1 00:00:07,819 --> 00:00:09,086 D'oh. 2 00:00:16,181 --> 00:00:20,181 ♪ The Simpsons 24x11 ♪ Changing of the Guardian Original Air Date on January 27, 2013 3 00:00:20,182 --> 00:00:25,182 == sync, corrected by elderman == 4 00:00:29,224 --> 00:00:31,525 "In this exciting strategy game, 5 00:00:31,559 --> 00:00:34,862 "you amass resources-- timber, salt fish and wax-- 6 00:00:34,896 --> 00:00:37,030 "to fund the syndicate to gain influence 7 00:00:37,065 --> 00:00:38,866 with the Doges of Venice." 8 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:40,434 Doges? Why do we have to play 9 00:00:40,468 --> 00:00:42,169 this stupid game Lisa likes? 10 00:00:42,203 --> 00:00:43,470 I don't like this game. 11 00:00:43,505 --> 00:00:44,838 Nobody likes this game. 12 00:00:44,873 --> 00:00:47,274 Even the kids on the box look bored. 13 00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:48,675 They're miserable. 14 00:00:48,710 --> 00:00:52,012 We have to do something until the storm passes. 15 00:00:52,046 --> 00:00:54,314 Now, just fill out these customs forms, 16 00:00:54,349 --> 00:00:55,649 and we can get started. 17 00:00:55,683 --> 00:00:57,017 Twister! 18 00:00:57,051 --> 00:01:00,254 No! Whenever we play that, my elbow touches Dad's junk. 19 00:01:00,288 --> 00:01:02,589 No! Outside the house! 20 00:01:16,504 --> 00:01:18,088 You live like this? 21 00:01:19,858 --> 00:01:21,592 Ooh, dear Lord, 22 00:01:21,626 --> 00:01:23,227 if thy tornado must take me, 23 00:01:23,261 --> 00:01:24,995 please let it take me to Oz. 24 00:01:25,029 --> 00:01:28,765 But don't let Flanders be the scarecrow. 25 00:01:28,799 --> 00:01:30,417 We made it, boy. 26 00:01:31,853 --> 00:01:33,537 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 27 00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:36,940 This counts as a walk! 28 00:01:38,109 --> 00:01:39,549 The tornado took old what's-his-name. 29 00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:40,827 I'm going after him. 30 00:01:40,862 --> 00:01:42,829 No, Homie, it's too dangerous. 31 00:01:44,232 --> 00:01:47,551 Hey, Homer, we were just doing a little storm chasing. 32 00:01:47,585 --> 00:01:49,586 Lenny, take us with you to find our dog. 33 00:01:49,621 --> 00:01:51,255 It's okay, Marge, they're professionals. 34 00:01:51,289 --> 00:01:52,923 What? 'Cause they rented a van 35 00:01:52,957 --> 00:01:54,791 and taped an antenna to the top? 36 00:01:54,826 --> 00:01:56,510 Not just any tape. 37 00:01:56,544 --> 00:01:57,644 Duct tape. 38 00:01:57,679 --> 00:01:59,246 Oh, all right. 39 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:00,547 But I'm coming with you 40 00:02:00,582 --> 00:02:02,282 to make sure no one does anything stupid. 41 00:02:02,317 --> 00:02:04,551 Don't worry, Marge, we bought a ton of safety gear 42 00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,904 from a highly-respected storm chaser's widow. 43 00:02:06,938 --> 00:02:09,640 It's not what you're thinking. 44 00:02:09,674 --> 00:02:11,241 He died of a heart attack. 45 00:02:11,276 --> 00:02:13,477 Yeah, 80 feet up in the air. 46 00:02:13,511 --> 00:02:17,080 Behold, the awesome nonsense of nature. 47 00:02:22,954 --> 00:02:24,821 Okay, the tornado that took your dog 48 00:02:24,855 --> 00:02:27,624 looked like an F3 moving westerly. 49 00:02:27,659 --> 00:02:29,576 I guess you do know your weather. 50 00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:30,994 Ha! That means a lot 51 00:02:31,028 --> 00:02:32,963 coming from such an attractive woman as you. 52 00:02:32,997 --> 00:02:35,121 I'd say she's prettier than a surface hoar. 53 00:02:35,146 --> 00:02:36,083 Hey! 54 00:02:36,084 --> 00:02:37,267 Surely, you didn't misunderstand 55 00:02:37,302 --> 00:02:38,418 my usage of "surface hoar." 56 00:02:38,469 --> 00:02:39,786 The sublimation of ice crystals 57 00:02:39,821 --> 00:02:41,905 that's colder than a frost point. 