1 00:00:00,299 --> 00:00:02,349 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:02,546 --> 00:00:04,238 I have a wonderful idea. 3 00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:08,800 I give you one of daddy's long, slow tongue baths. 4 00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:10,735 Hey, I want you to meet Gabriel. 5 00:00:10,769 --> 00:00:11,903 Oh. [Both gasp] 6 00:00:11,937 --> 00:00:13,905 You were getting sucked off by your sponsor. 7 00:00:13,939 --> 00:00:17,142 The penis is not only a disgusting appendage, 8 00:00:17,175 --> 00:00:19,343 it is also a deadly weapon. 9 00:00:19,378 --> 00:00:20,879 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 10 00:00:20,912 --> 00:00:23,314 He was my best friend, a childhood mate. 11 00:00:23,348 --> 00:00:24,949 [Cheers and applause] 12 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:27,118 I'm sorry I was such a bitch. 13 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:30,688 God, I'm so sorry I fucked your husband. 14 00:00:30,722 --> 00:00:32,990 Do you know that fucker? 15 00:00:33,025 --> 00:00:35,460 This fucker is supposed to be in rehab right now. 16 00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:36,661 Did you sign Robbie Mac? 17 00:00:36,728 --> 00:00:38,996 Yeah, I-I wasn't sure if it was gonna stick. 18 00:00:39,031 --> 00:00:42,200 Well, it stuck all right. It's on Deadline. 19 00:00:42,234 --> 00:00:43,235 Oh, he's no 'mo. 20 00:00:43,268 --> 00:00:44,335 No, he's just pretending. 21 00:00:44,369 --> 00:00:45,570 He wanted to sign the Mac Attack. 22 00:00:45,604 --> 00:00:47,739 There's a party in your mouth tonight, 23 00:00:47,773 --> 00:00:48,874 and I'm coming. 24 00:00:48,907 --> 00:00:51,009 [Grunts] I can't! 25 00:00:51,043 --> 00:00:52,677 [Sighs] 26 00:00:52,711 --> 00:00:54,913 I'm not exactly sure how I feel about you in general. 27 00:00:54,946 --> 00:00:57,315 You know, you did fire me. 28 00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:58,416 Should we assume the deal is off? 29 00:00:58,450 --> 00:00:59,617 Fuck you, Hank. 30 00:00:59,651 --> 00:01:01,252 I'm going off to write something. 31 00:01:01,286 --> 00:01:02,420 You're gonna write something? 32 00:01:02,454 --> 00:01:03,655 - I don't know what it is. - Really? 33 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,158 Interesting. Prepare to be John Woo'd. 34 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:15,466 [Joe Walsh's Funk 50] 35 00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:23,774 ♪ ♪ 36 00:01:27,312 --> 00:01:31,282 ♪ I'm gonna take you with me, find someplace to hide ♪ 37 00:01:31,316 --> 00:01:34,218 ♪ if and when they find us ♪ 38 00:01:34,252 --> 00:01:36,787 ♪ at least we can say we tried, yeah ♪ 39 00:01:36,822 --> 00:01:39,825 ♪ I'm gonna get my motor movin' ♪ 40 00:01:39,858 --> 00:01:41,793 ♪ I'm gonna dress in black ♪ 41 00:01:41,827 --> 00:01:44,162 ♪ walk down that red carpet ♪ 42 00:01:44,196 --> 00:01:46,798 ♪ show everybody I'm back ♪ 43 00:01:46,832 --> 00:01:49,568 ♪ show everybody I'm back ♪ 44 00:01:49,601 --> 00:01:58,009 ♪ ♪ 45 00:02:06,482 --> 00:02:07,625 Hi, woman. 46 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:08,694 Where you going? 47 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,452 I have a meeting. 48 00:02:10,453 --> 00:02:12,955 Oh, you want to grab some coffee? 49 00:02:12,989 --> 00:02:14,457 Well, I have a meeting. 50 00:02:14,491 --> 00:02:17,427 Well, can't you be late? 51 00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:20,229 - I have a meeting. - I don't understand. 52 00:02:20,263 --> 00:02:22,798 Okay, so some people, they have to work for a living. 53 00:02:22,832 --> 00:02:25,067 Oh, when I works, I works hard. 54 00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:26,302 Well, get to it, then. 55 00:02:26,336 --> 00:02:28,705 Well, I need a muse, you know. Where you going? 56 00:02:28,738 --> 00:02:31,207 I can drive you, and we can talk on the way. 57 00:02:31,241 --> 00:02:33,409 - Atticus Fetch's house. - Mm. 58 00:02:33,443 --> 00:02:35,445 Hmm, I think you've been there. 59 00:02:35,478 --> 00:02:36,712 I have. It's all a bit blurry, though. 60 00:02:36,746 --> 00:02:37,747 Mm, I can imagine. 61 00:02:37,781 --> 00:02:39,616 Hey, why'd you blow him off? 62 00:02:39,649 --> 00:02:40,716 'Cause I didn't want 63 00:02:40,750 --> 00:02:42,785 to write a fucking Broadway musical, Karen. 64 00:02:42,819 --> 00:02:44,153 The guy seems like a nutter, 65 00:02:44,220 --> 00:02:46,889 and I think he might threaten my sobriety. 66 00:02:46,923 --> 00:02:49,592 Says the guy with whiskey on his breath. 67 00:02:49,626 --> 00:02:51,494 That was a creative lubricant, 68 00:02:51,528 --> 00:02:53,196 and it's not working so well. 69 00:02:53,229 --> 00:02:55,698 No, so don't do-- I got to go. 70 00:02:55,732 --> 00:02:57,700 So you're refusing to be my muse? 71 00:02:57,734 --> 00:02:59,235 Oh, sweetie. 72 00:02:59,269 --> 00:03:00,470 I'm gonna remember this 73 00:03:00,503 --> 00:03:01,937 when you need something from me, all right? 