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00:00:05,142 --> 00:00:06,826
Yee-haw!
2
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,518
Ew.
3
00:00:12,943 --> 00:00:16,243
♪ The Simpsons 24x13 ♪
Hardly Kirk-ing
Original Air Date on February 17, 2013
4
00:00:16,263 --> 00:00:19,563
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther; Re-resync for LFF by fnord0
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00:00:19,851 --> 00:00:21,869
(classical music playing)
6
00:00:28,723 --> 00:00:30,060
BART:
Dad, what are you watching?
7
00:00:30,078 --> 00:00:32,046
I think it's
a Terrence Malick movie.
8
00:00:32,105 --> 00:00:34,140
No, you're watching
Baby Poindexter,
9
00:00:34,154 --> 00:00:36,288
the most educational DVD
available
10
00:00:36,311 --> 00:00:38,295
at the checkout aisle
at the grocery store.
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00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:41,455
Finally, a kid's show that isn't
trying to sell you something.
12
00:00:41,512 --> 00:00:43,906
Which reminds me, we need
to order more rectangles.
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00:00:48,046 --> 00:00:49,619
FEMALE NARRATOR:
Friends.
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00:00:50,220 --> 00:00:51,871
(bells jingling)
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00:00:52,012 --> 00:00:53,546
Friends.
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00:00:54,577 --> 00:00:56,288
Colleagues.
17
00:00:57,846 --> 00:00:58,921
(gasps)
18
00:00:58,946 --> 00:01:00,721
Don't watch that DVD.
19
00:01:00,742 --> 00:01:02,783
I threw that away
because studies show
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00:01:02,802 --> 00:01:05,003
it doesn't do any good.
21
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,696
Look at me.
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00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,355
Maybe instead of watching TV
with the kids,
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you could take them outside.
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00:01:12,388 --> 00:01:14,082
What are you doing?
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00:01:15,110 --> 00:01:18,821
This so-called educational
DVD may have even stunted
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the development of the
kids who watched it.
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00:01:21,295 --> 00:01:22,220
LISA:
Wait a minute.
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00:01:22,244 --> 00:01:25,150
Didn't Bart and I both watch
this thing when we were little?
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00:01:25,173 --> 00:01:26,973
I'm afraid so.
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00:01:27,026 --> 00:01:28,751
Well, the obvious question is,
31
00:01:28,803 --> 00:01:32,906
why did I turn out
so academically superior
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00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:33,919
while Bart...
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00:01:33,937 --> 00:01:37,764
While Bart turned out
so wonderful in his own way.
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00:01:37,785 --> 00:01:39,670
That's the way people
talk about Ralph.
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00:01:39,762 --> 00:01:42,497
Ralph, whose favorite color
is peanut butter.
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00:01:42,525 --> 00:01:44,843
I wish I knew what happened.
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00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:48,062
(horn honking)
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(imitates honking horn)
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But now that I know better,
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no DVDs for you kids.
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00:02:05,799 --> 00:02:08,045
Just educational television.
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00:02:08,387 --> 00:02:11,289
NARRATOR: We return to
Ice Road Hand-Fishing.
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00:02:11,329 --> 00:02:13,964
This has been our way of life
since we were pitched
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00:02:13,999 --> 00:02:17,101
the idea by reality show
producers.
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Welcome to
Thieving Bear Chopper Hunt.
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- Okay, no TV at all.
- ALL: What?
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Honey, this sounds
like a noble experiment,
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but like Prohibition,
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it will end
in a hail of bullets.
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Fine.
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No TV for 24 hours.
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00:02:35,747 --> 00:02:36,947
24 hours?
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00:02:36,965 --> 00:02:38,510
Where'd you pull
that crazy number?
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We can do without TV for a day.
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We're taking Maggie
to a children's book store,
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where she can learn
the old-fashioned way.
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The way children did
from 1910 to 2002.
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(grunting)
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Homer, a little help?
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I'm on it.
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Hmm. Hmm.
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If I buy you,
why do I need all these books?
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Shut up, shut up, shut up!
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Instead of watching TV,
we can read children's books
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written by TV stars.
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Who's Milli Vanilli?
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I don't know, kid.
I didn't write this.
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No refunds.
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00:03:36,751 --> 00:03:39,914
Look, Maggie,
they have a story lady.
