1
00:00:03,557 --> 00:00:05,774
Yee-haw!
2
00:00:09,145 --> 00:00:11,313
Ew.
3
00:00:11,314 --> 00:00:14,614
♪ The Simpsons 24x13 ♪
Hardly Kirk-ing
Original Air Date on February 17, 2013
4
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:17,915
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
5
00:00:18,021 --> 00:00:20,039
(classical music playing)
6
00:00:26,713 --> 00:00:28,464
BART:
Dad, what are you watching?
7
00:00:28,498 --> 00:00:30,466
I think it's
a Terrence Malick movie.
8
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,535
No, you're watching
Baby Poindexter,
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00:00:32,569 --> 00:00:34,703
the most educational DVD
available
10
00:00:34,738 --> 00:00:36,722
at the checkout aisle
at the grocery store.
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00:00:36,756 --> 00:00:39,241
Finally, a kid's show that isn't
trying to sell you something.
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00:00:39,276 --> 00:00:40,543
Which reminds me,
13
00:00:40,577 --> 00:00:42,444
we need to order
more rectangles.
14
00:00:46,416 --> 00:00:48,551
FEMALE NARRATOR:
Friends.
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00:00:48,585 --> 00:00:50,236
(bells jingling)
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00:00:50,270 --> 00:00:51,804
Friends.
17
00:00:53,073 --> 00:00:55,541
Colleagues.
18
00:00:56,610 --> 00:00:59,078
(gasps)
Don't watch that DVD.
19
00:00:59,112 --> 00:01:01,080
I threw that away
because studies show
20
00:01:01,114 --> 00:01:03,315
it doesn't do any good.
21
00:01:04,417 --> 00:01:05,751
Look at me.
22
00:01:06,987 --> 00:01:08,837
Maybe instead of watching TV
with the kids,
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00:01:08,872 --> 00:01:10,456
you could take them outside.
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00:01:10,490 --> 00:01:11,790
What are you doing?
25
00:01:13,493 --> 00:01:16,979
This so-called educational
DVD may have even stunted
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00:01:17,013 --> 00:01:19,031
the development of the
kids who watched it.
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00:01:19,065 --> 00:01:20,349
LISA:
Wait a minute.
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00:01:20,383 --> 00:01:22,384
Didn't Bart and I
both watch this thing
29
00:01:22,435 --> 00:01:23,602
when we were little?
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00:01:23,637 --> 00:01:25,437
I'm afraid so.
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00:01:25,472 --> 00:01:27,139
Well, the
obvious question is,
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00:01:27,173 --> 00:01:30,976
why did I turn out
so academically superior
33
00:01:31,011 --> 00:01:32,544
while Bart...
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00:01:32,579 --> 00:01:36,365
While Bart turned out
so wonderful in his own way.
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00:01:36,399 --> 00:01:38,117
That's the way people
talk about Ralph.
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00:01:38,151 --> 00:01:40,886
Ralph, whose favorite color
is peanut butter.
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00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,238
I wish I knew what happened.
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00:01:45,241 --> 00:01:46,525
(horn honking)
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(imitates honking horn)
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But now that
I know better,
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00:02:02,258 --> 00:02:04,259
no DVDs for
you kids.
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00:02:04,294 --> 00:02:06,729
Just educational
television.
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00:02:06,763 --> 00:02:09,665
NARRATOR: We return to
Ice Road Hand-Fishing.
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00:02:09,699 --> 00:02:12,334
This has been our way of life
since we were pitched
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00:02:12,369 --> 00:02:15,471
the idea by reality show
producers.
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00:02:19,843 --> 00:02:22,578
Welcome to
Thieving Bear Chopper Hunt.
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Okay, no TV at all.
ALL: What?
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00:02:25,348 --> 00:02:27,783
Honey, this sounds
like a noble experiment,
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00:02:27,817 --> 00:02:28,917
but like Prohibition,
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00:02:28,952 --> 00:02:30,936
it will end
in a hail of bullets.
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Fine.
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No TV for 24 hours.
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00:02:34,174 --> 00:02:35,474
24 hours?
54
00:02:35,508 --> 00:02:36,942
Where'd you pull
that crazy number?
