1
00:00:02,910 --> 00:00:04,194
I don't know why I avoided
2
00:00:04,196 --> 00:00:05,779
the Harry Potter books
for so long.
3
00:00:05,781 --> 00:00:07,197
These are great.
4
00:00:07,199 --> 00:00:09,166
I just started number six.
5
00:00:09,168 --> 00:00:10,584
That's a good one.
6
00:00:10,586 --> 00:00:12,285
Dumbledore dies in that one.
7
00:00:14,672 --> 00:00:18,091
Yeah, I know,
I didn't see it coming, either.
8
00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:20,544
Why would you say that?
9
00:00:20,546 --> 00:00:21,778
You brought up
the subject.
10
00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:24,114
I contributed an interesting
fact on that subject.
11
00:00:24,116 --> 00:00:26,133
It's called the art
of conversation.
12
00:00:26,135 --> 00:00:27,684
Okay, your turn.
13
00:00:29,170 --> 00:00:31,188
That was a huge spoiler.
14
00:00:31,190 --> 00:00:32,956
Good.
15
00:00:32,958 --> 00:00:35,475
What is wrong with you?
16
00:00:35,477 --> 00:00:38,028
If I did that, you'd bitch
about it for weeks.
17
00:00:38,030 --> 00:00:39,479
Oh, really, Leonard?
Are you going to have
18
00:00:39,481 --> 00:00:40,430
another one of your hissy fits?
19
00:00:40,432 --> 00:00:43,433
Hissy fits?
I have hissy fits?
20
00:00:43,435 --> 00:00:45,819
Yes, and I have a theory why.
21
00:00:45,821 --> 00:00:48,205
Because of
your lactose intolerance,
22
00:00:48,207 --> 00:00:49,873
you switched over to soy milk.
23
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:51,425
Soy contains
24
00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:53,443
estrogen-mimicking compounds.
25
00:00:53,445 --> 00:00:55,712
I think your morning Cocoa Puffs
26
00:00:55,714 --> 00:00:58,832
are turning you
into a hysterical woman.
27
00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:04,304
You are unbelievable.
28
00:01:04,306 --> 00:01:06,339
I don't know why
I put up with you.
29
00:01:06,341 --> 00:01:08,458
You're controlling,
you're irritating...
30
00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:10,844
There you go again--
nag, nag, nag.
31
00:01:11,896 --> 00:01:13,847
You're only proving my point,
little lady.
32
00:01:13,849 --> 00:01:16,800
You know what?
Screw you, Sheldon.
33
00:01:16,802 --> 00:01:19,403
You are the most annoying person
I have ever met.
34
00:01:19,405 --> 00:01:20,804
What? I'm annoying?
35
00:01:20,806 --> 00:01:23,073
You criticize my behavior
all the time.
36
00:01:23,075 --> 00:01:25,609
"Sheldon, don't talk
about your bowel movements
37
00:01:25,611 --> 00:01:27,143
over breakfast."
38
00:01:28,312 --> 00:01:29,946
"Sheldon, when the president
of the university
39
00:01:29,948 --> 00:01:31,832
"is giving a eulogy
at a funeral,
40
00:01:31,834 --> 00:01:34,117
don't yawn
and point at your watch."
41
00:01:34,119 --> 00:01:36,253
"Sheldon,
don't throw away my shirts
42
00:01:36,255 --> 00:01:37,504
'cause you think they're ugly."
43
00:01:37,506 --> 00:01:38,789
You're impossible.
44
00:01:38,791 --> 00:01:40,156
That's it. I don't...
45
00:01:40,158 --> 00:01:41,925
I don't have to
put up with this.
46
00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:44,244
Actually, I have your signature
on a roommate agreement
47
00:01:44,246 --> 00:01:45,662
that says you do.
48
00:01:45,664 --> 00:01:47,163
Aw.
49
00:01:47,165 --> 00:01:49,800
Here's what I think
of your roommate agreement.
50
00:01:49,802 --> 00:01:51,268
(gasps)
51
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,689
You pick that up right now.
No.
52
00:01:55,691 --> 00:01:58,108
Roommate agreement,
section 27, paragraph 5:
53
00:01:58,110 --> 00:02:00,060
The roommate agreement,
like the American flag,
54
00:02:00,062 --> 00:02:02,446
cannot touch the ground.
55
00:02:02,448 --> 00:02:04,681
I don't care.
56
00:02:04,683 --> 00:02:08,034
I don't have to do
anything you say because...
57
00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:10,987
I don't think I want
to live here anymore.
58
00:02:10,989 --> 00:02:12,255
Where are you going?
59
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:14,858
To live with Penny and not you,
you crazy bastard.
