1
00:00:03,201 --> 00:00:04,802
Concede, Brighton.
2
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:07,105
I've got you in two moves.
3
00:00:07,339 --> 00:00:08,807
You're done.
4
00:00:09,842 --> 00:00:12,210
Finished. Toast.
5
00:00:12,278 --> 00:00:13,344
(EXCLAIMING)
6
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:16,247
Sir, when it's time to choose
7
00:00:16,315 --> 00:00:18,249
who pulls the plug on the life support,
8
00:00:18,317 --> 00:00:20,018
go with the girls.
9
00:00:21,386 --> 00:00:24,322
Ma, Jules is gonna be here in two minutes.
10
00:00:24,390 --> 00:00:26,391
Would you stop futzing with my skirt?
11
00:00:26,458 --> 00:00:27,959
Can you believe her?
Stop it!
12
00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:30,428
Oh, Miss Fine, she's a mother.
She's just pulling it down.
13
00:00:30,496 --> 00:00:33,131
She's my mother.
She's hiking it up.
14
00:00:33,665 --> 00:00:35,534
Oh, I get it.
15
00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:38,403
Preparing the virgin
for the big sacrifice, huh?
16
00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:42,106
- Yeah, if it was 1980.
- Ma!
17
00:00:44,243 --> 00:00:47,612
Meanwhile, show some
"de colla tessin".
18
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,314
Stop it, Ma.
19
00:00:51,417 --> 00:00:54,286
I'm not some over-the-hill hussy,
20
00:00:54,353 --> 00:00:55,553
desperate to...
21
00:00:55,621 --> 00:00:57,589
Oh, how's this?
22
00:00:59,691 --> 00:01:03,561
Now, aren't you glad I forced
you to go to the Hadassah hoedown?
23
00:01:03,629 --> 00:01:04,762
Yeah.
24
00:01:05,964 --> 00:01:08,266
Yeah, I am.
25
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:11,369
She thought that you could
meet the man of her dreams,
26
00:01:11,437 --> 00:01:13,505
hanging around gay bars.
27
00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:17,642
Ma, I said Zabar's.
28
00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:21,513
I'm getting you a Miracle-Ear.
29
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:23,048
(DOORBELL RINGS)
30
00:01:23,115 --> 00:01:24,315
Hurry up, Miss Fine.
31
00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:26,317
You're not getting any younger.
32
00:01:26,385 --> 00:01:29,087
I'm not the one that
looks like Lily Munster.
33
00:01:31,957 --> 00:01:34,125
Meanwhile, I just met the man a week ago.
34
00:01:34,193 --> 00:01:36,161
It takes a while to form a relationship.
35
00:01:36,228 --> 00:01:38,896
I don't even know if we're compatible.
36
00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:48,406
You know, he's a doctor.
37
00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:52,944
Ah, that explains why he's
trying to remove her tonsils.
38
00:01:54,046 --> 00:01:55,480
Oh, can you believe this?
39
00:01:55,547 --> 00:01:57,682
Ever since The Beatles,
I've wanted to meet
40
00:01:57,749 --> 00:02:00,685
a sexy guy with an English accent.
41
00:02:00,752 --> 00:02:03,221
Guess they're all
at the Hadassah hoedown.
42
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,356
Meanwhile, you should've come.
43
00:02:05,424 --> 00:02:07,992
There were a lot of
nice girls there for you.
44
00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:11,029
Big hair, lots of makeup,
tight clothes...
45
00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:14,032
Not my style,
he goes for that type.
46
00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:19,170
Jules, before I forget,
come for dinner Sunday.
47
00:02:19,237 --> 00:02:21,706
I'll take the plastic off the couch.
48
00:02:22,741 --> 00:02:24,575
That sounds delicious.
49
00:02:27,913 --> 00:02:29,246
Laugh at his jokes.
50
00:02:29,314 --> 00:02:30,314
(SHRIEKS)
51
00:02:35,654 --> 00:02:38,489
♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens
52
00:02:38,557 --> 00:02:39,924
♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out
53
00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:41,592
♪ in one of those
crushing scenes
54
00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:43,427
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go?
55
00:02:43,495 --> 00:02:46,731
♪ She was out on her fanny
56
00:02:46,799 --> 00:02:49,267
♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffield's door
57
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,936
♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more
58
00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:54,038
♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there!