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00:02:36,976 --> 00:02:39,545
We can do without
TV for a day.
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00:02:39,579 --> 00:02:41,930
We're taking Maggie
to a children's book store,
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00:02:41,965 --> 00:02:43,949
where she can learn
the old-fashioned way.
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00:02:43,983 --> 00:02:47,803
The way children did
from 1910 to 2002.
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(grunting)
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00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:55,194
Homer, a little help?
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00:02:55,228 --> 00:02:57,096
I'm on it.
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Hmm. Hmm.
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00:03:11,177 --> 00:03:13,979
If I buy you,
why do I need all these books?
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00:03:14,013 --> 00:03:16,114
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
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Instead of watching TV,
we can read children's books
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written by TV stars.
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00:03:28,278 --> 00:03:30,396
Who's Milli Vanilli?
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00:03:30,430 --> 00:03:33,148
I don't know, kid.
I didn't write this.
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00:03:33,183 --> 00:03:34,500
No refunds.
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00:03:34,534 --> 00:03:38,270
Look, Maggie,
they have a story lady.
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00:03:38,304 --> 00:03:40,606
One day, Silly Sally said,
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00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,575
"Let's have a sloppy,
gloppy supper."
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First, they slurped their soup.
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00:03:45,879 --> 00:03:49,515
Slurp, slurp, slurp.
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00:03:49,549 --> 00:03:51,550
Then they chewed their bread.
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00:03:51,584 --> 00:03:54,953
Chew, chew, chew.
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00:03:54,988 --> 00:03:56,221
More soup?
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00:03:56,256 --> 00:03:59,758
Oh, I could slurp this soup
forever.
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00:03:59,793 --> 00:04:02,077
Slurp, slurp...
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00:04:02,112 --> 00:04:03,862
Sorry, folks, she
doesn't even work here.
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00:04:03,897 --> 00:04:05,164
(grunting)
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00:04:06,232 --> 00:04:09,201
HOMER:
"Spot the hidden objects."
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00:04:09,235 --> 00:04:13,439
Boy, you're pretty pushy
for a book I just met.
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00:04:13,473 --> 00:04:14,907
Gotcha.
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00:04:14,941 --> 00:04:16,442
(laughing)
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00:04:16,476 --> 00:04:18,644
Candy cane
in the umbrella stand:
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00:04:18,678 --> 00:04:20,779
oldest trick in the book.
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00:04:20,814 --> 00:04:22,414
Okay, let's see.
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00:04:22,449 --> 00:04:24,650
Ah, ah. (mutters)
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00:04:24,684 --> 00:04:26,385
Have you seen
Lisa and Maggie?
91
00:04:26,419 --> 00:04:28,887
If they're not a trumpet
or a rolling pin, then no.
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00:04:28,922 --> 00:04:30,289
Yip!
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00:04:30,323 --> 00:04:32,458
Homie, help
me find them.
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00:04:32,492 --> 00:04:35,394
Okay, now to see if I
can apply my book knowledge
95
00:04:35,428 --> 00:04:36,795
to the real world.
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00:04:45,638 --> 00:04:46,755
Got them.
97
00:04:47,957 --> 00:04:50,225
Wow, no TV for 24 hours?
98
00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:51,927
I couldn't get
through a day without
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00:04:51,961 --> 00:04:54,296
Doctors Oz, Phil and Gupta.
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00:04:54,330 --> 00:04:55,798
You're right. I'm bored.
101
00:04:55,832 --> 00:04:57,416
Epoxy fight!
(groans)
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00:04:57,450 --> 00:05:00,035
What the hell is an epoxy fight?
103
00:05:01,521 --> 00:05:03,172
Oh.
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00:05:03,206 --> 00:05:04,790
Don't worry,
I'll clean it up.
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00:05:04,824 --> 00:05:06,708
Get me some whip cream
and a safety scissors.
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00:05:08,011 --> 00:05:10,445
Don't worry, all I need
is a cigarette lighter
107
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:11,814
and some sandpaper.
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00:05:11,848 --> 00:05:14,082
(sanding)
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00:05:14,117 --> 00:05:16,618
All right, let's
just use a razor.