74 00:03:01,971 --> 00:03:03,205 When I need something from you? 75 00:03:03,239 --> 00:03:06,875 - Should that day arrive. - Yeah. 76 00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:08,344 [Car door closes] I don't like you working. 77 00:03:08,378 --> 00:03:10,246 You're kind of-- you're kind of curt and brusque, 78 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,548 and, you know, you're always on the go. 79 00:03:12,582 --> 00:03:15,585 [Upbeat music] 80 00:03:15,618 --> 00:03:19,618 ♪ Californication 6x05 ♪ Rock and a Hard Place Original Air Date on February 17, 2013 81 00:03:19,643 --> 00:03:24,643 == sync, corrected by elderman == 82 00:04:05,201 --> 00:04:06,835 [Clears throat] 83 00:04:06,870 --> 00:04:09,505 Ken. Jesus! 84 00:04:09,539 --> 00:04:12,041 [Laughing] I didn't even see you there. 85 00:04:12,075 --> 00:04:14,077 You--you scared the shit out of me. 86 00:04:14,110 --> 00:04:15,778 - Sorry, Charlie. - Whew. 87 00:04:15,812 --> 00:04:17,780 Didn't want to scare you, never want to scare you. 88 00:04:17,814 --> 00:04:20,516 [Laughs] I appreciate that. 89 00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:22,685 - What's going on this morning? - Not too much-- 90 00:04:22,719 --> 00:04:26,322 just another day of living the dream. 91 00:04:26,356 --> 00:04:28,257 How was the party last night? 92 00:04:28,291 --> 00:04:31,227 Ah, well... [Chuckles] 93 00:04:31,261 --> 00:04:33,129 Guys in black leather, 94 00:04:33,162 --> 00:04:35,330 smell of moist ass hair... 95 00:04:35,365 --> 00:04:38,601 What's not to like? 96 00:04:38,635 --> 00:04:44,540 Ken, I think I feel your penis in the small of my back. 97 00:04:44,574 --> 00:04:47,543 Think of it as a loaded gun pointed at your head. 98 00:04:47,577 --> 00:04:51,581 Do I have to? 99 00:04:51,614 --> 00:04:54,783 Are you gay, Charlie? 100 00:04:54,817 --> 00:04:58,320 No. No, I'm not. 101 00:04:58,354 --> 00:05:00,356 And I'm sorry I lied, Ken. 102 00:05:00,390 --> 00:05:02,759 But I'm a good agent. 103 00:05:02,792 --> 00:05:05,761 - Get up. - [Sighs] 104 00:05:08,564 --> 00:05:10,966 Ooh! [Gasps] 105 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,634 You're a mid-level hack, Runkle. 106 00:05:12,669 --> 00:05:15,972 Check Deadline. [Coughs] 107 00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:21,677 [Mouse clicking, computer beeps] 108 00:05:24,681 --> 00:05:27,216 I don't care that you lied. 109 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:29,352 I don't care that you're not gay. 110 00:05:29,385 --> 00:05:31,787 I wouldn't fuck you if I was dying 111 00:05:31,821 --> 00:05:34,857 and your batch was a magic potion. 112 00:05:34,891 --> 00:05:39,562 I care that you lost this agency a major piece of business. 113 00:05:39,595 --> 00:05:42,598 Ooh! [Gasps] 114 00:05:55,945 --> 00:05:59,048 How'd it go, buddy boy? 115 00:05:59,082 --> 00:06:01,851 I'm sitting in the dark in my underwear, Hank. 116 00:06:01,884 --> 00:06:04,653 - Aw. - And I'm day drinking. 117 00:06:04,687 --> 00:06:06,822 Got it. 118 00:06:06,856 --> 00:06:10,960 What's next for us, buddy boy? 119 00:06:10,994 --> 00:06:13,363 What are your thoughts 120 00:06:13,396 --> 00:06:16,532 on a good old-fashioned murder-suicide pact? 121 00:06:16,566 --> 00:06:18,234 Nah, not yet. 122 00:06:18,267 --> 00:06:20,302 Let's save that shit for a rainier day. 123 00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,838 Oh, like it's not pouring right now? 124 00:06:22,872 --> 00:06:25,140 I'm a fucking failure, Hank. 125 00:06:25,174 --> 00:06:28,177 I'm unemployed, divorced. 126 00:06:28,211 --> 00:06:31,047 I'm a shitty father. No, you're not. 127 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,715 Really, Hank? You think I'm a good father? 128 00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:36,285 Not especially, but you're not shitty. 129 00:06:36,319 --> 00:06:38,854 I mean, you are sometimes, but we're all shitty sometimes. 130 00:06:38,888 --> 00:06:40,923 Cat's in the Cradle and whatnot. 131 00:06:40,957 --> 00:06:44,226 Do you have any idea how expensive this place is, Hank? 132 00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:45,928 The rent is insane. 133 00:06:45,962 --> 00:06:47,463 Why are you living beyond your means? 134 00:06:47,497 --> 00:06:49,131 It's the only way I know how. 135 00:06:49,165 --> 00:06:52,701 My ex-wife went off and married a big-time movie producer. 136 00:06:52,735 --> 00:06:56,438 So I went out and rented a Malibu pussy pad. 137 00:06:56,472 --> 00:06:59,241 God, if these walls could talk. 138 00:06:59,275 --> 00:07:01,176 They'd tell you to put your clothes back on, 139 00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:03,078 you depraved simian. 140 00:07:03,112 --> 00:07:05,814 Depraved or not, I'm living paycheck to paycheck, Hank. 141 00:07:05,848 --> 00:07:09,551 And there are no more paychecks! 142 00:07:09,585 --> 00:07:12,020 What am I gonna do? 143 00:07:12,088 --> 00:07:15,057 Look, I've got an idea. 144 00:07:15,091 --> 00:07:16,625 It's not a particularly good one, 145 00:07:16,692 --> 00:07:18,226 and I'm sure I'm gonna suffer as a result. 