1
00:00:15,418 --> 00:00:17,269
- No, let go, let go, let go.
- No, no, no, no, no!

2
00:00:17,303 --> 00:00:18,470
Ah!

3
00:00:18,504 --> 00:00:21,423
Last one out of bed. You have to make it.

4
00:00:21,474 --> 00:00:22,808
That's such a dumb rule.

5
00:00:22,842 --> 00:00:25,093
You're the one that made it up.

6
00:00:25,128 --> 00:00:27,412
You're right. I'm the boss.

7
00:00:27,430 --> 00:00:29,431
Okay. I'll do it.

8
00:00:29,465 --> 00:00:30,599
All right, and don't
leave your socks in there.

9
00:00:30,633 --> 00:00:33,435
They give me snake dreams.

10
00:00:33,469 --> 00:00:34,636
What time's your brother coming today?

11
00:00:34,687 --> 00:00:36,805
His flight gets in at noon.

12
00:00:36,856 --> 00:00:38,423
He'll get lost and then
blame my directions,

13
00:00:38,441 --> 00:00:40,809
so figure about 6:00.

14
00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:44,062
Or, no, wait, Michelle's
coming with him, so 12:45.

15
00:00:50,987 --> 00:00:52,487
Made it.

16
00:00:52,538 --> 00:00:55,324
Do you have to do everything lying down?

17
00:00:55,375 --> 00:00:59,444
Okay, I do that one thing
standing up against the wall.

18
00:01:02,165 --> 00:01:05,217
So how would you feel if, when they come,

19
00:01:05,251 --> 00:01:08,470
- I wasn't here?
- Come on.

20
00:01:08,504 --> 00:01:10,055
They're only gonna be here for a few hours.

21
00:01:10,089 --> 00:01:12,257
Besides, Michelle's
really excited to see you.

22
00:01:12,291 --> 00:01:14,059
Michelle's really excited about everything.

23
00:01:14,093 --> 00:01:17,262
She smiled during her entire childbirth.

24
00:01:18,631 --> 00:01:19,581
That's what stayed with you

25
00:01:19,616 --> 00:01:22,100
after watching that video?

26
00:01:22,134 --> 00:01:26,021
That's not a miracle. That's just gross.

27
00:01:26,072 --> 00:01:27,472
It's really more your brother.

28
00:01:27,490 --> 00:01:29,274
I just don't like the way
that he talks down to you.

29
00:01:29,308 --> 00:01:30,993
I don't understand why
you don't fight back.

30
00:01:31,027 --> 00:01:32,811
That's just Brian being Brian, you know.

31
00:01:32,829 --> 00:01:34,830
Okay, that is not any excuse.

32
00:01:34,864 --> 00:01:37,416
You fight with me all the time.

33
00:01:37,450 --> 00:01:38,667
How come Brian gets to be Brian,

34
00:01:38,701 --> 00:01:42,187
but Whitney doesn't
get to be Whitney, Alex?

35
00:01:42,221 --> 00:01:44,840
I think Whitney knows.

36
00:01:44,874 --> 00:01:45,924
All right, I'm gonna go take a shower.

37
00:01:45,958 --> 00:01:47,426
Do you mind making some coffee?

38
00:01:47,460 --> 00:01:49,594
I just made the bed.

39
00:01:49,629 --> 00:01:51,963
I'm exhausted. 

40
00:01:51,997 --> 00:01:54,836
Whitney is taped in front
of a live studio audience.

41
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,188
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -

42
00:02:00,339 --> 00:02:04,175
Oh, yeah, nice deli tray.

43
00:02:04,193 --> 00:02:05,343
Ew.

44
00:02:05,361 --> 00:02:07,846
Oh.

45
00:02:07,864 --> 00:02:11,233
So I went to the food store,
and I got the fancy meat

46
00:02:11,284 --> 00:02:12,567
that was sliced in front of me,

47
00:02:12,618 --> 00:02:14,686
cheese that's not neon,

48
00:02:14,704 --> 00:02:16,855
and what kind of bread, you ask?

49
00:02:16,873 --> 00:02:21,192
Don't know, and I don't care.

50
00:02:21,210 --> 00:02:22,694
- Wow, you really went all out.
- Mm-hmm.

