1 00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,136 Since I had started dating Ryan shay, 2 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,604 i have learned a couple of things-- 3 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:09,174 one--he required 30 grams of animal protein at every meal. 4 00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,477 And two-- his after-school schedule 5 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,879 - was as tight as his abs. - No, I can't do wednesday. 6 00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:14,947 Wednesday I've got wrestling. 7 00:00:14,949 --> 00:00:17,049 Okay. Thursday? 8 00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,317 Circuit training. 9 00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:20,486 Then I have modeling, jump rope club, 10 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:22,287 nude modeling. Fine. 11 00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:23,956 What does your friday look like? 12 00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,125 Mmm. 13 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:28,794 Mm! Boy band practice. 14 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:29,862 Wow. 15 00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:32,498 Seems like you got a pretty full plate. 16 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,499 Yeah. 17 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,200 I need 30 grams of animal protein 18 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:36,201 at every single meal. 19 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:39,505 No, I meant to say that your days 20 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:42,041 are totally and completely booked. 21 00:00:42,043 --> 00:00:43,042 They're overbooked. 22 00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,543 Well, I'm sure yours are, too. 23 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:48,380 You probably have tons of awesome after school activities. 24 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,249 - No, yeah, totally. - I do. 25 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,250 Tons. 26 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,551 I had nothing going on 27 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,353 and was in danger of being pathetic. 28 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,755 I needed an after-school activity of my own. 29 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,757 Attention, lunch eaters. 30 00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:02,194 The critically criticized chatswin high TV network 31 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,063 is looking for a qualified producer 32 00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:06,065 with no previous qualifications... 33 00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:08,500 I have no previous qualifications. 34 00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:12,838 To oversee our hard-hitting call-in show, "teen talk." 35 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,040 I'm a teen. I love to talk. 36 00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:17,776 Any interested parties should contact me 37 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,912 at their earliest-- hello, Tessa. 38 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:25,517 Meanwhile, George was busy with a new hobby of his own-- 39 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,952 indulging Dallas royce. 40 00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,620 Oh, my gosh, George! 41 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:31,056 You're like the joy behar of cabana design. 42 00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:32,958 So? What do you think? You like it? 43 00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:33,959 Like it? Yeah. 44 00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:35,127 I love it. Yeah? 45 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:38,363 Think of all the cabana parties I can now throw. 46 00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,899 And think of all the cabana boys I can employ. 47 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:42,401 You know I love to employ people, George. 48 00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:45,437 Would you consider employing a balcony? 49 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,439 Well, who in their right mind wouldn't want a balcony? 50 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,308 That's like asking if you want fries with that. 51 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,310 The answer is always, always "yes." 52 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,147 Paint the background... 53 00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:58,283 Tessa. Welcome aboard. 54 00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:01,987 Let me take you on a grand tour of our facilities. 55 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,391 That's the chair. 56 00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:08,327 That is a phone. 57 00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:13,132 Well, I hope I can remember where everything is. 58 00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,433 Mr. wolfe, Ms. Altman, 59 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:17,136 talent just called. Our host, Evan spaghetti, 60 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,337 says he's not coming in, okay? 61 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,405 The show goes live in five, and we don't have a host. 62 00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,274 What's wrong with Evan? 63 00:02:22,276 --> 00:02:23,275 His pediatrician says exhaustion. 64 00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:26,011 Okay, th-this is real! 65 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,180 It's not a drill, all right?! Everyone, places! Go time! 66 00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:29,581 What do we do now? 67 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,619 Well, don't look at me. 68 00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:35,187 You're the new producer of "teen talk." 69 00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,656 Where would you like me to look? I-- 70 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,092 study hall! I forgot about study hall. 71 00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:41,126 It's a completely useless class. 72 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:43,028 It's like they want us to cut it and make out. 73 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,263 So do you wanna? 74 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,698 Ryan, right now I'm in the middle of managing a crisis. 75 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:50,035 Tessa! You're a genius. He's absolutely perfect. 76 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,204 I'm sorry. I'm seeing someone already. 77 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:55,541 Um, no, he means you're perfect to host "teen talk" today. 78 00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:58,110 Our host called in sick. 79 00:02:58,112 --> 00:02:59,311 You want me to bail you out? 80 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,213 Well, when you put it like that way-- yes! 81 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,515 Okay. We'll make out later! 