1
00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,320
Like it or not, this is my world now.
2
00:00:10,698 --> 00:00:12,993
The conflict between
the werewolves and the vampires
3
00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:15,600
generates such an energy,
upon which the Devil feasts.
4
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,845
The Devil has no form of his own,
5
00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:21,720
so will possess the
nearest human vessel.
6
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:23,405
I'm fine.
7
00:00:23,525 --> 00:00:25,880
In fact, I haven't felt
this good for years.
8
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:30,365
- Your department is to be dissolved.
- Then God help us all!
9
00:00:36,685 --> 00:00:38,595
The dodgems!
Can we go on the dodgems?
10
00:00:38,715 --> 00:00:40,600
- We don't have time.
- Sorry.
11
00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,644
Why are you in such a hurry?
This place is friggin' mint!
12
00:00:43,764 --> 00:00:45,324
I told you, I'm meeting someone.
13
00:00:45,992 --> 00:00:47,790
So that's why you're dressed
like a girl.
14
00:00:47,910 --> 00:00:50,000
You know Ryan says this
fella must be a right munter.
15
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,866
Well, actually he's dead handsome,
16
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:55,360
has all his own teeth
and speaks really nicely.
17
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,720
Whereas Ryan's last girlfriend
looks like Chris Moyles.
18
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,045
But hang on, if you're
going out tonight,
19
00:01:01,165 --> 00:01:03,645
who's going to make us
dinner and do the washing up?
20
00:01:03,765 --> 00:01:06,685
I just want one night to myself,
allright.
21
00:01:07,338 --> 00:01:09,880
It's my holiday, too.
Right, let's go, Decky...
22
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:12,040
Just one go!
Please!
23
00:01:13,687 --> 00:01:16,520
We'll come back tomorrow, OK?
We've got loads of time.
24
00:01:17,395 --> 00:01:18,400
Promise?
25
00:01:18,731 --> 00:01:20,781
Cross my heart and hope to die.
26
00:01:22,685 --> 00:01:23,685
Come on.
27
00:01:29,598 --> 00:01:32,480
{ad(800,800)}Synch WEB-DL by Kyros
28
00:01:34,049 --> 00:01:36,775
And he thought the supply teacher was
only there for a week.
29
00:01:36,895 --> 00:01:39,692
Mrs Barnes has had another "incident".
Tom, can you change her sheets?
30
00:01:39,812 --> 00:01:42,360
I'm covering room service.
Gary's got the shingles.
31
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,520
- Then he has to come back, so...
- What?
32
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,446
Decky has to keep this
going for a year.
33
00:01:46,566 --> 00:01:49,200
Mrs Barnes doesn't have
shingles, she needs new sheets.
34
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,238
No, Gary has got the shingles.
Gary has shingles.
35
00:01:52,358 --> 00:01:53,160
What?
36
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,683
Alex, please!
37
00:01:55,525 --> 00:01:57,720
Do you want me to speak up?
38
00:01:58,180 --> 00:01:59,640
No, could you, sort of...
39
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:04,668
It's just you're such vibrant
and entertaining company,
40
00:02:04,788 --> 00:02:06,800
you're distracting us from our work.
41
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,683
Oh, very smooth.
42
00:02:09,137 --> 00:02:10,520
Seriously, hats off.
43
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:14,680
Well, what am I supposed to do?
I can't eat, I can't sleep.
44
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,541
What did you do before?
45
00:02:18,079 --> 00:02:19,463
Looked after my brothers.
46
00:02:19,910 --> 00:02:22,600
Went out on the piss with me mates,
got off with inappropriate people.
47
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:23,810
No offence!
48
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:25,920
What else?
Played piano.
49
00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:27,820
- Really?
- Yeah.
50
00:02:28,462 --> 00:02:30,880
- I was going to be a concert pianist.
- You can play the piano?
51
00:02:31,588 --> 00:02:34,880
I can't, that's the really weird thing...
Of course, I can play the piano!
52
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:36,940
You have work to do, Thomas.
53
00:02:39,556 --> 00:02:41,240
Yeah, it's dead here.
54
00:02:41,718 --> 00:02:44,968
Well, I'm going to shoot.
Heaps to be getting on with.
55
00:02:45,088 --> 00:02:46,476
Don't know where to start!
56
00:02:48,557 --> 00:02:50,157
Diagnosis Murder's on.
57
00:02:53,617 --> 00:02:54,793
They're beautiful!
58
00:02:55,636 --> 00:02:57,483
Do you have a secret admirer, Patsy?
59
00:02:57,603 --> 00:02:58,603
Captain!
60
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,269
No, I picked them up
at the petrol station.
61
00:03:03,389 --> 00:03:05,434
Thought they might
brighten the place up a bit.
62
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,520
- How are you coping without Sophie?
- Oh, the poor girl!
63
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,810
I keep thinking to myself,
was it something I said?
64
00:03:15,117 --> 00:03:16,245
Oh, Captain!
65
00:03:16,365 --> 00:03:18,599
She was devoted to you!
66
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,347
Now I'll have no more maudlin
from you, mister.
67
00:03:23,467 --> 00:03:25,492
- It's a new era.
- Amen to that!
68
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,120
As a matter of fact,
I've had an idea.
69
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,920
Just a bit of fun.
But it might give us all a bit of a lift.
70
00:03:32,275 --> 00:03:33,280
Then...
71
00:03:33,888 --> 00:03:34,760
follow me.
72
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:21,943
Now, I know we've all been
a bit down in the dumps lately,
73
00:04:22,063 --> 00:04:24,240
what with things getting a bit...
74
00:04:25,570 --> 00:04:26,680
suicidey.
75
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:31,638
But one of the guests has given
me the perfect idea to perk us up!
76
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:37,120
As of today, I'm going to be
watching you all like a hawk!
77
00:04:37,728 --> 00:04:40,240
And whoever impresses me most...
78
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,520
You do realise you've
stopped speaking?
79
00:04:50,485 --> 00:04:54,120
Will be named Employee of the Month!
80
00:04:55,525 --> 00:04:58,920
Now it's just a bit of fun, but
it will look terrific on your CV.
81
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,725
So best of luck to you all
and may the best man win.
82
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,405
See this, right here.
83
00:05:09,525 --> 00:05:12,380
This is why the world is
going to hell in a handcart.
84
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:15,280
The very idea that you need
a competition to motivate...
85
00:05:20,610 --> 00:05:22,981
You'll have your work cut out
if you want to beat me, buddy boy!
86
00:05:23,101 --> 00:05:25,920
- Got to get up early in the morning!
- I'm not indulging in this charade!
87
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,775
- I am not{* have no intention of} doing anything different.
- Because you know you'll lose.
88
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,200
- When I hold up the trophy...
- You do know there isn't one?
89
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:35,000
You'll be like, "I didn't take part,
that's why I lost, why I'm a loser".
90
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,720
It would be an easiest thing for me
to win this{* ridiculous} competition...
91
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,571
- Show me what you got then
- You don't know who you're provoking.
92
00:05:40,691 --> 00:05:41,914
I know who I'm provoking!
93
00:05:42,034 --> 00:05:44,600
- Mr Runner-Up. Mr Silver Medal.
- There isn't a medal either.
94
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:45,763
When I transform,
95
00:05:45,883 --> 00:05:48,506
I should drag you round on a piece
of string in the woods.
96
00:05:49,714 --> 00:05:52,625
- I'm saying you're a chicken.
- Thank you, I got the analogy.
97
00:05:54,001 --> 00:05:55,710
Very well, Thomas.
98
00:05:57,662 --> 00:05:59,000
I accept the challenge.
99
00:06:00,615 --> 00:06:02,015
Let's get to work!
100
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,920
"The Good, The Bad And The
Ugly" by Ennio Morricone
101
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,176
You ready?
102
00:06:26,925 --> 00:06:27,925
Hello?