51
00:02:22,712 --> 00:02:23,879
And I even took the trash out,

52
00:02:23,913 --> 00:02:27,666
and I threw it down the trash chute.

53
00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:31,386
We don't have a trash chute.

54
00:02:31,421 --> 00:02:32,954
Still don't care.

55
00:02:34,140 --> 00:02:36,475
Oh.

56
00:02:36,509 --> 00:02:38,009
- What's up?
- Hey.

57
00:02:38,043 --> 00:02:39,210
- Hi.
- Hello.

58
00:02:39,228 --> 00:02:41,713
- How are you?
- A deli tray?

59
00:02:41,731 --> 00:02:43,849
Are we having Roxanne's intervention?

60
00:02:43,883 --> 00:02:46,718
I didn't finish writing my letter.

61
00:02:46,736 --> 00:02:50,355
They don't serve food at interventions.

62
00:02:50,389 --> 00:02:52,891
I have heard.

63
00:02:52,859 --> 00:02:54,643
No, Brian and Michelle are
coming in for the weekend.

64
00:02:54,677 --> 00:02:55,811
Oh.

65
00:02:55,845 --> 00:02:57,011
- Hey, can we borrow your car?
- For what?

66
00:02:57,030 --> 00:03:00,014
We are obviously going to Costco.

67
00:03:00,033 --> 00:03:01,950
Yeah, I sold a banner out of my blog,

68
00:03:01,984 --> 00:03:03,385
and I have some extra cash,

69
00:03:03,419 --> 00:03:07,188
so I'm gonna buy a cell
phone that doesn't flip.

70
00:03:07,206 --> 00:03:09,190
I just like standing next to
the giant laundry detergent

71
00:03:09,208 --> 00:03:11,743
and then pretending I'm really small.

72
00:03:11,794 --> 00:03:14,413
And I need pants.

73
00:03:14,464 --> 00:03:16,965
Yeah, you... you do.

74
00:03:16,999 --> 00:03:18,133
All right, good, let's go.

75
00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:21,053
I'd like to be tiny by 3:00.

76
00:03:21,087 --> 00:03:22,704
Bye.

77
00:03:22,722 --> 00:03:25,507
Hey, I arranged this whole shopping trip

78
00:03:25,541 --> 00:03:27,208
to get Mark and Roxanne together.

79
00:03:27,226 --> 00:03:31,179
It's gonna be their first
date, but they don't know it.

80
00:03:31,213 --> 00:03:32,731
- Oh.
- At a warehouse store?

81
00:03:32,765 --> 00:03:34,015
Yeah.

82
00:03:34,049 --> 00:03:36,401
Why don't you just take them...

83
00:03:36,436 --> 00:03:38,070
anywhere else?

84
00:03:38,104 --> 00:03:39,187
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Hello.

85
00:03:39,221 --> 00:03:40,572
- Oh, hi.
- Hi!

86
00:03:40,606 --> 00:03:42,240
Ooh, I love your hair.

87
00:03:42,275 --> 00:03:44,225
- I love your jacket.
- I love your nails.

88
00:03:44,243 --> 00:03:47,529
- I love your boots.
- I'd love a beer.

89
00:03:47,563 --> 00:03:49,364
Bye. Love you. How was your flight?

90
00:03:49,398 --> 00:03:51,399
Oh, it was fine, except Brian stared down

91
00:03:51,417 --> 00:03:54,536
a perfectly nice Kuwaiti
family across the aisle.

92
00:03:54,570 --> 00:03:57,372
They were awfully quiet.

93
00:03:57,406 --> 00:03:59,624
They were sleeping.

94
00:03:59,675 --> 00:04:01,910
You're the expert.

95
00:04:01,928 --> 00:04:04,045
So still no barbers in Chicago, huh?

96
00:04:06,248 --> 00:04:09,050
No, no, no, no, it's okay 'cause you two

97
00:04:09,084 --> 00:04:12,253
are the cutest lesbian couple I know.

98
00:04:14,273 --> 00:04:17,926
Okay, I'm not sure if that's
a shot at us or lesbians.

99
00:04:17,944 --> 00:04:19,227
You want me to take that bag for you?

100
00:04:19,261 --> 00:04:21,363
Oh, no, no, no, you guys
sit and watch your game

101
00:04:21,397 --> 00:04:23,281
while Whitney and I do
our thing in the kitchen.