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(gasps)
111
00:05:19,622 --> 00:05:21,156
Oh, my God.
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You look just like your dad.
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00:05:22,842 --> 00:05:26,378
Let's see how far
we can take this.
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00:05:26,412 --> 00:05:28,013
And finally the tie.
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00:05:28,047 --> 00:05:30,199
I always wanted
to wear a necktie.
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Mom says they
make you more...
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(in Kirk's voice):
...of a man.
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Now sing
the alphabet song.
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(alternating with each letter):
♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G
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♪ H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O...
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What if we Van Houten
to the max?
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(in Duffman's voice):
Whoa, that's a little too tight.
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Oh, yeah.
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Nah, back
to the sweet spot.
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00:05:49,168 --> 00:05:50,802
Milhouse,
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if people believe you're
a grown-up, we can do anything.
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00:05:54,691 --> 00:05:57,626
(in Kirk's voice): Like we go to a
movie theater and pay full price?
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That would be awesome!
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Okay, first, tone it down.
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Time to teach you to be a man.
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What, now I'm not
pulling it off?
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("Here Comes Your Man"
by Pixies playing)
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♪ Here comes your man
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♪ Here comes your man
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♪ Here comes
your man ♪
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♪ Here comes your man.
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And put the gas bill
on auto-pay.
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Nice.
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Time for your
final test.
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(Homer grunting)
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(computer chiming)
142
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Oh, great.
143
00:06:38,735 --> 00:06:41,336
Another invasive Skype
from Mil... Huh?
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00:06:41,371 --> 00:06:43,472
Hello, Lisa. This is my daddy.
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00:06:43,506 --> 00:06:45,574
I mean, um, Kirk Van Houten.
146
00:06:45,608 --> 00:06:47,209
May I speak
to your father, please?
147
00:06:47,243 --> 00:06:49,244
He's right here.
148
00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:51,580
Homer, Bart would like to spend
the night at our house,
149
00:06:51,614 --> 00:06:53,682
and he has my permission.
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00:06:53,716 --> 00:06:55,717
Sure. What do I care?
151
00:06:55,752 --> 00:06:57,786
Not so fast!
Huh?
152
00:06:57,820 --> 00:07:01,123
I also want to say that
Bart is a remarkable boy,
153
00:07:01,157 --> 00:07:03,025
and I disapprove
of your fathering
154
00:07:03,059 --> 00:07:05,427
and of your
fat stomach.
155
00:07:05,461 --> 00:07:08,196
Oh, well, uh... sorry.
156
00:07:08,231 --> 00:07:11,266
Give him anything he wants--
bigger allowance, a new bike--
157
00:07:11,301 --> 00:07:12,701
just do it.
158
00:07:12,735 --> 00:07:14,036
Whatever you say, sir.
159
00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:16,605
Dad, why are you kowtowing
to Mr. Van Houten?
160
00:07:16,639 --> 00:07:20,375
Sometimes it's just so nice
to have a man take charge.
161
00:07:20,410 --> 00:07:24,246
And in ten years, make Lisa
go to the prom with Milhouse.
162
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,148
Dad.
163
00:07:26,182 --> 00:07:28,583
own-ups have
their reasons.
164
00:07:28,618 --> 00:07:30,085
(aggravated groan)
165
00:07:30,119 --> 00:07:32,387
Now, I want you to eat
a gallon of ice cream
166
00:07:32,422 --> 00:07:34,222
in under two minutes.
167
00:07:34,257 --> 00:07:35,557
But I just did that.
168
00:07:35,591 --> 00:07:38,527
You now have one
minute, 55 seconds.
169
00:07:41,848 --> 00:07:44,983
(Bart and Milhouse laugh)
170
00:07:45,018 --> 00:07:46,935
I'm going to like
being an adult.
171
00:07:46,986 --> 00:07:48,870
(laughs)
172
00:07:48,905 --> 00:07:50,906
(groaning)
173
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:58,347
Now you're the same height
as your dad.
174
00:07:58,381 --> 00:08:00,883
(in normal voice):
I can reach the poisons now,
175
00:08:00,917 --> 00:08:03,786
each with an inviting skull
and crossbones.
