1
00:00:01,298 --> 00:00:03,277
(Tessa) Since I had
started dating Ryan Shay,
2
00:00:03,277 --> 00:00:04,896
I had learned a couple of things...
3
00:00:04,919 --> 00:00:08,666
one... he required 30 grams of
animal protein at every meal.
4
00:00:08,713 --> 00:00:11,356
And two... his after-school schedule
5
00:00:11,380 --> 00:00:13,538
- was as tight as his abs.
- (Mouth full) No, I can't do Wednesday.
6
00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:14,500
Wednesday I've got wrestling.
7
00:00:14,528 --> 00:00:16,546
Okay. Thursday?
8
00:00:16,580 --> 00:00:17,697
Circuit training.
9
00:00:17,731 --> 00:00:20,052
Then I have modeling, jump rope club,
10
00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:21,671
- nude modeling.
- Fine.
11
00:00:21,718 --> 00:00:23,252
What does your Friday look like?
12
00:00:23,270 --> 00:00:25,154
Mmm.
13
00:00:25,621 --> 00:00:28,006
Mm! Boy band practice.
14
00:00:28,233 --> 00:00:29,124
Wow.
15
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:32,089
Seems like you got a pretty full plate.
16
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:32,894
Yeah.
17
00:00:32,918 --> 00:00:34,857
I need 30 grams of animal protein
18
00:00:34,888 --> 00:00:35,882
at every single meal.
19
00:00:35,897 --> 00:00:39,621
No, I meant to say that your days
20
00:00:39,644 --> 00:00:41,169
are totally and completely booked.
21
00:00:41,201 --> 00:00:42,702
They're overbooked.
22
00:00:42,757 --> 00:00:44,149
Well, I'm sure yours are, too.
23
00:00:44,188 --> 00:00:47,441
You probably have tons of
awesome after school activities.
24
00:00:47,642 --> 00:00:49,748
No, yeah, totally. I do. (Thud)
25
00:00:49,868 --> 00:00:50,703
Tons.
26
00:00:50,695 --> 00:00:52,275
I had nothing going on
27
00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:54,081
and was in danger of being pathetic.
28
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,200
I needed an after-school
activity of my own.
29
00:00:56,193 --> 00:00:58,249
(Amplified voice) Attention, lunch eaters.
30
00:00:58,304 --> 00:01:01,737
The critically criticized
Chatswin High TV network
31
00:01:01,737 --> 00:01:03,411
is looking for a qualified producer
32
00:01:03,426 --> 00:01:05,638
with no previous qualifications...
33
00:01:05,758 --> 00:01:08,209
I have no previous qualifications.
34
00:01:08,227 --> 00:01:12,378
To oversee our hard-hitting
call-in show, "Teen Talk."
35
00:01:12,498 --> 00:01:14,783
I'm a teen. I love to talk.
36
00:01:14,817 --> 00:01:17,213
Any interested parties should contact me
37
00:01:17,219 --> 00:01:19,822
- at their earliest...
- Hello, Tessa.
38
00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:24,764
Meanwhile, George was busy
with a new hobby of his own...
39
00:01:24,795 --> 00:01:26,294
indulging Dallas Royce.
40
00:01:26,312 --> 00:01:28,030
Oh, my gosh, George!
41
00:01:28,063 --> 00:01:30,701
You're like the Joy Behar of cabana design.
42
00:01:30,745 --> 00:01:32,221
So? What do you think? You like it?
43
00:01:32,253 --> 00:01:33,542
- Like it?
- Yeah.
44
00:01:33,836 --> 00:01:35,312
- I love it.
- Yeah?
45
00:01:35,331 --> 00:01:37,915
Think of all the cabana
parties I can now throw.
46
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,356
And think of all the
cabana boys I can employ.
47
00:01:40,399 --> 00:01:42,076
You know I love to employ people, George.
48
00:01:42,051 --> 00:01:44,446
Would you consider employing a balcony?
49
00:01:44,723 --> 00:01:46,813
Well, who in their right
mind wouldn't want a balcony?
50
00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:48,902
That's like asking if
you want fries with that.
51
00:01:48,928 --> 00:01:50,992
The answer is always, always "yes."
52
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:52,713
(Laughs) (Gasps)
53
00:01:53,163 --> 00:01:54,702
Paint the background...
54
00:01:54,765 --> 00:01:57,556
Tessa. Welcome aboard.
55
00:01:58,328 --> 00:02:01,034
Let me take you on a grand
tour of our facilities.
56
00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:04,644
That's the chair.
57
00:02:05,933 --> 00:02:07,791
That is a phone.
58
00:02:10,244 --> 00:02:12,433
Well, I hope I can remember
where everything is.
59
00:02:12,445 --> 00:02:14,009
Mr. Wolfe, Ms. Altman,
60
00:02:14,027 --> 00:02:16,460
talent just called. Our
host, Evan Spaghetti,
61
00:02:16,468 --> 00:02:17,563
says he's not coming in, okay?
62
00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:20,003
The show goes live in five,
and we don't have a host.
63
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,236
What's wrong with Evan?
64
00:02:21,356 --> 00:02:23,082
His pediatrician says exhaustion.