103
00:06:49,461 --> 00:06:50,811
Is anybody there?
104
00:07:42,761 --> 00:07:44,261
Who left these here?
105
00:07:49,487 --> 00:07:50,600
Where are my flowers?
106
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,000
Don't you worry, Patsy.
It's all under control.
107
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:56,047
So that's 7.99 down the drain.
Thank you very much!
108
00:07:56,167 --> 00:07:58,280
That's coming out of your wages!
109
00:08:00,045 --> 00:08:01,045
Oh, dear!
110
00:08:01,845 --> 00:08:04,688
I do hope that doesn't mean
you're in her bad books.
111
00:08:04,808 --> 00:08:07,308
Don't worry.
It's still early days yet.
112
00:08:07,428 --> 00:08:08,760
Still a lot to play for.
113
00:08:09,627 --> 00:08:12,560
- I think the house is haunted!
- Alex, there's no easy way to say this.
114
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,520
No, not me, idiot. There's another one.
You have to come home!
115
00:08:17,725 --> 00:08:19,275
Hello!
Anybody there?
116
00:08:20,259 --> 00:08:21,759
I swear I heard him.
117
00:08:29,565 --> 00:08:31,433
See!
Now do you believe me?
118
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,262
See!
Now do you believe me?
119
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:35,280
- Who's there?
- Who's there?
120
00:09:00,671 --> 00:09:02,201
- Who is that?
- I don't know.
121
00:09:02,321 --> 00:09:04,124
- What's he doing here?
- What does he want?
122
00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:05,285
I don't know!
123
00:09:05,405 --> 00:09:07,799
But maybe if you keep asking me
I'll magically find out somehow.
124
00:09:07,919 --> 00:09:09,240
Go in there and ask him.
125
00:09:09,964 --> 00:09:11,285
Not going to happen!
126
00:09:11,405 --> 00:09:13,281
I don't believe it, you're scared!
127
00:09:13,401 --> 00:09:15,988
Yes, I am.
Now you go in and ask him.
128
00:09:16,108 --> 00:09:18,152
I can't go in there.
I've got a sore.
129
00:09:18,619 --> 00:09:19,919
I've got a sore.
130
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:31,680
Hello, Alex.
Do you want to play with me?
131
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:34,080
This is the Battle of Sebastopol!
132
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,920
How do you know my name?
133
00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,560
Because I've been watching you.
134
00:09:38,032 --> 00:09:41,160
Good, because I thought
it'd be something creepy.
135
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,920
Hiding outside are Hal and Tom,
the vampire and the werewolf.
136
00:09:53,645 --> 00:09:54,600
And you are?
137
00:09:55,114 --> 00:09:57,760
Oliver Fitzwilliam Pryor,
at your service.
138
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,920
- And what are you doing here?
- Playing soldiers, you great ninny.
139
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,432
Come along, sit down.
You can be Russia!
140
00:10:03,552 --> 00:10:04,880
Nah, you're OK, thanks...
141
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,285
It's ill.
It's a child and now it's ill.
142
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:16,120
Please, he was running
around the house five minutes ago.
143
00:10:17,143 --> 00:10:18,200
Carry me!
144
00:10:19,325 --> 00:10:22,160
Children and I don't... mix.
145
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,157
Your manservant then?
146
00:10:24,277 --> 00:10:26,080
I'm not his manservant!
147
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,954
All right.
Do you want a piggy back then?
148
00:10:31,074 --> 00:10:32,578
Yes, please!
Rather.
149
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:38,400
But where did you come from?
What are you doing here?
150
00:10:39,061 --> 00:10:41,405
This is my house.
I've always lived here!
151
00:10:41,525 --> 00:10:42,738
What and we never knew?
152
00:10:42,858 --> 00:10:44,596
Not even Annie?
How did that happen?
153
00:10:44,716 --> 00:10:45,836
Because I was hiding!
154
00:10:45,956 --> 00:10:48,520
Honestly, McNair, you're a beef-witted
applejohn sometimes.
155
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,000
Hiding from what?
156
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,765
From the monsters, of course.
From the Men with Sticks and Rope.
157
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:59,600
- The Men with what and what?
- Sticks and Rope, McNair.
158
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,312
Guardians of the
afterlife. Ghastly things.
159
00:11:02,432 --> 00:11:04,111
But they can't cross over
to this plane.
160
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,318
They only exist
on the other side of the doors.
161
00:11:06,438 --> 00:11:09,857
I thought it best to keep
a low profile, nonetheless.
162
00:11:09,977 --> 00:11:13,044
This was father's study.
We weren't allowed in there.
163
00:11:13,164 --> 00:11:14,214
Who's "we"?
164
00:11:14,334 --> 00:11:17,840
Mama, of course, myself,
nanny and the servants.
165
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,370
We had a staff of four.
And Albert, my brother.
166
00:11:21,870 --> 00:11:25,205
- So why have you come out of hiding?
- Because I saw you.
167
00:11:25,325 --> 00:11:29,125
I know you're not much to look
at but one can't have everything.
168
00:11:29,245 --> 00:11:33,960
What did happen to your hair, by the way?
Some sort of industrial accident?
169
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,600
Never mind. Come along,
McNair. Clippity-clop!
170
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,965
Where are my manners?
I haven't even welcomed you!
171
00:11:43,085 --> 00:11:47,240
Pop me down here, McNair. Please,
do make yourselves at home.
172
00:11:48,232 --> 00:11:50,200
OK, housemates' meeting.
173
00:11:56,685 --> 00:11:59,500
You said, "Housemates' meeting".
174
00:12:02,006 --> 00:12:03,925
Just the grown-ups.
175
00:12:04,045 --> 00:12:08,485
Right, you are. Probably want to discuss
the East India Company. Carry on.
176
00:12:11,938 --> 00:12:14,405
How can he have been living
here so long and we never knew?
177
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,409
And what are we going to do with him?
178
00:12:16,529 --> 00:12:18,440
We cannot hand him over
to social services.
179
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,520
No, it's down to us.
180
00:12:25,364 --> 00:12:26,401
Piss right off!
181
00:12:26,521 --> 00:12:29,280
But you're dead good with kids. You're
always talking about your brothers.
182
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:33,845
But Little Lord Fauntleroy there
is not one of my little brothers.
183
00:12:39,627 --> 00:12:40,440
Seriously?
184
00:12:41,736 --> 00:12:43,210
Are we playing this again?
185
00:12:43,845 --> 00:12:44,840
Blankie.
186
00:12:45,357 --> 00:12:46,632
Oh, Blankie.
187
00:12:50,765 --> 00:12:53,143
There we are.
Is that better?
188
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:55,337
We don't want you getting poorly now.
189
00:12:55,457 --> 00:12:58,040
He's been dead for 100 years,
how much more poorly can he get?
190
00:12:59,685 --> 00:13:01,370
Nah, that is a classic
191
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,800
"I want the day off school" cough,
I've heard it 1,000 times!
192
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,960
Thank you all.
You've been so very kind.
193
00:13:07,936 --> 00:13:11,720
And if I don't make it...
please, don't forget me.
194
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,260
You know, Decky used to look
up symptoms online all the time,
195
00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:18,720
except he could never be
bothered looking up the diagnosis.
196
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,925
There was this one time
he said he couldn't go to school
197
00:13:22,045 --> 00:13:24,280
because he'd just started
the menopause.
198
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:29,160
You two are so getting a slap.
199
00:13:29,737 --> 00:13:32,560
Isn't this nice?
Just the two of us.
200
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:33,830
Right, you...
201
00:13:34,361 --> 00:13:35,711
Listen up, OK?
202
00:13:35,831 --> 00:13:37,824
You might be able
to pull the wool over their eyes
203
00:13:37,944 --> 00:13:41,480
but they're men and they're idiots.
I, however, have seen this all before.
204
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,090
So come on, get up!