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00:03:39,934 --> 00:03:42,153
One day, Silly Sally said,
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00:03:42,194 --> 00:03:45,106
"Let's have a sloppy,
gloppy supper."
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First, they slurped their soup.
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Slurp, slurp, slurp.
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Then they chewed their bread.
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Chew, chew, chew.
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00:03:56,368 --> 00:03:57,819
More soup?
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00:03:57,860 --> 00:04:01,243
Oh, I could slurp this soup
forever.
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00:04:01,278 --> 00:04:03,562
Slurp, slurp...
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00:04:03,585 --> 00:04:05,644
Sorry, folks, she
doesn't even work here.
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(grunting)
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00:04:07,835 --> 00:04:10,804
HOMER:
"Spot the hidden objects."
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00:04:10,865 --> 00:04:14,334
Boy, you're pretty pushy
for a book I just met.
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00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:16,424
Gotcha.
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00:04:16,571 --> 00:04:18,002
(laughing)
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Candy cane
in the umbrella stand:
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oldest trick in the book.
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00:04:22,148 --> 00:04:23,748
Okay, let's see.
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Ah, ah. (mutters)
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00:04:26,270 --> 00:04:27,913
Have you seen Lisa and Maggie?
90
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:30,187
If they're not a trumpet
or a rolling pin, then no.
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00:04:30,212 --> 00:04:31,687
Yip!
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00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:33,691
Homie, help me find them.
93
00:04:33,759 --> 00:04:37,197
Okay, now to see if I
can apply my book knowledge
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to the real world.
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Got them.
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00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:51,756
Wow, no TV for 24 hours?
97
00:04:51,818 --> 00:04:53,462
I couldn't get
through a day without
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Doctors Oz, Phil and Gupta.
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00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,135
You're right. I'm bored.
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Epoxy fight!
(groans)
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What the hell is an epoxy fight?
102
00:05:03,226 --> 00:05:04,701
Oh.
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Don't worry, I'll clean it up.
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00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,482
Get me some whip cream
and a safety scissors.
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00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:13,420
Don't worry, all I need is a cigarette
lighter and some sandpaper.
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00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:15,712
(sanding)
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00:05:16,072 --> 00:05:18,573
All right, let's
just use a razor.
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(gasps)
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Oh, my God.
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You look just like your dad.
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Let's see how far
we can take this.
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And finally the tie.
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I always wanted
to wear a necktie.
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Mom says they make you more...
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(in Kirk's voice):
...of a man.
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Now sing the alphabet song.
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(alternating with each letter):
♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G
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♪ H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O...
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What if we Van Houten
to the max?
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(in Duffman's voice):
Whoa, that's a little too tight.
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Oh, yeah.
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Nah, back to the sweet spot.
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Milhouse,
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if people believe you're
a grown-up, we can do anything.
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(in Kirk's voice): Like we go to a
movie theater and pay full price?
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That would be awesome!
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Okay, first, tone it down.
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Time to teach you to be a man.
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What, now I'm not
pulling it off?
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("Here Comes Your Man"
by Pixies playing)
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♪ Here comes your man
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♪ Here comes your man
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♪ Here comes your man ♪
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♪ Here comes your man.
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And put the gas bill
on auto-pay.
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Nice.
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Time for your final test.
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(Homer grunting)
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(computer chiming)
140
00:06:39,219 --> 00:06:40,248
Oh, great.
141
00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,993
Another invasive Skype
from Mil... Huh?
142
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Hello, Lisa. This is my daddy.
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00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:47,142
I mean, um, Kirk Van Houten.
144
00:06:47,175 --> 00:06:48,930
May I speak
to your father, please?
145
00:06:48,979 --> 00:06:50,748
He's right here.
146
00:06:50,909 --> 00:06:53,487
Homer, Bart would like to spend
the night at our house,
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and he has my permission.
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Sure. What do I care?
149
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- Not so fast!
- Huh?
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00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:02,971
I also want to say that
Bart is a remarkable boy,
151
00:07:02,996 --> 00:07:05,068
and I disapprove
of your fathering
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00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:07,133
and of your fat stomach.
153
00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:09,677
Oh, well, uh... sorry.