82 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,119 -- Captions by vita-- 83 00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:20,232 I like cantaloupe. I do, 84 00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:24,203 but... it doesn't infuse water the way a Berry will. 85 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:26,205 Taste for yourself. It didn't infuse. 86 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:30,809 For me it did. 87 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:31,810 It didn't. 88 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,312 I taste it. You don't. 89 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,514 Tastes like melon. You're a filthy liar. 90 00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:38,050 Hey. 91 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,184 Hi. 92 00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:40,986 Hey, you wanna hear somethin' funny? 93 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:41,987 You wanna taste somethin' funny? 94 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:44,423 Melon water. Tastes like nothin'. 95 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:46,425 So I went to pull the permits on the cabana, 96 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:49,194 and it appears that after looking at some zoning maps, 97 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,263 58% of your property 98 00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,832 is on the east chatswin side of the border. 99 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:55,434 Isn't that funny? 100 00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:58,503 Technically, you live in east chatswin. 101 00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,842 What? 102 00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,545 What the hell are you trying to do to me, George? 103 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,447 Whoa, baby, it's--it's not that big of a deal. 104 00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,716 It's just a technicality. Come on. Doesn't matter. 105 00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,719 Oh. 106 00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:16,255 Sort of looking... Like it matters. 107 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:22,261 So apparently, Evan usually opens the show 108 00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:23,262 with a funny anecdote. 109 00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,364 Do you know any funny anecdotes? 110 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:26,765 Babe, I got this. 111 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:27,933 Whoa. 112 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,968 I mean, what do you mean, you "got this"? 113 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,436 I'm just gonna talk about my body. 114 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,705 People love it when I talk about my body. 115 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:34,906 Ryan, no, don't talk about your body. 116 00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,642 People do not wanna hear you talk about your body. 117 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,977 - We're on in five... four... - They do. 118 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,146 Three... 119 00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,750 I was sure he wasn't going to talk about his body. 120 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,052 There's no way he was going to talk about his body. 121 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,220 Hi. I'm Ryan shay, 122 00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:50,455 and I'm here to talk about my body. 123 00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,292 Please call in with your questions and compliments. 124 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:54,293 Lines are open. 125 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:59,097 Tessa! Look. The phones work. 126 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:02,334 I thought they were just props. 127 00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:04,903 And we've got caller number one. 128 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,805 - Yes. - Hi. Body? 129 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,808 Please talk to my glutes. They're all ears. 130 00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:14,079 It was official-- 131 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,447 Dallas royce was no longer a citizen of chatswin. 132 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:16,648 But it wasn't just Dallas 133 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,649 who would suffer the consequences. 134 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,686 Yakult royce? 135 00:05:22,021 --> 00:05:24,356 I'm sorry, yakult. 136 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,992 Your membership has been revoked. 137 00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:33,598 I get it. 138 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:37,469 No! Come on. Come on, guys, is this really necessary? 139 00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,970 Wait! This is all a big mistake! Hey... 140 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,972 Here's your dog... 141 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,108 And here is your complimentary 142 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,610 "you're no longer one of us" gift basket. 143 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,812 Please don't do this! 144 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,680 I amone of you! This isn't right. 145 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,183 Ooh, but this hand cream is amazing. 146 00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:52,351 Dalia royce. 147 00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,286 I've been informed 148 00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:56,555 that you are no longer a chatswin resident. 149 00:05:56,557 --> 00:06:00,292 Therefore, you can no longer attend chatswin high. 150 00:06:00,294 --> 00:06:01,293 'Kay. 151 00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:03,128 Clear out your locker, 152 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:06,631 and prepare to be relocated to east chatswin high. 153 00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,166 'Kay. 154 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,702 You may take a moment to say good-bye to your friends. 155 00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:20,645 'Kay. I'm good. 156 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,080 Very well. 157 00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:29,888 Mr. wolfe, is this... for real? This is unbelievable. 158 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,257 Almost as unbelievable 159 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:35,327 as the overnights I just got on "body talk." 160 00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:36,395 "Body talk"? 161 00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:39,264 You heard me, sister. "Teen talk" is dead. 162 00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:42,033 What? That's right, spaghetti. 163 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:43,502 Wolfie, baby, let's talk this thing over. 164 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,170 You made me change my name to "spaghetti." 