205
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,600
What do you want to do then?
Play football? Climb trees?
206
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,280
What kind of low-born ruffian
do you take me for?
207
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,280
TV it is!
208
00:13:55,057 --> 00:13:57,485
Nice of you to pop by.
Nice of you to join us.
209
00:13:57,605 --> 00:14:01,416
Sorry, Patsy. We were called away
to deal with a domestic emergency.
210
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:03,426
Hal, I see what you're doing.
211
00:14:03,546 --> 00:14:06,263
It's noble of you to take the bullet.
But I've got the smoking gun.
212
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:11,574
I saw him on the security camera,
sauntering up, bold as brass...
213
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,269
on his own.
214
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,960
Not good enough, Thomas. You
need to pull your socks up.
215
00:14:22,645 --> 00:14:25,880
Come on, that's funny!
You've got to admit. Tom!
216
00:14:26,341 --> 00:14:27,341
Of course.
217
00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:30,385
You must have been worried sick.
218
00:14:31,498 --> 00:14:34,925
As I said, he's fine, just
a little disorientated.
219
00:14:36,525 --> 00:14:39,805
Yes, a friendly face would help no...
220
00:14:41,885 --> 00:14:42,885
Excellent.
221
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,485
The car should be
with you any minute.
222
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:52,160
His sister's on her way.
I'll prepare our guest.
223
00:14:56,627 --> 00:14:59,760
Mr Crumb.
How are we feeling today?
224
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,800
Yeah, yeah! Great, great!
Great, Great! Yeah, yeah!
225
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,200
I need to...
I need to feed.
226
00:15:07,325 --> 00:15:09,805
That needs to happen
real blooming soon!
227
00:15:09,925 --> 00:15:12,745
I need to... We need to look
into that.
228
00:15:12,865 --> 00:15:14,920
It has to be addressed.
229
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,010
It is, Mr Crumb, as we speak.
230
00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:21,040
But first the other day, when we met,
do you remember what I said?
231
00:15:23,485 --> 00:15:28,440
I'd given you an idea. You had a job
for me and it was a really special job.
232
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:33,480
That's right. A very special job. A
job that demands skill and delicacy.
233
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,499
I can do that!
I can be delicate!
234
00:15:35,619 --> 00:15:37,720
I can be so bloody delicate!
235
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,040
Indeed.
236
00:15:39,775 --> 00:15:41,640
That's me all over!
237
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,584
- And do you remember what you said?
- Yes!
238
00:15:45,939 --> 00:15:47,120
Remind me.
239
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:51,378
You said that you were the
world's worst nightmare.
240
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,365
The victim who gets superpowers.
241
00:15:54,485 --> 00:15:58,002
I thought at the time,
"Goodness, what a striking image!"
242
00:16:00,776 --> 00:16:03,040
Your hour approaches, Mr Crumb.
243
00:16:17,208 --> 00:16:18,469
What's that you're doing?
244
00:16:18,589 --> 00:16:21,680
I'm disinfecting the keyboard
with pure alcohol and a cotton bud.
245
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:26,760
I'd never think of doing that. I'm never
going to win this competition, am I?
246
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,160
This isn't part of the competition.
Doesn't everyone do this?
247
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,440
I know Patsy prefers you, but I thought
if I worked hard, I could change her mind.
248
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,734
It's just a silly competition, Tom.
249
00:16:35,126 --> 00:16:37,320
Why don't we both opt out?
I'm not that bothered about it.
250
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,490
Well, I am!
251
00:16:39,210 --> 00:16:42,813
Like Patsy said, imagine having
"Employee of the Month" on your CV!
252
00:16:43,354 --> 00:16:45,525
- Imagine having a CV!
- You can have a CV.
253
00:16:45,645 --> 00:16:48,374
I'll type you up a CV as soon as
I'm done disinfecting the keyboard.
254
00:16:48,494 --> 00:16:51,192
I just wanted to better meself,
broaden me horizons.
255
00:16:51,312 --> 00:16:53,973
This was me chance.
This was going to be it.
256
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,208
What if I withdrew
from the competition?
257
00:16:56,328 --> 00:16:59,857
Perhaps without me "distracting" Patsy,
she'll be able to see your potential.
258
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:01,826
People should win things
because they're good,
259
00:17:01,946 --> 00:17:03,982
not because everyone else
is more rubbish.
260
00:17:04,102 --> 00:17:05,652
Welcome to democracy.
261
00:17:07,149 --> 00:17:09,720
We are having a party!
262
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,830
- What's all this in aid of?
- Don't you like a party?
263
00:17:20,950 --> 00:17:24,320
Everybody likes a party!
It's the fucking law!
264
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,320
We were rather looking forward to
a quiet evening and some supper.
265
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,330
We've been working all day.
266
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,240
And you think this isn't work?
267
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:36,480
I have been stuck all day on
my own with a bloody child.
268
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,010
You try it.
One day.
269
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:40,960
I will go to the hotel, you can stay here.
One day. Let's go!
270
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:44,480
Everybody deserves to have a fuss
made of them when they're little.
271
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,520
OK then, that's agreed!
272
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,640
Tonight, we're all going to party
273
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,047
like it's 1899!
274
00:17:52,665 --> 00:17:54,560
You're not "yah-ing", Hal.
275
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,390
Tic, tac, toe. Look
up high, look down low.
276
00:18:01,510 --> 00:18:03,984
Let's have three in a row. Don't
let the butler step on your toe...
277
00:18:04,104 --> 00:18:05,366
16-0.
Let's go.
278
00:18:05,486 --> 00:18:07,661
Tic, tac, toe. Look up
high, look down low...
279
00:18:07,781 --> 00:18:10,237
Let's have three in a row. Don't
let the butler step on your toe!
280
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:13,077
I don't want to play any more.
We should play party games!
281
00:18:13,197 --> 00:18:15,960
Pass the slipper!
Pass the slipper!
282
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:17,812
Right, who's first?
283
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,760
Eeny meeny miney mo, catch a ni...
284
00:18:23,677 --> 00:18:25,677
All right then, I'll go first.
285
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,440
Again, again, again!
286
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,965
I think that's enough
excitement for one night, Oliver.
287
00:18:31,085 --> 00:18:33,960
- Just because you keep losing.
- Only because you're a little cheat.
288
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,120
How dare you!
You great baggage!
289
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,772
Yeah, whatever, Niles.
290
00:18:37,892 --> 00:18:38,760
Never...
291
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,680
have I met a less lady-like lady!
292
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:46,640
You can't dance!
You can't conjugate Latin verbs!
293
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,960
And your madrigal
singing is subpar at best!
294
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:53,816
Right, that's it.
295
00:18:54,525 --> 00:18:57,120
Naughty step for you!
Come on!
296
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,800
- What's going on?
- I've had enough.
297
00:19:00,146 --> 00:19:02,685
He's a freak!
He can't play football.
298
00:19:02,805 --> 00:19:05,091
He thinks TV is "vulgar"
299
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:08,107
and do not even get me started
on the racism!
300
00:19:08,227 --> 00:19:09,227
Right!
301
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,226
And stay there!
302
00:19:21,238 --> 00:19:22,480
Right.
Go to your room!
303
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,080
Make me, dollymop!
Flapdragon!
304
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,920
I think maybe you should
do what she says, Oliver.
305
00:19:31,925 --> 00:19:35,445
Oh, my God!
Dead Victorian kids are so annoying!
306
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:40,925
You don't think you're
being a bit hard on him?
307
00:19:45,605 --> 00:19:47,173
Fine!
Fine...
308
00:19:52,445 --> 00:19:56,280
Please!
I'm doing my best, I swear.
309
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,400
Try again!
310
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,485
Who are you talking to?
311
00:20:09,605 --> 00:20:12,120
No-one. I was talking to myself.
312
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:16,440
- What, and you answer yourself back?
- Just leave me alone.