58 00:02:41,940 --> 00:02:43,440 Maybe. 59 00:02:43,474 --> 00:02:45,642 Look, you guys obviously know about weather, 60 00:02:45,677 --> 00:02:48,679 but I understand something much more predictable: 61 00:02:48,713 --> 00:02:50,280 women. 62 00:02:50,315 --> 00:02:53,517 What women really want is a guy who's confident enough 63 00:02:53,551 --> 00:02:55,752 to go completely downhill after marriage 64 00:02:55,787 --> 00:02:58,121 and know she'll still love him. 65 00:02:58,156 --> 00:02:59,673 I'll tell you what women really want: 66 00:02:59,707 --> 00:03:01,825 a man who can hold a note the longest. 67 00:03:01,859 --> 00:03:03,093 That is the stupidest... 68 00:03:03,127 --> 00:03:04,328 One, two, three, go. 69 00:03:15,790 --> 00:03:17,891 Homer, you do not have to compete 70 00:03:17,925 --> 00:03:19,426 with your friends for me. 71 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,961 I would never do that. 72 00:03:22,630 --> 00:03:24,865 Enough with the singing. 73 00:03:24,899 --> 00:03:27,584 Fine, but I swear, I will win you back from Lenny. 74 00:03:27,618 --> 00:03:28,885 'Nado! 75 00:03:29,887 --> 00:03:31,138 Ooh. 76 00:03:31,189 --> 00:03:33,724 It's like God's vacuum cleaner. 77 00:03:48,506 --> 00:03:49,906 We're cutting it kind of close. 78 00:03:49,941 --> 00:03:52,109 Not to worry-- we're safe in the van. 79 00:03:57,532 --> 00:03:59,349 Anyone want their seat warmer? 80 00:03:59,384 --> 00:04:00,884 It's gone. 81 00:04:11,429 --> 00:04:13,163 Help me, God. 82 00:04:13,197 --> 00:04:15,665 What is it I'm paying you for every Sunday? 83 00:04:22,306 --> 00:04:24,057 Can... always use... 84 00:04:24,092 --> 00:04:26,193 a good babysitter. 85 00:04:27,445 --> 00:04:29,913 I was just 27 years from retirement! 86 00:04:29,947 --> 00:04:32,482 Oh, my God, the twister got Carl, 87 00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,534 my best friend in the world. 88 00:04:34,569 --> 00:04:37,170 I can barely remember what he looks like. 89 00:04:37,205 --> 00:04:38,572 He was a black guy, 90 00:04:38,606 --> 00:04:40,674 but his voice sounded like a white guy. 91 00:04:40,708 --> 00:04:42,692 Hey, excuse me for wanting to fit in. 92 00:04:42,727 --> 00:04:44,895 And here comes Santa Little Helper. 93 00:04:49,834 --> 00:04:52,269 Homie, we made it. 94 00:04:53,621 --> 00:04:54,905 Oh, my God. 95 00:04:54,939 --> 00:04:56,139 Ha ha! 96 00:04:56,173 --> 00:04:57,758 You're trapped in there good. 97 00:04:57,792 --> 00:04:59,109 Once again, the big banks 98 00:04:59,143 --> 00:05:00,410 stick it to the little guy. 99 00:05:02,263 --> 00:05:03,897 Come on. 100 00:05:03,931 --> 00:05:05,198 Are you pushing? 101 00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:06,700 Yes, it won't give. 102 00:05:08,603 --> 00:05:11,037 I don't know if we're going to be able to get out. 103 00:05:12,607 --> 00:05:14,141 What are you writing? 104 00:05:14,175 --> 00:05:16,409 Maybe the last words I'll ever write. 105 00:05:16,444 --> 00:05:18,578 Oh. 106 00:05:18,613 --> 00:05:20,213 Lenny, you calling for help? 107 00:05:20,248 --> 00:05:22,816 Let them have their moment. 108 00:05:24,049 --> 00:05:26,850 Kent Brockman here at death's revolving door. 109 00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:28,229 Police have arrived on the scene 110 00:05:28,230 --> 00:05:30,998 after having fled the state at the first sign of the storm. 111 00:05:33,235 --> 00:05:35,369 Bulletproof, as I somewhat suspected. 112 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:36,704 But don't you worry, 113 00:05:36,738 --> 00:05:39,206 we're having a very expensive crane 114 00:05:39,241 --> 00:05:41,809 brought in from Shelbyville. 115 00:05:41,843 --> 00:05:43,210 What is this, a bird? 116 00:05:43,245 --> 00:05:44,979 It's a bird known as a crane. 