60
00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:17,811
Crazy bastard?
Yes.
61
00:02:17,813 --> 00:02:19,863
Leonard, wait.
What?
62
00:02:20,631 --> 00:02:22,466
Dobby the elf dies
in book seven.
63
00:02:27,054 --> 00:02:30,707
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
64
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:34,511
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
65
00:02:34,513 --> 00:02:36,146
♪ The Earth began to cool
66
00:02:36,148 --> 00:02:38,565
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
67
00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:40,901
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
68
00:02:40,903 --> 00:02:43,353
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
69
00:02:43,355 --> 00:02:45,388
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
70
00:02:45,390 --> 00:02:45,890
♪ Bang! ♪
71
00:02:45,891 --> 00:02:48,891
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x15 ♪
The Spoiler Alert Segmentation
Original Air Date on February 7, 2013
72
00:02:48,892 --> 00:02:51,892
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
73
00:02:51,893 --> 00:02:52,881
Here you go.
74
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:54,548
Great. Come on in.
75
00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:55,866
What, you don't say thank you?
76
00:02:55,868 --> 00:02:57,168
It's my suitcase.
77
00:02:57,170 --> 00:02:59,670
I lent it to you two years ago.
78
00:02:59,672 --> 00:03:01,005
Well, then, I should tell you
79
00:03:01,007 --> 00:03:02,757
I broke the wheel
and the handle.
80
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,562
So, is everyone
from Bernadette's company
81
00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:09,713
going to Vegas?
82
00:03:09,715 --> 00:03:12,600
No, just me, her
and a couple of the big wigs.
83
00:03:12,602 --> 00:03:14,235
It's part of a bonus she got.
84
00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:16,604
Cool. Did she discover
a cure for something?
85
00:03:16,606 --> 00:03:17,688
Not exactly.
86
00:03:17,690 --> 00:03:19,607
They spent a ton of
money developing this
87
00:03:19,609 --> 00:03:21,859
dandruff medication
that had the side effect
88
00:03:21,861 --> 00:03:23,861
of horrible anal leakage.
89
00:03:26,448 --> 00:03:28,666
Is there a good
anal leakage?
90
00:03:31,069 --> 00:03:33,254
Anyway, it was
Bernie's idea
91
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,339
to rebrand the stuff as a
cure for constipation.
92
00:03:35,341 --> 00:03:36,590
(chuckles)
93
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:39,009
Way to make lemonade.
94
00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:41,912
You know, from around the
corner where fudge is made.
95
00:03:44,633 --> 00:03:47,051
Hey, I got a favor to ask.
96
00:03:47,053 --> 00:03:48,803
Sure.
97
00:03:48,805 --> 00:03:50,805
My mom's been kind of
an emotional wreck
98
00:03:50,807 --> 00:03:53,808
since that dentist
she was dating dumped her.
99
00:03:53,810 --> 00:03:55,726
Dumped her?
What, did he use a forklift?
100
00:03:55,728 --> 00:03:56,977
(laughing)
101
00:03:59,597 --> 00:04:01,232
Sorry.
102
00:04:01,234 --> 00:04:03,818
There's nothing funny
about morbid obesity.
103
00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:05,436
She's huge. It was funny.
104
00:04:05,438 --> 00:04:06,487
(laughing)
105
00:04:06,489 --> 00:04:07,822
Anyway, I was
just hoping
106
00:04:07,824 --> 00:04:10,441
that maybe you could check in
on her tomorrow night
107
00:04:10,443 --> 00:04:12,460
and make sure she's doing okay.
108
00:04:12,462 --> 00:04:15,112
Dude, I'm a single man.
109
00:04:15,114 --> 00:04:18,299
Saturday night
is my party night.
110
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,751
Really?
What do you got going on?
111
00:04:20,753 --> 00:04:23,003
I don't know,
maybe drive down to Hollywood,
112
00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:25,673
hit a few hot spots,
see if I can get lucky.
113
00:04:25,675 --> 00:04:27,758
Okay, tell me
if this sounds familiar.
114
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,293
(clears throat)
115
00:04:29,295 --> 00:04:31,628
You pay $15 to park,
116
00:04:31,630 --> 00:04:33,230
you stand on the sidewalk
for an hour
117
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:34,932
until you break down
and give the bouncer
118
00:04:34,934 --> 00:04:36,066
20 bucks to let you in.
119
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,568
You push your
way to the bar,
120
00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:39,687
where you drink
an $18 cosmopolitan,
121
00:04:39,689 --> 00:04:41,805
then you stare at a pretty girl
122
00:04:41,807 --> 00:04:43,941
and imagine your perfect life
together.