165 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,738 You're yesterday's news. 166 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,207 The ratings on "body talk" were through the roof. 167 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,276 That is impossible. 168 00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:54,112 The numbers don't lie. The show got a 19, 169 00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,948 but a 25 in the 17-to-18 demo. 170 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,418 What are you talking about? What does the 25 mean? 171 00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:02,120 It means 25 people watched it. 172 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,188 That's huge. 173 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:05,857 "Teen talk" had only ever gotten a 2, 174 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,926 and that was just me and chef Alan. 175 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,127 Well, I'm happy Ryan did well. 176 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,296 Just keep doing what you're doing. 177 00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,232 What? 178 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:17,302 I always knew that someday, Ryan would be the star 179 00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:19,137 of a call-in show about his body. 180 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:22,607 I just... I didn't think you'd be the one producing it. 181 00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:28,046 To be honest, I always thought it'd be seacrest. 182 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,119 Okay. 183 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,156 Baby? 184 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,157 Let's go inside. 185 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,492 I'm not going inside, George. 186 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,093 Inside that house is east chatswin. 187 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,262 Okay, you're-- you're being crazy. 188 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:45,397 It's still your house. 189 00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:47,599 It's practically a crack den. 190 00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:50,469 Nope, George, nope. I'm staying in here. 191 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:52,070 Here's got everything 192 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,272 an upscale, single gal like myself needs. 193 00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,274 I can charge my phone, 194 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,743 use the tan roof to get some sun, 195 00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:01,413 and if I'm drinking four different beverages, 196 00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:03,315 there's four beverage holders. 197 00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,516 Inside that house, 198 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:08,520 zero beverage holders, George. Zero. 199 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,522 Dallas? 200 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:12,657 This car is my home-sweet-home now. 201 00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:15,861 What are you... What's going on? 202 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:16,862 Oh... 203 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,697 What are you doing? 204 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,867 Comfy cozy. Like the four seasons. 205 00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,702 Okay. I-I started this mess, 206 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,270 and I'm gonna be the one to fix it. 207 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:27,105 I'm gonna go make some calls. 208 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,009 Thanks for dropping by! 209 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,377 Dalia was doing a little better 210 00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:34,179 adjusting to her new circumstances... 211 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:38,316 Thanks to a coping mechanism known as denial. 212 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:39,351 Hi, Malik. 213 00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:42,220 Hi, Tessa. 214 00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:45,724 What up, bitches? 215 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,495 Who the hell are you? 216 00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:52,797 Who the hell are you? 217 00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,032 Daisy. 218 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,166 Dalia. 219 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,302 This is the triple a-- 220 00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,404 Ashley, Amber, and amantha. 221 00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,339 What kind of name is amantha? 222 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,340 It's the kind of name 223 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:06,311 that thinks you're a pale, ugly loser. 224 00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,446 Mr. wolfe, they're being mean to me. 225 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:13,652 She's living in my car. My car. 226 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,153 This has to be fixed. 227 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,421 You--you sure this guy can help? 228 00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:18,490 Because... Look, this guy 229 00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:20,725 is the ultimate power broker in chatswin. 230 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:21,760 He controls the zoning board. 231 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,028 He pulls permits out of his back pocket 232 00:09:23,030 --> 00:09:24,362 like they're chewing gum. 233 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,897 He's the godfather. 234 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:31,202 Marty? Steam room Marty? He's your guy? 235 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,004 He's "the godfather"? 236 00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:36,274 Gentlemen. 237 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:38,944 What can I do for you? 238 00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,413 Well, Marty, I'm--I'm here about Dallas. 239 00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:43,615 You know Dallas? Know her? 240 00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:47,452 Why, I consider her a close, personal friend. 241 00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,421 Exactly. In fact, 242 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:51,456 she's my best friend. 243 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,892 Now I don't know if you know this, 244 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,127 but we fought in the war together. 245 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:58,863 O-okay. You and Dallas royce? 246 00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,398 Who the hell is that? 247 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,100 Yeah. Okay, Marty, she's my girlfriend. 