1
00:00:02,293 --> 00:00:03,556
You'll never believe
what happened to me
2
00:00:03,557 --> 00:00:04,479
at work today.
Hmm?
3
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:07,481
This old guy was choking on
his food, and I saved his life.
4
00:00:07,483 --> 00:00:08,932
You're kidding.
Did you Heimlich him?
5
00:00:08,934 --> 00:00:11,368
No. I said, "Oh, my God,
I think that old guy's choking,"
6
00:00:11,370 --> 00:00:13,370
and then one of the busboys
Heimlich'ed him.
7
00:00:15,874 --> 00:00:17,441
You're a hero.
8
00:00:17,443 --> 00:00:21,295
Yeah, that was
the point of the story.
9
00:00:21,297 --> 00:00:22,997
Oh, yeah, speaking of work,
do you know
10
00:00:22,999 --> 00:00:24,398
if you have
Thursday night off?
11
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,949
Um, I think so. Why?
12
00:00:25,951 --> 00:00:27,951
What do you mean, why?
It's Valentine's Day.
13
00:00:27,953 --> 00:00:29,220
Oh, right.
14
00:00:29,222 --> 00:00:30,504
Yeah, we can do something.
15
00:00:30,506 --> 00:00:33,173
You could be
a little more into it.
16
00:00:33,175 --> 00:00:34,975
No, I'm into it, I'm into it.
17
00:00:34,977 --> 00:00:36,560
Just, there's so much pressure
to make the night special,
18
00:00:36,562 --> 00:00:38,262
and it never works out.
19
00:00:38,264 --> 00:00:40,464
Okay, well, this time
it's going to be different.
20
00:00:40,466 --> 00:00:42,616
Because I am
like a romance ninja.
21
00:00:44,469 --> 00:00:46,237
You don't see it coming,
and then bam!
22
00:00:46,239 --> 00:00:49,440
Romance, watch out, hearts,
kisses, love, ooh-ya!
23
00:00:50,408 --> 00:00:51,975
You know,
sometimes I think I've made you
24
00:00:51,977 --> 00:00:53,644
so much cooler
than you used to be,
25
00:00:53,646 --> 00:00:55,246
and then you go and do that.
26
00:00:57,649 --> 00:00:58,999
So, in conclusion,
27
00:00:59,001 --> 00:01:01,752
I believe the painful
sensation felt
28
00:01:01,754 --> 00:01:04,154
after passing a meal
of spicy chilies
29
00:01:04,156 --> 00:01:08,325
is proof that the rectum does
possess the sense of taste.
30
00:01:13,882 --> 00:01:15,883
I concur, but you
changed the subject.
31
00:01:15,885 --> 00:01:19,053
What are we doing
for Valentine's Day?
32
00:01:19,055 --> 00:01:21,438
Oh, you caught that,
did you?
33
00:01:22,941 --> 00:01:26,393
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
34
00:01:26,395 --> 00:01:29,863
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
35
00:01:29,865 --> 00:01:31,515
♪ The Earth began to cool
36
00:01:31,517 --> 00:01:34,401
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
37
00:01:34,403 --> 00:01:36,603
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
38
00:01:36,605 --> 00:01:39,456
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
39
00:01:39,458 --> 00:01:41,292
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
40
00:01:41,294 --> 00:01:43,093
♪ Bang! ♪
41
00:01:43,118 --> 00:01:47,118
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x16 ♪
The Tangible Affection Proof
Original Air Date on February 14, 2013
42
00:01:47,143 --> 00:01:52,143
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
43
00:01:53,193 --> 00:01:54,910
(quietly):
Okay.
44
00:01:55,262 --> 00:01:56,296
Okay.
45
00:01:58,132 --> 00:01:59,382
Okay.
46
00:02:00,384 --> 00:02:01,601
Okay.
47
00:02:02,286 --> 00:02:04,220
Okay!
48
00:02:07,341 --> 00:02:08,491
Okay.
49
00:02:10,469 --> 00:02:11,636
(sighs)
50
00:02:11,638 --> 00:02:12,970
Everything okay?
51
00:02:16,692 --> 00:02:18,393
Bernie's a little cranky
52
00:02:18,395 --> 00:02:20,511
since she's been working,
like, 17 hours a day.
53
00:02:20,513 --> 00:02:23,030
And I've got a lot on my plate,
too, because I've been
54
00:02:23,032 --> 00:02:25,116
busting my tail
playing Assassin's Creed.
55
00:02:25,118 --> 00:02:26,734
Hey, Stuart,
56
00:02:26,736 --> 00:02:28,403
you got anything going on
for Valentine's Day?