123
00:04:43,943 --> 00:04:45,242
Your children, grandchildren.
124
00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:46,994
Meanwhile, she leaves
with a guy who claims
125
00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:49,146
he wrote
Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
126
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,032
Then you give up
on anyone ever loving you,
127
00:04:52,034 --> 00:04:53,484
go to Marie Callender's,
buy a pie
128
00:04:53,486 --> 00:04:57,254
and eat it in your car
in the parking lot.
129
00:04:58,190 --> 00:04:59,957
What time should I be
at your mother's?
130
00:04:59,959 --> 00:05:02,710
I told her around 7:00.
131
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:06,380
I swear, that man is
the most egotistical,
132
00:05:06,382 --> 00:05:08,499
insufferable human
being I have ever met.
133
00:05:08,501 --> 00:05:11,302
Yeah, but you two make
such a cute couple.
134
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,139
Like Burt and Ernie.
135
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:20,110
You guys even teach me stuff
about words and numbers.
136
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,112
Well, I've had it.
I am done.
137
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:24,348
I can't... I can't live with him
for one more minute.
138
00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:26,233
Wow. Where are you going to go?
139
00:05:26,235 --> 00:05:28,502
I was thinking
here with you.
140
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,823
Oh.
141
00:05:32,825 --> 00:05:34,858
That a problem?
142
00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:36,177
No, not at all.
143
00:05:36,179 --> 00:05:37,194
No, it's-it's great.
144
00:05:37,196 --> 00:05:38,462
It's terrific. I...
145
00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:41,031
You know, I just can't help
feel bad about Sheldon.
146
00:05:41,033 --> 00:05:42,032
I mean...
147
00:05:42,034 --> 00:05:44,418
how's he going to get by
without you?
148
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:47,304
Ernie.
149
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,089
He's got Amy now.
150
00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:51,542
Yeah, he does,
but it's not the same.
151
00:05:51,544 --> 00:05:52,810
Why?
152
00:05:53,762 --> 00:05:55,846
Um...
153
00:05:55,848 --> 00:05:57,398
Well, um, all right.
154
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,733
You-you know how in Harry Potter
and the Half-Blood Prince,
155
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:01,235
Ron didn't abandon Harry
just because
156
00:06:01,237 --> 00:06:02,937
Harry started
dating Ron's sister?
157
00:06:02,939 --> 00:06:05,973
Harry and Ginny
get together?
158
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:11,912
Sorry.
Spoiler alert.
159
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,898
My point is, as much
as I want to live with you,
160
00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:17,368
I can't do it knowing
how much Sheldon needs you.
161
00:06:17,370 --> 00:06:19,220
Please, the only
thing he needs me for
162
00:06:19,222 --> 00:06:20,788
is to be his whipping boy,
163
00:06:20,790 --> 00:06:23,090
his-his stooge, his doormat.
164
00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:25,909
Well, you know what they say:
if it ain't broke...
165
00:06:27,745 --> 00:06:29,213
Wow.
166
00:06:29,215 --> 00:06:31,799
It sounds to me like you don't
want us to live together.
167
00:06:31,801 --> 00:06:33,167
No. No, no, I do.
168
00:06:33,169 --> 00:06:34,585
I do. It's just...
169
00:06:34,587 --> 00:06:36,920
I mean, it's a really big step.
170
00:06:36,922 --> 00:06:37,921
Is it?
171
00:06:37,923 --> 00:06:39,089
We're together all the time.
172
00:06:39,091 --> 00:06:40,524
Financially,
it makes great sense.
173
00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:43,060
Can you think of one reason
why we shouldn't do this?
174
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:46,897
Well... um...
175
00:06:46,899 --> 00:06:50,951
I'm just a little thirsty.
Yeah.
176
00:06:54,739 --> 00:06:57,157
I got nothing.
177
00:06:57,159 --> 00:06:58,709
Great. I'll go get my stuff.
178
00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:01,328
(laughs nervously)
Yeah.
179
00:07:03,248 --> 00:07:05,949
Okay, all right,
don't freak out.
180
00:07:05,951 --> 00:07:08,218
You can make this work.
181
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,621
Oh, could you clear off
a shelf for me in the bathroom?
182
00:07:10,623 --> 00:07:13,057
I take a lot of medicine.
183
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,977
Oh, please let
some of it be Xanax.
184
00:07:20,432 --> 00:07:23,317
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Are you ready for dessert?
185
00:07:23,319 --> 00:07:25,352
(grunts)
186
00:07:25,354 --> 00:07:27,154
No, thank you, Mrs. Wolowitz.
187
00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:30,207
As it is, I'm going to have
to carry my stomach out of here
188
00:07:30,209 --> 00:07:32,809
like I'm a fireman
rescuing an infant.