59
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,475
♪ That's how
she became the nanny!
60
00:02:57,543 --> 00:03:00,645
♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we've described
61
00:03:00,712 --> 00:03:02,847
♪ was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed?
62
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:04,248
♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling
63
00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:05,583
♪ Watch out, C.C.!
64
00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:06,951
♪ And the kids
are actually smiling
65
00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:08,419
♪ Such joie de vivre!
66
00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:13,758
♪ She's the lady in red
when everybody else
is wearing tan
67
00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:15,894
♪ The flashy girl from Flushing
68
00:03:15,961 --> 00:03:18,296
♪ The nanny named Fran!
69
00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:27,371
Oh, Maxwell,
I can barely keep my eyes open.
70
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,207
I have got to get out of here.
71
00:03:30,275 --> 00:03:33,678
C.C., do you believe
in love at first sight?
72
00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:35,447
Yes! Why?
73
00:03:35,514 --> 00:03:36,548
Miss Fine.
74
00:03:36,615 --> 00:03:37,849
No! Why?
75
00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:39,016
She met a gentleman.
76
00:03:39,084 --> 00:03:41,152
I--I--I mean, yes. Yes. Yes.
77
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:42,753
I'll stick with yes.
78
00:03:42,821 --> 00:03:45,957
They spend every waking moment together.
79
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:47,125
It's just not...
80
00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:49,227
Fair, sir?
81
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:51,229
What I was going
to say before my--
82
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:54,465
Back off!-- butler interrupted, was
83
00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:55,900
she's only just met the man.
84
00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:58,002
It's all happening so fast.
85
00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:00,305
That's why the lady is a tramp.
86
00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:03,641
Coffee?
87
00:04:03,708 --> 00:04:04,943
Yes. Please.
88
00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:06,210
(EXCLAIMS)
89
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:10,514
Knock, knock. Mr. Sheffield,
you wanted to see me?
90
00:04:10,582 --> 00:04:12,683
Ah, yes, Miss Fine,
Grace's school telephoned.
91
00:04:12,751 --> 00:04:14,352
Apparently, she's coming home
92
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,221
with a head full
of chocolate cake.
93
00:04:16,288 --> 00:04:18,088
Oh, don't worry.
That'll come right out.
94
00:04:18,156 --> 00:04:21,325
I'll just take it to my mother's
Weight Watchers' meeting.
95
00:04:22,928 --> 00:04:24,228
Miss Fine, aren't you disturbed
96
00:04:24,296 --> 00:04:25,763
that there's a boy
in Grace's class
97
00:04:25,831 --> 00:04:27,866
who's pummeling her
with food every day?
98
00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:31,369
No. Boys throw food to
relieve sexual tension,
99
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:35,140
unlike girls,
who just stuff their faces.
100
00:04:35,274 --> 00:04:37,575
Please.
That is such a fallacy.
101
00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:43,915
Well, if you don't
need me anymore,
102
00:04:43,982 --> 00:04:46,151
Jules is taking me to a matinee.
103
00:04:46,218 --> 00:04:49,521
Do you want me to
bring you home some bonbons?
104
00:04:49,588 --> 00:04:52,323
- Thought so.
- Ah, the theater.
105
00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:55,527
Well, that's something you
don't get a lot of around here.
106
00:04:55,594 --> 00:04:57,028
What are you going to see?
107
00:04:57,095 --> 00:04:58,362
Oh, I forget the title.
108
00:04:58,430 --> 00:05:00,998
It's got cleaning fluid
in it, though.
109
00:05:01,066 --> 00:05:02,800
Formula 409,
110
00:05:02,867 --> 00:05:04,635
Comet, Lysol?
111
00:05:04,703 --> 00:05:07,138
The Fantasticks?
Yeah. That's it.
112
00:05:09,074 --> 00:05:10,541
You want to meet him, Miss Babcock?
113
00:05:10,609 --> 00:05:13,544
Oh, Nanny Fine,
I'd love to meet the man
114
00:05:13,779 --> 00:05:15,113
who's taking you
away from Max...
115
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:17,549
A million...
116
00:05:17,616 --> 00:05:19,184
Shell...
117
00:05:19,751 --> 00:05:20,818
Oil.
118
00:05:20,886 --> 00:05:22,853
Oh, nice save.