154
00:07:09,761 --> 00:07:13,094
Give him anything he wants--
bigger allowance, a new bike--
155
00:07:13,155 --> 00:07:14,311
just do it.
156
00:07:14,352 --> 00:07:15,477
Whatever you say, sir.
157
00:07:15,495 --> 00:07:18,302
Dad, why are you kowtowing
to Mr. Van Houten?
158
00:07:18,362 --> 00:07:21,960
Sometimes it's just so nice
to have a man take charge.
159
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,876
And in ten years, make Lisa
go to the prom with Milhouse.
160
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:28,141
Dad.
161
00:07:28,174 --> 00:07:30,575
Grown-ups have
their reasons.
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00:07:30,597 --> 00:07:31,705
(aggravated groan)
163
00:07:31,749 --> 00:07:34,336
Now, I want you to eat
a gallon of ice cream
164
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,734
in under two minutes.
165
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:37,055
But I just did that.
166
00:07:37,121 --> 00:07:40,235
You now have one
minute, 55 seconds.
167
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:46,561
(Bart and Milhouse laugh)
168
00:07:46,703 --> 00:07:48,957
I'm going to like
being an adult.
169
00:07:48,988 --> 00:07:50,872
(laughs)
170
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:52,520
(groaning)
171
00:07:58,831 --> 00:08:01,146
Now you're the same height
as your dad.
172
00:08:02,327 --> 00:08:04,601
(in normal voice):
I can reach the poisons now,
173
00:08:04,632 --> 00:08:07,501
each with an inviting skull
and crossbones.
174
00:08:08,204 --> 00:08:10,984
Kirk, you' wearing
that shirt I bought you.
175
00:08:11,001 --> 00:08:12,439
I thought you didn't like it.
176
00:08:12,445 --> 00:08:14,322
(in Kirk's voice): I love when you
buy me clothes.
177
00:08:14,352 --> 00:08:16,190
You know what's itchy
and what's not.
178
00:08:16,214 --> 00:08:18,659
Oh, Kirk Evelyn Van Houten.
179
00:08:19,427 --> 00:08:20,860
(humming happily)
180
00:08:21,395 --> 00:08:22,619
(in regular voice):
I wish my dad
181
00:08:22,639 --> 00:08:25,441
could have been here
to see my parents kiss.
182
00:08:25,487 --> 00:08:26,863
Now, did you get
Kirk's license?
183
00:08:26,908 --> 00:08:27,950
Uh-huh.
184
00:08:28,004 --> 00:08:29,671
Ay, caramba!
185
00:08:29,762 --> 00:08:31,963
I rented a truck.
186
00:08:32,034 --> 00:08:34,327
I'm driving a truck.
187
00:08:34,371 --> 00:08:36,637
I crashed a truck.
188
00:08:36,689 --> 00:08:39,284
I rented another truck.
189
00:08:42,902 --> 00:08:45,928
Hey, Simpson, don't you have
a lame dad of your own?
190
00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:47,813
(in Kirk's voice):
Uh, I-I'd give you all my money,
191
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,910
but my wallet
is Velcroed too tight.
192
00:08:49,975 --> 00:08:52,301
You're the wussiest
adult I've ever seen.
193
00:08:52,369 --> 00:08:54,569
An adult-- he's buying it.
194
00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,097
Kirk, remember,
195
00:09:01,128 --> 00:09:03,810
you have the superpowers
of a middle-aged man.
196
00:09:07,149 --> 00:09:08,705
Hello, Mr. Kirk.
197
00:09:10,463 --> 00:09:13,065
I want to buy this beer,
uh, cigarettes,
198
00:09:13,092 --> 00:09:16,696
magazines with boobs
and three pairs of sunglasses.
199
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:18,166
Polarized.
200
00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:20,912
I suspect you are buying
for underage bullies,
201
00:09:20,950 --> 00:09:23,657
but as that is 98%
of my business,
202
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,818
I say, "Thank you, sir.
Come again."
203
00:09:26,549 --> 00:09:27,380
Yo, Bart.
204
00:09:27,410 --> 00:09:29,126
Your grown-man
friend is all right.
205
00:09:29,163 --> 00:09:31,001
We should start
threatening more adults.
206
00:09:31,061 --> 00:09:33,922
Wouldn't that make us
criminals instead of bullies?
