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Previously on Californication...
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- How's school?
- Dad, I told you.
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I'm not going.
I'm working on a novel.
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What are you gonna fill a novel with?
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Life, love, sex, death.
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What do you know
about any of those things?
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Move it along, groupie,
and take him with you.
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You watch your tongue,
you filthy mongrel.
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This is Faith.
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Have a look and grasp
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the cosmic importance
of this lovely young lady.
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Without her, there'd be
no rock and roll.
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Tony talked about you all the time.
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He said that you had an uncanny ability
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to suck killer riffs out of him.
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I'm sorry I was such a bitch.
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God, I'm--I'm so sorry
I fucked your husband.
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But you haven't nailed it yet.
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'Cause I could be the hammer.
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I'm in the middle
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of an epic shit storm right now.
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I fired my manager last week,
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and I'm all out of cocaine.
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Might you be in the market
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for new representation?
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If you can get me some Peruvian flake,
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I'll maybe think about
throwing you in the mix.
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Here you go, rock star asshole.
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It would be an honor
to work with both of you.
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See you bright and early tomorrow...
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afternoon.
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[Upbeat music]
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♪ ♪
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Becca.
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I think it's time, Becca.
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For what?
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Time you stop this funny business
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and went back to school.
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No, I'm not doing that.
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What are you doing?
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I'm living the life of an artist.
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Okay, I got it, but what--
what does that mean
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to you, exactly?
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Because there's a lot more,
little missy,
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to being an artist than just
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altering your consciousness
on a daily basis.
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I know, which is why I'm writing
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on a daily basis.
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You are?
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Uh, how many pages you got?
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I'm closing in on three hundy.
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Whew. I'm jealous.
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I'm going to finish it, dad.
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My first novel.
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I hate you.
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Do you want to know
how many boys I've slept with?
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Oh, no!
No, no.
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That's disgusting.
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I'm going through
an extremely slutty phase
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right now.
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Uh, will you do me a favor and take this
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and just hit me over the head with it
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as hard as you can?
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I won't get mad, I promise.
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I just want to experience everything
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while I still can, you know?
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Every taste, every smell.
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[Shuddering]
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Stop gagging.
You're not my father right now.
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You're my artistic guidance counselor.
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You can't judge me.
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Well, your mom, she can judge you,
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and she is judging you,
and she's worried about you.
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She's got way too many issues
to handle this shit.
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She thinks I'm headed down your path.
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What's so bad about that?
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That's exactly what I said.
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That's my girl.
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Okay, well, I'm not judging you.
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But, Becca, promise me that
you'll just keep it simple.
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You know, get your drink on,
keep the pages coming,
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smoke a little peaches and herb even,
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but stay away from the hard stuff.
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And--and no more of that
tasting and smelling.
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That's--that's--
that's disgusting.
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What about blowjobs?
[Footsteps approach]
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[Coughs]
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Hank! Hank!
We gotta go!
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Thank God. Charlie,
I will go anywhere with you.
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You know why?
Because my daughter
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is asking me about blowjobs.
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Where we off to?
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Atticus needs you aboardAir Force 69
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right this very now.
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That sounds exhausting.
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He's like a retarded
rock and roll puppy, that guy.
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Will you blow him off for me?
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No, I won't blow him off.
I can't do that.
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I won't do that.
He's my biggest client, Hank.
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I'm sorry, but he is.
How many records have you sold?
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Are you wearing eye shadow, Charlie?
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- Hello, Becca.
- Charlie.
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I have to take your father
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- away from you now.
- Take him.
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Get him out of my sight.
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Do you guys mind if I crash here,
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do some writing,
maybe have a few people over?
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Whatever you need.
I got alcohol.
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I got pornography.
I got pictionary.
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[Smack]
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Have fun.
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[Mouths words]
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[Upbeat music]
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♪ ♪
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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[Sultry music]
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♪ ♪
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Welcome aboard Air Force 69,
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where your every wish is our command.
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Really?
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Atticus makes us say this shit.
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But we will make out
with each other if you want.
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Oh, okay.
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Hmm.
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Krull, the English Danish.
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What's shakin', Magic Mountain?
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Here, show me so love.
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No love, no love.
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Kruller, this is Charlie Runkle.
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I've got my eye on you, the both of you.
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All right?
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Good talking.
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[Cacophonous chords]
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♪ ♪
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Hank.
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Thank you for coming.
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Why am I here?
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- I've got nothing.
- What do you mean?
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Do you know how much money
they're paying me
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to write the music
for this bloody fucking thing?
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No, I don't.
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More money than you'll
ever see in your lifetime.
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Hey, I've made a fair amount
of cabbage in my day.
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Aww, how cute.
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Your proletariat hopes and dreams.
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Do you know how many songs I've written
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for this venture of ours?
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No, but, uh,
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why don't you tell me?
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Zero.
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Zero point zero fucking zero.
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- That doesn't sound good.
- It isn't fucking good.
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- It's bloody terrible.
- It's also not true.
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You played a song for me
at your party the other night.
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I wrote that when I was 12 years old.
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I was trying to recycle it.
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That's probably why
it sounded so shitty.
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Fuck you.
Wasn't too shitty for the judges
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of my year nine talent contest.
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What am I doing here?
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Hank.
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I need you, Hank.
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I need to get at the heart
of this love story.
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I need you to open a vein for me.
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I've been rich and famous
for so long now
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that I don't think I know what it means
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to be a human being anymore.
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You're real, Hank.
You're--you're a real man.
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You're a--you're a man
who loves a woman
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who doesn't love you back.
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She loves me back.
What--it's complicated.
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I love my wife.
She loves me.
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We're together.
It's not that complicated.
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- You fuck other women.
- That's different.
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How so?
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Do you urinate, Hank?
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Do you defecate?
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There are elements in the human body
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that need to take flight.
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Ejaculate's just one of them.
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Right, that's what masturbation is for.
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Ew, no.
Masturbation?
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00:07:03,085 --> 00:07:05,854
Masturbation's for the poor,
the downtrodden,
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the silent unfuckables.