146 00:07:18,261 --> 00:07:20,396 But it's something that could benefit the both of us-- 147 00:07:20,430 --> 00:07:22,064 you mostly, though. 148 00:07:22,098 --> 00:07:25,701 Do I have to be gay again? 149 00:07:25,735 --> 00:07:26,902 - But you passed, Hank. - Yes, I know. 150 00:07:26,936 --> 00:07:28,837 But I was not a well woman at the time. 151 00:07:28,905 --> 00:07:30,940 Not only did you pass, 152 00:07:30,973 --> 00:07:34,443 you puked all over his piano... Yes. 153 00:07:34,510 --> 00:07:37,412 And his cocaine. No, it is uncool, dude. 154 00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:38,881 Yes, but we've made up since. 155 00:07:38,915 --> 00:07:40,549 You know, we've broken bread. 156 00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:42,718 We've shared women and cocaine. 157 00:07:42,752 --> 00:07:45,154 I think he likes me again. Come on, Stu. 158 00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:46,355 Help us out here. 159 00:07:46,389 --> 00:07:48,190 Look, fellas, as a producer, 160 00:07:48,224 --> 00:07:49,858 there's only so much I can do. 161 00:07:49,926 --> 00:07:54,730 The talent is driving the train on this one. 162 00:07:54,764 --> 00:07:56,398 But... 163 00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:58,066 I will put in a call. 164 00:07:58,101 --> 00:07:59,635 - [Sighs] - Thank you. 165 00:07:59,669 --> 00:08:02,738 In the meantime, there is something you got to do for me. 166 00:08:02,772 --> 00:08:04,006 Anything. 167 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,176 You have got to convince Marcy to sit down with me. 168 00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:09,312 I have got to plead my case. 169 00:08:09,345 --> 00:08:11,347 My business is going to shit without her. 170 00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:13,148 I can't do that, Stu. 171 00:08:13,182 --> 00:08:15,250 She won't listen to me. 172 00:08:25,695 --> 00:08:28,230 Smurfy tits? It's Hankness. 173 00:08:28,264 --> 00:08:30,599 Yeah, you got to do me a favor. 174 00:08:30,633 --> 00:08:33,435 [Stammers] You got to sit down with Stu. 175 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:36,572 I know he's a lying, cheating scumbag. 176 00:08:36,606 --> 00:08:38,341 But he misses you something fierce. 177 00:08:38,374 --> 00:08:41,176 Yeah, he misses that sweet little blue pussy 178 00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:44,346 and that tight little raisin of a cornhole. 179 00:08:44,380 --> 00:08:46,915 All you got to do is sit down with him. 180 00:08:46,949 --> 00:08:48,684 He won't munch your box, I promise. 181 00:08:48,718 --> 00:08:50,052 - Scout's honor! - He won't munch your box. 182 00:08:50,086 --> 00:08:51,220 No, I won't. 183 00:08:51,254 --> 00:08:53,689 It's just she tastes so fucking good. 184 00:08:53,723 --> 00:08:54,790 - Shush. - If you say so. 185 00:08:54,824 --> 00:08:55,991 Hold on a second, all right? 186 00:08:56,025 --> 00:08:57,426 I never was the pussy-eater you were. 187 00:08:57,460 --> 00:08:59,395 Well, you really should have thought about it, Charlie-- 188 00:08:59,428 --> 00:09:01,530 you know, compensate for your shitty hang time 189 00:09:01,597 --> 00:09:02,931 and your serious lack of inches. 190 00:09:02,999 --> 00:09:04,100 Jesus, fuck you, Stu. 191 00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:06,301 - Sorry, just keeping it real. - Hold on. 192 00:09:06,335 --> 00:09:09,638 Will you shut the fuck up, both of you? 193 00:09:09,672 --> 00:09:11,874 Yeah? So you'll do it? 194 00:09:11,908 --> 00:09:14,944 Oh, she'll do it. Mm! 195 00:09:14,977 --> 00:09:17,612 Later, female ejaculator. 196 00:09:17,647 --> 00:09:20,616 [Rock music] 197 00:09:20,650 --> 00:09:22,551 ♪ ♪ 198 00:09:22,618 --> 00:09:24,419 Fuck you. 199 00:09:24,453 --> 00:09:27,956 Now, when you say "fuck you," what do you mean exactly? 200 00:09:28,024 --> 00:09:29,792 I mean just that--fuck you. And fuck him. 201 00:09:29,825 --> 00:09:32,427 That arrogant motherfucker was face-to-face 202 00:09:32,461 --> 00:09:34,563 with rock royalty, and he fucking blew it. 203 00:09:34,597 --> 00:09:36,065 I really thought we mended fences. 204 00:09:36,098 --> 00:09:37,833 We did. We have. 205 00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:40,202 I like you, Hank. I'm a fan. 206 00:09:40,236 --> 00:09:42,871 But I can't collaborate with you if you're not a fan of mine. 207 00:09:42,905 --> 00:09:45,440 - Why not? - Because it's not natural! 208 00:09:45,474 --> 00:09:47,075 If I work with you, there will always be this little voice 209 00:09:47,109 --> 00:09:48,276 in the back of my head-- 210 00:09:48,311 --> 00:09:49,945 [high-pitched voice] "He's not a fan. 211 00:09:49,979 --> 00:09:52,715 He thinks you suck. Maybe you do suck." 212 00:09:52,748 --> 00:09:53,982 [Normal voice] Who wants to live like that? 213 00:09:54,016 --> 00:09:55,450 [High-pitched voice] "What are you? Tone deaf?" 214 00:09:55,484 --> 00:09:56,918 [Normal voice] Like that? Hank. 215 00:09:56,953 --> 00:09:57,954 What? 216 00:09:57,987 --> 00:10:01,557 You are a fan. Aren't you? 217 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:06,461 Yeahyeah, you know what? I did what you asked me to do. 218 00:10:06,495 --> 00:10:08,129 You said, go back, listen to your early stuff. 