207
00:09:34,015 --> 00:09:36,403
Let's beat up a philosopher
until he gives us the answer.
208
00:09:36,429 --> 00:09:38,635
- Oh, good idea.
- Yeah, I'm in.
209
00:09:38,755 --> 00:09:40,170
I made my mom happy
210
00:09:40,201 --> 00:09:42,285
and got through the
bullies without a punch.
211
00:09:42,322 --> 00:09:44,899
Being an adult is super easy.
212
00:09:45,222 --> 00:09:47,223
Hmm, hmm... hmm.
213
00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:51,686
(pops, chuckles)
214
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:52,786
You dope.
215
00:09:52,810 --> 00:09:54,933
It says those are
for her pleasure.
216
00:09:54,967 --> 00:09:57,327
Now it's time for me
to live my fantasy
217
00:09:57,351 --> 00:09:59,083
with mature themes.
218
00:09:59,262 --> 00:10:01,814
I'll go behind
that curtain a boy
219
00:10:01,823 --> 00:10:04,070
but come out a man.
220
00:10:06,251 --> 00:10:08,993
Hmm, more money for schools.
221
00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:11,497
That could translate
into more homework.
222
00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:12,891
I know this is highly illegal,
223
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:15,154
but you're not leaving
this booth till you punch yes.
224
00:10:15,183 --> 00:10:16,934
Don't bother
screaming for help.
225
00:10:16,951 --> 00:10:19,678
This is a municipal
off-cycle election.
226
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:22,026
There's no one for miles.
227
00:10:22,241 --> 00:10:24,642
(wolf howling)
228
00:10:28,417 --> 00:10:30,553
Don't forget your sticker.
229
00:10:30,602 --> 00:10:33,387
(evil chuckling)
230
00:10:34,710 --> 00:10:36,048
Uh, hey, bartender.
231
00:10:36,091 --> 00:10:37,534
We'd like two milks,
232
00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,722
and then you can tell us
where babies come from.
233
00:10:40,763 --> 00:10:42,253
Oh, well, in my case,
234
00:10:42,271 --> 00:10:44,366
my mom was hit
with a voodoo curse.
235
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,416
I gestated for five years,
236
00:10:46,441 --> 00:10:49,021
then I popped out
backwards and on fire.
237
00:10:49,253 --> 00:10:50,303
Really?
238
00:10:50,331 --> 00:10:53,000
Oh, yeah, keep my tail
right here in this jar.
239
00:10:53,029 --> 00:10:54,035
(both gasp)
240
00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:55,435
Good times.
241
00:10:56,675 --> 00:10:59,644
Mom, I think Maggie misses TV.
242
00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:06,702
You know, Mom, I was thinking
we could take Maggie downtown.
243
00:11:06,751 --> 00:11:09,570
The Jazz Hole is featuring
a Dizzy Gillespie tribute band.
244
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:10,291
(gasps)
245
00:11:10,308 --> 00:11:13,072
Their trumpeter has
the puffiest cheeks.
246
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,515
I don't think so.
247
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,287
The U.S. Embassy
has warned people
248
00:11:16,311 --> 00:11:18,682
not to go to downtown
Springfield.
249
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,594
I get it. Middle child,
250
00:11:20,612 --> 00:11:22,546
never do what I want.
251
00:11:22,746 --> 00:11:24,050
Hmm.
252
00:11:24,304 --> 00:11:27,520
Okay, I also know
of a puppet show.
253
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:35,682
Long before
the Teutonic slaughters
254
00:11:35,707 --> 00:11:37,564
visited upon our people,
255
00:11:37,627 --> 00:11:39,881
there was the massacre
by Mstislov
256
00:11:39,906 --> 00:11:42,541
of Kiev in 1132.
257
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:45,442
Maybe we should go.
(screaming)
258
00:11:45,577 --> 00:11:48,245
Nobody leave till
every puppet dead.
259
00:11:49,326 --> 00:11:51,613
Bart, you wanted
to show me something?
260
00:11:51,651 --> 00:11:54,572
Just one sec. Nelson gave me
some notes on a prank I'm doing.
261
00:11:58,476 --> 00:12:01,607
Now, I asked you here because
I know a cool grown-up
262
00:12:01,619 --> 00:12:03,548
who will take you to
that club in the city.