185
00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:10,693
I walk down the street
and women present themselves.
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They want to extract my fluids.
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It's an honor and a privilege, Hank.
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What--what sort of asshole
would refuse such a kindness?
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00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:19,567
- What about your old lady?
- What about her?
190
00:07:19,602 --> 00:07:20,869
What about her needs?
191
00:07:20,903 --> 00:07:22,471
Wives are different.
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They don't rub themselves raw
like we do.
193
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They're ladies.
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All right, well, you seem
to have it all figured out.
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- I'll be on my way.
- No, please.
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00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,881
Please stay.
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00:07:32,915 --> 00:07:35,851
I am flying to New York
198
00:07:35,885 --> 00:07:38,687
to play my music
for the Broadway producers.
199
00:07:38,721 --> 00:07:40,155
But you have no music.
200
00:07:40,189 --> 00:07:42,891
Which is why we need
to hammer the story out.
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00:07:42,925 --> 00:07:44,626
Once I know the story,
202
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the music will--
will pour out of me
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like a chunky hailstorm of shit
204
00:07:49,732 --> 00:07:50,899
after a night of Dutch curry.
205
00:07:50,933 --> 00:07:53,402
- [Coughs]
- Speaking of which,
206
00:07:53,435 --> 00:07:55,069
I have got to drop the kids off
at the pool
207
00:07:55,104 --> 00:07:57,039
before I soil my leathers.
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These pants? $7,000.
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00:07:59,041 --> 00:08:00,776
It's good to be the king.
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00:08:00,810 --> 00:08:02,411
Make yourself comfortable, Hank.
211
00:08:02,444 --> 00:08:05,847
There's pizza and...
cocaine and...
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00:08:05,881 --> 00:08:07,048
apple juice.
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00:08:07,082 --> 00:08:08,416
Hello, sweetheart.
214
00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:10,418
Hello, Hank.
215
00:08:10,452 --> 00:08:11,886
Mrs. Fetch.
216
00:08:11,921 --> 00:08:13,923
Or perhaps I should say
Mrs. Fetching.
217
00:08:13,956 --> 00:08:16,224
[Both chuckle politely]
218
00:08:16,258 --> 00:08:18,093
I've been wanting to have
a word with you.
219
00:08:18,127 --> 00:08:19,461
Regarding?
220
00:08:19,495 --> 00:08:21,196
An extramarital affair.
221
00:08:21,230 --> 00:08:22,931
- Oh, my.
- Mm.
222
00:08:22,965 --> 00:08:24,566
I know my husband
fucks around on the road.
223
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,134
- You do?
- Mm-hmm.
224
00:08:26,168 --> 00:08:27,602
But we have an agreement.
225
00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:29,137
Are you sure?
226
00:08:29,171 --> 00:08:30,539
Well, we've never actually discussed it,
227
00:08:30,573 --> 00:08:33,475
but I have needs too, you know.
228
00:08:33,509 --> 00:08:35,110
That's what I said.
229
00:08:35,144 --> 00:08:37,079
I mean, that--
that's totally understandable.
230
00:08:37,112 --> 00:08:39,481
Would you like to take care
of those needs, Hank?
231
00:08:39,515 --> 00:08:41,783
Me? Uh, why me?
232
00:08:41,851 --> 00:08:43,319
'Cause.
233
00:08:43,352 --> 00:08:46,121
This whole rock-and-roll
idiot man-child shit
234
00:08:46,155 --> 00:08:47,923
gets old.
235
00:08:47,957 --> 00:08:52,294
I need a-a real man
from the real world.
236
00:08:52,328 --> 00:08:54,763
Are you man enough
to be that real, Hank?
237
00:08:54,797 --> 00:08:56,131
I-I-I don't think so.
238
00:08:56,165 --> 00:08:57,445
I mean, in fact, you should speak
239
00:08:57,466 --> 00:08:58,733
to my estranged better half.
240
00:08:58,767 --> 00:09:00,135
She would tell you that I fall
241
00:09:00,169 --> 00:09:02,070
more into the idiot man-child
category.
242
00:09:02,104 --> 00:09:03,972
Karen? She speaks
the world of you.
243
00:09:04,006 --> 00:09:05,307
- Really?
- Yeah.
244
00:09:05,341 --> 00:09:06,581
That's sweet.
What does she say?
245
00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:07,910
Enough about Karen.
246
00:09:07,943 --> 00:09:09,577
[Sighs]
247
00:09:09,612 --> 00:09:11,313
Isn't it weird, though,
because she works for you?
248
00:09:11,347 --> 00:09:13,282
I'm paying Karen to remodel my home.
249
00:09:13,315 --> 00:09:15,917
If she thinks she can expect
more than a paycheck
250
00:09:15,951 --> 00:09:17,686
for her services, fuck her.
251
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,088
- Wow.
- All's fair, Hank.
252
00:09:19,121 --> 00:09:20,422
I see you and your husband have
253
00:09:20,456 --> 00:09:21,976
the same twisted sense of entitlement.
254
00:09:21,991 --> 00:09:24,426
That's--it's actually
kind of cute.
255
00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:26,962
I don't want to twist your arm, but, um,
256
00:09:26,996 --> 00:09:29,298
I'd like to take your hand here
257
00:09:29,331 --> 00:09:30,932
and shove it up my skirt.
258
00:09:30,966 --> 00:09:32,167
[Footsteps approach]
259
00:09:32,201 --> 00:09:34,703
- Ow.
- Yum, yum.
260
00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:40,208
You making a play on the boss's wife?
261
00:09:40,242 --> 00:09:41,676
You've got no fucking shame.
262
00:09:41,710 --> 00:09:43,812
Kruller, it is not what it looks like.
263
00:09:43,846 --> 00:09:45,814
I'm just meat. Man meat.
You know how that goes.
264
00:09:45,848 --> 00:09:47,115
You know.
265
00:09:47,149 --> 00:09:48,984
Gimme an excuse, pal.