176
00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:07,139
Kirk, you' wearing
that shirt I bought you.
177
00:08:07,173 --> 00:08:08,741
I thought
you didn't like it.
178
00:08:08,775 --> 00:08:10,809
(in Kirk's voice): I love when you
buy me clothes.
179
00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:12,411
You know what's itchy
and what's not.
180
00:08:12,445 --> 00:08:14,713
Oh, Kirk Evelyn Van Houten.
181
00:08:15,749 --> 00:08:17,182
(humming happily)
182
00:08:17,217 --> 00:08:18,651
(in regular voice):
I wish my dad
183
00:08:18,685 --> 00:08:21,487
could have been here
to see my parents kiss.
184
00:08:21,521 --> 00:08:23,122
Now, did you get
Kirk's license?
185
00:08:23,156 --> 00:08:24,123
Uh-huh.
186
00:08:24,157 --> 00:08:25,824
Ay, caramba!
187
00:08:25,859 --> 00:08:28,060
I rented a truck.
188
00:08:28,094 --> 00:08:30,562
I'm driving a truck.
189
00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:32,965
I crashed a truck.
190
00:08:32,999 --> 00:08:35,434
I rented another truck.
191
00:08:38,555 --> 00:08:42,091
Hey, Simpson, don't you have
a lame dad of your own?
192
00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:44,176
(in Kirk's voice):
Uh, I-I'd give you all my money,
193
00:08:44,210 --> 00:08:45,995
but my wallet
is Velcroed too tight.
194
00:08:46,029 --> 00:08:48,480
You're the wussiest
adult I've ever seen.
195
00:08:48,515 --> 00:08:50,616
An adult-- he's buying it.
196
00:08:55,739 --> 00:08:57,339
Kirk, remember,
197
00:08:57,374 --> 00:08:59,608
you have the superpowers
of a middle-aged man.
198
00:09:02,796 --> 00:09:04,797
Hello, Mr. Kirk.
199
00:09:06,766 --> 00:09:09,368
I want to buy this beer,
uh, cigarettes,
200
00:09:09,402 --> 00:09:12,371
magazines with boobs
and three pairs of sunglasses.
201
00:09:12,405 --> 00:09:14,406
Polarized.
202
00:09:14,441 --> 00:09:17,076
I suspect you are buying
for underage bullies,
203
00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:19,912
but as that is 98%
of my business,
204
00:09:19,946 --> 00:09:21,880
I say, "Thank you, sir.
Come again."
205
00:09:21,915 --> 00:09:23,549
Yo, Bart.
206
00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:25,417
Your grown-man
friend is all right.
207
00:09:25,452 --> 00:09:27,219
We should start
threatening more adults.
208
00:09:27,253 --> 00:09:30,022
Wouldn't that make us
criminals instead of bullies?
209
00:09:30,056 --> 00:09:32,691
Let's beat up a philosopher
until he gives us the answer.
210
00:09:32,726 --> 00:09:34,793
Oh, good idea.
Yeah, I'm in.
211
00:09:34,828 --> 00:09:36,378
I made my mom happy
212
00:09:36,413 --> 00:09:38,497
and got through the
bullies without a punch.
213
00:09:38,531 --> 00:09:41,066
Being an adult is super easy.
214
00:09:41,101 --> 00:09:43,102
Hmm, hmm... hmm.
215
00:09:46,489 --> 00:09:47,773
(pops, chuckles)
216
00:09:47,824 --> 00:09:49,158
You dope.
217
00:09:49,192 --> 00:09:51,243
It says those are
for her pleasure.
218
00:09:51,277 --> 00:09:53,362
Now it's time for me
to live my fantasy
219
00:09:53,396 --> 00:09:55,531
with mature themes.
220
00:09:55,565 --> 00:09:58,117
I'll go behind
that curtain a boy
221
00:09:58,151 --> 00:10:00,636
but come out a man.
222
00:10:02,405 --> 00:10:05,274
Hmm, more money for schools.
223
00:10:05,308 --> 00:10:07,509
That could translate
into more homework.
224
00:10:07,544 --> 00:10:09,178
I know this
is highly illegal,
225
00:10:09,212 --> 00:10:11,346
but you're not leaving
this booth till you punch yes.