219 00:10:08,164 --> 00:10:10,399 That's what I did. Really? 220 00:10:10,433 --> 00:10:11,634 I did, yeah. 221 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:12,868 Which record? 222 00:10:12,902 --> 00:10:13,969 Which record? 223 00:10:14,003 --> 00:10:14,937 Which record? 224 00:10:14,971 --> 00:10:18,674 Which record? Um...Uh... 225 00:10:18,708 --> 00:10:20,276 It was so good. 226 00:10:20,309 --> 00:10:23,278 It was, um... 227 00:10:23,312 --> 00:10:25,547 Go Fetch. 228 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:27,449 You don't sound very sure of yourself. 229 00:10:27,483 --> 00:10:29,017 No, no. I mean, that was-- 230 00:10:29,051 --> 00:10:30,252 you know what? 231 00:10:30,286 --> 00:10:32,454 That was really solid shit right there. 232 00:10:32,488 --> 00:10:33,889 I really, really enjoyed it. 233 00:10:33,923 --> 00:10:36,625 - What was your favorite song? - What song did I like best? 234 00:10:36,659 --> 00:10:38,193 On Go Fetch, what was your favorite song? 235 00:10:38,227 --> 00:10:39,494 It's like children. 236 00:10:39,528 --> 00:10:41,296 How do you choose a favorite song? 237 00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:43,265 But if I had to choose, 238 00:10:43,299 --> 00:10:45,301 like, if you put a gun to my head... 239 00:10:45,334 --> 00:10:48,170 Uh...Sss... 240 00:10:48,204 --> 00:10:51,473 [Timidly] Step and Fetch It. 241 00:10:51,507 --> 00:10:54,443 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 242 00:10:54,477 --> 00:10:55,778 - That's my favorite too! - Well, good. 243 00:10:55,811 --> 00:10:58,780 Yeah, I wrote that in 15 minutes on the shitter. 244 00:10:58,814 --> 00:10:59,915 I think it's responsible 245 00:10:59,949 --> 00:11:01,417 for one of my least favorite hemorrhoids. 246 00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:03,185 - Wow, that's a good story. - ♪ Step and fetch it ♪ 247 00:11:03,219 --> 00:11:04,553 [Imitates percussion] 248 00:11:04,587 --> 00:11:05,821 ♪ Step and fetch it ♪ 249 00:11:05,855 --> 00:11:07,623 ♪ I'm fucking crazy ♪ 250 00:11:07,657 --> 00:11:10,960 Look, I'm in the middle of an epic shit storm right now. 251 00:11:10,993 --> 00:11:14,129 I fired my manager last week, because he's useless, 252 00:11:14,163 --> 00:11:15,864 and I think he's stealing from me. 253 00:11:15,898 --> 00:11:17,633 They all steal. 254 00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:21,737 Mostly 'cause he was just a useless fucking glad-hander. 255 00:11:21,771 --> 00:11:24,507 And I'm all out of cocaine, 256 00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:27,609 and my dealer's not answering my calls. 257 00:11:27,643 --> 00:11:31,546 And I just miss my magic songwriting powder. 258 00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:34,583 God, it makes me want to take a dump 259 00:11:34,617 --> 00:11:37,686 just thinking about it. 260 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,188 - Charlie? - Yes? 261 00:11:39,221 --> 00:11:41,122 You're a useless fucking glad-hander, aren't you? 262 00:11:41,157 --> 00:11:42,791 Yes, yes, I am. 263 00:11:42,825 --> 00:11:44,760 Oh, oh. 264 00:11:44,794 --> 00:11:47,963 Might you be in the market for new representation, Atticus? 265 00:11:47,997 --> 00:11:50,766 Dude, you're a Hollywood Agent-- 266 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,768 a wanker in a suit. 267 00:11:52,802 --> 00:11:55,738 What the fuck would you know about managing rock bands? 268 00:11:55,771 --> 00:11:58,106 Hey, hey, don't judge the wanker by the suit. 269 00:11:58,140 --> 00:12:01,276 This dude, however bald and pasty-- 270 00:12:01,310 --> 00:12:03,145 as rock and roll as they come. 271 00:12:03,179 --> 00:12:04,680 And loves to pound the pussy. 272 00:12:04,714 --> 00:12:06,048 This is true. 273 00:12:06,082 --> 00:12:07,683 I love to pound the pussy. 274 00:12:07,717 --> 00:12:09,018 He does. 275 00:12:09,051 --> 00:12:11,153 Look... 276 00:12:11,187 --> 00:12:14,056 If you can get me some Peruvian flake, 277 00:12:14,090 --> 00:12:17,760 I'll maybe, possibly think about throwing you in the mix. 278 00:12:17,793 --> 00:12:19,828 One thing of Bolivian flake--done. 279 00:12:19,862 --> 00:12:22,297 Peruvian! Peruvian flake, you fucking moron! 280 00:12:22,331 --> 00:12:24,199 Any country you want. 281 00:12:24,233 --> 00:12:26,602 - Oh, one more thing. - Anything. 282 00:12:26,635 --> 00:12:28,003 I need you to find me 283 00:12:28,037 --> 00:12:30,939 the 1945 Martin D-28 acoustic guitar 284 00:12:31,006 --> 00:12:32,474 that used to belong to the childhood friend 285 00:12:32,508 --> 00:12:33,909 I buried a few weeks ago. 286 00:12:33,943 --> 00:12:36,211 I'm recording this tribute song for him, 287 00:12:36,245 --> 00:12:39,214 and I have to have that fucking guitar. 288 00:12:39,248 --> 00:12:41,216 It was so beautiful. 289 00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:43,452 Talk about a gorgeous sound. 