266
00:09:49,018 --> 00:09:51,020
You won't even hear me coming.
267
00:09:51,053 --> 00:09:52,521
Pfft, pfft.
268
00:09:52,554 --> 00:09:55,189
I'll slice them fucking cheeks
wide open.
269
00:09:55,224 --> 00:09:56,725
They'll be flapping about like the sails
270
00:09:56,759 --> 00:09:58,627
on the H.M.S. Bounty.
271
00:09:58,661 --> 00:10:01,830
See what a fucking charmer
you are then, son.
272
00:10:06,735 --> 00:10:08,803
What are you doing?
273
00:10:08,837 --> 00:10:10,638
What's it look like I'm doing?
I'm getting ready for takeoff.
274
00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:13,175
What's wrong with you?
You're sweating like a pig.
275
00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:14,876
You know what a nervous flier I am.
276
00:10:14,944 --> 00:10:16,245
No, I don't.
I've never flown with you.
277
00:10:16,278 --> 00:10:18,246
That's because I never fly, Hank.
278
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,914
It scares the shit out of me.
279
00:10:19,949 --> 00:10:21,350
What's supposed to keep this whole thing
280
00:10:21,383 --> 00:10:22,851
from just falling into the ocean?
281
00:10:22,885 --> 00:10:24,353
Well, for one, we're going to New York.
282
00:10:24,386 --> 00:10:25,387
There is no ocean.
283
00:10:25,421 --> 00:10:26,889
That's even worse!
284
00:10:26,956 --> 00:10:28,223
Certain death!
285
00:10:28,257 --> 00:10:30,125
Okay, just buck up,
buddy-boy.
286
00:10:30,159 --> 00:10:32,060
This shit is too weird for me.
I'm out.
287
00:10:32,094 --> 00:10:35,330
Hank. H-Han--Hank!
288
00:10:35,364 --> 00:10:38,934
Hank.
289
00:10:38,968 --> 00:10:41,236
Hey.
290
00:10:41,270 --> 00:10:42,504
[Kissing]
291
00:10:42,538 --> 00:10:44,139
Hey yourself.
292
00:10:44,173 --> 00:10:46,341
You just can't stay away
from me, can you?
293
00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:48,043
What are you doing here, Hank?
294
00:10:48,077 --> 00:10:51,213
Oh, my presence was requested
by the king of pop-tarts.
295
00:10:51,246 --> 00:10:52,981
- Same.
- Oh, I get it.
296
00:10:53,015 --> 00:10:55,384
He's in the market
for a new muse, is that it?
297
00:10:55,417 --> 00:10:57,118
Who says I'm interested?
298
00:10:57,186 --> 00:10:58,453
Well, you're here, aren't you?
299
00:10:58,487 --> 00:11:00,589
Maybe I heard you were gonna be here.
300
00:11:00,622 --> 00:11:01,889
Maybe you did.
Did you?
301
00:11:01,924 --> 00:11:03,525
Maybe.
302
00:11:03,592 --> 00:11:04,926
Maybe I just came with a friend.
303
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,996
[Clatter]
Oh, Jesus Christ.
304
00:11:08,030 --> 00:11:09,297
No, I've got it.
305
00:11:09,331 --> 00:11:11,666
I've got it.
I'm fine.
306
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:14,102
- Frank!
- Widow.
307
00:11:14,136 --> 00:11:16,705
- Oh, call me Trudy.
- Okay.
308
00:11:16,739 --> 00:11:18,073
Beautiful.
309
00:11:18,107 --> 00:11:19,575
You had your dick in me mouth, remember?
310
00:11:19,608 --> 00:11:20,976
Of course.
Who could forget?
311
00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:23,612
Oh, he's got a nice rig on him, he does.
312
00:11:23,645 --> 00:11:27,215
He could foam the fucking runway
with that thing.
313
00:11:27,249 --> 00:11:28,929
- Good to know.
- So you guys are BFFs now?
314
00:11:28,951 --> 00:11:30,485
Yeah.
315
00:11:30,519 --> 00:11:32,587
We've certainly got a lot in common, no?
316
00:11:32,621 --> 00:11:35,423
Been riding the same
disco stick and all.
317
00:11:35,457 --> 00:11:38,426
Mm? Pbbt, pbbt.
318
00:11:38,460 --> 00:11:41,830
Staying or going?
319
00:11:41,864 --> 00:11:44,132
Staying or going, Hank?
320
00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:47,169
[Driving rock music]
321
00:11:47,202 --> 00:11:49,070
♪ ♪
322
00:11:49,104 --> 00:11:50,738
All right, favorite Radiohead album.
323
00:11:50,773 --> 00:11:52,407
Oh, that's easy.
None of them.
324
00:11:52,441 --> 00:11:53,642
That shit's way too cool for me.
325
00:11:53,675 --> 00:11:55,476
- Oh, fuck off.
- No.
326
00:11:55,511 --> 00:11:57,913
All right, here's one for you.
327
00:11:57,946 --> 00:11:59,480
[Squealing softly]
328
00:11:59,515 --> 00:12:02,618
Side two, track three,
Houses of the Holy,
329
00:12:02,651 --> 00:12:04,252
by a little band they like to call
330
00:12:04,286 --> 00:12:05,553
the Led Zeppelin.
331
00:12:05,587 --> 00:12:08,590
Mm, No Quarter.
332
00:12:08,657 --> 00:12:10,925
You're good.
You are good.
333
00:12:10,959 --> 00:12:12,460
You have no idea.
334
00:12:12,494 --> 00:12:14,762
I inherited a dead uncle's
vinyl collection
335
00:12:14,797 --> 00:12:17,666
and spent years in my childhood bedroom
336
00:12:17,699 --> 00:12:19,734
just listening to records.
337
00:12:19,768 --> 00:12:22,036
Hmm. Is that all?
338
00:12:22,071 --> 00:12:23,539
Hmm?
339
00:12:23,572 --> 00:12:25,173
I will have you know, Hank,
340
00:12:25,207 --> 00:12:27,642
that I was a very good
little catholic schoolgirl.