226
00:10:11,381 --> 00:10:12,998
Don't bother
screaming for help.
227
00:10:13,032 --> 00:10:15,951
This is a municipal
off-cycle election.
228
00:10:15,985 --> 00:10:18,153
There's no one for miles.
229
00:10:18,188 --> 00:10:20,589
(wolf howling)
230
00:10:24,577 --> 00:10:27,045
Don't forget
your sticker.
231
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,865
(evil chuckling)
232
00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:32,284
Uh, hey, bartender.
233
00:10:32,318 --> 00:10:34,286
We'd like two milks,
234
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,139
and then you can tell us
where babies come from.
235
00:10:37,173 --> 00:10:38,474
Oh, well, in my case,
236
00:10:38,508 --> 00:10:40,509
my mom was hit
with a voodoo curse.
237
00:10:40,543 --> 00:10:42,694
I gestated for five years,
238
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:45,547
then I popped out
backwards and on fire.
239
00:10:45,582 --> 00:10:46,632
Really?
240
00:10:46,666 --> 00:10:48,000
Oh, yeah, keep my tail
241
00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:49,751
right here in this jar.
(both gasp)
242
00:10:49,785 --> 00:10:51,720
Good times.
243
00:10:52,922 --> 00:10:55,891
Mom, I think
Maggie misses TV.
244
00:10:59,896 --> 00:11:01,330
You know, Mom,
I was thinking
245
00:11:01,364 --> 00:11:03,015
we could take
Maggie downtown.
246
00:11:03,049 --> 00:11:05,868
The Jazz Hole is featuring
a Dizzy Gillespie tribute band.
247
00:11:05,902 --> 00:11:07,002
(gasps)
248
00:11:07,036 --> 00:11:09,438
Their trumpeter has
the puffiest cheeks.
249
00:11:09,472 --> 00:11:10,856
I don't think so.
250
00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:12,391
The U.S. Embassy
has warned people
251
00:11:12,425 --> 00:11:15,027
not to go to downtown
Springfield.
252
00:11:15,061 --> 00:11:16,528
I get it. Middle child,
253
00:11:16,563 --> 00:11:18,497
never do what I want.
254
00:11:18,531 --> 00:11:20,499
Hmm.
255
00:11:20,533 --> 00:11:23,469
Okay, I also know
of a puppet show.
256
00:11:28,908 --> 00:11:31,844
Long before
the Teutonic slaughters
257
00:11:31,878 --> 00:11:33,679
visited upon our people,
258
00:11:33,713 --> 00:11:36,181
there was the massacre
by Mstislov
259
00:11:36,216 --> 00:11:38,851
of Kiev in 1132.
260
00:11:38,885 --> 00:11:39,952
(screaming)
261
00:11:39,986 --> 00:11:41,553
Maybe we should go.
262
00:11:41,588 --> 00:11:44,256
Nobody leave till
every puppet dead.
263
00:11:46,192 --> 00:11:47,926
Bart, you wanted
to show me something?
264
00:11:47,961 --> 00:11:49,194
Just one sec.
Nelson gave me
265
00:11:49,229 --> 00:11:50,562
some notes on a
prank I'm doing.
266
00:11:54,817 --> 00:11:57,619
Now, I asked you here because
I know a cool grown-up
267
00:11:57,654 --> 00:11:59,821
who will take you to
that club in the city.
268
00:11:59,856 --> 00:12:01,290
Really? Who?
269
00:12:03,159 --> 00:12:04,660
(in Kirk's voice):
Hello, Lisa.
270
00:12:04,694 --> 00:12:06,261
Milhouse?
271
00:12:06,296 --> 00:12:08,730
Milhouse?
Who's Milhouse?
272
00:12:08,765 --> 00:12:10,666
I mean, he-he's my son.
273
00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:12,100
Well, Milhouse,
274
00:12:12,135 --> 00:12:14,286
you might get past the bouncer
at the jazz club,
275
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,338
because they're in no
position to turn anyone away,
276
00:12:16,372 --> 00:12:18,507
but it doesn't matter,
'cause we can't pay
277
00:12:18,541 --> 00:12:21,109
for the gas and the
cover fee anyway.