313
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,565
Oliver, what's going on?
314
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,946
So what's the mission?
What's the SP?
315
00:20:28,066 --> 00:20:32,245
That's for you to decide.
It's all about instinct.
316
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:36,520
Reading the room. Gauging the
situation. Making a judgment call.
317
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,051
Making the situation.
Reading the instincts.
318
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,720
I getcha!
I getcha!
319
00:20:42,605 --> 00:20:45,642
Alan, are the CCTV cameras
all working?
320
00:20:45,762 --> 00:20:47,840
We want to record your triumph.
321
00:20:48,838 --> 00:20:50,930
Yes, sir.
But could I have a word?
322
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,897
And afterwards, you'll feed me?
323
00:20:54,017 --> 00:20:56,366
I give you my word you'll be fed.
324
00:20:56,486 --> 00:20:58,765
- Do I get a badge?
- I'm sorry?
325
00:20:58,885 --> 00:21:01,240
Well, it's just if I'm
working for you then...
326
00:21:01,815 --> 00:21:03,759
We don't really do badges.
327
00:21:03,879 --> 00:21:07,480
It's undercover work. A badge
would rather give the game away.
328
00:21:07,819 --> 00:21:09,499
That makes total sense.
329
00:21:09,984 --> 00:21:12,447
You're smart.
You're very smart.
330
00:21:12,567 --> 00:21:13,567
Instead...
331
00:21:14,425 --> 00:21:17,430
you get this... pen.
332
00:21:18,190 --> 00:21:21,480
This very special pen.
333
00:21:22,066 --> 00:21:23,801
Does it shoot poison gas?
334
00:21:23,921 --> 00:21:25,480
Or pellets?
Or poison gas pellets?
335
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,360
It's essentially a pen, but...
336
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,870
only our top people get one of these.
337
00:21:35,354 --> 00:21:36,802
Like a talisman!
338
00:21:36,922 --> 00:21:40,000
Like when you defeat the
Obsidian King on Flaming Orc.
339
00:21:41,805 --> 00:21:43,491
Flaming Orc, the role playing game?
340
00:21:43,611 --> 00:21:45,400
Heard of it?
Won the Golden Joystick award.
341
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,040
I'm sorry, my work takes
up so much of my time.
342
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:51,064
Well, there's this dungeon
boss and you have to beat him.
343
00:21:51,184 --> 00:21:55,199
He drops a talisman and it boosts
everything, all your powers!
344
00:21:55,319 --> 00:21:56,600
You become invincible!
345
00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:00,117
Then this pen, Mr
Crumb, is your talisman.
346
00:22:00,237 --> 00:22:03,520
And your destiny lies
beyond this door.
347
00:22:05,125 --> 00:22:07,200
Sorry, I need to speak to you.
348
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,005
For God's sake, Alan, what is it?
349
00:22:10,965 --> 00:22:13,195
She's brought her daughter.
350
00:22:25,965 --> 00:22:26,965
We must...
351
00:22:27,668 --> 00:22:30,520
We must be resolute.
352
00:22:31,055 --> 00:22:33,237
We must think...
353
00:22:33,357 --> 00:22:34,716
of the greater good.
354
00:23:07,995 --> 00:23:09,345
I need your help.
355
00:23:09,978 --> 00:23:10,978
What's up?
356
00:23:11,317 --> 00:23:14,680
We told you about this ridiculous
Employee of the Month thing.
357
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:18,205
Well, it turns out Tom's
got his heart set on it.
358
00:23:18,325 --> 00:23:21,200
At first, I didn't realise
just how much it means to him.
359
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:23,922
But if he's going to stand a chance
of winning, it's not enough for him
360
00:23:24,042 --> 00:23:25,406
to be good at the job.
361
00:23:27,127 --> 00:23:28,280
I have to be bad.
362
00:23:30,808 --> 00:23:32,693
But I've never been bad
at anything in my life.
363
00:23:32,813 --> 00:23:34,680
So I was wondering
if you could help me.
364
00:23:36,186 --> 00:23:39,080
What, because I'm the leading
expert at fucking things up?
365
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,720
That's lovely!
Yeah, that's really nice!
366
00:23:44,498 --> 00:23:45,600
Can you help me?
367
00:23:47,525 --> 00:23:50,925
Yes!
Yes, as a matter of fact, I can.
368
00:23:52,297 --> 00:23:54,163
Well, for starters,
look how you're sat.
369
00:23:54,283 --> 00:23:56,440
It's like you've got a poker
stuck up your bum.
370
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:57,400
Slouch.
371
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,245
- Slouch?
- Yeah.
372
00:23:59,365 --> 00:24:02,960
I can't slouch, not with my
back. I have a dancer's back.
373
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:11,200
Just slide into your seat. Let
yourself go all loosey-goosey.
374
00:24:21,386 --> 00:24:23,595
OK.
Put your feet up on that
375
00:24:24,192 --> 00:24:25,330
and read that.
376
00:24:25,450 --> 00:24:26,760
Can't I have a proper paper?
377
00:24:28,209 --> 00:24:30,965
Now, a customer comes
in, you ignore them.
378
00:24:31,085 --> 00:24:34,960
They ask you a question, you
shrug. They ask you again, you tut.
379
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:36,000
Tut?
380
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:39,120
- Try and work in an eye-roll as well.
- This is barbaric.
381
00:24:39,944 --> 00:24:42,320
Welcome to the British
service industry.
382
00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:55,558
Look at you!
383
00:24:56,125 --> 00:24:59,560
Conserving your energy in
case there's a rush later?
384
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,800
Planning ahead. I love it!
385
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,640
Why would I care
if there was a rush later?
386
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:04,652
Why indeed!
387
00:25:04,772 --> 00:25:08,120
It won't faze you.
You'll lick us into shape.
388
00:25:09,245 --> 00:25:10,200
Shit!
389
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:11,106
Bugger!
390
00:25:11,226 --> 00:25:13,376
Captain Hatch!
What on earth...?
391
00:25:13,496 --> 00:25:18,200
I'm sorry, Patsy,
my colostomy bag runneth over.
392
00:25:19,095 --> 00:25:22,200
Now I don't have poor Sophie to help,
God rest her soul...
393
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:23,320
Right.
394
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,560
Don't look at me!
I'm not doing it!
395
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,120
Of course not!
The very idea.
396
00:25:28,571 --> 00:25:29,587
Thomas!
397
00:25:32,325 --> 00:25:34,480
Captain Hatch needs a hand getting
cleaned up
398
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,516
in his "toilet area".
399
00:25:36,636 --> 00:25:39,240
- I'm sure you can manage that.
- Of course, it'd be a pleasure.
400
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:43,720
- No, I didn't mean Tom should do it.
- Bit more suited to your skill set.
401
00:25:44,265 --> 00:25:46,515
Did you hear that then?
Skill set!
402
00:25:46,635 --> 00:25:47,560
Skill set!
403
00:25:52,125 --> 00:25:55,160
What in the name of Little
Baby Cheeses are you doing?
404
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,895
It's part of my routine.
405
00:25:57,015 --> 00:26:00,280
Just because one is dead, doesn't mean
one should let standards drop.
406
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,840
Would you mind turning round?
I'm going to get out now.
407
00:26:08,045 --> 00:26:11,405
So if you lived here, then
how come you don't sound Welsh?
408
00:26:11,525 --> 00:26:15,960
I was born in England, if you must know.
We only moved because of father's work.
409
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,725
- What did he do?
- He was a magistrate.
410
00:26:18,845 --> 00:26:21,800
- Why all these questions?
- I just want to get to know you.
411
00:26:22,912 --> 00:26:25,856
How you lived, how you died.
412
00:26:25,976 --> 00:26:27,440
How I died?
413
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,685
Great idea, let's start with that one.
So, how did you die?
414
00:26:30,805 --> 00:26:32,400
That's a very personal question.