102
00:04:23,316 --> 00:04:24,699
All right, cool.

103
00:04:24,684 --> 00:04:26,768
Oh, hey, Whitney,

104
00:04:26,819 --> 00:04:28,487
that's the room with the pots.

105
00:04:34,243 --> 00:04:36,394
I hope everyone likes pulled pork sliders

106
00:04:36,412 --> 00:04:38,663
with an aioli spread, sweet potato fries,

107
00:04:38,698 --> 00:04:41,566
and chocolate cake with
homemade vanilla ice cream.

108
00:04:41,584 --> 00:04:44,336
Oh.

109
00:04:44,370 --> 00:04:47,005
I made sandwiches.

110
00:04:47,039 --> 00:04:49,624
We can eat the sandwiches tomorrow.

111
00:04:49,675 --> 00:04:52,711
Come on, it's pulled
pork. I love pulled pork.

112
00:04:55,581 --> 00:04:56,915
Good, 'cause you're gonna have

113
00:04:56,933 --> 00:05:00,385
plenty of chances to pull it this weekend.

114
00:05:04,089 --> 00:05:05,924
Oh, they really jammed us in here.

115
00:05:05,942 --> 00:05:07,109
I think it's cozy.

116
00:05:07,143 --> 00:05:08,560
- Huh?
- Hmm?

117
00:05:08,594 --> 00:05:10,061
All right. Give me the keys.

118
00:05:10,095 --> 00:05:11,646
- I'll drive.
- I don't mind driving.

119
00:05:11,697 --> 00:05:13,115
Yeah, why don't you let Mark drive?

120
00:05:13,149 --> 00:05:15,734
It's more traditional.

121
00:05:15,768 --> 00:05:17,602
- Huh?
- Hmm?

122
00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:19,738
I'm freezing my nips off.
I'm getting in the car.

123
00:05:19,772 --> 00:05:21,039
No, no, I have to sit in the back seat,

124
00:05:21,073 --> 00:05:22,440
or I'll get carsick.

125
00:05:22,458 --> 00:05:24,476
I thought sitting in the
back seat made people carsick.

126
00:05:24,510 --> 00:05:26,945
Yeah, I'm an enigma. Deal with it.

127
00:05:26,963 --> 00:05:28,130
Hey, Mark.

128
00:05:28,164 --> 00:05:31,299
Would you like to open
the door for the lady?

129
00:05:31,334 --> 00:05:34,118
Oh, fine.

130
00:05:34,137 --> 00:05:36,138
Thank you.

131
00:05:39,976 --> 00:05:42,978
Don't just stand there. Get in the car.

132
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,615
I just love this kitchen.

133
00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,951
The island provides so much extra space.

134
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:52,952
Oh, I know.

135
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,153
Alex and I can both fit on here

136
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,188
if he's on the bottom.

137
00:05:56,206 --> 00:05:59,125
You are so bad.

138
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:01,477
Hey, boys, I am putting the horseradish in

139
00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:02,661
for the shrimp cocktail sauce.

140
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,330
Alex, do you like it spicy?

141
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,866
'Cause word in the kitchen is you do.

142
00:06:07,884 --> 00:06:09,468
You know, however you want
to make it is fine, Michelle.

143
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,619
I'm sure it'll be great.

144
00:06:10,654 --> 00:06:11,887
Yeah, well, don't get your hopes up.

145
00:06:11,922 --> 00:06:15,174
It's one of her weaker sauces.

146
00:06:16,426 --> 00:06:19,145
Okay, well, I am done deveining the shrimp.

147
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,046
Is there anything more disgusting I can do?

148
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:24,433
If you don't mind, can
you julienne the crudites?

149
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:27,052
Who's coming?

150
00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:29,522
- So how's work?
- Ah.

151
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,490
Someone broke into the warehouse,

152
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,743
stole some inventory.

153
00:06:33,777 --> 00:06:36,562
Inventory means stock.

154
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:39,949
In your world, it would be
like if you bought some weed,

155
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:43,652
and then someone stole your weed.

156
00:06:43,687 --> 00:06:44,837
You know, it must be nice.

157
00:06:44,871 --> 00:06:47,006
You know, you sit here in your "office,"

158
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,424
coming up with your little ideas.