119
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,226
Well, I'll go get him.
He's right outside.
120
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:29,494
He's playing chess with Brighton.
121
00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:31,629
It's so cute
the way he lets him win.
122
00:05:31,697 --> 00:05:35,099
He's going to make
a great father someday.
123
00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:38,135
Wait a minute. If Nanny Fine's
boyfriend is here,
124
00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:40,971
who's in the chicken suit
at the Padres game?
125
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,946
(EXCLAIMING)
126
00:05:48,013 --> 00:05:49,580
He's gorgeous.
127
00:05:49,648 --> 00:05:50,882
Oh, cheer up.
128
00:05:50,950 --> 00:05:53,218
Perhaps he brought
a friend for you.
129
00:05:53,285 --> 00:05:54,652
(WHISTLING)
130
00:05:57,890 --> 00:05:58,957
No.
131
00:06:01,426 --> 00:06:03,995
C.C., MD.
132
00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:05,897
M&M?
133
00:06:07,599 --> 00:06:10,568
So, Jules.
Had I known you were
going to the theater,
134
00:06:10,636 --> 00:06:12,536
I would have gotten you house seats.
135
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:13,871
- I know the star.
- I know the producer.
136
00:06:13,939 --> 00:06:15,573
- I know the director.
- I know the theater owner.
137
00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:17,207
I talk to God.
138
00:06:18,577 --> 00:06:21,145
Jules, put that
back in your pants.
139
00:06:21,212 --> 00:06:23,014
I can't stand
to see two grown men
140
00:06:23,081 --> 00:06:25,650
fight about who's got
the biggest connection.
141
00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:43,434
Please, Sylvia,
why--why don't you join us?
142
00:06:43,502 --> 00:06:47,038
Oh, no. I--I just came over
to see how Fran's date went.
143
00:06:47,105 --> 00:06:49,340
Make like I'm not even here.
144
00:06:53,979 --> 00:06:56,147
Are you sure we can't
offer you something?
145
00:06:56,215 --> 00:06:57,615
Oh, no, thank you.
146
00:06:57,682 --> 00:07:00,284
I had a Yoplait
this morning around 10:30.
147
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:04,021
Oh.
148
00:07:04,089 --> 00:07:07,591
Such a big potato
for such a little girl.
149
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:11,829
Look at the time.
150
00:07:12,597 --> 00:07:15,566
They must be having a ball.
151
00:07:15,634 --> 00:07:17,201
I'm going to go in the kitchen.
152
00:07:17,269 --> 00:07:20,571
I need a meat
to wash this down with.
153
00:07:23,709 --> 00:07:25,777
I don't know about you guys,
but I like Jules.
154
00:07:25,844 --> 00:07:27,812
And he has yet
to beat me in chess.
155
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,115
Oh, God, Brighton.
He throws every game.
156
00:07:31,182 --> 00:07:33,218
Do you see how easy it is to bond?
157
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:38,490
Well, I wouldn't get too attached
to the bloke if I were you.
158
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:42,560
We all know Miss Fine's relationships
eventually end in disaster.
159
00:07:43,595 --> 00:07:46,931
He asked me to marry him!
160
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,766
Right on the money
as always, sir.
161
00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:50,301
- That is so cool, Fran.
- Oh, my God!
162
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:51,469
- Congratulations.
- I know!
163
00:07:51,537 --> 00:07:53,204
I know.
I can't believe it.
164
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:55,440
I'm so excited!
I couldn't eat a...
165
00:07:55,507 --> 00:07:57,442
Oh, kielbasa.
166
00:07:57,509 --> 00:08:00,111
Sweet and sour cabbage.
Hit me again.
167
00:08:00,178 --> 00:08:03,581
Oh, such a big corn
for such a little girl.
168
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,750
He asked you to marry him?
Uh-huh.
169
00:08:05,817 --> 00:08:09,286
You've barely known
the man for two weeks.
170
00:08:09,354 --> 00:08:10,855
What, you think
it's so hard to believe
171
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,890
a man would fall in love
with me that fast?
172
00:08:13,091 --> 00:08:14,658
Yeah, Todd and I knew
each other three minutes
173
00:08:14,726 --> 00:08:17,061
before I got a pudding pack
right in the eye.
174
00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:18,362
There you go.
175
00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:20,264
Look, you know
nothing about this man.