415
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,840
You said that you were hiding
from the Men with Sticks and Rope.
416
00:26:36,516 --> 00:26:38,161
What do they want with you?
417
00:26:38,805 --> 00:26:43,240
They want every ghost who
hasn't passed over properly.
418
00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:51,005
They've not come looking for me.
419
00:26:52,885 --> 00:26:54,435
So youust be special.
420
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,640
Now why's that then?
421
00:26:59,645 --> 00:27:01,974
If I tell you, you'll hate me.
422
00:27:04,325 --> 00:27:07,207
Course I'm not going o hate you.
What is it?
423
00:27:09,030 --> 00:27:10,265
What are you hiding?
424
00:27:14,817 --> 00:27:16,360
I did a terrible thing.
425
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,140
I killed my brother.
426
00:27:26,325 --> 00:27:28,890
How's it going then,
your little competition?
427
00:27:29,010 --> 00:27:30,760
You heard about that?
428
00:27:31,605 --> 00:27:34,777
It's going all right. I think Patsy
has finally started to notice me.
429
00:27:34,897 --> 00:27:38,047
- See what I'm capable of.
- Yeah, cleaning up shit.
430
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:42,085
You know he refused to do it,
the other fella?
431
00:27:42,205 --> 00:27:44,960
La-de-da Gunner Graham said
it was beneath him.
432
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:47,578
Him and Patsy had a right old laugh
about it.
433
00:27:47,698 --> 00:27:50,640
Well, his loss. Gives me
another chance to impress Patsy.
434
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,240
You know what he is?
A tart. Excuse my French.
435
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,616
I've seen him, fluttering
his eyelashes at her,
436
00:27:57,736 --> 00:28:01,040
opening doors for her,
giggling like a tit.
437
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,525
That's playing dirty in my book.
438
00:28:03,645 --> 00:28:06,120
Nah, just healthy
competition, that's all.
439
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:10,040
I worked with a man like that once,
swore blind he was my best mate.
440
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,960
Next thing, bastard
stabbed me in the back.
441
00:28:13,621 --> 00:28:16,000
Cast me out without a by-your-leave.
442
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,880
He knows how much this means
to me. He wouldn't cheat.
443
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,160
Yeah, but what does it mean to him?
444
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:25,000
See, this isn't about some
pissy little competition.
445
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:27,105
This is about status quo.
446
00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:30,605
Men like him need a hierarchy.
447
00:28:30,725 --> 00:28:32,525
Him on top, us underneath.
448
00:28:33,534 --> 00:28:35,550
And he'll do anything to protect it.
449
00:28:43,805 --> 00:28:47,841
He had rickets, he needed metal
callipers to help him walk.
450
00:28:48,740 --> 00:28:50,453
Everyone made such a fuss of him.
451
00:28:51,098 --> 00:28:52,898
Never had any time for me.
452
00:28:54,412 --> 00:28:56,605
Yeah, I think I can relate to that.
453
00:28:58,225 --> 00:28:59,240
So what happened?
454
00:29:00,405 --> 00:29:05,160
We were playing hide and seek. There
was an old water tank in the cellar.
455
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,485
A copper for washing clothes.
456
00:29:07,605 --> 00:29:11,400
He must have climbed in
there and with the calliper...
457
00:29:12,777 --> 00:29:14,677
I was the one who found him.
458
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,350
Oh, God!
Oliver that's...
459
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,125
Everyone blamed me.
460
00:29:20,245 --> 00:29:23,680
They didn't say a word, but
I could hear them whispering.
461
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,045
I couldn't bear it.
462
00:29:26,165 --> 00:29:29,520
I took rat poison, when
cook wasn't looking.
463
00:29:32,125 --> 00:29:35,840
See?
I told you you'd hate me.
464
00:29:37,525 --> 00:29:39,845
Course I don't hate you.
465
00:29:39,965 --> 00:29:42,360
I know what it's
like to lose someone.
466
00:29:42,820 --> 00:29:45,485
When I was 17,
my mum walked out on me.
467
00:29:45,605 --> 00:29:50,525
My dad couldn't cope, so all
of a sudden I was the grown-up.
468
00:29:50,645 --> 00:29:55,445
Had to look after all my little
brothers. What choice did I have?
469
00:29:56,765 --> 00:29:59,325
- Do you miss them?
- Oh God, yeah!
470
00:29:59,445 --> 00:30:03,600
Every single day. I'm fine so
long as I don't think about it.
471
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,680
What happened to Albert,
Oliver, wasn't your fault.
472
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,080
Just as what happened
to me wasn't mine.
473
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:13,440
Do you really believe that?
474
00:30:13,801 --> 00:30:15,751
Neither of us asked for this.
475
00:30:17,170 --> 00:30:18,600
We have both had to pay
476
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,705
the biggest price imaginable
for things that...
477
00:30:22,377 --> 00:30:24,527
for things that we can't control.
478
00:30:26,352 --> 00:30:29,400
But what's done is done and
we have to look forward now.
479
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:32,960
Or else eternity is going to
seem like a very long time.
480
00:30:34,805 --> 00:30:35,680
So...
481
00:30:36,467 --> 00:30:39,400
What do you say we go
out and we have some fun?
482
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:54,280
Dodgems!
483
00:30:54,765 --> 00:30:56,715
They've got dodgems!
Come on!
484
00:31:22,765 --> 00:31:25,000
Was you ever in the military?
485
00:31:26,768 --> 00:31:27,768
Briefly.
486
00:31:28,565 --> 00:31:30,665
- A long time ago.
- I knew it!
487
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:34,720
Soon as I clapped eyes on you I said
to myself, "There's a military man".
488
00:31:35,180 --> 00:31:36,880
Something in your bearing.
489
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,240
You're a cut
above the rest of this shower.
490
00:31:39,652 --> 00:31:41,200
I don't like to discuss my past.
491
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:46,093
You see that breaks my heart. That
says to me that you're ashamed.
492
00:31:46,213 --> 00:31:47,313
And of what?
493
00:31:47,690 --> 00:31:49,560
Cos you know the proper words
for something?
494
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:51,719
Because you went out and got
yourself an education?
495
00:31:51,839 --> 00:31:52,889
No, no, no.
496
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,310
That says to me that they've won.
497
00:31:55,430 --> 00:31:56,430
Well...
498
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:02,120
sometimes it's just easier to
hide one's light under a bushel.
499
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,805
Time was, people liked
knowing their place.
500
00:32:05,925 --> 00:32:10,680
It made them feel secure. But
now, everyone's got to be top dog.
501
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,285
It's no wonder we're
in the mess we're in.
502
00:32:14,285 --> 00:32:17,520
People like things to be a little
more meritocratic these days.
503
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,520
See, that's exactly
what I'm talking about!
504
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:24,000
"Meritocratic". Perfect.
Beautiful that is.
505
00:32:24,399 --> 00:32:27,485
That's just music. "Meritocratic".
506
00:32:27,605 --> 00:32:30,680
Now why on earth would
anyone be ashamed of that?
507
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,960
You're very... congenial.
508
00:32:33,297 --> 00:32:35,640
"Congenial"!
I love it!
509
00:32:36,191 --> 00:32:37,241
Mind you...
510
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:39,440
I'm...
511
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:44,080
very hush-hush about where
I've been and things I've done.
512
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:45,350
People judge.
513
00:32:46,013 --> 00:32:48,360
All I'm saying is, you're
better than the lot of them.
514
00:32:50,020 --> 00:32:53,765
And that used to be a
blessing and now it's a curse.
515
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:05,360
The woman is the perpetrator's
sister. The girl, her daughter.
516
00:33:06,288 --> 00:33:07,485
And where's he?
517
00:33:07,605 --> 00:33:09,925
Type 2's cannot be seen on cameras.
518
00:33:10,045 --> 00:33:13,000
So he'll be... Yes,
that must be him there!