290 00:12:43,486 --> 00:12:47,790 It was like listening to Jesus ejaculate 291 00:12:47,823 --> 00:12:50,325 into the mouth of the Angel Gabriel. 292 00:12:54,063 --> 00:12:55,564 Great. Excellent. 293 00:12:55,631 --> 00:12:58,233 You tell us where, and we will get it for you. 294 00:12:58,267 --> 00:13:00,802 If I knew where, 295 00:13:00,836 --> 00:13:05,040 why the fuck would I need you? 296 00:13:14,316 --> 00:13:16,384 [Doorbell rings] 297 00:13:16,419 --> 00:13:18,354 Hey. 298 00:13:18,387 --> 00:13:21,523 - Hey, yourself, young lady. - We're looking for faith. 299 00:13:21,557 --> 00:13:23,191 Then you've come to the right place. 300 00:13:23,225 --> 00:13:26,061 Come on in. 301 00:13:30,599 --> 00:13:32,067 Hank Moody. 302 00:13:32,101 --> 00:13:34,670 You don't seem that surprised to see me. 303 00:13:34,703 --> 00:13:37,072 Well, I suppose I conjured you. 304 00:13:37,106 --> 00:13:38,807 How do you like the book so far? 305 00:13:38,841 --> 00:13:40,475 Thank you for buying the hardcover, by the way. 306 00:13:40,509 --> 00:13:42,143 So far, so good. 307 00:13:42,178 --> 00:13:44,480 You got it right-- the rock world. 308 00:13:44,513 --> 00:13:46,348 Few writers do. 309 00:13:46,382 --> 00:13:48,650 Mmm... 310 00:13:48,684 --> 00:13:49,918 Will you settle down, Runks? 311 00:13:49,952 --> 00:13:51,987 Have you never seen a pair of breasteses before? 312 00:13:52,021 --> 00:13:53,322 I wasn't looking at the-- 313 00:13:53,355 --> 00:13:54,923 No offense. They're lovely. 314 00:13:54,957 --> 00:13:56,091 None taken. I know they are. 315 00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:57,960 - Good for you. - She knows. 316 00:13:57,993 --> 00:13:59,227 Yeah, she knows. 317 00:13:59,261 --> 00:14:00,762 So how's your sobriety treating you, Hank? 318 00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:02,531 Not as good as yours, I see. 319 00:14:02,565 --> 00:14:05,434 [Chuckles] 320 00:14:05,468 --> 00:14:06,836 Well, what can I do you for? 321 00:14:06,902 --> 00:14:09,170 Well, I need a guitar. 322 00:14:09,205 --> 00:14:12,041 Mm. You know what? 323 00:14:12,074 --> 00:14:14,209 I think I saw a guitar center just down the road a piece. 324 00:14:14,243 --> 00:14:15,577 Can't miss it. 325 00:14:15,611 --> 00:14:17,112 And some cocaine. 326 00:14:17,146 --> 00:14:19,815 - Ooh. - Ow! 327 00:14:19,849 --> 00:14:21,717 - Not just any guitar. - Not just any cocaine-- 328 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:24,119 Peruvian flakes. Ow! 329 00:14:24,153 --> 00:14:25,554 [Laughs] 330 00:14:25,588 --> 00:14:28,991 It belonged to your D.R.S.B.-- Your dead rock star boyfriend. 331 00:14:29,024 --> 00:14:30,525 Coining it. 332 00:14:30,559 --> 00:14:31,726 It's an old acoustic. 333 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:32,827 A Martinelli. 334 00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:35,531 - [Laughs] - A Martin, jackass. 335 00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:36,698 I know it well. 336 00:14:36,732 --> 00:14:38,567 He used to leave it here all the time. 337 00:14:38,601 --> 00:14:40,803 Said he loved the idea of his favorite guitar 338 00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:42,637 spending time with his favorite girl. 339 00:14:42,671 --> 00:14:44,339 Oh, that is sweet. 340 00:14:44,373 --> 00:14:47,008 So it's here? 341 00:14:47,042 --> 00:14:48,777 The guitar is here? No, not anymore. 342 00:14:48,811 --> 00:14:50,412 He got in pretty deep 343 00:14:50,446 --> 00:14:52,181 with this crazy fucking drug dealer. 344 00:14:52,214 --> 00:14:54,249 So he gave it to him to pay off the money he owed him. 345 00:14:54,283 --> 00:14:57,753 - Oh, shit. Bummer. - Doesn't have to be. 346 00:14:57,786 --> 00:15:01,923 I suppose I could take you guys over there. 347 00:15:01,957 --> 00:15:03,325 Do a little one-stop shopping. 348 00:15:03,359 --> 00:15:06,095 Yeah, that would be most groovy of you. 349 00:15:06,161 --> 00:15:07,295 Do you think 350 00:15:07,329 --> 00:15:11,066 that this guy might have some cocaine as well? 351 00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:14,036 [Laughs] 352 00:15:14,069 --> 00:15:16,071 He's retarded, isn't he? 353 00:15:19,241 --> 00:15:20,542 You're Hank Moody. 354 00:15:20,576 --> 00:15:22,644 Hank Moody I am be. How'd you know that? 355 00:15:22,678 --> 00:15:24,646 What, you don't think I can read? 356 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,715 Could you be any more fucking condescending? 357 00:15:26,749 --> 00:15:28,283 You think just 'cause I sell narcotics, 358 00:15:28,317 --> 00:15:30,852 I don't know how to crack a fucking book? 359 00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,787 My shit just got more expensive, 360 00:15:32,821 --> 00:15:33,955 [high-pitched voice] Motherfucker. 361 00:15:33,989 --> 00:15:35,123 Hey, wait, I say 362 00:15:35,157 --> 00:15:36,291 [high-pitched voice] Motherfucker just like that-- 363 00:15:36,325 --> 00:15:37,592 [normal voice] That's my thing. 364 00:15:37,626 --> 00:15:39,194 Well you're not the only one, motherfucker. 365 00:15:39,228 --> 00:15:42,531 Both: Motherfucker. - Motherfucker. 