341
00:12:27,676 --> 00:12:29,477
- Oh.
- Up to a point.
342
00:12:29,511 --> 00:12:32,680
Oh, are you--
are you trying turn me on?
343
00:12:32,714 --> 00:12:36,184
Do--have you given any further
thought to, you know, what--
344
00:12:36,218 --> 00:12:38,186
To what?
345
00:12:38,220 --> 00:12:40,121
You know, you said you could
do something with me,
346
00:12:40,155 --> 00:12:42,223
bring my best work out of me.
347
00:12:42,257 --> 00:12:44,525
You said that you could be the hammer
348
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:47,296
that would help me to ♪ nail it ♪
349
00:12:47,329 --> 00:12:49,698
I'm not sure, Hank.
350
00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:51,232
Something tells me
you're a little more trouble
351
00:12:51,266 --> 00:12:52,567
than you're worth.
352
00:12:52,601 --> 00:12:54,269
[Sighs] No, no, no, no, no, no.
353
00:12:54,303 --> 00:12:57,706
I-I can wax on and wax off
with the best of them,
354
00:12:57,739 --> 00:12:59,741
Mrs. Miyagi.
355
00:12:59,775 --> 00:13:01,309
Atticus would like a word with you.
356
00:13:01,343 --> 00:13:03,178
Ugh. Okay.
357
00:13:03,212 --> 00:13:04,780
Not you, sweetheart.
358
00:13:04,813 --> 00:13:07,248
I told you he wanted to get
in your knickers.
359
00:13:07,316 --> 00:13:09,851
Well, it's not as easy as it looks.
360
00:13:09,885 --> 00:13:12,654
Yeah, don't I know it.
361
00:13:12,721 --> 00:13:14,389
[Sniffing]
362
00:13:14,423 --> 00:13:16,925
Whoa.
Groovy bedroom, dude.
363
00:13:16,959 --> 00:13:18,427
This is not a bedroom.
364
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:21,863
This is my very own erotic chapel.
365
00:13:21,897 --> 00:13:23,899
Mm.
366
00:13:23,932 --> 00:13:27,035
That doesn't sound
the slightest bit creepy.
367
00:13:27,069 --> 00:13:29,738
- The answer is yes.
- Sorry?
368
00:13:29,771 --> 00:13:31,572
I would very much like to enter
369
00:13:31,607 --> 00:13:33,742
into a relationship with you,
370
00:13:33,775 --> 00:13:36,778
one based solely on sexual pleasure
371
00:13:36,812 --> 00:13:39,181
and the transference of inspiration.
372
00:13:39,214 --> 00:13:42,350
[Laughs] I'm sorry, Atticus,
373
00:13:42,384 --> 00:13:43,785
but the answer is no.
374
00:13:43,819 --> 00:13:47,789
Tony said that you were like a miracle.
375
00:13:47,823 --> 00:13:49,391
When you came into his life,
376
00:13:49,424 --> 00:13:52,527
he was blocked and bloated
and strung out
377
00:13:52,561 --> 00:13:53,795
on China white,
378
00:13:53,829 --> 00:13:55,597
and two days later,
379
00:13:55,631 --> 00:13:58,433
he had a double album's worth
of material.
380
00:13:58,467 --> 00:14:02,537
I would--I would very much like
to receive the same benefits,
381
00:14:02,571 --> 00:14:05,640
in exchange for which
you will experience
382
00:14:05,674 --> 00:14:08,543
first-class travel,
pharmaceutical-grade narcotics,
383
00:14:08,577 --> 00:14:11,012
uh--uh--uh,
the occasional trinket,
384
00:14:11,046 --> 00:14:13,815
and--and a solid 5.9 inches
385
00:14:13,849 --> 00:14:15,283
of--of rock-star penis.
386
00:14:15,317 --> 00:14:16,818
That's from taint to tip.
387
00:14:16,852 --> 00:14:18,186
And it's the high end of average.
388
00:14:18,220 --> 00:14:19,821
Don't believe what you read.
389
00:14:19,855 --> 00:14:22,924
Wow, that does sound
like the deal of a lifetime.
390
00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:25,961
But, uh, it's--
it's not really that simple.
391
00:14:25,994 --> 00:14:27,795
Why is it not that simple?
392
00:14:27,829 --> 00:14:30,665
O-okay. I'll buy you
a German automobile,
393
00:14:30,699 --> 00:14:31,966
but that's it.
394
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,168
Atticus, your wife is outside.
395
00:14:34,203 --> 00:14:35,904
Yes, but I slipped her an Ambien.
396
00:14:35,938 --> 00:14:38,407
What? That's awful.
397
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,909
Is it? Why?
398
00:14:40,943 --> 00:14:42,210
'Cause you drugged your wife.
399
00:14:42,244 --> 00:14:45,146
[Snorts] She loves drugs.
400
00:14:45,180 --> 00:14:49,417
Look, I'm not actually used
to having to ask
401
00:14:49,451 --> 00:14:50,952
for sexual favors.
402
00:14:51,019 --> 00:14:53,254
Typically, they--
they just come to me.
403
00:14:53,288 --> 00:14:54,656
I know.
404
00:14:54,690 --> 00:14:56,024
I do.
405
00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:57,959
The thing is,
406
00:14:58,026 --> 00:15:01,295
when I throw in with a guy,
I go all-in.
407
00:15:01,330 --> 00:15:03,832
That sounds delightful.
408
00:15:03,865 --> 00:15:06,667
I need to know what we're
trying to accomplish here.
409
00:15:06,702 --> 00:15:09,204
A rock opera.
410
00:15:09,238 --> 00:15:11,740
About...love.
411
00:15:11,773 --> 00:15:13,274
Great. All right.
412
00:15:13,308 --> 00:15:16,010
Play me something.
413
00:15:16,044 --> 00:15:17,745
You're fucking joking, right?
414
00:15:17,779 --> 00:15:19,347
I have to audition for you?