117 00:05:45,013 --> 00:05:47,648 And it got very sick on the way over. 118 00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:49,216 Well, our top priority 119 00:05:49,251 --> 00:05:51,085 is making sure that bird gets well. 120 00:05:51,119 --> 00:05:53,787 Hey! Hello! 121 00:05:53,822 --> 00:05:55,573 As for you, your only hope 122 00:05:55,607 --> 00:05:57,591 is this glass cutting guy from the hardware store. 123 00:05:57,626 --> 00:06:00,060 You guys want to come out in a plain circle 124 00:06:00,095 --> 00:06:01,595 or a kind of a rosette shape? 125 00:06:01,630 --> 00:06:03,731 Just cut the glass. 126 00:06:03,765 --> 00:06:06,767 Everybody wants it done yesterday. 127 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,454 Uh, now we're ordering some lunch. 128 00:06:10,488 --> 00:06:12,323 Uh, want to go halfsies on a pizza? 129 00:06:12,357 --> 00:06:14,458 FYI, that means you get one slice. 130 00:06:14,492 --> 00:06:16,193 Okay, wise guy, you get to pull out 131 00:06:16,228 --> 00:06:18,178 the two corpses when we're done. 132 00:06:19,581 --> 00:06:21,916 Except for the face full of glass 133 00:06:21,950 --> 00:06:23,751 when the door finally collapsed, 134 00:06:23,785 --> 00:06:25,786 he did a pretty good job. 135 00:06:25,820 --> 00:06:27,588 Found another one. 136 00:06:28,890 --> 00:06:30,708 It was so scary thinking something 137 00:06:30,742 --> 00:06:32,343 might happen to you guys. 138 00:06:34,696 --> 00:06:37,298 Mom, I am so glad you're alive. 139 00:06:37,332 --> 00:06:39,033 Were you worried about me, boy? 140 00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:40,334 Sure. Why not? 141 00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:44,822 Clearly, the boy's in shock. 142 00:06:44,856 --> 00:06:46,640 Oh, yeah, I'm a wreck. 143 00:06:46,675 --> 00:06:48,525 Stop being blasé. Never! 144 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,161 Now, I know you kids are scared by what happened, 145 00:06:51,196 --> 00:06:52,997 but it's bedtime. 146 00:06:53,031 --> 00:06:55,633 Just go into your dark rooms and shut your eyes. 147 00:06:57,152 --> 00:06:59,687 Homie, if we did both die, 148 00:06:59,721 --> 00:07:01,872 we've never named guardians. 149 00:07:01,906 --> 00:07:03,991 The kids could end up wards of the state. 150 00:07:04,025 --> 00:07:04,992 Connecticut? 151 00:07:05,026 --> 00:07:07,161 No, our state. 152 00:07:07,195 --> 00:07:08,996 Okay, you're right. 153 00:07:09,030 --> 00:07:10,497 It's hard to imagine 154 00:07:10,532 --> 00:07:11,999 anyone else bringing up our kids, 155 00:07:12,033 --> 00:07:13,901 but I think the choice is obvious: 156 00:07:13,935 --> 00:07:15,970 my dad. 157 00:07:16,004 --> 00:07:18,339 Oh, you'd let me have another chance 158 00:07:18,373 --> 00:07:21,408 after the way I screwed things up with you? 159 00:07:21,443 --> 00:07:22,843 Eh, good point. 160 00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,078 We'll find somebody else. 161 00:07:24,112 --> 00:07:26,880 Yep, you're a big bag of blubber 162 00:07:26,915 --> 00:07:28,599 soaked in worthless juice. 163 00:07:28,633 --> 00:07:30,567 I got it, Dad. 164 00:07:30,602 --> 00:07:33,270 Why I married you I'll never know. 165 00:07:33,305 --> 00:07:34,421 Oh, yeah? 166 00:07:34,456 --> 00:07:36,523 The tornado was more of a father to me than you. 167 00:07:36,558 --> 00:07:38,926 Okay, how about my brother? He's rich. 168 00:07:42,263 --> 00:07:43,864 Hi. You've reach Herb Powell. 169 00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:45,165 I'm poor again. 170 00:07:46,568 --> 00:07:48,602 There's really only one choice, 171 00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,772 or should I say two identical choices? 172 00:07:51,806 --> 00:07:53,507 Sugar? 