176
00:08:20,331 --> 00:08:22,733
All right, so he's a doctor.
177
00:08:22,801 --> 00:08:24,702
Is he a specialist?
178
00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:29,006
You ain't just
whistling Dixie, baby.
179
00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:32,643
Oh, God.
180
00:08:32,711 --> 00:08:35,480
Oh, this is so exciting.
So, can I be a bridesmaid?
181
00:08:35,547 --> 00:08:38,249
I know the doctor
asked me to marry him,
182
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,551
but I didn't say, "Yes."
183
00:08:41,987 --> 00:08:43,154
(THUDDING)
184
00:08:45,090 --> 00:08:47,324
This is delicious.
185
00:08:47,392 --> 00:08:48,860
SYLVIA:
Why don't you grab a knife
186
00:08:48,927 --> 00:08:51,729
and stick it straight
through my heart?
187
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:55,032
That was great.
She sounded just like...
188
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:56,567
Ma!
189
00:08:56,635 --> 00:08:59,103
Ma, let go of my ankle!
190
00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:01,172
You'd better run.
191
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,773
Brighton,
is she taking off her shoe?
192
00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:05,443
No, but she's going
to hurl a corn.
193
00:09:11,149 --> 00:09:12,716
Ma,
194
00:09:12,784 --> 00:09:14,919
put down the vegetable
195
00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:17,020
and no one gets hurt.
196
00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:24,161
All right.
Help me to understand.
197
00:09:24,229 --> 00:09:26,163
Which was the biggest turn off?
198
00:09:26,231 --> 00:09:28,398
The fact
that Jules was gorgeous,
199
00:09:28,466 --> 00:09:30,801
rich, or a doctor?
200
00:09:32,504 --> 00:09:34,872
Did I mention he was Jewish?
201
00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:40,044
Darling, I only say this
because I love you.
202
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:42,380
You're a glorified
cleaning girl.
203
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,985
This could be your last chance.
204
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:50,921
Oh, Ma, I didn't say, "No."
205
00:09:50,989 --> 00:09:54,192
I just said I'd think about it.
206
00:09:55,293 --> 00:09:56,594
Okay, I did.
207
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:58,195
You mean, "I do."
208
00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:00,565
Yeah!
209
00:10:00,632 --> 00:10:02,834
Ma, you may kiss the bride.
210
00:10:05,337 --> 00:10:08,806
You know, Miss Fine, I think
you're very wise not to rush into this.
211
00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:11,308
You're far too sensible a woman
to marry a man you've just...
212
00:10:11,376 --> 00:10:12,476
(SHRIEKS)
213
00:10:12,544 --> 00:10:14,211
Oh, I'm sorry.
214
00:10:19,985 --> 00:10:23,754
Did this fork accidentally
puncture your tuckhus?
215
00:10:34,499 --> 00:10:35,833
Sweetheart, I want you to have
216
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:38,469
the most beautiful engagement ring
that money can buy.
217
00:10:38,536 --> 00:10:40,170
Oh, Julesie.
218
00:10:40,238 --> 00:10:42,573
I don't know if I could
go through with this.
219
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:43,774
Getting married?
220
00:10:43,842 --> 00:10:44,976
No.
221
00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:46,543
Buying retail.
222
00:10:47,445 --> 00:10:48,780
Let's go.
223
00:10:48,847 --> 00:10:51,849
Now, you know, Jules,
I'm a simple girl with simple tastes.
224
00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:54,184
I just want a simple ring.
225
00:10:54,252 --> 00:10:56,120
That's a nice little stone.
226
00:10:56,187 --> 00:10:58,456
Madam,
that's a crystal ashtray.
227
00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:05,362
Well, I was talking
about the shape,
228
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:08,532
like the shape of that
crystal pineapple over there.
229
00:11:08,599 --> 00:11:09,567
No. That's a ring.
230
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,068
Whip it out, honey.
231
00:11:13,405 --> 00:11:14,539
(EXCLAIMING)
232
00:11:14,606 --> 00:11:16,106
You know, I think
that's a little too small.
233
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,176
We don't want to see anything less than
five carats.
234
00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:21,579
Five carats?
What's up, Doc?
235
00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:25,316
This one is 5.2.
236
00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:27,485
We could take off 10%.