263
00:12:03,596 --> 00:12:05,030
Really? Who?
264
00:12:06,968 --> 00:12:09,009
(in Kirk's voice):
Hello, Lisa.
265
00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:10,084
Milhouse?
266
00:12:10,123 --> 00:12:12,694
Milhouse?
Who's Milhouse?
267
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:14,324
I mean, he-he's my son.
268
00:12:14,409 --> 00:12:15,948
Well, Milhouse,
269
00:12:16,094 --> 00:12:18,143
you might get past the bouncer
at the jazz club,
270
00:12:18,162 --> 00:12:20,446
because they're in no
position to turn anyone away,
271
00:12:20,505 --> 00:12:22,694
but it doesn't matter,
'cause we can't pay
272
00:12:22,712 --> 00:12:24,755
for the gas and the
cover fee anyway.
273
00:12:24,803 --> 00:12:28,036
Au contraire, starfish hair.
274
00:12:28,066 --> 00:12:30,150
The Baby Poindexter Company
is being forced to pay
275
00:12:30,181 --> 00:12:31,462
a settlement to any parent
276
00:12:31,492 --> 00:12:33,779
who had enough misguided love
to buy their videos.
277
00:12:33,833 --> 00:12:36,502
They're not gonna write a
check to a couple of kids.
278
00:12:36,543 --> 00:12:39,578
Then I will be your guys' dad.
279
00:12:40,206 --> 00:12:41,613
(screams)
280
00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:44,959
Thanks, but lowering your voice
and standing on paint cans
281
00:12:44,984 --> 00:12:47,398
doesn't make you man
enough to be my dad.
282
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:50,475
HOMER: Marge, can I get a subscription
to Highlights magazine?
283
00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:52,215
MARGE:
Homer, that's for children.
284
00:12:52,278 --> 00:12:53,632
HOMER:
Where does it say that?
285
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:55,349
MARGE:
Read the rest of the title.
286
00:12:55,413 --> 00:12:58,097
HOMER:
Highlights for... D'oh!
287
00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:03,946
(Homer humming)
288
00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:06,796
Oh, dang it.
I lost my other earring.
289
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:08,302
Leave it to me.
290
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,347
Earring.
Oh.
291
00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:18,869
- Thimble from Monopoly game.
- Wondered where that was.
292
00:13:18,897 --> 00:13:21,238
- $25 casino chip.
- Oh.
293
00:13:21,276 --> 00:13:23,463
The smallest nesting doll.
294
00:13:23,488 --> 00:13:24,363
Oh.
295
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:26,972
Can you find anything
you like in this bed?
296
00:13:26,992 --> 00:13:29,483
Just my honey pie.
297
00:13:29,663 --> 00:13:31,551
Want to split it
while we snuggle?
298
00:13:31,601 --> 00:13:33,502
Mm-hmm.
299
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:35,347
(Homer chewing loudly)
300
00:13:35,806 --> 00:13:37,156
MARGE:
Now what are you doing?
301
00:13:37,246 --> 00:13:38,914
HOMER:
Licking the wrapper.
302
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,366
There you go, one adult
303
00:13:41,384 --> 00:13:43,268
and two children
one-way downtown.
304
00:13:43,297 --> 00:13:46,062
Um, as adults,
what do we do now?
305
00:13:46,099 --> 00:13:47,131
Shake hands?
306
00:13:47,149 --> 00:13:48,937
If you like.
307
00:13:49,535 --> 00:13:52,416
And that's how you
do it. (chuckles)
308
00:13:53,742 --> 00:13:56,430
Now, remember, I can't sit
backwards or I get sick.
309
00:13:56,499 --> 00:13:58,878
Well, if I look
at your face, I get sick.
310
00:13:58,931 --> 00:14:01,516
Young man, apologize
to your sister.
311
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,092
Make me, baldy.
312
00:14:03,141 --> 00:14:04,429
Why, you little...
313
00:14:04,449 --> 00:14:06,652
(grunting)
314
00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:09,164
(in normal voice):
My adulthood!
315
00:14:09,251 --> 00:14:11,635
(grunting)
316
00:14:13,188 --> 00:14:14,595
I never thought I'd say this,
317
00:14:14,616 --> 00:14:17,784
but that is conduct
unbecoming of a bus station.
