What are you saying? 341 00:13:14,959 --> 00:13:17,107 I'm saying I think we should let Sheila in the band. 342 00:13:17,699 --> 00:13:19,908 Oh. Get a hold of yourself, man! 343 00:13:19,926 --> 00:13:21,678 Guys, we could be good! 344 00:13:21,910 --> 00:13:23,912 Do you understand what that means? We could be good, 345 00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,865 not dad-band good, but real-band good. 346 00:13:26,878 --> 00:13:30,188 Look, I joined Fathers of Mass Destrocktion... 347 00:13:30,232 --> 00:13:32,196 or I was also thinking Meinvater Band... 348 00:13:32,209 --> 00:13:33,348 because... 349 00:13:33,798 --> 00:13:35,180 we stood for something. 350 00:13:35,180 --> 00:13:37,789 We stood for not hanging out with our wives 351 00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:38,985 and taking back the night. 352 00:13:38,997 --> 00:13:40,787 What about the hanging out, George? 353 00:13:41,118 --> 00:13:42,589 What about the chips and dip? 354 00:13:42,602 --> 00:13:43,809 Guys, I'm sorry. 355 00:13:44,222 --> 00:13:45,949 I think considering I'm the lead singer 356 00:13:45,967 --> 00:13:48,345 and the guitarist, and I started this band, 357 00:13:48,589 --> 00:13:50,748 I gotta make the call on this one. 358 00:13:52,150 --> 00:13:54,268 I have to do what's best for Sheila's pets. 359 00:13:54,303 --> 00:13:56,470 (Sighs) 360 00:13:56,521 --> 00:13:57,680 Well... 361 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,406 then you do it alone. 362 00:13:59,469 --> 00:14:01,227 My friend, 363 00:14:01,295 --> 00:14:02,893 you do it alone. 364 00:14:02,927 --> 00:14:04,194 Come on, Fred. 365 00:14:05,931 --> 00:14:07,481 (Blinds clatter) 366 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,918 Our garage wasn't the only place spirits were down. 367 00:14:10,953 --> 00:14:12,131 (Amplified voice) And finally, 368 00:14:12,170 --> 00:14:16,073 the quarterback that I would pay a dollar for... 369 00:14:16,193 --> 00:14:17,718 the one, the only, 370 00:14:17,749 --> 00:14:21,972 Ryan "The Body" Shay! 371 00:14:22,497 --> 00:14:24,699 (Europe's "The Final Countdown" playing) 372 00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:27,752 (Crowd cheering) 373 00:14:32,557 --> 00:14:34,442 (Song stops) 374 00:14:35,386 --> 00:14:36,919 (Boy coughs) Come on, Chatswin. 375 00:14:37,039 --> 00:14:40,096 Where's your spirit?! 376 00:14:40,216 --> 00:14:41,517 (Snoring) 377 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:42,933 What the hell? 378 00:14:43,953 --> 00:14:45,734 Where's all the football girlfriends?! 379 00:14:45,715 --> 00:14:47,622 (Tessa) Whoo! (Clapping) 380 00:14:48,074 --> 00:14:50,492 There is very little pep at this rally. 381 00:14:50,526 --> 00:14:53,136 I might've had one of my soapbox incidents. 382 00:14:53,612 --> 00:14:56,921 Yeah, I kinda liberated the girls from their servitude 383 00:14:56,921 --> 00:14:59,205 and unintentionally empowered them. 384 00:14:59,987 --> 00:15:02,153 Mm. Ryan's gonna kill you. 385 00:15:02,188 --> 00:15:04,372 Who did this?! 386 00:15:04,406 --> 00:15:05,473 Huh?! 387 00:15:05,508 --> 00:15:07,164 Show yourself! 388 00:15:07,189 --> 00:15:08,853 It's okay. Get up, boys! 389 00:15:08,853 --> 00:15:10,173 We can win still! 