415
00:15:19,381 --> 00:15:20,615
Do you think we'll make it?
416
00:15:20,649 --> 00:15:21,850
His favorite place to play
417
00:15:21,883 --> 00:15:24,785
was Madison Square garden.
418
00:15:24,820 --> 00:15:28,456
Atticus promised to get me in there.
419
00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:31,893
I'm gonna spread his ashes
all over the fucking place.
420
00:15:31,927 --> 00:15:35,297
Is that sanitary?
421
00:15:35,330 --> 00:15:37,298
What are you so scared of, pumpkin?
422
00:15:37,332 --> 00:15:39,967
It's just...
[Exhales]
423
00:15:40,002 --> 00:15:43,538
so unnatural,
this...flying.
424
00:15:43,572 --> 00:15:45,874
What's the worst that could happen?
425
00:15:45,907 --> 00:15:48,743
Huh? We end up fucking crumbs
in a jar, huh?
426
00:15:48,777 --> 00:15:51,713
Pbbbt! Big fucking deal.
427
00:15:51,747 --> 00:15:54,983
All just dust in the wind,
you silly twat.
428
00:15:55,017 --> 00:15:57,552
[Scoffs]
429
00:15:57,586 --> 00:16:00,922
You remind me
of my ex-wife.
430
00:16:00,956 --> 00:16:02,590
You still love her?
431
00:16:02,624 --> 00:16:05,193
Moments like these, when I'm...
432
00:16:05,227 --> 00:16:07,295
staring death in the face,
I realize I have a lot
433
00:16:07,329 --> 00:16:09,397
of unresolved feelings for her.
434
00:16:09,431 --> 00:16:11,933
Yeah, she is the mother of my child.
435
00:16:11,967 --> 00:16:13,835
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
436
00:16:13,869 --> 00:16:17,205
Well, I feel that my life
has deteriorated
437
00:16:17,239 --> 00:16:18,873
ever since we broke up.
438
00:16:18,907 --> 00:16:21,175
But I've had some
solid sexual experiences.
439
00:16:21,209 --> 00:16:22,843
Right.
440
00:16:22,878 --> 00:16:25,647
I've made some serious
deposits in the wank bank.
441
00:16:25,714 --> 00:16:28,917
[Laughs]
442
00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:30,251
That's brilliant.
443
00:16:30,285 --> 00:16:33,921
I'm...still in love
with her.
444
00:16:35,624 --> 00:16:37,192
Come here.
445
00:16:37,225 --> 00:16:40,328
Come here, little boy.
446
00:16:43,198 --> 00:16:44,532
It's all right.
447
00:16:44,566 --> 00:16:46,134
It's all right.
I've been there.
448
00:16:46,168 --> 00:16:48,103
- Mm.
- [Inhales deeply]
449
00:16:48,136 --> 00:16:50,438
[Groans squeakily]
450
00:16:50,472 --> 00:16:51,973
That's nice.
451
00:16:52,007 --> 00:16:53,575
Yeah, it's nice.
452
00:16:53,608 --> 00:16:56,344
[Sultry rock music]
453
00:16:56,378 --> 00:17:00,315
♪ ♪
454
00:17:00,349 --> 00:17:02,484
[Zipper unzips]
455
00:17:02,517 --> 00:17:04,919
♪ ♪
456
00:17:04,953 --> 00:17:08,890
There he is.
457
00:17:08,924 --> 00:17:12,227
There's your little winky.
458
00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:14,528
Come on, now, Wee Willy.
459
00:17:14,563 --> 00:17:19,200
Stand up and shout for Trudy.
460
00:17:19,234 --> 00:17:23,771
Let Trudy tug all your troubles away.
461
00:17:23,805 --> 00:17:26,874
[Voice jerking]
There you go-o-o-o.
462
00:17:26,908 --> 00:17:29,377
[Sighs quietly]
463
00:17:29,411 --> 00:17:32,380
Oh.
464
00:17:32,414 --> 00:17:33,848
Oh, you're a speedy one, ain't you?
465
00:17:33,882 --> 00:17:36,050
[Gasps]
466
00:17:36,084 --> 00:17:37,452
Good for you.
467
00:17:37,486 --> 00:17:39,020
You got yours.
468
00:17:39,054 --> 00:17:40,955
Rest up, pumpkin.
469
00:17:40,989 --> 00:17:42,724
[Clears throat]
470
00:17:42,758 --> 00:17:45,594
I might ask you to put it
in me bum later.
471
00:17:45,627 --> 00:17:47,362
It's too small for the front
472
00:17:47,396 --> 00:17:50,866
but jussst right for the back.
473
00:17:52,901 --> 00:17:57,739
Tony was way too big
for that sort of buggering.
474
00:17:57,773 --> 00:18:01,076
Come on.
475
00:18:01,109 --> 00:18:05,079
[Sobbing loudly] Why?
476
00:18:05,113 --> 00:18:08,149
That's what's missing
in my life, you know?
477
00:18:08,183 --> 00:18:10,585
Romance and longing.
478
00:18:10,619 --> 00:18:12,220
What about Mr. Fetch?
479
00:18:12,254 --> 00:18:14,322
You can't long for a cartoon character.
480
00:18:14,356 --> 00:18:16,324
- Oh.
- I mean, don't get me wrong.
481
00:18:16,358 --> 00:18:18,226
He was a really sweet boy,
482
00:18:18,260 --> 00:18:20,662
all heart and balls and swagger,
483
00:18:20,695 --> 00:18:24,932
but that boy turned into a rock star,
484
00:18:24,966 --> 00:18:26,701
and that rock star got
everything he ever wanted
485
00:18:26,735 --> 00:18:29,070
and more.
486
00:18:29,104 --> 00:18:32,674
Eventually, he just lost touch
with reality.
487
00:18:32,707 --> 00:18:35,443
I just--I want to long
for someone...
488
00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:36,845
Oh.
489
00:18:36,878 --> 00:18:39,547
The way you long for Karen.