189
00:07:34,646 --> 00:07:35,613
Oh, please.
190
00:07:35,615 --> 00:07:39,099
You're a tall glass
of brown water.
191
00:07:39,101 --> 00:07:40,501
Have dessert.
192
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:42,202
Well, I-I really couldn't.
193
00:07:42,204 --> 00:07:44,455
But, uh, I've had a lovely time
eating your brisket
194
00:07:44,457 --> 00:07:46,957
and hearing about the things
you've had removed
195
00:07:46,959 --> 00:07:49,293
from your body over the years.
196
00:07:49,295 --> 00:07:52,496
Didn't know you could have
a cyst inside another cyst.
197
00:07:53,548 --> 00:07:56,317
The doctor said they were
like Russian nesting dolls.
198
00:07:56,319 --> 00:07:59,637
Well, if you have to go,
199
00:07:59,639 --> 00:08:02,973
how about I put a little
doggie bag together for you?
200
00:08:02,975 --> 00:08:05,142
That would be lovely.
Thank you.
201
00:08:05,144 --> 00:08:07,294
(Mrs. Wolowitz sobbing)
202
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,598
Mrs. Wolowitz, uh...
203
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,484
are you okay?
204
00:08:13,486 --> 00:08:14,652
Don't mind me.
205
00:08:14,654 --> 00:08:16,520
I just cry
when I'm lonely
206
00:08:16,522 --> 00:08:19,139
and have nothing
to live for.
207
00:08:24,095 --> 00:08:26,130
I, uh...
208
00:08:26,132 --> 00:08:28,465
I suppose I could stay
for some dessert.
209
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:30,567
Great. You like
chocolate chip cheesecake?
210
00:08:30,569 --> 00:08:31,935
Sure.
211
00:08:31,937 --> 00:08:34,138
I'll make one.
212
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:40,477
One vintage Mr. Mxyzptlk
action figure.
213
00:08:40,479 --> 00:08:41,845
That's Leonard's.
214
00:08:41,847 --> 00:08:44,648
Children's toy.
215
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:47,985
One Star Trek:
The Next Generation phaser.
216
00:08:47,987 --> 00:08:49,353
That's Leonard's.
217
00:08:49,355 --> 00:08:52,439
Children's toy.
218
00:08:52,441 --> 00:08:56,694
One Game of Thrones collector's
edition Longclaw sword.
219
00:08:56,696 --> 00:08:59,580
Oh... Leonard and I
bought that together.
220
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,750
That's a bit
of an ethical conundrum.
221
00:09:03,618 --> 00:09:06,253
Eh, I'll keep it.
222
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,739
So, uh, what's your plan
moving forward?
223
00:09:08,741 --> 00:09:12,342
Uh, suppose I'll have to find
and cultivate a new roommate.
224
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,261
What a task
that will be.
225
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:17,931
Do you know how uncivilized
Leonard was when I took him in?
226
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:19,616
No.
227
00:09:19,618 --> 00:09:23,804
Oh, it took me forever to get
him on a bathroom schedule.
228
00:09:23,806 --> 00:09:27,424
He would just go
whenever the mood struck him.
229
00:09:27,426 --> 00:09:29,259
Like a dog-boy.
230
00:09:29,261 --> 00:09:31,261
Exactly.
231
00:09:31,263 --> 00:09:32,896
What if you could
find a roommate
232
00:09:32,898 --> 00:09:34,648
who was a scientist
233
00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:37,484
and already familiar
and comfortable with your ways?
234
00:09:37,486 --> 00:09:39,052
That would be ideal.
235
00:09:39,054 --> 00:09:40,721
If a person like that existed,
236
00:09:40,723 --> 00:09:43,407
I would sign on,
no further questions asked.
237
00:09:44,242 --> 00:09:46,827
Great. Here I am!
238
00:09:51,916 --> 00:09:53,634
Wait.
239
00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:55,619
Here who is where?
240
00:09:55,621 --> 00:09:57,671
Me.
241
00:09:57,673 --> 00:10:00,474
Aren't I your
perfect roommate?
242
00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:02,459
Um...
243
00:10:02,461 --> 00:10:03,761
Think about it, Sheldon.
244
00:10:03,763 --> 00:10:04,895
I'm not a stranger,
245
00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:06,513
we're intellectually
compatible,
246
00:10:06,515 --> 00:10:08,632
I'm willing to chauffeur
you around town,
247
00:10:08,634 --> 00:10:09,900
and your personality quirks,
248
00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:11,852
which others find abhorrent
or rage-inducing,
249
00:10:11,854 --> 00:10:13,604
I find cute as a button.