159
00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:50,793
You know, tap, tap, tap, tap,
tap on your computer, you know?

160
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,178
Back up the money truck.

161
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,213
You probably don't even
have to wear a shirt, do you?

162
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,549
Uh, well, she makes me.

163
00:06:56,583 --> 00:07:01,187
Okay, all that chest hair.
It's just a little '70s.

164
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,421
Um, but Alex, why don't you tell him

165
00:07:02,439 --> 00:07:03,755
about the new idea you're working on?

166
00:07:03,774 --> 00:07:05,858
- Nah.
- No, come on, tell him.

167
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,394
It... well, basically, he's doing
this offshoot of mendeavors...

168
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,562
- Yeah.
- Which is for kids,

169
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,729
and it's, like, uploading these videos...

170
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,114
Uh-huh.

171
00:07:12,149 --> 00:07:13,449
Why are you smiling?

172
00:07:13,483 --> 00:07:15,000
Oh, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

173
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,802
It's just, your idea of work

174
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,554
would get most people fired from work.

175
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:24,710
Knock, knock, who's there? Deviled eggs!

176
00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:27,779
- Where did those come from?
- Your fridge.

177
00:07:27,798 --> 00:07:31,634
I deviled our eggs?

178
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:35,254
Seriously, Alex, I did not see
those eggs before they appeared.

179
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,207
I think she laid them.

180
00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:39,892
What's this?

181
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:41,560
Oh, Alex spoke at Northwestern,

182
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:42,895
so I framed the ticket.

183
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:46,515
Whitney, you are crafty!

184
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,800
- I frame everything.
- Yeah, she's not kidding.

185
00:07:48,819 --> 00:07:50,769
She even framed a frame.

186
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:53,939
We have framed frames.

187
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:57,109
I used to frame people.

188
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:59,478
Let me see this. Whoa!

189
00:07:59,496 --> 00:08:00,646
Wow.

190
00:08:00,664 --> 00:08:02,832
Got to speak at
Northwestern. Very impressive!

191
00:08:02,866 --> 00:08:05,467
What, did the quiet guy
from Penn & Teller cancel?

192
00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:13,825
'Cause a guy who can't talk

193
00:08:13,844 --> 00:08:16,962
is a better speaker than Alex!

194
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,597
Oh, my God. Brian, stop.

195
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,798
- What?
- What is wrong with you?

196
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,166
Why can't you just be happy for him?

197
00:08:21,184 --> 00:08:23,219
Why can't you just say,
"hey, Alex, good job"?

198
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,553
You know why?

199
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,355
'Cause you're probably jealous or insecure,

200
00:08:26,389 --> 00:08:28,858
or maybe it's just
'cause you're a big jerk.

201
00:08:28,892 --> 00:08:31,894
So... frame that.

202
00:08:33,230 --> 00:08:35,414
Whoa, where did that come from?

203
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,015
I don't know.

204
00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:40,653
She really let you have it.

205
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,667
- What are you doing?
- Turning down the heat.

206
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,135
You made it like an oven in here.

207
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:59,338
Yeah. It's so hot.

208
00:09:01,057 --> 00:09:03,676
Breath mint?

209
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:07,479
No? Just gonna keep it "natch"?

210
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:08,480
Cool.

211
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,383
Cool, cool, cool.

212
00:09:11,401 --> 00:09:12,518
So you're gonna want to cut the wheel

213
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,153
all the way to the left, if...

214
00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:16,322
Okay, I am a very capable driver.

215
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,941
I drove from Minneapolis
to Chicago in a snowstorm

216
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,893
to get away from a very unstable boyfriend.

217
00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:24,863
Loves to travel.

218
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:26,165
God, now it's freezing!

219
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,683
You don't know what freezing is.

220
00:09:27,717 --> 00:09:29,401
When I was a cop, you
know how many dead deer

221
00:09:29,419 --> 00:09:31,086
I had to drag out of frozen lakes?

222
00:09:31,121 --> 00:09:33,238
Animal lover.

223
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,091
You're not cutting the wheel hard enough.

224
00:09:36,126 --> 00:09:37,376
Well, this is as far as it goes.

225
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,794
Yeah, let me help you turn it.

226
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:40,346
I'm telling you, it doesn't go any further!