490
00:18:39,581 --> 00:18:43,451
Oh, jeez. Okay.
Ugh.
491
00:18:43,485 --> 00:18:44,853
Here we go.
492
00:18:44,886 --> 00:18:47,088
Come on.
There you go, come on.
493
00:18:47,122 --> 00:18:49,991
Let's do this.
494
00:18:50,025 --> 00:18:52,193
You trying to skull-fuck
the missus now, are ya?
495
00:18:52,227 --> 00:18:54,862
Kruller, this is so not
what it looks like.
496
00:18:54,896 --> 00:18:57,331
Ahh--ahh--ahh.
Ah, ha, ha.
497
00:18:57,365 --> 00:18:59,133
You're gonna enjoy this, aren't you?
498
00:18:59,167 --> 00:19:01,536
You have no idea.
499
00:19:01,570 --> 00:19:03,838
Land this fucking plane
right fucking now!
500
00:19:03,872 --> 00:19:05,506
[Cymbal crashes]
501
00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:07,942
Why? We're gonna crash,
aren't we?
502
00:19:07,976 --> 00:19:10,311
I want this pathetic
little slut off my plane.
503
00:19:10,345 --> 00:19:13,348
This is my private airplane,
and I make the rules!
504
00:19:13,381 --> 00:19:14,982
Why are we not landing?
505
00:19:15,016 --> 00:19:17,918
Why are the landing gears
not coming down?
506
00:19:17,953 --> 00:19:19,220
What did she do?
507
00:19:19,254 --> 00:19:20,955
She was inappropriate with me,
508
00:19:20,989 --> 00:19:23,958
with my wife on board, no less.
509
00:19:26,495 --> 00:19:28,630
Is she alive?
510
00:19:28,663 --> 00:19:30,464
She's fine.
Go back to sleep.
511
00:19:30,499 --> 00:19:32,499
It's just fucking bullshit.
He's clearly pissed off
512
00:19:32,501 --> 00:19:34,069
'cause I wasn't interested
in fucking him.
513
00:19:34,102 --> 00:19:35,470
- I knew it.
- [Laughs]
514
00:19:35,504 --> 00:19:37,873
I knew you were a fucking cow.
515
00:19:37,906 --> 00:19:38,873
Hey, I thought we were friends.
516
00:19:38,907 --> 00:19:40,408
No, no more!
517
00:19:40,442 --> 00:19:42,076
Home-wrecker!
Home-wrecking fucking cow!
518
00:19:42,110 --> 00:19:43,878
No, I don't buy that for a second.
519
00:19:43,912 --> 00:19:45,480
I don't give a fuck if you buy it.
520
00:19:45,514 --> 00:19:47,349
She's gone, and I'm gonna tell
521
00:19:47,382 --> 00:19:50,051
the entire rock and roll
community that you have
522
00:19:50,085 --> 00:19:52,287
vagitosis and warts.
523
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:53,688
That is just fucking mean.
524
00:19:53,722 --> 00:19:55,557
Okay, land this fucking plane,
525
00:19:55,590 --> 00:19:57,058
but if she goes, I go,
and you can finish
526
00:19:57,092 --> 00:19:58,493
your fucking musical by yourself,
527
00:19:58,527 --> 00:20:00,028
you spoiled ginger.
528
00:20:00,061 --> 00:20:01,695
And get your house in order,
'cause your wife
529
00:20:01,730 --> 00:20:04,599
is looking for strange.
530
00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:06,267
All right, that's the second time
531
00:20:06,301 --> 00:20:07,669
you've laid hands on me, broheme.
532
00:20:07,702 --> 00:20:09,270
The first time, I totally deserved it
533
00:20:09,304 --> 00:20:10,772
'cause I wrecked your piano
and your cocaine,
534
00:20:10,805 --> 00:20:12,773
but I did not deserve
that pathetic little
535
00:20:12,807 --> 00:20:14,241
bitch-slap just now.
536
00:20:14,309 --> 00:20:16,411
You know what that calls for?
537
00:20:16,444 --> 00:20:17,678
Titty twister!
538
00:20:17,712 --> 00:20:19,080
[Screaming]
539
00:20:19,114 --> 00:20:20,515
Agh! Get him off me!
540
00:20:20,549 --> 00:20:22,951
[Laughing wildly and screaming]
541
00:20:22,984 --> 00:20:24,585
[Thunder crashes]
542
00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:26,721
Oh, Jesus, Mary, Joseph!
543
00:20:26,755 --> 00:20:29,057
Here we come!
544
00:20:29,124 --> 00:20:30,959
Hank? Hank?
545
00:20:30,992 --> 00:20:32,360
Hold me!
546
00:20:32,394 --> 00:20:34,963
Uh, settle down, Runks.
If this is--
547
00:20:34,996 --> 00:20:38,599
if this is it,
this is a good day to die.
548
00:20:38,633 --> 00:20:40,434
[Screams]
549
00:20:40,468 --> 00:20:43,270
Shi-i-i-t!
550
00:20:43,305 --> 00:20:44,939
[Screaming]
551
00:20:44,973 --> 00:20:46,341
Jesus!
552
00:20:46,374 --> 00:20:48,576
[Metal banging]
553
00:20:48,610 --> 00:20:50,578
[Screaming]
554
00:20:50,612 --> 00:20:54,482
Tony!
555
00:20:54,549 --> 00:20:56,150
[Wailing]
556
00:20:56,184 --> 00:20:58,719
[Sobbing] Oh, no!
557
00:20:58,753 --> 00:21:00,955
[Snorts]
558
00:21:03,091 --> 00:21:05,960
Well, thank you for standing up for me.
559
00:21:05,994 --> 00:21:09,063
Oh, sure, no problem.
I mean, who wouldn't?
560
00:21:09,097 --> 00:21:11,132
Just because
you're a groupie and--
561
00:21:11,166 --> 00:21:13,168
and you've slept with
thousands of rocker dudes
562
00:21:13,201 --> 00:21:15,236
doesn't mean you're not
a woman of virtue.