278
00:12:21,144 --> 00:12:24,179
Au contraire,
starfish hair.
279
00:12:24,214 --> 00:12:26,248
The Baby Poindexter Company
is being forced to pay
280
00:12:26,282 --> 00:12:27,849
a settlement to any parent
281
00:12:27,884 --> 00:12:30,085
who had enough misguided love
to buy their videos.
282
00:12:30,119 --> 00:12:32,788
They're not gonna write a
check to a couple of kids.
283
00:12:32,822 --> 00:12:35,857
Then I will be
your guys' dad.
284
00:12:35,891 --> 00:12:37,943
(screams)
285
00:12:37,977 --> 00:12:40,362
Thanks, but lowering your voice
and standing on paint cans
286
00:12:40,396 --> 00:12:44,283
doesn't make you man
enough to be my dad.
287
00:12:44,317 --> 00:12:46,785
HOMER: Marge, can I get a subscription
to Highlights magazine?
288
00:12:46,819 --> 00:12:48,353
MARGE:
Homer, that's for children.
289
00:12:48,388 --> 00:12:49,955
HOMER:
Where does it say that?
290
00:12:49,989 --> 00:12:51,690
MARGE:
Read the rest of the title.
291
00:12:51,724 --> 00:12:54,159
HOMER:
Highlights for... D'oh!
292
00:12:56,405 --> 00:12:58,139
(Homer humming)
293
00:12:58,174 --> 00:12:58,928
Oh, dang it.
294
00:12:58,929 --> 00:13:00,229
I lost my other earring.
295
00:13:00,263 --> 00:13:01,614
Leave it to me.
296
00:13:07,771 --> 00:13:09,638
Earring.
Oh.
297
00:13:09,673 --> 00:13:11,040
Thimble from
Monopoly game.
298
00:13:11,074 --> 00:13:12,191
Wondered where that was.
299
00:13:12,225 --> 00:13:14,643
$25 casino chip.
Oh.
300
00:13:14,678 --> 00:13:16,111
The smallest nesting doll.
301
00:13:16,146 --> 00:13:17,379
Oh.
302
00:13:17,414 --> 00:13:19,999
Can you find anything
you like in this bed?
303
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,201
Just my honey pie.
304
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:24,803
Want to split it
while we snuggle?
305
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,739
Mm-hmm.
306
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,407
(Homer chewing loudly)
307
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,042
MARGE:
Now what are you doing?
308
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:31,744
HOMER:
Licking the wrapper.
309
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,680
There you go, one adult
310
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,598
and two children
one-way downtown.
311
00:13:36,633 --> 00:13:39,201
Um, as adults,
what do we do now?
312
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,436
Shake hands?
313
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:42,905
If you like.
314
00:13:42,939 --> 00:13:45,507
And that's how you
do it. (chuckles)
315
00:13:47,143 --> 00:13:48,777
Now, remember,
I can't sit backwards
316
00:13:48,812 --> 00:13:50,079
or I get sick.
317
00:13:50,113 --> 00:13:52,298
Well, if I look
at your face, I get sick.
318
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,917
Young man, apologize
to your sister.
319
00:13:54,951 --> 00:13:56,402
Make me, baldy.
320
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,803
Why, you little...
321
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,322
(grunting)
322
00:14:00,357 --> 00:14:02,424
(in normal voice):
My adulthood!
323
00:14:02,459 --> 00:14:04,843
(grunting)
324
00:14:06,296 --> 00:14:07,997
I never thought
I'd say this,
325
00:14:08,031 --> 00:14:11,033
but that is conduct
unbecoming of a bus station.
326
00:14:13,136 --> 00:14:16,138
Where'd your babies go?
327
00:14:17,674 --> 00:14:19,108
Your intellect-deadening DVDs
328
00:14:19,142 --> 00:14:21,377
turned my brother's brain
to jelly.
329
00:14:21,411 --> 00:14:24,246
Pretty shapes tell me
to kill everybody.
330
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:29,151
Looks like you're entitled
to the full rebate of $19.95.
331
00:14:29,185 --> 00:14:30,586
That's all you pay
332
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,254
for screwing up a child
for life?