237
00:11:27,552 --> 00:11:30,954
That would make
the price $50,000.
238
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,123
Oh, a haggler.
239
00:11:32,190 --> 00:11:33,491
Now we're talking my language.
240
00:11:33,558 --> 00:11:35,192
Offer her 10.
241
00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:41,965
I'm not too crazy about it.
242
00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:43,400
It's a little cloudy.
243
00:11:43,468 --> 00:11:47,004
But, sir, the stone is exquisite.
244
00:11:47,072 --> 00:11:49,006
I agree with you, honey.
245
00:11:49,074 --> 00:11:53,978
I think I preferred the one we saw at
Van Cleef and Hormel.
246
00:11:56,414 --> 00:11:58,816
I'm sorry.
This just doesn't sparkle.
247
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,517
It sparkles plenty.
248
00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:03,353
Take it outside in the sun.
It'll blind you, you...
249
00:12:03,421 --> 00:12:04,454
Sir.
250
00:12:07,359 --> 00:12:08,693
I'll be right back.
251
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,161
I shall leave you
my little jewel.
252
00:12:14,199 --> 00:12:16,000
So, when's the big event?
253
00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:17,768
Well...
254
00:12:17,836 --> 00:12:19,470
If he buys this ring,
I'll tell you,
255
00:12:19,537 --> 00:12:22,406
he could get lucky
in just a few...
256
00:12:22,474 --> 00:12:27,044
Oh, you meant the wedding date.
257
00:12:27,112 --> 00:12:30,948
Oh, actually, we haven't talked
about setting a date yet.
258
00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:33,917
Where-- Where's your fiancé?
Oh, I'll get him.
259
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,252
Ma'am, stay where you are,
please!
260
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,788
- Why? He's probably right outside.
- Guard!
261
00:12:37,855 --> 00:12:39,089
Well, what's the matter?
262
00:12:39,157 --> 00:12:41,225
He probably went to put
money in the meter.
263
00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:44,095
(GASPS) Oh, no!
We don't have a car!
264
00:12:45,029 --> 00:12:46,129
He's gone.
265
00:12:46,197 --> 00:12:48,265
I'll call the police.
You hold her.
266
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:51,668
Oh, Jules, how could you
do this to me?
267
00:12:51,736 --> 00:12:54,238
He's a doctor.
He didn't need the money.
268
00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:57,641
Hillary's health plan
didn't go through.
269
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:06,150
Oh, I can't believe
this is happening.
270
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:09,287
He got along so well
with my parents.
271
00:13:09,354 --> 00:13:12,089
He wanted them
to move in with us.
272
00:13:12,157 --> 00:13:16,493
Well, that should've
tipped me off right there.
273
00:13:16,561 --> 00:13:19,697
We've been looking
for Jules Kimble
for over three years.
274
00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:22,866
Dr. Kimble is a fugitive?
What are the odds?
275
00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:28,606
He is not a doctor, Miss Fine.
276
00:13:28,674 --> 00:13:30,140
Really?
277
00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:35,179
So when he lanced my mother's boil,
it was just for fun?
278
00:13:35,246 --> 00:13:38,816
Miss Fine, I don't want to
say I told you so,
279
00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:40,952
but I never trusted the man.
280
00:13:41,019 --> 00:13:44,588
You know, I can spot
a con artist a mile off.
281
00:13:44,656 --> 00:13:46,556
This from a man who paid me
time and a half
282
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:48,558
to work on Hebrew National Day.
283
00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:54,464
Why me?
284
00:13:54,532 --> 00:13:56,667
He usually preys
on women over 30.
285
00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:59,103
You know, single, desperate,
286
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:00,237
lonely.
287
00:14:01,706 --> 00:14:03,573
Like I said, why me?
288
00:14:09,347 --> 00:14:12,049
Oh, Miss Fine, cheer up.
289
00:14:12,116 --> 00:14:14,818
This isn't the stupidest thing
you've ever done.
290
00:14:16,988 --> 00:14:18,555
Well, that's true.
291
00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:20,257
The stupidest thing I ever did
292
00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:22,293
was Windexing your Monet.
293
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,198
Or should I say, your "Mon"?
294
00:14:29,167 --> 00:14:31,302
Miss Fine, this came for you.
295
00:14:32,237 --> 00:14:35,806
Oh, an engagement present.