390 00:15:10,293 --> 00:15:11,669 We can win. 391 00:15:11,688 --> 00:15:13,640 While I had dashed Ryan's dreams of glory, 392 00:15:13,678 --> 00:15:15,618 - George had hired some session musicians... - (Sheila) Yeah! 393 00:15:15,643 --> 00:15:17,561 And was making his own dreams come true... 394 00:15:17,562 --> 00:15:19,427 - with Sheila. - * I want candy 395 00:15:20,022 --> 00:15:23,074 ♪ hey, I want candy 396 00:15:23,109 --> 00:15:24,159 ♪ 397 00:15:24,193 --> 00:15:25,410 Hoo! 398 00:15:26,579 --> 00:15:28,907 Put some stank on it, George. Come on! 399 00:15:28,918 --> 00:15:30,013 ♪ 400 00:15:30,051 --> 00:15:32,377 Whoo! Whoo! 401 00:15:34,163 --> 00:15:36,245 (Song ends) All right, let's take five. Let's take five. 402 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:38,929 (Chuckles) Sounds great, guys. 403 00:15:39,049 --> 00:15:41,550 I know rocking's a thirsty business, so I... 404 00:15:42,188 --> 00:15:44,140 Oh! Oh, Sheila. 405 00:15:44,316 --> 00:15:45,611 We don't take requests. 406 00:15:46,074 --> 00:15:49,846 No. I just thought George's band was a daddy-only thing. 407 00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,155 Isn't that what you told me, daddy? 408 00:15:52,275 --> 00:15:55,058 Well, you know what? It was, uh, but then... 409 00:15:55,283 --> 00:15:57,085 - The thing is, uh... - George? 410 00:15:57,066 --> 00:15:58,831 Yeah? Tell your piece to hit it. 411 00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:01,654 Sorry. We have a no-Yoko policy. 412 00:16:01,652 --> 00:16:03,622 Okay. (Gasps) 413 00:16:06,963 --> 00:16:07,777 Hey. 414 00:16:07,797 --> 00:16:09,413 We lost the game. 415 00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:11,506 I'm sorry. 416 00:16:11,626 --> 00:16:14,684 No one even got to run through a paper banner made of paper. 417 00:16:15,109 --> 00:16:16,321 I know. 418 00:16:16,867 --> 00:16:19,724 That's everyone's favorite part of football, Tessa. 419 00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:22,785 That's why half of us started playing in the first place. 420 00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:25,613 I mean, how can we beat a team that got to run through paper 421 00:16:25,594 --> 00:16:26,721 when we haven't had the advantage 422 00:16:26,709 --> 00:16:28,235 of running through paper ourselves? 423 00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:31,144 Is it possible you're putting too much importance 424 00:16:31,138 --> 00:16:32,714 on running through paper? 425 00:16:32,977 --> 00:16:35,073 Is it possible that you're crazy? 426 00:16:36,213 --> 00:16:38,865 Look, Ryan, those girls making your banners... 427 00:16:38,884 --> 00:16:41,186 they're out there pursuing their own interests. 428 00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:42,787 They're eating pizza 429 00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,114 and becoming well-rounded people. 430 00:16:45,234 --> 00:16:46,516 Their sole purpose in life 431 00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,724 cannot be to worship their boyfriends. 432 00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:51,508 You did this? 433 00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:54,805 I didn't mean to dismantle the system, but yeah, I did. 434 00:16:54,925 --> 00:16:58,690 And I'm really sorry if you're upset. 435 00:16:59,378 --> 00:17:00,905 I should've known you didn't really want 436 00:17:00,946 --> 00:17:02,700 to fit in with my friends. 437 00:17:03,332 --> 00:17:06,479 You always have to shake it up. 438 00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:08,055 You always have to make 439 00:17:08,175 --> 00:17:10,755 people... think. 440 00:17:10,789 --> 00:17:12,988 I am a thinker, Ryan. I think. 441 00:17:13,108 --> 00:17:15,069 I thought you liked that about me. 442 00:17:15,132 --> 00:17:17,597 Think again, thinker. 443 00:17:18,147 --> 00:17:19,314 Think again. 444 00:17:25,604 --> 00:17:27,844 Dallas, let me explain, please. 445 00:17:27,857 --> 00:17:28,970 There's nothing to explain. 