333
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,690
(in Kirk's voice):
Kids, let me handle this.
334
00:14:34,724 --> 00:14:37,826
Uh, we'd like it in singles
and nickels, please.
335
00:14:37,861 --> 00:14:39,828
Terrific.
Just need your signature.
336
00:14:39,863 --> 00:14:41,363
In cursive?
337
00:14:41,398 --> 00:14:42,464
"X" is fine.
338
00:14:42,499 --> 00:14:44,366
In cursive?
339
00:14:44,401 --> 00:14:47,119
Oh, it's just enough
to get home.
340
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:49,471
I'm hungry now.
341
00:14:49,506 --> 00:14:51,590
Hey, I'm walking on
paint cans all day.
342
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,275
Give me a break.
343
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,144
Guys, look, free breakfast
344
00:14:55,178 --> 00:14:57,146
if we sit through
a sales pitch.
345
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:59,815
Just remember, Milhouse,
do not buy the condo.
346
00:14:59,849 --> 00:15:03,485
But what if we can't afford
not to buy it?
347
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,023
Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.
348
00:15:08,058 --> 00:15:11,193
Homer, Bart said the kids were
going to the Van Houtens',
349
00:15:11,227 --> 00:15:14,129
but Luann just told me
they're supposed to be here.
350
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,330
They've disappeared.
351
00:15:15,365 --> 00:15:16,932
We'll get those kids back.
352
00:15:16,966 --> 00:15:20,702
Because we just bought them
new shoes.
353
00:15:20,737 --> 00:15:22,938
Waldo, Waldo.
354
00:15:25,870 --> 00:15:27,704
Do you think Lisa went
to that jazz club
355
00:15:27,738 --> 00:15:29,172
I wouldn't take her to?
356
00:15:29,207 --> 00:15:31,074
How many kids
will jazz corrupt?
357
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:34,010
(tires squealing)
358
00:15:34,045 --> 00:15:37,714
Lap pool and fully-quipped
gym with eucalyptus towels.
359
00:15:37,748 --> 00:15:39,082
Now, let me give you
360
00:15:39,116 --> 00:15:41,751
the 14 different
apartment configurations.
361
00:15:41,786 --> 00:15:43,119
The hacienda,
362
00:15:43,154 --> 00:15:44,287
the urban oasis,
363
00:15:44,322 --> 00:15:45,922
castle in the sky,
364
00:15:45,957 --> 00:15:47,724
Connecticut sunset...
365
00:15:47,758 --> 00:15:49,793
Lady, my stomach's full,
and I want to go.
366
00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:51,628
That's how it works
in this country.
367
00:15:51,662 --> 00:15:53,129
(beeps)
If you try to leave,
368
00:15:53,164 --> 00:15:54,598
you'll find the doors
are locked.
369
00:15:54,632 --> 00:15:56,933
Well, before our dad
signs any contracts,
370
00:15:56,968 --> 00:15:59,252
he has a surprise for you.
371
00:15:59,287 --> 00:16:02,689
Oh, I hope it's
that he's single.
372
00:16:02,723 --> 00:16:05,025
(laughs)
I'm single.
373
00:16:05,059 --> 00:16:06,226
Though, some days,
374
00:16:06,260 --> 00:16:08,628
I have a girl buddy
on field trips.
375
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:11,364
You're a bit of a freak.
376
00:16:11,399 --> 00:16:12,982
I like that.
377
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,735
(giggling)
378
00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:18,555
You're the adult.
379
00:16:18,589 --> 00:16:19,756
(grunts)
380
00:16:19,790 --> 00:16:21,992
(lock clicks)
381
00:16:22,026 --> 00:16:25,762
LISA: Kirk, don't you have
something to tell her?
382
00:16:25,796 --> 00:16:28,148
Just looking for
a casual hookup?
383
00:16:28,182 --> 00:16:30,717
Yeah, for my
Thomas the Tank Engines.
384
00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:33,687
Ooh, I love how I don't
exactly understand
385
00:16:33,721 --> 00:16:35,305
what you're saying.
386
00:16:35,339 --> 00:16:38,074
Homie, do you
see anything?