250
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,740
What do you think?
251
00:10:22,530 --> 00:10:24,665
Um...
252
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:27,951
Tell me one reason why this
isn't a fantastic idea.
253
00:10:27,953 --> 00:10:30,654
Um...
254
00:10:30,656 --> 00:10:32,706
See? You can't.
255
00:10:32,708 --> 00:10:34,174
I'm gonna go see
if Leonard's room
256
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:36,593
is big enough for my water bed.
257
00:10:38,996 --> 00:10:41,381
Um...
258
00:10:42,484 --> 00:10:45,669
Good buddy Leonard.
Good buddy Leonard.
259
00:10:45,671 --> 00:10:48,856
Good buddy Leonard.
260
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:51,108
What do you want?
261
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:53,644
Hey, good buddy.
262
00:10:53,646 --> 00:10:54,728
So, uh, I was
263
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:56,313
just talking to Amy,
264
00:10:56,315 --> 00:10:57,648
and she made me realize
265
00:10:57,650 --> 00:11:00,067
that this little dust-up
between you and me
266
00:11:00,069 --> 00:11:01,652
is much ado about nothing.
267
00:11:01,654 --> 00:11:02,903
Is that so?
268
00:11:02,905 --> 00:11:04,020
Yes.
269
00:11:04,022 --> 00:11:06,039
All is forgiven,
so come back home.
270
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,325
I'll make you
some soy hot chocolate,
271
00:11:08,327 --> 00:11:10,794
and then I'll you tell you
about our exciting new
272
00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:13,463
devil-may-care bathroom policy.
273
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:18,535
Cut to the chase, Sheldon.
274
00:11:18,537 --> 00:11:21,221
Okay. Amy's decided
she wants to move in with me,
275
00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:24,057
so I need you to come back home,
you lovable scamp.
276
00:11:25,543 --> 00:11:28,095
That's a lot of product.
277
00:11:28,097 --> 00:11:29,212
Hey.
278
00:11:29,214 --> 00:11:30,597
What's going on?
Oh, get this:
279
00:11:30,599 --> 00:11:32,015
Suddenly, Sheldon
wants me back
280
00:11:32,017 --> 00:11:34,551
because Amy wants
to move in with him.
281
00:11:34,553 --> 00:11:36,553
Really? Interesting.
282
00:11:36,555 --> 00:11:39,356
Well, too late, pal.
I'm not going anywhere.
283
00:11:39,358 --> 00:11:41,658
Penny and I are very happy
living together.
284
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,826
Isn't that right?
285
00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:44,027
It's like the happiness
286
00:11:44,029 --> 00:11:46,697
won't ever leave
the apartment.
287
00:11:46,699 --> 00:11:47,865
Leonard, please.
288
00:11:47,867 --> 00:11:50,117
You know Amy moving in
marks a level of intimacy
289
00:11:50,119 --> 00:11:52,068
our relationship
isn't ready for.
290
00:11:52,070 --> 00:11:54,454
Yes! That is a real thing.
291
00:11:54,456 --> 00:11:56,573
And it doesn't mean you
don't care about each other;
292
00:11:56,575 --> 00:11:58,542
it just means things
are moving at a pace
293
00:11:58,544 --> 00:12:00,577
you're not comfortable with,
and that's fine.
294
00:12:00,579 --> 00:12:02,512
Well, if he doesn't
want to live with her,
295
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,381
then he should
tell her how he feels.
296
00:12:04,383 --> 00:12:06,300
Well, maybe he doesn't
know how to say it
297
00:12:06,302 --> 00:12:07,467
without hurting
her feelings.
298
00:12:07,469 --> 00:12:08,518
Feelings?
299
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,021
What am I, a hippie
at a love-in? No.
300
00:12:11,023 --> 00:12:12,422
The problem is,
301
00:12:12,424 --> 00:12:14,141
she laid out a series
of logical arguments
302
00:12:14,143 --> 00:12:15,225
that I couldn't refute.
303
00:12:15,227 --> 00:12:16,526
That is the worst,
isn't it?
304
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,094
Yes.
305
00:12:18,096 --> 00:12:20,314
I'm sorry, Sheldon.
I can't help you.
306
00:12:20,316 --> 00:12:21,481
Oh, spoiler alert:
307
00:12:21,483 --> 00:12:23,951
This door's about
to slam in your face.
308
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,453
Oh, there you are.
309
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:30,340
When do I get a key
to our apartment?
310
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,378
Um...
311
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:39,877
(phone ringing)
312
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:46,834
Hello?
313
00:12:46,836 --> 00:12:49,019
Hey. How'd it go last night
with my mom?