65
00:02:23,202 --> 00:02:25,065
Okay, th... this is real!
66
00:02:25,109 --> 00:02:27,523
It's not a drill, all right?!
Everyone, places! Go time!
67
00:02:27,805 --> 00:02:28,969
What do we do now?
68
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:32,836
Well, don't look at me.
69
00:02:32,898 --> 00:02:34,544
You're the new producer of "Teen Talk."
70
00:02:34,562 --> 00:02:36,771
Where would you like me to look? I...
71
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,525
Study Hall! I forgot about Study Hall.
72
00:02:39,518 --> 00:02:40,538
It's a completely useless class.
73
00:02:40,544 --> 00:02:42,346
It's like they want us
to cut it and make out.
74
00:02:42,828 --> 00:02:43,673
So do you wanna?
75
00:02:43,729 --> 00:02:46,093
Ryan, right now I'm in the
middle of managing a crisis.
76
00:02:46,118 --> 00:02:48,996
Tessa! You're a genius.
He's absolutely perfect.
77
00:02:49,634 --> 00:02:51,348
I'm sorry. I'm seeing someone already.
78
00:02:51,536 --> 00:02:55,302
Um, no, he means you're perfect
to host "Teen Talk" today.
79
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:57,392
Our host called in sick.
80
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:58,743
You want me to bail you out?
81
00:02:58,863 --> 00:03:00,739
- Well, when you put it like that way...
- yes!
82
00:03:00,770 --> 00:03:03,035
Okay. We'll make out later!
83
00:03:03,079 --> 00:03:07,430
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
84
00:03:07,464 --> 00:03:11,775
(Alih Jay) * last night I
had a pleasant nightmare *
85
00:03:11,807 --> 00:03:14,960
♪ Da-da-da-da, da, da, da, da ♪
86
00:03:16,607 --> 00:03:17,382
(Smacks lips)
87
00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:20,326
I like cantaloupe. I do,
88
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,651
but... it doesn't infuse
water the way a berry will.
89
00:03:23,645 --> 00:03:25,390
Taste for yourself. It didn't infuse.
90
00:03:29,226 --> 00:03:30,753
- For me it did.
- It didn't.
91
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,517
- I taste it.
- You don't.
92
00:03:32,505 --> 00:03:35,095
- Tastes like melon.
- You're a filthy liar.
93
00:03:35,521 --> 00:03:36,559
Hey.
94
00:03:37,272 --> 00:03:38,436
Hi.
95
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:39,937
(Kisses) Hey, you wanna
hear somethin' funny?
96
00:03:39,994 --> 00:03:41,339
You wanna taste somethin' funny?
97
00:03:41,459 --> 00:03:43,986
Melon water. Tastes like nothin'.
98
00:03:44,106 --> 00:03:45,951
So I went to pull the
permits on the cabana,
99
00:03:45,969 --> 00:03:48,847
and it appears that after
looking at some zoning maps,
100
00:03:48,841 --> 00:03:50,555
58% of your property
101
00:03:50,675 --> 00:03:52,895
is on the East Chatswin side of the border.
102
00:03:52,945 --> 00:03:54,891
(Laughs) Isn't that funny?
103
00:03:54,884 --> 00:03:58,363
Technically, you live in East
Chatswin. (Silverware clatters)
104
00:04:01,623 --> 00:04:02,711
What?
105
00:04:03,593 --> 00:04:05,346
What the hell are you
trying to do to me, George?
106
00:04:05,365 --> 00:04:07,848
Whoa, baby, it's... it's
not that big of a deal.
107
00:04:07,968 --> 00:04:10,357
It's just a technicality.
Come on. Doesn't matter.
108
00:04:10,357 --> 00:04:11,652
(Gasps)
109
00:04:12,045 --> 00:04:12,910
(Radio static) Oh.
110
00:04:13,110 --> 00:04:15,401
(Speaks indistinctly) Sort
of looking... like it matters.
111
00:04:15,432 --> 00:04:17,027
(Radio static)
112
00:04:19,449 --> 00:04:21,707
So apparently, Evan usually opens the show
113
00:04:21,732 --> 00:04:22,909
with a funny anecdote.
114
00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:24,817
Do you know any funny anecdotes?
115
00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:25,793
Babe, I got this.
116
00:04:25,774 --> 00:04:27,038
Whoa.
117
00:04:27,463 --> 00:04:29,115
I mean, what do you mean, you "got this"?
118
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:30,879
I'm just gonna talk about my body.
119
00:04:31,067 --> 00:04:32,837
People love it when I talk about my body.
120
00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:34,107
Ryan, no, don't talk about your body.
121
00:04:34,113 --> 00:04:35,502
People do not wanna hear
you talk about your body.
122
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,917
- We're on in five... four...
- They do. (Mouths words)
123
00:04:38,037 --> 00:04:39,776
Three... (Mouths words)
124
00:04:39,819 --> 00:04:41,671
*
125
00:04:41,791 --> 00:04:43,580
I was sure he wasn't going
to talk about his body.
126
00:04:43,598 --> 00:04:46,139
There's no way he was going
to talk about his body.