296
00:14:35,873 --> 00:14:38,676
How humiliating.
297
00:14:38,743 --> 00:14:41,412
Just put it upstairs with the rest of them.
298
00:14:41,479 --> 00:14:43,347
(DOORBELL RINGING)
299
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,486
Where is she? Where's my baby?
300
00:14:49,554 --> 00:14:52,723
I rushed over as soon as
they finished my hair.
301
00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:55,526
Mommy!
302
00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:58,795
I just hope the police
find that creep before I do.
303
00:14:58,863 --> 00:15:00,630
My Francine is not desperate.
304
00:15:00,698 --> 00:15:02,933
She can have any man she wants.
305
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:04,268
(EXCLAIMING)
306
00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:07,338
But not forever, so don't let yourself go.
307
00:15:08,506 --> 00:15:11,041
Ma! This is all her fault.
308
00:15:11,109 --> 00:15:12,443
Ever since I was a little girl,
309
00:15:12,510 --> 00:15:14,445
she's always pushing me to get married.
310
00:15:14,512 --> 00:15:15,980
I never pushed.
311
00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:21,685
When I was a little girl,
every affair we'd go to,
312
00:15:21,753 --> 00:15:23,654
she would throw the centerpiece at me
and say,
313
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:26,123
"Here! Think fast!"
314
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:29,493
Miss Fine, I'm sure your
mother only meant well.
315
00:15:29,661 --> 00:15:31,495
Yeah, they always do.
316
00:15:31,562 --> 00:15:33,931
Like when they stop you
from pursuing a singing career
317
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:37,801
to follow in your father's
footsteps as a subservient slave.
318
00:15:39,971 --> 00:15:43,707
And loving every minute of it, sir.
319
00:15:43,775 --> 00:15:45,942
Now, Sylvia, if truth be told,
320
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:47,844
I think you were
a little more gung-ho
321
00:15:47,912 --> 00:15:49,079
about this marriage
than Miss...
322
00:15:49,147 --> 00:15:50,714
(EXCLAIMS)
323
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:52,716
Damn. I broke my nail.
324
00:15:54,252 --> 00:15:57,287
I'll leave you two alone.
325
00:15:57,355 --> 00:16:01,892
I can't believe I lost my
figure for the likes of you.
326
00:16:01,959 --> 00:16:05,528
You lost your figure for the
likes of Winchell's, Ma.
327
00:16:07,398 --> 00:16:09,333
I have low blood sugar.
328
00:16:09,401 --> 00:16:11,702
The doctor prescribed donuts.
329
00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:15,306
And who prescribed
the ice cream floats?
330
00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:18,108
Dr. Pepper?
331
00:16:18,176 --> 00:16:20,477
Fran, I can hear you
all the way upstairs.
332
00:16:20,545 --> 00:16:22,812
Oh, her voice travels.
333
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,282
Honey, I'm sorry.
Go up to your room.
334
00:16:25,350 --> 00:16:27,918
Okay, but you have some major
issues with your mother
335
00:16:27,985 --> 00:16:29,353
stemming from your failure
336
00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:31,855
to live up to her expectations.
337
00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:34,024
Uh, come back here.
Come back here.
338
00:16:34,092 --> 00:16:36,293
Can you believe
how advanced she is?
339
00:16:36,361 --> 00:16:38,094
Boy, when I was her age,
340
00:16:38,162 --> 00:16:41,064
I was hanging bagels from my
ears playing Princess Leia.
341
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,968
I think you need some therapy.
342
00:16:45,036 --> 00:16:48,605
No. She'll never change.
No. She'll never change.
343
00:16:48,673 --> 00:16:50,674
I meant together.
344
00:16:50,741 --> 00:16:52,543
Now, let's see.
345
00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:54,611
Who would be good for you?
346
00:16:55,746 --> 00:16:57,781
My doctor's too cerebral.
347
00:16:59,584 --> 00:17:01,018
Dr. Lehrman?
348
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,120
Nah, his couch is too itchy.
349
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:04,721
Oh, forget it, sweetheart.
350
00:17:04,789 --> 00:17:06,390
I'm not the type of person
351
00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:08,092
that can lie on a couch
352
00:17:08,159 --> 00:17:11,728
and cry and scream
about how miserable I am.