248 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:05,303 And it turns out that half of her property 249 00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:06,905 is in east chatswin, 250 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,139 and now she's being kicked out of the club. 251 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,741 Her daughter is being thrown out of school, 252 00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,209 sh--uh-huh. 253 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:14,546 So you want me to go to her house and break bread. 254 00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:15,880 What? 255 00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:17,782 No, I'm asking you to rezone her property 256 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,118 so she can remain a resident of chatswin. 257 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,153 And why would I do that? 258 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,321 Uh, Marty, 259 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,724 I gave you an emergency root canal 260 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,559 and did your crown for free. 261 00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:30,795 So you owe... You--you owe me. 262 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,402 Everything you need 263 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,503 is on this disk. 264 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:42,807 Print it out, fill out the paperwork, 265 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,976 and then come see me... 266 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,511 In the steam room. 267 00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,146 Where--where am I gonna find 268 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,514 a computer to open this thing up? 269 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:51,516 Who do I look like... 270 00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:53,318 Al Gore? 271 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,519 Before we go, 272 00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:57,422 I wanna take one final call about my body. 273 00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:01,292 You're on the air, caller. 274 00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,794 Hey, yeah. It's pretty warm out. 275 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:04,663 Can you tell us how your body does in the heat? 276 00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:06,665 Yeah, that's a-- that's a very good question. 277 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,466 I actually get that one a lot. 278 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:12,103 And hydration is the key to hydration. 279 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,139 Now when I want to get hydrated, 280 00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:16,508 I like to drink stuff through my mouth. 281 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,647 Till next time. 282 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:25,617 Okay. You know what? This is stupid. 283 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:28,653 This is... Just stupid! 284 00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,355 I want my name off the show. 285 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,324 Tessa, please... 286 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,359 You're embarrassing yourself. 287 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,361 I'm embarrassing myself? 288 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,829 You're the one spending a whole entire study hall period 289 00:11:37,831 --> 00:11:39,464 talking about your body. 290 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,800 Hey, the only reason I even agreed to do "body talk" 291 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,134 was for you. 292 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,836 I know this is your only extracurricular activity. 293 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,638 I know it must make you feel like a big loser. 294 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,473 A big loser? 295 00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,475 No, no. Look, it's okay, though. 296 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:53,311 You're less popular than me, you have less friends than I do, 297 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,879 and you have little to no activities. 298 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,849 But... I'm still super, super into you. Like, I'm-- 299 00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,351 I do not need your pity! 300 00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,420 Okay? I don't need your help. 301 00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:06,825 I could make this show a huge success without you. 302 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:10,595 Okay. We both know that's not true. 303 00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:13,431 Okay, you have no idea what people find interesting, 304 00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:16,201 and you told me to open with an antidote, 305 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,368 whatever the hell that is. 306 00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:18,570 I would literally rather watch anything-- 307 00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,939 anything else-- 308 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:24,075 than you talking about your body. 309 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,610 What are you trying to say? 310 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:28,279 What I'm trying to say is you are fired. 311 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:31,416 Well, if you're trying to say that, congratulations, 312 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,284 'cause you just said it to me. 313 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,285 Yes, I said it. 314 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,487 Wow! 315 00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:37,956 Wow! 316 00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:43,228 Let's go, boys. 317 00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,468 Mommy, I'm home. 318 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,470 Back here! 319 00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:57,308 How was school today? 320 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,577 Did you make any new friends? 321 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:03,381 No. Everyone at my new school's Tanner than me. 322 00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:06,551 They act like I'm not tan enough to be going there. 323 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,453 That's ridiculous. 324 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:12,423 No one should ever be judged by how deep their tan is. 325 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,658 I know, right? 326 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,561 I just wish they could look beyond the color of my tan 327 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,563 and see the content of my closet. 