446 00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:31,454 You started your little band with your little friends 447 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,006 so you could avoid doing fun printing jobs with me. 448 00:17:34,032 --> 00:17:38,512 Look, Dallas, now I... I know you want me to be rich and powerful 449 00:17:38,518 --> 00:17:41,384 and to grow my business into some huge empire, 450 00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:43,775 but part of me is unwilling to admit that I am this... 451 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,088 (Chuckles) and... and not this. 452 00:17:47,122 --> 00:17:48,389 A toilet? 453 00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:51,033 Oh, that was supposed to be "Rolling Stone." 454 00:17:51,052 --> 00:17:52,126 But you know what I mean. (Magazine thuds) 455 00:17:52,144 --> 00:17:54,448 George, I will support you whether you want to be 456 00:17:54,467 --> 00:17:56,814 the skylight king or the King of Leon. 457 00:17:56,849 --> 00:17:58,266 Whoever the hell he is. 458 00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,142 Really? Because 459 00:18:00,186 --> 00:18:02,331 you were coming at me so hard with those flyers. 460 00:18:02,356 --> 00:18:03,804 It... it kind of felt like... 461 00:18:03,822 --> 00:18:05,234 Like you were trying to change me. 462 00:18:05,259 --> 00:18:07,942 I spent $7,000 on a printer, George. 463 00:18:07,976 --> 00:18:09,870 $7,000. 464 00:18:09,852 --> 00:18:12,030 (Laughs) I sure as hell better use it. 465 00:18:12,081 --> 00:18:13,281 Look, 466 00:18:13,862 --> 00:18:16,640 sometimes when a woman spends too much money 467 00:18:16,646 --> 00:18:18,667 on something she really doesn't need, 468 00:18:18,787 --> 00:18:20,825 she tries to cram it down everyone else's throats 469 00:18:20,812 --> 00:18:22,290 to justify the purchase. 470 00:18:22,495 --> 00:18:24,209 Surely you can understand that. 471 00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:25,593 Well, I'm sorry, Dallas. 472 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:28,051 I... I guess I was being a little defensive 473 00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:30,485 because Steven was such... 474 00:18:30,498 --> 00:18:33,795 An absolute skid mark on the pristine panties of my soul? 475 00:18:33,835 --> 00:18:34,589 (Laughs) 476 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,973 No matter how much money that man had, 477 00:18:37,022 --> 00:18:38,981 it wasn't enough to keep me. 478 00:18:40,943 --> 00:18:42,827 I'm glad to hear you say that. 479 00:18:42,861 --> 00:18:44,646 Hey. You know what? 480 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,052 Our band does need some flyers. 481 00:18:47,064 --> 00:18:49,798 Now do you know anyone that has a $7,000 printer who could help? 482 00:18:49,810 --> 00:18:51,018 You know I do. 483 00:18:51,036 --> 00:18:52,203 (Laughs) 484 00:18:52,238 --> 00:18:53,621 Okay. 485 00:18:53,656 --> 00:18:56,457 What's the name of your band? 486 00:18:56,492 --> 00:18:57,937 Uh... 487 00:18:58,057 --> 00:19:02,761 (School bell rings) 488 00:19:02,881 --> 00:19:06,000 (Makes whooshing sounds) 489 00:19:06,034 --> 00:19:07,615 Interception. 490 00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:09,079 Funny. 491 00:19:09,488 --> 00:19:11,222 Thanks. 492 00:19:12,591 --> 00:19:14,242 I'm really sorry... 493 00:19:15,574 --> 00:19:16,507 about yesterday. 494 00:19:16,513 --> 00:19:18,713 It's possible that I overreacted a little bit. 495 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:20,848 But you made me think. 496 00:19:20,882 --> 00:19:23,977 I didn't want to, but you made me, like you always do, 497 00:19:23,989 --> 00:19:25,937 and I think... 