366 00:15:42,565 --> 00:15:46,969 Sir, we need one pound of your best Peruvian blend. 367 00:15:47,002 --> 00:15:49,537 We will be on our way. "Flake," jackass. 368 00:15:49,572 --> 00:15:52,207 A pound? You seriously want a pound? 369 00:15:52,241 --> 00:15:54,076 Yes, yes. 370 00:15:54,109 --> 00:15:55,276 How much is that gonna run me? 371 00:15:55,311 --> 00:15:57,546 - 35. - Hundy? 372 00:15:57,613 --> 00:15:58,680 That's a bit expensive. 373 00:15:58,714 --> 00:15:59,915 We're gonna have to make another stop 374 00:15:59,949 --> 00:16:01,250 back at the automatic money machine. 375 00:16:01,283 --> 00:16:03,485 Grand. 35 grand. 376 00:16:03,519 --> 00:16:07,890 We're also gonna need Tony's guitar. 377 00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:09,124 Why? 378 00:16:09,158 --> 00:16:11,126 Atticus Fetch. 379 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,395 He's desperate to record with it. 380 00:16:13,429 --> 00:16:14,963 Fuck that pompous dinosaur. 381 00:16:14,997 --> 00:16:16,832 Hey, that's exactly what I said, 382 00:16:16,865 --> 00:16:18,466 to his face. 383 00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:22,770 Both: Boom. - My man. 384 00:16:22,805 --> 00:16:27,176 So you want a guitar that is currently in my possession 385 00:16:27,209 --> 00:16:31,613 and some of my precious narcotics. 386 00:16:31,647 --> 00:16:34,516 The question is... 387 00:16:34,550 --> 00:16:36,852 What are you prepared to do for me? 388 00:16:39,989 --> 00:16:42,591 Look... 389 00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:47,262 I think we both know that guitar doesn't really belong to you. 390 00:16:47,296 --> 00:16:50,032 Sure, Tony gave it to you to pay off his tab, 391 00:16:50,065 --> 00:16:53,134 but it really belongs to the world. 392 00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:54,903 It should be out there making music, 393 00:16:54,937 --> 00:16:57,139 not hidden in some dark lair. 394 00:16:57,172 --> 00:16:58,473 And who knows? 395 00:16:58,507 --> 00:17:01,076 That guitar could be the thing that gets Atticus back 396 00:17:01,110 --> 00:17:05,013 to making some beautiful fucking music again. 397 00:17:05,047 --> 00:17:08,550 You make a convincing case, Faith. 398 00:17:08,584 --> 00:17:11,920 Always fancied myself a... 399 00:17:11,954 --> 00:17:13,789 patron of the arts. 400 00:17:13,822 --> 00:17:17,091 Mm, I got into dealing so I could be closer 401 00:17:17,126 --> 00:17:20,162 to my favorite musicians. 402 00:17:20,195 --> 00:17:23,565 But... I don't know. 403 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:27,402 Also, Shari will give you a blow job 404 00:17:27,436 --> 00:17:29,471 that could cure cancer. 405 00:17:29,505 --> 00:17:30,572 What? 406 00:17:30,606 --> 00:17:33,609 Why do you always do this to me? 407 00:17:33,642 --> 00:17:35,744 You said so yourself-- you need the practice. 408 00:17:35,778 --> 00:17:39,081 This pleases me. 409 00:17:39,114 --> 00:17:41,182 Usually I get head from ugly strippers 410 00:17:41,216 --> 00:17:42,417 in exchange for drugs. 411 00:17:42,451 --> 00:17:45,954 But that's not gonna get it done, folks. 412 00:17:45,988 --> 00:17:47,589 You know, if you want, you can throw a shot 413 00:17:47,623 --> 00:17:48,690 into his mouth too. 414 00:17:48,724 --> 00:17:50,258 Up until recently, he was a homo-- 415 00:17:50,325 --> 00:17:52,593 big, big, big homo. - Look, look... 416 00:17:52,628 --> 00:17:54,663 I tried to suck a man's dick. 417 00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:55,764 I couldn't do that shit. 418 00:17:55,798 --> 00:17:58,500 I'm too straight for that shit, okay? 419 00:17:58,534 --> 00:18:02,604 Is there anything else I can do for you? 420 00:18:02,638 --> 00:18:06,241 I like that suit. 421 00:18:06,275 --> 00:18:08,377 You like this suit? 422 00:18:08,410 --> 00:18:10,945 I know just where you can get this suit. 423 00:18:10,979 --> 00:18:12,313 They got all sizes. 424 00:18:12,347 --> 00:18:13,781 I can point you in the right direction. 425 00:18:13,816 --> 00:18:16,251 Boom! 426 00:18:16,285 --> 00:18:18,353 Take it off. 427 00:18:22,691 --> 00:18:24,759 [Knock at door] 428 00:18:29,998 --> 00:18:32,166 Thank you so much for seeing me. 429 00:18:32,201 --> 00:18:33,802 Go in the living room. 430 00:18:33,836 --> 00:18:36,772 I'll be right with you. 431 00:18:42,745 --> 00:18:44,246 Oh, hello. 432 00:18:44,279 --> 00:18:47,248 Uh, I'm Stu, 433 00:18:47,282 --> 00:18:49,284 Marcy's estranged hubby. 434 00:18:49,318 --> 00:18:50,819 Ophelia. 435 00:18:50,853 --> 00:18:54,489 Pleasure to meet you, Ophelia. 436 00:18:54,523 --> 00:18:58,927 I understand you betrayed Marcy's trust. 437 00:18:58,961 --> 00:19:01,396 That's true. I did--most certainly did. 438 00:19:01,430 --> 00:19:04,166 I understand you put your dirty cock 439 00:19:04,199 --> 00:19:06,801 in some young woman's mouth... 440 00:19:06,835 --> 00:19:07,969 twice. 441 00:19:08,003 --> 00:19:10,071 I'm sorry. Who are you exactly? 442 00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:11,940 And now you, uh-- 443 00:19:11,974 --> 00:19:14,209 you're trying to get back in her good graces? 