127
00:04:46,151 --> 00:04:47,721
Hi. I'm Ryan Shay,
128
00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:49,861
and I'm here to talk about my body.
129
00:04:49,981 --> 00:04:52,288
Please call in with your
questions and compliments.
130
00:04:52,339 --> 00:04:53,571
Lines are open.
131
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,091
(Ringing)
132
00:04:55,073 --> 00:04:58,639
Tessa! Look. The phones work.
133
00:04:58,846 --> 00:05:01,667
I thought they were just
props. (Lines ringing)
134
00:05:01,787 --> 00:05:03,914
(Button clicks) And we've
got caller number one.
135
00:05:04,452 --> 00:05:06,367
- Yes.
- (Girl, breathily) Hi. Body?
136
00:05:06,392 --> 00:05:09,170
Please talk to my glutes. They're all ears.
137
00:05:14,588 --> 00:05:16,089
(Whimpering) It was official...
138
00:05:16,095 --> 00:05:18,679
Dallas Royce was no longer
a citizen of Chatswin.
139
00:05:18,723 --> 00:05:20,068
But it wasn't just Dallas
140
00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:21,657
who would suffer the consequences.
141
00:05:21,713 --> 00:05:24,510
Yakult Royce? (Whines)
142
00:05:26,399 --> 00:05:27,869
I'm sorry, Yakult.
143
00:05:28,126 --> 00:05:30,729
Your membership has been revoked.
144
00:05:30,772 --> 00:05:34,157
(Whines and growls)
145
00:05:35,765 --> 00:05:36,722
I get it.
146
00:05:36,842 --> 00:05:37,661
No!
147
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:40,921
Come on. Come on, guys,
is this really necessary?
148
00:05:40,915 --> 00:05:42,923
Wait! This is all a big mistake!
149
00:05:42,935 --> 00:05:44,831
Here's your dog... (Gasps)
150
00:05:44,951 --> 00:05:46,853
and here is your complimentary
151
00:05:46,871 --> 00:05:48,492
"you're no longer one of us" gift basket.
152
00:05:48,492 --> 00:05:49,799
Please don't do this!
153
00:05:49,868 --> 00:05:52,309
I am one of you! This isn't right.
154
00:05:52,484 --> 00:05:54,787
Ooh, but this hand cream is amazing.
155
00:05:54,907 --> 00:05:56,280
Dalia Royce.
156
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,021
I've been informed
157
00:05:58,078 --> 00:06:00,351
that you are no longer a Chatswin resident.
158
00:06:00,385 --> 00:06:03,921
Therefore, you can no
longer attend Chatswin High.
159
00:06:03,955 --> 00:06:04,922
'Kay.
160
00:06:04,956 --> 00:06:06,557
Clear out your locker,
161
00:06:06,591 --> 00:06:09,747
and prepare to be relocated
to East Chatswin High.
162
00:06:10,061 --> 00:06:11,695
'Kay.
163
00:06:11,730 --> 00:06:13,981
You may take a moment to
say good-bye to your friends.
164
00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:23,741
'Kay. I'm good.
165
00:06:23,775 --> 00:06:25,059
Very well.
166
00:06:28,510 --> 00:06:33,535
Mr. Wolfe, is this... for
real? This is unbelievable.
167
00:06:34,023 --> 00:06:35,882
Almost as unbelievable
168
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:38,841
as the overnights I
just got on "Body Talk."
169
00:06:38,961 --> 00:06:39,849
"Body Talk"?
170
00:06:39,969 --> 00:06:42,801
You heard me, sister. "Teen Talk" is dead.
171
00:06:42,851 --> 00:06:44,935
- What?
- That's right, Spaghetti.
172
00:06:44,922 --> 00:06:47,024
Wolfie, baby, let's talk this thing over.
173
00:06:47,024 --> 00:06:48,438
You made me change my name to "Spaghetti."
174
00:06:48,494 --> 00:06:50,071
You're yesterday's news.
175
00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:52,899
The ratings on "Body Talk"
were through the roof.
176
00:06:52,962 --> 00:06:54,557
That is impossible.
177
00:06:54,601 --> 00:06:57,667
The numbers don't lie. The show got a 19,
178
00:06:57,787 --> 00:07:00,257
but a 25 in the 17-to-18 demo.
179
00:07:00,263 --> 00:07:03,160
- What are you talking about?
- What does the 25 mean?
180
00:07:03,211 --> 00:07:05,287
It means 25 people watched it.
181
00:07:05,299 --> 00:07:06,778
That's huge.
182
00:07:06,898 --> 00:07:09,247
"Teen Talk" had only ever gotten a 2,
183
00:07:09,297 --> 00:07:11,137
and that was just me and Chef Alan.
184
00:07:11,143 --> 00:07:12,645
Well, I'm happy Ryan did well.
185
00:07:12,670 --> 00:07:14,704
Just keep doing what you're doing.
186
00:07:16,207 --> 00:07:17,490
(Whispers) What?
187
00:07:17,525 --> 00:07:20,152
I always knew that someday,
Ryan would be the star
188
00:07:20,171 --> 00:07:22,426
of a call-in show about his body.