318
00:14:20,641 --> 00:14:23,190
Where'd your babies go?
319
00:14:24,304 --> 00:14:28,304
Your intellect-deadening DVDs
turned my brother's brain to jelly.
320
00:14:28,402 --> 00:14:31,237
Pretty shapes tell me
to kill everybody.
321
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:36,057
Looks like you're entitled
to the full rebate of $19.95.
322
00:14:36,352 --> 00:14:38,882
That's all you pay for
screwing up a child for life?
323
00:14:38,974 --> 00:14:41,141
(in Kirk's voice):
Kids, let me handle this.
324
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:44,428
Uh, we'd like it in singles
and nickels, please.
325
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:46,427
Terrific.
Just need your signature.
326
00:14:46,462 --> 00:14:47,962
In cursive?
327
00:14:47,997 --> 00:14:49,063
"X" is fine.
328
00:14:49,098 --> 00:14:50,965
In cursive?
329
00:14:51,431 --> 00:14:54,256
Oh, it's just enough
to get home.
330
00:14:54,308 --> 00:14:56,156
I'm hungry now.
331
00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:58,657
Hey, I'm walking on
paint cans all day.
332
00:14:58,675 --> 00:15:00,051
Give me a break.
333
00:15:00,139 --> 00:15:02,223
Guys, look, free breakfast
334
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:03,925
if we sit through
a sales pitch.
335
00:15:03,959 --> 00:15:06,594
Just remember, Milhouse,
do not buy the condo.
336
00:15:06,628 --> 00:15:10,180
But what if we can't afford
not to buy it?
337
00:15:12,241 --> 00:15:14,896
Waldo, Waldo, Waldo.
338
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:17,811
Homer, Bart said the kids were
going to the Van Houtens',
339
00:15:17,856 --> 00:15:20,758
but Luann just told me
they're supposed to be here.
340
00:15:20,775 --> 00:15:22,029
They've disappeared.
341
00:15:22,076 --> 00:15:23,643
We'll get those kids back.
342
00:15:23,671 --> 00:15:27,310
Because we just bought them
new shoes.
343
00:15:27,411 --> 00:15:29,612
Waldo, Waldo.
344
00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:36,928
Do you think Lisa went
to that jazz club
345
00:15:36,953 --> 00:15:38,303
I wouldn't take her to?
346
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,257
How many kids
will jazz corrupt?
347
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:42,790
(tires squealing)
348
00:15:43,107 --> 00:15:46,776
Lap pool and fully-quipped
gym with eucalyptus towels.
349
00:15:46,810 --> 00:15:48,049
Now, let me give you
350
00:15:48,068 --> 00:15:50,909
the 14 different
apartment configurations.
351
00:15:50,972 --> 00:15:52,182
The hacienda,
352
00:15:52,216 --> 00:15:53,500
the urban oasis,
353
00:15:53,696 --> 00:15:55,227
castle in the sky,
354
00:15:55,244 --> 00:15:56,751
Connecticut sunset...
355
00:15:56,782 --> 00:15:58,995
Lady, my stomach's full,
and I want to go.
356
00:15:59,007 --> 00:16:00,972
That's how it works
in this country.
357
00:16:00,998 --> 00:16:02,436
(beeps)
If you try to leave,
358
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,814
you'll find the doors
are locked.
359
00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:06,248
Well, before our dad
signs any contracts,
360
00:16:06,279 --> 00:16:08,379
he has a surprise for you.
361
00:16:08,817 --> 00:16:11,894
Oh, I hope it's
that he's single.
362
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:12,998
(laughs)
363
00:16:13,048 --> 00:16:14,383
I'm single.
364
00:16:14,489 --> 00:16:15,392
Though, some days,
365
00:16:15,417 --> 00:16:18,178
I have a girl buddy
on field trips.
366
00:16:18,356 --> 00:16:20,425
You're a bit of a freak.
367
00:16:20,635 --> 00:16:22,004
I like that.
368
00:16:22,062 --> 00:16:24,797
(giggling)
369
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:27,235
You're the adult.
370
00:16:28,270 --> 00:16:29,770
(grunts)
(lock clicks)
371
00:16:31,582 --> 00:16:34,870
LISA: Kirk, don't you have
something to tell her?
372
00:16:34,876 --> 00:16:37,066
Just looking for
a casual hookup?