444 00:19:14,243 --> 00:19:15,811 It's true. 445 00:19:15,844 --> 00:19:17,078 I am. 446 00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:19,047 I-I'll do anything. 447 00:19:19,081 --> 00:19:20,782 [Laughs] 448 00:19:20,816 --> 00:19:21,883 And you think the sweater 449 00:19:21,917 --> 00:19:23,752 and the bottle of wine is going to do it? 450 00:19:23,819 --> 00:19:26,388 No, no, no. Of course not. 451 00:19:26,421 --> 00:19:30,758 But it is a 1964 Georges de La Tour. 452 00:19:30,793 --> 00:19:33,829 I just hope it's not too jammy. 453 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,868 Uh, what on earth is that thing? 454 00:19:39,902 --> 00:19:42,638 It's a cock cage. 455 00:19:42,671 --> 00:19:45,273 Oh, my. 456 00:19:45,307 --> 00:19:46,841 What is a cock cage? 457 00:19:46,875 --> 00:19:49,777 It is a male chastity device... 458 00:19:49,812 --> 00:19:52,014 Available on my website. 459 00:19:52,047 --> 00:19:55,417 It traps your cock in a flaccid state, Stu, 460 00:19:55,450 --> 00:19:57,552 which is very nice and cozy. 461 00:19:57,586 --> 00:20:00,455 But if you get aroused, 462 00:20:00,489 --> 00:20:03,225 if you surrender to your baser instincts, 463 00:20:03,258 --> 00:20:06,127 it can make things very unpleasant 464 00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:07,228 for little big man down there. 465 00:20:07,262 --> 00:20:09,931 - Oh, dear. - Mm. 466 00:20:09,965 --> 00:20:11,700 Are you suggesting I wear that thing? 467 00:20:11,733 --> 00:20:13,468 I'm not suggesting anything. 468 00:20:13,502 --> 00:20:15,237 I mean, you're the one who said you wanted to make it up to me. 469 00:20:15,270 --> 00:20:20,074 Don't you think you should wear that thing, Stu? 470 00:20:43,932 --> 00:20:46,567 [Plays notes] 471 00:20:46,602 --> 00:20:48,904 [Hits a flat note] 472 00:20:50,973 --> 00:20:55,043 [Plays a chord] 473 00:20:55,110 --> 00:20:56,511 He's right. 474 00:20:56,545 --> 00:20:58,747 It does sound like Jesus coming in someone's mouth. 475 00:20:58,780 --> 00:21:01,616 Well done, gents. 476 00:21:03,552 --> 00:21:07,122 Now, where's my fucking cocaine? 477 00:21:15,964 --> 00:21:17,031 That's it? 478 00:21:17,065 --> 00:21:18,666 That's what you got me? 479 00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:21,936 That's all we could afford, Atticus-- 480 00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:25,139 Mr. Fetch, sir. 481 00:21:25,173 --> 00:21:26,908 This piddly amount of cocaine 482 00:21:26,942 --> 00:21:28,810 will last me all of about 12 minutes. 483 00:21:28,844 --> 00:21:34,049 You stupid, useless, bent motherfucker! 484 00:21:34,082 --> 00:21:36,217 Never get a suit to do a man's job! 485 00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:37,619 "A suit"? 486 00:21:37,653 --> 00:21:38,820 You call me a suit? 487 00:21:38,854 --> 00:21:42,557 I gave up my suit for you, literally. 488 00:21:42,591 --> 00:21:45,560 Don't you fucking dare. 489 00:21:58,006 --> 00:21:59,207 You're right. She's right. 490 00:21:59,241 --> 00:22:00,375 You're absolutely right. 491 00:22:00,409 --> 00:22:02,978 This is--this is a magnificent piece 492 00:22:03,011 --> 00:22:04,278 of rock and roll history, 493 00:22:04,313 --> 00:22:07,482 and it must be treated accordingly. 494 00:22:07,516 --> 00:22:09,351 And, by the way, 495 00:22:09,384 --> 00:22:12,387 your defiance... 496 00:22:12,421 --> 00:22:15,791 gave me a thunderous erection. 497 00:22:19,027 --> 00:22:22,263 Aah! 498 00:22:22,297 --> 00:22:23,998 Look in the case. 499 00:22:24,032 --> 00:22:25,600 Check the compartment. 500 00:22:25,634 --> 00:22:29,404 He always kept drugs in there. 501 00:22:31,807 --> 00:22:34,910 Here you go, rock-star asshole. 502 00:22:41,350 --> 00:22:44,386 This calls for a celebration. 503 00:22:44,419 --> 00:22:45,620 Well done, gents. 504 00:22:45,654 --> 00:22:49,824 It'll be an honor to work with both of you. 505 00:22:49,858 --> 00:22:50,892 [Snaps fingers] 506 00:22:50,926 --> 00:22:53,728 See you bright and early tomorrow... 507 00:22:53,762 --> 00:22:56,264 afternoon. 508 00:22:56,298 --> 00:22:59,234 [Clears throat] 509 00:22:59,267 --> 00:23:03,804 [Breathing rhythmically] 510 00:23:03,839 --> 00:23:06,508 [Grunts] 511 00:23:06,541 --> 00:23:10,111 Okay, so we're gonna go to dinner now. 512 00:23:10,145 --> 00:23:11,579 Can I come? 513 00:23:11,613 --> 00:23:16,284 No, you filthy animal. 514 00:23:16,318 --> 00:23:20,255 Marcy, maybe you should leave the TV on for him. 515 00:23:20,288 --> 00:23:23,257 - Good idea. - Yeah? Yeah. 516 00:23:26,561 --> 00:23:29,330 Oh, no! Not girl-on-girl porn! 517 00:23:29,364 --> 00:23:31,132 - Marcy! - What? 518 00:23:31,166 --> 00:23:33,134 Don't forget to kiss your hubby good night. 519 00:23:33,168 --> 00:23:36,171 You're right. Of course. 520 00:23:36,204 --> 00:23:40,308 How rude of me. Baby. No! 521 00:23:40,342 --> 00:23:43,478 [Moaning] Ooh! Ouchy. 522 00:23:43,512 --> 00:23:45,313 [Smooching] 523 00:23:45,347 --> 00:23:48,616 [Strained] Oh, oh. 524 00:23:48,683 --> 00:23:51,886 [Gasping] 525 00:23:54,689 --> 00:23:55,956 No. 526 00:23:55,991 --> 00:23:57,926 Ouch. 527 00:23:57,959 --> 00:24:02,096 [Metal snaps] Aah! 528 00:24:02,130 --> 00:24:05,032 Oh, the wine and the weed 529 00:24:05,067 --> 00:24:08,904 has made this big-time rock manager sleepy. 