173 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,576 Oh, how very kind of you. 174 00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:56,910 I'm not giving our kids 175 00:07:56,945 --> 00:07:58,679 to these gravelly-voiced super hags. 176 00:07:58,713 --> 00:08:00,014 One lump, please. 177 00:08:00,048 --> 00:08:01,615 Homer, my sister's adopted Ling, 178 00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:03,217 and she's doing great. 179 00:08:03,251 --> 00:08:05,302 We've been tiger-mothering her. 180 00:08:05,337 --> 00:08:06,904 Ling, music time. 181 00:08:06,938 --> 00:08:09,173 ♪ 182 00:08:09,207 --> 00:08:10,641 Ling, floor routine. 183 00:08:13,645 --> 00:08:15,929 More syncopating. Stick the landing! 184 00:08:15,964 --> 00:08:17,931 And no resenting us ever. 185 00:08:17,966 --> 00:08:19,967 That's some impressive flute-nastics. 186 00:08:20,001 --> 00:08:22,269 Shut up! You can't praise her. 187 00:08:22,303 --> 00:08:24,171 She'll think she's smart and slack off. 188 00:08:24,205 --> 00:08:26,640 Then all our loving would be for nothing. 189 00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:30,761 Mmm, maybe we'd better go. 190 00:08:30,795 --> 00:08:32,996 Didn't you want to ask us something? 191 00:08:33,031 --> 00:08:34,498 Good-bye forever. 192 00:08:34,532 --> 00:08:35,833 Help me. 193 00:08:35,867 --> 00:08:38,952 I think it's time to go off family. 194 00:08:38,987 --> 00:08:41,989 Luanne and I have gone through some rough patches, 195 00:08:42,023 --> 00:08:45,542 so to be seen as stable enough to raise your kids, well, 196 00:08:45,577 --> 00:08:47,344 it would be an honor. 197 00:08:47,379 --> 00:08:49,446 You know what else would be an honor? 198 00:08:49,481 --> 00:08:52,015 Having a husband who asks my opinion 199 00:08:52,050 --> 00:08:55,219 before inviting in three more mouths he can't feed. 200 00:08:55,253 --> 00:08:56,820 Hey, Luanne, you always asked me 201 00:08:56,855 --> 00:08:58,856 what I saw in Vicky at the Walgreens. 202 00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:01,625 Well, I'll tell you what I saw: not you! 203 00:09:01,659 --> 00:09:04,845 You told me you didn't even know her name. 204 00:09:04,879 --> 00:09:06,230 Well, that's her name, okay? 205 00:09:06,264 --> 00:09:07,625 Let me get this straight. 206 00:09:07,632 --> 00:09:09,433 We have 17 kids, and you want us 207 00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:10,667 to take three more? 208 00:09:10,702 --> 00:09:12,469 Anything new that wanders into this house 209 00:09:12,504 --> 00:09:14,705 winds up in the stew pot. 210 00:09:16,274 --> 00:09:19,276 Hey, I'm so sorry, but we just adopted a baby. 211 00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:20,494 Give me back my pants. 212 00:09:20,528 --> 00:09:22,129 I've got to get back to my unit. 213 00:09:22,163 --> 00:09:24,131 Someone's cranky. 214 00:09:24,165 --> 00:09:25,749 All right, Marge, maybe we're 215 00:09:25,784 --> 00:09:28,152 being a little too choosy about who our kids 216 00:09:28,186 --> 00:09:29,787 spend the rest of their lives with. 217 00:09:29,821 --> 00:09:31,288 We'll take what we can get. 218 00:09:35,210 --> 00:09:36,527 Uh-oh. 219 00:09:36,561 --> 00:09:38,061 I wonder if word has gotten out 220 00:09:38,096 --> 00:09:40,247 that we're looking for guardians. 221 00:09:48,807 --> 00:09:50,791 Ah! 222 00:09:50,825 --> 00:09:52,259 Go! Go! 223 00:10:27,212 --> 00:10:29,813 All right, the coast is clear. 224 00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:36,520 Wait a minute, I live here. Aw. 225 00:10:43,588 --> 00:10:44,888 Where are we going? 226 00:10:44,922 --> 00:10:46,357 And why are we wearing our good clothes? 227 00:10:46,391 --> 00:10:47,858 With name tags on them. 228 00:10:49,577 --> 00:10:51,245 Kids, there's nothing to worry about. 229 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,234 But we're looking at replacements 230 00:10:57,268 --> 00:10:59,603 for your mom and me if we should fail 231 00:10:59,637 --> 00:11:01,205 to die together as a family. 