189
00:07:22,546 --> 00:07:26,227
I just... I didn't think
you'd be the one producing it.
190
00:07:27,835 --> 00:07:30,921
To be honest, I always
thought it'd be Seacrest.
191
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,881
(Engine turns off)
192
00:07:35,906 --> 00:07:37,164
(Whispers) Okay.
193
00:07:37,164 --> 00:07:38,511
(Seatbelt retracts)
194
00:07:39,829 --> 00:07:41,030
Baby?
195
00:07:41,299 --> 00:07:42,087
Let's go inside.
196
00:07:42,137 --> 00:07:43,720
I'm not going inside, George.
197
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,698
Inside that house is East Chatswin.
198
00:07:45,723 --> 00:07:47,474
Okay, you're... you're being crazy.
199
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:48,742
It's still your house.
200
00:07:48,777 --> 00:07:50,894
It's practically a crack den.
201
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:53,843
Nope, George, nope. I'm staying in here.
202
00:07:53,856 --> 00:07:55,476
Here's got everything
203
00:07:55,483 --> 00:07:57,704
an upscale, single gal like myself needs.
204
00:07:57,729 --> 00:07:59,562
I can charge my phone,
205
00:07:59,682 --> 00:08:01,947
use the tan roof to get some sun,
206
00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:04,737
and if I'm drinking
four different beverages,
207
00:08:04,793 --> 00:08:06,482
there's four beverage holders.
208
00:08:06,657 --> 00:08:07,846
Inside that house,
209
00:08:07,966 --> 00:08:11,493
zero beverage holders, George. Zero.
210
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:13,583
Dallas?
211
00:08:13,608 --> 00:08:16,154
This car is my home-sweet-home now.
212
00:08:16,274 --> 00:08:18,901
What are you... what's going on?
213
00:08:18,913 --> 00:08:20,077
Oh...
214
00:08:20,822 --> 00:08:22,017
What are you doing?
215
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,944
Comfy cozy. Like the Four Seasons.
216
00:08:25,226 --> 00:08:27,178
Okay. I... I started this mess,
217
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,492
and I'm gonna be the one to fix it.
218
00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:30,688
I'm gonna go make some calls.
219
00:08:32,434 --> 00:08:34,010
(Muffled voice) Thanks for dropping by!
220
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,350
Dalia was doing a little better
221
00:08:36,373 --> 00:08:38,327
adjusting to her new circumstances...
222
00:08:38,359 --> 00:08:41,942
(School bell rings) thanks to a
coping mechanism known as denial.
223
00:08:41,974 --> 00:08:43,195
Hi, Malik.
224
00:08:44,395 --> 00:08:45,898
Hi, Tessa.
225
00:08:47,724 --> 00:08:49,418
What up, bitches?
226
00:08:52,392 --> 00:08:54,206
Who the hell are you?
227
00:08:54,714 --> 00:08:56,323
Who the hell are you?
228
00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:57,457
Daisy.
229
00:08:57,510 --> 00:08:58,794
Dalia.
230
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,125
This is the triple A...
231
00:09:00,245 --> 00:09:02,390
Ashley, Amber, and Amantha.
232
00:09:02,603 --> 00:09:04,500
What kind of name is Amantha?
233
00:09:04,534 --> 00:09:05,906
It's the kind of name
234
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:09,185
that thinks you're a pale, ugly loser.
235
00:09:09,742 --> 00:09:12,038
Mr. Wolfe, they're being mean to me.
236
00:09:14,204 --> 00:09:16,612
She's living in my car. My car.
237
00:09:17,038 --> 00:09:18,427
This has to be fixed.
238
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,835
You... you sure this guy can help?
239
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,880
- Because...
- Look, this guy
240
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,920
is the ultimate power broker in Chatswin.
241
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,371
He controls the zoning board.
242
00:09:25,384 --> 00:09:26,441
He pulls permits out of his back pocket
243
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:27,774
like they're chewing gum.
244
00:09:27,894 --> 00:09:29,901
He's the Godfather.
245
00:09:30,021 --> 00:09:31,753
(Door squeaks)
246
00:09:32,141 --> 00:09:34,719
(Door closes) Marty? Steam
room Marty? He's your guy?
247
00:09:34,738 --> 00:09:36,264
He's "The Godfather"?
248
00:09:38,292 --> 00:09:40,000
Gentlemen.
249
00:09:40,175 --> 00:09:42,045
What can I do for you?
250
00:09:42,584 --> 00:09:44,898
Well, Marty, I'm... I'm here about Dallas.
251
00:09:44,961 --> 00:09:46,825
- You know Dallas?
- Know her?
252
00:09:46,945 --> 00:09:50,648
Why, I consider her a
close, personal friend.
253
00:09:50,686 --> 00:09:52,675
- Exactly.
- In fact,
254
00:09:52,795 --> 00:09:54,852
she's my best friend.
255
00:09:54,972 --> 00:09:57,073
Now I don't know if you know this,
256
00:09:57,261 --> 00:09:59,476
but we fought in the war together.
257
00:09:59,596 --> 00:10:02,047
O... okay. You and Dallas Royce?
258
00:10:02,091 --> 00:10:03,186
Who the hell is that?