57
00:02:28,405 --> 00:02:29,687
Not really.
58
00:02:29,689 --> 00:02:32,189
Other than hiding all
the sharp objects around here
59
00:02:32,191 --> 00:02:34,876
and white-knuckling it
till morning.
60
00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:36,043
What do you got going on?
61
00:02:36,045 --> 00:02:38,362
Oh, well, I was going
to spend the night
62
00:02:38,364 --> 00:02:40,164
with my special little lady,
but, uh,
63
00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:43,868
she got worms, and then I
had to take her to the vet.
64
00:02:47,139 --> 00:02:48,589
There must be something
we can do.
65
00:02:48,591 --> 00:02:51,592
Well, uh, how about you keep
the store open late,
66
00:02:51,594 --> 00:02:53,594
and we throw a party
for all the people
67
00:02:53,596 --> 00:02:54,595
who don't have dates?
68
00:02:54,597 --> 00:02:57,014
That actually sounds
kind of nice.
69
00:02:57,016 --> 00:02:58,900
Yeah, the theme will be
that the greatest love
70
00:02:58,902 --> 00:03:03,104
a man can have
is the love he has with himself.
71
00:03:04,623 --> 00:03:06,190
That's good.
72
00:03:06,192 --> 00:03:10,995
Or maybe something a little less
"hand in the pants."
73
00:03:13,198 --> 00:03:14,532
Oh, Alex, excellent.
74
00:03:14,534 --> 00:03:16,918
I have a research problem
75
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,786
that I believe
you can help with.
76
00:03:18,788 --> 00:03:20,505
Oh, Dr. Cooper, thank you.
77
00:03:20,507 --> 00:03:22,290
I've been waiting
for an opportunity
78
00:03:22,292 --> 00:03:24,175
to contribute
to your scientific work.
79
00:03:24,177 --> 00:03:27,678
Oh, no, no.
That's not going to happen, no.
80
00:03:28,881 --> 00:03:32,967
What I need you to do
is find a Valentine's gift
81
00:03:32,969 --> 00:03:35,353
for my girlfriend.
82
00:03:35,355 --> 00:03:37,355
You realize I passed up
an opportunity
83
00:03:37,357 --> 00:03:40,274
to work at Fermilab
to take this job with you.
84
00:03:40,276 --> 00:03:43,978
Well, I guess those chaps
will have to have
85
00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:46,230
someone else buy
their girlfriends presents.
86
00:03:46,232 --> 00:03:47,448
Now, here is...
87
00:03:47,450 --> 00:03:50,151
Let's see.
88
00:03:50,153 --> 00:03:51,652
This is...
89
00:03:55,224 --> 00:03:57,358
This is about $2,000.
90
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,960
Um, I think
91
00:03:58,962 --> 00:04:02,880
she likes monkeys
and the color gray.
92
00:04:09,004 --> 00:04:11,339
Contribute to my work.
(laughs)
93
00:04:13,091 --> 00:04:17,461
Ah, kids say
the darnedest things.
94
00:04:19,565 --> 00:04:20,848
Hey, you coming
to lunch?
95
00:04:20,850 --> 00:04:21,933
Yeah, one second.
96
00:04:21,935 --> 00:04:23,267
Come here. I want
to show you something.
97
00:04:23,269 --> 00:04:24,301
What you looking at?
98
00:04:24,303 --> 00:04:26,354
Well, I was trying
to come up with something
99
00:04:26,356 --> 00:04:28,639
really romantic
to give Bernadette
100
00:04:28,641 --> 00:04:29,991
for Valentine's Day
since she's been
101
00:04:29,993 --> 00:04:32,493
such a pain in the ass.
102
00:04:35,146 --> 00:04:37,698
You can't find a
card that says that?
103
00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:39,166
Check it out.
104
00:04:39,168 --> 00:04:40,835
I used the
atomic force microscope
105
00:04:40,837 --> 00:04:44,422
in the material science lab
and wrote our initials
106
00:04:44,424 --> 00:04:47,542
in a heart 1/1,000
the size of a grain of sand.
107
00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:50,678
(laughing):
Oh, that's cool.
108
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:55,349
A micro-valentine
for a microbiologist.
109
00:04:55,351 --> 00:04:58,102
From her micro-husband.
110
00:05:01,673 --> 00:05:02,690
That is amazing.
111
00:05:02,692 --> 00:05:04,559
How long did this take you?
112
00:05:04,561 --> 00:05:06,811
Mmm, about 12 hours.
113
00:05:06,813 --> 00:05:08,279
I pulled an all-nighter.
114
00:05:08,281 --> 00:05:09,346
Oh, wow.
115
00:05:09,348 --> 00:05:11,198
Yeah, I know,
it really took a bite
116
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,484
out of my video game time.
117
00:05:13,486 --> 00:05:15,319
What are you
and Penny doing?
118
00:05:15,321 --> 00:05:17,655
Oh, I'm going to take her to
a nice restaurant for dinner.
119
00:05:17,657 --> 00:05:21,025
Oh, that's not bad,
but as far as romance goes,
120
00:05:21,027 --> 00:05:23,544
I think my gift hits it
right out of...
121
00:05:27,382 --> 00:05:29,216
Want to come to
dinner with us?
122
00:05:29,218 --> 00:05:30,885
Yes, please.
123
00:05:32,971 --> 00:05:34,371
Okay.
124
00:05:34,373 --> 00:05:36,257
Amy will be
here shortly,
125
00:05:36,259 --> 00:05:39,677
expecting the perfect
Valentine's gift, so...
126
00:05:39,679 --> 00:05:41,012
you're up kid.
127
00:05:41,014 --> 00:05:43,097
Dazzle me. Go.
128
00:05:43,099 --> 00:05:45,683
Okay, I think I have
some really great choices.
129
00:05:45,685 --> 00:05:47,652
I went on Amy's
Facebook page
130
00:05:47,654 --> 00:05:49,353
and read up on her interests.
131
00:05:49,355 --> 00:05:52,023
Now, see, I never would have
thought to do that.
132
00:05:53,058 --> 00:05:54,492
Clearly, I made a good choice
133
00:05:54,494 --> 00:05:55,726
farming this out to you.
134
00:05:55,728 --> 00:05:58,412
But I am telling you,
Amy hit the boyfriend jackpot.
135
00:05:58,414 --> 00:06:01,198
Anyway, my socks are on.
136
00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,750
Let's knock them off.
137
00:06:07,589 --> 00:06:09,874
Well, um, I know she loves
playing the harp,
138
00:06:09,876 --> 00:06:14,929
so I found this
beautiful music box
139
00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:16,847
that plays one
of her favorite songs.
140
00:06:19,551 --> 00:06:21,953
Now, Amy already
has a real harp.
141
00:06:23,021 --> 00:06:25,756
And it can play any song.
142
00:06:25,758 --> 00:06:28,359
What are you trying
to pull here?
143
00:06:29,127 --> 00:06:30,645
No, I just thought
it would be...
144
00:06:30,647 --> 00:06:32,563
Next.
145
00:06:33,398 --> 00:06:34,732
Okay.
146
00:06:34,734 --> 00:06:37,068
Um, I know she's a fan
of The Canterbury Tales,
147
00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:40,321
Mmm.
so I found...
148
00:06:40,323 --> 00:06:41,906
this cool map
149
00:06:41,908 --> 00:06:43,908
that illustrates the character's
journey through England.
150
00:06:43,910 --> 00:06:46,276
I thought we could put it
in a really nice frame.
151
00:06:46,278 --> 00:06:50,631
But she's got Google Maps
on her phone.
152
00:06:54,369 --> 00:06:56,453
I don't know
how to respond to that.
153
00:06:57,839 --> 00:06:59,924
Well, I hope it's
with a third good option,
154
00:06:59,926 --> 00:07:02,593
because these first two... blah.
155
00:07:04,396 --> 00:07:06,313
Okay.
156
00:07:06,315 --> 00:07:09,233
Well, uh, luckily,
I saved the best for last.
157
00:07:10,301 --> 00:07:11,352
Since Amy's a neuroscientist,
158
00:07:11,354 --> 00:07:13,187
I did some research
and found out
159
00:07:13,189 --> 00:07:14,805
that Santiago Ramón y Cajal,
160
00:07:14,807 --> 00:07:16,807
the father
of modern neuroscience,
161
00:07:16,809 --> 00:07:19,360
did lots of hand drawings
of brain cells.
162
00:07:19,362 --> 00:07:22,146
And I managed
to find
163
00:07:22,148 --> 00:07:25,583
this signed print.
164
00:07:25,585 --> 00:07:27,835
Wow.
165
00:07:27,837 --> 00:07:29,620
Oh, this is truly remarkable.
166
00:07:29,622 --> 00:07:31,539
Thank you.
167
00:07:31,541 --> 00:07:33,007
I think I'll keep it for myself.
168
00:07:36,845 --> 00:07:38,328
What about your girlfriend?
169
00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:40,131
It's too late.
I call dibs.
170
00:07:44,352 --> 00:07:46,971
This place is
really beautiful.
171
00:07:46,973 --> 00:07:49,223
Wah... romance ninja.
172
00:07:49,225 --> 00:07:50,441
(laughing)
173
00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:53,360
Hey.
174
00:07:53,362 --> 00:07:55,062
Sorry we're late.
175
00:07:55,064 --> 00:07:56,447
No problem.
We just sat down.
176
00:07:56,449 --> 00:07:58,182
Mmm, would you like some wine?
177
00:07:58,184 --> 00:07:59,366
Yeah, fill her up.
178
00:08:01,686 --> 00:08:03,687
I'll tell you when to stop.
179
00:08:05,891 --> 00:08:07,291
Is everything okay?
180
00:08:07,293 --> 00:08:09,026
Terrific.
Couldn't be better.
181
00:08:09,028 --> 00:08:10,661
Oh, bite me.
182
00:08:12,497 --> 00:08:14,215
Look, we can still
have a nice night.
183
00:08:14,217 --> 00:08:15,499
Just tell me where it is.
184
00:08:15,501 --> 00:08:16,667
Maybe if you did what you said
185
00:08:16,669 --> 00:08:18,219
you were going to do,
I'd tell you.
186
00:08:19,004 --> 00:08:20,370
Uh, where what is?
187
00:08:20,372 --> 00:08:22,840
She hid my Xbox
like I'm a child.
188
00:08:24,059 --> 00:08:26,227
Yeah, and my mom got me
that for my birthday,
189
00:08:26,229 --> 00:08:28,712
so if you don't give
it back, I'm telling.
190
00:08:29,931 --> 00:08:31,548
I've been working
late every night.
191
00:08:31,550 --> 00:08:33,100
All I asked was that he
192
00:08:33,102 --> 00:08:34,852
clean the apartment
and do one load of laundry.
193
00:08:34,854 --> 00:08:36,070
But did he do it? No.
194
00:08:36,072 --> 00:08:37,888
He just kept on
playing that stupid game.
195
00:08:37,890 --> 00:08:39,523
You like pushing
buttons so much,
196
00:08:39,525 --> 00:08:41,992
try pushing them
on the washing machine.
197
00:08:43,728 --> 00:08:45,329
I said I'm sorry.
198
00:08:45,331 --> 00:08:48,415
Sorry doesn't clean
my underpants, buddy.
199
00:08:49,451 --> 00:08:52,670
I told you, turn
them inside out.
200
00:08:52,672 --> 00:08:55,906
And I told you to bite me.
201
00:08:55,908 --> 00:08:59,576
Trying to have
a magical night here, guys.
202
00:09:03,381 --> 00:09:04,581
Oh, son of a bitch.
203
00:09:04,583 --> 00:09:05,966
What?
204
00:09:05,968 --> 00:09:07,384
Nothing. Nothing.
205
00:09:07,386 --> 00:09:08,552
No, tell me.
206
00:09:08,554 --> 00:09:10,921
It's just this guy
I used to date.
207
00:09:11,756 --> 00:09:12,923
LEONARD:
Oh.
208
00:09:12,925 --> 00:09:14,942
Until he cheated on me
with my friend Gretchen,
209
00:09:14,944 --> 00:09:16,443
who's here with him now.
210
00:09:16,445 --> 00:09:17,695
You're kidding.
211
00:09:17,697 --> 00:09:20,748
And it looks like she lost
a lot of weight, damn it.
212
00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:24,285
I know it's not ideal,
213
00:09:24,287 --> 00:09:25,786
but don't let them
ruin our night.
214
00:09:25,788 --> 00:09:27,037
No, you're totally right.
215
00:09:27,039 --> 00:09:29,540
She could be skinny
'cause she's dying.
216
00:09:30,441 --> 00:09:32,609
That's the spirit.
217
00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:33,878
You know what, screw them.
218
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,612
Our night is going to be
way more special than theirs.
219
00:09:35,614 --> 00:09:37,281
Yeah.
220
00:09:38,583 --> 00:09:39,750
Uh-oh.
221
00:09:40,719 --> 00:09:42,419
What?
222
00:09:43,288 --> 00:09:46,590
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
223
00:09:46,592 --> 00:09:47,558
Oh, my God, yes.
224
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:48,843
Of course
I'll marry you.
225
00:09:48,845 --> 00:09:50,127
(applause)
226
00:09:51,263 --> 00:09:52,544
Two can play this game.
227
00:09:52,546 --> 00:09:53,457
Penny...
Get up.
228
00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:55,008
All right.
229
00:10:05,402 --> 00:10:06,936
It's nice that
all the people
230
00:10:06,938 --> 00:10:08,438
who are lonely
on Valentine's Day
231
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,440
can come here tonight
and be together.
232
00:10:10,442 --> 00:10:13,109
Yeah, I'm really
looking forward to it.
233
00:10:13,111 --> 00:10:15,862
In fact, there's no place
I would rather be than here.
234
00:10:15,864 --> 00:10:17,646
Except on a date with anybody.
235
00:10:17,648 --> 00:10:19,365
Literally anybody.
236
00:10:20,817 --> 00:10:23,202
You know, you and I have
so much fun hanging out.
237
00:10:23,204 --> 00:10:24,337
If you were a girl,
238
00:10:24,339 --> 00:10:26,372
all our problems
would be solved.
239
00:10:29,777 --> 00:10:31,144
What?
240
00:10:31,146 --> 00:10:32,595
Oh, yeah, think about it.
241
00:10:32,597 --> 00:10:33,996
We'd hang out,
242
00:10:33,998 --> 00:10:36,049
we'd read comic books,
we'd see movies.
243
00:10:36,051 --> 00:10:38,667
It'd be like the best
relationship ever.
244
00:10:38,669 --> 00:10:41,220
That does sound nice.
245
00:10:41,222 --> 00:10:43,839
Then I'd take you home,
slip off your little black dress
246
00:10:43,841 --> 00:10:47,176
and just pile-drive you
into oblivion.
247
00:10:49,530 --> 00:10:51,330
What?
248
00:10:52,483 --> 00:10:54,233
PENNY:
Oh, I can't believe
249
00:10:54,235 --> 00:10:57,203
he's going to marry the girl
he cheated on me with.
250
00:10:57,205 --> 00:10:58,237
Isn't it kind of nice?
251
00:10:58,239 --> 00:10:59,855
I mean, he was with
the wrong person,
252
00:10:59,857 --> 00:11:01,240
and now he found
the right person.
253
00:11:01,242 --> 00:11:02,992
What, so I'm the wrong person?
254
00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:05,211
Maybe you want to be
with Gretchen, too.
255
00:11:06,630 --> 00:11:08,664
They do look happy.
256
00:11:08,666 --> 00:11:09,865
Yeah, maybe tonight.
257
00:11:09,867 --> 00:11:11,217
But a year from
now, he'll be
258
00:11:11,219 --> 00:11:13,836
crawling under the sink
looking for his Xbox.
259
00:11:14,704 --> 00:11:16,539
Well, he will.
260
00:11:17,707 --> 00:11:19,976
You know what? Why don't we
just forget about them
261
00:11:19,978 --> 00:11:21,544
and enjoy our Valentine's Day?
262
00:11:21,546 --> 00:11:23,262
Yes, absolutely.
263
00:11:23,264 --> 00:11:24,480
(clears throat)
264
00:11:27,901 --> 00:11:29,235
(Penny scoffs)
265
00:11:29,237 --> 00:11:30,603
Now they're doing that phony
266
00:11:30,605 --> 00:11:32,855
link-arm-drink thingy.
267
00:11:32,857 --> 00:11:35,908
I totally taught him that.
268
00:11:36,744 --> 00:11:38,494
I thought we were
letting it go.
269
00:11:38,496 --> 00:11:40,780
We were; it's just...
it's not fair, okay?
270
00:11:40,782 --> 00:11:41,998
They're bad people.
271
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,366
It's not supposed to end
happy for them;
272
00:11:43,368 --> 00:11:44,751
it's supposed to end
happy for me.
273
00:11:44,753 --> 00:11:46,536
Um...
274
00:11:46,538 --> 00:11:47,954
it did end happy for you.
275
00:11:47,956 --> 00:11:48,921
You're here with me.
276
00:11:48,923 --> 00:11:51,507
Yeah, yeah, I know.
277
00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:54,043
Okay, this is getting a little
hard to not take personally.
278
00:11:54,045 --> 00:11:55,595
Oh, come on, don't
make this about you.
279
00:11:55,597 --> 00:11:57,180
Oh, I'm not.
It's about you.
280
00:11:57,182 --> 00:11:58,264
Yeah, well, whatever, okay?
281
00:11:58,266 --> 00:11:59,799
I told you,
Valentine's Day sucks.
282
00:11:59,801 --> 00:12:01,768
This one does,
and you're the reason why.
283
00:12:01,770 --> 00:12:03,186
What?
284
00:12:03,188 --> 00:12:05,471
You know, compared to them,
285
00:12:05,473 --> 00:12:06,806
I'm feeling
pretty good about us.
286
00:12:06,808 --> 00:12:08,391
Me, too.
287
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:11,144
How about we blow off
dessert, go home early...
288
00:12:11,146 --> 00:12:12,228
I'll do that laundry.
289
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:13,596
Thank you.
290
00:12:13,598 --> 00:12:14,564
I love you.
291
00:12:14,566 --> 00:12:16,599
Love you, too.
292
00:12:16,601 --> 00:12:18,701
So where'd you hide it?
293
00:12:18,703 --> 00:12:20,620
Where you'd never look.
294
00:12:20,622 --> 00:12:23,873
Damn it, it's in the
washing machine.
295
00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,780
Hello.
296
00:12:31,782 --> 00:12:33,466
Hello.
297
00:12:33,468 --> 00:12:35,051
Happy Valentine's Day.
298
00:12:35,053 --> 00:12:37,587
Okay.
299
00:12:39,556 --> 00:12:40,956
Shall we go to dinner?
300
00:12:40,958 --> 00:12:42,625
Hang on.
301
00:12:42,627 --> 00:12:44,927
As you know, I had planned
a traditional evening
302
00:12:44,929 --> 00:12:46,429
of romance and gifts.
303
00:12:46,431 --> 00:12:47,647
Yes,
304
00:12:47,649 --> 00:12:48,797
and as you know,
305
00:12:48,799 --> 00:12:51,434
I planned to pretend
to enjoy it.
306
00:12:52,569 --> 00:12:55,154
I've been working on
this facial expression all day.
307
00:12:57,441 --> 00:12:59,992
And I appreciate your effort,
308
00:12:59,994 --> 00:13:01,477
but upon contemplation,
309
00:13:01,479 --> 00:13:03,446
I decided I was being selfish.
310
00:13:03,448 --> 00:13:05,748
So, I canceled
our dinner reservations
311
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,600
and came up
with an even better way
312
00:13:07,602 --> 00:13:09,168
to celebrate Valentine's Day.
313
00:13:09,170 --> 00:13:11,003
What is that?
314
00:13:11,005 --> 00:13:12,288
By doing none of it--
315
00:13:12,290 --> 00:13:13,456
no dinner,
316
00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:15,174
no romance, no gifts.
317
00:13:15,176 --> 00:13:17,793
We stay here,
order a pizza
318
00:13:17,795 --> 00:13:19,679
and watch one
of your beloved
319
00:13:19,681 --> 00:13:21,881
Star War Trek things.
320
00:13:23,050 --> 00:13:24,217
Really?
321
00:13:24,219 --> 00:13:25,568
Well, that's what
322
00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:26,702
you'd love, isn't it?
323
00:13:26,704 --> 00:13:28,337
More than anything.
324
00:13:28,339 --> 00:13:30,406
Well, then...
325
00:13:30,408 --> 00:13:32,341
that's what we're going to do.
326
00:13:34,228 --> 00:13:35,361
Well...
327
00:13:35,363 --> 00:13:37,313
I don't know what to say.
328
00:13:37,315 --> 00:13:39,848
This is the most thoughtful gift
329
00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:42,017
that anyone's ever given me.
330
00:13:42,019 --> 00:13:43,819
And that's including
an amazing gift
331
00:13:43,821 --> 00:13:45,738
that I gave myself
earlier today.
332
00:13:47,908 --> 00:13:50,326
I'm your girlfriend.
That's my job.
333
00:13:50,328 --> 00:13:53,963
And I know gift-giving
puts a lot of pressure on you,
334
00:13:53,965 --> 00:13:57,199
so whatever you got me,
you can return.
335
00:13:58,802 --> 00:14:00,419
No.
336
00:14:00,421 --> 00:14:03,222
No, after everything you
didn't do for me tonight,
337
00:14:03,224 --> 00:14:04,974
I want you to have it.
338
00:14:05,893 --> 00:14:06,826
What's this?
339
00:14:06,828 --> 00:14:08,544
Read it.
340
00:14:08,546 --> 00:14:09,845
"Sheldon Cooper,
341
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:12,315
Caltech University
employee information"?
342
00:14:12,317 --> 00:14:13,516
At the bottom.
343
00:14:13,518 --> 00:14:17,436
"In case of emergency,
please contact...
344
00:14:17,438 --> 00:14:19,655
Amy Farrah Fowler."
345
00:14:21,775 --> 00:14:23,943
And there's my phone number.
346
00:14:26,914 --> 00:14:31,117
This is the most beautiful gift
you could've ever given me.
347
00:14:31,119 --> 00:14:32,618
Well, I thought,
348
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:36,672
if I have a stroke
or a kidney stone,
349
00:14:36,674 --> 00:14:38,907
who would I want
to share that with?
350
00:14:42,429 --> 00:14:44,964
And you picked me.
351
00:14:44,966 --> 00:14:46,816
It's like you said--
352
00:14:46,818 --> 00:14:48,551
you're my girlfriend.
353
00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:49,885
Oh, Sheldon.
354
00:14:49,887 --> 00:14:51,687
Yeah...
355
00:14:54,608 --> 00:14:56,492
Okay.
356
00:14:56,494 --> 00:14:59,395
Stop ruining Valentine's Day
and order my pizza.
357
00:15:04,534 --> 00:15:05,601
Night.
358
00:15:05,603 --> 00:15:06,886
Yep.
359
00:15:10,207 --> 00:15:12,074
(sighs)
360
00:15:12,076 --> 00:15:13,275
(door shuts)
361
00:15:15,329 --> 00:15:16,945
You know what?
362
00:15:16,947 --> 00:15:18,297
That was pretty
crappy of you.
363
00:15:18,299 --> 00:15:21,634
I mean, all I wanted to do
was give you a great night,
364
00:15:21,636 --> 00:15:24,170
and it's like you-you went out
of your way to destroy it.
365
00:15:24,172 --> 00:15:25,421
Yeah, I know.
366
00:15:25,423 --> 00:15:26,756
I'm a total bitch.
367
00:15:26,758 --> 00:15:28,574
I'm not saying that.
Well, I am.
368
00:15:28,576 --> 00:15:30,593
Fine, you win.
You're a bitch.
369
00:15:32,596 --> 00:15:35,147
Why couldn't we
just have a nice time?
370
00:15:35,149 --> 00:15:37,600
I don't know. (sighs)
371
00:15:37,602 --> 00:15:40,353
Maybe 'cause things are going
so well between us lately
372
00:15:40,355 --> 00:15:42,304
and I've been really happy.
373
00:15:48,111 --> 00:15:51,831
Okay, you're gonna have to make
a lot more sense than that.
374
00:15:51,833 --> 00:15:55,651
Obviously, I have
some commitment issues.
375
00:15:55,653 --> 00:15:58,204
Glaringly obvious.
Go on.
376
00:15:58,206 --> 00:15:59,988
As long as things keep going
great between us,
377
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:01,424
you'll keep asking me
to marry you,
378
00:16:01,426 --> 00:16:02,958
and eventually I'm gonna
end up saying yes,
379
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,593
and then we're gonna be
married forever,
380
00:16:04,595 --> 00:16:07,430
and the whole thing
just freaks me out.
381
00:16:07,432 --> 00:16:09,348
(sighs)
382
00:16:09,350 --> 00:16:11,467
Okay.
383
00:16:11,469 --> 00:16:13,719
I know I propose a lot.
384
00:16:17,524 --> 00:16:19,725
So how about this?
385
00:16:21,311 --> 00:16:24,897
I promise I will never ask you
to marry me again.
386
00:16:24,899 --> 00:16:26,816
What... what do you mean?
387
00:16:26,818 --> 00:16:28,367
Are you breaking up with me?
388
00:16:28,369 --> 00:16:29,402
No.
389
00:16:29,404 --> 00:16:30,569
No, no, no, no.
390
00:16:30,571 --> 00:16:33,122
But if someday you decide
you want to get married,
391
00:16:33,124 --> 00:16:34,874
you have to propose to me.
392
00:16:35,675 --> 00:16:37,526
Really?
Yes.
393
00:16:37,528 --> 00:16:39,378
It's all on you.
394
00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:41,530
But I got to tell you,
when the time comes,
395
00:16:41,532 --> 00:16:42,715
I want the whole nine yards.
396
00:16:42,717 --> 00:16:44,417
I want you down
on one knee, flowers.
397
00:16:44,419 --> 00:16:46,502
I want to be swept off my feet.
398
00:16:48,772 --> 00:16:50,072
Yeah, you got it.
399
00:16:50,074 --> 00:16:51,257
And I'm cool with surprises.
400
00:16:51,259 --> 00:16:54,326
But nothing on a Jumbotron.
401
00:16:54,328 --> 00:16:57,063
I don't want to cry
on a big screen like that.
402
00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:00,483
Okay.
403
00:17:02,853 --> 00:17:04,320
You know what?
404
00:17:04,322 --> 00:17:06,221
This might be the wine talking,
405
00:17:06,223 --> 00:17:09,575
but I have a very important
question to ask you.
406
00:17:10,444 --> 00:17:11,927
You do?
407
00:17:12,763 --> 00:17:14,630
Leonard Hofstadter...
408
00:17:15,465 --> 00:17:16,665
Yes?
409
00:17:18,268 --> 00:17:20,903
...will you be my valentine?
410
00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:24,623
Sorry. Maybe next year.
411
00:17:27,794 --> 00:17:28,928
I'm just kidding!
412
00:17:28,930 --> 00:17:31,464
Romance ninja.
Let's have sex! Wah!
413
00:17:35,168 --> 00:17:36,135
(music playing)
414
00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:37,603
Thank you, guys,
for doing this.
415
00:17:37,605 --> 00:17:39,271
We're glad you
could make it.
416
00:17:39,273 --> 00:17:42,274
Usually I spend Valentine's Day
sad and alone.
417
00:17:42,276 --> 00:17:44,760
This year, I'm just sad.
418
00:17:47,096 --> 00:17:49,431
What is it about this holiday
that makes people so unhappy?
419
00:17:49,433 --> 00:17:50,399
I know.
420
00:17:50,401 --> 00:17:52,118
I hate myself
most of the time,
421
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:55,738
but tonight's the night
I know everyone else does, too.
422
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:57,957
I think you're cool.
423
00:17:58,792 --> 00:18:00,993
Great.
424
00:18:03,046 --> 00:18:04,547
I got to tell you,
425
00:18:04,549 --> 00:18:07,282
we've got to stop beating
ourselves up like this.
426
00:18:08,802 --> 00:18:10,703
Excuse me, everybody.
427
00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:12,271
Can I have your attention,
please?
428
00:18:12,273 --> 00:18:13,472
(music stops playing)
429
00:18:17,394 --> 00:18:19,595
We're all here tonight
because...
430
00:18:19,597 --> 00:18:22,181
we have no one to be with.
431
00:18:22,183 --> 00:18:26,986
But... that doesn't
make us mutants.
432
00:18:26,988 --> 00:18:29,989
The only mutants here
are in these comic books.
433
00:18:31,858 --> 00:18:35,077
We've got to stop defining
our self-worth
434
00:18:35,079 --> 00:18:37,663
by whether or not
we're in a relationship.
435
00:18:38,665 --> 00:18:40,950
You know what I see
when I look around?
436
00:18:42,068 --> 00:18:44,036
I see a room
full of great people.
437
00:18:46,106 --> 00:18:48,340
So let's give ourselves a break.
438
00:18:48,342 --> 00:18:50,593
We are a community,
439
00:18:50,595 --> 00:18:51,760
and as long
as we have
440
00:18:51,762 --> 00:18:53,345
each other,
441
00:18:53,347 --> 00:18:55,497
we're never truly alone.
442
00:18:59,686 --> 00:19:01,854
(sighs)
443
00:19:02,722 --> 00:19:04,006
That was cool.
444
00:19:04,008 --> 00:19:05,858
What you said.
445
00:19:05,860 --> 00:19:08,110
You really think so?
446
00:19:08,112 --> 00:19:09,728
Yeah, I do.
447
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:10,896
Thank you.
448
00:19:13,416 --> 00:19:15,034
Uh...
449
00:19:15,036 --> 00:19:16,351
Would you like to, uh...
450
00:19:16,353 --> 00:19:19,405
get a cup...
a cup of coffee or...?
451
00:19:19,407 --> 00:19:21,240
Okay.
452
00:19:26,713 --> 00:19:28,747
Later, losers!
453
00:19:40,184 --> 00:19:42,385
(phone rings)
454
00:19:45,139 --> 00:19:47,390
Hello?
455
00:19:47,392 --> 00:19:49,209
Another medical emergency?
456
00:19:49,211 --> 00:19:52,045
What's wrong with him now?
457
00:19:52,047 --> 00:19:55,949
I seriously doubt he was bitten
by a Chinese bird spider.
458
00:19:57,568 --> 00:20:00,186
How exactly does a bump
feel Asian?
459
00:20:01,822 --> 00:20:04,073
Just put him on the phone.
460
00:20:04,075 --> 00:20:06,359
Sheldon, I am not driving
over there again.
461
00:20:07,194 --> 00:20:08,745
Because I drove
over there yesterday
462
00:20:08,747 --> 00:20:10,713
for a brain tumor
that turned out to be
463
00:20:10,715 --> 00:20:12,999
an ice cream headache.
464
00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:17,086
Yes, I still want to be
your emergency contact.
465
00:20:18,556 --> 00:20:21,808
Yes, you can eat
your ice cream too fast
466
00:20:21,810 --> 00:20:24,010
and also have a brain tumor.
467
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,048
I'm on my way.
468
00:20:30,818 --> 00:20:32,519
Brain tumor
would explain a lot.
469
00:20:32,521 --> 00:20:37,521
== sync, corrected by elderman ==