387
00:16:38,109 --> 00:16:39,976
No. I'm sorry.
388
00:16:40,011 --> 00:16:42,028
It's... Wait a minute.
389
00:16:49,637 --> 00:16:52,005
When I said you needed
a software update,
390
00:16:52,039 --> 00:16:53,707
it was not a criticism.
391
00:16:58,112 --> 00:17:00,013
We found what
we're looking for.
392
00:17:00,047 --> 00:17:01,481
The kids?
393
00:17:01,515 --> 00:17:03,316
Sure, they could
be here. Who knows?
394
00:17:03,351 --> 00:17:05,785
(tires squealing)
395
00:17:05,820 --> 00:17:07,187
Ooh, I love how your arms
396
00:17:07,221 --> 00:17:09,756
are too short and
thin for your legs.
397
00:17:09,790 --> 00:17:11,491
Just like a crocodile.
398
00:17:11,525 --> 00:17:13,193
(in Duffman's voice):
I'm feeling a strange,
399
00:17:13,227 --> 00:17:16,212
refreshing brew
of emotions. Oh, yeah.
400
00:17:16,230 --> 00:17:17,213
(grunts)
401
00:17:17,248 --> 00:17:18,481
Milhouse?
402
00:17:18,516 --> 00:17:19,933
(in normal voice):
How'd you know it was me?
403
00:17:19,967 --> 00:17:22,619
The top of your head
has a 5:00 shadow.
404
00:17:22,653 --> 00:17:25,488
(gasp)
Your hair is growing back.
405
00:17:25,523 --> 00:17:27,023
Tell me your secret.
406
00:17:27,058 --> 00:17:28,792
He's ten years old.
407
00:17:28,826 --> 00:17:30,660
Oh, there's always a catch.
408
00:17:30,695 --> 00:17:33,063
Is anyone here
going to buy a condo?
409
00:17:33,097 --> 00:17:37,067
It's going to be yes,
but don't rush me.
410
00:17:37,101 --> 00:17:39,035
And worst of all,
you cast my vote.
411
00:17:39,070 --> 00:17:40,570
Who did you vote for
412
00:17:40,605 --> 00:17:42,656
in the nonpartisan
judicial election?
413
00:17:42,690 --> 00:17:43,823
Williamson.
414
00:17:43,858 --> 00:17:45,358
No, no, no.
415
00:17:45,393 --> 00:17:47,560
I'm really sorry, Dad,
416
00:17:47,595 --> 00:17:49,696
but I have to say,
417
00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:52,032
it was pretty cool
having your life.
418
00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:53,133
You mean that?
419
00:17:53,167 --> 00:17:54,534
I'd be happy to wind up
420
00:17:54,568 --> 00:17:56,036
just like you.
421
00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:57,404
I hope you remember that
422
00:17:57,438 --> 00:17:59,139
when I can't pay
for your college.
423
00:17:59,173 --> 00:18:00,640
Now, how would you
like to go
424
00:18:00,675 --> 00:18:02,142
to your own
parent-teacher interview
425
00:18:02,193 --> 00:18:03,810
while I see a movie?
426
00:18:03,844 --> 00:18:05,312
I'd like that.
427
00:18:05,346 --> 00:18:09,082
Son, promise you will never
look like me.
428
00:18:09,116 --> 00:18:10,250
I sure hope not.
429
00:18:10,284 --> 00:18:11,685
Why, you little...
430
00:18:11,719 --> 00:18:14,721
That's not a heart-warming
thing to end on!
431
00:18:14,755 --> 00:18:19,755
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
432
00:18:28,953 --> 00:18:31,688
♪ Here comes your man
433
00:18:33,491 --> 00:18:36,826
♪ Here comes your man
434
00:18:36,861 --> 00:18:41,331
♪ Here comes
your man ♪
435
00:18:41,365 --> 00:18:43,566
♪ Here comes your man
436
00:18:45,870 --> 00:18:48,071
♪ Here comes your man
437
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:53,710
♪ Here comes your man
438
00:18:53,744 --> 00:18:57,080
♪ Here comes
your man ♪
439
00:18:57,114 --> 00:19:00,483
♪ Here comes your man.
440
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:05,893
Shh!