314
00:12:49,021 --> 00:12:50,938
Okay, I guess.
315
00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:52,256
What time did you leave?
316
00:12:52,258 --> 00:12:54,391
(yawns)
317
00:12:54,393 --> 00:12:57,711
Actually, I'm still here.
318
00:12:57,713 --> 00:13:00,380
What? You spent the night?
319
00:13:00,382 --> 00:13:02,199
Yeah. Uh...
320
00:13:02,201 --> 00:13:06,220
after dinner, we watched
a rerun of Rockford Files,
321
00:13:06,222 --> 00:13:07,822
and then she opened a bottle
322
00:13:07,824 --> 00:13:10,390
of, uh, cream sherry,
and the next thing I know,
323
00:13:10,392 --> 00:13:13,694
she was tucking me
into your bed.
324
00:13:13,696 --> 00:13:16,580
You wore my pajamas?
325
00:13:16,582 --> 00:13:17,731
Mm-hmm.
326
00:13:17,733 --> 00:13:19,583
How do you sleep
in these things?
327
00:13:19,585 --> 00:13:21,418
Silk pajamas on satin sheets?
328
00:13:21,420 --> 00:13:24,455
I slid out of the bed,
like, three times.
329
00:13:24,457 --> 00:13:26,841
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Rajesh!
330
00:13:26,843 --> 00:13:27,975
You up?
331
00:13:27,977 --> 00:13:29,260
You ready for breakfast?
332
00:13:29,262 --> 00:13:31,212
Oh, boy. Breakfast.
333
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:33,264
Okay, Raj, listen to me.
334
00:13:33,266 --> 00:13:34,748
You need to get out of there.
335
00:13:34,750 --> 00:13:39,887
But I have a cream sherry
hangover and I smell blintzes.
336
00:13:39,889 --> 00:13:42,606
If you don't leave now,
she'll use food and guilt
337
00:13:42,608 --> 00:13:44,775
to keep you there
for the rest of your life.
338
00:13:44,777 --> 00:13:46,610
Oh, Howard, stop.
339
00:13:46,612 --> 00:13:47,811
Trust me, you're not Jewish.
340
00:13:47,813 --> 00:13:49,063
That's how they get you.
341
00:13:49,065 --> 00:13:51,649
You're being silly.
342
00:13:51,651 --> 00:13:53,701
I can leave whenever I want.
343
00:13:53,703 --> 00:13:55,936
Oh, really? Where are
your clothes and your shoes?
344
00:13:55,938 --> 00:13:58,472
They're on the chair,
right over...
345
00:13:59,875 --> 00:14:02,643
Oy vey.
346
00:14:06,798 --> 00:14:08,899
Hello, home wrecker.
347
00:14:11,586 --> 00:14:13,170
What did I do?
348
00:14:13,172 --> 00:14:14,939
You gave Leonard
somewhere to go.
349
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:18,325
Thanks to you, Amy's out buying
his and hers bath towels.
350
00:14:18,327 --> 00:14:20,394
Like I'd ever dry myself
with something
351
00:14:20,396 --> 00:14:22,646
that has a possessive pronoun
on it.
352
00:14:22,648 --> 00:14:24,315
Okay.
353
00:14:24,317 --> 00:14:27,301
Listen, the truth is
354
00:14:27,303 --> 00:14:28,686
I don't want him living with me.
355
00:14:28,688 --> 00:14:30,271
Great. Kick him out.
356
00:14:30,273 --> 00:14:32,489
Break his heart.
Everybody wins.
357
00:14:32,491 --> 00:14:34,158
No, I don't want
to break his heart.
358
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,442
I love him.
359
00:14:35,444 --> 00:14:36,911
This is just happening too fast.
360
00:14:36,913 --> 00:14:38,145
You think this is fast?
361
00:14:38,147 --> 00:14:39,363
It's just a matter of time
362
00:14:39,365 --> 00:14:41,815
before I see Amy's leg stubble
in my shower.
363
00:14:41,817 --> 00:14:43,584
Yeah, and I've seen those legs.
364
00:14:43,586 --> 00:14:46,704
You might want
to get some Drano.
365
00:14:46,706 --> 00:14:48,289
Hold on.
366
00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:50,207
If you don't want
to live with Leonard,
367
00:14:50,209 --> 00:14:51,491
why don't you just tell him?
368
00:14:51,493 --> 00:14:52,843
Well, you know how he is.
369
00:14:52,845 --> 00:14:54,345
He's sensitive and emotional.
370
00:14:54,347 --> 00:14:58,382
That's because he drinks
too much soy milk.
371
00:14:58,384 --> 00:15:00,017
Well, I don't know
what else we can do
372
00:15:00,019 --> 00:15:01,218
but tell them the truth.
373
00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:02,937
I suppose there's no choice
374
00:15:02,939 --> 00:15:05,773
but to face the crying,
angry accusations
375
00:15:05,775 --> 00:15:07,825
and the high-pitched wails
of despair.
376
00:15:07,827 --> 00:15:09,126
Yeah.
377
00:15:09,128 --> 00:15:12,062
And who knows
how Amy will react.
378
00:15:15,483 --> 00:15:17,184
Here's some more ice.
379
00:15:17,186 --> 00:15:18,986
Oh, thanks.
380
00:15:18,988 --> 00:15:20,871
What were we thinking?
381
00:15:20,873 --> 00:15:24,408
We should have just done it
the regular way.
382
00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:26,693
Those Chinese acrobats
in Cirque du Soleil
383
00:15:26,695 --> 00:15:29,296
made it look so easy.
384
00:15:29,298 --> 00:15:32,166
Honestly,
if I could bend that far,
385
00:15:32,168 --> 00:15:35,002
what would I need with you?
386
00:15:36,421 --> 00:15:39,840
If you could bend that far,
you'd be doing us both a favor.
387
00:15:42,344 --> 00:15:44,511
(phone ringing)
388
00:15:47,349 --> 00:15:48,932
Hey, Raj. What's up?
389
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:50,050
You were right!
390
00:15:50,052 --> 00:15:52,353
I can't get out of here!
391
00:15:52,355 --> 00:15:54,438
You're still
at my mother's?
392
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:55,555
I'm trapped.
393
00:15:55,557 --> 00:15:57,658
My clothes have been
in the laundry all day,
394
00:15:57,660 --> 00:15:59,126
and she hid my keys.
395
00:15:59,128 --> 00:16:01,078
I think they might be
in her bra,
396
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,530
because she jingles
when she walks.
397
00:16:03,532 --> 00:16:05,065
What do I do?
398
00:16:05,067 --> 00:16:06,784
Hey, you wanted a woman
in your life.
399
00:16:06,786 --> 00:16:08,752
Now you got one.
400
00:16:08,754 --> 00:16:10,621
Come on, Howard, help me.
401
00:16:10,623 --> 00:16:14,074
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Rajesh, tatellah,
I ran you a bath.
402
00:16:14,076 --> 00:16:16,844
Oh, my God.
403
00:16:16,846 --> 00:16:20,798
She's not gonna bathe me,
is she?
404
00:16:22,317 --> 00:16:25,552
Gee, I wish I could tell you no.
405
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,608
All right, well,
thanks again for helping me out.
406
00:16:31,610 --> 00:16:33,560
But, Howard...
407
00:16:33,562 --> 00:16:35,612
Should we go back
and rescue him?
408
00:16:35,614 --> 00:16:36,814
It's too late.
409
00:16:36,816 --> 00:16:38,598
We'll see him
at his Bar Mitzvah.
410
00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:42,436
Here you go.
411
00:16:42,438 --> 00:16:45,489
I picked up the Chinese food
just the way Leonard used to.
412
00:16:45,491 --> 00:16:47,491
Is it kung pao chicken?
Yes.
413
00:16:47,493 --> 00:16:49,410
Brown rice, not white rice?
Yes.
414
00:16:49,412 --> 00:16:50,961
Spicy mustard
from the Korean deli?
415
00:16:50,963 --> 00:16:52,463
Yes. I did good, right?
416
00:16:52,465 --> 00:16:54,948
(sadly):
Yes.
417
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,617
Amy,
418
00:16:57,619 --> 00:17:00,454
are you worried
that us living together
419
00:17:00,456 --> 00:17:03,140
will take the mystery
out of our relationship?
420
00:17:03,142 --> 00:17:04,141
No.
421
00:17:04,143 --> 00:17:06,477
Yeah, why would you?
422
00:17:06,479 --> 00:17:08,479
Oh, and, uh, check this out.
423
00:17:08,481 --> 00:17:09,847
I took the liberty of scripting
424
00:17:09,849 --> 00:17:12,149
a new outgoing voice mail
message for both of us.
425
00:17:16,521 --> 00:17:18,355
"Hello. This is Sheldon."
426
00:17:18,357 --> 00:17:19,573
"And this is Amy."
427
00:17:19,575 --> 00:17:21,241
"We're not home right now."
428
00:17:21,243 --> 00:17:24,528
"'Cause we out
dropping science, son."
429
00:17:29,551 --> 00:17:31,885
BOTH:
"Leave a message."
430
00:17:34,122 --> 00:17:35,339
Beep.