227
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,047
You know what, you better get your hand

228
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,383
off that wheel, or I will chop it off.

229
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,852
♪ Whoa

230
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:51,440
♪ my love

231
00:09:51,474 --> 00:09:54,977
♪ my darling

232
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:58,614
♪ I've hungered for

233
00:09:58,648 --> 00:10:01,984
♪ your touch

234
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,036
♪ a long

235
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:11,043
Okay, so I'm gonna ask you a question,

236
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,911
but I... I think I already know the answer.

237
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:16,382
How come you can't just be quiet?

238
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,549
I am not just gonna sit there

239
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:18,834
and let him make fun of you like that.

240
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,786
If you're not gonna
defend yourself, I will.

241
00:10:20,804 --> 00:10:21,787
Yeah, but I don't feel like

242
00:10:21,805 --> 00:10:23,088
I need to defend myself, all right?

243
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,391
When something needs
defending, I'll defend it.

244
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,010
Oh. Like you did with my sandwiches?

245
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,295
We'll eat them tomorrow!

246
00:10:30,313 --> 00:10:32,464
Fine. You want me to be quiet,

247
00:10:32,482 --> 00:10:34,233
I'll be quiet and weird like Michelle.

248
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,684
No, I don't want you to
be weird like Michelle.

249
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:39,772
I want you to be weird like
you and quiet like Michelle.

250
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,907
Look.

251
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:44,326
You're a part of the Miller
family now, all right?

252
00:10:44,361 --> 00:10:46,161
And you're gonna have
to accept the way we are

253
00:10:46,196 --> 00:10:47,579
if you want to stay in it.

254
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,331
Please.

255
00:10:49,366 --> 00:10:52,034
You're so in love with me.

256
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,036
You know what, I do it
with your family, okay?

257
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,454
When your mother comes over,

258
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,339
I pretend like it's the
first time she ever told me

259
00:10:57,374 --> 00:11:00,492
the story about how she
almost met tom Hanks.

260
00:11:00,510 --> 00:11:01,627
You know what, for the record,

261
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,795
that's not even a story.

262
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,264
I know! It doesn't have a middle!

263
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:08,884
It doesn't have tom Hanks!

264
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:10,386
All right, I want you to go back out there,

265
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,304
and whatever your instincts tell you to do,

266
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:15,491
I want you to do the opposite.

267
00:11:15,525 --> 00:11:19,194
Last time I did that, I made friends.

268
00:11:19,229 --> 00:11:21,897
Okay.

269
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:23,649
Why are my socks here?

270
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,970
Did she remake our bed?

271
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:33,358
'Cause this morning, I nailed it.

272
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,828
Last night, I nailed it.

273
00:11:41,217 --> 00:11:43,051
There she is.

274
00:11:43,086 --> 00:11:44,369
How you doing, Whit?

275
00:11:44,387 --> 00:11:47,172
Eh, just a little embarrassed, I guess.

276
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:50,592
No, it's okay. Everyone has their moments.

277
00:11:52,395 --> 00:11:54,179
Brian, I'm really sorry
that I said those things.

278
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:56,098
That was not cool.

279
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,684
- I said, don't worry about it.
- Oh.

280
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,002
Come on.

281
00:12:00,036 --> 00:12:01,937
It's water under the
bridge. Come here, bones.

282
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,906
Oh.

283
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:09,578
Mm, skin and bones.

284
00:12:09,612 --> 00:12:12,898
Okay, so everybody good? Let's, uh...

285
00:12:12,916 --> 00:12:14,166
- why don't we eat, right?
- Okay.

286
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,568
All right, let's eat.

287
00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:18,670
So Michelle and I were
talking on the way in,

288
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:20,088
and we were wondering when you guys

289
00:12:20,123 --> 00:12:22,958
are gonna grow up and move out
to the suburbs like real adults.

290
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:30,749
You know, Brian thinks that
everyone who lives in the city

291
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:32,851
is just an overgrown child.

292
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,085
What do you think, Whitney?

293
00:12:34,103 --> 00:12:36,388
Y... you know what?

294
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,557
The aioli that you made
is just... it's top-notch.

295
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,558
How do you do that?

296
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:43,779
- Yeah.
- Whitney?

297
00:12:43,813 --> 00:12:46,398
I think that everyone is
entitled to their own opinion,

298
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:49,451
and I respect Brian's opinion.