353
00:17:11,796 --> 00:17:14,431
Please! Put a Lean Cuisine
on your lap
354
00:17:14,499 --> 00:17:17,000
and 400 Almond Joy wrappers
under the cushions
355
00:17:17,102 --> 00:17:18,769
and you'd be home.
356
00:17:24,742 --> 00:17:27,044
So, ladies,
what brings you to therapy?
357
00:17:27,111 --> 00:17:29,680
Well, I came because
my mother has an obsession
358
00:17:29,747 --> 00:17:32,116
with me getting married.
359
00:17:32,183 --> 00:17:34,784
I came because my daughter
360
00:17:34,852 --> 00:17:37,554
has a delusion
that I have an obsession.
361
00:17:38,723 --> 00:17:41,025
I came because they brought me,
362
00:17:41,092 --> 00:17:43,960
and I don't know
how to get home from here.
363
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:51,268
Meanwhile,
for 100 bucks a session,
364
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:54,472
she could've put out some
coffee and some Nilla wafers.
365
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:56,707
Ma, brush yourself off.
366
00:17:56,774 --> 00:17:59,042
You look like a veal cutlet.
367
00:18:00,779 --> 00:18:02,245
Look, at a certain point,
368
00:18:02,313 --> 00:18:04,548
I believe a daughter has to stop
369
00:18:04,615 --> 00:18:06,750
blaming her mother for everything.
370
00:18:06,817 --> 00:18:08,451
This is your fault.
371
00:18:09,453 --> 00:18:11,055
Me?
Yeah.
372
00:18:11,122 --> 00:18:13,490
You're the one who kept
pushing me to have children.
373
00:18:13,558 --> 00:18:14,992
They're nothing but heartache.
374
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:18,862
That's right, cookie.
It's payback time.
375
00:18:21,298 --> 00:18:24,802
So, you seem to be harboring
a lot of hostility.
376
00:18:24,869 --> 00:18:26,937
- Who? - Who?
- Who?
377
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:29,573
Don't nag the kid all the time.
378
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,409
She should get married when she wants to.
379
00:18:32,477 --> 00:18:34,478
Not just 'cause
she got knocked up
380
00:18:34,545 --> 00:18:36,580
by the seltzer man like I...
381
00:18:44,222 --> 00:18:46,656
Like I heard people do.
382
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:49,894
Ma!
383
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:52,362
Is that why I love egg cream?
384
00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:57,334
Oh, Ma. Buy your own hour.
385
00:18:57,402 --> 00:18:59,769
This one is for me, right?
386
00:18:59,837 --> 00:19:01,371
Huh?
387
00:19:01,439 --> 00:19:03,072
Sorry. I drifted off.
388
00:19:03,140 --> 00:19:04,841
Oh, that's not your fault.
389
00:19:04,909 --> 00:19:07,677
Most people say our
voices are very soothing.
390
00:19:07,745 --> 00:19:09,547
- Yeah, I get that a lot.
- That's true.
391
00:19:09,614 --> 00:19:11,949
All the time.
392
00:19:12,016 --> 00:19:15,853
Franny, all I ever wanted
was for you to be happy. (SOBS)
393
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,989
I just want you
to have a full life.
394
00:19:19,057 --> 00:19:22,593
You don't have to be married
to have a full life, Ma.
395
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:26,563
Sure, I'd like to someday,
but if I don't,
396
00:19:26,631 --> 00:19:29,666
it doesn't mean
my life was worthless,
397
00:19:30,234 --> 00:19:31,434
right?
398
00:19:33,037 --> 00:19:34,237
Right?
399
00:19:35,773 --> 00:19:36,974
Right?
400
00:19:38,376 --> 00:19:39,542
Right.
401
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:45,015
I know you think I'm not all there,
402
00:19:46,150 --> 00:19:47,885
but in my day
403
00:19:47,952 --> 00:19:51,922
we didn't air our dirty laundry in public.
404
00:19:53,257 --> 00:19:55,292
Welcome to the '80s!
405
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,235
Hi, kids.
406
00:20:04,302 --> 00:20:06,636
Fran, whatever you do, do not
let Gracie touch this board.
407
00:20:06,704 --> 00:20:07,871
It's your move, Dad!
408
00:20:07,939 --> 00:20:10,974
Oh, you beat your father.
All right, B.
409
00:20:12,844 --> 00:20:14,945
Look what you did, Gracie!