498 00:19:25,988 --> 00:19:28,156 that everyone needs to be cheered for, 499 00:19:28,190 --> 00:19:29,824 not just us guys. 500 00:19:31,729 --> 00:19:34,412 So... bros? 501 00:19:37,733 --> 00:19:39,000 What's this? 502 00:19:39,356 --> 00:19:42,337 I want you to see how good it feels to run through paper. 503 00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:44,730 I don't want to run through paper. 504 00:19:44,780 --> 00:19:46,874 I did your thing. Now you're gonna try mine. 505 00:19:46,908 --> 00:19:47,959 (Exhales) 506 00:19:48,010 --> 00:19:49,592 I want you to know how good it feels 507 00:19:49,604 --> 00:19:51,112 to have someone rooting for you. 508 00:19:53,299 --> 00:19:54,766 Okay. Fine. 509 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:58,019 ♪ 510 00:19:59,521 --> 00:20:02,379 Three, two, one! 511 00:20:02,398 --> 00:20:04,575 (Exhales) 512 00:20:04,610 --> 00:20:05,810 Go! 513 00:20:05,861 --> 00:20:07,779 (Crowd cheering) 514 00:20:07,899 --> 00:20:11,501 (Tessa) I had to admit, it was pretty exhilarating... 515 00:20:12,577 --> 00:20:15,370 and... a little embarrassing. 516 00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:18,984 Whoo! Crush those numbers, Tessa! 517 00:20:19,046 --> 00:20:21,042 Destroy that math! 518 00:20:21,076 --> 00:20:22,543 Yeah! 519 00:20:24,112 --> 00:20:26,128 Are all the parks clothing-optional? 520 00:20:26,154 --> 00:20:28,895 Yeah, but I haven't been able to find any nude figurines 521 00:20:28,907 --> 00:20:29,914 at that scale, so... 522 00:20:30,034 --> 00:20:31,635 Okay. 523 00:20:31,666 --> 00:20:32,930 Hmm. 524 00:20:33,355 --> 00:20:35,182 "Chinese Chicken." 525 00:20:35,414 --> 00:20:36,808 And, you, 526 00:20:36,842 --> 00:20:39,055 you get to name the band whatever you want. 527 00:20:39,294 --> 00:20:41,312 (Scoffs) I don't know, George. 528 00:20:41,347 --> 00:20:43,029 I think it's kind of ruined now. 529 00:20:43,149 --> 00:20:44,881 Yeah. And if you love Sheila so much, 530 00:20:44,893 --> 00:20:46,317 why don't you marry her? 531 00:20:46,352 --> 00:20:47,485 Please don't. 532 00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:49,320 Look, you have every right to be upset with me, 533 00:20:49,355 --> 00:20:51,420 but it's... it's been... 534 00:20:52,324 --> 00:20:54,942 ♪ One week since you looked at me ♪ 535 00:20:56,078 --> 00:20:59,178 ♪ cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry" ♪ 536 00:21:00,382 --> 00:21:02,033 (Sighs) 537 00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:03,964 ♪ Five days since you laughed at me ♪ 538 00:21:03,969 --> 00:21:06,004 ♪ chickity China the Chinese chicken ♪ 539 00:21:06,055 --> 00:21:07,638 No, Fred. No. No, it's too soon. 540 00:21:07,673 --> 00:21:08,654 It's never too soon. 541 00:21:08,669 --> 00:21:10,440 ♪ Hot like wasabi when I bust rhymes, 542 00:21:10,459 --> 00:21:11,472 ♪ big like leann rimes 543 00:21:11,491 --> 00:21:13,017 ♪ because I'm all about value ♪ 544 00:21:13,055 --> 00:21:14,675 ♪ bert kaempfert's got the mad hits ♪ 545 00:21:14,694 --> 00:21:15,757 ♪ you try to match wits ♪ 546 00:21:15,776 --> 00:21:17,290 ♪ you try to hold me but I bust through ♪ 547 00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:18,491 ♪ gonna make a break and take a fake ♪ 548 00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:19,455 ♪ I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake ♪ 549 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:20,474 ♪ I like vanilla, it's the finest ♪ 550 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:22,270 (mumbles) of the flavors. 551 00:21:27,579 --> 00:21:35,362 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -