1
00:00:02,978 --> 00:00:04,241
You'll never believe
what happened to me
2
00:00:04,242 --> 00:00:05,164
at work today.
Hmm?
3
00:00:05,165 --> 00:00:08,166
This old guy was choking on
his food, and I saved his life.
4
00:00:08,168 --> 00:00:09,617
You're kidding.
Did you Heimlich him?
5
00:00:09,619 --> 00:00:12,053
No. I said, "Oh, my God,
I think that old guy's choking,"
6
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,055
and then one of the busboys
Heimlich'ed him.
7
00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,126
You're a hero.
8
00:00:18,128 --> 00:00:21,980
Yeah, that was
the point of the story.
9
00:00:21,982 --> 00:00:23,682
Oh, yeah, speaking of work,
do you know
10
00:00:23,684 --> 00:00:25,083
if you have
Thursday night off?
11
00:00:25,085 --> 00:00:26,634
Um, I think so. Why?
12
00:00:26,636 --> 00:00:28,636
What do you mean, why?
It's Valentine's Day.
13
00:00:28,638 --> 00:00:29,905
Oh, right.
14
00:00:29,907 --> 00:00:31,189
Yeah, we can do something.
15
00:00:31,191 --> 00:00:33,858
You could be
a little more into it.
16
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:35,660
No, I'm into it, I'm into it.
17
00:00:35,662 --> 00:00:37,245
Just, there's so much pressure
to make the night special,
18
00:00:37,247 --> 00:00:38,947
and it never works out.
19
00:00:38,949 --> 00:00:41,149
Okay, well, this time
it's going to be different.
20
00:00:41,151 --> 00:00:43,301
Because I am
like a romance ninja.
21
00:00:45,154 --> 00:00:46,922
You don't see it coming,
and then bam!
22
00:00:46,924 --> 00:00:50,125
Romance, watch out, hearts,
kisses, love, ooh-ya!
23
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,660
You know,
sometimes I think I've made you
24
00:00:52,662 --> 00:00:54,329
so much cooler
than you used to be,
25
00:00:54,331 --> 00:00:55,931
and then you go and do that.
26
00:00:58,334 --> 00:00:59,684
So, in conclusion,
27
00:00:59,686 --> 00:01:02,437
I believe the painful
sensation felt
28
00:01:02,439 --> 00:01:04,839
after passing a meal
of spicy chilies
29
00:01:04,841 --> 00:01:09,010
is proof that the rectum does
possess the sense of taste.
30
00:01:14,567 --> 00:01:16,568
I concur, but you
changed the subject.
31
00:01:16,570 --> 00:01:19,738
What are we doing
for Valentine's Day?
32
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:22,123
Oh, you caught that,
did you?
33
00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:27,078
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
34
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,548
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
35
00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:32,200
♪ The Earth began to cool
36
00:01:32,202 --> 00:01:35,086
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
37
00:01:35,088 --> 00:01:37,288
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
38
00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:40,141
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
39
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:41,977
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
40
00:01:41,979 --> 00:01:42,803
♪ Bang! ♪
41
00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:45,804
♪ The Big Bang Theory 6x16 ♪
The Tangible Affection Proof
Original Air Date on February 14, 2013
42
00:01:45,805 --> 00:01:49,105
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
43
00:01:49,178 --> 00:01:50,895
(quietly):
Okay.
44
00:01:51,247 --> 00:01:52,281
Okay.
45
00:01:54,117 --> 00:01:55,367
Okay.
46
00:01:56,369 --> 00:01:57,586
Okay.
47
00:01:58,271 --> 00:02:00,205
Okay!
48
00:02:03,326 --> 00:02:04,476
Okay.
49
00:02:06,454 --> 00:02:07,621
(sighs)
50
00:02:07,623 --> 00:02:08,955
Everything okay?
51
00:02:12,677 --> 00:02:14,378
Bernie's a little cranky
52
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:16,496
since she's been working,
like, 17 hours a day.
53
00:02:16,498 --> 00:02:19,015
And I've got a lot on my plate,
too, because I've been
54
00:02:19,017 --> 00:02:21,101
busting my tail
playing Assassin's Creed.
55
00:02:21,103 --> 00:02:22,719
Hey, Stuart,
56
00:02:22,721 --> 00:02:24,388
you got anything going on
for Valentine's Day?
57
00:02:24,390 --> 00:02:25,672
Not really.
58
00:02:25,674 --> 00:02:28,174
Other than hiding all
the sharp objects around here
59
00:02:28,176 --> 00:02:30,861
and white-knuckling it
till morning.
60
00:02:30,863 --> 00:02:32,028
What do you got going on?
61
00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:34,347
Oh, well, I was going
to spend the night
62
00:02:34,349 --> 00:02:36,149
with my special little lady,
but, uh,
63
00:02:36,151 --> 00:02:39,853
she got worms, and then I
had to take her to the vet.
64
00:02:43,124 --> 00:02:44,574
There must be something
we can do.
65
00:02:44,576 --> 00:02:47,577
Well, uh, how about you keep
the store open late,
66
00:02:47,579 --> 00:02:49,579
and we throw a party
for all the people
67
00:02:49,581 --> 00:02:50,580
who don't have dates?
68
00:02:50,582 --> 00:02:52,999
That actually sounds
kind of nice.
69
00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:54,885
Yeah, the theme will be
that the greatest love
70
00:02:54,887 --> 00:02:59,089
a man can have
is the love he has with himself.
71
00:03:00,608 --> 00:03:02,175
That's good.
72
00:03:02,177 --> 00:03:06,980
Or maybe something a little less
"hand in the pants."
73
00:03:09,183 --> 00:03:10,517
Oh, Alex, excellent.
74
00:03:10,519 --> 00:03:12,903
I have a research problem
75
00:03:12,905 --> 00:03:14,771
that I believe
you can help with.
76
00:03:14,773 --> 00:03:16,490
Oh, Dr. Cooper, thank you.
77
00:03:16,492 --> 00:03:18,275
I've been waiting
for an opportunity
78
00:03:18,277 --> 00:03:20,160
to contribute
to your scientific work.
79
00:03:20,162 --> 00:03:23,663
Oh, no, no.
That's not going to happen, no.
80
00:03:24,866 --> 00:03:28,952
What I need you to do
is find a Valentine's gift
81
00:03:28,954 --> 00:03:31,338
for my girlfriend.
82
00:03:31,340 --> 00:03:33,340
You realize I passed up
an opportunity
83
00:03:33,342 --> 00:03:36,259
to work at Fermilab
to take this job with you.
84
00:03:36,261 --> 00:03:39,963
Well, I guess those chaps
will have to have
85
00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:42,215
someone else buy
their girlfriends presents.
86
00:03:42,217 --> 00:03:43,433
Now, here is...
87
00:03:43,435 --> 00:03:46,136
Let's see.
88
00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:47,637
This is...
89
00:03:51,209 --> 00:03:53,343
This is about $2,000.
90
00:03:53,345 --> 00:03:54,945
Um, I think
91
00:03:54,947 --> 00:03:58,865
she likes monkeys
and the color gray.
92
00:04:04,989 --> 00:04:07,324
Contribute to my work.
(laughs)
93
00:04:09,076 --> 00:04:13,446
Ah, kids say
the darnedest things.
94
00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:16,833
Hey, you coming
to lunch?
95
00:04:16,835 --> 00:04:17,918
Yeah, one second.
96
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:19,252
Come here. I want
to show you something.
97
00:04:19,254 --> 00:04:20,286
What you looking at?
98
00:04:20,288 --> 00:04:22,339
Well, I was trying
to come up with something
99
00:04:22,341 --> 00:04:24,624
really romantic
to give Bernadette
100
00:04:24,626 --> 00:04:25,976
for Valentine's Day
since she's been
101
00:04:25,978 --> 00:04:28,478
such a pain in the ass.
102
00:04:31,131 --> 00:04:33,683
You can't find a
card that says that?
103
00:04:33,685 --> 00:04:35,151
Check it out.
104
00:04:35,153 --> 00:04:36,820
I used the
atomic force microscope
105
00:04:36,822 --> 00:04:40,407
in the material science lab
and wrote our initials
106
00:04:40,409 --> 00:04:43,527
in a heart 1/1,000
the size of a grain of sand.
107
00:04:44,495 --> 00:04:46,663
(laughing):
Oh, that's cool.
108
00:04:46,665 --> 00:04:51,334
A micro-valentine
for a microbiologist.
109
00:04:51,336 --> 00:04:54,087
From her micro-husband.
110
00:04:57,658 --> 00:04:58,675
That is amazing.
111
00:04:58,677 --> 00:05:00,544
How long did this take you?
112
00:05:00,546 --> 00:05:02,796
Mmm, about 12 hours.
113
00:05:02,798 --> 00:05:04,264
I pulled an all-nighter.
114
00:05:04,266 --> 00:05:05,331
Oh, wow.
115
00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:07,183
Yeah, I know,
it really took a bite
116
00:05:07,185 --> 00:05:09,469
out of my video game time.
117
00:05:09,471 --> 00:05:11,304
What are you
and Penny doing?
118
00:05:11,306 --> 00:05:13,640
Oh, I'm going to take her to
a nice restaurant for dinner.
119
00:05:13,642 --> 00:05:17,010
Oh, that's not bad,
but as far as romance goes,
120
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:19,529
I think my gift hits it
right out of...
121
00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:25,201
Want to come to
dinner with us?
122
00:05:25,203 --> 00:05:26,870
Yes, please.
123
00:05:28,956 --> 00:05:30,356
Okay.
124
00:05:30,358 --> 00:05:32,242
Amy will be
here shortly,
125
00:05:32,244 --> 00:05:35,662
expecting the perfect
Valentine's gift, so...
126
00:05:35,664 --> 00:05:36,997
you're up kid.
127
00:05:36,999 --> 00:05:39,082
Dazzle me. Go.
128
00:05:39,084 --> 00:05:41,668
Okay, I think I have
some really great choices.
129
00:05:41,670 --> 00:05:43,637
I went on Amy's
Facebook page
130
00:05:43,639 --> 00:05:45,338
and read up on her interests.
131
00:05:45,340 --> 00:05:48,008
Now, see, I never would have
thought to do that.
132
00:05:49,043 --> 00:05:50,477
Clearly, I made a good choice
133
00:05:50,479 --> 00:05:51,711
farming this out to you.
134
00:05:51,713 --> 00:05:54,397
But I am telling you,
Amy hit the boyfriend jackpot.
135
00:05:54,399 --> 00:05:57,183
Anyway, my socks are on.
136
00:05:57,185 --> 00:05:58,735
Let's knock them off.
137
00:06:03,574 --> 00:06:05,859
Well, um, I know she loves
playing the harp,
138
00:06:05,861 --> 00:06:10,914
so I found this
beautiful music box
139
00:06:10,916 --> 00:06:12,832
that plays one
of her favorite songs.
140
00:06:15,536 --> 00:06:17,938
Now, Amy already
has a real harp.
141
00:06:19,006 --> 00:06:21,741
And it can play any song.
142
00:06:21,743 --> 00:06:24,344
What are you trying
to pull here?
143
00:06:25,112 --> 00:06:26,630
No, I just thought
it would be...
144
00:06:26,632 --> 00:06:28,548
Next.
145
00:06:29,383 --> 00:06:30,717
Okay.
146
00:06:30,719 --> 00:06:33,053
Um, I know she's a fan
of The Canterbury Tales,
147
00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:36,306
Mmm.
so I found...
148
00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:37,891
this cool map
149
00:06:37,893 --> 00:06:39,893
that illustrates the character's
journey through England.
150
00:06:39,895 --> 00:06:42,261
I thought we could put it
in a really nice frame.
151
00:06:42,263 --> 00:06:46,616
But she's got Google Maps
on her phone.
152
00:06:50,354 --> 00:06:52,438
I don't know
how to respond to that.
153
00:06:53,824 --> 00:06:55,909
Well, I hope it's
with a third good option,
154
00:06:55,911 --> 00:06:58,578
because these first two... blah.
155
00:07:00,381 --> 00:07:02,298
Okay.
156
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,218
Well, uh, luckily,
I saved the best for last.
157
00:07:06,286 --> 00:07:07,337
Since Amy's a neuroscientist,
158
00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:09,172
I did some research
and found out
159
00:07:09,174 --> 00:07:10,790
that Santiago Ramón y Cajal,
160
00:07:10,792 --> 00:07:12,792
the father
of modern neuroscience,
161
00:07:12,794 --> 00:07:15,345
did lots of hand drawings
of brain cells.
162
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:18,131
And I managed
to find
163
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:21,568
this signed print.
164
00:07:21,570 --> 00:07:23,820
Wow.
165
00:07:23,822 --> 00:07:25,605
Oh, this is truly remarkable.
166
00:07:25,607 --> 00:07:27,524
Thank you.
167
00:07:27,526 --> 00:07:28,992
I think I'll keep it for myself.
168
00:07:32,830 --> 00:07:34,313
What about your girlfriend?
169
00:07:34,315 --> 00:07:36,116
It's too late.
I call dibs.
170
00:07:40,337 --> 00:07:42,956
This place is
really beautiful.
171
00:07:42,958 --> 00:07:45,208
Wah... romance ninja.
172
00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:46,426
(laughing)
173
00:07:48,295 --> 00:07:49,345
Hey.
174
00:07:49,347 --> 00:07:51,047
Sorry we're late.
175
00:07:51,049 --> 00:07:52,432
No problem.
We just sat down.
176
00:07:52,434 --> 00:07:54,167
Mmm, would you like some wine?
177
00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:55,351
Yeah, fill her up.
178
00:07:57,671 --> 00:07:59,672
I'll tell you when to stop.
179
00:08:01,876 --> 00:08:03,276
Is everything okay?
180
00:08:03,278 --> 00:08:05,011
Terrific.
Couldn't be better.
181
00:08:05,013 --> 00:08:06,646
Oh, bite me.
182
00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:10,200
Look, we can still
have a nice night.
183
00:08:10,202 --> 00:08:11,484
Just tell me where it is.
184
00:08:11,486 --> 00:08:12,652
Maybe if you did what you said
185
00:08:12,654 --> 00:08:14,204
you were going to do,
I'd tell you.
186
00:08:14,989 --> 00:08:16,355
Uh, where what is?
187
00:08:16,357 --> 00:08:18,825
She hid my Xbox
like I'm a child.
188
00:08:20,044 --> 00:08:22,212
Yeah, and my mom got me
that for my birthday,
189
00:08:22,214 --> 00:08:24,697
so if you don't give
it back, I'm telling.
190
00:08:25,916 --> 00:08:27,533
I've been working
late every night.
191
00:08:27,535 --> 00:08:29,085
All I asked was that he
192
00:08:29,087 --> 00:08:30,837
clean the apartment
and do one load of laundry.
193
00:08:30,839 --> 00:08:32,055
But did he do it? No.
194
00:08:32,057 --> 00:08:33,873
He just kept on
playing that stupid game.
195
00:08:33,875 --> 00:08:35,508
You like pushing
buttons so much,
196
00:08:35,510 --> 00:08:37,977
try pushing them
on the washing machine.
197
00:08:39,713 --> 00:08:41,314
I said I'm sorry.
198
00:08:41,316 --> 00:08:44,400
Sorry doesn't clean
my underpants, buddy.
199
00:08:45,436 --> 00:08:48,655
I told you, turn
them inside out.
200
00:08:48,657 --> 00:08:51,891
And I told you to bite me.
201
00:08:51,893 --> 00:08:55,561
Trying to have
a magical night here, guys.
202
00:08:59,366 --> 00:09:00,566
Oh, son of a bitch.
203
00:09:00,568 --> 00:09:01,951
What?
204
00:09:01,953 --> 00:09:03,369
Nothing. Nothing.
205
00:09:03,371 --> 00:09:04,537
No, tell me.
206
00:09:04,539 --> 00:09:06,906
It's just this guy
I used to date.
207
00:09:07,741 --> 00:09:08,908
LEONARD:
Oh.
208
00:09:08,910 --> 00:09:10,927
Until he cheated on me
with my friend Gretchen,
209
00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,428
who's here with him now.
210
00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:13,680
You're kidding.
211
00:09:13,682 --> 00:09:16,733
And it looks like she lost
a lot of weight, damn it.
212
00:09:18,886 --> 00:09:20,270
I know it's not ideal,
213
00:09:20,272 --> 00:09:21,771
but don't let them
ruin our night.
214
00:09:21,773 --> 00:09:23,022
No, you're totally right.
215
00:09:23,024 --> 00:09:25,525
She could be skinny
'cause she's dying.
216
00:09:26,426 --> 00:09:28,594
That's the spirit.
217
00:09:28,596 --> 00:09:29,863
You know what, screw them.
218
00:09:29,865 --> 00:09:31,597
Our night is going to be
way more special than theirs.
219
00:09:31,599 --> 00:09:33,266
Yeah.
220
00:09:34,568 --> 00:09:35,735
Uh-oh.
221
00:09:36,704 --> 00:09:38,404
What?
222
00:09:39,273 --> 00:09:42,575
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
223
00:09:42,577 --> 00:09:43,543
Oh, my God, yes.
224
00:09:43,545 --> 00:09:44,828
Of course
I'll marry you.
225
00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:46,112
(applause)
226
00:09:47,248 --> 00:09:48,529
Two can play this game.
227
00:09:48,531 --> 00:09:49,442
Penny...
Get up.
228
00:09:49,443 --> 00:09:50,993
All right.
229
00:09:56,836 --> 00:09:58,370
It's nice that
all the people
230
00:09:58,372 --> 00:09:59,872
who are lonely
on Valentine's Day
231
00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:01,874
can come here tonight
and be together.
232
00:10:01,876 --> 00:10:04,543
Yeah, I'm really
looking forward to it.
233
00:10:04,545 --> 00:10:07,296
In fact, there's no place
I would rather be than here.
234
00:10:07,298 --> 00:10:09,080
Except on a date with anybody.
235
00:10:09,082 --> 00:10:10,799
Literally anybody.
236
00:10:12,251 --> 00:10:14,636
You know, you and I have
so much fun hanging out.
237
00:10:14,638 --> 00:10:15,771
If you were a girl,
238
00:10:15,773 --> 00:10:17,806
all our problems
would be solved.
239
00:10:21,211 --> 00:10:22,578
What?
240
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,029
Oh, yeah, think about it.
241
00:10:24,031 --> 00:10:25,430
We'd hang out,
242
00:10:25,432 --> 00:10:27,483
we'd read comic books,
we'd see movies.
243
00:10:27,485 --> 00:10:30,101
It'd be like the best
relationship ever.
244
00:10:30,103 --> 00:10:32,654
That does sound nice.
245
00:10:32,656 --> 00:10:35,273
Then I'd take you home,
slip off your little black dress
246
00:10:35,275 --> 00:10:38,610
and just pile-drive you
into oblivion.
247
00:10:40,964 --> 00:10:42,764
What?
248
00:10:43,917 --> 00:10:45,667
PENNY:
Oh, I can't believe
249
00:10:45,669 --> 00:10:48,637
he's going to marry the girl
he cheated on me with.
250
00:10:48,639 --> 00:10:49,671
Isn't it kind of nice?
251
00:10:49,673 --> 00:10:51,289
I mean, he was with
the wrong person,
252
00:10:51,291 --> 00:10:52,674
and now he found
the right person.
253
00:10:52,676 --> 00:10:54,426
What, so I'm the wrong person?
254
00:10:54,428 --> 00:10:56,645
Maybe you want to be
with Gretchen, too.
255
00:10:58,064 --> 00:11:00,098
They do look happy.
256
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:01,299
Yeah, maybe tonight.
257
00:11:01,301 --> 00:11:02,651
But a year from
now, he'll be
258
00:11:02,653 --> 00:11:05,270
crawling under the sink
looking for his Xbox.
259
00:11:06,138 --> 00:11:07,973
Well, he will.
260
00:11:09,141 --> 00:11:11,410
You know what? Why don't we
just forget about them
261
00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:12,978
and enjoy our Valentine's Day?
262
00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:14,696
Yes, absolutely.
263
00:11:14,698 --> 00:11:15,914
(clears throat)
264
00:11:19,335 --> 00:11:20,669
(Penny scoffs)
265
00:11:20,671 --> 00:11:22,037
Now they're doing that phony
266
00:11:22,039 --> 00:11:24,289
link-arm-drink thingy.
267
00:11:24,291 --> 00:11:27,342
I totally taught him that.
268
00:11:28,178 --> 00:11:29,928
I thought we were
letting it go.
269
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:32,214
We were; it's just...
it's not fair, okay?
270
00:11:32,216 --> 00:11:33,432
They're bad people.
271
00:11:33,434 --> 00:11:34,800
It's not supposed to end
happy for them;
272
00:11:34,802 --> 00:11:36,185
it's supposed to end
happy for me.
273
00:11:36,187 --> 00:11:37,970
Um...
274
00:11:37,972 --> 00:11:39,388
it did end happy for you.
275
00:11:39,390 --> 00:11:40,355
You're here with me.
276
00:11:40,357 --> 00:11:42,941
Yeah, yeah, I know.
277
00:11:42,943 --> 00:11:45,477
Okay, this is getting a little
hard to not take personally.
278
00:11:45,479 --> 00:11:47,029
Oh, come on, don't
make this about you.
279
00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:48,614
Oh, I'm not.
It's about you.
280
00:11:48,616 --> 00:11:49,698
Yeah, well, whatever, okay?
281
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,233
I told you,
Valentine's Day sucks.
282
00:11:51,235 --> 00:11:53,202
This one does,
and you're the reason why.
283
00:11:53,204 --> 00:11:54,620
What?
284
00:11:54,622 --> 00:11:56,905
You know, compared to them,
285
00:11:56,907 --> 00:11:58,240
I'm feeling
pretty good about us.
286
00:11:58,242 --> 00:11:59,825
Me, too.
287
00:11:59,827 --> 00:12:02,578
How about we blow off
dessert, go home early...
288
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:03,662
I'll do that laundry.
289
00:12:03,664 --> 00:12:05,030
Thank you.
290
00:12:05,032 --> 00:12:05,998
I love you.
291
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,033
Love you, too.
292
00:12:08,035 --> 00:12:10,135
So where'd you hide it?
293
00:12:10,137 --> 00:12:12,054
Where you'd never look.
294
00:12:12,056 --> 00:12:15,307
Damn it, it's in the
washing machine.
295
00:12:22,214 --> 00:12:23,214
Hello.
296
00:12:23,216 --> 00:12:24,900
Hello.
297
00:12:24,902 --> 00:12:26,485
Happy Valentine's Day.
298
00:12:26,487 --> 00:12:29,021
Okay.
299
00:12:30,990 --> 00:12:32,390
Shall we go to dinner?
300
00:12:32,392 --> 00:12:34,059
Hang on.
301
00:12:34,061 --> 00:12:36,361
As you know, I had planned
a traditional evening
302
00:12:36,363 --> 00:12:37,863
of romance and gifts.
303
00:12:37,865 --> 00:12:39,081
Yes,
304
00:12:39,083 --> 00:12:40,231
and as you know,
305
00:12:40,233 --> 00:12:42,868
I planned to pretend
to enjoy it.
306
00:12:44,003 --> 00:12:46,588
I've been working on
this facial expression all day.
307
00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:51,426
And I appreciate your effort,
308
00:12:51,428 --> 00:12:52,911
but upon contemplation,
309
00:12:52,913 --> 00:12:54,880
I decided I was being selfish.
310
00:12:54,882 --> 00:12:57,182
So, I canceled
our dinner reservations
311
00:12:57,184 --> 00:12:59,034
and came up
with an even better way
312
00:12:59,036 --> 00:13:00,602
to celebrate Valentine's Day.
313
00:13:00,604 --> 00:13:02,437
What is that?
314
00:13:02,439 --> 00:13:03,722
By doing none of it--
315
00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:04,890
no dinner,
316
00:13:04,892 --> 00:13:06,608
no romance, no gifts.
317
00:13:06,610 --> 00:13:09,227
We stay here,
order a pizza
318
00:13:09,229 --> 00:13:11,113
and watch one
of your beloved
319
00:13:11,115 --> 00:13:13,315
Star War Trek things.
320
00:13:14,484 --> 00:13:15,651
Really?
321
00:13:15,653 --> 00:13:17,002
Well, that's what
322
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:18,136
you'd love, isn't it?
323
00:13:18,138 --> 00:13:19,771
More than anything.
324
00:13:19,773 --> 00:13:21,840
Well, then...
325
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:23,775
that's what we're going to do.
326
00:13:25,662 --> 00:13:26,795
Well...
327
00:13:26,797 --> 00:13:28,747
I don't know what to say.
328
00:13:28,749 --> 00:13:31,282
This is the most thoughtful gift
329
00:13:31,284 --> 00:13:33,451
that anyone's ever given me.
330
00:13:33,453 --> 00:13:35,253
And that's including
an amazing gift
331
00:13:35,255 --> 00:13:37,172
that I gave myself
earlier today.
332
00:13:39,342 --> 00:13:41,760
I'm your girlfriend.
That's my job.
333
00:13:41,762 --> 00:13:45,397
And I know gift-giving
puts a lot of pressure on you,
334
00:13:45,399 --> 00:13:48,633
so whatever you got me,
you can return.
335
00:13:50,236 --> 00:13:51,853
No.
336
00:13:51,855 --> 00:13:54,656
No, after everything you
didn't do for me tonight,
337
00:13:54,658 --> 00:13:56,408
I want you to have it.
338
00:13:57,327 --> 00:13:58,260
What's this?
339
00:13:58,262 --> 00:13:59,978
Read it.
340
00:13:59,980 --> 00:14:01,279
"Sheldon Cooper,
341
00:14:01,281 --> 00:14:03,749
Caltech University
employee information"?
342
00:14:03,751 --> 00:14:04,950
At the bottom.
343
00:14:04,952 --> 00:14:08,870
"In case of emergency,
please contact...
344
00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:11,089
Amy Farrah Fowler."
345
00:14:13,209 --> 00:14:15,377
And there's my phone number.
346
00:14:18,348 --> 00:14:22,551
This is the most beautiful gift
you could've ever given me.
347
00:14:22,553 --> 00:14:24,052
Well, I thought,
348
00:14:24,054 --> 00:14:28,106
if I have a stroke
or a kidney stone,
349
00:14:28,108 --> 00:14:30,341
who would I want
to share that with?
350
00:14:33,863 --> 00:14:36,398
And you picked me.
351
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,250
It's like you said--
352
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,985
you're my girlfriend.
353
00:14:39,987 --> 00:14:41,319
Oh, Sheldon.
354
00:14:41,321 --> 00:14:43,121
Yeah...
355
00:14:46,042 --> 00:14:47,926
Okay.
356
00:14:47,928 --> 00:14:50,829
Stop ruining Valentine's Day
and order my pizza.
357
00:14:55,968 --> 00:14:57,035
Night.
358
00:14:57,037 --> 00:14:58,320
Yep.
359
00:15:01,641 --> 00:15:03,508
(sighs)
360
00:15:03,510 --> 00:15:04,709
(door shuts)
361
00:15:06,763 --> 00:15:08,379
You know what?
362
00:15:08,381 --> 00:15:09,731
That was pretty
crappy of you.
363
00:15:09,733 --> 00:15:13,068
I mean, all I wanted to do
was give you a great night,
364
00:15:13,070 --> 00:15:15,604
and it's like you-you went out
of your way to destroy it.
365
00:15:15,606 --> 00:15:16,855
Yeah, I know.
366
00:15:16,857 --> 00:15:18,190
I'm a total bitch.
367
00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:20,008
I'm not saying that.
Well, I am.
368
00:15:20,010 --> 00:15:22,027
Fine, you win.
You're a bitch.
369
00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:26,581
Why couldn't we
just have a nice time?
370
00:15:26,583 --> 00:15:29,034
I don't know. (sighs)
371
00:15:29,036 --> 00:15:31,787
Maybe 'cause things are going
so well between us lately
372
00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:33,738
and I've been really happy.
373
00:15:39,545 --> 00:15:43,265
Okay, you're gonna have to make
a lot more sense than that.
374
00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:47,085
Obviously, I have
some commitment issues.
375
00:15:47,087 --> 00:15:49,638
Glaringly obvious.
Go on.
376
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,422
As long as things keep going
great between us,
377
00:15:51,424 --> 00:15:52,858
you'll keep asking me
to marry you,
378
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:54,392
and eventually I'm gonna
end up saying yes,
379
00:15:54,394 --> 00:15:56,027
and then we're gonna be
married forever,
380
00:15:56,029 --> 00:15:58,864
and the whole thing
just freaks me out.
381
00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:00,782
(sighs)
382
00:16:00,784 --> 00:16:02,901
Okay.
383
00:16:02,903 --> 00:16:05,153
I know I propose a lot.
384
00:16:08,958 --> 00:16:11,159
So how about this?
385
00:16:12,745 --> 00:16:16,331
I promise I will never ask you
to marry me again.
386
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:18,250
What... what do you mean?
387
00:16:18,252 --> 00:16:19,801
Are you breaking up with me?
388
00:16:19,803 --> 00:16:20,836
No.
389
00:16:20,838 --> 00:16:22,003
No, no, no, no.
390
00:16:22,005 --> 00:16:24,556
But if someday you decide
you want to get married,
391
00:16:24,558 --> 00:16:26,308
you have to propose to me.
392
00:16:27,109 --> 00:16:28,960
Really?
Yes.
393
00:16:28,962 --> 00:16:30,812
It's all on you.
394
00:16:30,814 --> 00:16:32,964
But I got to tell you,
when the time comes,
395
00:16:32,966 --> 00:16:34,149
I want the whole nine yards.
396
00:16:34,151 --> 00:16:35,851
I want you down
on one knee, flowers.
397
00:16:35,853 --> 00:16:37,936
I want to be swept off my feet.
398
00:16:40,206 --> 00:16:41,506
Yeah, you got it.
399
00:16:41,508 --> 00:16:42,691
And I'm cool with surprises.
400
00:16:42,693 --> 00:16:45,760
But nothing on a Jumbotron.
401
00:16:45,762 --> 00:16:48,497
I don't want to cry
on a big screen like that.
402
00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:51,917
Okay.
403
00:16:54,287 --> 00:16:55,754
You know what?
404
00:16:55,756 --> 00:16:57,655
This might be the wine talking,
405
00:16:57,657 --> 00:17:01,009
but I have a very important
question to ask you.
406
00:17:01,878 --> 00:17:03,361
You do?
407
00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:06,064
Leonard Hofstadter...
408
00:17:06,899 --> 00:17:08,099
Yes?
409
00:17:09,702 --> 00:17:12,337
...will you be my valentine?
410
00:17:14,273 --> 00:17:16,057
Sorry. Maybe next year.
411
00:17:19,228 --> 00:17:20,362
I'm just kidding!
412
00:17:20,364 --> 00:17:22,898
Romance ninja.
Let's have sex! Wah!
413
00:17:26,602 --> 00:17:27,569
(music playing)
414
00:17:27,571 --> 00:17:29,037
Thank you, guys,
for doing this.
415
00:17:29,039 --> 00:17:30,705
We're glad you
could make it.
416
00:17:30,707 --> 00:17:33,708
Usually I spend Valentine's Day
sad and alone.
417
00:17:33,710 --> 00:17:36,194
This year, I'm just sad.
418
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:40,865
What is it about this holiday
that makes people so unhappy?
419
00:17:40,867 --> 00:17:41,833
I know.
420
00:17:41,835 --> 00:17:43,552
I hate myself
most of the time,
421
00:17:43,554 --> 00:17:47,172
but tonight's the night
I know everyone else does, too.
422
00:17:47,174 --> 00:17:49,391
I think you're cool.
423
00:17:50,226 --> 00:17:52,427
Great.
424
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,981
I got to tell you,
425
00:17:55,983 --> 00:17:58,716
we've got to stop beating
ourselves up like this.
426
00:18:00,236 --> 00:18:02,137
Excuse me, everybody.
427
00:18:02,139 --> 00:18:03,705
Can I have your attention,
please?
428
00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:04,906
(music stops playing)
429
00:18:08,828 --> 00:18:11,029
We're all here tonight
because...
430
00:18:11,031 --> 00:18:13,615
we have no one to be with.
431
00:18:13,617 --> 00:18:18,420
But... that doesn't
make us mutants.
432
00:18:18,422 --> 00:18:21,423
The only mutants here
are in these comic books.
433
00:18:23,292 --> 00:18:26,511
We've got to stop defining
our self-worth
434
00:18:26,513 --> 00:18:29,097
by whether or not
we're in a relationship.
435
00:18:30,099 --> 00:18:32,384
You know what I see
when I look around?
436
00:18:33,502 --> 00:18:35,470
I see a room
full of great people.
437
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:39,774
So let's give ourselves a break.
438
00:18:39,776 --> 00:18:42,027
We are a community,
439
00:18:42,029 --> 00:18:43,194
and as long
as we have
440
00:18:43,196 --> 00:18:44,779
each other,
441
00:18:44,781 --> 00:18:46,931
we're never truly alone.
442
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:53,288
(sighs)
443
00:18:54,156 --> 00:18:55,440
That was cool.
444
00:18:55,442 --> 00:18:57,292
What you said.
445
00:18:57,294 --> 00:18:59,544
You really think so?
446
00:18:59,546 --> 00:19:01,162
Yeah, I do.
447
00:19:01,164 --> 00:19:02,330
Thank you.
448
00:19:04,850 --> 00:19:06,468
Uh...
449
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:07,785
Would you like to, uh...
450
00:19:07,787 --> 00:19:10,839
get a cup...
a cup of coffee or...?
451
00:19:10,841 --> 00:19:12,674
Okay.
452
00:19:18,147 --> 00:19:20,181
Later, losers!
453
00:19:28,730 --> 00:19:30,931
(phone rings)
454
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,089
Hello?
455
00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:35,908
Another medical emergency?
456
00:19:35,910 --> 00:19:38,744
What's wrong with him now?
457
00:19:38,746 --> 00:19:42,648
I seriously doubt he was bitten
by a Chinese bird spider.
458
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:46,885
How exactly does a bump
feel Asian?
459
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,772
Just put him on the phone.
460
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:53,058
Sheldon, I am not driving
over there again.
461
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,444
Because I drove
over there yesterday
462
00:19:55,446 --> 00:19:57,412
for a brain tumor
that turned out to be
463
00:19:57,414 --> 00:19:59,698
an ice cream headache.
464
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:03,785
Yes, I still want to be
your emergency contact.
465
00:20:05,255 --> 00:20:08,507
Yes, you can eat
your ice cream too fast
466
00:20:08,509 --> 00:20:10,709
and also have a brain tumor.
467
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:15,747
I'm on my way.
468
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:19,218
Brain tumor
would explain a lot.
469
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:24,220
== sync, corrected by elderman ==