563
00:21:15,270 --> 00:21:16,550
And I don't believe for a second
564
00:21:16,571 --> 00:21:18,005
that you have vagitosis.
565
00:21:18,039 --> 00:21:19,673
- Or warts.
- If you say so.
566
00:21:19,708 --> 00:21:21,176
- [Sobbing]
- Go ahead, Churchill.
567
00:21:21,209 --> 00:21:22,777
Get in there.
568
00:21:22,811 --> 00:21:24,746
I don't know if I can.
I'm too freaked out.
569
00:21:24,779 --> 00:21:26,380
Come on, prime minister.
570
00:21:26,414 --> 00:21:27,748
If you're gonna die,
wouldn't you rather die
571
00:21:27,782 --> 00:21:29,250
with your dick in me bum?
Huh?
572
00:21:29,284 --> 00:21:31,019
[Thunder crashes]
573
00:21:31,052 --> 00:21:32,887
[Both groaning loudly]
574
00:21:32,921 --> 00:21:34,522
Yeah.
575
00:21:34,556 --> 00:21:37,492
[Both grunting and moaning]
576
00:21:39,628 --> 00:21:40,829
Oh, fuck this.
577
00:21:40,862 --> 00:21:42,463
If I'm gonna die,
578
00:21:42,497 --> 00:21:44,365
I'm gonna die doing
what I was born to do.
579
00:21:44,399 --> 00:21:45,967
[Thunder crashes]
580
00:21:46,001 --> 00:21:47,435
[Playing Elton John's Tiny Dancer]
581
00:21:47,469 --> 00:21:50,371
♪ Blue Jean baby ♪
582
00:21:50,405 --> 00:21:53,007
♪ L.A. lady ♪
583
00:21:53,041 --> 00:21:55,443
Wait. Dude, really?
584
00:21:55,477 --> 00:21:56,678
Could you pick a more obvious song?
585
00:21:56,711 --> 00:21:58,679
Fuck you!
It's an homage.
586
00:21:58,713 --> 00:22:01,282
Cameron Crowe was right,
and Elton John was a God.
587
00:22:01,316 --> 00:22:02,617
[Playing continues]
588
00:22:02,651 --> 00:22:07,989
♪ Hold me closer, tiny dancer ♪
589
00:22:08,023 --> 00:22:10,191
[Both groaning]
♪ Count the headlights ♪
590
00:22:10,225 --> 00:22:13,127
♪ on the highway ♪
591
00:22:13,161 --> 00:22:15,029
[Howls]
592
00:22:15,063 --> 00:22:19,700
- [Mumbling lyrics]
- [Laughing and grunting]
593
00:22:19,734 --> 00:22:23,704
[Humming and improvising on piano]
594
00:22:23,738 --> 00:22:26,173
[Humming in lower key]
595
00:22:26,207 --> 00:22:28,976
♪ So long ♪
596
00:22:29,044 --> 00:22:31,312
♪ so long ♪
597
00:22:31,346 --> 00:22:32,814
[Laughs]
598
00:22:32,847 --> 00:22:34,715
Fuck. This is it.
599
00:22:34,749 --> 00:22:36,183
This is the moment
we've been waiting for.
600
00:22:36,217 --> 00:22:37,851
I'm shitting genius right now.
601
00:22:37,886 --> 00:22:40,088
[Uncertainly] ♪ Saw your ♪
602
00:22:40,121 --> 00:22:43,090
♪ you reflected in the windows ♪
603
00:22:43,124 --> 00:22:47,595
♪ of a Boeing 727 ♪
604
00:22:47,629 --> 00:22:49,263
♪ ♪
605
00:22:49,297 --> 00:22:51,098
♪ stared out at the ♪
606
00:22:51,132 --> 00:22:54,101
[Humming]
607
00:22:54,135 --> 00:22:55,536
♪ As the sunset turned ♪
608
00:22:55,570 --> 00:22:58,272
- It's okay. She knows.
- Huh?
609
00:22:58,306 --> 00:22:59,740
She knows you love her.
610
00:22:59,774 --> 00:23:02,376
♪ Watch it growing ♪
611
00:23:02,410 --> 00:23:04,211
Yeah, I suppose she does.
612
00:23:04,245 --> 00:23:08,415
♪ Turns hell's kitchen into heaven ♪
613
00:23:08,450 --> 00:23:09,918
[Laughs giddily]
614
00:23:09,951 --> 00:23:11,686
- ♪ Turn my face to me ♪
- Come here.
615
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,688
♪ I tucked your hair ♪
616
00:23:13,722 --> 00:23:16,791
♪ behind your ear ♪
617
00:23:16,825 --> 00:23:18,860
If this is really it,
618
00:23:18,893 --> 00:23:21,295
then I want to spend
the last moments of my life
619
00:23:21,329 --> 00:23:22,797
listening to great music
620
00:23:22,831 --> 00:23:24,265
and making out with the cute guy
621
00:23:24,299 --> 00:23:25,733
who just defended my honor.
622
00:23:25,767 --> 00:23:27,201
♪ So long ♪
623
00:23:27,235 --> 00:23:31,239
That sounds like a reasonable request.
624
00:23:31,272 --> 00:23:34,742
♪ So long as we are together ♪
625
00:23:34,776 --> 00:23:38,045
♪ so long as we are ♪
626
00:23:38,079 --> 00:23:41,048
♪ so long ♪
627
00:23:41,116 --> 00:23:42,884
♪ so long ♪
628
00:23:42,917 --> 00:23:45,552
- Ow! Ow!
- [Grunting]
629
00:23:45,587 --> 00:23:49,223
- Ow! Ow!
- [Grunting louder]
630
00:23:49,257 --> 00:23:52,960
[Screams]
631
00:23:52,994 --> 00:23:55,262
Fucking Christ!
632
00:23:55,330 --> 00:23:58,132
[Both gasping and moaning]
633
00:23:58,166 --> 00:24:01,936
Oh, I just had me an assgasm!