259
00:10:03,306 --> 00:10:05,237
Yeah. Okay, Marty, she's my girlfriend.
260
00:10:05,262 --> 00:10:08,471
And it turns out that half of her property
261
00:10:08,465 --> 00:10:09,697
is in East Chatswin,
262
00:10:09,716 --> 00:10:11,224
and now she's being kicked out of the club.
263
00:10:11,256 --> 00:10:13,070
Her daughter is being thrown out of school,
264
00:10:13,083 --> 00:10:14,365
Sh... uh-huh.
265
00:10:14,390 --> 00:10:17,399
So you want me to go to
her house and break bread.
266
00:10:17,919 --> 00:10:19,001
What?
267
00:10:19,032 --> 00:10:21,259
No, I'm asking you to rezone her property
268
00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:23,244
so she can remain a resident of Chatswin.
269
00:10:23,364 --> 00:10:25,138
And why would I do that?
270
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,450
Uh, Marty,
271
00:10:26,468 --> 00:10:28,885
I gave you an emergency root canal
272
00:10:28,903 --> 00:10:30,704
and did your crown for free.
273
00:10:30,739 --> 00:10:33,953
(Chuckles) So you owe... you... you owe me.
274
00:10:38,396 --> 00:10:40,028
Everything you need
275
00:10:40,048 --> 00:10:41,969
is on this disk.
276
00:10:41,994 --> 00:10:45,290
Print it out, fill out the paperwork,
277
00:10:45,309 --> 00:10:48,018
and then come see me...
278
00:10:48,431 --> 00:10:49,720
In the steam room.
279
00:10:50,045 --> 00:10:51,271
Where... where am I gonna find
280
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:52,816
a computer to open this thing up?
281
00:10:53,004 --> 00:10:54,918
Who do I look like...
282
00:10:55,038 --> 00:10:55,988
Al Gore?
283
00:10:56,707 --> 00:10:57,658
Before we go,
284
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,374
I wanna take one final call about my body.
285
00:11:00,411 --> 00:11:02,025
(Telephone rings)
286
00:11:03,126 --> 00:11:04,059
(Button clicks) You're on the air, caller.
287
00:11:04,053 --> 00:11:05,923
(Man) Hey, yeah. It's pretty warm out.
288
00:11:05,992 --> 00:11:07,775
Can you tell us how your
body does in the heat?
289
00:11:07,895 --> 00:11:09,840
Yeah, that's a... that's
a very good question.
290
00:11:09,858 --> 00:11:11,605
I actually get that one a lot.
291
00:11:11,725 --> 00:11:15,151
And hydration is the key to hydration.
292
00:11:15,271 --> 00:11:17,222
Now when I want to get hydrated,
293
00:11:17,256 --> 00:11:19,407
I like to drink stuff through my mouth.
294
00:11:19,675 --> 00:11:23,528
*
295
00:11:23,546 --> 00:11:25,663
Till next time.
296
00:11:25,698 --> 00:11:28,916
Okay. You know what? This
is stupid. (Buttons clicking)
297
00:11:28,891 --> 00:11:31,762
This is... just stupid!
298
00:11:31,882 --> 00:11:33,746
I want my name off the show.
299
00:11:34,434 --> 00:11:35,974
Tessa, please...
300
00:11:36,008 --> 00:11:37,943
(Lowered voice) You're
embarrassing yourself.
301
00:11:37,943 --> 00:11:38,874
I'm embarrassing myself?
302
00:11:38,888 --> 00:11:40,915
You're the one spending a
whole entire study hall period
303
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,497
talking about your body.
304
00:11:42,617 --> 00:11:45,050
Hey, the only reason I even
agreed to do "Body Talk"
305
00:11:45,056 --> 00:11:46,088
was for you.
306
00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:47,865
I know this is your only
extracurricular activity.
307
00:11:47,884 --> 00:11:49,736
(Lowered voice) I know it must
make you feel like a big loser.
308
00:11:49,967 --> 00:11:51,425
A big loser?
309
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,684
No, no. Look, it's okay, though.
310
00:11:54,291 --> 00:11:56,487
You're less popular than me,
you have less friends than I do,
311
00:11:56,487 --> 00:11:58,201
and you have little to no activities.
312
00:11:58,225 --> 00:12:00,891
But... I'm still super,
super into you. Like, I'm...
313
00:12:00,922 --> 00:12:03,344
I do not need your pity!
314
00:12:03,464 --> 00:12:05,648
Okay? I don't need your help.
315
00:12:05,699 --> 00:12:10,050
I could make this show a
huge success without you.
316
00:12:10,119 --> 00:12:11,239
Okay.
317
00:12:11,827 --> 00:12:13,521
We both know that's not true.
318
00:12:13,829 --> 00:12:16,631
Okay, you have no idea what
people find interesting,
319
00:12:16,982 --> 00:12:19,321
and you told me to open with an antidote,
320
00:12:19,365 --> 00:12:20,379
whatever the hell that is.
321
00:12:20,499 --> 00:12:22,268
I would literally rather watch anything...
322
00:12:22,544 --> 00:12:23,983
anything else...