519
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:16,718
They can't be seen on cameras?
I could've done with that on Newsnight.
520
00:33:16,838 --> 00:33:18,958
Clearly there was
enormous emotional attachment
521
00:33:19,078 --> 00:33:20,880
between the perpetrator
and his victims.
522
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,517
Yet, when the beast took over...
523
00:33:23,637 --> 00:33:26,085
And as I said, these civilian deaths
524
00:33:26,205 --> 00:33:29,420
are a result of my department's
powers being scaled back.
525
00:33:29,540 --> 00:33:32,720
When we close, the consequences
could be catastrophic!
526
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,045
And I appreciate your concern,
527
00:33:35,165 --> 00:33:39,245
but two deaths are nowhere
near enough to warrant a U-turn.
528
00:33:39,365 --> 00:33:42,520
- Look, I'm sure Special Branch are...
- For Christ's sake, Alistair!
529
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:45,245
Special Branch haven't got a clue!
530
00:33:45,365 --> 00:33:48,045
After everything I've
done, I can't just...
531
00:33:48,165 --> 00:33:51,320
- After all I've sacrificed!
- For God's sake, grow up!
532
00:33:52,100 --> 00:33:55,643
You think you're the only one
losing funding, losing a job?
533
00:33:55,763 --> 00:33:58,461
I have to oversee this,
I have to implement it,
534
00:33:58,581 --> 00:34:00,905
and if I don't, I lose my job.
535
00:34:01,025 --> 00:34:02,640
And that, my friend,
536
00:34:02,935 --> 00:34:04,284
is not an option.
537
00:34:15,595 --> 00:34:18,080
Wow!
This is nice!
538
00:34:18,434 --> 00:34:19,692
This is nice.
539
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,045
I used to stay in places
like this when I was a kid.
540
00:34:23,165 --> 00:34:28,000
Me and my mum and me sister. Oops!
Sister. That's a sore point. Hello!
541
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,280
Wasn't Rook supposed
to be taking care of you?
542
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:35,516
Yeah, no!
543
00:34:35,636 --> 00:34:39,071
Yeah, he was,
but that's sort of finished now.
544
00:34:39,191 --> 00:34:40,000
So...
545
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,800
I got a bit confused and I
did some really bad things!
546
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,485
And now I feel like I'm
like I'm on the verge.
547
00:34:46,605 --> 00:34:49,520
Not just of doing more bad
things but of not caring!
548
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,485
And the last bit of me,
the last crumb of Crumb...
549
00:34:54,191 --> 00:34:55,760
He wants you to stop it.
550
00:34:56,071 --> 00:34:57,280
To save him.
551
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,640
Listen... Listen to me...
Listen to me.
552
00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:03,619
You stay away.
Because I will kill you.
553
00:35:04,344 --> 00:35:07,285
There is so much more at stake
than you. You are nothing to me now.
554
00:35:07,405 --> 00:35:10,440
You are sediment, you are detritus,
you are regret and disgust
555
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:11,630
and nothing more.
556
00:35:11,750 --> 00:35:13,000
You stay away!
557
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,287
I have killed men and women
and children,
558
00:35:16,407 --> 00:35:18,440
so just think how easy it will be
to kill you.
559
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,680
Well, that's something
we have in common then.
560
00:35:27,045 --> 00:35:29,240
Stay away!
No more warnings.
561
00:35:45,913 --> 00:35:47,320
Oh, bravo.
562
00:35:47,639 --> 00:35:48,735
Bravo, Hal!
563
00:35:48,855 --> 00:35:52,400
That's the spirit.
Keeping out the riff-raff.
564
00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:55,405
Hope you're taking notes, Thomas!
565
00:36:06,245 --> 00:36:08,455
- What the hell is this?
- What?
566
00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:11,035
This is a soup spoon.
567
00:36:11,725 --> 00:36:15,840
This is a dessert spoon.
This goes here and this goes here.
568
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,160
And soup, afternoon tea?
Come on, Tom, keep up!
569
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,085
- What difference does it make?
- One is correct...
570
00:36:22,205 --> 00:36:25,680
The other's the work of an imbecile!
Do I have to do everything?
571
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:29,520
On top of all the other bullshit,
now I've got to mop up after you?
572
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:31,920
What is this allergy you
have to doing things right?
573
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,612
You tell him, Hal.
Keep him on his toes!
574
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,000
Go away!
575
00:36:38,906 --> 00:36:40,809
Hey!
Manners, mister.
576
00:36:44,805 --> 00:36:47,165
There's nothing you wouldn't
do to beat me, is there?
577
00:36:47,724 --> 00:36:50,720
But it doesn't matter how far you are up
Patsy's bum, I'm going to win.
578
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:52,073
If only you could!
579
00:36:52,541 --> 00:36:54,977
I've been trying
to throw the bloody thing all day!
580
00:36:55,097 --> 00:36:59,120
But no matter how shit I try to
be, you find a way of being shitter!
581
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,960
What's your secret?
No really, I'm dying to know.
582
00:37:10,672 --> 00:37:13,252
Shall we pop in, surprise them?
583
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,685
They're working.
They'll be really grumpy.
584
00:37:18,445 --> 00:37:19,545
Yeah, go on.
585
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,040
Excuse me.
586
00:37:24,505 --> 00:37:25,505
Thank you.
587
00:37:29,563 --> 00:37:31,463
- Boo!
- Did we scare you?
588
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,560
- What's wrong with him?
- Nothing a silver bullet wouldn't cure.
589
00:37:37,862 --> 00:37:39,600
You really think you're
all it, don't you?
590
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:40,960
If by "all it"
591
00:37:41,318 --> 00:37:44,600
you mean a competent adult,
capable of making independent decisions
592
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,040
based on intuition and logic,
then yes, I do.
593
00:37:47,512 --> 00:37:49,043
The joke's on you then, ain't it?
594
00:37:49,163 --> 00:37:51,800
Because by "all it"
I meant a git with a big weird face.
595
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,520
- Is this about this stupid competition?
- You're stupid!
596
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:57,240
Table seven, tea and scones, stat!
597
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,680
I can do it, honestly. I
had it, so I've still got it.
598
00:38:02,662 --> 00:38:03,662
Fine.
599
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,342
- Tea, madam?
- Milk first.
600
00:38:14,462 --> 00:38:16,619
- What?
- Milk first, then tea.
601
00:38:16,739 --> 00:38:18,120
So you don't damage the china.
602
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,800
If you pour the tea first,
you can decide how much milk you want.
603
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:23,800
Sorry about him.
He's new and an idiot.
604
00:38:25,148 --> 00:38:27,720
You're the boss.
You're the boss.
605
00:38:57,001 --> 00:38:58,520
OK. All right.
606
00:38:59,278 --> 00:39:01,760
That's cool with me.
Everything's fine.
607
00:39:15,125 --> 00:39:17,520
- Will you stop that!
- What?
608
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:21,125
I'm so sorry, ladies and gentlemen!
I do apologise!
609
00:39:23,159 --> 00:39:26,840
Clean this up!
And then report to me.
610
00:39:27,465 --> 00:39:28,765
The pair of you!
611
00:39:33,885 --> 00:39:36,445
Get her back to the house!
612
00:39:38,728 --> 00:39:40,777
Alex, I want to go home!
613
00:39:41,765 --> 00:39:45,285
Yeah, good call!
We'll see you guys back at the house!
614
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:52,840
That was brilliant!
Did you see the look on Hal's face?
615
00:39:55,005 --> 00:39:57,520
What's up?
I thought you were having a good time.
616
00:39:58,725 --> 00:40:03,080
There's something I need to
tell you. About why I'm here.
617
00:40:03,240 --> 00:40:04,240
What is it?
618
00:40:05,077 --> 00:40:06,377
I'm sorry, Alex.
619
00:40:17,605 --> 00:40:19,960
- What's going on?