634
00:24:01,970 --> 00:24:04,605
[Panting]
635
00:24:04,639 --> 00:24:07,541
You're a bloody fucking
sorcerer, you are.
636
00:24:22,991 --> 00:24:24,692
[Panting]Terra firma.
637
00:24:24,726 --> 00:24:26,728
Terra firma, motherfuckers.
638
00:24:26,761 --> 00:24:28,529
Careful, Charlie.
639
00:24:28,563 --> 00:24:30,998
There's bound to be a bunch
of rock star DNA on that floor.
640
00:24:31,032 --> 00:24:32,800
I don't care, Hank.
641
00:24:32,834 --> 00:24:35,670
I don't care if I get
the mother of all cold sores.
642
00:24:35,703 --> 00:24:38,372
And we are taking the train
back to Los Angeles.
643
00:24:38,406 --> 00:24:42,810
- No, we're not.
- Why can't you ever indulge me?
644
00:24:42,844 --> 00:24:45,613
Well, my friends, we did it.
645
00:24:45,647 --> 00:24:48,383
[Snaps fingers] We have a song.
646
00:24:48,416 --> 00:24:51,452
Jesus bloody Christ, woman,
you are a--
647
00:24:51,486 --> 00:24:53,454
a proper fucking muse.
648
00:24:53,488 --> 00:24:55,990
Thank you.
649
00:24:56,024 --> 00:24:58,393
Mm. Mm.
650
00:24:58,426 --> 00:25:01,495
And I'm, uh, deeply sorry
651
00:25:01,529 --> 00:25:03,497
about my childish behavior.
652
00:25:03,531 --> 00:25:06,133
I tend to get that way
when my manhood is assailed.
653
00:25:06,167 --> 00:25:07,668
Fuck you.
654
00:25:07,702 --> 00:25:09,136
[Groans]
655
00:25:09,204 --> 00:25:11,005
What the fuck?
656
00:25:11,039 --> 00:25:13,474
Hello, sweetheart.
Did you have a nice sleep?
657
00:25:13,508 --> 00:25:15,977
Did I take an Ambien?
658
00:25:16,010 --> 00:25:18,278
Yeah.
Don't you remember?
659
00:25:18,313 --> 00:25:19,580
No.
660
00:25:19,614 --> 00:25:21,382
Yeah.
661
00:25:21,416 --> 00:25:24,018
Did you drug me again,
you fucking wanker?
662
00:25:24,052 --> 00:25:25,486
[Chuckles] Of course not.
663
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:26,754
Guess what, though.
664
00:25:26,788 --> 00:25:28,022
While you were sleeping,
665
00:25:28,056 --> 00:25:29,891
I wrote you a fucking song.
666
00:25:29,924 --> 00:25:31,404
I'll play it to you back at the hotel.
667
00:25:31,426 --> 00:25:32,660
- Okay.
- Come on, darling.
668
00:25:32,694 --> 00:25:33,895
It'll be all right.
Oh-oh.
669
00:25:33,928 --> 00:25:37,131
Shit. Okay.
670
00:25:37,165 --> 00:25:40,168
[The Who's Magic Bus]
671
00:25:40,201 --> 00:25:48,142
♪ ♪
672
00:25:51,946 --> 00:25:53,267
♪ Every day, I get in the queue ♪
673
00:25:53,281 --> 00:25:54,548
Oh.
674
00:25:54,582 --> 00:25:56,650
I don't want to alarm you,
675
00:25:56,684 --> 00:25:58,919
but you seem to have misplaced
your clothes.
676
00:25:58,953 --> 00:26:01,555
Oh, I won't be needing them for a while.
677
00:26:01,948 --> 00:26:03,282
So is it naked nap time?
678
00:26:03,316 --> 00:26:04,817
Hmm.
679
00:26:04,851 --> 00:26:06,819
Think I'm gonna hang back here
for a bit.
680
00:26:06,853 --> 00:26:08,421
Really?
681
00:26:08,455 --> 00:26:10,657
'Cause that's New York City out there,
682
00:26:10,690 --> 00:26:13,459
and I know like seven pizzerias,
all of them fantastic,
683
00:26:13,493 --> 00:26:15,228
and we could hit every one,
684
00:26:15,262 --> 00:26:17,764
just one bite here
and one bite there and just--
685
00:26:17,831 --> 00:26:19,833
Sounds yummy.
Maybe after.
686
00:26:19,866 --> 00:26:22,301
After.
After?
687
00:26:22,335 --> 00:26:25,137
[Giggles]
I've been doing some thinking.
688
00:26:25,171 --> 00:26:26,572
Some naked thinking.
689
00:26:26,606 --> 00:26:29,241
Uh-huh.
Congratulations.
690
00:26:29,276 --> 00:26:31,945
You have made it to the next round.
691
00:26:31,978 --> 00:26:35,748
♪ Ooh ♪
692
00:26:35,782 --> 00:26:37,750
[Laughs]
693
00:26:37,784 --> 00:26:40,620
♪ ♪
694
00:26:40,654 --> 00:26:46,126
♪ I want it, I want it,
I want it, I want it ♪
695
00:26:46,159 --> 00:26:48,628
♪ you can't have it! ♪
696
00:26:48,662 --> 00:26:51,731
♪ I want it, I want it,
I want it, I want it ♪
697
00:26:51,765 --> 00:26:52,999
♪ magic bus ♪
698
00:26:53,033 --> 00:26:54,134
♪ magic bus ♪
699
00:26:54,167 --> 00:26:56,802
♪ magic bus ♪
700
00:26:56,836 --> 00:27:01,607
- ♪ Magic bus ♪
- ♪ Magic bus ♪
701
00:27:01,641 --> 00:27:04,644
- ♪ I want it ♪
- ♪ Magic bus ♪
702
00:27:04,678 --> 00:27:07,113
♪ every day, you'll see the dust ♪
703
00:27:07,147 --> 00:27:09,282
♪ too much, magic bus ♪
704
00:27:09,316 --> 00:27:19,292
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com