232 00:11:01,239 --> 00:11:03,073 Oh, I see. You guys are trying to find 233 00:11:03,107 --> 00:11:04,491 a couple of saps to take us 234 00:11:04,542 --> 00:11:06,577 when Dad has a coronary in the dead of night, 235 00:11:06,611 --> 00:11:07,895 rolls over and crushes Mom. 236 00:11:07,929 --> 00:11:09,329 This is not that, 237 00:11:09,381 --> 00:11:10,964 and that smart-alecky attitude 238 00:11:10,999 --> 00:11:13,050 is exactly why no one wants you. 239 00:11:13,084 --> 00:11:15,919 Homer, dual incomes, no kids at 2:00. 240 00:11:15,954 --> 00:11:17,755 Ooh. 241 00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:20,758 Okay, I'll nudge them with the car. 242 00:11:20,792 --> 00:11:23,394 We'll get a whole "meet cute" thing going. 243 00:11:25,780 --> 00:11:27,297 Aah! What the hell are you doing? 244 00:11:27,332 --> 00:11:28,966 Keith, relax. 245 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,552 Look at those adorable children. 246 00:11:31,586 --> 00:11:34,421 Hmm, I think I hear a slight accent. 247 00:11:34,456 --> 00:11:35,823 Mid-Atlantic. 248 00:11:35,857 --> 00:11:37,591 That's where they filmed The Wire! 249 00:11:37,625 --> 00:11:38,876 Step on it! 250 00:11:40,978 --> 00:11:43,297 This is a pretty important decision. 251 00:11:43,331 --> 00:11:44,882 How about asking that Japanese guy 252 00:11:44,916 --> 00:11:46,817 who set the world record for eating hot dogs? 253 00:11:46,851 --> 00:11:48,786 He's like a successful version of Dad. 254 00:11:50,155 --> 00:11:52,072 Maybe we should just give up for now, 255 00:11:52,107 --> 00:11:54,975 have some fried clams and collect sea glass. 256 00:11:55,009 --> 00:11:57,294 Wait, what about that couple? 257 00:11:57,328 --> 00:11:59,113 They look pretty cozy. 258 00:11:59,147 --> 00:12:01,398 That's Moe and a bag of garbage. 259 00:12:01,433 --> 00:12:03,634 Boy, cats sure breed a lot. 260 00:12:05,370 --> 00:12:06,904 Why would you do that to me 261 00:12:06,938 --> 00:12:08,722 after I thought about feeding you? 262 00:12:08,773 --> 00:12:11,158 Mmm. 263 00:12:17,882 --> 00:12:19,967 Whoa, look at that guy. 264 00:12:31,746 --> 00:12:33,997 Yo, I'm Mav. 265 00:12:34,032 --> 00:12:36,707 Wow, a man's stomach can be flat? 266 00:12:36,741 --> 00:12:38,742 It's one of the, like, awesome side effects 267 00:12:38,777 --> 00:12:40,344 of being a pro surfer. 268 00:12:40,378 --> 00:12:41,545 Wow. 269 00:12:41,580 --> 00:12:43,998 Someone's smitten. 270 00:12:44,032 --> 00:12:46,066 Whoa, way to shralp the crispies, babe. 271 00:12:46,101 --> 00:12:47,501 My wife, Portia. 272 00:12:47,535 --> 00:12:48,769 Another surfer? 273 00:12:48,803 --> 00:12:50,337 Environmental lawyer. 274 00:12:52,474 --> 00:12:54,441 And in my free time, I prosecute record companies 275 00:12:54,476 --> 00:12:56,744 who withhold royalties from elderly blues musicians. 276 00:13:03,935 --> 00:13:06,470 Um, why don't we discuss it over dinner? 277 00:13:06,504 --> 00:13:07,538 Discuss what? 278 00:13:07,572 --> 00:13:08,772 Things that you're desperately missing 279 00:13:08,807 --> 00:13:10,908 from your life that you never knew you needed. 280 00:13:10,942 --> 00:13:12,476 Cool. See you at 6:00. 281 00:13:14,412 --> 00:13:17,648 So, surfing is really your job? 282 00:13:17,682 --> 00:13:20,184 Yeah, I earned a couple million on the tour last year. 283 00:13:20,218 --> 00:13:22,102 Just for standing on a thing? 284 00:13:22,137 --> 00:13:23,170 Mmm. 285 00:13:23,204 --> 00:13:25,940 Wow. 286 00:13:25,974 --> 00:13:27,925 Your house is perfect. 287 00:13:27,959 --> 00:13:29,159 No sharp corners, 288 00:13:29,194 --> 00:13:32,162 no unsafe balconies, a cool grandpa. 289 00:13:32,197 --> 00:13:33,530 I love two things: 290 00:13:33,565 --> 00:13:35,366 shutting up and giving away money. 