373
00:16:37,091 --> 00:16:39,760
Yeah, for my
Thomas the Tank Engines.
374
00:16:39,813 --> 00:16:43,388
Ooh, I love how I don't
exactly understand
375
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,003
what you're saying.
376
00:16:45,582 --> 00:16:47,251
Homie, do you see anything?
377
00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,157
No. I'm sorry.
378
00:16:49,179 --> 00:16:51,196
It's... Wait a minute.
379
00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:01,409
When I said you needed
a software update,
380
00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:03,253
it was not a criticism.
381
00:17:07,449 --> 00:17:09,411
We found what
we're looking for.
382
00:17:09,490 --> 00:17:10,524
The kids?
383
00:17:10,577 --> 00:17:12,378
Sure, they could
be here. Who knows?
384
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,866
(tires squealing)
385
00:17:14,895 --> 00:17:16,455
Ooh, I love how your arms
386
00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:19,002
are too short and
thin for your legs.
387
00:17:19,164 --> 00:17:20,865
Just like a crocodile.
388
00:17:20,892 --> 00:17:22,276
(in Duffman's voice):
I'm feeling a strange,
389
00:17:22,289 --> 00:17:25,337
refreshing brew
of emotions. Oh, yeah.
390
00:17:25,398 --> 00:17:26,381
(grunts)
391
00:17:26,472 --> 00:17:27,535
Milhouse?
392
00:17:27,578 --> 00:17:29,055
(in normal voice):
How'd you know it was me?
393
00:17:29,129 --> 00:17:31,869
The top of your head
has a 5:00 shadow.
394
00:17:31,932 --> 00:17:32,796
(gasp)
395
00:17:32,821 --> 00:17:35,066
Your hair is growing back.
396
00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:36,254
Tell me your secret.
397
00:17:36,295 --> 00:17:38,029
He's ten years old.
398
00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:39,707
Oh, there's always a catch.
399
00:17:39,757 --> 00:17:42,276
Is anyone here
going to buy a condo?
400
00:17:42,321 --> 00:17:45,902
It's going to be yes,
but don't rush me.
401
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:48,576
And worst of all,
you cast my vote.
402
00:17:48,607 --> 00:17:51,707
Who did you vote for in the
nonpartisan judicial election?
403
00:17:51,752 --> 00:17:52,824
Williamson.
404
00:17:52,843 --> 00:17:54,516
No, no, no.
405
00:17:54,586 --> 00:17:56,999
I'm really sorry, Dad,
406
00:17:57,063 --> 00:17:58,931
but I have to say,
407
00:17:58,962 --> 00:18:01,264
it was pretty cool
having your life.
408
00:18:01,284 --> 00:18:02,351
You mean that?
409
00:18:02,372 --> 00:18:05,175
I'd be happy to wind
up just like you.
410
00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:08,511
I hope you remember that when
I can't pay for your college.
411
00:18:08,572 --> 00:18:09,699
Now, how would you like to go
412
00:18:09,737 --> 00:18:11,535
to your own
parent-teacher interview
413
00:18:11,554 --> 00:18:12,848
while I see a movie?
414
00:18:12,906 --> 00:18:14,374
I'd like that.
415
00:18:14,701 --> 00:18:18,257
Son, promise you will never
look like me.
416
00:18:18,301 --> 00:18:19,577
I sure hope not.
417
00:18:19,839 --> 00:18:20,759
Why, you little...
418
00:18:20,781 --> 00:18:24,400
That's not a heart-warming
thing to end on!
419
00:18:24,848 --> 00:18:29,848
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
420
00:18:38,602 --> 00:18:41,337
♪ Here comes your man
421
00:18:42,715 --> 00:18:46,380
♪ Here comes your man
422
00:18:46,697 --> 00:18:50,675
♪ Here comes your man ♪
423
00:18:50,731 --> 00:18:52,932
♪ Here comes your man
424
00:18:54,812 --> 00:18:57,013
♪ Here comes your man
425
00:18:58,814 --> 00:19:02,633
♪ Here comes your man
426
00:19:02,936 --> 00:19:06,695
♪ Here comes your man ♪
427
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,289
♪ Here comes your man.
428
00:19:12,873 --> 00:19:14,924
Shh!