299
00:12:49,485 --> 00:12:52,037
Oh, thank you, Whitney.

300
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:54,456
Hey, have you guys seen Bridesmaids?

301
00:12:54,490 --> 00:12:55,941
'Cause we rented it the other night.

302
00:12:55,959 --> 00:12:57,793
I thought it was hysterical, but Brian...

303
00:12:57,827 --> 00:13:00,245
well, you tell them.

304
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:03,615
Chicks are just not funny.

305
00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:07,970
That's what he said.

306
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:10,989
That's exactly what he said.

307
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:28,190
- I like snow.
- Really?

308
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,726
Wow.

309
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,310
Actually, I take it back.

310
00:13:32,328 --> 00:13:33,996
There are two funny women in movies.

311
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:37,148
Mrs. Doubtfire and Madea,
before she got political.

312
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:40,485
What do you think about that, Whitney?

313
00:13:40,503 --> 00:13:43,088
I...

314
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:46,291
The rain's not bad either.

315
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,544
We are not talking about
the weather, Whitney.

316
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:52,180
So... um, would anyone like a beer?

317
00:13:52,215 --> 00:13:55,284
No!

318
00:13:55,318 --> 00:13:57,002
Okay. No beers.

319
00:13:57,020 --> 00:13:58,437
What are you doing?

320
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:01,306
Brian is being insufferable!

321
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:04,559
Ten minutes ago, you tore
him a well-deserved new one,

322
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,228
and now you're just... just sitting there,

323
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:09,097
chuckling like an idiot.

324
00:14:09,132 --> 00:14:12,567
Who are you, Alex?

325
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:16,822
Uh, uh... hey.

326
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,958
Hay is for horses.

327
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:22,995
Now if you will excuse me!

328
00:14:25,915 --> 00:14:29,968
Okay, well, I'm obviously going in there.

329
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,875
Idiot.

330
00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:41,813
Hey.

331
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:43,548
Oh, those are dirty.

332
00:14:43,566 --> 00:14:45,934
I know.

333
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:47,719
I'm sorry I yelled at you.

334
00:14:47,737 --> 00:14:49,938
No! That was awesome.

335
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:53,725
It was like getting to see
Oscar out of the garbage can.

336
00:14:53,743 --> 00:14:56,361
Look, I love Brian, and we're really happy.

337
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:58,246
But sometimes he can be a bully,

338
00:14:58,281 --> 00:15:01,666
and it's just so cool to
see you stand up to him.

339
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,285
Is that what I did?

340
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,504
I blacked out.

341
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,456
No one ever gives it back to him,

342
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,508
and sometimes he needs to hear that.

343
00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:13,011
I mean, what happened to
my badass sister-in-law?

344
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,714
You think I'm a badass?

345
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,467
But I'm always so tired.

346
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,435
Yeah, I mean, you don't give a fig

347
00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:22,804
about decorating or housekeeping or...

348
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:26,441
Okay, yeah, I give a fig.

349
00:15:26,476 --> 00:15:30,095
- How a top sheet works.
- What's up?

350
00:15:30,113 --> 00:15:32,764
I love that you are a loose cannon,

351
00:15:32,782 --> 00:15:35,367
even though it means we can
never bring the kids with us,

352
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:37,903
because we don't know
how colorful your language

353
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:42,707
is gonna be or what they're
gonna find in your DVD cabinet.

354
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:45,944
What do you have in there?

355
00:15:45,962 --> 00:15:48,296
You were right not to bring them.

356
00:15:48,331 --> 00:15:51,116
Oh, but some of it is animated.

357
00:15:51,134 --> 00:15:52,784
Alex, I need to talk
to you about something,

358
00:15:52,802 --> 00:15:55,954
and you might not like it.

359
00:15:55,972 --> 00:15:58,073
Can't wait.

360
00:15:58,107 --> 00:15:59,724
Every time we come out here for a visit,

361
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,743
Michelle isn't herself for, like, a week.

362
00:16:01,778 --> 00:16:05,464
And I did the math, and I think...

363
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,482
it's Whitney.

364
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:10,268
Whitney?

365
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:11,353
Yeah, she's a bad influence.

366
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,355
You need to control your woman, baby bro.