328 00:13:18,565 --> 00:13:21,666 Because I have really nice stuff in my closet, you know? 329 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:22,667 I know. 330 00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:25,670 And that's a beautiful dream. 331 00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:28,807 You know, I can't remember the last time 332 00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:32,610 we had an after-school espresso, just the two of us. 333 00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,246 Maybe being ostracized by our community 334 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:39,317 and driven out of our home was a blessing in disguise. 335 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,318 Yeah. 336 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,521 It's a good disguise, mommy. 337 00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:48,126 Where's my kangaroo? 338 00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,798 Ha ha. Marty. 339 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,334 It was not easy, but I found an old library in queens 340 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,370 that has a working quadra 650. 341 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:02,106 I have here the documents, all filled out, 342 00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,976 ready for your approval, sir. 343 00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:09,347 Thank-- hey-- 344 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,348 rejected? 345 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,850 Marty, you bastard. 346 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,351 What--I-I filled out the paperwork, 347 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,019 just like you said. 348 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,554 The paperwork doesn't change the fact 349 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,791 that 58% of the property is in east chatswin. 350 00:14:19,793 --> 00:14:24,896 Thus making it 100% in east chatswin. 351 00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,565 Why did you make him fill out the paperwork 352 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,567 if you were just gonna reject it? 353 00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,002 Protocol. 354 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:32,704 All right, you know what? Don't come crying to me 355 00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,873 the next time your crown cracks! 356 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,507 My crown is already cracked! 357 00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:39,677 I had to get a partial bridge! 358 00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,479 Ew. 359 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,915 Okay. That... 360 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:45,483 Is a bridge too far, my friend. 361 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:48,386 That is a bridge too far! 362 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,989 Aah! Oh, God! Aah! Oh! Aah! 363 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,591 Five, four, three... 364 00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:54,726 Two... 365 00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:02,000 welcome to "Tessa talk." 366 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:04,369 I'm your host--Tessa. 367 00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:07,672 Today we are going to be talking about what it takes 368 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,774 to get an episode of television on the air, 369 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:10,942 how to deal with talent, 370 00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:12,877 manage the expectations of the faculty, 371 00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:16,014 and how to produce an entertaining segment. 372 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:18,082 Phone lines are open. 373 00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:32,864 Does anybody wanna... 374 00:15:32,866 --> 00:15:34,799 Talk about my body? 375 00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:41,973 Sorry. Albinos can't drink from this fountain. 376 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:45,076 You're so pale. You look like a vampire. 377 00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,377 Do you need a transfusion? 378 00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:47,712 You should be in the next "twilight" movie, 379 00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,415 'cause your skin looks like a dead vam-- 380 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:53,418 I get it. My tan's not good enough for you guys. 381 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:56,154 It's not your tan. It's you. 382 00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:58,222 We don't like you 'cause you're new. 383 00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:01,926 Oh. I used to make fun of new people, too. 384 00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,062 Just ask Tessa. 385 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,330 Maybe one day you'll get transferred, 386 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:06,831 and then you'll know what it feels like 387 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,434 to be the odd biyatch out. 388 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:10,835 Biyatch. 389 00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:14,138 I miss my old school. 390 00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:18,076 You wanted to see me? 391 00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,277 I didn't want to see you. 392 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,446 The cancellation bear wanted to see you. 393 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,448 In his den. 394 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:26,017 What is this? 395 00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:27,685 Our ratings went down 24. 396 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,654 That means we got a 1. 397 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,490 You lost chef Alan, and when you've lost chef Alan, 398 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,491 you've lost America. 399 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,494 Mr. wolfe, I'm sorry. 400 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,430 But I can't dedicate myself to a show 401 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:43,601 that fixates on the most superficial, unimportant aspect 402 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,803 of being a human being. 403 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:49,107 Aren't you dating Ryan now? 404 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:50,108 Kind of. 405 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,143 Then you should know. 406 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:56,014 What makes "body talk" great isn't Ryan's great body. 407 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:59,984 He also has an amazing spirit. 408 00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:02,754 I assumed that was what you liked about him. 409 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,026 It is. 410 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:11,162 The best thing to wash down a big slice of humble pie-- 411 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:14,565 east chatswin tap water. 