291 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,669 Ooh, thanks, Dad. 292 00:13:38,703 --> 00:13:40,521 What's that stone around your neck? 293 00:13:40,555 --> 00:13:41,855 It's a promise stone. 294 00:13:41,890 --> 00:13:44,174 It signifies that if I ever get to be a burden, 295 00:13:44,209 --> 00:13:45,492 I just jump in a volcano. 296 00:13:45,527 --> 00:13:46,894 Wow. 297 00:13:46,928 --> 00:13:50,331 I assumed the Jackson Five were the only perfect family, 298 00:13:50,365 --> 00:13:52,700 but now I see there's another. 299 00:13:52,734 --> 00:13:55,869 Princeton, B.A., Oxford, M.A. 300 00:13:55,904 --> 00:13:57,171 I smell a Rhodes. 301 00:13:57,205 --> 00:13:58,539 No, I turned it down 302 00:13:58,573 --> 00:14:00,541 because Cecil Rhodes was such a racist. 303 00:14:02,243 --> 00:14:03,978 Uh, say, listen, Portia. 304 00:14:04,012 --> 00:14:06,780 How would you and Mav feel about... 305 00:14:06,815 --> 00:14:08,916 um, swinging? 306 00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:10,384 Uh, with you guys? 307 00:14:10,418 --> 00:14:11,919 Uh, seems like my husband 308 00:14:11,953 --> 00:14:13,854 would be getting the much better deal. 309 00:14:13,888 --> 00:14:15,055 No, no, no. 310 00:14:15,090 --> 00:14:17,291 I-I meant pushing kids on swings. 311 00:14:17,325 --> 00:14:19,493 Give me a minute to get some images out of my mind. 312 00:14:19,527 --> 00:14:21,528 Okay, take whatever time you need. 313 00:14:21,563 --> 00:14:25,232 I just want to know if you'd like to be their guardians. 314 00:14:25,266 --> 00:14:26,450 Wow. 315 00:14:26,468 --> 00:14:28,118 Wow, that's quite an offer. 316 00:14:28,153 --> 00:14:29,987 This is so fast. 317 00:14:30,021 --> 00:14:33,307 It's so hard to get to know a child after just one day. I... 318 00:14:33,341 --> 00:14:36,010 All you need to know is I'm a politeness monster 319 00:14:36,044 --> 00:14:38,312 who eats please and farts thank-yous, ma'am. 320 00:14:38,346 --> 00:14:42,149 I'm exactly the kind of kid he's pretending to be. 321 00:14:45,637 --> 00:14:46,937 Hmm. 322 00:14:46,971 --> 00:14:48,138 Babe, when a killer wave hits, 323 00:14:48,173 --> 00:14:49,406 you can't spend your whole life 324 00:14:49,441 --> 00:14:51,308 deciding if you want to drop in or not. 325 00:14:51,343 --> 00:14:54,078 It just might be the most righteous tube we ever shot. 326 00:14:54,112 --> 00:14:57,214 Man, you sure can talk surfer talk. 327 00:14:57,248 --> 00:14:59,750 Okay, we'll give some serious thought to taking them. 328 00:14:59,784 --> 00:15:02,753 Maybe this will help you make up your mind. 329 00:15:03,788 --> 00:15:05,322 It's empty. 330 00:15:05,357 --> 00:15:09,259 You never know when you might want to mail something. 331 00:15:10,028 --> 00:15:11,995 Homie, 332 00:15:12,030 --> 00:15:14,865 it's been a wonderful day, 333 00:15:14,899 --> 00:15:16,367 but do you think maybe we're moving 334 00:15:16,401 --> 00:15:18,302 a little too quickly? 335 00:15:18,336 --> 00:15:20,037 Worrywart Marge. 336 00:15:20,071 --> 00:15:22,673 You don't look a Trojan horse in the mouth. 337 00:15:25,527 --> 00:15:27,745 But we know so little about them. 338 00:15:27,779 --> 00:15:29,313 I swear to you, Marge, 339 00:15:29,347 --> 00:15:32,416 when I have the time, I will Google them both. 340 00:15:36,287 --> 00:15:37,755 It's all good, brah. 341 00:15:37,789 --> 00:15:39,757 Hey, where's Bart? 342 00:15:39,791 --> 00:15:42,259 Oh, uh, well, he wanted to be here, 343 00:15:42,293 --> 00:15:44,428 but I'm going to decrease the volume of my voice 344 00:15:44,462 --> 00:15:46,764 and mumble so you can't really understand what I'm saying, 345 00:15:46,798 --> 00:15:48,678 and I'll just keep doing it until the subject... 346 00:15:48,700 --> 00:15:50,751 Your father says I need to keep you lashed 347 00:15:50,802 --> 00:15:53,353 to the mast for five more arrrs. 348 00:15:53,388 --> 00:15:56,874 Is that arrrs or hours? Both. 349 00:15:56,908 --> 00:15:58,242 Great. 