367
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:17,492
You need to control her.

368
00:16:17,527 --> 00:16:19,361
- Huh.
- Yeah.

369
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,581
Here's the deal. 

370
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,167
You can take shots at
me, my hair, you know,

371
00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:27,419
where I live, my "little website."

372
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,171
That's fine. That's what we do.

373
00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:32,157
But Whitney is off-limits.

374
00:16:32,175 --> 00:16:35,093
- Cool?
- Cool, yeah.

375
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,711
I mean, but you understand
there's a lot of material

376
00:16:36,762 --> 00:16:37,929
- to work with, right?
- I... yes, there's a lot.

377
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:41,349
Enormous amount of material.

378
00:16:42,885 --> 00:16:46,004
You know I'm happy for you, right?

379
00:16:46,022 --> 00:16:49,891
Well, don't make it weird, Brian.

380
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,977
You know, Michelle, I
mean, they're brothers.

381
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,361
They've been like this forever.

382
00:16:53,396 --> 00:16:55,013
It's not like they're
gonna change anytime soon.

383
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:56,615
Then you shouldn't have to either.

384
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,533
Yeah, but I promised Alex

385
00:16:58,568 --> 00:17:00,235
that around his family I would behave.

386
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:03,155
You do that, and you're
gonna wind up drinking Tequila

387
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,373
and orange juice in a 7-Eleven parking lot

388
00:17:05,408 --> 00:17:09,161
playing Bejeweled just to feel alive.

389
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,297
I feel like you're kind
of a badass too, huh?

390
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:14,466
Oh, you have no idea.

391
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:18,203
I spent three hours in mall jail once.

392
00:17:18,221 --> 00:17:21,206
Black Friday, the gloves come off.

393
00:17:21,224 --> 00:17:23,225
Mm-hmm. Oh.

394
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:27,212
You know, this isn't that dirty.

395
00:17:27,230 --> 00:17:29,047
I think this has another
wearing in it, what do you think?

396
00:17:29,065 --> 00:17:30,849
Oh!

397
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,434
You are adorable!

398
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,385
Stop that. Oh!

399
00:17:37,487 --> 00:17:39,104
A little more. A little mo... stop!

400
00:17:39,138 --> 00:17:41,273
Oh, my God! You almost hit his bumper!

401
00:17:41,307 --> 00:17:42,441
You know what?

402
00:17:42,475 --> 00:17:44,976
Forget it. I don't even want to go anymore.

403
00:17:44,994 --> 00:17:46,611
You have taken all the fun out of this day.

404
00:17:46,645 --> 00:17:47,979
I don't want to go either!

405
00:17:47,997 --> 00:17:49,915
I will get my pants at
another warehouse store.

406
00:17:49,949 --> 00:17:51,149
- Fine.
- No!

407
00:17:51,184 --> 00:17:53,285
Nobody is going anywhere!

408
00:17:53,319 --> 00:17:54,987
What is the matter with you?

409
00:17:55,021 --> 00:17:58,373
You two are so frustrating.
You are just like this car.

410
00:17:58,424 --> 00:18:00,492
Back and forth and back and
forth and back and forth,

411
00:18:00,510 --> 00:18:02,511
and you never get anywhere!

412
00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:05,514
I planned this whole day

413
00:18:05,548 --> 00:18:09,518
so that you two could finally
get all your crap out of the way

414
00:18:09,552 --> 00:18:11,887
and realize you should just be together.

415
00:18:11,938 --> 00:18:12,971
Wait a minute.

416
00:18:13,005 --> 00:18:16,608
You planned this? Like a date?

417
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:18,977
Is that why you said I
couldn't wear my pajama pants?

418
00:18:19,011 --> 00:18:21,530
Oh. I love pajama pants.

419
00:18:21,564 --> 00:18:23,615
See? You guys belong together!

420
00:18:23,649 --> 00:18:25,951
But you keep playing these dumb games!

421
00:18:25,985 --> 00:18:28,403
I mean, you two have something

422
00:18:28,454 --> 00:18:31,073
that everyone wants.

423
00:18:31,124 --> 00:18:33,792
Do you know how hard it is to find that?

424
00:18:33,826 --> 00:18:38,163
So stop wasting your
time, stop wasting my time,

425
00:18:38,197 --> 00:18:42,551
and just do it already!