431
00:17:35,341 --> 00:17:37,791
(laughs)
432
00:17:37,793 --> 00:17:40,344
You can't live here.
433
00:17:40,346 --> 00:17:42,196
What?
434
00:17:42,198 --> 00:17:43,514
Why?
435
00:17:43,516 --> 00:17:44,765
Is it the message?
436
00:17:44,767 --> 00:17:47,434
I only used urban slang
to sound tough
437
00:17:47,436 --> 00:17:49,386
so people wouldn't break in.
No.
438
00:17:49,388 --> 00:17:51,438
It's not the message.
439
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,839
Well, what is it, then?
440
00:17:52,841 --> 00:17:54,691
I did everything
just the way you like it.
441
00:17:54,693 --> 00:17:57,511
You did.
Then what the hell, Sheldon?!
442
00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:01,848
We have been going out
for over two years,
443
00:18:01,850 --> 00:18:04,284
and I have been nothing
but patient with you!
444
00:18:04,286 --> 00:18:06,320
I watch your dopey
space movies.
445
00:18:06,322 --> 00:18:08,489
I signed your
ridiculous contract.
446
00:18:08,491 --> 00:18:10,324
I even stopped wearing lip gloss
'cause you said
447
00:18:10,326 --> 00:18:12,359
it made my mouth look
too slippery.
448
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:15,362
I am the best
girlfriend
449
00:18:15,364 --> 00:18:16,747
you're ever
gonna have.
450
00:18:16,749 --> 00:18:19,750
You give me one good reason
why I can't live here.
451
00:18:20,585 --> 00:18:22,719
It's Penny's fault.
452
00:18:22,721 --> 00:18:24,138
What?
453
00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:25,539
She doesn't want
to live with Leonard,
454
00:18:25,541 --> 00:18:27,174
so he has to come
live here again.
455
00:18:27,176 --> 00:18:28,559
She's the snake in our garden.
456
00:18:29,811 --> 00:18:32,563
She's the reason
we can't be happy.
457
00:18:35,383 --> 00:18:36,433
Hey, Ames.
Yeah.
458
00:18:36,435 --> 00:18:37,734
"Hey, Ames," nothing.
459
00:18:37,736 --> 00:18:39,903
I was all set to move in
with Sheldon, and now I hear
460
00:18:39,905 --> 00:18:41,688
I can't 'cause you don't want
to live with Leonard.
461
00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:43,557
LEONARD:
What?
462
00:18:44,909 --> 00:18:48,162
Sheldon, what did you say?
I said the truth.
463
00:18:48,164 --> 00:18:50,397
You don't want to live with
Leonard, and you know it.
464
00:18:50,399 --> 00:18:51,770
Since when don't you want
to live with me?
465
00:18:51,795 --> 00:18:52,900
Oh, don't get all huffy.
466
00:18:52,901 --> 00:18:54,234
You're the one who
decided to move in
467
00:18:54,236 --> 00:18:55,619
without even asking
me if I was ready.
468
00:18:55,621 --> 00:18:57,254
Yeah, I think we should talk
about that.
469
00:18:58,089 --> 00:18:59,923
And since you love
the truth so much,
470
00:18:59,925 --> 00:19:02,426
why don't you tell Amy you
don't want to live with her
471
00:19:02,428 --> 00:19:03,877
instead of
blaming it on me?
472
00:19:03,879 --> 00:19:06,580
I thought we were talking
about the other thing.
473
00:19:07,415 --> 00:19:08,799
You're a coward.
474
00:19:08,801 --> 00:19:12,436
Well, the evidence
does support that.
475
00:19:13,972 --> 00:19:15,922
Come on, Amy,
let's go drink wine
476
00:19:15,924 --> 00:19:18,392
and talk about what jerks
our boyfriends are.
477
00:19:18,394 --> 00:19:19,860
You know what would show them?
478
00:19:19,862 --> 00:19:21,728
I should move in here with you.
479
00:19:24,782 --> 00:19:26,950
Um...
480
00:19:29,287 --> 00:19:31,488
(door closes)
481
00:19:37,579 --> 00:19:38,879
Do you want to...
482
00:19:38,881 --> 00:19:40,947
catch up on some Walking Dead?
483
00:19:40,949 --> 00:19:43,133
Okay.
484
00:19:44,452 --> 00:19:46,920
Have you seen the one
where Lori dies?
485
00:19:52,026 --> 00:19:54,177
No.
486
00:19:55,013 --> 00:19:56,463
Or maybe she doesn't.
487
00:19:56,465 --> 00:19:58,181
Let's find out.
488
00:20:10,123 --> 00:20:12,258
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Where you going?
No!
489
00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:17,260
== sync, corrected by elderman ==