350 00:15:58,276 --> 00:15:59,827 And now my Dad can notarize. 351 00:15:59,861 --> 00:16:02,529 I still have my uses. 352 00:16:02,564 --> 00:16:04,164 Mm-hmm. 353 00:16:04,199 --> 00:16:05,165 Name another. 354 00:16:06,668 --> 00:16:08,802 Well, I must admit 355 00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:11,205 it's a relief to get that taken care of. 356 00:16:11,239 --> 00:16:14,608 Now I can finally complete my bucket list. 357 00:16:16,244 --> 00:16:18,545 Homer, Marge, 358 00:16:18,580 --> 00:16:20,047 we have a favor to ask. 359 00:16:20,081 --> 00:16:21,815 Too late! You already signed! 360 00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:24,518 Oh, wait, there's one more. 361 00:16:26,221 --> 00:16:28,188 Suckers! 362 00:16:28,223 --> 00:16:30,240 Oh, wait, you've got to initial this. 363 00:16:31,676 --> 00:16:33,377 Checkmate. 364 00:16:33,411 --> 00:16:34,845 Listen, Homer, 365 00:16:34,879 --> 00:16:37,047 we just wanted to know if we could borrow the kids 366 00:16:37,081 --> 00:16:38,382 for a weekend at our ski house. 367 00:16:38,416 --> 00:16:40,217 We thought they could pick out their bedrooms. 368 00:16:40,218 --> 00:16:41,751 A whole weekend? 369 00:16:41,769 --> 00:16:43,086 I don't know. 370 00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:45,556 Hey, if they can watch them for the rest of their lives, 371 00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:47,591 they can certainly do it for a weekend. 372 00:16:47,625 --> 00:16:48,892 I guess. 373 00:16:48,927 --> 00:16:50,928 As long as we don't make it a habit. 374 00:16:50,962 --> 00:16:55,098 Marge, no indulgence of mine ever becomes a habit. 375 00:17:00,205 --> 00:17:02,739 Do you have to do that in front of people? 376 00:17:02,774 --> 00:17:04,341 It helps me write. 377 00:17:04,375 --> 00:17:06,009 ♪ Just the two of us 378 00:17:06,044 --> 00:17:09,713 ♪ We can make it if we try 379 00:17:09,747 --> 00:17:11,565 ♪ Just the two of us 380 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:14,401 ♪ Just the two of us ♪ 381 00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:16,987 Marge, this has been great couples time. 382 00:17:17,021 --> 00:17:21,158 The one thing people with kids desperately need is no kids. 383 00:17:21,192 --> 00:17:22,559 Well, at least we have time 384 00:17:22,594 --> 00:17:24,595 to get the pets' Christmas presents. 385 00:17:24,629 --> 00:17:27,064 I don't like the way they just rip the paper off. 386 00:17:27,098 --> 00:17:29,333 Santa's Little Helper, my ass. 387 00:17:30,935 --> 00:17:32,069 Hmm? 388 00:17:36,774 --> 00:17:38,342 My God. 389 00:17:38,376 --> 00:17:40,244 They want to steal our kids. 390 00:17:40,278 --> 00:17:42,813 No one steals my kids, 391 00:17:42,847 --> 00:17:45,048 except me, from that theme park jail 392 00:17:45,083 --> 00:17:47,518 that I never told you about, except I guess I just did. 393 00:17:47,552 --> 00:17:48,986 We're all caught up now. Let's go. 394 00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,843 It all makes sense now. 395 00:17:53,844 --> 00:17:56,162 That's why they took our kids so quick. 396 00:17:56,196 --> 00:17:58,147 Like all childless couples, 397 00:17:58,181 --> 00:18:00,399 they troll the beaches waiting for the egg-layers 398 00:18:00,450 --> 00:18:02,518 to wander off from their young. 399 00:18:02,553 --> 00:18:03,903 She's gonna raise three kids 400 00:18:03,937 --> 00:18:05,988 without wrecking that perfect figure. 401 00:18:06,023 --> 00:18:07,223 Oh, yeah, man. 402 00:18:08,525 --> 00:18:09,709 Don't worry, Marge. 403 00:18:09,743 --> 00:18:11,026 We'll get them. 404 00:18:11,044 --> 00:18:12,962 Unless we die on this icy mountain road. 405 00:18:12,996 --> 00:18:15,047 Then they've won forever. 406 00:18:15,082 --> 00:18:17,550 Homie, I just had a horrible thought. 