426
00:18:42,585 --> 00:18:44,536
Lily, I appreciate what
you're trying to do,

427
00:18:44,570 --> 00:18:46,588
but I've got this. Okay?

428
00:18:46,639 --> 00:18:49,341
It's gonna happen when I
decide it's gonna happen.

429
00:18:49,375 --> 00:18:51,460
Excuse me, but I already told you

430
00:18:51,494 --> 00:18:53,211
that it is not going to happen.

431
00:18:53,229 --> 00:18:55,213
You know what? I quit, I'm out.

432
00:18:55,231 --> 00:18:57,099
You two lunatics are on your own.

433
00:18:57,150 --> 00:19:00,685
Hey, Lily. Wait a minute!

434
00:19:00,719 --> 00:19:04,239
Hold on a second!

435
00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:07,075
Mark!

436
00:19:07,110 --> 00:19:08,360
Ow.

437
00:19:08,394 --> 00:19:11,496
Oh, my God! Honey, are you okay?

438
00:19:14,250 --> 00:19:16,734
"Honey"?

439
00:19:16,753 --> 00:19:19,421
What?

440
00:19:19,455 --> 00:19:23,175
It's happening... just like I planned it.

441
00:19:24,594 --> 00:19:26,928
No, no, no.

442
00:19:26,963 --> 00:19:29,965
Just like I planned it.

443
00:19:33,252 --> 00:19:35,720
- Oh, that was fun!
- Yeah, it was!

444
00:19:35,754 --> 00:19:38,089
We should do it again in, like, a year.

445
00:19:38,107 --> 00:19:40,091
Hey. 

446
00:19:40,109 --> 00:19:42,194
You take care of yourself, you lesbians.

447
00:19:43,613 --> 00:19:44,980
And good-bye.

448
00:19:45,031 --> 00:19:48,033
It's 'cause his hair is so long.

449
00:19:50,987 --> 00:19:52,537
Look, I know today was hard for you,

450
00:19:52,572 --> 00:19:56,124
so I appreciate you showing
restraint around Brian.

451
00:19:56,159 --> 00:19:58,076
You gave it the good, old college try.

452
00:19:58,110 --> 00:20:01,296
- Mm.
- Community college.

453
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,215
Can it just be me and you from now on?

454
00:20:03,249 --> 00:20:04,466
Oh, and Michelle too.

455
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,134
She made us lunches for tomorrow.

456
00:20:06,169 --> 00:20:09,054
Lunches are so '90s.

457
00:20:09,088 --> 00:20:10,955
- Oh, wow.
- What?

458
00:20:10,973 --> 00:20:13,458
She wrote us a thank-you card...

459
00:20:13,476 --> 00:20:15,093
in calligraphy.

460
00:20:15,127 --> 00:20:18,063
Oh, yeah, she teaches
it to special needs kids.

461
00:20:18,097 --> 00:20:21,132
Course she does.

462
00:20:21,150 --> 00:20:23,801
I buy clothes made by kids.

463
00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:27,155
No, you buy clothes made for kids.

464
00:20:29,659 --> 00:20:31,526
So tell me the truth, do
you wish that I was more,

465
00:20:31,577 --> 00:20:35,080
like, domestic, like Michelle?

466
00:20:35,114 --> 00:20:37,482
Totally honest?

467
00:20:37,517 --> 00:20:39,868
This works for me.

468
00:20:39,919 --> 00:20:42,337
Plus, if you were more like Michelle,

469
00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:46,458
then you wouldn't know how
to play our favorite game...

470
00:20:46,492 --> 00:20:49,494
- Name that utensil!
- Yes!

471
00:20:49,512 --> 00:20:53,765
- Here we go.
- The spanker!

472
00:20:55,017 --> 00:20:57,686
Ah.

473
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:02,607
Cheese house!

474
00:21:02,642 --> 00:21:05,193
Giant tweezers!

475
00:21:05,228 --> 00:21:07,696
- I love you.
- I love you.

476
00:21:10,683 --> 00:21:12,150
Where are you going?

477
00:21:12,184 --> 00:21:14,920
I'm going into the bedroom.

478
00:21:14,954 --> 00:21:17,572
Bring the spanker. 

479
00:21:23,862 --> 00:21:30,573
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