323
00:12:24,103 --> 00:12:27,235
than you talking about your body.
324
00:12:27,523 --> 00:12:28,543
What are you trying to say?
325
00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:31,308
What I'm trying to say is you are fired.
326
00:12:32,359 --> 00:12:34,586
Well, if you're trying to
say that, congratulations,
327
00:12:34,611 --> 00:12:36,138
'cause you just said it to me.
328
00:12:36,144 --> 00:12:37,252
Yes, I said it.
329
00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:38,572
Wow!
330
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:41,325
Wow!
331
00:12:43,276 --> 00:12:44,934
Let's go, boys.
332
00:12:46,248 --> 00:12:48,133
(Door closes)
333
00:12:51,797 --> 00:12:53,739
Mommy, I'm home.
334
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:55,501
Back here!
335
00:12:55,621 --> 00:12:56,934
(Door closes)
336
00:12:59,255 --> 00:13:00,506
How was school today?
337
00:13:00,563 --> 00:13:02,627
Did you make any new friends?
338
00:13:02,665 --> 00:13:06,656
No. Everyone at my new
school's tanner than me.
339
00:13:06,669 --> 00:13:09,738
They act like I'm not tan
enough to be going there.
340
00:13:09,773 --> 00:13:11,657
That's ridiculous.
341
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:15,377
No one should ever be judged
by how deep their tan is.
342
00:13:15,412 --> 00:13:16,795
I know, right?
343
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:19,562
I just wish they could look
beyond the color of my tan
344
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,707
and see the content of my closet.
345
00:13:21,827 --> 00:13:24,855
Because I have really nice
stuff in my closet, you know?
346
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:25,771
I know.
347
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,774
And that's a beautiful dream.
348
00:13:29,860 --> 00:13:32,450
You know, I can't remember the last time
349
00:13:32,475 --> 00:13:35,514
we had an after-school
espresso, just the two of us.
350
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:38,456
Maybe being ostracized by our community
351
00:13:38,481 --> 00:13:41,953
and driven out of our home
was a blessing in disguise.
352
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,288
Yeah.
353
00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:46,189
It's a good disguise, mommy.
354
00:13:48,241 --> 00:13:51,046
Where's my kangaroo?
355
00:13:56,612 --> 00:13:58,583
(New age music playing)
356
00:13:59,346 --> 00:14:00,842
Ha ha. Marty.
357
00:14:01,123 --> 00:14:04,389
It was not easy, but I found
an old library in Queens
358
00:14:04,395 --> 00:14:07,217
that has a working
quadra 650. (Door closes)
359
00:14:07,724 --> 00:14:09,895
I have here the documents, all filled out,
360
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,978
ready for your approval, sir.
361
00:14:12,860 --> 00:14:13,717
(Clicks)
362
00:14:15,441 --> 00:14:16,971
Thank... hey...
363
00:14:17,091 --> 00:14:18,073
rejected?
364
00:14:18,193 --> 00:14:19,368
Marty, you bastard.
365
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:21,376
What... I... I filled out the paperwork,
366
00:14:21,401 --> 00:14:22,296
just like you said.
367
00:14:22,327 --> 00:14:24,386
The paperwork doesn't change the fact
368
00:14:24,506 --> 00:14:27,446
that 58% of the property
is in East Chatswin.
369
00:14:27,671 --> 00:14:32,288
Thus making it 100% in East Chatswin.
370
00:14:32,844 --> 00:14:35,272
Why did you make him fill out the paperwork
371
00:14:35,259 --> 00:14:37,018
if you were just gonna reject it?
372
00:14:37,474 --> 00:14:38,826
Protocol.
373
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,621
All right, you know what?
Don't come crying to me
374
00:14:40,659 --> 00:14:42,023
the next time your crown cracks!
375
00:14:42,060 --> 00:14:44,425
My crown is already cracked!
376
00:14:44,545 --> 00:14:46,971
I had to get a partial bridge!
377
00:14:47,033 --> 00:14:49,104
(Spits) Ew.
378
00:14:49,749 --> 00:14:51,300
Okay. That...
379
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,265
is a bridge too far, my friend.
380
00:14:53,385 --> 00:14:55,649
That is a bridge too far!
381
00:14:56,124 --> 00:14:58,539
Aah! Oh, God! Aah! Oh! Aah!
382
00:14:58,583 --> 00:15:01,393
(Boy) Five, four, three...
383
00:15:01,427 --> 00:15:02,511
(Lowered voice) Two...
384
00:15:02,545 --> 00:15:04,846
(Woman) * do do do-do do
385
00:15:04,881 --> 00:15:07,666
* do do, do do do-do do
386
00:15:07,888 --> 00:15:09,584
welcome to "Tessa Talk."
387
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:12,037
I'm your host... Tessa.
388
00:15:12,298 --> 00:15:15,352
Today we are going to be
talking about what it takes
389
00:15:15,346 --> 00:15:17,242
to get an episode of television on the air,
390
00:15:17,276 --> 00:15:18,543
how to deal with talent,
391
00:15:18,578 --> 00:15:20,564
manage the expectations of the faculty,
392
00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:23,379
and how to produce an entertaining segment.