407 00:18:18,802 --> 00:18:20,869 Women and their horrible thoughts. 408 00:18:20,888 --> 00:18:23,723 What if they are better for the kids than us? 409 00:18:23,757 --> 00:18:25,858 Marge, let me set your mind straight about something. 410 00:18:25,893 --> 00:18:27,710 That spectacular young couple 411 00:18:27,728 --> 00:18:30,062 is definitely better for the kids, 412 00:18:30,097 --> 00:18:32,098 but those kids are ours, 413 00:18:32,149 --> 00:18:34,100 because we made them 414 00:18:34,151 --> 00:18:35,518 by accident. 415 00:18:35,552 --> 00:18:37,069 And now we're gonna take them back 416 00:18:37,104 --> 00:18:38,721 because we love them, 417 00:18:38,739 --> 00:18:41,190 especially now that we've had a little time apart from them. 418 00:18:43,377 --> 00:18:45,912 I've got a bone to pick with you. 419 00:18:45,946 --> 00:18:48,581 Then an apology to make. 420 00:18:48,615 --> 00:18:50,883 Then we exchange insurance information. 421 00:18:50,918 --> 00:18:53,619 Then more bone picking. 422 00:18:54,638 --> 00:18:57,089 Homer, Marge, I understand your anger, 423 00:18:57,124 --> 00:18:59,241 but your kids are more awesome 424 00:18:59,259 --> 00:19:01,427 than the breaks at Waimea. 425 00:19:01,461 --> 00:19:04,213 Those better be good breaks. 426 00:19:04,248 --> 00:19:06,182 Honestly, we fell in love with them, 427 00:19:06,216 --> 00:19:09,385 and it just seemed like you guys didn't really want them. 428 00:19:09,419 --> 00:19:12,288 Sure, you wanted the fun parts, but do you want to go 429 00:19:12,322 --> 00:19:14,890 to their little league games and recitals? 430 00:19:14,925 --> 00:19:16,092 We totally have. 431 00:19:16,126 --> 00:19:17,293 Like clockwork. 432 00:19:17,327 --> 00:19:18,928 Well, I'm glad someone has. 433 00:19:18,962 --> 00:19:20,963 Look, before anyone says anything else, 434 00:19:20,998 --> 00:19:24,533 how could you possibly think you could get our kids? 435 00:19:24,568 --> 00:19:26,135 It happens more than you know, Marge. 436 00:19:26,169 --> 00:19:27,937 I'm a lawyer; he's a surfer. 437 00:19:27,971 --> 00:19:30,106 That combination's pretty unstoppable. 438 00:19:30,140 --> 00:19:31,307 Well, I'm afraid 439 00:19:31,341 --> 00:19:33,476 that we don't want to be with anyone but Mom 440 00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:35,311 and whoever she chooses to be with. 441 00:19:35,345 --> 00:19:37,680 Portia, you're the woman I dream of becoming, 442 00:19:37,714 --> 00:19:38,914 but Mom is my mom. 443 00:19:38,949 --> 00:19:40,149 Fine, 444 00:19:40,183 --> 00:19:41,817 but you're leaving a gap in our lives 445 00:19:41,852 --> 00:19:43,552 that can only be filled by foreign travel, 446 00:19:43,587 --> 00:19:45,321 sleeping late and gourmet food. 447 00:19:45,355 --> 00:19:46,522 You guys lock up. 448 00:19:46,556 --> 00:19:47,990 We're going to Bali. 449 00:19:48,025 --> 00:19:49,575 Again. 450 00:19:49,609 --> 00:19:50,893 We've won! 451 00:19:50,927 --> 00:19:52,228 Whoo-hoo. 452 00:19:55,265 --> 00:19:56,699 Kids, your father and I have decided 453 00:19:56,733 --> 00:19:59,802 we're not in such a hurry to get you guardians. 454 00:19:59,836 --> 00:20:01,737 Instead of concentrating on dying, 455 00:20:01,772 --> 00:20:04,573 we're going to concentrate on living. 456 00:20:04,608 --> 00:20:06,008 If you call this living. 457 00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:06,976 Why, you little... 458 00:20:08,845 --> 00:20:10,913 I do call this living. 459 00:20:10,947 --> 00:20:15,123 Living the way kids in India can only dream of. 460 00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:17,885 There is nothing like your biological family. 461 00:20:17,919 --> 00:20:22,919 == sync, corrected by elderman == 462 00:20:37,122 --> 00:20:38,722 I win. 463 00:20:38,757 --> 00:20:39,757 Win what? 464 00:20:39,791 --> 00:20:41,792 I forget. 465 00:21:05,387 --> 00:21:07,388 Shh!