- We need to get out of here!
620
00:40:20,756 --> 00:40:22,440
Yeah. Yeah, let's go.
621
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:28,800
- What's wrong?
- I can't Rentaghost.
622
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:32,920
Right, it's OK. We're going to have
to do this the old-fashioned way.
623
00:40:42,205 --> 00:40:43,305
Who are you?
624
00:40:44,041 --> 00:40:46,057
Come on, show yourselves!
Who are you?
625
00:40:49,123 --> 00:40:51,920
Oliver, it's all right!
There's nothing there.
626
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,024
Listen, it's just a trick.
See?
627
00:40:55,137 --> 00:40:56,796
Oliver, listen to me!
It's OK.
628
00:40:56,916 --> 00:40:57,966
Look!
See?
629
00:40:59,226 --> 00:41:01,678
Look, it's just a trick.
Just a trick.
630
00:41:12,471 --> 00:41:14,800
This isn't fair!
I didn't agree to this!
631
00:41:15,939 --> 00:41:17,535
In here. It's OK.
632
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,880
It's OK. I'll look after you.
Whatever happens. I promise you, OK?
633
00:41:34,233 --> 00:41:35,733
I just want to play.
634
00:41:36,435 --> 00:41:37,805
Please, Oliver!
635
00:41:37,925 --> 00:41:41,680
I've been looking for you everywhere.
Why do you keep running away from me?
636
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:43,746
- Open the door.
- What?
637
00:41:43,866 --> 00:41:45,866
Oliver, you can't keep hiding.
638
00:41:46,303 --> 00:41:48,200
You have to talk to him,
you have to face him.
639
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:49,500
I can't!
640
00:41:49,620 --> 00:41:52,560
Oliver, you didn't do anything wrong.
It wasn't your fault.
641
00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:54,120
I wanted him dead!
642
00:41:54,240 --> 00:41:56,280
I wished he was gone!
And then he died!
643
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:59,960
Oliver, I wished my brothers
were gone all the time!
644
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:02,800
I never meant it though
and neither did you.
645
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,920
It was a terrible accident and
you didn't do anything wrong,
646
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,320
but you have to let go of this.
647
00:42:08,885 --> 00:42:11,160
I didn't make it happen?
648
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:15,200
I think that's what Albert's been
trying to tell you all this time.
649
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,120
I think that's why he's
been looking for you.
650
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:19,280
Come on.
651
00:42:20,583 --> 00:42:21,880
Open the door.
652
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:55,360
I'm sorry, Albert.
653
00:42:57,138 --> 00:42:58,288
I'm so sorry.
654
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,014
Go with him. It's OK.
655
00:43:14,934 --> 00:43:15,960
Thank you.
656
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,640
I don't understand!
We're back in the attic.
657
00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:48,120
Give him
658
00:43:48,420 --> 00:43:49,600
to us!
659
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:51,125
Not going to happen.
660
00:43:51,245 --> 00:43:54,120
One of you is coming with us-s-s.
661
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:55,560
Well, take me.
662
00:43:55,989 --> 00:43:59,120
You would take his place in hell?
663
00:43:59,537 --> 00:44:00,837
He's just a kid!
664
00:44:03,295 --> 00:44:07,280
No, I promised you that I
would look after you, OK?
665
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:09,565
This is just what big sisters do.
666
00:44:09,685 --> 00:44:14,400
Right... When Hal and Tom get back,
tell them exactly what happened.
667
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:18,485
Tell them that this was my choice, OK?
Have you got that?
668
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:23,960
- OK, let's do this.
- No!
669
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,251
This is what they wanted!
It was a trap.
670
00:44:26,371 --> 00:44:29,348
The whole thing was a trap!
That's why they sent me here!
671
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:46,600
So you want to play with us...
672
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,133
little girl?
673
00:44:56,786 --> 00:44:58,200
Somebody needs you.
674
00:44:58,360 --> 00:44:59,840
I can't just leave you...
675
00:45:01,137 --> 00:45:02,437
Oliver, just go!
676
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:23,280
And remember to close... the door!
677
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:33,720
How you going to get back now, eh?
678
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:37,280
How long d'you think that
you can survive in this world?
679
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:39,360
Not long, I reckon...
680
00:45:39,780 --> 00:45:41,040
slash hope.
681
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,008
OK, any time you want to start
bursting into flames
682
00:45:45,128 --> 00:45:48,218
or whatever it is you do,
just feel free.
683
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:50,680
You're...
684
00:45:51,875 --> 00:45:52,920
too late.
685
00:45:53,387 --> 00:45:54,387
The end
686
00:45:54,932 --> 00:45:55,932
has begun.
687
00:45:56,970 --> 00:45:57,970
Night
688
00:45:58,463 --> 00:45:59,463
will fall.
689
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:01,318
And he...
690
00:46:02,497 --> 00:46:03,497
will...
691
00:46:04,645 --> 00:46:06,160
rise!
692
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:28,753
I don't know how I can have allowed myself
to get dragged into this ridiculous...
693
00:46:28,873 --> 00:46:31,473
I know all too well
how it happened, Hal.
694
00:46:32,017 --> 00:46:33,017
It's him!
695
00:46:33,398 --> 00:46:36,200
The Svengali!
The arch manipulator!
696
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:41,080
He may look like someone's pulled
a monkey from a tree and shaved it.
697
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,957
That's how he drags people
into his theatre of lies.
698
00:46:44,077 --> 00:46:46,760
You've met Tom, haven't you?
You've spoken to him?
699
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:48,270
Nah, she's right.
700
00:46:48,536 --> 00:46:51,760
I knew as soon as I seen this place
I wouldn't fit in. Who was I kidding?
701
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,440
You've left me no choice, Tom. Pack
up your things and get out of here.
702
00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:59,000
- No... Patsy, don't you think...?
- I've made my decision.
703
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:03,240
This whole experience has
been incredibly stressful.
704
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:07,880
So, Hal, if you wanted to give me
a back-rub that would be fine...
705
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:09,571
Now you listen to me.
706
00:47:09,926 --> 00:47:12,200
If you want this place to succeed,
then Tom McNair is exactly
707
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:14,069
the sort of employee you need.
708
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:18,757
The problem with you, Patsy, is
that you are an inveterate snob.
709
00:47:18,877 --> 00:47:22,685
You'd rather reward someone who
is well spoken and disinterested,
710
00:47:22,805 --> 00:47:27,680
than someone who is a little rough
around the edges but utterly committed.
711
00:47:28,221 --> 00:47:30,405
That is not an environment
I wish to work in.
712
00:47:30,525 --> 00:47:32,831
So if he goes, I go.
713
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:36,760
Well, that was stupid. Now
none of us have got a job.
714
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,445
I think the phrase you're
looking for is "thank you".
715
00:47:51,883 --> 00:47:53,287
What is it?
What's wrong?
716
00:47:53,407 --> 00:47:54,480
Where's Oliver?
717
00:47:55,288 --> 00:47:56,288
He's gone.
718
00:48:22,290 --> 00:48:23,440
Mr Crumb...?
719
00:48:26,165 --> 00:48:28,485
Sent you to find me, did he?
720
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:32,680
I'm not part of that world any more.
721
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:36,880
I'd run along if I were
you. I haven't had my tea.
722
00:48:38,005 --> 00:48:40,805
That's why I wanted
to see you, Mr Crumb.
723
00:48:43,205 --> 00:48:46,880
My work with the Department
has compromised me.
724
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,900
I've got very little
humanity left to lose now.
725
00:48:51,675 --> 00:48:53,280
I want you to recruit me.
726
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:55,325
This is another trick.
727
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:59,200
I would never lie to a
player of Flaming Orc.
728
00:49:02,737 --> 00:49:05,165
You are... a Fellow Traveller?
729
00:49:05,285 --> 00:49:08,840
I have been known to drink a
flagon of mead at Gedruff's Tavern.