393
00:15:23,499 --> 00:15:25,217
Phone lines are open.
394
00:15:32,508 --> 00:15:34,176
(Sniffs, clears throat)
395
00:15:35,928 --> 00:15:38,196
(Inhales and exhales)
396
00:15:38,877 --> 00:15:40,291
Does anybody wanna...
397
00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:42,256
talk about my body?
398
00:15:46,192 --> 00:15:49,113
Sorry. Albinos can't
drink from this fountain.
399
00:15:49,508 --> 00:15:52,411
You're so pale. You look like a vampire.
400
00:15:52,455 --> 00:15:53,938
Do you need a transfusion?
401
00:15:53,944 --> 00:15:55,846
You should be in the next "Twilight" movie,
402
00:15:55,966 --> 00:15:58,011
'cause your skin looks like a dead vam...
403
00:15:58,011 --> 00:16:01,139
I get it. My tan's not
good enough for you guys.
404
00:16:01,259 --> 00:16:03,867
It's not your tan. It's you.
405
00:16:04,275 --> 00:16:05,732
We don't like you 'cause you're new.
406
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:09,367
Oh. I used to make fun of new people, too.
407
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,162
Just ask Tessa.
408
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,353
Maybe one day you'll get transferred,
409
00:16:13,346 --> 00:16:14,666
and then you'll know what it feels like
410
00:16:14,685 --> 00:16:16,769
to be the odd biyatch out.
411
00:16:17,154 --> 00:16:18,371
Biyatch.
412
00:16:19,457 --> 00:16:21,758
I miss my old school.
413
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:24,946
You wanted to see me?
414
00:16:25,002 --> 00:16:26,416
I didn't want to see you.
415
00:16:26,536 --> 00:16:28,651
The cancellation bear wanted to see you.
416
00:16:28,966 --> 00:16:30,867
In his den.
417
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:33,303
What is this?
418
00:16:33,337 --> 00:16:35,264
Our ratings went down 24.
419
00:16:35,564 --> 00:16:36,890
That means we got a 1.
420
00:16:37,103 --> 00:16:40,124
You lost Chef Alan, and
when you've lost Chef Alan,
421
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,619
you've lost America.
422
00:16:41,663 --> 00:16:44,196
Mr. Wolfe, I'm sorry.
423
00:16:44,316 --> 00:16:47,106
But I can't dedicate myself to a show
424
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:51,323
that fixates on the most
superficial, unimportant aspect
425
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,137
of being a human being.
426
00:16:53,369 --> 00:16:55,696
Aren't you dating Ryan now?
427
00:16:56,704 --> 00:16:57,810
Kind of.
428
00:16:57,930 --> 00:16:59,306
Then you should know.
429
00:16:59,426 --> 00:17:03,261
What makes "Body Talk" great
isn't Ryan's great body.
430
00:17:03,473 --> 00:17:06,619
He also has an amazing spirit.
431
00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:10,043
I assumed that was what
you liked about him.
432
00:17:14,029 --> 00:17:15,105
It is.
433
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,064
The best thing to wash down
a big slice of humble pie...
434
00:17:19,047 --> 00:17:21,049
East Chatswin tap water.
435
00:17:21,099 --> 00:17:21,951
(Coughs)
436
00:17:24,453 --> 00:17:27,587
Oh! Javier! Oh, thank goodness!
437
00:17:27,658 --> 00:17:29,983
Oh, I didn't know you
worked at this club, too.
438
00:17:30,021 --> 00:17:31,516
I need to file a complaint
439
00:17:31,636 --> 00:17:32,924
about the water!
440
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,914
It's unfruited.
441
00:17:34,881 --> 00:17:36,509
Actually, I don't work here, Dallas.
442
00:17:36,503 --> 00:17:38,249
I... I'm a member just like you.
443
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,431
Javier, no.
444
00:17:39,551 --> 00:17:41,521
How could you belong to an establishment
445
00:17:41,565 --> 00:17:44,256
who puts little, if any,
fruit in their water?
446
00:17:44,376 --> 00:17:45,982
Truth told, I'm a tap man.
447
00:17:46,033 --> 00:17:47,547
A tap man?
448
00:17:47,553 --> 00:17:48,216
Dallas.
449
00:17:48,336 --> 00:17:51,087
Hey. (Gasps) George! Thank God, George.
450
00:17:51,207 --> 00:17:52,483
The water...
451
00:17:52,603 --> 00:17:54,398
is unfruited.
452
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:57,857
Well, uh, I... I got some bad news.
453
00:17:57,925 --> 00:17:59,402
Worse than unfruited?
454
00:17:59,452 --> 00:18:02,474
On a scale of one to ten,
unfruited being a nine?
455
00:18:02,465 --> 00:18:04,299
It's a ten. It's Marty.
456
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,833
He not only rejected our appeal,
457
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,979
but now he has a
restraining order against me.
458
00:18:08,674 --> 00:18:09,956
So looks like neither one of us
459
00:18:09,975 --> 00:18:11,132
is going to the Chatswin country club
460
00:18:11,139 --> 00:18:12,609
anytime soon.
461
00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:13,959
I see.