530 00:24:08,937 --> 00:24:10,305 And sloppy. 531 00:24:10,338 --> 00:24:11,806 If you're gonna hang out with rock stars, 532 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,042 you better learn how to handle your dope, buddy boy. 533 00:24:14,109 --> 00:24:15,944 That's dope advice. 534 00:24:15,977 --> 00:24:17,678 You can crash here. Shari, can you-- 535 00:24:17,712 --> 00:24:19,046 I'm not sucking his dick. 536 00:24:19,114 --> 00:24:20,415 [Laughs] 537 00:24:20,449 --> 00:24:22,818 I wasn't asking you to. 538 00:24:22,851 --> 00:24:25,720 I meant "Can you show him the guest room?" 539 00:24:25,754 --> 00:24:27,922 Oh. Okay, sure. 540 00:24:30,826 --> 00:24:33,695 - Can I see your boobies again? - No. 541 00:24:33,728 --> 00:24:36,797 [Laughs] Just one? 542 00:24:36,832 --> 00:24:37,966 - Okay. - Whoo-hoo. 543 00:24:37,999 --> 00:24:40,568 In answer to your question from earlier, 544 00:24:40,602 --> 00:24:42,604 yes, he is retarded. 545 00:24:42,637 --> 00:24:44,005 But--but he means well. 546 00:24:44,039 --> 00:24:45,807 - He's funny. - Mm. 547 00:24:45,841 --> 00:24:50,612 But you two are especially cute together. 548 00:24:50,645 --> 00:24:52,413 Thanks for your help today. 549 00:24:52,447 --> 00:24:54,582 No. 550 00:24:54,616 --> 00:24:56,651 You were great the other day at the funeral. 551 00:24:56,685 --> 00:24:59,754 I'm happy I get to repay the favor. 552 00:24:59,788 --> 00:25:01,890 Both: Boom. 553 00:25:01,923 --> 00:25:05,059 I like your writing, Hank. 554 00:25:07,129 --> 00:25:08,163 - Yeah, go on. - [Laughs] 555 00:25:08,196 --> 00:25:09,430 I like where this is going. 556 00:25:09,464 --> 00:25:10,965 Don't--don't stop yourself. 557 00:25:10,999 --> 00:25:12,133 I will say nothing. 558 00:25:12,167 --> 00:25:15,770 Well, you were... 559 00:25:15,804 --> 00:25:20,341 irritating in rehab, but, uh... 560 00:25:20,375 --> 00:25:22,910 You've got that thing that I keep an eye out for. 561 00:25:22,944 --> 00:25:24,312 What thing? 562 00:25:24,346 --> 00:25:25,780 The thing that's hard to describe-- 563 00:25:25,814 --> 00:25:29,083 that flash, that spark. 564 00:25:29,117 --> 00:25:30,785 You know, some would call that genius. 565 00:25:30,819 --> 00:25:32,887 Oh, some might, but I won't. 566 00:25:32,921 --> 00:25:35,957 I think "genius" is the single most overused word 567 00:25:35,991 --> 00:25:37,292 of our lifetimes. 568 00:25:37,325 --> 00:25:38,926 Word. 569 00:25:38,994 --> 00:25:41,963 But I will say that you're clearly doing 570 00:25:41,997 --> 00:25:44,099 exactly what you were put on this planet to do. 571 00:25:44,132 --> 00:25:46,000 You are making use of your gift, 572 00:25:46,034 --> 00:25:49,237 and that is attractive. 573 00:25:49,271 --> 00:25:50,972 It's just-- let me get this straight. 574 00:25:51,006 --> 00:25:53,575 You met me, and you found me irritating. 575 00:25:53,608 --> 00:25:55,309 Thoroughly. 576 00:25:55,343 --> 00:25:56,510 And then you read my work, 577 00:25:56,545 --> 00:25:58,213 and you found me less irritating, 578 00:25:58,246 --> 00:26:01,749 even attractive. 579 00:26:01,816 --> 00:26:03,417 Something like that. 580 00:26:03,451 --> 00:26:05,486 God, that is--that is, like, every writer's dream. 581 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:09,991 And that never happens, ever. 582 00:26:10,025 --> 00:26:13,928 No, once it did happen-- once, once before. 583 00:26:13,962 --> 00:26:16,264 I could really do something with you. 584 00:26:16,298 --> 00:26:18,366 Huh? 585 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,935 You're obviously very talented. 586 00:26:20,969 --> 00:26:24,105 But you haven't nailed it yet. 587 00:26:24,139 --> 00:26:25,740 Classic underachiever. 588 00:26:25,774 --> 00:26:27,142 That's what my folks always said. 589 00:26:27,175 --> 00:26:28,843 Oh, it's pretty exciting, really. 590 00:26:28,877 --> 00:26:31,946 - What is? - 'Cause I could be the hammer. 591 00:26:31,980 --> 00:26:33,448 Gulp. 592 00:26:33,481 --> 00:26:37,451 The only question left is, do you want to be great, Hank? 593 00:26:40,822 --> 00:26:44,792 'Cause that's how I make my mark on the world... 594 00:26:44,826 --> 00:26:48,663 by helping you make your mark on the world. 595 00:27:07,649 --> 00:27:09,384 Good night. 596 00:27:09,417 --> 00:27:11,652 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. 597 00:27:11,686 --> 00:27:13,788 Don't you want to help me make my mark over here? 598 00:27:13,822 --> 00:27:16,825 I didn't say this would be easy. 599 00:27:16,891 --> 00:27:19,093 ♪ She looked past the scars ♪ 600 00:27:19,127 --> 00:27:23,898 ♪ and burned-out eyes ♪ 601 00:27:23,932 --> 00:27:29,137 ♪ and could see I'm no easy ride ♪ 602 00:27:29,170 --> 00:27:32,039 ♪ she's just the kind ♪ 603 00:27:32,073 --> 00:27:37,311 ♪ who might get you to buy ♪ 604 00:27:37,345 --> 00:27:39,992 ♪ some strange religion ♪ 605 00:27:40,092 --> 00:27:45,092 == sync, corrected by elderman ==