730
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:15,318
No, the agents of the Spider-King
have many disguises
731
00:49:15,438 --> 00:49:17,440
and they riddle most prettily.
732
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:19,550
Your caution does you credit.
733
00:49:20,625 --> 00:49:22,415
Imagine you're in the citadel.
734
00:49:22,851 --> 00:49:26,060
Before you, the diamond
dragon, what do you do?
735
00:49:26,673 --> 00:49:29,280
Why, use the invisibility
hex, of course.
736
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:32,280
What, against the diamond dragon?
737
00:49:33,645 --> 00:49:36,205
Oh no, I'm thinking
of the crystal dragon!
738
00:49:36,325 --> 00:49:39,569
Oh my God, you must think
I'm a right noob!
739
00:49:42,645 --> 00:49:43,720
You close your eyes,
740
00:49:44,389 --> 00:49:46,400
put your faith in the Flaming Orc...
741
00:49:47,276 --> 00:49:48,676
and roll the dice.
742
00:50:15,136 --> 00:50:16,136
Love you, Sis.
743
00:50:39,120 --> 00:50:40,925
Time to say goodbye.
744
00:50:42,605 --> 00:50:44,680
Of course.
It's what we expected.
745
00:50:46,240 --> 00:50:48,340
Not to you, you idiot.
To them.
746
00:50:49,208 --> 00:50:50,080
To this.
747
00:50:50,850 --> 00:50:52,040
Really?
748
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:54,805
They've started
rebuilding their world.
749
00:50:55,912 --> 00:50:57,853
As the distance gets greater
and greater,
750
00:50:57,973 --> 00:50:59,920
they're just going to get stronger
and stronger.
751
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:05,245
To watch that happen will
be like slowly dying again.
752
00:51:07,565 --> 00:51:10,664
I've got to move on,
as much as they do.
753
00:51:14,417 --> 00:51:16,175
Come on.
Let's go home.
754
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,245
One thing I don't understand.
755
00:51:25,365 --> 00:51:29,460
OK, I get the fact that the Men
with Sticks and Ropes were after me,
756
00:51:29,580 --> 00:51:33,640
cos that's what they do - go after
ghosts that haven't moved on but...
757
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:36,080
I thought they couldn't
cross into this plane?
758
00:51:36,240 --> 00:51:38,781
They can't. Not in their true form.
759
00:51:38,901 --> 00:51:40,652
Well, they managed it somehow.
760
00:51:42,119 --> 00:51:44,922
And there was something else as well.
Before they left, he said,
761
00:51:46,191 --> 00:51:47,680
"He will rise".
762
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,360
What does that mean?
Who will rise?
763
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:52,203
It's as if something's changing.
764
00:51:52,875 --> 00:51:55,573
As if the barriers between the worlds
are becoming weaker.
765
00:51:55,693 --> 00:51:59,600
- And that's not good, is it?
- No. That is very not good.
766
00:52:03,171 --> 00:52:04,366
Hello, it's Patsy.
767
00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:09,400
I'm just phoning to say
maybe you were right, Hal...
768
00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:11,510
Perhaps I was a little hasty.
769
00:52:12,364 --> 00:52:14,939
And we're short staffed as it is,
770
00:52:15,667 --> 00:52:18,080
so let's let bygones be bygones.
771
00:52:19,213 --> 00:52:21,863
I'll expect you both
in at the usual time.
772
00:52:28,125 --> 00:52:30,025
You made the right decision.
773
00:52:30,735 --> 00:52:34,666
It's going to be all hands
on deck, because...
774
00:52:36,166 --> 00:52:37,440
Come here, sweetheart.
775
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:48,200
Your blood pressure's about
to go through the roof.
776
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:51,655
But that's modern living for you.
The stress.
777
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:54,254
You've got something on your...
778
00:52:55,019 --> 00:52:58,880
Do you need a tissue?
I've got one somewhere.
779
00:53:00,403 --> 00:53:01,403
I'm sorry!
780
00:53:02,322 --> 00:53:03,968
This one's a bit snotty.
781
00:53:04,629 --> 00:53:07,680
There, this one's not too bad.
782
00:53:08,679 --> 00:53:11,680
Now you got something on your face.
783
00:53:16,365 --> 00:53:18,215
And I'm all out of tissues.
784
00:53:19,099 --> 00:53:20,640
Isn't that a nuisance?
785
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:31,045
Best part of a century
I've waited for this.
786
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:33,780
Stuck in this chair,
787
00:53:34,616 --> 00:53:35,920
in this body.
788
00:53:38,045 --> 00:53:39,645
And now here they are.
789
00:53:40,620 --> 00:53:42,636
A vampire and a werewolf,
790
00:53:42,991 --> 00:53:45,200
under the same roof!
791
00:53:50,685 --> 00:53:54,325
It's as if someone's
smuggled in a file in a cake.
792
00:53:55,285 --> 00:53:58,160
And all I have to do
is stir them up a bit
793
00:53:58,730 --> 00:54:01,205
and wait for the power to rise
794
00:54:01,325 --> 00:54:04,607
and carry me out of
here on a great wave.
795
00:54:08,512 --> 00:54:09,762
Trinity though.
796
00:54:11,190 --> 00:54:12,590
I don't like that.
797
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:15,000
The ghost will have to go.
798
00:54:17,285 --> 00:54:22,240
I sent some of my boys round, but
she's a stubborn bit of gristle.
799
00:54:24,325 --> 00:54:26,025
I'll think of something.
800
00:54:28,405 --> 00:54:30,455
I'm getting stronger every day.
801
00:54:32,085 --> 00:54:34,947
And when the time is right,
I will rise.
802
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:37,570
And then...
803
00:54:38,485 --> 00:54:41,445
I'm going to drain the world dry.
804
00:54:42,405 --> 00:54:46,360
I'm going to lap up every
drop of hope and love
805
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:49,445
and feel it run down my chin.
806
00:54:49,565 --> 00:54:52,125
I'm going to turn men into beasts,
807
00:54:52,245 --> 00:54:55,640
and ruin their women and spit
poison into their children.
808
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,125
I'm going to scorch the earth
809
00:54:58,245 --> 00:55:02,005
with proper Old Testament despair.
810
00:55:02,125 --> 00:55:05,611
And teach them that the
Gods are there to be feared.
811
00:55:05,731 --> 00:55:07,690
And everything you love will die
812
00:55:07,810 --> 00:55:11,200
and everything you're scared of
will come true.
813
00:55:16,445 --> 00:55:18,560
You're a right old state.
814
00:55:20,165 --> 00:55:22,265
You need to freshen up, my love.
815
00:55:23,005 --> 00:55:25,560
Why don't you go take
a dip in the sea?
816
00:55:35,925 --> 00:55:39,285
Now it's been a while, so
I might be a wee bit rusty.
817
00:55:56,245 --> 00:55:58,445
I've still got it!
818
00:56:00,405 --> 00:56:01,805
This is brilliant.
819
00:56:01,925 --> 00:56:05,223
Now I've got all the time in the world
to really focus on my music.
820
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:08,645
Just like falling off a log!
821
00:56:08,765 --> 00:56:11,640
- Certainly sounds like it.
- What?
822
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:14,160
It's lovely!
It's beautiful.
823
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:22,160
Time to dust off that
bikini and hit the beach.
824
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:24,805
Larry Chrysler will see you there!
825
00:56:28,284 --> 00:56:30,200
Yeah, there's a new player in town
826
00:56:30,360 --> 00:56:32,760
and he's got the skills and the looks
and the motivation.
827
00:56:33,363 --> 00:56:34,463
Lady Mary...
828
00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:37,600
allow me to introduce Alex.
829
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:40,887
I don't have a family.
I don't have any hobbies.
830
00:56:41,007 --> 00:56:42,940
The job was my life...
831
00:57:11,005 --> 00:57:13,045
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