462
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:17,058
Hey. But hey, hey, I
will personally cut fruit
463
00:18:17,178 --> 00:18:19,516
and put it in your water
every single day of the week.
464
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,907
And I'll join the east Chatswin "Y," too.
465
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,486
We're in this together, okay?
466
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,921
Okay.
467
00:18:26,793 --> 00:18:29,828
If I have to slum it, I guess
I'd rather slum it with you.
468
00:18:30,704 --> 00:18:32,744
I'd rather slum it with you, too.
469
00:18:36,385 --> 00:18:37,912
Hey, Javier.
470
00:18:38,032 --> 00:18:38,637
Hola.
471
00:18:38,631 --> 00:18:40,295
While Dallas made peace with the idea
472
00:18:40,289 --> 00:18:41,371
of not belonging to a club
473
00:18:41,383 --> 00:18:42,928
that didn't want to have her as a member,
474
00:18:42,966 --> 00:18:45,062
I realized that I already belonged
475
00:18:45,056 --> 00:18:46,539
to something that meant more to me
476
00:18:46,564 --> 00:18:48,040
than any after-school activity.
477
00:18:48,009 --> 00:18:52,058
Welcome to a special
edition of "Body Talk."
478
00:18:52,321 --> 00:18:54,597
Today I'm going to be answering questions
479
00:18:54,604 --> 00:18:56,962
on everybody's favorite subject...
480
00:18:57,225 --> 00:18:59,396
Ryan Shay.
481
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:01,555
The two of us started dating recently,
482
00:19:01,675 --> 00:19:05,409
so I'm practically an expert on him
483
00:19:05,472 --> 00:19:07,661
and his amazing body.
484
00:19:07,718 --> 00:19:09,740
The phone lines are
open for your questions.
485
00:19:09,758 --> 00:19:11,734
(Rings and clicks)
486
00:19:11,766 --> 00:19:13,624
(Girl) Hey, Tessa, I was just wondering...
487
00:19:13,744 --> 00:19:15,814
what's your favorite
part of "the body's" body?
488
00:19:15,852 --> 00:19:17,395
Great question, caller.
489
00:19:17,515 --> 00:19:19,155
Um...
490
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:22,471
I'd have to say it's
his heart. (Door opens)
491
00:19:22,784 --> 00:19:26,855
Yeah, his heart is even
bigger than his quads,
492
00:19:26,856 --> 00:19:30,360
which, as you know, are... huge.
493
00:19:30,395 --> 00:19:31,812
(Clears throat)
494
00:19:33,648 --> 00:19:35,249
Ladies and gentlemen,
495
00:19:35,283 --> 00:19:38,426
this is an exciting day on "Body Talk."
496
00:19:38,937 --> 00:19:42,367
Please welcome the star of our show
497
00:19:42,386 --> 00:19:45,509
and the guy I wanna say "sorry" to...
498
00:19:45,543 --> 00:19:47,711
Ryan Shay.
499
00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:53,016
(Door closes)
500
00:19:53,779 --> 00:19:56,186
I'm sorry I called you a loser.
501
00:19:57,132 --> 00:19:59,490
I'm sorry I was acting like one.
502
00:20:02,861 --> 00:20:03,944
(Mouths word)
503
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:20,099
Where there's a will, there's a way.
504
00:20:20,114 --> 00:20:22,752
And Noah wasn't willing
to lose his best friend
505
00:20:22,808 --> 00:20:23,997
to East Chatswin.
506
00:20:24,241 --> 00:20:28,508
(Men rapping in Spanish)
507
00:20:28,759 --> 00:20:32,124
♪
508
00:20:32,869 --> 00:20:34,589
Noah, what's going on in here?
509
00:20:34,709 --> 00:20:36,735
Hey, Marty!
510
00:20:37,123 --> 00:20:38,650
What, you don't like my friends?
511
00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:40,489
I got them all guest passes.
512
00:20:40,552 --> 00:20:42,066
They love it here.
513
00:20:42,491 --> 00:20:45,557
They said they're gonna
come all the time, huh?
514
00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:47,077
(Laughs)
515
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,478
You bastard.
516
00:20:48,729 --> 00:20:51,262
How much to get my steam room back?
517
00:20:51,512 --> 00:20:52,682
You can get it back cheap.
518
00:20:52,707 --> 00:20:55,555
It'll just cost you one stamp.
519
00:20:55,675 --> 00:20:57,256
♪
520
00:20:57,376 --> 00:20:58,658
And just like that,
521
00:20:58,695 --> 00:21:00,948
the Royces were citizens of Chatswin again.
522
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,757
And not a minute too soon for
Dalia. (Cell phone alert chimes)
523
00:21:03,877 --> 00:21:07,297
(Students jeering)
524
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,195
(Dalia) Bye, losers.
525
00:21:10,239 --> 00:21:11,916
I'm done being a loser.
526
00:21:12,603 --> 00:21:14,813
Does this school validate?
527
00:21:15,339 --> 00:21:17,322
My old school validates.
528
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:22,047
No? You guys all probably take the bus.
529
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,614
♪
530
00:21:26,850 --> 00:21:30,798
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