412 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:20,405 Oh! Javier! Oh, thank goodness! 413 00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,373 Oh, I didn't know you worked at this club, too. 414 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,042 I need to file a complaint 415 00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:25,710 about the water! 416 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,879 It's unfruited. 417 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,047 Actually, I don't work here, Dallas. 418 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,848 I-I'm a member just like you. 419 00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:31,849 Javier, no. 420 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,584 How could you belong to an establishment 421 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,654 who puts little, if any, fruit in their water? 422 00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,723 Truth told, I'm a tap man. 423 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,091 A tap man? 424 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,526 Dallas. 425 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,661 Hey. George! Thank God, George. 426 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,163 The water... 427 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,031 Is unfruited. 428 00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:50,435 Well, uh, I-I got some bad news. 429 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,036 Worse than unfruited? 430 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:55,006 On a scale of one to ten, unfruited being a nine? 431 00:17:55,008 --> 00:17:56,908 It's a ten. It's Marty. 432 00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,409 He not only rejected our appeal, 433 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,445 but now he has a restraining order against me. 434 00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,213 So looks like neither one of us 435 00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:03,915 is going to the chatswin country club 436 00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,616 anytime soon. 437 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:06,751 I see. 438 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:09,554 Hey. But hey, hey, I will personally cut fruit 439 00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:12,090 and put it in your water every single day of the week. 440 00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:15,193 And I'll join the east chatswin "y," too. 441 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,428 We're in this together, okay? 442 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,963 Okay. 443 00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:22,433 If I have to slum it, I guess I'd rather slum it with you. 444 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:26,003 I'd rather slum it with you, too. 445 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,241 Hey, javier. 446 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,442 Hola. 447 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,244 While Dallas made peace with the idea 448 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,412 of not belonging to a club 449 00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,047 that didn't want to have her as a member, 450 00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:37,248 i realized that I already belonged 451 00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,217 to something that meant more to me 452 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:44,555 welcome to a special edition of "body talk." 453 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:47,225 Today I'm going to be answering questions 454 00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,794 on everybody's favorite subject-- 455 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,263 Ryan shay. 456 00:18:52,265 --> 00:18:54,165 The two of us started dating recently, 457 00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:57,635 so I'm practically an expert on him 458 00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:00,271 and his amazing body. 459 00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,106 The phone lines are open for your questions. 460 00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:06,344 Hey, Tessa, i was just wondering-- 461 00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,579 what's your favorite part of "the body's" body? 462 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,248 Great question, caller. 463 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,450 Um... 464 00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,353 I'd have to say it's his heart. 465 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:19,757 Yeah, his heart is even bigger than his quads, 466 00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:23,294 which, as you know, are... huge. 467 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:28,199 Ladies and gentlemen, 468 00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:31,802 this is an exciting day on "body talk." 469 00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:35,139 Please welcome the star of our show 470 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:38,276 and the guy I wanna say "sorry" to-- 471 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:40,578 Ryan shay. 472 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:49,153 I'm sorry I called you a loser. 473 00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:52,256 I'm sorry I was acting like one. 474 00:20:07,673 --> 00:20:09,173 Where there's a will, there's a way. 475 00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:10,808 And Noah wasn't willing to lose his best friend 476 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:11,876 to east chatswin. 477 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,553 Noah, what's going on in here? 478 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,089 Hey, Marty! 479 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,657 What, you don't like my friends? 480 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,193 I got them all guest passes. 481 00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:30,561 They love it here. 482 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,598 They said they're gonna come all the time, huh? Yeah! 483 00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:36,267 You bastard. 484 00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:39,170 How much to get my steam room back? 485 00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:40,538 You can get it back cheap. 486 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:43,708 It'll just cost you one stamp. 487 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:46,844 And just like that, 488 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:49,180 the royces were citizens of chatswin again. 489 00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:51,616 And not a minute too soon for dalia. 490 00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:58,256 Bye, losers. 491 00:20:58,258 --> 00:20:59,890 I'm done being a loser. 492 00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:03,461 Does this school validate? 493 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,096 My old school validates. 494 00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:09,800 No? You guys all probably take the bus.