410
00:20:17,181 --> 00:20:19,315
Oh, Fran,
I have to break up with Todd.
411
00:20:19,383 --> 00:20:20,884
I'm afraid of getting hurt.
412
00:20:20,952 --> 00:20:23,754
Oh, sweetie.
It's your first crush.
413
00:20:23,821 --> 00:20:26,056
Why don't you just enjoy it?
414
00:20:26,123 --> 00:20:28,892
No, Fran. I'm really
afraid of getting hurt.
415
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,994
Those juice boxes are hard.
416
00:20:32,997 --> 00:20:36,433
All right.
So you picked the wrong guy.
417
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:37,768
No biggie.
418
00:20:37,835 --> 00:20:41,171
Just move on
with your life, okay?
419
00:20:41,238 --> 00:20:42,873
Hope he ends up in Attica
420
00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:45,342
with a cellmate that
finds him attractive.
421
00:20:47,077 --> 00:20:49,012
Ah, you're back, Miss Fine.
Good.
422
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,514
How did it go?
423
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,249
Well, my mother's thrilled.
424
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:53,550
She finally figured out
425
00:20:53,618 --> 00:20:56,920
why she has an unnatural
attachment to egg creams.
426
00:20:56,988 --> 00:20:59,323
The Chinese food
we're blaming on the man
427
00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:02,660
that used to press
Grandma Yetta's blouses.
428
00:21:03,828 --> 00:21:04,895
Concede, Dad.
429
00:21:04,962 --> 00:21:07,164
I've got you in two moves.
430
00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:08,232
You're done.
431
00:21:08,299 --> 00:21:09,666
Finished. Toast.
432
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:10,967
(EXCLAIMING)
433
00:21:14,305 --> 00:21:15,438
Checkmate.
434
00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:17,073
What?
435
00:21:17,141 --> 00:21:18,308
What happened to this board?
436
00:21:18,376 --> 00:21:20,411
Oh, never leave
two queens alone together.
437
00:21:20,478 --> 00:21:22,179
They'll redecorate.
438
00:21:32,389 --> 00:21:34,758
I should've never
blamed my mother, anyway.
439
00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:37,527
I should've known that guy
was out of my league.
440
00:21:37,595 --> 00:21:39,395
Oh, no, Miss Fine.
He wasn't.
441
00:21:39,463 --> 00:21:41,031
He duped you.
442
00:21:41,098 --> 00:21:42,800
Yeah, but I was ripe
for the duping.
443
00:21:42,867 --> 00:21:45,235
Once a girl's exposed
to a guy like you,
444
00:21:45,303 --> 00:21:46,904
so debonair and classy,
445
00:21:46,971 --> 00:21:49,206
there's just no going back.
446
00:21:49,273 --> 00:21:51,441
Well, I have been known
to turn a few heads.
447
00:21:51,509 --> 00:21:52,709
Oh, please.
448
00:21:52,777 --> 00:21:55,412
Miss Babcock needs an exorcist.
449
00:21:57,181 --> 00:21:59,649
- You want to hear something funny?
- Mm-hmm.
450
00:21:59,717 --> 00:22:03,921
The therapist said that I was
subconsciously avoiding a relationship.
451
00:22:03,988 --> 00:22:05,923
Oh, please. With whom?
452
00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:07,891
I know. I know.
453
00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:10,727
I mean, believe me,
if there was a guy out there,
454
00:22:10,795 --> 00:22:13,330
single, successful, attractive,
455
00:22:13,398 --> 00:22:15,832
I'd smell him a mile away.
456
00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:18,202
- What's that? Aramis?
- Yes.
457
00:22:18,269 --> 00:22:21,972
You know, Grace's therapist said
exactly the same thing to me.
458
00:22:22,039 --> 00:22:23,907
Well, yeah. You.
459
00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:25,642
No, no.
Trust me, Miss Fine.
460
00:22:25,709 --> 00:22:27,677
If I found a woman
who loved my children,
461
00:22:27,745 --> 00:22:30,147
could make me laugh
and I found attractive,
462
00:22:30,214 --> 00:22:31,882
- ...I'd never let her get away.
- Hear. Hear.
463
00:22:31,949 --> 00:22:33,817
(EXCLAIMING) Hang on a second.
464
00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:35,686
We're stuck on each other.